#But one of these days I'm going to fuck up and refer to one or both books publicly like that

[cobaltperun]

I haveth a request ☝️

could you write Cairo x g!p fem reader smut.

Maybe a childhood best friends type situation like Genius, but they stayed friends all throughout middle school and high school and they catch feelings for each other somewhere in between middle school and beginning of high school. They constantly sneak longing stares at each other and unknowingly make each other jealous until the tension is unbearable and one day when Cairo, Winnie, and reader are hanging out they started telling hookup stories but Cairo is still a virgin so she just sits there quietly listening and after Winnie goes home things happen.

No Chance

Cairo Sweet x Female (GP!) Reader (Request) (Smut, minors do not interact)

Masterlist

A/N: Feast! On the worst thing I have written thus far! I'm sorry Anon, this just didn't work for me. I wrote it, I kinda made what you asked for, but it didn't quite inspire me and I don't feel like leaving it for later would have made it flow any better.

Word count: 3.1k

You can’t love her like that. She’s your best friend.

Those were the words you kept saying to yourself for over four years now. Yet that love kept getting stronger as time passed. And every single time you thought that maybe, just maybe you could get over her you would just see her with someone, and it wouldn’t even have to be more than just sharing a laugh with some random guy, and you’d get reminded of how strong your feelings for her were.

Those feelings didn’t matter though. She was your best friend, and she didn’t love you back.

~X~

For how long was she going to torture herself like this? She loved you, she longed for you, yet her feelings always felt unrequited. True, Cairo has never been the most direct with her feelings toward you, fearing she would ruin the friendship that lasted since she was four years old. But there was no way you missed all of her longing glances. All the times she watched you so love-struck Winnie would tease her about it when it was just the two of them.

You were her protective best friend and you acted as one, though Winnie often referred to it as jealousy. Winnie didn’t know anything. You were like that even when the two of you were kids, protective and kind. It didn’t mean anything more, as she used to hope.

Not since you…

She couldn’t get angry, you just chose some other girl and that was it, and ever since then she lost hope of ever being with you. If it really didn’t mean anything to you to lose your virginity like that, why didn’t you just come to Cairo?

If it meant nothing to you, maybe in the end it would mean nothing to Cairo as well. As it was, she wasn’t even an option for you.

~X~

You and Winnie came over to hang out at Cairo’s place, since it was the most convenient location. Perks of her parents never being around, you guessed. Though you knew Cairo would gladly trade that perk for loving parents.

It started out as a regular night, you and Cairo leaning against the headboard of her bed, while Winnie sat at the foot of it. Being this close to Cairo wasn’t anything new, but you couldn’t help but feel the tension, something unspoken between the two of you ever since you told her about the girl you slept with. Either way, the three of you were playing cards until Winnie decided to speak up.

“Oh, yeah, did you ever go out with that girl you fucked?” she asked while you were in the middle of drinking the juice.

And, naturally, you nearly choked on it, because who the fuck opens the conversation with that?!

“Easy, lover girl,” Cairo was patting your back a bit too harshly, but it was getting the job done, and nearly choking made you miss the passive aggression dripping from her tone.

“Thanks,” you wheezed, finally sure that you would survive. “I’m okay now,” you glared at Winnie who just shrugged, though she did have an apologetic smile on her face.

“So, the what’s-her-name girl,” she reminded you as Cairo leaned back on her bed, though she made some extra distance between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes. “It was a one-night stand, we had a fun time and I left her house after we were done, I didn’t even sleep over,” you shrugged, giving up the minimal information because you knew Winnie wouldn’t let it go now that she remembered it.

Winnie stared at you blankly. “That’s a boring story for your first time,” she complained.

“Better boring than bad,” you figured reminding Winnie of her own first experience, which, well, didn’t end that spectacularly.

“Still,” Winnie let the gravity do its’ job as she leaned to the side and fell onto the bed. “I thought you’d wait for someone you love,” she pointed out.

You looked away, not wanting to look at Cairo at the moment.

“Y/N?” Cairo noticed your silence, forcing you to turn back and grin.

“There’s no point. I don’t have a chance with her, so, you know, no point in waiting,” you’ve given up on Cairo ever returning your feelings, so it really didn’t matter who you lost your virginity to. Not the most mature approach, but you were only eighteen, it was difficult to expect a mature approach from someone your age.

You could see Winnie about to tease you, but you glanced at her, shaking your head lightly and it luckily sent the message across, stopping her from saying anything else.

Eventually, it was just you and Cairo, as Winnie had to go finish some art project and for once Cairo figured she wanted to watch a movie.

“So, it’s nothing to you, having sex?” she asked you out of blue as the slow opening scene began playing on the TV, and you looked at her, frankly, confused by the tone of her voice. She sounded jealous and if she truly was jealous, you wished she showed you that earlier.

“I guess,” you fell back so you were lying next to her instead of sitting, though you could still see her face, and just looked at the ceiling. It’s not that it was nothing to you, you just, as you said to her and Winnie before, didn’t think you had a chance with ‘the one you loved’ that one being Cairo. So, you went and lost your virginity, it was mutual understanding that it was a one-night stand, and that was it.

“So, you wouldn’t mind taking someone’s virginity?” she asked, leaning back but not quite lying down and trailed her fingers across your arm.

Blood rushed to your face at the look in her eyes. You had to be misunderstanding this somehow, right? Surely, she didn’t mean her virginity?! “Yours?” you squeaked, which only made you feel even more embarrassed.

Cairo nodded, blushing furiously. “I don’t really want to lose it to just anyone, and you’re,” she paused, looking down as her hand slipped from your arm and onto the bed. “My best friend,” she refused to look at you.

You swallowed hard, fuck, she was serious. You touched her chin and gently tilted it up. “Are you sure?” you asked her and she just nodded, her eyes finally meeting your own.

“Let me take you out on a date first, give you the whole experience,” you suggested. “Tomorrow after school, we grab a nice dinner, and then if you’re still sure this is what you want, we’ll do it,” you still expected her to tell you it was a prank, but she just nodded, and though it was awkward and both of you stole occasional glances at each other you managed to get through the movie.

~X~

You took Cairo out, as you promised. After school you showed up at her house with a bouquet of red roses, properly dressed up for the date and forcing yourself not to look at her too much, as she was dressed in a beautiful, kinda short, black dress with open back.

“You look amazing,” you said smiling slightly as you handed her the flowers.

“Thanks,” she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and the two of you went out. You took her to the local restaurant, then to a bookstore, then for a brief walk before you finally went back to her place, and you could feel both of you being on the edge at the moment.

“If you change your mind we can stop at any time, it doesn’t matter if it’s now or if I’m hard, or if I’m even inside you. You say stop, we stop,” you assured her as she led you by your hand to her bedroom.

Cairo nodded and kissed your cheek. “You as well, I don’t want to pressure you into anything,” she told you as she sat down on her bed.

“Thanks,” you sat down to her right and leaned over, kissing her neck and her breath hitched. “Is this okay?”

“Mhm,” she closed her eyes and leaned back, exposing her neck to you. She moved her hands up and the tips of her fingers lightly massaged your cheek and jaw while her left hand slipped to the back of your head, her fingers running through your hair and massaging your scalp. “Oh,” she hummed when you found a more sensitive spot and sucked on it, surely leaving a hickey right there.

“Damn, you’re beautiful,” you whispered, your lips gliding over her skin until you reached her ear and gently nibbled on her earlobe. From the corner of your eyes, you saw Cairo squeezing her thighs, you saw her breasts rising and falling as her breathing became deeper.

You were going slow, making sure she felt every sensation as you slid your hand down her side, to her thigh, and you squeezed lightly before pushing her thighs apart and slipping a hand under her dress. You felt her tensing and relaxing as you caressed her bare stomach and sides, just playfully teasing her by occasionally pulling at the strap of her bra.

“Y/N,” she sighed, and you drank it all in, every small sigh, every tiny whimper or moan, every sound you made her make. You took it all in, not for a moment pausing when it came to kissing her neck.

“How are you feeling?” you asked her.

Did you really have to ask her? The only thing that would have made this even better would be if you kissed her on the lips, but it felt like you weren’t going to do that. Even without that she felt so damn good, your warm soft lips on her neck, your wet tongue, dragging over her sensitive neck, your hand under her dress, teasing her everywhere you could reach. She felt aroused, she felt the wetness soaking her panties and that was the only uncomfortable feeling she had. She needed to get them off, to feel your fingers down there instead. “It feels good, I need more though,” she gasped as you bit her neck. How long have you been paying attention to her neck? It was sensitive to begin with, but now it felt like every little touch was going straight to her puss. “Please, Y/N,” she moaned and leaned back, falling onto the bed and pulling you along with her.

“Are you getting wet, hm, Baby?” you rasped, and she gasped, her fingers digging into the back of your head as her left hand slipped down your throat, her nails undoubtedly leaving red stripes down your skin

“Yes! Please touch me,” she whimpered arching her back when you cupped her breast through her bra. You were building up her anticipation and she wondered why she ever waited to do this. Why did she never asked you to take her virginity before. “Can I kiss you?” she pleaded as she made you look her in the eyes.

“Cairo, that’s…” you paused, losing your momentum. As crazy as it might sound, you felt like kissing her would make this too real, that it would be one detail that makes all your feelings come out. That feeling her lips against yours would, more than anything, make you give into your feelings and ruin the friendship that was already hanging by the thread.

“Please,” she was breathing heavily, turned on, yet you saw something else in her eyes, something that couldn’t be true.

“I,” you tried to resist her, to not cross that line, but how many times did you imagine kissing her? You feared you’d regret either choice. In the end you nodded, and her lips pressed softly against yours, her hand gripping the fabric of your shirt as she pressed against you. And instead of fondling her breast you lowered your hand to her waist and hugged her.

Cairo moaned into the kiss, feeling like someone was setting off fireworks in her head. You let her kiss you, and she would be damned if she didn’t kiss you as many times as she would be allowed to tonight. If this was the one and only time the two of you would be intimate like this, she wanted all of it.

You separated from air, and you leaned your forehead against hers. “I’m sorry,” your apology made her heart sink. “I love you. You’re the one I have no chance wi-“ she cut you off with another kiss, her tongue danced with your own and she made you switch positions to get on top of you. “Fuck, Cairo,” you hissed as she threw her dress off and lifted your shirt up.

“You,” she was feral, kissing your neck, grinding against you, her hands roaming your body as if she had to map out every bit of your skin in her mind. “Dumbass!”

You just blinked, eyes wide and mouth open as you watched her, unable to come up with a response.

“Don’t have a chance with me?! I’ve loved you for years you idiot!” she yelled, her voice cracking as she pulled back and just looked at you. “I love you,” she whispered, kissing you deeply and it all made sense now, her reactions, her glances, and you cursed yourself for being too blind to see that all along your feelings were reciprocated. “I love you,” she said again when she paused kissing you. “Now, let’s finish what we started,” she whispered, her lips ghosting over yours and you lost it a bit when she took her underwear off and helped you strip as well. You were already hard, but you wanted to prepare her more, to make her cum, or at least bring her close first.

“Yes, Ma’am,” you teased and slipped a finger between her folds, she was wet enough for your finger to just slip in.

“Fuck,” she whispered at the feeling of your finger pushing into her and she wondered how your cock would feel as she experimentally rocked her hips back and forth, causing her clit to rub against your palm.

“That’s it, Baby, ride it,” you gently pushed another finger inside her after you were sure she was wet and stretched enough, and it took a bit to adjust, but the pleasure more than made up for it. Cairo leaned down, pulling your head to her breasts and moaning. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands, she gripped your shoulder, and the back of your head as you kissed her breasts and occasionally sucked her nipples. She felt good before, but now that she knew you loved her, now that you were no longer having sex as best friends, but as two people that loved one another, every touch felt more intense.

You held her hip with your free hand, your fingers occasionally slipping down to her ass as you guided her movement. “Wait,” she cried out. She was close, she was so close, but she wanted to have an orgasm with your cock inside her, and just like you promised you would you stopped completely, pulling your fingers out of her and completely halting everything you were doing. “I want your cock inside me,” she assured you before you could start worrying.

You nodded, flipping the two of you around once more. “It’ll be easier like this,” you told her as you brushed some of her bangs from her eyes and kissed her softly. You pulled a condom out of the pocket of your pants and opened it. “Just give me a moment,” you whispered in her ear, putting the condom on and just to make it as easy as it possibly could be, lubed it up.

Cairo moaned as you slowly pushed the head of your cock inside her while rubbing her clit. “I’ve got you, just relax,” you hugged her with your other arm and peppered her neck and shoulders with butterfly kisses as you pushed further inside.

“I know,” she hugged you back, pulled you closer to her and took several deep breaths as you pushed the last inch into her. “You got me,” she whispered, throwing her head back and taking a moment to adjust.

“Does it hurt?” you asked as you left kisses from her shoulder all the way to her lips.

“No, I just feel so full, just give me a moment,” she pulled you in for a kiss, her tongue slipping inside your mouth as she slowly pulled her hips back a bit and then pushed back against you. “Feels so good,” she moaned, encouraging you to slowly start moving as well.

She was tight, and her pussy was clenching around you so hard you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long, and you didn’t want to resort to thinking about anything else to stop yourself from cumming. Not when you were finally with Cairo. “I don’t think I’ll last long,” you told her as much.

“Me neither!” she cried out, her face twisting into an expression of pleasure as you gradually picked up the pace. “Just a bit more, Baby,” she encouraged you and you rubbed her clit harder, intent on making her cum first. Your efforts paid off as her back arched and she gasped, cumming with a near silent cry and pushing you over the edge as well.

You pulled out, shaky and out of breath, but satisfied as you kissed Cairo once more. “You have no idea how much I am going to kiss you from now on,” you chuckled, unable to get enough of her lips.

“Mhm, you better do some other things as well,” she pecked you on the lips, a bit too tired to do anything else.

You nodded, taking a deep breath and feeling your body relaxing as you helped Cairo calm down as well. “I’m going to go and get a bath ready for you,” you whispered, but just as you were about to pull away she reached up and grabbed your hand.

“For us,” she said with a smile on her face and you nodded.

“Right, for us,” you leaned down, kissing her softly once more before you headed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and get a bath ready for you and Cairo.

#cairo sweet x female reader #cairo sweet x reader #cairo sweet #miller's girl #jenna ortega x reader #bottom cairo sweet #top reader #gp! reader #x reader #x female reader

[oh-koenig-my-koenig]

It's the parts of König that she didn't see

a/n: I worked on this special for quite some time and it's finally time to get a glimpse of what was going on in metalhead!könig's head during his time with reader... a little thank you to all the peeps who have kept up with the series and a little summary before we head into the last few chapters <3 (i added links to the chapters as well where the situations took place that i'm referring to)

(the usual CWs apply: age gap 25/41; MDNI, nsfw, lots of smut, fluff and a bit of angst)

the part before: saying goodbye

It's the parts of König that she didn't see. From the first moment on when they met.

How he was kneading his fingers before he just blurted out the comment, complimenting her on the shirt she was wearing, there in the bar.

The surprise when she approached him again, to talk. The thinly veiled flirty-ness on both sides that didn't quite register in his mind.

The little shock shooting through him when he realised that she was that much younger than him. His thoughts racing to find a way to gracefully navigate the situation while the sound of her cheery voice seeped into him.

Giving her his number when he offered to take her to a concert because she had nobody else to go with, thinking she would surely have forgotten about it by the next day.

The surprise on his face when she actually sent him a message in the morning.

The surprise growing when she didn't stop texting him, after she fixed the thing with going to the concert together. The pictures she sent him, just telling him about her day.

A little ding from his phone every now and then. The disappointment he tried to not feel when it was another email and not a message from her.

When he went to the drugstore before the concert, to pick up condoms, because the ones he still had at home weren't any good anymore.

It isn't even a date, we are just going to a concert. Because she didn't have anybody else to go with.

He felt himself going a little crazy over this. Cursing himself out because he was a 41 year old man anxious about buying condoms. Sure, not because of what other people might think while he purchased them. But overthinking what the younger woman he was going on a date with (that wasn't a date) might think.

Unsure if she would even consider him in that way. He didn't really trust his gut, the little voice in his head that reassured him that she was surely flirting with him over text. Better to be prepared, right?

The way his mind went blank when he saw her again, picking her up for the concert. She was really pretty in her outfit, but the thing that took his breath away was her disarming smile with which she beamed up at him.

She was tiny. In his mind she was tiny. A grown ass woman, sure, but compared to him everybody was small and dainty. And she seemed even more so.

And he saw that every time he looked at her. He always had to look down, but there she was. Cheery and yapping about her day. Looking up at him every so often, just having a normal conversation. And he couldn't fathom how that happened.

How his heart sank when he nudged her playfully while they were waiting in line at the bar. Which made her almost topple over. Fuck.

Her reassuring smile. "I don’t break that easily." The realisation on her face when she heard how that sounded. She was so easy to read, like an open book.

The one part of him wanted to find whoever tried to break her before. The other part wanted to break her himself. Just a little bit. See hot tears stream down her cheeks as she came on his dick. Make her scream for him. Feel her body writhing against his.

Verdammt. He shook his head, making those intrusive thoughts go away, but they kept pestering him.

When he put an arm around her shoulders, more reflex than anything really, shielding her off from the other people in the crowd bumping into her.

He almost pulled back, the nervous feeling of uncertainty licking up his spine, when he realised what he was doing. But then she leaned into him. Relief flooded him, his hand coming to lie on her hip.

Her shoulders didn't even reach his pecs, her head grazing over one of them, when she looked up at him. And for a moment, he felt like the unsure guy again that he once was. The huge grin on her face pushed that feeling away, the spark in her eyes, the excitement in her expression infecting him instantly.

"Thank you for taking me to the concert."

"You're so very welcome."

And he told himself right there and then that it didn't matter the slightest what came out of this. Seeing her get excited over being at the concert had already made it more than worth it tagging along. And he hadn’t been at one in so long, he had forgotten how fun it is.

He was willing his thoughts to stay platonic when he had her on his shoulders so she could see the band onstage better. Her skirt inevitably riding up, his fingers digging into her supple thighs to steady her and the warmth of her clothed pussy against the back of his neck. Trying to think about anything else but his head between her thighs and failing miserably.

When she very obviously tried to rile him up as he was taking her home afterwards, pulling out the "old man"-card again which clearly was a jab at his age. And he tried to ignore it. Trying to ignore the tension too that he felt, in case it was just him getting the wrong idea.

But then she dropped the b-word. Brat.

One banter led to another, and the banter led to her lips on his. Oh fuck, her soft moans. That he swallowed up with each kiss. She tasted so fucking good, the slight hint of beer that they both drank not able to drown out her taste.

Pulling her into him, her taking a seat in his lap. When she grinded down on him, no force in the world would have been able to conceal his erection, but he still tried to keep calm. To not lose his mind which was costing every ounce of restraint he could muster.

When she invited him up to his apartment, the innuendo clear, he had to double-check. “Are you sure you want this?”

That sweet "yes please" from her lips while she stared into his eyes and he couldn't find anything but want in them was finally enough to convince him that he wasn't dreaming.

Him not being able to stop grinning the whole day after dropping her off at work the next morning. Getting lost in the thoughts of her.

How her smaller body felt against his. Her soft thighs and tummy against his hard muscles. The way she shivered against his lips, coming down from her orgasm. Her taste in his mouth. He just wanted to go down on her again.

He also fit into her, perfectly. Sinking into her pussy, slowly, squeezing him tight. But he fit somehow.

His need to fuck her harder when he planned to do her slow and sweet. Her permission to not hold back, repeating how she won't break easily, dismantling his resolve.

Her moans when he pounded into her. His fucking name on her lips as he pressed her down into the mattress and she came again. He just wanted her to say it over and over as her eyes rolled back in pleasure.

Anticipating her messages all day long. Only a few of them. Trying not to feel the disappointment that was slowly sinking in.

He did what he always did when he couldn't drown out the voice in his head. Working out until his muscles hurt more than whatever was plaguing him. The dark screams from his headphones boomed in his ears while he upped the speed on the treadmill.

Still not able to forget how his name sounded on her lips. How her hands grabbed him. How her body...

He shook his head. No, he had to forget about that, or else he would go crazy.

Maybe it just had been a one-time thing for her?

Maybe she regrets it now? Maybe she thought about the age difference again and changed her mind? Which is fine, of course.

Maybe he did something wrong? Maybe he came on too strong still, despite making sure how she felt every step of the way. Asking if he could wake her up with his mouth. Something that made him curse himself out now.

He finally got the courage to text her about it. And she wanted to meet him, drive around in his car.

When he saw the look on her face as she waited for him on the curb in front of her apartment building. She wore her feelings on her sleeve and he could see the guilty conscience from a mile away. Which made him crack a joke, just to see her smile again.

“König Private Chauffeur inc. – at your service.” And it worked to make her laugh as she got in the passenger seat.

Her explanations how she has been held up with work made him feel better, at ease, although the little voice in his head still didn't shut up entirely. He even confessed that he hadn't been dating the last few years. Explaining his insecurities away, more to himself really, like it made any difference. This whole thing never had been about him, she had just been busy with work, all the doubts only had been in his head. Overthinking it all.

When she reassured him that she didn’t regret it and that it wasn’t anything he did. The blush on her face as she told him that she had indeed enjoyed it very much.

Oh, his ego almost couldn’t take it, and he knew he was getting cocky, unable to hide it, teasing her about it just a little bit. Needing to hear again how she couldn’t stop thinking about it either.

How she teased him in retaliation, her lips on his neck, her hand in his lap, so brazen. “Need you deep inside me.” His restraint snapping in an instant because the imagination alone drove him crazy.

The picture she sent him of her tits, earliest in the morning the next day. He probably never received a better Good Morning text.

Like he wasn't already awake, lying in bed, his morning wood straining against the boxer shorts, only made worse because first thing he thought about was how he fucked her on the backseat of his car. And he wasn’t planning to do anything about it, the thought alone making him feel dirty…

Yet he reciprocated her gesture and sent her a pic of his junk, safely tucked away in his boxers. Her naughty messages coaxing him to do something about his hard-on, he let her instructions guide him until he made a total mess. Sexting, something he never did before either.

He then took the chance to invite her to his place in the evening.

Which led to him taking the cover off the mirror on the ceiling in his bedroom. He often thought it was really unnecessary that he put that there. Not today though, with the prospect of fucking her on his bed.

He was standing on the mattress, polishing the reflective surface, making sure it's spotless. Grinning to himself thinking about her face when she sees it. Her face looking up at the mirrored image as he went down on her. Seeing what he got to see. Oh yeah, it had totally been worth it, just for that.

The way she looked standing there in his living room, in her casual comfy clothes. Stretching to get one of the books on the higher up shelves. Almost prompting him to help her, but he didn't. Because she surely would have asked. And he didn't wanna invade her space, even though she was traipsing around in his.

The incredulous look on her face as he unpacked the Asian take-out he ordered for them. When she realised that he actually considered her dietary preferences, which didn't make him feel good about it, but rather made him think. Who had made her feel like she wasn't a priority before?

Content with seeing her munch on a spring roll. Knowing that he fed her, even if he didn't cook it himself. The little pang of possessiveness spreading through his chest. Telling him that he was already too deep into it, but he didn't want it to stop either.

The way his heart jumped when she laughed at one of his stupid jokes. Which made him want to grin back at her. And make another joke, just to do it all again.

He didn't know when the last time was that he laughed that much.

Oh and the filthy nasty hard sex. His need to take her in every room in his house, on every possible surface there was. Starting at the bar in his party room, propped over the sturdy wooden furniture. In his bed, in the shower. On the counter in his kitchen. Then in his bed again.

After they spent the whole weekend together, he didn't want to have her leave, but he also knew it would've been ridiculous to have her stay, so she went home again.

When he called her because she couldn't sleep and he just needed to hear her voice. And he would have been content with that, but he could have never refused when she asked him to help her come. Guiding her through it with whispered instructions, her sweet sounds and choked moans spurring him on as well.

When he came over to her apartment, and she had cooked for him. And she showed him the games on her computer and he couldn’t stop teasing her while she was ingame. Getting her to be more open with him, to tell him what she liked, building a trust between them.

When he broke the bed fucking her the next moment and he asked her to stay at his place, the shame and guilty conscience of destroying her furniture with his thrusts (ugh) were driving his offer. Not thinking about other implications or what it would mean to have her stay with him.

For example, that she would see his reading glasses. That he totally wasn’t hiding from her. But she didn’t mind them at all, quite the contrary, if the way she dropped to her knees was any indication.

When he tied her to his bed then, he made her come over and over again. Wringing orgasms from her body, reading her every move, as she writhed, crying out. Her sounds getting muffled by the panties he stuffed between her lips, shutting her bratty mouth up in the best way. Worshipping her the way he knew how to while at the same time punishing her for mouthing off at him. When he finally sank into her, he loosened the cuffs, her pussy warm and tight around him, her thighs shaking, her frame shivering as she pulled him in. Her lips pressed to his, their chests up against each other, the skin sweaty, but he just needed her closer.

Pushing into her, he was so close already, then she looked up at him, that familiar expression on her face as her mouth dropped open. He was done for, even before that image and the feel of her underneath him burned into his mind.

And it didn’t help when she asked him if they could do it without a condom. His brain almost short-circuited, when he hadn’t allowed himself to be that close with anybody in quite some time, not dating somebody exclusively as they put it, and he entirely lost it as she sank down on his length. Her warmth and wetness around his dick was divine, and he just desperately tried not to burst with how she was squeezing him.

The soft look on her face, the way her breath caught in her throat… Fuck, she was too beautiful.

She weaseled her way into his life and he unintentionally welcomed her with open arms, because he didn't have any defenses against her bubbly nature and her genuine smile. Like a bright beam of sunshine that was tickling his nose. Getting closer and closer until it felt unnatural to not have her by his side.

And he still couldn't believe that she just saw him.

She didn't say anything. But he could tell that she knew. Ever since they talked about his work, well, he talked mostly and she listened. Soaked in the little bits and pieces about him that he dropped while talking. She just saw him, without even knowing his real name.

He kind of was waiting for her to pack up and leave, but she didn't. She didn't run away when he had bad days. The ones with the night terrors too. They were few and far between while being with her, and most days he even managed to get out of his slump, so she probably didn't notice.

Except for that one time, when he snapped at her, though he didn’t even mean too, mad at himself, not at her, and he saw the expression on her face fall before she practically fled the room. On those days it was hard for him not to hate himself.

Running after her, apologising. And when her arms closed around his waist, her head rested on his chest, and she told him everything was okay, he could almost believe it.

She fell asleep on him, after they fucked. Her eyebrows were turned up, his face turned in his direction like she was looking at him, but her lids were closed, her breath steady, just the tiniest of snores dropping from her lips.

His hands pushing her hair back, his fingers caressing her cheek, so soft. She was so soft and warm against him. So alive.

That thought flipped the switch in him.

The cold feeling of dread gripped him from beneath, like icy flames licking up his body as the familiar sensation set in. He tried to breathe through it, not to wake her up. Softly caressing down her back. Pulling her a little closer against his chest, suppressing a shiver.

He thought, he could do it. Maybe he would be strong enough this time, to not go down that spiral. But the thought of leaving somebody behind still scared him too much.

Fuck, that's why he stopped. Stopped building connections to people. It had been a conscious decision, and an easy one at that. Not relying on anybody else, and more importantly, not having anybody rely on him.

What could he give her anyway? Other than a few orgasms.

She made the house feel lively, although it was a little messier. Leaving her things in his space. Bringing her kitty with her, the rascal turning everything inside out.

Sitting beside him on the couch. And it still felt like his space.

She managed to drag him outside, not just for walks in the greenery. She made feel him lively too.

This much younger woman. Warm, soft and tiny against his chest. Who fit so perfectly against him, like a puzzle piece. Who looked like she was smiling, even in her sleep. So alive.

He shouldn't have let it come this far. He has to leave either way, going on the next mission, and he can't have her waiting for him. It wouldn't be fair to her. She shouldn’t wait for him, and she shouldn't grief if he didn't return.

It hasn't even been a month, it will be okay.

She's gonna be okay. In the long run, she's gonna be okay. Maybe find somebody who was better suited for her. Younger. With less baggage. Somebody who was easier to love. Who deserved her.

So, he needed to say goodbye, even if it will make him miserable.

Hearing her cry through the door after he ended things made him wanna burst through it, for a moment at least. A pang of regret cutting through the resolve he had built, but he still left.

Driving home in silence, not daring to listen to music. The playlist she put together of their favourite songs still opened on his phone, and he closed the app instead of pressing play.

The silence was eerie, feeling almost suffocating when he sat in his living room. The room where they spent so much time. His mind wasn’t able to focus on the book he tried to read, his thoughts always coming back to her. In her apartment. With her new bed.

He sighed and went upstairs to his bedroom, getting his clothes off, when the hair tie she lent him fell out of his pocket. He picked it up and just looked at the little thing.

Fuck. I'm such an asshole.

With a groan, he laid down, trying to find some sleep, the thing that lulled him in being her scent that still lingered on the sheets. He should have changed them, was the last thing on his mind before he fell asleep.

So, he went on the mission. Like he had always done. Gone for weeks and months at a time.

Yet this time he took something from home with himself. Because everything reminded him of her... His favourite songs intertwined with the memory of her singing or humming along when they listened to them.

Remembering that she used his shampoo for a while, how his scent would be all over her, but still sweeter, more herself. He sighed and washed his hair, damning the shampoo and himself. Putting it in a ponytail, with the hair tie she gave him.

Smoking a cigarette. A bad habit that he had under wraps most of the time but couldn't shake when he was on duty. Remembering the one cigarette they shared, in front of the bar where they first met.

More than once he caught himself looking at a picture of her on his phone. At pictures of them together. And their similarities became as obvious as the differences he had used to convince himself.

His mind revolved around her whenever he had a moment to himself. Wondering how she was doing. If she thought of him as well. Probably not.

He thought it would have been a distraction to know that she would be waiting for him at home. That the responsibility of staying alive would have been too much.

Seeing the relieve on his family's faces every time he returned broke his heart. He didn't die, this time. Not returning anymore after his grandma died and barely having anybody to care for him in his new surroundings freed him from that.

And she would have brought that back. Or at least so he thought. Knowing that there wouldn't be anybody waiting at home, it made him more reckless. It didn't matter anyway if he lived or died. And while that thought soothed him before, it made him all the more anxious and bitter now.

When a grenade exploded just a little too close to him, it threw him back against a wall and his senses blurred for a moment. The dizzy darkness in front of his eyes vanished and the ringing in his ears turned into her laughter, and he knew that he was fucked.

One evening, after one too many glasses he finally confided in someone. Horangi just laughed and patted his back. "You're in love, my friend.", he simply said. The younger man who had an eye for what's going on always told him plainly how he sees it.

"I guess I am. And I fucked it up." Telling Horangi about how he broke up with her, and he just shook his head.

"Of course. You always find a way to destroy things most efficiently.", he said, not an ounce of judgment in his voice.

König scoffed, taking another drink. "Thanks, just what I needed to hear."

Horangi pulled up an eyebrow, the look on his face alone calling him out on his shit.

"Yeah, yeah, don't look at me like that.", König grumbled. He finished his drink, getting up to finally head to bed.

Horangi's hand held him back.

"You want her back?"

"I don't think she will take me back."

"That's not what I was asking, dipshit."

König sighed. "I want her back.", he said, the thought sobering him a little.

"Then you at least gotta try."

Another pat on the back and König makes his way to his room. Only one thought on his mind.

I gotta at least try.

for the sake of completeness: the Masterlist

also sorry it took me so long to update, i finally finished my degree which took more brainpower and time than anticipated :') i hope you understand <3 thanks for reading and tune in soon for the return of the king - i will try to update within the week <3

#metalhead!könig #she likes the dark #könig #könig cod #könig mw2 #konig #konig cod #konig mw2 #könig fanfiction #cod mw2 smut #könig smut #konig smut #cod smut #könig x reader #tw: age gap

[front-facing-pokemon]

#spinda #AAAHHHH YES!!! our belovèd spinda. from their café!!! probably one of my favorite minor characters from pmd sky #whom i don't even think was in the original explorers games. i think spinda's café was exclusive to sky. if i'm remembering correct #ly. or maybe that was shaymin village. i know shaymin village was for sure but maybe it was just that and not both of them. either way #have a delicious drink and allow the flower of conversation to bloom! i could quote spinda all day. he had “hopes and dreams” before toby #ever did. THAT'S ALSO like i had no idea what spinda's pronouns were. i kept trying to figure it out because i talked about him quite a lot‚ #but no one in game ever talked about him. to mention his pronouns? turns out. there's ONE line of dialogue where the post office fucker in #shaymin village mentions him and calls him a he. i think that's the only time spinda is referred to in the third person with a pronoun #i believe it's when they're talking about like. how you can send gifts or whatever and pick up the characters' responses at spinda's café #which is still a really fucking good feature. of any video game. SEE WHAT I MEAN spinda and their café is just an incredibly good Thing #it's to the point where my home wifi network is named “Spinda's Café Wi-Fi” because i love it so much. so if you're ever runnin around #and you see a wifi network by that name… it might be me! you never know! or… it could be the real deal. the real spinda's café is somewhere #nearby…! ugh. i wish. i would go there immediately #not even to mention all the other shit about this pokémon that's really good. like that they never walk in straight lines or whatever #their little dance. it's just. huUGHKLJKAHJVDHJHDAJSVGD i love spinda. a nice pick-me-up after the underwhelmingness that was grumpig #shake it this way… shake it that way… and stir it all around… and it's done!

[inniave]

so fucking sick of the constant misgendering. it's exhausting. even from fellow queer people??????? who know me?????????? HELLO?????????????

#sorry i don't fit ur idea of queer but can u still show some basic respect & decency #pre-covering my hair i was constantly seen as non-binary or as a man or as intersex #and now??????? no matter what #i get referred to as a woman #by the same fucking people!!!!!! preaching “clothing has no gender” #ARE U SURE?????? CAUSE UR SURE AS HELL NOT TREATING ME LIKE I EXIST OUTSIDE MY CLOTHING CJOICES #most days i try to make myself not care but lately i've been realizing just how much i want to die because of how people perceive me #i don't want to change myself #but it's suffocating me #nobody sees me for who i really am except for spouse #and i am so so grateful for them #but when every single other interaction is just #so fucking transphobic and intersexist #i just want to curl up and die #changing the way i dress makes me want to die #getting misgendered for the way i dress makes me want to die #not having a place in the queer community makes me want to die #do u know how hard it is to be disabled intersex queer with DID which means constantly shifting identity #i'm lesbian im gay im trans both ways im ace im hypersexual im aromatic im poly it's EVRRUTHING #and so i fit nowhere #because i don't fit the mold :/ #when i say queer in every way i mean it #and there's no real solution outside of finding community that accepts me and i cant even manage to get far enough into one #to even consider bringing up DID & the complexities it adds #cause y'all see someone in a modest dress & head scarf and go WOMAN #or see wheelchair and look the other way or continue booking in inaccessible places or not wearing a fucking mask #or don't want to be seen with someone visibly mentally ill #like..... i cant win. the only way i can get respect from my OWN FUXKJNG COMMUNITY is to change everything about myself #i'm so fucking over it #happy pride month ig

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: May 28

“Sebona Fi” by Yws Gwynedd

#song of the day #I'm fuckin exhausted babes. the short day did not happen. it's been one long day instead and I gotta say. I cannot lie. it sucked #I cannot stand being bored. I can't do it. I wanted to peel myself like a frozen grape all day #anyway I went to the yankee cookout #(got laughed at a fucking gain for calling it a cookout but bitch there was no barbecue! not noun nor verb! I don't want to hear it!) #(not that there was actually any cooking-out either in the end. the intent was there but they didn't get permission for the grill) #there wasn't jack shit actually bless their broken hearts and souls it was the saddest nothingness disaster I've ever attended #anyway on the walk back I was talking with one of the comms ladies about music in languages we don't speak #this is actually the only song I have that I don't understand the words as they play! I do not at all speak Welsh #(I used to have songs in Japanese. where did they go. I had at the very least the Gurren Lagann soundtrack. what did I do with it) #I've looked it up often enough I know what the song as a whole is about and I can sing along but I don't know the specific translations #it's such a fun song! happiness magic for me in the same vein as 'Shut Up and Dance' by Walk the Moon #I needed it too. underfed understimulated overheated they did not let me pet the dog and I did not get my finance reference checks #'o ma bywyd mor braf' harmonies save me

[vampthropologist]

New selfship! I call them HarV (Harvey/Harv/V) - ref img

#🦇// my art #this was done on the same canvas as the sketches I just posted. idk why this is the only one I finished. guess I wanted to render #harV #v.btas #btas #two face #harvey dent #selfship #self insert #dc oc #I used 40s-50s fashion as reference #wow more than monochrome color scheme for my oc?! /lh #Even though I've only seen Two Face in btas I did grab inspiration from other iterations. He's biracial here bc of that. #also his btas outfit is boring in my style so I snazzed it up a little #yes he has lipstick no he doesn't have those fuckass red lips who are you the joker? (no offense. I'm also a clown) #aneeways let me say a little about V since I haven't talked about them yet on here #V (yep that's their first name) is an androgyne-nonbinary artist who moved to Gotham a year before btas begins. #They do illustrations but can sculpt decently and paint a little. Like many in Gotham they have a secret so look out for that later ;) #Also V struggles to sleep and is pale as fuck from staying indoors to draw during the day. #also uhh this ship is romantic on Two Face's end while queerplatonic on V's. cupioromantic aroace let's go unconventional relationships!!! #f/o's

[oldestenemy]

it's always fun to realize the moment I've gotten attached enough to a piece of media to gain a new internal monologue voice.

Welcome to the team, Volition/The Narrator and also Kim Kitsuragi.

certainly hope you don't mind that the other common residents here are the Master and Paul fucking lostboys.

#still tapping. less murder. #my brain is so neat and cool (i have aphantasia and my brain only runs on sounds/words) #(my internal voice changes often depending on mood/what i'm doing/what i need) #(i have a feeling volition is going to encroach on where Koschei's voice usually appears) #(aka: when i'm struggling) #other resident voices include: David Talbot (who sounds like paul mcgann because qotd) #several of my own characters (Daniel. Isaac. Alex. Vee.) #Duncan fucking Grimwater (help someone get him out of here) #youtubers my fiance watches whose names I don't know (aside from Doug.) #for reference the Master voice is USUALLY actually Aidan Turner As Ross Poldark voice (rp days die hard) #but also shifts into whatever incarnation my brain conjures up at the time #or whichever ones voice I've heard most recently

[the-busy-ghost]

I don't know why but my brain just constantly wants to conflate the most famous works of John Knox and Robert Kirk (two very different Church of Scotland ministers) and lately I've had to stop myself accidentally referring to 'The Monstrous Regiment of Elves, Fauns, and Fairies' which is a pain because I'm pretty sure that's also a mish-mash of at least two fantasy novels that I haven't read, and at the end of the day how the hell did we get here

#Of course the elves fauns and fairies bit is really Andrew Lang #And I would be able to avoid this mistake if I added the 'First Blast of the Trumpet' bit to the other title as that would remind me #But one of these days I'm going to fuck up and refer to one or both books publicly like that #And look like an absolute fool #It just rolls off the tongue before you can stop it #It was bad enough when we had two Gavin Dunbars and a Gavin Douglas and a William Dunbar knocking around #The number of times I've called Gavin Douglas Gavin Dunbar by mistake I swear to god

[knifegremliin]

on my hands and knees begging for my body to let me sleep. please. please. just let me fucking sleep what do you WANT FROM ME.

#🔪.text #i woke up. at 2 a-fucking-m #and i am not confident that i ever fell back asleep. #i have been waking up at 4-5 am almost every day for the past week. #why. #and for reference i am going to sleep at around 10-10:30. #which is. yes. very early. believe me i'd be staying up later if i could #if i had the energy #AND IF I COULD DO SO WITHOUT SACRIFICING FUCKING SLEEP #but clearly i can't fucking do that!!!! #even 10 isn't fucking early enough with how my body's been!!! #literally the only thing i can think of is around the same time this started is the same time i started going off one of my meds #so MAYBE it's related??? i don't know. #or it could be i'm just getting too hot. because i have woken up really sweaty every time. #but this time i tried using a lighter blanket (aka a sheet) and it was fucking worse!!! #and i was even hotter! #so i don't know what the fuck i'm supposed to do!! #because there's nothing i can do about the temp of the house because my mom will not allow it to go below 73 #and she's still turning the heat on at night #i guess i've never actually asked if we can drop the temp at night #but i just figure the answer will be no so. #maybe i'll just try to cover my vent at night #because it's just been way too warm for the heat to be on #ugh. #anyway lol. #i am. so tired.

[ask-artsy-oncie]

I'm just so sick - I'm fucking ill.

I just want someone to look at me and see a man. Please. Even if it only happens just one more time.

Is that really too much to ask for?

#vent #for context - I was confused for a boy a total of two times in my life #halloween in high school I was wearing a binder and wig and people thought I was one of my friends' boyfriend #and once when I was working at Toys R Us and a customer asked if 'the girl who talked to her on the phone was in the store still' #(the person she was referring to being me - I was the only employee on the floor that day) #Like. Fuck man idk I'm absolutely genderfluid #but when people consistently only ever want to refer to you as your AGAB you start to go fucking insane #it kills me inside #it's not a fucking option anymore. If you only ever refer to me as my AGAB you don't get to choose to keep doing so #mix it up or just fucking get out

[wild-at-mind]

Being in a long distance relationship long term is so fucked up. For context for people in bigger countries I'm not talking flying distance from each other, I'm talking about 3 hrs apart on the train, so not that far arguably. But still far enough that our lives are almost completely separate in the practical sense, no matter how much we talk on the phone or meet halfway. When one of us stays over at the other's place we are still guests in each other's homes. I still don't know what cohabiting would be like and what a comfortable normalicy of being in each other's lives in person every day would be like. We're coming up to our 11th anniversary. I don't want to break up with him!!!! I love him deeply and I've never met someone I'm as compatible with as him. I've never been in love like this and I'm not easy to know, and yet he does know me and likes what he sees. I just feel I am stuck and I am frustrated that my sex life is like once every 3 months. I still don't even know how often we would have sex if we lived together, we haven't had the chance to find that rhythm. When we see each other there's no time to do any more involved stuff it's just getting off. Basically everytthing we've talked about has to stay in the realm of fantasy because there's never any fucking time.

I am trying I said to him- you need to do covering letters and things, you can't just send your CV that has never worked. He's the one who wants out of his current job, and out of his town, but applying for jobs is so fucking hard when you're working full time and trying to do things you love to not get fucking depressed. See I understand those things because I would feel the same way. If he moved here we could find a place together and I could find it out if I actually can live with someone else and stay mentally well. I'm getting too dependent on living alone in order to stay mentally well and it worries me.

Sorry to vent. I'm not looking for advice it's just venting.

#yeah it's embarrassing for a 34 yr old to go on about soul mates but i realy believe we are #i wouldn't be in this situation if we weren't really for real great together because i'm old enough to do right by myself #i can wait and in understand it's hard for someone neurodivergent to make big changes #it would be hard for someone neurotypical! so it must be even worse for him and it's so easy for him to get overwhelmed and crash emotional #as you can see from my rambles i have my baggage too like massive baggage #i worry though because he came to stay like 3 weeks ago for a few days and i was wound up and uncomfortable having a guest #even though it was him- i was hormonal so that could have been it but it's fucking scary #because you just think 'i wish i was alone in my own home right now doing my comfortable routine' #i'm stressing about washing extra dishes but my ocd requires that i'm always the one to wash them #i just want ot not be bothered and yet i feel like shit because i have no idea if it's always going to be like this or just a bad few days! #even though we have fun when we go out and stuff #the living together thing is really stressing me and i only have the last time it happened 3 months ago which i can barely remember #as reference for how i normally feel when he's here #ooooooof :( #fyi he doesn't want to do polyamory as is his right- it's not for everyone #and he has much more to lose in the dating/casual sex area than i would if i did it but i won't go into why

[coulsonlives]

can i

umm

what the actual fuck is wrong with people

#(major general tw for the following tags) #been doing some more reading after what happened a few days ago and i found THIS.. #this is so gross i can't i don't even know how to react #the ukranian one was posted in feb and yknow there's an INCURSION going on there #and the first nations one i just #jfc #it's SO tasteless do these people KNOW what first nations have been through and what has been happening lately in canada??! #how first nations can't even call the police when they experience a crime or are injured bc of how dangerous it is #to interact with police #i have HAD TO GIVE FIRST AID TO THEM IN CASES LIKE THIS AND ITS INSANELY UPSETTING #SOMEONE CALLED ME TO COME OUT BC THEIR BROTHER SHOT SOMEONE AND THEY DIDNT WANT POLICE INVOLVEMENT #makin all of that into some cute edgy quirky etc thing you wanna be is SO disgustingly disrespectful #idgaf about rando flags but GET A FUCKING CLUE #this person also refers to themselves as 'warqueer' and i don't even have to explain how fucked up that is #you are glamorizing people being blown up shot in the streets murdered by the thousands if not millions!! #this person needs to watch some of the footage from kyiv. the family left in the ditch with their dog. the buildings being blown up. #they need to see what the fuck they're saying here because it is NOT just words with this stuff #i'm going to bed #genocide ment cw #social justice #cop ment cw #violence ment cw #gun violence cw #death ment cw #war ment cw #racism cw

[doyouknowthemossinman]

i have four google docs, translate, genius lyrics, two ao3 tabs, three tumblr tabs, youtube, and spotify pulled up and i'm using ALL of them to write two fics at once, pretty much. i am Living

#treewords #my writing process is unknowable and ever-changing #i don't even know what the fuck i'm doing #i listen to the Wrong music and just get distracted thinking too deep about the lyrics for a while before i remember i'm supposed to be #writing something #i go to youtube to look up a sound byte that will make me laugh while i'm writing angst and before you know it i'm watching crime time #yes yes sneeg is very inspiring and very distracting #pulling up chara refs and past fics to reference back to #translating single words so i don't have to bother with accuracy #searching for lyrics when spotify doesn't have them #having maps pulled up bc i care too much about location #leaving that guitar tab open because I'll Play That Song One Day #anywayyyyy #2:23 AM local time

[signals-over-the-air]

not one of my coworkers trying to consistently pressure me into drinking/smoking with him and misgendering me nearly every other sentence then getting mad when i un-added him on snap?? when i never once even opened his original snap to me???

when it's not my day off i'm probably going to talk to my DM to remove myself from training him again bc this is getting ridiculous, it's 2:45 am and he's blowing my phone up about this but i can't block him because we work together-ish

#getting a little fed up about this #he's also been treating me like a district manager when i don't even cover his store at all #i trained him originally bc i train all the managers in my system #for reference he's an assistant manager of another store and i'm the manager of my own store #our district manager oversees both our stores and one other store #initially he and i got along well but 2 days in to training this guy for 3 days straight i was looking for a way out #he tells me all about his 'bad trips with weed' and how he 'doesn't wanna drink alone' #like bitch WHAT #you're 5 years older than me and know i can't legally drink #i'm also 99% certain he's gay? which makes it even more confusing #literally just not gonna reply until thursday bc i'm off today for yom kippur #which he made fun of me taking off. for the record. #fuck this guy lmao💀 always talking about how he deserves to be a full manager yada yada #cant even make a decision by himself! always needs to run it by me or our DM #he's also not fully trained #bc he spent most of the shifts i was trying to train him fucking around or disappearing for an hour to go pick up food #which like. whatever. but i already gave up 3 days i should've been focusing on my own staff to train him #why should i be forced to give up more #literally this dude needs so much validation from me it's not even funny #he almost exclusively sends me voice memos and shit then demands i listen to them while i'm trying to do shit in my own store #i don't care about his store's drama! it doesn't affect me in any way!! #ngl i kind of doubt he'll last the winter especially when he finds out he's not coming in our annual business trip #they don't have me running my own store at 20 and training people 2x my age for nothing #sorry not to vent about work at almost 3am #whizzy speaks #personal #tw vent #oh my god and i know he's pissed bc our dm likes me better💀 he was bitching about dm tearing him to shreds about the state of his store #he asked me if dm does the same to me and i got the absolute pleasure of telling him no #our dm really only gets on me about keeping my freezer alphabetized and i run ideas and numbers by him but that's it. he was SO pissed lmaoo

[hua-fei-hua]

as soon as it's summer and i'm medicated again i NEED to write a series of essays covering my experiences switching from the broader social sphere of fandom which predominantly ships m/f ships to the social sphere of fandom which predominantly ships m/m, because i feel like a lot of what we say about the other social sphere is simultaneously true and false at the same time, and i've literally never seen anyone talk about it ever

#the m/m shipping sphere is different from the f/f shipping sphere but both are honestly like lowkey disdained by the m/f sphere #well okay the f/f sphere is lowkey disdained while the m/m sphere is like highkey disdained #but at the same time It Is True that the m/f shippers can get pretty bullied by people pushing their m/m ships!!!! #so it's like a historical beef; esp when considering the fact that a lot of the times our tastes in ships can be pretty informed #by the ships our friends/fan community members are getting into in regards to new canons #i wouldn't be surprised if it was common for some nebulous hypothetical concept of an m/m shipper to be like #'oh yeah in this us v. them argument the 'us' is ofc us gay people [m/m and f/f shippers together]' #but i do think it is worth drawing a distinction btwn the m/m shipping spheres n the f/f shipping spheres #many m/m shippers like f/f ships passively; i don't see a lot of f/f shippers get super actively engaged in m/m pairs even on the side #as a result their results on ao3 feel more likely to have a significant % of genuine slush #like in my experience looking through m/m ship tags it's full of slush (referring to fic that's just not to my tastes or poorly written) #but for the most part if a ship is tagged it at least plays a role or shows up in a fic #but if i'm looking for a f/f ship on ao3 god fucking heaven help me; i have to filter so hard it cuts out >50% of the results #and when looking for m/f ships back in the day it was usually shit like 'one-sided' or 'past' or just incredibly minor passing mentions #like complain all you want abt having to go through a massive slush pile of an ao3 tag listing for an m/m ship #but at least we don't have to literally just come together as a community to make an ao3 collection #just to have a repository of fics that are just ABOUT the pairing tagged w/o being forced to grovel through slush like that #like not even 'these are the best fics for this pairing' just 'these are the fics for this pairing' #also. my hot take. is that a lot of the times people who ship *exclusively* m/f ships Are being kinda homophobic to the m/m shippers #like at the very least the way they talk abt the ships or argue with the shippers sounds like it draws on homophobic rhetoric #like the m/f shippers themselves are not necessarily homophobic people. but. like. it's nuanced. there are trends. i have many thoughts #(meanwhile the gen social sphere exists beyond most of my own experiences but god do i feel bad for them when searching through ao3) #also like. this should go w/o saying. but i'm not trying to categorize individual people into 'belonging' to any one specific sphere #but we as people just generally have our fave spots to hang out n those spots have distinctive traits n flavors #n while we're in there commonalities in the people chilling there start to emerge #if we go to a different spot bc we like being there then different things will be had in common #we're looking at strength of overlap here; not individuals #花話 #anyway obviously i have many many thoughts on this subject. this is bc it fascinates me greatly bc i don't see it talked abt #bc for the most part you don't really see people into m/m who used to really like m/f ships the way i did

[xcziel]

.

#i am going to a referral to have someone look at my blood work #they sent me a dozen pages of paperwork to fill out and want me to bring my will and power of attorney #neither of which do i actually have written out and i am not going to try to put together in just a few days? #it is a consultation #like ok if i were going into the hospital but literally he's supposed to look at my blood cell count #there's not any point where they need to see my legal paperwork? #like medical history ok i understand and i understand wanting to know my medications #but i'm not disrupting my entire life for a consult that may not even be relevant? #like my referring doctor is just guessing at things now she has no idea what's going on #gonna call them and be like sorry i'm not trying to find a lawyer and draw up paperwork in a week while also working #i don't think it's even legal to ask to see someone's will? like what the fuck? #my parent's were being treated for stuff and we had to dig the wills out of my dad's files #nether one had an official power of attorney filed i don't think or medical power of attorney #like how is that your business when i haven't even met the doctor yet and may not even want to deal with your practice? #this thing where medical practitioners just assume you're going to go along with whatever they say is really irksome #like the ct scan place they're like you might be going straight to the hospital if your doctor says so #when at no time was i ever warned or given intimations that that was a possibility? #like what if i had plans? or a pet or a kid? like you have to let people know about things ahead of time? #especially if it's not an emergency?