spherey

[spherey]

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

[spherey]

imagine if susie deltarune made a youtube asmr/mukbang channel where she just eats chalk and chalk only

#susie deltarune #chalk #asmr video #asmr #mukbang #idk lmao

[spherey]

hello!

[spherey]

hello!

[spherey]

“kill them with kindness” Wrong. CURSE OF RA 𓀀 𓀁 𓀂 𓀃 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆 𓀇 𓀈 𓀉 𓀊 𓀋 𓀌 𓀍 𓀎 𓀏 𓀐 𓀑 𓀒 𓀓 𓀔 𓀕 𓀖 𓀗 𓀘 𓀙 𓀚 𓀛 𓀜 𓀝 𓀞 𓀟 𓀠 𓀡 𓀢 𓀣 𓀤 𓀥 𓀦 𓀧 𓀨 𓀩 𓀪 𓀫 𓀬 𓀭 𓀮 𓀯 𓀰 𓀱 𓀲 𓀳 𓀴 𓀵 𓀶 𓀷 𓀸 𓀹 𓀺 𓀻 𓀼 𓀽 𓀾 𓀿 𓁀 𓁁 𓁂 𓁃 𓁄 𓁅 𓁆 𓁇 𓁈 𓁉 𓁊 𓁋 𓁌 𓁍 𓁎 𓁏 𓁐 𓁑 𓀄 𓀅 𓀆

[spherey]

Supernova by Artem Chebokha

[spherey]

ehhh i don't like beetroots

they taste like corn

i don't like corn very much

...can you pop beetroots?

#popcorn #beetroot #beetroots #funny #comedy

[spherey]

everytime i see a loading screen my mind imagines an sstv signal loading the page

#sstv #technology #slow scan television #ham radio #sattelite #space #electronics

[spherey]

man...i aspire to be just like tic tac...no thoughts, head empty. what a wondeful life fr.

This is something we can all aspire to.

With enough dedication, enough thoughtlessness, and with enough meowing for treats, we too can become Tic-Tac.

[spherey]

Being overstimulated is such a weird thing to explain to people. Like "hey sorry, I'm not mad at you and this is nobody's fault and I'm not blaming anyone for it happening, I am aware this is a part of regular everyday life but I am mentally crumbling because There Have Been Things Happening nonstop for 5 hours straight back to back with no breaks, and I really need to sit down in complete silence for like 15-25 minutes, after which I will be completely fine and can proceed as normal. But if I'm not allowed to have that, I will resort to violence."

[spherey]

Cat: water form

[spherey]

And this is how a human gets adopted by a cat

[spherey]

[spherey]

Plein Air Paintings by Tomas Honz

[spherey]

naptime

[spherey]

humans have the power to define

when we label things that we observe through our human experiences, if we are a part of that label, anyone else who is a part of the label is now in a community of that label

labels create communities, just as how when we define objects like apples, everything with the same traits are then part of that category: apples

without labels, things blend together, a lack of boundaries are created, and we have a lower nuance of community

take a look at colors, for instance

if we'd never defined colors, we would never have known the human-definitive difference between any color, of course our brain will internally know there is a difference, but there would be no name to that difference and thus we could never have communicated it

that is why defining things is so important

of course, the power to define can be used in both positive and negative ways

it can be used strategically in a way that can affect others positively or negatively

that's why we should understand why we define things, as well as understand when we should or should not define things, when umbrella terms should and should not be created

what we believe is influenced by others' communication, which is based on human-defined concepts

human-defined concepts are the root of our ability to translate thoughts into natural language and then communicate them to others in this world, and without them we would individually have complete incompatibility of thought, a lack of standardization in sharing unique ideas, and further conflict or a lack of intelligence or general wisdom, essentially 1984

#human definition #humans #human #humanity #defining concepts #concepts #concept #philosophy #labels #label #labeling

[spherey]

i just figured out that the kilogram of steel kilogram of feathers dude, if the satire were to be an actual scenario, would've made much more sense if he meant the same volume of steel and feathers, not weight

because then the problem would be more balanced i guess

because the thing is in the video the feathers are obviously (comically) higher in volume and appears way bigger than that puny kilogram of steel

if they were the same size and volume, limmy's thought process would then finally make sense

#limmy's show #kilogram of steel #steel #feathers #what's heavier