satbytheriver

[satbytheriver]

So I found Aaron Bushnell's reddit and went through his comments/posts. That young man was well read and stable as they can be. Nothing in his writings pointed to someone who was "unstable" or "brainwashed".

He held leftist and anarchist ideals. He belong to the ACAB subreddit. He recognized the evil of the US Military even though he himself was a part of it. He hated TERFS and called out fatphobia. He understood the dangers of white supremecy and the evils of capitalism.

He had a cat. He liked the show fleabag and played elden ring.

Apparently in his will he wants to leave any money in his name to palestinian relief funds. He was trying to find a new owner for his cat.

Rest in peace Aaron Bushnell. The world won't forget & we sure as fuck won't let the media paint you out to be some crazy conspiracy theorist who had no idea what he was doing.

[satbytheriver]

It’s not often that I meet someone and think I want them in my life for the rest of my life. It was hard for me to find a way to make people fit in my existing fabric of life but almost 8 months with you and I guess I have moved some patterns and rituals because I have already decided that I want you in that limited space. I’ve lived my entire life very quietly, but ever since meeting you, I have realized that I want to sit in the sun more often. However my life unfolds, I want to live it. I hope you know that. I have had favorite memories throughout my entire life but I have never had comforting memories except with you, of course. Now that I think of those mornings that I walked with you, I feel sufficient. It may have not been a lot for someone looking from afar, but I have had the best conversations during that borrowed time. They say memory is punishment, clearly they haven’t spent time with you. My life was always eventful with you, remember when we joked about it? How we always went hunting people? Those are good memories to me. I hope it is to you as well. I wish I had said this to you in person, you inspire me in so many aspects of life. From those little reminder notes on your desk, and the clean desk of yours to your valuable organization skills. I have always been in awe of that. I liked that you were generous with a margin. I wish to have that someday. You are comfort in a person. You made me feel like it cannot be a mistake, or an error to have cared, however simple something was. You made me want to be tender to myself. To exist with you seemed effortless to me. I truly wish I had met you when I was seventeen but it’s alright. I like to think you are the answer to the prayer I made when I was seventeen. I guarded myself well around others, but with you the line was very thin. Somedays I would not be able to tell the difference between the real me and the person I was trying to be.  To be very honest, I was my best self when I was with you. There was no pretending when I was spending time with you.

#good friends #writers #words #literature #love

[satbytheriver]

You can watch the entire documentary here:

[satbytheriver]

A friend of mine, who grew in Europe, told me yesterday that she didn't know the story of Mohammed Al Durrah. That genuinely surprised me. So I'm going to share his story. It's one of the most important stories in history. Please educate yourself about him and those who came after him.

Mohammed ad-durrah was 12 years old when he died. He was merely going to the market with his dad.

It was during 2nd intifada, between Israeli forces and Palestinian protesters. You know, kids with stones vs heavily armed military.

Jamal al-Durrah and his son Mohammed were filmed by a Palestinian television cameraman freelancing for France 2, as they were caught in crossfire between the Israeli military and Palestinian security forces.

He was small he was scared he was crying. He was hiding behind his father terrified while they both crouched behind a concrete cylinder. Jamal al-Durrah really tried to shield his son as bullets rained down on them.

Photographer says "I started moving left and right to see who was shooting – shooting like crazy. Who was shooting at whom and why, I really didn’t know. I tried to hide myself because there were a lot of bullets flying around.

"Then one of the children who was hiding beside me said: “They are shooting at them.” I asked: “Shooting at who?” That was when I saw the man and the boy against the wall. They were hiding and the man was moving his hand and saying something. The bullets were coming right at them. Mohammed died that day.

"I saw a colleague later and I asked him, “How many injured, how many killed?” He told me about three. I said, “Look, if you are talking about the three dead, add another two. I think there are another two, they were killed against the wall.” I showed him what I had filmed and he started screaming, “Oh no! Oh no! This is Jamal, this is his son, Muhammad, they were in the market. Oh my God, oh my God!”

"The day after the shooting, I went to the hospital to see Jamal. I could not talk to him too much. I took a few pictures and spoke to a doctor who told me that Jamal’s condition was very bad, that there were a lot of bullets in his body."

The boy died. Just because he dared to go out of his home in Gaza to buy something from the market. He died in his father's arms while trying to hide behind him. He died just because he dared to be born a Palestinian child. That was his only crime.

And many more are dying now. Just like him.

[satbytheriver]

credits for the images:

letstalkpalestine

[satbytheriver]

Somedays were for keeping it all together. Trying not to breakdown in the middle of the road. Smiling when everything was sinking inside. There was no hand to touch, there was little proof that everything was still alive. Little pledge that the end will be beautiful. But is it equal to feeling worthy of love? Is it equal to thinking there is space for acceptance? There was this fear that somebody could take one look and confirm the doubt that’s been buried for a long time. It will all make sense then, some people were put on this earth for no grand reason. They barely survive before they think it’s too much, that not being here wouldn’t make a difference. There’s no poetry on the tombstone, and that tells everyone pretty much everything about a person.

#literature #blossomfully #unrequited love #love #spilled ink #poetry #prose poetry #thoughts #life #prose

[satbytheriver]

- Wardha Rasheed

#literature #unrequited love #thoughts #life #blossomfully #love #spilled ink #poetry #prose poetry

[satbytheriver]

Please can you publish trustworthy links for donating to Syria so it helps reach the less supported people?

There are 3 main ones I know of (I have family in Syria that are directly affected)

1. Molham

I've included a link to where people can donate and here is a link to their twitter page where they're giving regular updates. Here's a third link to donate in Euros

Molham, to those who don't know, are specifically a non profit, non government team that have been providing relief for displaced & refugee Syrians. They're now helping out with the Earth Quake.

2. The White Helmets 

Currently searching  for survivors and pull ing the dead from collapsed buildings

3. Islamic Relief (this link should work for all countries donating)

Has for a very long time been extremely reliable. I usually donate through them and they tend to help out people all cross the world. They currently have a team in Syria, last I've heard.

here's a link if you're donating specifically in Canada, UK, America,

please PLEASE donate.

Even one dollar, one pound, can go a long way.

And if you can't, PLEASE reblog!!

Syria needs help too! Syria matters too! They're not receiving aid for a variety of political reasons and they desperately need it!!!

#syria #syria earthquake #donations #important

[satbytheriver]

#he confuses me so much I swear

[satbytheriver]

The thing is, when I was young, when I was 15 16 17 18 I was so hungry for love. I had convinced myself that if I held on to people longer, harder, they’d eventually stay, even the people who had long established that they don’t want to have anything to do with me, people who hated my skin, or my teeth or my hands. When I became an adult I thought it will go away. That’d I’d be cool about my solitude, that I’d know how to pass my loneliness, but the truth was, I couldn’t find anything to fill the hunger with. I never figured how my skin would absorb the loneliness that crept in. I never knew how to circumvent against moments or people. Sometimes they’d come and I would think, “this time they’ll stay” until I realize they’re all vacationing on my breasts, they’ve got nothing on their bones, they’re gonna empty me of my blood even.

#thoughts #I’m so tired #life

[satbytheriver]

#why’s he like this? #all true

[satbytheriver]

Loneliness is a very weird thing. Sometimes a little selfish too. When you spend so much of your time giving it kind of leads to hope, that one day, someone is going to give you back. So when you sit down with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, you expect them to ask about you, instead they start talking about this one incident that happened in his life, and halfway through you think to yourself, it’s not even that important and you sort of feel yourself distancing - not listening, it easily becomes a background noise, hopefully you nod your head or shake your head at perfect moments but you’re just sitting there thinking, this company makes me feel very lonely, I’d rather be alone. And before you know it you’re wishing if you had never accepted the offer to see this person - to be here in this moment, and you start to wish If something would come up and they’ll say oh I have to go now, I just remembered, I’ve got deadlines to meet or something. The thing about loneliness is that when you’ve felt it for a really long time, it easily becomes a company you can keep for a long time. Sometimes you feel less lonely in your loneliness.

#thoughts

[satbytheriver]

In October I always find myself missing you, sometimes I think April had nothing to do with how I felt about you, I don’t know about seasons - I’m always in the middle. I think maybe it’s a transaction, how I always find myself dreaming that you’d be with me from fall to spring at least once. Maybe there was no nights for doubts but I always think, I don’t ever want to feel cold in December. Sun is there for you as much as you let it but somehow I always choose the moon, and maybe, just maybe, I will never stop loving you, I’ll rise from the dead because your memories would never let me make peace with death even.

#unedited #I don’t know what I was thinking #I don’t know what I love anymore #literature #unrequited love

[satbytheriver]

#he makes me feel soft #text messages

[satbytheriver]

He tells me that couple of nights ago when he was at work, she called him and said “there’s a cat in the parking lot” and he knows how she’s scared of cats. So he drops everything at work and drives all the way to the parking lot of the post office on the other end even when it was pouring. He tells me by the time he got there she had already left, and she told him that “the cat had moved and it started to rain” and so he drives back to work, and I ask him, “weren’t you cold?” Because I know he gets cold really easily and he says “I was, I was. I was shivering. I had to go home because I couldn’t concentrate on work anymore.”

- if this isn’t love what is? I thought.

#literature #blossomfully #unrequited love #love #spilled ink #poetry #prose poetry #prose #creative writing #excerpt from a book i'll never write #achingchest

[satbytheriver]

#I just #I have no words #but I feel this

[satbytheriver]

I read a quote a while back “And what do you do to a boy like that but turn yourself into a doorway, a place he can go through again and again, each time entering the same room?“ I think my life stopped at eighteen..

So when I asked you, “do you like her” I knew you’d say yes, I just wanted to see if it would hurt me, but it didn’t, I was glad.

When I told you, a few years down the road If you ever need a friend or more, you can always come to me, a part of me knew, I’d never hear from you again, we never spoke the same language.

There’s so much I want to talk to you about, but mostly, these days, I just wonder what it would be like to be liked by you, then I think, I couldn’t handle the burden of it. I don’t ever, I’m good at loving people from a distance. So whenever you come back and leave, I spend a while convincing myself, it could’ve been something great.

And that time you said, we’re not compatible, I wanted to hate you, because you were right, you always are. I always knew love and compatibility were two different things, I just didn’t want to believe it I guess.

I honestly don’t know what I want from you, but what I know is that your company gives me a good amount of happiness, maybe that’s why I hate myself every time we part. I just love you so much. I’m sorry.

#I do love him I just don’t know what to do about it #my heart feels heavy with it I don’t know what to do #I want to cry #I want to stop loving him