#I just feel numb really?

[bluegarners]

bruce and dick are both emotionally repressed but in kind of different but parallel ways. like, the repression that bruce experiences stems from never confronting trauma or any negative emotion, whereas dick's repression stems from needing to be the emotional support for an emotionally repressed man at the ripe age of 9 and so never being able to process any emotions associated with that responsibility

#the difference as well is that dick is happy to be emotionally repressed if it means supporting bruce bc thats his guy #bruce is dick's blorbo in a sense <- awful sentence #like to me bruce is the kind of guy who sits in a dark room and feels numb and just never registers anything #and dick is the kind of guy like that meme of the dog sitting in a burning house and saying 'this is fine' #am i making sense? probably not. do i care? not really #dick grayson #bruce wayne

[figofswords]

wow I didn’t think reblogging that tea post and then seeing people’s tags would deal me such strong psychic damage. come over I can fix you I can find a tea you will like. “I don’t like tea” how can you say that as a blanket statement when there are so many vastly different kinds of tea. head in hands

#‘it’s like coffee but not good’ #while a cup of black tea does have a great deal less caffeine in it than coffee #it also has a stimulant called l-theanine which is NOT found in coffee #and the more complex combination of the two stimulants hit your system much more slowly #which is why tea doesn’t give you jitters like coffee does #anyone who’s like wow I need my coffee to survive but I hate that it makes me nauseous and gives me heart palpitations and bad breath #to you I say. wean yourself off coffee and onto tea!!!!!!! #but WAIT I can keep going. nauseous? ginger tea. sore throat? peppermint contains menthol which works as a numbing agent #green and black teas are both very high in antioxidants #chamomile and lavender do both have a calming affect #BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TASTE I hear you say #IT TASTES LIKE GRASS. try a floral tea or a black tea or chai or Thai tea #ITS SO BITTER you’re either steeping it for too long or the water you’re using is too hot #not to sound like I’m fucking uncle iroh or something I just apparnerlt have strong thoughts and feelings about tea #I can’t handle ppl going ugh I hate tea and it’s like. overbrewed lipton in microwaved tap water. #anyway MY favorites are jasmine and lavender earl grey #and currently I’m really into this corn silk tea my brother bought me at h mart #it’s like gen mai cha but even more #congrats for making it this far into my tea rant tags. if you comment your tastes I can give you a personalized tea recommendation

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Oh we are so BACK

When I tell you I saw this and died. HELLO?????

I keep hiding my face lahshjsdhjgfsaf HE HAS NO RIGHT. NO RIGHT AT ALL BEING THAT SEXILY INTENSE AAAAAAAAAAA

Anyway, I should probably try to make some attempt at describing the event since. If I don't I'll just be barking/crying/hiding my face for the next twelve hours.

Basically--and I'm not sure this is going to be across the board, but it held true for Napoleon and Sebastian at least--each suitor has a birthday event this year instead of a separate story. Comte's won't be released until tomorrow, but they have posted a preview.

From what I gather, he talks a little bit about himself and reveals parts of his past that haven't come to light in the game yet. There wasn't really enough to convey a coherent narrative beyond attending a party, but the line displayed here does get across the larger theme:

Comte: (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.)

He talks about how the aristocracy have thrown parties and extravagant celebrations for his birthday for most of his life. But none of it has ever really made him happy, largely because he knows that they are attempts to strengthen and broadcast power relations within high society. While I don't think he means it's entirely devoid of well wishes, I do think he sees it as a nexus of influence--and thus, by nature, impersonal. And honestly, I don't think he's wrong about that; the higher the echelon in social standing, the more it requires performance to maintain the position.

That being said, there is a fascinating flashback where he remembers a pureblood telling him about how falling in love with a human is an experience of another caliber entirely. My understanding is that Comte was still a fairly young vampire at the time, so he didn't really understand what the person was getting at. It seems like the other pureblood was trying to convey the difference in feeling, perhaps the fact that humans are more grounded in accordance with how they live--the reality and necessity of change.

After reading this--and the recent 5th bday story--I can absolutely see how change is something Comte has a complicated relationship with. He's known a certain way of life for so long, has constructed a sensibility of distant, rational maturity. After all the heartbreak of his youth, and two very acute traumatic events in his life, I can see why he'd be so afraid of broaching any kind of proximity with another person. Because on some level it's so much easier not to put your feelings on the line, to never have to fear devastating loss. And that's to say nothing of the worry of being unable to measure up on behalf of another person, of letting them down.

I'm so excited to see the rest of the contents, but something about the preview made me equal parts giddy and enamored (all I do is kick my feet with excitement LOL). I think what gets to me with Comte is that he truly does love companionship as a place to rest, a place where he can be honest about himself and his feelings without fear of ridicule (and the same goes for MC). In a world increasingly obsessed with surface level performances of power, status, and emotion, it's hard not to feel his exhaustion to the core.

Also, because these lines at the end more or less destroyed me in the best possible way:

MC: ...The you who had nowhere to belong no longer exists. In much the same way...Abel, I belong to you. Comte: ... Comte: I wish I could say to myself all those years ago, the me who kept indulging in such paltry things. Comte: Until you meet MC, you will never know love... The warmth of MC in my arms filled me with such joy I was near tears. (I don't need momentary pleasure or ephemeral affection any longer. Now that I know love, there's nothing but you.) The moment my lips found hers, the sweetness lit a fire deep in my body. Comte: These cute lips that melt against mine, the heat of your skin, the love that envelops me in your embrace--always leaves me so deeply in love with you.

#ikevamp #ikemen vampire #ikevamp comte #ikevamp saint germain #ikevamp spoilers #LETS GO ABEL UNPACKING ALL THOSE COPING MECHANISMS #**pats the couch next to me** CONFIDE IN ME #but in all seriousness i really do love how raw his relief and happiness feels #to have spent all of those years trying to subsist on emotional crumbs and numbing himself #and mc is so real for just gathering him in her arms and holding him tight QUEEN MOOD!!!! #i really really really love that general recurrence in his stories too #of how he always feels so isolated and out of place even when he's surrounded by people #yet all it takes is mc saying 'you belong to me--just as I belong to you. you're never truly alone :>' #to make him both overjoyed but also unhinged with so much love for her--to feel alive #also man........MAN..... #him looking back at who he used to be vs who he is now #im so caught between memeing like 'you know what that is? growth!' #but also lowkey weeping from the fact that he feels loved enough to look back and fully admit it wasn't quite happiness #that he was just surviving the only way he knew how--not really living #ABEL THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME #CMERE LOVER BOY #comte propaganda #fangdad propaganda #baguettosaurus #literally october was always my favorite month but its even better now that it just becomes a comte-loving festival for me #truly all the joys of monsterfking all tg

[shannonsketches]

he's so important to me

#i guess i need to watch the anime but super's manga has just been a self-indulgent fever dream for me from start to finish #100000/10 absolutely perfect so validating so extremely catered to my tastes and headcanons and analyses and humor #so fucking funny and emotional and intense and goofy and beautifully drawn #my beautiful son getting to finally fucking see his HARD won character growth fucking shine and choose love and choose to be loved!!!!!! #Goku just being Goku Vegeta being Team Dad Piccolo being Team Grandpa Bulma being a fucking superstar keeping everybody organized and fed #god i love this squad i love this series i love these dumbasses and their struggles and their triumphs and their stupid childish bonding #I love that Toriyama just spent the last several years reminding the class that DB as a whole has always been an ACTION-COMEDY about LOVE #and I'm SO sad that the z anime really never did it justice in that sense because of having to fill time with dramatic tension but god. GOD #THE MANGA HAS ALWAYS BEEN SO CLEAR ON THAT THESIS. #Just all about Restorative Justice and Community and CARING even when you wish SO MUCH that you didn't care but yoU DO GODDAMMIT!!! #SUCH a great series I'm so sad it took losing mr t for me to finally read it but my god I needed to read it now and I'm so glad he wrote it #and i'm SO glad he wrote it Exactly Like This #once again rip to a legend i'm caught up and crying it's so perfect it's SO everything I've wanted to see onscreen and embedded in canon #and canon isn't everything but it still feels gREAT to be SO 1:1 on the same page with an author re: how you interpret your blorbo yknow??? #been rotating this man in my head for 25 years and Mr Toriyama just mWAH kissed me on the forehead about it #anyway enough tag rambles I'm off again aklsjla #bonus for that kenpachi shit and letting him say 'sorry dude I can't be cold and numb anymore but this is still cathartic as fuck lol' like #mr t i hope you see the HIGHEST tier of heaven for that (and obviously for like everything all of it the whole life you led)

[zsbrainrot]

Something about drawing Kazurei being able to peacefully rest together just soothes my soul.

#kazurei #buddy daddies #reikazu #my art #buddy daddies fanart #kazurei fanart #rei suwa #kurusu kazuki #suwa rei #kazuki kusuru #I’ve been having kind of a rough time lately #I don’t really want to go into details but I’ve just been feeling kind of burnt out and numb #and just kind of bad about myself overall #and some people I used to feel emotionally safe around I kind of…don’t anymore #so it’s just been a sucky time #but I’m hanging in there ❤️ #and I know it sounds silly but drawing Kazurei sleeping peacefully really does make me feel better #drawing them in general does but especially when they’re cozy and snuggly #I think because I just like imagining them feeling so safe #like something about that makes me feel better #I know it’s weird but hey a coping mechanism is a coping mechanism #so I may be posting a lot more eepy kazurei for a bit #and/or fluffy kazurei #I actually might do flufftober this year #because I need some fluff in my life #anyway sorry for venting in the tags

[eepybogboy]

did a round of eye swaps this weekend! it's the most ive done all at once, and i gotta say, i do not recommend it. by the time i got new eyes in these four, my hands were begging me to stop, so poor Priscilla sat eyeless for a while. but I'm really happy with the results!

let me walk you through the process a bit.

i used this guide to help decide which eyes i wanted to use.

this all started because i wanted Daria's eyes for Zooey.

Daria's eyes don't match her color scheme at all, and this has always bothered me about her. they stand out too much, and its jarring. but that minty blue and pale pink are Zooey's colors exactly, it would complete her alien vibe perfectly.

but, unfortunately, Zooey and Daria have different eye chips. Daria has the Twins eye chip, which has four pegs to keep it in place in the socket, and Zooey has the newer B2 chip, which has only two prongs. i was worried that Daria's eyes wouldnt fit in Zooey's head, so i prepared a backup donor: Simone.

Simone has the CNY eye chip, first introduced in Lily Cheng, the Special Edition doll for the Chinese New Year in 2022. this eye mold is more similar to the B2 eyes since it also has only two prongs, so if Daria's eyes didnt sit right in Zooey, these might be a better fit. the colors arent as perfect, but it could work.

except that Darias eyes fit Zooey perfectly. she looks so cute! now her eyebrows are even more out of place, but I'll get to that later.

i had already taken out Simone's eyes to compare the two, so she was given Zooey's eyes.

i was blown away by how incredible she looks! so soft and sweet. i was fond of her before, but she's crawled up into my top ten faves with this one alteration.

now, i was going to give those eyes to Daria, but they obviously belong to Simone now. Daria still needs brown eyes though, so i brought out a more fitting donor for her: Priscilla. she has the same color eyes as Zooey, but in the Twins eye chip.

perfect for ms. Daria, much more natural. it's just what she needed.

now, i wasn't intending to bring Minnie into this, but her eyes are a bit unusually dark, and i had Simone's eyes sitting there.. and well. i already had the hair dryer out.

honestly? a serve. she has B2 eyes originally, like Zooey, so the lashes are Just under her eyelid but they still fit her sculpt pretty well.

at this point, my hands were aching, and i had worn a blister into my thumb, so i had to take a break. Pris was going into the stock box anyway, so there was no pressure to finish her, but the next day i came back and gave her Minnie's eyes for safekeeping.

she looks a little sleepy, but overall pretty cute. she probably won't stay this way because she's going into the potential custom pile, but its fine for now.

look at these four and how perfect they are!! Zooey and Daria came out exactly how i planned, but i am still so shook by how beautiful Simone is now. i just cant stop looking at her.

I'll be reblogging to add more photos, including side by side comparisons to the stock photos since tungle will only let me post 10 pictures at a time

#or is it 12? idk theres a limit though #im very pleased with my work but the tips of my thumbs are just numb now. #i really recommend wearing some sort of gloves if youre going to do this #just because the plastic has to be Hot and you wont realize your fingers are burning until theyre already burned #maybe like a cheap winter glove or a gardening glove #rubber/vinyl/latex gloves are probably too thin to actually help #I've done other eye swaps before just never this many at a time #i was feeling crafty i guess #well i was mostly looking at daria and zooey and Wishing. and then i remembered i could fix them #and again #zooey still doesnt look like this anymore #i took off her brows later #and she looks AWESOME #photos coming soon. #also more pics of simone because shes perfect. #my dolls #dolls #rainbow high #shadow high #rainbow high collection #rainbow high collector #doll collector #dollblr #doll custom #custom doll #doll mods #doll customization #rh #doll #rainbow high doll

[frecklystars]

he knows what it’s like to be betrayed too

#vent art #self harm cw #my art #i wantted to draw stsc hugging me but my abuser made me believe he. woudlnt love me anymore #and i dont know if tricerpatops loves me eithe rbut i dont really care at this point i just need somebody #i feel so numb without self shipping i cant tell you how fuckign bad it feels not having starscream anymore #or any of my other 50 billion transformers characters i used to turn to #i dont know what to do anymore im so lost without them #im so mad i fell for all of her bullshit and now ive lost all of my f/os when i need them the most

[xamaxenta]

to nobodies surprise but mine using reference helps

#guess who actually looked at Ace’s actual face for the first time in half a year #that’s right my stupid lazy ass didnt fucking reference shit and im always left wondering #wow my Ace is so off recently whys that :(( #its really nothing special #i just frustratedly drew this out #i dont feel better for it honestly rly numb ?? oh nyoh burn out ??? disgusting lmao #anyway set a reminder hey look at Ace when you draw guarantee it may make you feel better about the end result #the limbo of maybe i like it but in half an hour l hate it

[kingprinceleo]

Maybe doing another or a new hobby can help ! Maybe baking could help, even if u are not really good at it from the get go, is a fun thing to try out

i really should try to get into other hobbies but its very hard!! i have really bad perfectionism habits and immediately drop things im not instantly good at jfdgn and the Horrors make it hard for me to squeeze dopamine out of anything </3 tbh if anyone has suggestions for like, cheap things to do im listening fdbhjghjb

#i feel bad for complaining so often but man. there is not much good in my life rn #like im truly sorry that i keep biden blasting my blog with 2012 emo ranting #i just got nothin !!! to do!!! to think about!! #i cant even really generate art ideas anymore bc im becoming so far removed from a human person that my mind is just blank all the damn tim #shitty sketch of tails lifting a log to look at bugs is the most creative thing ive done in weeks #i really had to work for that idea #god im just. im numb im tired i want to die #i dont know how to be a person anymore and i feel like im losing my mind #cw vent #cw suicidal thoughts

[camelspit]

something something gisela would be taken more seriously as a villain if she were male

#idk man. #i feel. like. #shes the kind of villain people would love. if she were male. #faulty insane scientist or whatever #and she would just be taken more seriously! #take the keefe situation for instance. #cassius is always labeled as the worse parent but. reverse the roles for a moment #if she was the male and cassius was the female do you really think it would be that way #idk man #i feel like even shannons done her a bit dirty #shes given gisela this master plan but no real motive #like. at least fintan has one. #idk i feel like the same thing goes for vespera #numb person freed from prison after thousands of years and likes to torture people for science? #and yet. almost no content for her. #and she. got crushed by a rock. and we never did get the backstory #like why did she go numb shannon? shannon? #maybe im looking to deep into it but #maybe im also just fucking sick of male characters getting the attention all the time #lmao sorry guys </3 guess this kinda turned into a vent post #my bad #kotlc

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

#(i'm fine) #(personally) (mostly) (really) #this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals #and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that... #...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once #including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that #and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died #and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal #which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting #and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing #desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird #always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/ #and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were #so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile #but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had #and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair #to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly* #and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful #i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why... #...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating #it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible #and feeling that way is 100% sane #and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple #for meaning and for ideas of what to do #so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things #and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days #often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control #and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being... #...at least a sliver about ME and my little world #about me

[lovestruckficto]

Alrighty guys, here’s your homework! Reblog and show me your P03 touch headcanons.

#p03 #inscryption #P03 x reader #feel free to take any liberties u want with this #add wires sticking out #change up the design a lil bit #add some more descriptors #i just really wanna see how everyone interprets him #i know its not spelled with an e at the end but w/e #my art #if you touch the partially numb parts he tells you it's a numb spot and then he kills you #erbs palsy behavior

[lonelydncers]

.

#i cant bring myself to care or be happy about anything #like sabrinas song tonight and i could Not care less #been avoiding everything i can about ttpd cause it makes me feel numb #im seeing beetlejuice w my best friend next week and im not even counting down for that #i dont really have Anything to look forward to and to keep me here #and it just sucks #everything sucks

[footnoteinhistory]

We are so back btw (I ran today and it was my best run in weeks! I’ve really been struggling with [specific niche runners leg issue I won’t bore you with it] and my body in general but this week I got back on track with my sleep schedule and eating for fuel and getting miles in even when I didn’t want to and it’s paying off again! and I’m going to a fun concert next week and just bought plane tickets for this summer and we got Chinese takeout for dinner yaaayyy)

#I get REALLY inside my own head and freak myself out when I have any injury or running worry #like oh my gd. I will never run again. this is my life now I will always be dragging my numb feet I’m going to die like this #and then it’s like oh. I just need to stretch more 😀 #when my body feels like a poorly puppeted marionette while I’m running it’s just hard to remember I WILL get it together again someday #but I always do and will!

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#another day another vent post #i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think #but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited #so.... tumblr it goes i guess #helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic. #isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die #and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters #is it my meds doing this? who knows..... #any number of things could have caused this #i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what #i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help #well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too. #start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me. #sigh... #...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again #i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just #fall asleep instead. #sorry to keep doing this shit #one day it'll be better #maybe. #Hopefully.

[firestorm09890]

outggughjjgghffuhguhhuoo

#emotional turmoil posting day who knows #i woke up feeling normal #still hella depressed but at least not like the universe is killing me #i thought wow maybe it really is over just like that #BLAM. crippling anxiety. full body numbness. i need to lie down immediately