#:’’’) too nice to me <33 i appreciate you liv! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

horansqueen · 4 years

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 55

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!

- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao!

i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!

okay so here it is. :D

Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter

OLIVIA

I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.

I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.

That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.

"Olivia."

He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.

"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."

My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.

"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.

I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.

"Niall broke up with me."

I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.

The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.

It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.

I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.

"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.

"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."

I turned to him and tilted my head.

"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.

"It does, darlin'."

I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.

"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"

"Yes."

It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.

"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."

I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.

"What are we gonna do, Louis?"

He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.

"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."

I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.

"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."

I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.

"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."

An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.

"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"

"Yes."

My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"

"A week ago."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.

"What are you gonna do?"

Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.

"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."

His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.

"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."

His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.

"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."

"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."

He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.

"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"

This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.

"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."

My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.

He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.

"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."

"No Louis, it's fine I can-"

"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."

I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.

"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."

He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."

I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.

"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.

Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.

"Louis!"

He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.

"Please, stay, okay?"

It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.

"Can we spoon?"

"We can spoon."

I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.

"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.

"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."

"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."

"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."

"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."

My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.

"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."

"Tell me."

I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.

"I don't know, Louis."

"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.

"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.

"For how long?"

My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."

"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."

Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.

"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Fuck no."

My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.

"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"

Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.

"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."

"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"

I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.

"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."

"Who said that?"

I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.

"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"

"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."

I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.

"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."

This time, he's the one who laughed.

"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.

"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."

"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."

By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.

"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."

"It's already working."

My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.

I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.

I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.

"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.

"Oh my god!"

He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.

"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."

His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.

"No?"

"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"

That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.

"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.

"That's the plan."

I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.

"You feel... so fucking good."

He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.

"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.

"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."

His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.

Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.

"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.

"I'm okay too."

He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.

"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"

He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.

"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."

I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.

"I am."

Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.

I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.

"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"

"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."

I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.

"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."

"For the breakfast?"

"And for last night."

He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.

"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"

He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.

"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."

It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.

"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."

"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."

I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.

"What are you gonna do now?"

We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.

"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."

When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.

"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"

"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."

"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."

He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.

"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."

"Love you too."

#niall horan #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #some tags i cant add without spoiling this lol #oh god im so excited to post this ndjhsgajhsdgukadshxf

88 notes · View notes

fyp-psychology · 7 years

Text

Rare Collection of 100 Introvert Quotes That Will Make You Feel Understood

Dear introverts, it’s difficult to understand you. Many people don’t comprehend that solitude and feeling alone are different things. As an introvert, you know that your solitude is a sacred space where you can recharge. We encourage you to have a look at these amazingly thoughtful and profound quotes, which will resonate with all introverts.

1. “People empty me. I have to get away to refill.” ~ C. Bukowski

2.“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.”~ Anne Frank

3.“I have to be alone very often. I’d be quite happy if I spent from Saturday night until Monday morning alone in my apartment. That’s how I refuel.” ~ Audrey Hepburn

4.“You see things. You keep quiet about them and you understand. “ ~ The Perks of Being a Wallflower

5.“I’m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity.” ~ Dau Voire

6.“I am rarely bored alone; I am often bored in groups and crowds.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

7.“There is a tremendous difference between alone and lonely. You could be lonely in a group of people. I like being alone. I like eating by myself. I go home at night and just watch a movie or hang out with my dog. I have to exert myself and really say, oh God, I’ve got to see my friends because I’m too content with myself.” ~ Drew Barrymore

8.“Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalizing.” ~ William S. Boroughs

9.“Quiet people have the loudest minds.” Stephen Hawking

10.“In order to be open to creativity, one must have the capacity for constructive use of solitude. One must overcome the fear of being alone.” ~ Rollo May

11.“What if you love knowledge for its own sake, not necessarily as a blueprint for action? What if you wish there were more, not fewer reflective types in the world.” ~Susan Cain

12.“Please kindly go away, I’m introverting.” ~ Beth Buelow, The Introvert Entrepreneur

13.“A good rule of thumb is that any environment that consistently leaves you feeling bad about who you are is the wrong environment.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

14.“Everyone shines, given the right lighting.” ~Susan Cain

15.“Don’t underestimate me because I’m quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak and observe more than you know.” ~ Michaela Chung

16.“Introverts crave meaning so party chit-chat feels like sandpaper to our psyche.” ~ Diane Cameron

17.“I am a minimalist. I like saying the most with the least.” ~Bob Newhart

18.“Let’s clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people. We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

19.“The highest form of love is to be the protector of another person’s solitude.” Rainer Maria Rilke

20.“Introvert conversations are like jazz. Each player gets to solo for a nice stretch before the other player comes in and does his solo.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

21.“Originality thrives in seclusion free of outside influences beating upon us to cripple the creative mind. Be alone—that is the secret of invention: be alone, that is when ideas are born.”~ Nikola Tesla

22.“In terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” ~John Mulaney

23.“Stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don’t let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy the depth, don’t force yourself to seek breadth.” ~ Susan Cain

24.”Introverts treasure the close relationships they have stretched so much to make.”- Adam S. McHugh

25.“I want to be alone… with someone else who wants to be alone.” – Dimitri Zaik

26.“Our culture made a virtue of living only as extroverts. We discouraged the inner journey, the quest for a center. So we lost our center and have to find it again.” ~Anais Nin

27.“Silence is beautiful, not awkward. The human tendency to be afraid of something beautiful is awkward.” ~Elliot Kay

28.“After an hour or two of being socially on, we introverts need to turn off and recharge … This isn’t antisocial. It isn’t a sign of depression.” Jonathan Rauch

29.“Your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.” ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

30.“There’s zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.” ~Susan Cain

31.“I talked to a calzone for fifteen minutes last night before I realized it was just an introverted pizza. I wish all my acquaintances were so tasty. ” ~ Jarod Kintz

32.“The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it’s a Broadway spotlight, for others, a lamplit desk.” ~ Susan Cain

33.“As a child, I suppose I was not quite normal. My happiest times were when I was left alone in the house on a Saturday.” ~ Charles Bukowski

34.“When you’re an introvert like me and you’ve been lonely for a while, and then you find someone who understands you, you become really attached to them. It’s a real release.” Lana Del Rey

35.“Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge.” ~ Paulo Coelho

36.“I was just confused about why I was feeling overwhelmed all the time and trying to adjust to having people work for me. Surprisingly, I think if you’re known on the Internet, you’re probably an introvert.” ~ Felicia Day

37.“’Come out of your shell’ – that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go and some humans are just the same.” ~ Susan Cain

38.“I don’t have time for superficial friends, I suppose if you’re really lonely you can call a superficial friend, but otherwise, what’s the point? ~ Courtney Cox

39.“I owe everything that I have done to the fact that I am very much at ease being alone.” ~ Marilynne Robinson

40.“Introverts listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror for small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.” ~ Susan Cain

41.“My imagination functions much better when I don’t have to speak to people.” ~ Patricia Highsmith

42.”For introverts, to be alone with our thoughts is as restorative as sleeping, as nourishing as eating.” ~ Jonathan Rauch

43.“Beware of those who seek constant crowds; they are nothing alone.” ~Charles Bukowski

44.“I’m self-sufficient. I spend a lot of time on my own and I shut off quite easily. When I communicate, I communicate 900 per cent; then I shut off, which scares people sometimes.” ~ Bjork

45.“Loneliness is failed solitude.” Sherry Turkle

46.A happy life must be to a great extent a quiet life, for it is only in an atmosphere of quiet that true joy dare live. ~ Bertrand Russell

47.“Whatever kind of introvert you are, some people will find you ‘too much’ in some ways and ‘not enough’ in others.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

48.“A wise man once said nothing.” ~ Proverb

49.“In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.” ~ Criss Jami

50.“When I am alone I can become invisible. I can sit on the top of a dune as motionless as an uprise of weeds until the foxes run by unconcerned. I can hear the almost unhearable sound of the roses singing.” ~ Mary Oliver

51.“Most people in politics draw energy from backslapping and shaking hands and all that. I draw energy from discussing ideas.” ~ Al Gore

52.“Solitude matters and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.” ~ Susan Cain

53.“I don’t believe anything really revolutionary has ever been invented by committee… I’m going to give you some advice that might be hard to take. That advice is: Work alone… Not on a committee. Not on a team.” ~ Steve Wozniak

54.“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.”~ Susan Cain

55.“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet, still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet. ~ Franz Kafka

56.“Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.” ~ Plato

57.“I was never less alone than when by myself.” ~ Edward Gibbon

58.Wise men, when in doubt whether to speak or to keep quiet, give themselves the benefit of the doubt, and remain silent. ~ Napoleon Hill

59.“Solitude has its own very strange beauty to it.” ~ Liv Tyler

60.“Better to keep quiet and let people think you’re an idiot than speak up and confirm it.” ~ Rodney Dangerfield

61.“I restore myself when I’m alone.” Marilyn Monroe

62.“Introverts dislike small talk, but we are fluent in the language of ideas and dreams.” ~ Michaela Chung

63.“You may think I’m small, but I have a universe inside my mind.” ~Yoko Ono

64.“Love is essential, gregariousness is optional.” ~ Susan Cain

65.“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes” C.G. Jung

66.“As an introvert, you can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. The good news is we generally like our own company, a quality that extroverts often envy. We find comfort in solitude and know how to soothe ourselves.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

67.“People say things to me like, ‘It’s really cool that you don’t go out and get drunk all the time and go to clubs.’ I appreciate that, but I’m kind of an introverted kind of person just by nature.” ~ Emma Watson

68.“I think I’m a weird combination of deeply introverted and very daring. I can feel both those things working.” ~ Helen Hunt

69.“E-mail is far more convenient than the telephone. As far as I’m concerned, I would throw my phone away if I could get away with it.” ~ Tom Hanks

70.“My alone feels so good, I’ll only have you if you’re sweeter than my solitude.” Warsan Shire

71.“I really like to stay in my nest and not move. I travel in my mind, and that’s a rigorous state of journeying for me. My body isn’t that interested in moving from place to place.” ~ Bell Hooks

72.“I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself than be crowded on a velvet cushion.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

73.“Introverts, in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family.” ~ Susan Cain

74.“I don’t want to be alone. I want to be left alone.” ~ Audrey Hepburn

75.“I don’t hate people, I just feel better when they aren’t around.” ~Charles Bukowski

76.“Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly.” ~ Susan Cain

77.“Sometimes quiet people really do have a lot to say … they’re just being careful about who they open up to.” Susan Gale

78.“You only know part of me. I am a universe full of secrets.” ~ Lupytha Hermin

79.“A bore is someone who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.” ~ Oscar Wilde

80.“I prefer tongue-tied knowledge to ignorant loquacity.” ~ Margaret Donnano

81.“Alone had always felt like an actual place to me, as if it weren’t a state of being, but rather a room where I could retreat to be who I really was.” ~ Cheryl Strayed

82.“An introvert may feel asocial when pressured to go to a party that doesn’t interest her. But for her, the event does not promise meaningful interaction. In fact, she knows that the party will leave her feeling more alone and alienated.” ~ Laurie Helgoe

83.“Living is like tearing through a museum. Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering – because you can’t take it in all at once.” ~Audrey Hepburn

84.“The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude.” ~ Aldous Huxley

85.“People are always so boring when they band together. You have to be alone to develop all the idiosyncrasies that make a person interesting.” ~ Andy Warhol

86.“Most inventors and engineers I’ve met are like me. They’re shy and they live in their heads. The very best of them are artists. And artists work best alone…” ~ Steve Wozniak

87.“Kindly remove yourself from my personal space. Thanks.” ~ Gemma Correll

88.“Deep inside, she knew who she was, and that person was smart and kind and often even funny, but somehow her personality always got lost somewhere between her heart and her mouth, and she found herself saying the wrong thing or, more often, nothing at all.” ~ Julia Quinn

89.“Sometimes I just shut down and don’t talk to anyone for days. It’s nothing personal.” ~ Sonya Teclai

90.“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps but other people emphasize my loneliness.” ~ Anais Nin

91.“Never fail to know that if you are doing all the talking you are boring somebody.” ~Helen Gurley Brown

92.“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” ~ Anne Lamott

93.“Study me as much as you like, you will never know me. For I differ a hundred ways from what you see me to be.” ~ Rumi

94.“How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here forever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.” ~ Virginia Wolf, The Waves

95.“What a commentary on our civilization, when being alone is considered suspect; when one has to apologize for it, make excuses, hide the fact that one practices it like a secret vice!” Anne Morrow Lindbergh

96.“People inspire you, or they drain you — pick them wisely.” ~ Hans F. Hansen

97.“I’m indecisive because I see eight sides to everything.” ~ April Kepne

98.“In a gentle way, you can shake the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

99.“So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me. Because I, too, am fluent in silence.”- R. Arnold

100.“Every time we stomp down our introverted nature, we crush part of our soul in the process.” ~ Michaela Chung

#psychology #psych #lit #literature #books #reading #introvert #introverted #Introversion #culture #life #articles #mental health #health #personality #infj #intp

8K notes · View notes

ahumanfemale · 7 years

Note

33 please?

Here you go, anon! Thanks for playing and sending this in - I had lot of fun.

Celebrity/Fan AU

Rafael stirred his cup absently, staring at the growing crowd with outright curiosity. A sign a few feet away announced a book signing for that night, starting in nearly an hour. He was enjoying his perch of relative invisibility, one of two deep armchairs in the corner of the bookstore. So far his obvious glare had kept anyone from taking the other, which was how he preferred it anyway. It meant he could drink his espresso in peace and ignore the distraction occurring across the room.

Until, of course, the door to the cafe opened and the warm spring wind swept in something tall and blond and loud. Something he’d seen last three hours before, when they’d all decided to call it a night and get a fresh start in the morning.

“Barba?”

He offered a small smile to hide his sudden alarm and brought the cup to his lips to murmur around the rim, “Detective Carisi.”

All the glares in the world couldn’t have prevented Carisi from throwing himself down next to him, bouncing ever so slightly off the worn leather cushion before settling in. Rafael took in the sight of him, changed from his work suit and into something more casual. Dark slacks and a pale blue button up, work shoes traded for dress shoes that reflected the dim light in the bookstore easily. The clothing still neat, still flattering on his lean body. A body Rafael had appreciated more than a few times in the years they’d worked together. A worn hardcover was clutched in his hand, the spine nearly worn to illegibility.

The vague nerves Rafael had been dealing with for hours suddenly grew into jangling anxiety because his coworker was not supposed to be here.

“Didn’t take you for a reader,” Carisi commented distractedly, eyes darting to the makeshift stage once every second or so. “You a fan too?”

“A fan?” Rafael repeated, amused.

“Yeah. Of Robert Cutter. The author.”

“Mmm,” he replied, noncommittal.

Something like that.

“He’s great. I’ve been reading his books for years, since the first,” Carisi informed him unbidden and Rafael looked over at him, surprised. The first of the novels had come out several years before and Rafael had a hard time imagining Carisi was capable of an attention span that long, and that didn’t even address how much he doubted the subject matter would be appealing to him at all.

“You’re a detective and a lawyer. I have a hard time seeing how a legal thriller would interest you in the least.”

Carisi shrugged.

“Not usually, but these are different. My ma got the first one for me when I applied to law school because she thought I’d like it and I was hooked about a fourth of the way through it,” he confessed with a disarming smile in Rafael’s direction. “I’ve been reading them since. Usually the first day they come out if I’m not working.”

“It must be all the stunning realism,” Rafael mocked, more than intimately familiar with the fact that Robert Cutter’s books were anything but realistic. Based in legal fact, yes. But not realistic in the slightest.

“Yeah, okay, so it’s not really how all of this goes down usually,” Carisi admitted with a smirk. “Pretty sure they don’t let prosecutors investigate on their own. The DA’s office hires private investigators for that. Neither would they let them hold court drunk, I’m pretty sure, even it was a serial killer about to be released.”

“You’d be right about that.”

“I just… I like how his mind works. It’s one thing to know the law and practice it, it’s one thing to write it. But being able to turn the law into a character? Turn it into something that has to be explored and tested and pushed so that justice can be served? That’s just genius.”

Rafael had to fight to keep the pleased flush from his cheeks.

“That’s high praise coming from someone whose job it is to carry out the law,” he observed, watching as Carisi ducked his head sheepishly.

“Yeah, well. He deserves it.”

Rafael arched a brow.

“Don’t tell me you have a crush.”

“What? No,” Carisi blustered but the color on his neck spoke volumes. Volumes he was all too happy to read, glad to have been here for the first time since arriving half an hour ago. Rafael found himself leaning forward, putting his coffee to the side. Crossing his legs, leaning his head on his elbow.

Dominick Carisi Jr., a cocky Italian cop who was quite possibly more Catholic than the Pope himself, had a crush on a man and wasn’t that interesting?

The detective didn’t so much as flinch, squaring his shoulders as though waiting for rebuke or scorn. It made Rafael wonder just what kind of vibes he put off, because if Carisi was expecting to be mocked for being attracted to men he’s either not paying enough attention or Rafael plays straighter than he thinks. Neither of which matter when it’s the two of them sitting so close, the younger man confessing to a crush on an anonymous celebrity in front of a colleague.

“Carisi, you’re about twenty years too young for a crush,” he chided lightly, smirking. “You’ve never even seen the man. It could be a pseudonym for all you know.”

And Rafael did know.

Robert Cutter had never made a single public appearance, had never had a picture published on either a book jacket or magazine article. There were theories, of course. Theories that he wasn’t a lawyer like the jacket claimed and couldn’t afford to be outed, theories that he was a woman working against a misogynistic marketing system with strategic use of a pseudonym. Maybe that he was an author already published in a different genre who used a pen name to publish something else without expectations from his prior work.

Carisi didn’t seem to care about any them.

“What does that matter?” Carisi fired back, looking affronted. “You think I need to see a guy to know if I wanna spend more time with him?”

He scoffed, amused.

Of course Carisi was a romantic.

“Apologies, detective. I didn’t realize the depth of your devotion to this faceless man who almost certainly uses an alias to publish,” he snarked. “Please, tell me all about how the two of you will be married for forty years and play parents to sixteen Jack Russel terriers.”

Carisi tried, he really did, but the laugh punched its way out of him before he could help himself and his stunning blue eyes sparkled with the shared joke.

“Yeah, alright. That may be pushing it a little.”

“A little?”

“A lot,” he allowed, “And he may be straight for all I know. Or female, not that it’s a dealbreaker for me. But… man, at least a dinner or something? Just to pick his - or her - brain for an hour or two? I could live with that.”

“You’re adorable, Carisi,” he observed kindly, for once not turning a compliment into a barb.

“Yeah, yeah,” the younger man waved off. “Give me a hard time later. Preferably another night entirely.”

“Wouldn’t dream of intruding on your moment,” he said and sighed, standing up from the deep well of his armchair. “If you’ll excuse me, detective. I’ll be right back.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll save you a seat.”

Won’t need one, Rafael thought and only barely suppressed a smirk as he wound through racks of magazines to find his agent in the back room. She was flustered, as per usual, but excited at the turnout and for once not admonishing him for overdressing. A few minutes later he heard the microphone come to life, his name called over the speakers in her high, Boston-tinted voice. The nerves that welled up surprised him for a only a moment and then they were gone, burned away by the quick thrill of walking out to the sound of applause.

It was embarrassing how good it felt.

Particularly when he made eye contact with Carisi, who was staring at him with slack-jawed amazement. Slack-jawed amazement that faded only once his earlier gushing came back to him and Rafael watched in real time as his jaw snapped shut and an expression of dawning horror slipped over his otherwise pleasant features.

It was a moment Rafael cherished. Through the brief reading of the first chapter, through a discussion of his writing process and what made him decide to tell these stories and why. To his (false) background of private practice after years of working for the state. Carisi watched through all of it, looking very much like he wanted to pipe up and say something stupid but was refraining. Rafael made a mental note to thank him later - and maybe be nicer to him in the future. Not a lot, because that would betray just how fond of him Rafael really was. Just nice enough to keep himself on Carisi’s good side.

Maybe also because Rafael never wanted the admiration in the detective’s eyes to fade.

Before long the lecture was over and the signing portion had started, Rafael stumbling over using a fake name only once or twice before falling into a groove. In half an hour the line had dwindled and he found himself yearning for another coffee - just something small that wouldn’t keep him awake but would perk him up for a little while longer. Seconds later a paper cup was set in front of him. It smelled dark, smelled fresh. It was encased by long, pale fingers that he was all too happy to follow up a slender arm to a pleasantly familiar face. A pleasantly familiar face that was looking at him with a mixture of amusement and worry.

“Detective,” he acknowledged, leaning back in his chair.

“Counselor,” Carisi returned.

Fondly, he hoped.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, are you?” he asked, unable to help himself. If Liv found out he would never live it down.

“Tell them what? That I know how you can afford all those fancy suits on a public servant’s salary?”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Carisi-”

“No, no, I know,” he replied, grinning. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

He accept Carisi’s book and flipped to the title page, pausing for a moment before signing his name. His real name, the one Carisi knew him by. It would be a secret between the two of them now, something they could share. He handed it back slowly, keeping it just a second longer than necessary so that Carisi’s hand brushed his.

“Still interested in taking Robert Cutter to dinner?” Rafael asked softly, offering a small smile to assure him of his seriousness.

“Depends,” Carisi told him, despite the excited flush staining his ears. The detective was undoubtedly eager but the effort of holding himself back was turning him pink.

“On?”

“You can pick the restaurant,” Carisi allowed, “But I draw the line at sixteen Jack Russell terriers. Big dogs or nothing, alright?”

Rafael snorted, noticing for the first time how much he liked the sight of a teasing smile on the detective’s face.

“Yeah. Fair enough,” he said. “Wait for me? I’ll be done in a few minutes.”

Carisi grinned and tucked his book under his arm.

“Take your time, counselor. I’m not going anywhere.”

Rafael believed him.

#writing prompt #writing ask #celebrity au #barisi #my writing #rafael barba #sonny carisi #canon divergence #these are so long #i'm sorry

72 notes · View notes