#I think it's one that's not on anymore but just in case I'm misremembering it's getting tagged anyway

[soulsxng]

I don't think I've mentioned this at all since moving to this blog a while back, but Jaspern was actually a serious alcoholic for a long time when JJ was younger. That's because, when JJ was only a few years old, Kalliah, JJ's mother and Jaspern's wife (and soulmate), passed away from sickness.

Jas was devastated by the loss, and honestly didn't really have much of a clue how to raise JJ on his own. Especially since JJ had a few periods in which he was a fairly difficult kid to work with (For Jas, anyway). For example, JJ was an extremely anxious and sensitive kid, and Jas has always been a little...out of touch with his emotions. He's always been a very straightforward person. So not knowing why JJ was feeling the way he was, and not really being able to relate (not for lack of experience I feel, but more lack of recognition at what JJ was feeling), or how to "fix" whatever was making JJ hurt or afraid or anxious was hard for him.

That, coupled with losing his wife, on top of a pile of other things made him drink more and more over the years. It peaked when JJ was around the equivalent of 17 or 18 years old, and it got so bad that for a long time, JJ felt as though he was the one taking care of Jas most of the time, instead of the other way around.

A year or so after that though, Jas got his first major wake-up call (because as much as I hate to say it, Jas was a very functional alcoholic in public. Very few people could even tell that he was struggling with it in the first place...and when he did start to feel like people were catching on, he didn't interact with people as much, so he could continue to hide it.) when JJ very abruptly moved out on his own. It did take a bit to set in though, as after JJ left, he fell into another slump because JJ cut pretty much all contact with him at that point.

I couldn't say exactly what finally made it set in, but after a couple more months, Jas went from an "I failed my son, I couldn't make myself be the father that he deserved, I'm the worst" spiral, to "I failed my son, and so now I have to make it up to him and get better for him, even if he can't forgive me after everything."

And a lot happened over the years he was getting clean. JJ ended up moving back in with him after Jas saved him from a really bad romantic relationship. There were times he fell off the wagon. Times that he and JJ's relationship got really strained again, and times that they were okay.

Current day, he hasn't had a single sip of alcohol in 6 or 7 years. (Though he still definitely gets a craving from time to time-- especially in times of high stress-- he actually does have a very supportive group around him to help him get past it. This past year or two, he's even been able to start going back to the bar to hang out with the drinking party, which was a pretty big victory in his book, because he wasn't able to be around alcohol at all for those first few years without fixating on it and immediately having to leave)

#[Jaspern -headcanons-] #[JJ -headcanons-] #I'll put it in JJ's tag too since JJ was very much a part of this period of Jassie's life #Yeah though #those two or three years where Jas was REALLY a mess were rough #It's honestly a bit of a shock coming back and writing about how he used to be #both in Jas' case and JJ's honestly #they're two muses that have grown and changed so much #alcoholic tw #slaps that tag on there because I know I had a mutual on here that was iffy about that subject #I think it's one that's not on anymore but just in case I'm misremembering it's getting tagged anyway

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

i hate games with a carry capacity

you don’t understand i need to collect and keep absolutely everything just in case

#i like the system in like. the witcher 3 or horizon zero dawn #because if i remember correctly both of those games actually label useful things and make you aware of what is trash #so i know what to value #but i just started playing skyrim and like #what do you MEAN i'm at carry capacity that is not fair i cannot throw any of this away #what if i NEED the little basket i found in the corner of the torture chamber maybe it is important eventually #i should keep it JUST in case #this is why i'm the player in stardew valley that has 500000 chests with a ridiculously over the top organisation system #and in minecraft #me making my 10th chest purely of cobblestone in minecraft: you don't understand i might NEED it #that reasoning is only fair up until like. the third or fourth chest for my creations. anymore than that is just....... #oh far out or games that only give you limited storage space so you're forced to pick and choose #games like torchlight I and II? it has one chest for you one shared chest if you make a new playthrough #both of those chests are perpetually full of my hoardings #i think diablo did a similar thing although i may be misremembering it's been a long time since i played that #the witcher 3: you are at carry capacity. you are now slow. me: aha...BUT ROACH ISN'T!

[artbyblastweave]

It's so funny how Cap just COINCIDENTALLY seems to be physically unable to go through a SINGLE Republican presidency without having a crisis of faith that causes him to not be Cap anymore. Nomad with Nixon. USAgent with Reagan. Death and Buckycap with Bush, then HydraCap with Trump. I like to think him dying was the universe's way of identifying "...well he doesn't seem to be changing yet. Better balance this out real quick"

This is true, and moreover this ask dovetails nicely with another Cappost I've been thinking about making. Given the sliding timeline, who should we assume was in charge of the Secret Empire?

Loose, possibly at-least-partially misremembered background for those who weren't aware of this batshit plot point- In the early seventies, concurrent with Watergate, Captain America shut down a scheme by a neofascist group called the Secret Empire to, I dunno, hold the country hostage with a mutant-powered nuke or something, the specifics aren't important, what's important is that Cap cornered the leader of the group in the Oval Office, where he killed himself to avoid capture, and you never get to see the guy's face but it was all but directly stated that the Leader was Richard Nixon attempting a Coup D'état (possibly to get out of being prosecuted for Watergate?). This shakes Cap up pretty badly and he temporarily retired the Cap identity in order to operate as Nomad, The Man Without A Country, it was a whole crisis of conscience situation. Anyway, the whole situation is still vaguely implicitly canon, they refer to the Secret Empire, and there have been successor heroes who've taken up the Nomad identity after Cap got out of the funk. But It also can't have been Nixon who killed himself in front of Cap due to the sliding time scale- the rule of thumb for Marvel is that it's generally only been about 15-20 years at most since the Fantastic Four did their thing, which does hilarious things to the worldbuilding. My understanding is that you're supposed to assume that if the president is depicted in a marvel story you need to just mentally "swap in whoever would have been president 10-15 years before the present day, but given the specificity of this situation that quickly gets insane. Did Bush kill himself in front of Captain America to escape the consequences of the 2008 recession? Did Obama?! Was it just not a president at all at this point- in which case, why did Cap react badly enough to quit and become Nomad? And so on, and so forth. They basically gotta memory hole it, but I will not let them forget! Cap saw a U.S. President off themselves! But to tie this back to Civilwarposting- what I think about a lot is that from a worldbuilding perspective the actual political moment that generated Civil War is perpetually in flux. This is true of every Marvel comic but it's especially notable here because of the extent to which the comic itself is emphasizing the political moment and what created it. It's a Bush-era comic, a reaction to the politics and the rhetoric of the War on Terror and the post-9/11 years, Bush actually personally appears in it. But if it hasn't already, eventually it's going to have implicitly been pushed through Congress during the Obama Administration, and then during the Trump Admin, and then during the Biden Admin, and so on and so forth, and like. setting aside that there's already an entire swath of the marvel timeline that's very blatantly trump-admin-coded, produced in reaction to that atmosphere, The situations and arguments and rhetoric and battle lines that would have gotten that bill through each of those admins looks very different each time! And I'm not gonna say it's interesting to see how they'll resolve this, because they won't resolve it, they don't need to, they're politely asking everyone to let this one go and that's not the biggest ask these comics make of me, so fine. Whatever. But it's very very funny

#thoughts #meta #marvel comics #ask #asks

[radioisntdead]

Howdy, I was the first ask with adult child/Niece/Nephew.

So now that we've established how she is with family 👀 Extermination day. How would she react to them getting hurt or almost killed?

Good evening my dear! Thank you so much for being the first ask for Susan before! I know you asked for hurt or almost killed but I, may have taken it a step further, This will be angsty, leaning more towards being Susan's child in this one

Warnings!

Cannibalism, some angst, straight up angst, there is death here, not proofread so pardon any spelling mistakes, I got carried away here, Oops!

Susan did NOT survive this long only to get taken out during extermination day, she definitely took out several exorcists, I think she had an axe in one scene but I can't remember if that actually was a thing or if I'm misremembering and that just appeared in my brain munching on a few of them whenever she got the chance too.

She thought you would be good on your own, however she was surely mistaken when she spotted you getting slashed by a exorcist while trying to defend one of the younger cannibals, thankfully one of the others stepped in to help you, saving your life.

However that didn't undo the wound on your stomach, your recovery period was filled with Susan scolding you about getting injured, after all she was older then you and she didn't even get a scratch!

She would scold you if you dared get up, pushing you back down and covering you with a blanket, bringing you soup and tea until you were healed,

She'd never tell you about the genuine fear she felt when she saw you get slashed, many cannibals lost their lives that day, getting killed by angelic weapons meant that you were NOT coming back, she couldn't look at the clothes you were wearing that day the torn fabric and the now dried blood that covered it served as a cruel reminder that you could've died.

Susan may appear heartless, and she's an entitled grumpy old lady but she cared for you,

After all you were one of the only family members that truly cared for her.

Now this is if you keep your life, but what if you didn't?

Susan didn't know where you were, the exorcists had fled, Adam was dead, and many people had permanently lost their life that day.

Including you.

One of the other cannibals found you, spear still stuck in your chest, eyes glazed over and dried tears coating your face.

No one wanted to break the news to Susan but they didn't have too, a small group of your surviving friends surrounded you, mourning and trying to figure out what to do,

Susan broke through them, nothing could prepare anyone for the look of pure horror and heartbreak that appeared on her face.

She tapped your corpse gently with her cane, tell you to stop playing pranks and get up, swearing at you, once the small reality kicked in that you weren't getting up, She'd lean down beside you, gently placing a hand on your face and closing your eyelids,

With your eyes closed you almost looked like you were sleeping.

The aftermath was bad, the house she lived in was empty without you, and there were traces of you everywhere, the dirty dishes you left in the sink saying you'd do them once everything had passed, your clothing that was still in the closet forever waiting to be worn by someone who didn't exist anymore, the awful slippers you insisted on purchasing much to Susan's dismay still by the door way, a dent on the wall from you running into it, a small stain on the carpet from you spilling a smidge of grape juice onto it.

She was bad before but she became worse, more bitter, angry that you were gone, the young were supposed to outlive the old, not the other way around.

Did you think I was done? No.

Let's tweak that last bit,

Susan was capable no doubt, even if she was old,

But she was still an old lady, so you stayed close to her just in case, she handled her own well, but when that exorcist gunned for her, you didn't even think, you just moved infront of her taking the hit for her, angelic weapon stabbing you before being pulled back out, you swung your weapon taking out the exorcist but the damaged had been done, Susan scolded you as you bled out in her arms, calling you an imbecile, a reckless fool,

you laughed saying you were going to miss her scolding you, you told her that you'd do it again if it meant protecting her after all, she was family, she was your family and you loved her despite her faults.

Susan wasn't one for kind comforting words but the last words you heard made you smile, It took you dying to hear those words but it was nice.

You died with a smile on your face, You died saving someone dear to you, Saving her life at the expense of your own.

And that foolish, selfless, and love filled act of yours gave you a shiny Halo and a spot with Sir Pentious.

Good evening everyone! Thank you for tuning in! I hope you enjoyed this, I may have teared up while writing, I got one more request to go before I'm finished with all of em' so feel free to send in a request, I enjoy writing these!

have a wonderful night folks!

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel x you #susan & reader #hazbin hotel susan #hazbin susan

[bolithesenate]

I want my parents to get a cat, for obvious reasons.

the problem is: my dad doesn't want a cat.

Why doesn't he want a cat? I'm glad you asked. It's because he still thinks his childhood cat was the untimative cat and only if i can procure a cat of equal cat-ness would he accept it.

Now here's the kicker. I asked what a 'proper cat' means in that case

and he tells me:

it should be rather independant (like his childhood cat)

it should have a solid, round face and snout (like his childhood cat)

it should be of the striped variety, ideally (like his childhood cat)

should have a bushy tail (you know the drill)

oh, if we're at it, it should have round ears, not pointy ones 'like a dog'

At which point anyone who knows remotely anything about cats might have given pause like me, because i had to look this man in the eyes and ask him "...did your cat have a noticable black stripe over the lower back?"

Which he couldn't really remember anymore but said it's quite possible.

so when I show him a picture of a EUROPEAN WILDCAT he goes "Oh, that looks just like him! Where did you find that?"

you don't know how much this interaction haunts me. i am haunted by the ghost of a possible-wildcat that somehow got trained into accompanying my dad's family to hikes on a leash and that set incredibly unattainable standards for cat-rearing in his mind.

and even if he misremembers and that cat only coincidentally LOOKED like a wildcat, that still makes finding something like it incredibly difficult.

but there's no pics of the cat in question so I guess I shall never know

#with everything i know about my dad i would not put it past him to have leash trained an actual wildcat #but you know #cats #random boli thoughts #they also got him from an adoption place so anything is possible #especially since iirc my dad said his father walked into the place and wanted the biggest and meanest cat - 'proper cat' again - they had #every waking moment i am haunted by this story #thank you for coming to my early morning rambles

[nightshadeis]

More Pokemon per Pokemon!!

With the release of Pokemon Scarlet and Violet, and a few of the new 'mons, I've decided to go through the pokedex and find out just how many Pokemon are actually MULTIPLE Pokemon disguised as one. I did not count forms that are actually two Pokemon combined, such as Necrozma Dawn/ Dusk wings or Calyrex with its steed, nor the gen 8 fossil Pokemon, which are each two halves of different ancient Pokemon slapped together.

First up, one of the originals: Dugtrio. Literally three Digletts. Now, it's entirely possible that's it's three heads on one body which we never see- but it's still three heads. Which is enough for me to call it three Pokemon per Pokemon.

Similarly, and yet not quite the same, we have Magneton. It's three Magnemite stuck together. There is at least one piece of Pokemon media (the original Pokemon Snap) that shows three Magnemite evolving by combining into one Magneton. The most literal three Pokemon per Pokemon.

Slowbro. "But Nyx," you might be saying, "I thought you weren't counting Pokemon forms that are two different Pokemon combined?" But consider this: This is my list, deal with it. Slowpoke + Shellder = Slowbro. I *think* (and I might be misremembering) there's an episode of the anime where a Slowbro devolves into Slowpoke when the Shellder detaches?? Don't quote me on this I've been awake since 8:30 last night

Doduo. Two heads, one body, I'm counting it.

Dodrio. Same deal, plus another head!

Exeggcute! They can separate from each other! It happened in a short before a movie, the second one I think, and they stole Togepi to pretend they had enough of each other until the other one got found! It's literally six Pokemon!!!

Exeggutor is kinda. I don't think it can separate anymore, but it's clearly all the Exeggcute stuck to a tree trunk.

Weezing is two Pokemon, but according to the dex, sometimes it's three! Never in-game though.

Kangaskhan has a baby! That baby can fight! What!!

Slowking is the same deal as Slowbro, but the Shellder bit its head instead of it's tail (or arm, in Galar).

Girafarig has two brains. This is canon. (Ftr, Wobbuffet does not. It is *heavily implied* that the tail is its actual body or brain or whatever, but it's not outright stated to be the case.)

Mantine, but only in gens 2&3 and in Home, where its sprite has a Remoraid attached.

Metang is two Beldum fussed together, and

Metagross is two Metang, ergo four Beldum.

Combee is three bees! I love them!!

Vespiquen is said to use its honeycomb abdomen skirt thing as a nest for baby Combee, but this isn't depicted in any in-game sprites. Still, more Pokemon per Pokemon.

Cherubi? Kind of?? It has a second head, but unlike Girafarig, that head doesn't have a second brain, and it loses it shortly before evolution. I'm gonna count it anyway.

Spiritomb is 108 souls trapped in a rock. Are they Pokemon souls? People souls? Do 108 people souls trapped in a rock count as 108 Pokemon per Pokemon???

Magnezone is a Magneton that got bigger. It's still three Magnemite per Magnezone.

Vanilluxe is another "two of its pre-evolutions stuck together" 'mon. Two Vanillish, one Vanilluxe. They melted and refroze together, so presumably they can melt apart?

Klink is two Klink per Klink, but it's canon that once they combine, they cannot separate.

Klang- one of the Klink got bigger!

Klinklang gains two more gears, but only the original two are sentient.

Zweilous has two heads, and they hate each other. So much so that one of the heads loses sentience upon evolution. Or maybe they just merged? Either way, Hydreigon only has one brain among its three heads.

While you were becoming a fully formed human adult, I was studying Doublade. Which is two distinct swords. However, I don't think Aegislash retains dual-sentience.

Binacle is two mons in a rock, but unlike Spiritomb we don't have to delve into philosophy about it. They're two physical and distinct entities, either of which can leave the rock to find a new partner.

Barbaracle is just a bigger rock, so the Binacles are seven roommates instead of two.

There are 50 Zygarde cells and 5 Zygarde cores (at least in Sun and Moon), which makes a 100% form Zygarde 55 Zygarde per Zygarde.

Wishiwashi school form is approximately 248 Wishiwashi, according to this person who did the math. Thank you, Goatman879.

I decided to follow Goatman879's example to calculate how many Meltan make up a Melmetal. Per the lore, it's just one Meltan that absorbed it's group (and then when it dies it splits into a bunch of Meltan again, though it's unclear if they're ontologically the same Meltan as before). Per the math, one Melmetal is approximately 100 Meltan.

Cramorant can pick up an Arrokuda or a Pikachu when it surfs or dives, so that's occasionally two Pokemon per Pokemon.

Now for the mon that set this off! It's not new as of Scarlet and Violet- this mon was introduced in Sword and Shield. It's Falinks! Six Pokemon per Pokemon!!

Drakloak carries a Dreepy with it.

Dragapult carries two!!

Now onto Scarlet and Violet spoilers, though if you've seen any of the pre-release material, you might already know about Farigiraf. I have no idea how to pronounce that! But I do know it still has two brains!!

Wugtrio, the not-a-regional-variant of Dugtrio. Though it has the same issue- is it three heads on one unseen body? The dex says no, it's three separate bodies. Not sure I believe it yet.

Tandemaus is the first multiple Pokemon per Pokemon I caught in Scarlet. It's two mice holding hands!

Then it evolves, by which I mean they procreate. Possibly. Now there's four mice, two of which are smaller and baby sized. (Or three mice with one baby size, but you have a random 1 in 25 chance of getting that form.) But it's """unclear""" what the relationship between the three/ four of them is? Or where the tiny one(s) come from??? The little one(s) just "appeared" one day????

Extra spoilers for this last one!! There are special Pokemon that appear to be ancient relatives of modern mons, that somehow survived to the present day? Including a mon known as Sandy Shocks, an Electric/Ground relative of Magneton. It's unclear if this Pokemon evolved from ancient Magnemite relatives, and is therefore also three Pokemon per Pokemon, but it certainly looks like it.

#Pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #Pokemon scarlet and Violet spoilers #more Pokemon per Pokemon #i love multimons #you could have a team of 330 Pokemon if you managed to get 6 100% Zygardes #more likely you could get 6 Exeggcutes or Falinkses and have 36 Pokemon on a team #okay actually doing the math and 6 Wishiwashi school forms is the most Pokemon per Pokemon team you could have #the amount of mons is approximately 1490 #almost fifteen hundred Pokemon on one team?? #c'mon ref that can't be legal

[violentdevotion]

wait ok if you did your dissertation on nlmg then you’re the EXPERT. would love your opinion on the angle i’m taking if you don’t mind!!!

basically i’m looking at how the text showcases how soft power/ideological structures like schools/church/media/art (specifically schools and art in this case) reinforce the status quo and cause people to internalise their societal roles etc.

i also think the way it plays with utopian/dystopian genres is sOoo interesting like. the pastoral idealised Boarding School Vibes feels very utopian but a lot of utopian ideals require some level of authoritarianism and. hmmm. like a homogenisation of ideals that pretty much always dismisses the wants/needs of more marginalised people. and i feel like nlmg Gets It because the way the world is described for non-clones is kind of utopian with the whole No Sickness thing. and even amongst the clones hailsham is considered a sort of utopia compared to other schools or whatever.

idk honestly i could talk about SO much but my essay is examining it through marxist literary analysis so i’m basically focusing on althusser’s concepts and how they apply to the text but there’s SOOOOOO much to examine from so many different angles i would love to know what your dissertation was about !!! feel free to dm me because idk what counts as spoilers anymore skdhsjd

that sounds super interesting and absolutely a valid angle to take it on. i am absoultely not an expert on it though lmao. my disso was how grief is portrayed in nlmg and one other book so I didn't touch on authoritarian power structures except in relation to who is considered grievable (which if you want to explore id recommend judith butlers frames of war)

I think there's a lot to say on the topic. At the top of my head there's how Tommy was ostracised because he was bad and art and later chose to not take part in the gallery. There's when he was mocked for his little animals. There's when they meet with madame and in the time prior he obsessively draws little animals in order to show her. When they touch madame as kids and she looks at them as if they're spiders. Their limited access to the outside world. Even as adults they have limited time to themselves either being too busy as carers or needing permission to travel. How there's never even rumours of people who escaped. Cathy never really mentions surveillance or something like they're chipped, they're just so indoctrinated that they don't even bother trying to escape the system.

I think boarding schools as well is interesting because it draws on school stories in historical british fiction. Some stories (jane eyre) present these schools as a place of suffering and a child's first insight to injustices in the world, but still preferable to her home life. whereas I think most often they were serialised stories that portray the growing character of a child/children. So I think looking at halisham is interesting as well in this dual place boarding schools hold in the canon and how it fulfills both in nlmg (kathy looks back at this time fondly but most of the stories she tells aren't very happy) I think isolation plays into this as well. I'm thinking of the abandoned bus stop they hang out ??? But I coukd be misremembering. Ya know they live in a pastoral heaven but they also live in the middle of nowhere.

I think it could be interesting to look at how there's the no sickness thing but when kathy and Tommy meet madame and their other teacher again (forgot her name) I think one of them is physically disabled? Or at least she is in the film. Like all ailments aren't eradicated and they can't feasibly be. I think a comparison to the child of omelas could be made, a utopia of sorts built off of the subjugation of a class of people, except instead of walking away the class is so dehumanised the idea of it they even have souls is put to question.

I think your topic is really interesting and like you said there's So Much you could say about it all of the time. I recommend the book to everyone I can and when they finish it I like to ask them what they think it'd About (the same question proposed to my seminar group when I studied it at uni) and everyone's answers differed somewhat but a Marxist reading of 'it's about how our bodies are reduced to our labour" was the most popular one i think. I'm not familiar with althusser and I have work in 10 minutes so i dont think id be able to find + read his work in time but overall I think your idea is incredibly thought out, unique and you could dor sure get an amazing grade in it

#ameeras.got.mail #ana tag #i feel like most of this is just saying events in rhe book instead of actually analysing what they mean but im assuming you can come to the #conclusions i was making

[fictionkinfessions]

on the subject of people sending in kinfessions for popular sources, but ceasing when the popularity fades: yeah, I noticed that tends to happen! however, I don't want to assume it's because people are faking kintypes or fictives... I won't get into the system stuff because I'm not a system, but here's some thoughts on this general situation!

so for me personally, I tend to get into a huge kin shift when I discover a new kintype! that often results in me sending lotsa kinfessions about it (as I have recently X3) and I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case for others as well! so maybe a big reason for the above phenomenon is loads of people discovering new kintypes & getting all caught up in the excitement and wanting to talk about it!

as for the hype dying down a bit... maybe folks are just running out of excitement! they've sent in all the kinfessions they wanted, gotten to talk about everything on their mind, so now they get to relax without the hype of a brand new kintype. just because folks aren't sending in kinfessions anymore doesn't mean they're suddenly not kin!

or maybe for a few people they made a mistake! maybe they thought they were from one source but they're actually from another (a situation I'm quite familiar with) or maybe they got their interests confused with kin stuff (fair) or maybe some other third thing! I believe most of us have the best intentions and it would be very silly to pretend to be kin Just to send in a couple anonymous kinfessions while the source is popular. what do you gain from that?! heheh

there's a lotta folks round here who have "old" and "unpopular" sources (isn't there an obscurekin tag? I may be misremembering) and I feel like making such a general statement about popular sources kinda disregards a lot of stuff! I'm running out of thoughts...

but I think we're doing alright. as long as we're not hurting anyone we're pretty good.

=

#fictionkinfessions #ask response #fakeclaim #mod party cat

[vtori73]

Hmmm... I'm... I'm really bad at talking with people. Like I can do casual, but that's... really it. I don't know how to talk to people otherwise, I want to make friends with others but it just doesn't work out.m because I just can't. I mean, I guess it also just kind of seems like the people who I want to or would like to be friends with don't want to ever really be my friends and random people who do want to be friends aren't people I want to stay friends with after getting to know them. I mean, that is not necessarily true though, it was more so the fact that I just felt like they kind of got tired of me or more correctly I got insecure and felt like they didn't really care for as much anymore or I wasn't much of a factor in their lives and me noping out wouldn't matter especially since we didn't really know each other for that long.

I know, I'm still in the wrong, I gh0sted them basically and I'm not trying to defend it but I just find it hard to think it was that big of a deal. I get it for people you've known for years but someone you've barely just started knowing shouldn't be like a big deal, while you can still believe it sucks (& it does) I don't think people you barely know have to explain themselves to you and such especially if there isn't really much to explain. Literally I just didn't see these relationships going anywhere so I'm not saying it was okay but it also wasn't the worst most evil thing in the world because again, I didn't know these people that much and they were the ones who came to me first so I gave them a chance and let them in, honestly some would say it would have been ruder of me if I had just been honest about not wanting to be friends anymore.

But this is also a pattern with me I've noticed but moreso out of genuine low-confidence and anxiety I have for interacting with others. I try to make sure I word everything right and reread what I wrote to make sure I don't accidently write something that could be interpreted wrong, I avoid using emojis because they can specific meanings that I just not aware of because I just take them at face value or if I do use them I try to use the most common/neutral/known ones in person I just try not to talk or say too much in fear of saying something stupid or weird and i dont want to weird people out and when I do talk and actually talk about something a bit more important or anxiety inducing I tend to shake (tremor) or use to I'm not sure if that still happens since im more able to share opinions more often now but its probably still there just situational. If I leave a comment and I don't get a reaction soon enough I start to freak out that I said or did something wrong so I end up deleting it to get rid of the trail, to make up for it or hide it before it can be seen in case I did write out something weird.

I know how I never really had a normal relationship, friendships included because when I had the most friends in my life, which was highschool, I was a big people pleaser and went out of my way to try and be liked and to keep the friends I had. Nothing really horrible but one example I can actually remember is that despite the fact that we went quite a few times to the movies together I was never actually... asked for my opinion on what movie to watch it was always decided, and I never thought much of it till later after these friendships started dissolving. I was also the one that put in the most effort but barely got any back, again nothing horrible but not great either. I noticed how once I did start trying to voice my actual opinions and such I got less and less interactions from others because something I probably always knew deep down that was confined for me was that I wasn't mostly tolerated because I was easy to be around and deal with and once I wasn't I wasn't really worth the hassle anymore.

Maybe I'm misremembering though, maybe I'm being rough on those old friends but that's what it seemed like to me. It's probably also why I do find myself noping out of these new relationships, because i worry or notice they are drifting away and I don't want to give them the chance to gh0st me so I leave instead. Some of them though I don't regret after finding out about specific opinions they hold. I find myself sort of glad though that I did, glad I left instead of put up with people with opinions I can't stand personally just for the sake of not being alone.

[rush-mp3]

i think i'm finally making the decision to drop Semantic Error (ch.88 just in case i decide to go back later).

i just cant bring myself to care about sangwoo & jaeyoung as a couple (anymore/at all). like the way jaeyoung acted in the beginning really irritated me, and i feel like it was barely addressed—if at all, though i could be misremembering? i know he had one outright apology recently, but i don't remember him apologizing specifically for his previous behavior in the beginning, just the whole "fight" they had recently.

ANYWAYS, regardless. i literally don't care for them as a couple. they irritate me like hell. i don't expect them to be super duper fluffy obviously, but i guess i'm just more used to their specific character types generally being paired with "softer" love interests, if thst makes sense?

like jaeyoung the callous playboy would usually be paired with someone probably naive and meek? while sangwoo the stoic "robot" would usually be paired with an outgoing & friendly puppy type. personalities that help take the edge off of their (jaeyoung & sangwoo's) own more "negatively received" personalities.

but putting them together just makes for a real frustrating time. and i get that that is usually refreshing and what appeals to readers in the first place, but i guess the way the story is going is just not my tastes? in theory, i'd LOVE a story with these opposing personalities, but just not this one.

#jk.txt #jk.w #semantic error

[kateis-cakeis]

Hi I'm sorry if you explained this already but what's your opinion abt Wilbur's stream (Bust) and when he tells Techno he planned on blowing up everyone. It's been about a month and personally, I still don't know how to feel about it or what to think on it

Hey Anon!

So the quote in question!

“It was- I wanted to- I wanted to blow it all up, with- with you all inside.” - (Wilbur’s Dream SMP: Bust: 17:56, 15th March)

Right this? This doesn't faze me because to me it's like either one of two things:

1) Alivebur is misremembering the situation

2) Alivebur is making himself out to be worse

So basically, this wasn't his final motive, this was his festival motive, and a motive he had second thoughts on and never mentioned again after the festival.

He wanted people caught in the crossfire, that's true, but it's not true for 16th Nov.

It's worth going over his changing motives so, let's start at the festival:

“They mean nothing to me, Tommy. None of them do. We can kill them all. Seriously, it doesn’t matter, they don’t- They’re not on our side.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 19:24, 16th Oct)

He had other reasons during this time as well, but this is something that dominated his thinking, that people weren't on his side, so he could kill them all and it wouldn't matter to him. But! It did matter of course:

“Tommy, I’m getting second thoughts. These are my friends, I don’t- Do I- I don’t know if I wanna [inaudible].” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 36:17, 16th Oct)

He got second thoughts, and when presented with the code phrase to go set it all off, he stopped when Tubbo got trapped, only running for the button again when Techno murdered him.

And it's here, Tubbo's death, where he seems to have changed his mind. Because after this point, he never mentions wanting to kill people again.

In fact, his motives on the 17th Oct, reflect that of the 16th Nov.

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

He says that it's only gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, (and himself) when he tries and wants to blow it up that day, fully accepting that he's gonna go down with L'Manberg. This is when the suicidal part of the plan becomes clear.

He didn't want to hurt anyone else but Schlatt and himself, that's why he wanted to do it when no one else was there, and wanted Tommy and Quackity to get out:

“I don’t, I don’t, I don’t want to kill you two. I don’t want you two to die.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:53, 17th Oct)

It's also here where his motive about tyranny (and therefore L'Manberg being gone) is first really said:

“I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

This shows how he'd moved on from wanting people to be caught in the crossfire and wanting to kill them all. After the festival, it was solely about him, Schlatt, and the tyranny of L'Manberg, believing it to be corrupted.

He wanted it gone.... he wanted what he thought caused L'Manberg's corruption gone, including himself...

“The thing that I built this nation for doesn’t exist anymore! The thing I worked towards doesn’t exist anymore! It’s over.” - (Wilbur’s smithereens: 1:13:11, 16th Nov)

And here, the 16th Nov. His special place gone, the thing he built gone. To him, that meant it had to go, that he had to go. Because to him, it was a place of tyranny, the exact opposite reason he had built it.

-

So now we know his motives and how they changed, why did Alivebur say his motive was to blow it up with everyone inside when... that was a festival thing?

Well that brings us back to the two options.

Misremembering makes sense because Alivebur has been experiencing a case of a spotty memory.

It's only the odd thing, like misremembering Fundy as not being part of the revolution, while not challenging Ranboo on the fact that Jack and Niki weren't original members (considering he says Fundy was after they got independence, Alivebur was thinking about original original, but Niki and Jack weren't there)

The clip is worth watching: here (25:42 if the timestamp messes up), as it's clearer there that he's remembering wrong. He says as well that Fundy was a little bit before, which isn't wrong, but he remembered after first, which is strange.

Furthermore, he remembers Jack as being part of the revolution:

“I brutally ignored him during the war of L'Man- He fought for my country, and I ignored him. I didn’t look at him, I didn’t give him so much as a medal, I didn’t give so much as a rank.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 37:10, 25th July)

Alivebur, my dude... He clear misremembers this too, saying he ignored Jack during the war, saying he fought for the country, and that he didn't even give him a medal or rank.

Which like, sure, ignoring someone who wasn't there isn't that hard to do, and you sure can't give a medal or rank to someone who joined the server the day after you won independence.

Another example of misremembering is.... is..... pretty much everything he said to Techno, I'm sorry but wdfjhgjhdsfg Like there's just no evidence of a lot of it (retcons be fucked). So I'm filing it under misremembering and making himself out to be worse than he is for a lot of it, especially for saying he used Techno as a weapon... the guy he didn't trust... the guy who was onboard with the plan... the guy who-

But the main point of note is this quote:

“I don’t remember that.” [About Techno saying Phil told him about Alivebur’s dying words] - (Wilbur’s Dream SMP: Bust: 17:19, 15th March)

He straight up doesn't remember telling Phil Techno was the traitor as he was dying. He remembered saying Tubbo was the president of a crater, and even apologised for it (take note of how he apologised for the thought of it here, because he never actually said it to Tubbo (making himself out to be worseee)).

But he doesn't remember this part, something he said right after Phil stabbed him. Which heavily suggests not only misremembering things, but a spotty memory.

Now why would he be misremembering or not remembering things at all?

Well, it's been 13 years. That's enough time for memories to start fraying at the edges, and would allow for more misremembering.

He has various mental health conditions that can cause memory loss.

Extended isolation can cause memory loss.

These are the big reasons why. And I think misremembering and possible memory loss from mental health/isolation is a big factor in all this.

Hence why he'd say he wanted to blow L'Manberg up with everyone inside, misremembering his festival motive as his 16th Nov motive.

Now, this is where making himself out to be worse comes into it.

Alivebur has been longgg known to, you know, make himself out to be the bad guy. Make himself out to be the villain, to be wayyy way worse than he actually is.

Like the whole killing everyone festival motive, he thought he was the bad guy, that he would cross that line and yet... he had second thoughts, he didn't wanna kill his friends, because that line is much further from him than he thinks. And in the end, he didn't kill anyone.

But this quote....

“It was- I wanted to- I wanted to blow it all up, with- with you all inside.” - (Wilbur’s Dream SMP: Bust: 17:56, 15th March)

It's like... the mere thought of it is enough to implicate him. If we push aside any misremembering and say he remembers his true motives then, he's making himself look worse, look like the bad guy by saying this. When it's just one motive for one instance which he gave up after the events of the festival.

It's not something he wanted by the end, but he says it like it was.

Techno asked him what his plans were exactly (which just you knew you-) and Alivebur says this, making no mention of any other motives. He stops at this, saying nothing about saving people from tyranny or the place he built being gone, or even mentioning how this came from thinking a war would be wrong and would only let Schlatt win.

No, he just says this. He stutters as well, hesitant to say it, he regrets the thought heavily, but it wasn't his final intention, but he treats it like it was.

His expression is one of pure agony too:

He regrets it, which is a fair thing to regret thinking about, but he treats it like that's who he was and it just... wasn't. He still had his lines he refused to cross, and blowing it up to kill others, or just blowing it up with everyone inside, just wasn't one of them.

We've seen a couple times that he was willing to blow it up without anyone being there. The 17th Oct, the 2nd Nov, the other off screen times he mentioned (7 or 8 times) that we didn't get to see.

Blowing it up with everyone inside, especially with the intention to kill, wasn't a thing past the festival, it really wasn't.

And yet...

So Alivebur, man with a bad habit of thinking he's the bad guy, yeah... I would trust the evidence over Alivebur, Anon. He may say this now, but his own words and actions go against him.

All in all, Anon, whether it's misremembering or making himself out to be worse than he was, it just isn't as true as Alivebur may think it is, at least post-festival wise. I'll leave you to decide which you prefer, or you could go with both, or neither if this answer doesn't satisfy you.

Feel free to come back and tell me what you think now! :D

#dream smp #alivebur #wilbur soot #dream smp analysis #been a hot sec since i did one because lore is 10 days off a month ago #but like this was fun to do #i hope this helps anon :) #dooo feel free to come back and tell me what you think

[gayvillains]

Hi. For the ask game: 1 (actual lol), 10, 18, 28 (for someone other than Julian!), 50. That's it I'm done!

(Content warning for suicide and institutionalisation in the headcanons. I don't go into it in much depth but just in case)

1. Who is your favourite ghost?

oh yes, har-har! laugh it up! Julian is my favourite, tied with the Captain. you git.

10. Which ghost would you say you're least like?

Probably Kitty. I think I could probably find something in all the ghosts to relate to, and with her it's probably that I worry I'm that overbearing, but I'm not in actual fact. And possibly her naivety, but I don't think I'm that naive anymore. Kitty is very optimistic, unaware of boundaries, and innocent and I just am the grumpiest, most painfully self-aware little pervert ever.

18. What is your favourite Ghosts fanfiction?

There are soooo many good ones obviously but it has got to be Performative by inkyfishes. It had a big influence on me being into Julian/Cap and those snippets at the start and end about Julian's past were like 70% of my inspiration for starting a whole backstory fic lmao. It's so perfectly in-character and it's so rare that people write from Julian's pov and even rarer that it feels so authentic.

And I think about "A man at the Oxford Union told me that he loved me. That I was going to be Foreign Secretary. [...] That I was going to be Foreign Secretary if I stopped loving him" every single day of my LIFE!

Very close second place is Catching Up With My Eyes Wide Shut by TooManyFandomsNeverEnoughTime. But thinking about it for too long makes me go bright red so I shall not be elaborating.

28. Top 5 headcanons for [insert character name here]?

Very rude of you to not actually give me a character here. Here's Cap:

- Kinda heavy but I do strongly suspect his death was suicide. Ben mentioned that he knew from the start how the Captain died, but that they probably wouldn't bring it up? I think? Unless I'm misremembering.

- Leading on from that, I don't think any of the ghosts were there when he died. I kind of imagine something very exciting was going on in another room, like a party. Probably like the anniversary of the war ending so he's had time to get all those war medals. I think it's very hard to imagine the Captain outliving the war by very long, it's so entangled with who he is as a person... But anyway, none of the ghosts were there, and for a while he didn't even realise the pill had worked until he left the room and nobody could see him. And there was a caveman trying to jive.

- I don't think he was particularly into music, but I can imagine him passing a gramophone playing I Don't Want to Set the World on Fire by The Ink Spots and pausing until he becomes self-aware how it's started to affect him, thinking about Havers and whatnot.

- Pat and Julian are his best ghostie friends but I doubt he had many friends in life, instead he had colleagues, superiors, and inferiors. I think the reason he's closer to Julian and Pat is because he views them as on a sort of equal level of authority, as colleagues he respects rather than people he's responsible for or accountable to. It also means he butts heads with them more often, because they're also a sort of threat to his leadership (there can only be one Captain per company!)

- Back to being morose. I think the best explanation of his not fighting in WW1 is probably that he was in some kind of psychiatric ward for reasons relating to him being gay. It could equally have been a completely unrelated physical condition that meant he was hospitalised, I suppose, but what would have lasted all 4 years and then disappeared by WW2? Another alternate I guess is that he dodged the draft and then in the interwar years he was just so plagued with guilt over it that he threw himself into the war effort the next time around.

- This is six, I'm sorry, but I also just think he's from Coventry.

50. Name an AU you haven't seen someone create content for, but which you'd love to read a fic or see some art for.

I think a lot about the ghosts in each others' time periods, or in different time periods. That's something I'd love to see. Thomas and Julian as 1890s decadents/aesthetes. Cap in the Napoleonic Wars. Pat living in a 1960s hippie commune, etc. etc.

#thank you!! #asks #bbc ghosts

[murdocklovespage]

So, when you talk about your "long-winded and disjointed list of problems" with season 2...I'm curious to ask, what's on that list?

It’s been a few months since I’ve re-watched Season 2, so feel free to correct me if I’ve misremembered something. 

My biggest problems with season 2:

The Timeline: 

Everything has to take place in the span of a few weeks? If it worked out logically, Matt wouldn’t have self-destructed the way he did. He catches the Punisher in a few days, the trial happens a week later (riiight...) and then lasts a few days. Then the Punisher gets out in less time than the length of the trial. And all of this is happening during very time-sensitive Hand discoveries? Kevin McCallister voice: I don’t think so. 

Nelson and Murdock

How in the hell do two men with expensive law degrees afford to live in New York when they are (maybe) paying the rent for their space and nothing else? You can’t ignore that fact for an entire second season. Maybe Matt could survive off of whatever money his father left him, but that seems unlikely. And I haven’t gotten the vibe that Foggy is rich like in the comics. Plus, the Punisher certainly isn’t paying them, so the best case scenario would be that hopefully their careers aren’t ruined and more (criminal) clients to show up on their doorstep after everything is done?

I know DD is a dark show, but one of the best elements of the show is the relationships. Foggy and Karen balance Matt out - they are his ties to his humanity. But the second half of the show he is off screwing them over and they barely interact with him for the last four episodes - a good 1/4th of the season. I don’t think he even speaks with Foggy in those last episodes. Foggy basically disappears from the show - and the fact that Matt doesn’t see him while he’s standing on the roof of the same hospital is so incredibly aggravating. He’s been Daredevil for a year? A year and a half? So he was a decent friend before all that and then became an asshole? Does his alter-ego have that big a hold on him? He really needed to have more conversations with Father Lantom, that’s for damn sure.

They didn’t use Foggy enough after the trial. He’s so much better than the role of sanctimonious best friend. In the beginning of season 2 he is more accepting of Matt’s nightly activities and I think that’s because he knows that Matt isn’t going to stop. But no, we need to rehash the conversation they had in Murdock v. Nelson (which is my favorite episode of S.1, btw) because Matt just doesn’t learn. Foggy is justifiably upset with his partner, but it comes off as annoying. 

Whenever Matt is an asshole, Foggy ends up being an asshole to Karen too, which is garbage. He’s like, “I’m out,” but he is her employer. She’s losing everything after all her sacrifices for their firm. I know she’s always trying to keep things together when he just wants distance from Matt, but both of their lives are crumbling and his mentality is basically, “I can’t deal with you right now, Karen. Even though you helped me get through all of this.”

The fact that Matt thinks he can promise Karen that he’ll protect her when he dodges her calls, lies to her, and ignores her is flat out asinine. And for the majority of the show, she’s just nods her head when he says he’ll protect her. If she doesn’t know that he’s Daredevil, the only frame of reference she has is him letting her stay at his apartment (which wasn’t attacked, so I guess that counts), and him telling her she needs to be more careful. But seriously, how does he even think he’s protecting her? He was ok with her going with Grotto, who was being hunted (not his fault, but a good example of failing to protect her), then her apartment is shot up. He straight up failed at what he promised (with the exception of the DA’s office) and those are only season 2 examples. I know he’s human, and he can’t be everywhere, but quit acting like you BELIEVE you’ll protect her, Matt!

He was finally willing to go off with her into protective custody - to which I was like, “YES,” even though I feel like it was uncharacteristic of him. How long would he have stuck around if she’d let him? He could have been doing this the entire time. Thank God she told him that he wasn’t hers to protect in the end. He needed that rude awakening.  

The Trial

Why would N&M let Frank wear the orange jumpsuit during the majority of the trial when they knew he needed to be humanized? They never would have done that in a real courtroom. Also, there was no way Castle was going to be a good boy and give a good testimony when he thought he was justified and LIKED killing everyone. That was a bad call, Karen. He can’t use his sex glare on the whole courtroom.

Frank was annoyed about the PTSD argument, but they should have explained that his PTSD didn’t stem from the war. He saw his family butchered in front of him, was shot in the head, and was almost murdered after surviving all of that. You don’t think you have PTSD? You think going on a murderous rampage and enjoying it is normal? There’s clearly something wrong with you, bro. And if you don’t see that, there’s the proof.

I want Matt to be a decent lawyer with ever fiber of my being. But instead, he goes off on this tangent that should have been his opening remarks (if he hadn’t slept through it.) He was testifying for Frank, not “questioning the witness.” How did Samantha Reyes let that slide?

I cringe every time they say they could “win this.” Like, how? He still killed dozens of people. Do they mean that Castle would be put in a mental institution? Is that winning?

The Villains - I feel like they made the same mistake a lot of superhero movies (and Luke Cage) make, and that is including WAY too many villains. The show felt incredibly disjointed. We have The Hand, the Punisher, The Blacksmith, Elektra and Stick for a hot minute, and Fisk. It’s ridiculous.

This is my biggest issue with Season 2. It felt like they decided to tell an incomplete story in order to set up The Punisher, Iron Fist, and the Defenders.

The Hand 

had been around since season 1 and I STILL don’t feel like I have a decent grasp of what they are/why they’re doing what they’re doing. They should have just been thrown in during the last episode, because that’s how much information I felt like I got after 9 episodes.

Even with Iron Fist, I feel like the Hand was barely explained. Now it’s also some cult that good people get swept up into (but when they try to leave, the people who cared about them are instantly willing to drain their bodies of blood and fight them… sure...) I feel like Matt whenever Stick talks about the Chaste. Annoyed and in disbelief that it even exists.

Somehow the enormous hole situation is enough to pull Matt back in? He’s like, “I’m not helping you anymore, Elektra. Oh wait, there are giant holes in Manhattan. Ok, I’m in.”

Why are centuries old trained ninjas such terrible fighters? They don’t even seem like real bad guys. They’re expendable and they suck.  

I feel like the real reason the writers had the Hand kidnap all of the people that DD had saved was to give Karen a reason to be potentially thankful when Matt reveals his alter ego. Also, why in the hell was Turk kidnapped when DD beats him up regularly? He is not one of the victims of the criminal element of Hell’s Kitchen, he IS a criminal.

The Punisher

His introduction - which, honestly, I still loved because it gave me chills, but it doesn’t make much sense. If he has this code, why would he shoot up a hospital? If he is such a marksman, why didn’t he just wait until he caught up to him and shoot him? But no, he has to use a shotgun in a hospital to chase a dude who is being protected by an innocent woman so that he looks scary. That’s the only reason.

How in the hell did the Punisher have the resources to find Grotto when he was given an alias and the police didn’t even know?

I feel like the conversations between the Punisher and Matt were some of the best acting on the show, but the Punisher won most of the arguments. Also, Matt tries to get on his level by acting like he understands the struggle of a war vet, which really pissed me off. And if DD told me that the men who killed my children IN FRONT OF ME deserved justice… Let’s just say the Punisher seemed pretty damn patient in that moment.

Also, Matt. You literally throw billy clubs at brains. Those men are brain dead. You have no higher ground to stand on.

The relationship between Karen and Frank. She doesn’t trust him, then she does, then she doesn’t, then he saves her and she trusts him again. Then this conversation happens:

Karen: The Blacksmith already tried to get me once, I really don’t want to give him a second chance.Frank: He’s not going to get it.Frank (under his breath?): Except I’m going to use you as bait a few minutes later, and technically his people will be shooting at you, but you know, you’re safe, or whatever.

Also, if she were in protective custody, why wouldn’t the police go into the elevator? Does “we’ll be right outside” mean they’ll be “right outside” the hotel?

The Blacksmith

Felt like an afterthought. Frank Castle’s family dying at a drug bust for the Blacksmith was so ridiculously coincidental. And why in the hell would the Blacksmith help him at his trial if he’s coming after everyone involved in the deaths of his family? He was the only positive element of Frank’s trial, but he could have easily said no, and his problem would disappear. He acts like he owes a debt to Frank, and then tries to kill him.

The Punisher and the Blacksmith should have been combined into one season and everything else into another. But since season 3 is happening two years after season 2, I guess this is the crazy way they decided to do it.

Elektra and Stick

Maybe you don’t think that they were villains here, but they were certainly problems that took up multiple episodes. Stick turns on on Elektra… Why? Because she chose Matt instead of him? And then Matt just jumps on his side when she justifiably attacks him. Hey dude, your douchebag sensei:

Abandoned you as a child.

Sent Elektra to ruin your life in college. 

Has a completely different code than you, and never keeps his promises. You literally can’t trust him. 

Tried to kill her because she wasn’t a good soldier - just like you. And you don’t ask questions?

I need to end this by saying that I still like season 2, it was just super flawed. I like Elektra and the Punisher. I like that Karen steps away to become her own person. I like Foggy showing he doesn’t need Matt - even though it breaks my heart and if I had a choice I would pick Matt being a decent person instead. And I loved the Karen/Matt storyline until they just gave up on it.