queenoflongshot-blog

[queenoflongshot-blog]

#reminders

[queenoflongshot-blog]

Look, no matter what path you choose, it’ll be stressful either way.  So pick and choose what you’ll stress out about.  You can’t quite possibly stress out over everything.  Choose stresses that will help you, not break you.

#reminders

[queenoflongshot-blog]

#reminders

[queenoflongshot-blog]

Fall in love with yourself ❤️

#reminders #growth #patience

[queenoflongshot-blog]

You are strong.  Remember that.  Nothing can tear you apart if you don’t let it.

#vulnerable #reminders

[queenoflongshot-blog]

#positivity #quotes #life quotes

[queenoflongshot-blog]

I certainly didn't know this abuse was going on. When my sister more or less left home when she was 15, all-but living with a neighbour, and officially left home never to be seen again at age 17, all I could think was, "What's her problem?" And it never occurred to me to wonder where my own depression, suicide attempt and constant suicide thoughts, and eating disorder, had come from. We just internalise the stress, and think it's us that's wrong, and horrible, and maybe even crazy. This is assisted by the fact that our Narcissistic Mothers and Enabling Fathers tell us that we're crazy! Maybe not in as many words (although often, yes, in as many words), but every time they gaslight us to tell us our memory and perceptions are mistaken, it's effectively saying we're crazy. On my last conversation with my mother she told me patronisingly that I had a very good imagination - the inference being that I was totally imagining all of what I was saying. We maybe still think our mother loves us because she tells us she does, and we don't know any better to realise that normally love doesn't manifest in such sly put-downs, such undermining, such neglect. And of course our culture tells us, loud and clear and over and over, that our mother loves us, and that we need to love her. And because of this, our friends just don't - cannot - understand any of this, and that's lonely too. And we believe we love her because, well, that's what daughters do. And as normal loving girls we crave to love. The heritage of being a Daughter with a Narcissistic Mother just goes on and on - I've heard it described, bitterly, as the gift that keeps on giving. We feel we cannot be our authentic true selves, even assuming we can figure out who that authentic self even is. We suffer from low self-esteem, often to the level of self-loathing, and we struggle with self-care. We almost certainly cannot love ourselves, and all this is evidenced by our negative self-talk. We may believe we have no right to exist, and almost certainly feel that we're never good enough, that we're not acceptable, that at some deep down level we're inherently flawed. We either are forever self-sabotaging, or burdened with impossible perfectionism. Although there is often euphoria when we make this discovery about NPD, as we realise we're not crazy, that can be quickly followed by anger, grief and bereavement, sadness, shame and guilt, and maybe even hatred. We're weary of our successes being dismissed as of absolutely no interest to them, or worse, even sneered at and undermined. And we're equally fed up of our tragedies being used as drama-queen fodder. We perhaps still always feel like a little girl, and we're probably scared to own, or access, our own power - and that keeps us feeling powerless too. We've had years of being told we're too sensitive, and possibly we are, now. We have difficulty setting boundaries, whether that's with our family or with others. We may well be overly fearful of authority figures, or people being angry with us. We worry about whether we ourselves are narcissistic. We may have body issues - either being overweight, or terrified of gaining weight. We may find ourselves still experiencing huge fear of her, no matter how old we are or how assertive in other parts of our lives. We may find that we're still trying - in vain, of course - to get her approval, or to get her attention. We may want to severely limit our contact with her, but aren't sure how she will respond to that - will it make it worse for us? Or, even more, we might want to cut off all contact- but be worried and confused about the impact of that. We no doubt have difficulties in forming relationships, or maybe we're attracted to unhealthy and abusive relationships. We have a constant fear of abandonment, and huge trust issues. We carry a constant feeling that the world isn't safe. We also have massive issues around deserving. Deep down we may feel that we don't deserve good things, or good relationships, or even that we don't deserve to heal. We may also have beliefs around healing that healing means she gets away with it, for example, which block us, or the belief that being unhappy is a badge of proof that this happened. A lot of Daughters with Narcissistic Mothers also have huge difficulty saying nice things about themselves, or celebrating their own successes. We no doubt have limiting beliefs. They vary from woman to woman but could be things like: It's not safe to be successful, or, I have to be quiet and not cause any trouble. The thing about these beliefs is that often they're so deep down that we don't even know they're there - but they're running, and often ruining, our lives. EFT is terrific for a) identifying and b) erasing these false and limiting beliefs. We may feel the burden of keeping family secrets, and feel guilt and shame around those. We are torn between cutting off all contact - but that's such a big decision, with so many implications around her, and our wider family, and wider society too - and having to deal with her on a regular basis. We doubt our own abilities to be mothers in our turn. It's not surprising when we had no positive role-models. How do we even begin? Are we going to be the same kind of mother as she was? And then, once we are mothers, we have to deal with our narcissistic mother as a grandmother. That brings a whole new heap of conflict and dilemma. No wonder we wryly call NPD the gift that keeps on giving.

Daughters With Narcissistic Mothers

#Daughters With Narcissistic Mothers #personal #i felt every word of this #depression #anxiety #toxic family

[queenoflongshot-blog]

“and at some point I thought to myself: ‘no person deserves this,’ and I realized that includes even me.”

—

why I left

w.j.

#personal #toxic family

[queenoflongshot-blog]

The minute you decide you want better for yourself is the minute the entire universe begins to shift in your favour.

(via yourvisionboard)

#personal

[queenoflongshot-blog]

see it for what it is.

& it is what it is.

it’s not your job to fix other people.

#personal #anxiety #depression

[queenoflongshot-blog]

i always thought my dad didn’t know the severity of my mother’s abuse.  i’m not sure why i thought that way...perhaps because he didn’t do anything or whenever I brought it up he’d shrug it off.  but i can see it now that he is an extension of the abuse, he is an enabler.  when my mother takes out her anger on him, he deflects and redirects the problem to me.  because i’m not enough.  i’m selfish.  but the fact of the matter is, it was and is never my fault.  i didn’t do anything to cause them the problem that they are in right now.  i wasn’t a bad child, in fact i lived every day for them.  the problem is...every time i am successful, they are scared because i am living proof that they have been stagnant in the last 30 years.

#abuse #toxic family #personal #rant #anxiety #depression

[queenoflongshot-blog]

if their actions are unacceptable.  why are you accepting them?  

#questions #personal #life #growth #abuse #toxic family

[queenoflongshot-blog]

You can love someone and still choose to say goodbye. You can miss someone everyday and still be glad that they're no longer in your life.

Tara Westover

#educated #tara westover #quotes #life #personal #truth #dysfunctional family #abuse #anxiety #depression #love

[queenoflongshot-blog]

...but I was the queen of longshots.

#educated #tara westover #queen of longshot #quotes #motivation #depression #anxiety