#ANYWAY. i'm focusing on the GOOD things

[iturmom]

there is nothing like a homemade flour tortilla to cure what ails you 😭

#or ig maybe an equivalent could be homemade tortilla chips 😭 ooh or homemade sourdough 😩 #just any homemade bread like food 😫 #the staff lady has been making tortillas at work since they switched her to nights. she said to keep her awake ugh it's so fucked #to switch people from early morning to graveyard shift but what did we expect from the organization that put vulnerable #women on the streets when their whole mission is to do the opposite?? #ANYWAY. i'm focusing on the GOOD things #staff lady is making tortillas and i made some mac and cheese because i finally have an appetite and she offered me one 😭 #so of course i offered to press my own tortilla and. i swear i'm not usually so useless in the kitchen i've never made tortillas before 😭 #how do you fuck up rolling out a thin circle 😭 #ig it's bc i expected it to be like COOKIE DOUGH BUT IT'S NOT AT ALL LIKE COOKIE DOUGH 😭😭😭 #so yeah basically she ended up doing it all for me so i was just extra gracious lmao #but man i swear there's nothing like a homemade tortilla at midnight 😭😭😭

[caluupin]

been catching up on TGAA/DGS !! :D

#caluuart #tgaa #dgs #tgaa spoilers #dgs spoilers #the great ace attorney #I just finished TGAA1 but haven't started TGAA2 YET. so yeah. I'll be avoiding major spoilers for now :) #MAAAN the ost slaps tho. I've been listening to it A LOT. it's so good. I love video game music. #I can't put it into words on what I liked abt tgaa bc it's kinda everything. so yeah. #also another thing is that I'm watching a play through and so. one day. I might get my hands on actually playing the game. it'd be cool. #there were a lot of moments where I would be FOCUSED on the game bc it's just. so cool. genuinely can't wait to continue onto dgs/tgaa 2 #It's a bit late in the night rn and so I can't really fully ramble n stuff but do feel free to ask abt my thoughts on it in the asks btw #I'd be very glad to answer and ramble on abt it!! #on another note: sorry for the inactivity! I've lost control over my routine :') I'm trying to catch it up to get back to normal momentum. #anyways! gn everyone

[uter-us]

radfem help !!

2 of my little cousins (14yrs and 15yrs) are both girls dating boys right now, and together we are coming up with a "dealbreaker list" of things they will never put up with from their bfs! and also we are including positives, like so they aren't just looking for the absence of bad things, but actual positive things

what do yall think are the most important things to add? (i put extra info in tags)

Thank you so much!!!

#I dont want it just to be “he doesn't hit me” as that's super important but they could end up with awful boys who don't hit them and still #mistreat them. there are certain vulnerabilities that make me worry the most for them. Ive been writing under the deal breakers like exampl #of how it would manifest like things they might say or how they might behave so that way in the moment there will hopefully not be as much #time spent questioning if it counts as a deal breaker. we want to do positives too so like I said in the post it's not just like "he doesn' #put me down“ but also ”he roots for me and encourages me and verbalizes it“. #they are 14/15 so I'm less focused on stuff related to like splitting domestic labor for example but I think a good translation could #be like “he spends as much time as I do planning dates” and “it's clear to me that he put a lot of thought into my birthday gift” or the li #anyway I know they are safer without dating boys (and for the record they both know I do not date men (and only one knows I am SSA) but #they ARE dating and it's much more practical and realistic to reduce harm here since they are doing it! #also this is obviously not the extent of my effort in making sure they are safe and well and not reliant on boys/men; #this list is just one small part!!! #thanks so so much! and if you don't know please share bc maybe someone else has advice! ty!!! #radfem #radical feminist safe #radblr #sex based oppression #mvawg #question tag

[wereh0gz]

I don't think I've seen anyone go into what physical symptoms Sonic experienced as a werehog. Have I posted abt that before I feel like I might've done that

Anyway here's a list of the symptoms of Sonic's werehog form, since I don't see many hcs abt that

Faster fur, quill, and nail growth

Increased body temperature

Increased appetite and intense cravings (not specifically for meat, but for foods he enjoys)

Sensitivity to light, sounds, and smells (easily overstimulated)

Chronic headaches

Joint and back pain due to changed bone structure

Toothaches, also due to changed bone structure

Muscle tears from transforming

Sore throat from vocal chords changing

Blood turned green (like Dark Gaia's blood)

Most of these don't fully go away when he turns back. During Unleashed, the pains lingered post-transformation and made it hard to get up in the morning a lot

Post-Unleashed, Sonic still deals with his fur, quills, and nails growing much faster than average. His bone structure in normal form is slightly different now too. His joints still hurt a bit because of it, especially his knees. Also his teeth are a lot sharper (not just fangs, all of his teeth)

#ramblings #i'm. not the only one with hcs abt this specific thing right #anyways rejoice werehog hcs be upon ye #these hcs also apply to rue but i'm not tagging them bc the post isn't abt them lol sorry rue ily #i think ppl tend to focus more on how his mind is/could be altered by this form #which is all fine and good but i like to think abt the physical effects it has on him too #in fact i like the idea that any mind/personality changes he displays don't come from dark gaia directly altering his mind #but as a reaction to the physical symptoms #like him being more irritable bc he's stressed from the pain and hunger that comes with the transformation #or he's less focused than usual bc he's overstimulated and has a hard time thinking bc of a headache #that kinda thing #bc ppl aren't usually like themselves when they're sick y'know

[gideonisms]

Okay job Finally starts tomorrow I know you guys are following this employment journey at the edge of your seats ♥️

#now time for a deep sense of dread & doom lol #i can be normal i can be normal. workplace affirmations #sometimes it's not what i'm doing that's so bad it's just. #so in ballet sometimes there are dances where you hold your leg up and balance for a really long time while squeezing your muscles #that's not the hard part. the hard part is that if you don't relax OTHER muscles and seem like you're having a good time it looks like shit #you want to focus on holding your leg up. but it's really about looking like you're not focusing on holding it up #and that's life except it just goes on and on #you get to stop dancing right? #but life is 80 years if you're lucky. or unlucky however you want to see it #so when i try to imagine things i'd like to do or goals i'd like to set all i can think about is this stretching on and on and on #anyways! that was my existential crisis of the day time to eat leftovers and go on a walk

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...

I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character. So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)

-

SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?

(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)

Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?

#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample #around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!' #or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then #the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later #HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone #if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours #of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof #people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed #that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional #except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see #it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk #And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests #are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just #chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac #ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was #too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them #quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol.. #ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof #of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the #tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character #focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about #people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol... #This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough... #yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah.. #Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe #that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you #entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like #''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that #in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did #do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..

[pisshandkerchief]

allow me to indulge my gay theatre nerd side for a moment. now if i'm being perfectly honest, i normally don't like jukebox musicals. they usually feel too forced to me and i prefer a musical that actually has songs, y'know, written specifically for it and isn't just trying to fit songs into a story they weren't made for. it just feels more creative to me. if i wanted to listen to preexisting songs, i'd just listen to them at home without the extra story. i don't need a musical for that. HOWEVER. if anyone wanted to write a jukebox musical using fall out boy or mcr songs i would eat that shit UP no questions asked. in fact if i had any talent i'd write one myself 

#this post brought to you by me watching my school's production of mamma mia today #and gaining new appreciation for the art of the jukebox musical #i actually have MANY thoughts about this because mcr in particular literally only writes concept albums #so it's PERFECT for the jukebox musical format. each of their albums already has a story #they just need dialogue and character development to tie them together. #in a similar vein (hear me out on this) the youngblood chronicles is basically a jukebox musical already. #it's a cohesive story created out of songs that weren't necessarily intended to TELL a cohesive story. #the only thing it needs is some extra scenes of dialogue to flesh out the plot and develop the characters #and you've got a perfectly good jukebox musical. #pete wentz hit me up i have Ideas. we can make the stage production of the youngblood chronicles a reality. #have you ever heard of evil dead the musical? then you know where i'm going with this. i'm talking GALLONS of fake blood babeyyy #even other fall out boy songs (especially prehiatus ones) already have such strong imagery and story elements. #i think there's a lot to work with here. #and sm(f)s feels so much like a musical to me already. like a nonlinear musical focused on one person's perspective or something. #i think there is so much to be done here and so many directions it could be taken #anyway if someone wants to collab on a fall out boy or mcr jukebox musical hit me up i am READY and i have THOUGHTS

[etapereine]

looking for photos for more troubled peloton memes and. can i just say. dylan van baarle is kind of hot.

#i'm having an epiphany okay #anyway does anyone have any good photos of him doing The Most at the front of the peloton bc i need them for A Thing #most of the photos i've found are watermarked or actually focused on someone else so he's kind of blurry #bonus points if he looks like. kind of annoyed about it

[psqqa]

truly ted lasso gave us the best gift a show could ever give a fandom: complete lack of confirmation or denial either way

#as well as the option of 'it was all a dream' interpretation for any bits of that final montage we didn't like #ted lasso #tbh the show didn't stick the landing as much as i expected it to #but it did so in such a way that we can go hogwild in this sandbox while remaining canon compliant for...most things really #certainly the bits i'm talking about here #namely: the roy-keeley-jamie situation #(which is good because their wrap-up was absolutely the weakest of the bunch) #(although i don't think they did anything particularly effective or affective with nate either #although nick mohammed did kill it in that scene with ted) #canon compliance is 0% a requirement for anything of course #but it does add a little extra something when you can slide something into the realm of 'feasible' #or at least when you don't have to evade or elide critical chunks of the actual story in order to tell yours #this finale's an interesting one from a storytelling analysis perspective #ultimately i would put the failures down to such careful writing over the rest of the season (and entire show) #that they were left with too much space to fill effectually and too little space to meaningfully #weave in any of the smaller outstanding threads #in combination with what i can only think to call.....An American Approach To An End #which is probably unfair of me but to me it felt there was something distinctly American about the lack of ingenuity #too focused on the meta-goodbye rather than effectively closing out the story #anyway #still Rotating #but also Rotating My Eyes

[zo1nkss]

Last thing I'm saying before my official break, and last thing I'm saying on the izcourse for a bit in general:

The canyon bullied several of my friends of color out of the fandom. If your only concern is whether or not people are being nice to you over a character that has led to such a significant drop in BIPOC engagement, I do not care about your feelings. No I will not let you use my posts that I make calling out toxic culture from Izzy fans to victimize yourself and your friends just because you feel attacked.

#fandom crit #going back to keeping shit out ofbhis tags bc y'all cannot seem to behave yourselves #anyway peace this is my last post about him for awhile #i dont even think i'm gonna reblog stuff atp like I ak only focusing on the good things that came out of s2 #the canyon made s1 all about them I'm sick of it

[autogeneity]

incredible that I even ever imagined I'd be able to do a cv, research interest, AND personal motivation in 6 hours because today I'm just trying to think of a personal motivation letter and I cannot think of fuck about shit

#well I have till the end of the month for this one #seems like a pretty good option #except for (a) I'd have to move inland #and (b) it seems more focused towards industry professionals and I'm not sure how good it would be if #at some point I decide to go for PhD #like it's not even an MSc #it's an MIT #however at the present point in time I *am* looking towards industry work so #it's probably fine #but an MSc would be good for both options. should my wishes change #however I imagine this might be easier lol. especially alongside work #sooo #anyway yeah what the FUCK does one put in these things #m #whining #I might also try for their MSc but I gotta hunt down supervisors which is a whole nother nightmare

[hotwaterandmilk]

The 3rd and final 3D Virtual Live just finished streaming and yay, we got to hear the final new track from Zombie Land Saga FranChouChou The Best Revenge, which releases on September the 28th! Hosting this week were No. 5 and No. 6 along with No. 0 because she’s legendary.

There was a lot of cute banter including mentions of doing radio calisthenics, the girls going fishing, No. 6 making ink illustrations of the fish that were caught, and after the final song the rest of the group dropped by (via wire, which No. 4 did not enjoy) to announce that Franchouchou will be doing a proper on-stage live next month (23rd of October) at Makuhari Messe (and yes, it will be streamed as well). The live will combine 3D animation with the real Franchouchou’s performance, which sounds cool!

I’m pretty exhausted so I won’t go into too much detail. Songs this live were Mezame Returner, Oikaze Travelers, and the new song, We Are Fran Chou Chou!

“We Are Fran Chou Chou!” ups what we had last month with Ai penning the lyrics to “Beginning” by having the girls introduce one another with lyrics they’d penned and music they seem to have directed (it’ll be interesting to see Tatsumi’s score for this song). So No. 6 opens by singing about No. 1, No. 1 follows by singing about No. 2, etc. No. 0′s part (which features a very “We Will Rock You” beat , A+) featured a nice little dance from everyone’s legendary fave.

Apparently No. 5 wrote about 70 pages re: No. 6 and even though they weren’t exactly great for lyrics, No.6 treasures them. They have such an adorable sisterly relationship ;o;

No 6. also makes mention of their producer secretly filming them and saying, “This is what you’re like right now, keep it up” but also telling them to shut up which is... yeah, that’s him. 

I’ll sidetrack a little here but as we saw in the 2nd season, the girls are absolutely preparing for a life without Tatsumi whether they realise it or not.  Ai writing “Beginning” for last month was a big flag, but now “We Are FranChouChou” that they all collaborated on? The songs were about the only thing they weren’t doing themselves by the end of s2 (makeup being mediocre aside)... and the whole thing about him filming them... yeaaaaah.

I’ll be interested to see if we get more movie info at the live next month, anyway. These streaming virtual lives weren’t the best things ever but they were cute, fun ways to see the characters and hear the music again so I enjoyed them quite a bit. I can’t wait to get my copy of the album so I can listen to “Beginning” on repeat!

(I smiled when I saw Oobari Masami tweeting about his love for the series. He should definitely go to Saga!)

#zombie land saga #zombieland saga #zls #rambling #ramblings #zombie land saga spoilers #zombieland saga spoilers #oh yeah and the alluding to the first op sequence again with the sentai stuff at the end of this live was interesting #but i was still kind of processing the whole 'being secretly filmed' thing #and just how freakin adorable lily and yugiri were #yugiri stayed up all night writing about lilyyyyyy #and lily being like it's soooo important to me #;o; #nothing but love #also tae just being tae #always good #it was also amazing hearing them all sing in each other's styles #such a treat #anyway back to focusing on not being able to stand upright because i'm in so much pain :)

[robinsnest2111]

idly wondering with what experts would diagnose me if I was 100% truthful and could remember every single thing that happened to me and every single quirk I developed because of it <3

#like esp. at the start my mother would sit in on all my therapy sessions #and i didn't yet grasp what therapy was for at age 11 so i just talked about my day #and showed the nice lady my latest drawings orz #all that got me was a 'oh that kid is just shy and a little scared going to school just force him to go it'll be fine <3' #never said anything about the nefarious bullying or the things going on at home #because at that point i was so naive i thought it was NORMAL #and other therapists later on only ever focused on my weight and how sloppy i dressed. never addressing all my other issues so i gave up #never talked about all the other stuff for a while. #also that ONE situation i can barely remember but that fucked me up the most i think back in kindergarten... never told anyone about it #except a friend last year. wondering what therapists would say about that if i ever opened up about that to them #after a bit of thought it'd also explain my aversion to being touched/examined by doctors in that area. great. #ANYWAY just wondering <333 #also all the 'negative' feelings i immediately throw in the repression bin. like jealousy frustration anger annoyance entitlement etc #been told one too many times that these things are ugly and shouldn't be displayed. should stop acting like a spoiled brat #never learned how to handle any of that <333 #recently have taken to being overly analytical about it all. trying to find what triggers these emotions and then rationalising them away <3 #they do still fester deep in my soul tho <333 #good thing i'm so good at repression that i forget about it all eventually until something makes me remember and then i suffer #but then i repress again and i can live in blissful ignorance again <333333 #wish i could be a dumb silly billy more often and not think about things too much like i usually do haha #maybe that's why i'm so drawn to and fadcinated by the bimbocore subculture/movement...... 🤔 #anyway anyway just thinking haha

[ehlnofay]

19 for the worldbuilding prompts + Torr?

the profound quiet of a small settlement at night

North Eastmarch is freezing cold all over, but it wears different outside the city than within.

Torr would never call Windhelm warm – not even in summer months, no matter how used to it they are – but what little heat it has it clings to with great determination. The walls huddle together, trapping the air so that it’s either still and muggy or a howling wind, like each close-knit house is breathing in tandem. The heat of the people run up and down its streets, blood through its knotted stone veins. The city is alive, an ecosystem unto itself; its snow, dark with footprints, runs sludgy down the roads; a fireplace is always burning somewhere.

Outside of the walls, surrounded by nothing but empty air and snow-laden trees, a slow-moving stream running with barely a burble – it feels dead, in contrast. Silent. Branches reach needle-sharp across the blue-black sky, the ground is gleaming white and undisturbed by anyone else’s footprints, and the nearest fire is the barely visible gleam of the Kynesgrove mining camp, up the hill and through the sporadic spindles of the trees. The breeze ghosts past Torr’s neck and whips the mud-stained snow into a flurry.

In the city, Torr’s comfortable sleeping almost anywhere – as comfortable as they ever get, anyway. Some of the buildings have great gaps under the porch where the snow can’t reach and no-one ever finds them; there’s places in the nooks of the walls, and sheds built into the side of the house that people don’t lock, and Torr knows a few people besides who don’t mind him kipping on their floor every now and again, as long as he doesn’t ask too often. The outside isn’t like that. There’s not many places to go. He’s lurking around Kynesgrove tonight – on his way back from a quick venture out to get some things done that pay better than running errands around the markets – and there aren’t many options. The inn, which he can’t afford – the mine, which would be warm but is very guarded – the miner’s encampment or someone’s house, both of which would most likely result in being chased off. Besides, there’s a performative element to meeting people, especially adults, in strange places, and Torr’s not in the mood to play to strangers. So much of his being is caught up in Windhelm’s grimy alleys, tangled in the hair and fingers of its discarded children; he doesn’t know how to be himself away from it all.

But they don’t have to, seeing as there’s the rickety old sawmill on the edge of a stream feeding into the harbour. It’s not bad, as shelter goes; no walls, so the wind rubs its fingers wraithlike down Torr’s cheeks and tangles them in his hair, but at least there’s a roof. It looks newly thatched, too, the floorboards free of rot, the water-wheel still chugging creakily along. There’s no wood to cut here, all the nearby surrounding trees too scraggy to be worth the bother. The only big ones are part of the grove up on the hill. There’s no point in keeping the mill running, but Torr is glad it is; he watches the distant firelight flickering through the scrub, and listens to the splashing of the wheel. It’s proof that people and the things they make do still exist – if not necessarily here.

It really feels dead, out in the cold, with the leafless trees and the wind that doesn’t even whisper. It always does. It’s a bit discomfiting, which is maybe why Torr doesn’t go on out-of-city endeavours as often as perhaps he could; but really, there’s not work out here enough to make it worth it. There’s always problems with bandits on the road, but Torr’s not a good enough fighter for bounty work; there’s collecting plants and things to sell Nurelion, but that’s easy enough to do on a day trip. (And, really, it’s more for Torr’s own enjoyment, besides. They never even venture far south enough to get to the sulphur pools, which is where the more interesting things grow.)

This trip, though, is an outlier. Unusually efficient. Just a quick job for Niranye, scouting a merchant’s cart on the road – almost definitely for something shady, but that’s not Torr’s business, and it was too much money too easy to turn down. And then – just earlier today, foraging out in the wilderness as best as Torr (a distinctly urban animal) knows how – they’d come across a giant’s corpse, stiff and white as the snow it lay in. Torr’s no master alchemist but they know the value of a cadaver when it comes to brewing alloys and admixtures, so they set to with their blunt-edged dagger and now they’ve got a sack full of what may as well be gold. (Long as it doesn’t start to rot before they can get Nurelion to preserve it, anyway.)

Torr’s going to be rolling in it when they get back to Windhelm. They could use that money for nearly anything – pay off a few things they borrowed, new warm things now that winter’s coming back strong, bedrolls, waterskins. Endless options – which, strangely, is more exciting than it is burdensome.

It’s all the sort of decision that would ordinarily feel life-or-death urgent but right now feels – not small. Not insignificant, not at all, but distant. A choice to be made at another time, by another person.

(Torr’s whole being belongs to Windhelm’s back streets. They’re someone else, away from it all.)

That’s the other thing about leaving the city, spending time in the discomfiting slow-paced ghost-world outside. It’s quiet. Torr sits surrounded by the wind in the trees, the lazy murmur of the stream, the creak of the water-wheel, and nothing else.

He’s been called a worrywart (mostly by Griss in a strop) but to tell the truth he doesn’t think that’s true. Torr doesn’t fuss for the sake of fussing, he just doesn’t like to leave things undone; can’t stop until he finds a solution. Out here, alone, in the empty cold, there are no solutions to find – same old problems back home, he knows, but no steps he can take at this time to right them. That’s never true while he’s in the city, so he can never stop thinking about it, every choice and action accompanied by a buzzing background chorus of everything else he really should be doing – that really should have been done by now – that should never have been left undone this long, what was he thinking? Everything is urgent when it’s doable. But here and now, there’s nothing to do.

So Torr sits hunched on the board floor of the ramshackle watermill, huddled among their heaps of bags and blankets, and thinks of nothing at all.

Not strictly true. They think of supper – haven’t eaten since an apple this morning, except for some snowberries they found around noon, and it’s been a long day. They nabbed some turnips from the garden of the Kynesgrove inn on their way to the mill. They’re fresh, if nothing else – also covered in dirt, so Torr rises reluctantly from their pile of stuff to crouch on the banks of the stream and dip the vegetables in to clean them off. It aches like hell, the frozen water turning their joints to ice – they almost drop the turnip they’re washing, so they scrub it as best they can with the frigid pad of their thumb and whip their hands out of the water soon as they’re able. They stick their fingers in their mouth to warm them back up.

Even after all that time spent warming up their hands, arraying all their belongings back around themself to conserve body heat, the turnips are still cold enough to hurt Torr’s teeth when he bites in. He eats them anyway, relishing a little in the unearthly silence and the aching of his lips and palms. They taste delicious.

With nothing else to do after, the gnawing of his stomach sated, he wraps himself in his shawl and stares up the hill at the camp’s fire until it goes out. The stars wink into brighter being. The wind whistles through the whip-thin branches of the trees. The water-wheel creaks.

Torr sleeps, but he feels like he hears it all – a silent observer, an echo, a beginning – until morning.

#I considered doing something with post-questline torr for this #but it would have been so fucking sad #and I didn't want to write something that was so fucking sad! #I'll post about torr after the horrors eventually but Not Today. #this was also initially supposed to be an exercise in writing something short that focused more on a distinctive atmosphere #than a scene or character study as most of my pieces are. #oops. #snowballed into an absolute monster of a ramble. #maybe sometime I'll use these prompts to write Actually Short pieces with more of a focus on the worldbuilding aspect... #would be good practice. everything I've written lately has been a thousand words minimum. #I could write about my minor characters or npcs with it too... yeah I think I'll do that at some stage #but. anyway. I quite like this piece as a sort of study #I fucking love writing characters who are having a nice time. with just a hint. just a whisper. of the problems #I enjoyed putting in the reference to the alchemical giant's toes especially because that is an allusion no-one but me understands #to a line in one of my very bad very early pieces on torr #it's not well written but I loved that bit because it's such a wonderful microcosm of the way torr is even before the murder cult thing #Yes he's the busiest most hardworking caretaking boy in the world taking trips into the wilderness (comparatively) to feed his family #and Yes his first instinct on seeing a corpse is to cut it up and sell it for parts #(he's done this to human bodies too but only in extremely specific circumstances. the risk of legal repercussions is too great otherwise) #I'll make a post rambling sometime about torr's ethical system because I'm so obsessed with them and their unhinged point of view #Anyway #done rambling #my writing #fay writes #oc tag #torr #the elder srolls #tes #skyrim #tesblr

[000png]

okay i think i have a game plan. this is good i'm feeling good about this.

#0.txt #school thing might work out really well actually #the only thing is they only take fall admissions so i need to figure out if there is something #viable to do between now and fall of 2024. preferably even take classes and forward those credits but idk if its feasible. will ask #if not ig i'll just do some traveling??? or some sort of vacation lmaoo #i also obviously need to get admitted first LMAO #on the other end my mom is trying to get me to consider super top schools like mit or carnegie mellon #bc to be frank i do have a shot. but i really. don't want to move lmao like i love this area i have a fucking house here #i don't want to have to deal with selling all that to what. pay rent on the east coast. the school i am targeting also is still very good #and if they require me to take the gre i'm absolutely out lol #also i'm not going so much for the degree but for this specific lab that focuses on AR/VR and just general networking #ofc you can find that kind of shit elsewhere as well but isn't it so nice and convenient that it's HERE #anyways. we're so back babes

[slugandthorn]

Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently

#.txt #Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming. #Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works #And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship #It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people #All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games. #And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot! #Today in particular is probably just a bad day. #And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting #Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people. #As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted. #Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it. #Myself. #Normally. #Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting. #My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence. #And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid. #And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure #When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed. #Which I can arguably do things about. #Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier #Another day.