lovedonthate

[lovedonthate]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[lovedonthate]

“Don’t make me let you go.”

— Six word story (by supesgay)

[lovedonthate]

“Waiting for the day you’ll return.”

— Six word story (by theuncannydiary)

[lovedonthate]

“Desperate for a text from you.”

— Six word story (by vanshaj10)

[lovedonthate]

#trauma #liebeskummer #liebe #schmerz #wahrheit #chat

[lovedonthate]

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: [phone]

Suicide Hotline: [phone]

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: [phone]

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 [email protected]

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail [email protected]

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: [phone]

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

[lovedonthate]

It is okay if you feel sad right now. If you feel angry. If you feel overwhelmed by all the terrible news. If you feel guilty for not being able to do more. If you want to make a change in the world but your own world is collapsing around you at the same time. If your mental health is at a very low point. It is okay. You are only human and all of those emotions are a perfectly normal reaction to all of the inhumane events that are happening right now. It is absolutely okay. I want you to know that you have the ability to use your voice and help change the world, but to do that, you should also take care of yourself and address the crisis that is going on inside of you. You are doing an amazing job, my love. Keep educating yourself, keep watching the news, keep protesting, keep fighting but also know when to take a break to fight for yourself.

[lovedonthate]

Please do not shrink yourself for other people’s comfort

[lovedonthate]

you deserve love you don’t have to question or worry about

[lovedonthate]

How to Get Going When You Just Want to Stay In Bed and Be Nothing

Some days hit you like a ton of bricks, and for those who already struggle, those days can be even harder. Hopefully, these little tips can give you a boost in your darkest moments.

1. Open a window, let some light and fresh air in. You might not want it now, but it will help you feel better in the long run.

2. Take a shower. Sometimes, this can be more difficult than we expect, but that’s okay. Just letting the water hit your back, or washing your face can make you feel more refreshed.

3. Work on a hobby that gets you going. Unfortunately, as good as it feels in the moment, lying in bed and watching netflix while the work you have piles up will only make you feel worse. Now, maybe you can’t tackle your assignments right now, but sitting up and drawing your favourite character or watering your plants while blasting some music will get you in a better mindset.

4. Change your music. Sometimes we need to listen to a sad ass song and just get all our emotions out, but once that’s done and dusted, don’t dwell. Listen to some up-beat music (if I may, I recommend our Pick Me Up Playlist by You) and try to keep your environment from matching your mood.

5. Get a healthy snack and drink some water. Never underestimate the power of good nutrition. If you can’t handle the thought of a full meal, some fruit will suffice for now. But remember what you eat fuels your body, so if you can bring yourself to fitting in a remotely well-balanced meal, you’ll be all the better off.

6. Make a list, pick one, simple task, and get it done. Maybe you have laundry to do and it’s piling up. Maybe you have to wash down the kitchen counter. Maybe you have a worksheet for school. Maybe it’s just making the list. Whatever you need to get done, write it down, and rather than letting that overwhelm you, pick one thing from that list to tick off. Slowly but surely, you will be able to tackle the bigger things.

7. Go for a walk. Getting some fresh air and simple exercise will refresh you without tiring you out. Bring some water, or maybe make it a trip to get some of your favourite snacks and a smoothie from Jamba Juice. If you’re struggling to get up and out, having something nice to look forward too can motivate you. 

8. Think of why you’re feeling this way, and then let it go. More often than not, there is a reason you’re struggling to get up and out. Understanding the root of this feeling can help you move past it, tackle it, or keep it from holding you back.

I know this is pretty standard advice, but I think we all need that little reminder every now and again.

[lovedonthate]

keeping positive doesn’t mean you have to be happy all the time. other emotions aside from happiness are healthy and okay. thinking positive just means that even on your hardest days, you know that there are and will be better days ahead of you.

[lovedonthate]

So, I think we’re all needing a bit of positivity. I tend to always be positive and happy about my art and writing because of my general creative philosophy which comes down to a few things:

1. It is okay to suck, because we learn and grow and every single sentence we write, every brush stroke, every yarn stitch we are better than the one before it. Sucking is the first step to not sucking.

2. Every creative voice is unique. No one else in the world can sound like you, and I promise even if you never know it, your creative voice made someone’s day better.

3. Every act of creation is an act of tremendous bravery. And when you share it with the world, you make the world better. You created! You didn’t destroy, or tear down, or hurt, you didn’t take from the world, you added to it. You gave something entirely new and unique to the world, and that makes us all better.

It isn’t to say you can’t be frustrated with your work, not going how you want, but please don’t constantly put down your work, your art whatever the medium it is down.You made a thing! A thing no one else in the history of the world or what is to come could make, because it is your voice. It is a good voice, and it is okay to be proud of it.

[lovedonthate]

Dark times all around but there are still people out there who love you

Do not hurt yourself, do not hurt others, get help, talk to someone, anyone. Humanity has survived before and we can do it now if we all just support each other. My country and my people let me down and endangered my life but there’s nothing I or anyone else can do about that so let’s try to spread the love that is so clearly lacking.

[lovedonthate]

Reblog if you're not homophobic

Every url that reblog’s will be written in a book and shown to my homophobic dad. 

[lovedonthate]

if you want to be happy, you will soon be it. happiness is just a decision away.

- learned it the hard way cause noone told me

#love #happy #happiness #life #motivation #depressed #sad #hurt #change

[lovedonthate]

i can’t stress this enough: overthinking will kill your happiness so control your thoughts before they control you!!!!

#thoughts #overthinking #happiness #how to be happy #sad #depression #depressed #love #selflove #motivation #hurting

[lovedonthate]

I decided to create a masterpost that would help you with what you are struggling with. Hopefully any of the links below will help you! Reminder; You’re going to be okay. What you are going through will pass, just remember to breathe. 

————————————————————————————-

Distractions;

Here are some distractions to help keep your mind occupied so you aren’t too focused on your thoughts. 

-Draw something

-This website translates the time into colours.

-Create your own galaxy.

-Play flowing.

-Make a 3D line travel where ever you like. 

-Listen to music.

-Calm.

-Ocean mood, do nothing for two minutes.

Sleep issues; 

- 8 hour sleep music.

-Rainy mood. 

-Meditation.

-Coping with nightmares.

-How to cope with nightmares, 11 steps.

-Calm

-Foods that can affect your sleeping, both positive and negatively. 

 Uncomfortable with silence; 

-Rainy mood.

-10 hours of rain and thunder.

-3 hours of rain and thunder.

-Human heartbeat.

-Rainforest.

-Sound of rain on a tin roof.

-Autumn wind.

-Rain on a tent

-Traffic in the rain.

-Soft traffic. 

-Fan.

-Train.

-Simply noise.

-My noise.

-Rainy cafe.

Anxiety; 

-How to stop worrying. 

-Tips to manage anxiety and stress.

-The 10 best ever anxiety management techniques. 

-Self-help strategies for anxiety. 

-Helping a friend with anxiety. 

-All about worrying.

-8 myths about anxiety. 

Sad, angry and depressed/depression; 

-“I’m always sad”

-Feeling sad.

-Going through trauma.

-“I’m always angry”.

-Anger management. 

-All about anger.

-National helplines and websites.

-Self-help strategies for depression.

-Dealing with depression at work.

-Dealing with depression at school.

Isolation and loneliness; 

-Pets and mental health.

-All about loneliness. 

-“I feel so alone”

-10 more ideas to help with loneliness. 

-How to deal with loneliness.

 Self-harm;

-Alternatives to self-harm and distraction techniques.

-146 things to do besides self-harm.

-More alternatives to self-harm.

-Self-harm alternatives.

-How to take care of self-harm wounds/injuries.

-Getting rid of scars.  

Addiction; 

-How to help a friend with a drug addiction.

-What is addiction?

-All about alcohol and addiction.

-The facts about drug addiction.

 Eating disorders; 

-Helping a friend with an eating disorder.

-Eating disorder treatments. 

-Support services for eating disorders. 

-Self-help tips with eating disorders.

-Eating disorder recovery. 

-Recovering from an eating disorder. 

-100+ reasons to recover. 

-Understanding and managing eating disorders. 

 Dealing with self-hatred;  

-3 ways to ease self-loathing. 

-How to turn self-hatred into self-compassion.

-Self-hatred resources.

-10 step plan to deal with self-hate. 

 Suicidal; 

-International suicide hotlines (1)  (2)

-Preventing suicide. 

-Reasons to stay alive.

-Dealing with suicidal thoughts and feelings.

-Coping with suicidal ideation.  

 Schizophrenia;

-All about schizophrenia.  

-Helping a person with schizophrenia.  

-Understanding and dealing with schizophrenia.  

-Delusions and hallucinations.  

OCD;

-Managing your OCD at home. 

-Overcoming OCD.

-How to cope with OCD. 

-Strategies for dealing with the anxious moments. 

Borderline personality disorder; 

-Helping someone with BPD. 

-All about personality disorders.

-Treatment for BPD.

Abuse; 

-Healthy relationships VS abusive relationships. 

-Emotional abuse

-Overcoming sexual abuse. 

-Hotlines services. 

-5 ways to escape an abusive relationship. 

-Domestic violence support. 

-Signs of an abusive relationship. 

-What do to if you’re in an abusive relationship. 

-Surviving abuse. 

-What you can do if you’re sexual harassed. 

-Sexual assault support.

-What to do if you’ve been sexually assaulted or abused. 

 Bullying;

-How to stand up against bullying.

-How to protect yourself when it comes to cyber bullying.

-How to help stop people bullying you. 

 Loss and grief; 

-How to cope with a suicide of a loved one.

-Grieving for a stranger. 

-Common reactions to death. 

-Working through grief.

(Other loss and grief)

-Moving away from friends and family. 

-Coping with a breakup.

 Getting help; 

-Seeking help early. 

-All about psychological treatments. 

-Types of help.

-All about age and confidentiality. 

Things you need to remember; 

- Don’t stress about being fixed because you’re not broken.

-Remember to remind yourself of your accomplishments. Tell yourself that you’re proud of yourself, even if you’re not. 

- This is temporary. You won’t always feel like this. 

-You are not alone. 

-You are enough. 

-You are important. 

-You are worth it. 

-You are strong. 

-You are not a failure, 

-Good people exist. 

-Reaching out shows strength. 

-Breathe. 

-Don’t listen to the thoughts that are not helping you. 

-Give yourself credit. 

-Don’t be ashamed of your emotions, for the good or bad ones. 

-Treat yourself the same way as you would treat a good friend. 

-Focus on the things you can change. 

-Let go of toxic people. 

-You don’t need to hide, you’re allowed to feel the way you do. 

-Try not to beat yourself up. 

-Something is always happening, you don’t want to miss out on what’s going to happen next. 

-You are not a bother.

-Your existence is more than your appearance. 

-You are smart. 

-You are loved. 

-You are wanted. 

-You are needed. 

-Better days are coming. 

-Just because your past is dark, doesn’t mean your future isn’t bright. 

-You have more potential than you think. 

- Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.

Please remember to look after yourself and know that you are more than worth it and you deserve to be happy. Keep smiling butterflies x