#Back Pain changes things.

[crystal-verse]

god i want. an au where it dosn't work. where it's just arr g'raha who's woken up, and he doesn't have all these memories and all these people keep looking at him like they're mourning someone. the world has changed and time has changed and all the people he knows have changed, but he hasn't changed, he was just sleeping, just sleeping, and the world nearly ended several times and apparently he helped prevent yet another end but he has no memory of this. they want him to join the scions. he does not know these people. (he barely knows the warrior of light, now, but did he ever truly know them in the first place?) his little sister is alive and well. she looks at him like a ghost. she's changed, and she's older than him now. he acts bratty and loud and brash to cover up the fact that he does not know anything it seems, and he is tired but he was sleeping for so long, so how could he be tired?

he doesn't know these people. they seem to know him. he wonders if he'd killed someone, when it was him and not that exarch who woke up. he wonders if it should have been him who was "killed" in that way, if it is him that lives and not that man who had known and become friends with all these figures from legend. he wonders if he'll always be fated to be a historian one step back from everything, because he simply cannot be a hero.

#bound with thread | original posts #letters in verse | talking #g'raha tia #crystal exarch #hello everyone i am being Incredibly Normal about g'raha tia at -checks time- 12:02 am #you ever think about the fact that arr g'raha is basically killed/replaced when the exarch wakes up in 5.3. because i do. a lot #hi i have brainworms over this man he's SO tragic and i need to hold him gently in my hands like how you cradle a small trembling kitten #genuinely happy about his character growth and progression and happy ending and all but arr g'raha was the one who grabbed my focus #and i do miss a lot of that character sometimes yknow? post-shb g'raha isn't the same person as arr g'raha and that's intentional‚ i think‚ #because he has gone through so much that we didn't see. so much trauma and pain because of the 8th umbral era and that loss he got hit with #and he's not the same person because he's *had* to change so much to keep himself and his people alive and i'm glad he's getting to #experience life to the fullest in endwalker onwards but just. i miss arr g'raha yknow #honestly the silliest thing about it is i miss his student of baldesion tattoo. was a fun little design element you know. #show us the tattoo again squeenix. give him back his red eyeshadow that he had. #give him his bow back i am begging #this has been: incomprehensible ramblings from simon at 12 at night

[icarrymany]

the mh comics open up such an interesting narrative for our few surviving characters. to them, what happened in the videos was real, but to everyone else its a cool creative web series. when all of that is viewed as fiction, fans have a freedom to speculate about and invade the lives and privacy of real people. and that would be so uncomfortable and terrifying. imagine someone irl having headcanons about YOU. writing fan fiction about you and your real friends. assuming things about you PUBLICLY ! IN MASS!

wouldnt it be so cool to see a character grapple with that in like a self-reflective way? fans asking questions the muse is too afraid to ask themselves. of course, theyre the only person the answer matters to.

#like wouldnt it be so strange not only to see the terrible things that happened to u have a FANBASE #but also people wondering about the intricacies of your personal life (they view you as a character and have no idea it was real) #and youre disgusted and afraid of prying eyes #but at the same time #you never think about yourself much anyways (too painful) and realize you might HAVE TO if ur gonna be okay with what happened #spoilers um this is about. jam. #tim never took the time to deconstruct how he felt in the moment because he was trying not to die #even if he concludes he harbored some feelings (like people online suspect) what would he even do with that? #he can never go back and change it. but he can say it to himself. its something for him that nobody else NEEDS to know #but now he can understand himself a little better n form new connections #its like a culmination of my hatred for some fans NEED for things to be canon when its much more fun to leave stuff open-ended #and also my love for media adressing this in a way that actually says something abt the way we consume it #yall seen the craig and tweek episode of south park? yeah.

[starflungwaddledee]

little guy big city! 7 inch plushie magolor had a fun time on our errand yesterday. he even finally got to do the classic "oh nooo the statue of a Creature is eating me"!

#had significantly less fun at the visa license office though. could not stop thinking about that one fic the whole time. #if you're out there still yea i mean your fic. and yes it was about a similar level of pain in the ass. some things never change. #today is a catch-up day and also getting some energy back. i'll be back more thoroughly tomorrow! #i always enjoy writing ID's for him! #7inch plushie magolor return to dreamland

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it can be true that certain lifestyle changes can help with pain and disability, but people really overplay how those changes will affect people's lives.

I've found that exercise has helped my back pain - I have had chronic back pain that PT didn't touch, but exercise has helped. However, what hasn't changed is what exasperates that pain, and when my pain is especially exasperated, it doesn't matter how much I exercise, I'll be in my bed trying so hard to get out, and I'll be seeing white. So, yes, exercise helped me, but it did not save me. That's an example of what I mean.

It's fine to give (solicited!!) advice to people about how to manage things like this. But I'm begging people to be realistic about this. Lifestyle changes can only do so much, and disabilities are - surprise! - disabling.

#disability #i just hate how people turn lifestyle advice into (again) thought-terminating clichés #because i DO all the things i'm ~supposed~ to do and it didn't save me... #...that tells me that it isn't this magical cure people think their advice is #i used my back pain as an example ofc and i'm not saying i have it bad or worse than anybody else #but my pain used to be so much worse and i'm glad it's gotten to the point... #...where i only experience bad days only so often where before it was multiple times per week... #...like as a kid my back pain would keep me up and almost make me cry and PT didn't help me whatsoever #i'm probably about the most active i've been in my life so far and i still have pain because i have a historical precdence for it #this is why i never will judge people for choosing not to make the '~proper~' lifestyle changes that ~help~ with their disability/ies #it isn't a contradiction that i am 'fit' and i'm in the market for a cane (maybe) #(i've been looking around because i want help getting up when i have an 'episode' of pain)

[gideonisms]

I will admit I hate the trend towards measuring how Healthy fictional relationships are. they're not breakfast cereals! we don't need to measure the amount of fiber! even if it did matter how much fiber a fictional relationship has "healthy" is also a very general, vibes-based word for concepts that I think we probably should get more specific about

#here are some great words: 'consensual' 'exploitative' 'fulfilling' 'draining' 'enjoyable' 'painful' 'affectionate' #we can talk about the ways a relationship is or isn't working for the parties involved #without falling back on 'health' #i think that what is considered healthy changes based on the time period and in general as a queer person i do feel a certain hesitance #to just like nod to health without specifying what i mean given the complicated relationship between queerness and #being considered unwell or unhealthy by society/doctors/psychiatry #ultimately this is a small thing and doesn't matter because once again #if everyone in a work of fiction stayed physically and mentally healthy throughout that would be a very boring story. to me #it's just not the type of story i like so it doesn't matter anyway it's just #sometimes i'm like. but we all know there is no one simple standard for health right? right??

[sneez]

last question. tell me about nina.

#pathologic #victor kain #artwork #it has been a while since i last posted a victor but i have been back in The Zone recently so here he is :-) #or is it him. he he. ho ho. #the caption is one of daniil's lines from a conversation he has with victor at the end of classic (i forget which day) #as always i am vibrating with anticipation to see how p2 will handle the possession thing (if they keep that plotline who knows maybe theyll #change it. i hope they keep it though. or do i. it causes me pain but then everything about victor causes me pain so [strained grimace]) #anyway i am sorry as usual for being very absent my dear friends tis the start of term and i am a busy creature :-( #not too busy to think about victor though. never too busy for that

[korrasamibottles]

Yeah Venom of the Red Lotus showed us how crazy powerful Korra is but The Last Stand had Korra transform the destructive power of a massive bomb blast into something regenerative in the culmination of one of the best character arcs I've ever seen. In my OPINION!!

#SORRY ok i'll stop. #lies. i have more to say. she is so brave and so selfless!!! #and mako sacrificing himself to destroy the weapon's energy source was really powerful too #AND of course. the korrasami of it all. #ok one more thing. it seems like the most common interpretation of korra's conversation w/tenzin in the last stand #is 'suffering makes you a better person' and people rightfully get pissed off about that #but i just....fundamentally disagree with that reading. i saw it as korra choosing to find meaning in her pain #and choosing to find wisdom in it. and i think that's really fucking powerful and why korra's arc resonates so deeply with so many people. #like. the suffering happened. she can't go back in time and undo it. and she didn't deserve it!! #but the only way to move forward was to accept that it happened and let it empower her rather than drown her. #i mean there are things i've been through that i wish hadn't happened #but the idea that those things don't necessarily have to mean i've changed for the worse #that i can choose to find A Point to it all and grow from it and use the pain rather than the pain using me #is actually really empowering. #tlok

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

I swear If anything happens to barnaby...I'm going to riot both happy and sad..

yeah <3

#oh im Hoping things happen to him #i hope he breaks. #i hope he gets messed up in irreversible ways #i hope he gets permanently Changed if not outright Murdered by the narrative #I NEED MY FAVORITE TO GET FUCKED UP TO HELL AND BACK <3 #put him through itttttt #please he's Perfectly primed to be put tf through it #everything about him stacks up to a blinking neon sign that says Royally Screwed! #rambles from the bog #barnaby b beagle more like barnaby be prepared for agony #the storyteller in me is stronger than the character lover. i can endure any pain as long as it has meaning

[tortellinigirl]

i think the adult relationship to the childhood dog is something that is so tender and heart-wrenching and important. you are the last vestige of my childhood. you are the sacred keeper of the memories i hold dearest, but you can barely see or hear me anymore. who do i become once you’re gone? where do i turn to remember myself? you’re the last one sitting next to me at the door of a childhood home that no longer exists, waiting patiently for the return of a family that no longer exists. where can i live when you, too, no longer exist? i can’t let go. please don’t make me let go. i know you’ll leave soon. i wish you didn’t have to. but she’s just a dog. her life is short and i will witness her death and i’ve known this from the beginning. i didn’t think it would come so fast. am i ready? have i become someone yet? have i become unrecognizable to her yet? does she still see the child i was? i’m still the child i was. please, don’t forget the child i was. please don’t take her away from me.

#i wrote this and put it in my drafts a few months ago #and now my childhood dog just died and im a complete fucking mess and i keep coming back to this #she was my baby #i got her as a birthday present from my parents #only a couple months before everything fell apart #i didnt know what was going on at home was abuse or that things were bad or that thwy would change #i just knew that my parents got me a puppy so i must be the luckiest girl in the world #and she was with us through all of it #and she knew our pain too #he was the one who wanted to put her in a shock collar #we all cried and begged him not to #she was just as traumatized by him as the rest of us #she was the last thread tying me to a time before i understood how bad things were #i don’t know who to be now #im sorry this is sooooo dramatic #i just loved my puppy #but she was 14 years old and we knew it was coming #i just hoped we’d have her for christmas

[midnight-moth]

I’m sorry for what I said in the tags of the ocean post. I’ll throw myself in the garbage. You can dm me your therapy bills.

But come on. That song.

Won't you fall for me, from reality? To the rhythm of eternity. But then the I am yours to the end, so won't you fall for me?

But then! The oh god I wish you were here. It’s like his timeline is all messed up and he’s thinking of the before and the during and the after all at once.

#cw grief and loss #sometimes I am personally attacked by my own thoughts #but imagine elderly Dew and Rain #quietly existing side by side #Rain reading another true crime novel while Dew noodles away on the guitar #but he can’t for too long because his joints are swollen and arthritic #Rain hears his breath change and knows he’s in pain #gently pries the guitar from him and then rubs the soreness away with his cool fingers #fingers that are now spindly the backs of his hands are like translucent paper with pretty blue age spots #and Dew still thinks they’re the must beautiful thing he’s ever seen #almost as beautiful as his face #and he tells him so and he smiles and all the lines in his face that come from laughter grief joy frustration all crease at ones #the both fall asleep watching some terrible tv show hand in hand on the hideous reclining sofa that Dew insisted they buy #because it’s comfortable and rain thinks it’s so tacky but he secretly agrees that the lumbar support is heavenly #Dew walks faster now that Rain but Rain would never know because Dew will always match his pace and never leave him behind #until he really does have to leave him behind one last time #fuck my entire life

[katiebell]

Gideon killing crux, who was so cruel to her, and having a breakdown over the revenge not feeling good broke me btw

#gideon nav #tlt spoilers #nona the ninth #the locked tomb #forget all the stuff with harrow. that awful fuck was so abusive and watching Gideon find out you can’t take that pain away… #oh I’m howling she didn’t fucking deserve that #the way she tried to drag some… repentance out of him by throwing in his face that she’s literally the child of god and he still called her #worthless ohhhh im so sick. she believes it she believes she’s worthless and this was the one thing she learned about herself she staunchly #believes finally has some worth - finally would change how she was treated growing up - and that worthless worm throws it right back to her #face AUGHHH #he didn’t even give her the grace of the fantasy of ‘they would respect me if they knew. they’re REGRET it if they knew’. TAMSYN MUIR IM GON #NA GET YOU

[negativecity]

wasteland queens

#im back with more of this genderswap au thing goin on #it was so hard to come up with a design for nern but i LOVE how she turned out... #tbh i WAS gonna just keep her and olan shirtless but its just a lot more fun to come up with something else #plus i plan on posting this on ig and dont want to get reported for posting '''''female nipples'''' bro im already shadowbanned on there... #so pls dont be mad at me for changing them a lot...i cooked hard on this #also i wanted to make her outfit more comfy since shes like the grandma of the group #meanwhile for Terry i basically just kept her the same as her regular design #artblr #my art #digital art #artists on tumblr #illustration #small artist #character art #lisa the painful #brad armstrong #nern guan #olan hoyt #terry hintz #lisa the painful genderswap #rule 63 #lisa rpg

[flareboi]

what if purple never calls him dad

#what if the word ‘dad’ is something purple doesn’t like. #what if it carries a bad connotation for them and a bitter reminder for mango. #family doesnt always have to look like one thing yknow? i dont think those two would have a traditional dynamic in that way #maybe purple does consider him their parent. they just dont call him ‘dad’ unless its in third person #and theyre fine with that and so is he #king is his father figure yes but he’s also a mom. a big brother. a sister. their dynamic just isnt captured in purple calling him ‘dad’ #maybe his name is the best way they can say it. the best way they can appreciate him #because for purple a father is someone who hurts you. someone who leaves you #i think ‘purple calls him dad on accident’ is a cute idea #but honestly it would make more sense if they called him mom on accident instead. or if it happened when they were afraid. not comfortable #(this is presuming orchid is his mother and navy his father based on the pronouns used in the react vids iirc) #because why would purple refer to someone he sees as a parent with the title of the one that presumably did not raise them? #and on mangos end #i think u can kinda tell who in this fandom has never lost a loved one in how they characterize him #guys. grief doesnt leave. it never leaves. #you just learn to live with it!!! #mango is not okay just because he has a new kid to take care of. i would know this my bio mom passed and i have a stepmother!!! #she does not fill that void and i do not expect her to because it cannot be filled. but she brings a lot new to ease the pain and is a #wonderful part of my life #the same thing here #mango will never ever just .. go back to how he was #he will never be the same since gold died. and thats okay #purple will not change that. they will merely add something new #their dynamic can be beautiful and nontraditional and a showing of how grief can change you #it doesnt have to be ‘replacement dad and replacement son’ #its so much more #oke. tag rant over #fett rambles #ava #uhh should i tag the chars

[marc--chilton]

you just know they had to make up a reason for wilson to be away for house's infarction because if he was there things would have been different

#house md #better? maybe. but not necessarily #because even the best outcome here isn't exactly wonderful #because either way house was coming out of that ordeal disabled and that even without pain #would change him from whatever he was like before #i want to be very clear i do not believe in sunshine and roses here it's just not in the cards for house md #i do not know what sort of change wilson's presence would bring but i know it would be SOMETHING #like would he have backed house up for the bypass thing?? would he have argued with stacy?? #ough. isn't there one thing in house's records that lists wilson as both his doctor and next of kin #or something. i saw that once i'm sure #i'm getting off track i was trying to google that for so long i don't even remember the point i was trying to make

[supranatra]

Making sparda an overbearing, dominating figure with a soft spot for family and general neutrality on humans is good but i think super happy funtime guy sparda who is incredibly enamored with his family and outwardly super duper nice (almost appearing and sometimes is naive or gullible) to humans but when alone or pushed in just the right way he morphs into that nearly cruel and dark figure he was considered long ago is better. :)

#i love nice guys with darksides ig #that idea that time love space and all forms of care and feeding can only abate the true nature of an animal #that in the end he can mask it all he wants with human emotions like love and happiness but that he is still a demon and that #there are still many things he cannot let go of or change no matter how much time passes #i like to think it caused him great pain. i like to think that embracing humanity caused him so much internal grief and struggle #this is edging on implying he wished he were a human instead but I don’t think thats true. i think it came up when hu #-man issues arose like eva being pregnant or even before that bc it would have made things easier. not better per se but def easier #but he is also proud of the being that he is as well which again comes back to that internal struggle he must have experienced #idk lol #dmc0 #dmc #devil may cry #stratatata #using this as a gen tag when i say smth #ignore this im just talking out my ass fr

[shoku-and-awe]

I took a train for a non-medical reason (for the second time in nearly 2 months!)

It went more than 1 stop away(!)

I did not worry about how far away the restaurant was, or if I could walk that far or what it would mean later

We actually changed plans on the fly and wandered around til we found somewhere we liked for a drink

And then went to a SECOND location! Without even checking how far away!

And I sat on a stool????

And my back feels............... normal🥹? And I got home without issue 🥹? And then played with my dog on the floor 🥹🥹?

I know it will hurt when I wake up, maybe pretty badly, but I am kinda starting to trust that maybe I might slowly be getting gradually a little better? Knock wood?

#i don't want to jinx myself and i know it's not OVER #mornings are really painful #and i can't really exercise #but getting even a smidgen of my old life back.............. #to say the least this injury has changed my perspective for life #if you are not disabled: that is only temporary!!!! #please make the world easier #things are only gonna get harder. for all of us. #and love on your friends who are isolated #also STRETCh your fucking body! and see doctors regularly #this has been a psa/post/psaost