#I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself

[verdantcrimson]

Kanna Natsu Idol Story - 1

Written by: Akira

Season: Spring

TL: verdantcrimson

(Unproofread)

[Two years since ES was established. In a corridor of an ES building leading to the Starpro office]

Kanna: Thank you very much for helping me, Miss Anzu.

Kanna: As you can see, I am a child, so escaping from a situation where I am surrounded by a crowd of people is difficult.

Kanna: Though, if I had used my head, I think I might have been able to escape, call for help, and have my pursuers apprehended.

Kanna: But using my brain on those people is a total hassle.

Kanna: A complete, and total, hassle.

Kanna: … Yes? No, I’m not lost. 

Kanna: So you’re the type of person that judges people based on their appearance, right.

Kanna: No, I’m not criticizing you. Just categorizing.

Kanna: I find talking to other people to be a hassle.

Kanna: Ideally, I would like to be able to have a conversation by categorizing people as much as I can, and then only using a fixed set of phrases that correspond to that category.

Kanna: I want to have conversations using only a set of standardized phrases, like: “For sure”, “Maybe”, “That’s nice”, and the like.

Kanna: A computer could do that. It could handle things with just some numbers and a program.

Kanna: Why can’t the same method of operation work for humans?

Kanna: Ah, It’s okay. I wasn’t actually looking for an answer. It was just a question I asked myself, and presented.

Kanna: Please don’t worry. I will think for myself and find the answers to all of my questions.

Kanna: Yes. I have no expectations of you, or anyone else.

Kanna: Now, if you would excuse me. And really, thank you very much for helping me out just now.

Kanna: … Hm. Yes, what is it?

Kanna: Quite the annoyance you—

Kanna: Aren’t. Yes, yes, how can I help you?

Kanna: Yes. No, I’m affiliated with ES.

Kanna: I’m Kanna Natsu, and I’ve recently begun working as an idol here.

Kanna: Yes. People say that I’m like a stray cat that can’t quite get used to humans. It means I am ‘Natsu Kanna-ected’ with and don’t miss other people. Quite interesting, right?

Kanna: Would it be better if I had laughed? But that would be a hassle.

Kanna: I think my life would be much easier if I at least learned to smile politely, but that really is such a hassle.

Kanna: Yes. Ah, you know about me? I thought so too.

Kanna: I have long since concluded that I am like an exotic creature that has a tendency to make the headlines of newspapers and magazines.

Kanna: The people pursuing me earlier were magazine reporters that have been following me around recently.

Kanna: The entertainment industry is a world where you could throw a stone into the crowd and hit a genius, quite literally, so I didn’t see the need to bring it up.

Kanna: When humans see something behaving oddly, it’s surprising and interesting to them, it seems.

Kanna: That sort of sensibility, I envy it.

Kanna: Ah, I wasn’t being sarcastic. I honestly envy it. It’s quite tedious to have to add a note clarifying my intent at the end of each and every sentence.

Kanna: Hm. Eh? You’re asking me if I’m a celebrity…?

Kanna: So you only knew who I was because of me being a new idol, Miss Anzu? You remember seeing my name and face on the roster?

Kanna: I get it. Yes, you are that kind of person. I understand now.

Kanna: So. It seems I have overestimated my importance.

Kanna: That’s right. There are people who don’t know who I am. Heh.

Kanna: Ah, that was my first laugh in fifteen days. Tomorrow, my facial muscles are going to be sore.

Kanna: Thank you very much. I was able to have a rare experience.

Kanna: …Hm? Yes, anything else?

Kanna: I am an ES affiliated idol, so you should know that it isn’t out of the ordinary for me to be walking around here.

Kanna: Do you not understand this? It would be a hassle if you didn’t.

Kanna: Hm. So you thought that there might still be reporters remaining around the area? You thought to call for security, just in case?

Kanna: ……

Kanna: “A kind and gentle person”, “A respectable member of society”, “A very noble, goddess-like person”.

Kanna: Of these three, which do you prefer?

Kanna: I would like to present you with an evaluation. Because I appreciate your concern, and your words are commendable.

Kanna: However. I am inexperienced at communicating with people, so I don’t know which words would be most touching.

Kanna: That is why, I would like you to pick what words I should give you.

Kanna: That is all. ...Is that wrong of me to do?

#Kanna Natsu

[butch-reidentified]

if you think agp is a thing(and presumably exclusive to trans women) what do you think of cis women claiming to masturbate in front of mirrors and CIA women who report being aroused by breastfeeding?

literally every single answer to these questions is available on my blog. I'm tired of writing the same posts over and over and over. if you can't find sufficient answers scrolling my blog, searching key words on my blog (or on google citing my blog, which yields better results oftentimes), going through the links in my pinned, or checking the tags referenced in my pinned, then I'd say if it's reeeeally important to you to get answers, your best bet will be to sit tight and occasionally check for updates to my Pinned as I am gradually adding more and more links detailing my views, and/or skim my blog from time to time - it's pretty much guaranteed to cycle through again within a month at most 🤷

I was actually gonna put a partial (that is to say, just not my usual thorough, detailed, and nuanced) answer at the beginning, but honestly I'm getting VERY tired of anonymous strangers who most likely just stumbled across my blog for the first time today thinking they're entitled to a personalized thinkpiece from me when almost every time I get an ask like this (which are distinctly different from good faith curiosities, which I'm more than happy to answer), I've already posted my answer, I've already written about the subject in depth on my blog. so I'll put my answer below instead so you have to read all of the above first, so you at least sort of vaguely kinda earn some response by putting in a miniscule fraction of the work/time I've put into both reading/informing myself about all sorts of different opinions, ideologies, experiences, perspectives, and views (rather than just demanding opinions from strangers on anon, lmao) and writing countless posts (& that's just on here, ignoring the offline side which is where I'm wayyy more active), which are almost always VERY long and detailed and proofread and edited and polished several times over.

btw, kind of a side note -- I have NEVER sent a single anon in my life, and I have NEVER, anonymously or not, demanded someone give me a personalized just-for-me explanation of their opinions (or any at all). the reason I call this entitlement is because you (most likely) aren't asking out of genuine curiosity or good faith. you (most likely) are asking because you dislike what you think my views are (you are most likely misinformed and think I believe things I do not) and you (most likely) think this is some kind of gotcha rather than the same ignorant, unoriginal, boring ass points that I've read countless times as far back as when I was a transactivist and trans-identifying myself. they've been debunked/responded to by a LOT of other women, too, and I'm very confident you could easily find at least one such response. I'm not holding you to a standard I don't also hold myself to; in fact, that I'm going to give you any degree of actual answer at all is demonstrative of my holding myself to a HIGHER standard. because again, nothing I'm about to say on this topic is just now in this post being born into the universe as a novel thought. or even a novel tumblr post; like I said, you could find the radfem answers to this ask yourself with just a tiny bit of effort - and while radfems are far from a monolith, and I am a frequent vocal dissenter on a variety of radblr hot topics, this isn't even really a matter of opinion. read on to find out why.

Part A - Not answering the questions here per se, but a clarification of terminology that may help you (any reader, not necessarily anon) see my perspective:

The word "cis" has different definitions. It used to mean someone who is not trans, whereas trans referred to sex-dysphoric transitioners, a demographic who now often prefer terms like transsexual or transsex or simply "sex-dysphoric" BECAUSE they don't agree with gender identity ideology (GII) and object to the way GII has been actively hostile to them and erased transsexuality (and thus their identities, needs, beliefs, and experiences as well), similarly to the ways in which GII engages with pretty much everything that isn't complete and total blind allegiance. These include but are far from limited to:

1. Obfuscating people's (especially children's/young adults' - as they are the primary consumers of most GII content by far) understanding of biology, particularly as it pertains to the sexes of human beings and sexual dimorphism, and inserting "gender identity" as a direct (but importantly not synonymous or remotely parallel) replacement for the material and biological reality of sex. Sex, absent patriarchy and the gender construct, is simply a neutral and factual categorization of human beings: sex categorizes human body types according to the two developmental pathways that evolved solely for the purpose of producing one gamete type or the other to enable perpetuation of the species via sexual reproduction. What this statement does NOT imply to anyone reading it with even an ounce of integrity/intellectual honesty: "women are defined by having babies," "infertile/childfree adult female humans are not women," "humans with anomalous sexual development of any variety are not male or female, but rather a 3rd sex or even proof sex is a spectrum," or anything along these lines; I refer to these arguments as intellectually dishonest because they are originally intentional (disinformation -> misinformation) misinterpretations & serve to moralize, dogmatize, and essentially theologize facts of nature.

This obfuscation of biology is committed via a variety of tactics that frequently include outright gaslighting; "gender and sex are different" turned into "sex is actually a spectrum" (it's not - read on to learn why not!) and then outright science denial while gaslighting others as being the unscientific, uneducated, "3rd grade understanding of biology" ones (again, this is simply factually not true*).

*Feel free to request to see a peer-reviewed neuroscience journal publication bearing my name and/or my thesis (original research regarding the overlapping genetics + epigenetics of norepinephrine dysregulation in both dysautonomia and attention deficit disorders) if you are skeptical of my credentials regarding biology. alternatively, feel free to cite your sources and I will provide a free-of-charge peer review service :)

2. Building from #1, the erasure of patriarchal sex-based oppression of women & girls (by definition: human beings of the female sex, adults & children respectively) via aforementioned tactics obfuscating sex biology & human biology in favor of an innate, internal "gender identity" which is extremely poorly defined with the individual "gender identities" themselves left utterly non-delineated. Gender identity ideology is to be taken entirely on pure faith, despite the fact that there is absolutely no evidence to support gender identity as a universal component of human beings/universal human experience. In fact, the existence of absolutely any nonzero quantity of human beings who do not experience gender identity firmly disproves it as universal human experience - and we know not all humans have a gender identity. However, every human being experiences sexual development, be it typical, disordered (DSDs, congenital infertility, etc), or otherwise anomalous; the vast majority experience typical sexual development, and one's sex is entirely clear in the vast majority of atypical cases as well. Female humans are oppressed on the basis of our biological reproductive capabilities; patriarchy desires control over the female sex as a direct product of its desire to control reproduction. Patriarchy created the gender construct to instill and enforce a caste system between the sexes upholding the patriarchal dogma of male supremacy and female inferiority. Similarly, patriarchy created father-gods in order to make the creation of life a male act. Erasure of sex in favor of the gender construct serves male supremacy and cannot ever be anti-patriarchal or feminist. Evidence of sex based oppression abounds offline (frankly, you need look no further than menstruation stigma in all its forms up to and including menstrual huts, but there is infinitely more evidence) and right here on my blog as well; I even have some posts tagged to serve as proof of sex based oppression.

3. Erasing homosexuality via working toward erasure of exclusive same-sex attraction (this is particularly targeted at lesbians, and this is VERY well documented. I have many examples of this in my TRA Receipts tag, including a particularly excellent masterpost containing, in total iirc THOUSANDS of screenshots), once again replacing sex with "gender identity" as if one's orientation being defined as attraction to another human's invisible, internal, and highly individual "gender identity," which not all humans even purport to have in the first place, could possibly make any sense. This is uniquely absurd.

As stated in the 2nd link in #1 on my Pinned, I object to the usage of "cis" for non-trans-identifying people. Why? At the core of it, because the most commonplace definition of "cis"/'cisgender" that I see at this point in time is "having a gender identity that aligns with what was assigned at birth." As stated above, gender identity is not universal, rendering "cisgender" equally as personal and internal of an identity label as "transgender" - and these are not a pure dichotomy by any means. Radical feminism does not grant any degree of objective factual legitimacy to the gender construct; thus, no radical feminist is or can be, by definition, transgender or cisgender (this does not carry over to whether or not radfems can have dysphoria or even be medically transitioned). Radfems are not the only humans without "gender identities," and it is dishonest and disrespectful to force the term/label onto everyone else according to an ideology we/they may not share.

Part B - The Long-Awaited Answer! [I changed my mind since this ended up significantly longer than initially planned so here ya go]

Autogynephilia was coined as a term with a specific definition. That definition is still the same one in use today. That definition explicitly states that only males can qualify. That definition is: "a paraphilia that describes when a man experiences sexual arousal from the thought of himself as a woman" per Google, and "a male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a female" per Blanchard's original stated intention for the term he created. Wikipedia goes on to add "intending for the term to refer to 'the full gamut of erotically arousing cross-gender behaviors and fantasies.'"

I have many criticisms of Blanchard himself and of the quality of his research methodologies. However, the evidence for the existence of the paraphilia itself is abundant and undeniable given that many males outright refer to themselves as autogynephiles and many have openly discussed their experiences as someone with this paraphilia. What I do not believe is that all trans-identifying males are AGPs, that there is proven legitimacy to the HSTS/AGP dichotomy (even Blanchard himself said not all OSA trans-identifying males are AGPs - just a whole lot of them), or that non-trans-identifying males can't be AGPs - actually I think it's likely that most AGPs don't identify as transgender.

The core of the paraphilia, the source of the arousal, is a product of the patriarchal sex caste system; autogynephiles are aroused by the idea of themselves as women - as they themselves have stated - because of the sexual objectification of femaleness and/or because they're aroused by degradation and humiliation (as is blatantly obviously on brilliant display in the existence of and obsession with "forced feminization" and similar female-degrading sexual concepts), and the AGP male views femaleness and the gender that patriarchy has forcibly ascribed to femaleness ("femininity") as inferior and thus sees his engagement in performing femininity as degrading - which in turn sexually excites him.

One reason some women find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states is the same as when men find themselves arousing in their own bodies and natural non-performative states: self-confidence increases libido and associations can be made between A and B. Where women and men inevitably differ, however, is about the arousal surrounding performing femininity and/or sexual self-objectification. It is not at all unreasonable to speculate that some women can be turned on when they "feel hot" for a reason other than just self-confidence; for one speculative example, it's possible that some women may see herself in the mirror all dressed up in hypersexualized clothing and feel that they've succeeded in mirroring the pornified images and sexually-appealing-to-males beauty expectations. Ultimately, this is self-objectification. It's patriarchy and the male gaze that have forced these associations onto all of society, and hypersexual associations have a tendency of causing sexual arousal in people (duh).

Oh and I've never heard of women being aroused by breastfeeding, only complaining about it being painful asf, but like. Nipples are among the most common and well-documented non-genital erogenous areas so? This seems terribly unlikely to be a common phenomenon, but utterly irrelevant to the existence of autogynephilia regardless lol. If this is a thing, like I said I doubt it's commonplace at all, but even just hypothetically, I'd say it would distinctly fall in line with everything else I say in this answer. Patriarchy and its pornographers have indeed sexualized breastfeeding - there are a concerning number of men who ask their partners NOT TO BREASTFEED their babies - his own children! - because it makes him JEALOUS and even resent the baby. I'm dead serious you can look this up, it happens. So... read on for elaboration.

I neither know nor care precisely what you're referencing in this ask, because the answer remains the same: autogynephilia by definition can only affect males, and males who have a fetish for the idea of themselves as female, be that through imagining themselves Fucked (anatomically female, specifically in a sexually objectified - aka Fucked - manner; the anatomical/biological form of autogynephilia fetishizes the male subject imagining himself as the female Fucked object of pornography) or Feminine (as discussed above) fundamentally are not and cannot be the same as women who are turned on by feeling like they look sexually appealing or by their own natural anatomy or biological functions (which have been violently hypersexualized by patriarchy). This is a form of internalized misogyny; when men do it, it's just misogyny. These are not the same.

#mine #ask #anon ask #anon #radblr #long post

[fightclubgayporn]

please ignore how wonky the composition is LOL. i was inspired by @lakesparkles and his gravespowers swap au, soo. i decided to make a (kind of) similar one with sandra and envy!! its far less of a swap au and much more of just. what if envy's exes did the league instead of ramona's exes. a better explanation under the cut!!

so in this, ramona and scott (probably?) never met because scott went joker mode after the breakup with envy. he formed the “league” as a revenge plot but none of the other exes take it as seriously as he does. they’re mostly just there to bitch and, in julie and gideon’s case, have weird evil date night with each other

julie doesnt even really count herself as one of envys exes, but she’ll never turn down the opportunity to be a bitch, or to be a bitch with her boyfriend. she made out with envy in college like twice when they were roommates so she technically counts

scott and envy's relationship plays out pretty much how it does in canon, except instead of wallowing and eventually getting over it, scott gets super trapped in his head, and ends up merging with nega scott, except not in a "im accepting my past!" way, in a "i am never going to change and in fact i am going to become worse" way. he just sort of self-isolates and stews in anger until he hears about the clash at demonhead breaking up, when he gets the idea for the league. speaking of which.

todd and envy get back together after she breaks up with scott (its the same as in canon basically) except instead of todd cheating on her with lynette, envy cheats on him with lynette. for envy, it's just a way for her to release a little stress and cope with the fact that she's not happy in her relationship, but lynette sees it as an actual relationship. she'd been pining for envy ever since the band formed, and so when envy finally propositions her, it's like a dream come true. until todd finds out and envy defends herself by saying that lynette didn't mean anything to her, ruining her relationship with both of them and breaking up the band. todd and lynette hate each other now. todd hates lynette for sleeping with his girlfriend and lynette hates todd because he "got to envy before she could." and they both hate envy because she broke their hearts. (todd was never all that in love with her, he saw the relationship as more of a status thing, but like, it still sucks to get cheated on lmfao)

gideon and envy's relationship is pretty similar to in the comics? after the band broke up, she decided to pursue a solo career under gideon's label. it was all very nebulous and they never were officially dating or in a relationship or anything but it wasn't. normal. envy was into him, but only really into the status and the money. he was sort of who she wanted to be. gideon didn't particularly care about her, but he liked having control, and she was something he had control over. it was all very weird and undefined and toxic and she left his label and decided to become an independent musician. yayy

which leads us to the present, where envy and sandra meet after one of envy's shows. sandra is there with monique (duh) but also with stacey and idk. comeau i guess. he knows everyone. stacey and envy are still friends despite scott, and so envy joins them after the concert and sandra's pretty much instantly in love. she already had a celebrity crush on envy, but having her be Real and There just solidified it. she asks envy out that night (albeit very desperately and awkwardly) and envy figures, why not. oops the relationship kinda goes great and the gossip pipeline of stacey -> julie -> gideon -> scott happens and now. sandra has to fight envy's 5 evil exes! or at least, like, three of them. whatever

god that was longer than i thought it would be. if you read all that a) thank you and b) sorry

#fcgp art #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw #scott pilgrim comics #julie powers #gideon graves #goosepowers #well its really more #scott pilgrim #gravespowers #nega scott #sandra #envy adams #envandra #sandradams #lynette guycott #todd ingram

[wordy-little-witch]

Hellooo how are you? i just wanna ask wat r ur nsfw headcanons abt crossguild polycule😳

Also i love ur posts❤️

Hiya, honey bee! I'm doing alright, all things considered, thanks for asking, lovely ♡ just sleepy lmaooo

Cross guild my beloved aaaa okay so I'm gonna put the NSFW ones under a cut bc of the content warnings~

Thanks for the ask, I appreciate you!!!!! And thanks for reading, hun ♡ drink water, have a snack if you can, take any medicine you have prescribed and stay safe ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

18+ BELOW vvv

Okay NSFW stuff lezzgo. I am. Genuinely debating doing the consent charts here for each of them, then a layered one with them compared to each other.

Keep in mind, these are my head canons, and I adore when they're different takes and opinions, I think variety is awesome ♡♡♡♡

So let's start with the biggest of our guild boys!!

Crocodile:

FTM, Top surgery done in his early adult years through a series of oddly aligning events, bottom surgery looked into but rendered unneeded via Ivankov's hormones

Likes/Preferences

This man is a SWITCH, he usually Doms and prefers topping, coming from some older dysphoria issues, but honestly? Is open to submitting and bottoming to others when the need arises on a case by case basis.

Not exactly vanilla, but sometimes the intimacy there is nice.

Is fairly ace-spec, all things considered, sees sex as not a need but something enjoyable. Doesn't always even get off during sex, just enjoys the power and rush he gets from his partners. Took a very long time to realize that for himself. Sex positive!

Sadomasochist. Prefers causing the pain, but scratching and biting are HELLA approved for him

Marks marks marks

Idk if there's and actual word for it, but Crocodile LOVES dressing his partner up in finery just to ruin them. Also discovered an additional kink there which will be talked about later on. (See mixed)

He has wild stamina and ca go maybe three rounds before he needs to stop or pause.

Objectively the best at eating out, can and will make one partner moan out loud and the other outright cry.

Mihawk

Cis (?) insofar as he's a man by technicality. He is a SWORDSMAN by choice. He identifies as a threat, and that is not for ironic jokes. Honestly, to Mihawk gender feels complicated and stupid. 0/5 stars, hates it. He could not be paid to give a fuck about that sort of thing beyond his immediate people's happiness.

On that note, also doesn't care what parts someone has or what they identify as. If he likes you, he likes you, that's all there is. Doesn't use labels. Does admit to being more oredominantly attracted to masculine individuals. It is simply Mihawk and The Vibe.

Onwards to the thoughts!!!!

True Switch. Doesn't care. Enjoys dominating, enjoys submitting, likes topping, likes bottoming, but it's a case by case and person by person basis.

Choking. Idk, but something about holding someone by the throat and feeling their skin and muscles and heartbeat under his fingers gives him a rush, I bet.

Not particularly into sadism or masochism specifically, but does enjoy some of the semi-connected things. Knife play is a given, as well as blood play, and ironically hot wax

Trust is big to him.

Sensory play.

Has a personal rule that his partner has to cum at least once before he even thinks about his own pleasure unless that's the pre-established play they're doing that scene.

On that front - service top/service bottom.

Praise and degradation kink, surprisingly enough

Breeding kink

He Will Bite. With consent of course.

Really enjoys edging and teasing his partners. Doesn't like it as much for himself but doesn't DISlike it either.

Disinterest kink, he likes to make his lovers beg for attention and feigning disinterest.

Cockwarming.

Something about making a mess in the bedroom is simply PERFECT for him.

Honestly, Mihawk is down to try anything at least once and isn't too surprised to find new things that he enjoys.

Stamina is INSANE, but goes about one round, maybe 2, before needing to step back. Dw though, he's not leaving. He can ruin someone with more than just that option.

Buggy

AFAB masc nonbinary, no surgeries, Iva's hormones do not work on him, and he makes his own. Had a partial hysterectomy as a child before his Devil Fruit due to a... bad situation. Has numerous scars as well from before then and even a few after when he was learning the limits of his Fruit and the partial immunity to Haki.

Could top, hypothetically, but really does enjoy bottoming more. Will try topping if a partner really wants it, but feels weird and awkward the whole time - only realized that doing it despite his discomfort was not only not healthy but the partners who pushed and pushed for it from him were pushing the boundaries of consent at best. ((Had to talk Mihawk out of hunting the people down for a Talk, had to convince Crocodile and surprisingly Daz out of adding some extra bounties for it ((they still did))))

Will dom!! Enjoys being a power bottom honestly. Subbing is a guilty pleasure he rarely got to indulge in due to his absolutely insane trust issues, but once Mihawk and Crocodile earned that trust from him, he'll be the sweetest or brattiest sub on this planet, just for them

Really good with his mouth.

He's a screamer. Tries to stay quiet but never can on his own.

He falls apart sometimes during intense sex.

He's mortified by it, but he has a daddy kink and the first time he called one of his partners daddy he didn't even realize until Mihawk grabbed him by the neck just so, squeezed, forcing his head to tilt back and see blazing gold and molten violet just for someone to growl "cum for daddy, baby" and his vision went white. He was flustered for DAYS after that. ((Their light hearted teasing did not help, nor did their exploitation of the newly found On Button))

Exhibition kink but not publicly

Breeding kink

Size queen

Likes being manhandling

BIG on being marked up and claimed. ((11/10, would wear a collar if it could stay on permanently))

Together

Neither Crocodile or Mihawk had any opinion on makeup until Buggy - when they get to a certain point with his mascara and eyeliner running, lipstick smudged, eyeshadow casting his face in technicolor bruises, they are besotted and burning in equal measure.

Crocodile finds he apparently has a THING for his lovers in lace, something found purely by circumstance and he felt foolish for not ever noticing before. Is equally flustered when they both use it against him.

After Buggy's moment with calling them Daddy, something Awakened in Croc and Hawk. Words like Sir and Master were familiar but this? Ohhhh it hits Different.

They're all pretty partial to BDSM but they also can be really vanilla too. It's cute and sweet.

Buggy's thigh thighs get their own section ♡

Alright that's all I have rn but I hope you enjoyed!!!!

#buggy the clown #sir crocodile #dracule mihawk #cross guild polycule #nsft #gender nonconforming buggy #trans buggy #trans crocodile #(????) Mihawk #witchy answers!!

[bunnieswithknives]

CAN WE SEE THE HOSTAGE ROWAN DOODLES

Oh to be at the mercy of someone so far removed from reality that they can't see how much they're hurting you, and wouldn't care if you told them.

#'rubber ducking' is when you speak aloud to an object and it helps you sort through your thoughts #two of us AU #two of us!Red #two of us!David #somehow having a whole ass man tied up in your dorm seems a lot darker than the fun-free-range-nightmare-house #David healed Red's eye with magic and by that I mean Red just straight up doesn't have an eye hole anymore #but hey! at least he's not bleeding out! #art #doodles #kidnapping #whump #I am working so hard to not be a freak about this

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

there are too many thoughts inside of me at all times.

#hello friends hope you all are doing well. my words have been abandoning me lately. #I talk a lot and feel like I say nothing. it is truly frustrating. #meanwhile I am doing a bible word study and realizing that all the things I have realized in the past might be valid #(namely the way that a lot of people in my church tradition try to reduce biblical concepts of 'peace' to a sort of inward emotional state #and that's not actually a great way to interpret the biblical concept of shalom. like at all. and massively cheats a lot of communities out #of the actual practical real-life extension of the kingdom and how it's supposed to function) #also I had a minor crisis a few days ago when I looked at a boy who I know only vaguely and thought 'oh. shoot. he's cute.' #I am not used to having these sorts of thoughts or at least not to acknowledging them to myself #not sure why I'm telling tumblr this but I have no one else to tell it to and I feel like I should get it out of my system lol :') #ok logging off again gotta eat some noodles and finish this assignment with is already late #I will see you guys at a later date #(probably not too much later tho bc it is spring break and I am unfortunately stuck at college and there are very few other people here :') #gurt says stuff

[lee-hakhyun]

the horrors of having a bright cloud of thoughts (my lovely ideas) and no way to condense it to pass on to the masses (cannot fucking write)

#i am not a writer. i can not write #<- as in i think in sights and colours and feelings and it's just too much energy to actually work it out into words #this isn't about anything important actually i have just been brainrotting over lhh/the side story in general but cannot make meta posts #it's just a bundle of energy so strong i feel like throwing up if i don't do SOMETHING about it. <- does not do anything about it #my thoughts on lee hakhyun will never get out unless i am asked pointed questions that forces me to sort out my jumbled mind #i answer asks to the best of my ability but that's easier because i have something to jump off of. i have never been good at essays #at least. this is my one defense against NOT being a lhh kinnie! i can't be a lhh kinnie if i don't write #even if everything else unfortunately matches up #i'd take being called a kdj kinnie over lhh thank you !! the lesser of two evils i think #yeah kdj is bad but. idk actually they're both bad but thinking about being called a lhh kinnie mortifies me in a way kdj does not #cutting this off here because i *am* using this to procrastinate. heh

[mitamicah]

For once in my god dang life I think I found a good comeback over the phone:

So I am waiting on a call about a study I am planning to enter about my experience on testosterone so without thinking (which I NEVER do) I took the phone stating my name.

It wasn't the study but somebody trying to sell me stuff

Them: I didn't catch your name but I wanted to talk to a *deadname*

Me: *silence for two seconds*

Me: She doesn't exists anymore, good day!

#no really #this was what my mind came up with #I am sort of proud #because it is true #the one I was doesn't exists #not under that name and what that entails #come on people! I have legally had my new name for half a year now!! #if you have to try to sell me stuff at least use the correct name #jeez #micahs thoughts

[academyofbrokenhearts]

They told me that Nevertheless featured a toxic romance, and instead I got a story about two kids who are confused as fuck and have zero ability to properly express their wishes.

#Nevertheless #K drama #Na-bi is sitting seriously there all like 'why can't I guess his thoughts? also why can't he guess mine?' #and like #relatable #most of us have been there #this whole 'does he like me?' thought process and all the self-doubt that follows at least are very familiar to me #but also I am in my thirties now and with my current brain I would have zero patience for this sort of situation #and Jae-eon with his 'come see my butterflies' pick-up line #no words #I would either make him cry or make him very mad #not sure which #anyway I am only four episodes in #maybe there is still time for this so-called toxicity to show itself #although I doubt it #original posts

[dont-offend-the-bees]

We need better fucking care infrastructure. I should not be trusted with anyone's care ever 💛

#thing is caring for myself? I'm not GREAT at it but i can scrape by #i know my limits i know how much or little i need to survive i know that i can usually more or less bounce back after a tough time #i think if my life fell out from under me i could probably scrape it back even if i wound up doing a lot of couch surfing in the meantime #i genuinely don't know how I'll survive if i have to be fucking sole carer for someone #dad's on his way back now and he's been prescribed antibiotics and hopefully that's that #but at least a couple of times a year there's some shit like this #an awful cough or an infection or a fucking insane choice to like do some diy on the outside of the house standing on the windowsill #he fucking nearly chokes on his food once or twice a week #maybe he's just one of those cockroach type motherfuckers who'll never die no matter how the universe steps on him #but I'm fucking PISSED that he's taking that for granted and won't even sit and fucking talk to me about what happens when his luck runs out #I've been looking after mum alone for what four hours today and I'm already so tired and frustrated i wanna die #i am. a deeply impatient and unsociable creature. #i can be infinitely patient with friends! those are my fave people i chose to have them in my life I'd wait like a fucking mountain for them #mum and i were.... already sort of At Odds before all this started. #i'm the kid she never 100% really wanted and who never really 100% wanted to be here #and now we're stuck together and one day possibly sooner than any of us want it will be. just the two of us. #and i just. i don't know what that looks like. i really don't. #anyway. mental breakdown over hopefullly. #with a bit of luck dad and i actually fucking TALK before the next one #idk man. i never really knew what i wanted to do with my life but i thought I'd have time to figure it out #but maybe I'm just. the unqualified burnout with covid memory damage and a whole ass other human to care for #the exact thing i set out to avoid when i decided never to have kids #anyway. enough oversharing. #thank you anyone who's read my spiralling tag rambles in solidarity i love you #mr. bees speaks

[moe-broey]

Hhnghb

#FULLY MEDICATED AGAIN. #idk.... what to do...... i. want to do so many things. nothing is striking me at the moment though #i have The Pile (all of the ever-growing askr fam collection in my queue storage) #I HAD. SO MANY THOUGHTS. ABOUT VERONICA'S MAP. I WAS GONNA MAKE SOME POSTS ABOUT IT. AT LEAST HIGHLIGHTING SOME YHINGS #i was gona. post more of moe. and drop Some lore but mostly housekeeping #i won a little anya keychain plush at the arcade just to study her and use her as a ref. she is so cute. #i HAD a directing for the al/shari plush bodies but idk. if. i want to commit. i have no idea at thsi point #yesterday was SO fucked up i fucking meant it when i say you only start to feel the absence of meds day 2. #it's crazy..... like painkillers but for your brain..... like it's striking how i do have a lot of these thoughts/feelings #like all of the time but the meds just make them more manageable. put me at a baseline to sit w them better. #AH I WANTED TO BLEACH MY HAIR AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!! I FINALLY ALSO PICKED UP MORE HAIRBLEACH #yesterday was so fuckinh stupid though like all day i was just spacing out and teary. #like ah ..... the horrors............ blinks so sadly and sheds such delicate tears. dude come on #inmy heart of hearts i HAVE to believe in askr meds exist and all you have to do is ask the right person/pull the right strings. #i have NEVER been a 'fix my disability' bitch. we are managing that shit. through treament and accomodations. #it's also just more useful that way to me. to conceptualize and also to make peace w it. #like it has a feedback loop effect to it. through writing i'm inevitably sorting through thoughts/feelings #that WILL be relevant to my day to day life. #i think.... i am starting to feel a little better....... i just lack direction.

[nygleskas]

*taps mic and gets way too close to it* uhhh i was thinking abt pre-canon jr2 with Everyone But Them Knows trope. and so i jotted things down. and now i am sharing them.

ok so. Lisa. she def knows abt my crush bc she's my bestie obvi

but she's like soo annoying about it hsHND

g-d i can see her taking a picture of me unintentionally making heart eyes to jean and she tweets it with that homophobic 'i know what you are' dog meme HSHNWHLJ

ok wATI imagine their dad sees that on twitter and replies to it w like 'They seem like very good friends :)' LGNSLNDJHR he would .. (also thats not in a bad way per se like he supports the alphabet community.. he has the gay flag in his bio thinking it's for showing support. He's a lil confused but he has the spirit).

ok.. tommy t. i think tom knows a bit…

he's like 'yeah i'm really picking up some Vibes. really sensing some stuff' (and me being in denial like Wtf. there are no Vibes to be Had here. shut up?).

OK WAITT Quick switch up. If we're talking abt whether tom knows jean likes me .. ,':/ .. i don't think he tells him outwright. but tom figures it out ykno.

like maybe we're all hanging out somewhere and tom n jean are off somewhere talking or wtvrand tom asks if he;s interested in anyone. nd jean's like umm yeah i think so. tom's probably abt to ask who it is and then i show up to ask smth and tom just puts the pieces together.. u know the gif where he's just like :D yeah he does that wSHND. (tom: :D | me: why are you smiling.. weirdo)

tom Then becomes annoying abt it ahsjf

he and lisa quietly but obviously trying to nudge us together jdnfkng. worlds most annoying wingman and wingwoman <3

ok back tothe main point. Ben. .. doesn't know but if he did i bet he's like Yeah that makes sense wldnhjg

oh donna knows for sure. i didn't tell her she just immediately picked up on it WHSNHNS.

uhhh ann and leslie……. oh they don't know at all wSHNK

Listen it's enough that i'm friends with him i don't think they could handle me Liking him HTNKHS

esp leslie like she'd for sure be like ':/… Reallyyyy?….. you sure??' wkehsHNDK

#.txt #posting here is so awkward sowwy idk how to do this . #my instict is to be cringe on twitter (feel free to ask for it i'm way more active there) i need to get used to tumber #me???!? lore posting (sort of?)???!?1?? this is never happening again #i am not tagging this w everyone's names... #literally wrote this all out in a tweet but i don't feel like breaking it down in2 a thread so i am putting it here. #i have many thoughts on ann n leslies thoughts on me n jean. likeso many. But i will spare u all #also just realized i forgot chris ughhwgjslhn #uhh don't feel like Thinking Hard rn but umm i think he would also piece it together after a certain interaction w me. yeah lets go w that #and andy just assumes we're dating already #ok technically maybe this ksnt eveyone but them knows trope but who cares ok it counts. #everyone can at least Sense smth #btw queuing this so i dont have to deal w the embarrassment of posting. i can just queue this and run #wait wsit wait. remembered its a mockumentary and theres cameras . #two ppl talking in the foreground but the camera focusing me and jean talking in the background and i look nervous . #and then when we're done the cameraman trying toshoot a talking head and get me to tall abt him but im just like #'dont u have b roll to shoot Aaron. fuck off' MNDKVK #lore tag

[simonstamenovic]

if lasting integrity has one hater it is me etc etc

#okay maya too. #outgoing transmission #im uncomfortable and cant sleep and am plagued by memories that are mostly vague #just... being awake too much and then when i eas finally able to fall asleep #i could Not stay asleep bc everything was too stressful and maya wasnt around and I was worried #about her and other things. half sure id be stuck there #thought a bit too much abt kal i didnt Quite know how much i liked. or loved yk. him then but #i was like ah itd really suck if i couldnt see him again i wonder if he'd find a way or if ill die here #there was a lot more to think about but Often when i felt hopeless i figured at least he was doing better #(he was not /: but he's alive) #i don't think i was the one for LI #i mean I was i guess I just am In There Now #like logically yeah maya was able to talk because of me sort of. because of us. saying me feels wrong. #but without her i would have been fucked #and its a moot point bc it was all fine and yk.. idk. i was Good enough to love my spren to life so i was the guy for the job #but ohhh the. horrors of feeling inadequate in the moment #this is Peak middle of it all. the most stressful part. #im so so tired. #adolin post

[an-aura-about-you]

I am having feelings, and those feelings are frustration.

#rant in the tags ahead #so I like my house #I REALLY like my house #and not just because my house is paid off which means I don't have a mortgage anymore #(I know I'm in a very lucky position with that) #BUT the house is on a steep hill #not high but steep #and if I have to use any sort of wheeled mobility aid I am basically stuck in my house #every single exit in my house has at least one big step down #It's Not Great #so I've been thinking about moving #try to find a place that's NOT on a bonkers steep hill #and I know if I do that then I can sell THIS house and use the money I get from that to pay off most of the NEW place #but it is hard to find anything worth a damn #and I've thought about moving into an apartment again but then I'd have to pay rent and be at the mercy of a landlord #Don't Like That #but at the same time if I live in an apartment or condo then I don't have to do my own yardwork or maintenance #but any of the financial benefits I might get from the smaller space of an apartment are lost in the rent!!! #so I've been thinking about if it's possible to make the house I have more accessible #some ideas seem better than others #it's really hard to know what to do #maybe I should talk to a professional and see what they have to say about my situation #maybe I should actually apply for disability? idk #I feel like that will also be trouble but if it can get me access to info I need it might be worth it #but it seems like I should be able to access that info somehow under the guise of 'helping a disabled family member' #I've got enough of those that I could do that ruse

[hermitcraftkinfessions]

Sometimes I wonder what the Watchers were. I've seen people compare them to angels but. I'm not an angel, if anything I was more of a demon (of course I was also something else besides a Watcher but still-). I remember having Watcher powers meant that you could See things. Know things. It was similar to TMA's beholding powers. But I couldn't do anything with minds or memories or stuff, I could look to see something, sure! But there was always a weird disconnection that came with it. I was always aware I just just an invader.

Any other hermits that were Watchers/were in close contact with them? If so what would you compare them to? - Etho/Voidling

(For context I am 95% sure I was a Watcher)

Our scar has watcher DNA from being soul linked with their grian but has never understood what it meant or why their DNA got fused so we can't help you there... Someone else may be able to though!.. -Mod hels

#kinfession #3rd life kin #mcyt kin #mcytkin #ethoslab kin #etho kin #mod hels #next few tags are from some of the van members aka mod ex’s fellow fictkins in what we like to call the van #check mod ex’s intro post for more info like the kin blog we haven’t posted anything on yet #in our universe ‘Watcher’ & ‘Listener’ are more so titles that come with a few changes and such. i’m gonna focus on Watchers for rn tho- #seeing as i am one myself and know a few- as well as Scar who you can see above & Mumbo who yk- ate my soul. #i was originally a bird hybrid (my wings came in during high school which as you would except was a terrible time & i honestly would have #preferred they had been ‘postponed’ by my body instead of coming in during one of the periods of my life where i’ve felt the least safe.) #& i never knew my original bird species- my wings were just the same color as my hair (dirty blonde) with a peppering of darker sort of #spots? but after i was turned into a watcher they turned a dark grey/black & kinda looked like they were enchanted. #i don’t know for sure but i assume this is another effect of me being a watcher- my wings/species in general change based on my #environment/situation/etc. in s6 they were chicken wings (smaller so much easier to hide thankfully) #in s7 they were parrot wings (harder to hide as they got bigger & my red feathers coming in when the others found out about them caused a #bit of panic cuz they thought it was blood-). in s8 they were dragon wings but seemed to start to change to phantom during the mooners. #back onto Watcher stuff- my eyes turned from blue to really desaturated pink (bright pink when using my powers) #when in full “Watcher form” my sclera are black and my pupils(?) are bright pink and i have two sets of eyes on my cheeks under my normal #eyes. i also have a white halo over my head and my wings turn into the dark grey/black and enchanted look #and get a few (1-5) inches taller. the Watchers themselves looked pretty much the same just usually much taller. #they usually wore black cloaks and lots of jewelry and those sleeveless skin tight turtlenecks and grey leggings i think #i can’t remember exactly cuz my memory is kinda hazy. i’ve gotten more comfortable with showing the Watcher parts of myself around the #others though :] -Grian/Ariana (xe/they/he/she) #i feel like we should’ve put this in the actual post but too late now! -mod ex #mod ex #<- since we wrote an answer ig??

[astrxealis]

vcing w my friends rn but i kinda just muted and stopped watching and talking now bcs. :”)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #cw vvent #tw vent #i think there are just some differences that i. i really don't like? #dbgshbghddbhjg in the way that idk man but we're watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs (rewatching!) #and i'm not really a fan of how thy say they prefer the girl w her hair down and no glasses when yk. that's not really who she is #and how they're like . when she looked at the exit for a sec. they went 'yeah lol i wouldn't want to hang out w a lunatic too' #and ig it kinda sucks bcs i see the main guy as on the spectrum ?? aspie maybe ??? and ofc i'm still wondering if i am in fact #on the spectrum as well but at the very least i know how it feels like to be a weirdo and thank god i wasn't bullied or anything #but i can understand and somewhat empathize/sympathize on how it would feel and. i think my friends are just joking around #but i don't really like it but i'm scared to tell them that so i just kinda went away. this usually happens w vcs w them tbh #and ik it's my bday tmrw and they're doing this for me and lune and i kinda made it obvious idk what to do #and yeah i'm kinda fine w whatever but i think it's mostly that. there are things i actually want to do but. idk #i'm not used to opening up or asking things from others or being truthful with my real feelings deep down bcs i bottle it up sm #even if it's not obvious ;; so yeah. don't want the evening b4 my bday to be bad bcs plans already got cancelled #and idm tbh but it's still. saddening yk. so. yeah. i'll just chill or something! #it'll be my birthday but it feels like friends taking advantage of the fact it's a celebration of sorts to do what they want ig #even if i know that's not what they want to do or mean to do it comes off that way to me? #so uh. idk man. whatever i guess ^^; #have a feeling this'll be my worst bday so far tbh ... i'm trying to not be negative bcs even so #i think even if bad things happen the day doesn't have to be a bad one! #but. wbahjg. i don't want to say yeha. but i think. yeah.