Title: and I'm your best friend (but your a killer)
Ship: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
[A/N this was meant to be a short one shot and then I got carried away lol)
The last thing Natasha wanted to do was bother you, not after you had done so much for her and she was always disappearing under the guise of work. Despite that, she was knocking one your door with bruised knuckles and a small duffle slung over her shoulder that felt heavier than it should.
Slowly, the door opened and she was met with your face that was pinched with worry. You furrowed your brows at her, and despite the unusual time you appeared wide awake.
"Natalia," unlike all the other times Natasha had met you, your voice curt, "What's up?" Normally you would let her in without question and have her sit down while you made tea or hot cocoa.
"I need a place to stay," her mouth managed to form.
"Look-," glancing back inside with a sigh, your fingers twisted around the door handle tightly, "I don't know if I-"
"Please, I'll be gone by morning," she cut in, her body begging to rest. There was no where to else to go for her, with SHIELD down she had no base.
SHIELD had been her base, the closet thing to home - not that she ever stung around somewhere long enough to develop a home. But all her belongings, other than a few at a couple safehouses, where gone. Her apartment on base was gone. Sam's house was most likely not undisclosed information anymore and she couldn't go with Steve, he was never good at espionage.
You pressed your lips together in thought, face more taught and worried than it had ever been.
"Fine."
The door was widened slightly to let her in and Natasha stumbled into the apartment, her legs carrying her over to flop on the couch where she usually slept. You had bought a pull out for her years ago when she continued to crash at your place time after time.
You entered the area holding a white box stamped with a white cross. Uncharacteristically silent you sat on the coffee table across from her, quietly mumbling for her to remove her shirt. Bandaging her wounds, your hands worked with an unfamiliar harshness. Whenever she came to you with wounds, you never asked questions accepting the answer from the one time where she told you she worked as a security guard.
Tugging harshly at a wound around her bicep you tore the end of the bandage off before slapping another onto her cheek. She scratched at the irritable , itchy material against her cheek, watching as you left the room for a moment.
Her eyes wandered from the hallway you retreated to towards the desk sitting in the corner of the room. Against her gut telling her not to, Natasha peeked at the open computer emitting a soft light. Pulled up in a google chrome browser were some of the files she had released, files on her. You had read the files.
In her 8 years of knowing you, Natasha never once told you about her past. She let you know her as the redhead who spilled coffee in the middle of a cafe. You had grown to know her as the woman who mysteriously showed up at your house with cuts littering her face. Her impression on you was as an adult who worked as a security guard and didn't have a family to go to.
She re-used her old name when around you. When she became an avenger, you didn't question how she looked like a female superhero on TV - it was a blessing Natasha had managed to mostly avoid the cameras.
But now you knew. You were everything she wasn't, Natasha didn't you to know about her life that was dripping with blood. Your eyes sparkled bright and smiled shimmered in contrast to her dark shadows. It was a secret she kept close to her chest, but it was out the window now.
Re-entering the room you followed her eye line to the computer, your lips twisting further downward. Natasha opened her mouth to speak in her defense, but you cut her off.
"Where you ever going to tell me? Or were you going to leave me in the dark Natalia? Or is it Natasha? Or Natalie Rushman? Nadia Vostokoff?"
Tears brimmed your eyes as you spoke, your voice cracking at the end.
"Y/N I was going to tell you, but you-" Natasha began, her voice surprisingly strong despite her stomach twisting into knots.
"I what? I was too innocent? Too oblivious? I'm not a fucking child Natalia! I deserved to know!" The clothes you had been carrying for her dropped to floor silently as you threw your hands up in frustration, "I deserved to know." your voice was quieter, a broken whisper as you repeated your statement.
For once in her life Natasha was at a loss for words. You had never acted out like this before, usually calm and quiet.
You took her stunned silence as a que to keep going, "I deserved to know my best friend had done all that," your hand flailed towards the computer, "You should have fucking told me!"
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish before she schooled her face and forced her mouth and brain to form coherent sentences, "I know."
"If you know then why didn't I?" you said.
"It never came up," Natasha shrugged, reverting back to her roots of diverting the conversation, "Can we talk about it in the morning? Please?" She gave you those wide eyes that always worked, and it seemed you knew she was manipulating you but regardless you sighed and plucked the clothes off the ground.
Crossing the room in a few short strides you dropped the clothes into her lap, the smell of your perfume flooding her nose. Without another word you stalked to your bedroom, heavy footsteps echoing with anger.
<__________>
Natasha was gone early the next morning without giving you a chance to talk to her about it. It was clear she wasn't welcome there anymore. Neatly, she had folded the clothes and set them on the counter with a note.
I'm sorry I never told you. I'll be out of your hair now.
-N.A
Her heart throbbed painfully and there was a twinge in her abdomen as she snuck out the window into the alley behind your house, the gravel crunching beneath her feet. There were only a few places she could go now. The Senate would most likely want her to give a statement, and despite that being the last thing she wanted to do, Natasha knew it would happen eventually.
Sure enough, the next when watching the news - the Senate was announcing that they wanted to know her where abouts so they could have her give a statement. Reluctantly, but hopeful for a chance to potentially clear her name, Natasha gave the stupid statement and walked off with a bang.
Tony approached her after that, pulling up outside with one of his fancy cars and acted like he was picking her up. Happy greeted her with a nod and pinched brows as he opened the door to the car. She slipped in, her heels nearly catching on the rim of the door. Sliding his classes down, Tony turned to face her with a wide grin.
"There's my favorite Russian Assassin," Natasha ignored the way her stomach churned at those words and focused on the car moving and the flashes outside, "So, I know that you need some where to go know and since I have a bunch of space leftover, you wanna stay at the tower? It'll be like old times."
Nothing ever came for free with Tony, but Natasha caught the caring glint in his eye and knew he just wanted to help. Grudging, she nodded her head - much to Tony's amusement as he grinned and slung an arm over her shoulder. She shrugged him off with a hard stare.
Life at the tower had been fine - Turns out Tony offered residence to Steve and Maria as well so they were both residing there (According to Maria she was merely working there, but Natasha had a suspicion Tony let her stay because of their minimal friendship). Bruce resided there. Natasha took one look at him, at his messy graying hair, dark eyebags and decided he would be an easy way to forget everything. Throughout that time she took up to flirting with the man. The usual enjoyment she got when she playfully flirted with you was not present when she did so with Bruce.
Over time, she kept tabs on you - watching as you moved out into the country and bought yourself a house and a truck.
Which led her to where she was now, knocking on your doorstep once more as Clint held her upright and the rest of the Avengers stood clustered behind her. Ultron did a number on them and it was reasonable Clint didn't want to bring everyone to the farmhouse. Despite not seeing you for a year, Natasha silently hoped you would help.
The door opened slowly, the movement conveying hesitance, and your tired face stared back. Dark bags half-circled your eyes and your hair was disheveled. A baggy shirt dangled off your right shoulder - which you righted once you caught sight of the group in front of you.
"Natalia?" the name was unwelcome at the time, but Natasha couldn't care to correct you, "Wha-?"
"Please, I know I said I'll be out of your hair, but we have no where else to go."
You exhale slowly, taking stock of the group before scrunching your nose and letting them in. Natasha barely missed tripping over a cat as she entered - a calico cat who bounded after you with excited meows. Scooping it up in your arms with a soft coo, you turned to face the group.
"Sorry about the mess," your eyes scanned over the group, entirely missing Natasha, "I never have anyone over so," a helpless shrug of your shoulders, "You guys can wash up upstairs, bathroom is first door the your right and there's an extra bedroom with another bathroom at the end of the hall. I'll make some dinner."
Natasha avoided you the entire time and they were gone the next morning.
<_________>
The next time she knocked on your doorstep was bruised and bloodied and with three companions. Yelena groaned behind her, the sound impatient and ready to rest.
"Sestra, is this person going to open the door or not?"
"Give her a minute Yelena, it's the middle of the night."
Eventually she knocked again, her bruised knuckles rapping against the door and a dog's bark echoing behind the door. Melina sighed impatiently behind her and Alexei let out an annoyed groan of exaggerated pain. When the rest of the group seemed ready to leave, even though Natasha knew you would answer the door (You always did), the door swung open - a dog's insistent barking still echoing through the house.
You looked worse than before with your eye bags deeper and skin paler. Sunken in cheekbones made you look like you were dying and your hair was messier than ever. Squinting your eyes you gently shoved the dog back into the house and stepped outside, closing the door.
"Natalia? What are you doing here?" your voice was scratchier than last time.
"We- um, we need a place to stay."
For a moment it looked like you would turn her away with the way your nose crinkled and eye brows pinched together with a sharp exhale. Thinking it over, you let them in with a tired sigh. Natasha took in the place, nearly the same as before aside from a few extra Monster cans littering the counter next to an open computer and dirty coffee cups lying around on a coffee table in the sitting room. You led them over there, having them all sit on the couch before flicking on a light.
"Alright," you placed your hands on your hips, a familiar sight, "I don't need to know who you are. There are two bedrooms upstairs, plus a blowup mattress in one of them, and the couch is a pullout. Split it up however you want, I don't really care. There should be some food in the fridge if your hungry," after giving them a once over once more you closed your eyes briefly and groaned, "You guys don't have a change of clothes do you? Fine, I'll be right back."
Before any of them could protest you were slipping on a pair of shoes by the door and snatching a pair of keys off the counter, the dog barking at you as you headed towards the door. Natasha caught the barest hint of a smile on your face you led the dog out the door to join you on your midnight errand.
"Who is that?" Yelena asked, her accent thick.
"....A friend," Natasha replied hesitantly, plucking at her suit, "We shouldn't stay here long."
Melina eyed her suspiciously.
"A friend?" Alexei guffawed, "Natasha she did not seem like your friend!" His loud voice echoed through the house.
"You three can have the upstairs rooms, I'll take the couch," Natasha ignored her fake father and ushered them all off the couch while she pulled out the couch. It snapped open with a pop and she found a fluffy blanket buried in a basket next to the couch.
Yelena was the only one remaining in the room, her skeptical gaze resting on Natasha.
"What Yelena?"
The blonde shrunk in on herself slightly at the harsh tone and Natasha forced herself to calm a little.
"Who is she?" she repeated her earlier question, this time with more persistence than before.
"A friend."
"Natasha, she did not seem to like you."
Natasha gave a one-shouldered shrug, aiming for indifference, but Yelena was a trained widow - trained to spot emotions even if you didn't want her to. She plopped down on the couch, her arms splayed out and peering up at Natasha with puppy-dog eyes, the one's the redhead often used on you.
"Please?"
Natasha huffed at her childish behavior, shoving Yelena off, "We had a falling out. She doesn't really like me anymore."
A thud echoed upstairs and Natasha's head snapped up before she raced up the stairs and burst into the first room. Alexei sat on the ground under Melina's patronizing stare. A cat - the same Calico as before - sat in front of them, it's back to the door. The creature meowed, inching forward towards the man on the floor who gave a shout and stood up, scrambling backwards. When Yelena entered and caught sight of the scene she burst out laughing.
"Are you scared of a котенок (cat)?" she asked teasingly, Russian accent even clearer through her amusement.
"That is a spawn of hell!" Alexei tried to defend himself.
In what Natasha assumed was an attempt to regain some of his pride Alexei aimed a small kick at the cat as it neared closer. The animal would have gotten launched into the wall had Natasha not scooped it up into her arms, ignoring the way the creature instantly burrowed into her.
"Alexei!" she screeched, "How do you think Y/N would react if you launched her cat into the wall!"
The man gave a sheepish shrug but still lifted his chin with pride. Yelena gave a shout of triumph next to her, pumping her fist into the air.
"What?"
"You gave me her name!" Yelena crowed, a bright grin on her face.
Smacking her fist on her forehead, the cat jumping out of her arms at the same time, Natasha groaned at Yelena's childish nature. She had given the blonde your name, which basically meant giving her your entire life story, but she figured Yelena would figure it out sooner or later.
You returned not soon after the cat incident, in that time Natasha had dug out Mac and Cheese from the pantry to cook for them, much to Yelena and Alexei's excitement. The cat, who she still didn't have a name for, paced around her feet, purring.
The crinkling of plastic bags alerted everyone of your return, and the sound of dog paws scrapping against the floor.
"Bosco! No! C'mon, crate!" She turned her head to see your arms full of plastic bags - Walmart bags - as you herded the dog towards a wooden crate sitting in the corner.
The dog promptly sat on it's rump, staring up at you with pleading eyes. You sighed and gave a shake of your head with a soft smile, "No, crate."
With a pitiful whine the dog turned and sulked to its crate, giving you sad eyes all the while. Once you had secured the dog you turned back into the kitchen, prompting Yelena to stop snooping through your computer and you set the bags on the counter.
"Ok," you pulled a can of monsters and some candy out of one bag before retrieving some basic groceries - milk, cheese, ham, bread, pasta - out of another, "I got you some clothes," you lobbed a bag at Alexie's head and slid another over to Melina, "Those two are for you, I wasn't sure what size Mr. Super Soldier over there needed," despite it being a joke Alexei preened at your comment, "and I took a god guess for the rest of you. Go get changed, I'll see if I can salvage Natalia's attempt at Mac and Cheese."
The redhead turned panicked towards her pot of water, it looked fine, but she had never the best at cooking. When the rest left the room Natasha hesitated, lingering in the entrance of the kitchen as you stirred the pot.
"What do you want Natalia?" turning around you leaned on the counter, arms crossed.
She wanted to know if you were ok. How you were doing. Why you looked so tired. If everything was well. What were your pet's names.
Instead she blurted, "Are you mad at me?"
You blinked owlishly at her for a moment before a sad chuckle left your throat, "Yeah, a little."
"Why?"
"Why?" you parroted, your eyebrows crinkling, "because I found out my best friend was a killer, and then when she promised to explain she left! Then you show up a year later with the Avengers, on my doorstep. Which I still have no idea how you found me. And then you don't visit at all after that before showing up with whoever those people are! Natalia I can't just be the person you come to when you need a place to hide, I have my own life!"
"Really?" she raised a brow, stepping closer, "because all I see is a broken girl. Have you seen yourself lately? You look half-dead. I wouldn't call that a life."
You scoffed, "Sorry that I'm going through some hardships right now with no one to turn to."
"Well it's not like you bothered to contact me either!" she exploded, her hands clenched into fists, "You think I didn't want to talk to you? Come here and have it be like old times where we had sleepovers that we were probably too old for?"
Both of you ignored the way the pot started bubbling over behind you, rather you took a step forward, chin tilted upwards. There was a staring contest between the two of you, a battle of wills. There had been fights between both of you before, one's that always ended like this - one's that Natasha always won.
Your lips started quivering and tears gathered in your eyes, but you held strong staring back at her defiantly. Natasha reached her hand up to brush away a tear that slid down your cheek but you slapped her hand away. Tension crackled in the air as you swallowed thickly and your bottom lips trembled more. A small sniffle escaped you and Natasha's heart broke at your obvious pain. You always hated confrontation, taking care to avoid it.
"Y/N," she reached a hand up to cup your cheek, pulling it back when you flinched.
Your head dipped down, "I have cancer Natalia," you whispered, the words nothing more than broken sounds.
Going from defiant to sad gave her whiplash but Natasha stared at you stunned, and suddenly your frail appearance made sense. The sunken in cheekbones, pale skin, shaky movements, the way your long-sleeve shirt clung to your bony arms.
"You what?"
"I have cancer," you repeated, continuing on her raised eyebrow, "breast cancer. Stage 4. Doctor didn't give me long to live."
She was at a loss for words. What were you supposed to say to someone who told you they had cancer? Once more she reached for your cheek, gently cupping it when you didn't pull away. You leaned into her touch, albeit hesitantly. Your eyes slipped closed.
Slowly Natsha leaned in, your lips millimeters from yours and she could hear your ragged breathing. She stared down her nose at your lips before gently pressing a kiss onto them. Your eyes snapped open, wide and disbelieving, but you didn't pull away - rather pressing in further. Her hands moved to your hips as she deepened the kiss. Your lips were soft, as she always had imagined, and she caught a whiff of your gentle perfume.
You pulled away first with a dopey smile on your face, "I've wanted to do that for a while."
"Me too," she whispered.
An un-lady like snort escaped you, "With the way you were looking at Banner last time?"
She twisted her lips, "Don't ruin the mood."
You let out a little laugh, the sound soft and angelic to her ears. She leaned in for another kiss and you were about to meet her halfway before a loud voice interrupted the moment.
"A friend!" Alexei exclaimed, "I see you were lying Natasha!"
You jumped away from her, much to Natasha's dismay, with a rosy blush on your pale cheeks.
"Alexei!" Natasha hissed, "Leave her be."
"Aww," Yelena cooed from behind him, her blonde hair let down and flowing past her shoulders, "Natasha has a girlfriend."
Your fiery blush was a welcome sight accompanied by your embarrassed laugh.
<__________>
Everything didn't go back to normal after that. The argument that had been going on for years was not shoved under rug. You had ended up confronting her about the next morning.
"Natali- Natasha," you fiddled with the sleeves of your shirt, "Can we talk?"
Internally Natasha cooed at your shyness before nodding and following you out the backdoor, greeted by the sound chickens.
"Look, I know that last night it might have seemed like we shoved it under the rug but I still wanted to talk about a few years ago. Because I deserved to know, y'know? And-" your voice cracked a little in the middle of your rambling as your face tilted downward, "And I was hurt. You were my best friend but it turns out you were lying to me all that time and then I had to find out through the internet. Natasha that- that hurt and-"
She placed her hands on your waist, effectively cutting you off and leaned in to give you a kiss, startled when you shoved her backwards.
"No," your voice was firm despite the small tremble in it, "You are not kissing your way out of this."
Natasha huffed, mainly frustrated at herself for reverting back to an old tactic before crossing her arms. Then uncrossing them, recrossing them, before eventually letting them drop to her side.
"Look- Y/N I wanted to tell you I did," she raised a finger at your raised eyebrow and open mouth, "No. Let me talk. I was going to tell you, but you were so...you were everything I wasn't. You were sweet and kind and caring and oh so innocent and I didn't want to ruin that. You were one of the first people to really care for me in a long while and selfishly I didn't want that to change."
"I didn't care that you had done all those things Natasha," unconsciously you pulled your arms around your waist, "I cared that you didn't trust me enough to tell me."
"I did trust you," she stepped closer, gently grabbing your hands in hers - ignoring the way you tried to pull away before taking a deep breath, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
She released one of your hands to cup your chin, gently tilting your head up. Your beautiful eyes were rimmed with tears and your bottom lip stuck out in a small pout. Tugging you towards her, you buriedyour face in Natasha's neck.
"We good now?" she whispered.
"Yeah."
Natasha held like that for a moment, awkwardly rubbing her hand up and down your back.
"You still have to explain the people in house though Natalia."
<________>
They were gone.
Wanda, Bucky - all of them. They just went poof. The News was calling it The Blip, some calling it The Decimation. Half the population of the world was gone. She stripped her suit, the thing covered in dirt, and stepped into the cold shower, letting the water run over her bruised body.
All she wanted was to wash up and return home to you. In the past years, she had taken to moving in with you - after finding Steve and Sam and freeing Wanda. You had welcomed the other's into the house as well and your place became somewhat of a home base for them. When Steve and the other's weren't there, Yelena used the place a base to house widows or as a rest stop.
Natasha took up residence permanently there and it was the best part of her life. She loved spending that quality time with you and wanted nothing more than to fly home and snuggle up with you in your bed and watch movies.
The only downside was your cancer wasn't getting any better. Natasha shivered, and not from the cold water, as she stepped out. You got worse every day put still put on a brave smile for her and gave life your all.
She glanced at her phone when a new notification popped, the message an unknown number. No one had her number aside from you, her family, and the avengers. Hesitantly she opened the message, giving it a once over. She read it again. And again. And a fourth time before dropping to her knees, a sob building in her throat.
We are sorry to inform you Ms. L/N has unfortunately passed away due to stage 5 breast cancer.
While part of her was touched that she was your emergency contact the information broke her. You were gone. You were gone and she wasn't there for you. Natasha promised she wasn't going to do as much superhero stuff, spend time with you instead, and the one time she was gone you died.
Natasha cupped her hand over her mouth when she got another message pop up, this one from a Yelena's phone.
This is Ana, a widow Yelena was planning to free. She got blipped.
The sob nearly tore it's way out of her throat as she blinked back tears. This is why she wasn't supposed to care. She wasn't supposed to love. She wasn't supposed to feel. But Natasha Romanoff learned to feel and care and love and it had broke her.
Natalia Romanova may not have cried, but Natasha Romanoff did and she had just lost nearly everyone that mattered.
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