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critrolesideblog · 3 years

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"Do you enjoy card games?" At this query, Caleb looked up slowly, finally, from the Aeorian tome he had been frowning at all day.

It was the third day of a forced respite from their Aeorian expedition. They had been beset on their last outing by a three-headed abomination that, though quickly vanquished, had left Caleb with a series of nasty bites that bled with alarming profusion. A couple of healing potions had stopped the bleeding and partly healed the wounds, but they stubbornly refused to heal up entirely. So, at Essek's insistence and Caleb's reluctant acceptance, they were taking a break.

Caleb had spent their "break" thus far puzzling over an incomplete Aeorian formula with increasing frustration and, despite Essek's efforts at reassurance, guilt at delaying their explorations. Caleb had stubbornly refused both Essek's help and his suggestions that he work on something else for a while. So, Essek moved to Plan C.

"I, ah, ja, I suppose so," Caleb replied, azure eyes glancing down to Essek's hands, deftly shuffling the deck he had procured from the second floor of the tower. "Although, it has been some time since I've played one."

"It has for me as well." Essek glided around the desk Caleb was seated at to place himself on the opposite side, as Caleb considered him thoughtfully, and as he seated himself, the Zemnian wizard gently closed the tome with a small sigh and made space on the desk by unceremoniously shoving a small mountain of wadded-up, discarded parchment onto the floor, to the annoyed meows, chitters, and huffs of a number of the tower cats. "It's been at least," Essek took a large breath and let it out in a slow sigh, making a production of thinking over the many decades it had been since his last game with Verin. "Oh, at least 70 years, maybe 80." Caleb leveled a deadpan gaze at him for his efforts, though he was unable to completely school the muscles at the corners of his lips that wanted to form a smirk at his little one-upmanship. Essek allowed himself a satisfied grin in return. "Still, I thought it might be a pleasant diversion."

"Do you have a particular game in mind, old man?" Ha. Essek considered the possibilities, unsure of which, if any, games spanned their two cultures.

"Hm, there was one Verin was particularly fond of when we were children. The cards are dealt evenly between the players," he explained and began dispensing the cards. "And the goal is to obtain the entire deck. Without looking, we each take turns flipping cards over into a pile in the center, until someone plays a face card. When that happens, the next player tries to beat the value of the previous card, Aces being of greatest value, and whomever has the highest card claims the pile."

"Simple enough."

"Indeed, but when Verin played, he was fond of what he called..." He paused to consider how best to convey it in Common. It was odd the random words that came up as blank spots in his vocabulary. Punch...? No, not punch. "How do you say it ... There is a word, I think, for when you hit something with your palm?" He mimed the motion of doing it to someone's face.

Caleb raised an eyebrow, a bemused expression settling on his features. "A slap?"

"Yes!” Now that Caleb said it he was certain he had heard it before. “He liked to play with...” He paused to consider the translation again. “Slap rules."

"Slap rules?"

"When two cards of the same value are played in a row, or on either side of a single card, any player may slap their hand down and claim the pile, whomever is quickest."

"Alright, I think I've got it." They each scooped up their respective piles of cards and formed them into neat stacks in their hands. "Shall we?" There was a glimmer of friendly competitiveness in Caleb's eyes that made Essek's heart-rate tick up a little.

"After you."

They took turns flipping over cards, slowly at first, random numbers of varying colors stacking one on top of the other until Caleb, at last, turned over a Jack. "Ah, let's see if you can beat that, Her Thelyss." Essek dealt his next card. Six. He let out a little huff of disappointment as Caleb slid the pile towards himself with the ghost of a grin hovering around his mouth.

"Danke." He said, adding the pile to his hand.

"Ole hyvä." Essek deadpanned. Amusement crinkled the edges of Caleb's eyes, and an increasingly familiar warm affection took up residence in Essek's chest. They began again, flipping the cards a little faster this time.

Thump. Caleb blinked with surprise as Essek claimed the pile. He moved his hand back slightly to reveal the most recent cards - two threes in a row. "Aaah, right, slap rules."

"Indeed."

They began again, flipping the cards over a little faster still. Essek glanced up at Caleb's face. The guilt and frustration that had tugged on his features the past two days seemed to have released their grip, in favor of intent observation. He looked back down -- two eights! Their hands collided as they both reached for the pile at the same time, but Caleb eked out a victory, his fingers managing to slip just under Essek's. Caleb gave a soft "ha!" as he claimed the pile, and Essek found himself grinning as well, despite the loss. He had not considered that their hands would inevitably touch over the course of this game, but he couldn't say he minded.

"You can imagine, perhaps," he said slowly as they began turning over cards again, resolutely watching the cards this time, "two little Drow boys slapping the cards, and each other, with increasing enthusiasm as the game goes on." Caleb chuckled.

"I can indeed. In Blumenthal, we had a game where we just slapped each other's hands to see who was fastest, no cards needed." Both of their hands shot out - a nine flanked by a pair of fives this time. Again, there was Caleb's warm hand under Essek's instead of cardstock. He made a show of hissing with frustration, baring his fangs a little, but he was sure it was belied by the grin still tugging at his mouth. Caleb didn't seem the least bit intimidated as he added the cards to his hand, amusement crinkling the eyes again. The warm affection steadily blooming in Essek's chest grew warmer still. They began again, and after a moment of dealing cards in companionable silence, Caleb asked, "What is he like? Your brother?"

A memory filled Essek's senses. He and his brother were in a ballroom on the Thelyss estate. Members of various Dens and the upper echelon of the military were milling about them to the strains of soft music and polite conversation. Verin was grinning with a brash pride at being appointed Taskhand, chin held high, chest puffed out. A gleeful victory polished his silver eyes to shining. Earlier that evening, Essek had retied the bun neatly collecting his little brother's many braids to make sure he was presentable for the ceremony. Verin had ruffled Essek's hair to make sure he wasn't. "Tall," he replied, finally, and then muttered, "the bastard." That shocked a laugh out of Caleb, as Essek hoped it would, and he tried to suppress his own victorious grin.

"How rude of him growing past his elder brother!" Caleb laughed.

"The disrespect," Essek opined, shaking his head. "When we were teenagers, I once escorted him to a shop - he wanted to buy a trinket for some girl, and I needed spell components."

"Naturally."

"And the shopkeeper complimented him on how kind he was to take his little brother out shopping." Caleb's laugh was lovelier than any sound Essek could think to compare it to. "I could have strangled that shopkeep. I knew I would never hear the end of it. All I heard for months after that was little brother this, and little brother that."

"How did you get him to stop?"

"Violence." Essek claimed the card pile with a Jack of Spades. "I mastered Telekinesis and tossed him into a snowbank."

"Ja, naturally, as one does." Caleb's voice was warm with amusement.

Essek felt no need to mention that Verin had enjoyed the experience and asked to be tossed into the snowbank three more times. "He's naturally charming," Essek continued. "Too much for his own good, sometimes. He has forgotten on more than one occasion to check whether the targets of his charms were married first."

"Uh-oh," Caleb chuckled.

"Indeed." Essek rolled his eyes with old exasperation and then claimed the pile of cards again with a Queen of Hearts. "He's smart, but he always preferred fighting and flirting to academics. Still, he has a keen mind for battle strategy, tactics, problem-solving. Much too honest for politics, but he is the sort of person people turn to naturally for leadership, and he takes that responsibility seriously." Caleb claimed the pile this time, King of Clubs.

"He sounds like a good person," Caleb ventured quietly.

Another memory rose up, unbidden. Verin when he was a long way yet from being Verin. They had called him Rei then, and Essek had been called Kai. Rei was a baby, barely old enough to walk, but his tiny hand patted Kai's shoulder gently as his elder brother tried not to cry over a skinned knee. His silver eyes, large in his small, round face, clearly full of a sympathy he did not have words yet to express. Essek nodded. "Even when he was a child. As a toddler, any time he received a treat, his first instinct was always to share it, with me or Nanny, or the housekeepers, even, whomever was nearby." Haluatko vähän? Do you want some? The little boy had always asked. Haluatko vähän? He had asked the less popular children in school, as he went out of his way to share his snacks and his shine. Haluatko vähän? He had asked with an excited smile, on the eve of his deployment to Bazzoxan, before running out into the rain to get fried insects from his favorite street vendor, like a child and not the 105-year-old man that he was, and again after purchasing it and exclaiming how delicious they were, Haluatko vähän? "He has always had a good heart." Icy tendrils began to snake their way through Essek's chest, like the mold of Aeor, feeding on the heat there and turning it into cold, cold shame and guilt. How had Verin remained so good and Essek turned so wrong?

He didn't ask the question aloud, but Caleb seemed to guess where his mind had turned and countered it with a question of his own. "Perhaps some credit goes to his elder brother for shielding his good heart?" Essek made himself look into Caleb's eyes, and their hands paused in their game for a moment. There was no pity in the Lucidian blue, just a gentle curiosity. It was a genuine question.

Essek considered the hypothesis. He had tried his best to keep Verin on the right side of the Umavi's scrutiny and their father's temper and out of any problems he couldn't punch his way out of. But was it as simple as being the younger of the two? Essek had felt as much affection for Nanny as Verin had, but he wasn't sure he had ever offered to share a treat with her before Verin came along. If he had, he certainly hadn't continued to offer after repeated declinations out of an immovable sense of fairness. As far as Essek could recall, they had always been of wildly different dispositions. Verin was boisterous where Essek was quiet, outgoing where he was introverted, gregarious where he was selfish, courageous where he was cowardly. Try as he might, Essek could not imagine Verin doing the things he had done, for the Dynasty or against it, for mere power.

"Very little," he concluded. "I did try to look out for him, but for all that we share in origin, we are very different people. There is no discarded timeline with a Shadowhand Verin."

Caleb considered this thoughtfully for a moment and then tossed a card down with his verdict: "That last assertion is unfalsifiable." Essek raised an eyebrow and tossed a card down. Yes, he supposed it was... for now...

Thump. Caleb slid the pile crowned by two Kings toward himself with a satisfied grin. "You know this game is very unfair to you, Herr Thelyss." There was a spark of mischief in his eyes, and Essek felt the chill in his chest begin to ease. "What with my being so much younger than you, better reflexes and all of that."

Essek scoffed and shook his head, a grin returning to his face. The nerve. "Oh, we'll see about that."

#baby's first ficlet #first one posted to the worldwide web anyway #please be gentle #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #shadowgast #a little but mostly Essek thinkin about his brother #verin thelyss #Apologies to anyone who speaks Finnish if the Google Translates are terrible #my writing tag

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eponymous-rose · 3 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E133 (April 13, 2021)

(Little distracted tonight! Please excuse any and all omissions.)

Tonight’s guests on Good Morning Quebec are Marisha Ray and Travis Willingham!

How are Beau and Fjord feeling about their leadership responsibilities among the Nein? Marisha: “Beau has always admired Fjord and respected his ability to speak like an adult. It does feel like-- are Beau and Fjord the only adults in the room?” Travis points out Caduceus and Caleb’s leadership as well. “In that conversation, at least, just because I want it to be a tiny bit meta, a lot of it’s just mindset. Fjord knows that Beau is a world-breaker, can kick that ass, and the idea that part of the focus would be diverted towards how can we get out here, it was feeling a little bit more like we’re done for rather than we can do this. It was his way of doing the old coach reminder of stop thinking of the ways you’re going to get out of this and start thinking of the ways you’re going to dominate this.” Marisha mentions that Beau and Travis are kind of the two who aren’t saying goodbyes, and yet they’re two of the only ones who just have the Nein. “Even Caleb was allowed to say goodbye to his cat! We don’t even have that. It’s just the Nein. They are the ultimate goodbyes for us, if it comes to that. But hopefully it won’t come to that.” Travis: “There’s a certain drive that comes with not having wrapped it up in a pretty bow.”

On Fjord’s decision to have the Rangers engage: “Yeah, that one stings. I was suffering from the good ol’ regurts almost as soon as it happens. I realized it was just Essek and Fjord, and he was just asking me, and boy there were a lot of horseshit RP things going around my head.” He kept in mind that the captain has to be decisive and focus on his people. “I in no way thought of Dagon at all. Fuck, did I send Dagon to his death? Did that headstrong dude go, nah, I’ll do my own thing and get out of there? I hadn’t really experienced that kind of instant regret in a gameplay situation yet. But in leadership moments, or when you have to make a decision like that, sometimes it’s important to take a fucking minute and think about what you’re doing. Even in D&D. I wish I had taken a moment to say, how far away are they? If you engage them from afar, can you slow them down long enough? Set an ambush if you can, but at least be at max.”

On Beau’s meditation attempt that ended in contact with Lucien: “I think I know exactly what he was trying to do. He was trying to put another fuckin’ eye somewhere on me. I was remembering Keyleth putting her hand in the spinning black orb of death under the Ziggurat and I rolled a natural twenty.” Travis asks if she thinks she and Caleb are “next up in the queue” now that so many of the Tombtakers are dead. “Yeah. I’m gonna get turned.” Travis: “I’ll kill you real good, Beau. I’ll take Caleb first because he made me promise, but I’ll get you good, too.”

On Fjord now having more information about Vandren: “I love it. I feel like such a fuckin’ moron. It never occurred to me for one second that a shipwrecked person that survived would have maybe just wound up on the nearest island. Nope. Didn’t even bother to do the Castaway grid and check the nearest body of land. I’m a fuckin’ terrible D&D player.” Fjord washed up extremely far away from the wreck. “I love that he’s there. I cannot wait to go find him and have a conversation. I just don’t know which will come first: going to Darktow and confronting Sabien or going to see Vanden. But both of those things are on the list, for sure. Just for closure, I mean, damn.” Brian asks if Fjord is okay with Jester having reached out. “Yeah, totally. Fjord is a big dummy in a lot of ways.” He mentions that Fjord has a lot of ideas in his head about what it means to “be a man” that keeps him from asking for help when he needs it. “When Jester did that, it just reaffirmed his feelings for her and how she feels for him. It’ll take those kind of people in his life to help him along to the things that he wants when he’s too stupid or shy to acknowledge it himself.”

How about that alliance with Essek? Marisha: “Here’s the thing. Beau wasn’t like, ooh, allying with Trent, that’s icky because of moral reasons. It’s not that. The more allies, the better in this moment. Teaming up with Magneto kind of situation. But Beau’s whole concern was is this going to distract you from the overall mission. I couldn’t imagine walking alongside someone who had just tortured me in the way that Trent has. We spent so many episodes watching Caleb have these post-traumatic flashes of when he lit his family on fire. Caleb’s a shotgun, he’s such a good damage-dealer, and if he can’t cope with it. That was Beau’s concern.” Travis: “And just to go along with your Magneto reference, Essek is one powerful person. Trent brings the acolytes. But we recognize that if we stop the Tombtakers and Lucien then we probably have to stop Trent and the Vollstruckers. But I wanted to open it to Caleb, because we gotta face that motherfucker at some point.”

Cosplay of the Week: an amazing Yasha! (krisjaded on Instagram, photography by adambenfer on Instagram)

On Beau’s plan to put a possible eavesdropper off their trail at Pumat’s: “I mean, everything is a long shot.” Taliesin suggested the idea. “I said Darktow because I thought, hey, if he tries to follow us to Darktow, he’ll probably get murdered. He’ll never make it back. We have no idea. It could have been completely transparent, or maybe he’ll be stupid enough to actually try it.”

Fan Art of the Week: a lovely Caduceus! (by arcanum.dice on Instagram)

How’s the relationship with Yasha been going? “It’s so new! And fresh and weird, and she’s trying to remember to be like, oh, that’s right! You’re my girlfriend! I owe you some attention, that’s right. It’s nice to have somebody. We were talking about not really having anyone to say goodbye to in this round of goodbyes, Beau is looking to the future and those relationships are keeping her afloat.”

On seeing more of Aeor, looking forward to it? Travis: “I really want them dead first. If collections of explorers and expeditions from the Cerberus Assembly and the Dynasty have turned up stuff they don’t know what to do with yet, what the fuck are a bunch of chuckle-dicks like us going to do with it?” They’re interested in a distant sort of way - there are bigger issues at hand.

Travis mentions that he’s never been quite so emotionally invested in the game before and notes that was at the root of his competitive attitude at the end of the last episode. “The lines were so blurred in that way. It’s just a testament to the never-ending learning process that comes from this game that I underestimated my entire life.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

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utilitycaster · 3 years

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Wizard breakdown tracker week 2: episode 132

Welcome again to the post in which I assess how close the various wizard NPCs of Exandria are to Losing It, an exercise in reminding me that though things may seem dark now, one day Trent Ikithon will be brought to justice, which is the fun euphemism I have for “zero hit points and also on fire”.

I suspect we’re really only going to see Essek for a while such that this may eventually become a space for real thoughts on Essek, wildly speculative thoughts on the volstrucker wizards, Allura/Kima domestic fluff, and elaborate jokes about Eadwulf’s name and Yussa’s predicament, but I am committed.

As a reminder: Caleb Widogast is not eligible due to being a PC. Wizard NPCs for whom I have no updates, whether it’s because they have not appeared recently or simply because I don’t find them interesting enough; my deepest apologies to the Oremid Hass stans.

Someone in my notes from last week’s post asked where Known Gem Wizard Hotsauce Lutefisk was. The answer is that he is in a gem. Hope this helps.

Archmage of Antiquities Lady Vess DeRogna is still dead.

Ludinus Da’leth: with Yussa (hopefully temporarily) out of the running he’s suddenly feeling more confident in his chances at winning Wildemount’s Least Fucks Given competition but doesn’t know why, and with Jester in the north a sudden sense of peace has come upon him.

Conclusion: 0/10. He’s taking a nap in his tower in a sunbeam like an evil cat as we speak.

Trent Ikithon: It’s only been a day or so since Caleb delivered what is truly probably the sickest burn he’s ever experienced; this man probably doesn’t care about 99% of what people say to him but Caleb saying he’s not the biggest thing on his mind? That’s gonna hit. Also presumably the trail went cold after Nicodranas, in more ways than one.

Conclusion: 5/10 and simmering; by the time the Nein return to civilization he should be about ready to explode.

Essek Thelyss: While it’s only been a few hours honestly I think he’s already doing better. He’s in a weird freezing ruin and there was a fight with another one coming, but he’s being useful! He’s been given trust and friends! He got to show off a lot of very cool spellcasting! Also have you ever been super anxious and your friends, rather than trying to talk through anything, are just incredibly fucking weird to the point where it takes your mind off things because what is happening even? That’s the mood. Oh and also, he may still be worried about the Assembly bearing down on him but I have to imagine Yasha’s display of swordcraft is helping.

Conclusion: 7/10. To paraphrase Caduceus there’s a certain baseline of happiness when you’re in a freezing ruin full of brown mold, but the distraction is welcome.

Astrid Beck: It’s tough that she’s offscreen because like, her mental state is going to be governed heavily by Trent’s but specifically if he seems on to her. Also while my bets are against the volstrucker trying to teleport into the ruins of Aeor she’s probably going to be in a worse state if she might have to face Caleb again.

Conclusion: holding at 8/10 until further notice.

*Black Francis voice* I believe in Mr. Eadwulf Grieve: *sits backwards on chair* Look, son/daughter/child, we all at some point in our lives project a lot of things on to a mysterious but intriguing NPC. Your Verins; your Urayas; your Vandrans. Mine? Well, mine is a wizard whose name we don’t entirely know how to spell and who we mostly know is strong and likes the Raven Queen and was not exactly the third wheel we long believed him to be. Anyway, I like to imagine Eadwulf as a calming presence, with Astrid the more-high-strung leader, albeit calming presence because he immediately gets drunk after stressful situations.

Conclusion: I’m going to say 4/10. I think he’s one of those people who’s like, super smart but also when the problem is not directly in front of him he’s like well nothing to be done now.

Pumat Sol: Much as I love him, no updates for now and he will probably be moved to the “not recently seen” group. I hope a heavily disguised Yeza has stopped by though for more top toys after one of the mobsters got really into it.

Conclusion: 1/10, respectfully.

Allura Vyesoren: She is assuming at this point no news is good news, which will change after a few days, but also Lady Kima keeps busting in with a sword the size of herself yelling “I JUDGE THEE, MAGICIAN”

Conclusion: holding at 3/10.

Yussa Errenis: WE BUILT THIS CITY! WE BUILT THIS CITY ON WIZARD’S SOULS!

Congrats on the gender, sorry about...you know.

Conclusion: to ℵ-null and ℵ-null and beyond/10. In related news I am submitting a bug reports to both Tumblr and Google Docs for not accounting for the outlier formatting case of Cardinality Georg.

#as mentioned elsewhere nothing is funnier than just calling Ikithon Tront #but puns on other wizards' names are very funny #critical role #critical role spoilers #wizard breakdown tracker #your music references this week were Mr. Grieves by the Pixies and We Built This City by Jefferson Starship

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intergalacticwanderer · 3 years

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(Part one, part two, part three, part four. Fic version of this post, with some minor inspiration from here as well, which can be considered part of the overall background to the fic if desired.)

“I am worried about our friend Kingsley.”

Caleb saw Essek look up from his book at the statement. It was currently just the two of them in the salon of the tower, lighting low for the late hour and the rest of the Nein having already retired. They’d gotten into the habit of late night work while in Aeor, and even with the ancient city far away it was hard to break from certain routines. Essek held his place in the book with his hand, expression curious.

“How so?”

“He is... not himself? It is hard to explain.”

“Then explain it to me,” Essek said, giving him a half smile. “We are not unfamiliar with hard concepts.”

Caleb huffed a laugh. “Ja, that is true.” He tapped a finger on his knee, thinking. “He has been acting strange since the beginning of this visit. He is more... avoidant? And quieter as well.”

“Not words I am use to hearing in regards to him.”

“Ja. He has also been startling a lot, and he is even hesitating with tasks he is usually confident with.” Just this morning Caleb had seen Kingsley almost fumbling when practicing with his swords and whip, and he’d startled like a cat when Caleb had asked if he was alright. Kingsley had stammered out that he was fine, but it was still odd. “There are other things, but those are the clearest. Have you noticed anything?”

Essek paused, thinking, before giving a slow nod. “Yes, now that you mention it he is a bit more on edge, if that is the right term. Do you have an idea about something?”

“I think it may be connected to Jester’s story time the other night,” Caleb said, and his mind went back to a couple days ago.

It was still surreal thinking about how that evening had gone. Jester had gathered everyone up on the second night on the island, loudly proclaiming that there was something they just HAD to hear about, but utterly refusing to explain what it was ahead of time. When they did finally get to the explanation Jester had made almost zero sense, and so she had pulled in Beau, Fjord, and Kingsley to help. At that point things had become intelligible, but still no less bizarre. Honestly, there weren’t many ways to describe ‘demon organized death match that may have just been a shared dream but also may have actually happened, we’re not sure’ and not have it be weird.

Kingsley’s thing had almost been an afterthought. Or at least, he’d tried to make it an afterthought

“Yeah, and for some reason I was Molly in the death match?” Kingsley’s eyes flicked to Yasha, and she gave him a small nod. “A-and I got all his memories when I woke up, but it’s not that big of a deal, the name’s still Kingsley and-”

“Wait WHAT?!” Veth yelled, and any chance of his comment passing without notice vanished as several people started talking at once.

In the end, the actually conversation about it had been relatively tame. Half of the group already knew about it, and therefore had been available to help deal with any questions, which, admittedly, there’d been a lot of. Kingsley still wanted to be called Kingsley, yes he did remember that happening, and no, he wasn’t planning on letting this change anything. There’d been a sort of nervous energy to Kingsley during the entire exchange, as if he’d been afraid of how everyone would react, but he’d seemed okay by the end of the night. Now, however, Caleb wasn’t so sure.

“He said he was okay, but getting memories all at once like that would be... a lot.”

“It would,” Essek said quietly, and after checking the page he was on he set his book aside, steepling his fingers in front of his mouth. “In certain ways, his situation sounds somewhat like that of consecution. Not exactly the same, but... similar.”

This time it was Caleb’s turn to pause, and he slowly set down the pages of notes that he’d been working on. Consecution was something they’d touched on before, but not in depth, and it was rare for Essek to be the one to bring it up first.

“In regard to the memories?”

“Partially.” Essek spent a few more moments with his fingers steepled before he sighed and leaned back. “That is a major part of it, but also that of living a different life before regaining memories. Or. Hmm.” He frowned a little. “The Dynasty’s perspective on person hood is not one that I think our friend would appreciate, however.”

“Most likely not,” Caleb murmured. He knew from their past conversations that when a consecuted individual regained their memories, it was often assumed that they would incorporate parts of their prior identity and life, regardless of the life they’d been born into. The comparison was a little muddied by Kingsley already being with most of the people he knew in this ‘prior’ life, but his feelings on identity had been made plenty clear in the past. Whoever he’d been before, Kingsley cared about who he was now.

Caleb made a gesture to one of the tower cats and few moments later it came over with a tray of hot cider, Caleb giving a soft “Danke” as he grabbed a cup. He took a small sip, doing his best to avoid burning his tongue. “Do you know of anything related to consecution that would help?”

Essek took a drink from the tray as well with a small thanks, the cat wandering back off and Essek holding the drink between his hands. “Not personally, no. Most help in regards to anamnesis is guiding through regaining memories, and reconciling past lives with the current life. Our friend has already passed the former point and I do not know how to help with the latter. Though it is much more gradual than whatever happened here.”

Caleb took another sip. “What is the usual pace? Days, weeks, months...?”

“Once the guided meditation has started, it can take weeks, sometimes even months or years for full reconciliation.” Essek tapped his nails on his cup, taking a drink. “But memories and echoes of the past life can occur for a long time as well, depending on how long it takes the individual to return to Xhorhas. So, it varies.” He tilted his head, thoughtful. “I do find myself wondering now how greater restoration would effect a consecuted individual pre anamnesis. Would it cause an early return of memory? Or would nothing occur until anamnesis began naturally?” A longer drink, and a small hum. “Not necessarily something that could be tested, since consecuted individuals are found through anamnesis, but Kingsley’s situation does raise some interesting questions.”

“Ja, it does, though I think he is too much of an outlier to draw conclusions from.” Caleb took a drink and set his cup on the side table. “The situation with his soul is... strange, after all.”

Essek snorted. “To put it mildly.” He went quiet for a few seconds, looking down at his cup before his eyes flicked to Caleb. “I do not have the frame of reference myself, but, how similar is Kingsley? To Mollymauk?”

That caught Caleb off guard. “... I am not entirely sure.” He laced his fingers, resting them in front of his chin. “His general demeanor and enthusiasm are alike, and strangely enough, even his refusal of being Mollymauk upon waking was very in character as something Mollymauk would have done. But he is different too.”

Essek made a ‘go on’ gesture. “Such as?”

He ran through a few memories. “Ambition, for one. Mollymauk was not one for larger goals or pursuits, and he mostly preferred to live day to day. He was also quite fond of bullshitting. Kingsley is as well, but not nearly to the same degree.” Caleb could still remember some of the ridiculous stories Molly had spun about his supposed past. Somehow, even those had not measured up to the strangeness of the truth. “He was happy, and comfortable in who he was, but avoidant as well. Kingsley is more settled in a lot ways.”

Essek nodded, finishing off his drink and using mage hand to place the cup on the same table as Caleb’s.

“In the Dynasty, it is not uncommon for members of prominent dens to watch children for any possible change in behavior, no matter how small, to see if it might be a sign of anamnesis and who they were before.” Essek gave a thin smile. “Considering the den members who were proven wrong about my brother and I, I am not particularly fond of the practice. And yet...” He sighed, hands clenching in his lap. “You are right that Kingsley is too much of an outlier to be used as a direct example. But he is also a soul returned to life who only regained memories at a later time. What does he say about how much of a person is their soul, and how much is the life they’ve led, or how they were raised? And what does that say about the Dynasty and how it treats consecution?”

Caleb had gone still the moment Essek had mentioned himself and his brother, and now he reached over to gently take one of Essek’s hands, Essek returning the grip. Caleb ran his thumb back and forth, pale skin against dark.

“I am sorry you and your brother had to deal with that. You do not have to answer, but... is this part of why you refused consecution?”

Essek stiffened, and he had to deliberately make himself relax, letting out a long breath. “In a broader sense,” he said quietly, squeezing Caleb’s hand. “Frustration at the cultural norms played a part of it, but it was also there being so little understanding of how the beacons and consecution truly work.” He shook his head with a small laugh. “I somehow still forget that I’ve already told you about not being consecuted. I guess I got too used to needing to keep up appearances.”

“Well, you do not have to worry about that much anymore,” Caleb said, and he brought up Essek’s hand for a small kiss, Essek flushing at the quick peck but he was smiling as well. “There is a lot I still do not understand about consecution and the Dynasty, but I am willing to wait to learn more if you want to be done.”

“I was the one to bring it up, but I think that may be a good idea,” Essek said, continuing to hold Caleb’s hand. “I side tracked us from the original subject anyway,” he said ruefully.

Caleb chuckled. “Ja, that too.” He took a moment to let himself just enjoy holding hands with Essek, going back to rubbing with his thumb and fireplace crackling the background.

“Your question about souls and identity is a good one though. It very well could be what our friend is dealing with right now, and even I am not sure how I would deal with that sort of thing on my own.”

“I would have to agree with you there,” Essek said. “Is there anything specific you want to do? To make sure he is okay?”

Now that was the important question. Caleb rubbed his chin, thinking. “I would say just being there for now. Not pushing or forcing things, but keeping an eye on him and listening if he wants to talk. I think this is something he has to do at his own pace.” From what he had seen so far, Caleb wasn’t sure if this was something Kingsley actually wanted to talk about, but he also knew forcing it wouldn’t help. “And if something becomes truly alarming, that is when we can go to Caduceus or Jester.”

Essek nodded. “I agree that they would be more suited for that sort of situation. And that is good for a start.” He gave Caleb’s hand another squeeze. “It is still hard at times, knowing that certain things don’t have a direct solution. That I can’t just ‘fix’ it on my own.”

“I know what you mean,” Caleb said. He knew it all too well, in fact. “But... that is why we have our friends too, I think. So that even if some things cannot be fixed we do not have to go through it alone. And that is what we can do for him.”

He looked up above the fireplace, at the stained glass displayed there. For a small moment, Caleb found himself wondering again, as he had in the past, how things may have gone if Mollymauk had never died. But he also knew, that right now, Kingsley was alive. The overall nature of person hood and identity was something he could talk about with Essek at length, for hours even, and still not have an answer. But there was a part of Caleb, perhaps a selfish part, that simply found himself glad that the soul of their friend, in whatever strange form or manner, as whatever person he wanted to be, had gotten his chance to live again. To be happy.

“Caleb?”

Caleb looked back down, to Essek sitting next to him, and smiled. “I am okay.” He leaned forward, giving Essek a kiss on the cheek, and stood, letting Essek use his hand to stand as well.

“Come on. I think it is time for us get to bed.”

***

Essek hadn’t expected to meet anyone else on his late night walk the next night. But when he came to the beach there was a figure sitting on the shoreline, tail trailing out behind him and horns framing his head, staring up at the bright moon above. No talking, or movement. Just quiet contemplation. It was a scene he hadn't really seen before for Kingsley, and it struck him in that moment just how young the tiefling was. How much bigger did the world feel sometimes, when so many things were new and unknown?

From his own experiences of The Mighty Nein dragging him into the wider world, he knew the answer was ‘quite a lot.’

Essek approached on foot, forgoing his floating cantrip so his presence would be known, and Kingsley looked over at the sound of crunching sand, shaking his head as if coming out of a daze.

“Hey. Didn't expect to see you out here.”

“Merely taking some time for myself,” Essek said. The breeze pulled at his clothes, Essek right now dressed in only a gossamer shirt and some simple trousers. It wasn't what he would usually wear in public, and he felt somewhat exposed, but the night had been warm and he’d decided to do without his typical layers. A decision he was now second guessing with facing the attention of someone else, but there were no extra looks or reactions, just an acknowledgement of his presence. There was something quiet about the moment. Fragile. Perhaps it wasn’t all bad being less formal. “Unable to sleep?”

Kingsley shrugged. “Something like that,” he said, fiddling with a crescent moon pendant on his chest. “Thought I might ask for some advice while I was awake.” A nod towards Catha up above. Kingsley was also dressed simply, in leggings and a loose white shirt, tattoos clearly visible with the sleeves rolled up and shirt hanging partially off his shoulder.

“What sort of advice?”

Kingsley’s cheeks and ears flushed. “Just. Some stuff. Nothing important.”

“Fair enough.” Essek hesitated, wondering if it was time for him to leave, but to his surprise Kingsley gestured to sand next to him.

“You okay staying for a bit? I wouldn’t mind some company.”

“I would be amenable to that,” Essek said. He sat down slowly, wincing a little when the sand shifted and got on his legs, but that was something he could fix later. The two of them were quiet for a bit, just listening to sound of the nighttime surf and wind.

“Have you... been enjoying this visit to Rumblecusp?” Essek asked.

Another shrug from Kingsley. “Sure. The island’s nice, but mostly I’m just glad to see everyone again.”

“Good, good, the same for me.” Another stretch of silence. Eventually Essek heard Kingsley’s tail tapping against the sand, something seeming to build, before Kingsley finally threw his hands into the air.

“Okay, I have to say it, what the FUCK was Travelercon and how are our friends this crazy?”

Essek let out an explosive breath that turned into a laugh. “By the light, I was starting to think I was the only one! I thought it wouldn’t have phased you.”

Kingsley shook his head. “Nope, I draw the line at actual gods getting involved in stuff. And I know that’s ironic coming from me of all people, but still.”

More laughter. “Well, it’s nice to know even you have your limits for chaos.”

“Eh, can’t win them all,” Kingsley said with a grin.

With some of the initial awkwardness now broken Essek felt himself relax, letting the last bit of stiffness come out of his shoulders.

“I admit, it is still strange to hear about some of things they have gotten up to,” he said.

Kingsley groaned. “Gods, I feel you on that. Some of the stuff Jester and Fjord talk about is just completely out there.” He threw a hand up in the air. “Hells, the just the other day Jester was telling me that Beau ended up with my dick as part of a Xhorhas disguise.”

Essek had a moment of being very grateful he wasn’t drinking anything when Kingsley said that. “Excuse me?”

“Yeah! Apparently Caleb polymorphed Beau into a tiefling, but she wanted to be a dude and Molly was the only dude tiefling Caleb really knew so Beau ended up with a purple dick.”

Essek snorted, smiling. “I am not sure if I would call that too much or too little attention to detail. Did you know that the first time I saw Caleb and Beauregard, they were in leather harnesses?”

Kingsley blinked a couple times. “I’d say I was surprised but I’m really not. How’d that end up happening?”

“My guess is that there were some misunderstandings about how humans were treated in the Dynasty. And it was in the throne room of the Bright Queen as well.”

This time it was Kingsley snorting out a laugh. “Of course it was! Honestly, I’m kinda glad to know your first meeting was ridiculous.” His tail swished over the sand. “The absurd stuff is wild enough on its own, but then there has to be the crazy dangerous things too. Though of course some of that has already come back to haunt us instead of staying in the stories.”

“Even literally, a few times,” Essek added, a chill running up his back. That had not been a fun trip.

Kingsley shuddered. “Don’t remind me. You know, I’d say Travelercon probably lands in middle of those two categories. At least nothing’s come back to haunt us from that.”

“Yet,” Essek said.

“Hey, you‘re gonna jinx us if you’re not careful.” Kingsley actual took a moment to look around them. “... but honestly, you’re probably right with how our luck manages to run. Just let it not be this trip at least.”

Kingsley paused for a moment after that and his tail stilled.

“As much as much as I’m ragging on things though... I do wish I could have been there,” Kingsley said, voice becoming wistful.

It almost hurt for a moment, how much those words rang true to Essek. Common ground it seemed.

“If it helps you feel better, I may have known our friends for a little while beforehand, but I didn’t actually travel with them until shortly before we met you. So you’re not alone in wishing for that.”

Kingsley blinked, a little surprised.

“Huh. I knew you weren’t there to start, but... I guess I never put together the actual timeline of that. And that does help, actually.” He smiled, giving him a nod. “Thanks.”

“Glad to help,” Essek said.

Kingsley leaned back onto his hands. “Honestly, it has been really nice to see everyone,” he said, tail starting to move again. “We’re not in the same place that much, at least not all at once, so it’s good seeing everyone together.”

Essek nodded. “I can agree with you there.”

They still had their reunions and special occasions, and there’d been a few times of everyone getting together to handle a problem, but the majority of their time was still spent in their individual groups. It worked, but... Essek felt a pang, remembering that first time really traveling with the Mighty Nein. Yes, it’d been more than stressful with the fate of the world in the balance, but it was also his first time of feeling like maybe he did belong somewhere, that he could have a home that was other people. And Caleb’s words to him, when they had sought to resurrect the very person sitting next to him...

He watched Kingsley for moment. Thought about his conversation with Caleb the night before.

“How have things been? After... what happened on the ship?” Essek asked. Not a push (he hoped), but maybe an opening if he felt ready.

There was a pause as Kingsley stilled, not moving for several seconds, before he let out a long breath.

“I admit it’s been... kinda weird, these past couple days,” he said, curling his fingers in the sand and looking back up at the moon. “Sometimes things are fine, but other times I’ll be talking with someone and there’s like... this double image with what I’m seeing right now, and what my new memories tell me I should be seeing. But of course they don’t match up, and I wasn't there for the change so trying to reconcile it is giving me a headache.” He glanced Essek’s way. “You and Caduceus don’t give me that issue for... obvious reasons, so, talking like this is actually kinda nice. I know things will be fine eventually but-” He waved a hand in the air. “Thoughts, memories, brain stuff, whatever. Still weird.” He sighed again, brushing the sand off of his hands and placing them in his lap. “The context from some of the memories has been good, but other parts... I still don’t know what to do with all of it, honestly. But I’ll get there.”

Essek was surprised that Kingsley had been willing to say so much, and he nodded when Kingsley finished.

“That is okay, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this would take awhile to get used to. But I can also listen if you need it.”

He watched Kingsley chew on his lip for a long moment.

“... do you think it’s bad that the memories almost make me feel worse in some ways?”

Essek shook his head. “I don’t think so. Memories are both good and bad, after all. May I ask why?”

“It’s... I kinda mentioned it offhand, with the double image stuff. But it’s a case that with remembering where stuff started with everyone, and seeing where they are now, I realize how much I’ve missed.” Kingsley reached down, hand closing around a small rock

“It just makes me amazed that they’re willing to put up with a fuck up like me, you know?” He tossed the small rock into the waves. “Like not just with my personality and being a mess, but on a cosmic level even with everything getting fucking dumped out of my head when they brought me back. And I know no one blames me for that,” Kingsley said quickly when he saw Essek about to speak. “It’s just... hard to get that part of my head to shut up sometimes. Hell, I did everything I could to tell them I was a stranger and they still took care of me. How are they even real?”

Essek huffed out a quiet laugh. “Well, as one, ah, ‘fuck up’ to another, I can relate.” Picking up a couple small pebbles from the sand he began to levitate them in his hand. “I was not exactly the most... open, to the Mighty Nein, when we first met. But they still insisted on spending time with me and trying to get to know me.” A small twitch of his fingers, and the pebbles began to orbit each other. “Against what I perceived as my better judgement at the time, I started to care about them. And then... they found out what I had done.” The pebbles halted in their orbit, quivering in place. “Somehow, they forgave me. I don’t know how. But they did.” He lifted his hand and the pebbles shot out over the ocean, eventually falling into the waves and his hand went back to his lap.

“I does feel surreal for them to still care after something like that. But I guess that is just who they are.”

“I guess so,” Kingsley said softly.

Both of them were quiet for a bit after that, Essek watching the moonlight reflect off of the waves.

“Perhaps we could have some... outsider solidarity, in a way?” Kingsley looked over at him, curious. Essek continued. “Even with knowing that we are members of The Mighty Nein, the fact that both of us missed so much other their original time together can make it feel unearned sometimes. For me, at least.” He watched a wave crest and crash onto the shore. “So... it might be nice, to know we’re not alone in that. And to have someone to talk to when we need it.”

“I do like the sound of that. And same, honestly, on the part about things feeling unearned. It’s nice not being alone.”

Kingsley held a fist towards Essek. “Solidarity?”

Essek nodded, glad that he at least knew this from Beauregard. “Solidarity,” he said, and he completed the fist bump.

Essek knew that once this reunion was over, he would have figure something out if the two of them wanted to stay in contact with any consistency, but he had a strong feeling in that moment it would be worth the effort.

He watched as Kingsley started to relax again, looking back up at the moon, and Essek let himself relax as well.

***

To say Molly had been in love with Caleb would be inaccurate. He’d been interested, yes, and there’d been potential, a tentative hint at possibly something more. Caleb being attractive certainly hadn’t hurt. But that potential had never gotten the chance to grow and good gods had Caleb not been ready for any kind of relationship at the time. It hadn’t worked out, and it was bittersweet, but it was understandable.

Kingsley knew all of this, and it still did jack shit to help him in that moment.

“Jesterrrr, I think I fucked up.”

Kingsley fell dramatically onto her bed, mouth in a full on pout and tail tapping against the sheets. Jester paused in her sketching, sitting just a foot away from his head.

“Well, what did you do?” She reached down and brushed some hair out of his face. “It is a ‘something super bad is going to happen’ fucked up, or a ‘I don’t know what to do’ fucked up?”

“The latter? But it feels like the first one.” Just a few minutes ago he'd been out on the deck of the ship, watching Caleb and Essek chatting out of the corner of his eye, heads bowed together and lingering touches shared as they passed notes back and forth. All in all, a rather tame exchange, especially compared to the books Jester liked to read. And he’d still felt like he was going to fly apart at the seams, eventually having to flee to try and tamp down his nervous energy.

He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Why did it have to be the wizards...”

“Wizards? Do you mean Caleb? Wait.” A small gasp. “You said wizards, as in plural. Do you mean Essek too!?”

“... maybe,” he mumbled.

“Oh my gosh, Kingsley! What happened? Do you need help?”

There was a long, awkward pause, Kingsley’s face still in his hands. He was rapidly realizing that Jester may have been the wrong person to come to about this, but his usual gossip instincts had taken over and there was no backing out of it now. Who knew, maybe this would still be a good distraction and the possible damage would be kept to a minimum.

... not likely, but he could still hope.

He pulled his hands away from his now blushing face, and tilted his head back a little to look at Jester.

“... I might have ended up with a crush on both of them.”

“OHMIGOSH!!”

Sure enough Jester’s exclamation was ear splitting and Kingsley hurriedly flipped over to sit on his knees, waving his hands downwards. “Shhhh!!! I don’t know where they are right now!”

A hand went up to her mouth. “Oh! Sorry.” She was much quieter now, but he could still see the grin peeking out from around her hand. “Wellll?”

Kingsley sighed, dragging a hand down his face. He’d done this to himself. Might as well roll with it.

“Okay. So, I know I’ve always found them cute, it’s kind of hard not to-” Kingsley saw Jester waggling her eyebrows and he rolled his eyes- “But that was it, really. They’re cute but they were each doing their own thing.” Kingsley shrugged. “I think it was when we all started traveling together for stuff that I started to notice it.” Part of him wanted to stop right there and leave, but no, he’d agreed to this. And a bigger part of him did want to actually get this out to someone.

He shifted to sit so his knees were in front of his chest and forearms resting on his knees. “Caleb was first. There’s not really a specific moment but the big thing is just how much he cares about everyone? Hell, just look at the tower!” Not up right now with it being the middle of the day, but it was hard to forget personalized rooms in exact detail and endless food. “I also forgot how funny he is. Sure, he’ll still have his moments of beating himself up but he’s confident! And happy! And then of course he’s stupid good at what he does, or, well, the opposite of stupid really, and it’s just...” Kingsley groaned and scrubbed at his face, arms flopping back onto his knees.

“Essek took a bit longer, but, since he spends a lot of time with Caleb I guess just kinda started noticing him too.” Jester was almost vibrating in place with how excited she was and Kingsley had to work to not get distracted. “The obvious one is him being really good at stuff like Caleb is, and even if he’s on the quiet side he’s actually really nice to talk to? And while it’s not as like, big or out there as some of Caleb’s stuff, he cares a lot about everyone too, and he’s constantly doing little things to try and be better, with himself and what he does."

Kingsley let out a long, long sigh. "I think what’s fucked me over this time is getting the memories back.” Gods, hadn’t that been a sucker punch to the face, seeing current Caleb overlaid with a memory of the dirty hobo wizard and suddenly knowing exactly what Molly had felt about him at that time. “Not just the old thoughts and feelings, but seeing how much Caleb’s changed. Definitely a good way! But what the fuck, I can’t handle this.”

His memories from Molly certainly made things worse, but Kingsley also knew they weren’t solely to blame. Not when he had very clear memories of his own of flirting with the ‘magic man’ right out of the gate. The memories may have revealed why he felt a certain way about things, but the feelings themselves? Those had remained the same all along. And his quiet admiration for Essek, knowing he wasn’t interested but finding him fascinating anyway? Oh, that was entirely his own fault, no Molly memories required. This was a mess. He was a mess.

“That’s... the gist of it, I guess.”

“Oh. My. GOSH. Kingsley!!!” Jester was grinning ear to ear, hands clasped together in front of her and tail rapidly going back and forth. “That is so sweet!”

“I’m glad you think so at least,” Kingsley said. “I’m still trying to figure out how to be around them without panicking.” He knew that wasn’t actually true (his whole conversation with Essek last night proved that much), but right now, it certainly felt like it.

“Maybe being around them a little bit at a time would help? And with other people too so it’s less overwhelming.” She tapped her chin, thinking. “What about sitting next to them at dinner tonight?”

“Mmmaybe? I don’t know.”

“Well, we could give it a try! And if it’s too much I could totally switch places with you.”

Kingsley just thought that would draw more attention to him rather than help, but it was at least an option. He thought about sitting next to them. Talking, laughing, being close...

“I kind of want to try it, but. What if it all ends up being pointless?”

“Why would it be pointless?” she asked, confused.

He looked to the side, away from Jester.

“We all want different things. Caleb’s a teacher, Essek’s still on the run, and I want to stay at sea. And all of that is really hard to work around. So... it could be pointless if it never works out.”

“You don't know that for sure,” Jester said.

“Seems plenty likely to me,” Kingsley said, his tail wrapping around his ankles and lower back.

A sigh from Jester. “Kingsley...”

Kingsley refused to look her way, chin resting on his forearms.

This was a him problem. There was a big chance things wouldn’t work, so it might be better for him to just let the crushes stay in the background and settle on their own. Maybe he could be fine admiring from afar and leaving it at that.

... the thought didn’t feel that good, honestly.

He heard movement and then Jester was in his view again, sitting down on the other part of the bed. He looked back in front of him - and Jester moved back as well, crossing her legs. “You can move again if you want to get comfortable,” she said matter of fact. “But I can keep moving too.”

Kingsley’s mouth twitched, and then he was smiling. Okay, this was a little silly. He let himself uncoil, crossing his legs and hands resting on his knees and letting out a breath.

“Alright, I believe you,” he said, and Jester nodded.

“Okay. A thing I’ve learned with Fjord is that a big part of relationships is working together to figure stuff out. I know some stuff looks impossible right now, and it can be really hard, but a lot of the time it can be worth it too. You won’t know what you’re able to do until you actually talk about it and try.”

“But what if it doesn’t work?” Putting himself out there, only for it to fall apart? Kingsley wasn’t sure if he’d be able to handle that.

“Sometimes it doesn’t,” Jester said. “But if you don’t try, you also miss finding out if it could work and being happy with that. And... you seem pretty unhappy with how things are now,” she said, expression worried.

Kingsley shrugged. “Not necessarily unhappy, more of just...” More of what? He wracked his brain for a few seconds. “I’m not sure what I’d call it, actually.”

“Pining, maybe?”

A pause.

“... I want to disagree with you on principal, but fuck.” He groaned. “I think you might be right.”

There was a knock at the door, and the two of them froze.

“Who is it?” Jester called out.

“Caleb.” (Kingsley’s eyes widened.) “Can I come in?”

He wasn't ready for this. He had no idea what to say, he couldn't be seen in here, he-

“Sure!”

Panic.

There were no exits from the room outside of the door, and with no way to flee, his panic addled brain switched to the only other option - hide.

Dropping off the bed Kingsley impacted with a loud THUMP and scrambled underneath, pulling his tail in after him and fighting to quiet his breathing. He heard a strangled laugh from Jester up above. “J-just a moment!”

“I heard something, is everything okay?”

“Yep!! Everything’s good!”

Kingsley wanted to glare at Jester but she was hidden from view, him only able to see her legs from under the bed as she got up and answered the door.

“Heya Caleb! What d’you need?”

“Ah, Beauregard wanted to talk to you about something, and I came to...” He trailed off. “Is that-?”

Kingsley stopped breathing when Caleb walked into the room, and he nearly screamed when Caleb crouched down to look underneath the bed. FUCK!

“Hallo there friend,” he said, smiling. “Is there a reason you are under the bed?”

His brain blanked.

“Nope! Just doing everything possible to avoid you.”

As soon as the words left his mouth Kingsley wanted to screech at himself. Of all the things he could have said and it was that?! There was no good way to take that! And sure enough the smile faded, Caleb blinking a few times and leaning back. “Oh. I... guess I will leave you be, then.”

And then Caleb got up and walked out of the room.

There was a beat as Jester looked between him and the door, uncertain, Kingsley still under the bed and heart hammering in his chest.

All at once, he was furious.

No, NO, he was not going have Caleb leaving upset like that, hiding like this was fucking stupid! Kingsley tore out from under the bed, surging to his feet and going out after Caleb.

“Caleb! Wait!”

Caleb slowed and stopped as Kingsley jogged up to him, expression still wary.

“I thought you were avoiding me,” Caleb said, tone light but Kingsley could hear the question in it as well.

“Yeah, no, that was- can I get a redo?” he said a little desperately.

Caleb gestured ahead of them. “Walk and talk?”

Kingsley nodded. “Yes please.”

“Ja, okay,” Caleb said, and he started walking immediately after, Kingsley having to jog a couple more steps to catch up.

There was still no way he felt ready to tell Caleb what he’d been telling Jester, but... maybe a half truth could work for now.

“Sorry about what I said back there, it came out completely wrong,” Kingsley said, tail swaying behind him as they walked. “I was scared about talking to you and I panicked.”

Caleb gave him a curious look. “Why were you scared?”

“It’s...” Kingsley swallowed. He needed to avoid putting his foot in his mouth this time. Or saying too much. Both would be bad. “It’s been confusing with all the new memories. And I don’t really know how to handle it yet.”

Strangely enough, Caleb didn’t seem surprised by that answer. If anything he looked worried. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Maybe? I don’t really think there’s a manual for how to deal with sudden memories from a past life.” That made an even stranger expression flash across Caleb’s face but it was gone before he could figure it out. “And it’s nothing bad about you with the memories, if anything they’re actu...ally...” The sentence stumbled off awkwardly, Kingsley realizing too late that he was about to say too much. Shit.

That got him a raised eyebrow. “Actually...?”

He scrambled to think of what to say, what would reasonably fill in the blank, but he was coming up empty. And... part of him was getting tired, of avoiding things and being scared.

In the end, Kingsley decided to say fuck it.

“Actually really fond of you.”

A little thrill went through him at saying that out loud. Sure, he was mostly attributing it to Molly instead of now, and he’d probably regret saying it, but it was out there. He waited to see how Caleb would react, and as he watched a smile came back to his face.

“Fond of the ‘magic man’?”

Ooooooh, Kingsley could hear the tease in that voice, that Caleb knew what he’d really meant when he’d said that, but as it turned out, it didn’t feel bad. Maybe this could be okay after all.

“Well,” Kingsley said, the nervous thrill zipping through him again, “it’s definitely not hard to see why.”

It wasn’t that long before they were ways out on the deck. Kingsley caught sight of Essek standing up to meet them and his heart jumped. Stay calm, stay calm. This was fine. He was fine.

(He still ended up screaming internally for a bit when Essek reached them.)

Essek smiled at Kingsley. “I hadn’t expected to see you Kingsley, but the surprise is a nice one. And it is good to see you too, Caleb,” he said with a nod.

“You as well, Essek,” Caleb said, voice fond.

Kingsley’s heart sank a little, wondering if this was his cue to get out of there, but to his surprise Caleb looked back his way.

“Essek and I were planning on returning to the island for a walk. Would you be interested in joining us? Essek?”

“That would be fine by me,” Essek said.

“I’d be happy to,” Kingsley said, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

Jester might be right. Sure, it might not work out, and it would be hard, but he also knew that it could be worth it too. He could give it a try.

Caleb gave a nod, leading the way, and the three of them walked down the gangplank together.

#Critical Role #Caleb Widogast #Essek Thelyss #Kingsley Tealeaf #Mollymauk Tealeaf #Jester Lavorre #Mollymauk #shadowgast #widomauk #shadowmauk #shadowidomauk #or the set up for it at least #Kingsley with Molly's memories #katieyouneedtocatchup #critical role fanfiction #my writing

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loquaciousquark · 3 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E134 & 135 (April 27, 2021)

It's late, it's great, it's... Talks Machina! Tonight's guests: Ashley Johnson & Taliesin Jaffe! Immediately, I distractedly pour beer onto my steak instead of steak sauce. It's been one of those weeks, what can I say?

Taliesin has a new rule for 2021 - no passively wearing t-shirts. Button-downs only! I appreciate this from a distance. Caduceus had a very hard time saying goodbye to his family. The vision from the Wildmother helped a lot in giving him peace. He also is conflicted because Caduceus knows he should stay, but really didn't...want to stay, which surprised Taliesin.

Ashley laughs that sometimes during voiceover recording or recaps, she has moments of thinking - "I wasn't there for this scene! And then I remember that Travis was playing her, or Matt was playing her. Oh yeah, I totally remember this!" Even now Blindspot's reach...reaches.

It's so intense being the focus of Matt's attention in one-on-one situations. "It's so stressful. Math goes out the window, everything goes out the window, it's like woo-woo-woo." There's intense pressure not to fuck it up. Right before they started the game, Travis made some offhand comment about her being ready to die, and during the whole Stormlord scene he kept making eyebrows to remind her of it.

Being the Stormlord's champion gives her a feeling of purpose, a special reason to exist. She thinks about how much longer she would have been in the service of Oban if the Stormlord hadn't saved her.

The whole Clay family didn't leave all at once, it was one every few years. His sister was the "hypnotized version of Danny Kay in the Court Jester," who was ready to get out as soon as possible. She was the "anywhere-but-here" sibling and was the smart one. Taliesin feels bad that she went out and immediately turned into stone.

Ashley is super excited about the Holy Avenger. If she can roll well and actually hit something, she's very happy to be carrying it around.

Caduceus has just connected his dream with the plot/the Mighty Nein. Tal's embarrassed it took him so long to figure it out, especially since he wrote it & had intended it to be a nice connection to Mollymauk!

Yasha is holding onto her last request just in case it comes up in game again.

Cosplay of the Week: a spectacular Astrid in black velvet by @shelflifecosplay on Twitter. She looks amazing!

Caduceus doesn't really care about the intent of these people not caring about/believing in the gods in their location. Especially since he follows a nature god, he thinks "clearly you guys have taken this as far as it's gonna go, and clearly you all couldn't get over your shit and are now causing problems hundreds of years later." He's not one to take offense.

In a similar vein, exploring this place is very wild to Yasha as she's already working on navigating her relationship to the Stormlord.

Both Caduceus & Yasha (and Taliesin & Ashley) are disappointed that Charlie can't follow them through the rest of the dungeon. :( "There was a sidequest. We deserve a robot!"

Caduceus has embraced a certain amount of "fuck it" practicality and has been willing to bend certain personal rules to keep everyone alive. He is less and less conflicted casting Speak With Dead when bodies in dangerous situations might be able to reveal information.

Taliesin was Dani's last hug over a year ago. :(

Aeor in general is very hard for Yasha to wrap her brain around. She's a little frightened by it. The eyes on Beau and Caleb are really freaking her out. She's a little like the group's border collie: "I'm gonna keep you all together! I'm gonna keep you all safe!"

"Matt is the kindest, most wonderful soul, but there is a darkness sometimes...Where does that come from?"

In any other circumstance, Cad would have been doing Superman loops in that ward's flight. He was disheartened by the sheer scope of what they were looking at. Brian is loving the art coming out of these scenes.

Brian laughs that we are now seeing the "push-the-button" side of Ashley the way we know Travis does. She tries to hold back where Yasha would, but she really likes the element of chaos. She loves the robe she pulled out.

Fanart of the Week: Molly leading the Tombtakers by casukaga on Twitter.

Brian has put an old-fashioned typewriter on a modern DJ stand for a bit. I am both stunned and utterly unsurprised.

Taliesin talks about various museums he's been to: The Twinkie Museum, the Museum of Miniatures, a dollhouse museum, the Museum of Jurassic Technology...Brian tells us about an exhibit he and Ashley saw a history of STDs & the effects on the body over time. "There were a lot of jars..."

Taliesin has been thinking about Cad's conversation with Veth a lot since they had it. He stands by everything he said, and notes that Veth is a very difficult character to play asking very difficult questions. He wonders where Sam is at with the war between what you want to do and what you feel you must do.

How does Yasha feel about an Official Relationship with Beau? Great! She was worried about how to make the transition from friends to significant others & was very excited for Yasha to be able to share this openly with her friends. She likes being embarrassed by Beau's PDA.

Caduceus is comfortable heading out with the team because he is convinced that even if he dies, this is what he was intended to do. Yasha loved that they had one last family dinner.

Caduceus doesn't really register the Aeor effect as magic, just general weirdness affecting his attempts to keep people alive.

Ashley & Taliesin are both super conscious of the time they are spending in every choice. Ashley does feel like she's trying to eke out a few more moments here and there where she can. It's such a wonderful game and she wants to get the last few moments with her friends where she can.

And that's that! Is it Thursday yet? (Yes, yes it is!)

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts #quark's q

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saphirered · 3 years

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Hai I love your writing and I was wondering if you could do more verin x reader, like how would he react after finding out about essek, and he searched for him then he met the m9 and reader ?

Hope this turned out the way you wanted it! 😘

After the disappearance of his brother, Verin could simply not let it go. The Shadowhand disappeared from Exandria’s surface overnight without a word of warning. No traces left. No signs of a struggle that may indicate his enemies having gotten to him. Why would Essek leave everything behind willingly? Everything he gave his life for in service of the Bright Queen and the Kryn Dynasty? There had been suspicions about a traitor amidst the Bright Queen’s court but Verin simply refused to believe that to be Essek. His brother would never… Would he?

Verin, much like his brother is resourceful and shares a similar determination to reach a goal by any means necessary. That goal right now; finding Essek. Verin’s unsure what he will do once he finds his brother. There’s so many questions… But what if the rumours are true? No. He can’t think like that just yet. He will not tarnish that reputation through speculations. He needs answers first. He needs to find Essek.

Months of searching, following whatever traces he could find. Verin had to look to the past any ties before Essek’s disappearance. That lead to a group of strangers. A colourful bunch of chaotic individuals seemingly defying all odds when faced with them. Verin may not be able to track Essek but he could try and find these people… The Mighty Nein.

————

Heavy bag over one shoulder dressed in fine clothes you stroll through low-lit halls flanked by two guards. Radiating a sense of authority and sternness you stop in front the metal bars, on the other side a redhead leaning back against the wall looking up at you innocently without a single worry.

“Master Widogast, I’ve been told you’re here on suspicions of corrupting the minds of your students. Do you have anything to say for yourself?” You address your friend. This never ends. Caleb gets himself arrested because someone finds out what he’s allegedly been teaching at the Academy. He’s dragged off to a holding cell and your disturbed amidst your work day to get him out again. This time you’ve made him wait though. You had an important meeting you couldn’t get out.

“It’s all just a mistake. You’ll find my students can vouch for me and prove this misunderstanding to be nothing more than part of the curriculum of theoretical transmutation.” You dig through your bag, take out a scroll and hand it to one of the guards. The guards reads it over awaiting your command.

“Well, hurry up! Release this man before I have you written up for unlawfully keeping one of the Soltryce Academy’s most beloved teachers.” The guard quickly jumbles with the keys and the barred door is unlocked. Caleb gets up and you step aside to allow him to exit. The guards wait, not entirely sure what to do next. What did you expect of newbies…

“Are you really going to stand around loitering? Back to work.” The guards scurry off and you and Caleb walk next to each other exiting the building and into the streets. Once you’re both in the clear you drop your more rigid behaviour and punch the wizard in the shoulder.

“What was that for?” He exclaims rubbing his arm. That’s gonna bruise.

“The only reason I took this job is to get you and the others out of trouble when you inevitably got yourself in a mess again but between Beau’s bar fights and your borderline treason, I swear you’ll be the ones that will lose me my job.” You’re only half serious. You can’t count the times you’ve had to bail the Nein out for their antics and have definitely been abusing your newfound power to do so. The king might be an asshole but at least the pay is good and the benefits better.

Reaching your destination, wizard at your side discussing who might have spilled the beans on Caleb’s rather liberal teachings you open the low fence to the garden. In the garden you’re met with the familiar disguise of your friend Essek, sunhat to guard him from the harsh sunlight, gardening gloves on harvesting some vegetables. Upon seeing you he grabs the basket next to him and joins the two of you with a smile.

“While I’d hoped this wouldn’t become a habit, thank you, for getting Caleb out trouble, again. Your endless efforts are certainly appreciated. We are in your debt many times over.” The disguised drow sends the redhead a loving glance as he addresses you.

“And don’t you forget it. One day I might come and collect.” You grin at Essek with the pleasure of turning his own words against him. Of course you didn’t mean them. They’re your friends and you’ll never seriously ask for anything in return for anything they ask of you.

“Clever.” Essek speaks sarcastically smiling at your comment.

“But if you feel inclined to repay me for my hard work, you can make sure you’re both on time for dinner tonight. The gang’s getting back together and you’re expected.” Essek hands you the basket he’s carrying providing you with the resources of a home cooked meal for the gathering of the evening. It’s been a while since everyone’s been at the same place the same time.

“I’ll do what I can but I make no promises.”

“All, I can ask for.” You turn your attention to Caleb. “That reminds me.” A quick inconspicuous motion of your hands allows you to summon a small stack of papers. Another perk of your job; getting information the higher ups want to keep to themselves. Luckily a lot of them have assistants that are much easier to get that information from.

“Beau and you can get back to work. But not tonight! Tonight’s work free, for all of us.” Caleb quickly leafs through the ledgers you’ve handed him.

“You know, if you ever grow bored of the court life, you can always join me in teaching free thinking and magic at the Academy…” Caleb jokes as you pick up the basket ready to leave the wizards to the rest of their day.

“And who’s gone bail us both out then?” You laugh over your shoulder closing the fence behind you. Back to your home and prepare for the evening. You can’t help but feel like you’re being followed. You pay close attention to the shadows and for just a moment you’re sure you see something, or rather someone. Choosing not to pursue you continue on to your home. It’s not like your place of residence is a secret to anyone.

————

The house is noisy, happy chatting and laughter fills the dining room. How you’ve missed this. The table has been set, plates, cutlery and all, a multitude of decanters and bottles ready and filled, and plates and platers filled with food are added one by one. There’s something for everyone, everyone’s favourites.

“Yasha, can you take the cupcakes out of the oven for me?” You ask the barbarian wearing her floral embroidered apron stirring a pan on the stove as you plate the smoked pork. Yasha plates the baked goods by flavour and carries the tray to the dining room as you follow behind with your platter. Cheers erupt from the rest of the Nein as you and Yasha place the final dishes on the table. Everyone takes their seats and digs in pouring themselves drinks, taking whatever they desired, happily conversing about what everyone’s been up to in the past few months, talking about new plans for the future and the nostalgic adventures of the past together. You’ll have to get back to that some day. Maybe soon?

Despite the happiness of the whole event you still can’t get over this feeling you’re being watched. It’s not scrying, your home is protected from it and you feel safe to assume it’s not anyone from the Assembly or the king’s council. So who is it?

————

Verin watches the group as they enjoy their feast, his brother among them. He looks happy and content, as if the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders. Is this what he left Xhorhas for? He always wanted more, so how could Essek be content with a normal life? No matter the motives he’s loved, they’re his friends, something he never truly had before.

Then talks about the beacons came up. Mentions of the past missing ones and newfound ones. Aeor and its connection to Dunamis long before the Dynasty. The theoretics and potential of the beacons and the continued pursuit of studying them. Within the Dynasty this could be considered sacrilegious. And it made it look more and more Essek was guilt of the treason others suspected him of. His brother was a traitor and a disgrace in the eyes of the Dynasty and his family.

So why does Verin feel like none of that matters? He should be angry. He should dispose of his brother right here, right now in the name of the Bright Queen. But he can’t bring himself to it. His brother is happy, fought free from the expectations of others and the demanded unwavering loyalty to the Luxon and the Dynasty. Essek did exactly what he couldn’t.

————

You excuse yourself from the table making an excuse about checking on dessert and retreating to the kitchen alone. This feeling of being watched was getting on your nerves but tonight should be one without trouble and conflict. You’ll figure out if this watcher in the shadows poses a danger to you and your friends, if so you’ll dispose of them. If it can be postponed until tomorrow, then tomorrow you’ll deal with it but not tonight. Tonight is about peace, friends and family getting back together.

So when you reach the kitchen you open the window taking out the lattice work pies and cakes you’d made and left to rest and cool down before the Nein’s arrival. You get the batter you made and begin making some waffles. While you wait for them to be done you hum to yourself and sit in the open windowsill looking out over the city, inconspicuously looking around for your uninvited guest. The first batch is done and they haven’t showed up yet. Alright, you’ll make a second batch and some extra whipped cream while you’re at it.

Then you catch a glimpse of a shadow. You can’t make out all the details but the attire and a flash of pristine white hair leaves you to think it’s a drow. Thinking on your feet you cast hold person but the drow remains unaffected. Before you know it you’re pushed a few steps back into your kitchen. Supporting himself on the windowsill he holds a finely made blade to your throat. You lift your hands in surrender showing you have no ill intend…yet and are willing to talk and listen.

“My quarrel is not with you but one wrong move and I will not hesitate, mage.” The drow threatens you. You don’t doubt his words but this isn’t your first rodeo. If he tries anything he’s in for a fight. Getting a closer look you study the man’s features. There’s a sense of familiarity and you’re quick to conclude he must be related to Essek in some way. Broader build and longer hair but same features and eyes. He’s probably a fair bit taller too standing up straight instead of crouched in a windowsill.

“Perhaps not but it might be if you do not get out of my windowsill in the next few seconds.”

“Is that a threat?” He pushes the blade a little closer and you feel the cold steel against your skin, one move and it cuts.

“No. But take a look outside. You’ll see the torchlight of the guard patrol. Get inside.” A quick glance over his shoulder gives you the chance to take a step back from the drow and pick up your whipped cream and continue whisking before it loses its structure. He jumps inside and away from the window as you whisk completely indifferent to the fact a stranger just held a sword to your neck and entered your home even with your invitation.

“You must be Verin Thelyss.” You state putting the now finished whipped cream in the ice box. Verin stands there wary of you, expecting you to make a move and attack him at any second but you’re not and even from your demeanour he can gather you have no ill intent towards him. Not at all what he expected, but then again he didn’t expect to find his brother in the capital of the enemy nation of the Dynasty having dinner with a bunch of (previous) adventurers, some of which holding ranks within the Empire no less.

“You’re questioning my motives and calmness.” You lean against the counter crossing your arms. Verin lowers the blade but you’re unsure if it is because of defeat or he doesn’t see the purpose in holding you at sword point any longer.

“Why not just let me be caught by your guards? Why invite me inside your home?” Verin watches your every move, every twitch. You can see the same confusion and uncertainty and panic you’ve seen in Essek many times before so you offer a soft smile. Best you can do for him right now is stay calm, don’t make any uncertain moves and approach him with gentleness. You’re sure with how long you’ve been feeling like being watched today he’s been the one responsible and he’d have caught onto your conversations from the shadows.

“Call it a leap of faith. I trust Essek. He trusts you. You’ve done nothing to prove you have any ill will towards my friends so until you prove me otherwise you’ll be welcome.” You move slowly grabbing two knives. Putting one on the counter and sliding it over a little away from you until it touches one of the pie dishes.

“You’re good with a blade right? You can help me cut these pies and cakes and we can talk.” You gesture to the kitchen knife. Verin looks at you as if you’ve gone insane. Maybe you have but it’s more likely you’ve faced much worse than the likes of him. You move your own knife and he watches you as you begin dividing the cake in even slices.

“How do I know I can trust you?”

“You don’t.”

“Then why should I listen to you?”

“Because you’re still standing here in my kitchen.” You laugh plating the slices of cake on another silver platter neatly.

“Verin, if you came here to kill your brother you would have tried so this afternoon. That you haven’t only shows you’re not here for that. You have questions. You want answers. Now I’m not just going to let you walk into my dining room until I’m certain that the information you got and the questions I answer will not lead you to violence. So you help me get dessert ready. If you prove your intensions for your brother and my friends are honourable you can join us for dessert. If you prove a danger to them, I will allow you to leave this place tonight but should you ever return I will be the least of your worries.” Verin takes the knife and tests the grip as if it’s a dagger as he looks at the apple pie in front of him. He stabs the knife down carefully and cuts downward repeating evenly spaced out. You wait for him to talk not feeling like you should initiate conversation just yet.

“The one who stole the beacons and handed them over to the traitor mages of your Empire, it was my brother’s doing.” More of a statement than a question you nod. Diving straight into the deep end, aren’t we? No matter, better rip the bandage off quickly.

“It hit us hard as well. Though, I can’t say it was surprise.” You’re not sure how to place what you read from Verin. Pity? Disappointment? And a good bit of acceptance thrown in the mix.

There truly was a sense of acceptance because no matter how much he might want to deny it, just like you said, there had already been that underlying suspicion it was Essek given his aspirations. It’s one of those things that leaves you hoping something isn’t true and you wilfully suppress the possibility until there’s no other way around it and you’re faced with the truth. If what you said is true and what he gathers from your conversation with the Nein and you now, you found out in the moment. He’s only learning about this in the aftermath.

Essek lied to your faces, pretended to be your ally to cover for himself and yet you still found it within yourselves to forgive or at the very least accept everything he had done so maybe, just maybe he could try to do the same. Still he has many more questions but he’s unsure if you can answer all of them.

“I won’t ask you to forgive and I certainly won’t ask you to forget, but I will ask you to give your brother a chance. In his time with us he’s truly been trying to make up for his mistakes and repent for his sins and while they may not all be washed away in his lifetime, it’s a start. He’s just as much of a misguided tool, as most of us, promised an a glimpse of power by forces bigger than him and without a way out when he realised the gravity of his actions and the consequences.” You finish up the last pie and put the knife to the side. Verin hangs onto your every word.

“When we were about to walk into certain death gathering what we could, he told us that if something were to happen to him, we should come find you because despite everything, you were one of the only people he felt he could trust.”

“Then why didn’t he trust me with this? Why depart without a word?”

“Because burdening you with that information would put you in the same place he put himself in. He came here, to a place he knew you couldn’t follow. He left a place he would endanger everyone he cares about because he knows you, just like the rest of us would fight the entirety of the Dynasty just to keep him safe.” You’re right. Verin know you’re right because he would have stood with his brother in the end despite what crimes he had committed. Essek was not the master of this grand scheme but he played his part. He’d spend his life making up for it but at least he will work towards making this world a better place. Verin can only aspire to do that very thing; protect the people he cares about and make this world a better place.

“I still have many questions.” Verin breathes. It’s a lot to process and that’s okay. This is just the start but it is the most difficult part. You grab the plates and platters balancing them on your arms.

“Maybe you should ask him yourself. Why don’t you join us for dessert, Verin?” He doesn’t know how to respond. While you told him you’d let him join, he didn’t expect it to be now or with so little certainty on your end, but maybe you knew more than you let on. Without a verbal response Verin grabs the remaining dishes from the counter and waits for you to lead the way.

Entering the dining room Beau and Veth are in the middle of a drinking contest each with their own decanters of wine. Veth slams down the now empty decanter.

“Momma’s still got it children!” Veth exclaims cheering as Beau sits back disappointed, two more gulps and she’d have won. Yasha comes in telling her she’ll win next time. Fjord passes over a hand full of coins to Jester who calls him a loser poking his cheek giggling. Kingsley is on the verge of challenging Veth to a drinking contest of their own and Essek carefully manages to grab a bottle to refill his and Caleb’s glasses before this goes south. Caduceus is watching the chaos unfold deliberating wether or not he should get some hangover tea ready because they will need it if this keeps going.

When you enter, the cheers for dessert fall quiet quickly seeing the drow behind you carrying several pies. Essek freezes up and Caleb naturally takes a bit of a defensive position without breaking the dinner setting. Verin albeit awkwardly steps out next to you as you helping you put the plates on the table. With a wave of your hand you call over another chair to be put at the head of the table. You gesture for the man to sit and he does debating wether or not this was the right decision as all eyes fall on him. You take your own seat.

“Well, come on guys, dig in!” Not needing to be asked twice they do, some wary of Verin but you know they’ll ease up soon enough.

“So you’re Essek’s brother? He didn’t say you’re a hot boi too. Jeeze Essek, is everyone in your family pretty?” Jester asks stuffing her mouth with a piece of cake. Verin is taken aback by the blue tiefling’s comment and the identical faces he and Essek make are enough to send most of the table in a giggle fit. You cover your own response to this for your own sake.

“Eh-Thank you? I think? Though, if my company is undesired I can leave…” Verin suggests unsure how to further approach this doubting this is the right place for this.

“Nonsense. If our friend invited you to join, for whatever reason, you’re welcome.” Fjord assures. He knows you wouldn’t just allow this without a reason and just by the attitude of the guy, he gets a pretty good estimate there’s no malicious intent in Verin right now.

“Yeah and while you’re here you can tell us about all the embarrassing shit Essek did when he was a kid.” Beau punches Essek’s shoulder past Caleb who’s quick to get out of the monk’s way. Essek rubs the spot she hit teeth clenched but smiling nonetheless.

“So, Verin, what are your intentions here?” Caleb asks an open question hoping to get more insight in the drow’s motives. While he trusts your judgement one can never be too certain and he’d rather not be face to face with Essek’s brother on their way home should that scenario arise.

“I-“ Verin tries to find the words picking them carefully. “I thought I knew before but now I don’t know. I came to find my brother and I found him, among friends. I have many questions, some answered by your gracious friend but I think for now, I’d like to truly meet my brother’s friends because if this is the company he finds himself in, I can only ask to witness his happiness.”

It’s a strange feeling for Verin to come to that conclusion. When he left Xhorhas he considered he might be bringing back the corpse of his brother, by his hand or someone else’s depending on circumstances, or bring him back in chains for treason to be tried in front of the Bright Queen. What he didn’t expect is to be met by an alternative that would change his views on everything. He realises that with your stories and those of the Nein he was just as lost as all of you, but now he’s found a group of people that willingly accept whichever path he chooses for himself without expectations, rules or conditions.

Verin first hand gets to experience why Essek chose to leave everything behind and give it up for these people. They are his friends, his family and he’d never be alone again if they can help it. Perhaps Verin can experience that too one day. The Mighty Nein will make sure he does because as we know, once you get involved with them, your life changes forever.

#critical role x reader #critrole x reader #mighty nein x reader #mighty nein #verin thelyss #verin x reader #verin thelyss x reader #critical role

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lynkhart · 3 years

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MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

#Critical Role #Critical Role Spoilers #CR Spoilers #shadowgast #Essek thelyss #Caleb Widogast #C2ep141 #C2ep141 spoilers #critical role finale

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c-is-for-circinate · 3 years

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Post-ep 123 Reaction

Wow, y’all. What a ride.

You know, I used to do these after every single CR episode. Every single one, 2 AM, exhausted and dazed, trying to pour out smart thinky thoughts onto tumblr because I’d be so overflowing with ideas and feelings.

I haven’t so much, lately, and I think part of that is just the fact that I have not been enjoying this Aeor arc. I’ve hated the traveling along with Lucien in a way that’s made it unpleasant to watch, instead of fun. (For me, personally! Many people have been enjoying the tension, and I know the players have been enjoying the tension, and that’s fine! Yay for them!) Some of the ancient ruins explorations, too, have gotten just a little too creepy-horror-game for sitting alone in my apartment at one in the morning. I’ve had less to say. I’ve wanted to say it less.

And that’s not true tonight. I can’t remember the last time I got excited about a CR episode like I was tonight. Oh, there’ve been bits and moments I loved all throughout, there always are, that’s why I’m still watching live even in an arc that hasn’t thrilled me, but I loved the whole episode today, all five and a half hours of it, and god that feels good.

So in celebration, some specific bullet points:

The start of the episode, the discovery of the eyes on Beau and Caleb. The attempts at science. The fear, and yet, also, the glimmers of...okay but what if we could use this? (The moment in the second half, after the Tombtakers ran off, when Beau suggests going into her dreams to ask for help to find them--yes. Yes. I still don’t have a lot of interest in evil wizard plotlines when you doom yourself/the world/etc out of curiosity, but the willingness to dive into this terrifying thing that might change you, might break you, because you need what it can give you in order to save a thing you love (your friends, the world) more than you need to be whole or sane or even, necessarily, alive--that is my GOOD SHIT.)

Guys, I just loved every single minute of that white dragon fight, okay? It was such a mess. It was such a mess! And look, there’s a very specific kind of frenetic energy that the table gets when they find themselves in the middle of a terrifying boss battle, and there’s a different very specific kind of wild ‘this may as well happen’ energy they get when things go terribly wrong entirely due to random chance, and getting the compound of both of those things at once is always glorious. Nobody is prepared for anything! Everybody is freaking out! There’s good reason to suspect that, even if someone dies a bit, everyone’s going to make it out alive, but shit’s wild in the middle there and it’s just such a joy to watch.

Likewise, I know that final fight was really stressful for both the cast and a lot of viewers, but honestly in so many ways I watched it feeling so much less stressed than the past few weeks have made me? Yes, it was a horrible, horrible fight, the team in so far over their heads, so low on sleep and spells and any resources at all. But, god, thank god, at least it was finally over. There’s no going back to fake amity with the Tombtakers after this, no more playing along and trying to plot treason while the person you’re plotting against is probably hearing every word. Enemies can be faced! They can be fought, or fled, or defeated, they can be destroyed or put off for another day, but at least nobody’s pretending any more while trapped in wary uncertain fear of their own houseguests. At least now it’s done.

The fucking Iron Shepherds parallels. Just. Yes. I have hated the trapped feelings of traveling alongside Lucien and his crew, but the Iron Shepherds parallels are, while stab-me-in-the-heart painful, so fucking good. The very best moments with Lucien have been the ones that mimic Mollymauk, not even because they bring hope that Molly could come back to us someday (although that’s there, that faint shimmering thread), but because it is always the best, worst, most glorious twist of irony. Molly died trying to save his friends, saving his friends, from the violence of a monster who was so very like him in all the ways he was terrified to know. Lorenzo and his ragtag group of multiclassed minions, full of loyalty, arrogance, unexpected powers, here to torture and enslave. The Nein have more power now, a little more negotiated control, they are different--but so much of it is just window-dressing as they’ve been dragged along on this pell-mell journey against their will, told when to walk and when to sleep, headed towards a place they would’ve gone anyway at the behest of someone they really do not give a shit about any more. It’s so much the same. And the thing that is beautiful, and the thing that I love, the one thing for which I do love Lucien, is just--god, the irony. The irony! Because it’s not just that Lucien is like Lorenzo, that Molly turns out to be like the man that killed him after all; it’s not just Lucien, all unknowing, rebuilding old grudges and replaying old scenes without even knowing them. It’s the fact that Molly’s death is the only reason this can happen in the first place. Mollymauk Tealeaf, murdered and buried, wanting only to protect his teammates from a megalomaniacal killer--sacrificing himself on a hope and a chance that maybe, maybe, he and his friends could all survive, and they’d all be fucked anyway if he didn’t--he died to do it. And it worked. They were safe, for a little while, for long enough to rescue Jester and Yasha and Fjord. Long enough to keep going, to leave part of the world better than they found it, to canonize him in his own way. Except now here they are again, worse and deeper into the same shit than ever before, and it never could have been like this if Molly had survived. He derailed Lorenzo long enough to save them then, and created the forward path for the Lucien they’re facing now. It’s terrible. It’s beautiful. And that’s some damn good storytelling.

The start of the next episode is going to be very very hard for the Nein! In so many ways, they’re back exactly where they were episodes ago when they first started traveling with Lucien’s crew to begin with: one threshhold crest in their possession, beat to hell and almost entirely out of spells, exhausted, in desperate need of a long rest, with a probably-pursuing enemy that doesn’t seem inclined to let them have one. It’s as untenable now as it was then.

They have so much more knowledge now (was it worth it?). They have their own connection to the city now (will it cost them more than they’ve gained?). Maybe they have a direction. Probably they’ve got options. They’ve got an angel, an owl, a wooly mammoth, and a destination. Maybe, if they’re very fast and very lucky, maybe, if Caleb uses a teleport spell or they somehow manage to navigate through the snow in their exhaustion with all their luck, they’ll make it to Essek in time to collapse almost safely. They’ve needed backup so badly. They’ve needed someone, anyone, to keep them safe for just a few hours so they can plan, and think, and sleep.

And they’ve been so busy trying to play nice, giving in to their fear, trying to avoid the fight they just dove into (with half the team exhausted and half their spell slots gone!), that they haven’t let themselves go and get those things. And now they’re out the other side of that fight. Now they know, just a bit more, what Lucien and his team are made of.

Now they can finally, maybe, maybe, start finding ways to take back their own control instead of keeling over with the fear. I hope. I hope, I hope, I hope.

#cr spoilers #episode 123 #critical role

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sky-scribbles · 3 years

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Fanfic ask game for procrastinating on writing (very accurate, since I should really be working on either the Aeor Fic or my dissertation right now). Tagged by @essektheylyss and @saturdaysky - tysm, this is very fun! <3

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

28! I only really started posting regularly on AO3 after I got into writing for CR, so there’s a modest amount there right now.

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

~126000; probably going to be a lot more by the time the Aeor Fic is finished!.

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Only three on AO3 - Critrole, obviously, plus some from my Star Wars: The Old Republic days and a single lonely Dragon Age fic. I’ve written for some other fandoms in the past (Elder Scrolls, mainly).

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

Show me where my skin begins: Shadowgast; a study of Essek’s touch starvation and the important of touch between him and Caleb as their relationship develops.

My reasons for defying reason: Oneshot looking at Essek’s friendships with each of the Nein in turn, and the Nein’s different love languages.

I shine only with the light you gave me: The wizards slow dance at a fancy Dynasty ball, and Essek negotiates Den dynamics.

I’ll use you as a focal point: Essek summons a familiar, and as he adjusts to life with her, she helps him speedrun his character arc.

How to struggle gracefully: The Mighty Nein and Essek have dinner with Deirta Thelyss, as told through Veth’s perspective. Feat. Veth unpacking some of her own issues and her relationship with Essek

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Not as much as I’d like to anymore; my current health issues mean I have trouble writing at all, let alone replying to comments... but when I’m functioning better, I do try to reply to as many as I can! I absolutely love seeing people’s insights and hearing their thoughts; you guys make every second of writer’s block worth it! <3

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, I really don’t know! I’m generally an angst with a happy ending person, so I tend to round things off hopefully. I’d say that The scars that silence carved on me maybe qualifies, because from Essek’s perspective, it ends somewhat ambiguously - but the reader obviously knows that he’s about to get tackle-hugged by a little blue tiefling the moment after the fic ends.

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really. My Inquisitor!Essek AU is about the closest I’ve got, but I’m not sure I’d ever write anything or it.

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not since I was about fourteen, thankfully! I’ve had the odd ‘I hate [x character/fandom] but I love this story’ comment here and there.

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Not really. I’ve occasionally strayed into very vaguely nsfw stuff, but I don’t think I’d enjoy writing real smut, nor do I have any confidence that I’d do so halfway decently!

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

I did once, many years ago back when I was writing Elder Scrolls stuff.

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I’m definitely not opposed to the idea!

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

My fic history says Shadowgast, for sure, and I can see them being a love of mine for a very long time.

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Nothing that’s posted, thankfully, but I’d truly love to finish the one that currently sits under the working title of ‘the Essek and soup fic’. I’m very fond of it, but just don’t seem to be able to make work beyond its first scene. (Maybe I’ll post that as a standalone someday.)

15) What are your writing strengths?

I like to think I’ve got a good sense for prose rhythm? When I’m proofreading, I can generally count on a voice in my head to be saying ‘this sentence needs to be x length’, or ‘this sentence needs another adjective in it to carry the right emotional weight’, and to tell me when something just feels right and flows nicely.

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

I think I have a bit of a tendency to want to include everything - every interesting thought and bit of character exploration that I come up with in the planning process. Also, plotting! The reason I’ve generally stuck to oneshots is because I find writing lengthier plots really, really hard; sooner or later I just get stumped, thinking ‘ok, but what happens now?’ There’s a reason planning the Aeor fic has taken several months!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It’s not something I’d do myself, mostly because I really wouldn’t want to mess up another language in a fic - but I’ve seen it really suit certain stories before.

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

It is... really hard to remember that far back, but probably either Skyrim or Torchwood. I did not do so well, but I did it :’D

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Show me where my skin begins has a special place in my heart for being such huge fun to write and for being a truly feelgood fic. Familiar (like my mirror years ago) will always be important to me just for being my first CR fic and my entry point, as it were, to the CR fandom.

... but I really do hve a soft spot for The scars that silence carved on me, a study of Essek’s growth between 99 and 124. It’ll never be one of my most popular fics - the Nein don’t even appear in it - but I just loved taking Essek through all of these little changes, bridging the gap between the negotations and his reunion with his friends. And there are some scenes and lines in here I’m really proud of.

I think just about everyone I’d love to tag for this has already been tagged, so consider this an open tag for anyone who’d like to do this!

#this was a lot of fun! ty again #... and I should really get back to work on the aeor fic now #tag meme #writing meme #critical role

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iatethepomegranate · 3 years

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A fic in which Caleb buys a house in Rexxentrum with Beau and Yasha, becomes a professor, and learns how to be a person.

Chapter Summary: The sands of time stop for no one, and the Nein eventually go back to their separate lives. Caleb grapples with the responsibilities of his new position, invents the support group, and Astrid gives him some rather unsettling news.

Notes: Caleb and Essek's scene together is a little spicy, but not explicit. Chapter title is from In the Embers by Sleeping At Last.

*** Chapter 5: Like fireworks we pull apart the dark

Caleb was smiling when he got back home. Veth aimed her crossbow at him.

“Quick! Tell me something only Caleb would say!”

Caleb sighed and held up his hands in surrender; he should have expected this. “You almost inscribed a rune upside-down today. I lent you my spellbook.”

“I don’t know, man,” said Beauregard, lounging across Yasha on the couch and completely fucking with them. “An imposter could’ve interrogated Caleb and forced him to recount his day. Caleb is pretty squishy.” Caleb almost reminded her he had been taught to withstand torture, which he’d first told explictly her while compiling his testimony for Trent’s trial, but he didn’t want to ruin her fun.

“Oh, that’s very smart,” Yasha said.

“Thanks, babe.”

“Say something else,” Veth demanded. “Something not from today. How did we meet?”

“In prison. You stole a bottle of cherry wine. I had Frumpkin retrieve a piece of wire so you could pick the lock and then I set the jail on fire and screamed for help. The guards ran away and we walked out. We have been best friends ever since. You were also a goblin at the time.”

“But wouldn’t an imposter have asked about Caleb’s known associates?” Fjord supplied.

“Fjord, I can and will burn your hair off. And, unlike Aeor, it will not grow back overnight.”

“Ha!” Veth put her crossbow away. “Welcome back. Sit down. Cad’s making tea again.” She dragged him over to the blanket nest that no one had bothered to put away, and shoved him in it.

Essek poked his head out of the kitchen. “How was your meeting?”

Caleb didn’t want to get into it. “I took the job.”

“Woo!” Jester yelled from the kitchen. She poked her head out, just next to Essek. “Did Astrid like the cookies?”

“Ja. She says thank you.” Caleb felt fine, except from the fact he was fucking exhausted. He tipped his head back, landing on Beau’s shin, and closed his eyes. “Uh, Beauregard? She says to look into Headmaster Zivan Margolin, who is also the Archmage of Conscription. He’s a link to Trent. A weak one. Apparently he has been running his mouth about how he saw my potential from the beginning. Ludinus is uncomfortable with the implication and may throw him to the wolves to save his own neck.”

“I’ll pass it onto Yudala tomorrow. Take a nap while we wait for dinner.”

“The head of your school is also in charge of conscription?” said Fjord. “Wait. You’ve said this before.”

“A long time ago, ja.”

“Look, I’m only a few months old,” said Kingsley, who had been sprawled behind the couch the whole time, apparently. “And even I know that’s kinda fucked up.”

“No shit.” Caleb was half-sleep already, eyes closed. A small body curled up against him. Veth.

“Caleb, that’s really awful,” said Jester. “I’m so sorry.”

“Jester, I appreciate that, and I love you very much, but I am exhausted and cannot talk about this anymore.”

Caduceus saved him by bringing a tea tray into the room. “Let’s all unwind for a bit. Dinner will be ready soon.”

Caleb drank half his tea and fell asleep on Beauregard, who had to kick him awake for dinner. Well had to was a strong way to put it. Regardless, he shoved some food in his face and then went to bed with Essek.

****

Astrid sent him tidbits of information as more details of his professorship were finalised. He would assist Professor Weber with the beginner and intermediate Transmutation classes. He would also assist Professor Winterheart with the beginner Evocation class, due to his experience. He would also be on call to assist with other classes as necessary.

What really shook Caleb, however, were Bettina’s plans for Advanced Transmutation. She told him herself over coffee in the ex-smut shop.

“Astrid has assured me of your capabilities,” she said, stirring sugar into her mug. “And she’s of the mind that the Advanced students may need your guidance the most. You may end up with a few former Volstrucker students, if we can get them back in class.”

“That is a big if.”

“Ja. Would you talk to Astrid about it? I don’t want to overstep.”

“It has been on my mind. I will talk to her.” If Caleb hadn’t been dead on his feet last time they had spoken, he probably would have brought it up. It would take time to track all of them down, and Caleb had not been in the right headspace to handle that kind of work previously. But things were more stable now, even if he cried at the drop of a hat these days.

“Danke. Now, Advanced Transmutation. The advanced students start on the third week of term, so you will have had some time to find your feet. I want you to take the lead with them.”

“Bitte?” Caleb wasn’t sure he understood what she was telling him.

“I want you to teach the advanced students,” Bettina clarified. “I will be on hand if you need, but I think you can handle it once you have a few classes under your belt.”

“Bettina, I have no experience.” Caleb was about three wrong words from hyperventilating. This was ridiculous. And irresponsible.

“I know that’s not true, Mr Widogast. Sorry, Professor Widogast.” The slip was deliberate. Bettina used his first name most of the time. She was making a point of his new title. “Astrid has spoken to your expositor friend, who said you have been teaching magic to one of your friends for over a year, and that you helped her run a summer camp for adventurers in Nicodranas. Expositor Lionett also insists you are very good with children.”

“My friend’s young son, specifically. He is not a difficult child.” Well, Luc was a handful for his parents, but Caleb didn’t have to worry about controlling him like they did. “And… advanced students are teenagers, not toddlers.”

“I understand this is a lot to ask,” Bettina said evenly. “I am asking because some of these children have been through a lot. My inaction, whatever the truth of it, will not instill confidence. You put Trent in prison. You were an adventurer. You can relate to them. Not only can you be a safe person for them, but you are interesting. Teenagers respond best to people who are genuine, and genuinely interesting. Even the children who have not been pulled into Trent’s web have just been through a war. Some of them may have lost family.”

“Bettina, I appreciate you are trying to explain your reasons, but it is not helping.”

“I will be there in class for as long as you need my help,” Bettina promised. “I will only leave when you are ready. I promise. You can ask for help at any time. I will help you with your lesson plans and give you all the advice I can. You will be fine. I would not suggest this if I thought you couldn’t handle it.”

****

Caleb went back home after his meeting with Bettina. He was still worried, but he was having a decent day overall, so it wasn’t overwhelming him at the moment. He stepped inside Beau and Yasha’s side of the house, the scent of freshly baked bread filling his nostrils. It was almost lunchtime.

Most of the Nein had gone home by now, except Essek and Caduceus. They were in the kitchen with Yasha, inspecting a fresh loaf of bread on the counter. The top of it was sprinkled with rolled oats.

“I think it worked,” Caduceus said. “Ah, Caleb. Rye bread? Does it look right to you?”

It smelled like the Vollkornbrot Caleb remembered from his childhood. “Ja. This looks close to what my mother used to make.”

Yasha and Caduceus high-fived over Essek’s head. Essek’s nose wrinkled a little bit in a moment of endearing, petty irritation. Yasha cut the bread into slices and constructed a sandwich to take to Beau, who was at the Archive. She buttered a slice and shoved it into her mouth before she rushed out the door.

Caleb sat with Essek and Caduceus. The latter finished serving up the bread with a generous spread of butter.

“Did you start this last night?” Caleb asked. It was chewy as intended and tasted like home, maybe a tiny bit saltier, but that was fine.

“Yeah,” replied Caduceus. “You were pretty out of it. We looped Essek in once you were out of the house this morning. This one seems doable for Yasha to make without us. You might have to help her.”

“I can do that.” He used to help his mother with the bread whenever he was home. The memories were not too painful today, just an ache.

“How was your meeting?” Essek asked. He had been hesitant to leave Rexxentrum until Caleb was a bit more settled, but the hourglass was almost drained of sand.

“Good, I think.” Caleb chewed, mulling the whole thing over. “Professor Weber is giving me her advanced transmutation students.”

“You look worried,” said Caduceus.

“I am. It’s a lot of responsibility. She thinks the older students need me the most. As a safe person. I was their age when I… when everything went to shit. She thinks we may have a few survivors of the program in the class, and other students will have lost family in the war.”

Essek’s shoulders slumped. He ate quietly.

“And the Professor doesn't think she can be that person?”

“She insists she didn’t know what Trent was doing, but she expects the survivors will only see the face of someone who didn’t help them.”

“That is very self-aware of her. Do you feel that way?”

“No. But I’m not seventeen years old.”

“True. Well, I think you have the tools to help the kids, if you feel up to it.”

“I… maybe. Bettina said she’ll help me in class until I don’t need her anymore.”

Caduceus nodded slowly, with a smile. “You’ll be great.”

****

Essek and Caduceus had dinner at the house, and intended to spend a few more hours there before teleporting to the Blooming Grove, where Essek would trance before heading off in the morning, only short of one big spell instead of two. Caleb almost wanted to ask him to burn a second spell to trance here instead, but he knew Essek found the Grove calming. And one of the few places he didn’t have to worry about the Dynasty or the Empire. Caleb wouldn’t take that from him.

But they had a bit of time, which Caleb and Essek spent in their room together. Caleb let a few of his dancing lights float around the space, so he could see Essek for the last time in who knew how long.

“You were better today,” Essek said softly, slowly unbuttoning Caleb’s shirt.

Caleb watched him concentrate on the buttons, memorising his tiny frown that also graced his face when focusing on intricate spellwork. “Being here is getting easier. Thank you for the bread.”

Essek chuckled softly. “I did very little.” He pushed Caleb’s shirt off his shoulders. “But I’m glad it made you happy.”

“The best bread is the kind made by someone I love.” He shivered a little in the cold. Essek pressed his lips to Caleb’s shoulder, remaining there as the seconds ticked away. Caleb got to work on Essek’s shirt, finding the strings on the back through sheer muscle memory. He picked the bow apart and slowly unravelled the lacing. He pulled Essek’s shirt over his head and kissed his collarbone.

They had a few more hours. Caleb intended to treasure every second Essek could give him.

Essek pulled Caleb’s ponytail free and ran his fingers through the braids he had made that morning until they twisted apart. He cradled Caleb’s head as they kissed. Vulnerability between them had been hard won, and now it was as easy as breathing. Easier, sometimes.

They separated, and Essek slowly dragged his thumb across Caleb’s lower lip. “I will message you every day I can.”

“You better. Or I will hunt you down.”

Essek smirked, and it did things to Caleb. “And if I misbehave? Will you give me detention, Professor?”

“Essek, I love you, but never say that again.” Caleb shut him up with another kiss. “I do not want one of my last memories of you to be… that.”

“Not so adventurous after all,” Essek teased.

“We are not bringing our professions into the bedroom. That will not go well for either of us.”

“Hmm.” Essek’s eyes were distant for a moment. “You are… not wrong. Whenever I hear the word Shadowhand, I think of my mother.”

“Could be worse,” Caleb said dryly.

Essek wrinkled his nose. “Yes. Well. That has killed the mood.”

“I can fix that. May I?”

Essek sat back on his hands, raising an eyebrow. “Do your worst.”

“Challenge accepted,” Caleb murmured. He shoved Essek onto his back, straddling his hips. Essek was a lot smaller than Caleb, though the force of his personality and his floating cantrip had once hidden that reality. Now, however… Caleb could keep Essek in place with his weight alone. And Essek liked it when he used that objective fact to their benefit.

Essek’s lips parted, and it took him ten seconds of shallow breaths to find his voice. “Challenge completed,” he said breathlessly.

“It’s one of my many skills, Liebchen.” Caleb knew his voice became extra husky when aroused, and he knew how much it broke Essek’s brain.

Essek opened his mouth again, but nothing came out except a soft, breathy laugh. He reached up and pulled Caleb’s hair until Caleb leaned down and kissed him hard. The throaty mmph noise from Essek was satisfying as fuck. It was very easy to get Essek aroused at the right moment. The harder part was finding that moment. He was sensitive to Caleb’s emotions, and it was hard for him to get in the mood if he had even the slightest inkling Caleb was not having a good day. For now, at least, it meant what sex they did have only happened under the best circumstances. It was a far cry from the last relationship Caleb had been in, where most of the sex had been after a bad day, all three of them on the brink of falling apart.

Caleb pulled back a little bit to lightly brush his fingernails across the sensitive skin of Essek’s lower abdomen, just above his remaining clothing. Essek’s breath hitched.

“Caleb. Please.” Essek was flushing red beneath the purple of his skin, turning it a lovely plum tone. Caleb kissed his stomach, and slowly undressed him like a long-anticipated present he was afraid to break. Essek squirmed beneath him, no matter how hard he tried to hold still to make the job easier.

“What do you want, Kätzchen?” Caleb said quietly, stroking the inside of Essek’s bare thigh. Caleb never used terms of endearment like this in casual conversation. He liked to save it for special moments, specifically because he knew it broke Essek’s brain very badly to be called things like kitten or sweetheart in Caleb’s own tongue.

Essek let out a shaky breath; his violet-blue eyes were half-lidded and he was out of his fucking mind. “I want… anything. Everything. You. I can’t think.”

“I know,” Caleb said, sliding off the bed, just out of Essek’s reach. “I like it that way.” He slowly unfastened his pants, watching Essek twitch in a half-aborted attempt to move closer to him. “Stay right there.” He let them drop, kicked them aside, finished undressing. He lingered out of reach until Essek bit his lip, gazing up at him with a silent plea. Only then did Caleb climb back onto the bed, settling between Essek’s shaking legs. “Let me take care of you, ja?”

Caleb caught Essek’s lips in a messy, breathless kiss as their bodies fit together at long last.

Later, they lay together under the covers. Caleb had extinguished his lights. Essek could see him perfectly well. Caleb had almost left the lights on so he could drink in Essek’s features for a little while longer, but he was sluggish and borderline mindless from his most recent orgasm. He would rather spend what little concentration he had on running his fingers across Essek’s features so he had a few more memories to keep him warm until they could meet again.

“I will stay until you fall asleep,” Essek said softly. “Then, I will message you tomorrow after I leave the Grove.”

Caleb hummed quietly, not trusting his voice beyond that. This goodbye was hard every time.

“I’m proud of you, Caleb.” Essek kissed him, and then pressed their foreheads together. “You will be an incredible teacher. You already are.” Caleb swallowed against a lump in his throat. He was not going to cry. He was not going to make this harder for Essek than it needed to be.

Somehow, he managed to find his voice. “I finally had a good example.”

Essek chuckled softly. “That may be the one thing in my life I did right.”

“It’s an important thing you did right, but not the only one.” Caleb found his hand, twining their fingers together. His grip would slacken in sleep, letting Essek extract himself without too much difficulty.

“I try to remember that. Thank you. Get some sleep.”

Caleb didn’t want to close his eyes, knowing Essek wouldn’t be there in the morning. But Essek had to leave sometime, and he was giving Caleb every moment he could spare. So Caleb closed his eyes and relaxed into the pillow.

“I love you, Essek.”

“I love you, Caleb.”

Sometimes they didn’t need to say it. It was always true, whether or not they put it into words. Tonight, however, they both felt just a little more fragile, a little more vulnerable, and the words helped.

And then Caleb slept. The last thing he remembered was Essek’s fingers dancing sweetly in his hair.

****

Waking alone, Caleb tried not to be too dour in the morning, but given Yasha kept trying to find things around the house to keep him busy, he was clearly not doing a good job. He had to meet with Astrid (and probably Wulf) later in the day to discuss work some more, and he needed to bring up the Volstrucker survivors. Maybe Astrid had already been working on contacting them, but it wasn’t clear. It needed to be.

For now, however, he let Yasha drag him out to the garden. He liked having his hands in the soil, coaxing life out of the earth. After dealing so much death in this world, it was nice to put life back into it. He knew Yasha felt the same. It also let him reminisce about some of his less painful memories of home. Planting green beans with his mother.

It was also a little easier to bask in the afterglow of last night out here in the sun.

“Did you have a good time last night?” Yasha asked. Caleb was glad Beauregard was already at work. She wouldn’t tease him, but he knew she would have to restrain herself.

“Ja,” Caleb said quietly.

“He’s soft with you. It’s lovely.” She watched him, and she saw a little too well. “You miss him.”

“A lot, ja.”

“You’re good for each other,” she said. “I’m glad you have him, even if it’s not all the time.”

Caleb knew his smile was incredibly sad, but it was a smile nonetheless. “Me too.”

Essek’s Sending reached him in that moment. “Hello, love. I have arrived at my destination in one piece. A little further away than intended, but unharmed. How’s your morning?” A slight pause. “I love you.” Ah, he’d realised he had three words left.

Full of warmth from the sun and Essek’s word economy, Caleb responded, “Hallo, Essek. Glad you are safe. I am gardening with Yasha.” She waved. “She says hi. We had leftover bread for breakfast. Talk soon. Love you, too.”

“That’s very sweet, Caleb.”

He chuckled, and it sounded a little more fragile than he would’ve liked. “Careful. I will start crying again.”

“Hey, that’s okay. I’ve been crying a lot, too. I think it’s a good thing.”

Maybe. Caleb found it too unsettling to have that view on it. He stood up from the ground, knees damp with morning dew, and dusted the grass off his trousers. Establishing a garden here, and actually putting his own hands in the dirt this time, felt permanent. Unless something went very wrong, they were going to be here for a long time.

Yasha hadn’t had a stable home for years, either. And she also had awful violence and loss baked into her past, and terrifying blank patches in her memory. It was easy to spend quiet time with her, because they understood each other in a way the others sometimes couldn’t.

They enjoyed a quiet cup of tea on the steps linking the back door to the garden. Yasha was partway through repairing the fence back here, and she insisted on working with it alone; magic would end the project too quickly.

The sun reflected in her whitening hair, glowing like the radiance inside her. She deserved all the gentle mornings; she wore them well. Yasha gazed out at the barest beginnings of their garden, and she smiled.

“This suits you,” Caleb said.

“I’m getting used to it,” she replied softly. “After so long, I get to just be a…” She caught herself. “Well. I’m not a wife.”

“For now.”

She chuckled. “For now. It’s nice here. I get to bake bread, and grow a little garden, and welcome the people I love when they come home. And I get to love whoever I want. That’s all I ever wanted.”

“You deserve it. You deserve peace.”

Yasha smiled into her teacup. “Beau tells me that every day. I think I’m starting to believe it. What about you?”

A short question, with a complicated answer. “Sometimes. I do not know if I will ever feel like I deserve this without reservation. It is getting easier. Having a mission helps, I think.”

“We can do this,” Yasha told him. She said it quietly, but with every ounce of determination she had. Yasha had a lot. Caleb was struck by her soft strength, as he often was. Letting oneself be gentle after years of violence and pain was one of the hardest things to do. Caleb knew that all too well.

Caleb held out his fist, and she bumped it. “Ja, we got this.”

And he actually believed it. If only a little bit.

****

Caleb had an easier time walking into Soltryce Academy this time. Starting from a far more energised and calm place than last time carried him through the memories. Entering Astrid’s office was still a little painful, but he was strong enough to handle it.

Astrid and Wulf were seated in armchairs in front of the fireplace, reading. There was a pile on the table between them, and evident gaps on the bookshelves. They had rarely gotten to read books from Trent’s personal collection. The silent fuck you was vindicating, even vicariously.

“The old man had some interesting material,” Astrid said in Zemnian, skipping over the pleasantries. They didn’t need them at this point. She messaged him frequently enough that it felt like they were simply picking up a briefly dropped conversation. They usually spoke Zemnian when they did not have non-speakers to contend with, and Wulf followed suit. They would occasionally borrow a word or phrase from Common if the sentiment worked better.

Wulf snorted. “Pretty dry reading. You’ll like it, Bren.”

Caleb shrugged. “Once a nerd, always a nerd.”

Wulf set the book on the table, stretching; his shirt rode up a little bit and Caleb kept his eyes on his face with a great deal of effort. “If you want more colourful reading, the smut shop you were asking about is on the north side of the market.”

“Kingsley asked me.”

“Uh-huh,” Wulf said flatly.

“Listen, you cannot flirt with all my friends and then take that tone with me.”

“Just did.”

Caleb resisted the somewhat mild urge to scream. Wulf and Astrid were both very good at putting him off-balance, in very different ways. “Whatever makes you happy, Wulf. Astrid, can we talk about Advanced Transmutation? I am going to explode if I don’t talk about this in the next ten seconds.”

Astrid had been watching his exchange with a cocked eyebrow, but she smoothed out her expression and gestured towards a third armchair, closer to the fire.

He sat down, holding one hand out towards the warmth. “Astrid, I say this with all the respect in the world: what the fuck?”

“The advanced classes are in a delicate situation,” Astrid replied. “Professor Weber and I want as many of the Volstrucker program survivors back in school as possible. You are a better person to work with them than Bettina, and with any students who lost loved ones in the war. She told you her reasons, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Then what is the problem?”

“Aside from my lack of qualifications and the fact I never technically graduated from the Academy?”

“Bren, your practical experience outweighs all of that. Bettina will help you with the rest.”

“Astrid suggested you take the advanced students,” Wulf said casually, leafing through another tome as if he wasn’t throwing a bomb into the conversation.

Caleb felt an ache in his gut, and he had to close his eyes and compose himself. “Astrid. Why?”

“The Academy is about to throw those children into the world,” she replied quietly. “Whatever lessons you wish to impart, you have to impart them now. Not only that, but Bettina is not well-suited to teach survivors of the Volstrucker program. She has spent her entire life in the Academy. They will not take her seriously. Some may resent her for not doing something about the abuse happening right under her nose. She told you that.”

“How many survivors do you expect we will have?” asked Caleb.

“I am still trying to track them down,” Astrid replied, with an edge of frustration.

“I was meaning to talk to you about the Volstrucker.” Caleb had been racking his brain whenever he had the time and energy. There was no formal infrastructure to support the survivors of the program. If Caleb hadn’t met Veth, and then later the Nein, things could have gone very badly for him in so many different ways.

“Talk,” Astrid said.

“These people need help,” he said. “Unless we get that mental health support I asked for, we are effectively on our own. Even if the Assembly throws us crumbs, nobody can understand what it was like except others like us. We need to talk to each other. Regularly, if possible.”

Wulf’s eyes stopped scanning the page. “Do you really think Volstrucker will want to talk to each other about this shit?”

“Who else is there?” Caleb said plainly. “They--we deserve the chance to support each other. Regular meetings, if we can. A support group, I suppose. Low pressure. Just a group of people who understand each other going through yet another upheaval in a life filled with them.”

Astrid watched him closely, eyes narrowed in thought. “Interesting. I think I understand where this idea came from.”

“We got each other through a lot back in the day,” said Caleb. “But we weren’t equipped for it. There was no blueprint for what we were to each other, but we did our best. Until it wasn’t enough. And later, I had the Nein. I would not be here without them. I owe them everything. Not everyone has people like that.”

“I’ll find us a place and let you know,” Astrid said.

“Thank you.” Caleb had expected he would be a little emotional about it, so at least he was prepared to ward off tears. “Thank you so much.”

Astrid averted her eyes, gazing into the fire. “As for your job, most of the children in the program have been located. Some of their parents have pulled them out of school. I am… trying to talk them out of that. The last thing we need are traumatised, half-trained adolescents running around unchecked.”

Caleb was hung up on her wording. Most of the children had been found. “There are some unaccounted for?”

“Two. Felix and Nicolaus. They’re both seventeen.” Astrid didn’t need to point out why their age was a problem.

There was no time to panic; Caleb needed details. “What do we know about them?”

“I worked with them a little,” Astrid replied. “They are close, not unlike the three of us at their age. If we find one, we may find the other. They are from Blumenthal. The Crownsguard are keeping an eye out, but I do not trust them to handle this with the care this situation requires.”

“Specialisations?”

“Both Evocation.”

Caleb didn’t need to say aloud how bad this could be. Two missing Evocation wizards, on the edge of graduating the Volstrucker program, who had possibly had their memories modified and orders distributed. It had been a few months since Trent would have last had contact with them. The worst could already have happened. Then again, Caleb had been in Blumenthal not that long ago to visit his parents, and he hadn’t heard anything that would have given him pause.

“I was in Blumenthal a few weeks ago,” Caleb said. “If they followed through on an order, it was likely after that. I’d… like to think I would have noticed otherwise. Most people seem to agree that I am rather intelligent.” The dry humour probably wasn’t appropriate in this moment, but he needed to keep himself calm and sarcasm usually worked a treat. “In more recent times, I would assume word would have gotten back to you. Maybe we are not too late.”

“Optimism is a new look for you, Bren,” said Wulf.

Caleb would never call himself an optimist, but he could see why Wulf was uncomfortable, even if he hid it behind one part sarcasm and one part a veiled flirt. “Wulf, I have seen a lot of things in this past year alone that have… changed me. There was a time, not too long ago, when I did not expect to survive the week. And… look at us now. We are sitting here in Astrid’s office, reading Trent’s old books because he is stuck in a dark hole and cannot do anything to us. I spent the morning gardening with Yasha. My friends bought me a quilt because it reminded me of my mother. Things are better for me than they have been in a very long time. So, I am trying new things, like having hope sometimes.”

“Point taken,” Wulf murmured, averting his eyes. Tense. Uncomfortable.

“I’ll let you know as soon as I hear anything about the boys,” Astrid said. “Whatever happens… I think you should be there.

#shadowgast #caleb widogast #professor widogast #essek thelyss #astrid beck #eadwulf grieve #yasha nydoorin #fanfiction #critical role #cr2 #my fics #the pomegranate's professor widogast fic

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omniscientwreck · 3 years

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Day 7: Bread & Soup // Creation

Here we are! Finally finished Day 7! I’ve never completed anything like this before so I hope you’ve enjoyed this journey with me! Thanks to the folks who organized @shadowgastweek and I’ve loved seeing everyone’s contributions. Here’s hoping this Thursday is a good one for our boys <3

As always please let me know what you think, this is unedited so proceed with caution, and stay tuned for the college AU I’ve been working on.

Day 7: Bread & Soup // Creation

Essek knows that, providing he says yes, the moment the Nein find out they are engaged all hell will break loose.

Essek knows that, providing Caleb says yes, the moment the Nein find out they are engaged all hell will break loose. He’s not a particularly conventional or traditional man and a few short years ago he would have never paid mind to the idea of getting married one day.

Things have changed, he’s changed quite significantly. Every day he spends with the copper haired wizard who calls him sweetheart and angel the more convinced he is that they should never be apart.

If simply having the Nein for friends had changed him, loving someone and being loved in return had made him a new person. The simplicity of having someone to come home to, someone to make noise in his previously empty tower. With the relinquishing of much of the privilege of the Thelyss name, they’d taken up residence in a less auspicious district of the firmaments, outside of the gated community in which he’d been raised.

It felt good to be closer to his friends, a few streets down from the Xorhaus, and it felt good to build a home with someone. Caleb hadn’t moved in immediately of course, it took a year or so before they progressed enough in their relationship to feel comfortable sharing a life. That doesn’t mean Caleb’s tastes hadn’t influenced Essek’s decisions, and when he moved in they continued adjusting and changing until they both felt they belonged there.

He asked Caleb to marry him on the anniversary of their first date. After defeating Lucien they’d gone back to Aeor and studied and after a while the tension built. There were small touches, lingering glances, at first Essek attributed this to how Caleb treated his other friends. But as time passed eventually they would reach for each other’s hands, if there was a breakthrough Caleb would press their foreheads together and hold his face and the closeness was intoxicating.

They would have discussions late into the night, discovering and learning. They told stories of their pasts and eventually Essek opened up to Caleb completely, there was not a secret of his the wizard hadn’t heard and Caleb returned the trust in kind.

They worked hard over months and when they were done and had a reason to part ways, Essek found he couldn’t. “I have something to ask of you, it is just a question and any response is acceptable of course. I do not want to pressure you.”

Caleb turned and leaned down, catching Essek’s eyes from the spot on the ground he’d been intently staring at, “Of course, you can ask any question of me.” He was clearly confused but trying to reassure Essek with a small smile.

“I have had, to be honest, a wonderful time studying with you here. Not just studying but talking, getting to know you. I have come to realize that I am quite fond of you Caleb Widogast.” Words tumbled out of his mouth and if he stopped the momentum at all he would lose steam and walk back his confession, “I was wondering whether, when we’re back in Roshona, or anywhere really it matters not to me, if I may buy you dinner. Or we could go do something else, take in some theatre, a concert. I care not what we do I simply wish to be there with you.”

He was out of breath and he knew the effort that had taken cause a deep flush on his cheeks. He searched Caleb’s face and his heart fluttered as his companion’s smile widened, “Yes,” His voice was tender as he closed the distance between them, “That would be much to my liking. I’ve enjoyed spending time with you too Essek and I’d like to see where this road may take us.”

“Well I suspect dinner will the the first place.” Caleb nodded and grabbed for Essek’s hand and they walked together to the Xhorhasian base to leave for home.

Their first date had been everything Essek expected and more, they went on more and more dates, spent time with each other studying, talking, enjoying music and art, and taking physical comfort in each other. It had been unlike anything he’d ever experienced. To miss someone when they were away, to feel like two people with one goal, one project, beginning to build something together that was intangible and entirely personal.

It wasn’t long after they’d begun cohabitating that Essek had though of marriage. It’s interesting how casual a thought it had become in the past few months. Considering Caleb might be his husband, to willingly join himself to another. To never be alone again.

The night he asks, Caleb has just come home from a trip to assist Yussa. They worked together on occasion and whenever Caleb went to his aid he was gone for an extended period. They’d been working on something to do with the folding halls and Caleb has begun telling him all about it. Whenever he tells Essek of these projects his face changes completely, there’s no hint of the sorrow that’s weighed him down for so long, he uses his hands to talk and his features are bright and animated.

He realizes a little too late that his mind has completely wandered off and Caleb is trying to get his attention back to him. “Schatz, what is that faraway look in your eyes? What are you dreaming of?”

Before even realizing the word he’s forming he’s already spoken, “You.”

Cheeks burning, he feels himself beginning to flail at the sweet look on his lover’s face, “Caleb I know we have talked about this before and I know the consensus wasn’t entirely clear but it’s been some time and I love you deeply. Everything we’ve been through together has strengthened us. You’ve made me a better man, taught me so much about life, we’ve conquered so many seemingly insurmountable tasks side by side and with the aid of our friends. We have walked through hell and back and I know that together we can do anything we set our minds to. I love you wholly and without hesitation and I would be honoured if you give to me the greatest happiness of becoming my husband.”

At that he pulls a ring he’s been saving from his wristpocket. It’s simple and silver, two bands side by side that cross over three times at the top of the ring, polished and clean. He holds it to Caleb who is beaming and holding out a simple golden band to Essek, it’s thin and polished with a flat top and a small red gem. “Mein Engel I could not possibly say yes fast enough, I have, I will admit, been waiting for the moment for quite some time. As usual you beat me to the punch.”

Hands trembling, Caleb allows Essek to slide the ring onto this hand and in turn does the same. Essek strokes Caleb’s face with the back of his hand and they embrace, hands entwining into each other’s hair, he holds Caleb as close as physics will allow but finds even that is not close enough. They stay like that for a long time before Caleb breaks the embrace, “We had better tell the Nein, Jester will throw a fit if she finds out we made her wait.”

“Tomorrow, tonight is for us and then tomorrow we can plan.”

They kiss again and the night is filled with sweet affirmations and poetic words.

--------

The Nein arrived a week before the date, promising to help with any preparations needed. Though Essek is no longer integral to the Den’s society, there are still certain expectations. They have ensured the correct people are invited without expanding the affair to be too overwhelming, Essek will have to endure his family but small inconveniences can be tolerated for a greater good.

His mother is, of course, scandalized but he pays it little mind. His brother is surprisingly ecstatic and takes a larger role in planning than Essek would have initially anticipated. He helps them find venues, flowers, caterers (though Jester, as a wedding gift, takes care of the cake and pastries). It’s strange to reconnect properly with his brother after so long apart, but it’s comforting that his attitude towards Essek hasn’t changed much. Growing up had done them both good.

They have asked Caduceus to perform their ceremony which he readily agreed to. They do away with anyone accompanying them to the alter, decide that they will walk out from opposing sides of the backyard layout they’ve planned, and join in the middle. As Caleb puts it, “This decision is mine and mine alone. I love my friends but it is important to me that I am not being given away and that I stand alone and commit myself to you.”

“Of course, I understand, anything you want my love.”

When Essek had explained the bread making ritual that is a part of most Xhorhasian weddings, Caleb had been more than accepting. “It’s customary for us to choose three people to make the bread, I have one person in mind that I would particularly appreciate being a part of that process. My brother has been an immense help to me and I know he particularly enjoys this tradition.”

Caleb nods, “Of course, of course. I think that I would like to ask Veth. She has been by my side for years and is my closest friend.”

Essek nods, he has an idea for the third person and judging by the look on Caleb’s face he has similar thoughts, “Jester?”

He laughs and nods, “Jester indeed.”

They ask their family and are met with whole hearted agreement. Technically the betrothed aren’t supposed to be there but Caleb wasn’t about to miss the chaos. Verin was guiding Veth and Jester through the kneading and they didn’t take long to begin discussing decorations. They decided on a pair of birds for the couple with a bird surrounding them for each of their friends and family, wheat for prosperity, braided strands of dough to represent the joining of lives, different varieties of flowers native to Xhorhas sculpted for long lives, good health, and strong commitment to another. Verin taught them the traditional songs as they worked and soon before long the three of them sang together, Jester inserting profanities whenever she forgot the words.

Seeing them work was complete chaos but soon the couple was shooed out as they got around to sculpting decorations, “Brother you know this must be a surprise. We have to stick to our roots just a little.”

“Yeah plus we need to gossip about you with Verin and learn all of your secrets Essek.” Jester drawls teasingly.

They leave and go about other preparations. Yasha and Beau are arranging flowers outdoors and for awhile they chat idly while following Yasha’s instincts. Beau and Caleb head inside to get some receptacles for the ever growing pile of stems and leaves accumulating on the table on which they worked. “Do you love him?”

Yasha stared intently from her position beside him at the table, having paused in her work. She’s never been talkative but he believes they understand each other, “Yes. I love him.”

“Good. I just wanted to see you say it for myself. The two of you remind me of something I once had. A beautiful moment in a very bleak past.I was lucky enough to find it a second time, and I pray that you never have to search for this again. I hope that your happiness transcends seasons and years and spreads farther than the horizon.”

She’s soft spoken, but he can tell she means it, “Thank you Yasha, I appreciate that very much.”

She smiles, and her eyes light up as her wife and his betrothed return. They talk and laugh through the day, finishing the decorations for the following day’s ceremony.

----

The day of, Essek can hardly contain himself. It’s unbearable that they have to go through the whole day before they can finally relax and just be married already. He’s had his own suit and robe custom made, Caleb hasn’t seen it yet and as he lays it out on the bed. Caleb is getting ready at the Xhorhaus which the Nein keep for emergencies such as this and is undoubtedly surrounded by the Nein fussing over him far more than he’d like. Their abode is quiet, Verin is getting ready in the guest room and is likely much less tense than Essek finds himself. He prepares in silence, going over his vows and wondering what Caleb will wear. He himself has a clean black suit, embroidered on the lapels in the same style as his preferred cloak. The cut is slim and it fits perfectly. The shirt is a deep plum and he has a silken black tie and pointed, shined black shoes. He wears the stole of his Den, his mother’s only request, and begins to properly prepare himself. He adorns his features in black and silver makeup, elongating the eye and adding a little drama. This ritual always calms Essek and today is no exception.

He’s taken his time getting ready and as he fastens his earrings in place, he’s alerted to a presence at his home. As he’s about to move to get the door, Verin calls out that he is taking care of it. Not long after, there’s a knock at his door, “Essek, it’s Veth. I know it’s getting close but may I speak with you?”

Veth. The one it’d been hardest to get to come around. Eventually she seemed to have let go but she still made Essek quite nervous. Far more so than even Beau, “Yes of course, come in.”

He turns to face her, she’s in a beautiful pink dress, makeup done and hair braided elaborately and adorned with flowers. “You look lovely, to what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?”

“You don’t have to be so formal with me. I just wanted to, I don’t know, speak with you briefly.” He gestures for her to sit in the twin chairs by the window, normally reserved for him and Caleb.

As they sit he folds his hands, trying to hide his fidgeting, “What is on your mind?”

“Well, I know this is a bit of a cliche, and the others have probably already talked with you but I feel I have to say it myself. It took me a long time to trust you, after what you did to my husband and then when we found out about the war crimes, I honestly wanted to be rid of you.

“I promise it gets better, just hear me out. I’ve been through a lot with Caleb. I’ve been by his side for some of his biggest moment and he’s been with me through some of the hardest times of my life. Our bond is forged by fire and nothing will break it. I care about him more than I can describe, he’s my boy and I am his protector.

“You have proven yourself to be worthy of him. I’ve seen the way he looks at you, I’ve heard his stories about you, about your life and what you are building together. I don’t know that I entirely understand, but you make him happy in a very profound way and that’s all I want. You two fucking nerds are clearly very much in love and anything that can make two people so happy must be good. It’s what we fought together for, so that these moments would continue, and for as long as you make Caleb happy I will be thankful for your presence in our lives.”

There’s a long pause as Essek collects his thoughts, “Veth Brenatto I thank you immensely. There is not much more I can say but please know that this is not something that comes easily or lightly to me. I am making a commitment and I keep my promises.”

“I know. But now you’re not only promising to him, you’re promising to me. You’d better make good on that promise or I swear I will make your life a living hell and you know I can.”

“Like I said, I never break my promises. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you.”

She laughs, “Oh no, you’re weaker than Fjord it would take me about a day.”

He smiles back at her, “People will be arriving soon, I’d prefer to continue alone if you don’t mind. Please, feel free to stay and wait if you’d like.” She nods and exits the room and he turns back to the mirror and makes a few final touches before heading down to nervously await Caleb.

-----

The ceremony begins, Caduceus stands at the head of the aisle, the Nein and their loved ones are seated, and music from the hired bards begins to soar over the yard. His mother is at the very back, she will be first to see him and likely first to leave as well.

He tries to stop thinking about her and keeps his eyes on the ground. They promised not to look until they were to begin walking and it was taking all his discipline to keep his eyes trained on the grass. It’s dark in Xhorhas but the flower fixtures and garlands are accentuated by globules of light, he’d allowed Jester to place them to create the best atmosphere. She took great care and her sensibilities had always been spot on.

The song changed and finally, Essek could look up. Just seeing Caleb he felt tears stinging at his eyes. Clean shaven, auburn hair braided back with carefully placed flowers accentuating his bright eyes, lit up with wonder and excitement. He’s wearing a traditional wizard’s robe, it looks like he went to the same tailor who did his own embroidery. The robe is a bright white and adorned with gold thread, intricate designs spiraling across the edges. It’s slightly parted in the front to reveal a well fitting black suit, deep red tie, and a flower with a small white ribbon tied to it fastened to his lapel. As they walked towards each other, joined hands, and stepped together to the altar, Essek couldn’t take his eyes away. Approaching Caduceus they dropped each other’s hands and stood on either side of the Firbolg as he touched their shoulders, initiating the ceremony, and began to speak.

“Hey everybody, we are here today to join these two wizards in marriage. Never in my life have I met two people more in need of love and more transformed by it. I don’t want to prolong this more than necessary, before me are two people who are so in love they’re letting us see it plainly on their faces and I think making them wait would be grossly unfair. So Caleb, your vows?”

Caleb unfolded a small piece of paper from a pocket, “I have a near perfect memory but, I want to get this right,” he mutters, he looks at Essek like he’s worried the bubble will burst at any moment and continues a little louder, “Essek Thelyss, you and I we have been through a great many things. We have stared armageddon in the face and we have walked out hand in hand. Through any trial, through any day good or bad, I know that if you stand at my side we can, together, face anything that comes our way. I look forward to the rest of this day and the rest of the days to come and I know there is no place I would rather be than at your side through battle, study, hell or high water. I love you, Essek Thelyss and I will never tire of telling you.”

All Essek can do is watch, he doesn’t fidget, he nearly forgets to breathe as Caleb’s words wash over him and he smiles. He hardly even cares how he looks to those in attendance, for once he can’t mitigate the lopsided grin that comes naturally to him and though he hasn’t cried in years he is having trouble holding tears in now.

As Caleb finishes and Caduceus gestures to him he begins to speak, “Caleb Widogast, this kind of thing does not come easy to me. I am not used to speaking directly and for a long time I couched my feelings in metaphor praying you would understand without my full commital to how I felt about you. Now I can plainly say that I love you, I have loved you for a long time. You have fundamentally changed me as a person, you’ve helped me understand a great many things and I am better now than I have ever been because of you. Through you I learned friendship, patience, happiness, and love. You and your friends well, I don’t know that I can explain the effect you’ve had on me but I am freer now than I have ever been. To you I promise my unending support, my aid in anything you should ask, a partner in your pursuits, and your life. Come what may, I will always love you.”

A few tears had escaped and Caleb’s eyes glistened back at him. They both looked to Caduceus who looked truly proud as he looked back and forth between them, he posed a few questions standard in both the empire and in the dynasty and at the end he declared, “This union is not the ending of two separate lives, but the joining and creation of one life shared by two. I know I speak for everyone when I say, finally, I pronounce you wed.”

A warm breeze blew through the yard, carrying the sweet scent of flowers and tousling Essek’s hair, and as Caduceus’ hands left their shoulders Essek wrapped his arms across Caleb’s shoulders as his husband pulled him in by the waist and their lips locked in a kiss. Jester broke the silence, cheering loudly as their friends and family joined in, the Nein far rowdier than the rest who clapped politely. They shakily added rings they’d picked out weeks ago, matching and complimentary to their previously decided on jewelry.

As they pulled back, Essek looked at Caleb who had tears running down his face and Essek swept them away as Caleb leaned up to kiss his forehead. Their family began to gather around and offer congratulations but Essek’s eyes couldn’t leave Calebs as the human cradled his face and whispered a simple, “I love you.” and Essek returned, having practiced the phrasing and pronunciation meticulously to get it right, “Ich liebe dich.” Caleb smiled and kissed him chastely again, before they opened up to their friends and began the nights’ festivities.

#shadowgast #essek thelyss #caleb widogast #critfic #critical role #fanfiction #shadowgastweek2021 #romance #wedding fic #this is just pure self indulgence #i love these wizards and i want them to be happy so i will continue to invent realities where that is the case #excuse how cheesy this is #i just love love.

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violet-t-9 · 3 years

Text

Check in on my (not very realistic) wish list for episode 135

1. The M9 eventually find a way to catch up with Lucien and Cree before they are able to go to the astral sea and at least start the combat (Bonus: Cree gets a wild magic effect that gives M9 some advantage or laughs).

Doesn’t look like it’s gonna happen. Well, I’m still personally REALLY happy that they all decided to explore a little bit much and ended up with combat lol. I love the heavy lore dump, reveals, map and the Aeorian nullifier/others combat, all part of the D&D fun.

2. Caleb and Beau somehow don’t get any extra eyes from their dreams (look, let me have some hope alright, last episode was kinda open-ended).

Noooo not on the clavicle and the palm... These stupid eyes are the reason why the empire siblings rolled bad rolls first thing in the morning, I’m telling you.

3. People on watch in the dome have some one-on-one conversations (Yasha and Fjord are doing the first watch, looking forward to it, also hoping for whoever on the second watch to talk).

Nope :( I’m a bit sad that they just kind of time skipped to the morning but it’s understandable.

4. If the empire siblings do get eyes can we at least have a morning eye check routine and Essek’s reaction to it? (Bonus: Essek examines the eye and offers help in some way)

I mean, we got part of a nice conversation about the eye so that counts as a reaction right. Essek is very wary about it, understandably. Don’t worry Essek, Fjord will take care of it if the eyes turn them evil.

5. More wild magic effects from casting in Aeor! Jester, Essek, Caleb, Caduceus, Veth and Fjord I’m looking at y’all. (Bonus: the effects are harmless and fun ones, like Bjald)

OH NO CALEB not first thing in the morning... wow never mind it’s a nice nostalgic smell! Apple tart, how awesome. I mean a lot of people used higher level magic and didn’t roll yet (or maybe they did we just don’t know)? This particular effect was harmless and fun tho.

6. They explore the Aeorian ruins even more along the way and discover cool relics/labs/history and lore (Bonus: clues related to the Eyes of Nine).

Ayyy genesis ward looks like a fun place, thanks to their high investigation rolls we found so much sweet lore. They also went into underground city ruins and basically wizard paradise lol. AND A BOOK ON THE SOMNOVEM! This is the first clue we have found so far. Also, Factorum Mollis project/Creator Hammer? Athodan’s rejuvenation/dunamancy? The plot thickens. THEY FOUND WHERE THEY NEED TO GO! B9!

7. Beau and Yasha have fun with some shameless PDA OR alternatively they get some super private time (bonus: cuddles in the dome).

I love their morning flirting. “That was amazing babe”, “Jump I’ll catch you!”, “Come here baby”, that’s some shameless PDA right there we love to see it. ALSO, Marisha said “we are doing PDA it’s a thing” and I feel so validated right now.

8. Jester and Fjord heal each other at least one time OR have a deep conversation (bonus: Jester complimenting Bjald).

They didn’t heal each other/converse BUT they had some nice moments! Fjord holds Jester’s ankles and waist at her request, how cute!

9. Continuing to hope for Essek’s fancy dunamantic spells OR magical items (I just love his style and flair okay).

OG Fortune’s Favour!! Thanks Essek. Identifying the keycard was also helpful. Essek giving Veth a pearl and telling her to aim it was so funny lol. LEVEL 4 LIGHTNING BOLT? What spell/item is that? Wow Essk is well-equipped.

10. They talk seriously OR laugh together about Bjald/smooth Fjord (Bonus: Veth disses Bjald just because) but Fjord eventually gets his hair back.

Wow straight out of the gate lol, Veth doesn’t wait (they are seriously expending spell slots for this). Also Veth cannot stop trying to grab his illusory hair. She also tells Devexian that Fjord is not a robot despite him not having hair I can’t even- Also, rejuvenation tube gave Bjald hair back and a long rest, great!

11. Continuing to hope for Caleb to polymorph into anything really, or using polymorph on any party member (polymorph! Caleb interactions my beloved).

Sparrow! Caleb my beloved! “I’m adorable” indeed, he totally is adorable. Landing on Jester, Fjord and Charlie must have been fun.

12. More moments of Essek’s trust issue (OR changes in his opinion) with Charlie and more moments of Charlie being helpful to the party.

Charlie was a very competent translator! Also, Essek does continue to have a lot of trust issues.

13. Jester and Charlie cute interactions OR Veth and Charlie interactions (Bonus: They reach the genesis ward to fix Charlie).

Charlie stopped listening when Jester asked him to, how cute! Veth also advocated for Charlie’s repair because she is already 100% attached - and they did fix Charlie I MEAN DEVEXIAN. Veth’s flirting with Devexian is... kinda cute? I guess?? Not sure how Devexian feels about it lol.

14. Cad attempting to speak with the dead on the remaining TT members (there is still Otis and Zoran right) and learning some useful information.

Well, speak with the dead was cast on the dead Aeorian warrior and some useful information was learned about the rejuvenation chamber I’d say. It was not cast on the TT members though.

15. Caleb casting fire spell challenge! I miss his signature fire magic that we have not seen in a long time, actually (Bonus: Essek is impressed).

Well fire bolt is a fire spell and actually does decent damage for a fire bolt.

16. Cad has a particularly badass moment in or out of combat (bonus: divine intervention success).

HOLY THAT BANISHMENT WAS SO BADASS, also that canceled nat 20 on Yasha. Wow Cad continues to be cool in battles, he is such a MVP!!

17. Veth has a particularly badass moment in or out of combat (bonus: HDYWTDT).

I mean all Veth’s sneak attacks are badass in my book.

18. The wizards nerd out about/investigate Aeorian magic together OR have another conversation (look, I love how they talk to each other okay).

WOW both happened! Essek stayed behind with Caleb in the record room and had a conversation to keep him on track. Right after, Caleb also reminded Essek of the same thing. Once again, I love how they talk to each other. Their dynamic is so fascinating. They also nerd out about/found dunamis (and a literal beacon piece) together in that chamber! That would make sense, time magic = rejuvenation and all that.

19. I know this is highly unlikely but I still kinda want to see the tower again with Essek getting a full tour! I want to see his room decor.

Nope, as expected lol. I don’t think we will see the tower until they deal with Lucien? We will see though, you never know.

20. We find out what exactly Capeleb/Caleb saw when Jester was casting commune/scry (it’s totally something Artagan-related, but what though?).

Nope, but it’s fine. It’s probably not urgent, otherwise Caleb would mention it.

21. Yasha pushes another red button and Beau enabling her out of love.

Yasha went “do it” as Fjord went in the tube lol so she was more of an enabler.

22. You know the drill by now - everyone remains relatively happy and alive by the end of the episode except Lucien and Cree (they can perish), and the episode ends on a terrifying cliffhanger as always.

Wow that episode was PACKED with so much information, I can’t even digest it all. Anyways, the score this time is 14/22, which is not bad at all.

Bonus:

Caleb shared half of his pearls with Essek! Also, wow that IS a beacon that they just found. The 3 magic users showboating each other at the end I can’t lmao I love them.

I just love all the noises of the Aeorian Nullifier, thank you Matt.

Jester, for that wand of smiles move, I love you even more (also she was the only one who actually tried to keep the party on task lol).

This episode will certainly need some re-watching to process all the information... but wow what an experience! Loving everything, as always. I cannot wait for next Thursday!

#cr spoilers #critical role spoilers #c2e135 #live blog #cr live blog #manifest list #the mighty nein #campaign 2 #critical role

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