#I know I said I wasn't going to post much fandom stuff anymore

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

#final post #if you don't say goodbye then aitadjcrazytimes isnt really gone #they're just not here right now #<-so that was a fucking lie -tk from the future

[the-thursday]

Hello everyone, this post was long overdue, and finally, prompted by our beloved Howls also leaving, it's time for me to rip off the bandaid as well.

I would also like to announce a sort of departure from Ranger's apprentice fandom.

I do not know how many from RA fandom era from few years back are still here but I assume mostly newer blogs keep up with this account.

Take a lil history walk with me, if you will. I joined this fandom around 2017-18. I was very active around here, posting all kinds of stuff, fics, takes, incorrect quotes, art and whatnot. I made many friends with whom I had a great time and I am happy and honoured that I am friends with some of them till this day. Fandom became the second home to me as things hadn't been exactly easy irl and maybe I fixated on it too much, but gods know I loved this place so much. And I wish for everyone to experience this happiness and just as I made friends who became a significant part of my life, I wish that for you as well. Being surrounded by amazing and wonderful people and sharing similar interests is one of the most pure joyous feelings in this world.

As 2020-2021 rolled around, some of you know that things in my life picked up a harsh pace and I started to drift away. In 2021 I left the fandom because of that and unpleasant things with one of the people here. It was one of the most gut wrenching decisions I had made.

In 2022, I started gradually getting worse, but also had the courage to come back at the end of the year. I felt happy and welcomed and I am so grateful to everyone who made it happen, who supported me and gave me another breath. My mental health kept getting worse but I wasn't alone and that has been everything to me.

Now it's about a little more than a year since I've been back and again, I've met wonderful amazing people who I am happy and honoured to call friends. I don't regret coming back and I am happy I did, however I think it's time for me to go again. And below, I hope to explain why.

Like I said, I've been getting worse. Last autumn and this winter have been very difficult for me and I had to rethink some priorities, as life is going on the time left for me to invest in fandoms is getting thinner and thinner. Unfortunately, among them, isn't keeping up with this fandom. With my next words I hope not to insult anyone. The truth is, I don't find enjoyment in the fandom and content itself anymore, or more like, as much as I used to. I don't exactly vibe with posts for roughly the past half a year and I don't mean this in negative way, I just think it's for me to move on. All of the new people that I've seen have wonderful content and while I don't exactly vibe like I used to, I can see that you're having fun and that's important! People come and go and I do wish all the newcomers and seniors who are still here to have a great time, but I don't think I have energy, capacity and vibes to be part of it anymore. As you know, my blog has been very much inactive for a long time, aside from dumping my dumb sketches or reblogging something here and there. And rather than letting it rot, I'd like to cleanly move on. Anyhow, on self deprecating note, since really it's not like I've been someone prominent I don't think this is a loss to the fandom and this makes it easier for me.

So to summarise, my leaving is about personal things, my life moving and the fact I don't have the mental capacity or motivation to actively keep up.

So what does this mean? I won't be posting RA related stuff on this blog anymore. This blog will turn into a neutral main blog and I'll create one side blog for art that I hope to continue to make and maybe one blog dedicated to the work of Brandon Sanderson.

However, it doesn't mean that I am not up to goof around about RA anymore, however this will be done in DMs. If I sometimes get to draw and post RA related art, it shall be posted on my new art blog with RA tag. However, I don't think there's a high probability of public RA art from me anymore, because 1) need to move on and 2) I have a very strong and maybe confrontational opinion about art in this fandom that has given me a bad taste and discouraged me from enjoying making it and posting it. I won't go into details because I don't want to sour this post for myself and for y'all with it.

I want to thank this fandom for everything it has been for me and for everyone and I wish y'all some happy fandoming!

Yours only,

The Ranger Thursday 11

#rangers apprentice #final goodbye

[rilli-luci]

Belos wasn't a child when Caleb left

Okay great now that I have your attention, I will state that of course this is a big thing of speculation between most people in the TOH fandom because quite frankly we only got to see SOME of the portraits in Belos' mind during the episode of Hollow Mind. But since the portraits have been posted for some time now on Twitter, it's about time we look at the facts.

Starting with what we know is true, yes Caleb is Phillip's older brother. We all know this. It's just fact. However there is something that some people overlook and it's that Caleb is not that much older than Philip.

The reason we know this is because of this portrait here.

And this one here

The boys are not that far apart in age. So Caleb probably just took on the role of a parental figure because that is a very common thing to do between siblings with either no parents or abusive ones. The older siblings parentifies themselves to protect the younger sibling.

That being said they were young when they met Evelyn but Caleb didn't just leave immediately. The reason for that is cause when Caleb leaves, Philip looks like this.

Phillip now has a ponytail and a cowlick. He's at an age where he wants to emulate the person he looks up to most and that's Caleb. There are some who argue "Well Phillip could've been a teen" Well so was Caleb. They were both teens then.

In this picture, he still has the ponytail but he has extra stuff. The best bet is Phillip went back to their home to grab things he may have needed (note the lack of mask) but I don't think he stayed behind for years. That's too long to go without looking for his brother. He would want to find him immediately. So he grabbed his things then left. And the Boiling Isles is big. Walking on foot would take time. He's in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and he doesn't trust anything there. So it takes him enough time to grow a short beard to find Caleb. Cause at the dame time, Caleb is going around with his new witch friend and learning about magic.

This same beard is just longer when Luz and Lilith met him. We don't know how long Caleb had been dead by that point but he was most certainly dead at that time. And Belos looks to be about maybe his early 30s by then. He doesn't too much older than when he killed Caleb. Because of this I believe Phillip Wittebane as at the very least a young adult when Caleb left. He doesn't need to be a child for that event to have deeply affect him. His only family left with who he was told was an enemy for a good chunk of his life. It's not just heart breaking but belief shattering for him.

I know with what Masha told the others during Thanks to Them it looks like there was a sizable age gap but keep in mind this is a story that has been told and retold and retold again and again for like 400 years. There will be exaggerations, there will be incorrect retellings that mix with the real ones. Its more dramatic if Belos was a child its more dramatic if a witch kidnapped the older brother and the younger went to save him but neither returned cause of the witch. They are telling a story that isn't theirs that they’ve been told before. Of course the details would change. And it's really our only evidence that Belos was left as a child if I recall correctly. But considering the fact the town has 2 statues of the brothers AS ADULTS.

There is no way Caleb left him while he was a child. Not really. The portraits and the statues suggest otherwise. There's no reason to make statues of the brothers without being the correct ages relative to each other when they're like with each other. This is the evidence I found and if anyone has anymore evidence to back it up, add onto the post I don't mind. But everything suggests that Belos was an adult when Caleb left and he followed shortly after to save him.

#phillip wittebane #toh #caleb wittebane #emperor belos #toh belos #toh philip #toh caleb #hollow mind #toh hollow mind #toh theory #not sure if i should tag as critical #toh analysis

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for talking about how happy I am that I switched medications and discussing side effects I had?

CW for mention of eating disorders and vomiting

Sorry if that question is phrased weirdly.

I (F24) am in a fandom Discord server with about 50 or so people in it. I'm friends with a few of the people in the server, but the rest are just sort of acquaintances that I sometimes talk to.

We have the usual non-fandom areas for talking, sharing pictures, a vent channel, etc. There's also a sort-of vent channel that's more for discussing life stuff and getting advice.

We were talking about medications for depression/anxiety and I basically said "Yeah I used to be on SSRI's but stopped because of a few specific side effects, and then when I finally switched to a non-SSRI and realized that it was MASSIVELY fucking with my appetite to the point of causing severe binge eating issues."

The person (who was asking if we had experience with any meds) asked what I meant, so I told them how obsessed with food I was, how I would wait until my parents went to bed (I live with them because fuck this economy) and then go around the house looking for candy, I could eat an entire bag of chips in one night, and one night ate so much candy to the point I got sick and vomited.

I told them that once I started Vyvance for my ADHD the issue improved quite a bit (turns out it's used to treat binge eating disorders), but now that I'm not on a SSRI my appetite and relationship with food is actually normal.

I'm not constantly thinking about food 24/7, I would actually feel full after eating a meal, and I'm no longer having extreme cravings for sugar and salty stuff. I don't have an obsession with taking all the candy in the house and eating it in one sitting, I can just... Leave it there and have some the next day.

I also mentioned that because of that, I've lost 50lbs and I no longer get out of breath just from going up the stairs, and my chronic ankle pain is SO much better to the point I barely notice it (I fucked it up when I was younger). I also no longer have high cholesterol, and when I go outside in the summer I don't feel like I'm going to die.

All of this was put under a cut, with a CW for eating disorders. The person I was talking to basically said "Holy shit thank you so much for letting me know"

I sort of forgot about it afterwards, but a few days later I went onto Discord and saw that the server was gone. I thought Discord was glitching out, but eventually messaged a friend (F20s) who's also in the server and asked her what was going on and if something happened to the server.

She said no, and was confused as to why I wasn't in it anymore. I didn't leave it on accident, it was just... Not there. She sent me an invite link, but it said the link was expired.

She messaged one of the mods (NB28) and asked them if anyone else was having problems joining the server/it disappearing, and they told her that I was permanently banned from the server.

She asked them why, and they said that I was banned for fatphobia and promoting an eating disorder.

She asked them how I was promoting an eating disorder (since I literally talked about recovering from one), and they said that it was because I was discussing weight loss as something positive, which I guess to them automatically = anorexia???

My friend, without me asking to, told me that she tore the mod a new one and called them a dumbfuck for thinking me no longer having binge eating issues and feeling healthier after losing weight is even close to promoting an eating disorder.

Context: My friend literally has anorexia, so she's familiar with how eating disorders work.

The mod then told her she and I are both fatphobic pieces of shit, and banned HER too. The mod in question has posted multiple selfies before, and they're not even fat. I'm like twice the size they are, even after losing weight.

AWTA or is the mod just on some kind of weird savior-complex powertrip?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #eating disorder cw #emetophobia cw

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

Let's spread some positivity! Tag some of your fellow content creators here and let them know why they are absolutely amazing!❤️

This is a really sweet idea. I'm going to put my list below a cut, because it will be long.

@em-writes-stuff-sometimes - honestly, Em's fan fiction is better than actual published books I've read. You should be doing this professionally, bub, not publishing it for free for us morons on Tumblr. I'm forever amazed that someone with your brain wants to pal around with an idiot like me.

@valeskafics - your tenacity and the sheer volume with which you are able to write will never cease to amaze me. You're a powerhouse, Babybel. You don't have a masterlist, you have a fucking library, it's incredible.

@barbiedragon - your modern Daemon has me in a chokehold. You're also one of the few writers flying the flag for Vizzy 3 and I gobble up everything you write for him like I'm a shark and you've put chum in the water. Can't wait for Kinktober to see what you create!

The rest of this list is just ordered by date of when I followed the person, and expresses no particular favourtism:

@flowerpotmage - not quite so active in fandom anymore, but they're one of the few writers giving gender neutral readers some much needed representation, and their Aemond and Daemon fics are amazing.

@paintb0x - an amazing artist - some of the best I have seen for Ewan and his characters.

@sapphire-writes - I love Jo's modern AUs and her ability to put my heart through the wringer!

@timetravelingpenguin1066 - Eli is one of the sweetest people I've ever met. An incredible gif maker and a great fic writer.

@aemondx - Sili's gifs are wonderful and the kindness she dedicates to this fandom by making icons and headers for people is admirable.

@alicentive - Killy's gifs are insane and I love that she writes for the characters that don't get as much attention from fandom.

@marthawrites - Midnight Passages, you will always be famous.

@exitpursuedbyavulcan - Studious, my beloved. UPDATE WHEN? (sorry)

@targaryenrealnessdarling - I would die for Liz. She's not just an insanely talented writer, but an all round amazing person too, she makes this fandom a much nicer place to be.

@st-eve-barnes - Eve is out here giving the Aegon girlies the content they desperately need. I love her Aemond fics too!

@bottlesandbarricades - one of the funniest fuckers I've ever had the pleasure of speaking too. Only has one fic, but it's a banger, and her edits are unmatched. I will never get over space buns Aemond.

@toms-cherry-trees - more content for Peaky Blinders than HotD, but the Aemond fic is gold.

@just-some-random-blogger - a Daemon girlie, we love to see it! If entertaining reblogs were an Olympic sport then Hani is taking home the gold. Her fics are bonkers, and I love them.

@humanpurposes - Gee's writing is top notch, some of the best Aemond fics I've ever read.

@assortedseaglass - Hilde is one of my favourite writers. Ever. She could write instructions on how to put together IKEA furniture and I'd eat it up, she's that good.

@oneeyedvisenya - another of my favourite Aemond writers. Education is one of my top five fics of all time. So well written.

@lya-dustin - the speed with which Juli produces chapters is mindblowing. All Is Bliss is a great series.

I can only tag 20 accounts at a time, so I shall continue this in a reblog. I wasn't lying in previous ask, when I said my appreciation post would be phonebook sized.

#asked and answered

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

What do you make of the Zuts who claim that Kataang fans are mean to them? Every ship has toxic fans, so I'm not saying it didn't happen, but the worst vitriol generally seems to come from the ZK side of things and KA fans are more frequently defending themselves (and Aang).

They're absolutely right about the Kataang fandom having it's own bad apples. I have seen some of them attacking Zutara fans, unprovoqued, just for liking a popular fanon alternative to their OTP, which is very childish and pathetic.

Here's the thing though. Like you guys know, while I was never into Zutara, also wasn't always into Kataang. During four of my nearly six years of truly being part of the ATLA fandom, I didn't hate either ship, but I didn't really care for them, and I was not shy about saying it.

And not once did I get death/rape threats or "kill yourself" messages from Kataang fans, not even when I was saying stuff like "I don't think their romance would last" or "I think the show would still work if they were just friends" (and that last point I still agree with). Nor was I told I clearly only didn't like Kataang because I had internalized misogyny or was against interacial relationships - like a cartoon couple could have anything to do with real world issues.

Whenever I read a fic that happened to have Kataang as one of the main pairings (like some fics for Maiko, a ship I always liked), the author never went out of their way to make Zuko, or any other character except sometimes Jet, look like an absolute monster just to make Kataang look better, or force a pairing to happen just to "get Zuko out of the way". Same for the metas about the show.

Whenever I saw fanart or fanfics for ships like Toph X Aang or Haru X Katara, I did not see dozens and dozens of "Ew, gross! Kataang 4ever!" or "This is really pretty, too bad is for an awful pairing, it'd be so much better if it was Kataang instead." Not once was I sent a "Even if you don't ship Kataang, this other ship is just objectively awful" ask just minutes after saying "I don't like Kataang, but I do ship Katara with Haru and even Jet"

Not once was did I ever a Kataang fan repeatedly tell me I should stop writting about my OTP and replace it with Kataang, or write both together, after I had already said I didn't like that ship and was not interested in writting anything except my OTP. Not once was any of metas that were COMPLETELY unrelated to Kataang, often not even mentioning either of the two characters, derrailed into being someone's "If you don't support my ship, you make the story worse" post.

More importantly, I could criticize the bad behavior I DID see from some Kataang fans, and be met with support from other Kataang shippers that were also annoyed at it, instead of having them deny it ever happened, or going "But what about what Zutara fans do?" do deflect, or saying "Don't generalize, we're not ALL like that!" even though that was not what I said.

Meanwhile every single one of these things happened when it came to Zutara fans. Repeatedly. To me, to my friends, to friends or my friends, to people I didn't interact with much, to people I didn't like very much. To people that shipped Kataang, Maiko, Jetara, Toko, etc. For God's sake, these people call the showrunners pedophilies just out of spite for not having their OTP become canon.

The Kataang fandom has bad apples, and like any large group, it can sometimes have TONS of bad apples. But a very big portion of that same fandom clearly doesn't approve of it and tries to keep them in check.

The Zutara fandom meanwhile often seems to go out of it's way to have ONLY bad apples, to the point that I constantly get asks from shippers that say they can't engage with the fandom anymore because people "on their side" are a nightmare to deal with. All because they seem to believe they can bully their way into being canon.

The situations are not at all comparable.

#anti zutara #pro kataang

[bcacstuff]

Usually agree but with Sam he has went out of his way to make it look like he's had a thing with CB abd showance to sell OL. Also disagree there is tons of evidence he's with women. MM is the only evidence. Hanging out with GE at track meet, easy sports interest and they were both at the sane Corp event Chicago. No pic with GiaMarie beyond pier. He's always played around on Social Media, and nothing with girlfriends only the race picture with MM. He may have squacked in the rant but that was more about being called out about traveling during Covid, and otherwise liked the gossip, speculation as people are talking, as long as they are, he gets what he wants, attention.

I don't know who or what you are disagreeing with Anon. Yes, he went out of his way to sell a show. He still does, though I think at some point he's got the word that he needed to tone down a bit in relation to his co-star. That said, if you accuse him of that, you can accuse her as well of it.

I have to say, before I came here I actually never saw it that way so much. I wasn't even aware about the shipping, and more honest, wasn't even aware of the whole 'shipping' thing of actors on a show in general. Yes, call me ignorant, but my life was filled with a lot of other interests and things and not with actors on a tv show or movie.

I have never posted here that there is a 'ton of evidence' he's with women. I've seen it on other blogs, and there are things I can agree with, there are things I can understand how people look at from another pov, not necessarily my pov but I can understand it. It actually doesn't matter much to me, I read a blogpost today about MM, I read it, and that's all there is to it for me. I do not need any 'proof' for something. I just know what I see, have my thoughts about it, that I can freely discuss with some open minded people in DM that I know I can trust, and with whom I can agree or disagree and still be friends with.

I don't feel the need to 'prove' anything to anyone. Everyone can think for themselves, and will make up their own minds. I don't care.

What I do care about is making up things, trying to fit a certain scenario. Whether it is shippers wanting him to be with CB, or they gay-sayers constantly saying he's hiding something and every women he's seen with is a immediately bombarded as a beard or being lesbian... that kind of stuff. And that also counts for the part of the fandom that claims he's been sleeping with every women that he's been seen with or was in the same city or location. I get lots of Anons all the time, putting out names, making innuendo from just a meetup at a sportsgame with GE recently f.i. I get the craziest conspiracy theories about it. It's not even funny anymore. It makes me wonder about the level of intelligence of parts of this fandom.

All the chaos in this fandom sort of made me started keeping track f things. As there is so much made up and so much chaos created just to make certain narratives sound feasible or simply to create some confusion. It's the only way to keep these narratives alive. And they're not created by him, but by this fandom. This fandom that wants to see 'hidden messages' rather than just take a pic or video or word for what it is and nothing more. This fandom that likes to make lies canon, this fandom that keeps repeating tweets from long ago out of context as sort of proof for something.

I can go on... but I rather keep going on with what I do. Show what he is really doing, or where he really is. It's not because I'm obsessed or something, I know how people like to demonize me for it that way. However, the timelines I create doesn't leave that much room for their conspiracy theories and that's what they don't like I presume. Anyway, I like to have things clear for myself and not go by all the chatter and made up theories but simply by logic.

[birdofprey1234]

So I had a really bad dream today.

Going through tags about yourself is always kinda weird, but. It's meloncholy when the blog people are talking about isn't really around anymore. By your own choices but. The memories attached to it are then kind of flitty and detached because of that. Like you don't think about them anymore.

I saw posts where people were talking about me and like, sad that it seemed I was gone. Wondering what had happened or if I was still active somewhere.

I've gotten sentiments like that before. But like... usually it was asks sent to me, or thing directly from friends who said they missed my art. It's appreciated, and still baffling, but I guess that can feel kind of put-on for my feelings compared to... making a post talking about me, thinking I'll never see it. Making that post and like.... missing me in it. Talking about me nicely.

I've never experienced that feeling before. That like... true sweetness and appreciation and humbling kindness.

I'm thinking maybe a lot of people feel that way about my blog. Thinking about me on occasion and wondering what happened, or where I am. Not because they think I died or something but, because they liked me.

I always wanted to leave a mark on this community. By that I mean like, general tumblr but also specifically the ego fandom. A huge part of the reason I left is because from my perspective people weren't really digging what i was making. Maybe I felt i was an unpopular artist in the community, or that my work was kind of unliked compared to others. I felt constantly that I was making things that I loved and was super excited about, but people around me were never as excited, and didn't really care about the things I made. (And yk, to clarify, i felt like that looked bad on *me* not the people looking at my stuff)

I think the ego/mark fandom is generally less to actually interact with content or the people making it, ((at least compared to the other fandoms I've been in.)) I didn't know about the possible differences when I joined, so I just saw people not engagin with my art in the way I wanted and I assumed my art just suddenly wasnt enjoyed anymore.

I wanted to make a mark. All the art that I made, for me was about expanding on the stories and ideas about characters I loved. I wanted so badly for those ideas to be shared and talked about and remembered. Like I was a part of something. Egos was likr one of the first fandoms i ever joined that wasnt already "over".

When I left I really wanted to dissipear. I was in a very bad place for a lot of reasons but mainly i was upset and flustered and I wanted to get away from the blog because the size it had gotten to really scared me and made me anxious. I was having trouble motivating myself to create and I feel like there was a lot of resentment over my art that I now feel guilty for.

I felt at the time like dissipearing was impossible. Like this blog would somehow always follow me? I also thought that pretty much no one would care. That they would miss the art i drew but not me, like no one would care if it wasn't about the Content. But I'm m realizing. Maybe I really did dissipear. Maybe people wondered where I went. Maybe I just dropped off the map, completely went away, like I wanted to, but... maybe not everyone just ignored it, didnt notice or didnt care like I expected.

I've been going back and reading stuff about camp UA, how I apparently brought so many kids and people together and. At the time I didnt notice. I remember people telling me that, butbit never actually sunk in. It felt fake, like just nixe words. There were people asking about me after I left, sad I wasn't around. Friends lately started to tell me recently that from their perspectivesl I was really well loved in the fandom, that I was extremely popular even though at the time I didn't feel like it at all. Seeing things occasionally about my curly haired yancy or my trans abe etc and. People still recognizing i influenced these things, seeing my joys and my ideas still circulate, even though I felt like I had made no fandom impact at all. Even if its small it's there. And combining all of these things...

I don't know. It's really nice. Now that I have some distance, to actually view the things I did and see the influence maybe I didn't realize I had. To see actual good things that came out of my blog. People...cared? Maybe they always cared and I just didn't have the perspective to recognize it. Like...joy that I've caused people. People calling my queer posts "classics", or that they made them feel good in their identity. People referencing specific ego posts i made, people missing me and wondering where I'd gone. People in old posts mentioning me by name, like I was a recognizable friend of the "family". People clearly...liking me. I don't know. Caring? Seeing me as me and not just an art funnel. I never felt that way while I was making art. I feel now like I had so many blindspots while I was running this blog and I'm not even sure why.

It feels incredibly selfish, to be honest. Super high and mighty and self aggrandizing that I'm saying all this. like..."ohhh i didn't get the response i wannnted :( and that made me saaaddd :((((" like, I don't deserve any specific treatment. I'm not "owed" any response from people. I'm not even owed recognition after the fact. I'm not owed care or interest or any of this.

...but still people care, they liked me? Maybe I did add to the community? Maybe I made things and posts that braught people together and had community effects, that people had fun and got excited over the things that i made...? Even if it was things i didnt intend, or in a way I never intended.

It makes me miss it, you know. It makes me feel, it makes y heart swim with kindness and appreciation and gratitude and LOVE and. Everything everything. It makes me teary eyed, heart full to bursting alone in my room, completely pathetically. I shared things, maybe. Things that maybe meant something. And people cared? Some of them, at least? A few people were effected, really? A place that caused me so much strong anxiety a year+ ago but. I still do miss it. People are so nice. And for what? Why do I deserve it? Everyone's so nice. The blogs i saw over and over, my friends and mutuals in the community, that I never talked to because I was small and a freak and anxious and too self concious about myself. They were so nice. People are so, so nice.

Thank you to anyone at all that ever did that for me? That asked about me after I was gone, that left me sweet messaged or comments, joined in on some thing i was doing for fun, made art of my posts, told me that i braught you joy. Connected with me. Or tried. I love you.

Idk im a weird fuckin. Emotional sap and also I gotta tell you I'm sick and haven't slept in like 13 hours so. Sorry for random long posts on ur dashboard I'm extremely sensitive.

Maybe I'll link to some other blog where I'm making art someday. Idk. I just miss the nice people in the community and the connection and. I wanted to thank you. I hope i did make an impact. At least a little.. I really really hope I did

#birdtalks #wow jesus i forgot abt that tag #also i am still vry into and fixated on egos so there u go yk shfjdjc #closure?? who? i barely even know he r #long post cw

[skylarbee]

Over the years I have seen many fandoms and fans of all kinds, but yes, in fact lately the AM fandom is really becoming something unmanageable for anyone even for those who perhaps follow the band for the music without wanting to know anything about the gossip. I think this is also partly the fault of Tiktok which has led many young people to want to follow the band and therefore to become attached to certain characters without knowing what they have done in the past, they want to throw shit at people they didn't know until two years ago like Miles for example and blaming him for everything is saying disgusting things towards him that really, just reading it brings tears to my eyes. I don't know what will happen as soon as the tour ends, I hope things calm down even if it's hard for me given Amanda and Matt's attitude in the last few days

yes to all of this! the only times that i've searched for gossip were when i already heard a lot of rumours against my will and i wanted to see if they were true (other people should do this too instead of immediately believing/disbelieving something they've read on the internet...). other than that, the moment i open any social media, it's all there without me having to press a single button, and i'm sure that lots of other people have it the same way.

i do think too that tiktok might have something to do with it. i wasn't this deep in the fandom until only like three years ago, so i don't know what the situation was with younger fans before that. i also said a lot of stupid shit on the internet when i was really young, so i can't expect much from the young fans, especially the ones who have no idea about how problematic LV is and love her to bits. the extremely sad thing is that i've seen SO many people who do know a thing or two, and they still think that she's done nothing wrong (like ppl saying that she's a 'queen' for being the one alex cheated with, that she should be proud of it and brag about it, or the ones that congratulate her and say that they would've done even worse things just to get in alex's pants - just some vomit-inducing stuff)

the thing with miles makes me the saddest, i feel you anon. there are loads of people out there who spread false information and call him things that he's not - but what's even worse than this is there are people who have no idea about these things, and still hate on him and make fun of him for absolutely no reason. like he said, we have to accept the fact that this is the way it always will be; i can't even get mad anymore when interviewers constantly bring up alex/tlsp when talking to him. i don't think it will ever change. let's all learn from LV and do the opposite of what she does - when we see people talking shit, we should just click that block/mute button and go about our day without paying attention to it and posting on our stories about it (if i were to sit down and argue with every person on twitter who says something bad about him, i'd do that 24/7). miles' fans are the sweetest people out there (like artist like fan) and we should focus on not ruining the pure and good vibes that miles transmits to us via his IG (reason why i don't tag these posts with his name). if he can take some minutes out of his life (almost) every day to post cute things for us, we should also send him back positive things - out of tens of fake people in am's circle, he continues to be the only genuine, honest, and pure-hearted person - let's not take it for granted.

i imagine that after the tour ends all we'll have will be L&A's stories, specifically LV's stories where she'll position her phone so that we'll be able to see alex's elbow and lose our minds over it; and similar shenanigans. i am not looking forward to it. this community will be rotten for as long as those two will be present in the boys' lives (i wish it wouldn't be true, but everything has been going downhill since 2018/2019)

#sorry it's so long i will defend miles until my last breath #alex turner #arctic monkeys #matt helders #louise verneuil #amanda blank #anon

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

Ok, you don't have to post this if you feel like it's too much, but I just needed to get this rant out about Robert Manion (not censoring so people who have it filtered can avoid it).

When I joined the fandom in 2019 ne was basically the fandom's darling, every fifth post in the tag was about him or his characters and it was hard to find a tgwdlm song ranking that didn't have SSN in the top 3. I wasn't a huge fan of him, mostly because I'm ace and didn't find him attractive, but I'm not going to lie and pretend like I always hated him. I thought he seemed like a nice enough guy, as did most other people in the fandom. I didn't have twitter at the time, so I didn't see any of the stuff he did there, but I did hear some of it on here which made me not like him as much, but for the most part I ignored it.

It's his actions around the sexual harassment incident that still makes my blood boil when I think about it. To me his apology post came off less as a sincere apology from someone who recognised how shitty he was and more like he was trying to make himself seem like such a good person for acknowledging that he was wrong. It came at such a shitty time for fans too, since everyone who clicked on his insta stories would have been expecting something about NMT 2 but instead got hit with something so heavy and potentially triggering. It was probably the worst day I've ever had in the fandom, as the fallout was intense and the few days before SK officially addressed the issue were actually stressful.

I know we don't know everything that happened behind the scenes, nor are we entitled to, but it definitely seems like Rob did not take being kicked out of Starkid permanently after NMT2 well. He had a whole year between his post and when he went on Tik Tok live to talk about his side of the story, but chose to do it only during the duration of the Starkid Returns kickstarter, when it became clear he wasn't going to be invited back. I know he made some pretty serious claims against SK, and I wouldn't normally dismiss something like that, but the fact that he also tried to play off his harassment as a joke that others made into a bigger deal than it was makes me so mad. Also, some of the stuff he said, like claiming that Dylan gets too many solos and calling them cringey for being in their 30s and still singing some of their older songs, just came off as pure pettiness and spite, and like he wanted to discourage the few fans he still had from giving to the campaign, especially since he stopped when it ended.

Honestly there isn't really a big point to this, I just felt like I needed to get my frustration off my chest. I was watching tgwdlm with friends yesterday and it was so hard for me to get through SSN remembering all of this. I just hope that he stays gone and doesn't try to pull anymore shit during the next kickstarter. Also, I hope all the fans who were seriously hurt by what happened are doing better now.

~~~

#confession #starkid #robert manion #tw robert manion #robert manion tw

[inchidentally]

(not gonna post the link you sent bc I don't wanna tread on other people's stuff since we're all out here in the tumblr wild to talk about these rich men and their problematic silly sport in any way we want to. I'll reply with my thoughts but remember that they're my own and I am NOT telling someone else how to feel)

okay so fully removing the ship lenses and assuming they're not wishing any hostility towards Oscar or any future teammate of Lando's at McLaren: holy SHIT no. fuckballs NOOOO.

ok from a purely practical/realism standpoint Carlos will not be taking any steps backward. based purely on Ferrari's overall performance and the fact that Charles is a damn good match as a teammate (hi Singapore) Carlos is exactly where he should be for WDC contention. McLaren are out there competing hard with them and with the Mercs but to see them outpacing those cars would be solely down to the youth and combined competitiveness of Lando and Oscar they've invested in - so still no dice for Carlos in the foreseeable. I'm not F1 smart enough to know how likely it would be that he'd go to RBR but even there I'm not sure how he and Max would work together again with Max's dominance and ummmm Carlos' least favorite thing being following team orders to concede to his teammate. followed by what would become Carlos' first least favorite thing which would be to drive Max's car since development only works one way at RBR. and that's all assuming that Lando stays with McLaren and that Oscar chooses to leave. the first being reasonably likely and the second is too soon to tell. then there's the fact that by that point Lando would not be considered McLaren youth anymore and they'd be highly unlikely to bring on someone even older to partner him. ((add to that the fact that Carlos will never be an Alonso and will definitely get married early in his thirties and move on to different types of racing or maybe even a different field in racing)) Lando will be a Lewis and stick with F1 competitively chasing wins and WDCs (especially if he can outlast Max's boredom threshold) and he won't be interested in nostalgia hires unless they can help him with that goal.

but moving on to the more parasocial fandom side of it…

honestly the biggest surprise to me is seeing people think that they were equals ??? during their season together?? Lando was a tiny baby who has talked about how being partnered with Carlos fed his anxieties and insecurities! he saw this seasoned driver learning the car faster than him, knowing the circuits better than him and speaking to the team with more confidence than him. lbr when his "trophy" was Carlos' champagne while Carlos celebrated his podium, Lando did NOT look completely happy being forced into that celebration (and I seem to recall later on him even ruefully saying "it wasn't my celebration but anyway"). Carlos literally saw Lando as a baby brother and treated him as such but he also had no clue what to do with Lando's darker moods besides try to cheer him up (and sometimes fail).

I am someone who likes to keep the streams of real life and rpf totally crystal clear and separate and I also like to keep the reality of who these drivers are free of anything I imagine about them for fantasy. when Carlos isn't winning or at least happy with his result, he isn't remotely a team player (and with a team like Ferrari it's hard to blame him sometimes lol). I guess for some people? it's easy to think that Carlos would become a totally different driver when on a team with Lando from ~the power of love~… but that would also have to hand-wave when he actually was Lando's teammate. (it would also hand-wave that Carlos and Charles are also good friends and much more flirty and lovey dovey but Carlos still fights against Charles like a beast when he's in the car)

this man is in it to win it. if you called him soft for a teammate or said that the foremost reason he gave Lando DRS in Singapore was for Lando's benefit he would laugh in your face. at no point in the incredibly stressful final laps was Carlos going "aw shucks I hope my lil buddy can be up there with me let me rig this to make it happen" bc by that point in a race they are thinking in nothing but driving binary and /how do I cement my win against all the bastards behind me/. Carlos does NOT revolve even a small part of his racing career around Lando or any other driver. he doesn't even regard much of his team's input (again, probably for the best with Ferrari). even when he gets direct help from Charles following Ferrari strategy (see Singapore) I still can't really recall that he was overly effusive in acknowledging that fact. he's modeled himself much more on the F1 generations of more like two generations back. and why shouldn't he? so I do not get how people can still think that drivers - especially Carlos' type - are remotely friendly with anyone when they're on the circuit. sure they might get even more pissed off at a driver they aren't keen on but literally /everyone/ is their enemy and their own result is their one goal. that's literally their job.

and as Lando says himself, no one in F1 including him wants to beat anyone more than their own teammate. again. how do people think that Lando would take this entire career he's worked so incredibly hard for and make it about a guy he golfs with (in groups, folks) and occasionally goes to dinner with (which he also does with Daniel) and talks to during the drivers parade (he also consistently seeks out Max, George and Yuki) but has a thriving professional and social life that has nothing to do with Carlos? yuk|erre, maxie| and ga|ex are out there doing far more shippy type things than car|ando all the damn time but when have they ever let that affect their desire to win or beat each other??

nothing about little unseasoned raw lamb cutlet Lando with hairy alpha Carlos at McLaren at all resembles what their dynamic would be as teammates. and the fact that Lando is really liking this new feeling of being the superior favored driver bodes horribly for how he'd react to Carlos swinging his huge sexy cojones back into McLaren expecting to be the number one again by age and experience. folks should enjoy getting to see them during the drivers parade and out golfing as non teammates bc the adorable content of 2019 would curdle into something grotesque if they now had to do goofy challenges while slowly learning to hate the sight of each other during briefings as they sought to supplant the other in the standings.

in no way on this or any other earthly planes can I be convinced that having them compete on the same team again would be anything other than a trainwreck and result in them not even speaking for the next 10-15 years.

#inchreplies

[just-antithings]

I have had two formidable experiences with my friends being antis.

One was a friend (call them R) within a group of friends that I really liked being around on discord; But they were always the one to throw the first stone at MHA pairings (they're minors oh no!!) and stuff like somnophilia or noncon fics, and of course everyone kind of followed suit. I was the youngest person in this group at the time, everyone was 20+ and I was 19, so I felt like I had to conform at least in this group or they'd turn on me. I tried testing the waters a bit with an age gap ship and got clocked immediately so I dialed it back and said I was just curious and didn't know their age gap.

I start to stray from the group, join a new server that's for dead dove content, make new friends. Two years later I noticed the other server had been deleted and I got a DM from one of my friends there for a new server (call them J), explaining that they had a falling out with R in real life, because apparently R was ABUSING THEM emotionally and psychologically as well as physically (hitting them as a "joke") and so they made a new server without them and had plans to move out. I joined them, it was nostalgic because it had all my old friends in it, but I was still a little nervous.

In a couple 1v1 DMs I realized that they really... didn't seem to care that much about ships in the way that R did. I eventually shared art of an oc/canon pairing that's taboo in the new server and they loved it. J admitted that they were going along with R's ideology out of fear of being hated and everyone else just kind of went with it because of how much XYZ fiction disgusted R and to keep being their friend it "wasn't up for discussion." J is now in a safe place and I'm back in the server with my old friends without having to tip toe around them constantly. It feels good!

The other friend, I'll call K, was my friend for a long long time. We stopped talking for years and then reconnected over the live action One Piece. When I followed their private twitter to share art I noticed they had "proshippers DNI" and decided to just tell them that I'm pro-fiction instead of trying to hide it because It's been years and I'm over pretending to advocate for things I don't agree with. K didn't really like that, because they had irl trauma that I won't go into detail about. We talked about it for a little bit, but I could tell they didn't really want to stay in close contact anymore, which sucked, but we agreed to move on and not expect anything from each other. They said they'll unfollow me but not block me because they didn't have anything against me, they just weren't comfortable with the stuff I liked, and I told them it was okay and to take care. We don't talk anymore, but I have lots of memories with them that I'm happy to have.

Because of these two really different experiences I have a sort of complicated relationship with antis... On one hand, it does NOT surprise me in the least when an anti comes out to have been a horrible person. On the other hand, I try not to expect it anymore? R was an abuser, full stop, but K was just someone who dealt with their trauma by avoiding what they didn't like. Antis who actually avoid content instead of seeking it out always have my respect because they have active boundaries and usually aren't meanspirited.

Sorry for the long post, I wanted to share this with someone and this blog helps me feel less frustrated about everything going on in the state of fandom these days. c':

.

#mod erin #ask #just anti things #posted without comment #abuse mention #noncon mention

[aemiron-main]

i think what's so funny about the bi Mike narrative is that you flat out have to ignore canon scenes. "boys only"? doesn't mean anything, only Will's "a day free of girls" means something. Mike and El's severe family coding going back all the way to s1 where they explicitly discuss being cousins and siblings? doesn't mean anything either, that's just there for fun, their romance should be taken completely serious and not be uncomfortable at all. Mike seemingly realizing he doesn't want to be with El/wants to be with Will when she kisses him in s3? coincidence, it's not because he realizes he doesn't like El, it just happens to happen while a girl is kissing him. Mike resorting to a disprovable lie about love at first sight during his monologue instead of stating the real moment he realized he liked her? completely random🤭

if your interpretation of canon is that solid then why are you avoiding certain scenes? and the few people i've seen tackle them always need to go on their tangent of how "it's not like that" or you're "reading too much into it". so obviously El saying she could be Mike's sister doesn't mean anything and is just random filler dialogue, it's not supposed to make you feel any particular way. Mike having a similar girls excluding line to Will is only gaycoding for Will, Mike is just being silly and goofy duh, it's not that serious, and so on

it's fine to have whatever hc or interpretation but it's weird to me when ppl straight up say it's just as valid as the interpretation that's actually applicable to all of the show. the narrative that there is a good argument for bi Mike to be made and that ppl just don't post it anymore because the gay Mike truthers (who only hang out on their blogs) are so mean is hilarious when i know i've seen every bi Mike take last year and wasn't convinced by any of them. if there is such a good argument for bi Mike then why don't i see more posts? bc despite the current victim complex, gay Mike was the original pariah in the fandom until people had the guts to start posting analysis. the fact that half the people on here now subscribe to gay Mike despite that interpretation only not getting you screamed at since a few months ago does say a lot about how convincing both interpretations are. because just maybe, the fact that there's more gay Mike believers than bi Mike believers (don't even know if that's accurate i don't know the tag anymore, but it's what the bi interpretators are saying) is because people see it as more plausible, and not bc they haven't had the pleasure to see a bi Mike post yet

seriously, just your gay Mike takes alone go way back and were pretty unusual at the time. and it speaks volumes to me that most serious anaylzers and theorizers subscribe to gay Mike exclusively, while the blogs that post more for fun and provide regular character and ship content and interact more with the tag and "community" on here like bi Mike. it's almost like... bi Mike is more fun as a hc but narratively inferior to gay Mike, which is why all the serious show analyzers are so adamant and passionate about it

ANON YOU WENT OFF WITH THIS!!!!!!!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 ABSOLUTE FACTS 10000000% REAL LIKE I HAVE NO NOTES IM JUST CLAPPING AND CHEERING AND NODDING MY HEAD WHILE I TYPE THIS!!!!!!!! That’s SO true about how the more serious analysis blogs tend to be gay mike truthers whereas the more for fun/posting solely hc stuff blogs tend to veer towards bi mike. And with that said, I think there’s also an element of that dynamic that’s tied to how that solely fic/hc section of byler tumblr tends to get fairly weird about The Actual Show sometimes (such as a bunch of them being appalled that people would bother to try and analyze henry) & try to stay in this weird “all headcanons are textually valid” space (even though thats not possible) because that whole group is so eager to jump at the throats of anyone who makes a minor misstep. Like this does NOT go for *everyone* who is just having fun/posting ship stuff, many of those folks r wonderful, im talking abt a particular group of popular/vocal folks in that circle, and there’s definitely a dynamic at play of “smh someone CRITICIZED another TAKE from SOMEONE ELSE, they are SOOOO rude smhhhhh everything is canon and valid” which makes people not want to step out of line/not want to have actual firm opinions on things.

But god uh my little tangent aside, this is so real and well-put, anon. Like you said, if there’s so much evidence for bi mike, then why arent people posting it instead of posting posts whining about how somebody said that there’s no evidence for bi mike? Like. Post your evidence then. Do it. I still laugh about one big prominent bi mike blog that posted awhile back about how they COULD disprove all the gay mike analysis but they WONT. and it’s like. girl. we know that you won’t because you CAN’T. If you could, you WOULD. And oh my god people acting like the familial parallels are just random filler dialogue makes me INSANE and what makes me more insane is when people (specifically the fucking idiots on twitter) act like pointing out the obvious mileven familial parallels is weird on MY part. As if IM THE ONE THAT PUT THEM THERE?? AS IF IM CONDONING INCEST?? LIKE GO TALK TO THE DUFFERS THEY PUT THEN IN THERE NOT ME!!!

And god yeah you just. You said it ALL, anon, like this is perfect, like people can have hcs or whatever i dont care but dont act like theyre equally textually supported. Because theyre not. And pointing out what is/isnt canon in the show isn’t biphobia, as much as God’s Whiniest Soldiers would like to believe it is. Gay mike ws absolutely the pariah before, and it’s SO funny to see bi mike truthers acting like anyone who disagrees with them is a Big Bad Mean Person who is Exploding Bi Mike Truthers With A Biphobia Laser. I have asked 163748596969696 times for someone to give me bi mike evidence that doesn’t heavily rely on outright ignoring the existence of other scenes in the show. And nobody’s been able to do it. Because mike is gay & the show is written with gay mike in mind. And god yeah the whole me getting screamed at over it thing is so funny in retrospect because people were literally mad at me for “disturbing the peace” as if this is fucking hobbiton and i’m gandalf after dragging bilbo baggins off to the lonely mountain & being labelled a disturber of the peace for it. like oh nooo ive got my gay little hands all over your peace. So what. Block me. Kill me if you can. Just do SOMETHING other that whining in my inbox like youre a 50 year old home owners association leader who got a noise complaint because i sneezed too loudly. (and when i say you, i dont mean You, anon, i mean the collective whining bi mike group who haunts my inbox).

It makes me insane. Every day. To see people willfully ignoring evidence that disagrees with them & trying to shoehorn evidence into working just for them to bring out the flimsiest analysis youve ever seen in your life & have a fucking fit when people point out that it’s flimsy. Again, anon, you said it ALL.

#stranger things #byler #mike wheeler #gay mike wheeler #st anons

[chaifootsteps]

I've been trying to catch your ask box open cause I wanted to share something with you. You were getting asks about criticals being a so called minority in the fandom and how Viv likes fanart that's bullying or interacts with criticals. It reminded me of something.

When I was in high-school this girl who was a total snob (the "I'm not like other girls, I like jeans and black lipstick") and a lot of people didn't like her cause she'd actively would look for fights to throw gasoline on them. One day, a hate facebook account came up. It was someone who had one of her pictures (that wasn't online anywhere, hang on to that part) doodled with a mustache and other crap. They updated Facebook statuses with her name, added everyone she had added on her friends list and tagged everyone in stuff they made. It was too much. People defended her, but the facebook page didn't block anyone or anything and continued. Then one day someone went to the police cause their dad worked with the police. They made a facebook status and tagged the hate account and her. Then magically the account unfriended everyone and stopped posting after deleting everything and stayed up. That girl never spoke about that hate blog again, I found it so weird. Then years later I befriended someone who dated the person that went to the police about the hate account. I asked what happened with that and boy, I wanted to scream. So the police were going to press charges and investigate further, but the girl said no it was ok then the account deleted everything. They still investigated and found out the account came from the same internet and same devices she'd log into. So, she was the one who created the account to hate herself basically. My friend theorized it was to get empathy, but after that discovery her boyfriend said he didn't even want to be her friend anymore and resisted sharing the information. Then down the road like 6 years after all this, I worked with someone who was close friends with that girl at the time. Yeah, she said she always knew and that she made her make the edited pictures and other crap. She said she felt bad deep down inside, but didn't know how to tell her no. Then the police thing happened and she refused to help her anymore. They stopped being friends a while after that since that drove a wedge between them.

It made me think of the anons saying criticals ain't shit since yes they are. Viv actively goes out of her way to say shit and even when she's on her glorious trip she still interacts with them. I'm not sure if it's the empathy she wants or attention, but just I noticed they were sort of similar cause of how Viv acted and how that girl acted too. Idk why, but sometimes I just wonder if Viv has her own hate blog cause of her ego. Maybe I'm just grasping at straws, but after what I told you, I always feel like "the ones who made it" and interact with their "haters" may be doing it for the wrong reasons.

I think you answered your own question, Anon.

It's empathy and attention she wants. She craves both, but only knows how to give one, and only very conditionally. She needs to feel like a victim and for her stans to tell her she's right.

#Anonymous #vivziepop critical #viv stuff #actual blog post

[cubbyyyy]

Hi! I read that post about Ohm/Nanon and the uneasiness you are feeling about the Pat/Pran episodes. Could you fill me in? What happened between them? I am also a huge bad buddy fan. I also have high hopes for the bb episodes of Our Skyy 2. Reading your post made me a tiny bit worried. Thanks!

First up; I'm sorry for making you worry! Nothing is official and it's best to just wait till the episodes come out and be happy or angry then. The worrying before is always such a pain..

But to answer your question:

Idk how much you know about Ohmnanon but they were really good friends even before bbs and also after bbs you could often see them hanging out (it was even a meme that they see each other literally everyday) and it was all nice and fun. When you had the bbs boxset or watched P'Aofs reaction videos you could hear/ see how many scenes they actually improvised since they just knew Patpran perfectly (for example the whole phone call scene, the breakfast in bed scene, the scene where Pat stood behind Pran to play the instrument, the kisses when they officially got together, Ohms tear during the Ep 5 kiss; the way Ohm played Pat in general - Pat wasn't supposed to be in love with Pran right from the start subconsciously, it was Ohm who said he couldn't play Pat NOT in love with Pran, which is why you can see Pat being so flirty and staring at Pran so much even before they got together [the best example is the bus stop scene for that.] The list could go on but I'm gonna stop it here). During the bts you could also see how comfortable Ohmnanon were with each other, they were always kissing or hugging or playing with one another; so it got clear how they managed to get their characters dynamic so good.

And now.. well. Our Skyy 2 is supposed to be filmed now. And Ohmnanon are, let's say, not well. In the beginning of this year Ohm had a scandal (which I won't explain further right now) and it changed a lot of stuff. The fandom changed, picked sides. Many didn't want to support Ohm any longer and also didn't want Nanon to still be associated with Ohm. I would say this was the time everything changed.. The fandom turned into the ones who stayed with Ohm and the ones who stayed with Nanon and somehow every 2 business days they argue. It's a lot about protection I think and everyone feeling like their bias doesn't get as much love as the other (very kpop like). An example would be during Hi-Touch: both Ohm and Nanon had a fan ignore them during a hi-touch. And both times the stans accused the other of being at fault, threw hate towards the one who didn't get ignored or said stuff like "if it were the other way around.." which was bs, since both happened and fans reacted the same way but yeah; that's kinda how the fandom got.

And to top it all off; Ohmnanon stopped interacting. They grew very distant towards one another. Atp they don't even look at each other. They definitely don't interact. During lives they only talk to the interviewer or ppl behind the camera, never even towards one another. They don't whisper or hug or whatever else like they did before. You never see them together anymore, if they are at the same location they won't be with one another; instead they'll be with others or alone even. I think the biggest "official" indicator that everything DEFINITELY changed and isn't just paranoia was Nanons birthday wish to Ohm in march. The last 4 years (? I'm not quite sure if its 3 or 4 yrs) Ohm always got a feed post with hbd wishes and all that. This year Nanon was the only one from all GMMTV colleagues who just reposted the official GMMTV birthday wish in his story to congratulate Ohm. Everyone else posted a private pic from Ohm, a pic with Ohm or at least a pic Ohm himself made and posted; So Nanon really stood out with the official GMMTV wish, especially since he never did that with others either. And we all know how many pics ON have together bc of the whole cp thing.. so it was weird. Aka after that, many fans got the message that ON definitely are not like before; you could already see it but that was one of the things that officially kinda sealed the deal? Since it was such a drastic change to before.

Why everything changed; nobody knows. It just gets clearer that the ON cp is definitely breaking up. Maybe they had a fight. Maybe it has to do with the scandal. Maybe it's fake. Some people say it's gmmtvs stragegy to break up cps who don't wanna do another bl together and to do that they shouldn't interact publicly. But they're all just theories. What actually happened is between ON but it's still heartbreaking to see.

And with everything changing so drastically I get a little scared about the OurSkyy 2 Episodes haha.

PLUS; It seems like they want to do a mash up with ATOTS which is quite devastating.

NOW I TALKED A LOT OOPS

#Ohmnanon #badbuddytheseries #our skyy 2 #ohm and nanon #bbs #nanon korapat #ohm pawat #patpran #bad buddy

[porcelain-flower]

Hey guys it's Esther, formerly feitansporcelaindoll. I know I've been away for awhile. Something happened and I wasn't sure if I should make a life update but here it is. Well for starters, I was being accused of some heinous things and because of that I deleted my tumblr.

I was busy dealing with life and my marriage. August of '23 I logged back in, messaged a certain Feitan mutual to ask how they were doing, only for them to essentially say "people said you're a groomer, so I can't talk to you anymore. Bye" and was promptly blocked. So I messaged ANOTHER mutual asking for clarification and was immediately blocked by them as well. Needless to say I was completely confused and caught off guard. Even though I was bored and pretty much done with the HxH fandom, I WAS going to keep my page active for those who enjoyed my content. But these people ruined that. So my page is gone and I will not be making any further content. In truth it was a hyperfixation, an escape from my abusive marriage. But now I'm in a healthy relationship and I don't need an escape.

Yes while you were busy accusing me, I was dealing with my narcisstic, emotionally and sexually abusive, gaslighting husband of 7 years.

And for the record, groomers abuse, manipulate and exploit. I NEVER did that to anyone.

No. It was happening to me.

While you were accusing me, I was dealing with my abuser. And I was scared every minute. He was narcissistic and controlling, to the point that he forbade me from getting tattoos or even cutting my hair. He gaslit me and constantly tried to coerce me and demand sex, despite my refusals. Seven years I dealt with this. Eventually I found the courage to leave him. The day I did, he had followed me to the store beforehand. I packed some essentials and found a friend's house to stay at. I was there for only a week because he found out who I was staying with and starting texting them and dropping off unwanted gifts at the house. So I found somewhere new to stay. I went back to my ex's house one weekend, when I knew he'd be gone, to get most of my stuff. I was terrified so I had my best friend come with. Then my ex came home unexpectedly. I wasn't going to risk being alone with him so I kept her by my side at all times.

But he wouldn't let me grab my belongings in peace. He put his arm between me and the doorway, stopped me from leaving and forced me to talk to him when all I wanted to do was grab my stuff and go.

Finally I got away and moved back to my home state. But the fear was still there. Every time I saw a car that resembled his, I froze thinking he'd followed me again.

I couldn't even give him my real address or phone number. That's how terrified I was of contact with him. I still am.

The day I got the last of my belongings, my ex made it very clear he wasn't letting me go so easily.

You don't know how terrifying it truly is to be married to someone you don't want to be with anymore and they're refusing to let you go. You do not know what real manipulation looks like.

A year after I had left him, he messaged again, asking if I was ready to come home. It took him a few more months to realize I wasn't coming back.

This is what I endured while you were spreading lies about me.

And I'm not playing dumb or playing victim. I have NO IDEA what I said or did that made people think this of me. And who did I supposedly groom?

Unfortunately we live in a world of guilty until proven innocent. And no one was mature enough to message me, show me proof, or let me know what was going on or being said about me so I couldn't even defend myself at the time.

Well there's no coming back once you've been accused, even falsely accused. I won't be active on here. This will be my only post. I'm locked out of my instagram fan page because I cant recover my password. I still have my personal page for those who knew me well enough to message me there. But I won't do fandoms or fan pages ever again.

The two people I talked to the longest and trusted the most were the fastest to accuse me and block me. Funny how that works.

And Hxytun I do wonder why you deleted all your Fei content as well. I was nothing but a friend to you. I listened to every rant, good or bad. Every conversation about your parents, your brother, you move across states.

Excalibur/feitansblood you're no better. You were a petrified little highschooler so I did my best to listen and give you advice because I knew how hard HS was for me. I was only ever a friend, to BOTH of you. And this is how you repay me. You yourself literally called me "mom" because I gave you advice like a mom would. Although I should've known you wouldn't have my back, seeing as you're pretty much Hxytun's lapdog and do anything they say. It's sad really. Also the fact you've been lying about your age on your accounts is shitty. Even a couple years ago when you were 15 you had your age listed as 19 so you could view explicit content. That's called catfishing btw.

But my heartfelt thanks to those who believed me and supported me. Makes me have a little more faith in humanity.

#Anime #Hxh #Hunter x hunter #Feitan #Done with fake friends #Even if it doesn't make a difference I still deserve to share my side #Fun while it lasted #Done with narcissists #Starting to see why he deactivated #Makes me wonder what else you said about me behind my back #You really are a horrible person #Have fun being lonely #Too old for this #Apparently allowing someone to trauma dump on you and giving them advice constitutes as grooming now #Your tumblr is one big pity party #Maybe stop pushing people away #Drama queen #this is hilarious