#I have been so. diligent.

[keeper0fthestars]

Covid talk under the cut

The universe really saw all my debilitating health issues take a turn for the worse over the last few weeks and said WAIT— just for funsies let’s see what happens if we give her covid too.

If you have any good vibes to spare I could use some right now

#covid tw #tw illness #im on day 4 of this hospital room. #fuck you covid #you motherfucking sonofabitch #I have been so. diligent. #so. careful. #im so sick and tired of being sick and tired #I have not done a damn thing to put myself at risk #and it still did not matter. #sorry for this miserable rant I’ll go back to the void soon just let me be furious for a second

[comradeboyhalo]

i really cant stress enough how much i love when qsmp allows for player innovation. my favorite has still been when everything was designed for etoiles to be the only one to beat the code and its OP sword, but then bad designed a backpack with auto-refill and magnets to allow a weapon to always be in his hand. and it worked, while not compromising the story in any way.

i really hope that players continue to come up with ways to beat the eye workers after this. i hope that the egg carton works well, and any nerf the admins find for it is either justifiable in story, or due to bad's own failing. it makes watching qsmp so much more entertaining, because the stakes feel a lot more real! and when the players fail, it's ten times more devastating.

#qsmp #crit #? #sry i dont mean to talk so much abt bad but unfortunately after august #i have not been keeping up with the other characters diligently

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

hi. here's a little over 5k words for the modern human au! entirely unedited, as usual! you'd think this is a full oneshot... ha... no... i actually have some warnings for this one - hospitals, panic attacks, major character injury / discussion of death / clinical description of injury.

in short, my writing comfort zone <3

~

The dial tone plays, and Barnaby looks down at his phone. Call ended stares back at him under Wally’s cheerful profile picture.

“He hung up on me,” Barnaby states. His lips twist and he tosses the phone onto the couch with a snarl of, “That little bastard.”

“Hey now,” Howdy says sharply, frowning at him. “That’s our friend you’re talking about.”

“Like he doesn’t deserve it! All I do is be supportive, understanding, and worry about his damn well being. And then he goes and acts like my very much well-founded concern is an attack!”

Howdy’s frown softens as he watches Barnaby pace, gesturing wildly.

“I love that RV. Maybe not as much as Wally, obviously, but it pains me that it needs to go. And it does need to go! Thing’s becoming a damn deathtrap.” Barnaby pushes his hair back and huffs. He glances at Howdy. “Right? I’m making the right call, here?”

“Of course you are,” Howdy says. “But-”

Barnaby cuts him off. “I tried to be nice about it. I tried to warm him up to the idea of retiring Home, yaknow? And what does he do instead of handling it - he revs up the tin can and runs. Home shouldn’t be started, let alone driven. It’s dangerous.”

It’s extremely dangerous. Wally is skilled at driving it, but no amount of skill will save him if it breaks in the middle of the freeway. What if the engine catches fire? What if a tire pops, or comes loose? Home is old, and wasn’t made to crumple in a crash. Barnaby doesn’t even know if the airbag still works. It’s not safe. 

The thought of Wally bringing Home hurtling down the freeway at ten at night in a - quite honestly - not great mental state turns Barnaby’s stomach. 

“I just wanted him to come back so we could talk about it,” Barnaby says. “I let him keep worming his way out of a serious conversation and now - now he’s -”

“Running away,” Howdy finishes. The point of his pen taps a rhythm against his notepad. 

Barnaby jabs a finger at him. “Exactly. One tough, necessary decision and he turns tail. This isn’t gonna go away if he skips town! Not to mention how he isn’t giving a thought to how this might affect the rest of us.”

“Especially you.”

Barnaby throws his hands up with an indignant look. “Now not only do I have to hunt him down-”

“That would be a we scenario, Barn.”

“But we,” Barnaby concedes, “gotta try to knock some sense into that thick skull ‘a his, and drag him back home - kicking and screaming if we hafta.” 

Howdy’s pen taps faster. “What if he doesn’t want to come back?”

“What if he-” Barnaby stops short and stares at him, wide eyed. 

That’s not. 

That wouldn’t happen, right? Wally would come back in the end. He wouldn’t decide to up and leave entirely, would he? He is in Home… all the essentials he needs are in that RV. Barnaby sits down heavily on Howdy’s threadbare couch. “What if he doesn’t want to come back.”

Wally would have to come back to clear out his studio - he’d never abandon his art. Then they’d have to go through everything inside the house and see what he wants to take, since not all of it is Barnaby’s. A lot of it is shared, so they might have to bargain on who gets what. 

Then they’d all have to watch Wally get into his motorhome and drive away. Possibly for good. 

Barnaby would be alone in that big house with Welcome, knowing that his closest companion is out of his life. Living somewhere else. It's sickening. 

“I’m sure it won’t come to that, Barn,” Howdy says, watching him with furrowed brows and a deep frown - if Barnaby were feeling like himself, he’d crack a joke about him emulating Frank. “I can confidently say that Wally loves you more than that old RV.”

Barnaby snorts. “You sure about that?”

“Unflinchingly. Believe you me, he’s going to wallow for a day or so, and then Home will come rumbling back down your driveway like it never left.”

“I wish I could have your faith,” Barnaby mumbles. He exhales and picks up his phone. No missed calls, no messages. “Maybe if I call him and ask him to just come back, no strings attached, he will.”

“That’s the spirit! Save the talk for another day - tell you what, I’ll help you corrall him so he can’t escape the conversation. I’ll tie him to a chair and bar the door if needed!”

“Good luck with that. Kid’s slippery.” Still, Barnaby hits call again. It rings only a couple of times before a robotic automated message states the caller as unavailable. Barnaby doesn’t enjoy being upset with Wally. However, it feels like his blood is simmering, and the wall is starting to look like great target practice for his phone. He grits his teeth. “He turned off his phone.”

From the corner of his eye he sees Howdy’s eyebrows shoot up as the man turns back to his paperwork. He exhales a controlled breath and writes something down. “I have to say, I’ve never known him to be such a-”

“Pain in the neck?” Barnaby offers.

Howdy clicks his tongue. “You said it, not me.”

“Yeah, well, he’s full of surprises.” Barnaby lets out a frustrated huff. He’s half tempted to run Wally down right now, but he wouldn’t even know where to start. There’s only one freeway out of town, but it goes both ways, and it branches. Wally would have hit one of those branches by now, and who knows which he took. North, south, east, west. Deeper into the woods, or towards the city? To the coast? Somewhere else entirely?

He has to face the facts - there’s nothing to do. He just has to wait until Wally pulls his head out of his ass and realizes how stupid and insensitive he’s being. Those are two words Barnaby would never normally use to describe Wally, but after tonight? They seem fitting. 

Barnaby can’t even muster up guilt for thinking such harsh things. He tried to be nice. He was patient. He’s always kept a lid on it whenever Wally frustrated him, which doesn’t happen often, but it does happen. And what does he get for caring? For being tactful and careful about a shitty situation? 

Avoidance, a shove, and a cut call. Wally left Barnaby’s been left to stew in his own anger and worry. Right now, he’s inclined to lock up that worry in a tiny box in the back of his mind. 

Barnaby pushes himself up with a grumbled, “I’m makin’ some coffee, want some?”

“If you’re offering then I will not decline.”

Barnaby pretends not to feel Howdy’s eyes following him to the apartment’s tiny kitchen. It’s hell to maneuver around in, and the frustration of bumping into something every five seconds only makes Barnaby’s mood worse. By the time the coffee is brewing, he’s ready to punch the cabinets. He won’t, but he wants to. He’d regret it immediately, but he stares at the chipped paint and fantasizes. 

The coffee machine breaks after brewing a whopping single mug. Barnaby stares at it for a long moment, and tallies up the consequences of taking a hammer to it. In the end, he just clenches his fists for a long moment and counts to ten. He takes the mug and sets it in front of Howdy, then goes to the window to brood. Thankfully Howdy is too reabsorbed in his work to notice beyond a mumbled thanks.

For the next hour, Barnaby’s thoughts are entirely composed of Wally. Different scenarios of what might happen next, how Barnaby might handle those situations without shaking Wally for doing something so needlessly reckless, and cruel daydreams of setting Home on fire. Barnaby wants to feel bad about that. He doesn’t. That damn RV has caused two different rifts between Barnaby and Wally - and Barnaby was the one to fix both of them, because both times Wally just left. 

He gets it. He really does - for a time Home was all that Wally had. It’s been with him since Wally was thirteen, and if the thought of retiring it to a dump makes Barnaby sad, he can only imagine how much it distresses Wally. Well, he can do more than make an educated guess. Wally practically told him tonight, if not with words than with actions.

Still. They’re adults - Wally is older than him, if only by a handful of months. When does Barnaby ever ask something of him? When does Barnaby ever push? Why can’t Wally see that Home is becoming a liability, and why won’t he listen? Barnaby can’t make it make sense. 

Wally has always been more inclined to avoid conflict, but this is too far. Barnaby swears, when he tracks Wally down he’s going wring that scrawny little-

His phone is ringing. 

Barnaby lunges for it, relief dousing his anger. He picks it up, ready to give Wally a piece of his mind and then beg him to come back-

“It’s an unknown number,” he says, shoulders slumping. Of course it’s an unknown number. Wally wouldn’t change on a dime and decide to be considerate for once. He exchanges an exasperated look with Howdy and declines. He goes to set the phone down - the number calls back.

“That’s one determined scammer,” Howdy says. He leans back in his chair and holds out a hand. “I’ll deal with ‘em.”

Barnaby is all too happy to hand it over. Let the poor sap on the other end of the line deal with a master swindler. 

“Howdy-hi, how can I help?” Howdy starts with a mischievous grin thrown Barnaby’s way? He leans back in the chair and hums. “Who, may I query, is asking?”

All at once, the ease drains out of Howdy and he stops fidgeting. He sits up, already looking at Barnaby with a paled expression that has something cold slithering down Barnaby’s spine. Something is wrong.

“He’s right here.” Howdy holds out the phone. His throat works uselessly for a moment before he plainly states the obvious, “It’s for you.”

Barnaby takes it, his mouth abruptly dry. Howdy is already up and moving - grabbing his coat, his keys. “Hello?”

“Is this Barnaby Beagle?” a professional feminine voice asks, tinny through the phone.

“B. Beagle, yeah.”

The woman introduces herself as the nearest city’s hospital, and Barnaby’s heart drops through the floor. She asks him to confirm that he’s Wally Darling’s emergency contact. He confirms, his voice sounding distant to his own ears. Howdy takes his arm and gestures to his shoes by the door, spurring Barnaby into motion.

“Is he okay?” Barnaby manages to say. He puts the wrong shoe on the wrong foot and almost curses aloud as he switches it. 

“Mr. Darling was involved in an automobile accident,” is all the hospital employee says. “He was brought in a few minutes ago.”

Barnaby steadies himself against the doorjamb, choking on a whispered, “Oh, god.” 

Keys jingle as Howdy opens the door and pulls Barnaby through, then locks the door behind them.

“But is he okay?” Barnaby asks again as they hurry down the short hallway to the stairs. 

“I’m not at liberty to disclose that information at present.”

It’s bad. It has to be bad if they won’t say anything over the phone. He must be silent for too long, because Howdy takes the phone, tells her they’ll be there soon, and hangs up. He tucks the phone into Barnaby’s pocket before opening the door to the store’s back lot. 

The frigid air slaps the shock out of Barnaby, and sensation comes flooding back in. He grabs the keys out of Howdy’s hand and strides to the car with long, powerful strides that would leave anyone shorter than Howdy in the dust.

“Are you sure-”

“I’m driving,” Barnaby growls, cutting Howdy off.

Howdy makes a disapproving noise, but relents. They get in and Barnaby adjusts his seat with harsh movements, jabs the key into the ignition because Howdy’s car is a dated hunk of junk, and peels out of the parking space before Howdy even has his seatbelt all the way on. 

Howdy clings to the ceiling handle as the car tears down the mostly empty street, going at least ten miles over the speed limit. Barnaby doesn’t know exactly where the hospital is, but he knows how to get to the city. They can figure it out from there. Several people honk as Barnaby brings them flying onto the freeway. 

“Holy Marilyn marmalade!” Howdy screeches as they narrowly avoid side-swiping a minivan. 

Barnaby ignores him and cuts off a pickup to get into the right lane for the interchange. Howdy whispers a string of something high pitched and strained and clings to the handle with both hands. 

It takes him a moment to parse out the constant ramble as, “-pull over pull over pull over pull over-” Two honks and a squeal of tires as Barnaby almost causes an accident, and Howdy yells in a louder and deeper tone than Barnaby has ever heard from him, “PULL OVER!”

Barnaby clenches his jaw and cuts across the carpool lane’s double whites. It only takes a moment to reach the shoulder. Howdy leaps out of the passenger seat as soon as the car stops, marches to Barnaby’s side, and wrenches the door open.

“Out,” he snaps, breathing hard. “Barnaby, I swear to all things priceless, get out. “

Barnaby meets his steely gaze for all of a second before unbuckling and getting out. Cars whip by. Howdy huffs at him and slips into the driver’s seat, muttering about recklessness and disasters and if you would wait to try and kill us until we’re right outside the hospital, if only to save us the ambulance fee-

When Barnaby gets into the passenger seat, Howdy waits for him to buckle in with fingertips drumming on the steering wheel. He merges onto the freeway smoothly and carefully. They go slower than the speed Barnaby had them flying down the asphalt at, and it makes something deeply impatient itch in him, but it’s safer. 

“I know you’re upset,” Howdy says, eyes still fixed on the road, “and I know that you’re scared. But what in hell’s bells was that, Barn?”

Barnaby side eyes him and grimaces, folding his arms. “I don’t know. I’m sorry - I shouldn’t have put you in danger like that.”

“You put yourself in danger too, you know.” Howdy sighs and relaxes his grip on the steering wheel. “We’re of no use to Wally if we get ourselves in a crash. What would he say?”

“Whatever he’d say would be hypocritical,” Barnaby says before he can think better of it.

Howdy glances sharply at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“He..” Barnaby’s voice fails on him, and he swallows hard. “He was in an accident.”

Howdy is silent for a full few seconds before he exhales a thin, pained sound. “Oh, Walls…”

He must not know what else to say, which is good and well, because Barnaby doesn’t either. A long few minutes pass of silence. Headlights of passing cars on the other side of the freeway flash over them before plunging back into darkness. The dials on the dash glow. The check engine light is on. They’ll need to get gas in order to make it home. 

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re thinking,” Howdy says. He’s tapping the steering wheel again. “It’s likely just a few scrapes and bruises, at worst a broken bone. Nothing Wally can’t handle, and certainly nothing to be concerned over.”

Barnaby can’t bring himself to agree. Maybe… maybe if Wally was driving slowly… but that wouldn’t matter if someone crashed into him with enough force. Home is a large, sturdy vehicle, but it isn’t invulnerable. Wally certainly isn’t.

Without the distraction of driving, all Barnaby can think about is the what ifs. Yeah, what if he’s only a little bit hurt, but what if it’s worse? All of the worst images Barnaby can think of roll through his mind like a messed up movie reel.

Wally dead on the scene, caught in a hunk of twisted metal. 

Wally, choking on his own blood in an ambulance, dying en route to the hospital.

Wally flatlining on a metal table. 

Wally’s small body covered with a sheet-

“Almost there,” Howdy says, slowing at a stoplight. It bathes them both in red. Barnaby didn’t notice when they got off the freeway. 

Barnaby squeezes his eyes shut and presses his forehead to the cold window. After a moment, a slender hand rests on his thigh and squeezes. It’s such a small, stupid thing, but Barnaby breathes a little easier. 

Despite the drive down the freeway feeling like it took hours, the drive through city streets to the hospital passes in a blink. Before Barnaby knows it the car is spiraling up to an upper floor of the parking garage. The floor is mostly empty - Howdy pulls into a spot right by glass double doors. 

Barnaby gets out a split seconds before Howdy, staring at the pristine white walls just inside the doors. In a moment he’ll find out if it’s not that bad, or if he’s about to have the worst night of his life. He’s been to a hospital twice. The last time was for Howdy, but he went with the knowledge that it was only a precaution. The other time was for Mama’s health scare. 

That had been terrifying. The waiting, the wondering, the too-bright hallways and the staff’s rigid smiles. It ended well, but it had still been horrible, and hospitals took center stage in some of his recurring nightmares. Barnaby never wanted to see another loved one in a hospital bed again.

Looks like he doesn’t have a choice. 

Howdy comes around from the driver’s side and lays a hand on Barnaby’s shoulder. “If you need a moment to-”

“Nah,” Barnaby says, his voice rough. He nods and adjusts his sleeves. “Better rip the bandaid off.”

They go into the sterile maze. The bright overhead lights dazzle Barnaby’s eyes after being in the dim parking garage, and he grimaces at the strong odor of antiseptic and floor polish. Howdy makes a beeline for the nearest receptionist and talks to her in rushed, low tones. 

Barnaby shuffles after him, rubbing his shaking hands together and eyeing every person in scrubs that walks past. Something beeps somewhere. He thinks he hears someone crying. This is a place without color, art, or happiness. 

“This way,” Howdy says, walking past him and tilting his head at the elevator. Barnaby follows, feeling like a lost puppy dropped at the side of the road. 

A nurse gets into the elevator with them and politely smiles before staring at the floor counter and pretending they don’t exist. It’s fine with Barnaby. If he has to make small talk right now, he might actually snap. The man’s pink scrubs are almost an eyesore in the harsh lighting. 

The elevator dings, and they all get out on the same floor. Howdy reads door plaques and wall signs like a hawk, his head turning on a swivel as he reads everything at lightning speed. Barnaby nearly has to jog to keep up with his hurried pace. 

Howdy changes direction without warning and heads straight for a door at the end of a short offshoot hallway. Barnaby reads the sign next to the door.

[can’t remember if it’s icu or the other thing, research later]

It’s bad.

The waiting room is small - longer than it is wide, and there’s a woman sleeping in a chair in the corner. It looks nicer than the emergency room, or where Barnaby waited to see his mama. The benches have colorful cushions, and the walls are a pastel green instead of white. There’s an abstract geometric painting on the wall next to the woman. 

Barnaby slowly takes a seat on stiff cushions, watching Howdy talk to the receptionist from afar. He nods and pats the counter before joining Barnaby. He sits close enough that their legs press together.

“Someone will get us up to speed as soon as there’s news,” Howdy says. “I tried to pry some more out of him, but he wouldn’t give up another word.”

Barnaby nods, staring down at his hands. His nail polish is already chipping, despite Julie painting them only last weekend. Barnaby picks at the bright red on his pinkie until Howdy pulls his hand away and enfolds it in both of his own. 

When Howdy takes a deep breath, Barnaby finds himself mimicking him. Their gazes meet - Howdy’s is unflinching, and steady. He smiles and runs his thumb over Barnaby’s knuckles, soothing the nervous trembling, and Barnaby is struck by how darn grateful he is to have Howdy with him. 

If he had to do all of this alone… Barnaby doesn’t think he could. Either he’d have gotten himself into a crash to join Wally, or he would still be sitting in his car, staring at the hospital doors. He doesn’t have the courage. But Howdy does, and Barnaby loves him for it. 

For once, Howdy lets the time pass in silence, though after a long stretch of indeterminable time he gets up to pace. The bench cushions are high quality, but they start to feel uncomfortable. Barnaby doesn’t dare go for a walk. At least they’re not the usual waiting room chairs - he’d rather stand than try to fit into those plastic, narrow things. 

At some point the woman in the corner wakes up. She startles seeing two strangers in the room with her, but quickly ignores them. Barely a few minutes pass before she leaves, mumbling something about coffee. She doesn’t come back. Barnaby spends a while wondering why - did she go home, or wait somewhere else, or did she receive news in the halls?

Howdy sits down again and starts typing furiously on his phone. When Barnaby gives him a curious nudge, he quietly explains that he’s texting the group chat. Barnaby feels a twinge of guilt at that. He completely forgot to let everyone know that there’s a… situation. Who knows if any of them will see it until morning. 

Message sent, Howdy gets up to pace some more. His rhythmic gait gives Barnaby something to focus on, seeing as the clock on the wall is silent, and the receptionist seems to be sleeping. Barnaby could probably pass time on his own phone, but every second spent distracted is a second he might miss someone coming to tell them…

What? Tell them what, exactly? That Wally is okay? That he can receive visitors? 

That he didn’t make it?

The door opens, startling Barnaby to his feet. Howdy scurries over from the far side of the room and rests a steadying hand on Barnaby’s lower back. A woman clad in blue scrubs enters, reading something on a clipboard. There are shadows under her eyes, and she looks beyond exhausted. Barnaby can sympathize.

“Mr. Beagle?” the doctor asks, looking between them. When Barnaby nods, she smiles thinly, gaze flicking briefly to Howdy. “Hi. I’m Dr. Allen. Before I disclose any sensitive information, I’d like to confirm what your relation to the patient is.”

The question gives Barnaby pause. He’s always had a difficult time putting his and Wally’s relationship into simple terms, because it’s anything but. Wally is his best friend, his dearest companion, the man he lives with and can’t imagine being without. 

“He’s my partner,” Barnaby settles on, because it’s a good umbrella term. Partner can mean a lot of things, and people don’t usually pry for specifics. “We’re as good as family.”

Dr. Allen writes something down on her clipboard. “No worries, I’m not going to kick you out if you’re not - you’re his emergency contact for a reason, after all. It’s just basic information that I’d like to have on hand.”

“Course - so how is he?” Barnaby cuts straight to the chase. He’s not in the mood for niceties. 

“Well, Mr. Darling is certainly giving us a run for our money,” Allen sighs. “He’s not out of the woods yet, but I believe he’s gotten through the worst of it.”

“He’ll make it?”

Allen offers another tight lipped smile. “We’re doing our best.”

Barnaby has seen enough hospital dramas to know that we’re doing our best means no promises, prepare for the worst. Howdy must feel the tension gripping him like a vice, because his hand slips from Barnaby’s back to his hand. 

“What are his injuries, if I may?” Howdy asks. 

“I’m not sure-”

“Please. We’d rather know than wonder.” 

Allen looks between them and sighs again. She flips a page on her clipboard. “Unfortunately, there was a bit of time between the crash and when emergency services were called. Between blood loss and the near-freezing temperatures, Mr. Darling developed mild hypothermia.”

Wally was dying, cold and alone in the wreckage of his home for who knows how long before anyone came to help. Barnaby sways in place, and Howdy helps him sit down on a bench instead of the floor. Allen looks apprehensive.

“Keep going,” Barnaby rasps. He needs to know.

Allen doesn’t look happy about it, but she continues. “Mr. Darling also suffered several low-grade lacerations from shrapnel, some fractured ribs, a compound fracture in his left tibia, and currently unidentified damage to his right hand and lower arm.”

Barnaby swallows a mournful sound. That’s fine, it’s fine. Broken bones heal - Wally will be painting again in no time. 

“He also developed an intracranial hematoma. It’s been treated, but we won’t know the extent of the damage until Mr. Darling wakes up.”

“What is that?” Howdy asks before Barnaby can figure out how to speak again. “Intracranial hematoma - tell me if I’m wrong, but that sounds like a head injury.”

“It is - in layman’s terms, it’s a brain bleed. Head trauma can cause bleeding inside the skull, which puts pressure on the brain. We caught it as quickly as feasibly possible, which should raise his chance of a full recovery.” Allen flips the clipped page back into place. “There may still be lesser complications and injuries we haven’t been able to diagnose or address yet. I’ll be forward with you - this is one of the worst crash cases I’ve seen in some time. Mr. Darling was lucky to be found alive.”

Allen goes on to offer platitudes that Wally is a fighter, and easily answers the flood of questions Howdy has about the mentioned injuries. It all sounds distant. Underwater. The room is too small and the air is stale - are the vents working? Is there a window they can open?

In a blink - and yet the conversation lasts ages - Allen promises to come back with more information as soon as she has it. She smiles one last time and leaves. 

“Barn?” Howdy sounds muffled. “Barn, are you alright?”

What kind of question is that? Of course Barnaby isn’t alright - his best friend is dying, likely on this very floor. There’s a chance he’s already dead. Barnaby might have already lost him, he just doesn’t know it yet. 

Mr. Darling was lucky to be found alive. 

One of the worst crash cases I’ve seen in some time. 

Mild hypothermia - brain bleed - lacerations - fractures.

Lesser complications and injuries we haven’t been able to diagnose or address yet.

We’re doing our best.

“He hung up on me, the little bastard-”

Barnaby is up and out the door before he registers moving. He staggers down the hallways in a blur, everything swirling together into a mess of sight and sound as his lungs struggle to get a full breath. He bypasses the elevator and takes the stairs down to the level they parked on. 

The cold air does nothing to help him breathe. Barnaby chokes on it as he leans against the rough wall grasping at his chest. Howdy is there immediately - he must have been on Barnaby’s heels the whole time. 

“Talk to me, Barn,” Howdy pleads, a hand on the back of his neck and the other over the one Barnaby has on his chest. “What is it - you’re not having a heart attack, are you? Tell me you aren’t, I can’t handle that right now.”

Barnaby doesn’t know. Maybe? He feels like he is. He can’t breathe. He tries to say so, but the ragged gasps his breathing has devolved into doesn’t allow it. Howdy must know something he doesn’t, because he doesn’t run to get a doctor.

“How can I help?” he asks instead.

“Don’t - don’t - know,” Barnaby wheezes. 

“Okay, alright, don’t worry, Barn, I’m here, I’m not going anywhere. Let’s try, ah - what were the steps? I didn’t exactly write them down, though in hindsight I should’ve - that’s not the point! It was… what a time to take after Eddie’s memory-”

It shouldn’t be helping, but Howdy’s constant stream of words grabs Barnaby’s attention. He manages to inhale nearly a full breath before it stutters back out and he’s struggling again.

“Breathing!” Howdy says. “Yes, that was it - Barnaby, I need you to focus on me. Copy my breathing.”

He sucks in a slow, dramatic breath through his nose and exhales just as slowly through his mouth. Barnaby catches on and tries to mimic him, but-

“Can’t, I ca-an’t,” Barnaby says. His chest hurts. 

Howdy presses their foreheads together. “Yes, you can. Come now, Barn, in… out. Simplest thing in the world.”

It doesn’t feel simple, but Barnaby tries. It feels like forever before he manages a full inhale. He butchers the exhale, but Howdy praises the minor win before launching right back into measured breathing. 

Barnaby finally manages a slow inhale and exhale, and suddenly it feels like the pressure filling his chest has vanished. He slumps against the wall, worn out. He puts his hand over Howdy’s mouth in the middle of another dramatic demonstration.

“You’re alright now?” Howdy says, peeling his hand off. Barnaby nods, and Howdy leans next to him with a whoosh. “Thank the stock market - I was starting to get light headed.”

It takes another few minutes for them to catch their breath. Barnaby straightens enough to rest his head on Howdy’s shoulder, breathing in his cheap cologne and homemade laundry detergent. Howdy cups the back of his neck and massages the tense muscle there. 

“This will all turn out okay,” Howdy promises. “Wally is stubborn - I think we both know that well enough. By this time tomorrow we’ll be moving forward.”

Barnaby wants to be that optimistic, but this is real life. For all they know, moving forward means making funeral arrangements. His breathing stutters and he forces it to even out before he can start hyperventilating again. 

A car pulls into a parking space with a gravelly sound. Barnaby pays it no mind until Howdy makes a surprised noise - Barnaby looks up, and his stomach churns.

Frank, Eddie, and Julie are all getting out of Frank’s car. They’re all in various states of dishevelment. Frank’s hair is a mess, and he has what looks like Eddie’s company jacket thrown on over his pajamas. Eddie is in little more than a shirt that says male? lol, more like mail! and boxers - he’s even wearing slippers instead of shoes, and his hair flops over his forehead in soft tufts. Julie’s hair is still in curlers, and though she’s wearing shoes, she’s in a too-long shirt over sweats that don’t belong to her. They’re paint-stained. 

They rush across the parking lot, all worried faces and tired eyes. They’re already asking what happened, is Wally okay, Sally is getting Poppy, they should be here soon, has there been any news-

Barnaby lunges at the nearest trash can and vomits.

#IM SORRY FOR ANY HOSPITAL/PROCEDURAL INACCURACIES IM NOT TRYING TO BE ACCURATE AT THE MOMENT #except for the injuries. those are realistic and i did my due diligence. read a lot of first hand accounts! medical pages! #ohhhh this was so cozy to write #i mean. not as familiar as actual on-screen injuries but yk #its been too fluffy in here. #this is a mild example of my usual tastes and habits when it comes to fic & fiction #WHUMP CENTRAL BABEYYYYYY #i like it messy and painful!!! Lets Fuckin Go!!!! #this is a prime example of me not being able to shut the fuck up when writing #my scenes & convos just go on and on and on and on.... #but yes! enjoy! the Crash arc is very thoroughly planned out in my head and lately its one of my favorite things to imagine before bed <3 #bedtime stories can be fictional characters going through horrible injuries & emotionally hurting each other #snippets from the bog #i will repeat what i have said multiple times before #i take the comic relief character. i hurt the comic relief character #i could have posted the little carnival half-scene. i could have #but ive been feeling stressed and caged and i need to let out some steam #and this is how i do that. controlled fictional violence <3

[electric-plants]

alhaitham: cyno has great protective instincts anytime i look at all annoyed he takes initiative to send anyone looking for me away

alhaitham: but then he gets upset at himself because he’s also very diligent and hates being complicit when i dodge “important” work

#genshin impact #genshin incorrect quotes #cytham #haino #cyhaino #alhaitham #cyno #cytham personal lives meshing: beautiful perfect domestic bliss they have never been so relaxed in their entire lives #cytham work lives meshing: alhaitham gives cyno a moral crisis induced aneurysm (speedrun edition) #protect bf from annoying people vs adhere to your very strict work ethics and diligence #protective cyno does make me go a little insane okay #one if those tropes where it’s relatively popular and i STILL don’t think we use it enough #haino incorrect quotes

[luvbug724]

obsessed w jeanee Actually. she drove hours in the middle of the night for him. she organised a heist for him. she blackmails a university for him. she was willing to break into the nest w brute force for him. she was willing to rob a hardware store to do it. she seriously contemplates climbing over barbed wire fences to get to him. she handles diversions and distractions with grace for him. she has the invasive curiosity to want to know all abt his little knick knacks. she resorts to violence when someone tries to stop her from getting to him. she prays for him. she talks to him softly when the only feeling in the room is rage. she pushes his hair out of his face. she checks his pulse obsessively. YEAH………… are we all seeing this rn

its so wonderful to me too because like this is RENEE. renee, who is a bad person trying very hard to be good. there was a post going around maybe a month ago how empathy for everyone circles back around into empathy for no one i can't remember any of the specifics but it rlly did something for how i see renee because shes a protector. its defensive. its safe. she knows the limits, she knows the point of no return because shes been to rock bottom and clawed her way up but she's willing to do whatever she needs to to get jean out of the nest.

there is a big difference between cradling allison when andrew hurts her vs actively threatening eau, going on the offense to make sure jean leaves safe with her. there's something insane to me abt how a few months of texting and calling jean could push her to that point, the point where she needed to be talked down off the ledge before the plan was more natalie than renee because this was something she absolutely could not fuck up. she knew that her efforts would be worthless if she didn't create a plan that couldn't backfire, because the punishment for jean trying to leave and failing (and i'm sure that message to renee would be used against him) or leaving and coming back would be 1000x worse than whatever they could do to him from a distance.

and then when she has him in his arms and she knows he's going to be safe, he'll be okay as long as she can get him to abby, she can let herself be kind again.

#IT DRIVES ME INSANE #like helloooooo?????? #i genuinely am not sure if this makes sense or if its just wordvomit but DO YOU GET IT #it may not be love yet but it IS something worthwhile. you know #they havent even known each other for that long!!!!!!!! #i said a few tags back that renee's actions arent lesser if theyre based on romance and like i know its been maybe 2 hours since i said it #but i still agree!!!! renee i think doesnt get her due diligence for her motivations. in the pursuit of like the strong independent #woman archetype i think we've neglected the fact that you know. a woman can be motivated by romantic feelings and it doesn't make her any #less strong or liberated #having a connection with a person isn't a weakness #feminism is so nuanced! there is no one size fits all! restating this idea for the third time this post but there is no weakness in love #even though misogyny has made it so easy to get reactionary with it and claim that any show of strength isn't motivated by it at all! #do u catch my drift. i can say it a different way a fourth time if necessary i dont think i can verbalize my thoughts well #hm ok thoughts to chew on! #back to my shitty hockey novels while i wait for tsc to drop! #jeanee #asks

[lotus-pear]

hear me out for genshin x bsd-

atsushi would be a cryo claymore that scales off atk (since the tiger is shown as extremely powerful and can even cut through space) and optimizes physical dmg

dazai would be a geo sword support that increases elemental res, acting as a debuffer (as no longer human works in the bsd universe) he would also scale off em

kunikida would also be geo but catalyst that deals physical aoe dmg.. he'd be an in-slot dps but not an optimal one imao his talents are much better suited to make him a battery unit

akutagawa would be pyro polearm?? or sword?? and he's obviously a heavy dps that scales off crit rate/dmg and tenma tengai could be similar to cyno's burst when, once activated, increases def while simultaneously raising rashomon's atk

chuuya would be an anemo catalyst dps similar to wanderer bc of his gravity manipulation and he would have a melee stance where he atks from the ground and an elevated state where he uses gravity manipulation to be able to atk off-ground. his ult would be corruption obviously and would parallel xiao's where his atk and crit rate/dmg are sharply increased but he undergoes continuous dmg until the duration of his burst ends (in this state he is vulnerable as his def is lowered and he isn't able to accumulate energy meaning he needs a team built around him, preferably with a healer and a shielder)

how does it feel to be the sexiest person on this site w absolutely the most correct and banger takes anon??.. why are u correct on literally everything

#DAZAI BEING GEO IS A SMART MOVE I LIKE THAT. i would've seen him as cryo (bc nlh is blue and also bc cryo is the element of contradiction) #(much like how dazai lashes out against his inherently selfish nature to help atsushi) #(and how he does not see himself as human and feels alienated from human society bc of it yet he is written to be the most relatable- #-character in the show?? or at least i think so) #BUT GEO MAKES SENSE.. GEO REPRESENTS DETERMINATION AND PERSEVERANCE #GEO VISION HOLDERS HAVE MINDS OF STONE AND WILL DO ANYTHING TO ACHIEVE THEIR GOALS #WHILE THIS CAN BE SEEN AS A NOBLE AND DILIGENT TRAIT.. DAZAIS MORALLY GRAY CHARACTERIZATION PUTS A WHOLE NEW TWIST ON WHAT THIS ENTAILS #HE IS MACHIAVELLIAN INTRINSICALLY. ITS WHO HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN. HE BELIEVES THE ENDS JUSTIFY THE MEANS #AND WHETHER HE ACHIEVES THAT THROUGH MANIPULATION OR THROWING AWAY HIS OWN HUMANITY.. HE WILL DO IT IF IT SEES HIS PLAN THROUGH #also kunikida would be dendro imao bc of his adherence and passion for his ideals #which parallels dendro users highly valuing and pursuing knowledge above all #anyway sry for rambling in the tags again those are just my thoughts feel free to disagree <33 #lotus’s asks

[beachyserasims]

♡ Winning Couple Ceremony | GENEVA ISLAND

Part 3 of 3

The final three couples have expressed their feelings and soon it will be time to announce the winning couple.

But first, to announce the second runner up couple...

Jasmine and Justin! With a friendship level of 100, they definitely made an impact on each other that will last a lifetime. And even if they don’t continue their romantic relationship that currently sits at 36, they surely will be friends forever.

That leaves us with the final two couples, Judi with Rowan, and Autumn with Darion!

The couple that is winning pulled through with a friendship score of 82 and a love score of 71. Up until episode 21, this couple was actually in second place, but during the final dates, they committed to each other in ways that no other couple did, bumping up their love 17 points higher than the couple who was forecasted to win. 

And so the winners are… Autumn and Darion!

Judi and Rowan finished off with a friendship score of 88 and a love score of 54. They worked really slowly on their relationship and stayed true to each other, but in the end, neither of them were willing to commit, and Rowan even decided that this experience showed him he doesn’t mind being single. While the same is true for Autumn, she was receptive to the idea of marriage with Darion, which is a loooong ways off for Judi and Rowans relationship.

And with that, the end of Geneva Island has come! We saw a lot of beautiful sims, all with their own uniquely amazing personalities, that showed us a glimpse into their personal lives in a way that no other love island show has. By revealing the true intentions of everyone involved, and allowing them the freedom to be who they really are, which is just the same as they would be behind closed doors, they were able to find love. Autumn and Darion will be moving in together into a beautiful penthouse suite, accompanied by Rowan and Judi!

Thank you to everyone who tuned in! I am looking forward to continuing onto my next series, Geneva legacy, where the story of Autumn, Darion, Judi, and Rowan continues.

Part 1 | Part 2

The Start || Beginning of Episodes || Previous || Next

#yay! #thank you SO much to anyone who has ever shown interst #this was obviously a passion project for me so it was going to happen no matter what #but all the inspiration and the things that i have learnt from this community #made this series into a much bigger and more profound story than i could have imagined #im super excited to continue with the legacy series #which i have been working so diligently on!! #right now i am working on the penthouse suite that they will be moving into #simblr #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ts4 story #sims4 storytelling #sims 4 simblr #the sims4 stories #ts4 screencaps #Geneva Island

[chrisrin]

Homestuck please Homestuck please Homestuck please HOMESTUCK PLEASE I BEGGG

hi mate newsflash, you can mute/block tags!

if you're uninterested in the mcyt/su/gemcyt stuff, feel free to mute those tags so you don't see it.

this is my blog, i do whatever the fuck i want and draw whatever i want. if you're not interested, you can unfollow! you're not entitled to anything!

#chris talks #i don't usually reply to these but this is just a general PSA cause i've gotten a few asks like this #this applies the same for when i'm on a homestuck kick #or whatever kick i go through #i've been pretty diligent about tagging the gemcyt stuff because ik i got a chunk of ppl following for hs #but even then! i have no obligation to tag it if i dont want! #this is MY blog #my shit!!! #so if you don't like it #very very politely fuck off

[nostalgia-tblr]

have to say one thing fandomwise i'm not enjoying about RTD2 is him getting/taking credit for positive moves when he'd previously been very much part of the problem and we're just pretending that bit never happened. davros shouldn't be a disabled villain, yeah, but you were fine with it before, even adding the wheelchair-using villain in that s2 cyberman story, and i want to know what changed and when. like that's actually a thing worth discussing, what kind of awareness-raising actually works and what didn't?

the tardis is accessible now. good! but the old tardis was just a flat studio floor, it was nu who (back at RTD1) that started adding pointless stairs to the set just because it... looked nice? apparently? so i am glad it has at last lost the useless stairs (for now at least) but why did it have them in the first place? cos i already know that the real answer is "because nobody involved in the production even realised it was an issue." which is normal! i accept that people mostly don't think of these things because they don't have to! even in fandom the fans who first noticed the ramps in the new tardis were the ones with some interest in disability rights (often because they or someone close to them is disabled - as i said most people don't have to be aware of these things (though it'd help tremendously if they were)).

idk there's a level on which i feel like i'm being gaslit? i mean good on him for having learned over time on a number of issues, but pretending he didn't learn makes it all seem a bit disingenuous and also takes away from the fact that he clearly has done some thinking on things and has come to new conclusions, which is good and the sort of thing we can praise without pretending there was no problem to begin with.

#i am not qualified to discuss the racism stuff but i'll mention it here because i'm know some fans of colour have concerns there #ableism's just an area i feel i can say something on #hey speaking of GIVING THE MASTER NOISES IN HIS HEAD THAT MADE HIM EVIL #idk if i want to diligently tag this cos it's kind of poking a tumblr wasp nest u kno? #tumblr having been VERY KEEN on the worst possible interpretations of moffat and chibnall episodes #which is where my gaslighting feels are partly coming from though so it's not like that's not relevant to the issue at hand

[jyndor]

lol on the second episode so far and once again I firmly believe the atla fandom is full of shit. this is not bad at all. are there changes I would make? absolutely. am I worried about the pacing? yes definitely. but I'm very much loving this so far.

#also fwiw my least favorite part of the og show is probably book 1 or the end of book 3 so #like idk man this isnt bad at all lol #the atla fandom has always been toxic and weirdly obsessed with these two white men bryke so im not surprised that ppl have been #shitting on the netflix show before it even came out #it remains to be seen i mean the show could shit the bed lol but so far im not mad #i would prefer more centering of katara though #anyway im only on ep 2 so #also yes i am aware of the issues surrounding sokka's actor... and if indigenous ppl are saying hes sus than hes sus #and if he really did lie to get this role... fuck that #thats a major issue and idk what the fuck netflix was doing not doing their due diligence but #atla live action

[hood-ex]

"You're not his family. You're not anyone's family, Grayson."

Talia said that to Dick when Bruce was standing right there?? Dick's literal fucking dad?? And Bruce didn't even try to defend Dick??

You know what, no. We're just gonna ignore everything about this story *cough* except for the part where Dick said Damian means the world to him because that's obvious enough. *cough*

#''it was my job to check the gear before we left. i didn't and it backfired. badly.'' ?? dick would never ?? he's so diligent?? #and especially after how his parents died you'd think he would obsessively check gear?? #and dick was too nice to talia?? like okay fine he feels guilty. whatever. he still should've been like EXCUSE YOU I RAISED YOUR SON #or at least have just glowered silently like my goodnesssss #Batman: Urban Legends 20 spoilers

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

#everyone take my hand and say a prayer with me... #I found a sweatshirt I've been trying to get my hands on for MULTIPLE YEARS on mercari and bought it without doing my due diligence #and I desperately need it to not be a scam. I really really need this right now gfdsgsd #supposedly it's coming from spokane so it should arrive in just a few days.... 🥺🥺🥺🥺 #I'll post pictures if it's legit so everyone think positive thoughts with me. manifest the sweatshirt #it says 'psychedelic virtual boy' so I'm sure you can understand how important it is to have this in my wardrobe

[desceros]

I just gotta say- I usually don't like established relationship fics (Even if it's just like friends) because it always feels like you're... missing something. There's a detachment for me, usually, because I don't get to see how this relationship is formed. Not really. I miss those first glances, the awkward meetings, just all that fluff and yearning as the relationship develops that I guess my heart craves?

But you write in a way that includes that, like the scene in your latest piece where reader is laying on the couch, thinking of all the happy memories and such that have happened in that space. It's a very fine line between telling and showing that you dance immaculately, so it doesn't feel like exposition... because it really isn't? It fills that craving for seeing how the relationship is forming even without the events unfolding directly in front of my eyes. I don't know how else to explain it, just... it's good. It's really, really good. You did the same thing in Euclidean Line, if I remember correctly (God I'm really feeling the urge to reread that one), where there was... sort of a montage, for lack of a better word? When Donnie and reader (don't know what else to call them) were getting closer outside of their meet-ups. Usually I hate time-skips or the author explaining something that I'd really rather just read, but you do it in a way that makes it feel like you're not missing too much, there's still just a bit left to the imagination. I'm sure it's for time's sake/not wanting the fic to drag, something like that? But it's hard to come across an author that does it so well and I appreciate it so much. I swear, I need to start taking notes on the little subtleties of your writing because just. Ugh. I really want to be able to explain myself better it's just good!!

Can't wait to read literally whatever you put out next!! You're one of few authors where it doesn't matter what you're writing, I'll read it anyways. I really wasn't a huge fan of bayverse until I saw you writing the turtles (Among a few others) now I uh. Might have to go back and watch those movies again.

But eat food, drink water, and I hope your wrists are nice to you!! Mine have been sensitive lately so it's more on the forefront of my mind, I haven't seen you mention it so I've just been hoping things have been better on that side for you. I hope you can get some good sleep too, even when you're able to write through it I still kinda worry!! Like I know you're a fully capable adult but. So am I and insomnia is ass, so... yeah I just hope things go well for you!!

it's funny you should say that, as for the longest time, i Hated putting time skips in my writing. abhorred it. would do it as little as possible. because there's so much characterization you can squeeze out of the smallest details, right? like, when they wake up. what do they do? do they drink coffee? tea? how do they take their coffee? do they get dressed before or after breakfast?

but there's an amount of characterization that becomes... excessive. like, sure, the character feels more like an actual person because of this. but does it serve the fic? i balk at the traditional writing advice that "every sentence must progress the plot," because i love basking in seemingly unimportant moments; but i do think there's truth to a modified version of that thought. "every detail must serve the fic."

take symphony, for example. in the first chapter, i go into detail on what viola-chan includes in her apology bags for her neighbors. at first glance, it could seem like a small list of that doesn't really add anything to the character. it certainly doesn't add anything to the plot. and yet, you learn a lot of what she values, what things she sees as important. she has a hobby (two homemade cookies), she doesn't like pain (ibuprofen), she's comfortable financially (the gift card for coffee), she Will practice even though it's annoying to hear (the ear plugs), but she's also kind enough to bend those rules for extenuating circumstances (her phone number, so you can call and ask her to take a break "if you have a baby or something"). it's an efficient way to get across a lot of character development, even though it feels like an unnecessary detail.

learning to balance how much you can skip and how much you should include for your desired amount of characterization is something that comes with experience, and it's something that comes down to taste. as you noted, i like to include things from skips that make them seem Less like a skip, and more like things you didn't see but still know about. this works for established relationships, too. how did they get together? well, maybe that's not so important. but a little hint of it is enough to show that it's real, that it's an event that happened, even if you the reader don't explicitly see it. there are many people who would find my writing excessively detailed, which is fine, as i would find theirs excessively barren. as with most things in art, it's largely subjective.

anyway, too-long answer aside, so glad you're enjoying and thank you so much for your thoughtful message :D

#ask tag #my wrist has been doing well lately as i've been much more diligent about not overdoing things. it means im writing more slowly but #not having to stop completely for a few days because i'm in so much pain is a nice trade off for that c: #so sorry to hear that you're having sensitivity as well. do make sure to stretch and rest them well! #oh. i mentioned symphony. maybe i should. hm. i suppose so #symphony meta

[yandere-sins]

I was so sure, like 100%, that Neuvillette will be released tomorrow... I have everything currently possible pre-farmed for him, I saved 100+ wishes and no joke my pity is 89 (and guaranteed winning the 50/50). So now I am heartbroken that the one event I was looking forward since the release of Fontaine will take another week. IDK where my thinking went wrong and I have no idea why I'd be convinced it was this week, but wow... I am seriously heartbroken about this rn ;;

#admin #neuvillette = my new comfort character #i think he'll solve all my problems no joke #i have almost everything for wriothesley too but damn #neuvillette was THE character I was excited for #he's honestly the only one from fontaine that's a MUST for me so that's why I've been so diligent in saving and collecting #if you had asked me yesterday I would have sworn on everything I own that his release is tomorrow... #and now my bubble is burst and i am sad )':

[steelthroat]

Fake it till you make it? Yeah, tomorrow I'll pretend to know about the War Poets when asked about them ;D

#i swear i studied them a week ago #i didn't have the time to do it today and it has been such an impossible day that it's 9 pm and I'm already falling asleep #so yeah if the teacher asks something tomorrow I'll just try to remember what i read a week ago #I swear i am a diligent student #but i think i am also burnt out #idk how else to explain this *gestures vaguely* tiredness??? #idk #anyway last few months of sleepless nights and then... #idk it's not like it's gonna be over #I like studying but i swear i feel so miserable these days #steel rambles #I'm tired. #I'm going to sleep

[harbingersecho]

i had to draw rui & hui real quick, they're too adorable

#ruibao #rui bao #huibao #hui bao #panda twins #panda #mine #*24 #idk korean so the hangul might be wrong!! i just tried to copy it lol. the dirty one is rui + the whiter on top is hui #i have no idea what to tag this as but i've been watching a shitton of the bao family recently (as in hours + hours lol) #and rly wanted to draw the twins they're adorable. the diligent + curious but shy older sis rui and the wild younger sis hui <3 #i linked ai baos parenting diary its probs my fav video. instant serotonin refiller + mood stabiliser. it has english cc too #.. damn this blog has no theme huh. truly a dumping ground for art