#like i had a breakdown in shower

[bidisasterevankinard]

So sad and anxious (and I guess touch starved) I literally felt sick being not in one specific hoodie (good thing it's not hot today) and for hours I don't want to take it off

#diana.txt #roler coaster of my days #yesterday super productive #today super sad #like i had a breakdown in shower #never felt so bad #going to cry myself to sleep #and yep if you will not see me some next days it's ok #just need some time without socials I guess

[that-was-anticlimactic]

i think it’s really interesting how ritsu is just as big of a conman as reigen is. like, reigen is a financial conman and ritsu isn’t, but they both put on masks and they both hide who they really are. reigen tricks everyone into thinking he’s psychic and that he’s this charismatic, has his life together, happy guy and he fools a lot of people. and ritsu tricks everyone into thinking that he’s the perfect loving brother and student, that he’s got everything together, that he’s just the kindest most normal middle schooler. and it works. and i find it interesting how it... it doesn’t really seem to work on each other? like, ritsu sees right through reigen even with “proof” that he may really be psychic. he knows it’s all a lie. and i honestly feel like reigen can see through ritsu’s whole facade and knows that he’s hiding who he really is. and in a way, they both resent each other for it. ritsu doesn’t want to turn out like reigen, but he’s scared and is so used to suppressing everything about himself that he doesn’t know how to be himself. and reigen sees ritsu and sees bits and pieces of himself when he was younger and sometimes that makes it hard for him to be around ritsu. and sometimes he just wants to throttle ritsu and tell him to stop and not to do what he did, but he Knows that won’t be enough to convince ritsu and he’s also scared.

they’re both just two conmen fooling everyone around them because they’re cowards and are scared that they aren’t lovable unless they are their mask

#sorry had a breakdown in the shower #maybe this is a stretch but i also just. do not care because the reigen and ritsu parallels are just. THEY ARE THERE!!! #and they aren't supposed to be the main focus and maybe aren't intentional but. they EXIST!!! #i mean... they're the biggest conmen in the series (except dimple ig but his was like evil conman until he decided nah so he doesn't count) #like yeah mob suppressing parts of himself but he doesn't put on this whole facade that he's someone totally different from who he really is #and you could maybe argue that teru had a facade but really he just confused who he really was for someone he wasn't so it wasn't #intentional and he wasn't trying to fool anyone and serizawa literally was just scared and wasn't able to find out who he was until #post world domination arc and he was probably trying not to think about who he was as a person so he just Was #and shou knows he who is and he embraces it and prolly Definitely exaggerates his personality when he's scared or because he feels like he #has to but he doesn't try and trick anyone into thinking he's someone he's not bUT RITSU AND REIGEN DO #AND I JUST #OUGH #sorry for the breakdown lol i have had ritsu feelings All Day #mp100 #ritsu kageyama #reigen arataka

[sparkles-oflight]

Tomorrow I'm cutting my hair again. This is your chance to mourn my small curls

#yesterday I took a shower then I had a breakdown and forgot to brush my hair that's why I got curls today #I don't actually like my curls that nuch #*much #and I had finally found a way to 'tame my hair' #but today I'll alowed them to be #random #random shit #maria papoila

[mrpenguinpants]

crying mr pengu how are you T T

#holy shit im so tired #I'm here to do my yearly check in to let everyone know I'm still alive #out here trying to find the lowest quality image of this sad cat thumbs up #im in my feels #like im going to go take a shower fully clothed kind of sad feels #im having my geto moment except i don't want to kill humans #that sounds really misleading actually if you've seen jjk #no one died #he's just the first person i thought of that had a mental breakdown in the shower #I should rephrase I'm having my late-night taxi cab through downtown with my head against the car window while the lights pass by #but like not in a good ✨ I'm discovering myself kind of way ✨ #super duper big mwah #lovely anon #anon ask

[squidthechaotickid]

everything will be ok :) https://www.tumblr.com/sonic-voices/164562137054/everythingll-be-okay?source=share

I am literally going to cry thank you tails

#Also thank you anon I really really really appreciate it #Took a shower. Am feeling marginally better. #Uhhhh kinda vent further on in the tags so warning for that #My room is kinda messy and it's such a stupid minor thing to have a breakdown about but I physically cannot #Clean it and I don't know why and the fact it's dirty is making everything worse #WHICH. isn't the only issue actually I have a lot of those rn but today was just really stressful and exhausting #And I feel bad and gross #The shower did help tho #AND. Positive note I guess. IT TOOK ME LIKE 3 HOURS BUT I FOLDED MY BASKET OF LAUNDRY #Laundry is horrid and it had been sitting there for like 2 weeks unfolded BUT I DID IT so I think I'm kinda proud of me now idk #Anyways thank guys this too will pass I'll be okay

[indigo]

living with other people really fucking sucks sometimes

#bitching in tags you were warned #my roommate pulled me aside on saturday and basically launched into me about how she does all the cleaning in our house which #she doesn't!!! #i do all the dishes everytime i use the kitchen and take out the trash and recycling and put away stuff she and our other roomie leave out #but she started pressuring me to do way more time intensive stuff like cleaning the floors and the shower more and just #i fucking can't #i am out of the house from 9a to 9p most nights and when i am here i'm either wfh or sleeping or crashing #so now im trying to fucking clean at night before i get ready for bed and i can't take it #i feel so judged and like shes resenting me all the time and i keep having like fucking mental breakdowns every night #when i'm trying to fall asleep #and i'm so frustrated bc her standard of clean is like pristine which is way different from me and our other roomie #and we never misrepresented ourselves to her we said we were tidy but had trouble keeping up with bigger clean stuff and she said it was ok #so why are you acting brand new about it one year later!! #i can't cope like my schedule was punishing enough as it is

[bitchapalooza]

Do you ever have moments where your period is like a week late and you’re not having any pms symptoms or whatever and so you panic about it but then you remember you’re both a virgin and asexual? Yeah…. I’m not always the brightest….

#thinking back to when I was like 17 feeling nauseous and bloated and about a week late #convinced myself I was pregnant and had a breakdown in the shower 😂 #looking back on it it was actually so fucking funny #I saved the embarrassment at least and didn’t tell my mom or friends #talkies

[chaelinsbitch]

.

#it's so embarrassing to have these kinds of issues at my grown ass age #but like today i felt so big and and gross and disgusting being myself and walking around #so i put a jacket on and buttoned it up so i could hide in it #and later my friend was telling me about how ppl keep approaching hee to talk to her and practice their English #im like lol no one has done that w me lmao enjoy your white privilege #and shes like its not that i look approachable and nice #and im like oh i dont? im very friendly? i smile at and and greet everyone #and she basically said that i look intimidating and mean #and idk like #i was alr doing poorly mentally but that set me to spiral #and everytime someone looked at me i wanted to die and throw up i felt so nauseous #when we finally got back to our room i like ran into the bathroom and cried for an hour lmfao #me having the most mentally ill breakdown ive had in years in the shower in the room over my friends #talking to her family and being all close like they talk every day #meanwhile mines such a fucking mess #ong idk like #im sitting on the floor in my hotel room crying what the fuck is wrong with me

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

#text post #long post #tw ptsd #ngl kind of feeling exhausted and can't think of what other tws to add so if y'all see one I should have pls msg me and I can add asap #here or on discord if u have my discord info whatever works #im going to shut my laptop down shower and try to force myself to cry in there #bc the fact that I haven't had a big physically painful sob session means I'm not fully done with this rough patch bc they ALWAYS get bette #after I have The Big Sob Session #until I have it I just have to work hard to keep myself together and not let it affect other stuff which tbh #this stuff ive carried so long that even in like. active breakdown or wtf ever u wanna call it #masking and getting by in public is somehow still easy enough #but that's another thing I'm fucking off to the shower pls cross ur fingers and toes that i at least cry a little in there so I can sleep l

[mynameisbillandimaheadcase]

,

#there are nicer weys to tell someone the need to go take a shower that you know yelling at them that they stink and it is unpleasant to be #around them #like just yelling at me that i need to go shower literally doesn't motivate me to #especially bc i was planning on doing it on Monday bc i had already showered yesterday #maybe she could have sed to me : hey you took a shower yesterday but still smell like sweat ( is everything okay) #the answer is no #i am on vacation but i am so fucking stressed i keep sweating bc of it #but she just wanted to yell at me so i guess it doesn't matter #she is angry and as always i am her punching bag #i told her that the magnifying glass made no difference since i can already see the flowers clearly i get yelled at #i tell her that i prefer to stey home and do hw i get yelled at #i didn't do my hw bc she made me go out i get yelled at #and after all that i get out of the shower and she asked me if i want to let her blowdry my hair like nothing happened #no ofc i don't want #to #i just had a breakdown on the shower that she triggerd i h*rt myself and i am now in pain bc of that #i don't want you anywhere near me #i honestly feel like i am going insane #how can she do that to me #and i literally ahave no proof except that i go on record mode anytime she speaks but it's always her word against mine #i am pretty sure in a few hours i will be blaming myself for everything #one moment she screams at me and the other she pretends that nothing happened #but yeah i am sure i am just making it up #/s

[loveofastarvingdog]

deeply upset rn but upset about being upset. god loves to give trans guys complexes

#timothy's txts. #upset at my sibling for coming to my apartment to do schoolwork and then staying a long time so now it’s too late to take a shower #when we had already decided to do it at THEIR apartment 🤪👍 #and now i’m really anxious and frustrated and it’s the same type of overwhelmed as before #like i’m gonna have a breakdown really quick #like on saturday. god i’m pissed but mostly because i’m so fucking scared right now #if i had a panic attack i’d feel better #tw emoji

[victory-cookies]

.

#how to I explain to my parents that sometimes I just need comfort bc advice makes me feel useless #I just had a breakdown in front of my mom while I was explaining how my friend is moving #and i just wanted a hug. I just wanted to hear that things would be okay #but they always have to give advice. I know it’s just because they see me struggling and want to help #but it always makes me feel like shit. and if I try to voice how what they’re suggesting doesn’t seem helpful to me #they just tell me to get out of my own head or say that everyone goes through stuff like this and I just need to focus on the good #or a some other empty bullshit #which I want to do! Don’t get me wrong I want to see the good I want to romanticize the mundane I want to be grateful for what I have! #but the idea of going back to school and having no friends and doing meaningless busywork for eight months makes me want to vomit! #and I just want them to fucking hold me for fucking once and tell me they know it’s hard but that they love me and it’ll be okay! #And I don’t know how to tell them that! #but every time I try to reach out for comfort I end up feeling worse! #and now I’m sitting here bawling my nails half painted not enough time to shower and needing to go to bed #dreading school even more than I did an hour ago #I just want them to hold me. I just want to know they’re there. #vent

[unimportantweirdo]

it's an odd feeling when you realise you've actually been doing pretty well like there's been a couple hiccups but nothing drastic and it kinda feels like the other shoe really should be dropping

#i havent hurt myself deliberately in months #i havent had a panic attack in months #i have coping skills that are helpful and im getting better at recognising when i feel bad #depersonalisation is an issue but its not too bad most of the time #i let myself sleep in today because i was so tired and i woke up an hour later feeling awake and ready to shower #anyway i kinda feel like i should have a panic attack or a breakdown or something #just because that part of me is fading a little and it it spiteful and hurting and doesnt want to leave #thats okay lil guy i wont forget you #you dont have to hurt me to be a part of me

[helloidkwhatimdoing-0]

I've been trying to get myself to revise all weekend but im clearly burnt out and clearly struggling with my executive dysfunction so I know I should just give myself a break, but I left my revision till the last minute again, so if i don't revise now then I'll have to go into a test having done no revision, so I'll probably fail, and like, yeah it's only finance, but thats the problem, it's only finance, and its gonna make me sound like a stuck up bitch but thats why i can't fucking fail it, like failing any of my subjects already makes me want the ground to swallow me up, but failing finance??? Failing arguably the easiest fucking subject i do, the one thats nowhere near as important and difficult as the others? I think I'd throw up, I'd cry and I'd throw up and I'd be so mortifyingly embarrassed, but now i don't know if I'll pass or fail or what because i didn't do any fucking revision because I'm burnt out because I've had so many fucking tests for no reason and I'm so fucking tired and fuck

#moss mumbles #moss vents #tonight on moss has a fucking breakdown #im gonna shower. and then I'm gonna try and skim read the textbook. and then im just gonna sit and pray i have good luck tomorrow #(i am not religious—) #and when it hits 10 oclock im going to sit and draw for a bit #and maybe I'll try and get up early so i can do a little revision then who knows #with how its going now. i might wake up tomorrow and immediately have a panic attck. wouldn't that be fun <33 #also im sorry this post makes me sound so fucking stuck up. like i know school isn't *that* important #but its also sort of the only consistent thing I've had going for me for my whole life so uh. yeah #if I'm not clever then who the fuck am i or whatever

[picturesque-score]

i am a failure

#i need a hug so bad i fucking failed my writing class and im so embarrassed #sorry i know ur not supposed to blame ur mental problems on things but the adhd and ptsd combo are 100% why i failed #this happens every semester. i fail a class or i have to withdraw from one #im so embarrassed #like actually #i just had a whole breakdown in the shower. i never should have chose college #but i can’t stop now because 1) that’s two and a half years wasted #2) money wasted #3) i lose insurance #4) i subject myself to mental pain and being in constant fight or flight mode at home #bc i’m sorry nobody should be subjected to chronic triggers it’s actual fucking hell and this is the worst it has ever been #probably because i just came out of a very traumatic situation the last time i was with these people #i hate my life im losing control of everything and idk what to do #fuck #lol

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

hi so uh what kind of God looked at me in all my littleness and decided that eternity would be incomplete without me

#i had a mental breakdown during the homily and pretty much on and off cried for the rest of mass #i dont know what happened #i think i've been believing in God wrong my whole life guys #i dont think i ever really registered that these hands that type these keys are the ones that Christ wants for all eternity #like into eternity #like everlasting life #these hands #these ones #idk what to do with this i think i need to take a shower and cry about it actually