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mryoyo000 · 20 days

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Jon Snow’s Adventure

It was a cold morning on the Wall. Jon yawned and stretched his arms, shivering as the autumn breeze touched his skin. He went to the dining hall and sat with his friends Sam and Pyp, eating porridge and blood sausage.

“Jon,” said Sam, “did you know that today a group of rangers are going out into the Haunted Forest to look for dragonglass?”

“Sounds like they’re asking for trouble,” said Jon. “They’re more likely to find Others than dragonglass.”

A few hours later Jon found himself on horseback riding into the Haunted Forest. He heard owls hooting in the distance. The sun was already setting.

Suddenly he saw a sign that read PEANUT BRITTLE HOUSE. An older lady in a blue striped frock was humming and walking in circles, looking for berries.

“Who are you?” Jon demanded. He had never seen a wildling like her before. She reminded him of Old Nan.

“Why, looking for berries,” the woman giggled. “I want to make berry pudding!”

“You’ll be hard-pressed to find berries beyond the Wall in autumn,” Jon warned her.

“Wait!” shouted Pyp. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a fistful of red berries. “I took these from the pantry.”

The old woman smiled. “Why thank you, lad. Would you care for some tea and peanut brittle?”

“No,” said Jon, while Pyp replied, “Oh yes!”

The woman introduced herself. “Call me Gramma Nutt!”

She led the two brothers of the Night’s Watch to her peanut brittle house, which was made of peanut brittle.

“Are you brothers of the Night’s Watch true knights?” asked Gramma Nutt. “I am being threatened by the dastardly Lord Licorice. He wants to take my lands! I have no knights or sellswords to guard my little holdfast.”

“On my honor,” said Jon, “I will find this Lord Licorice and end his evil deeds.”

Jon rode into the forest as the sun set, until suddenly a tall man jumped in front of him! He wore a cape made of red licorice, and he had a wicked grin.

“Fiend!” shouted Jon Snow. “I am here to warn you off of Peanut Brittle House.”

Lord Licorice sneered. “And how would a handsome thing like you ever hope to stop a great lord like myself?”

Jon swallowed. Lord Licorice was evil but handsome, and his wicked grin made Jon feel funny. “I’ll SWEETEN the deal for you, my lord. If you stop bothering Gramma Nutt, I could make it worth your while…”

“Is that so?” Lord Licorice grinned. “Maybe I could be convinced to keep my BUTTERFINGERS away from such a DELICIOUS castle…but I’ve got my fingers in many PIES. You’d have to have a good incentive, Jon Snow.”

“I know a way to compromise that won’t impede your SNICKERS, my lord,” said Jon. He stepped closer. “Perhaps I can show you some of my favorite ideas. I promise I won’t play any TWIX on you…”

Lord Licorice grinned at him. The two men went off to a secluded cottage in the woods to “discuss” further…

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #george rr martin #grrm #asoiaf fanfic #asoiaf fanfiction #fanfic #gay fanfiction #jon snow #jon snow x lord licorice #lord licorice #gramma nutt #candy land #crossover

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mryoyo000 · 1 month

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additional TWOW theories

-Daario starts a business selling fish tanks

-Daenerys gets REALLY INTO musical theater

-Jaime shaves his eyebrows

-Sansa tries to purchase a poster of Aemon the Dragonknight but it’s a scam and she gets a wall decal with one of those edited images that they use to avoid copyright laws so he has green hair

-Myranda Royce gets a septum piercing

-Melisandre tries potato salad and likes it??

-Stannis gets REALLY INTO wallpapering

-FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: please consider reading my Stannis x Daario fanfic?? (or don’t it’s not very good)

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mryoyo000 · 1 month

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Selyse Florent’s Mother

Does anyone have any theories about who might have been Selyse’s mother? I doubt that GRRM will give her a name or identity, but as a Florent enthusiast I am curious if anyone has any thoughts?

I don’t know how to explain it but for some reason I’m leaning towards her mother being from House Beesbury. What I would say about the Beesbury’s is that they seem to be showing up everywhere, you’ve got Beesbury ladies in the Tyrell family, the Frey family. Also their castles are neighbors from what I can tell.

This is a Florent appreciation account so no haters pls. #BrightwaterKeep

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #house florent #selyse florent #grrm #george rr martin

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mryoyo000 · 2 months

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ASOIAF Fanfic: “A Kiss For Stannis” Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Daario brushed his blue hair with the back of his hand. He wondered if Stannis would appreciate how nice and tanned his arms had gotten over the last few weeks.

He stepped out of the building where he took lumberjack classes, a tall stone lecture hall building at the top of Visenya’s Hill. And that’s when he heard the commotion:

“Help! Stop! I didn’t do anything wrong!” The voice was coming from a student named Patchface whom Daario only vaguely recognized. Patchface was waving his arms frantically, while a gold cloak confiscated a heart-shaped box of chocolates as if it was a weapon. “I’m just selling chocolates for Val-“

“Shut up!” yelled a gold cloak, slapping Patchface. “The holiday of Valentine’s Day and all associated commerce, activities, gatherings, and promotions are expressly forbidden and illegal by the decree of Mayor Tywin Lannister! If you don’t like it, take it up with the judge.”

“Oh oh oh,” yelled Patchface. He struggled to break free of the gold cloak’s grasp on his farm. “I know, I know, the mayor hates Valentine’s Day, oh, oh, oh. But I’m just trying to sell chocolate!”

“You could have chosen to sell chocolate on any other day,” growled the gold cloak. Daario faintly recognized him, the gold cloak was named Balon Greyjoy. He used to be a chiropractor until he got caught up in a lawsuit, although the corrupt mayor of King’s Landing was happy to find him a position in the city watch where he could enforce Tywin’s increasingly draconian laws.

Daario stared in horror at the unfolding scene. He couldn’t help but think of Stannis…Stannis, his boyfriend, his sweet jaw-clenching and deeply vulnerable Stannis. And what about their date night? Was that a crime worthy of arrest now, under this new law?

As the gold cloaks dragged Patchface away, Daario shook his head with worry. He’d have to call his family in Tyrosh to let them know. His mom and dad knew that he was in a committed relationship and were always asking when he and Stannis were finally going to get married. Daario blushed, imagining how shy and painfully awkward Stannis would be in a marriage ceremony. But that’s why he loves him, the guy who everyone sees as rude and distant, Daario has always known that deep down his heart is full of yearning to give love and be loved. And Daario will always be there for him.

He heard the sound of an approaching vehicle. It was Drogon, a sentient tractor. Drogon the anthropomorphic living tractor pulled up into the courtyard in front of the school building. He had rhinestones studded on the sides of his vehicular body and he was wearing green mascara. Daario knew that Drogon was dating Grey Wind, the dashing sentient motorcycle who worked at Old Nan’s Coffee Shop.

“Things are getting bad,” said Drogon in an ominous rumbling voice. “Grey Wind almost got reported today for writing ‘Happy Love Day’ on a customer’s coffee cup. I can’t trust any of my professors at Oldtown University, I think they are all keeping watch on official orders. The mayor of Oldtown is definitely collaborating with Mayor Lannister and we’re seeing a lot of the same restrictions and laws that are happening here.”

Daario nodded. The mayor of Oldtown was an intimidating woman named Olenna Tyrell. Her husband was part of the infamous Tyrell crime family, and her own family the Redwynes had dominated the wine industry by brutally taking out all of their competition.

“We might be meeting some people tonight,” Drogon continued, “one of my classmates has heard about a possible…student project.” The way he was speaking made Daario realize that the sentient gay tractor was not saying exactly what he meant, but was using some sort of code. “A student project…that would not make the…principal very happy. Let’s just leave it at that. One that would make…heart day legal again.”

“I don’t know if I can get involved,” said Daario. “I have to keep Stannis safe. I know little and less of this…project. If there is a safe location for future meetings I can try to attend.”

“I understand,” said Drogon. “There will be a code word used: that word will be ‘godswood’ and if someone here says it to you, it will be a signal for a meeting at a location to be disclosed.”

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mryoyo000 · 2 months

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ASOIAF FANFIC: "A Kiss For Stannis" Chapter 1

Chapter One

Stannis looked out of his window thoughtfully. The sky over King’s Landing was grey and cloudy. He clenched his jaw. I wish it was a beautiful day outside, he thought resentfully. My darling deserves a sunlit sky, green-leaved trees and blossoming flowers for Valentine’s Day.

Daario wouldn’t be home until later, he had classes at lumberjack school until 6pm. At first, Stannis would never believe that he could be with someone like Daario, or that someone like Daario would even notice him. Daario was funny and outgoing, confident, and charming. Everyone loved him and complimented his fashion sense. Stannis had always been the awkward shy kid, and people thought he was angry when he was just thinking. All of Stannis’ professors used to say, “He broods a lot,” or, “I wish he would try to participate more.”

Daario as one of the popular kids would have never given Stannis a second glance in high school—or so Stannis assumed, until prom and a surprise card written in both Common Tongue and the dialect of Tyrosh (which Stannis knew fairly well from AP High Valyrian.) Ever since then, the unlikely couple has been together in a whirlwind of ten years and they’ve never been happier. Even though King’s Landing has had its ups and downs, they are together and support each other in all of their endeavors.

Suddenly. Stannis had an idea. Flowers weren’t going to bloom in the castle garden, but there was always someone who would sell flowers.

I wish I knew the secret language of flowers, Stannis regretted as he walked towards Melisandre’s Bouquets. He had no idea which flowers had what meaning, and he bet that Daario would know because Daario knew a lot of botanical information. I must needs make sure not to buy flowers that symbolize death, or anger, or an imminent break-up.

When he arrived at the flower shop, Stannis was startled to see a CLOSED sign staring him in the face!

“We are closed,” shouted Melisandre from inside the store. She was eating a croissant.

“Please,” said Stannis, clenching his jaw. “I just need a bouquet for my boyfriend.”

Melisandre jumped to her feet. “We are closed! DO you see that sign in front of you? It says CLOSED.”

“Words are wind,” snapped Stannis. “If the store is closed, why are you inside with the lights on?”

Melisandre rolled her eyes. “Foolish questions!”

Suddenly, a young man with grey eyes stepped up next to Stannis. “We are closed,” said the young man apologetically. He had a name tag that read JON SNOW. “You should try going to the grocery store. They sell bouquets there.”

“Thank you,” said Stannis sincerely. “Is everything okay?”

“Melisandre is stressed because of some other things,” explained Jon. “I’m her unpaid intern so I know the situation. I’m surprised more people aren’t upset as well. Melisandre is worried about the new law.”

“What law?” demanded Stannis.

Jon blinked. “You didn’t hear?”

“No…” said Stannis impatiently.

Jon grabbed a newspaper on the ground and showed the front page to Stannis.

The headline read:

HE’S NOT LION: TYWIN LANNISTER PROPOSES LAW TO BAN VALENTINE’S DAY PERMANENTLY

The picture showed Tywin Lannister with a thumbs-up and a grin, holding a sign that said I’LL SEE YOU IN COURT, LOVEBIRDS!

to be continued ?

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #fanfic #asoiaf fic #asoiaf fanfic #asoiaf fanfiction #tywin lannister #jon snow #stannis baratheon #melisandre of asshai #kings landing #valentines day #daario naharis #daenerys targaryen #feedback welcome #feedback appreciated

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mryoyo000 · 2 months

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more TWOW predictions and theories

-Osha gets a degree in library science

-Lady Stoneheart tries French fries

-Stannis tries ice skating

-one of the Children of the Forest tries to involve Bran in a pyramid scheme

-Dany buys jeggings

-Cersei becomes a cryptozoologist

-Arya takes a course in nature photography

-Sam Tarly goes to a wedding and doesn’t enjoy it

-Cersei goes to a wedding but purposefully goes against the dress code

-Jaime buys a frozen pizza

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #the winds of winter #the winds of winter predictions #literary theories #asoiaf theories #asoiaf predictions #twow speculation #asoiaf speculation #cersei lannister #jaime lannister #bran stark #rickon stark #samwell tarly #arya stark

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mryoyo000 · 3 months

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What happens to Hosters calculations for marriages if Edmure is never born, leaving her as her fathers heir? Similarly, what might the rule of lady Catelyn of Riverrun be like?

(I also had a few anon asks along the same lines back in the archive as well)

I’m gonna be honest - I tend to think that if Minisa Whent died without giving birth to a surviving son, Hoster Tully would have remarried in an attempt to have a male heir. Hoster certainly had not settled on leaving Catelyn as his senior heir after her two elder brothers died as babies, nor did Hoster stop trying to father a “spare” for the Tully dynasty after baby Edmure’s birth (which Catelyn in fact cites as the direct cause of her mother’s death). Likewise, Hoster’s traditionalist (by non-Dornish Westerosi standards), patriarchal focus on male successors is I believe reflected in his pride in the openly Tully features of Catelyn’s son Robb as well as his promise to Lysa, following her forced abortion, that she should "be a good wife and the gods will bless [her]" with "sons ... [sic] trueborn sons". Fond as I definitely believe Hoster was toward Catelyn, I don’t believe Hoster would have simply shrugged and said "I don't need a son, I'll let my daughter inherit"; if Hoster had been content to treat Catelyn as his heir presumptive for a handful of years before Edmure's birth, he was equally if not more eager to shift her thereafter into more traditionally feminine (again, certainly by Westerosi standards) roles, as de facto Lady (consort) of Riverrun and then as the dynastic bride to a suitably politically advantageous husband.

Which is not to say that Catelyn could not have been a very competent Lady (regnant) of Riverrun, ruling in her own right. Catelyn, as @turtle-paced has admirably and thoroughly demonstrated, was quite smart indeed, and I trust Brynden’s assessment of his niece that she was, as Catelyn argued, the sort of woman who could “rule as wisely as a man”.

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mryoyo000 · 3 months

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I like to headcanon that the Reach has a performance tradition around the children of Garth Greenhand. ALSO have a headcanon that different houses like Florent, Rowan, Beesbury, Crane etc. specifically honor the mythical daughter of Garth Greenhand to whom they trace their ancestry. I bet the Beesburys could have semi-spiritual honey imagery for Ellyn Ever Sweet.

Which pre/post-Conquest events and in-series events do you think would be popular plays/operas in each of the Seven Kingdoms and Essos?

Well, we do get a bit of a sense of what sort of "history plays" have been written and performed in Braavos (though whether these have been popularized elsewhere in Essos is a bit of a mystery). Arya references the mummers of the Ship teaching her speeches from, among other plays, The Conqueror's Two Wives, presumably about Rhaenys and Visenya Targaryen (which I personally think would be a potentially fascinating study on the respective characters of as well as the relationship between the two sisters). Likewise, in "Mercy", Arya-as-Mercy notes that Izembaro borrows a threat from Prince Garin in Phario Forel's Wroth of the Dragonlords, a play about the doomed final resistance of the Rhoynar against the Valyrian Freehold. Of course, the main action in "Mercy" centers around the staging of Forel's newest work, The Bloody Hand, a play which - obviously more than a little loosely - adapts very recent Westerosi history, staged in that chapter for the entertainment of the Baratheon-Lannister court's envoy, Harys Swyft.

Westeros doesn't appear to have exactly the same theatrical tradition Braavos seems to have, but there are certainly both puppet shows and mummer's plays performed across the Seven Kingdoms. While the specific entertainments we've seen have been limited to either mythological (the story of Florian the Fool) or allegorical (the unsubtle tale of the kingdom of beasts reported by Qyburn to Cersei) subject matter, there might nevertheless be any number of opportunities for historical events to, no pun intended, take center stage. There are way, way too many historical events and figures in the roughly eight millennia of Westeros' existence as a collection of political entities (again, to say nothing of Essos), so these ideas are not even scratching the surface, but I thought I would come up with a few.

So, for example, the accusations against Queen Naerys and Prince Aemon (perhaps complete with a Katherine of Aragon-like defense by the queen) might mirror, say, Henry VIII. The collapse of the Gardener kingdom under the weak and ineffective Garth X, followed by a devastating civil war, feels to me like an opportunity for a Reach version of Henry VI (perhaps echoed with the Dance of the Dragons, many centuries later). Even the story of Torgon Greyiron might have its share of light Hamlet parallels, as the story of a royal son quasi-usurped from his royal place by the wicked murderer of his kinsmen while he was away from his homeland (though with Torgon having something of a more fortunate ending than Hamlet himself, naturally). Not, of course, that we need to limit our imaginations only to perfect parallels of Shakespeare plays (to say nothing of any other history playwrights). Benedict Justman, for one, seems like a figure whose life could be used to ask deep questions on, say, the nature of power, the importance of love versus duty, and the importance (or not) of legitimacy. The flight of the Manderlys from the Reach and their welcome by the Starks might likewise be used by some enterprising playwright to explore themes of justice (and injustice), alienation, and self-identity.

And of course, what entertainments might be popular would likely be dependent on the politics of any given time and/or place. Would, say, plays depicting King Ronard Storm have been popularized during the reign of King Aegon IV or King Daeron II - maybe to denounce Ronard's reign as defined by lasciviousness and resistance to lawful authority (as with Aegon's), but maybe also to depict a bastard as a stronger and more worthy heir than his legitimate half-brother (if, say, the play was written by Blackfyre partisans)? Perhaps in the immediate aftermath of Robert's Rebellion, Riverlands playwrights would have looked for inspiration to the heroic uprising of Edmyn Tully against the wicked tyrant Harren Hoare (though perhaps with less emphasis placed on the king rewarding Edmyn being the first of the recently overthrown Targaryen dynasty). Daeron I's conquest of Dorne might have encouraged pro-conquest playwrights to create works about King Durran the Young, whose similar name, apparently similar youth, and very bloody military campaigns against Dornish armies might have made a natural comparison for these creators (though probably less so the idea that King Durran supposedly "became besotted with his own niece in later life and died at the hands of his brother Erich Kin-Killer").

Personally, I would love to see more fanfic invent plays or similar entertainments from Westerosi history. I, of course, would be remiss not to note my own, albeit very humble attempt at a Westerosi history play, The True History of the Blackfyre Rebellion. (And please no one remind me that I have a second play that I probably have to completely rework and is certainly nowhere close to being done.)

#goodqueenaly #reblog

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mryoyo000 · 3 months

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asoiaf fanfic ideas

I have a few ideas for a fanfic story I'd like to try writing for ASOIAF (would be my first ever fanfic except for a terrible Animorphs fic I wrote when I was eight).

Aegon's Conquest fic about House Florent reacting to House Tyrell's elevated status as Lord Paramounts of the Mander. (I know my fox faves were FUMING.)

Something speculative about Valaena Velaryon, pre-Conquest.

Speculative backstory of Satin.

None of these will be well-written quality fics! But that won't stop me!! Any suggestions or preferences of which you'd like to read?

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mryoyo000 · 3 months

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I like the idea of her name being Loreza because it fits with what seems to be the naming pattern of Oberyn and Elia's daughters being named for Elia, Oberyn (Obella), Doran (Dorea), so Loreza could be their mother's name.

Specific ASOIAF things I’d really like to know (or if anyone has headcanons/theories they’d like to share)

Catelyn’s grandmothers

Alicent Hightower’s mother

the name of the Princess of Dorne (mother of Elia, Doran, Oberyn)—I know some people theorize her name is Loreza which seems possible

Selyse Florent’s mother

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mryoyo000 · 3 months

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Specific ASOIAF things I’d really like to know (or if anyone has headcanons/theories they’d like to share)

Catelyn’s grandmothers

Alicent Hightower’s mother

the name of the Princess of Dorne (mother of Elia, Doran, Oberyn)—I know some people theorize her name is Loreza which seems possible

Selyse Florent’s mother

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #selyse florent #alicent hightower #catelyn stark #catelyn tully #princess of dorne #unnamed princess of dorne

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mryoyo000 · 4 months

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I don’t know why but I’m really attached to my headcanon that the Vale has a tradition of Sacred Harp-style singing of religious text (maybe from the Seven Pointed Star).

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #grrm #asoiaf headcanons #the vale of arryn #asoiaf worldbuilding

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mryoyo000 · 4 months

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I like to headcanon the Reach having a performance tradition around Garth Greenhand and his children, like dances, re-enactment plays etc.

Which pre/post-Conquest events and in-series events do you think would be popular plays/operas in each of the Seven Kingdoms and Essos?

#goodqueenaly #reblog

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mryoyo000 · 4 months

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Melisandre and Selyse at the night fires

(Image Description in ALT text)

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mryoyo000 · 4 months

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Hopes and dreams for House Florent

Who else hopes House Florent becomes the ruling house by the end of Asoiaf???

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #grrm #george rr martin #house florent #brightwater keep #house florent of brightwater keep #house florent of king’s landing #selyse florent #westeros #the iron throne

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mryoyo000 · 6 months

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Revisiting Chapters: Catelyn VI, ASoS

Bit of a horror movie, this chapter.

The story so far…

Amidst terrible weather and even worse fortune, the Starks are now arriving at the Twins for Edmure’s wedding.

A Bunch of Assholes

The chapter starts with the approach to the Twins, accompanied by the growling of the flooded Green Fork. It’s a beefed up version of the very natural conditions that led to Robb asking for Frey support back in AGoT. It’s a watery, miserable scene - towers appearing from the mist like ghosts in wet stone, banners on the opposite bank hanging like dead cats, and everything in general grey and sodden.

This is a happy place, where happy things will happen.

Robb starts thinking about appearances a little ways out, putting on his crown and making sure his mother and uncle are riding next to him. Catelyn, for her part, has some last minute advice. First, Walder Frey’s an asshole. Second:

“If we are offered refreshment when we arrive, on no account refuse. Take what is offered, and eat and drink where all can see. If nothing is offered, ask for bread and cheese and a cup of wine.”

This is advice based on the fact that there are many ways Walder Frey might be an asshole. If refreshment is offered, because Walder Frey might not extend guest right to his guests. On no account refuse, because Walder Frey might extend guest right by serving stewed crow smothered in maggots (as Robb suggests he might). Bread and cheese and a cup of wine so that Robb doesn’t give excuse for further insult either by asking for the bare minimum (thereby highlighting the fact Walder Frey hadn’t offered the bare minimum) or by asking for something lavish and difficult to obtain.

But mostly Catelyn’s concerned that a) Robb obtains guest right, and b) Robb is known to have obtained guest right. Which says a lot about what she suspects the Freys may be capable of. She thinks that the strongest customary protection against violence may be needed.

The Tully siblings then get their own cattier tendencies on when a Frey contingent comes out to greet them. There’s Ser Ryman, heir to the Twins, whose face Catelyn’s internal monologue describes as “fleshy, broad, and stupid.” Edmure doesn’t keep it to internal monologue but does keep it sotto voce when he describes Edwyn Frey as having a “constipated look” and wishing that Roslin Frey does not take after Petyr Frey with the “unfortunate,” acne-stricken face. Calling Black Walder a nasty bit of business though, that can stand.

Catty or not, the Freys quickly prove themselves to be…not the most pleasant bunch. After Grey Wind startles Petyr Frey’s horse, Robb dismounts and offers his own. Not only is this gesture barely even acknowledged, Ryman Frey proves to have zero courtesies and calls Jeyne Westerling “the woman.” Edwyn’s got more manners, described as “careful courtesy.”

Better question is, why is this party being headed by Ser Ryman? While Catelyn openly gives Walder Frey the benefit of the doubt, since fair enough the nonagenarian doesn’t want to go riding in the rain, in her internal monologue she suspects it’s an insult.

There are more diplomatic overtures, as Edwyn Frey arranges for Robb’s armies to be seen to the far side of the river, where they’ll all have access to a drink on House Frey to the health of the married couple. Lame Lothar cheerfully sees Grey Wind to a dry kennel and a leg of mutton. This is another kind of assholishness, one that goes beyond the bounds of the words. The Freys here know what the plan is. They know that the plan is to lull the people they’re talking to into a false sense of security before murdering the vast majority of them.

But then there’s the main event, Walder Frey himself, and GRRM gives us a refresher on his appearance in a way that leaves no doubt he’s the chief asshole before he even says a word:

His chair was black oak, its back carved into the semblance of two stout towers joined by an arched bridge, so massive that its embrace turned the old man into a grotesque child. There was something of the vulture about Lord Walder, and rather more of the weasel.

Also noted is Walder’s mouth, which “moved constantly, sucking at empty air as a babe sucks at his mother’s breast.” So while Walder’s an old man, he’s compared to child (because that’s the level of emotional maturity going on here), vulture (he’s an opportunist), and weasel (he’s sneaky).

Additionally, Walder’s brought out his grandson-slash-fool, who’s wearing a fake crown. Catelyn can’t be completely sure, but she thinks giving this particularly unfortunate grandson (Aegon “Jinglebell” Frey) the crown is meant to be an insult. It’s just dubious enough a jab that complaining about it would be met with something along the lines of “what are you talking about - you’re so sensitive, god.” Walder soon follows that up by saying Jinglebell has “less wits than a crannogman” and that talking to him is about the same as talking to a chamberpot. Pretty much the entire Frey family is here to listen to that description. Then he starts in on describing Roslin. He wants to know where Jeyne is. He was very keen to see her!

What might have been a suspicious interest in the whereabouts of Jeyne Westerling at this totally not an ambush is quickly covered by, you guessed it, more assholery. Walder Frey waves a hand and all his eligible daughters and granddaughters hurry forward to be paraded in front of the King in the North.

And how does the author emphasise that Robb really might have legitimately preferred to marry someone he was attracted to? By having their gradfather expound on their physical flaws.

“It would have been an impossible choice, my lord,” Robb said, with careful courtesy. “They’re all too lovely.” Lord Walder snorted. “And they say my eyes are bad.”

Delightful. Absolutely delightful. But Robb gives his apology as he knew he must. Roslin is brought out, and the topic changes to Edmure’s impending nuptials.

Politics as usual

After that reception, Catelyn and Edmure retreat for a post-mortem. Despite all the times I used the word ‘asshole’ above, both of them are like ‘wow, that was not as bad as I thought it would be’. Says volumes. Edmure’s got his own comments on the parade of Frey ladies and notes he expected that he’d be given an ugly bride. Catelyn, meanwhile, thinks Roslin is pretty and seems nice enough, but she’s seriously alarmed at how small she is and how difficult that might make childbirth. Back to the relative attractiveness though:

“Your fondness for a pretty face is well known,” Catelyn reminded [Edmure]. “Perhaps Lord Walder actually wants you to be happy with your bride.” Or more like, he did not want you balking over a boil and upsetting all his plans. “Or it may be that Roslin is the old man’s favourite. The Lord of Riverrun is a much better match than most of his daughters can hope for.”

Everything with Roslin just goes to show how commodified the marriage market is in Westeros. The physique of these young ladies is political. Edmure’s sexual preferences are political. And these poor girls were ordered up in front of complete strangers for at least one of them (Catelyn) to look at them all and evaluate them as breeding stock. Indeed, Catelyn ends up going to ask the castle’s maester about Roslin’s potential fertility, and the man tells her.

After this particular conversation, Catelyn goes to find Robb, who’s mid-meeting. Catelyn was not invited. But when she asks, she does get answers. Wylis Manderly has been recaptured by the Lannisters; Roose Bolton’s brought news that Cley Cerwyn and Leobald Tallhart were killed at Winterfell, with several survivors taken to the Dreadfort by Ramsay. Catelyn has problems with this.

“Your bastard was accused of grievous crimes,” Catelyn reminded him sharply. “Of murder, rape, and worse.”

Roose’s response? Sure. But he led the battle (ahem), and Robb can judge from there whether that makes up for it. Not like Roose will be out an heir, since he has Lady Walda.

This is a cold man, Catelyn realised, not for the first time.

Catelyn does not know how cold yet.

Robb then asks for news of Theon. Roose gives him the skin from Theon’s little finger, flayed off by Ramsay. We haven’t had solid reports of Theon since the end of ACoK, and the mention here is intended to inform the reader he’s still around, just busy being tortured.

Roose offers Catelyn the skin, and she makes herself refuse it, though part of her “wanted to clutch the grisly trophy to her heart.” Lady Stoneheart does not come out of nowhere, but is the unhappiest extreme of Catelyn’s rage and grief. She, and Robb, are both unhappy with Roose’s suggestion that they keep Theon as a hostage. Roose clarifies that he just means keeping Theon hostage and demanding concessions to execute him. Robb okays this.

Back to the Lannisters, though, and it’s here that I’ll move into what this chapter really does.

Foreshadowing

This chapter is all about the leadup to the Red Wedding. Red flags abound this chapter, not just in a literary sense but in concrete in-universe signs that something is amiss. The first nasty bit crops up as Catelyn and Robb discuss guest right and the need for him to avail himself of it.

Robb looked more amused than afraid. “I have an army to protect me, Mother, I don’t need to trust in bread and salt.”

Neither will do Robb much good here.

Next, Grey Wind starts growling at the Freys, and then even lunges at them. Not a very diplomatic start to proceedings. Even when Grey Wind is called off, he has to be coaxed into entering the Twins. More good signs.

During the meeting with Walder Frey, he’s being his usual pleasant self (see above). The worrying signs come when Roslin is introduced.

“M,y lady is beautiful.” Edmure took her hand and drew her to her feet. “But why are you crying?” “For joy,” Roslin said. “I weep for joy, my lord.”

Uh-huh. Moving on, Lord Walder’s got his own comments to make about the wedding. He orders Roslin taken away, because she has a wedding to prepare for: “And a bedding, heh, the sweetest part. For all, for all.” He further adds, “We’ll have music, such sweet music, and wine, heh, the red will run, and we’ll set some wrongs aright.”

We see here that Lord Walder being an asshole and Lord Walder planning to kill a bunch of people at the wedding are inextricably intertwined. We know, with the benefit of hindsight, that Walder’s referring to murdering a whole bunch of people here during the bedding, that the music he refers to is the signal for the slaughter, and the red that will run is blood. The characters can’t pick this up in advance because Lord Walder is just that much of a jerk.

There’s also a reference to the Frey childrens’ game mentioned in Bran I, ACoK, where all oaths are binding unless someone says ‘mayhaps’. It’s doubtful anyone here has the full knowledge, but by the rules of the game, Walder Frey as the Lord of the Crossing retains the right to use a stick and push anyone into the river any time he likes. Another thing the readers know but the characters don’t.

After this exchange, Catelyn calls for food. Walder wasn’t offering it, but he had it ready to go when asked for. He makes the show of it, welcoming all present as his honoured guests, while Robb accepts the hospitality.

Catelyn tasted the wine and nibbled at some bread, and felt much better for it. Now we should be safe, she thought.

Note the ‘should’. Catelyn does not fully trust that Walder Frey will keep to the laws of hospitality, even now. A paragraph later, she’s telling Edmure that they should post their own guards on their doors.

There’s more as Catelyn goes in search of Walder Frey’s maester to make her discreet inquiries about Roslin’s fertility. She finds a group of Freys drinking by the fire and asks about Ser Perwyn Frey, Roslin’s full brother, who as Catelyn reminds us, escorted her to Storm’s End and back in the previous book. Alas, Ser Perwyn is away, and not expected to return for the wedding.

Finally, there’s the disposition of Northern forces discussed at the end of the chapter. Brought to us courtesy of totally not a traitor Roose Bolton. Roose owns his ‘mistake’ in leaving Harrenhal too late. Strangely, it seems the result of his delay was that the Freys made it across the Trident okay, but soldiers from the hill clans and the Manderlys were left behind. Even more coincidentally, Roose left a bunch of Stouts and Cerwyns as rear guard. The author also reminds us of Northern losses at Duskendale - these were mostly Glovers and Tallharts.

What Catelyn wants to know is: who did come with Roose?

His queer colourless eyes studied her a moment before he answered. “Some five hundred horse and three thousand foot, my lady. Dreadfort men, in chief, and some from Karhold.”

Cold as Roose is, he’s most likely wondering whether the jig is up in this moment. But we don’t get to see what Catelyn thinks of Roose’s reasoning that it’s just too dangerous not to keep the Karhold soldiers close, because Robb winds the conversation up. They’re going home, he says.

Chapter Function

This chapter is 95% about the Red Wedding. It’s here to put the final pieces in place. Robb is welcomed as a guest; Lord Walder is not as much of an asshole as he could have been, but dropping ominous hints anyway. Grey Wind is freaking out, Roslin is crying, Ser Perwyn is missing. For perfectly logical, not at all Roose-related reasons, there’s a high proportion of Bolton and Karstark soldiers present. That’s all this chapter. The plan has been set into motion. It cannot be entirely hidden anymore, and the perpetrators only want to wait as long as it takes for the trap to snap fully shut. What’s been happening behind the scenes is about to come into the open.

Related, we do get the reminder on Catelyn’s part that she does have impulses towards violent revenge, when we see her reaction to the flayed skin of Theon’s finger. She restrains herself now, but she’s about to lose all reason for restraint.

Finally, this chapter gives us a bit of an update on Theon and Ramsay. Without PoVs in Winterfell, we’re relying on this belated, partial report. Theon’s alive, Winterfell is severely damaged, a bunch of Stark loyalists were killed (cough, by Ramsay, cough), and survivors have been hauled off to the Dreadfort.

Miscellany

Catelyn tells Robb that Walder Frey’s an asshole and no doubt some of his sons are too, liable to provoke Robb. It’s always interesting to note when the intelligent, politically active female characters show that they too are products of the patriarchy - Catelyn has not allowed for the possibility that any of Walder Frey’s daughters (or granddaughters) may also be assholes capable of provoking Robb.

Catelyn also remembers her own wedding. Specifically, she remembers how Lysa ‘wept lakes’ before the ceremony. She puts it down to nervousness and considers it to be entirely expected. It’s true, some people cry when nervous. But the way marriages are arranged in Westeros, nobody can tell what’s just nerves and what’s the bride distraught from being forced into a marriage she doesn’t want (or from knowing that all her in-laws are going to be murdered at the feast).

Clothing Porn

Jinglebell Frey wears costly blue wool and grey satin, with a crown and collar ornamented with brass bells. Roslin wears a pale blue gown with a lacy bodice. Catelyn wears warm wool in Tully red and blue. Roose Bolton’s got a pale pink cloak trimmed in white fur. GoT robbed us of Roose in pink, I’m telling you.

Food Porn

None.

Next Three Chapters

Bran II, ASoS - Tyrion V, ACoK - Eddard X, AGoT

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