quillscratchings

[quillscratchings]

we saved you (some)

It would be far easier, I think, to succumb. To give up on the painful and the exhausting and the cold and embrace the gentle warmth of the end.

But then she knocks on my door and asks if I want her company, not out of pity, but because she wants mine. And I think I must fight on.

It would be easier to stop pushing the boulder up the hill, I think. To let it fall and crush my bones on the way down.

But then he puts a hot mug in my hand, knowing he’ll spill it over himself but doing it anyway. And I think I must fight on.

The pit in my stomach is cavernous and calling.

But then he scrolls past an old picture of me on his phone - proving to a friend, he says, that I used to the blonde. I am not forgotten when I am not there. And I think I must fight on.

The sky is falling down on top of me and I am trapped beneath its weight.

And then they point to a box with some chocolates. We saved you some, they say. We know they’re your favorites. How did your essay go? It must have been hard. No, you stay there, settle in and get warm. I’ll put the kettle on.

And the weight does not lessen, but I am strong enough to hold it up this time. And I think I must fight on.

#poetry #poem #spilled ink #literature #and so i must still have hope

[quillscratchings]

rage is a privilege lost on you

sometimes i think I would give anything

to heave and spit and be dragged

kicking and screaming

away from you

to feel the band around my chest snap

and the lock on my tongue give way

all the restrains crack and open and

break

but instead -

i sit and i listen and i nod my head

i swallow and swallow as the world turns red

and when it’s all over i’ll run back to my bed

scream into my pillow with a stomach of lead

dreaming of all of the words i wish i had said

#poetry #spilled ink #poetsandwriters #short poetry #feminist poetry #poetry snippets #literature #feminism

[quillscratchings]

family is made of mushrooms and fraying string

An ugly, knotted, fraying piece of string trying desperately to be a bracelet tied around a friend’s wrist. They said they were just happy to wear something I had made.

A mango smoothie that makes me shiver and pull the hoodie that isn’t mine tighter around me. I do not zip it up. I want to lose myself in the layers.

A pan of mushrooms sat on someone else’s bedroom floor. Too much cumin for her tongue. It’s just right for me. An endless list of tiny sacrifices that I will never have enough thank you’s for.

A cup of tea made by a flatmate next to a spoon and a jug of milk in case he hadn’t made it right. He had. It was perfect.

#poetry #queer poetry #queerplatonic #queer love #young poets #poets corner #short poetry #sapphic poetry #wlw #lgbtq #lgbtq poetry #spilled ink

[quillscratchings]

two years

t’s been two years today

did you know that?

i doubt it.

i buried myself deep in your chest

and felt safe, embraced by your ribcage

with every beat of your heart i would inhale

but somehow love stagnated into rage

all lives have mile markers

you are one of mine

all the fire and glee you caused me

knowing we were running out of time

some days i thought i hated you

some nights i wanted to try

now i’m over it, i promise

(don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry)

it’s been two years today

did you know that?

i hope so.

please know that.

#poetry #poem #poetsandwriters #queer poetry #sapphic poetry #wlw poetry #melancholy poetry #dark academia #two days #two months

[quillscratchings]

two months

the air has grown stale with silence

and yet i stay at the door

watching, waiting

hoping

unspoken promises i held in my chest

have torn their way from my ribs

there wasnt enough time

and now there is too much

the clock behind my eyes

will never stop ticking

i look to the skies, albeit a fraud

i beg

you cannot hear

even if you did

i am no longer certain you would care

you talk about fire as if

she still holds the strings you use to dance

but all you can do is gaze at the dandelion

and leave me to rot in the ground

amid shards of broken glass

the ache in my chest is unique

i thought i had a shoulder but

all i have now

is distance

#poetry #poem #poetsandwriters #sapphic poetry #queer poetry #dark academia #melancholy poetry #short poetry

[quillscratchings]

two days

the sun has set twice on our embrace

and yet the space between us

already threatens to pull me in

i knew your smile like i know

the sound of my own bones

although you were too afraid to hear it

i used you as a boomerang and each time

you forgave and buried

the earth you used still pulls at me

magnets at my shoulders

the scent of revolution in the air

met with the quiet of sorrow

i am selfish

i ask

you give

and i cannot respond

for you have the mind of a soldier

the heart of a king

and the soul of a burning star

du gata vrangr

i have only a mouth

and you have but ears and hands

warmth is nothing if not next to you

you are a diamond

and i wore you

like you were cut glass

the gravel crunches and sinks

and the wind rushes by

but you aren’t here

the sun is setting

the horizon bleeds; your silhouette

is burned into my skull

i am lonely and so i close my eyes

i pulled you on a string made of sin

and you were blinded by the light

but i cannot regret it

and though times have changed

the moon you see up there

is the same one i have seen

wait for me

i miss you

#poetry #poem #melancholy poetry #poetsandwriters #short poetry #dark academia #sapphic poetry #queer poetry

[quillscratchings]

altar

you told me my body is a temple but i disagreed.

my body was a weapon you have used against me.

my skin a record of every time you won.

my insides the outcome of a choice i did not get to make.

you wielded my ears to deafen and my mouth to remain closed.

you used my eyes to fill me with grief and sadness and hurt.

you have willed me to despise the inside and the out.

my body is a temple, and it is not to you or your god. i will wield my own grief and pain and rage. you will find no welcome altar here.

#poetry #poem #poetsandwriters #short poetry #poetry snippets #spilledink #spilled ink #queer poetry #tw self harm reference #dark academia poetry