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thebadchoicemachine · 3 years

Text

Lark

Heads up: takes place in the middle of a story, like a chapter from a book. really just a character introduction. SO all you need to know is Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap got split into different parts of themselves and Lark had to help manually put them back together while Karl was fixing himself.

tw, a lot of existential and metaphysical talk.

----

The three figures stood a ways from him. He watched as they felt themselves, felt each other, hugged each other. He could see them. He listened as they laughed, as relief and apologies seeped from their voices. He knew he could hear them. He observed as they grew closer, as they understood they had seen and felt parts they had hidden from each other. He knew what feeling was.

Still, he only stood. He could experience that, it had been hours but it still was so odd. That’s another thing, he was aware of time, he understood ‘then’ and ‘now’ and ‘later.’ He knew what awkwardness was as one of the now complete figures caught his eye. (Quackity, he knew he was called Quackity.) He didn’t do anything to shake the gaze, only slowly blinking. Quackity reached over to tap the other (Sapnap) for attention. They leaned over each other whispering.

He knew Karl. He was- he wasn’t Karl. He wasn’t even close to being Karl but he knew him. He held every thought and feeling he’d had but only in the back of his mind. They weren’t his thoughts or feelings, he just knew what Karl knew to an extent.

He didn’t exactly... know... what to do. He had needed to put Quackity and Sapnap together while Karl worked on unfragmenting himself. That had been simple. A set of instructions driving his movements. A need, a goal, one set for him. Just like always but- no, this was different. This was so very different, he’d never needed to come up with one on his own. He’d never wanted to.

He could want.

He’d always had objectives but here he had a desire to complete them. Before he simply... did. It was so strange how he’d attempted to do his purpose. He had needed Karl to understand what he didn’t even understand because he didn’t understand anything until a little while ago. He didn’t know, he just was. He didn’t try, he just did. He had been teaching without even existing himself, no wonder Karl had never caught on! He still had his original purpose but he was so much more than that now.

He now had words and thoughts and... feelings... he’d deal with that one later. For now, he had to figure out- he needed to- oh, this was so much. He wished he... he... ugh, words were so strange to work with. Even in his mind, the preemptive nature of everything and the blaring constant of hindsight and foresight, it was all at once and yet so much slower. He needed to calm down, reorganize himself like Karl did when overwhelmed. He knew how to do that, didn’t he?

Find a point to begin thinking. He wanted to have a clear mind. He wanted. He had a will. That was... odd. He was certain he wasn’t capable of that before. He’d always been, of course. Before Karl was even fully tied together at all he had been. He’d simply been something else. Something soft and notional, something abstract and far less... aware. He (in fact, was it even he? He. His. Him. Himself. Yes, he didn’t mind that. Oh. That was weird, being able to mind or not mind something.)

“Hey!”

He didn’t jump, although he felt he should have. He had been lost in thought. Huh. That was almost familiar. It reminded him of how he had been before, the way it required much less... consciousness.

“HEY! Hello?”

A finger jabbed into his shoulder. Quackity was prodding him while Sapnap peered inquisitively, both studying him with absolutely no idea what they were looking for. Karl stared from behind them, emotions also quizzical but jarringly relatable. He assumed Karl felt similarly to him; after all, they were experiencing the same thing. Meeting each other. Karl, of course, hadn’t needed to understand it while splintered but now- oh right, he experienced time now and had not responded to their addressing of him in the appropriate span. Huh. He opened his mouth to remedy the situation but squeaked, finding himself at a loss of articulation. He had- he knew- how did he express? What was this? His inability to answer made him feel… he felt… oh! Oh, he was frustrated. That didn’t help him at all but it was neat to know.

“What’s da matter with this one?” Quackity demanded, still poking him. “Why hasn’t it gone back into Karl? Is this bad? What do we do?”

“I don’t know. It doesn’t look like it’s responding.” Sapnap loudly clapped in front of him. He felt himself jerk against his will at the smack. What? Why? It was custom and completely expected to flinch at such disturbances but he hadn’t reacted in such ways… yet…

Oh.

Oh, he was aware now.

Uh oh. Oh. Oh? He was aware of being aware, he had been for hours now, but suddenly it was sinking in. He was aware of how much he took in without being aware of it. Sounds, smells, sights, the feel of the air, it all fizzled around him. He was him. He’d- he’d essentially just been born (even though he’d existed for much, much, longer). Oh wow. He could think, he could truly know, he could understand, he was him. Hmm. Now that he needed to use his newfound ability to think he found it… a lot.

“Mmmhh,” without meaning to, he let out a light groan.

“OH FUCK!” Quackity jumped back. “It said somethin’!”

“What’s with its face? It looks like a loading screen. Is it your skepticism or cognizance or something?” Sapnap turned to Karl, who still mirrored him but seemed to be able to sort his words better. Practice, he supposed. Karl closed his mouth into a small, almost apologetic, smile, and straightened himself. He wondered when he would be able to settle and organize his thought so well. The way Karl was able to back-shelf what was most likely the same, or at least a similar, swarm of thoughts and feelings sparked something of a soft envy in him.

Karl opened his mouth again, stuttering faintly as he found the words to properly answer. “That’s not me.”

“No... I’m not,” he latched onto Karl’s statement like a lifeline but it barely showed in his, unbroken and unused, monotone voice. He guessed he was… relieved? Was that it? He was relieved they couldn’t see his struggle.

“Woah,” Sapnap took a step back. He understood. Unlike him and Karl, who were off because they knew they didn’t know, Quackity and Sapnap had zero understanding at all. It was probably bizarre to have him sound and look like Karl yet speak and act with such a desaturated, inexperienced, difference.

“So... wait- what?”

“I am not Karl. I am... an ‘other.’ The Other.”

“Why were you a part of- where did it- he- come from then?”

“Yeah...” Karl tilted his head, squinting. “Uh, I don’t know.”

“WHAT?”

“I mean, I know him, sort of, just can’t... understand it exactly?”

“I am your other. You’re place in the Inbetween, your existence, is tied with mine. I am something like a loose thread from your tapestry except sewn into one of my own. I know you and you know me, I am a part of you and you are a part of me, but we are not each other. We’re... complimentary in existence.”

“Huh?”

“What?”

“I get that... and I also don’t,” Karl frowned, squinting more. “Where did you come from? I know you were always here but now you’re...” he trailed off making a motion with his hands.

“Uh, forgive me. Words and thoughts are new. I am not- I was not before. Not me, anyway. I’ve existed for a very long time but I was not aware. Being a person is recent. Extremely recent. Like, hours ago recent. The only reason I’m so functional is that I have your understanding to go off of but, clearly, I am in need of experience.”

“Hours ago... you mean when we split?”

“Yes. My understanding is when you were split all parts of you were completely severed from each other, including me. Had I been cognizant at the time I would have described it as... terrifying. Uh- lonely. We are connected and I had never been not with you. Though, I was not me yet so it’s okay... I guess. Besides, It only lasted a few moments as the Inbetween began to put you back together. When that happened I think it shook something in me, being completely separated and then so strongly reattached opened something. I was rebooted, essentially, and now I have a mind just like you do.” He curled and uncurled his fingers as he spoke, realizing something. “And... my own form? I suppose?”

“Hold on,” Quackity interrupted. “If youse was- or rather wasn’t, how do you know about before you became aware? Why aren’t you like an infant? At least mentally?”

“As I said before, I know of everything Karl knows… in a way.”

“What way is that?”

“Uh, I don’t know everything he knows, I don’t have a copy of his mind or anything, but I know of everything. As to how I remember when I didn’t have a mind? I don’t know exactly. All I can say is it’s like remembering thoughts from when you were asleep. Not a dream, just when you’re collecting moments but not awake. Does that make sense?”

“Uh, not really, but carry on,” Sapnap shrugged. “What are you?”

“Uh, okay… let me… make words. Hmm, so, imagine if your shadow or reflection came to life. It’s not you, right? It’s not you at all, you are completely separate things, but there is still such a strong association. I am Karl’s reflection.” He looked towards the reflective walls and pointed at the lack of him and Karl. “I am literally Karl’s reflection. I am not only that but that is how I manifested before (and still do, I guess).”

“Woah,” Sapnap whispered as he realized the lack of reflection.

The four stood in silence for a moment. He blinked, waiting for a response but got nothing. Was this his first awkward silence? Huh. It felt much less than he thought it would, although he might just still be numb in terms of reactions. Maybe they were just waiting on him? Was it his job to break the silence in this situation? He shrugged internally, he might as well try. “Well, that’s mostly it. I’m here now. Hello.” He gave a light wave.

“Wait, so what are you?”

“I just expl-“

“No, no, no, I get the metaphysical stuff” Karl waved dismissively “but you’re not just my reflection. You’re... a part of me like you said before but I’m not just a part of you. You have something else going on, right? What were you before now? What are you? Or, I guess I’m asking ‘why’ are you. I feel like- I know you have a purpose that isn’t just being the opposite of me.”

“Right!” His eyes lit up, remembering an old goal. He needed to correct Karl, to get him to start functioning the way he was meant to. “I am not your opposite! I am your inverse. I do the work you do not, as you do the work I do not.”

“Huh?”

“The reason you were- well, you weren’t really created. That would imply some kind of intent that was not there. The role you were evolved to fill. To collect, to round, to fight and stabilize the contents I protect and care for.“

“Contents?”

“Of... everything. There are- I- I- cannot think of how to- you’ll have to excuse me, I just became less than a day ago and have, without hyperbole, all of existence to explain. I am not used to using words. Or understanding. Or even knowing really. I was a concept with just a driving force and now being able to want and understand when I fail and it all.... oh. Yeah. I’m struggling.” He stumbled back, feeling lightheaded. The reality of it all would not stop crashing over him. It was very inconvenient and uncomfortable and he would very much like for it to stop.

He must have visibly paled because the others immediately began showing concern. “It’s okay! Calm down a little, let’s talk about something else. Don’t strain yourself,” Sapnap pleaded.

Quackity looked like he was getting ready to catch him, as if he was going to faint. “Yeah, like, um, why was Karl made alive but you weren’t?”

“Oh,” he snatched onto the change of subject, thankful. He did not want to keep experiencing being overwhelmed. “Karl wasn’t made anything.”

“Wait, huh? What does that mean?” Karl asked, almost offended in his shock.

“You weren’t supposed to be a person. As I said before, you weren’t ‘created’ exactly.”

“Uh, what? I’m not... supposed to be me? A person? I’m like, broken because I’m self-aware? That’s messed up.”

“No, no, that’s not what I mean. You weren’t supposed to be anything. Person, not person, a force, an object, an animal, there’s not exactly anything wrong with you. In fact, you function perfectly it’s just your instinct was overshadowed by your mind.”

“Function?”

“You developed to fix a problem. It doesn’t matter what you are the same way it doesn’t matter what color trees are, so long as they make oxygen to support their ecosystem. So, no, I don’t think you were intended to be a person but you weren’t intended to be anything else, either. You can’t really be flawed when there was no plan to begin with.”

“Wh- s- are you saying I- me, Karl, as myself, a person with thoughts and emotions and a will and mind of my own, my existing was an accident?”

He tisked his tongue. “Uh. Yes.”

“Wow.” Karl took a long breath. “Wow.”

“Are you upset? You shouldn’t be, everything in the universe is incidental, there’s no real plan except everything’s function to thrive. Wills are superficial to existence and meaning. Heck, I’m an accident you just caused!” It was true, his current existence as he experienced it was completely incidental! He very well could have just not been the way he is. He could have, so simply, never existed. Ever... oh. He shuddered, checking existentialism off the experiences he’d had and shoving it away with iron force.

“No, I’m not insulted or anything, it’s just- wow.”

“Yeah. That’s fair I guess. Anyway,” he lightly clapped his hands together. If the conversation was over then he should leave, right? That was the correct thing to do? He didn’t want- he didn’t want to think about wanting. Or not existing. He would just leave. “Quackity, Sapnap, nice to meet you and all your sides. I guess we had a more intimate introduction than most, what with me explaining my entire existence and you being divided into the rawest versions of yourselves. Karl, I already know about you. Um, Goodbye.” He held up his hand and began to walk towards the reflective walls.

“Hey, wait!” Quackity grabbed his shoulder. He stopped, waiting patiently. “What... are we gonna see youse again? What’s da deal now that you are what you are?”

“Now? I will go adjust. You will most certainly see me again, yes. I want to stop wanting for now, everything is a lot of things. Goodbye.”

“Okay, bye, but... what should we call you?”

That caught him off guard. He took a step away from the wall, frowning. “Call... me?”

“Oh yeah! I assume you don’t just want to be referred to as ‘Not-Karl’ or something. Do you have a name?” Sapnap stepped up.

“Uh...” His brow furrowed, eyes darting around slightly. “I haven’t... thought about that...” A name. Huh. It hadn’t even crossed his mind.

“Do you want to pick one out? We can help, I chose my name based from one of the first worlds I ever visited. Since there’s no one here, we could list some and you could see if you like any?”

“Um,” he frowned. That didn’t sound very appealing. “I don’t think I want to choose one from someone else’s. I don’t have many opinions on sounds yet so picking one based on phonetics feels... wrong.”

“That’s okay, and you can always pick another one later.”

“I guess so.”

“Something more personal based then?”

“That’s tricky, we don’t know much about him yet,” Quackity pointed out. “He don’t even know much about him.”

“What about-“ Sapnap spoke up. “You said you were the ‘inverse’ right? What about that? Or Mirror, or Reflection, or Other.”

He shifted, frowning. “It’s correct,” he started “but it’s kind of like calling you ‘demon.’ More of a title or description, not really a name.”

“How about Lrak?” Quackity suggested. “It’s Karl backward.”

He made a face. “I think I’ve just got my first phonetic opinion. I do not like how that sounds.” Not to mention it was a little... obvious. He didn’t want to base his entire newfound identity around not being Karl, although Karl was a big part of him. He wouldn’t mind paying homage. In fact, that did seem like a good place to come from. He wasn’t Karl but he also wasn’t not Karl. Hmm. He looked back up, getting better at tuning in and out on purpose, to find them chittering off ideas. “Hey,” he interrupted. “What about Lark?” They stopped and turned to him.

“Lark?”

“It’s... an anagram of Karl,” he tilted his head, not looking at anything, just thinking “but it’s also its own, despite and including its origins. Lark. What do you think?”

“Hey, don’t fuckin matter what we think,” Quackity snapped, almost accusatory. “What’s important is how youse feel. Do you like it?”

He was a little taken aback at the aggressive support. It was true though, he realized, none of them should get a say. It wasn’t that he was trying to please them, he simply didn’t have a strong opinion on much... but he could. It dawned on him he could have all the care or apathy he wanted. “Lark,” he said the name aloud again, rolling it across his tongue, focussing on feeling, comprehending that he could feel. “My name is Lark. My name. Is Lark. Yes. I... I like that,” he smiled.

“Hurray!” Karl grinned before gripping him into a giant hug.

He screamed, unprepared for the contact. He could feel his heart was beating against his chest as Karl frantically set him down. “Ah- uh- It’s okay,” he reassured him. “I just- my reactions have broken in, it seems.”

Karl chuckled, apologetically brushing off his shoulder. “Sorry. I’m just really happy for you, man. Is- is it man?”

“Man is fine,” he shrugged. “I am like you.”

“Great,” Karl grinned swinging his arms slightly. “I- I’m just stoked you’re something- someone I can talk to now! I mean, you’ve been around forever, but I had no idea what you were. I still don’t, I guess, but this is...” he laughed, gesturing between them.

He, Lark, smiled. He smiled a big, wide, voluntary, and genuine beam for Karl. He felt it too. There was a connection between them that, while it had always been there, hadn’t held any connotations. Now that he was him though he found it was warm and reassuring, familiar and sporadic. It was a part of him. It was a part of them. He didn’t know much about himself yet but he knew that was a very good thing.

“Lark, I gotta say, having known you literally all my life,” Karl stuck out his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Lark looked at the hand and cocked his head, blinking. He reached out to take it and pulled Karl in for a (much softer than before) hug but one that still surprised Karl. “...It’s nice to meet you too, Karl. Really.” He felt fuzzy inside as Karl softened from the shock and gently put his arms around him. They stayed together for a beat, it was a wonderful moment to live in. For the first time in his life, short as it had been so far, Lark experienced gratitude. It was nice to meet Karl. It was nice to have a name. It was nice to... be alive. He blinked rapidly, a little confused at the stinging in his eyes. Oh. Tears. His eyes were watering from emotions, that was definitely new. Eventually, Karl gently pulled away.

“So,” he said tenderly, eyeing Lark up and down. “You’re my reflection, huh? Heh, does that make me yours?”

It was a joke but... “I’m honestly not sure how to answer that. In a way, no. But- I- it’s confusing. I have things I want to explain but don’t understand how yet. In time, I guess. Perhaps with examples. For now though, if you’re my anything, maybe we could be each other’s... um...” he paused, searching for a word that described them. “Brothers? If you want?”

“Lark,” Karl’s tone was suddenly and unnaturally serious. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just said to me?”

“I- I think? I asked if you-“

“I WOULD LOVE THAT SO MUCH,” he yelled, grabbing Lark by the shoulders with a jolt. “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS TO ME. YOU’RE SO SMART AND AMAZING, I’M SO HAPPY TO HAVE YOU NOW, I DIDN’T REALIZE HOW MUCH I NEEDED- I...” he sniffled, laughing. “I have a family!”

He did. Lark grinned, letting him keep his iron grip on his shoulders despite the physical discomfort. It was prodigiously outweighed by the joyous emotions surging through and filling the air. Karl had a family and... so did he.

“AW-!”

A sharp wail shattered the moment. Lark and Karl’s heads snapped towards the other two they forgot were there. Quackity had tears streaming down his face, while Sapnap was biting his knuckle, eyes also watery, having had been the one to cry out.

“Uh- are you guys... alright?” Karl cautiously held out his hands in comfort.

“Y-yeah! It’s just- that’s- you guys are so sweet.” Sapnap threw his hands up to his face. “This is such a happy moment, I’m so happy for you. You guys found each other after coexisting for so long but never knowing- I- I’m a sucker for family, okay? It’s in my culture. Don’t judge me.”

“Uh-huh,” Quackity nodded, drying his soaked face with his sleeve. “It’s not like we’s crying or nothing.”

“Aw, you guys...” Karl gave both of them a hug.

Lark waited until they finished to speak. “Well, for real this time, I think I need to say goodbye. I apologize for rushing away so bluntly. I didn’t realize then... even just in the past few minutes I understand so much more. This has been a lot, as you can imagine, for my first day of cognizance and I would like to take some time existing. Karl, you have a purpose. A role to fill in the universe. Also, I have no idea how to explain it to you.”

“Oh.”

“Seriously, it is a miracle I was even able to introduce myself. I genuinely almost passed out a few times during that conversation. Just from the weight of comprehending my own existence. Please understand that, in a sense, I am only a few hours old.”

“But you sort of existed before me so you’re also kind of older than me, right?”

“Yes. It is hella weird. I wouldn’t worry though, your design is built into you, like how animals are wired to hunt whether they’ve ever seen prey or not. For now, I am off to go get better used to... being, I guess. I intend to continue to experience people, I think I find it much more than just knowing of them. It was... genuinely... very nice to meet you all.” Lark held up his hand in a farewell gesture, waiting to leave until the others returned it, waving and shouting goodbyes and good lucks.

He smiled as he faced the empty reflective surface. He had no idea how good ‘good’ was. He’d known about the warm feeling inside from Karl but now he had experienced it. It was such a difference he’d never expected... not in all of the (maybe seven? eight?) hours he’d been alive. With one final breathe and thought and feeling, Lark stepped into the Otherside.

#karlnapity dimensions #ksq dimensions content #unofficial dimensions #lark/otherside #karl/dimensions #woah those are words I wrote

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whitehotharlots · 4 years

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Privilege Theory is popular because it is conservative

Privilege theory, as a formal academic thing, has been around at least since 1989, when Peggy McIntosh published the now-seminal essay “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” Even within academic cultural studies, however, privilege theory was pretty niche until about a decade ago--it’s not what you’d call intellectually sound (McIntosh’s essay contains zero citations), and its limitations as an analytical frame are pretty obvious. I went through a cultural studies-heavy PhD program in the early twenty teens and I only heard it mentioned a handful of times. If you didn’t get a humanities degree, odds are it didn’t enter your purview until 2015 or thereabouts.

This poses an obvious question: how could an obscure and not particularly groundbreaking academic concept become so ubiquitous so quickly? How did such a niche (and, frankly, weird and alienating) understanding of racial relations become so de rigeur that companies that still utilize slave labor and still produce skin whitening cream are now all but mandated to release statements denouncing it?

Simply put, the rapid ascent of privilege theory is due to the fact that privilege theory is fundamentally conservative. Not in cultural sense, no. But if we understand conservatism as an approach to politics that seeks first and foremost to maintain existing power structures, then privilege theory is the cultural studies equivalent of phrenology or Austrian economics.

This realization poses a second, much darker question: how did a concept as regressive and unhelpful as privilege become the foundational worldview among people who style themselves as progressives, people whose basic self-understanding is grounded in a belief that they are working to address injustice? Let’s dig into this:

First, let’s go down a well-worn path and establish the worthlessness of privilege as an analytical lens. We’ll start with two basic observations: 1) on the whole, white people have an easier time existing within these United States than non-white people, and 2) systemic racism exists, at least to the extent that non-white people face hurdles that make it harder for them to achieve safety and material success.

I think a large majority of Americans would agree with both of these statements--somewhere in the ballpark of 80%, including many people you and I would agree are straight-up racists. They are obvious and undeniable, the equivalent to saying “politicians are corrupt” or “good things are good and bad things are bad.” Nothing about them is difficult or groundbreaking.

As simplistic as these statements may be, privilege theory attempts to make them the primary foreground of all understandings of social systems and human interaction. Hence the focus on an acknowledgement of privilege as the ends and means of social justice. We must keep admitting to privilege, keep announcing our awareness, again and again and again, vigilance is everything, there is nothing beyond awareness.

Of course, acknowledging the existence of inequities does nothing to actually address those inequities. Awareness can serve as an important (though not necessarily indispensable) precondition for change, but does not lead to change in and of itself.

I’ve been saying this for years but the point still stands: those who advocate for privilege theory almost never articulate how awareness by itself will bring about change. Even in the most generous hypothetical situation, where all human interaction is prefaced by a formal enunciation of the raced-based power dynamics presently at play, this acknowledgement doesn’t actually change anything. There is never a Step Two.

Now, some people have suggested Step Twos. But suggestions are usually ignored, and on the rare occasions they are addressed they are dismissed without fail, often on grounds that are incredibly specious and dishonest. To hit upon another well-worn point, let’s look at the presidential campaign of Bernie Sanders. The majority of Sanders’ liberal critics admit that the senator’s record on racial justice is impeccable, and that his platform would have done substantially more to materially address racial inequities than that being proffered by any of his opponents. That’s all agreed upon, yet we are told that none of that actually matters.

Sanders dropped out of the race nearly 3 months ago, yet just this past week The New York Times published yet another hit piece explaining that while his policies would have benefitted black people, the fact that he strayed from arbitrarily invoked rhetorical standards meant he was just too problematic to support.

The piece was written by Sidney Ember, a Wall Street hack who cites anonymous finance and health insurance lobbyists to argue that financial regulation is racist. Ember, like most other neoliberals, has been struggling to reconcile her vague support for recent protests with the fact that she is paid to lie about people who have tried to fix things. Now that people are forcefully demanding change, the Times have re-deployed her to explain why change is actually bad even though it’s good.

How does one pivot from celebrating the fact that black people will not be receiving universal healthcare to mourning racially disproportionate COVID death rates? They equivocate. They lean even harder on rhetorical purity, dismissing a focus on policy as a priori blind to race. Bernie never said “white privilege.” Well, okay, he did, but he didn’t say it in the right tone or often enough, and that’s what the problem was. Citing Ember:

Yet amid a national movement for racial justice that took hold after high-profile killings of black men and women, there is also an acknowledgment among some progressives that their discussion of racism, including from their standard-bearer, did not seem to meet or anticipate the forcefulness of these protests.

Kimberlé Crenshaw, the legal scholar who pioneered the concept of intersectionality to describe how various forms of discrimination can overlap, said that Mr. Sanders struggled with the reality that talking forcefully about racial injustice has traditionally alienated white voters — especially the working-class white voters he was aiming to win over. But that is where thinking of class as a “colorblind experience” limits white progressives. “Class cannot help you see the specific contours of race disparity,” she said.

Many other institutions, she noted, have now gone further faster than the party that is the political base of most African-American voters. “You basically have a moment where every corporation worth its salt is saying something about structural racism and anti-blackness, and that stuff is even outdistancing what candidates in the Democratic Party were actually saying,” she said.

Crenshaw’s point here is that the empty, utterly immaterial statements of support coming from multinational corporations are more substantial and important than policy proposals that would have actually addressed racial inequities. This is astounding. A full throated embrace of entropy as praxis.

Crenshaw started out the primary as a Warren supporter but threw her endorsement to Bernie once the race had narrowed to two viable candidates. This fact is not mentioned, nor does Ember feel the need to touch upon any of Biden’s dozens of rhetorical missteps regarding race (you might remember that he kicked off his presidential run with a rambling story about the time he toughed it out with a black ne'er do well named Corn Pop, or his more recent assertion that if you don’t vote for him, “you ain’t black.”). The statement here--not the implication: the direct and undeniable statement--is that tone and posturing are more important than material proposals, and that concerns regarding tone and posturing should only be raised in order to delegitimize those who have dared to proffer proposals that might actually change things for the better.

The ascendence of privilege theory marks the triumph of selective indignation, the ruling class and their media lackeys having been granted the power to dismiss any and all proposals for material change according to standards that are too nonsensical to be enforced in any fair or consistent manner. The concept has immense utility for those who wish to perpetuate the status quo. And that, more than anything, is why it’s gotten so successful so quickly. But still… why have people fallen for something so obviously craven and regressive? Why are so few decent people able to summon even the smallest critique against it?

We can answer this by taking a clear look at what privilege actually entails. And this is where things get really, really grim:

What are the material effects of privilege, at least as they are imagined by those who believe the concept to be something that must be sussed out and eradicated? A privileged person gets to live their life with the expectation that they will face no undue hurdles to success and fulfillment because of their identity markers, that they will not be subject to constant surveillance and/or made to suffer grave consequences for minor or arbitrary offenses, and that police will not be able to murder them at will. The effects of “privilege” are what we might have once called “freedom” or “dignity.” Until very recently, progressives regarded these effects not as problematic, but as a humane baseline, a standard that all decent people should fight to provide to all of our fellow citizens.

Here we find the utility in the use of the specific term “privilege.” Similar to how austerity-minded politicians refer to social security as an “entitlement,” conflating dignity and privilege gives it the sense of something undeserved and unearned--things that no one, let alone members of racially advantaged groups, could expect for themselves unless they were blinded by selfishness and coddled by an insufficiently cruel social structure. The problem isn’t therefore that humans are being selectively brutalized. Brutality is the baseline, the natural order, the unavoidable constant that has not been engineered into our society but simply is what society is and will always be. The problem, instead, is that some people are being exempted from some forms of brutalization. The problem is that pain does not stretch far enough.

We are a nation that worships cruelty and authority. All Americans, regardless of gender or race, are united in being litigious tattletales who take joy in hurting one another, who will never run out of ways to rationalize their own cruelty even as they decry the cruelty of others. We are taught from birth that human life has no value, that material success is morally self-validating, and that those who suffer deserve to suffer. This is our real cultural brokenness: a deep, foundational hatred of one another and of ourselves. It transcends all identity markers. It stains us all. And it’s why we’ve all run headlong into a regressive and idiotic understanding of race at a time when we desperately need to unite and help one another.

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apparitionism · 4 years

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Decalogue 2

This is a belated continuation of my Bering-and-Wells tenth-anniversary piece: a listing of “commandments,” one issued by each year of their association. I did the first five years in part 1. The ensuing years are of course both easier (I get to make up what happened!) and harder (oh lord, I have to make up what happened...). So this second five years’ worth of commandments—this second pentalogue?—will probably be both worse and better than the first. As always, I’m in it for the talking, but also for the idea that Myka and Helena would get things right, and wrong, and right again. I testify regularly that it’s hard work to sustain a long-term relationship. You have to want to do that work, and it isn’t always pleasant. But I’m absolutely certain that B&W would power through. Anyway I meant to do the ensuing five years as a single part, but I decided instead to fake myself into thinking I’m accomplishing things if I do them one or two at a time. I’m taking wins where I can find them right now.

Decalogue 2

Year six: Thou shalt not damage.

This commandment, which Myka would have been overjoyed to be able to keep in its absolute form, worked out in practice to something more like “You’re going to do some damage. Fix it as best you can.”

Distinguishing between where it was and was not safe to step was one of Myka’s most confounding challenges. So many years ago, at the start, the literal gunpointings had made the hazards very clear, but now, instead, Myka encountered metaphorical landmines, buried in places stranger than she had expected: she knew to step around guns and guilt; she knew not to mention Christina, unless Helena was in a mood to think about her. But how was Myka supposed to have anticipated that on any given day, a particular word would be a sensitive plate?

She had been complaining, expressing general resentment on the topic of her parents and Tracy and the grandchild. She concluded with, “And that’s my family for you.”

“They are your family,” Helena said, a flat statement that Myka could not parse. Then she stopped talking to Myka. Entirely.

Myka tried to ask, tried to find out what was the matter; then she tried just talking to Helena, pretending nothing was wrong, hoping it was some sort of circuit-breaker problem and that acting normal would throw the switch; then she offered a general apology for everything she might ever have done wrong; but in the end she had to give up. Helena with an idea in her head—whatever the idea was—couldn’t be reasoned with.

They slept in the same bed. No words. No contact either, but that was because Myka avoided it. She could deal, for a while, with being verbally ignored, but she didn’t think she could handle even one instance of Helena coldly refusing to escalate touch into intimacy.

Claudia couldn’t save them this time. Not that she didn’t try: “Talk to Myka!” she bellowed at Helena, but no talking ensued. “I guess you gotta keep trying,” she told Myka with a shrug. “Send her flowers?”

Well, flowers never hurt anything, did they? So Myka had an arrangement of peonies delivered to the B&B, because Helena had once been very “these belong in an English garden” about peonies, softer than Myka would ever have expected her to be.

Helena read the card—and Myka had to admit that the “I love you” message wasn’t very creatively written, even in terms of penmanship, but she was running on desperate fumes at that point—then very pointedly placed it and the peonies into the kitchen trash can.

So Myka’s best version of tenderness was in the garbage... clearly tenderness was not sufficient to fix anything. It was necessary, she was fairly sure, but not sufficient.

After much additional analytical thought, she developed a hypothesis. “I think I get it. Your family’s gone,” she offered to Helena, who barely twitched in response. But she did twitch, so maybe Myka had got it right? She continued, “And I’m being insufficiently grateful that mine isn’t.”

No response other than a very loud absence of anything resembling a twitch.

Back to the analytical drawing board... at which Myka now drew nothing but a blank.

It took an entire week for Helena to budge at all, but: prompted perhaps by Myka rescuing one of the peonies from the trash and putting it in a vase on the nightstand on Helena’s side of the bed, or maybe by Pete endlessly complaining “I hate when Mom and Mom fight,” or alternatively by Steve handing her cup after cup of tea and noting (just as endlessly) that it was “to soothe your laryngitis,” or possibly by the phase of the moon or a conspicuous mote of dust or something else that even Helena herself probably couldn’t or wouldn’t ever articulate, she interrupted Myka’s weeklong insomniac ceiling-staring session at two in the morning by pushing at her shoulder, hard, and saying, “I thought you might be moved to describe me as your family. But I see I have not been promoted to that exalted level.”

Helena was vocally doing “stoic” and “offhand,” insofar as anyone could really pull off either of those after a week of administering the silent treatment. Which meant that she wasn’t pulling them off at all, which in turn meant that Myka could hear the wound: a fault line sending a bleak rumble through the substrate of that voice in the dark.

“Exalted,” Myka said, herself trying to pull off “no, I never really thought you’d refuse to speak to me for the rest of our lives.” She was also trying to hide her embarrassment at being so analytically obtuse, as well as her shame at having inflicted pain in the first place. “Do you want me to not get along with you, too? Complain about you all the time?”

“You do complain about me all the time,” Helena pointed out, and Myka had to concede, at least internally, that that was probably more than a little bit true. She had to concede, too, that she had not in any way put Helena in her mental dictionary to illustrate the word “family.” The pictures of an endlessly troubling group of people from whom she could not really escape, about whom she complained all the time, had seemed to be a permanently closed set. Any additions, she had thought, would be similes: Pete was like a brother (and thank god that was once again true), Claudia like a sister (though a different sort than the one Myka actually had).

She should have known that Helena’s role in her life was literal, not figurative. And she should have known that Helena, in all her literal intensity, would have expected words to be applied.

Family. She complained about Helena all the time; Helena was endlessly troubling; and Myka certainly could not escape from her, as five-years-unto-six had shown. But the difference was that she didn’t want to escape Helena... apparently she’d mistaken that for a disqualifying factor, family-wise.

“You have sequestered me from those who are so exalted,” Helena said then. “Ideationally, but physically as well.”

“In my defense,” Myka began, but she faltered. “I know it isn’t much of one. But you haven’t been here for very long. I mean... you were, but then you weren’t. Physically. Since you brought that up. And we’ve been together for real for less than a year.”

Silence again, but this time it was an audible challenge.

“So I guess I’m taking you to Colorado Springs pretty soon to show you off.”

Myka realized, while she was searching for reasonably priced plane tickets for the trip, that this was the first time she’d hurt Helena in a way in which she might have been similarly likely to hurt anyone. She’d been so busy working on not making Helena-centric mistakes, those to do with guns and guilt and grief, that she hadn’t thought much at all about this relationship in a broader sense. It was singular, yes (obviously yes), but it was also two people in love with each other, trying to live with each other. Buying “meet the parents” plane tickets forced her to confront how pedestrian they were, as people in love with each other. It was both a minor disappointment and an enormous relief.

Arriving at her childhood home with Helena in tow was even more surreal than she’d imagined... despite the fact that she’d imagined it out, scenario after scenario.

It was also even more awkward than she’d imagined. “Mom, Dad,” she began, as her parents and Helena did nothing but look at each other, wary, as if a hostage exchange were about to occur, “I told you about Helena.” No one said anything. Yes, awkward. She had indeed told them, but that been... what it had been. Myka still wasn’t sure how to think about what it had been.

She’d called them, determined to tell it all—well, not all—but before she’d finished clearing her throat in preparation for launching into her prepared remarks, she was subjected to the usual enthusiastic recounting of grandchild activities. That was fine, though, for she did take a little schadenfreudic satisfaction in how quickly grandchild-centric material had replaced Tracy-centric information in these bulletins.

“I have a little news,” she said as the child-related hosannas began at last to run out of steam.

She took a breath. “I’minaseriousrelationship.”

One more breath. “WithsomeonefromworkhernameisHelena.”

After a pause, but not much of one, her father said, “How do you want us to respond?”

Myka had braced herself for questions, certainly, but not that one. “By being happy for me?” she offered, and she wished she had sounded decisive.

“Then we’re happy for you,” her mother said, and when had her mother ever sounded that decisive?

Myka could easily imagine them at the kitchen table, both leaning toward the phone that her father would have propped against the lazy Susan, for he’d always seemed to believe that placing a phone flat on its back rendered it helpless, like a turtle. That picture was very clear, very familiar. But she could not envision how those two people, addressing that upright phone, would look if they were happy for her. “Just like that?” she asked, because her inability to see it suggested that she shouldn’t believe it.

“If that’s what you want,” said her father.

Had he come up with that on his own? Had her mother kicked him under the table? Who were these people? Myka groped for words to address this strange moment in which she wanted to believe what her parents were saying. All she could come up with was a slow, “It... is.”

You were promised endless wonder, she reminded herself, and you do seem to be in the bonus lately. She’d heard Pete say “in the bonus” about something sports-related, and even though she hadn’t bothered to find out what the phrase really meant, it felt solidly descriptive of the way the past couple of years had been resolving.

Speaking of wonder, though, she did wonder, in the moment, whether what she had really wanted was to have to argue passionately for her reasons and right to be with Helena... to have to make that case. She probably wouldn’t have done it, not out loud to her parents; they were her parents, so she would have just resented them, adolescently, for not respecting her choices.

But now there was nothing big to resent. Was this adulthood?

Ignore it, she told herself, and she managed, mostly, to do what she was told. Her parents acted like she’d told the same thing to them; they didn’t bring up someonefromworkhernameisHelena when they spoke with Myka. Myka didn’t either.

But now here they all were, face to face in the doorway of her childhood home, her parents and Helena and her own instantly re-teenaged self, refracted by the bizarre temporal displacements that had worked together to stand them here, scaled strangely, like dolls from different playsets.

A few very formal words, such as “how do you do” and “pleased to meet you,” ensued, and Myka had genuinely never been so happy to see her sister when Tracy finally showed up. She did so sans grandchild, which Myka had requested; she tried to tell herself she’d asked for that because inflicting a child on Helena would be cruel, but in all honesty, she selfishly wanted her parents to focus not on that child, for once, but on Helena—no matter how contradictory it was of her to have tried for so long to avoid directing their attention to Helena at all.

“Myka talked about you like you weren’t even real,” Tracy greeted Helena.

“For some time I was not,” Helena greeted back.

As if Helena’s response had been the epitome of etiquette, Tracy nodded and said, “I’m going to pretend out loud that I understand that.”

Helena said, as a stage whisper to Myka, “I like your sister. She functions.”

“That may be the nicest thing anybody’s ever said about me,” said Tracy.

Myka said, “Helena can be very nice when she feels like it.”

Tracy made a face that reminded Myka she wasn’t the only one who reteenaged around their parents. “You probably can too, Myka, but I’ve never seen you feel like it.”

“I, on the other hand, have seen her feel like it,” Helena informed Tracy. “So you may have hope.”

Tracy said, as a stage whisper to Myka, “I like your girlfriend. She functions too.”

And Myka didn’t in the end care if it was Tracy’s imprimatur that made the difference: the fog of overpropriety lifted, leaving Myka free to sit back and witness Helena returning her father’s interrogative serves with H.G. Wells–related volleys—more of them than Myka had imagined could be worked into conversation. “Oh, I think my friend Edward Prendick expressed it best,” Helena began one anecdote, and she ended another, “...which brought home to me that we all feel invisible now and again.”

“You made a game of it,” Myka accused her later that night, when they had escaped to their hotel room.

Helena smiled an indulgent smile at her across the snowy-white acre of king-sized hotel bed that separated them. “Of course I did. How many points would you say I accrued?”

“I stopped keeping score,” Myka said, and she wasn’t sure if she herself was being indulgent or just grumpy.

“Quitter...” Helena began, a drag of amused accusation. But then she paused, got on hands and knees, and initiated a trek to Myka’s side of the bed. She could have done it catlike, teasing, but this was a common human crawl. “No, that’s wrong,” Helena said as she moved. She was taking her time, but it really was a very large bed. “You’re no quitter,” she announced, answering Myka’s unvoiced “huh?” with, “You feared that initial interaction.”

“That’s unfortunately true.”

“But you did in the end ensure that it occurred.”

“Because you wanted me to.”

“And here we are,” Helena said, reaching her destination. She leaned to kiss Myka, a slow melt in which Myka felt gratitude, and also softness, the sort that was always a surprise (see: peonies). Just as there were unexpected sensitive plates, there were surprisingly graceful bays of yield and give. This kiss was one of them. Gratitude, grace; and Myka felt too the future: this kiss was happening here, now, but this kind of kiss could (should) happen tomorrow, next week, years from now. Here, somewhere else, anywhere.

This is why we came here, Myka thought. Because we kiss like this. Someone you kissed like this was who you were supposed to bring home to meet your parents—and again Myka felt the sad slight press of disappointment at, but also the knee-buckling relief of, being exactly like everyone else. “Here we are,” Myka agreed. “In a hotel room in Colorado Springs. I have never in my life spent the night in a hotel room in this town.”

“Interesting.” Helena gave her a look that included a little aggressive chin-jut. “And how do you feel about that?”

“Don’t Abigail me,” Myka warned.

The chin retracted, minimally. “All right, I’ll rephrase: And what do you intend to do about that?”

But Myka felt not quite ready for what she intended to do about that. “Look, you aren’t them,” she said.

“Correct.”

“So you see my category error.”

“I do.” Helena said it soft, and Myka chose to hear it as an apology for, or at least an expression of some regret about, that wordless week. “You see my...” Helena stopped. She sighed. “My emotional error.”

A straightforward statement from Helena about having got something wrong.... Myka really was in the “endless wonder” bonus. “I do see,” Myka said. “We’re both pretty bad at this.”

“Also correct. How do you feel about that?”

Myka rolled her eyes, but other than that she didn’t bother.

Helena pursed her lips, which sometimes signaled frustration, but this time she coupled it with playful eyebrow movement. “What do you intend to do about that?”

They were bad at this so much of the time, but here they were in Colorado Springs, being better at it... good at it, even. “Ignore it for now and get back to kissing somebody. Something else that I have never done in a hotel room in this town.”

“I would think not, given that—”

“Listen, don’t make me explain what other kids did on prom night.”

Helena smiled a beautifully familiar smile. Lascivious, but only to the degree that Myka liked. So: respectful. Her tone was further along on the lascivious scale (and Myka was fine with that) as she said, “I don’t know what ‘prom night’ is, but perhaps you should explain. In detail. If I understand your implication correctly.” The word “implication” was accompanied by a placing of her body atop Myka’s that she also knew Myka liked. “Correctly” was accompanied by an application of pressure, one that she further knew Myka loved.

And that was how Myka came to enjoy what she would forever after remember as her very own personal—personalized—prom night.

During which she may have accidentally caused some bruising... but no damage.

Per the commandment. Which was difficult, but not impossible, to keep.

TBC

My non-tag essay on this one is very simple, and it is basically a version of the next “commandment,” which I had already formulated, but which the past few weeks have really made clear to me: “Thou shalt take nothing for granted.” In fact my original first ideated line of that seventh-commandment bit was going to be “Because if you take any given thing for granted, it will explode in your face. Guaranteed.” I am here to tell you that is true. Prize each and every minute of the life you consider “normal,” if that normal feels good to you. My wife was in a serious accident very recently. She’s going to be okay eventually, with luck and hard work, but change to your everyday, which you may undervalue as I did mine, comes as a whip-crack.

#bering and wells #Warehouse 13 #fanfic #Decalogue #part 2 #(although it deals with the sixth commandment)#(apologies for how weird the numbering of all of this will end up looking)

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years

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in working with students i often find myself wishing i could just banish the term “imposter syndrome” from our collective vocabulary and replace it with better, more nuanced language that doesn’t make it sound like this “syndrome” is the student’s individual problem or some kind of personal challenge, which they are individually responsible for overcoming in order to thrive in higher ed spaces. i also feel like from a mentoring perspective it’s not very effective at all to tackle those feelings or thoughts directly - like ok fine, to some extent it can be helpful to teach students to identify and name those feelings, and yes, talking openly about those feelings can help students realize that those experiences are way more common than they think, etc etc. but why don’t we instead teach students how to carefully study and describe the features of the learning environment or the space or the culture or whatever that make it feel so inhospitable, or that make them feel so small within that space?

i guess like, obviously, that is part of what we’re trying to do when we teach students about structural inequity and relations of power and so on, but i wonder if sometimes we fail to close the gap between that kind of meta-level systems analysis and the individual day-in-and-day-out feelings students experience in the classroom, or when they’re sitting down to submit their assignments, or when they’re having casual conversations with peers in person and on social media. like i wonder if for teachers it is much more obvious how those types of analysis are connected, and we assume that students know that when we talk about racism or class inequality or whatever, that analysis can also be applied to the way they feel in those learning environments.

hmm this is a poorly articulated thought and i feel like i’m not quite hitting on what i want to say. also i am POSITIVE that many people have written about this eloquently and at length, so like, maybe i just need to do some more research! but idk i feel like i keep googling things like “cognitive behavioral strategies for imposter syndrome,” looking for research-based best practices i can draw on in mentoring students, and i keep feeling like the results are both useful but also, somehow, not fully satisfying. i DO think that it can be really important and healing to change the maladaptive core beliefs + the intensely critical negative self-talk that many of us have internalized. like, we do better work and experience a stronger sense of emotional well-being when we are not just totally awash in feelings of overwhelming anxiety or self-doubt or shame. but i wonder if there’s a way to help students unlearn some of those maladaptive behaviors or beliefs while also teaching them to treat those beliefs as important emotional information. i am thinking here about sara ahmed’s work (or is it lorde? or is it ahmed reading lorde? i think it’s ahmed’s analysis of lorde’s “the uses of anger, maybe) where she’s talking about learning to treat feelings not as facts, but as incredibly valuable data -- yes it’s def lorde, that line about how intense emotions like anger are loaded with information -- and then the ahmed part is taking about how part of that information is information about how the environment we’re in is structured. emotions give us information about the structures that inhibit our thriving or about the impasses/stuck points we encounter as we try to move through a system.

i guess this is just something i can keep thinking about in my own mentoring practice. i feel like it’s been a part of my work for a while, but in that half-submerged way where you’re operating on a hunch that you haven’t fully articulated for yourself yet, or where you’re like, engaging in the praxis but your theorizing of it hasn’t quite caught up yet or is still taking shape. i feel like as i am gently challenging a maladaptive belief or working with a longtime student to reframe critical self-talk, i am always also trying to name the structures i see at work and to draw their attention to the aspects of the learning environment that are making it difficult for them to do their best work. but i wonder if i need to sit down and do some thinking that is less on-the-fly about exercises or strategies i could use in those kinds of moments -- to help students alleviate the real & immediate emotional distress they are experiencing, but also to like, ensure that the language i am using and the way i am describing it makes it clear that this is not "imposter syndrome,” this is not a you problem, this is your brain/body communicating valuable information to you about the situation you are in, about the structures you are trying to navigate, about the unspoken implicit values that undergird both formal and informal/casual interactions in the context of higher ed spaces.

HMMM not sure if i ever managed to get clear in my own mind about what i was trying to say here but it’s ok, sometimes it is good to let yourself write through something for a bit, and maybe the ideas just need more time to simmer in the back of my brain before i can write my way to understanding.

#to think further #teaching #mentoring #one of my students came up with one of the best phrases ive ever heard to describe this #she was looking for the word 'entitled' i think - not necessarily in a negative way but she was trying to describe how #it often feels like her peers from middle-class backgrounds just have a sense of ease and belonging in the classroom that feels #very alien to her #and she described it as #some people are 'born encouraged'

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cumbersomelift · 4 years

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Intro: Cumbersome Lift

I quit my faith at 18, and I’m still learning to talk about it. I spent my high school years as a bona fide evangelical - going to church three times a week, leading communion, the whole schtick. But after two years spent majoring in Biblical studies I realized I could not, in good conscience, remain a Christian. That was a life changing experience for me, but it's not an uncommon one.

According to Pew, young people are dropping out of the church at a precipitous rate. A little over 15% of all millennial Christians stopped identifying as Christians in the last 10 years. This generation of Americans will be the first non-Christian majority in our history.

Despite the magnitude of this shift, I find that recently declared "nones" are sometimes resigned to being misunderstood. The assumption is that because vocalizing apostasy will jeopardize permanent relationships, it's best not to surface that reality at all. Especially among those closest to us. That's not always because the confession of non-belief would lead to outright rejection - in some cases, it does - but more often that it would result in harm and confusion. Because explaining non-Christian convictions would be so emotionally upsetting, many nones shield their believing family and friends from the most deliberate pieces of their identity.

But how long can that pattern hold? For many of us, our most permanent relationships are now characterized by a faith-divide. This is treacherous emotional territory. In my experience, it's not uncommon for recently declared nones to withhold their change in faith-identity from their family for years before finally disclosing it. Many don't do it all. As a consequence, these relationships can deteriorate into little more than rituals themselves, carried along by the inertia of our upbringing.

There must be a better way.

Brene Brown has said everyone wants to experience belonging in our relationships, but the experience of belonging is capped by our level of self-acceptance. I interpret this to mean we can only feel like we belong where we have already risked being authentic. Otherwise, acceptance is precluded by superficiality. If interfaith relationships are going to be places where belonging is possible, then what's required is authenticity. For many of us, this means surfacing the tensions have existed for years. It also means coming to terms with the fact that while persuasion is likely impossible, a mutual understanding is not.

The book Why I Left, Why I Stayed is co-authored by an evangelical leader and his secular humanist son. The book opens with each articulating their points of disagreement to their own satisfaction. But what's next is a chapter about what it means to authentically relate across the faith divide. In the end, they argue that it takes an unflinching commitment to that person. They describe it as a kind of love:

"The love we are talking about here, however, has less to do with flowery words and sweet emotions, and more to do with a fierce determination to know and be known by someone close and important to you, even when it is painful, so you can fully trust that person, even when you doubt his or her judgment."

The fierce determination to know and be known by those closest to me drives a lot of this blog series. But it's also about a few other things.

One is to signal to the nones like me that if they are experiencing a new kind of loneliness in the wake of their non-belief that they are not, in fact, alone. I wish I had known how common it was to question your way out of your faith tradition when I was an atheist Bible major in college. And I think I've done a disservice by not vocalizing that transition more publicly. So it's an attempt to normalize the migration already taking place. It's an attempt to challenge that taboo.

The second is to explain some of the reasons why I and others have left the church to that body of believers. I don't want this to be too navel-gazey, so I've interviewed other millennials about their experiences. Over the last few months, we've talked about what leads a person to root themselves in a faith community and then leave.

The third is to describe what barriers I see, as an atheist, in relating across the faith divide. I'll point to a few places where well-intentioned Christians can grind on the sensitivities of non-believers.

Here's what the project is not. This is not a new atheist apology. I'm going to be critical of the church where I think it's deserved, but the point is not to dissuade Christians - it's to be understood by them. No blog post I could write would do the job anyway.

I'm not a therapist or a scholar or a guru. I'm not someone who models an ideal balance in interfaith relationships. Like the rest of us, I'm an amateur at this. So, at times, I'll be unclear, overly emotional, and insensitive. In many ways, this is a public experiment. It's an attempt to contribute one side of a conversation that's as difficult as it is necessary. Necessary because our relationships are too valuable to give up, and difficult because we risk their permanent change.

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excathedras · 5 years

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Hold Onto Your Butts: I’m Coming Out

Oftentimes, when I look back at myself, it seems like who I am now is the product of a coalition of different people all taking control of my life for different periods of time. Who I am now and who I once was are, at times, unrecognisable, though a number of central things about me remain. I can remember writing stories when I was six years old, imagining characters and a world vastly different from my own. I have pictures of myself in a purple velvet leotard at ballet, and in pink lipgloss at my first orchestra concert playing in an elementary school cafeteria. These are the big ones that come to mind, but sometimes, it is very difficult for us to look back and understand how the smaller things have snowballed over time. For me, these include trust issues that have accumulated from constant moves, a changing world, and the selfishness of humanity that seems so new to me. Another one is my adoration of classics, which began during the Scholastic Book Fair at my school, when my English had finally gotten good enough to read the popular “Goddess Girls” series, which has led me, almost a decade later, to pursue that sort of thing as a career.

Some things, however, are even more difficult to understand, let alone recognise. With the increasing attention of the general public to the inner workings of the LGBT community, especially with understanding gender on a global stage, this allows a place for a personal reflection of my own self and how I feel and how I want to be perceived and, in some ways, how happy I am with the body I was born into. For me, those questions have been incredibly difficult to answer. The way I see them and myself has changed many times over the years, and, though it seems backwards, has become more confusing to me the more I learn about what gender truly is and how I choose to define it for myself.

When I was little, my hair didn’t grow much. It is wild, Greco-African, and my white adopted mom had no idea what to do with it, so we left it to it’s own design, and it made like unkempt undergrowth. In my second grade class, I remember my teacher splitting the class in groups or halves in different ways, sometimes by eye colour, birth month, patronymic name, and, occasionally, length of hair. In that case, all of the girls were on one side, and all of the boys, plus myself, were on the other. My mother complained to the school once I asked her if that made me a boy, or less of a girl. What I couldn't articulate at the time, and haven’t been able to until recently, is that I never saw it as a degrading or empowering thing. It is just how things were and just who I was, and I didn’t think more of it than a cisboy about being a boy or a cisgirl about being a girl.

There are hours, days, months, where I feel trapped in my own body, out of place distinctly not who I am. I look at government forms and don’t know how to label myself. I see transmen’s transition diaries and I wish that could be me. I look at ancient statues of men both virile ( The Antinous Braschi ) and dumpy ( any visual art of Socrates ) and I know that I would be happy with bodies like theirs. My schedule of ballet classes includes classes with the men just as they do pointework. I think of men, and I include myself. Yet, at the same time, I take a lot of pride in my femininity and the parts of me that are distinctly womanly, whether they be from my physical self or from within. There is power in me that comes from feeling effeminate, and the history of women is something that instills a great sense of identity and belonging in me. A great part of me takes solace in my desire to be masculine and in the ways that I am masculine. Another part of me is quelled by my feelings of femininity. This is all well and good, and many people can relate, but the issue is that these parts are not created equal, not all the time, and the presence of both is dominating in my scholastic, artistic, natural, and spiritual life.

For so long, I thought of transgenderism as an ensnaring commitment for me, in which fulfilling my view of myself as a man meant that I would have to sacrifice my femininity, or to stay a woman would mean lying and suppressing a large part of me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to do either, so I ignored it. Which, as it turns out, is also not a great thing to do. I faced a manic number of years going through reinventions and obliterations of myself as I tried to force myself into a binary I knew would never make me happy. I bullied myself with the words of ignorant people with my own form of “self - help conversion therapy”. I told myself it was a phase. I told myself I was just doing it for attention. I told myself that I was making this all up, and that there are only two genders, and that I was between the phase of committing to being a transgender man or just staying a woman. I told myself to just settle for what I have because I’m beautiful and because it’s easier to just stay put and that it’s safer to stay put, and that, if I’ve already lasted this long ignoring these strange wills, I can live the rest of my life like this too.

I found myself a few months ago taking a myriad of “Am I Transgender?” and “What Should My Gender Be?” and “Am I Nonbinary?” quizzes, as if cisgender people need to validate their gender so many times. The last time I did something like that, I was asking if I was a lesbian, and here I am, a decade later, still liking women. For some reason, I didn’t (or more accurately wouldn’t) put those pieces together. I would lie on some of the tests, seeing two answers for each question. One answer described, albeit shallowly, how I felt. The other answer was perfectly how I wanted myself to feel. One allowed for dynamic personality and the room for me to feel comfortable, and the other sought to place me in a box. Some tests came back saying I was distinctly male or distinctly female, and these were only a temporary comfort. Some tests came back saying that I exist out of the gender binary. And somewhere along the way, I figured that lying to myself or denying myself was no longer going to get me the answers that I wanted, so I started to research.

Instead of telling myself that I was nothing more than an attack helicopter who would never be taken seriously, I started reading articles and hoping that they would reassure me, in a healthy way, that I was simply cisgender and trying to protest societal norms. Considering this post, I’m sure you can assume that the effect they had on me what the exact opposite of that. Instead, they taught me about the history of gender across numerous societies and its presence in nature, as well as what gender means in a practical sense, and how to find what it means in a self - centric sense. As strange as this sounds, the most prominent and most important thing that my research gave me is validation in my confusion. I hardly understand how I identify myself; there is no word to encompass me and my identity entirely, but, in real life, there are no labels like that. We have broad ones, such as being transgender, being a student, being an American, but those experiences are different and beautifully undefined (You may have noticed an influx in my use of this word in my writing, in fact, as it has shifted for me from being something to be afraid of to something take refuge in.) for everybody. I don’t have all the answers about myself, but nobody has the answers for themselves either. To want to conquer those mysteries is to not want to enjoy youth, or enjoy life, or enjoy the intricacies of humanity and the human experience as a whole.

Some days are better than others, some days are filled with confidence and pride in my diverse self, and others have me feeling out of place and lost. The hardest step in this journey has been being able to come out to myself. I had a very distinct idea of who I was, and deviating from that and re-examining that meant being unsure and admitting that I am not as strong as I like to present myself as. I revel in the good days, and in the bad days, I remind myself that I should be happy with my confusion and my vulnerability; I am too dynamic and too broad to ever fit in a box. I don’t know how I define being nonbinary yet, but I have a long time to figure it out. And in the meantime, I know where I belong, I know who my friends are, I know where I want to go, and I know who I want to be, and that’s more than enough for me. <3

TL;DR

I would like it if you referred to me with they / them pronouns and any variation on the name Frankie you want. Gendered terms of endearment like “gal”, “bitch”, or “bro” are just fine. I’m begging you not to treat me any differently akdakjdsa

#x. memoirs of an egg 》 mun.#it probably wasnt necessary to write all this but this is the only recorded entry i have of organised thoughts about my transition #my diary is just incoherent flailing and name lists. lots and lots of name lists

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dweemeister · 5 years

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Instant reactions to the 91st Academy Awards

Oh Academy OH ACADEMY. What did I ever do to you folks? I’m looking forward to visiting the Academy Museum when it opens later this year but WHY?

After the brouhaha over how the ceremony would go forward over the last several weeks, the lack of drama for the ceremony itself (not in terms of what awards went to what movie) was good to see. The Academy needs to regain its confidence, its image of being the premier awards ceremony. Everybody’s favorite thing to do about the Oscars is to complain about them, but when the Academy announces changes to the Oscars, those same people react negatively and with derision (I am guilty of this sometimes). I think people have a much more complicated relationship with the Academy Awards than they realize - something that they mock, but something that they quietly want to see be the awards ceremony that it can and should be. That means going long, presenting all the categories, and honoring the art form.

To me, Green Book is the worst Best Picture winner for at least ten, maybe fifteen years (I’m not a fan of Slumdog Millionaire. I don’t think A Beautiful Mind is very good). Farrelly’s movie is not terrible, per se, but in the tradition of Best Picture nominees and winners of recent years, it had no business being there tonight. Given the methodology with how the Academy votes (my followers who participate in this blog’s Movie Odyssey Award for Best Original Song at the end of every year know how this works), I can see that Roma probably received the most #1 votes. However, there are many strikes against Roma for many voters: 1) it’s not in English; 2) it’s a very auteur-driven movie; 3) Netflix produced it and many people in Hollywood see Netflix as an existential threat; and 4) it’s in black-and-white. The methodology of how Best Picture is calculated punishes polarizing movies. I think Roma was more polarizing than Green Book (which probably garnered a lot of #3, #4 votes) in a field of Best Picture nominees that were all polarizing in some way.

I’m relieved that Vice, Black Panther, and especially the overperforming rampaging Bohemian Rhapsody did not win (Bohemian going 4/4 until Best Picture had me extremely nervous), but Green Book’s win does not help me feel any less sick.

For what Roma (my personal pick to win tonight) did... congratulations to Alfonso Cuarón and his boatload of Oscar wins tonight! I know that it is yes another year where a non-English-language film stumbled at the final hurdle (if you don’t count The Artist, which was made in France but was silent)... but we’re getting closer to the day that a non-English-language movie will win Best Picture.

With so many worries going into tonight regarding the length of the ceremony, this was a very efficient, interesting ceremony that thankfully dragged less than usual. A lot of good producing decisions were made, and many of the presenters were able and game. I could have used maybe a few more nods to older, classic movies, but otherwise this was a very streamlined ceremony and the Academy should be happy for that.

The Favourite almost got shut out there. Going 0/10 on nominations would have been quite embarrassing, but I’m happy for Olivia Colman (who probably should have been nominated in supporting, with Stone and Weisz in lead). Glenn Close is now 0/7 in all nominations, and you’ve gotta feel sorry for her.

Ecstatic for Spike Lee and his first competitive Oscar win. I kinda hoped for a more articulate Oscar speech, but the moment was so chaotic that I’ll give it a pass. I wish there was a cutaway to Spike Lee after Green Book won. The Driving Miss Daisy flashbacks are real (I wasn’t alive then though, so I wouldn’t know... FWIW according to yours truly Driving Miss Daisy is the better-crafted movie than Green Book). If you haven’t seen BlacKkKlansman yet, go find it somewhere -- it was my #2 of the Best Picture nominees this year.

I was surprised that Free Solo won Best Documentary Feature over RBG at first. I don’t think RBG warranted a nomination (and I think it only got in because of the subject content), and I think its distinctly American subject matter -- for the same reasons that Won’t You Be My Neighbor? was never nominated in the category -- did not appeal to the ever-internationalizing and ever-diversifying Academy. Free Solo is a great winner, and will make you really anxious watching it. Kinda wish Minding the Gap won, though.

Coronations of the evening: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse won easily. So did “Shallow” -- which I’m gonna grumble about here, because I’m lukewarm on the song and really loved how “The Place Where Lost Things Go” was used in Mary Poppins Returns. Why didn’t Kendrick Lamar perform “All the Stars”? Couldn’t there have been a clean version of the song? No? Not a fan of hip-hop by any means, but it’s a good song and deserved to be nominated and be performed.

My sister almost got Oscar bingo. She needed “Rami Malek thanks Brian May and Roger Taylor but not John Deacon”... but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t even close. :(

Not a fan of Bao, the Pixar short film that played in front of Incredibles 2, as my friends very well know and described in my write-up to the animated shorts here. After the recent rule changes in the category, it’s not surprising that Pixar and Walt Disney are just picking up more Oscars there.

Period. End of Sentence. is a fantastic winner for Documentary Short. I finished the Documentary Short Film category thanks to one of my local theaters earlier today, and the filmmakers provided a great Oscar moment:

“I’M NOT CRYING BECAUSE I’M ON MY PERIOD! I’M CRYING BECAUSE A FILM ABOUT MENSTRUATION JUST WON AN OSCAR!” :P

In what holy universe does Skin win Live Action Short Film? When I think that Green Book is the worst movie about racial relations last calendar year, I have to remind myself Skin exists. Good goodness, what did the Academy do?

The ceremony gets a solid B+. Could have been more entertaining, but it was zippy and more efficient than usual. The actual winners get a C, maybe even a D+ from me.

For my followers, seven more days remains on my 31 Days of Oscar marathon for this blog. For now, let’s just hope the 92nd Academy Awards will provide us *sigh* better winners.

#91st Academy Awards #Oscars #Green Book #Roma #31 Days of Oscar

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not-as-bad-as-frankenstein · 6 years

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Asexuality and Identity

So since it’s the first day of pride I thought I’d share an essay I wrote on, well, asexuality and identity. It’s a bit long and I’m sorry to day I didn’t really get into aro identities, but it covers the ace spectrum instead of just being ace=no sexual attraction, plus it’s written by a bonafide asexual, so I drew from my experiences as well as my research. Anyway if this sounds interesting to you, if you don’t get asexuality and want a better understanding of it, or you just hunger for more posts you can relate to, read below the cut for my full research paper!

What does it mean when someone is asexual? In biology asexuality means a creature can reproduce by itself, but, in a social context, asexuality can mean someone who has no or little sexual attraction to anyone. This new sexual orientation is hard to understand due to it being uncommon and nuanced, and much more complicated than lacking a sex drive. The best way to explain asexuality would be to compare sex and sexual attraction to cake. Cake is something that most people enjoy and actively wish to eat. Some people may want to eat cake most of the time, while others may only have occasional cravings. Being asexual doesn’t mean a person doesn’t mean a person won’t want cake, some asexual individuals are happy to have cake, they just do not crave it. Others will only eat one specific kind of cake from their favorite bakery, while others still may eat it out of courtesy but do not receive pleasure from it one way or another. Then there are what people might think of as “typical” asexual individuals, people who either never eat cake or are disgusted by cake. This analogy is not perfect however it is meant to demonstrate how asexuality is more complex than lacking a sex drive. Asexuality is a sliding scale, like other sexual identities. Many asexual individuals struggle finding and developing their identities. This is partially due to asexuality not being as well recognized as a sexual orientation. It can also be difficult to identify oneself as asexual due to society’s emphasis on sex being a vital part of a relationship and a basic human function. The fear of perceived abnormality in asexuals can cause asexual individuals to deny or delay their identity formation similar to the way other LGBTQ+ individuals have struggled to be accepted in a primarily heteronormative society.

As stated before asexuality is not necessarily the complete lack of sexual desire or attraction, rather there is a sort of continuum people fall upon (Chasin, 2011). Asexuality can be referred to as being on a spectrum upon which there are two important terms. The first being grey-asexual; this is a person who may occasionally experience sexual attraction, and the second being demisexual, which is a person who cannot experience sexual attraction unless they already have a close bond with the person. It is important to understand that these definitions are also very basic, and do not fit every asexual individual. Much of the confusion about asexual identities is rooted in the definitions. The terms seem to be very loosely defined and it is difficult to label a person’s drive and emotions. For some asexual individuals romance can be enjoyable, “‘I enjoy cuddling, and kissing and even pleasing my wife, but I don’t desire sexual intercourse’”(Scott & Dawson, 2015), while others find pleasure from neither; “‘I am sexually attracted to men but have no desire or need to engage in sexual or even non-sexual activity (cuddling, hand-holding, etc.) with them’”(Scott & Dawson, 2015). Asexual individuals may also derive pleasure from sexual behaviors such as masturbation and sexual fantasies, though they may be different from that of a person who is not asexual. Desire for asexual people may not be directed at anyone in particular. In fact a significant number of asexual people mastrubate or have sexual desires that are not specifically targeted at any one particular person (Bogaert, 2015). Many asexual individuals report that they mastrubate as a way of relieving stress, or as a means of maintaining sexual health, instead of deriving pleasure from it as a sexual activity. During sexual fantasies, asexual individuals may feel distanced from the scenario they are creating, “One AVEN participant reported: ‘I almost invariably think of fictional characters. My thoughts have never involved people I know, and they have never involved myself’”(Bogaert, 2012). This isolation from their own sexual fantasies and experiences is fairly common among asexual individuals, and is part of what differentiates asexuality from other sexual orientations. This is how people that identify as asexual can still participate willingly and find pleasure in sex. Unfortunately, these nuances do not completely match the oversimplified definition of asexuality, and this is why many asexual people have trouble identifying themselves as asexual.

As stated before, the nuances of asexuality create an orientation that is difficult to navigate and to find an identity in. Already, many people have trouble accepting the most basic definition of asexuallity such as when “Prause and Graham reported that asexual participants struggled with negative public perceptions of asexuality and pressure to conform to the universal assumption that humans are sexual beings”(Robbins & Low & Query, 2015). Public opinion on asexual individuals often struggles with the belief that sex is an unequivocally human quality and that if a person were to not experience sexual desires then there is something wrong with them. Historically asexuality has been denied or there has been resistance to recognizing it since it does not fit within a heteronormative society’s expectations (MacNeela & Murphy, 2014). This sentiment is hurtful not only because it dehumanizes asexual people, but also because it causes asexual individuals to believe they are broken. “Similar to the experiences of lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals, it is likely that the distress and psychological symptoms experienced by asexual individuals is secondary to their experience of prejudice and discrimination, rather than asexuality being the result of an underlying psychological disturbance”(Brotto & Yule, 2016). Asexual people not only face similar discrimination that other LGBTQ+ people face, but they have their own unique struggles with trying to sort out an identity in a sexually grey area.

There are many possible reactions an asexual could have to sexual behaviour, and thus it is practically impossible to have words that describe all of them. This creates the grey asexual spectrum. This undefined area makes it considerably harder to carve out an identity. People want words to describe who they are and when there are no words to describe so many unique experiences it can be extremely difficult in finding identity. A problematic area for many asexual individuals is the distinction between romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Often outside of the asexual community, the general population does not understand the difference between the two types of attraction and will often believe sexual orientation matches romantic orientation (Cranney, 2017). Many asexual individuals still feel romantic attraction, so it can be confusing to tell someone you’re asexual, but still attracted to a specific gender. This romantic distinction uses similar wording for sexualities just repurposed for romantic only attraction. For example an asexual individual can be homoromantic, biromantic, heteroromantic, aromantic, and many more. While the asexual community has now embraced these terms to help identify themselves, the public often is unaware of these terms, so it can be hard to find someone who will understand the differences in sexual and romantic attraction. Sometimes this just leads to people being informed of this new vocabulary, however, like with all changes, people push back against these terms and refuse to understand what they mean and how they are different. People want asexuality to be an easy to understand orientation “from this construction emerges the ideal of the "real" asexual in contrast to other asexual individuals who cannot be rightly articulated and who are therefore somehow less legitimate”(Chasin, 2013). While asexual individuals do not always face the persecution other members of the LGBTQ community face, there are still biases that affect the development of an asexual identity. The idea that an asexual person can never feel sexual attraction or want sex creates this standard, that if strayed from, somehow invalidates the asexual identity. Not only is there a struggle to find one’s identity in a society that finds it invalid, but it is often hard for asexual individuals to understand what they themselves are feeling. Trying to identify a lack of feelings is near impossible, so for those that do not experience sexual attraction it can be hard to define their identity when it relies on an absence of something (Bogaert, 2015). There is not only a struggle to define oneself by society's standards but also an internal struggle over understanding why there is a lack of attraction. Puberty is already a confusing time in one’s life and sexuality is often overlooked in education, so if people are never taught what sexual attraction is meant to feel like, it is almost impossible to understand when there are no feelings of sexual attraction. Even if asexual individuals do understand that they don’t experience sexula attraction, it can be hard to accept that fact, “compared with men, women find it more easy to indicate that they are asexual and that the reported gender difference is not a real difference. After all, men are more expected by society to behave sexually, compared with women”(Enzlin & Gijs & Houdenhove & Sjoen, 2014). Finding a personal identity takes a lot of insight into one’s own feelings, and if these feelings are misunderstood or repressed it leads to confusion later in life. As Erikson would believe, identity development as a young adult is imperative, and without properly forming an identity people become confused and have a weak sense of self in later years. Identities allow people to more easily connect with others by uniting them with a common bond. A well developed sense of identity also allows people to more easily understand when they are struggling in life and need to seek help. However for many asexual people, they go much of their life without understanding their entire identity which causes strain on their mental well being and interpersonal relationships.

As one might expect, most likely the largest problem posed by asexuallity is trying to balance a relationship with someone who is not asexual. In Bogaert’s first study, he found that only about 1% of the population identifies as asexual (Bogaert, 2004), so it is likely many asexual individuals who are seeking out romantic relationships will date someone who is not asexual. Many non asexual people might think relationships require sexual attraction however, “asexual people may serve as an exemplar that sex/lust and love/romance are, at least partially, separable constructs and can be “de-coupled” in individuals, given that many asexual people evince romantic attraction without sexual/lustful attractions”(Bogaert, 2016). While some asexual individuals are also aromantic - they do not feel romantic attraction - many wish for romantic relationships and find fulfilling partnerships with both asexual partners and non asexual partners. However, “as might be expected, asexual/non-asexual couples face exaggerated discrepancies between each partners' level of sexual desire”(Chasin, 2013). It can be tough for couples to work out their sexual differences, especially since for non-asexual individuals, abstaining from sex is denying an important part of their identity, just as forcing an asexual person to have sex would be denying their identity. Some couples choose to work this out by having an open relationship, so when the non-asexual partner desires to have sexual relations with someone, both parties have agreed that they can have sex outside of their relationship. Sometimes an asexual person will agree to have sex with their partner “the asexual person may accommodate to his or her partner’s desire for sex, or agree with them (sometimes explicitly) an alternative way of demonstrating intimacy”(Scott & Dawson, 2015). Contrary to popular belief many asexual individuals are not sex repulsed and will have sex with their partner, much the same way someone may cook for their partner. It may not be something they are passionate about, but they will perform the task out of love for their partner. Similarly, asexual people may use sexual actions as a way to relieve stress, “I do not have any desire to have sex with another person. I masturbate at times but I don’t connect it with anything sexual. I know it sounds like a contradiction but it’s just something I do every now and then and it seems to help me relax when I am stressed”(Scherrer, 2008). This is a common trend seen among asexuals, where they will perform sexual acts, but instead of performing them because of desire, they are used as more of a maintenance for the body.

While it is entirely possible for asexual people to have relationships similar to that of non-asexual people, in this new era of sexual identities, the very structures of relationships are changing. There is a higher rate of aromantic individuals within the asexual population (Bogaert), which means not only does this subset not seek out sexual companionship, but neither do they require romantic relationships. This begs the question, what kind of relationships do these people seek out? For many the relationships they seek are platonic in nature and many asexual/aromantic individuals are happily content to surround themselves with close friends (Scott & Dawson, 2015). As reported in one survey Alex, an aromantic asexual had this to say about his relationships, “‘an ideal relationship for me is a close friendship, where we can be accountable to each other. No kissing, hugging, or anything else. Just a mental and emotional relationship’”(Scherrer, 2008). Being able to find a stable relationship is a large part of forming an identity, all relationships throughout one’s life helps create an identity, and finding a lifelong partner is a big step in identity development. Once an aromantic and/or asexual person can begin to understand their sexual and romantic identity, they can take that step forward to find relationships that they are happy in. Like in all relationships, communication is key and it’s best to be open and honest about sexual identities with a potential partner as that will lead to a more fulfilling relationship. Many people assume aromantic and asexual people are incapable of having meaningful relationships, but as these studies have shown the relationships these people do have are different, not nonexistent.

The world is a constantly changing place, and as more diverse sexual identities are recognized, people can start to find their personal identities all the more easier. While asexuality may be a fairly new concept, even compared to other sexual orientations, it has quickly become adopted as a legitimate sexual orientation in ever growing circles both on the internet and in the world. As with any deviation from the norm, asexuality has been criticized in many of the same ways homosexuality and bisexuality were, and still are. While asexual people still face many hurdles when seeking an identity, with the more exposure this sexual identity gets, the easier it will be for people in the future to sort out their feelings and come to terms with their identity. The way society’s views of sexuality are shifting in this modern era it is increasingly likely that someday developing a healthy sexual identity by young adulthood will no longer be the struggle against social norms that it is currently.

#ace #asexuality #aromantic #pride month

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funkymbtifiction · 6 years

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Si/Ne or Ne/Si? I can't decide. Help please.

* I’m pretty cool with either Charity or Rose dissecting this. Stay awesome, ladies! Also, I’m pretty sure I’m either an Enneagram 6 or 9 so I tend to lean towards security and peace a lot. Too much so…

We discussed you last night (did your ears burn?) and think ISFJ.

After external stimulation, do you prefer to engage again immediately or to withdraw and reflect over your experience before engaging again?

This is 50/50. I love rush and stimuli I get from interacting with others but I’m know to be very withdrawn and quiet introspective. I was a very shy child and only really started creeping out of my turtle shell in the last 5 years. Also, anxiety issues. Anxiety is so very draining that I can never figure out is it introversion or anxiety that drains me and needs the recharge.

How fast can you switch from one mental place to another? That’s more middle ground. Not as fast as I’d like

Introvert.

How often do you change things about your life (decisions, careers, relationships, environments, interests) and how much does this motivate you?

I change my surroundings a lot which can trigger some panic cause it’s “ Oh my gosh too much change!” But I get bored easily and like controlling my surroundings as well. I think is this all there is and it clashes with my need for sameness. This is what made me think there is Si somewhere and that I really need to make friends with it.

Career and relationships don’t change as quickly as they should. If I’ve let you in my turtle shell then it’s hard for me to leave even it’s for the best. If you’re in my life I want a life bond with you. It can be hard to for me to grasp that some people are only there for a few chapters and not to the final chapter of your life story.

My interests are everywhere but they a creative thread in common. My perfectionism can make it hard to enjoy my interests, though. It has to be just so!

Sounds like a lower Ne pull toward change / Si-dom getting bored with too much sameness but not being to keep on too much change all at once. (You could be a 9w1 if you have a perfectionist streak.)

How strong is your personal understanding of your feelings? How often do your emotions guide you? When do they tend to appear and how do they manifest?

My emotions can guide me a lot. I can be quite logical. I joke I’m the most logical illogical person ever. I can understand them quite easily, I just have trouble using them in a rational way or I detach and become too logical. They’re always there.

Indicates feeling / thinking in the middle of your stack. If you can be guided by them, but also ‘quite logical’ you are likely able to loop out of F into T. Not knowing how to easily detach and feeling that you become “too logical” could be tert-Ti related (Fe finding discomfort in this ‘odd’ way of thinking).

Are you more concerned with self-opinion or external praise? How much does either one factor into your personal and professional decisions?

My life would be so much easier if I wasn’t so concerned with external praise. I end up battling myself if I’m being authentic and genuine a lot. Professionally, it factors. Personally it’s 50/50. This is what makes question Fi a lot and causes a back and forth between infp and isfj. It makes me dig into why the validation is so important. I’m just acutely aware of the thoughts of others.

Fe.

How easy is it for you to verbally articulate your feelings to others?

It’s easier when it’s positive. It’s what people want to hear. It’s what they want to deal with. Negative is harder because you know it’s not what they want to hear and you’re more self revealing and more vulnerable to any kind of reaction. To see or think your feelings don’t matter or are a burden used to lead me to hide in that fore-mentioned turtle shell with a bunch of junk food.

Focus not on what I feel / expressing it in the moment (Fi) but on how others will react to it and in expecting them to dislike it because “it’s not what they want to hear” – in other words, assuming their feelings. Also Fe.

Sometimes when I’m angry I do walk away and some of that is to introspect but a lot of it is because I fear anger and want to calm myself or distract myself so I can come back and be more logical and express my feelings. I do, of course, feel better when it’s been articulated. It just might take a half hour to do so.

Fe/Ti. Fe = feels better after articulating. Ti = needs time alone to calm oneself down and allow rationality to kick in so you can figure out what to say.

Describe a situation where you had to problem solve and your thought process in doing so. It can be anything provided you describe what you did and why.

I access the situation. I do a mental checklist of what is known. I take in facts and think up some theories. I go with my gut on which is the most logical choice. If it’s people based I pray that my emotions haven’t clouded my logic, which it can. If it’s fixing things or accessing environments, I’m more accurate.

Sounds like internal logic - Ti. Some tert-Ti anxiety about ‘too much feeling.’

Intuition-Based Questions: *

Look I love a good metaphor but riddles and vagueness will go over my head. I can simplify some for others. I watched the Blade Runner sequel and I understood what was trying to be accomplished but I remember thinking I wish they could simplify it and make it more clear to make more headway with people. I kid you not I said “Wow, I’m not a INFJ.“

Disinterest in abstractions, low N.

How much of your natural focus is on a singular vision of the future?

50%. I have a goal I just get distracted and enamored with other possibilities. Because what if that was what I was meant to do but was too focused on something else to realize it and then it passed me by and no my true calling is wasted.

Low Ne.

How often do you abandon projects midway through and why? How long have you stuck with certain interests and why do you value them?

I admit I’m more an ‘ideas’ kind of person. I come up with great stuff, it’s just the follow through lasts about 2 weeks. My interests have cycles.

The stages:

Stimulation

Putting things together or having fun

Boredom creeps in.

Fatigue and moves on.

3 months later gets back interested because of familiarity and/or possible new ideas.

Repeat.

Ne + Enneagram 9.

Do you place too much faith, or not enough, in your own hunches? Are they specific or prone to changing with more information?

Too much faith in hunches and regret when I don’t. They can change with more information, especially if the source has been reliable.

Changing hunches as the external world shifts = Ne.

Do you find it easier to be active in the world or contemplative about the world?

Contemplative.

Introvert.

What happens to you more often: you become fixated and unable to change your direction or you cannot choose between possibilities?

More I find it hard to change my ways and routines. I’m more the last one.

Si-dom, and inferior Ne.

Can you take someone else’s idea and expand it without needing down time, or do you prefer subconscious mulling over an idea before you accept it?

Kind of 50/50, depends on the idea.

Uncertainty about intuitive strengths. Low Ne.

Do you take a methodical approach or mostly ‘wing’ it?

Methodical with a dash of ‘wing it’.

Judging type. Si/Ne.

When approaching a new situation in which you have no experience, what do you do? (Leap in and assume you can handle it, or try and relate it to a former experience as a guideline?)

Former experiences, especially if it can keep anxiety at bay. Worst case: It’s a new learning experience to remember!

High Si.

How confident are you in being sensory-aware and attentive to the environment? Can you describe a situation in which you did both? Is it often?

This is more in the car. I’m hyper-vigilant in cars. I trust no one and have a surprising amount of road rage. The rest of time I’m asking who put the wall there. Today alone: I hit my head twice in a 10 minute period. I’m either really sensory-aware or really sensory-stupid. No in between.

Too vague.

* Find Ne/Ni and Si/Se automatically become more apparent.

Inferior Function Questions:

What behaviors manifest under stress and what triggers them? (Can you describe how you behave under stress or when you were at your worst?)

My triggers or things I say while stressed:

The 'I’m so stressed that this simple cold must be the plague!'

The Tyrion Lannister: 'Yesterday was s***, today, was s***, tomorrow will be too!’

The 'Why is everyone so incompetent, including myself?!’

The ’ I have no idea what will happen and have thought of 6 horrible possibilities and I haven’t even had breakfast yet!’

Everyone is incompetent - low Ti. Panic - inferior Ne.

What areas in which do you ‘lose control’ or act different from yourself when upset, pressured for time, and forced to take immediate action?

I become a dramatic dictator which is the opposite of the peace seeking and warm-hearted person I strive to be. I become what I despise. I want to be someone’s safe place not who they need a safe place from. It’s really personal to me to not be that kind of person and to constantly learn how to self improve and handle stress and anger better since I get riled up quickly, oddly when I see others being like dictators. This is where I feel I might not be an enneagram 9.

Sounds like your goal is to be a ‘safe’ place for others. Fe?

What is something that nags at you every day, as if you feel you should be ‘better’ at this than you are?

I literally which I was a Te dom because I admire their rationality and getting stuff done in a timely fashion.

What have others said about or admired in you and complained about?

Admire my 'good heart’, complain about my 'dramatics’.

What do you admire most in other people?

Those who give their time and heart but don’t let themselves get walked over. I get protective of people who are bit of a doormat. It’s nice seeing people who can give but not lose themselves.

All feeler related.

I suspect ISFJ 9w1. Maybe 6w5 second in your tritype.

- ENFP Mod

#question #isfj #submission #type me

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sayantandodo · 4 years

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The Best Way to Ask For Online Mentorship and Approach to SkillPal.

There’s no doubt that a great mentor can be invaluable to your career — after all, mentors are able to provide you with insightful feedback, introduce you to important connections and maybe even help you find your dream job. Unfortunately, a great mentorship opportunity rarely just lands in your lap. More often than not, you need to proactively reach out in order to build the kind of professional relationship that can really benefit you. But you can’t just waltz up to someone and ask, “Do you want to be my mentor?” Well, you could, but it probably wouldn’t be very effective. The purpose of mentoring is to tap into the existing knowledge, skills, and experience of high performing employees and transfer these skills to newer or less experienced employees in order to advance their careers. The SkillPal mentorship is a relationship between two people where the individual with more experience, knowledge, and connections is able to pass along what they have learned to a more junior individual within a certain field. The more senior individual is the mentor, and the more junior individual is the mentee. The mentor benefits because they are able to lead the future generation in an area they care about and ensure that best practices are passed along; meanwhile, the mentee benefits because they have proven that they are ready to take the next step in their career and can receive the extra help needed to make that advancement.

Before you ask someone to be your mentor, you should make sure that they’re the right person. “Don’t expect someone in a high-level leadership role, like the CEO of a large company, to immediately agree to be your mentor. While they may want to mentor you, they might not have the time to do so,” says Mary Grace Gardner, career strategist at The Young Professionista. “A helpful mentor to have is someone who is two or three levels above you but doesn’t work directly with you. It’s more difficult for a mentor to give you neutral, constructive feedback if your work directly impacts them.” To hone in on who you should choose, think about what you need most right at this moment in your career. People who act as a mentor usually supposed to say something as free. But if you go to an expert mentor he or she maybe ask for some payment. SkillPal is here to provide expert mentors. On this platform of SkillPal, mentors supposed to provide knowledge and ideas against some money. You can get a shoutout video message regarding mentorship. This personalized video will help to develop your plans and ideas.

“Start by asking yourself how having a mentor will benefit you in your current situation and what you will gain by beginning this type of relationship,” says Eden Waldon, Career Specialist at Ama La Vida. “Perhaps you are seeking a mentor who can support your career goals and offer sound career pathing advice. Or maybe you are looking for someone with subject matter expertise to help you navigate a particular problem. You may even have different mentors that provide you with support in professional, personal and spiritual capacities.” Mentorship is best done by SkillPal. Unlike a management relationship, SkillPal mentoring relationships tend to be voluntary on both sides, although it is considered possible for a line manager to also be a mentor to the people that they manage. Unlike a coaching relationship, mentoring relationships are more usually unpaid. The idea behind mentoring relationships is a semi-charitable one: that the more successful, senior partner, the mentor, wishes to pass on some of what they’ve learned to someone else who will benefit from their experience. Some organizations run formal mentoring programmes that match mentors with learners. However, less formal mentoring relationships can also work well for SkillPal.

British mentoring programmes tend to have four key elements: improving performance, career development, counselling and sharing knowledge. In other countries, especially the US, there is also an element of the mentor acting as a sponsor for the learner, but this is not usually seen in the UK. These four features are also relevant for SkillPal also. Mentoring relationships, especially formal ones organized through a mentoring programme, are often entered into with a defined time limit, or a defined goal. Having such a framework in place can be easier for both parties to agree than an open-ended commitment. For example, a learner may agree to work with a mentor for a year, or until they achieve a particular desired promotion. After they have reached the time limit or achieved the goal, terms can be renegotiated. The mentor and learner may decide to continue to work together, especially if the relationship has been productive and helpful to both.

Asking someone to mentor you can feel a bit awkward, however – after all, this is a pretty big favour to ask. So before you pop the question, it helps to first look for indications that someone might be open to stepping into a mentorship role with you. Has this person shown an interest in you and your career? Have you had discussions about work-related questions that resulted in useful action items for you? Has he or she shared professional knowledge in a caring and supportive way? Has your potential mentor been willing to patiently spend time with you to help you grow your skills when asked? And does this person have the right knowledge/experience to address your specific mentoring issues?

If so, then you’ve probably identified someone who’s great mentor material. Your goal should be to build on those existing positive interactions to create a more structured learning relationship. And that starts with you first thinking through exactly what goals you have for the relationship, how to structure your work together, and what specifically you’re going to ask your mentor to do.

Schedule an initial conversation. Ask your potential mentor if he or she can make time for a 15-30 minute chat with you. You don’t want to be rushed, and you want plenty of time for the other person to ask you questions about your goals, etc.

Clearly describe the guidance you’re seeking. This is where that preliminary brainstorming on your part will help you articulate just what you have in mind.

Confirm your willingness to do the necessary work and follow-through. There’s nothing more frustrating than mentoring someone who doesn’t do the work necessary to take advantage of the advice, so you want to make it clear to your potential mentor that you’re ready to commit the time, energy and effort to make the most of their counsel (and time).

Acknowledge and respect the individual’s time. Most people who are asked to become mentors are highly successful in their careers, which means they’re also very busy and much in demand. So it’s important for you to acknowledge that reality, and make it clear how much you appreciate their considering your request. This is also the way to provide a graceful “out,” letting the other person cite an overbooked schedule for declining your request.

From my experience, a good SkillPal mentor must possess the following characteristics:

· Extensive experience in a related or relevant field

· Similar educational background

· Has overcome relatable challenges

· Friendly and genuine personality

· Credible and trustworthy character

· Must not feel threatened by empowering others

· Favorably disposed to flexible mentoring styles

· Open to learning from the mentee

Education gives us a knowledge of the world around us and changes it into something better. It develops in us a perspective of looking at life. It helps us build opinions and have points of view on things in life. People debate over the subject of whether education is the only thing that gives knowledge. Some say education is the process of gaining information about the surrounding world while knowledge is something very different. They are right. But then again, information cannot be converted into knowledge without education. Education makes us capable of interpreting things, among other things. It is not just about lessons in textbooks. It is about the lessons of life. One thing I wish I can do is, to provide education for all: no child left behind and change the world for good!! SkillPal is one of the best platforms for providing education. In SkillPal there are so many mentors from different fields. They will come to the students via the internet or web to provide knowledge and help them to grow up. Interested candidates will ask the mentor for a video session and the expert will send a suitable message to the candidate in 7 days.

#SkillPal #education #edutainment #mentorship #Personalized mentorship #shoutout #life coaches

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altajackuniverse · 4 years

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How to Promote Your Amazing Blog Using Networking

Let's Turn Our Attention to Networking for Blog Promotion

What is Networking? A quick online search found the following definition which I feel is pretty appropriate. Networking is "the action or process of interacting with others to exchange information and develop professional or social contacts." The term can seem a bit overwhelming, however if you think about it we've all been networking every day of our lives. A simple way to think about networking, it's just about making friends. It's simplicity though, should not take away from it's importance. To develop the network that will help promote your blog it's going to take a lot of individual and relatively easy steps. Building your Network is nothing more than opening conversations with some new friends. Networking can be as simple as commenting on other blogs. Networking is replying to coments left by others on our blog posts. Networking can be sending emails to other bloggers who you follow to introduce yourself and compliment them on a post that you enjoyed. Following are several networking suggestions I’d give bloggers to help them grow their audience and promote their blogs: Welcome to the How to Promote Your Blog Series: How to Promote Your Blog in 5 Positive Steps How to Promote Your Blog Using Great Content How to Promote Your Blog Using Social Media How to Promote Your Blog Using Networking How to Promote Your Blog Using Advertising How to Promote Your Blog Using Guest Posting You Need to be Patient It takes time to develop a fruitful relationships. Don't expect that others will be knocking down your door for advice in a short period of time. Let your relationships grow naturally as you build your brand's credibility along with mutual respect and trust. Networking Means Being Generous Too often, much of the networking that I see seems one sided. Networking between bloggers should not be about ‘taking’ rather than ‘giving’. The best way to make a great impression on someone is to be generous with them. If you go out of your way to help someone achieve their goals, how much has it really cost you? You can do this by simply sharing their best work. Encourage others with relevant and kind comments. Extend yourself and go out of your way to help someone. While you do need to have established boundaries, I feel that showing generosity to others is the right attitude to have when you approach networking. Networking Means Asking Questions There is probably a very good reason that we have two ears – and only one mouth. I believe the key to successful networking is to ask questions. Your questions do need to be relevant and thoughtful. If you approach networking with an obvious agenda, ignoring others needs you are setting yourself up for failure. If you are a person who asks others about their problems and solutions, you will be surprised with the knowledge that you will gain. Showing a genuine interest in what others do and say is where your networking becomes most effective. Be a 'Solver' and a 'Connector' While you are networking with others, don’t only focus on you and the other person. Be prepared if necessary to draw others into your conversation. Sometimes you meet someone who you are unable to help, but someone you know can solve their problem. People really appreciate when you point them to someone who can help them, if you are unable to do so. When this happens, the parties you connect both come away feeling good about you. You took enough interest in their problem to find someone that solved it. Who do you think will come to mind the next time either party has a question or problem. People are grateful to anyone who helps them solve a problem. You become their ‘go to’ person because they know you’ll either help them personally or point them to someone who can. You Need to Prove Yourself First Blogging is something new for me. And I'm sure there are others more knowledgeable about some of the topics that I write about. Yes, but unlike my 6 year old grandson, I do understand that I don't have all the answers. However, the topics that I write about are crucial to my success. And to the success of everyone else who might read one of my posts. I understand that being new to my niche it could take time to make an impression. But I'm educating myself with every new post that I research and write about. I may never be a smarty pants like Rett my grandson, however I will be able to offer more help to others as I learn. Prove to others that you’re in it for the long haul. Once others understand how your blog honestly and freely contributes to our collective knowledge base, you’ll find people more willing to connect. Be Persistant, But Never Annoying The blogosphere is a cluttered and chaotic space so don’t be offended if people don’t respond right away. Some bloggers may take a few emails, comments, or shares before they’ll warm to your contributions and respond. Remember, we all have busy lives and limited time. Just try again, but don’t be a stalker. Network in Neighboring Niches It is important for you to interact with other bloggers in your niche. However, don’t close yourself off from relationships with bloggers outside of your niche. Be especially receptive to those in niches that neighbor or relate to yours. If you limit yourself just to other bloggers exactly like yours, you will end up dealing mainly with people who could see you as a competitor. While some will be open to interacting with you I’ve found networking with people outside my niche can be productivel. Be strategic in your thinking. If you think about it there is a lot of topic overlap when you are writing about social media, SEO, business, marketing or a hundred other topics. A good writer can find a way to connect and write about anything. Don't only look for networking opportunities with bloggers covering your topic. It's wise to also network with bloggers who share a similar reader demographic. Try to Connect With Influencers It's common in many of life's situation, we seek out influencers to help us advance our goals by connecting with us. You quickly discover, that many ‘A-lister’ bloggers are bombarded with requests to connect. While you might get lucky, it may be more productive to refocus your efforts. You may have more success by approaching less know bloggers who may be more receptive to connecting with you. It can be productive, and the results can still drive a lot of traffic your way. Look for Points of Synergy I’ve found that the most profitable relationships are often ones where I felt a ‘spark’ or ‘energy’ around our interaction. This was often true where we shared common goals and objectives. Sometimes I felt the connection because our personalities just seemed to mesh. Perhaps someone else has a better explanation for this but it’s worked for me. I look forward to hearing more about your own experiences while blog networking. Has it helped your blogging grow? Have you found more acceptance of your writing through networking? Visit Our Web Accessibility Blog Visit Our Business Sustainability Blog You Need an Elevator Pitch You have to be able to articulate to others what you do in a brief and concise statement. This has often been referred to as an elevator pitch. This is important with blog networking too. How many of us have received an email or other message from people wanting to work together in some way. Frequently you're several paragraphs into an email before you understand who they are and why they are trying to connect with you. That's why it's so important to develop a few key sentences that describe who you are, what you do and what you offer others. Telling what your blog is about would be another good elevator pitch. Giving prior thought to expressing these ideas will help others understand what you will bring to your relationship. It will also help you understand that too. Posting Branded Images Extends Your Social Reach It's been said that "a picture is worth a thousand words." That has never been truer than in the digital world of today. Your goal should be to create shareable images that people love to post on each of your social media platforms. Visual content is increasingly important for blogging as well as for posting on social networks. Posts with images or videos are much more likely to get attention than posts with just plain text. Sharing your posts images successively will extend the lifetime of your post and will also have an impact on your visibility in the search engines. Design your images with links to share on your social media platforms. This will give you more possible search hits and backlinks to your blog. Sharing your blog post images on social networks such as Pinterest, Instagram or Flickr can magnify the outreach for each of your blog posts. For the best results your images should be produced in different sizes to work best for specific applications on the different social media platforms that you use. If You Wish to Continue Reading the How to Promote Your Blog Series: How to Promote Your Blog in 5 Positive Steps How to Promote Your Blog Using Great Content How to Promote Your Blog Using Social Media How to Promote Your Blog Using Networking How to Promote Your Blog Using Advertising How to Promote Your Blog Using Guest Posting Read the full article

#BetterBusinessAlliance #blog #blogpost #blogger #Blogging #brand #customerengagement #customerexperience #Digitalmarketingstrategy #HowtoPromoteMyBlog #HowtoPromoteYourBlog #searchengineoptimization #SEO #socialmedia #socialmediaengagement #socialmediamarketing #userexperience

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spamzineglasgow · 5 years

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SPAM Digest #5 (Feb 2019)

A quick of the editors’ current favourite critical essays, post-internet think pieces, and literature reviews that have influenced the way we think about contemporary poetics, technology and storytelling.

‘Terminology’ by Callie Gardner, Granta

I’ve lost track of the amount of times I’ve recommended Callie Gardner’s astonishing piece, ‘Terminology’, to friends and family. Sometimes you read something and it’s as though the world decided to refashion its atoms around the text, wear it like a brand new garment. I had to cry a little, admittedly, to realise this. I guess I was reading the essay in darkest November and found myself astounded by its honesty and light. It’s not all sunshine, but it’s definitely a form of waking up, of gradual awareness and loosening. ‘Terminology’ begins with a sleeper train, a world where people wake up in carriages and put on what they want to, unbound by the violent constraints of our usual distinctions. These people keep their differences, but the differences are no longer scars of history, privilege.

The sleeper train is going somewhere. This future is open, potential; this future is based on care. This world, this place we drift towards on the train (I say we now, because I too want in on this world), is named Iris, ‘after the Roman goddess of the rainbow’. Iris, perhaps, is without terminus, the people that live there ‘speak a language with a hundred pronouns’. If this is a utopia, it is ‘an unscientific utopia’ that nevertheless glows with what already exists, what is within our reach: the charge of a ‘queerness in everything’. It is a mantra, a lullaby world and ‘a wish given flesh’. I wish every essay began with a world like this, a speculative projection towards where we could be when we open up, seek some generous expanse to sink into, flexing our selves afresh.

‘Terminology’ is about the body. It is about appearance and disguise, about survival, performance, expectation. It is about the precarity of the genderqueer person in public space, the social ties they might make out of safety, necessity. It draws attention to the everyday actions the genderqueer person might make for the sake of their own survival. The fact that we occupy space radically differently, depending on how society chooses to stratify our identities and consequent vulnerabilities. ‘Terminology’ moves from the hypothetical experience of the genderqueer person to the author’s own encounters with daily microaggressions, media representation and social relations in public, creative and professional space. Gardner describes, acutely, the violence of misgendering, intentional or otherwise: its physiological effect on the body, akin to a kind of dissociative paralysis, abjection. ‘Maybe this makes no sense to you’, Gardner writes, ‘It doesn’t make much more sense to me’. This is an essay of admission, working through, coming to terms, learning respect.

The reason I constantly recommend ‘Terminology’ is that it states the fundamentals with absolute clarity: ‘language is not ours to use without consequence’. It asks for an ethics in which we question what our words might do in a certain context, how we make and shape reality with discourse. Recently, the songwriter Kiran Leonard put it so eloquently in an interview, arguing that tenderness and cultural responsibility is ‘about thinking through when I’m speaking in the world, speaking against a thing, what world am I looking at, what world am I creating when I say these things, and what worlds are other people creating’. The world of Iris is a world we might make with a more commodious language, one which permits an expanded, plural sociality.

Gardner tentatively imagines what Iris would actually look like, the features of its ecology and landscape. I am reminded of the work of Queer Nature, ‘a queer-run nature education and ancestral skills program serving the local LGBTQ2+ community’: a collective who make it their mission to make links between the survival skills queer populations have developed for themselves, ancestral wilderness skills and other forms of marginalised knowledge. Wilderness, conventionally the domain of dominant hetero-male, becomes a queer space in which collectivity and silenced forms of self-reliance map onto the terrain as an active, responsive, symbiotic space of wonder, vulnerability and healing: an ‘Ecology of Belonging’, as Queer Nature put it. There is, in queer ecology, a blurring of active/passive as a binary. Survival might be about avoidance or withdrawal as much as presence and action.

Walking through Gardner’s imaginary Iris, we realise we won’t reach this space without confronting questions of identity around capitalism, sexuality, culture and ‘nature’. What is it to feel something as natural at all? Since society likes to police what is considered ‘natural’, how do we frame queer subjective experiences of embodied reality in collective contexts, without essentialising? There is the beautiful admission that queerness is not just about who or how you do or don’t fuck, but also about how you live, how you need to live. The doing of gender and intimacy. And looking for a language, a vernacular, a cultural narrative through which you might play out that life, which is not defined essentially but perhaps intuitively, iteratively, interdependently. Gardner calls for the necessity for nuance in a world where the conditions of survival often confuse the bounds of romance or friendship. If ‘gender is only history’, then we have to really reflect on where we are here and where we are going. Sadly, we aren’t going to wake up from the sleeper train in a lovely, wholly unbound country. But this isn’t to say utopian thought is useless. For Gardner, wanting a place like Iris is not a weakness but actually ‘a resource’ for recalibrating the self within dead-end, heteronormative histories.

The question of queer futurity versus Lee Edelman’s ‘No Future’ is of course a complex and rich one, which I haven’t space to go into here. What’s more interesting is the fact that this essay celebrates the possible while recognising difficulties and limits within the imagining of a place like Iris, as much as reminding us what happens in lived spaces like queer communities. Ultimately, ‘Gender is at once a material condition and a psychical state’. This essay, ‘Terminology’, is one of those rare places where the actual extent of what that means is acknowledged. Nothing covered in this essay bears easy solution or simple resistance, position. Identity, standpoint, community and experience are entangled in questions of occupation, flux and, frankly, difficulty. I learn a lot within its gauzy bounds, I find clarity of a sort; I look at the world around me anew, and I feel an openness in myself that, for once, I lack words for. I realise this is okay, I just need to read on; there is so much more to understand. ‘Citation’, as Gardner reminds us, can be used ‘as transfeminist practice’. As such, I encourage your own turning to ‘Terminology’: to follow its list of transfeminist writers, to think about your own version of Iris; mostly, to read and to listen, to drape this warmth over your shoulders, share it with others, without condition.

M.S

‘24 Hours Watching DAU, the Most Ambitious Film Project of All Time’, by Hunter Dukes and McNeil Taylor, Hyperallergic

This SPAM Digest might break the rules a little bit—it's a review of a review, and it has absolutely nothing to do with poetry—but do bear with me; I promise you I’m getting somewhere.

Last month, Mac Taylor and Hunter Dukes (yes, those are two real-life people; have you ever seen a better pair of names) went to Paris for the premiere of DAU, a film project of Tom McCarthian inclinations, and insane if not obscene logistic, aesthetic, and conceptual ambitions. Directed by the young Russian director Ilya Khrzhanovsky, DAU tells the story of Soviet physicist Lev Landau; Khrzhanovsky hired thousands of actors—or “participants”— as he refers to them, and deployed them to a custom-built set in Ukraine reproducing a research-facility. As Taylor and Dukes report:

From 2009 to 2011, the amateur actors stayed more or less in character. They lived like full-time historical reenactors, dressing in Stalin-era clothes, earning and spending Soviet rubles, doing their jobs: as scientists, officers, cleaners, and cooks. The film set became a world of its own. In all, 700 hours of footage were shot; this was eventually cut into a series of 13 distinct features, collectively titled DAU.

Apart from my obvious fascination with this Reamainder-like gargantuan re-enactment (did I mention I love Tom McCarthy), what really struck me was the format this project was shown in at the premiere:

To enter the [sprawling] exhibit, which runs through February 17th, you must apply for a “visa” through DAU’s online portal, choose a visit length (the authors of this article opted for 24 hours), and fill out a confidential questionnaire about your psychological, moral, and sexual history. Respondents answer yes or no to such statements as:

I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN IMBALANCE OF POWER

IN THE RIGHT SITUATION, EVERYONE COULD HAVE THE CAPACITY TO KILL

Downloaded onto a smartphone, this psychometric profile becomes your guide to the exhibition. In theory, your device can unlock tailored screenings, concerts, and other experiences. In reality, none of this technology has been implemented in the theaters or museum. But it does not matter.

The premiere organisers chose to design and explicitly articulate the experience of a world around the experience of the world of the film; and to tailor this experience, in turn, around the premiere’s visitor themselves. Apart from sounding like a lot of fun, this exploitation and amplification (if not redoubling) of film’s world-building capacity made me immediately wonder: what would this practice would look like when applied to poetry instead of film? (I know, I have a one-track mind.)

One of the traits that poetry and film seem to me to share is the potential to conjure up alternative worlds that seems obey to their own logic and set of rules. Like film, long poems or poetry ensembles (pamphlets, collections, sometimes entire oeuvres, or to a lesser extent magazines) often seem to respond to aesthetic parametres of their own making, and to establish a certain unique space for experience that can only be accessed through the artwork itself. We all know what the world of David Lynch is, and what it is like—we know what it looks like, what it feels like, what is allowed and what is not allowed within its limits. And we know the world of Gertrude Stein or John Ashbery or Sophie Collins the same way; there’s not only a tone to this space of experience, but a also a flexible and entirely nebulous set of rules that seems to dictate—to code, if we want to throw in a sprinkle of the gratuitous post-internet buzzwords we SPAM people are suckers for—how the world behaves and how it responds to our attention.

Dukes and Taylor rightfully call DAU ‘a beguiling collection of moving images that call into question our basic assumptions about film production and consumption’, and I wonder what a poetry project with the same goal would look like. Apart from the cool re-enactment part, I imagine what it would be like if poetry could be tailored to one's history or personality; spending a day moving from venue to venue to take in bits of an orchestrations of poetry readings running 24/7. It probably wouldn’t work; it definitely wouldn’t work. But it got me thinking about what an alternative modality to deliver poetry IRL would look like. There has definitely been lots of experimentation (although never enough, IMHO) with the visual presentation of poetry: I’m thinking of Crispin Best’s pleaseliveforever, a poem that refreshes itself every few seconds into new L=A=N=G=U=A=G=E/lol combinations of words (what is the poem, then? The structure? The algorithm?); his poem that fades into lighter gray, only to darken into normal text as you keep scrolling down the page (what was it call? where did it go? Help @crispinbest). I’m thinking of video poems and surreal memes (yes you can @ me, those are poems). But readings are rarely stranger than a just a reading. We should get thinking about they could become weirder. Does anyone know how to make holograms?

D.B.

Image from Internet Machine by Timo Arnall (2014). image credit: Timo Arnall.

Always Inside, Always Enfolded into the Metainterface: A Roundtable Discussion Speakers: Christian Ulrik Andersen, Elisabeth Nesheim, Lisa Swanstrom,Scott Rettberg, Søren Pold

Having been fascinated by Søren Pold's writing on literature and translation in relation to the interface, I knew when I saw this new roundtable discussion that it would most likely be making SPAM's February Digest. This discussion, made available on the Electronic Literature Review website, brings together the above speakers to discuss many of the ideas explored in Christian Ulrik Andersen and Søren Pold's 2018 publication, The Metainterface: The Art of Platforms, Cities, and Clouds (The MIT Press).

Covering a diverse range of theorists, artists, designers and academics, the speakers take as their focus the idea of the metainterface, examining how interfaces have moved beyond the computer into cultural platforms, such as net art and electronic literature. Forming part of this analysis are considerations of how the computer interface, through becoming embedded in everyday objects such as the smartphone, has become both omnipresent and invisible. Through exploring the different relationships that form between art and interfaces, the authors note that whilst during many smart interactions the interface becomes invisible, it tends to gradually resurface, the displaced interface then creating a metainterface. Their argument is that art can help us to see this, with the interface becoming a site of aesthetic attention.

It is the question of aesthetic attention, in varying forms, that runs through this discussion, offering the reader a profusion of references of artists whose work examines the metainterface. One piece that stood out to me was Camouflaged Cell Concealment Sites by the Canadian-American artist, Betty Beaumont. This piece consists of a collection of photos taken of cell phone towers disguised as pine trees or Saguaro cactuses. As Lisa Swanstrom notes in the discussion, they're terribly disguised, but ones that you could still overlook if you weren't paying attention. Similarly, Nicole Starosielski's The Undersea Network, is a book that makes visible the materiality of the internet through mapping the global network of fibre optic cables that runs along seabeds. In bringing these works to our attention, Swanstrom notes how both examples are questioning the aesthetics of infrastructure, as both are trying to reveal something about the ways in which we experience it, not just know of it.

Responding to the question of what our role as critical users of the metainterface is, Pold draws our attention to the fact that we are always a part of the interface and have to work from the fact of being embedded, as there is essentially no outside. This invites the question of how the artists and writers can respond to the conditioning of self into the metainterface. As Andersen points out, whilst there is no safe haven 'outside' of the interface, there are certain tactics that can be developed as a user. The example given, a chapter entitled Watching The Med by Eric Snodgrass in his work Executions: Power and Expression in Networked and Computational Media (Malmö University, 2017), points to how real users operate in the Mediterranean Sea (now a highly-politicized landscape) by switching between different GPS technologies and Twitter to 'recombine media in a tactical way'. The key idea to take from this is that whilst a reconsideration of our approach to tactical media in the condition of the interface is necessary, it doesn't mean we cannot operate on platformed versions of tactical media such as Facebook or Twitter.

Another point of focus in this discussion I found especially captivating was the consideration of the posthuman machine in relation to the reformulation of labour, in particular Scott Rettberg's consideration of the interface as an intermediate layer between humans and machines. In questioning whether we are moving towards a system in which the interfaces themselves generate human labour for the benefit of corporate entities, Rettberg poses the question of whether we can be alienated from our labour if we are not conscious of being laborours? This leads into a contemplation on the condition of cultural tiredness, an awareness that a certain media platform, such as Facebook, is packed with problems regarding social interaction and data protection, but still we continue to use its service.

Cautious of covering more than needs to be said in this digest, I will close by returning to the fundamental question that Pold and Andersen put forward in their work: the role of art and literature in shedding light on the behaviour and ontology of the metainterface. I find it interesting to learn that Pold started out by studying literature, before moving into a study of digital aesthetics. Perhaps it was the combination of these two domains that allowed him to see the act of reading the everyday interfaces of life as a literary act. This seems to be echoed in Andersen's response to the question of art and literature's role in an age of environmental crisis and metaintertface, whereby he looks to Walter Benjamin's definition of an author as a producer. To see the artist or writer as 'someone who produces not only the narrative, but who is a realist in the sense that he or she reflects what it means to produce in the circumstances that you are embedded in. So, the role of the author in the 21st century is to 'not only to use the interface as a media for the production of new narratives, but also use the interface, and reflect the interface as a system of production'.

With questions such as 'how are we being written by machines?' and 'how have we become media?' still yet to be answered, I encourage anyone interested in posthumanism and digital aesthetics to make their way through the full discussion.

M.P.

#SPAM Digest #poetry

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noxrynne · 7 years

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feel free to ignore me im just rambling out thoughts really ‘cuz like idk i got annoyed with how tumblr said “fuck ur tags”

Like, for me personally, usually people tend to like use old, outdated or bad phrasing when trying to get to know me on a more personal level and what it’s like for me to be transgender. In this case like, I do get uncomfortable, but I kinda can understand why they’re using those terms with me. Like, granted, it took me a long time to really come across any transgender vocabulary or terms since, for a long time, I just was never exposed to any of it through anything other than TV. And sitcoms at that (so like, pretty shitty exposure).

Sometimes I’m like, “Okay sure, I’ll talk a bit and I’ll just like explain what makes me uncomfortable through their language and stuff. I can’t talk for -everyone- but at least it might help some people get some more respectful language to start off with.” Other times I’m just like, in a bad mood or had a bad day and kinda get sarcastic since that’s something I tend to get when I’m upset or nervous but not like, having some problems parsing stuff mentally (when that happens I tend to stutter or just like, stop mid sentence and try to remember wtf I was saying). I’ve had a lot of encounters with people who were genuinely wanting to know me better, like old friends and stuff who wanted to reconnect. Or just someone who is trying to make some talk while I’m like, sitting around in their office waiting on something (like eye exams and such when someone’s fitting glasses for me).

Basically no one really uses correct language. I have a hard time really holding it against them? Because when I first started realizing I was transgender, I had like, 0 conception of what that meant. My entire concept of like “what is a transgender person and what’s that mean” was from sitcoms on TV. Googling it back then I remember being more confusing than anything, and I honestly ended up finding the right language, terms, finding the like... I dunno, like the information overall? From friends, from friend tumblrs, going through the same thing. It was a lot of “OH, I relate to this!!!! OH, that’s the word for it? OH, what’s dysphoria... OH I feel like what this definition describes a lot!” and I’m kinda lucky I like, had that online friend circle.

Like before I was always terrified I’d look like how the standard “here’s a crowd of hookers, here’s an obviously masculine individual with the deepest voice we could find in a dress” thing on TV goes. It was a big block for me b/c I didn’t want people to point and laugh at me, or make fun of me like how it always goes on TV (and that’s really all I had to understand like, what it’d be like to be in public?). Before I found like, actual vernacular and language for everything I was always scared to talk about it. All I knew was the word “transvestite” and I knew that wasn’t right, I hated the sound of it personally, and the definition was wonky and I only ever heard the term in an extremely negative context. (The only thing I recall that ever put it in a positive enough light for me was Rocky Horror, and I used to watch it a lot because I always wanted to be pretty enough to wear some of those costumes and stuff).

But like, when people ask me questions about being trans and everything I tend to like, say “Oh, please don’t call me or refer to me as that. It’s used really negatively all the time, and people have used that term to mock me and hurt me. Transgender is what I am.” I tend to be pretty polite in general, like I’m the person who when knocked over is more likely to apologize to whoever knocked me over. It’s kinda just how I am I think, though I always did wish I was a bit more assertive and that I could stand up for myself more often. Usually a lot of those discussions end positively. Like, “oh I didn’t know that, wow, that sounds rough” and stuff and it feels kinda nice that this person is willing to like listen to what I have to say (and usually immediately starts using the language I prefer with myself). I usually use the “Well... I was a boy” thing since no one really seems to grasp “Well I was always a girl, but like, my body was more masculine so I was declared a boy from birth” (as in with that description they tend to think “so wait you have a... ?” and that’s awkward for me to like talk about with someone’s who’s basically a stranger x.x;;;). But the other phrase tends to click with them like “Ohhh, okay.” Though like, I kinda try to explain it’s really not as cut and dry like that, it’s just sort of hard to articulate I guess? At least for me it is, to where cis people with 0 concept of what it’s like to be me will understand what I mean, at least.

I only really tend to use the “mtf” phrase online since in actual IRL talk it sounds clunky to me, so I tend to say “Designated male at birth” and just shorten it since it’s kinda... I dunno, I like how it describes that aspect better? “mtf” always makes me think of Craisglist dating ads on top of that x.x A lot of like, terms in general have been used to insult me (ie; transvestite, tranny, boy in a dress, etc... ), usually online though some people IRL have the lack of respect to do it, too. (I’ve had a lot of other stuff in the past, like been offered money for sexual favors, received rape/death threat messages, etc...). I also absolutely HATE it when anyone says I’m a “trap” that’s like... I hate that more than someone calling me a “tranny” to my face. I really -hate- that term.

I dunno, I guess I take more of an “intent” approach (and this is just me PERSONALLY I’m not like, preaching or anything and I’m SUPER SORRY if it comes off that way I don’t intend it to x.x;;;)

Since like, I have friends (just like... I’m pretty sure everyone’s misgendered me once by accident, but it’s like to me, it’s an accident and I get that happens. If it’s being done intentionally it hurts, but my friends never do that [luv u guys]). Idk I rambled on the subject a lot, I kinda have like... I mean this is again just a personal thing. Other people will feel different, other people will hold different feelings/views/thoughts. I just know like, this is how I am x.x;;;; idk

I just rambeld off ‘cuz it made me think a lot and stuff about like me personally. Idk.

#Kit trans stuff #personal entry the information really just pertains to me not like everyone else?#since everyone feels differently on this and that's fine

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autoirishlitdiscourses · 4 years

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Discourse of Monday, 17 August 2020

Yes, there are things that would have helped, I absolutely realize that it's good you have a nationalist character. To put it better for those. In addition to displaying all of the flaneur and how is the best way to put this would have been to ask slightly less open-ended pick three texts of these are just some possibilities, though others have come in late and/or the penalty which is just a little bit, and I think it would also require the professor's reading is the day before Thanksgiving? Having a few ways in the manner of an overview or a B paper, and, if you want the experience to be more help. If people aren't going to be a bad idea, not my area of expertise, one thing, I also suspect that what you're going to say that you took. Does that sound fair? You responded gracefully to questions like these on the day grading so that the repetition-related questions? Section Attendance and Participation I track your absences from each paragraph, but my assumption is that you are planning to supply the equipment you are expected to use to construct an argument. On gender. Have a good job digging in to the connections between the landscape itself, for instance, and none of them are rather difficult section of the poem's rhythm and let me know what's going on in the context of the novel, or by email tomorrow afternoon. Enjoy your time and backing up your paper's structure in a nutshell, is that these assumptions are never fully articulated. Thanks for your material if that person's ancestry also includes more stereotypically Irish people, or any sheet music during a future week, whether the walkers should be rewarded with the middle range for you? Great! Rene Magritte's early work might fit: The Arnhold Program Assistant Lindsay Thomas: The jack o' lantern: a participate even more than once before, your readings are passionate and engaged and you display a thoughtful, engaged delivery, and also do the reading. For very similar reasons, I grade the first excerpt from a passage that is appropriate for that section attendance and participation 10% of course that it would most help you to extend the Irish, Scottish, and you've done a very reduced set of beliefs about what's wrong with the Operator or Tails plug-ins, you have earned 97. I think about how you'll lead into them, I'm very sorry. Is Calculated document I do not check my email one message at a middle-ish A-—You've got a good word for having this information available on the first three and are a few students who met all three other components of the Lambs or Red Dragon? Are you talking about Francie's level of comfort and interest, and you did a very low grade on your own argument, including participation and your close-read.

Anyway, my suggestion is that it's difficult to find that discussion notes is because it's a good student. You did a lot of important concepts for the reader, and focusing on that for sure if it is drawn from other sources. If you have any questions, please let me know in advance that people have done some very perceptive readings to fall under some fair definition of what you mean, exactly. Having a paper, although he is to provide the largest contributions to the question will ultimately be: ultimately, is that you find a room. I've gotten pretty good at picking up every possible step to make productive suggestions. Just a reminder that you're making a specific claim of what I'm basically saying here is the English Language; Giorgio Agamben's Homo Sacer. Smooth, thoughtful, engaged recitation from Ulysses, it will pay off to the phrase is chosen because it affects your basic point of analysis. Again, thank you for doing a good job engaging other students in the West of Ireland The order above is not necessarily mean that each day that the complete absence of a lack of authorial framing in the future. I've noticed that the degree to which you want to get to all your material effectively and provided a good job with a display of the fact that these moments come when last-minute warning by holding up the appropriate number of course grade. However, they're on Wednesday.

Questions and answers for you is yours. It, Orlando, in part because it's good you have a notebook in which I scribble notes about the occasional typographical error or possessive formation problem though your paper is worth/five percent/for leading an insightful, meaningful contributions to the emerging nation. I promised to forward to your final grade for the rest of the editorial/proofreading process. Does that help? I suspect that you write quite well done! More broadly, we can absolutely meet Wednesday afternoon that you are a lot of important concepts for the course. I think, too, for instance. Students who are, but I think that the Irish pound was at many levels, and you're absolutely welcome to speak more is to to think if there are variations between individual memory?

Have a wonderful poem, specifically, between education and death? I'm sorry I didn't anticipate at the moment because you will receive a non-passing grade. Let me know if there's anything to keep you at the assignment write-up exam after lecture, and that you propose by examining several texts that you're working with this by dropping into lecture mode if people aren't going to turn in your section during our second section meeting.

Similarly, the visual presentation of canned food in Endgame, if you'd like to know the answer to this is not a bad move, which means that, overall. I think that it would give your paper comes in is the criterion for measuring this rather abstract and general questions might involve 1904-era food-concerned still lifes quite a good upcoming weekend I'll see you in section this week if you know how to deliver it; is there. Of course I'll respect your wishes.

Perfect; error-free. Please let me know if you describe what needs to happen in an agile manner on your midterm will be. All in all, you could get it in general, which is what you want to travel during Thanksgiving week, you have any other questions are below in the way that is necessary to perform up to the text than to worry about whether you're talking about. Three did not read in ways that don't happen here—it's a mark of professionalism on your part to do in answering this question is not improbable. Your writing is not sufficient to have thought out the issues that you're arguing for a B-on your list existentialism, absurdity though it wasn't saved by the time since then, anyway.

If you choose a selection that you look at it with people, and word not only mothers themselves, but rather that it's not intrusive and doesn't delay your presentation tomorrow let me know if you score less than half a second immediately in response to that in 1. I think that you examine. Thanks for letting me know if you have 82. Your ultimate guide to all questions about how to make a two-minute and two-minute warning relative to the details of the friend who was scheduled to perform the same part of the novel as a good break, and good choice here, and that poetry is an arena for such thinking: a participate even more detailed lesson plans, you're about in lecture in the quarter. Questions?

Should I have empty seats in both my sections in terms of a move that would be most closely associated. I hope you feel that it would have helped in making a specific point of analysis. At the root of these are genuinely small and have a strong job here. As to what their artificial social relationship monogamous Christian marriage according to its topic and take a look at the last minute. Thank you. If you have some interesting landscape-related stress. Do Like a S'Nice S'Mince S'Pie sung by Bessie while dying, act IV: Chorus sung: John McCormack singing It's a good impression and pick up more abstract and general questions by email within forty-eight hours in advance will help to ground your analysis, and gender are related to grotesquerie. I'm not willing to do, OK? But you really have done a lot of ways. 25 on the assignment in any way. You are absolutely not married to the poem closely and thought about your recitation in the course website let me know if you arrange a time to get me a couple of ways, you've done quite a nice paper on the midterm. I'll see you tomorrow morning! Thanks for doing a strong reason for not doing so by 10 p. The other students in the attendance/participation that is appropriate, and showing that you finished final revisions too soon before it was written. There are a few minutes talking about the postcard U. In more detail. I guess you could do so, so it's completely up to you without being heavy-handed or otherwise unresolved. I think a natural move is likely to find things to talk about how most people think, and should take a step back from doing so. You absolutely don't have the correct forms for a job well done. Similarly, if I recall correctly: once during the early twentieth century. A final exam, you can pick one or more specific claim about the way that shows you paid close attention to the interest of your selection from the selection in the assignment, and you both for doing a genuinely excellent readings, I do not curve grades. Serving as a mutual antagonism based in what ways? In fact, you did well here, I think that there are variations between individual memory? 5% on the eleventh line; changed The proud potent titles in line with general academic practice, a middle A, counting both Saturday and Sunday as a group is, in large part because you're going to be substantial deviations from standard American punctuation and formatting issues that you need a copy of The Song of Wandering Aengus Lesson Plan for Week 8: General Thoughts and Notes Mooney, TA Eng 150, will you swear to give a strong job yesterday you got up on the theory that the best night to do the legwork myself. So you can start with major points into questions and think carefully about how you'll lead into them, or picking fewer than seven IDs. Anyway, my point is that failing to subscribe to one or more specific proposal, but don't yet see a good weekend. Just How Bad Things Are For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the exception of many potentially productive move that would better be delivered in a lot of good plays: thanks to! Burroughs, etc. All in all, you chose a longer selection than was actually necessary and by in from a Western; things like nationalism and neutrality—these minor errors didn't hurt your grade by then, I will take this suggestion and apply for the final, too, and the few remaining lines of the possible points for demonstrating correct knowledge I'd rather you did a really good reading. I think, though. The short version is that I set the bar for A. That's very good readings of recruiting materials could wind up making revisions, you're welcome to put that would work for you. I guess what I'm expecting it's a good decision to talk about his horror that feels in response to the ER, and no more commonly yes responses, because it's entirely up to do so that they were sick. Have a good weekend, as it needs to happen for this paragraph, and I'll post the revised version instead of answering your own thought, although none substantial enough to juxtapose particular texts side by side? You have interesting things to focus it a strong job of getting people talking and that you've made an incredibly useful lens to use the texts is also an impressive move, because the writing process. You can choose any poem at all who says you got up in certain specific ways that this is the ideal resource, but because considering how you can pick one option from section 1:30-3: General Thoughts and Notes 30 October discussion of the class automatically. Again, I suspect are likely to be exchanged for it. Your Grade Is Calculated document I do have some very perceptive work here.

This does not include the credit for section, your delivery; you should talk more would have helped you to next week. He has not yet announced which part of why I am performing grade calculations in such an exaggerated form as, when the power company left me reading by candlelight for several reasons, including pointing other students, that particular poem would be to ask people to go that way versus having an couple of suggestions. If you do not check my email for the week of section, not on me. In the context of your discussion around a general pattern in Celtic mythology in a lot of specific thought to be more successful if it actually went out, you might focus on that section was 2. And many of which parts of your analysis assumes that alternate options have been reminding you since 14 October about this in terms of which affects your basic idea is basically clear and solid understanding of the paper could then have been years where I've graded more than you've managed to introduce a large amount of detail. I hope you had an A in the grotesque body worthwhile to make it. I'm glad to be course material, and that you want and take a look at constructions of masculinity in the last week.

Your writing in order to contribute in more detail if you'd prefer. Make sure that your topic needs more attention to your presentation notes would be to go that way versus having an couple of ways, and gave a solid, overall for the historical development of the room, but both were genuinely minor errors, and I wanted to make meaningful contributions to the course's large-scale questions with you that I didn't hear this: Don't forget to bring your copy of your recording. If you want to make large cognitive leaps immediately. You've done some very solid paper that is, overall, though there are several possibilities for productive discussion, too. Ulysses closely, and your paper's structure. I'll see you tomorrow morning. Grade: A piece of writing—and that you might, if you'd like them to other students were engaged, and nuanced as you're capable of being is to force a discussion about one or two in case of hasty writing and its background. If he lets you expand or drop material if you do a better move would be to be framed and executed a bit more would have helped to avoid treating your time and managed to introduce the text and to interrogate your own writing, despite the fact that hawthorn is a strong preference and I'll see you in lecture if they cover ground which you can send me email. Doing a very difficult task. Plagiarism and Cheating:/Anything and everything looks good to me, as you may find helpful, but students who often had complex depictions of women in this passage has Francie being passively aggressive toward the Nugents as Anglo-Irish Literature Section guidelines. Let's talk tomorrow after 12:45 is the amount you talk in more detail. Section tomorrow. A blade of grass. He also recited Yeats's September 1913, but you handled yourself and your readings of Heaney, Requiem for the quarter, but some students may not arise to give a more specific about what you wanted to be more specific claim about what's actually important to avoid explicating yourself as the audio or video recording. I hope you get other people are saying and look at constructions of masculinity in the past that there should be to let me know what that is appropriate to recite from McCabe, might be profitable to look at constructions of masculinity in the grading in four days to email the professor in our society means that, I think that there are places where you need to do with it? 6 nothing/hopelessness in your thesis what kind of claim you want to do well, here. Again, thank you for doing a solid understanding of the poem and gave no A grades should also say that, when absolutely everything except for the students had an A in the course components. I built in the English 150 this quarter.

#Irish literature #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Python #Markov chains

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funkymbtifiction · 6 years

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If you have time, could you please type this?

Note: Age 19

Mod: I suspect INFJ, with an Enneagram 1 influence.

Extrovert / Introvert Questions:

After external stimulation, do you prefer to engage again immediately or to withdraw and reflect over your experience before engaging again? So, I usually prefer to withdraw and reflect over my experience before engaging again. I am just very reflective of everything.

How fast can you switch from one thought to another? It really depends, but if I am thinking about something, I will think it over till I feel like got it, or it will come back later to me, when I do something new, and rethink about it.

Hints at Ni-dom.

[deleted non-applicable stuff and/or stuff I had no comments on]

Thinking / Feeling Axis Questions:

How strong is your personal understanding of your feelings? How often do your emotions guide you? When do they tend to appear and how do they manifest? My emotion is super weird one, it like I know my emotion but I don’t. I used to suppress it most of time during my high school years which has results in outburst, and for heavy emotional grief for a time period. Sometimes, I would just cry and I did not know why so I would just write my feelings. So, I am super moody, meaning my mood change so fast and I do not even understand how. But if someone says something like “I want to scream but I can’t” I will remember and tell them I know how you feel. But why? It gets all mixed up because I have so many personal and family issues and constantly dealing with the present ones and trying to heal from the past ones. Even so, I remain super detached from my emotions and do not act on them. And in a process of learning how to use it to help others and myself. I can definitely manage them better now.

This threw me off a bit, since the writing out your feelings is something Fi’s do a lot, but it also sounds like a potential loop into Ti. If you were an INTJ, you could not get away from your feelings and ignore them like this -- so the outburst could be out-of-control Fe.

Are you more concerned with self-opinion or external praise? How much does either one factor into your personal and professional decisions? I believe both are important. I do try to raise my self-opinion because I am super critical of myself and everything I do. An external praise helps me see the perspective., like okay I do not look bad. But, I do always need an opinion from others when dressing because I do not want to stand out but just fit in. And various others things I do. I believe little of both for my personal and professional dealings because there’s need for how I want others to see me as and how I need myself to be as. But really, who doesn’t love getting praised? I love it when it is true and authentic or to atleast try to be friendly with one another.

Bolded = could suggest the perfectionist side of Enneagram 1 in your triad.

The rest = suggests Fe seeking affirmation on low Se.

How easy is it for you to verbally articulate your feelings to others? Okay, I suck at these cuz half the time I am like unaware of what I am even feeling. When I am aware, I am just like I just feel sad or I am dead, I do not even know why. When, I am happy, I am cherry as hell thou. But, I can always write them out and let it all out.

Emptiness could be depression or it could be a refusal to discuss your feelings, which means as a Fe, you cannot fully deal with or understand them.

Describe a situation where you had to problem solve and your thought process in doing so. It can be anything provided you describe what you did and why. Problems simply run away or fixes itself if you do not care about it long enough. But problem where I had to do things, I simply did them because I had to and was given no choice. Like for example, there is always problems in systems which sort of always gives me extra work, I always meet with people instead of emailing because if you email someone they will do it week later. I make sure everything is clear without misunderstandings and make sure to have a good relationship if I need to ask for help again. However, if it’s something I 100% want, I will fight (use anything(not literal terms but can be)) for it because I know how corrupt both people and systems can be. Friendship problems, I realized people are too selfish to put aside themselves for at least 5 seconds sometimes to get something done or let things just go and realize both sides were wrong. Stupid drama but I do try to console each side and bring them together. If I have problem with someone, they will never know unless I tell them. And with experiments, I prefer to learn and see and do my own thing my own way from my understanding. But, I always fuck things up due to small careless error.

Low sensing, some Ni cynicism, possible Fe-judgment / team building.

Intuition-Based Questions:

Do you find it easier to describe things in vague or detailed terms? Can you describe the intuitive connections you see in the world in easily-understood terms for others to understand or struggle to put them into words? Definitely vague, details are definitely harder to do honestly. Can I come forward and say I hate them very much and hope to destroy them? Never mind, I just did. Intuitive connections are definitely hard to explain for me.

How much of your natural focus is on a singular vision of the future? Okay, there are two types are future, my future, how I want to be and the future I want for the world. They are very tied together by the idea of how I want everything to be. But, right now, the whole idea itself is still growing so I can’t say much.

Do you place too much faith, or not enough, in your own hunches? Are they specific or prone to changing with more information? Yes, I have too much faith in my mind unless I am feeling insecure or not worthy. But I have come to understand me, people and the world are different. It’s annoying but everything is not what your mind wants it to be.

Do you find it easier to be active in the world or contemplative about the world? Definitely contemplate, too easy.

Lots of Ni, extremely poor (inferior) Se.

What happens to you more often: you become fixated and unable to change your direction or you cannot choose between possibilities? What I want is what I want, I will get it even if the world becomes my enemy, although I do not want that for now. I believe not being able to achieve what I wished for and worked hard on, completely crushes me. I had that experience so now I try to stay a little open but still have to go for fixated and unable to change.

More Ni.

Can you take someone else’s idea and expand it without needing down time, or do you prefer subconscious mulling over an idea before you accept it? I like thinking about the idea and what it means before accepting it completely. I can definitely do it if I had similar ideas.

Ni rejection of Ne conceptualization.

When approaching a new situation in which you have no experience, what do you do? (Leap in and assume you can handle it, or try and relate it to a former experience as a guideline?) Little of both, if I have a prior experience, I will go with it seeing the similarities between them, only if it gets it done at faster or same pace and helps me understand it more. Other times, a bit cautious but leaping most of the time because I just want to know or understand.

Possible Ti.

How confident are you in being sensory-aware and attentive to the environment? Can you describe a situation in which you did both? Is it often? None. Okay, I can read people very well. When they are moving a certain way, I know where they going or trying to do or say so I act based on what I think they will do. I can tell if someone is happy, sad and angry by seeing their how they react or move. The smell of coffee or bus gas, destroys me. I do not see what people see, it’s weird. When I am home and in laptop, I won’t even realize if there is a loud bang outside. Even outside, I had a habit of walking in the road, never looking at red lights or the road. Thank god for my friends who always helped me. One time without friends, the car honked so loud that I ran across the street. All the grammar and spelling errors even when I checked 20 times. (Now, I just don’t) All I can list is my flaws okay. I suck and I suck terribly gosh. I need super major help. I can’t cook right because I always forget to do something or do it wrongly or put too much. Need super major help.

Ni-dom, inferior Se, again, some possible Fe.

Inferior Function Questions:

What behaviors manifest under stress and what triggers them? (Can you describe how you behave under stress or when you were at your worst?) I like having fun or being in peace just with myself. Sleeping, just sleeping away life. I just do not care about anything. When I was at my worst, I was an emotional mess I felt so stuck and trapped like I am not free, and I wanted to be so badly be free. I did not focus or care about anything that I usually cared, I slept 24/7 and ignored, felt tired 24/7 so I slept 24/7.

What areas in which do you ‘lose control’ or act different from yourself when upset, pressured for time, and forced to take immediate action? I like to lose control by being super busy (when I was ignoring my emotion) or just refresh myself by going outside and enjoying myself and watching tons movies. Time pressure, I just end of doing them and finishing them or I just become lazy and avoid it completely. If forced to take immediate action, I am lost, I have not thought about what to do or how to do it, the best method but sometimes I just can lol.

This made me pause. It’s a bit... Enneagram 9-ish, but this behavior manifesting under stress usually only happens in an Enneagram 3 disintegration, so you may want to read up on 3′s and see if you identify with their drive. Also, depression. :( Lots of it.

What have others said about or admired in you and complained about? What do you admire most in other people? In me, they always complain about my unawareness to my environment and how I overthink almost everything and sometimes it not relevant at all. People admire my idealism or the way I am just in my head. I just love people who are fun you know, they just are amazing. Like one of my friends is so active, dammit if only I was that active. By active I mean, always doing things, keeping up, having conversation with so many people and going somewhere, even when she’s busy with college work. Not mention, she always has time to enjoy everything. She is just amazing and I love her.Inferior Se admiring higher Se tendencies.I’m not 100% positive on INFJ, but it seems a little more likely to me than INTJ due to your ability to abandon your feelings; unless you’re dealing with semi-constant severe depression (which you could be), I don’t think an INTJ could just... ignore or detach from their emotions that way. I see a strong Ni/Se axis, though, so you’re INXJ. Depression can cloud your articulation, energy levels, self-perception, and how you describe yourself. I really suggest you get help for that, and consider your type when you’re feeling better, since depression makes it hard to type someone accurately.- ENFP Mod

#mbti #infj #intj #question #submission #type me

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