#Can't do anything except crying

[szallejhscorner]

People on wattpad keep asking for updates. You know, I don't want to abandon my stories. It's just that I've never been so tired before in my life. My child cries at night, he cries at day. He refuses to sleep so I can't even take naps with him because as soon as he drifts off to sleep, he starts to cry.

I can barely keep my eyes open, and no way would I be able to write a single proper sentence either for King of Diamonds or the oneshots. All I want is sleep. But I know I won't get it.

So be patient with me. If one day I manage to get over this sleep deprivation I'll write again. It's just impossible to tell how long that'll take.

#It's the damn teeth #Why on earth does teething have to be SO GODDAM PAINFUL for toddlers #Like... Why does it have to hurt so much he can't eat #Can't sleep #Can't do anything except crying #And nothing I try helps in any way #Im tired. He's tired. We all are entirety exhausted. But of course these teeth take WEEKS to come out #It gets worse every day even though I think that can't be possible #I have thoughts. Bad thoughts. That's how tired I am

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ohhhhmygod im gonna be sick. actually nauseous and i did it to myself - there was a spider on the countertop and i Panicked, grabbing the first distance-killer i could grab. it was a grease cleaner spray. i buried it in the stuff, walked away to recover mentally, came back

it fucking fell apart and dissolved into the cleaner. i both feel horrible and im disgusted beyond words. how the fuck do i get rid of it

#slamming my face into a wall repeatedly #i cant leave it there to deal with after Sleep #bc my cats like to go onto the countertops when no one is looking #and i dont want either of them to get poisoned #but i cant rinse it into the sink with the faucet hose bc there's stuff in the sink #but idk if i can bring myself to do dishes with That next to me #and my fear of spiders is so intense that i Cannot get close enough to take care of it with a towel or somethin #im very good at fucking myself over in various ways! #if i had an appetite id lose it. permanently #what if! instead of dealing with it! i curl up in a corner and cry #except im not gonna do that ive filled my tears quota for the year & doing nothing wont help anything #sorry for venting again i just. ohhhhh this is horrible this is Terrible #if i still had my whacking stick id tape a big wad of paper towels to the end and clean the mess up that way #from a Distance! #absolutely unprompted #i wish i wasnt so terrified of spiders #they scare me So much.... #the point of feeling physically ill! and like sobbing! or panicking! and this spider was Big! #i wish they'd stop coming into the house.... i hate killing them but i cant function knowing theyre there #but i can't force myself close enough to put them in a cup and bring them outside #so now i have THAT on my counter. disintegrated spider. #life is too fucking much lately... jesus.... i should really just bite the bullet and get this shit over with #no use waiting a month in perpetual terror unease and guilt. do it scared yk yk #im tired of my chest hurting and not being able to eat! i dont like it! i need change! terrifying horrible change!

[da-proti-toku-grem]

venting in the tags again bc i'm literally shaking right now wtf

#god i hate it so much #my exams start on monday and i'm not even halfway through everything i need to know for my first exam #i've had all the holidays to study but i just can't concentrate on anything #i've been in my room all day every day (except the days i spent w family like christmas and new year ofc) #and seemingly i'm studying all day #my family thinks i spend all day studying #but the only thing i'm capable of doing most of the time is stare at the things i have to do w/o having any idea of wtf i'm doing #my brain won't shut tf up and telling me stuff that i know are not true #but i just can't #i feel like i've been having an anxiety attack non stop since this monday #not very bad most of the time but it doesn't really stop yk? #and i feel like i have a weight on my chest that i can't really take off #i've been going to therapy and we've come to the conclusion that the cause of my anxiety overall are my studies #(not counting my social anxiety that's been getting worse every day to the point that i don't even want to go out with my best friends) #which doesn't really surprise me but it's just Too Much #i just want to drop everything but since idk what i'd do if i quit this career i chose to do my exams #bc maybe they are useful if i do change my path #but i just can't find it in me to focus and study because my mind is racing all the time #i just want to lie down and cry but i don't even have the strength to do that #i just feel so weak and miserable ever since i started uni and every day it gets worse and worse #my mind just screams at me saying #'stop complaining all the time. no one cares. everyone goes through stuff like that. you're no different. stfu and study like everyone does' #and i know i could do it if i tried but i just can't #why tf is it so difficult to be normal and do what i'm supposed to do for once ffs.... #venting #maca speaks

[squircatlies]

Actually, it's Calypso's birthday today and someone needs to sing la vie en rose, so dig that guy up right the fuck now or so help me.

#this is not a joke #revive izzy you cowards #i'm willing to forget every criticism i ever had of this show if you just bring him back #i'll do anything #just let me have him #i feel like i'm going through all the stages of grief except acceptance right now #ofmd s2 finale spoilers #ofmd s2 spoilers #our flag means death #izzy hands #israel hands #ofmd s2 #ofmd #you can't do that to me on calypso's birthday #shaking crying throwing up

[volivolition]

reading Kim's Disco Inferno and i absolutely needed to read this fic earlier than im reading it right now. this is so fucking interesting.

#chemi chats #AIRHGHGHHHHH THE SKILLS THE SKILLS I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ABOUT THEM ARUGHGJHGKJFHF!!!!! #okay im normal. back to it #kissing voli on the forehead. my friend. this is how i imagine my life these days. voli sitting on my shoulder as i do things #echem's also there but he can't do shit except go ''hey you should get a treat today'' so he just keeps voli company. #EMPY HAS ARRIVED AND I LOVEEEE HER. CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES AND #''Stop fucking around Esprit'' LMAO. LMAO. THANKS AUTH APPRECIATE IT. oh my fucking god this fic is so cool. this is so good. #SUGGESTION YOU SILLY FUCK GET OUT OF HEREEE!! oh thats FASCINATING!! 'I'm not... shit. I am.' THIS IS SO COOL. OH NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE VOLI? #oh of fucking COURSE ITS ECHEM. OF COURSEEE. oh hi halflit. little kiss on the head before you scamper off sweetheart #i miss voli i want voli back. voli come back please. oh there he is hi little guy!! oh echem. silly guy. i love you. this fic is so fun?!!! #oh hey!! composure. nods. ''Harry; Kim. We're Harry.'' YEAH! YAHHGKJGH!!! like i sure have my faves (empy; voli; echem) but #OUGH. MOTORICS AS A WHOLE. MY FAVORITES i love the team smiles :) oh they were all so sweet hahskj motorics have never done anything wrong #NO VOLI CAN'T COME WITH US?? WHAT'S THE POINT EVEN. STARTS CRYING. oh nvm hes with us in the glasses WE'RE ALL GOOD #this fic. is so cool. good morning lieutenant. OKAY!! DONE!! COMMENTING TIME!!! thanks for looking at my spontaneous liveblog lmao

[dylanconrique]

i can’t wait for the angst that’s gonna hit when tim hears a call over his radio that there’s an officer down, immediately ditching his post behind that desk when they give out lucy’s name and badge number to find grey to give him keys to one of the shops so he can get to the scene as fast as possible.

#*and this is icarly! #the rookie #s5 wishlist #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenford #otp: you know me so well #grey doesn't even fight him at all #he knows there's nothing he can do to stop tim from getting to her #so instead he demands they'll ride there together #oh and the way grey will be grasping at straws trying to ease tim's mind.... #gosh anything to see more of that father/son kind of dynamic between tim and grey i really love it #also it's a good excuse to mark 'crying tim bradford' off my bucket list #and i don't just mean crying #i mean the puffy red eyed snot running hyperventilating kind of cry #i just... *clenches fist* i wanna see him emotionally crumble #as if this man hasn't been through enough already i want him to go through more 😅😅 #like i truly can't think of any other triggers that would make him break down like that #except with genny #if anything happened to either genny or lucy he'd lose himself

[hamsamwich23]

New au concept based off of the mlp infection aus going around

Hello Puppets Infected Au

(more notes in tags

#So pretty much Owen does everything right with the spell to bring his puppets to life #they're good people and love performing #but then there's a virus outbreak and they can't do anything anymore except try to survive #mortimers the first to be infected #he stays inside the stage area of the warehouse because he still recognizes it #but unfortunately the others had to block it off so he couldn't get to them #they can still hear him crying and it hurts #but they cant help him #rosco was also infected and Riley is not taking it well #hello puppets #the sam rambles! #hello puppets au #hello puppets midnightshow

[thepoisonroom]

as a hard of hearing girly since birth it was honestly so validating the first time i took an ASL class and found out that it's considered very rude in Deaf culture to be like "never mind, it's not important" when someone asks you to repeat something, thereby excluding them from the conversation. like it's not the worst or most impactful part of having a hearing disability by a long shot but hearing people can be so thoughtless about how bad it sucks to feel like no one else places value on your ability to participate in communal/social life and bonding and they are fine with you sitting in a corner feeling confused and dismissed and excluded

#weirdly feel like it's very similar to how flippant people can be about accommodations for people with digestive issues/food intolerances #like yeah it won't kill you if you show up and you can't eat anything but bread but it sucks to feel like you can't participate in #the communal activities people are coming together to do #and after a while it just makes you feel like no one gives a shit about your presence of feelings except to consider them an inconvenience #like again it won't kill me not to know what anyone's talking about but it makes me feel infantilized and like a nuisance #like oh cool for you that you get to decide for me if it's important #and how convenient that you always decide that my ability to participate is less important #than your right to avoid the GRUELING ordeal of repeating whatever the fuck you said #it makes me so mad sometimes because it's so thoughtless able-bodied people truly don't spend a single fucking moment #thinking about the experience of having a disability #and this is again the smallest and least malicious expression of that but it still makes me so irate #just getting that validation that i wasn't being fussy about nothing was such a relief that it made me want to cry #personal nonsense

[advisorsage]

I think I've fucked up

#i ranted to my girlfriend and i know she probably is just busy but my brain is screaming that i made her upset even though.. #my rant was about my own situation and how i feel about it and then i apologized for complaining at her and said that i wasn't supposed to #and I'm worried she thinks she's not supposed to complain to me when i just meant that i don't like telling people about my shit #and i know she said i could tell her and that she wants to support me but she and my boyfriend are my first relationships #and i don't want to fuck up and i think i have and i haven't told my boyfriend about my diagnosis yet #and I'm scared I'll complain at him too when i tell him and i don't care that he's told me i can and should complain to him #i don't want to saddle them with my complaints #and i called out of work because of how I'm feeling from my diagnosis and that's what i ranted to my girlfriend about #and i'm terrified she doesn't want to date me anymore because my reaction to being diagnosed with one more thing is so fucking pathetic #and i just need to cry and scream and throw up and i can't do any of those things and i feel like everyone except her is telling me #it's no big deal when it is a big deal and i don't think i got it through to my therapist and I'm just freaked out and i don't want to cling #and and and I'm just. i hate existing right now #i feel like i shouldn't do what i want to at home because i called out from work and i know that's stupid but i don't feel like i deserve #nice things right now despite needing them and I'm just so tired but not sleepy and i feel like I'm going to have a panic attack and #i can't even do anything about it! #fuck #i fucked myself over basically #anyway #drink water you heathens

[ssaalexblake]

honestly ppl being surprised that people outright and proudly proclaiming the a hiring of a female doctor is a disgrace Might Have An Agenda for widely spreading that her episodes are bad (from like. before they started even airing. let that be clear.) is like your parents watching fox news and them being shocked that the people running it stoking hatred towards certain groups might have An Agenda for doing so when you tell them about it.

This is like. Honestly funny up to a point. Gee Golly, the people open about their vicious hatred of women aren’t to be trusted as a quality guide or as a place of unbiased opinion on something to do with a woman??? I am Shocked. 

They poisoned the well. 

#dw shit #i teeter between intense judgement and just laughing at people tbh #the fact that the anti woman bs was tolerated as a valid opinion from the get go is where it went downhill fast #it was not and never will be a valid opinion #it's an acting job to play a species that can canonically change body in any configuration #also colin baker is a king among men and he's the only person i respect anymore. #i have never seen one of his episodes in my life but hell if i give a damn #love that guy #would like to shake his hand (except not for plague reasons) #the only correct response to all this was his shut the fuck up and get over it (paraphrased) #to all the whiny baby misogynists #you don't Cater to people like those #you tell them to get over themselves #tho i do also respect that chibbs just went and hired another woman to Also be doctor like i laughed over that for weeks #Also the correct response to crying man babies #oh you hate it??? have more! #i'll shut up eventually but today i am a dog with a bone #(mostly cuz my executive dysfunction is Bad rn and can't do anything better) #and also it's true

[binch-i-might-be]

supernatural season 2 episode 17 "heart": ABSOLUTE banger. usually I dislike werewolf narratives but this one had a couple genuinely good twists and it NAILED the emotional beats. and right after the last episode that was also an absolute banger.....

#the parallel of sam being asked to do what HE expects DEAN to do to him..... and refusing because he can't #dean offering to do it for him. because he's his big brother. and he'll do anything for him. except kill him #sam full on crying actually made me go 'aw :(' out loud. honestly he is kind of cinnamon role coded #he's just a baby..... (<- a year older than sam) #rayrambles

[acheronist]

i'm 🤏🏻 this close to throwing away a bunch of things in my parents house w/o asking or telling just so it's better for me to live here

#everything is mismatched. there is no aesthetic. everything looks bad. im going insane #they keep leaving for weeks and saying 'dont redecorate' BUT ITS SO BAD #and fucking. everything is blue. or teal. and dusty so it looks disgusting #like im over here about to cry because things could be so beautiful if they let me just have an ounce of control over the common spaces #but everythings messy and cluttered and no one cares about it except me and i can't do anything #to like change or fix those issues #LIFE IS ALREADY SO DEPRESSING CANT THE HOUSE LOOK NICE

[steakout-05]

eeuuaghh i would like everyone to know that i apologise if i have not responded to your reblogs/mentions/posts on tumblr, i have really terrible social anxiety and for some reason people talking to me makes my nervous system think i'm being hunted for sport by a resident evil boss. sorry if i havent responded i'm not being rude i'm just having a panic attack :P

additionally: social anxiety is actually the reason why a lot of my old posts from late 2022 had weird spacing and spelling mistakes. i was too anxious to type properly

#sorry this seems like a random thing to post but it has been bugging me for a little bit now and i want to post it #and by a little bit i mean the entire time i've been on this website #as for the reason i have social anxiety: i went to a really terrible high school full of dangerous people- #-who were literally like. the worst most bigoted people ever. not everyone there was bad of course but 90% of them were- #-and that stunted by social development by 5-6 years and now every time someone talks to me i feel like i'm about to get murdered #also primary school was. bad. the other kids could sniff out the autism in me and didn't like me for it #this post isn't directed towards anyone specifically but also it kinda is because there's a DM from someone- #-that i haven't responded to in literally 8 months and every time i think about it i get anxious #i'm sorry!!! i'm not trying to ignore you on purpose and i want to say something but my brain literally will not let me out of fear :( #i'm not used to getting talked to directly so every time i do my entire nervous system starts screaming and running in circles #it's kinda ridiculous because it's like. come on. why are you having a panic attack over a message on tumblr it's LITERALLY just words on- #-a screen what are you freaking out about. but also it's like hhhhh unfamiliar social situation scary. help. #unrelated to that but i am very worried about what people will think of me and like i know i really shouldn't worry about that- #-because i can't control what other people think of me and it really shouldn't be any of my or their business. but also- #-i have legitimate trauma that backs my fears up and every time someone is even slightly critical towards me my brain just goes- #-''see? it happened again i TOLD you it would happen again. idiot. you shouldn't have said anything'' #and then i hide and cry and lay in bed thinking about how i'm going to die until i suddenly snap out of it and think- #-''wait hang on why should i care. i love being a weirdo on the internet why should i let my anxieties stop me'' #and then it happens AGAIN and it's just a viscous cycle at that point #be silly on the internet -> detect slight criticism -> think everyone hates you again -> go back on your bullshit after 3 days of crying #and it makes sense because that exact same pattern happened to me countless times as a child. #be silly in school -> get made fun of for it -> get hated for it -> rinse and repeat until you think everyone is dangerous and they hate yo #if i could put it in a metaphor it would be like me being a little rabbit who thinks everyone is a scary wolf because of their big shadows- #-even though they're all also rabbits and i'm just paying attention to the scariest parts of them because i only know what wolves look like #trauma does fucked up things to your psyche lemmie tell you #social anxiety #anxiety disorder #i'm literally the ''too scared to order food'' stereotype except it's not a stereotype because it's real and every time i look at the 7/11- #-at my campus i go ''hm but what if they hate me for the food i buy there'' even though they're LITERALLY SELLING IT what is WRONG with me #anyway um. social anxiety sucks and i don't mean to not reply ro everyone who talks to me i am sorr y

[fala-alfredo-pasta]

Have you thought that. The sdr2 characters gave up their talent bc they use it for despair while they were brainwashed? Kaz gave up his love of machines

*ending theme of digital circus starts playing*

bruh that would be so sad

Like imagine Teruteru gave up cooking because he also lost his biggest driving force that made him want to to cook in the first place (his mom).

Or Mikan starts to doubt any and all of her medical knowledge because she doesn't trust herself as she did before in treating other peoples wounds and is afraid she'll only hurt them further.

Or Fuyu giving up being a yakuza.

Wait well....actually no that might be a good thing for him. That might be an improvement actually.

#bunpiry #danganronpa #ur kaz drawing made my heart cry ;0; pls hug him #idk much of anything about the digital circus except for the jester girl but yes #fala replies #a e i o queue #everyone else: figuring out what to do now that their biggest trait/purpose #is something that brings them shame and trauma #but still fighting the desire to do the thing they used to love #Fuyuhiko: man...guess I'm going to have to stop being part of a criminal organization #Hiyoko *bitter*: oh the tragedy poor baby whatever will you do now that you can't ruin peoples lives? #Fuyuhiko: okay first off fuck you #Nagito *apathetic to it all*: huh wonder what its like to be able to decide to just not have a talent...must be nice... #Hiyoko: we get it your life is an ongoing tragedy goddamn

[transgenderfivepebbles]

Malkuth Floor Realization is going to kill me, in every way

#ramblings #ruina liveblogging #spoilers ahead -> #UE UE UE THE VOICE ACTING IN THE FLASHBACK I AM GOING TO DIE A MILLION DEATHS #ANGELA MY BELOVED.. SHE SOUNDS SO INNOCENT. LIKE A LITTLE GIRL #AND. AND BENJAMIN AND AYIN. SOUND OF CRYING #weeugh the way benj just. wants her to know that despite everything she is still loved at least by someone #he knows the horrors she'll face. he knows how cruel ayin will be to her. and he CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!!! #EXCEPT LOVE HER FOR WHAT LITTLE TIME HE HAS!!!!!! #I HAVE DIED! BADLY!! #five minutes later malkuth decides Violence Is The Question And The Answer Is Yes. i support her #i've also gotten deleted by angela twice now though. i've had to write down my damage values for wingbeat phase #this game does pale damage to me #it's so annoying. i hate it. it's the best twelve dollars i've ever spent

[bibiana112]

I'm going to draw wktd fanart (to cope with a highly specific situation) while I still have the time for it (looming employment) and that is a promise to myself (I probably have something else I said I'd work on but whatever)

#I strt at the end of the month and I'm #I'm not even gonna say I'm scared I'm not I'm just not quite excited either? I'll pull through #and hopefully eat better and be able to buy fun things thaNK FUCK #however also taxes. I am not looking forward to taxes #like it's literally an ideal position if I don't manage it for whatever reason that'll be uh. something big for me to find out limits wise #but it's whatever I'm curious and I gotta try #and like I said god I'll be so happy to be able to afford hyper specific autism approved food that's gonna make everything so much easier #oh also the hyper specific situation? don't worry about it. just know I'm going to cry into whatever I draw for that game atm #I mentioned it in the post I made about it these days I literally skimmed through lines of one of the endings and immediately cried a single #Annoying tear. I feel like I don't cry about life things as much as would be healthy to and when I do I don't cry right #so I just get so annoyed at these sudden single tear moments when I'm not even putting effort into anything they just leak out #because something on a screen hit too close to home in an instant but I can't even properly Feel it because I'm focused on something else #and the thing in question has well been Acknowledged and rendered Irrelevant #it's not satisfying like crying for being engrossed on a story and/or characters and I absolutely hate how idk picturesque? it feels #people criticize drawing crying with a pretty single tear all the time it feels so fake and forced to fit the medium in a way that's still #appealing and consumable but I'm just a person with depersonalization issues. reverse derealization. everything's real except me #anyways I wasn't spiraling I will continue to not spiral about that at this moment but that's constantly there in my brain #and I'm going to draw the body horror lesbian polycule about it #Void fala aí #oh yeah I promised field sib content uh I can easily do that as a warm-up on a work day obviously pfft #''end of the month'' she's so pretentious you mean next week