#I feel so fucking awful rn

[identitty-dickruption]

one of the worst things in the world is that feeling unloveable can (and will) make you act in ways that reinforces itself. I feel unloveable so I don’t respond to messages so people reach out less so I feel unloveable. one of the hardest things in the world is fighting back the brain demons long enough to break the cycle

#my best friend doesn’t have tumblr but I am mentally sending him so many apologies right now jesus fuckkkkkkk #I feel so fucking awful rn #I went and watched taskmaster and that distracted me a bir #but literally. suicidal thoughts out of nowhere. urge to drink out of nowhere #it’s like. 8:15pm and I’m thinking of just going to bed now #only way to get my brain to shut up #I have such a busy weekend ahead as well #godddddd I want to enter hermit mode so bas #I’m not gonna do anything stupid don’t worry #but I sure Feel Like Doing It

[sillypinkboy]

Okay I think getting high might fix me just a little bit

#i feel so fucking awful rn

[bottombaron]

there is no way that Guillermo’s pussy wouldn’t drive Nandor absolutely mad with power

#wwdits #nandermo #nandor #guillermo de la cruz #what we do in the shadows #i have so many thoughts about how Guillermo makes Nandor feel powerful #(not in a sadistic power trip way tho) #the full force of someone as strong and beautiful and awe-inspiring as Guillermo choosing to bless Nandor with adoration #a man so used to being worshiped and yeT #you can see it in his eyes #how absolutely terrified of how powerful Guillermo makes him feel #with simple things like a soft smile and kind eyes #like how a former addict looks at drugs #and i find it so compelling that Nandor comes from power and conquering and yet he's like #fucking Guillermo would be like using the One Ring #Guillermo would casually say that he's upset Bravo cancelled a show and the next day the entire hq had been destroyed like a nuke hit it #like i'm srs guys i have five different long posts in my drafts abt how powerful Guillermo makes Nandor feel #(and how pussy-whipped Nandor would be if Guillermo ever gave it to him 😉) #but i can't process my feelings abt that rn so you get this

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @jesuisici33 @callaplums @daffi-990 @loserdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @fortheloveofbuddie 💖💖

made a bit of progress on the sick fic so here it is🤷

prev snippet

___

“Maybe we should get you to a doctor.” Buck muses, wrapping the blanket over Eddie’s shoulders.

“I don’t need- I just closed my eyes for a second. I’m fine.” he grumbles, fumbling with the blanket too long to want to actually throw it off, but he does in the end – he’s cold and refuses to admit it, and he’d rather sit here and pretend he’s fine. He’s impossible.

“Eddie, that cough did not sound fine.” he points out. 

“Buck-” he sneezes, and then wraps the sleeves of his hoodie over his palms. Buck raises his eyebrow, and Eddie pointedly avoids his eyes, as he not-so-discreetly wipes his nose with a sleeve. 

“I bought tissues.” Buck reaches for the bag and digs out a box, then tries to give it to Eddie, who, instead of taking it, just levels him with a stare, as he sniffles loudly, and swipes a sleeve under his nose again. “Seriously? You’re gonna be gross and disgusting just to prove you’re not sick?” That’s a new level of stubborn Buck hasn’t seen from Eddie yet. He can’t believe this is the man his heart decided it wants. And that even while sick and gross and stubborn and ridiculous, a part of Buck is still endeared by him.

“I’m not.” Eddie insists, sounding so congested Buck swears he can feel it in his own sinuses. “Let me just finish my coffee, and then I-” another sneeze. “Have so much to do today.” he finishes, but at least this time he reaches for the tissues, looking anywhere but at Buck, cheeks red.

“Yeah, no, all you’re gonna do today is rest and take some medicine.” Buck says decisively, then takes the bag in his hand, and slowly starts walking to the kitchen. “Get comfortable, and I’ll just put this all away and be right back. I bought meds, tissues, and something to cook you some soup-” he starts listing off, getting louder the further he gets. “Oh, and stopped by the farmer’s market to get honey. Did you know that honey has antioxidant and antibacterial properties?” he asks excitedly, ready to tell Eddie every single thing he found in his quick research. Buck learned a long time ago that with Eddie he doesn’t need to hold back and can rant and ramble all he wants, and Eddie is happy to listen to him.

“Yeah?” Eddie yells back, voice hoarse and strained. Buck can hear the couch shift as Eddie gets comfortable, maybe even finally lays down. He knows Eddie won’t just give in and admit he’s sick, but this is a start. “Why don’t you tell me all about it?” he sounds genuinely interested, though also really tired. 

“I will, just a sec! I’ll make you some tea with lemon and honey, how’s that sound?” he asks, and gets a grunt in response, though he’s not sure if that’s an answer, or if Eddie’s just trying to suppress a cough in an attempt to hide that he’s sick, as if Buck didn’t already know. He chuckles to himself. He really has his work cut out for him today.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gayarthur @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @eowon @theotherbuckley @weewootruck @thewolvesof1998 @giddyupbuck @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck @spotsandsocks

#wip wednesday #sick eddie fic #eddie is so ridiculous in this lmao #this is really gonna be so silly and fluffy i can't wait haha #buddie fic #buddie wip #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #still lowkey stuck on alive shannon and coffee shop #and this one isnt going so smoothly either #but im here and trying to work on it all! #ngl i still feel so fucking bad and exhausted and awful and sad i cant even explain it #i thought itd be better and id be back to myself after my cold and my period were over but nope #thought about taking a lil break from writing but tbh idk how id cope without it so pushing myself through it lol #this got venty lmao ignore me #i think this silliness is exactly what i need rn hahaha

[comicdez]

Do you think an ambition can have regrets?

+ a quick colored Mark. Bition i just finished today!

#spspsp ambition likers #i had to get the urge out i need more art of this bastard man #will add a image id later very sorry im just in a rush rn #i will quickly say that i know and am aware that he is a rat bastard but i also have the belief that #the psychometer just amplified that part of him #making him do the recent awful things he contributed to #can You imagine how fucked up that would feel after for him #in the hypothetical that he gets turned back to normal #please i am tearing up my walls do yall see my vision? #m. bition #mark bition #dimension 20 #dimension twenty #dimension 20 mentopolis #also made this rq before the new episode comes out tomorrow #so well see if this gets completley debunked if mark shows up somehow lol #m bition #forgor to add those too #HI I SPELLED MENTOPOLIS WRONG SO I HAD TO RE DO A BUNCH OF TAGS FBSNJFJDJD I TOLD YOU I WAS IN A RUSH #mentopolis m. bition #mentopolis ambition #mentopolis mark bition #mentopolis m bition #mentopolis #mentopolis fanart #myart #dezart

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[wisecrackingeric-2]

More than anything right now I wish I had somebody to turn to. I wish I could cry to my parents about this or get a hug from somebody or just have SOMEONE believe me and he on my side. I really don’t know how to continue on from here

#looking at any re content rn makes me feel so sick #which has been my worst fuckimg nightmare #like I’ve had panic attacks over this idea kinda worst nightmare #my absolutely biggest nightmare has been that skmething horrible will happen in this fandom that’ll make my stupid autistic brain associate #re with that horrible experience #and that’s exactly what’s happening #my biggest fear is coming to fruition and it’s so so fucking awful #Luis has meant more to me than any other autistic special interest of mine evr has. and just the THOUGHT of loosing that love and devotion #makes me sick to my stomach. #why did these people do this to me #why me #what the fuck did I ever do to them #what did I do to deserve this #I want this to be so fucking over #I wanna go back to shaking my friends over Luis and pretend this never happened #I just want a hug from my parents or someyjing man. I wanna be told it’ll be alright and this shit will be done with #just #what the fuck did I do to deserve this man

[ratcandy]

had a really epic cry on a balcony last week and I’ve been longing for that balcony ever since . Was so cathartic I need to go back there

#Never in my life have I felt more at odds with people around me and like I have no idea how to communicate #like a normal human being until this fucking trip #And I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but it just feels like. I am barely passing as a normal Person and people are Noticing #and the Noticing is making them Uneasy and therefore I am excluded from All Things #I need to get Diagnosed . With what I don’t know. But Something. Because something is fucking Wrong here #It’s making me reevaluate my entire everything because I feel so out of place it’s driving me insane #I feel like I’m sticking out like a sore thumb amidst a crowd and it’s doing something awful to me #How do I talk to people how do I exist with other people how do i. Do anything #and why is this only hard Now #I keep clamming up (lol) and going totally silent because I just feel like everything I’m saying is Wrong. Somehow. #But me being silent is also Wrong. And I’m doing something Wrong all the time #Uughhhrhb. This sucks. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here #vent #delete later #clamtalk #Sorry for venting so much recently I am. Going through it rn. I promise I try not to do this often.

[malewifesband]

most disrespectful and selfindulgent fic ive ever written and never published is a laios/toshiro/kabru dp fantasy with laios in the middle. and taking a magic potion to appear like a cis girl for a day or so (really more like post op, decade on estrogen, same frame just bepussied and feminized) to enable the dp. with toshiro like "this is a bizarre way to lose my virginity i cant believe im doing this im so depraved but ummmmmm are you being for real that she looks like falin if she blushes." and kabru being a little more jealous about this than he thought he would be but certainly not enough to stop, not when he has to turn down most of laios' kinkier fantasies bc its like "pretend youre the wolfman and knot me" and it just does not do it for him and well it is really hot even if he now has to deal with the fact that he feels jealous that laios was crushing on toshiro the whole time he couldnt even fucking get her to talk to him. and laios is just like "i love having my best friends here inside of me 💗"

and yes the genderplay is part of the kink. toshiro is just going with how kabru is refering to her bc he is uncertain and cannot will not ask either of them directly. kabru is convinced laios is a woman deep in the closet, but you will get nothing from her by asking. laios is just like. "well the potion is safe so i can just take it every time we have sex and i dont look too different so i can just bind my breasts a bit and no one knows the difference, im having a fantastic time." laios is straight up not introspecting, just gettin dick. in multiple holes.

#i feel like i am on my deathbed rn bc i am so fucking sick so u are getting my most awful confessions

[hawnks]

YouTube doesn’t keep playing in a little box in the corner when u leave the app with a video playing anymore??

#this is my hell #how do I fix this #I am NOT paying for YouTube premium but omg #the itty bitty player was so good 😔 #squawk tag #also I just ate an entire pomelo by myself I feel AWFUL but it was so tasty 😞 #I’m like a fucking dog I see a delicious fruit and I just go for it there is no stopping me #u know cream chee? Denicious drink? that’s how I feel rn #if he was allowed the Denicious drink. (I feel like I am full of swamp water <3) #sorry I’m having multiple crises rn JSJSJDJDJDD

[moonlit-orchid]

When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out

#vent #its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything #i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant. #im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something- #-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again. #plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal) #and just #im fucking tired ok #and I'm sorry im a bad friend #i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some. #but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired #i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn? #and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON. #I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it #but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit #and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them #and they can lash out on me #i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not #last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend #it wasnt my fault #that friend ghosted me #im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too #but at the same time im too done to even really care #i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day

[fitpacs]

.

#not maintagging #my last reblog was like a minute before q went live #i feel sick like this whole situation is fucking awful #nobody is benefitting from anything anymore it’s so sad #i’m going to get some sleep anyway but just wanted to say i likely won’t be reblogging any posts about the stream #but i watched it so please don’t take me not reblogging as ignorance #anyway it’s been a fucking long day so i’m off for the night #look after yourself and others especially after all that’s happened lately #also i’ll be fine but remember you’re allowed to feel however you feel rn it’s valid #i appreciate you all endlessly - goodnight x

[grmpgm]

ok executive dysfunction is kind of ruining my life actually

#i have an incredibly time-consuming project i NEED to finish and i genuinely don’t know if i can #i’ve started which is good but i’m horrifically behind where i need to be and i’m just so overwhelmed #i technically have enough time to finish it i think? but it’s my final project so i literally cannot miss this deadline #my professor is really cool + likes me but it’s already been so long w/out me bringing it up #and wtf am i supposed to say? yeah. i WANTED to work on it. i just chose not to????? like wtf #it’s just so humiliating and i’m so behind i don’t know wtf i’m gonna do #it’s worse bc it’s an animation and it’s gg related and i really really wanted this to be good and i wanted things to be different this time #kind of funny bc i’m actually mid getting an adhd diagnosis rn but it’s just so fucking awful because i do this constantly #it fucking sucks so much i feel so helpless and i don’t know wtf is wrong with me. i’m so tired of letting everyone down constantly #it’s so bad rn i literally cannot do anything. it’s humiliating like WHY can’t i just be a functional normal person #it fucking SUCKS because i KNOW if i had any self control or work ethic whatsoever i could be really fucking successful but i don’t. #so i won’t be i guess. #and i KNOW it’s tied into a bunch of different stuff too but like gd i DO NOT care i just want to be functional #worst case scenario i have an A in the class so if i completely blow it i’ll at least pass? hopefully? #i might be able to talk my prof into an extended deadline but it’s so embarrassing bc i didn’t need one in the first place. #i have literally no excuses #it just makes me so upset because i just keep doing this over and over and i don’t know how to stop it or how to get better #and LOL sorry for posting this here i just feel weird talking to anyone personally about this (+ currently avoiding responding to messages!) #it’s just like. man if i can’t get a fucking grip i will literally waste my entire life. Oh Well! LOL

[hella1975]

Hi hella!!!

I feel like i always start these off or end them by saying that these things are going to be incomprehensible in some way, mainly bc i have trouble translating whats going on in my mind into written words so i really dont know how much of my list thingies make sense to you but this one is especially probably going to not make much sense. (also bc i send them a lot when im either very tired or not sober, but i am sober and wide awake rn so this might be a different kind of incomprehensible)

I found one of my old drafts for an ask from around a year ago and it was a follow up response to the last chapter you posted at the time, so im not sure how its going to sound without the context of that specific chapter, but i also mentioned in one of my other asks that i add stuff in last minute and that ask i added a shit ton of stuff so i dont have any of that pretyped out so im going by memory.  But im sending it again bc i havent seen you answer it 

(please do not interpret this as ‘why didnt you answer my ask >:/’ or me rushing you to answer asks or anything like that, but like I said its been a year so im assuming tumblr ate it.  If not and you just havent cleaned out your ask box and you find the original, congratulations you’ll know what i originally said.  Bc idk how accurate this will be)

SO

Theres two different ways that you seem to write metaphors (idk if thats what theyre called im not caught up on my literary terminology)

 (im scrolling through your blog rn looking for my other asks and tumblr really did you dirty in your asks system like i started scrolling and the third one down was from 2021 and im fighting for my life trying to find my tag (thank you for my tag btw its very useful to me))

Anywho, most of your metaphors ( to me) can be split into two categories.  Theres the simple ones and the complex ones.  Now this might seem obvious but im going to explain to you how these have different effects on my brain.  

An example of the ‘simple’ ones is  

““If Nanook’s tone had a note of seriousness, then Zuko’s was the entire orchestra.”” (idk what chapter this is from its been a while)

You have a lot of these kinds of whatever the haick kind of literary technique this is (is this a metaphor i’ve been trying to google it for like ½ an hour and i cant figure it out) BUT these type of things that are simple and easy to process is one of my favorite things about the way you write.  I think this is a very common technique but the way you do it to me is just a lot more unique than the ways ive seen it done before.  Its extremely fluent with the voice of the characters and brings a perfect kind of vibe to the ‘conversation’ (or story, text, whatever) and it paints the picture of what your trying to say perfectly.  I also really like how these types of things arent ever in Zukos pov a lot (sometimes it is, but not nearly as much, I’ve noticed) and its not in the more serious like revelations that you drop these in.  Like I said, it adds to the voice of the characters, bc of the contrast of Zuko constantly having revelations and dramatic archs and stuff, and the other characters just in general being a lot more calm.  Its like when youre listening to a song and you have the lyrics and the like ‘main’ music behind the lyrics, but then when you listen to the song a lot you notice the smaller, like backup music that adds a lot to the song and makes it a lot more enjoyable than if it was just the lyrics and the louder more up front music.  

Then in contrast you have the bigger ‘metaphors’ 

An example of this is ‘You curse in words already invented’ 

THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE ENTIRE FIC.  

OF ANY FIC OR BOOK EVER READ

AND THIS IS WHY

When I tell you I could not figure out what this meant for months I am AWFUL with stuff like this and interpreting it my english teachers hate me bc of it.  Id have the question ‘why were the curtains blue’ and my answer would be ‘bc the people who decorated the room like blue maybe theyre interior designers and it goes with the room 😊 and thats so hot of them bc i love blue too’  

But even thought i couldnt figure it out it stayed in my head and i probably thought about it once a day (i mean this literally, i think about that part all the time) and i cant remember the context for that or anything but i do remember that i knew it was a wonderful phrase.  

I’ve mentioned in my other asks how whenever im reading anything at all that you’ve written (whether its tams, or toab, or in the tags of something even if its like 10 words), everything you type comes out so fluidly like a formula or a color wheel or however i put it last time i talked about this.  And this is on the prodigious end of the spectrum of this.  

But phrases like that are another part of the fic, theyre like the lyrics of the song.  Like the phrases that gets all the attention and gets put in fanart and that gets quoted in comment sections because they deserve that recognition and you deserve that recognition and are just a reminder of how incredibly talented you are.  

I mean that in the most sincere way that i know how to express.  

I am constantly in awe of you and your writing style, and i really do think of you as one of the most talented writers of everything ive ever read.  

And something else worth mentioning is that it isnt just your ao3 that portrays that.  Like if I were to just read your ao3 I’d be like ‘oh wow this person is an amazing writer’ But your tumblr persona plays into it a lot more (In my opinion).  Because then you see like more ‘backround’ stuff on ao3.  And more of your system (im not articulating this in the way i mean it very well) and you get privy to the fact that you’re not a 30 year old with a masters in english and that you’ve never had any formal education on writing.  I vaguely remember you talking about a story about a sailor (??? i might be misremembering that) that you wrote when you were a child and thinking ‘oh wow so she’s always been like that’.  And its stuff like that that you dont get on ao3 that kind of reaffirms how incredible of a writer you are.  

And this (to me) makes you a really easy person to admire.  (ik i touched on this in a different ask but i dont remember if it was one of my list asks or not) but as someone who probably isnt going to ever be able to get an education around writing, it kind of reassures me that i dont need that to be great at it.  

(i kind of feel like a lot of the stuff in this ask is too like ‘simple’ or obvious to be given a lot of weight, but this whole thing is about the kinds of things you do that brings me personally joy and the metaphors are one of them so)

Also on an off note when i was looking through your asks to try to find my tag, I noticed that i send you a heavy percentage of your anonymous asks (mainly without my alias) and I thought that was funny.  But also i hope it doesnt come across as obsessive or weird, I swear i do that to a lot of people on here, I’m just a very social person.  .😂

Also Im in your tbos server (lurking in the shadows) and someone pointed out that whenever you do the reaction emojis you always do the white ones, and thats going on the official ‘my favorite things about hella’ list because that was genuinely one of the funniest things ive seen. 

Also the ‘anytime you type its very fluid (im too lazy to scroll up and see how i put it rn) also carrys on to discord.  I think that i could probably block out the user names and be able to figure out that its you talking every time, you have a very distinct way of talking.  

Also i wanted to mention that every time you answer these i read them again and i want to say like 1/3 of what i sasy, i have no recollection of. And i never have any idea what im talking about. so i think thats funny.

LIST ANONNNNNNNNNNNNN BAWLING MY EYES OUT HELLO BABY WELCOME BACK FROM WAR IVE MISSED YOU IM JUST HERE LIKE THIS RN

#this is so something i needed to hear rn bc always during exam season i 'lose' my ability to write like even the writing i do get done #just feels so fucking stale and awful imo and i just have to force myself to push through or else ill have a crisis about it #so i started studying in DECEMBER and it's now almost february exams are done but i CANT get out of that mindset for some reason #like ive been in a really bad writing flunk where im ABLE to write but the stuff i do write just feels genuinely terrible #like im losing it about dog teeth atm bc this story i was so in love with just feels so basic and underwhelming on a reread #and idk how much of that is me being insane and perfectionist and how much is valid criticism #so being told that actually there are people who not only enjoy my writing but are so thoroughly convinced it's a fundamental part of me #and something i am inherently GOOD at to the point even the way i talk CASUALLY is telling of it is just. oughhh im pacing my room #and the fact it doesn't HAVE to be my pretentious prose shit sometimes the more 'basic' stuff is STILL good. you're in my walls #i cant believe you're in the discord i hope you say hi!!! i dont bite!!! <- lying #also those assholes can take my silly white emojis from my COLD DEAD HANDS. white thumbs down will never die #ask #list anon

[batz]

.

#frank.txt #also shit is FUCKED rn . im so STRESSED #my landlord had a landlord moment so we're moving. also this place is getting unbearable #we live near freedom convoy folks and ive been called all sorts of slurs just trying to walk to 7/11 so . idk #maybe the next place will at least have homophobes that aren't as shouty and angry n shit bc GOD. GOD #that one guy that followed me halfway home just yelling slurs like yeah maybe moving out is a blessing in disguise #also this house haa no insulation which is awful in summer and winter #the next place we're going to is more expensive unfortunately but like. its insulated. doesnt have squirrels in the attic. or asbestos. #so uhm yayyy #its in a very secluded farmland area. tbh maybe thats what i need rn bc my physical and mental health arent super sturdy rn #physically feeling a bit bettr tho! just having bubble baths about it <3 #i only post now on my priv twit @dykefiend rn #once things are settled ill go back to posting art . #bc i RLLY want to draw my own stuff soon i just gotta work on commissions wnd then start PACKING #genuinely almost cried last night thinking abt how i'll probably be able to see stars at night again #its the outskirts of the city in a rural area. super rundown broken down house but gorgeous yard. all u can hear is wind ans birds #no sirens or yelling or cars!

[mellotronmkll]

Would love to work my way back up to being the type of person who can do more than 2 or 3 things per week and in fact possibly even does multiple things in the same day but boy I am not there yet

#Still make one plan and then need 5 full days to recover and I'm in awe of people who are like #Yes I had my yoga class this morning then I'm gonna go grab lunch with a friend then I need to go home and work on this thing for a few hou #Then gonna go to a party like that is so far from my life just thinking about it makes me feel anxious but #I would genuinely love for that to be my life but it feels so unthinkable rn #But I just have to keep slowly working at it I guess #Because I've been like that at points in my life however right now we're at the #If I leave my house for a 30 minute walk every day and see one other person besides my partner in a 7 day period #And do One hobby for like 20 minutes a day then that's all I can manage and the week was a success 😭 #But i guess we all have to start somewhere #I. Am literally just so fucking exhausted all the time