#only way to get my brain to shut up

[identitty-dickruption]

one of the worst things in the world is that feeling unloveable can (and will) make you act in ways that reinforces itself. I feel unloveable so I don’t respond to messages so people reach out less so I feel unloveable. one of the hardest things in the world is fighting back the brain demons long enough to break the cycle

#my best friend doesn’t have tumblr but I am mentally sending him so many apologies right now jesus fuckkkkkkk #I feel so fucking awful rn #I went and watched taskmaster and that distracted me a bir #but literally. suicidal thoughts out of nowhere. urge to drink out of nowhere #it’s like. 8:15pm and I’m thinking of just going to bed now #only way to get my brain to shut up #I have such a busy weekend ahead as well #godddddd I want to enter hermit mode so bas #I’m not gonna do anything stupid don’t worry #but I sure Feel Like Doing It

[finifugue]

something something Logan "my best friend on the grid is Oscar" Sargeant

and Oscar "I know Lando the best" Piastri

and Lando "Oscar doesn't play golf or Padel (like me and Carlos)" Norris

and Carlos "most physically affectionate with Charles" Sainz

and Charles "my best friend on the grid is Pierre" Leclerc

and Pierre "why are you all so weird about your teammates I fucking hate my teammate" Gasly

#another day another time pierre beats the gay for ur teammate allegations #fuck wait I forgot about yuki post cancelled pierre also doesn't beat the gay for ur teammate allegations #kevin magnussen you are our only hope #formula 1 #formula one #f1 #lando norris #mclaren #ferrari #charles leclerc #logan sargeant #oscar piastri #carlos sainz #pierre gasly #also before u say 'oh oh but fin carlos was physically affectionate with lando too' shut up. you ever think about that. #my joke wouldn't land unless i could get to charles and that was the only way i could think of it's past midnight brain no worky

[the-holy-ghosted]

congrats 2 henry peglar for being the only bitch confirmed as to be Fucking That Old Man

#the heron giveth #the terror #alright here come the funny tags #bridglar #briglar #people spell it both ways i think. ill do both hujst to be safe #henry peglar #john bridgens #uh um um. uh #peglar x bridgens #THIS FEELS WEIRD. TO TYPE #bridgens x peglar #alright im done good GRIEF #this isnt even that extreme compared to the shit people are putting on ao3 about these two. god. #anyways hi ive watched this show maybe 7 or 8 times? only just recently have i gotten hooked on them #the scripts make me go nuts too. ''they were lovers in their pasts'' shut the fuck up dont say that to me ill start crying #this is the most risque thing i have ever posted on here #getting out of the fandom game for a while rewired my brain i have to get weird again. and boy do they make me feel weird ! #i have a number of terror mutuals who r gonna go nuts over this. fuck yes a little bowl of seeds for me style #this looks blurry posting it hopefully tumblr doesnt crunch the shit out of the quality anyways im done typing goodbye

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again #the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys #saw #well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand #know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows #your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman. #there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn #thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down #something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness #the transformation of a man into a monster #and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption #sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this #do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind. #the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore #it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating #fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn #i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him #until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else #well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God #where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium #anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus #maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man #i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed #if only he hadn't been weaponized first #god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already #but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there #rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts #ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly #cat chat

[svtskneecaps]

took advantage of what may apparently be the last quiet qsmp night for a WHILE to watch through some day 1 vods, since i didn't hop on the train until mid april. holy SHIT there is gold in those metaphorical hills. one day i gotta make a compilation fr but it is so tedious the way i get clips.

anyway here's a collection of highlights:

#qsmp #block game brainrot #shut up vic #for those of you who might not have time to watch a million hours of livestreams lol #a few day 1 gems i haven't seen mentioned recently #can MAYBE find time stamps for those if requested #i was watching phil bad and foolish though i jumped around i didn't watch straight through #i have some time but i don't have 'catch up on qsmp' time #OTHERWISE MAYBE I'D WRITE THE GODDAMN SLIMERIANA TIME LOOP AU GRRRRRRRRR #my brain goes nuts over it constantly but grr grrrr grrrr i didn't see flippa live bc she was DEAD WHEN I ARRIVED #AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MANY VODS SCREAMS. #AND!!! I DON'T!!!!! SPEAK SPANISH!!!!!!!! #anyway lol if anybody knows fast convenient ways to clip vods either on youtube or twitch but mostly youtube lmk #(and by clip i mean 'get video files' idk how clipping works on twitch bc literally qsmp is the only reason i'm on twitch) #anyway it's 4 am enjoy these unhinged tags goodnight 😴 #bbh may have fixed his sleep schedule (allegedly) but balance must be restored to the universe apparently lol #long tags

[bleaksqueak]

While i work I've been listening to an LP of the Telltale Walking Dead Games (the ones with clementine, I do not care about the others lmao). Ages ago when I played these I was well aware/amused that part of season 2 takes place in Parker's Crossroads/Parker's Run because I grew up right next to it and the detail stood out to me. But I never caught the line of "We'll head to parker's run. It's just up the road from here" until just right now. So I had a sort of "wait, where the fuck are they supposed to be right now?" (search)

ARE YOU SHITTING ME LMAO So by process of elimination, since it's the only city with anything even remotely resembling a large home supply store, that would mean they're in my literal hometown. My tiny hometown in the middle of nowhere that's never in anything that barely anyone knows of. How in the fuck lmao

#shut up pu #random stuff #I guess Howe's would be our Co-Op #I moved away forever ago but my brain often still returns to that tiny town. the biggest city in henderson county. lmaoo #Did they just randomly pick a place on the map for the location... parker's crossroads/run surprised me but it's at least more of a thing #i'm upset with myself for never picking up on that before #sorry telltale but we never had a comic book store you have to go all the way over to the next county for that #also your geography's wrong it's east tennessee that has mountains #west tennessee is all hills #i'm being nitpicky but it's out of amusement #of all the places to end up in a zamboni apocalypse #my poor girl clem lucky she made it out at all #lmao I strongly dislike this series all BUT these games with clementine #and I love her so much #goes to show what a good likable character can do #anyway I'm upset that you don't get to go raid the dairyqueen in season 2 #maybe this is an odd thing to post about but I literally come from a #“the nearest starbucks is 40 minutes away” level of tiny nowhere town #and playing this game when it first came out only to realize this detail about a decade later made me spit my drink out

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[itspileofgoodthings]

also I had a breakthrough today that I had in fact overthought a Specific Problem to Death and that I had created a monster in my own mind and that’s why it felt like I was being eaten alive every time I tried to solve it.

#not to put too fine a point on it but that’s what happened with the whole is Maria going to become a nun question tbh #and I needed a counselor to say to me objectively and yet also crucially without any knowledge of me or my past: #you have overthought this and now you’re terrified of it #anyway it’s so obvious but it came home to me today. slowly. #like it was just like. Oh. You did it again #you’re terrified of this because you have thought of every possibility and every outcome and every twist and turn and shadow—- #until it has become a bloated demon in your mind that is totally separated from reality #while made up of real facts and details! and tbh I know it’s a common problem #but the anxiety chokehold I can put myself in is something that is so impressive and so disturbing #I can render myself absolutely helpless through the meanderings of my own thoughts #and what makes it worse—immeasurably worse—is that I get OUT of problems through careful thought and analysis #I’m programmed that way #so I can’t escape it by the usual means. I have to back away from the monster and see it and NAME it and then it can die away. #and only THEN can I apply my usual ways of going about things. I don’t know it just all clicked today #these past few days have just been bringing it all to a fever pitch for me #anyway I guess it’s also important to me that I still be allowed to be analytical about it!!! I have to use my brain!!!!!!! #in my desperation I have tried to shut it off to feel only with my heart. To try to catch the whisper of God’s voice in the wind #but tbh I am meant to use the gifts I have! But only in the right context #and that’s only after the demon has been killed or more accurately —deflated #my counselor has been so good about this tbh. she’s so matter of fact and blunt and salt of the earth and also she sees how my mind works #and wants me to be able to use it!! #so I’m just going to tell her that I did the bad thing with this other problem and can she help me find a way forward #ANYWAY THE MONSTERS TURNED OUT TO BE JUST TREES

[chilapis]

I love posts that are like “imagine your f/o picking you up” because they’re meant to be so sweet and gentle but every time I get picked up by a friend my brain just… shuts down. Like for whatever reason my brain physically fails to compute the situation. I cannot imagine what it would be like with Ajax

#For context I’m the shortest at my law school. Not by exaggeration; I mean ‘we have like a dozen class photos to highlight this fact’. #<- 5’0’’. #So everyone in my friend group has picked me up at least once. #Well. Almost. #The first time it happened this girl literally had a sprained arm but she kept me in the air for a good few seconds and my brain just. shut #Because it was my first time like how the fuck do you respond to that. #I just stood in place and stared at the ground for like 2 minutes after. #The most NOTABLE one was the second one because she was like. Can I pick you up. Let me pick you up. #and I was Iike have you seen yourself? no you’re going to get hurt. #she’s maybe 5’2’’? 5’3’’ only slightly taller by an inch or two. #and she’s like No I hit the gym can I pick You up. Yes or no. so I said fine but I was fully expecting failure. #and then I’m suddenly in the air. #and I was almost so borderline embarrassed after that that I stumbled and fell moments after being put down. #so like. if I have been so absolutely mind-scrambled by that I? don’t think I’ll survive. #Not even in a romantic way I think my brain would just liquify if Ajax picked me up. #Don’t ask me a single thing; don’t tell me a single thing; I’m literally useless for the entire duration of that experience. #🥀

[kavehater]

AAAH I have a mutual who’s 18 and he sorta kinda is flirting with this one guy who is a minor as a joke of course ( to which a concerned anon said that it’s weird ) but I can’t help but flashback to er*s

#granted the er*s situation was thoroughly complex and the reason she did those things was her copism with not being able to pull ( LLLLLLL ) #and ik that guy doesn’t mean any harm etc etc he’s not messed up like some ppl #BUT I DUNNO STILL #sobbing #they’re pretty sweet so #hes* #OH AND HES IRAQI TOO I LEGIT COULDNT BELIEVE THAT #dora daily #lowkey kinda sorta sad that a whole anon was more concerned than ppl i knew and who knew my age #and freely saw it happen so readily #and everyone else on that blog #genuinely and utterly disappointed #it’s always protect minors until the minors need protecting goddamn #this is especially directed at rhy yeah I’m not censoring that #🤷‍♀️ #too busy simping over minor characters who don’t have a time skip in canon and aging them up then complaining about it when ppl call out #the brain deadery of that behaviour #girl pls #you did not care about minors from the beginning literally bye #e[redacted] literally ruined my brain chemistry to say the least I will never go into how what she did absolutely muddled my brain never #told anyone and I don’t think I can ever tell someone ever #not to mention practically hyperventilating being unable to breath literally going into madness and ppl think that I’m overreacting and #telling me to shut up about it and blaming me for the situation as if I wanted any of this #lmaolmaolmao #all that and I was expected to do uni girl byeeee I need a good century to recover at least ☠️ #the only thing I DID want is friends but clearly that was a hard ask when ppl can get friends just by existing on this god forsaken app #atp I don’t even know what to say literally just wth #yall say mdni with your dumbass banners and decorate it like something special when yall are the ones to keep from minors you disgusting #wastes of clean oxygen 😭 mdni my foot gross ass adults should’ve never trusted them #the way I’d give them therapy to their complex traumas ☠️ imagine relying on a minor for therapy

[squidult]

there is no joy in ocd, only repetitive pain that circles back on itself and violates you and your sense of self.

#ocd #emotional journaling #i am doing way better than i was-say- three years ago #but that is because i did painstaking work to get better #i still feel violated by this disorder and only want it to leave #but i am stronger #right now i have an obsession that nothing 'feels right' because im secretly an awful person and repressing it #i dont like that at all #its so very dumb! #shut the fuck up brain! #lemme think about my blorbos instead!

[heatobrienswife]

.

#tw: death #tw: irl death #tw: parent death #ok those tags will make sense in a moment but! cause I've been going back through my s/is lore it made think a lil deeper into her #relationship with o'b (true heat) n well the thought of them talking about kids came up #both o'b n myself irl have a genetic that can lead to terminal illness n cause my s/i is me she has it too #o'b carries a disease in his blood that killed his sister n mine can lead to terminal cancer not 100% but I'm more likely to possibly get it #over someone who doesn't have the same gene it's what killed my own dad irl #so i like the idea of both of them like bonding on that level knowing they both have like this *monster* inside them inside their genetics #n well its comforting to me to know he knows exactly how i feel irl #idk cause of the whole his ashes finally being ready for pick up thing it sorta opened old *wounds* n my fear of dying like he did #i know I'm gonna die someday everyone is but i don't wanna die the way he did #i think I'm venting uogihviyv not what i meant to do! I'm not looking for comfort! just brain werms went screwy lol #but i really like the idea of the two of them having a bonding moment over their fears n grief in a way that only people in that position #can #n it's comforting so ojghvihfiv #shut up rattie no one gives a shit lol

[dbphantom]

you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight

#so really this is all your fault /lh /j #i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy #VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP #i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud #CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST #i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw #that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough) #it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly #desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around #like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT #his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me #how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil #and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it #like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her #i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him #the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why #when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them) #i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past #once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber #i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over #zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik #like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn' #i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove #RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up #big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home #like i kind of feel bad for him in a way #but i feel bad for everyone #i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!! #i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row #especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again

[the-physicality]

.

#are we ready to have a conversation about the definition of “best goalie in the world” yet? #i'm being a bitch but i've held off on this #on the upside at least we were never shut out and we don't have to play fucking ******* #to my first point this is the problem with not having a consistent league #international play is so limited that you cannot judge based on that and you cannot judge based on college #i mean tbt to last year's red stars #we should also have a conversation about how obsessed we are with shooting the puck low #and every other team has a couple of snipers #and if we sniped a little more instead of doing the fake outs we might be in a different place #im just so tired #and not to rub it in but we were never going to win the cup #like somehow every team plays their best against us #i hope erin ambrose still gets defender of the year #and i hope ******* ******* does not get 4 awards #like if you see someone coming at you 1-1 have you considered moving back in your crease a bit #i would also be interested to know if the order gets shaken up #because again if you are only playing internationally with the best defenders protecting you #then how much are you really tested #same could be said for campbell though #i maintain that montreal's biggest enemy is their brains #and he was way out of crease on a lot of these #and if you look at frankel or campbell's positioning they are never that far out #also we have to talk about the face offs being atrocious tonight #like i said i'm glad it's over #and like i said before i think i prefer the winning the league situation instead of the playoff setup #maybe minnesota pulls it out #but at the end of the day we are undefeated in regulation playoff hockey #brings me to another point which is would it not make more sense that you have to get 9 of 15 points in a playoff series #and so then the score would be 3-6 and we'd still be in it #like continue with the points system

[youremyonlyhope]

why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up why won't my brain shut up

#i'm overthinking something that i did and was told off for doing by my director #and on my way home i was thinking when was the last time i was even talked to like that during a production #and then i remembered the costume experience from hell of only a couple months ago that i've already began blocking out #but the thing is that that person was someone i knew i'd never have to work with again #i mean at first i thought i would have to work with them more. then they announced they were moving away immediately #so i only had to deal with them face to face for another weekish after that point and anytime they yelled at me #i was like 'cool. i'll do exactly what you say to do. and nothing more.' but then of course me being me #i did some extra stuff and they initially were like 'oh that's pretty' and then days later told me to cut everything i added #and like sure i get that the show was frozen but girl. that costume was unfinished. i was trying to finish it. it was frozen but looked bad #anyway. whenever they yelled at me and had actual malice in their heart i was like whatever. i was hurt. but i didn't care as much. #but this time it's someone i've worked with many many times before and it was about a habit i have that i know isn't great #but at the same time the thing that prompted it wasn't even me doing this habit it was something else #but she interpreted it as that habit and said that i can't do that on a production she's directing #and that if i couldn't stop then i could pull out from the production and there'd be no hard feelings between us #and honestly i think her reassuring that she knows i'm valuable and that she wants me there while also telling me not to do this thing #and the fact that she's someone i like working with and will continue to work with just made it all hurt so much more #especially since she referenced another past production we've done where i didn't even realize she had noticed that i do this. #and i found myself in near tears. and still am kind of in near tears. i can't decide if i need to cry or not. #and i had NO sleep last night so i was looking forward to sleeping tonight but now i'm just overthinking EVERYTHING #and like. i know everything will be fine. if i just stop inserting myself and stick to just my specific tasks. it'll be fine. #but this is one of the ways my ocd manifests. i feel like i have to personally fix something i notice going wrong. or it'll be bad. #because every single time i choose to sit back and not be nosy when i notice something it ends up bad in a way i could have prevented #if i just inserted myself in a situation i technically wasn't part of but knew i could help or fix. so i just need to not do that. #but then i feel guilt if it does go wrong in the ways i immediately assumed it would and in a way i could prevent. #and i've been trying to work on this for like 6 months and aaaahhhh it's hard and being called out on it from her just really really hurt #i still may or may not cry. i don't know. the irony of me telling my therapist THIS MORNING that it's been a while since i last cried. #and the universe being like 'i took that as a challenge' and handing me this situation for me to spiral over. #i need to leave things alone. i need to stare straight ahead. and ignore whatever isn't specifically for me to do. but ahhh i want to help #and then of course my mom has this same habit and it annoys me when she does it yet i do it to other people and ahhhhhhhh #brain please just shut up. i need to sleep. i have to work tomorrow.

[iscariotapologist]

recovering from growing up adventist is like 50% unlearning the belief that the world is ending 15% trying to accept feeling normal human attraction to other people 15% acting normal on saturdays and 20% convincing yourself that you won't forfeit your eternal soul and make god hate you by eating pork or shrimp

#i don't really like pork + don't care for the state of animal welfare on pig farms generally so i only eat it if its being given to me #but i cant pretend like i dont still have a dumb hangup about it. like oh my god we are not going to get brain worms and die please shut up #and i really hate the texture of shrimp but i'm working on my other seafood tolerance #would actually love to see a paper on the incidence of disordered eating among diet restricted adventists. for normal reasons #it's not even that they just eat 'kosher' (they don't they don't ever know what that actually means) but the whole 'health message' bs #is so like. i could have turned out way worse #and i'm not doing great! tbh #thinking about the time my mother threw a whole fit in a public restaurant because i got something that happened to have bacon bits #god anyway i am totally normal about being invited over for dinner involving pork #me #ex sda