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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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Riddler comforts you while you have period pain (platonically (or queerplatonically?))

Disclaimers:

I'm quite new to writing fanfiction, and I wrote this while dying of period pain, so it might not be the best writing, especially near the end

He's uncharacteristically nice I need comfort okay? (also there's only one riddle)

Allo people are free to interact but please be mindful that I am aroace and this isn't made for you

It's non-romantic and non-sexual but there is touching for comfort in the last third so if you're touch-averse when it comes to fanfiction then you might not like it

I am English, so there might be language differences if you're American (eg: pants is referring to underpants, not trousers)

NO TERFS.

Rating: Teen

Warnings: Swearing (F**k and B*tch), period pain, hurt/comfort, house break-in

Reader insert info: Vigilante, explicitly asexual (romanticism isn't addressed at all so they're implicitly aromantic but they don't have to be), AFAB (no gender revealed)

Word count: 938

The monthly sinking feeling hits you as you look down at your pants and finally see blood. You knew it was coming; you pre-emptively put a pad in there, but it still send a wave of misery through you as you let out a “fuck!” You stand up, wincing in pain, and pull them up along with your pyjama bottoms. You flush the toilet, watching it go just like your hopes and dreams for the next week. You leave the bathroom and trudge through your house, finally reaching the bedroom. You open the door, turn the light on, and freeze.

There is a man on your bed. He is looking at you, a smug smile on his face, posing with one leg outstretched and the other bent, forming a triangular hole between the two. He’s wearing his bright green spandex, covered in question marks. “Hello, vigilante,” the Riddler says. “Oh fuck off!” you say, the pain making you slightly hunched over. The smile turns into a little look of shock before he regains his composure. “…well, aren’t you foul-mouthed today? What’s wrong? Scared, knowing that I, the Riddler, Prince of Puzzles knows your secret identity?” he says, beaming. He looks into your eyes, and sees the tears. “Are you okay, vigilante?” You are now hunched over a lot more. “Move,” you reply. He is taken aback. “Well, you’re being a bit rude to such an esteemed guest, aren’t you?” he retorts, but still shuffling over and bringing his legs in. You lurch toward the bed, practically collapsing on it. “Get the fuck off my bed. Now.” “…you’re being uncharacteristically rude. Is it something I said? Is it the fact I deduced your identity with my genius mind and broke into your house?” he responds, staring at you. “I’m fucking dying right now, get out.” “Huh? D… dying? Whatever makes you say that?! You’re not doing your vigilante things this week! Did… could someone else possibly have-” “Werewolf moment.” He pauses. “Oh. You mean, uh… I am a river of red, containing unused life, if you wanted to be bred, then seeing this causes strife?” “How the fuck should I know what that means? Bitch I am fucking bleeding right now please shut up just for one second,” you say, curled up on your bed, crying. There is silence, then you can feel him stand up and get off the bed. You drag yourself toward the pillow, and curl up on it. You can feel his weight on the other end of the bed, sitting a respectful distance away from you. “Is this why you always disappear for two weeks?” “Yeah.” There is a pause. You glance up, and see him on his phone, with his green phone case covered in dorky purple question marks. “You better not be taking any bloody pictures,” you say, grimacing. “I already have the ultimate blackmail. I’m not that cruel. No, I’m simply searching for the methods of reducing period pain. Alright. Um… have you stopped smoking?” “Never even started it.” “Alright then. Uh… do you have a, um, a hot water bottle or something?” he asks, rocking backwards and forwards slightly. You point to the fluffy hot water bottle on your shelf. He walks over and picks it up. “I’ll go and fill this up, then,” he says, walking through your door. A couple of minutes pass in agony, and he returns, placing it on your tummy. It’s nice and warm. He also brought a bottle of water for drinking, and places it on your bedside cabinet. He sits on the edge of your bed again, scrolling for more suggestions. His eyes widen a little. He glances around, and sees your ace pride flag on the wall. “I’m definitely not doing… that…” he mumbles. He keeps scrolling, and glances at you, seeing you clutch the hot water bottle, your teeth gritted, curled up on the bed. He slowly shuffles closer to you as you make pained noises. He gently lays his hand on your shoulder. You let out a little whimper, in too much pain to show your gratitude. Right now, you can’t focus on the fact that he is your enemy, all you can think of is the intense pain, and the fact that he is helping you. “Why…” you murmur, trying to focus on his hand. “You’re the sweetest vigilante ever. Seeing you like this, in so much pain that you’ve been telling me to fuck off, is a little heartbreaking. I wish Batman was going through this. Not you,” he says, the mocking tone gone from his voice. He sounds sincere. He wipes the tears from your eyes, and you make little noises as his soft glove touches your face. He gives a little smile, and continues wiping the tears, letting you cry onto his purple glove. You’re making little screaming noises, and he wraps his arms around you, gently rocking you like a baby. “It’s okay… you’ve got the greatest genius ever with you…” he says, holding you close.

“I’m dying… I’m dying… fuck… I’m dying…” He puts one of his hands on your tummy, and gently rubs circles around it. You keep whimpering, but his hands are comforting. “Thank you… thank you…” you say weakly. He continues for a few more minutes, and the pain starts to die down. You make soft little noises, and he gently lays you on the bed again. He tucks you in, and you can feel tiredness fill you. He gives you a gentle pat on the head. “Sleep tight,” he says, as you close your eyes and drift off to sleep.

#dc #batman rogues #the riddler #platonic #queerplatonic #x reader #asexual reader #afab reader #warning periods #500-1000 words #swearing #mod's fanfic

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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Good friends on the road (2/?)

Oswald Cobblepot x reader (platonic)

Warnings: bad english

Authors note: Here is the second part to Good friends on the road. I’m just super exited that people decided to spent their valuable time on reading story that I wrote and actually enjoyed it. I really like this story idea and I’m probably going to continue this. Hope you enjoy this one :)

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After Oswald’s little speech, you didn’t know how to react. This man had apparently lost it all and now he was determined to get it back. Silence that had fallen over you started slowly feel like it was trying to suffocate you. You had to come up with something to say. Think, think, think, Y/N come on you can come up with SOMETHING.

“Good luck with that mr. Cobblepot. I’m sure that you will succeed,” was all you said, as you turned to give him small smile and awkward thumbs up. As quickly you let go of the wheel you grabbed it again. Now all you could just hope that your answer was enough.

You glanced at Oswald. He was staring at you. “Here I am riding around in a lovely car, having a conversation with a very kind lady. My luck’s already turned, right?” He’s smiling and he looks so happy. “I’m glad that I get to be part of your great recovery,” playful tone had caught onto your tone as you smiled gently at him. He turned his head, but too late. You had already seen the not-so-small blush appear on his face. Comfortable silence fell over you, all that could be heard was the music coming from the radio, sound turned very low.

Suddenly you heard a small yawn coming from next to you. You glanced at Oswald, who had tried to muffle his yawns at the back of his hand. “Mr. Cobblepot, if you want you could take a small nap. I will wake you up, when we are closer to Gotham.” Oswald looked slightly embarrassed that you had caught his tiredness, but still smiled at you. “Are you sure miss?” You only nodded as answer and started to slow down your car. “Miss may I ask what you’re doing?” You smiled at him as you drove to the side of the road and stopped there. You just smiled at him and said “Wait for a moment,” before you got out of the car. You could see from the window how he frantically looked around, like he expected someone to attack, but then he just focused on you. You walked behind your car and opened the trunk. If you remembered correctly there should be a blanket somewhere there under all this mess. You moved stuff around until you saw the familiar soft green fabric peking from under your suitcase. You grabbed it and pulled it, cathering it to your arms as a big pile of softness. When the blanket was on your armes you just closed the trunk and walked to Oswald’s side, opened his door and laid the blanket on him. “You maybe should take your jacket off, before you get too comfortable under the blanket mr. Cobblepot.”

You waited for him to awkwardly shuffle his jacket off and him to hand it to you. When he did hand you the jacket you fold it and set it in the backseat. Oswald pulled the blanket tightly around himself, and snuggled in it. You made sure that the blanket wouldn’t get caught between the door and the seat, closed the door and walked over to your side of the car. As you opened the door and took your seat, you were little surprised by the fact that you could already hear soft snoring come from the pile of softness, that now hold Oswald inside it. “Sleep tight mr. Cobblepot,” was all you said before you started the car and continued to drive towards Gotham.

You couldn’t help, but finally take a good look at the man you were helping. He looked so relaxed and calm right now, he looked so much younger now. His nose reminds you of birds beak, expect his nose was covered in freckles. Thin and pink lips, that had in so many times curved into a small smile. Under his eyes were dark rings that made his already pale skin look even more pale. There was something about him, something dangerous just waiting to be revealed. Oswald Cobblepot was a handsome man, that you couldn’t deny. Maybe not by the normal standards, but to you he was a very handsome and kind man. You kept eyeing the sleeping man next to you and the more time passed more sure you were about one thing. You could do anything to help this stranger, to help Oswald. And that was the one promise you made to yourself that you intended to keep.

After about two hours you could see the Gotham city in the horizon. Gently you nudged Oswald. “Mr. Cobblepot we are almost there, and I need you to wake up.” He groaned as he shifted, slowly removing the blanket. “How long did I sleep miss?” Sleep could easily be detected form his voice as he rubbed his eyes. “For about two hours sir,” you stated as you turned your head towards him, “Mr. Cobblepot, where do you want me to drop you off?” That question seemed to startle him and he looked panicked. After a few moments of silence he looked down to his lap and started to fidget with his fingers, “I don’t have a place to stay miss y/l/n , so you can drop me off anywhere.” His statement surprised you. Oswald was homeless and he expected you to be so heartless to just drop him off somewhere and just forget him?

“You could stay over at my place for few days.” Your offer surprised you as much as it seemed to surprise Oswald. “Or if you don’t want to stay at my place, wich I would completely understand, I could book you a hotel room.” Your second offer confused Oswald even more. He stared at you and narrowed his eyes. “Why would you want to help me after knowing me for just couple of hours, miss?” His voice was dripping with venom and his stare was ice cold, but neither of those scared you. You just smiled kindly at him. “Because not all people in Gothman are rotten, you know.” You glanced at him. “And I would really not like to have my new friend die on the streets.” With that you stayed quiet, just waiting for Oswalds reaction. Were you two even friends, as he said you had known each other only for few hours. He stared at you as trying to make sure that you weren’t lying to him. Suddenly his face flushed red, and his face softened. “You, you think me as a friend?” His voice was so quiet, barely over whisper, but you could still hear him. “Of course I think you are my friend,” Breath that you didn’t even notice you were holding was released, “I have a habit of forming friendships very quickly, even too quickly sometimes, so of course I will form a friendship between me and this kind stranger who needed help”

“You mean that we.. That we are friends”

“Yes” Silence fell upon you as you focused on driving and Oswald seemed to be deep in his thoughts. You got closer to Gotham every passing moment and you still didn’t know were you would drop Oswald. “If… If you are sure that I won’t be a bother, I would like to stay over your place for the next few days.”

#dc #batman rogues #the penguin #platonic #x reader #female reader #1000-2000 words

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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Good friends on the road (1/?)

Oswald Cobblepot x reader (platonic)

Warnings: cursing, bad english

Authors note: English is not my first language and this story is definitely full of mistakes, but I still hope that you enjoy it. This is probably gonna be multi chapter story unless I don’t feel motivated to write more. Also I want to defend my terrible writing and tell that this is my first fanfic that I have ever published in here, so please don’t kill me if (and when) it’s totally terrible. Please comment what you liked it and what I should change to make it better.

The road seemed never ending and the car in front of you was driving so slowly you could feel your anger rising. ”COME ON!” you yelled as you hitted the wheel. For at least an hour you had driven behind these snails, and yes you had tried to pass them, but every time you got next to them to drive in front of them they just sped up and left you behind. And no matter how annoying it was you just couldn’t start a race when you were driving on a wrong side of the road. But that didn’t stop you from flipping them off when you got the chance.

In the horisont you could see someone walking at the side of the road. As you got closer you saw it was a man with limp, wobbling forward and trying to hitchhike a ride. Maybe you could have offered help to this stranger but you heard your mothers voice in your head, repeating all the warnings about hitchhikers being murderers and planing to kill you when they got the opportunity. The car in front of you slowed down, stoping just little way away from the man. He looked happy to see that someone had stopped and wobbled towards the car, reaching at the handle and that was when the driver decided to drive forwards. You didn’t even notice when you slowed down as well. You watched as the man tried again, this time almost opening the door before the car rushed forward again.

You couldn’t stand this. First these fuckers had annoyed you by driving so slowly that you could almost walk faster than them and now they were making joke from this poor man’s limping. All the warnings and red flags that had stopped you before where thrown out of window. You drove next to the man and stopped your car. You reached over the passenger seat and opened the door.

“Do you need a ride or do you want to go with them?” you asked, gaining the strangers attention, as you pointed at the other car with your thumb. The man looked at you, looked at the car in front of you and sat in your car. After the man had closed his door and put his seatbelt on, you started driving.

“Thank you so much miss, truly I’m very grateful. I’ve been waiting for hours.” he said with a sheepish smile.

“It was no problem sir. I just couldn’t stand those idiots being so damn rude, so let me apologise for them,” you turned your head towards him and smiled almost guiltily, “I’m terribly sorry for their behaviour.” You could see faint blush rise to his face as he shook his head quickly.

“No, no miss I assure you that you have nothing to worry about,” his slight panic reminded you of a child, trying to assure their mother that they had not been the one to brake the vase. You turned your attention back to the road.

“Good to hear. Now when that is out of the way I should probably introduce myself. My name is y/n y/l/n, it’s pleasure to meet you, sir.” you said with a small smile, “I would shake your hand but right now i would like to focus on staying on the road.” The man looked at you and smiled. “My name is Oswald Cobblepot miss y/n and it’s my pleasure to meet you.” You glanced at him, his suit jacket was ripped and he smelled like death, but you didn’t mention it. You casually opened window a bit.

“Hope you don’t mind me opening the window mr. Cobblepot, it’s really hot in here and I’m dying” you joked and that made a small smile form to Oswalds lips.

“Not at all miss, it’s quite alright.”

He’s very polite, you thought as you tried to keep your eyes on the road ahead but you just couldn’t keep your eyes from wandering back at Oswald. What has happened to him? You decided that it would be terribly rude to just pluntly start interrogating him because his appearance, but still your curiosity got to you.

“May I ask you a question mr. Cobblepot? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer and it’s perfectly fine to refuse if I’m overstepping any boundaries.” you chewed your bottom lip, bad habit of yours, and eyed him. He seemed little surprised by you asking. Suddenly he turned very nervous, witch made you feel bad.

“Of course miss y/l/n, you can ask me anything.” nervous smile graced his lips and his eyes darted between you and the road. You nodded and sat quietly for a while. How should you put your question so it wouldn’t sound rude. You turned your head towards him, letting a small and friendly smile form.

“What happened to you?” you couldn’t hide the curiosity and worry in your voice well, but you at least tried. “Remember that you don’t need to answer if you don’t feel comfortable doing so.”

He turned his head to look out of the window. “It was my own fault. Foolish arrogance led me astray, but I learned my lessons,” he turned his head and stared at my face, “I’ll be back stronger and smarter than ever.“

#dc #batman rogues #the penguin #platonic #x reader #female reader #500-1000 words #swearing

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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A Harmless Break-In

You come home to Robin on your couch, with your cat asleep in his lap. How long has he been there?

Platonic Damian Wayne and gender neutral Reader

The reader’s appearance is left vague, but the reader’s cat is described. I have my priorities.

(The cat is based on my partner’s sweet boy Liho. Photo at the end of the fic.)

Keep reading

#dc #damian wayne #platonic #500-1000 words

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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Sick days

Batman Unburied Riddler X Reader

Just a peek at sick days between you and your close friend Edward...

Written as a platonic piece, but can be read as romantic. I want to try my hand to write this version. Also I wrote this when I was sick and in need of self-indulgent sick fics.

You awoke to a loud crashing from the outside of your apartment. Having been in Gotham for a long time, you were able to distinguish between troubling noises in the night or just the general city noise. You dreaded to identify the noise as the troublesome kind, that tonight you might not be getting your sleep.

You kept the bat by your bedside and pull your blankets off. It will never be your intention to fall asleep whilst something like this remain unresolved. Then there was another crash, and in your fear, your unabashed flinch had you swinging at nothing. It was justified, as the crashing was made inside your living space.

You make your way out of your room, the bat raised for your defense. Holding in a breath, you take your steps and then--

"I can be slender and wooden, I can be swung, I can fly, what am I?"

"AH!"

"NONONONONO! IT'S ME! IT'S ME! DON'T—!"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD, EDDIE! DON'T DO THAT!" Out of panic, your arms latched around his neck and pulled his head against your chest. "Jesus Christ, dude I thought I was going to die tonight. What the fuck, bro? You can at least text me and something."

"Funny that you say that... I think I'll be the one dying tonight." He coughs.

Alarmed, you pulled away. Out of the panic, you didn't realise the trail of blood that followed him from the window which he broke into and stained you upon embracing him. You looked down to see the thick crimson running down from his abdomen. Your face washed with an ash colour at the view before you.

"Hey-hey! Don't faint on me!" Edward snaps his fingers in front of your face, before placing both of his hands on your shoulders for balance. He subsequently leans his entire weight on you from the blood lost, making you almost lose your balance.

Profanities spilled from your lips like a mantra as you assisted him to your couch, before you shuffle around your house in search for the first aid kit... Would a first aid kit even do at these circumstances? He was bleeding on your couch and he was losing blood fast.

"Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck... Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my fucking god! Eddie what the fuck happened? Dude! I have like a box Hello Kitty bandaids and rubbing alcohol, why the fuck would you go to me for medical assistance?! " You frantically mutter, getting your hands on a few towels and a basin of water. You threw your hands up. "Fuck this, I'm calling an ambulance--!"

"No..."

"Well I don't know what you want me to do Eddie! Do I look like I can perform an emergency surgery in my living room?! Fuck it, why do you not want to call the hospital?"

He looks at you with a raised brow. Does he really need to say that he is a crook? Goddamn it he just wanted to breathe out of Arkham but that's not the point.

"It's just a graze."

"WELL WHAT THE HELL HAVE I BEEN TELLING YOU? SO YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU GOT INTO ANOTHER ACTIVE SHOOT-OUT AND FOR WHAT? JESUS DAMNIT--!"

Eddie gazes at the ceiling, as if he'd find a sliver of patience up there. Then he decided, fuck it, he's leaving. But before his legs can lift himself up, he falls back down with a groan.

"Well don't fucking do that! I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do, Ed oh my god! I'll go get some gauzes and some elastic bandages... You stay there, apply pressure to the wound—"

"I'm not leaking out, it's just a graze."

"I'm not leaking out, it's just a graze-- shut it!" You mimped, before haphazardly shrugging your coat on to conceal your blood stained clothes underneath.

For what seemed like a second, you return with the said materials. Here you were, awake at 3 am on a weekday-- the Riddler topless in your living room, tending to his wounds... I guess it's just what friends do I mean, he's helped you with questionable things at 3 am and sure he whined, but at least he helped out.

He promised that his life of crime shall never ever involve you, but knowing him the only reason you wanted to be involved because of the shit he gets into. Especially at one of these nights, what if he never managed to reach you? What if he bled out and die?

"Done." You spoke the first word after the excruciating silence.

".... I'm so sorry."

"For what?" You looked up at him as you put some equipment away.

"For troubling you like this." He averts his gaze, his fingers softly picking on the firm wrapping around his abdomen.

"No, no... It's okay. I'm sorry for yelling at you." You pulled his hand away from fumbling with the bandages. It must've been subconscious when you held his hand within yours. "I'm... Just really scared for you."

The silence stretched across the room, as he didn't really know how to respond to that. Reassuring you with white lies would feel like slapping you across the face with betrayal and telling you the truth is... He thinks it won't end well.

He breaks the silence and diverted away from the topic.

"Bat."

"What?"

"The answer to the riddle earlier; Bat."

"Oh..." You didn't even remember him telling you a riddle, maybe you might not have heard it from the ensuing panic.

"So... Where do I sleep?"

He ended up sleeping in your bed, wrapped himself as a cocoon in your fluffy pink hello kitty blanket, wearing one of your oversized sweater and shorts while you stayed awake for the remainder of midnight cleaning the blood in the living room. You lied to Edward about sleeping on the sofa, but something within you knows that Edward knows that you won't be sleeping on the bloodstained thing. It's not like you'd be able to sleep with the image of the predicaments in mind, along with the shot of adrenaline from the utmost concern you had for Eddie.

He predictably slept in, finally getting out of bed at the afternoon. It may have been the best sleep he's ever had, maybe he should start doing that often. But then he felt uncomfortable. He doesn't quite know why.

"Y/N? N/N? Yoo-hoo~"

Edward began to call for your name, wandering around your apartment, unnerved by the silence. Taking leisure steps around your living space, he wanted to remain calm, denying the touch of anxiety wiring his brain to think of the worst.

God, what if Penguin wanted to get back at him? That they sent someone to follow him and kill you? Fuck, he shouldn't have went here, why didn't he think this through--

"Y/N!"

He rushed over you body that lay motionless in the bathroom, hot to the touch. He listened in your breathing, as you shook with shuddering breaths. His palm lands atop your forehead and without a doubt, you've somehow kept a fever.

~•~

The very first thing you felt upon finding the strength to open your eyes through the sting of a raging headache, was a palm smacking on your forehead.

"Fucking ow, the fuck is your problem?" You snap at the owner of the hand with a nasally voice, squinting at the man who you just saved from blood lost.

"Well, nurse, you could've done it softly at least."

"I'm just checking for your temperature manually."

He notes that though you were still hot, at least it wasn't as severe as when he found you. Edward nods to himself out of relief.

"Sorry, I might or might not have done that on purpose. And besides, it's just me being affectionate."

"I pity whomever decided to permanently saddle themself with y—"

The banter was cut short when Edward decided to flatten his whole palm across your face.

"If my rightful retaliation comes across as disrespect, you should actually see me being disrespectful. Well then," you settle under your cover, pulling your blanket over your head. "You can start by cleaning my tiles in the living room, caretaker."

"You were more bearable when you were asleep." He smirks when you grab his wrist and removed his hold from your face, its consequent removal revealed your narrowed gaze at him. "Well, at least I know your fever is bearable enough for you to disrespect your care taker."

He rolls his eyes and pulls the pink hello kitty blanket and tucked it just below your knees.

"It's cold!" You whine, attempting to lift the end of your blanket to toss over your head, when Edward stops you.

"You'll overheat. I know it's cold, but if you cover up it'll increase your temperature. And you don't want that."

Edward watches your bitter expression grow less bitter, with a begrudging acceptance you simoly cross your arms to your chest and stick your bottom lip up. He couldn't help but to laugh to see you like this, his hand reaching up to brush your hair out of your forehead. He turns away to wring a hand towel from a small basin of lukewarm water. Your eyes followed his hand as he place the damp towel on your forehead in earnest, his eyes slightly tinged with worry.

"Funny that you ask that, my taste buds are fucked at these times."

He leans away and sighs. "What do you wanna eat?"

Oh. Right.

Seeing his face contort with a wince made your stomach sink with guilt. God you should have been less harsh, he was just trying to help.

"Can I have some chai?"

"Are you sure you don't want anything to eat?"

You fumble with your shirt, your finger twirling a loose piece of thread. "No, I'm good."

"Good, I'll be ordering myself a pizza then." He cheekily smiles, flashing your wallet in his hand and before you can protest, he was skipping out of the room.

"Prick!" You yelled after him with your sore throat, just in time to reach him when he closed your door just in case you had to shoot projectiles at his trajectory. He was so fucking spry for a man with a bullet-grazed abdomen.

God what an asshole...

Through the pain of your pulsating headache amplified by the annoyance and betrayal of Edward, a small smile makes way through your features.

It's good to have him back, though.

#dc #batman rogues #the riddler #platonic #x reader #warning injury #warning whump #warning blood #1000-2000 words #swearing

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

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saturdaze - jaysteph (platonic)

got a request for jay-steph friendship bonding. ask and you shall receive. (inbox is open and waiting for you ;)

“I’d just like to make it completely clear that this is entirely your fault.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one that promised the little devil that we’d look after his dog!”

“He can be very convincing!”

“Getting tricked by a nine-year-old? That’s typical, Steph.”

“I was not tricked and he is thirteen. Look, the kid wanted to go hang out with his little friend and with Alfred away in England what was I supposed to do?”

“Say no like the rest of us.”

Steph let out a frustrated sigh as she flopped down dramatically onto the couch. Jason snorted at her sorry state.

“So are we just gonna stay here and wallow in self-pity while the dog runs amuck around Gotham?”

Steph peeked her eyes to meet the towering figure of Jason.

“Oh, so you care now?”

“I care for my personal safety and that boy is gonna charge us with a katana when he finds out we lost his dog. So get up; we’re going dog-catching.”

“Titus! Here boy!”

Jason made obnoxious kissing noises while waving around a bag of jerky they picked up at a corner store around an hour prior. The two usually would not be out in their costumes at that hour of the day, but these were desperate times. After searching the grounds of Gotham as civilians and coming up empty, they decided they needed to get more creative in their search.

By that point, Steph and Jason had stopped four muggings happening in broad daylight, helped both ducks and an old lady cross a busy street, and accidentally walked into Two Face’s new drug ring while looking through an abandoned warehouse by the docks. But there was no sign of Titus.

Steph pulled up in her motorcycle, parking behind Jason’s. She removed her helmet, revealing a tangled mess of blonde hair.

“No sign of him downtown. Maybe we need to expand out search. Let’s call Dick and see if Bludhaven PD-”

“Steph… maybe-“

Steph threw her helmet at Jason, fueled by her pent up frustration. He caught it as it almost knocked the air out of him.

“No! We still haven’t looked across the river! He could be… we….”

Jason rushed forward as Steph collapsed, landing in his toned arms. He smoothed down her wild hair in an attempt to calm her down.

“Shhh, Blondie. Don’t drive yourself crazy. Let’s just head back to the manor and-“

“No!” Steph shot to her feet and out of Jason’s warm arms.

“No, we have to keep looking. If I can’t even watch a dog right, then why can I be a vigilante with goddamn Batman?”

Jason’s mouth furrows into a deep frown.

“Is that what this is about?”

“No! I… maybe.”

Jason sighs from deep within his diaphragm. He removes his helmet, and Steph can’t help but chuckle at the domino mask underneath.

“Steph… I have never met anyone as pure and dedicated to the well-being of others as you are. I mean, you just spent your whole Saturday combing the city looking for a kid’s dog, not to mention all the people you helped along the way. Hell, you even got me to do it!”

Steph wipes away a stray tear and smiles despite herself. She tentatively meets Jason’s gaze.

“But you barely know me.”

“Kid, I know a good heart when I see one. And if Batman doesn’t want any of that, then fuck him. You could be an outlaw any day of the week. We have more fun, anyway.”

That makes Steph laugh out loud, scaring some pigeons perched overhead.

“Tempting, Hood. But I-”

Suddenly, Jason’s phone starts blaring his obnoxious ringtone, shooing away the last of the pigeons.

He sticks a pointed finger in the air. “Hold that thought.”

“Hello, Hood residence, Red speaking. May I ask who’s calling?”

“Aren’t you guys supposed to be taking care of Titus while Damian is away?”

Bruce’s voice is deep and gruff, like his throat is sore from too many nights as the masked crusader.

“Um, yeah. Well, about that-”

Steph can hear Bruce’s sigh from over the phone.

“Then why is he drooling all over the batcomputer?”

#dc #batfam #jason todd #stephanie brown #jason todd and stephanie brown #platonic #500-1000 words #swearing

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non-rose-fanfic-collection · 11 months

Text

Queerplatonic Riddler x Reader fanfic

Disclaimers:

I am not a good writer. I am simply making this because I am an aroace who loves the Riddler and and desperate for fanfiction that isn't romantic or sexual and I want it to exist in the world.

This is a bit out of character because I am simply not smart enough to write a genius and I am also not very good at riddles.

Some of it is very contrived, in particular the "worldbuilding" had to be crammed into fitting a pattern for reasons, so it is very janky.

Allos are allowed to interact but PLEASE BE MINDFUL THAT THIS ISN'T FOR YOU.

Also I'm English so there may be a couple of covert language differences if you're American (eg: saw a post where apparently in the US "quite" means very whereas here it's much less intense than that)

Rating: Probably teen

Warnings: Swearing (S and F word), whump (hurt reader), violence and injury, implied ableism, near-death experiences, robberies and hostage situations (not very dangerous)

Reader insert info: Oriented aroace, quoiromantic, autistic (hyperfixating on Riddler)

Word count: 5022

Please don't give me loads of criticism I'm not releasing this to improve at writing I'm releasing this because there's no representation.

You sit in your room, reading the Gotham Gazette. A small smile appears on your face; the news keeps talking about the new crime spree, courtesy of the Riddler. You’re lying on your green bedcovers, kicking your feet and giggling. It is quite sad that his latest bank robberies are going to severely affect the economy, but… look at him. He looks so happy in the CCTV footage. His smile is the most precious thing you’ve ever seen. You love the newspaper, as long as you don’t read the articles. There’s a lot of speculation about his mental state, and, while you do agree that his mental state is probably not great, some of the speculation… it wouldn’t feel out of place on an Autism Speaks advert. You use permanent marker and doodle question marks to hide the more offensive articles. With everything that’s left, you cut it out, glaring at the scissors that are leaving jagged edges even though it is probably just a skill issue. You use Blu Tack to stick it onto the board with all of the other articles and pictures, and pick up those which fell off. Five crimes so far. You scan the articles. The names of the locations… there must be something… Classy and Elegant, a store for wedding clothes, with lots of money… House-Dealing Special Princesses, the estate agents for posh people… River Bank Tower, a tower that was a historic location for money laundering and was converted into a tourist attraction… Worshipping Mr Batman, a Batman fan club with a large following, as well as founders who got very rich… and Rose Petal Association, a very wealthy gardeners’ club. The letters… they feel… familiar…

You quickly open Wikipedia. Hands shaking – you don’t know if it’s from nerves or excitement – you search for Elgar’s Enigma Variations. Your eyes widen. Classy and Elegant – C.A.E! House-Dealing Special Princesses – H.D.S-P! R.B.T! W.M.B! R.P.A! His crimes are all after Elgar’s Enigma variations! You’re stimming, at having solved this riddle. But where will he strike next? The next piece… Ysobel…

You open Google Maps. This isn’t simple initials, the piece is named after a full name… You search around, trying to find something that fits Ysobel…

It’s the next day. As usual, it is raining. You’re carrying a green umbrella, and hoping that, if he does show up, he won’t realise that you carved the handle into the shape of a question mark. Anxiety fills you – the establishment which should be the next target, is very… suspicious. Why So Bell, a supposed bell manufacturer which everybody knows is really a front for one of the Joker gangs’ hideouts. You glance around, nervously. There are legitimate shops next door, it should be safe, it should be safe…

You’re hiding in a bush, shaking. It hurts, there are probably lots of bugs, but… you can’t just loiter in the open next to a Joker-affiliated operation, but… you have to see the Riddler’s next crime. Your umbrella is hidden with you in the bush. You’re getting uncomfortably wet. You don’t think your glasses will ever recover from this experience. Half an hour passes, and you watch as people come and go from the buildings. An obvious gang member leaves Why So Bell. You are shaking in the bush as she walks towards you. Does she see you? She’s coming closer. Closer. Closer.

She yanks you out by the tip of your umbrella. You look up at her sheepishly, trembling. She responds by punching you in the face.

You wake up, and your heart leaps as you see your favourite colour, green. Your heart is then filled with terror. The green isn’t from your many pictures of the Riddler, the green is from a massive vat of acid, and you’re dangling right over it. “Who the fuck d’you work for?!” the gang member asks. “N-N-NO-ONE! I’M N-NOT A GANG MEMBER! PLEASE! TH-THERE’S BEEN A TERRIBLE MISUNDERSTANDING!!” you squeak, terrified. The gang members – three of them – laugh at you. “Why were you hiding in that bush?!” a Joker goon shouts at you, as you feel yourself being lowered towards the acid, “You’re a spy, aren’t ya?!” “PLEASE! PLEASE! I W-WASN’T SPYING! PLEASE! I W-WAS… I WAS JUST HIDING IN THE BUSH, W-W-WAITING FOR SOMEONE!!” “Yer lying!”

Your vision is being consumed by green, and not in the usual Riddler hyperfixation way, but in the way that you are about to die. You are whimpering, trying desperately to stammer out an explanation, but there is no way to explain anything in a way that does not make you look like an alloromantic stalker…

Suddenly, the power cuts out. You scream, thinking that this the end. The Joker goons are shouting, confused. There are sounds of a scuffle, and one of their panicked yelling is cut short. The other two are fighting something. “B-Batman?” you shriek, terrified. Every time the Riddler goes to Arkham, he seems to come back worse. If Batman is here, he will surely arrest the Riddler and send him to Arkham yet again. The sounds of the scuffle stop. You wait, hyperventilating. This is very bad, as you are starting to breathe in the fumes of the acid. It’s rather funny that you solved the riddle, and now Batman came here to save you but will surely arrest the Riddler. You can’t help but laugh at the fact that you solved it for Batman, it’s so funny, he’s going to rot in Arkham! Ha! You’re being lifted up, taken away from the green, just like how your hopes of ever seeing the silly green man have gone away! Now you’re being picked up! It’s funny, Batman’s arms seem nowhere near as muscular as they should be! Isn’t it funny that you’re still in the dark, the Dark Knight hasn’t turned the light on, because dark! Ha! Get it? “Ha… I’ve already done the work, Batman!” you laugh. “Don’t compare me to that pathetic man,” your saviour replies. It’s hilarious, you’re such an idiot, you’re stupid! You’re a fool! You’re just as pathetic as Batman! What even is a Bat Man meant to be, anyway? And now, this man is holding you! From what you can see, the glow of the acid is turning his outfit green! Oh, what’s that silly symbol on his outfit?! Haha! The little question marks in your brain, and now there’s a big one on this man’s spandex! Hahaha! You’re an idiot! An idiot who didn’t realise you finally got to meet your hero! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! He thinks you’re so stupid! He can hear you mumbling about how stupid you are, you’re really not helping things, this is so funny, he’s going to hate you! And now, everything’s going dark like your future! Ha! Ha… Ha… Ha…………..

You’re in a hospital bed. Next to you is your umbrella. “You’re awake,” the nurse says, looking at you with concern. “Wh… what happened..?” “Someone found a note leading to you. You were passed out… Joker chemicals…” Your eyes widen. “J-Joker?! Is… are there gonna be lasting effects?!” “You might be more prone to fits of laughter, but that’s all.”

In the evening, you’re released from the hospital. You walk home, holding your umbrella. You feel an irregularity on the handle, and carefully take your finger away from it. Your heart leaps; there, on the handle… a small question mark, engraved into the wood. You stand there for a little while, shaking, your mouth open in what could be a smile. What could this mean?

You return home, giggling. You walked past Troyte Bank on the way, Troyte being the next piece in the Enigma variations. There also seems to be a pattern to the timing of the robberies – the next is going to be at some point between 1 and 1:30. You’re shaking. You could go to the bank at 1. You… you could see him… you could be in the bank while it’s being robbed… a bank robbery would be very scary, but you could see him! Being an innocent bystander in one of the Riddler’s very own crimes… the thought makes you giddy with excitement. You’re giggling again; the exposure to the fumes of the Joker chemical has evidently given you this new habit. You sound like a teenage girl talking with friends about a cute boy. Your laughter turns more nervous. What will people think when they hear your giggling? They’ll think you’re weird…

They already do, though…

It’s 1PM. You step into the bank from the rain of Gotham, clutching your umbrella, biting your lip to stop yourself from giggling. You loiter near the side, doing your best to not look suspicious, waiting for him… After three minutes, the door opens, and five goons holding machine guns enter the building, along with him. The Riddler, wearing his iconic green spandex, with the purple belt, and the large black question mark on the front. There are little question marks in lines down the sides of the arms and legs. He’s wearing his mask and gloves, of matching shades of purple. The spandex… doesn’t leave much to the imagination. You can tell that he is quite muscular, although not nearly as muscular as people renowned for strength, such as Batman. “I’m tough and elastic, but you have left! O! What am I? A robbery!” he exclaims, gleefully. You can’t help but smile at his wide grin. He twirls his cane as the gunmen usher everyone in the bank to the side. The gunmen tell everyone to kneel, and you kneel down, clutching your umbrella. An old man grunts from having to kneel. The Riddler looks at the group. “Tell you what. Anyone who can answer any riddles will be allowed to stand up!” he says, taking out some cards from within his belt and giving them to one of his goons, whispering instructions for the order they get distributed in. He and two of the goons walk into the vault, and are presumably taking the loot, while one of the goons points his gun at the bank staff, one points his gun at the group, and the last one is handing out the riddles. You receive your card with the riddle on it. You read the riddle: What can be gentle as the wind, or as all-consuming as fire, as strong as a mountain, as beautiful as a sapphire? “Is it love?” you ask shyly, before he has even finished handing out the riddles. He walks over to you, and reads the riddle. After a little pause, he grunts and nods, and walks off. You start to stand up, and glance at the old man next to you who is struggling. “The answer’s water,” you murmur in his ear. He rereads the riddle, and then gives his answer to the goon, who has now finished handing out the riddles. He is allowed to stand, and you wait for the goons to glance away, then give another person an answer. “My, my, you’re very good at solving other peoples’ riddles, aren’t you?” a soft voice says in your ear. You squeak. It’s him. You can feel yourself trembling nervously, he’s so close, he has a smirk on his face. The Riddler gives you a wink, and moves away. He leaves with the goons and the loot he has stolen.

That night, you go home, shaking. You’re filled with emotions, and they’re scaring you. You… you think you might… love him… you’re not sure what kind of attraction you feel… and it’s scary. He means a lot to you, and you want him to know how you feel, but you don’t even really know how you feel. You go and print out the page for Oriented Aroace on the LGBTQIA Wiki. You get out a pen and paper, and start making a diagram, with some bars, each corresponding to a different type of attraction, the main ones you can think of. For the bar about sexual attraction, you can easily put NO in capital letters. For sensual attraction, you fill it quite high. You pause, and decide to write definitions for the types of attraction. You reach romantic attraction, and hesitate. What is romantic attraction? Romance is entirely a social construct… how does one define it? After a minute of trying to think, you just fill it with question marks and print out the wiki page for quoiromantic. You start writing: “I don’t know what romantic attraction is meant to feel like. I don’t feel it usually, but you make me feel something I’ve never felt before, and I can’t tell if it’s a cross between hyperfixation and alterous attraction, or if this is what romance feels like.” You glare at the paper. You genuinely can’t tell if it’s you finally feeling romantic attraction for one person, or if it’s internalised amatonormativity and you’re just hyperfixating and have tertiary attractions. All you know is… that you love him…

The next day – another rainy one - is here. You’re loitering inside Without Nines, a casino, when he comes in, with several gunmen. There are also two women, dressed in spandex with question marks – Query and Echo. The Riddler is wearing a very dapper green suit with black question marks, along with a purple and blue waistcoat with question mark shapes. His light green tie is embroidered with purple question marks, and he wears a green bowler hat with a purple ribbon and a black question mark, the colours matching the rest of his outfit. His shirt is black, and he wears purple gloves and his purple mask. A little smile plays upon his face as everyone in the casino immediately panics, at his mercy. Guards immediately try to fight him, but the gunmen fire some warning shots. “Ah ah ah! I’m going to take a hostage! And if you don’t let me take the money, you’ll find yourselves riddled with bullets!” he says, smiling smugly. Your heart leaps as he starts walking straight towards you. You let out a little squeak as he hooks his cane around your arm, and pulls you towards him. You’re shaking, and do a little giggle, nervous. This is it. He’s noticed you. He’s taken you hostage. And all you can do is giggle like a lunatic. The Riddler is giggling slightly, as he unhooks his cane from your arm, and puts his arm around your shoulders, pointing the cane under your throat threateningly. You can feel the cold metal against your neck. With some of his goons following, he walks through the casino, holding you close to him, letting everyone know that he could kill you if they don’t let him rob the place. And yet, he gives you a gentle squeeze, and something tells you that he isn’t going to hurt you. Query and Echo force a staff member to open the vault.

He lets out a giggle as the group walk into the vault. You let out a little gasp as you see how much money there is. The Riddler chuckles. “Impressed?” he says in your ear with a low voice. He walks in front of you, and looks at your awestruck face. You’re trembling, he’s looking at you, all you can do is stare at the money like an idiot. He giggles. “Alright, then. Looting this place might take a while, so we may as well get comfortable,” he says, a smile on his lips. The regular gunmen start taking the money, while Query and Echo stay on guard at the vault’s entrance. The Riddler puts his hand on your shoulder and pushes down to make you sit on the floor. You let out a little giggle. He sits down, facing you, and holds his cane, resting it against your neck, presumably to establish some threat. “Well, then. Riddle me this. Why hasn’t Batman caught me yet?” he asks. You squeak delightedly when he says it. He laughs a little, a laugh that makes your heart feel so light. He looks happy. “Go on. I’ve seen you three times, now. You’ve solved my riddle…” he says, leaning in. “Not just anyone can do that.” You start giggling uncontrollably. You feel light. He leans back a bit, waiting for you to regain your composure. “Are you always this giggly? Is it from the Joker chemicals? Or… maybe… just maybe… is it only when you see me?” he asks, winking. You giggle more. “Ha! Ha! Hahahahaha! It’s J-J-Joker… ha! Joker chemicals! Ha ha!” you laugh. He looks at you, sympathetic, and puts a hand on your shoulder. Your giggling gets worse, and you feel yourself blushing, and he immediately pulls his hand away. He waits quietly for you to calm down, as his men continue emptying the vault. He pulls you to your feet, and whispers into your ear. “I only have two more robberies in this plan. That’s the… initial… idea…” he whispers. He’s so close to you, you can feel his breath on your ear. He gives a flamboyant twirl of his cane, and holds you menacingly again, putting his cane back to your throat. “Well then, my little hostage, it’s soon time for me to set you free,” he says, giving his handsome smile. You giggle, and blush slightly. You’re looking up at him, and he looks down at you. He lets out a little laugh. “You’re rather adorable,” he says. You squeak, and blush much more. He giggles. “Well, I’ll give you some time to regain your composure, haha,” he says, backing away slightly. You take deep breaths, and eventually calm down. He holds you again, and the group leaves the vault. He places you back with the other civilians, and moves away, his demeanour much more menacing… “Alright! And, just to seal this wondrous little robbery, everyone will give me one of their valuables!” he says, laughing. He looks so happy… you can’t help but smile… He takes peoples’ necklaces as they tremble, a pair of earrings, some fancy brooches… he reaches you, and smiles. You already know what he wants, and you shyly hold the umbrella. Your eyes meet as he wraps his hand around the handle, your grip lingering. He takes it from you, giggling, and continues taking other peoples’ valuables.

The next day, you’re walking through the streets of Gotham, giggling excitedly. Today is going to be the day you come out to him. You spent yesterday evening getting ready to tell him, getting ready to speak. You’ve simplified your explanation considerably. You can’t help but giggle at the fact that you’re going to see him, and tell him everything… maybe… maybe he was impressed by your ability to predict his crimes when even Batman couldn’t… “Hey, what’s that dumb smile on your face for?!” a menacing voice says. A gang of thugs surrounds you. You go pale. “Well? Why you giggling? You think you’re the Joker or some shit?!” he shouts. You look around, desperate for help. Citizens are walking away, only glancing for some spectacle. A furtive woman in a green coat opens her phone and points it at you – is she going to record this?! “Uh, heehee, I, I d-don’t wanna f-fight… it’s… ha… I inhaled some Joker fumes… p-please… haha… don’t h-hurt me…” “You won’t be smiling when we’re done with you!” a thug says, elbowing you in the abdomen and sending you staggering back. Tears are streaming down your face. You’re missing the Riddler’s robbery, surely he’ll think you’re an idiot, he’s going to hate you- you’re punched in the face, and sobbing. They keep punching you, keep kicking you, keep kicking you. Whack. Whack. Whack. It hurts. You feebly try to hold up your arms to block their blows, but they easily shatter your defences. You’re bleeding now. It hurts so much. They kick your legs, and you crash down to the ground, crying. They get their weapons out… one of them has a hammer… You can hear the crunch of your bones as your legs shatter. You can only whimper as one gets out her knife, and stabs you in the abdomen. You’re screaming. “PLEASE STOP! I D-D-DIDN’T DO ANYTHING TO YOU!!” you cry as they keep hitting you. Your vision goes black. This is it, you’re going to die… “LEAVE THEM ALONE!” a voice shouts. They stop, tense. Your head is bleeding, you can’t think straight, but… it sounds… familiar… Your vision is lit up with blue, as something fires electricity at the thugs. They shriek, and run away, leaving you. There are murmurs among the onlookers. You can feel hands slide underneath your body, as your saviour picks you up. He’s walking quickly. “Hey… hey… please… please talk to me…” he says. Your vision is starting to return, and you can see the Riddler, tears streaming down his face. “Sorry…” you say weakly. “It’s alright, it’s alright, none of this is your fault, please don’t apologise for anything, you will be safe,” he says, voice cracking. “I w-was gonna be there… I… I promise I’m not stupid…” “Oh… oh, baby… I already know you’re not stupid. Shh… everything’s going to be okay…” he says, holding you close as he walks. He is thinking. “Alright… you need me on the fairway, you need me for luck, but when you have me you’re well and truly fucked, what am I?” “Uh… uh… uh… a… a stroke?” you answer. He strokes your hair with his soft hands. He’s wearing a green suit, this time with a purple shirt that’s only buttoned 2/3 of the way, showing off his chest and collarbones. His hat is at a jaunty – no, messy – angle, and his mask is streaked with tears.

He enters a building. You can’t read the sign, but you can tell the initials are E.D.U. It’s dark, this building must be a repurposed warehouse. It’s quiet, except for your whimpering, and his heavy breathing, and quick footsteps. He continues stroking your hair, his hands shaking. He sets you down, and rolls up your shirt, and you can hear his sharp intake of breath. “Uh… okay… this looks bad… I’m going to have to stitch your wound…” he says. You shudder, and he picks you up. “It’s going to be okay… I promise.” He rushes into the bathroom, lays you into the bathtub and turns the tap on, rinsing the wound under the water. He gives your hair a pat, and starts preparing his first aid equipment, sterilising a needle and thread. He holds your hand, and cleans your wound as you whimper. He takes you out of the bathtub, and lays you down, using a towel to dry you. “Listen, you’ll be okay, I promise,” he says. He starts rubbing some cream around your wound, and you feel yourself going numb. He starts stitching, and you’re crying. “Shh… shh… uh… what’s so fragile that saying its name breaks it?” “S-s-silence…” you respond. He nods, and keeps stitching. “You’re a smart cookie, you know?” His words make your heart leap. He keeps stitching. “I do mean it. I really do… I’m almost done with the stitches…” After what feels like an eternity, he finishes, and smiles at you, taking his gloves off. “The worst bit’s over,” he says, stroking your hair. He bandages the area. Now that the worst part is over, you start to appreciate the softness of his hands. You realise he is wearing green nail polish, with a purple question mark on each finger. He finishes bandaging you. “All done!” he says, giving you a headpat, making you giggle. He gives you a warm smile. Your giggling dies down as the exhaustion starts to really hit you. You pass out.

When you open your eyes, you’ve been tucked into a soft, green bed, covered in purple question marks. “You’re awake!” he says, reminiscent of a puppy who just saw a friend. On top of his outfit from before, he’s wearing a knitted jumper, green with purple question marks, it looks so soft. You’re still in pain, but you blush a little, as he reaches out with his hand, then pauses. “Um, would it be comforting if I held your hand?” Your heart leaps, and you nod, giggling. He gently takes your hand in his, and smiles softly. It’s so soft, it distracts you from some of the sharp pain you feel all over your body. “Um… th-thank you…” you mumble. “Hey. I had to save you, you’re like a good luck charm at this point. It… it’s not right when you’re not there,” he says softly, stroking your hand gently. You squeak, giggling. He looks at you, a little smile on his face. “So why do you keep following me? Is it gratitude for me saving you from Joker’s gang? Are you trying to prove your intelligence against the smartest man in Gotham? Or maybe… something else?” he asks in his soft voice, winking at the end. You giggle nervously, trying to collect yourself. “I… I… heehee… hahaha… you’re… hahahahaha…” You’re shaking, nervous, and he can tell. He gently strokes your hand, a comforting smile on his face. “It’s okay… take your time…” “Ha… ha… haha… YOU’RE MY SPECIAL INTEREST!” you blurt out. His eyes are wide, and he looks very surprised. You laugh nervously. “Like autism?” he asks, his smile widening. You nod, cursing yourself for being so blunt and probably making a fool of yourself – he’s smiling wide and crying tears of joy. His leg is bouncing. “Hahahaha I need to come out hahahahaha I’m an oriented aroace I hahahaha don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction but I’m feeling other types of attraction to you,” you say, shaking. He has a little pause of processing this, and smiles. “Hey, you’re valid! So, uh, what other types of attraction do you feel?” he asks, giving a good-natured smile. “Hahahaha I feel sensual attraction where I want to touch you and I feel alterous attraction which is uh it’s an emotion attraction that isn’t exclusively romantic or platonic haha and maybe I feel aesthetic attraction hahahaha,” you say, trembling. He grins, and giggles. “You’re quite the riddle, aren’t you? I’ve taken quite a liking to you,” he says, his smile lighting up your world. The way his eyes light up fills your heart with joy. He gives your hand a gentle squeeze. “You’re so precious. Seriously, you’re one of the most adorable people ever. Seeing you during my crimes… well, now I know how Ozzie feels about seeing birds. You’re like… a little friend…” You let out a squeak, and he laughs. “You’re so cute… may I put my hand on your face?” he says. You nod, giggling, as he cups your head in his hands. “How do you feel about eye contact?” he asks. “Haha! I’m okay making eye contact with people I like!” you respond. There is a pause, as he slowly moves his eyes towards you.

“And… do you… like me?” he asks.

You look into his eyes. Both of you giggle. He gently strokes your hair. “Is this okay, d… may I call you dear?” Your heart leaps, and your mouth hangs open in disbelief. “Haha! I, ha, uh, haha it’s okay! Ha… uh… haha… what… w-what’s… what… what are we?” you ask, blushing slightly. There is a pause, as he thinks. “You seem to be my biggest fan, and I find you simply adorable. I’ll do anything to make you feel comfortable. I’ll look after you… Batman almost caught me last time, so I have plenty of free time…” “What… what happened? Wh-what did I miss?” You feel a little sting at the memory. The pain is coming back, and you can feel tears forming. He wipes the tears from your eyes. “I started the robbery… everything was in place, I had the plan, but… it didn’t feel the same, without you. What takes deep hold and becomes every day, and without it the tree will fall?” “Uh… root… routine?” “Exactly. Seeing you, it’s become part of my routine… you hold a place in my heart… I… my plans, I started planning for you…” You look at him, in awe. Somehow, the biggest genius ever, your hero… has been thinking about you. “Wow…” is all you can say. You’re not even giggling anymore, you’re just repeating the word. He ruffles your hair. “We Rogues, not many people like us. It’s been a long time since I’ve had such a devoted fan… and you solved my plan faster than Batman… you can understand how much that means to me, right?” he says, seeming… nervous? The confidence is gone, he looks… anxious… like he needs reassurance. “You’re… haha… my… ha-ha-hero…” you say. His eyes light up, and he nods his head rapidly. “Um… is it alright if I give you a kiss on the forehead?” he asks. You nod, and start giggling again, as he gently puts his hand behind your head. He gives you a soft kiss on the forehead, making sure to avoid the bandage which you finally notice. He’s so gentle, and the tender kiss is taking away the pain you feel. He lets go, and looks down, into your wide eyes. “With skill, I am paid to save. What am I?” “… Protect?” He nods. “I want to protect you… you’re… you’re too precious. I’ll find the people who did this to you…” he says, wrapping his arms around you, looking into your eyes to gauge your reaction. You have a tired look in your eyes, as you lean into him. “I… I have something for you…” He reaches down, and holds your umbrella. Your crude attempt of carving the handle into a question mark shape has now been greatly polished, but most importantly, it has been covered in vibrantly-coloured question marks. “It’s… beautiful…” “A beautiful umbrella for a beautiful mind, from an even more beautiful mind,” he says, as you relax in his arms and make a contented little humming noise. He gently strokes your hair, and you fall asleep in the Riddler’s arms, your head buried in his chest.

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