#And one very weird c-section later I am very grateful to be where I am despite not really having a day off

[suituuup]

pieces - chapter sixteen

Five years ago, Chloe dropped off the face of the Earth. Beca didn’t expect to see her again dancing in a strip club, out of all places.

rating: E (drug use and emotional abuse in early chapters)

ao3 link

*

Chloe woke up sometime mid-morning. She was a bit drowsy, but memories of what had transpired earlier that day quickly sprang back to mind as soon as she tried to sit up and a blinding pain shot through her stomach. 

She couldn’t feel her legs, and she had a catheter put in. 

The c-section felt like a surreal out-of-body experience. Despite being awake, Chloe couldn’t seem to grasp what was actually happening. It felt like a bad dream, and her brain couldn’t grasp it as reality.

Twisting her head to her left, she caught sight of a note and winced as she grabbed it. A soft smile curved her lips, and she reached for her phone next, seeing three photos and a video from Beca. 

All of Bean, along with a message dating from three minutes ago which made Chloe smile with relief. 

Beca [11:04am]

Bean is doing good. The nurse told me she’s doing well with feeding. Strong like her Mama.

The day was long, as Chloe could do nothing besides laying there or pumping milk. Beca visited every couple of hours, but Chloe would rather have her keep Bean company while she couldn’t. She texted her parents and the girls to tell them Bean was born but still in the NICU, and facetimed with Aubrey. She slept some more afterward, but towards the end of the day, she started feeling anxious to meet her daughter. 

“You should go home and get some rest,” she told Beca when it pushed ten pm. 

Beca stifled a yawn. “I’m okay.” 

Chloe gave her a pointed look. “You look exhausted, Bec. You haven’t slept in over 36 hours. I’m fine. Bean is doing good, and the nurse told me she'd keep me posted frequently throughout the night. Besides, they won’t let you stay at the NICU all night.” 

Beca seemed to hesitate, eventually relenting with a sigh. “Fine. I’ll keep my phone on though, so call me if there’s anything.” 

“I will.” She smiled when Beca bent down to kiss her forehead, leaning against the contact. “Night, Bec.” 

Despite her anxiousness, Chloe managed to catch a handful of hours of sleep. As promised, the nurse had kept her posted on Bean’s health, and nothing alarming had popped up. Beca was back at 6 am, armed with a coffee and a bagel. 

“Oh man, I love you,” Chloe mumbled, taking the coffee from her. The one from yesterday was cold by the time she woke up, and she appreciated that first sip in close to seven months. 

“Are you talking to me or the coffee?” Beca teased, smirking. 

“The coffee,” Chloe replied, sticking her tongue out. “Did you manage to get some sleep?” 

“Yep. Seven hours.”

“Ready to go see your baby?” The nurse asked as she breezed inside Chloe’s room with a wheelchair. 

Chloe beamed. “Yes, more than ready.” She sat up with a grimace and turned, letting her legs hang off the side of the bed while she waited for the discomfort to pass. Then, with Beca’s help, she shrugged on her robe and lowered herself in the wheelchair. 

Her heart picked up with anticipation as she was rolled down towards the NICU. She thoroughly washed her hands, as did Beca, and Beca took over with the wheelchair pushing duties, slowing it to a stop in front of the right incubator. 

Tears filled Chloe’s eyes, but she managed to blink them away so they wouldn’t blur her vision as she took in the sight of her daughter for the very first time. “Oh my goodness,” she breathed out, reaching out through the hole to touch her hand. 

“Hi, Bean. I’m your Mama,” Chloe choked on that word, tears spilling down her cheeks despite her best attempt to make them go away. “Hello. You’re okay,” she soothed when the newborn scrunched up her face and kicked her legs. “Mama’s here.” 

The NICU nurse standing by observed the scene with a smile. “Do you already have a name for her?” 

“I do,” Chloe replied, unable to tear her gaze away. “Marleigh June Beale.” June was her grandmother’s middle name, and Chloe wanted to honor her in some way. “Aka MJ. Or Bean.” 

“I feel like Bean is going to stick around,” Beca commented with a soft chuckle. 

“I’m not able to hold her yet, am I?” Chloe asked the nurse as she wrote down Marleigh’s name on a small board. 

The woman shook her head. “Not until she’s stable enough.”

Chloe nodded, pushing her disappointment away. While she was aching to hold her, she felt grateful enough that they were both okay after that huge scare. 

“She’s so small,” Chloe repeated to Beca when the nurse left. Marleigh’s tiny fingers wrapped around her pointer one and Chloe smiled. “That’s right, Bean. I’m right here. I’m not leaving.” 

Except she obviously had to during the night, but she was right back as early as she could, gazing at her daughter for hours on end. The odds were looking good, with Marleigh gaining weight every day and her lungs getting a bit stronger, too. She was switched to a C-PAP ventilating machine instead of a tube down her throat on the third morning. 

Chloe was discharged on her fourth morning, and once visiting hours were over at the NICU, she reluctantly left Marleigh’s bedside and drove home with Beca. 

“You alright?” Beca asked as she pulled out of the parking lot. 

Chloe nodded, wiping a tear away. “Yeah. It’s just-- weird to leave her behind. I know we’ll be back first thing tomorrow morning, but… it’s not the same.” 

“Yeah, I get it,” Beca agreed, reaching over to hold her hand. 

It had been three days, but Chloe was still extremely sore from her c-section. Simple things such as getting out of the car by herself were difficult, and she found herself in a pickle as she stood in the bathroom, unable to take her clothes off. 

“Bec?” She called out over the sound of the shower running. “Can you come in here for a sec?” 

Beca popped her head inside a few seconds later. “What’s up?” 

“Can you lower my leggings for me?” Her nose scrunched up. “I can’t bend over.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Beca said, stepping inside and shutting the door behind her. She slid them down and Chloe stepped out of them, then undid the last few buttons of her shirt and shrugged it off. Her incision looked pretty raw, and she was sporting a five-month bump, but that didn’t bother her. She knew it would deflate with time as her uterus went back to its normal size. “Can you um, do you mind getting in with me?” Her cheeks heated up over the request. “I can’t raise my arms at all.” 

Beca smiled sympathetically. “Yeah, of course.” She stripped down to her underwear and a sports bra while Chloe stepped under the hot spray in just her underwear. 

It wasn’t anything Beca hadn’t seen before, and she really needed to get her nipples rinsed off after pumping. 

“Oh my god, this feels amazing,” she gushed as soon as the spray hit her sore muscles. It was her first actual shower in over three days, and Chloe felt gross. She felt the loofah against her back, rubbing in slow circles, and bit back a moan. While Beca did her back, she was able to wash her front and her face with slow, calculated movements so she didn’t strain her incision. 

“Shampoo?” Beca asked. 

“If you don’t mind.”  

“Tilt your head back a bit if you can.” 

Chloe did so, holding back another sound of satisfaction as Beca massaged her scalp, working the shampoo through her red curls. She stepped back under the spray to rinse it off, then turned the water off. 

“I’ll go get you a towel,” Beca said, stepping out and reaching for a large towel under the sink. She wrapped it around Chloe’s body, then grabbed another one for herself. She wordlessly helped Chloe dry off and once in her bedroom, helped her dress once more and towel-dry her hair because it turned out being able to raise her arms was handy for a lot of things. 

“How you feelin’?” Beca asked ten minutes later when Chloe padded to the kitchen. 

“Better,” Chloe said as she poured herself a glass of water. She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Anxious, though. I don’t like being so far away from her. I just hope she’s okay.” 

Beca nodded. “They would have called if she wasn’t.” 

“I know.” Chloe cleared her throat. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you properly, but you were my rock during the c-section. I was terrified, but having you there with me and knowing you were looking out for her after… it really helped. So thank you.” 

“Of course,” Beca murmured. “I’ll always look out for my favorite girls.” 

Chloe smiled and stepped up for a loose hug. “I’m going to get some sleep.”

“Goodnight, Chlo.” 

Chloe was greeted with great news when they reached the NICU the next morning. Marleigh was deemed stable enough to spend some time outside of the incubator, which meant Chloe would get to hold her. 

“Skin-to-skin contact is very beneficial at this age, so you’re welcome to open your shirt to lay her directly on your chest,” the nurse told Chloe as she opened the incubator and fiddled a bit with the wires. 

“Okay,” Chloe said, taking a seat on the chair in the corner and undoing her buttons. She gasped when the nurse gently transferred her into her arms. 

Marleigh fussed for a bit while the nurse adjusted the CPAP over her head, then settled down, curling up against Chloe’s chest. 

“Hello my sweet girl,” she whispered, brushing a kiss to her red hair. Her heart felt fit to burst, and happy tears stung behind her eyes as she gently rubbed her back. “I love you so much.” 

“Smile for the pic, Mama Chlo,” Beca requested as she held her phone up. Chloe looked up and did so, finding it hard to keep her eyes away from Marleigh more than a few seconds at a time. “Can I send it to the group chat and your parents?” 

“Yeah,” Chloe breathed out, her gaze flickering back down to Bean. She cleared her throat and started to sing softly. 

“She's got a smile that it seems to me

Reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky

Now and then when I see her face

She takes me away to that special place

And if I stare too long, I'd probably break down and cry…

Whoa, oh, oh

Sweet child o' mine.” 

It took another ten days for Marleigh to be taken off the ventilator. Chloe spent every day at the NICU, holding her, singing to her, reading her stories, or simply holding her hand. Beca wasn’t there all the time, tying up loose ends at the studio so she could take four weeks off whenever Marleigh got to go home. She still made it to keep Marleigh company while Chloe headed to her NA meetings or therapy sessions because Chloe didn’t want to miss any. 

Marleigh couldn’t feed on her own just yet and was struggling to regulate her temperature, those being the two milestones she needed to reach before being cleared from the NICU. 

“Chlo, she doesn’t like it when I’m the one doing it,” Beca mumbled, looking slightly panicky as Marleigh fussed while she tried to change her diaper. “Or maybe she just doesn’t like me, period.” 

Chloe had done it quite a few times by now, but it was Beca’s first attempt at changing a baby diaper in apparently, ever. 

Chloe rolled her eyes, stifling a laugh. “She likes you. Now open the diaper.” 

Beca did, grimacing as a foul smell escaped from it. “Holy shit. Dude. That’s nasty.” She folded the dirty diaper and put it away, then gently grabbed Marleigh’s kicking feet. “How can someone cute like you make something so stinky? I feel like your Mama knew that was a bad one and let Auntie Beca do the filthy job. Don’t you think?” 

Chloe wasn’t sure how much more her heart could take. It seemed to swell a bit more with each interaction she witnessed, and would soon run out of room in her chest. 

Wipes and a clean diaper later, Beca lifted Marleigh into her arms. “We did it, Mar!” She showed her hand to the two weeks old. “High-five? No?” Beca smirked as she sat down in the rocking chair. “You’re hard to impress, MJ.” 

Over Marleight’s third week in the NICU, Chloe tried breastfeeding for the first time. It took a good minute to get her to latch on properly, but once she did, she was a real trooper. 

“How does that feel?” Beca asked as she sat in the opposite chair, observing the scene before her. “Does it hurt?” 

“No. It’s a bit weird, but it doesn’t hurt,” Chloe said as she gazed down, obsessed with the way Marleigh’s ears moved back and forth as she nursed. 

“Oh, Aubrey’s here,” Beca said when her phone buzzed. “I’ll go get her.” 

By this point, Beca was considered the other parent by the NICU staff, so they were allowed an additional visitor. Marleigh’s stomach was still fairly small, so Chloe was done feeding by the time Aubrey arrived. 

“Hi,” Chloe greeted with a bright smile as she paced around, rubbing Marleigh’s back to get her to burp. When she did, Chloe pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “Good job, Bean.” She focused back on Aubrey. “Wanna hold her?” 

Aubrey’s head bobbed up and down. Chloe didn’t think she’d ever seen her best friend this excited, though she could tell Aubrey was trying to conceal it. Once she’d sat down on the chair previously occupied by Beca, Chloe gently lowered Marleigh down in her arms. 

“Oh my gosh,” Aubrey gasped, cradling her in the crook of her elbow. Marleigh was much more alert now, her big blue eyes staring up at that new face. “Hello, Marleigh. I’m your Auntie Aubrey.” 

Tears pricked behind Chloe’s eyes as she snapped a few pictures. She had about a thousand of Marleigh by now. 

By the fourth week, Marleigh was wire-free and was moved to an open incubator. She still needed to gain more weight until they could go home, but it was only a matter of a couple of weeks at most. Chloe now got to dress her, her first official onesie being the Bella one. She snapped a photo and sent it to the group chat, then had Beca snap one of the two of them as Chloe was wearing Beca’s barden hoodie, too. 

They were cleared to go home when Marleigh reached five weeks and doubled her birth weight. She still looked unbelievably small once she was strapped in her car seat, ready to set off. Chloe gifted the nursing staff with a basket full of goodies and a heartfelt note for their devotion and kindness over the six weeks Marleigh spent at the NICU. 

“You got it?” Chloe asked as Beca slid the car seat into position once they reached her car. 

A click was heard and Beca cast her a smirk. “I’m a pro already.” 

Chloe chuckled and slid in the backseat so she was by Marleigh’s side for the ride home. They reached Beca’s place just after eleven that morning, Marleigh having fallen asleep in the car. 

Their first afternoon home unfolded smoothly. It was weird and a bit scary to take care of Marleigh without having a nurse nearby, but Chloe knew it was just a question of habit. 

“How’s the water?” 

“Good, I think. You should check it, too,” Beca said as she turned off the faucet. 

Chloe dipped her hand in, then lowered Marleigh into the baby plastic tub they had set up in the master bathroom one. Marleigh started crying as soon as her butt touched the water, her features scrunching up. 

“Oh no, it’s okay,” Chloe soothed. “I’ll be quick, Bean.” 

Beca started singing to distract Marleigh from crying. 

“Shorty get down, good Lord

Baby, got 'em open all over town

Strictly biz, she don't play around

Cover much grounds, got game by the pound.”

Chloe stifled a laugh and bit back a comment because it was actually working, Marleigh settling down while she rubbed a cloth over her body, then gently shampooed her hair. 

“I can’t believe you sang that song,” Chloe said, shaking her head as she rubbed Marleigh dry a few minutes later. 

“Hey, it worked,” Beca argued softly, huffing a laugh. “My girl’s got good taste.” 

After putting on a fresh diaper and a onesie, Chloe fed Marleigh, then swaddled her. The baby didn’t stir as Chloe lowered her into her crib after singing her to sleep, and she turned on her night light and the baby monitor before quietly shuffling out of the room. 

First day home from the hospital? Nailed it. 

#bechloe fanfic

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

#13th doctor #thirteenth doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #female reader

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (TW: language)

Words: ~3K

Summary: Lars has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him in the middle of the night to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

Set mid SUF.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to write Lars’ POV before this, but it was really fun! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Besides the quiet lull of the TV and the electric hum of the attic’s rickety old heater, all is silent in the Barriga household. The nighttime streets outside are vacant. Not a soul roams through his section of town, not even the newer Gem arrivals, who thankfully have been informed of humanity’s biologically mandated curfew by now. Sheesh, it’s about time.

After all, silence is peace. And in this day and age, in a world where the barriers between human and intergalactic politics are becoming increasingly blurred by the hour, peace is a gift.

Which is why having free time to play whatever old video games he wants in complete and total solitude at one AM is probably the single thing keeping him sane at this moment.

Lars’ fingers expertly flick at the joysticks of the controller as if by innate memory. It genuinely feels like forever since he’s been able to lose himself for hours in a solo campaign like this, and quite honestly, if given a choice he prefers it to any other leisurely activity. Chatting with his online friends or with that Gem gang of his is fun, sure, and working the counter at his bake shop can often be emotionally satisfying, but pushed too long and any kind of social interaction feels draining. He shifts on his bed, paying little to no attention to the slight chill against his bare chest. He’s pretty sure it’s like, near freezing outside and yet somehow it’s no more an annoyance to him than having to pause to reload an ammo clip in this game. It’s weird. Really weird. But then, at this point everything about his dumb life is.

It’s the Steven effect, he thinks with a soft scoff. Weird practically orbits him and his moms, and inevitably, every person he comes in contact with is brought into the fold. He’s a good kid, though. Don’t get him wrong. Steven always tries his best to be thoughtful when dealing with people he doesn’t understand— even when initially those people just act like dicks in return— and he for one is grateful for that, for the gift of a... a second chance. He knows full well he didn’t deserve it, (he still doesn’t), but he’s grateful.

The kid’s still on his mind when his phone lights up on the nightstand beside him, like the now familiar glow of Gems synchronizing to fuse.

(And goddamnit, does a part of him still balk almost two years later that it’s so normal to be casually relating everyday things to outer space Gem stuff anyways. What is he, with his pink hair and alien friends, the main character of an anime?)

Eyes skirt away from the grainy television set he’s been playing his favorite Immortal Combat on, and glance at the new notification.

Steven, the name at the top of the text reads. Well, lo and behold. The true shounen protagonist himself. Somebody’s ears must have been burning. Though, hmm. Come to think of it, that’s actually unusual. They pass bullshit memes back and forth sometimes, yes, but he never sends him anything this late at night.

Lars frowns, failing to obscure that annoying, instinctual worry that seizes him like the long lost sensation of hunger rising from the pit of his stomach, and scoots forward on his bed to grab his phone. What’s he want at this hour, anyways?

Steven: hey, sorry i know its late but can i come over ?

His frown deepens as he glances down at himself, clad in only a pair of boxers. He doesn’t mind having an unexpected visitor— after all, it’s not like he requires sleep anymore— but he’s not exactly dressed for company, here.

yeah but gimme a mo, he types back. kinda need to put on a shirt

Steven: k

Yawning out of sheer habit, he leans over the other side of the bed and grabs the first decent smelling tee he can find off the floor. It’s got an overlapping triangular emblem on it, a symbol from one of the game series he used to be obsessed with as a kid. He quickly shrugs it and a stray pair of sweatpants on, then returns to his phone.

decent now, he updates him.

The response is almost immediate.

Steven: be there soon

With a heavy inhale, he leans back against the headboard and begins to mentally prepare himself for the passage of One Whole Teenage Boy through the portal in his hair. For the most part he’s grown used to the changes caused by Steven’s literal magic resurrection, but not this. Who the hell knows how his pet lion puts up with it all the time. Quite frankly, how that creature has remained so docile and patient after years of interloping within Steven’s chaotic world of Gems eludes him, ‘cause it sure as hell isn’t a side effect of all the death-defying space voodoo.

Also, he’s like, 97% sure that “docile” and “patient” aren’t words anyone would pick to describe him at any stage of his life, ever.

And yet, yawning in his boredom, Lars waits.

And he waits.

And he waits.

And when eventually he breaks his stubborn streak and dares to check the time on his phone to see how many minutes have elapsed, how many minutes of his thrice-damned maybe infinite lifespan he’s wasted sitting up against the far wall of his room waiting for that kid to tumble right out of the literal inter-dimensional door hidden amidst the curls atop his head, he’s mildly surprised that his first emotional response to this delay is... dare he admits... disappointment.

It’s been nearly fifteen minutes. For whatever unknown reason, it seems as if Steven may not be coming over after all. Huh. He wonders what changed his mind. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Lars decides to check his texts. It’s possible the guy wrote something else and he just didn’t see it. But when he pulls up his latest conversation, all that comes up are the last messages they sent to each other. Be there soon, he said.

He hovers hesitant fingers over the keyboard, caught in the midst of trying to decide whether or not it’s too invasive and prying to send some sort of casual check-in, when he picks up on a very timid knock on the front door downstairs. And given the lateness of the hour, there’s really only one person it could be. He blinks for a moment, his mind still doing somersaults in order to process the mere concept of Steven not gleefully taking the opportunity to explode out of his hair for once in his life, and then drags himself up to his feet. Walks out of his attic room and down the stairs, being careful not to disturb his slumbering parents. Unlatches the locks on the door.

Truth be told he has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him at one fucking AM to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

He struggles not to stumble backwards at the initial force of the teen’s silent yet yearning embrace, eventually regaining his stability and... slowly, delicately... hugging him back. Honestly, he’s never been much of a hugger himself, but eh. He’ll give the guy this one. After a brief moment Lars gives him a few awkward pats, clearing his throat.

“Uh, Steven? You good to let go, now?” he asks quietly, still keeping his voice in a whisper for his parents’ benefit.

“Oh! Y-yeah, yeah,” his younger friend stammers, immediately pulling himself away. His eyes are drawn to the floor as he wrings his hands together. Timid. “Sorry, I just— I just needed somewhere I could clear my head tonight. Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem,” he throws back, gesturing for him to follow up the stairs. “‘S not like I ever sleep a wink now anyways. So I might as well have company.”

The two of them tiptoe towards the attic, a familiar setting for both. Steven’s been in here quite a few times before, so— already knowing the lay of the land— he plops himself down in the beanbag chair Lars keeps at the foot of his bed. They don’t talk about much of anything at first, merely passing back and forth brief updates about their lives. Small talk, nothing more. As expected though, Steven’s update is infinitely more interesting than his. Apparently he went on some mission to an alien planet with that Lapis friend of his the other day and had to deal with the attitude of some stubborn terraformers who didn’t want to stop working on their shitty old Homeworld assignment. (Meanwhile, the only update he has to offer is how he’s teaching Blue Lace Agate the art of bad baking puns while at work. Gotta leave behind some sort of legacy before he leaves with his fellow Off-Colors, of course.)

When the small talk finally dries up, (which seems... uncharacteristic, given the typical enthusiasm of his current visitor), Lars offers him a second controller.

“We can play the go-kart one, if you want,” he says, knowing full well that his friend isn’t a huge fan of all his war-themed combat games. Still, he figures the guy could probably stand to blow off a little steam. He looks super stressed, with his brow all creased and his stare unnervingly glassy.

The sixteen-year-old nods, adjusting his hands around the grips of the controller as Lars switches out the disk.

They race a few rounds in relative quiet, wholly insulated by the reassuring stillness of the night all around them, before Steven decides to open up again.

“Where do you think the line is?” he asks when they finish their current course.

His whole face scrunches in confusion. “Huh?”

“Between like, doing bad things, and outright being bad?” he continues, seemingly unaware of the comedic pulse of Lars’ initial response.

Lars blinks.

Considers these words deeply and thoroughly for a moment, as any good friend should.

And then...

“Where the heck did you pull that question from?”

Steven merely shrugs, his shoulders drooping a bit lower than they had been when he first entered his house a while back. “I dunno, just musing, ‘s all.”

The edges of his mouth curl downwards as he lets this corker of a conversation starter wash over him, not so much intended as a frown at Steven, but a frown at... whatever force of this universe would lead his friend to start musing about such depressing philosophical quandaries in the first place. Acting numb and brooding at the rest of the world is supposed to be his job, not this kid’s! And sure, yes, yes, yes, he knows he can’t exactly call him a kid anymore— at least not to his face— and that he’s been a teenager for a good three years now. It’s just that... well. For all his complaints about it earlier in life, Lars kinda grew to respect and feel uplifted by his cheery, upbeat, never-give-up-hope outlook. Dare he says, he kinda misses it.

(And for Steven’s sake, he kinda hoped he’d never discover the burnout and cynicism waiting on the other side. Alas, he fears that ship has probably sailed.)

“Sorry,” the sixteen-year-old mumbles upon noting his extended silence, his cheeks flushed with shame. “Probably not something anyone wants to think about at two in the morning. Just- forget I said anything, okay? Let’s play one more round, and then I can lea—“

Eyes widening, he holds up a hand to intercept that train of thought. “No, that’s— you asked an interesting question. Deep, but interesting. It’s fine, I don’t mind. I...”

He inhales deep, collecting his wits and whatever years of wisdom he may or may not have accumulated ever since dying and coming back to life.

“I suppose in my mind, people aren’t truly bad unless they intend to cause harm, y’know?” he begins, meeting Steven’s eyes. “You can still hurt others without meaning it, and like... that’s still not great, and you should still try and make up for it however you can, but... life’s complicated. People are complicated. It’s all a huge mess of emotions and ethics and beliefs all the time.”

He pauses, a twinge of melancholy rising within his chest as he catches a glimpse of a photograph hung on one of the wooden support beams at the far wall. It’s a selfie of him and Sadie he printed out a few years back when they were still low-key dating, one that— for the life of him— he can’t bear to take down. She’s kissing his cheek. He’s caught in the middle of laughter, playfully trying to nudge her away. They look... so young.

So naive.

(So human.)

“And sometimes it can be so, so easy to convince yourself that you’re always in the right,” he continues, quieter, “that people feeling hurt because of something you did is just their problem. In that case, it’s not that you wanted to harm anyone, it’s just... that you were blind to it, I guess.”

(And he was blind for a long, long time.)

“Like I said, it’s messy.”

Lars sighs, willfully averting his glance from the photographic reminder of all the ways he ignorantly fucked up with Sadie as a friend and partner, and with everyone in his life, making the same stupid mistakes over and over with nearly no improvement until he literally died to his old self.

“So, yeah. There. I guess that’s my opinion,” he mumbles, absentmindedly fiddling with the collar of his graphic tee. “Everyone makes bad choices sometimes, but you’re not actually a bad person unless you literally want to harm others. I don’t think people are bad once and bad forever, though,” he adds, pulling his hand away from his shirt.

Inhaling deep, he splays his palm wide, admiring those same old loops and whorls at the tips of his fingers, identical in every detail to his old, living, human self... but now pink. It's haunting, sometimes.

“People can change, y’know? If they make the effort to.”

When he finally glances back at Steven, he seems thoroughly spaced out by all his impassioned rambling, his gaze walleyed and void of any identifiable emotion. He scowls, unsure whether or not he should feel offended, and gives an exaggerated shrug to defuse the sickeningly earnest atmosphere out of this room.

“But hey, I’m biased,” he mutters, letting that instinctual, age-old self-depreciation coat his tone once more. “For all I know, everything I said could be absolute bunk, and I’m still just an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole, Lars,” Steven finally speaks up, his expression still perplexingly unreadable.

“I—“ His eyes blow wider, the sheer frankness of this comment catching him entirely off guard, overturning all of his once-impenetrable defenses. “...Thank you. I’m trying not to be.”

The conversation doesn’t advance any further from there, both parties content to fade back into the understated comfort of silent companionship. They play a few more rounds of their racing game, Lars beating Steven handily each time. (Truth be told, he’s not confident he’s bringing his A-game, though.) Then, sometime around three AM, his friend drags himself out of the beanbag chair and announces that he should probably head home and get some rest. Apparently he’s got a lot of planning to do for Little Homeschool's graduation ceremony that’s happening in a few days, or whatever. Which, is fair. Not everyone is blessed enough to be a sleepless zombie like him.

“Y’know, it’s been nice, getting to hang out, just us,” Steven says— quiet, but genuine— as Lars leads him back down the stairs. “We should do this more often.”

Purposefully, given the unusual emotional atmosphere of this whole visit, he decides not to mention the fact that he's planning to leave Earth again when his all Gem friends finally graduate. Later, he thinks, when everyone's in a better place.

“Well, if you’re ever bored, you know where to reach me,” he replies as they reach the bottom step, fondly rolling his eyes. “The good ol’ inter-hair-mensional express. Just, y’know— text me. And not during work hours.”

The teen gives his thanks once again, and then exits out the front, making sure to be extra gentle shutting the door on his way out for his parents’ sake. Huh. Seems that even when he’s (seemingly) in a funk, he’s capable of being uber courteous like that. Goodness, how does he do it?

Lars stands motionless at the entryway for a few moments after he’s gone, staring blankly at the now empty space the sixteen-year-old just occupied. His brow furrows, his fingers curling in perplexion at his side. He doesn’t have enough insight into Steven’s inner life to claim anything for sure, but he can’t help but feel like something with that boy was... off, tonight. Like, beyond your standard teenage moodiness. His demeanor, his bizarre and specific question, his relative silence... it all seems to be pointing towards something, lurking in the background. Still, there’s little he can do for a person who’s not volunteering information. And it ain’t his job to drag it out of him, either. He always hated when his parents tried to do that when he was younger, and it almost ruined their relationship entirely. That’s the last sorta scenario he’d want to force upon Steven. He’ll open up when he’s ready, in the end.

And until then... well.

He just hopes that the kid knows that— beyond the bizarre magic portal in that pink lion’s mane— he’s always got a brother on the other side who’s willing to at least listen. To be but a small source of support.

If he wants him to be.

#su #su future #lars barriga #steven universe #su fanfiction #my writing stuff

[darkdevasofdestruction]

How You Met - Akatsuki

Hoshigaki Kisame

You and your puppy went to the lake to enjoy your day off, eat some nice food your mum made for you and have a small swim in the chilly water. As you prepared your blanket and food basket on the grass, the puppy ran past you, yipping happily and jumping straight into the deep part of the lake. Now, you did know how to swim, but you were better at floating in shallow water and not the most confident swimmer either, so clearly, you were rather worried that she might drown or something. Unfortunately, she suddenly sunk under water with a yelp, and you started panicking, looking left and right, asking for help, but nobody seemed to be around when needed. Freaking out, you took off your flip flops and ran into the water, but you suddenly stopped in in fear, as you saw a menacing shark fin circling around your sweet baby.

"NO! DON'T HURT HER! P/N, COME HERE, BABY! FAST!" You were shaking and crying in fear, thinking of the brutal way your baby is going to die, when, instead of the threatening predator, out of the water, came a very tall and well-built shark-like man, holding your puppy in his grasp, protectively, walking in your direction, as she kept licking him, gratefully.

You were now crying of happiness, beaming in glee at the sight in front of him. All senses lost you, emotions overpowering you, and the only rational thing that you could do was to hug the life out of this blue stranger, and he only chuckled and ruffled your hair.

"I honestly c-can't thank you enough f-for saving her. I don't know wh-what I would without her." you said stuttering from emotion. "No need to thank me. I am just happy to help save the life of such a lovely creature." he said, grinning. "Yeah, I totally get you. I'm like that too, since it's why I decided to become a vet since very little. This baby was left abandoned in my clinic after her owners decided that a surgery would be too much time and money wasted." you said, taking her in your embrace and rubbing your head to hers, lovingly. "I hate people like that. Animals are much better than humans, and on that note, lack any evil intent." he said, sighing. "I'm happy to hear that someone else agrees with me, after all this time. People always thought I was crazy for thinking that way." you laughed, seeing his grin widen. "Likewise, I have to say. Will you be around tomorrow too?" he asked, scratching her behind her ear. "I'm not sure. I had this day off from my clinic, but I live in the village nearby, if you want to see me or p/n. I'm uh...Actually the only viable medic in these neighbour villages." you scratched the back of your neck, grinning sheepishly. "If you wouldn't mind a weird, blue shark guy walking around and scaring your patients-" "Nah, only the humans. The animals will surely love you. I have no doubt about that! Hope I'll see you around!" you cut him off, in glee. "I'll see you around, then. Take care and see you later, squiddo." he gave a side-grin and a military salute, as he left the place, leaving you and your lovely puppy enjoy the rest of your day off.

Uchiha Itachi

You were a regular visitor at the vintage bookshop cafe in town, since you absolutely loved to relax on a plush armchair on the ground, with your favourite book and the hot beverage of your choice to soothe your nerves after a long day at work. You were friends with all the employees there, knew all the regular faces and occasionally helped out with what you could. Your favourite was putting back books and arranging them by certain criteria, breathing in the mersmerising scent of coffee and tea. One lovely day, as you were reading "Da Vinci's Code" in your usual silent corner, you noticed a brunet man entering the video silently, and yet, he captured everyone's eyes with his mysterious, intriguing aura, as he walked to the belletristic section, seemingly looking for a certain book.

After reading one more chapter, you look up again and see him in the same place, still searching, so you put the vintage bookmark at the page you were at, gently put it on the table next to your tea and made your way to him, tapping him on his shoulder, smiling softly.

"Hello. I'm sorry to disturb, but you seemed to need help looking for a book. Correct me if I'm wrong, however, and I can leave." you said, trying to look at his gorgeous onyx eyes. "Thank you for your help, miss. I was looking for 'The Picture of Dorian Gray'. I'd be grateful if you could help me find it." he replied, with a ghost of a smile. "Ah...Well, I believe I took the last copy of it, last week, I apologise. I can borrow it to you if you want. I'm almost always around here anyways." you said, recalling the amazing book you recently finished. "Are you not an employee here?" his eyebrow raised in confusion. "Nah, I just come around to relax and enjoy my time. I do tend to help around if I can, since they cant handle all the work, you know?" you replied, looking around in pride and content. "That sounds wonderful. Mind if I come around tomorrow to pick it up? I will return it as soon as I finish it." he said, looking grateful. "Sounds like a plan. Whenever you have time, I'll be here. That, over there, is my usual reading corner, but if you don't see me, just ask around for Y/N, okay?" you grinned, extending your hand for him to shake. "Uchiha Itachi. It was a pleasure meeting you. Thank you for your help, I have to leave now. Have a lovely day." shaking your hand, he made his way out of the bookstore, waving his goodbye at you. "It was nice meeting you too, Itachi." with a side-smile on your face, you turned back to your corner, very smug at the looks the others were giving you.

Deidara

Your village was very well known for its fabulous festivals- so great that people, both ninjas and commoners, would get out of their way to attend them as often as possible, since they provided delightful food from all over the world, great games, and the best part that always comes at night- 

Fireworks!

And that is where you came from-

Since you were very little, you absolutely

LOVED

fireworks- the colours, the patterns, the noise, the smell, everything about them just made you incredibly giddy and overwhelmed with happiness, so, with time, you started creating your own fireworks, infused with elemental chakra and other tricky, secret stuff to make them even better than the common ones, which made the villagers happy to allow you to do every Firework Show, each night.

This night, however, the festival was in the same day as your birthday, which had you excited - tenfold the usual dose, if possible - and going up the hill, in your gorgeous traditional kimono that your mother gifted you, and needless you say, you put your best performance so far, incredibly satisfied at your work and the gorgeous display on the dark, starry sky.

"That was a great firework show, huh? Much more intriguing and fascinating than all the others I've seen so far. You did this, hn?" a deep voice said behind you, making you yelp in surprise and look back at the blond individual, with big, scared, fawn eyes. "Sorry if I scared you, yeah." he continued. "Just wanted to praise the artist and learn some tips from them." he grinned, confidently. "O-Oh! I'm really happy that you liked it! I did my best with this one! It's uh...A special occasion, might I say!" he smiled softly, trying to tone down your excitement. "Lemme guess, it's your birthday, hn? Special outfit for a special day, yeah." he said as he took out some clay his bag. "It is! Good guess, mate! What's this clay for?" you inquired, curiosity completely taking over you. "This! Is my art! Watch and learn, missy!" he gloated, as the mouths on his hands started shaping clay into a bird, showing it off. "Uhh~! So pretty! You're really talented!" you chirped, examining the birdy. "You think this is pretty? Look at this, yeah!" with that, he infused the clay figurine with his chakra and threw it high into the sky, then activated it by yelling "KATSU!", making it create a huge, fascinating explosion, leaving you awestruck, jumping up and down, clapping. "Art truly is an explosion, right?" you said, looking at him in admiration. "I couldn't have said it any better, missy. Glad to see there are other true art enthusiasts around, unlike my dull partner, hn! Well, gotta go now, missy!" he said, as he gave you another clay figurine. "Hope I'll see you again. After all, artists stick together, right?" you said, with a knowing smile plastered on your face. "You know it, missy! See ya around, yeah!" he waved, as he jumped on the back of a huge clay bird and flew away, leaving you look down at the little gift in your hands, smiling and blushing slightly. This sure was one hell of a birthday!

Akasuna no Sasori

Since you were  little, you've always been interested in herbal medicine and poisons, so much that you'd only research plants, both from your home and from abroad, which made you become a well-known merchant, which allowed you to travel all-over the world, practise and invent all sorts of antidotes and poisons.

You were very passionate about your hobby, and by now, you had several books in which you wrote every plant you've encountered, wrote its properties and where you saw it, and many other books for different potions, how you could make them, their effects and so on.

Obviously, you already knew everything by heart, but it was always nice to have it written down and drawn on paper, especially since drawing was also a passion of yours and it was the only way you could practise it.

You carried precious but dangerous information with you at all times, so it was little surprise when one day, when you finally found the perfect spot for new plants to document and draw, you got ambushed by a bunch of no-so-friendly looking ninjas who wanted to hurt you and take your precious notes from you, which angered you so. As soon as you found a run-down small shack, you hid in it and prepared one of your most powerful poisons so you could kill them all. The best part of this? You were completely immune to all poisons and venoms so no matter what the outcome would be, you wouldn't be injured at all. As soon as they entered the house, you raised your mask up to your nose and stealthily closed the door and with a simple jutsu and a very toxic and complex poison, you breathed out a deadly mist that engulfed the whole place, making the scums die in agony as you swiftly made your escape out of there, enjoying their screams of pain. The only problem was that as soon as you got out of there, you stretched your limbs and as you were about to take off your mask, you notice a red-haired man about your height with seemingly no emotions on his face, staring at you. Despite his stoic face, a glint of smugness was evident in his eyes.

"I heard you were good, but that was much better than expected. I can see why Leader wanted to recruit you." he said in a monotone voice. "I wasn't aware I was so famous..." you said quietly. "The day the Black Mamba won't be famous, I wouldn't be-" "Akasuna no Sasori." you chirped, cutting him. "Sorry, that was rude of me. Forgive me." "So you're aware of my title. Good. You'll be coming to the base without any struggle, then." he smirked at you with a slight patronising stare. "As long as I can continue my passions, I don't see any reason not to. Uh...Maybe the fact that you're criminals could be a strong point...But it would be much safer with than without you." you tried to speak coherently, trying not to make a fool of yourself in front of the person that became an inspiration when you were young. "Before that, uhm...Would you mind if I went home and get my things? I have a lot of important thi-" you started, but were quickly cut off by a dismissive hand. "I'm not a patient person. Go home, I'll be back to escort you to our base. Be ware, however, that I am not a patient person and my patience runs thin incredibly fast. Don't push your limits." he said, sternly. "I-I...Will keep that in mind. Thank you for giving me a chance." you said, low-key spazzic and wanting to get away from his intimidating stare. "Do not disappoint." he stated, before he left without a second word.

Well...That will proved to be a great opportunity for you to grow even further and become and even more qualified poison expert.

Pein

You were an amazing ninja, but after a horrible incident which got both your family and your team, consisted of your two best friends, killed, your village blamed and shunned you, making you be forced to go rogue and live the life of a criminal. You were scared and angry at the injustice that has fallen upon you, but there was nothing you could do, apart from living on your life the best you could. After that incident and your shunning, you became a target high in the Bingo Book's Top 10 Wanted Criminals, with a huge bounty on your head, due to your incredible stealth, tracking and mind-controlling skills, which is why, unknown to you, the Akatsuki were trying to recruit you.

Countless months passed since the incident, you managed to find a small but cozy place to live in and you got pretty comfortable with a common life, pretending to be a normal villager. You become the one to provide the small village with flowers and other city technology, so you were used to people knocking on your door, asking for commissions and other stuff to order and bring to the village store, so when a knock could be heard at your door, at first, you weren't surprised. However, that changed when, after so many years, you picked up the sense of an incredibly powerful chakra, which made you uneasy, to say the least, but if that person particularly went out of their way to find you, they were sure to know you were there, so acting anything but peaceful would not be in your favour.

Shivers ran over your body, anxious beyond belief as you quietly unlocked the door and opened it, hiding behind the door, gripping it, only peaking slightly at the stranger standing in front of me. He had short, messy orange hair, multiple piercings, the famous Rinnegan and the feared Akatsuki cloak. Biting your lip, you tried to calm your breathing and hold a decent conversation without showing your worry, since his stern glaze root you to the ground. By the way he was standing, fully composed and an air of authority around him, being here by himself, unlike the others, who seemed to always do missions with another partner.

"H-Hello. How may I help you?" you mustered, unsure of what to do. "You are Y/N L/N, am I correct?" he said in a low, monotone voice. "Y-Yes, who asks?" you clearly weren't surprised this strange knew your name, since you were a known criminal around the big villages. "My name is Pein and I am the Leader of the Akatsuki. I came here to recruit you, being one of those few people with more than average skills." he stated, not budging. "That's...Not so bad, actually. Thanks for considering me, I guess." you said, unsure of yourself, still biting your life. "I will be coming for you next week and I am expecting a definite answer by then." he said, nodding. "There's only one answer which would ensure I'll stay alive, anyways, so uh...You know the answer." you looked away, trying to escape his hypnotising stare. "Very well. Be prepared to leave next week. Also...I suggest breaking your justu. It is not going to work on me. Good day." as with that, he left you there, dumbstruck to the spot, still processing your encounter with the strongest criminal you've ever seen.

It was fun and you were looking forward to this new adventure.

Konan

All your life, you've been dealing with a lot of negativity from everyone around you, since you were the only ninja in the village and you were damned good at your job and with that, you gathered a lot of money and hate from others.

This, however, motivated you to become a better person and spread positivity in any way you could and that included telling people they are pretty, wishing them a great, sunny day and/or giving them flowers. It was, in your opinion, a very sweet way of making they day better and seeing them smile brightened up your own day as well. On the other hand, you only wished someone would one day do the same to you too.

And so, one day, you went to the market, saw some beautiful flowers, took three of them and left to walk around the city and settled for the nearby cafe. Unfortunately, it was all full, apart from one empty chair at a table for two where a gorgeous girl with blue hair was sipping tea and reading a book, which upon further inspection proved to be Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Grinning, yet still feeling shy, you went besides her table, trying to fake confidence.

"Hi! Would it be okay if I stay here? Everywhere else is full." you smiled kindly. "I don't mind." she said, barely stealing a glance at you, but gesturing for you to take a seat.

After taking a cup of hot chocolate, you took out your book from your bag, but something was urging you to talk to the girl, so that's what you tried.

"So, Mary Shelley, huh? I love her work too. She's a genius." you said, unsure. "She's amazing. This must be one of my favourite books and the perspective of ethics is very intriguing." she stated with the ghost of a smile on her face, finally looking at you.

Grinning at her, you continued talking to her about the morals and ethics of the book, the author and many other books with similar topics, until you both finished your drinks and you realised you had to go home. As a way to say goodbye, you paid the bill for the both of you, then smiled at her and handed her one of the flowers.

"It was lovely meeting you and I'm very happy that I got to meet someone as beautiful as you who also shares my tastes in books. You brightened up my whole year with this encounter and I only hope I could make you smile. I hope to see you again, if you wouldn't mind." you said with a grin on your face, gripping on your book, swinging back and forth on your spot, shyly. "I would love to. It was an honour meeting you." she smiled and you could swear the whole room lit up. "I'm Y/N. It was a pleasure meeting you too...?" you stated, hoping for her to tell you her name. "Konan. Thank you for paying for my tea as well." she said, extending her hand for you to shake. "Special people deserve special treatment. Will I be seeing you again soon?" you asked, hopeful. "You will. Farewell, Y/N. Have a bright day." she smiled at you, nodding and leaving the place.

It took you everything you had not to jump-hug her or kiss her cheek in happiness, but you managed to restrain yourself and only grinned at your success and went home, extremely proud of yourself.

Kakuzu

You were a retired ANBU ninja who decided that she's enough death in her life in a short amount of time, so you decided to take up healing and other relaxing activities, like tending to your new flower garden, crocheting and taking care of your kitten. It was all going great, so far, finally managing to get over your trauma and learning again how to relax and be happy. As you were tending to your little piece of heaven, you suddenly got startled by the sound of a tree breaking and a thud. You sighed, got up and went to investigate the annoying sound, which proved to be an unconscious, weird-looking, injured man. You checked to see if he had a pulse, which admittedly, he had, but at the same time, as you took off his mask, you immediately recognised him as one of the most mysterious and dangerous Akatsuki member, high-listed in the Bingo Book you constantly kept in your position. What was more, apart from his name and village, nobody knew anything about him, which made him all the more dangerous, since clearly, every person he encountered and fought never lived to tell the tale of his true powers...Or at least his chakra nature. Not that it mattered, anyways. You were no longer a ninja and nor were you intending to go back to that stressful life, but as soon as you finished your medical training, you swore an oath never to let any person die, if you can help (which, on the other hand, never states that I couldn't possibly maim them at least, thankfully.)

His injuries were incredibly bad and if he wasn't as weirdly, inhumanely powerful as he was, he wouldn't have survived another breathe - which now he could take with ease. Sighing after hours of healing, I stretch your arms, satisfied with your work, when suddenly, a hand grasped your neck and you see Kakuzu raised to a sitting position, his glare being ominously highlighted by his long hair, draping over his face.

"Rude...!" you gasped, trying to breathe, as you put your hands on his wrist, trying to make him stop strangling you. "I healed you!" "Not a wise decision." and although he said that, the grip on your neck became slowly softer until it completely released you. "Sheesh...Kinky. At least get me a cup of sugary coffee or something." you mumbled, rubbing your neck, looking away. "Why would you heal a criminal?"  he said, completely ignoring your previous reply. "Criminal or not, it is my duty as a healer to save people, evil or not. Can't do much about it, huh?" you stated, as a matter of fact. "You have a Bingo Book next to you and yet, you don't seem afraid. Why?" he asked, peering into your eyes. "The risk I took was calculated...But boy, am I bad at maths."you chuckled, trying to ease the tension. "Are you aware of the incredibly huge bounty on your head?" it was more like a statement than a question, as he handed you his own Bingo Book to look at. What came as a huge surprise, as you flipped through the pages you also had in your own book, was a page dedicated to yourself- Your name, your village, your chakra nature, your skills and an unimaginable sum under your picture. You whistled in shock at the page you were staring at, then you slowly and lifted your eyes, making eye-contact with the famous Bounty Hunter, as a chilled shiver took over your body

"So...You're going to kill me and hand me in for the money, huh?" you asked, unsure of his intentions. "Money runs the world and ethics nor morality do anyone a favour. It would be ridiculous not to do so." he stated, without any remorse. You gave a scared laugh, thinking about your last moments, but they never came. Kakuzu, instead of killing you, stood up, towering over your small frame "Fortunately for you, I still have an ounce of morality left. Enough so that I won't kill the healer who did me a favour, despite knowing who I was." and he left without another word, leaving you blinking in surprise. For some reason, this encounter left you with a giddy heart and not only from fear, but from a bit of admiration too.

Hidan

You weren't an actual ninja, being from a smaller village with very few actually training by going to other big village's Academies, but you and your mum learnt how to be very the best healers around, which was why the place you lived at became a small clinic for every kind of people to get treated, either for free, or make donations.

Today was significantly more boring than usual, no conflicts, fights or small 'wars' happening, so you decided to let your mother run the place while watching a movie on your laptop, as you went out to stretch your legs, enjoy some fresh air in the nearby forest, stand by the stream and take in the godly perfume of the flowers.

The birds' symphony that had you lose yourself on Cloud 9 was, however, abruptly stopped when out of nowhere, a screaming head was catapulted in your direction, at a rather fast speed. Your eye twitched at the disturbance and you merely cocked your own head to the left, in order to avoid the annoying thing projecting your way. Happy enough, it slammed into the tree close to you, which made it stop yelling...For a short while.

"Can you shut up already? Some people are trying to enjoy the peace and quite this place offers."you told the annoying talking-head next to you.

This head, apparently, had silver hair, slicked back , slightly messy from the throw, and amethyst eyes.

"The hell is your problem, bitch?! Can't you have any bit of sympathy for a decapitated man?!" he glared at you. "Can you blame me? I just wanted to have one free day to relax and instead I...You know what? This is actually hilarious. How did you end up like this?" you smirked at him, resting your jaw on your hand. "What does it matter?! Just stitch me back to my body and leave me alone!" he said, trying to roll on the ground. "And where is your body, anyways? I couldn't possibly dream of some magical way to detect your body in the middle of nowhere, right?" you chuckled at him, then grabbed him by the hair, making him look at you directly. "You're even more annoying than that asshole, Kakuzu! Argh, just wait till I see him! That way! Go, now!" he said, trying to spin to show you the direction. "Kakuzu? Is he your boyfriend, or what? Domestic fight?" you snickered, getting up and walking in the direction he was instructing. "Boyfriend?! What the hell is wrong with you, bitch?! That jerk is absolutely horrible and has no regard for my religion! Besides, who cares about relationships?! All I need is Jashin-sama's blessings and I'm good." he thundered, clearly offended by the idea of him being in a relationship. "I suppose that's why you're immortal, huh? No normal person could get decapitated in a revenge-porn acti-" "DON'T EVEN DARE CONTINUE THAT SENTENCE! Or, I swear, the first thing I do when I get back to my body is to make you into a sacrifice!" by this time, the foam forming in his mouth almost drooling down his chin in anger. "You forgot the key-point of this. I could just as simply toss you farther away, just like your partner, much smarter than you, did." you winked at him. "Here! There it is!" he yelled in slight smugness. "Ah...Poor you...You look like a fish on the land, struggling to breathe." you replied in fake sympathy, as you sat down besides his body, getting the emergency scroll from your purse and taking out your sewing kit to help the poor idiot become whole again. As soon as you finished the procedure, during which he kept continuously whining and chatting about weird stuff, he got up and rubbed his neck, stretched, clearly relieved to be back. "You know what? I think you did a much better job than that asshole! Thanks, bitch!" he said, beaming. "My name is Y/N and I'd like you to call me by my name, not some stupid nickname your boyfriend calls you." you glared at him. "You know wha-" he tried to continue the sentence, but he was cut off by a loud, angry, booming voice echoing through the forest.

                          "HIDAN!!!"

"Is...This your boyfriend?"

you cocked your head in confusion and amusement at their antics.

You waved at Hidan as he was violently dragged away by his partner.

Ah, what a happy couple~!

#akatuski #naruto #Naruto Shippuden #scenarios #preference #boyfriend #girlfriend #naruto boyfriend preferences #how you met #pein #konan #sasori #akasuna no sasori #kakuzu #hidan #itachi #uchiha #uchiha itachi #kisame #hoshigaki #kisame hoshigaki #ninja #shinobi #kunoichi #love #one shot #deidara

[sage-nebula]

(do NOT reblog or I’ll delete the post and block you)

This past week I’ve really felt like I might be relapsing. I’ve been back on my nocturnal (i.e. normal for this hemisphere) sleep schedule for a while now, which leaves me constantly tired; I haven’t felt in the mood to eat anything, though I’ve been forcing myself to do so anyway at least; I’ve been finding it harder to think of myself as pretty or cute when I look in the mirror; my depression and anxiety have felt like they’re kicking up again despite the Lexapro, and the negative intrusive self-talk has gotten worse, to the point where I just blurted out, “I’m so stupid” one night for a simple mistake, and it took a moment before I corrected myself with, “No, I’m not stupid, I’m actually quite smart and intelligent, it just slipped my mind because I’m tired.” 

This morning it was bad enough that I was actually fretting on my way to work about, what if the Lexapro is losing its effectiveness? I’m on a 10mg dosage now. We can still increase to 20mg, but I’m pretty sure that’s the limit. And even if it wasn’t, can it lose its effectiveness over a mere two months? Where does that leave me, if so? I don’t want it to lose its effectiveness. I want it to keep helping me. I need it to keep helping me.

All of that said, this evening I got a clue that my shark week is I think just starting (like this is the very very first day of it, not even the first full day), and when I realized that, my reaction was just, “Ah.” If that is the case, that . . . probably explains things, and also means that the Lexapro is likely not losing its effectiveness. That’s a relief.

But I still also have to remember that even if I relapse some, that doesn’t mean I’ve failed, or that it’s a permanent failure. If you’re climbing up a mountain, and you slip and fall back down part of the way, you can still climb back up. It will be painful, and hard, but so long as you’re alive---so long as I’m alive---I can do it. Relapses are a normal part of the recovery process, and recovery like what I have to go through is an ongoing journey without an end. I just have to keep climbing, and try not to feel too badly about myself during the periods when I slip and fall. I can climb back up, and get back to where I was, and I deserve to. I deserve to make and have that progress, and I don’t deserve to be hurt or treated badly, least of all by myself. I need to be in my own corner first and foremost, so my brain needs to start giving me consistent positive self-talk instead of negative. I need to keep working on that. I need to keep climbing.

Though I will say that certain recent events have had me thinking about my childhood and adolescence again, and the abuse I went through back then that left me with the C-PTSD I’m constantly trying to recover from now. And it’s little things from back then, too, like---there were really, really bad incidents, and some really, severely fucked up times I went through, and stories that are too personal or painful for me to share here (both because I don’t like thinking about them, but also because I don’t like to hand them over to others to use against me, as has happened in the past). But it’s also little things, like---I like to get physical copies of video games so that I can have the game cases lined up on my media shelf. I have the actual game cards in my Switch carrying case, so I can have them with me wherever I have my Switch, but I like having the cases on the shelf, and seeing them all lined up there. Counting them off, you know. And I was thinking about why I like this. I don’t think I’m a materialistic person, generally; I do want my house to look cool, but I’m not one of those people who, if I won the lottery, I’d by a sixty room mansion and fill it with pointless, but expensive, garbage. I’d keep my same place, my same car, all that. I don’t really want a life of luxury, I just want to live comfortably.

So I’m not overly materialistic, and I don’t value collecting things for the sake of collecting them . . . but I like seeing my cases lined up on the game shelf, and I’m just as excited to add more cases to that shelf as I am to play the new games as they come out. (Also, I wish that games like Celeste and Night in the Woods would get physical releases so I could add those cases to my shelf as well.) I was thinking about why this is, and I realized that it’s because I never had a lot of games in my youth. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve owned a lot of video game consoles in my life time, but for every console or handheld I had, I usually only had a handful of games. Like, I had six games for my N64 growing up. I think that back when the Gamecube was actually relevant, I had about seven games, and even then, over my lifetime I only got that number up to about twelve. And this isn’t a Dudley Dursley kind of temper tantrum competition game, wherein I whine about just not having enough games, because I did like and appreciate the games I had. But like, with the N64, I had those six games, and meanwhile my brother had over thirty to choose from. This was because I lived with my biological mother, whereas he lived with my dad and (step)mom, and our economic situations were very, very different. (Read: My biological mother was dirt poor and spent any money we did have, including the child support, on herself, whereas my brother had the middle class lifestyle with three parents and tons of extended relatives who doted on him and gave him anything he wanted.) And I never complained about this back then, but I remember feeling so impressed when I opened up his N64 cartridge case whenever I was at my dad’s house and saw all those games to choose from, whereas when I opened my own cartridge case (identical to his), it was . . . much emptier.

And then with the Gamecube (which I got later than everyone else because even though my dad sent me money to get one as a Christmas present, my biological mom took that money and spent it on herself), there was an extra level of messed up because my biological mom decided to run a scam with Wal-Mart for a while. Basically what she would do is she would buy things with a credit card, and then return them later to get cash money that she could then spend on necessities. (Why she didn’t just buy the necessities with the credit card instead of racking up credit card debt I don’t know. I stopped trying to figure out her thought processes a long time ago.) The reason why this is relevant to the story is because she decided the best way to do this was with video games. So when I was about thirteen, she told me to go to the games section and pick out a few games. I very excitedly ran over and picked some out, so happy I was getting to add some new ones to my library, and I remember specifically that Mario Kart: Double Dash was one of them, because I had wanted that for a very long time. We bought the games and went home. And when I went to go put Double Dash in to play it, she told me I couldn’t do that because we were going to return them. I was hurt and confused. I didn’t understand. And when I questioned her, she grew furious that I was back talking and arguing. I guess the one benefit is that I knew to choose games I wasn’t actually interested in the next time she used me to run the scam.

Anyway, this is all relevant because I wanted a bigger games library growing up, and I just didn’t have the opportunity to have it. Even after I moved out of her house, I never wanted to ask my parents for too much, not only because I felt the answer was likely to be “no,” but also because I was just grateful that Shiloh and I were away from my biological mother. And even after I started working, and especially after I moved out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment, I still didn’t have a lot of disposable income to spend on video games. Not only that, but I usually got new systems a couple years behind everyone else (with the 3DS being the first exception, but even then, I didn’t have a lot of disposable income at first so I couldn’t keep up with the library the way I wanted to), so trying to figure out which games to buy was a nightmare. The result of which being, although I helped form my university’s video game club back in my sophomore year (I was nineteen), I felt like the weak link of the officer squad. I loved video games, and I was pretty good at a lot of them, but I also was so inexperience compared with everyone else, who had way more games than I did.

But with the Switch, it’s different now. I got the Switch on launch day thanks to Christmas money allowing me to preorder it, and although I’m still supporting myself and still struggle bussing every month, the games I want are usually either a bit cheaper (such as Hollow Knight being only $15), or they’re spaced out enough so that I can afford them (+ I have credit cards I can use). Since I’ve had it since launch and I’ve been in this position since launch, I’ve been able to keep up with new releases. My library still isn’t huge (I have nine physical games, plus three digital that I love---and one of those digital games is getting a physical release in spring), but it’s growing, and I know I’ll add more games to it in the coming months. And I guess it’s important to me not because of materialism or anything like that, but because it’s symbolic that I’m at a place in my life now where I can grow this library, where I can do what I always wanted to, but never could as a kid. When I buy games myself, I know they’re mine, and no one can take them from me. And I’m here, in my own house, with my own media shelf (that I wallpapered with special starry paper I bought at Nijo Castle in Japan), and all of this---the house, the media shelf, the games---represent how far I’ve come, and how far I continue to go. And I know that’s weird, that I’m using a growing video game collection as a symbol of recovery because of rather small parts of my abusive childhood and adolescence (and again, I’m not saying those things were the worst I suffered, because they by far were not, but I’m not sharing the details of the worst things for personal reasons), but I’ve been thinking about it nonetheless and I think that’s how my brain has processed all this as I move through recovery.

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for tonight. Reminder to NOT reblog this, or I’ll delete the post and block you, thanks.

#recovery is a weird and complicated thing #c-ptsd is a knotted mess to deal with #and anxiety disorders and depression don't help #but i'm trying and i know to keep trying and that's what matters most

[livingcorner]

The 13 Best Ways to Utilize Chili Peppers • The Chili Life

In this post, you will learn what to do with chili peppers! For many chili growers, it’s the end of the season! And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been rather successful growing my peppers indoors!

This year I got so much chili fruits, ranging from mild to super hot. Don’t misunderstand me, It’s not like I think that getting a lot of peppers is a bad thing. We are growing chili peppers because we want to have a lot of nice chilies, right?!

You're reading: The 13 Best Ways to Utilize Chili Peppers • The Chili Life

Yes, the season is over, and for many, it ended one month or two ago. For me, it is soon over but I keep picking one or two peppers out of a few of my plants.

Some gardeners, both cultivating peppers indoors and outdoors, end up with more than a dozen or two of ripening pods. Especially if you are using a good soil mix (see my soil mix recipe, for instance).  It may be Poblanos, Jalapeños, Habaneros, or Carolina reapers.

What to Do with Hot Peppers

Maybe you were like me, more successful than you anticipated, and you can’t help wondering…

What are the uses of Peppers?

There are of course many uses of peppers: you can dry them, freeze them, make chili powder, a chili stew, a hot sauce, chili jam, salsa, guacamole, and chili poppers. If you ended up with a lot of chili peppers, read this post to learn about 13 uses of hot peppers.

What can I Cook with Chilies?

I’d say that you can cook anything using hot chili peppers but you can make fresh and cooked salsa, chili stew, soups, pulled pork, and many more. Read this post for more inspiration.

Thus, this section is dedicated to exploring what you can do with your hot peppers!

1. Pickled chilies

One of the first thing I like to do with hot peppers is to pickle them! It’s very easy to pickle vegetables and chilies are no exception. A pickled jalapeño on your tacos add a bit of extra hotness to it. I typically slice a bunch of chilies 1-2 cm thick and soak them in salted water (i.e., brine). Add whatever spices you like.

For example, I’ve used coriander seeds and garlic. Make sure you put the seeds and garlic in the bottom of the jar!

Pickled peppers the “wrong” way.

2. Dry your peppers

Now, the second thing on the list of what to do with hot peppers is to dry them! Now, one awesome thing with dried peppers is that they will still have full of flavor! Furthermore, they can be stored for a long time and it’s not that hard to dry them.

Read more: How to Pick the Best Type of Mulch for Your Landscape

I typically take a needle and thread, pull the thread through the pods, and hang it in the window. You can also use your oven to dry the pods. Finally, you can, of course, use a food dehydrator (see here, for an overview).

3. Chili powder

In this section, you are going to learn what we can do with dried chili peppers.

This is, of course, connected with drying your chilies. After you have dried your peppers you can make chili powder of some of them. Everything you need is probably right in your pantry!

You can use it in your favorite chili, a delicious meatloaf, and pasta dishes. In fact, you can use it to warm your feet now when the winter is coming (see number 13).

A basic pepper powder recipe:

Remove the stem, cut your chilies in halves and remove all seeds. Wear gloves if you are using hot peppers!

Toast the dried pods in the oven (170 C) until they smell toasted and are pliable. Make sure you turn them once in a while.

Throw your peppers in a spice grinder or a blender. Mix until you have a powder.

Put in a glass jar and use it in your dishes later.

4. Freeze your chili fruits

One thing you can do with your peppers is to freeze them for later use. In fact, freezing your fruits is a very good way to store them. The peppers can be put in the freezer whole or cut in halves. I have sometimes minced the peppers also.

Will freezing the pods make the flavor die? Well, in my experience they are almost as good as fresh. But, of course, nothing beats eating using fresh chili.

5. Make a hot sauce!

Who doesn’t enjoy a hot sauce?! I certainly love adding some Tabasco sauce or sriracha to many of my meals. There are many ways to cook up a hot sauce! I like fermented stuff. A lot! So I have experimented with fermenting a mash of peppers, garlic, onion, and spices.

In my latest hot sauce, I used a banana! It’s still going through the fermentation process so we’ll see how it tastes!

See my Carolina Reaper Banana Sauce for some inspiration!

6. Create a chili jam

I love a good jam together with a delicious cheese! When I got 50-60 Jamaican Bell (Bishop’s Crown) peppers and wondered what to do with all of them I realized something. They were quite mild and had a nice taste so why don’t make a tomato chili jam?! Said and done, my vegetarian tomato chili jam was a success when I brought it to my job.

Tomato Chili Jam

7. Fresh salsa

A delicious Mexican dish is something I rarely say no to. A good fish taco served with fresh salsa is really something I can’t resist.

There’s something about the fresh ingredients in uncooked salsa that makes it make my taste buds just explode. Sometimes I also grow tomatoes and making use of your homegrown chilies and tomatoes is never wrong. 

Here are two recipes for you:

Pico de Gallo

4 Minute Restaurant Salsa

8. Cooked salsa

I do prefer a freshly made salsa but if you have a lot of chilies and/or tomatoes you may want to be able to enjoy a good salsa all year round.

This makes canning your own salsa is a great way to preserve your chilies and have quality salsa also during the winter.

Here are two recipes for you:

Canned salsa

Canned Tomato Salsa

9. Guacamole

Fish tacos with salsa AND guacamole?! I’d never say no to that either. Buy 2 fresh organic avocados, one lime, and use your homegrown tomatoes and cilantro (or buy organic). Remove the skin of 2 tomatoes, chop them finely, and mash them together with the avocado.

Add lime juice, a pinch of cilantro, cumin, olive oil, and salt. Don’t forget to use one or two of your nice peppers. It all depends on how hot you want your guacamole. Yummy! If you are lazy, like me sometimes, you can put everything together in a blender and just mix it!

Here are some guacamole recipes for your inspiration:

Guacamole

Chunky Guacamole recipe

10. Chili poppers

Now, this is an excellent way to answer the question about what to do with hot peppers? Why? Well, because I love cheese. And I love peppers. One of the most delightful, and easy, ways to use chilies is to make chili poppers! Buy your favorite cheeses like Parmesan, and cream cheese.

Read more: Common Spider Controls: Remedies For Spiders In Gardens

Grate the hard cheese, if you use it, and mix together with cream cheese, minced garlic, and bread crumbs.

Cut your peppers in halves and fill them with cheese. Put them in the oven at 190 C (preheat the oven, of course) and bake for 20-25 minutes. Delicious!

11. Make a delicious chili!

I think that Mexican food is delightful! This may be very obvious for many of you guys. Dried, frozen, or fresh, your peppers are a great addition to a hot chili stew.

I typically grow Poblanos and dry them. A chili is a great way to make use of your dried chilies: soak them in water for some time before cooking.

See this recipe, for example, making use of dried chilies. You should also try my delicious vegan chili recipe using a fresh Habanero pepper. Flavor, depth, and heat! Yummy!

That was the 11 different uses for chili peppers that I have tried. The next two 2 bonus uses I find very interesting. I have not yet tried them, however.

12. Heat your freezing feet during the winter.

Here’s a quite weird use for chili peppers that I have read about. Use your homemade powder to make your feet warm in the cold times during winter. Just put the powder in your socks and it’s suppose to warm your feet. I have yet to try this out but I sure will. It will soon be cold where I am!

13. Pain-relieving cream.

I have read a lot about the potential health benefits of eating chili peppers. The chemical that makes peppers hot, capsaicin, can apparently be used to relieve pain. Among many other things, of course, but that is a different story (or blog post).

To make a capsaicin cream, all you need is a tablespoon of your homemade chili powder and 5 tablespoons of coconut oil. Blend the oil and cayenne into a cream.

This cream should be massaged on the areas you’re experiencing pain. If you made Just be sure to wash your hands afterward. You don’t want to get hot pepper into your nose or eyes! It hurts, trust me!

That was the 13 best ways to use your chili peppers! If you are using very hot peppers, make sure you use plastic gloves. I made that mistake once when chopping up Apocalypse Scorpion Chocolate pods and will never forget to wear gloves again…

Now it’s your turn. What are your favorite use of all the beautiful and flavorful chilies you grow?! Leave a comment below!

Source: https://livingcorner.com.au Category: Garden

source https://livingcorner.com.au/the-13-best-ways-to-utilize-chili-peppers-the-chili-life/

#livingcornernews

[sanguinesprout]

It’s been ever so rainy and cold lately... (gloomy feels and stuff about money, re-motivating myself and general updates)

I’m... gnnrgh... I’m sad. And confused. And tired. And feeling quite hopeless once more, why must it be so? Man, this sucks :<

I feel like I don’t know what I ‘m doing again and even though I know there’s stuff to do I keep distracting myself with pointless things and driving myself crazy with all the conflicted feelings and anxiety inside... The bouts of frustration and migraines are cropping up and spiralling outta control like nobody’s business and beating my down so badly ;^; 

It’s just there’s too much cooped up in my head. Too many things to worry about, too many things I want to say and do but I feel I can’t because of the fear trapping it all in and the pressure just continues to build up and it hurts and feels so constricted in my head, my heart and just everywhere. I wish I could gather my thoughts and just get things under control and running smoothly like other people can but it’s just so hard and so exhausting just trying. 

I need to stop and refocus myself, calm my mind and chest, c’mon I can do it..! I’m struggling now but I’ll be fine, I’ll find my way out of the storm and I’ll be able to see and breathe clearly again, it’s going to be okay... so don’t worry yourself so much, you're trying and that’s enough... *hugs self*

Welp... ran outta time to write and it became the next...next(?) day. Time meaning space to be all secretive and weird contemplative as my sis came home and I didn’t want to feel on edge. Why am I like this...? :< 

I got real sad again later, thinking and being reminded of my much less than ideal financial situation and joblessness got me in such a low mood. The loneliness and want for attention or some kind of reassurance or help kinda crawled out and just sat there too. Money is such a troublesome thing, I regret the times in the past where I whittled it almost completely away by frivolously buying unnecessary amounts of things of interest (probably to try cheer myself up). The happiness from material items is only temporary, fleeting and quickly forgotten. I’m such a wasteful person in so many ways orz. But I’ve learned from my mistakes! (Mostly... kinda... lol) So that’s something! :D

I’ve really been wanting to buy a new phone because mine is so old and dysfunctional in too many ways to list and I’ve been suffering with it for half a decade because I didn’t want to waste money or for my parents to waste their money on me. There were a few times in the past and even recently where I had a chance to get a new one or few times I did purchase a new phone but swiftly returned it either because I felt guilty about it or it just wasn’t right cause I’m so damn nit picky. I don’t want to keep waiting because I have done it so much already, waiting and missing opportunities... I don’t even know how to phrase what I’m trying to say or what even I am trying to say .__. 

Some people don’t even have a phone at all, it makes me feel like such a spoilt and horrible person but it really is in need of replacing... It’s just I don’t have an appropriate amount of funds or that I am aiming for something of the calibre that I don’t need but just want. If I had that new and functional phone I feel like it would bring back some of my lost motivation and give more opportunity for me to try harder to grow my skills also. Photography and other creative skills, social skills, those kinds of things which I’ve yearned to improve but lack the equipment or means to carry out. I bet I sound so damn ridiculous right now, I don’t even...

Right before my eyes my sister got a new phone, she’s had a few in the span I’ve had one, but it’s true, she can afford to because she has a job. I’m happy for her but I know I am envious too, not just that she has a phone, but that she has a job, that she’s not scared to try or to put herself out there etc etc. Also when someone really wants something and has been holding back but someone else just gets it right in front of them, it just idk it kinda stings and brings on those nasty emotions. Everyone tells me to get a job and then I can spend or save money, and of course I know this too. It sounds so simple to them and even to me sometimes and I just wish I could but there’s so many health factors and stupid fears holding me back, it’s so hard. I’m so weak... But, I can’t give up trying, I’ll get there someday.

Anyways enough of that, I’ll figure it out, it’s not of major importance right now. I worry all the time about being a burden to my family financially, we’re definitely not well off in terms of money or health or anything and I don’t want to bring anymore strain to it :< Those whole few sections of garble were so negative and gloomy and unimportant. I feel like such an ass... but this blog is here so I can vent and write out my real feelings... it’s okay... it’s fine, it’s good to do so, keep going..! ><

*Le few days later* Uh... uh what was I saying? @.@ Lolol I was originally gonna post on the day after my first therapy appointment but then I got lazy/avoidy and thought I’d wait till after the next one, but then I changed my mind again and welp, now the next app is tomorrow, oh well xD

*le even moar days later* Hah! Now it’s been another whole week... mega ||ORZ...!!!!1 I remember I was going to write about how the therapy went but I think I’ll put it in a separate post just to keep things more organised and less lengthy, makes sense mmm k! I’ll continue with my other misc updates I guess ^^

Welp, I got a new phone... Though there’s that niggling feeling of guilt still there (especially since my parents will only get handy downs from my sister to save money), I’m glad I was able to do so and I’m very thankful to my family members that helped me obtain it both financially and physically. I chose one that is on the expensive side, but not too bad in terms of other phones on the same level which are considerably much much more pricey. It’s one that feels like great value for the spec it has and I hope it lasts me lots of years without messing up, I have a bit of a curse when it comes to technology lol. 

I can do all sorts on it which I couldn’t do before, from some of the more basic stuff to some cool new stuff, it feels really refreshing but makes me kinda nervous too. I can actually download and use the tumblr app there, I’m hoping I can make use of it now that it is finally functional and easily accessible. I want to make a lot of good memories with it, snippets of daily life with my family, some creative stuff, whatever I choose to do online with it and that kind of stuff C:

In terms of life skill improving/adulting these past weeks I actually cooked my first sort of dish all by myself! It was fish cakes ^^ It was when I went to my sister’s house again for some more crafting time. I was actually having a crappy day/was in a super low mood that day (which got worse being in the same environment as last time) and actually had a bit of a breakdown on the journey to the supermarket to get ingredients. Idk... I was just so hesitant and scared and avoidant and got into a bit of an argument with my sis who was driving and all the sort of thoughts that had been bringing me down lately just surfaced again all at once and I tried so hard not to but the tears just came busting out.

I cried so hard and so pathetically and while I know it is not a bad thing to cry and rather a good one to let things out I just didn’t want to feel so weak in front of my sister or in front of shoppers that may pass by in the car park. I know... crying =/= weak but feeling so emotionally vulnerable, it just sucks. I didn’t cry for too long even though the intensity of my sob-fest one was one of the strongest I’ve ever had, because I still wanted to go in, get my ingredients and cook my first dish. I wanted to do this to prove to myself and my parents that I’m capable, I can learn to be independent, that I’m not useless... I’m not, I won’t be, I can do this!

My sister encouraged me and comforted me, telling me stories of when she had also cried in the car during stressful occasions with her boyfriend or with dad. I want to mention again how grateful I am to have her, even though our lines get crossed and we stress at each other a lot, she is there for me and I want to be there for her too when she needs it. It was because of her that I have the opportunity and the boost of motivation to try cooking something on my own.

I sat in the car in the corner of the car park (which she kindly moved to by my request) and when I had calmed down enough and wasn’t so puffy we went in and looked for the ingredients together. When it came to getting fresh produce I also learned how to use the labelling scale machine by my sis’ instruction which felt like something great too! ^^ I mean it probably sounds super lame and straight forward but if I was on my own I probably wouldn’t of even tried or had a bit of a panic. Idk... I just feel like for new things, witnessing someone’s demonstration or instruction is much more helpful and I’ll feel less like I’d make a fool of myself.

Okay so I got the stuff and then I made it following a brief internet recipe. My sister left me to do it all myself while she did her stuff upstairs after getting out all the necessary equipment for me so there wasn’t really much pressure unlike what it’d probably be like if I did it at home. It did take me much longer than I though it would but I was very careful about everything and as I am a noob I did make some small mistakes, but I was proud I did it! I wonder if my parents were too..? 

I finished cooking them at home (which my mum wanted my dad to do for me but I was adamant on doing it myself) and my parents tried one fish cake each over supper, though it was not perfect they were not mean to me about it which was nice. I thought my dad might be more critical and at first I thought he was a bit annoyed at me but I think he can see my efforts and how excited about it I was. It was fun and it has given me more motivation to try something else next time. I’m glad I tried, pursued something and competed it even though I was trying to get out of it last minute. I’ll give myself a pat on the back, because I did it! :D

I also went to visit my grandma with my family yesterday, which is something I have not done in probably a year or so. That’s kind of one of the other things I think about a lot and am also kind of envious of others about... I am not close with any of my relatives and it feels like a chore for my family to visit or be visited by them. I wish there wasn’t this language barrier or this physical and emotional distance between me, my family and my relatives, it blows.

It was nice seeing her and she had a good chat with my parents (though mostly random negative health stuff and gossip) and little with me and my sis. I noticed my mum doesn’t seem that close with her, look at her much and only chipped in to conversations at times while my dad generally was the one to initiate and continue the chatting. It feels... Idk... it makes me sad of course. But I wonder if it is because she doesn’t like seeing her mum growing old and living on her own, that it reminds her she is also getting old which is always on her mind too as well as it just being that way. When we were leaving I hugged my grandma, it wasn’t a proper bear hug or anything, just a pat on the back loose gesture because she probably didn’t expect it. I’ve never hugged her before after all, but I wanted to and no language barrier can get in the way of it. My sister followed and did the same too. It brought back an element of warmth and closeness which fizzled out when I couldn’t converse earlier. I want to spend more time with my family and relatives, I need to try harder.

Though I feel as if I haven’t done much on the surface, these things I did recently to do with family and therapy felt like such big and meaningful steps and I hope to continue even more. Also I said I was going to post stuff that I made to my main blog and to other places a long while back and and I have been hesitating and holding back out of fear and uncertainty non-stop. Well, I’m gonna start doing it for reals real soon. There’s no rules and there’s no need to overthink it, it’s just a place to store my progress and memories in essence but in a slightly more open space. I have the material, the means and I’m gonna try my best to grasp onto the motivation, I can’t keep excusing myself for those any more and I most certainly can’t let my silly fears win! 

I should probably get to writing my therapy posts and getting all my other important health things done and organised too. C’mon I can do this! I came on and continued writing this post even though I was struggling and scared to, another one should be a piece of (sour but refreshingly zesty lemon) cake! *salivates*

Mmm...alrighty, off I go! >:D (Maybe some lazy time first though my eyes huuurt @w@)

Have a nice evening and keep kicking butt~! ^^

#avpd #anxiety #depression #self-motivation #feelings #family #*pats self on back* #Believe in yourself #keep going #you can do it! #Let's try our best! :3

[alexisdesignsstuff]

Designing a Greeting Card Kiosk

By Alexis Kim

OVERVIEW:

I am designing and prototyping a greeting card kiosk. It will be a vending machine that sells cards and stickers to high school students. I researched purchasing general purchasing behaviors and then tested my concept to refine the

EARLY RESEARCH:

Papyrus:

Huge selection of greeting cards.

Birthday section is biggest.

Cards are very unique and artful.

Lots of different styles of design.

Humor/joke designs, minimalistic, physical decorations, art heavy, vintage, graphic design, animals, shiny etc.

Feels more marketed towards female purchasers.

Empty. No customers inside at 10:30 am.

Older Lady in her 60’s. Walgreens, 9/19/18: “It’s so difficult to find a good card. Usually buy from Nordstrom. It’s more expensive but better selection and designs. Buying card for a friend who is having a 60 something birthday. Like Papyrus much more. It’s more beautiful and has lots of beautiful cards. Every one of them is beautiful but each one is $10 - $7. $4.99 is an ok price. I’ve been looking here for half an hour. I have problems with knees that’s why I’m here at Walgreens (easier to get to). Ideally a perfect shopping experience, every card is beautiful. A less nice looking card is ok for someone I don’t really know. Less wording inside is better. Going to look at Papyrus now.”

Middle aged man with British accent. Target, 9/19/18: “I bought these [2 humor cards] because I have a warped sense of humor. It’s for my 17 year old son’s birthday. I spent less than 10 minutes looking for them. I’ll give the first one to him 1st thing in the morning. It’ll be the first thing he see’s and he’ll laugh all day about it. And the second golf card is to accompany his gift; I got him a voucher for golf lessons. It’s a spur of the moment thing, and I buy cards for close family only. It’s typical male humor. I’m happy with it.”

Young professional Female, late 30’s. Target, 9/19/18: Observations: She’s scanning and browsing. Take a step back to see. Look at messages in the Thank You section. Scan first. Message is important.“Giving this to thank a close friend who has been really supportive. I’m going through a big career change and its to thank her for believing in me. My eye goes to the bit above the fold. I’m attracted to fonts, bright colors. I like a mix of modern and unique. I like puns sometimes. I don’t like preachy, cliche, or old, traditional looking cards that my grandma would give. Would rather write my own sentiments. If there’s a lot of words I’ll just glaze over it and lose interest. Sometimes I find something very thoughtful and written in a way I wouldn’t have thought of and appreciate those.  Trader Joe’s has really killer 99 cent cards that I’ll buy a bunch of in advance. I’ll pay $3.99 for an nonembelished card. Something fancy like with rhinestones $4.99. Those kinds of cards are for someone really special and if I gave it to them in person. If mailing, I’ll pick something really flat. Looking here at Target because I’m picking up something for lunch. It’s convenient. Papyrus normally has good stuff. Paper Source has unique/off beaten path and random ones. I’ll buy a months worth of cards at Trader Joe’s and line them up for the month. My friends are so grateful to get real mail these days. It’s so worth it to make them feel so good for just $1.50. Minted - it’s an online order stationary store. Funny and unique. I like to buy cards in advance and hold onto it for months. For example, if I find a good romance one for my boyfriend, I’ll give it to him later. These days I’m also attracted to funny cards if I want to have fun or want to give someone a laugh."

CONCEPTING

CONCEPT TESTING

Q1: What do you think is going on here? (to learn if your concept is clear)

Q2: What questions do you have? (find out where it's not clear)

Q3: What would you change and why? (find out how they would improve it.)

Q4: Who do you think would use this? (if they would, they will tell you so. If not, listen and learn.)

Q5: Any ideas to add? (capture their ideas; you do not need to use these ideas, but you must listen to them.)

Gina K.17, texting her while she’s in yearbook class; 9/24/18

“So basically someone can buy these stickers or whatever is gonna be on there for cheap b/c like most students don’t keep a lot of money on them or just don’t have a lot in general. These stickers can be for like things to make things look better (in the storyboard) but in general for funnies. I think things like stickers can be used for many things. B/c right now a lot of people like to put stickers on their water bottles. The origami one is unclear. The secret message I like but I’m not sure if people would get the point?? Or like use it b/c I feel like there are a lot more ways now to do secret messages or something. idk we just like use our phones lol. I think it’s a great idea but I’m not sure if a lot of people would use it. And as for the storyboard… Not many people write letters now. I think if you do something handwritten it might be more of a girl thing nowadays??? Thinking about it I do think boys would use it but it does appeal more to girls in terms of most of the things you could use with these products. I think for the way you’re using the stickers in the storyboard you might wanna replace them with girls? Maybe not thank you cards but I can see birthday cards for those who forgot about someone’s birthday. I don’t know about boys but we girls typically just give them their gift and are like happy birthday! And sometimes watch them open their gift. I do find it a pain when it comes to getting bday cards b/c I have to go out to get them lol. And i try to make them but sometimes I just don’t have time. Depends but yea [we give presents] at lunch or b4 school. Lunch is more probable tho. My friends and I still give birthday cards, and I have some but they are just really kiddy lol. Like for someone in elementary school. So if it’s someone I’m not close to I don’t feel comfortable giving it to them lol. We have birthdays almost every 3 months or so. I think the product is ok. The storyboard you might wanna change them to girls and make it like a card instead but you can still incorporate stickers. If you wanna keep them as boys it would be like oh crap I forgot it’s so and so bday and get them like a card with stickers (like its the gift) and give it to the friend. I think it’s good to have the part where it shows that you can buy the product for a cheap price. It’s common for someone not knowing someone’s birthday until the day of. B/c most people don’t tell others what their birthday is unless they ask. The forgetting and the convenience of it is good b/c we are at school 5 days a week and at least like 6 hours lol. I think girls would use this mostly.

Valentyn T.32, phone call; 9/24/18

"The storyboard is trying to describe how using a sticker can increase value of letter. What’s the relationship between Shawn and Fred? It’s kind of weird. Feels girly. It’s feels fine if it's two girls who are friends. It’s also weird if a boy was writing to a letter to a girl. When I was student girls like stickers; boys don’t like stickers. Maybe you should make stickers have more value to differentiate them. Like some stickers can be really rare like pokemon. Or make some of them tattoo stickers. Target seems pretty limited to school kids."

Stacey T.31, texting her while she’s at work; 9/24/18

“Probably the one thing that sticks out it is the ‘I’m so poor’ comment. It has god in it, and it also is making a social commentary that spending only $5 is cause for someone to say with despair ‘God I’m so poor.’ I might be the wrong person to ask for feedback on Something like this because I’ve also been poor, though not as poor as there are people in the world, and hearing something like that riles me up. But everything else is lovely. Pretty straightfoward (what’s going on). Though it’s hard to tell where everything is happening. If you didn’t tell me at the start that this machine is in a high school… Maybe it’s a San Francisco thing, but growing up, I wouldn’t be able to bring cupcakes to a friend. I took the bus to school, and I didn’t have a way of getting to a grocery store or cupcake store bakery whatever. I wouldn’t connect with this experience unless I grew up in a city with those amenities. Nor did I even have $5 to spend, maybe in the summer when I had a job. But I think all of what I just said is coming from the far that it’s disjointed, the comic strip/storyboard. I liked the big hug in the end. [Who would use this?] Kids collecting stickers and fighting over who has the most coolest ones; Kids with money; Kids wanting to hack the machine so they can get them out for free; Maybe teachers. Beware of the angry parents who might not like things being sold to their kids in a school setting."

REVISED CONCEPT

I changed the persona to a female as all of my test subjects remarked that the cards and stickers would more likely be bought be females. I made sure to include in the Persona details about the student’s busy life and inability to get around independently. I also changed the storyboard to reflect the last minute and convenient nature of the purchase.