#I didn't believe that the weight would change until it did bc usually I don't get like. THAT much hair cut off

[sockiestupidity]

Eating Habits-Miguel O'Hara x platonic!teen reader

sequel to my last fic???-am i fr going to make this a series👁️👁️

Miguel notices a change in your eating patterns😧

warnings-bad writing/grammar/dialogue, angst, bad eating patterns, possible ed???, ooc miguel???, implied abuse/neglect (reader has bad eating patterns bc of fam), might be triggering for some, dw they end up happy again i promise, the word mijo is used like once???

again implied nonverbal reader (nonverbal rep bc i said so🫡) making this up as i go tbh-reader may use aac or communication cards

autistic coded reader????

AGAIN, ENGLISH MAY BE MY FIRST LANGUAGE BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IM GOOD AT IT(AGAIN, JUST MAKE THIS CLEAR, I AM INDEED A NO SABO KID🥴)

povs may possibly change at times-lowercase intented as usual🤩(possibly no use of y/n in this one🤷‍♂️) IM SO TEHE AB THIS MAN (AND SPOT BUT WE DONT TALK AB THAT) sorry for all the warnings, just wanna make sure yall know what to expect

over time, you and miguel had.. unexpectedly started to bond more and more, which surprised a lot of spiders. the two of you were both equally closed off, but even then miguel had interacted with more spider people than you had. since your arrival, miguel had been the only spider person you had interacted with due to your mistrust.

most of the spiders had decided to simply not acknowledge your new friendship with miguel..simply because miguel had scared them off for you.

with you and miguel forming a new bond, he started to notice something about you..

while you enjoyed all types of cooking and baking, you never really ate much. miguel had chosen not to acknowledge it because he thought you just had a smaller appetite than most spiders, and he also thought his judgement was just clouded due to the fact that he had to eat more than most spiders did.

maybe your portions just looked small because of his size? he glazed over the thought, but it didn't make much sense, he ignored until..

your eating habits became worse, he had now come to the realization when he decided to treat you to a hamburger and you only ate a couple of fries..days later he noticed that when you had cooked something for the rest of the spiders, you hadn't plated any food for yourself. he felt a heavy pang in his heart, he knew the signs, because he would often neglet his humger needs due to his work.

when he brought up his concern that you were not giving yourself food you simply pulled out your cards, flipping to a card that said "no" and another that said "hungry". (A/N-i refuse to believe that reader would have "not" on their card bc "no" is way more conventional so pls dont come at more for this)

miguel heavily sighed, if course he didn't believe you, he could see the fear and sadness in your eyes. when he saw that look, he knew he had to do something.

a couple days had passed and you had stopped cooking and baking all together. you were simply just sitting on a couch that was placed in the HQ living quarters for everyone to use when suddenly you saw a large figure in your peripheral vision. you instantly knew that it was miguel. (A/N: MANS LITERALLY WEARS HIS SUIT EVERYWHERE OK?😭)

once he was in front of you, you decided to look up to him, furrowing your eyebrows to indicate your confusion. he wore an expression that you still were not used to identifying.

sympathy.

he pinched the brige of his nose, this was going to be harder than he thought, "we have to talk, mijo".

you pulled out your phone, getting your acc app ready incase if you need to respond to whatever he was about to announce. trying to do so calmly, as to not make him worry.

you gave him a nod, as to let him know that you were listening. he moved in order to sit next to you on the couch, his weight making a significant shift on the cushions.

"i need you to look at me alright? you don't even have to give me eye contact" he didn't want to pressure you, because he knew how much stress eye contact gave you at times.

you looked in his direction and tilted your body towards him.

he took another deep breath in and out before saying, "i noticed that you've been.. eating less, i mean, eating less than you usually eat.." he trailed off, he had to think carefully about his next words.

as soon as he said this, you looked away with a pained expression on your face.

he touched your cheek, and you flinched at the movement. "hey, none of that alright? i just want to make sure that everything is fine, mijo. has there been something on your mind recently?" he removed his hand from your cheek, wanting you to be able to fully process everything.

you let out a sigh and clicked one of the words you had preset on your app. "family" the robot voice spoke.

miguel nodded, although he hadn't seen everything that had happened he knew that overall, it wasnt the best situation. there was a pause before the robot voice began to speak again.

"food. bad" miguel's heart broke, and his strong stature had softened. he wanted to hug you, but he wasn't sure if he was overstepping your boundaries.

he carefully thought over his words before speaking, "never let anyone ever tell you that good is bad for you, alright mijo? it gives you strength, and helps you live" he looked right at you, making sure you digested every word he had said. he could see you blinking tears away, but they just continued flowing.

abruptly, you began to hug him. miguel was caught by surprise at this, as you buried your head into his chest. he awkwardly patted you on the back.

"from now on, i'll help you out" he stated. he felt you nod your head in agreement, head still buried in his chest.

from then on miguel made sure to coach you during mealtimes, giving you praise when you started to eat normal portions. (a/n hes channeling his inner sport mom vibes🥰). with miguels help, you started to feel more comfortable treating yourself to small treats, and even eating infront of people without caring what they thought about you.

at this moment you realized that, miguel might be your true family.

A/N: CURRENTLY SOBBING DID NOT MEAN TO MAKE THIS SO SAD IM SO SORRY PEOPLE.

on a realer note:if reader is just like u fr id encourage you to please seek some form of help/support system💞its important that u take care of urself-there are multiple free resources that you can find online just with a simple google search

small explanation ab readers fam: due to neglect, reader was never given a lot of food, and the food they made would be for their fam. and their fam would often shame them when they were allowed to eat (again, if reader is just like u fr, pls seek some sort of help)

also if we could please refrain from using the comment section to trauma dump/nbr (i am not a professional, nor am iequipped to handle other's problems)

#angst #atsv #across the spider verse #angst with a happy ending #sort of #miguel o'hara x gender neutral reader #miguel o'hara #platonic relationships #spiderverse x reader #gn reader #x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #platonic reader #running out of tags #again #hope u like it #<3 #teen reader

[i-willstealyourtoes]

HEYYY first time I've found a Sleeping Dogs fan! I don't mean to bother but if you want to and you've got the time, maybe you could write your opinions of how you think Wei would feel if he found out the person he was in love with happened to be related to Dogeyes im kinda curious! Hope your day is great :)

Wei Shen with crush who's related to Dogeyes

- So Wei probably met you while he was walking through the streets of HK

- He saw you on the phone to someone, angrily muttering to whoever was on the other side

- You had this aura around you that he couldn't ignore, so he waited until you were finished to talk to you (extroverts be like)

- 'Hey, heard some heated arguments happening over here, you alright?'

- You just told him that it was your older cousin being a menace (per usual)

- 'Well, I'm sure you probably scared him off with that many insults.'

- Wei definately is the rizz-master, so he probably convince you to go get some food or something with him

- 'Hey, uh, I know this good ice-cream place nearby if you want to cool off. Literally.'

- After you guys chilled and stuff he would get your number/contact then leave (probably for a mission or something)

- After casually 'hanging out' with you more, he'd eventually ask you out fr

- 'So, you wanna go to (insert cool place) with me? As in, a date..?'

- After y'alls first date he'd defo be at least a little in love with you hehe (kicks feet and giggles)

- Everythings been going well so far

-He's got an awesome partner, he's moving up in the gang, Dogeyes isn't being too annoying(ish)

- It was when he was at the Golden Koi things got bad. Really bad

- Conroy was complaining about Dogeyes to Wei and mentioned his cousin at one point

- 'Everyone hates this PK, even his own family! His cousin outright declared their hatred of him. Isn't that funny?'

- Wei didn't know he had a cousin

- 'Oh, you've never met his cousin? That's weird, they wander all around here...oh here's a photo of them.'

- Wei practically snatched the phone off Conroy ('Hey- what the f-') once he saw it

- There's no way

- Theres no goddamn way that was you

- 'Their name...it's not (Y/n) right?'

- 'Oh, you met them then?'

- Wei needed to get out of there, to think

- He couldn't BELIEVE of all the people for him to love like, it's you

- The next time you guys went on a date, it was clear something was troubling him (though he was pretty good at hiding it)

- 'Who's your cousin?'

-When you told him he couldn't stop his heart from aching a little

- 'Why didn't you say anything?'

- 'I thought it wasn't important. I hate him anyway so...Plus I didn't want to scare you or something.....I'm sorry.'

- 'Oh don't worry, I'm not scared of that guy. If anything, it's the other way.'

- After that discussion, Wei left with a weight taken off his shoulders

- Not only were you not on speaking terms with him, you also hated his guts as much as he did

- He still likes you ofc, nothing will change that

- Though he will probably be more careful about being with you in public

- If Winston or someone like that found out, he would (probably) be dead

- (I actually think they wouldn't care bc you hate Dogeyes anyway but still)

- OH and if Dogeyes found out

- OH LORD

- Mans would be a little scared tbh

- Overall, he still likes you but he's gonna be more secretive about y'all

- If you want more lmk :))

#sleeping dogs #x reader #sleepingdogsxreader #weishen

[golbrocklovely]

I think you are softly spoken - quiet even - until you're around people you're super comfortable with. Then i think you can get a little louder, but not by much. I get the impression that you go out of your way to listen intently to whomever is speaking and you dont interrupt them while they're are speaking. I think you treat people the way you wished you had been treated. Accent? I keep thinking of you as an east coast person. Not a strong Boston type accent or anything. But you would sound different from my Wisconsin accent. Appearance? Maybe a deep mahogany or chestnut hair colour with some waves, maybe deep brown eyes, a quick but shy smile that you try to cover up. I think you're very, very slow to anger, but once you are, it's like a firecracker. It may blow up and make a terrific momentary show but it fizzles out very quickly and you regain your chill. I think you're of short to average height, slightly curvy build but you think youre overweight because of what society or perhaps people surrounding you growing up have made you believe. I think youre the friend to everyone when they need it, but are also the friend that gets left out. I think it takes a lot for you to end any friendship because you forgive easily even if you dont forget. You give chance after chance after chance until you hit that limit. Have I got anything right?

damn… do you know me irl lol

you got a lot right, i'll give you that. but i'll clarify a couple things haha

i am quiet, i guess, to some extent. i think i'm more calculated in what i say depending on the situation. but you are right that around new ppl i'm quiet and then with ppl i'm more comfortable with i'm loud.

i do talk over ppl and sometimes i don't pay attention, but i think that's bc of my undiagnosed (but trying to get diagnosed) adhd. i have about 1000 thoughts going thru my head at any given time so sometimes i just spit stuff out in the moment bc otherwise i'll forget it (bc i also have the memory of a spoon sometimes). that's why i do well when i write. i'm able to get everything out that i want to say.

i am from the east coast, i live near philly. so i do wonder what my accent would sound like to someone that isn't from around here. hell there are ppl that are around me that have THICK fucking accents to me so i can only imagine what mine might sound like. i think mine is also a bit different bc i did theater so i overenunciate sometimes.

i do have brown hair, probably in between those two colors, but… my eyes are hazel. but they read as brown so i guess you're kinda right haha

slow to anger… debatable. i think it depends on what's happening, whether or not i'm feeling good, and the subject. i do get annoyed very easily. it takes little to nothing to annoy me lol angry tho? hit or miss.

i am short, and i am overweight. i think i wear my weight well tho.

and i'm just gonna rant about this for like two seconds so ignore this if you wanna. i got to my heaviest in college, and i was a size 18. i have since lost a decent amount of weight, and now i'm in between what i was in high school and what i was in college. tell me how i went UP a pant size and i'm now a 20. i'm like…….. did the sizing change bc i literally didn't buy clothes for a year or two??????? but something like this has happened to me before too. back when i was in middle school/hs i lost 40 lbs during the summer but i remember measuring my thighs and they got BIGGER. and that happens now anytime i lose weight. my thighs will get bigger. i dONT NEED BIGGER THIGHS ! okay sorry about that lmao

so back to your ask, i would say the last bit is definitely true, and funny enough i've never ended a friendship. ppl just… stop talking to me. so, that's usually when i get the hint that they don't want to be friends anymore. which is infuriating for a number of reasons. i would much rather someone just tell me to my face that they don't want to be friends anymore than ghost me into oblivion. like, while it would hurt for someone to tell me they don't want to be friends, at least it doesn't leave as many "what ifs" as ghosting, which i fucking HATE. i've also learned within the last couple years that i'm not gonna beg someone to be my friend. that's dumb, and we're all too old to play games like that.

ffs, i'm 27. you either vibe with the fact that i like twilight and the jonas brothers a lot or you don't lol it's not that complicated.

#ask #personal

[gravity-lifts]

I am making a post just to make a post see y’all in 2-5 business days for the next one

#Bee's buzz #anyway here are the 15 things that I could absolutely make posts about that I am not making posts about: #I got a haircut today and now my hair is really short and it feels so DIFFERENT #I didn't believe that the weight would change until it did bc usually I don't get like. THAT much hair cut off #so yeah now I have gotten my hair cut to above my shoulders for the first time ever #my hairdresser was absolutely lovely and very good at not giving me a feminine haircut which is something I was a bit worried about #It's very smoky here right now too bc forest fires and it's really hurting my throat #people with fire seasons: does it get better? you don't have to answer that #OH ALSO I ordered some crop tops and they got here today too which is wonderful #and my little brother started a dnd camp and the game masters sound far stronger than I could ever be (it's for like. 8 to 13 year olds) #but yeah I do not think that I could do that (even though children are lovely!! I just think I wouldn't have the greatest time) #I got both my parents to do the wizard quiz (last post if you want to do it however wizard quiz at your own risk it's v long) #my dad escaped just like I did and my mom is stuck with my sister #anyway I think I'll post this now have a good one y'all!!! don't forget to drink water and sleep please!! #(sorry for going completely awol both here and on discord I wish I could say that I'd be back soon but who even knows at this point) #(I will be trying to answer any messages so if you're a mutual and you need help with anything feel free to shoot me a message) #(if we usually talk on discord please try here first I'm more here than I am there) #(ok that got unnecessarily long sorry!!! congrats to anyone who's read this much of literally just me rambling) #girls pretty comma goodnight

[aks3raao1]

You know, there's a thing with characters that foil each other and serve as the "good" and "bad" respectively (Toga/Himiko, Tenko/Izuku, Nagito/Hajime, Ryoko/Hajime, Atsushi/Akutagawa) but that trope felt rather annoying to write, especially in the world I am trying to write about (ALTERNATIVE's world is basically MHA X BSD but like. 1000 times more fucked up and the Specialised are always prejudiced against. A terrible lot).

The title itself, ALTERNATIVE is to symbolise Romila's POV of "infinite choices and paths present for every being" and how she starts off the story with a decisive line of,

"Many people ask me if this could have been avoided. They beg for me to tell them that things could have been better. There are others too, who try to justify that this was the only way for things to have been. If you ask me, both are living in states of denial. One can't accept the stupidity of humanity for disregarding common sense for violence and prejudices. Another can't accept humanity's choice for having better circumstances if the one with the power chose to."

The thing is, the running theme is that the story is a bittersweet one, despite there not being many deaths of the main characters, but there was always a junction where you can see it could have been avoided, that there was an "alternative" for things to have gotten better, especially in the first book.

Another reason for the title is that it's basically an "ALTERNATIVE" to this world of ours, where super powers and stuff like those exist.

The subtitles of both the books (Myriad of Colours, Colour of Death) signifies Romila's power, "Aura Tracker" which lets her view people's aura as colours (Myriad of Colours is to signify the different kinds of people she meets, Colour of Death is about what affects her the most (death) and how she's constantly seeing that colour everywhere, especially now that it's war).

The thing about ALTERNATIVES is that Romila could have chosen to be a doormat (like Koldin tends to be at the beginning (his rp self is like THAT due to circumstances different to ALTERNATIVE's actual storyline. Also because Hack's a nicer person to be around than Romila is) in order to nOt hAvE cOnFliCt™) to not get into conflict and put up a super nice persona for people but she didn't. She decided to focus on hanging onto her reasons for doing what she does and using it to create a caustic personality to shield herself because she knows that she will regret being a doormat (Her Despair takes the form of Koldin Hopkins).

Now Koldin could have certainly put his hatred for society at the forefront and taken a caustic personality but instead chooses to be nice. Because he doesn't want to become as hurtful as the rest, that's how he wants to disentangle himself from society. However he, like Romila (who just took standing up for herself to extremes), takes this to the extremes causing him to gain the personality of a nice boy™.

However this also goes into why they made the choices they did (which is what Romila realises during the Mansion of Death arc), because for Romila, she didn't really have the psychology for actually becoming a doormat (because a) Her mom wouldn't have it b) She hated to be called weak c) She didn't have anyone to fall back to after the inevitable consequences of being a doormat d) She felt that if she were to live with monsters, then it's easier to blend in by being one (this comes useful to her when she infiltrates into the Government) e) She saw doormats getting suicidal which frightened her) or not becoming fully caustic (since her standing up for herself wasn't. Liked. By. Anyone. And seen as aggressive and she basically went, "Well if they see me as bad, I will show them BAD" which led to her breakdown causing the incidents at the Mansion Of Death (especially a twisted hatred against Koldin for extremely understandable reasons).

For Koldin, being meek and peaceful had let him get by in the streets and his skills to difuse fights had come in handy. Later when Dr. Hopkins took him in, he was well. A member of the Radicals who were known to be extremely merciless towards the Specialised (he had defected but Koldin had a REALLY good reason to be wary) so he figured if he stayed nice, he wouldn't be kicked out of the house and Dr. Hopkins being Dr. Hopkins just assumed that it was his normal and that behaviour carried into school. He figured that it was a horrifying thing to be aggressive and then saw how Romila got treated and decided that yep, he was right, that confirmed his world view alright and it was more reason to be super nice. While Romila saw Koldin as a person who everyone took advantage of (a thing she hated. To be exploited just like that) and went, yep that confirmed hers and it was more reason to be super angry.

However the thing is that, Romila was chided for being anything, which caused her to just give up to be peaceful (because what would she do? Anything she tried to do got her scolded) while Koldin (thankfully) found a support system. It really goes to show the difference a good friend can do.....

As it is, when I first began writing this, the most obvious choice presented itself to me. Koldin is the "hope" and Romila is the "despair" (on the protagonist, deutergonist side) but that seemed stupid and boring as it wouldn't make sense. Since I am trying to make a point of showing with how Romila's world view gradually changes from "there are wrong and right choices" to the fact that it doesn't have to be rigid and that *now* she wouldn't be hurt if she used what her vulnerable side wanted (a world free of prejudices and unnecessary cruelty) with the talents she had. That kindness mixed with her usual personality won't literally kill her.

And for Koldin, being a doormat means that he got taken advantage of a lot by different people and since he refused to actually stand up for himself ("Ah...aha......it seems that I can't..." "Can't what?" "Feel angry for myself......it's always anger that comes from the ones I love being hurt" "Then love yourself too, you will feel angry again" ~ Koldin's conversation with his inverted self in the Labyrinth) he got. Taken advantage of. By virtually everyone. However he decided that if being nice would keep him keep his self and his name self then it would be fine. He did not want to be the source of grief (his actual parents tossed him out because of his Specialisation). The Mansion Of Death actually causes him to snap for that reason, because Romila literally puts him in a torture dream "for the greater good" and then proceeds to kill his dear friend. One thing Koldin HATED. Killing friends. (Due to them being run over by a car, which led to his paralysed left arm)

Now on the other side, their respective friends:

Romila:

Luja: Cynical and annoyed by people's stupidity but not to caustic extents and she wants to be a scientist and isn't haunted by the possibility of dying.

Kratanos: Full of anger and hatred against the world but not entirely blinded by it and is focused to using that anger for reformation of the world (she becomes a therapist later, to help people)

They both have her caustic parts but they also let themselves embrace another side which makes them her "balance".

Koldin:

Anand: Believes that there's no requirement for violence unless it's absolutely necessary.

Karishma: Figures it's a better idea to just listen to rules but doesn't hesitate to break them if she sees that they are bs

They both have his peacefulness, but don't hesitate to do what they think they should do, which makes them his "balance".

The point is that, the case of choosing alternatives isn't possible with a tunnel vision. Even so, there are choices that literally can't be made due to the individual and circumstances. Sometimes the choice is to choose more than one choice. Well, that's one dramatic storyline......

It reminds me of DDLC side stories since everyone has a bit of the other person's solutions and more of a opposite personality (don't take this the wrong way, there are many stories like that and it's honestly a favourite to think abt but it's just that DDLC does it well especially since it's only a school environment). Tbh, I like dramatic storylines that rlly dig deep into a character's perspective (reasons why I'm in love with Hack and Axel in particular). My whole thing is that I'd rather read a story with interesting and in depth characters than one where only the plot is good so I say you made the great call of the century with Koldin and Romila's characters.

What you thought before getting into it is rlly how every great character arc starts. You focus on one, somewhat forget the other one until you review every single character for inspiration and then BAM! PARALLELS! It's really admirable how, even in this messed up world of specializations, you didn't purely focus on the plot bc it honestly sounds interesting enough to just stick around for Romila's life and journey. You could have ended it all with just that, but no, you smacked Koldin in there and said "be my interesting on par character that can kick Romila's gut" and IT WORKED SPECTACULARLY!!!

I really love ur writing and hoping to one day read (and maybe print out) every story you've ever written bc GODDAMNIT I NEED THE FEELING OF THOSE WORDS ON WORN PAPER WITH AN ARTISTIC COVER AND AN AMAZINGLY HEAVY WEIGHT

Aka, paperback. Bc that's how I like to roll and that's how good I think it is. 1000% worthy of a bestseller

#writing #mah fwend's story :3 #novel #ALTERNATIVE #Koldin Hopkins #Romila

[skittles1229]

Old Expectations Die Hard (Dashie x Reader Fanfic)

Chapter One: Weird Circumstances

You know your life is complicated when the friend you always complain to says "you never have a dull moment do you?" I sigh as the weight of the world seems to make it impossible to breath. You see recently things have been rough. I lost my job and my fiance all in the same day, that itself was an unbelievable story. I was so upset and strung out on thoughts of what to do that once i got home early from work i didn't notice the extra car in the driveway. i stepped into my home and my own floors felt as if they'd given way when i saw the guy i thought i'd be spending my life with in bed, with my sister... my sister and i hadn't been on good terms for a while and for a good reason! The drugs she took either made her unreliable and selfish or crazy and murderous. He, of course, pulled the its not what you think, id never hurt you, it was a mistake, and honestly i could write a book out of the excuses i heard in the time of two minutes but maybe another time. Needless to say i left. I never thought about going back and to be honest my sister looked more hurt then i was. I took a job in California a few weeks ago and moved in with my friend (BFF Name). They always seemed to know what to say and honestly i truly believe They  knew me better then i know myself. 

California gave me the biggest culture shock I've ever had. I came from Mississippi, the bible belt and the most rural part of the world. California was sooooo different then what i was use to. The weather is awesome. There's lots of jobs for technical people, at least until you're 45 and then you're considered ancient and you can't possibly know anything when some 23-year old out of Stanford tells you that they know it all. (a little bit of sarcasm there) It's a great place to start a new company, money is available as is talent. The risk of starting a company is lower since you can always find a new job The politics are insane, if you aren't towing the progressive party line you should just STFU. If you even once say that Trump has done something positive, or that Obama did something negative prepare for the wrath. Read the stuff behind the recently filed lawsuit against google for a taste of what it's like. Seriously, don't say a word. The state if structurally bankrupt, although the finances look good because so much stuff is off of the balance sheet. The public pension liability dwarfs the "good" part of the budget, and some day it is coming home to roost. Watch out when it does. The cost of living is absurd, really absurd. I'm not talking just a place to live but gas, electricity, haircuts, milk, pizza, you name it. The traffic is absurd too. (can you tell i like the word absurd) The public transit, although usually on time, is a mess. People are pigs, they throw trash everywhere, the cars are overcrowded almost all the time. 

I've got to say, from how much it sounds like i hate California, i actually don't.  Mainly because its so far away from my original family, leaving really helped me start to grow up and feel like maybe i was getting a hold of my life again. Only problem has been getting to my new job on time. I work as a barista and a waitress at a brunch place a good minute away from the apartment. The money is good, otherwise i wouldn't waste my time with the commute everyday. i keep being late to work because i still haven't adjusted to how terrible traffic is and so my boss was "nice" enough to switch me to the later shifts. The hours are long and boring because my shift starts in the middle of rush hour to the slowest hours at the end of the day meaning you have to find things to keep yourself busy with. the only good thing is, we can wear pretty much anything we want as long as its black. all i wear is dark colors so i didn't have to spend any extra money on a uniform and i didn't have to wear the same thing everyday. Today i decided i wear a v-neck shirt that with an emperor waist (body forming) with black skinny jeans and my regular converse. i decided against driving to work and decided it would be far smarter to catch a bus to the nearest destination. My (hair color) hair was done is a fishtail messy braid, i always liked this style because it made me look like i had a head full of hair when in reality i thought i was going bald. 

My personality was a little odd, you see some days i felt like the beautiful nerd who has no confidence and wants to hide away in a hole. other days i feel like a model from Victoria secrets, of course those are the days i get the most tips. today was honestly a mutual day, where id rather be at home in my bed asleep, or listening to music. The bus finally stopped a block away from my job and i sighed obviously not wanting to go into work. surprisingly there wasn't nearly  as many cars as there usually is around this time but i wasn't complaining. i walk in to see that most of the downstairs was empty but whoever was upstairs definitely had a loud mouth. i walk to the back in order to clock in and i bump into melany ( the girl im shifting with). "wow you actually got here on time! Maybe the boss's mood will cheer up." i huffed a little. "yea, i dont know why i thought id need a car in California, say whats with the low level of customers? its NEVER this slow." she looked at me in disdain, "some guys reserved the entire upstairs and we had to make this huge table out of all our tables up there, glad im not gonna be the one fixing it later." i rolled my eyes, i hated when a huge family came in and they just had to move everything around because little johnny wants the sit next to suzzie and suzzie HAS to sit by her parents bc she likes to throw her food on the floor, all fake names but a real situation ive been in before. "well have they at least been fed so that i only have to clean up after them?" she shook her head while hanging up her apron. "nope, they've only ordered their drinks and they are getting those onto trays now." so today was gonna be like every other day. "guess i better go help them take those upstairs then, have a good rest of your day." i walk away and slip on my apron, grabbed one of the trays of drinks while another waiter grabbed the rest of the drinks. Once i got upstairs, that's when i met him...

Chapter Two: Last Will and Testament

          He was sitting on the far end of the long table of people laughing and joking. everyone seemed to be loud and all had their own inside jokes. This guy, he stuck out. i changed my attention to the task at hand, finishing this shift. i hated when people moved all the tables and seating around. all the waiters and waitresses have to go back behind them and look at the layout of the floor to put them all back exactly as they were before. it was a struggle and because of this nobody actually wanted that job so usually the manager gives it to her least favorite workers and i happened to be one. "who all had coke?" nobody answered me so one of the men bellowed out the same line and somehow was able to get a show of hands. i walked around handing  out drinks, catching the lingering smell of strong liquor. i could tell by the end of tonight they would all be wasted and loud. please, just don't make more of a mess then you have to, i thought to myself. i had one drink left on my tray, "sweet tea?" the guy i saw before at the end of the table waved his hand and i dreaded going over there, i always seem to make a fool of myself when it matters. 

     i make my way slowly down the table with the tray under my arm and the tea in my hand. i lean over to sit his drink on the table.."here's your t-" *CRASH* while joking with one of his friends his elbow crashes into my hand sending the tea flying all over me and the cup crashing to the floor, thank god i wore black. he turned around and looked more horrified then i did. "i'm sorry! i'm so sorry!" his voice was deeper then i imagined it'd be. "no, it my fault i'm sorry ill get you a new one." i turned away to hide my embarrassment and walked away really just trying to get away from the situation. i could tell from the silence behind me that all eyes were on me. i ran to the back where the lockers were for the service. i went to the bathroom and stripped the sticky clothes off throwing them aside. i sat on the toilet  trying to catch my breath, my social anxiety had struck me  hard. a feeling of worthlessness and dread fell over me like a blanket. after the past few months i've had just one day without something terrible happening would mean the world to me. i heard a knock on the door, it was melany, she walked in with a towel from the kitchen. "hey, i heard what happen upstairs are you ok?" i covered my breast trying keep myself as unexposed as possible. "oh yea im fine, im just cold, and sticky, and... covered in tea." melany and i made eye contact and both laughed just to lift the dread in the air. "let me guess, all the guys are getting a kick out of watching me fumble again huh?" i said a little less concerned and more annoyed. she rolled her eyes "they are boys, they get a kick out of picking their own nose. we both slid to the floor beside each other, she hands me the damp towel. i get most of the sticky off as possible, throwing my hair up to make it look less clumped together by the sugar. "i have an extra black t shirt in my locker but i don't know how it will fit you. your breast are at least a size larger then mine." i shrugged my shoulders, "who cares ill make do. thanks for your help melany." she smiled her weird anime girl smile and ran to get the shirt from her locker.

     ill have to admit, she was right about the size thing. it was far to small around the chest area but the rest fit fine. after the incident my boss stuck me down stairs wiping tables and sweeping the floor, i dont mind though because i get to experience the day coming to an end with a beautiful sunset over California. i secretly kept the the window to watch as the sun fell from the sky. the sky seemed to burn and darken while the clouds began to glow with the last bit of sunlight left. the sky filled up with burning Burgundy and faded orange and yellows, the tallest buildings seemed to reach for the skyline as if it were a sunflower moving to the last drip of sunlight. moving here had been hard, and this had become one of the things i looked forwards to. living in the apartment with my friend was nice, buts its not the same as coming home to someone you use to lay with every night. sleeping alone seemed so much colder and emptier then i remembered from childhood. my mother would be so disappointed in the way i turned out, in the places id gone and the decision to spend my life with someone who was most obviously the wrong one. she would have told me to slow down and to take my time, that growing up wasn't everything. she would have said love isn't something you just wake up and have, its something you make. i wasn't anywhere close to where i thought id be by now, and i could see that. it tears at my heart everyday, not being able to see her or any of my family. sometimes it felt as if they'd all died in the fire that night. 

     i suddenly heard a boom of voices making their way down the stairs, i hadn't realized how close to closing time it had become. all of them walk out stumbling and laughing at their own jokes, seems they all got a good bit of drinking in, all except one. The guy i ran into on accident seemed as sober as ever, designated driver i think, he was much taller now. he seemed muscular but in such a fitting way for his body. his teeth sparkle because their so white, his smile complimented him best. his high cheekbones made his chocolate brown eyes his best feature. His skin was glowing with a sweet honey hue and before i could notice that i was staring he turned his head. his eyes met mind before i could think twice and that's when i felt the heat rise to my cheeks. weather it be from embarrassment or silly school girl shyness i didn't know . i turned my face away but it was too late, i turned my face a little just to catch a glimpse of him before he made his way out of the door and that's when i noticed his cheeks had gone from a burnt caramel to a rosy color. i felt my body shiver at the thought that maybe, just maybe he found me as attractive as i found him. i shook the thought from head realizing they had began locking the place down. as i helped close up shop and wash dishes i couldn't help but to let my mine wander to all different kinds of thoughts, funny thing was they always fell back to him and his rosy  cheeks. i couldn't help but smile as i felt my heart race at the thought of him, even though id made a fool of myself today i was glad i hadn't ruined my chances. Even if he'd never get with me or i wouldn't ever see him again, i'd still take it as a compliment that he even looked my way. 

     before long we were all outside laughing and talking about today. The manager locked the doors and said his goodbyes. i turn to walk towards the bus station when i see a man standing aside awkwardly between the restaurant and the parking lot. suddenly my eyes adjusted and once they did, the joyousness butterflies came back and the blush suddenly reappeared on my cheeks..

There are lots more chapter after this if you are interested you can find them here

https://my.w.tt/sosFRmianbb

#dashiegames #dashiexp #dashie x reader #fanfictions #fanfic #self insert #romance

[weebsinstash]

Brooo me toooo!! I feel the exact same way abt pregnancy so again, am I the doppelganger??? I personally don't DISlike children, but they make me nervous when they're my responsibility bc? I hardly take care of myself? I have a really aggressive anxiety disorder(can it be described as that?) so like putting me in charge of kids for longer than 30 minutes makes me Nervous. And the smaller they are the less time I can spend with them. Plus i don't want to mutilate my body w childbirth :/

Yeah, legit. I didn't even know until the last year or so but the country I live in, America, is actually number 1 in the entire world with documented maternal mortality, which tells you a lot about how "developed and sophisticated" we rlly are tbh. They dont teach you in school that childbirth can be fatal, or that a baby's kick can break your ribs, or that giving birth can literally break your pelvic bones, or that certain birth control doesn't even work over a certain weight, or fuck, what a venous air embolism is, which is extremely fatal. Dunno what that is? Neither did I until the internet! But it's caused by a fairly common sexual practice!

You know, I found out just within the last year, but when my own mom was 16, she was on birth control but somehow, it failed, and she got pregnant. She had an abortion and I don't judge her for it even a single bit.

Honestly a good part of my negative views towards motherhood and pregnancy come from how heavily stigmatized abortion has become in my country, and the concept of not having kids at all. Would you call that spite? I was never a big fan of having kids, but seeing enormous groups of people treat women like animals and incubators just cemented the need to have control over my own body. Did you know in America, 9 times out of 10 you can't get a hysterectomy until you're 35 because "you might change your mind" and something called medical paternity, which is a fancy way of saying your doctor personally doesn't want to do it? It's horrifying. I find it legimately frightening and the way my country treats reproductive rights alone makes me wish I was born a man (though tbh I've felt before I sometimes skirt the nb border but fkgkfkfnf irrelevant)

To be honest when I've considered writing pregnancy in my yandere fics, it's usually in some sort of coercive manipulative way, which I guess closely mirrors how I personally think the subject is often used. I can hardly care for myself, but I'm expected to care for another life because of, what, obligation? No thank you. I strongly feel any child of mine would be very unhappy for too many reasons to even count.

People should never feel pressured into being parents. I remember reading a reddit thread once full of people who regretted becoming parents and you know what? It's sad but something we need to normalize. Having children shouldn't be the default. People shouldn't be shamed for focusing on themselves. We need to stop saying "just put them up for adoption then" when just the process of birth can be fatal, traumatizing, and extremely painful.

Is my Democrat showing? Maybe I'm just really cynical for my age. I just strongly believe people's lives should be within their own hands.

Gkdjkdjfjj anyone please let me know if this is a triggering subject for you and I can tag it but yeah. I hope no one is hurt by what I've said as I've tried to be gentle with the subject. I just dont ever see myself having children and i... Simply don't like being around them. Also for how many people preach "just put it up for adoption" my country has shockingly low adoption rates which just leads to more suffering and only adds to my pregnancy-fear