sad-girl-diaries

[sad-girl-diaries]

“It's taboo to admit that you're lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven't left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you're not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are. A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn't transition well to adult life, that you'd fall right through the cracks. And look at you now, it's happening.”

[sad-girl-diaries]

the worst part of having all guy friends is sometimes they really do just shut anything fun down without realizing it

[sad-girl-diaries]

@ all aromantic, cupioromantic, arospec people

is it normal to feel like you're getting hit by a bus when you realize you're arospec

because like

there's such this societal emphasis on romance, it's everywhere, everything and everyone is always talking about finding the one, finding your soulmate, etc

and like how many story plots have some sort of "love saves everything" "true love conquers all" "we'll be ok bc we have each other" message

and now i realize i can't have that

like obviously i know it's more nuanced than that. plenty of arospec people have relationships and that there are more types of love and intimacy than just the romantic type.

i know that I'll find happiness eventually and that it doesn't necessarily have to be in a romantic relationship

i understand all of that

but like right now, it stings and hurts and it feels like everything is falling apart

i know there's more to life than finding ur true love, but that was always like *THE THING* that society promised would make me happy and now i just can't have that thing

i don't even know the details of how i feel, but i know im arospec and right now i just feel weird

is this normal and also if anyone felt this how did u get over/through it

also this is a sideblog so I can't really respond to comments or anything

#boost #please i am struggling out here #aromantic #cupioromantic #aroace #arospec #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt advice

[sad-girl-diaries]

@ all aromantic, cupioromantic, arospec people

is it normal to feel like you're getting hit by a bus when you realize you're arospec

because like

there's such this societal emphasis on romance, it's everywhere, everything and everyone is always talking about finding the one, finding your soulmate, etc

and like how many story plots have some sort of "love saves everything" "true love conquers all" "we'll be ok bc we have each other" message

and now i realize i can't have that

like obviously i know it's more nuanced than that. plenty of arospec people have relationships and that there are more types of love and intimacy than just the romantic type.

i know that I'll find happiness eventually and that it doesn't necessarily have to be in a romantic relationship

i understand all of that

but like right now, it stings and hurts and it feels like everything is falling apart

i know there's more to life than finding ur true love, but that was always like *THE THING* that society promised would make me happy and now i just can't have that thing

i don't even know the details of how i feel, but i know im arospec and right now i just feel weird

is this normal and also if anyone felt this how did u get over/through it

also this is a sideblog so I can't really respond to comments or anything

#aromantic #cupioromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #cupioaroace #lgbtqia #greyromantic #demiromantic #lgbtq #lgbtq community

[sad-girl-diaries]

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too.”

— Ernst Hemingway

[sad-girl-diaries]

i genuinely just feel so isolated in this world

[sad-girl-diaries]

i don't understand why i am so unlovable, like

literally when i was a child, my father took so long to be able to hug me and i was so young, i couldn't even comprehend why.

four people have ever had feelings for me. two people said they'd never ask me out because i was out of their league. which is flattering in theory, but it's just not. and one of them ended up messing with me and making me full-on fall in love with them, only to end up telling me that they wouldn't ever go out with me.

as for the other two. one was a really shitty person and im not that desperate. and the other i dated for like three months and realized that i didn't feel the same way.

and it's not even like i want a girlfriend or a boyfriend or a significant other. i just want to feel loved by anyone.

i've never had a best friend before. ever. i've always been "one of the best friends", but i wasn't close enough to be a best friend.

several people who i loved ended up completely screwing me over and ditching me because i was just an easy person to use because i'll let anyone treat me like shit if it means that 90% of the time they act like they care

i literally shake whenever someone hugs me

it's been like this all my life

i just don't get it, i don't understand because it's been like this my entire life, i don't know what i did

when i was small, i had a severe speech impediment from a cleft palate and i just did not get that people didn't want to be around me because of the way i spoke

and now years later, even though it's gone now, people still don't like being around me, and i never learned how to make connections with people

and it feels like i am just forever destined to be unloved and alone

and it is agonizing

[sad-girl-diaries]

agony

[sad-girl-diaries]

holy shit everyone's always going to have someone they care about more it just doesn't even matter anymore

[sad-girl-diaries]

the world has genuinely convinced me that no one will ever love me

[sad-girl-diaries]

I blog for the girls who cry on their birthdays and lose a little bit of themselves during the summer months

[sad-girl-diaries]

when i was 15 my mom told me no one would ever love me because my personality was too unlikeable and so far she's been right i think

[sad-girl-diaries]

Why do I put myself into this pain when I know I will be the only one hurt and sad?

[sad-girl-diaries]

i hate the world

#crush on a straight girl #me when i have a crush on a straight girl #why #wlw

[sad-girl-diaries]

the world hates me

i finally got over my crush of almost 3 years, it was on one of my best friends and he just simply did not feel the same way and i respected that, but the feelings didn't go away because my brain is fucking stupid

but honestly, liking him was a lot fucking better than liking a straight girl who has a boyfriend so yeah fuck my entire fucking life

#me when i have a crush on a straight girl #she has a boyfriend #she could be doing so much better #hes such an idiot #fuck my fucking life #i hate everything

[sad-girl-diaries]

man im so fucking tired

[sad-girl-diaries]

my gap year

one year ago today, i graduated high school

literally days before graduating, i almost failed high school because I had an F in algebra and I managed to slide by with a D

I never qualified for any scholarships, I never went to college and honestly I never planned on going to college

So I just told everyone I was taking a gap year so that everyone would leave me alone and not ask me about my plans

My two goals were to learn to drive and to get a job and I did neither. I was learning how to drive but the one person in the entire world who I know could teach me stopped having the time to teach me and because of where I live I am unable to get a job without learning how to drive

So I've been stuck at home unable to do literally anything with my life for the past year

I joke that I have all of the free time in the world and that I'll never have this much time to simply do whatever again, but i simply have not had the motivation to do anything. I spend most of my days staring at the ceiling because i am just unable to do anything, I am literally trapped at home by the fact that I live in a rural area, I can't just walk to go see someone or get a job or anything, there is nothing within about a 15 minute drive around me.

And my friends have been supportive and understanding of me. They keep telling me that my time will come and there's no correct pace to get things done at

And I know they're right

but still it's all just so hard

i don't know

#gap year #high school #ahhhhh #i hate everything #stress