#I go days at a time without a shower.

[sonic-wildfire]

.

#Well the depression has gotten real bad. #For the first time I’m seriously considering suicide. #I can hardly pull myself out of bed and do schoolwork. #I go days at a time without a shower. #And any free time I have is spent rotting away in front of a screen #I avoid socializing nearly completely. #Even when its with my own family. #Dim economic prospects and even dimmer political outlooks. #Bleak forecasts on climate change and imperialism and capitalism and etc etc etc. #Being autistic in a world exclusively meant for neurotypicals makes matters worse #I have a therapist already but we meet only every three months. #And I’m afraid my parents just won’t get it so I usually don’t tell them much. #What’s the point? I end up back here every time. #No progress. No change. No hope. #vent

[tapakah0]

#you #... #you... #Congrats with surviving... I hope it wasn't too bad... #We had something similar last year #We live in a kind of a distant village #And our streets are connected to one heating system #And it was so cold last year that this station just broke #Me and my sister have been without water electricity and heat first day *giggle* It was funny to wear 2 complects of cloths and jacket #It was... like... -14 inside of home? *giggle* #On the second day we at least got electricity back and got a little heater (We were separated from parents so the have been calling 3 #times per day XDD) We closed all doors to not let the heat outside #Since we got sick and couldn't take a shower #We were able to go to school but we looked like shit XDD #Then we were lying next 2 days like potatoes in one room with a heater... it felt awful XDD #They couldn't fix the main heating system for almost 3 days #It was... funny.... never want to experience the same again and hope you will not too

[tenspontaneite]

Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn

#covid #life of sponty #ive been sick since i got back home on 12th #infected probably 1 to 3 days before that #so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid #and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion #i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed #it's effort to stroke the cat #the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery #just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them #shits fucked bruh #also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke #it's wild #desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever #i love onions #i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine #cough was only monstrous for like a day #rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable #the fatigue is wack though #I've never been this weak before #it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective #this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks

[subway-boss-jericho]

Guys this may come as a surprise but as it turns out i just might need ADHD medication. Like. Badly. shocker, i know

#this is supposed to be read in a joking tone. sarcasm mostly. #Because if you've been following this blog then it is SO OBVIOUS #but yeah who would have guessed that looking at people who can do tiny doodles every day and going 'i could never do that' isnt normal #or the fact that posting on social media takes multiple hours of scripting in my head and the same amount of spoons as taking a shower #so the concept of regularly posting on a blog (hi there blog reader. this is the blog) is so cosmically far away for me that i literally #cant imagine all of the fandom people i love not being literal deities of the internet and algorithm conquerors who always know what to do #I HOPE THIS IS PUTTING IN PERSPECTIVE HOW BIG OF A REVELATION FOR ME THIS IS #I LITERALLY COULDNT COMPREHEND HOW PEOPLE COULD JUST “POST STUFF ON THE INTERNET” WITHOUT CAREFULLY CURATING IT AND THINKING ABOUT IT FOR #WEEKS AT A TIME BEFORE SHARING. MEMORIZING ALL THE TAGS TO PUT ON IT FOR PEOPLE TO SEE. How people could just post anything at all. #without wanting to give up before you even start #damn so. executive dysfunction sure fuckin is huh #i hope this helps give insight into the struggles i'm facing writing steady tracks or sharing content of my other aus online in the middle #of college/now having a job. its been hard but i havent been able to justify why until right now #so every time i post #please assume it is a cry for help 🤣 #Tag Ramble #Not Submas

[hwanghyunjinenthusiast]

.

#today is probably the best day I've had in a very very long time #i took a long shower did some pretty thorough skin care which are my favourite self care activities #finally restocked my toiletries #actually started the book i need to do for my essay #i haven't felt this good in probably a concerning amount of time lol #and now I'm going to tap out #I'm hoping I have enough energy to work on this fic #I'm a little disappointed that i didn't post it today like i would have liked to but hey i made significant progress in other areas of my #life today #it feels nice and it's also nice reminding myself that i can do these things without wearing myself thin #rj talks #also i think everyday i grow more and more grateful that i chose to take a gap year #lowkey it's the main thing pushing me through this last stretch #just the thought of finally getting a break #I'm so excited for all the writing plans i have ontop of the gap year plans you guys have no idea #you're going to be sick of how much i post lol #not to jinx things but

[doom-dreaming]

how do i tell my mother that coming into my room calling me "lazybones" if i'm still in bed at any time past 7 a.m. for YEARS has done near-irreparable damage to my self-esteem and created shame about being able to just fucking relax?

#but she can rot on the couch playing mahjong on her ipad all day it's fine #i don't feel at all angry when i come home dirty and tired from work #and she tells me i'm making dinner #while she sits curled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a book #sure mom. let me just take a shower and i'll get right on that #but please do let me know how hungry you are five times while i'm trying to scrape together some energy #i need to get out of this house #some small part of me kinda hopes she just doesn't come back from vacation #and. and . #as i'm giving her a VERY NICE vacation pedicure last night #she goes 'hey could i maybe use your hardcase on this trip? it'd just be easier in a customs search' #oh the brand new really nice hardcase suitcase that you got me for my birthday? that one? #not one of the four other suitcases you own? #sure. go ahead and take it #anythign else i can get you queen? #my belongings are not my own #my life is not my own #my time is not my own #yes i know i have control issues but i think i've earned them a little bit #i never learned to set boundaries and could never say no to my mom without being reprimanded #and i feel like a shell of a person because she's belittled my individuality if it doesn't conform to her worldview #and i feel like i'm dangling this husk in front of people and saying 'yep this is me. my whole essence' #all because i can't say no to her taking my fucking suitcase like it was never really mine to begin with #like she's just entitled to all my shit #i'm fine. i have a meeting with my therapist next week. i'm fine.

[extemporary-username]

Looking up while brushing my teeth

It's me in the mirror

Hadn't seen him in a while

Welcome back, me

#I've been so giddy lately #actually no clue what giddy means but it feels like a nice word #im literally trembling with stress sometimes and school is killing me #but i wake up in the morning. take a shower. brush my teeth and get nice NICE comfy clothes #and i make breakfast and make my bed #and feed gato and help mom and start the day on time #and enjoy speaking in class and proposing stuff #and every day i have to have lunch in a hurry so i can come home and feed gato and brush my teeth and go back to class #and its awful but i still do it cause i love gato #and i spend some time with friends and maybe i eat a little dessert cause i deserve it #and i do my homework and have dinner and organize the house a bit #and brush my teeth. play with gato. put on pajamas #maybe text some friends and read some fanfics #and i go to sleep and i sleep well even if gato wakes me up at 2am #and im just #living #and i wake up the next day and realize. i couldn't have done this a year ago #and every day i wake up is amazing cause i got so close to giving up #im very glad im still alive #love mom and gato and this small corner of the internet and my friends #and i love myself #couldn't have done this without me #god im crying aksjdjdjdjsk #lukkas rambling nonsense #They said 'TrAnsiTiOniNg DoEsnT CuRE dePreSsIon' #AND IT DOESN'T but GOD DOES IT HELP

[bidisasterevankinard]

So sad and anxious (and I guess touch starved) I literally felt sick being not in one specific hoodie (good thing it's not hot today) and for hours I don't want to take it off

#diana.txt #roler coaster of my days #yesterday super productive #today super sad #like i had a breakdown in shower #never felt so bad #going to cry myself to sleep #and yep if you will not see me some next days it's ok #just need some time without socials I guess

[myownprivatcidaho]

whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk

#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk. #hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just .... #god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go #in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car #and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour #in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot #i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh #yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half #and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more #and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually #has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for. #entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ. #so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my #hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that #so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he #check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked #and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding #and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing #(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk #i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used #and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i #and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really #appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really #understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway #from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out' #and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that #i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like. #after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away #but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is: #crushposting

[fivefeetfangirl]

convention money is crazy. i wish i could make that kind of cash just from taking pics with people and signing my name on shit. lord what misha and jensen made in two days would feed and house me for a decade easy. madness. i bet they got free food all weekend too. fuck my entire life aint worth $250k. i could literally sell everything i own, a kidney and my ass to a dozen dudes and still be 90% short of what misha and jensen made this past weekend.

you and me nonny, you and me 😔

personally im good. i dont need their money. i'll wear my wool sweater and wool socks and keep warm etc etc but it just feels so unrealistic sometimes. like they really do be living such a completely different life than most of their fans. thinking about con prices and such really is crazy. im not gonna come on here and say they should do this and this with their money but i do hope they do feel some resposibility to do something useful with it

#the thing is. im fine. im good. my uni is covered like 99% by the state. i have my student loan which im saving for something else. and i #live with my family during normal uni days (not rn tho). and i get that theyre in like a completely different period in their lives. they #have worked like 30+ years and i know misha comes from a poor family and i do know he often donates to charity which is nice #but like every time i actually sit down and think about the numbers. jeez. like. one picture. i payed 120 euros for ONE picture with misha. #and i get that i dont have it bad. i went to a con. im going to a con. but like. i do that and have to not do something else. yk? i have to #choose. imagine never having to think things through without buying (omg re rob and the watch or whatever) #anyways. idk. feels weird. the world is unfair (i hate saying that). and i doubt they (jenmish) will get cheaper and i doubt cons will stop #so yeah. i suppose it kinda is a it is what it is situation #stuff like this is always so weird. we mock my dad for going on business trips and stuff. but for him thats tiring. so like i get its their #job to do cons and thats tiring. but for me. (us?) an outsider. it sure looks like a really easy job. idk. im just ranting and throwing #thoughts out there. hi! if you bothered reading this far down <3 #funny that my feet are freezing rn. the amount of wool clothes im wearing you guys. crazy. gonna take a hot shower later to warm up

[ur-humble-overlord]

every time i feel like im ready to explode i am granted a new horror to my shit sandwich

#lost in the sauce but its me drowning in every new layer of things happening in my life rn #at first it was a bachelorette on my birthday that i cannot afford. and then we were told it was one night. it was originally all weekend #then i got told we're moving #ok. i already have time off for my birthday. so i guess i have time for all this now. #now the new apt has water damage and i cannot move into it on my long weekend. i do not have the pto to get another long weekend. #ok. fine. i will pack on my birthday. #no. you have jury duty that week. you COULD'VE got pto for that but you have too many important things to miss. #ok. #ur jury duty would've rlly helped your moving btw. if that was happening anymore. #ok thanks. #like anything else? genuinely? anyone else have something they need me for this month before i spontaneously combust? #anyway im going to make dinner #so i can go to my cousins baby shower. #so i can go see my in laws #when i haven't seen my own family in like a month but ive spent the past few weekends with them. #and will continue to spend my weekends with them for this wedding my partner is in. #which im not but since we're engaged im expected to help without any of the recognition of being in a wedding. its cool. #like 3 of my precious pto days were used for this but its good. #i just am not allowed to take unpaid days off without a writeup. #even if i feel like i wanna die i am out of time off. #its soooo good im sooooo in a great place. #biting and biting and biting and biting the pto system at my work

[musashi]

people in the tags of that covid post like 'lol i had no reaction to the vaccines to if i get it i'll probably be fine'

bestie.

back up.

#wordy wendy #THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS #i cant stress enough when i say i had no reaction to any of my 4 shots #i mean i had NO reaction #not even arm pain #NOTHING #no fatigue. no fever. no aches. no nothing. i had a bandaid on my arm. that was it. #getting covid?? omicron?? the 'mild' variant??? #i've literally never been that sick in my life #my immune system is bulletproof. i can go years without getting sick #when i say i had a fever for 15 days i mean FOR FIFTEEN DAYS #i checked every hour multiple times an hour #(“why” because im a sickfic writer i have to know exactly what every degree of a fever feels like to write it good. get off my dick) #if it broke at all it broke while i was sleeping #all i did was wander around like slime and sit in the shower and read franmaya fic and crack my whip at the walls #do not get cocky

[catgirlwizard]

.

#personal #its ridiculous how i was so depressed 2 days ago and then my partner was like. whay if i came over right now even though #its almost midnight. and what if i slept over at your house for 3 nights in a row. and now im sitting here having eaten breakfast for the #first time in like 4 weeks and feeling happy waiting for him to wake up so we can shower together and were #gonna go on a build-a-bear date and i no longer feel like i deserve to d*e with him here #hes just so sweet and i love him a lot and im really lucky to have him in my life <3 ive never been in a relationship where i felt this #safe and comfortable and accepted before and i know he hasnt either and its just nice #definitely helps that were both trans autistic queers with parental trauma so theres a lit about each other that we understand without #needing to explain it in depth #but also he really values communication and even thiigh im so used to shutting all my feelings off and not telling people about them #im trying really hard to not do that with him and its? nice not bottling everything up for once? #he really listens to me when i talk and tries to understand and respect my boundaries all the time and its realy nice to have that #ive been awful at establishing boundaries in past relationships and i didnt feel like my boundaries mattered to at least one ex so its #a nice change of pace to have someone go out of their way to make me feel reapected and valued like thay #and thats not even mentioning all the hot gay transgender sex we have because like. both being on t kind of makes that a necessity dhdjdjdj #its just nice having him in my life and feeling loved and cared for and getting to love and care for him back and im so lucky #that everything fell into place for us to date each other because i really dont know what id have done without him this past half a year #this is so long fhdjsjsjsj im just waoting for him to get up and feeling emotional about how much of a good influence he is in my life <333

[fooltofancy]

me: i'm never gonna shave my head again.

me immediately after starting to cut my hair in order to grow out my undercut: i am shaving my head again.

#like Less this time #not a whole lot less but less #all of the blonde is gone anyway #second shower of the day time #it's been driving me insane #now it's going to drive me insane in new and exciting ways #i will be so insufferable for like three months until it's long enough to be in my face #who am i without hair in my face i hate seeing #what if i just kept shaving the sides and had the wolfcut of my dreams #i say as if my hair isn't so fucking straight #it is not meant to be ): #didn't have enough of the dye i wanted and everthing went downhill from there

[mwagneto]

thing is i have Non Specific Whatever that means i don't ever sweat unless it's like 100000°c and i'm working out or smtg meaning neither me nor my clothes ever get stinky so i can go without showering/doing laundry for like.... longer than I'd like to admit. which is great since i have uhhhhh depression so it's insanely hard to get myself to shower a lot of the time so i skip it often but there's no way to tell anyone this without them thinking I'm nasty which is probably fair but hey if noone can tell what's the harm right. so im telling it to you guys instead, the unspecified thousands of people that live in my phone. at least i never get cold and never have to use deodorant. ayoooo. all this is to say GUESS WHO just did laundry for the first time since august♥. uhm

#like seriously I've been wearing the same shirt since tuesday both to school and to bed and it #still smells of nothing but vague laundry detergent #it's bad coz it enables a lot of my depression habits like not showering/doing laundry/changing the #bedsheets but also i probably wouldn't do those anyway and at least this way i dont smell awful #i will have to wash my hair soon tho it's been 9 days #im training it to last a week without washing and it made it to day 9 without looking nasty but i think it's time now #well not now im too tired but tomorrow. also im going over to the house of one of #my tumblr mutuals who i know is reading this so. sorry bro #i will change my shirt. for You #or will i ;-) #barking

[quietblissxx]

Cozy

#my Friday night self care was a long shower and a chicken salad lmao #I'm going to be ok. losing you broke me for months the first time. but i was prepared this time. it hurts but this time i know I'll survive #i looked for you every day then every week then every month. but I'm not doing that again. you said goodbye. you left without a trace. #I'll let you go. life put you in my path and I'm grateful it did. everything has a purpose. fate is a place and time. #me #personal #i know i mattered. i think that will have to be enough.