#I’m struggling to keep it together

[boxbusiness]

Fine I’ll slide ya this first page~

#ahshdndjdb #I’m struggling to keep it together #I’m finishing the damn comic #MARK MY WORDS

[melonisopod]

Hon we need to get you some Adderall.

#limbus company #Heathcliff LCB #i adore sevencliff so much cause he’s just demonstrably autistic and adhd #he’s good at solving cases he just struggles to organize his thoughts #that he’s competent enough to work as a detective shows he really is smart #he just needs some help keeping track of hard data/taking notes on cases #and he ends up having to work late into the night to have his paperwork organized #i was super excited to see this ID come out because it really spells out how he’s not stupid #that he *is* smart but struggles to articulate or organize his thoughts #yet he has a very innate intuitive sense and can piece together evidence effectively #the problem lies in explaining *how* he reached a conclusion #if i make (another) ‘Heathcliff is smart actually’ essay I’m going to list sevencliff as an example

[saturnvs]

i’ve had a shit week but yesterday i had my horse therapy for 3 (!!!) hours, and today i’m visiting a riding school for a lesson to see if i want to start riding there .. very nervous but excited :)

#i wish i could tell you all about the therapy but it’s so much!! and so wonderful!! #one of the horses there is unofficially my therapy horse now :’D her name is eva and she’s very fast which i learned when my therapist- #-had us run with our horses in the paddock #i was struggling to keep up with her but i’m quite fast too #i get tired quickly though 😭 #eva is a very funny lady i think we’ll learn a lot together <3 #wintertime starts this weekend however #which means it’ll be pitch black at like 15:00 or 16:00 🙃

[zeb-z]

thinking about how honest the hope is in disco elysium, if that makes sense. how you face consequences for the actions and life you can’t remember. how your nightmares come back and they just might be there to stay. how you still wake up in pain and have to very actively fight off the cravings of your old addictions. how it isn’t easy trying to chose not just life, but living better, living for yourself. how it doesn’t mean any of the problems will go away, or the pain will stop, but it gives you an option other than constant suffering. there’s always a silver lining, it’s just a matter of being able to look up and find it.

hope isn’t always easy, and sometimes it is a choice, but in a torn up world and a torn up body, it’s something. it’s not always pretty or perfect, it’s clumsy and sometimes foolish and hard to keep close, it’s difficult, and maybe it’s all you have but it’s something - streets and sodium lights, the sky, the world, you’re alive

#and you damn well better keep it that way #it’s honest because trauma is still something you have to face and go through no matter how ugly #and it doesn’t just go away. things can get better and then something can hit you again. and that’s okay #idk something something it’s waves in an ocean and sometimes it’s a storm and hope keeps you afloat but it doesn’t mean you can get out of #the ocean. it’s very real in this #does any of this make any sense #or is it just 2 am and I’m stringing words together that sound nice but make no sense #i just think. so much specifically about that last dream with Dolores dei. how it promises to be an ongoing occurance #how even with Kim and solving the case and starting new he’ll still struggle with his traumas #physical and mental. but at least it isn’t hopeless yknow? it sucks but life goes on and it doesn’t suck 100% of the time #idk I’m just. thinking #disco elysium #harry du bois #z speaks

[hungriesttable]

you know it’s peak when the MCs have an emotionally intimate and tangled and toxic relationship that transcends yaoi

#trigun #trigun maximum #berserk #omniscient reader’s viewpoint #no home #no home manhwa #ok let me explain #when they have this connection that ties them together despite everything. soulmate feels like not quite the right word but similar idea #they just choose each other. often very evilly (being very liberal in my use of the word evil) #also double. double the manga #there is no one big cathartic moment that resolves their relationship. they just keep struggling on #I like stories where things are cut and dry as the saying goes but this type of thing really keeps me coming back #I’m chasing the carrot on the end of the stick here

[wanderlustmagician]

hi friend I am respectfully making demands at risk of siege that you talk about something in your modern au that might never come up in text but is a piece of it nonetheless

you have 72 hours otw canadas next

Somer. You nearly made the temptation to wait on this too much. Luckily I’m a Grade A rambler being asked to ramble and there is a good bit that either won’t or might not ever be in this. Buckle up buttercup. 🤪

So I have included, in some of my ramblings, references that the First Hero (ie the one mentioned in Skyward Sword as being Sky’s predecessor) and that trains will be in this AU. Currently the plan is to make this very slice of life, one-two shot set up for the Before the Adventure stuff and then have a “introduction of plot” fic that’s chaptered… before the rest is back to the one-three shot slice of life stuff. So my opportunity to have many things be brought outa the vault is pretty high. So that said…. This will be pretty much bits and pieces of ideas I had and scrapped but still like or things I’m holding onto but likely won’t write;

That said… Mister First will likely stay as just referenced as the Queen’s companion, until or unless he appears in LU canon and I feel it necessary to include him more. Mostly cause nine is the biggest cast I’ve written for… ever. Which isn’t even the full number for LU but it’s the most consistent one. Also because i don’t know enough to feel like I’ve got a good grasp. Plus it’s fun to make him kind of cryptid like in this quasi-political court field I’ve created.

Then the trains! Spirit Tracks is really cute and very much set far after Wind’s time. So I thought it could be fun to have that as a little teaser to maybe having the train boy come in. We’ll see. I want to go through a little more and see how some others shake out with the plot I currently have.

The Champions were actual people in this! Not just constellations. They did pass in The Calamity and I will likely only ever reference them briefly for feels. Urbosa was the soccer coach at Wild and Flora’s school. Revali was Link’s rival in archery. Mipha was Swim Captain and in a flirtationship with Wild. Daruk was the wrestling coach. Both Urbosa and Daruk taught actual classes. Daruk did Math, don’t ask me which.. pls I don’t like math. Urbosa did the Gerudo language class.

Urbosa was Riju’s cousin, it was distanced though. Daruk was Yunobo’s grandfather still. Mipha and Sidon still siblings, can’t change that. Revali was Saki’s nephew.

None of this will ever really come up because Wild’s past amnesia will only come up occasionally. It’s said that in BOTW that he has regained his memory by the end, so im going to run with a version of Wild who remembers, is grieving, and is trying to move on. So at most there will be a reference to them as his still healing grief comes and goes.

A lot of my world building are things that likely will not be big big in the story, just things I’ve made note of so I remember that they’re important references.

Like Sky and Twi’s nicknames for each other! They defend them ruthlessly, even if they’re a little embarrassed by them. They were penpals as kids, a program ran by their schools to encourage the grade schoolers to practice writing, and got made fun of by their classmates because their names are the same! So the usual school yard taunts of their penpal being themself and things a long those lines. Little kid logic of let’s give each other nicknames and that’ll solve the problem! It didn’t but it made them feel better and special, so they stuck. The nicknames come from their middle names and I haven’t decided if those get revealed in story or not, so no sharing here yet.

There is some funky magic stuff that happened, happens, and will happen. Time and Lullaby do have the whole time magic stuff. So while Time remembers meeting Warriors… Warriors remembers meeting someone much younger and thinks Time is his own younger brother (this may come up, it may not). Warriors did deal with some funky portal magic stuff like from his game, yes Cia was in the middle of it, and The Calamity was a magically driven disaster.

I played around with the idea of the depths also being a part of the Hyrule map and having it be the home of the Twili people… except that was going to be a little much to handle as far as keeping track and mentioning. So I scrapped it.

The Twili people do have a land of their own, it is outside of Hyrule, but it is not a part of Hyrule. Midna lived with Dusk when she was an exchange student. Her phone number was turned off because Hylian phone carriers don’t work in the Twili lands. The Twili people are more nomadic despite being modern times, they still move from place to place. They have ‘Village Sites’ where there are some buildings that they move into when they move. Their clothing reflects that more nomadic lifestyle and they tend to not keep anything that can’t be carried easily.

There will be more probably… once I start actually hammering out full pieces, there will be for sure.

#wandering thoughts #somer writes #asks #Lu modern au #this is really all over the place #but I haven’t scrapped a lot yet #I’m still deciding on some things #like who will be with who when what happens #and what concepts will and won’t stay #I have a mini blurp written of Sky losing his shit in the intro for the adventure that I don’t know if I’m keeping #things like that #it’s really close to me starting to actually post though #I’ve got some things I’m putting together #i just keep struggling with warriors

[dolls-self-ships]

idk if this is dumb but do any other self shippers feel pressure to make their s/is look/feel as canon as possible? Like for some reason I feel this intense pressure to make my self inserts super believable and source-material worthy otherwise no one is going to be as interested in them. Maybe it’s because it’s what I’m usually known for but idk.

#like idk why but I’m struggling hard with my Mario world s/i right now #idk like I keep trying to make her civilian design more canon while still looking like me and making her story with #luigi interesting but I feel like their dynamic is too boring???? help 😭 #like idk if people like the nerd x nerd dynamic I mean I really like it and I think it fits us but #I’m so worried other people won’t like it and I get discouraged from posting all together :( #bees self ships #personal

[jester-step]

okay but barbara kean and edward nygma both started out as good, friendly people, both struggled with a darker side of themselves, both dealt with drug use and childhood abuse, both had downhill character arcs in S1 that culminated in a traumatic event triggering a mental breakdown, both became flashy villains with a flair for drama and violence, and ofc they’re both bisexual icons

my POINT is their chemistry and parallels were wasted on Ed’s revenge arc and we were robbed of them being not only an iconic power duo but also besties 💔

#i will die on this hill #the scenes where barbara asks ed for help with the court and where they’re torturing mayor james live in my head rent free #yes barbara wanted smth out of him but it’s so obvious how much fun they had together!! #i can’t remember if it’s canon but i keep seeing ppl mention that barbara gave ed the drugs he used in 3x15 and just #the IMPLICATIONS #like they mentioned she struggled with drug abuse in S1 and then never brought it up again like??? #there were so many opportunities to point out the many parallels in their backstories and we got NOTHING #also i see the appeal of shipping them but their friendship is infinitely more interesting to me #bc barbara grew up being told her self-worth was defined by her beauty and charm and learned to use those as tools for manipulation #and yet when she tries to do that w ed (trailing a finger down his jaw etc) he looks completely Unbothered #i just like the idea of their relationship being completely platonic and him liking her bc she’s clever and dramatic and fun #but barbara still flirts w him for fun bc he’s unaffected and only has eyes for a certain penguin anyways #basically i want an AU w no isabella and where barbara and ed’s friendship grew organically from their tendency to be Dramatic Bitches #this is completely incoherent but anyways it’s pride month and i’m bi so my opinion is Correct /j #barbara kean #edward nygma #the riddler #gotham #gotham tv #gotham fox #also i think they both had their Villain Moment in ‘under the knife’ in S1 so some of these parallels must’ve been deliberate #and then they were just NEVER brought up like WHAT

[8rujaa]

okay, i might let people in

#i’ve been nonstop talking to this person for a few days now #like nonstop we’ll have multiple convos going at once and having to use voice messages to catch up to everything lol #our conversations have yet to die since the first one we’ve had #it feels very very very refreshing to find someone who can keep up #and we have so many things in common but like i’ve always found myself to be a lil weird and have out of the ordinary interests #not trying to say that ‘i’m not like other girls’ LMFAO but it’s hard to find ppl with this many things in common #like one or two things i get but we’ve been able to connect on so many things #even like chronic pain which like is nice to find someone who understands #so now i’m like actually excited for the first time about meeting someone #i’m very very excited and they’re so so so sweet #i feel like i can always tell who’s been in therapy because we tend to carry conversations in a similar way … does that make sense??? 🤣 #like u know how there’s ‘gentle parenting’ #i feel like there’s a specific way people who have been in therapy speak to others #they’re always so mindful of boundaries and also reciprocal #in conversations #we also have the same taste in music which is wild cuz i listen to every genre in existence and music from many different languages/culture #our spotify blend goes crazy 🤣🤣 #we’ve only been talking for a week so i’m trying not to get my hopes up but im just excited 😆😆😆 #lmao but like even if we just end up becoming friends i’m still happy to meet someone who’s so similar :D #i’ve been wanting friends who also struggle with the same things so we can do selfcare things together or maybe just chill on high pain day #and we will know how to be there for each other a little better than ppl who don’t get it.. i crave that real bad 🥲 #i realize i sound delulu as fuck cuz i haven’t even met them in person but i can already tell we’re going to get along 😌😌😌😌 #i’m aware of how delulu i sound and maybe i’m getting my hopes up but it truly does feel like i was waiting for someone like this 🥹

[applecherry108]

[to the tune of the Lego Movie’s “Everything is Awesome”]

Everything is stressful! 🙃

Every-thing causes anxiety! 🙃

Everything is stressful!! 🙃🙃

When you have ADHD! 🙃🙃🙃

#I can’t take this fucking roller coaster of a housing crisis much longer I’m going to fucking SCREAM #I don’t think I’m being unreasonable by setting a boundary after all the concessions I’ve made but now she wants to push to move in date #back?? HOW DO I KNOW UR EVEN GOING TO MOVE IN AT ALL #LITTLE MISS MONTH-TO-MONTH 😭😭😭💀💀💀💀💀 #apple talks #to the tune of spam #alright tw time! here comes the suicidal thoughts! #so my last housemate moved out a few months ago and my parents have been helping me with rent since then #but it’s fucking expensive in California #and I’m struggling to a) find a new roommate b) find a new apartment or c) find a better paying job #the stress has literally been killing me I can’t fucking sleep I eat even less and I’m up with 4 am panic attacks! #and my parents don’t have infinite money! so on Xmas they threatened to pay a buttload of money to force me back to Ohio bc somehow THAT #expense is less than helping me with rent a little while longer #I would rather fucking kill myself than move back to Ohio I am dead fucking serious #bc it’s not ‘move in with my parents again’ it’s my parents paying a whole ass apartment of my own until I find an Ohio job (in THIS economy #??) it’s them paying to fly me my CATS and my stuff out there but not any of my furniture. #it’s being down the road from my father again which I cannot and WILL not do. #I fucking moved to Cali to get away from him. and if my mom would just divorce his ass I’d be no contact in a heartbeat #I cannot be financially dependent on him AND live within driving distance of him #and I absolutely do not want to put my cats through the stress of a plane ride! they can barely keep it together being locked in my room #while I’m at work for 1 day! not to mention I’d be dependent on my parents to drive me everywhere bc there’s not public transportation there #and I’ve been packing in case I have to move apartments or god forbid to ohio and it’s a blurry fucking line bw packing to move #and giving away all my shit in preparation to kill myself #and I FINALLY found a new very temporary roommate and I’ve made a fuck load of concessions for her to move in and I have to draw the fucking #line somewhere and this of all things has her wanting to push back move until February which makes me nervous bc what if she backs out? what #if I’m fucked? girlies if I stopped posting for days on end I am literally dead. pray for my cats to go to a good home bc I can’t fucking do #it anymore

[hobisexually]

x

#hi I am back with a long tag post about how I can’t keep up with life #very boring 30 year old stuff that I am struggling with very much and isn’t interesting to anyone #but I just put on my hobi playlist to feel better and instead sobbed so hard to just dance (which is a very happy song I don’t even enjoy) #that my pillow is soaked through so obviously sleep isn’t gonna happen until I get this out somewhere #so first. get this. one of my best and longest friends gets engaged and lets 1.5 months go by before she bothers to tell me #in front of four other friends who are decidedly less close to her but we all found out simultaneously. #Bad enough. you get confronted with the fleetingness of life and friendships and how everything changes even when you don’t want it to. #then. you talk it out. another friend’s dad just died. another one just bought a house and is moving away #engaged friend comes by again? And suddenly says she’s gonna get try to pregnant within the remainder of the year #and suddenly I’m hit with the fact that our friendship will never be TBE same and the life I thought we would live together is just not #gonna line up? We’re not gonna hit the clubs we’re not gonna go on adventures we’re not gonna paint the town red now that I’m a little bit #more chill re: covid. All of that? Gone. i thought I could make up for all of it but all my friends are in stages I’m not in #and with kids neber will be in? i won’t have a kid. i knew this but I didn’t /know/ this I won’t be able to follow #I’ll be aunt amber and I’ll love all their kids to the moon and back but I won’t follow. i know I don’t want kids #but I don’t think I thought about it before. what that would mean in relation to others #and I also just pictured myself with my own baby and though I don’t want it I never envisioned it and now I can’t stop crying #over the fact that I won’t have a baby. And it’s by choice yes but it doesn’t make it easy???????? #I’m suddenly saying goodbye to a life I’m closing the door on and that’s. terrifying #and I’m so. so scared I’ll end up all alone and never find love or fulfilment #30 is great in terms of feeling calmer and knowing what you want bht this whole ………. this whole thing? #i HATE it I HATE it I can’t stop crying and I’m panicking I HATE IT #FUCK. CHANGE TRULY FUCK IT ALL #and FUCK everything the last two years have taken away from me and how low I was because of it and how hard my friendships got because of it #can I STOP crying now that would be GREAT

[plastikun]

How I look while writing the nastiest most toe curling smut known to man

#aeriths 🗒 #I’m genuinely struggling to keep it together

[antenoraa]

Me after trying to get through Mason’s endings so I can get to grinding for the secret endings but keep dying because my guides don’t work

#que the edgy anime girl crying gif #struggle #btd2 #loverstrophy #the price of flesh #tpof mason #I’m also struggling with the you ran away together ending #keep getting you ran out of time

[no-more-nightingales]

i’m gonna cry

me to other patients: i’m really bad at noticing when the way i said something was insensitive or sounded aggressive, i guarantee you i didn’t mean it like that. just tell me calmly and immediately and i’ll clarify what i meant or how i meant it and we can avoid conflict.

other patients: ok no problem, will do, thanks for the heads up :)

*spongebob narrator voice* a few days later:

ten minutes after a short conversation that i thought was completely normal and neutral:

other patient who’s in his late fifties and like 1.85 metres: *gets in my face, cheeks red out of anger, yelling at me like a father and in front of four other people: IF YOU GET IN MY FACE LIKE THAT AGAIN AND TREAT ME LIKE I’M STUPID AND LIKE YOURE SO MUCH BETTER AND SMARTER THAN I AM, YOU AND I ARE GONNA HAVE A REAL ASS PROBLEM!

me, almost crying cus im having flashbacks and feel humiliated: oh my god, im so sorry, what did i say that came off like that? i thought we had a normal chat! please stop yelling at me!

he: I YELL AT YOU AS I PLEASE AND YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID, SO STOP BEHAVING LIKE THIS OR YOURE GONNA REGRET IT VERY, VERY BADLY!

me: i really am so sorry, whatever i said, i didn’t mean to be aggressive or inappropriate!

he: DONT TALK TO ME LIKE THAT, YOUNG LADY! You got it? Alright then we’re fine again.

#bitch what the fuck #slight tw trauma mention #i’m almost crying but i have to keep it together #some people are autistic karen! #i still don’t know what it was #bro i’ve got trauma please don’t scream at me #when he left the room i asked the other patients who witnessed it and they were completely baffled #they had no idea what he meant either #i’ve had these things happen since kindergarten #for what else can i ask but for people to at least tell me what it is that i said that upset them #autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #neurodivergence #autism struggles #trauma #it gave me horrible flashbacks and it takes me everything i’ve got right now to keep in the tears #this is what it was like with my mum when she was struggling when i was little #just this is even worse

[letstrywritingmaybe]

It’s barely March here and I started the prompts. I literally have the whole thing outlined, I just have to write it… but I don’t wanna. Why am I like this? Come on Cyn, you can write this then possibly think about the extra scene you totally want to write too. Isn’t it enough that I have it in my brain? Must I write it into existence?

Update: I was making progress but then a trade happened and now I’m unwell. It ruined my whole day. I’m still so sad. Blueger my beloved, you deserved better. I miss you 😭😭😭

#cynful babbles #I keep seeing things for the new movie and I’m struggling to keep my hopes low #I really hate ship baiting. I’ve been through the worst of it and I haven’t recovered #please just end it and let me move on. I can pretend my ship is happy together #then maybe I can stop writing too. or possibly switch to a different fandom. idk I’m just tired