#[ ive given up on everything else ]

[muppetbyers]

idk man but i think theres such a connection between will being possessed in s2 and like 'what happens when my boy is gone' and will giving the painting to mike under el's name. just like... will being replaced and then replacing himself. and like his entire person was being replaced by the mf, but also everything that he said was from el with the painting and speech was intrinsically his and his alone. and how his arc since s1 has been about hiding but also being right there. and how its all tied to his queerness. and how ideally in s5 this should lead to will not hiding/moving on from his identity and his feelings, but instead embracing them.

#like what happens when will has given away/up everything that he is. hes already Come Back Wrong and he just like. keeps removing himself #from things. even after it was done To him by the mf/vecna. and like the only people who can 'bring him back' are jonathan mike and joyce #ship of theseus moment (not really) #but also really. i mean idk about actual philosophy but will is the heart of the show like its literally about how people love him so much #and like. his identity and queerness is to integral to it all. and like okay some of his parts were replaced but the love brought him back #time and time again and it will in s5 too. #or whatever that means idk #which is also why will should kiss mike. not the other way round. and i will die on this hill even after it doesnt happen #and also why will just moving on and 'accepting' his feelings are unrequited would be a dogshit resolution to his arc with mike but wtv... #what im trying to say is in s5 will not hiding and being loved and not replacing himself with anything else and kissing boys is not just #smth that should happen bc he deserves happiness. but smth necessary to complete his arc. okay? okay #will byers #byler #i feel like ive made this post 5 times before but its just smth i feel very strongly about sorry #wheww... category 5 will byers moment. #me vs being coherent and concise #mine

[chitaquagirl]

feeling dire

#definitely mostly pms but also other things . SCARED!!! #lots of stuff happening to create Perfect circumstances for me to have a very bad time #and generally. i am FAR more prone to depression than anxiety but atm i am a ball of nerves #meds on back order. Scary!!! makes me feel like i need to ration my current supply (i rly don’t) #SCHOOL. RLY SCARY. didn’t go to class today. So many assignedments to work on and they just keep piling up!! #need to meet w my prof abt research. SCARY!! bc i have been slacking like crazy 🫠 #and the biggest anxiety inducer. Money!!! which is DUMB!!!! bc objectively i don’t need to worry!!!!!!! #but unexpected thangs are in motion so i am having to pay > $700 more than anticipated a month #which again. this is manageable. Not ideal but given my jobs i can handle it #i just wasn’t expecting it and now feel very out of sorts #since i was a little kid ive had this weird truly unreasonable and irrational anxiety abt money #and this is unfortunately triggering a lot of that again #which is bad bc it makes everything else spiral. ex. need to save -> buying less groceries/policing what i eat -> ed relapse #just feeling very very stupid and upset 🥴 #pers

[chesthighwater]

where do YOU stand on the Teague Martin Genuineness Of Belief spectrum??

like ok suppose on one end we have 0% genuine: doesn't care at all about the strictures or the abbey, the whole thing is just a ruse to further his agenda, not religious at all.

on the other something approaching 100% genuine: actually fully believes in the strictures and everything, genuinely feels awful about himself for breaking them, very religious.

one moment i will illustrate

#teague martin #forgive me for tagging something that involves my mspaint monstrosity but i genuinely want to know #i dont think ive ever written a completely scheming martin like theres usually at least a bit #of actual belief in there (even if its very very minor) #but i find it hard to imagine a VERY religious martin given the. everything else. #but ive seen it written! and very well too! #i just find it interesting to think about also bc its a decision i make anew every time i start a project #and you can take it literally either way because the canon on this is. lmao #hes shady and mysterious and may or may not be up to shit at all times but we dont Know know

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya doesn’t intend to ever get married. Due to him being Khaenri’ahn, if it’s not having to keep that fact from them ( especially with how devout the Mondstadters are to Barbatos ), it’s the fact that he fears what would happen to them and any children they may have, should Celestia become aware of them. He can’t trust it won’t end terribly for them, and will always be left fearing they’ll be used against him or hurt bc of him.

#hc; kaeya #//One for him too nfbdb #//Ive mentioned before if he gets convinced to marry; he would prefer any wedding a VERY private event #//He will be Adamant abt it. he will concede anything and everything to his partner. but THAT is nonnegotiable #//In all honesty; he’d want the location to be at Dawn Winery over anywhere else #//That’s HOME. there’s his FAMILY. even if it’s been ages since he’s actually been able to call either such #//But his heart remains with them #//To share that with his beloved; he would consider it a great gift #//But then there’s a matter of convincing Luc abt it; which he is sure he would never agree to #//Kae would want to follow all Mond’s traditions; even if he really does want to incorporate Khaenri’ahn ones #//but he doesn’t know enough abt them and researching might draw more attention on it than he’d like #//If anything; might only ever include their first dance to him singing a Khaenri’ahn wedding song for his partner #//Acapella; unless he can get Venti to play along #//Marriage definitely isn’t in his plans; tho he’s willing if his partner is; but raising a family DEFFO is more what he wants #//Hes deffo the kind of person to want to adopt/raise children even without a partner #//But again; he’s still worried what Celestia would do in response to him having a family #//And wonders if he’d even be a good enough parent; if he could live up to what Crepus love had given him #//To grant it to THEM in turn. he’d give his very life for them. would LIVE for them. would even overthrow Celestia for them #//& that scares him. he doesn’t know WHAT he’d do if anything happens to them. even at cost of himself & potentially everyone else #//Mans would fucken get Mond heckin Nailed again in his grief; it’d be That bad #//Clothar would have NOTHIN on him

[anxiously-awaiting]

thinks about the double entendre in tristan's bio ("one day, Tristan fell in love with a woman named Iseult. No, he was made to fall in love.") and then starts chewing my hands off

#in the official english bio it's ''he accidentally fell in love'' but NOOO it makes it sound much more passive and muted i'm not the biggest #fan of it fkjlds #like made to fall in love is so. like there's the reading of forcefulness like he was MADE to fall in love he wasn't allowed another option #but also a sort of all-encompassing nature to it like almost overwhelming #i was MADE to fall in love my only reason for being born was to love you ect ect and those both combined makes me AAAAAAAAA #like my vers. of tristan and isolde and like most versions ive seen are very consensual re: the love potion stuff #but ouuuu tristannnn fate grand order... #hell there probably didnt even need to be a love potion involved for this guy bc i think genuinely if he was given even a modicum of #genuine affection from isolde of ireland he would cling and obsess over it so strongly BECAUSE hes propped up as this child of sadness #this person who looks so pretty but oh so sorrowful and sings such beautiful poems filled with grief that it ended up feeding into a self #destructive cycle of very very rarely allowing himself to be anything more than that yknow #so when he's given a promise of affection and a love potion what else could he have done? #hes everything to me <33333333333333333 #hes everything and he keeps becoming a bit character about fucking married women EVEN THOUGH. TECHNICALLY. HE FELL IN LOVE WHILE SHE WAS #BEING TAKEN TO MARK SO SHE WASN'T EVEN MARRIED YET #im so excited to see whats goin on with him in lb6 though <3 riot win for them using his old english name

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls #okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases #one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes #''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it'' #so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars #and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get- #-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth #and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand) #but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude- #-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl #anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it- #-from like prayers #so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you'' #so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore #but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since- #-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it #for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid- #-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo- #-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3 #i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted- #-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives #like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them #or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings #or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each- #-other anyways #i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life- #-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in #i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's #-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6

[bluejaybytes]

IT IS DONE. I 100%'D SIDE ORDER IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY. Cleared the tower with all palettes, bought all hacks, bought all items from Cipher, got the Low Hacks Eight badge, got all Jelleton entries, and got all chips entries as well as maxing out the chips that max out at ten and NOT five. My fastest clear is 17 minutes with DJ Octavio's palette, and highest score is Marina's palette with 83k points. My favorite palette and palette with the most clears is Frye's palette with 6 clears, and my least favorite palette is Big Man's palette with only a single clear, tied with Eight and Murch's palette for the spot of least clears, and my first clear was with Sheldon's palette.

Genuinely I could not be happier with Side Order. The only critiques I have are minor and not hugely impactful on how I feel about the DLC as a whole. Easily worth the money and despite the fact I've now done every conceivable thing the game has to offer in terms of completion, I absolutely expect to continue playing and having fun with it for a while further

#splatoon spoilers #side order spoilers #also GENERAL TIPS: if you struggle w aim or getting overwhelmed- go for drone chips- ESPECIALLY Inkstrike and Burst Bomb #Ink Saver/Main Firing Rate are your best friends. Always try and get either Crab Tank/Trizooka/Triple Inkstrike #Sprinkler is more useful than it seems and can easily slow and damage enemies- but I wouldn't recommend picking it up if u didnt start w it #Reefslider is better than it seems- as long as you have room to start up. That said- same as Sprinker- dont get it if you dont already have #Don't get too many homing shots chips unless youre trying to max for catalog. If you want homing shots- get only 2-3 #any more than that will be hell on earth if you get overwhelmed or need to paint zone #This does not apply to Tri-stringer however! Tri-stringer with max homing shots is fantastic given its tap shots- get some ink damage up th #For low hacks- keep on attack damage +2 and drone inkstrike- everything else turn off. If you get overwhelmed- step back and farm for items #For chips completion- keep common tone bias on for everything EXCEPT weapon specific chips (Splatling Barrage/Horizontal Slash Speed/ect) #For those- turn it completely off- none of the weapon specific chips line up with the common tones of their weapons #max out floor reset and vending machine reset hacks before starting that grind specifically- reset floors whenever you can afford it- #-to get the chips you need. DONT take vending machines until you get to the higher floors- its cheaper to gamble on floor resets- #-than it is vending machines- and you'll get membux even if you run out of money before getting the chip you need #and thats my general tips! if anyone has any actual like. questions or advice feel free to hmu ive sunk dozens of hours into Side Order LOL

[reserwrekt]

But what if I've felt like I'm too traumatized to have friends, practically since I was born?

#ptsd #cptsd #being afab and constsntly yelled at for everything especially my autistic traits #being given away and given up on like a puppy that ppl view as an object #never living anywhere longer than a year a constant chsnging school environment #never knowing where i was going to be next year or what foster family I'll get this time #foster parents were shitty towards me #ive been kicked while i was already down so many times. every big life trauma from kidnapping to csa to best friend passing away #people used my brother passing away as a reason to leave me? because they did fucking nothing and although i never pointed it out #they knew it. they abandoned both of us and saw one die and then abandoned me too #ive literally never done anything but stand up for them and k myself for them and im tired of finding people #who say they can love me and they treat me like i don't exist. oh im not your vacation friend. or your craft friend.. or holiday friend.. #i just feel like this is the rest of my life #and i feel truly alone and i haven't known how to cope. i don't know anyone else who spent their entire childhood in foster care and hospita #and the people i did know are in a different place than me as in violent and acting out and refuse to process things #last time i felt like this i started acting in a way i didn't like- not violent but just in a way i didn't like. #i feel like the only way to avoid reverting back is to isolate #personal #vent

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

being a big part of my local trans community is really fun and rewarding until i have to watch yet another baby trans person whos only Just figured things out immediately have accepting parents and access to hrt. its genuinely a good thing ! this is what we fight for ! but,,

it burns so badly when i know i wont be able to even *begin* the process for another 5-9 years, that i will eventually have to abandon my home country and family because of it. it burns so badly when i have to watch them all applying for surgery and getting their hormone prescriptions and im just. sitting here. with barely any hope.

#my one pre-everything transmasc friend already passes so much better than me and it hurts to think about sometimes #we have similar body types but he just. idfk. the way he dresses and styles his hair and his voice and... #i *know* being visibly trans is horrible in many ways but god it hurts so badly to just #walk through life w everyone unflinshingly assuming im a cis girl #i feel like im not even trying. like ive given up before i even started. nothing i could do would make me look any way else #vent #amber actually saying stuff #mmm gender

[flintbian]

Man, life is just depressing right now

#the one thing that was keeping me sane has gone away #i would always say 'yeah every medical professional has given up and there's nothing they can do. but at least i have my PTs' well... #my current PT's are the only ones that ever treated me like a person and they always kept trying...but they've given up too #basically Clare was like we haven't made any gains in over a year and your state keeps getting worse. nothing we do helps #so it may be time to consider stopping bc throwing away money isnt helpful either #and i argued that it's damage control and improves my quality of life and i have a progressive disease i never was going to get better #not to mention mentally it helps to know there's people in my corner and at least they haven't given up on me #but now they have and im feeling so very very alone and hopeless #it's not like this is a surprise right? ive always been beyond help and it's an incurable degenerative disease #but still getting to this point fucking sucks #and i went to the new neurologist and he had nothing but crazy experiments bc ive tried fucking everything #and then to top it off the only doctor i trusted from when i was a teenager for one specific med issue had also said the same #literally this week she was like there's nothing more. i cant help find someone else. sorry kid. wishing you the best #and Xmas is a depressing and challenging time too #and i have 400 med problems while trying to find work #the past few weeks have pulverized me and i havent stopped crying in days #so yeah. terribly terribly alone #and im trying not to go down any spirals and havent. my therapist was out this week. but im seriously questioning the point #at this point maybe i should give up too #im being stubborn bc no i cant go yet i havent seen the lights yet or read my new books #but honestly i havent been able to read partially bc im afraid if i do im losing the last tethers to earth #there's not much or anything to live for #it's at times like these you truly realize how much you dont want to die. you just wish you could live #but im broke and freezing and in pain and alone. this story's ending fucking sucks #my dbt is coming in clutch but seriously. is there a point anymore? #never got to live. sick since a kid. hell was always here #sorry for the depressing state of things ill go back to being insane in a moment #p

[losingchipmunk]

Heres a drawing I'm working on!

It's going to be mad mew mew but for some reason I decided I absolutely needed the most perfectly rendered clothes ever so it's gonna take a while-

#undertale #undertale art #my art #work in process #wip #mad mew mew #utdr fanart #i absolutely refuse to learn how to draw lace #it just looks way too hard #im not even going to try #i just photobashed it on there and shaded it to match everything else #i can learn different types of fabric #ill even sit down and force myself to render hair #but the moment i try to draw lace is the moment ive given up on life and i want to be immediately obliterated from this planet #preferably with a nuke #anyways #hopefully ill finish this soon!

[dot823]

im going through hell right now

#i can hardly make myself even do things i like doing #let alone things i need to do #even eating is a struggle #because the effort of getting out of bed and getting food is too hard #and also i cant afford to just buy food because my family is poor as fuck right now #i spend hours just on tumblr or instagram or talking with friends while doing nothing constructive and then i feel exhausted and pass out #i need to do my taxes and i need to deal with work things or get a new job and i need to be an adult #but i cant even get myself to play my favorite video game im so down #the idea of even having to leave my house for four hours to work is too much #putting on pants is a lot of effort #and i cant apply for disability bc ive tried and it's so goddamn hard and they expect you to remember everything youve ever done #and every penny you've ever held #and god FORBID you have family or friends who have ever given you money to help you #its literally ridiculous #not to mention the state of my house is horrible bc my whole family is depressed #and i want to move so badly but i cant even afford the gas to get to my friends house even if i just loaded my car up and left #im struggling #my mom gets paid in 8 days and until then i have approximately 2 frozen meals and some pasta i can eat #everything else in my house i cant eat because of dietary restrictions and most of it is expired anyway