#IGNORE THAT OR ELSE ILL CRY

[honei-is-home]

roze gossiping to könig ⁉️😧

i wanted to practice some more poses to work on making my art look less stiff! this was originally gonna be a sketch for an animatic but i decided to turn it into its own mini piece 🧍🏾‍♀️

#if anything looks off just ignore it or else ill cry #actually no i lied criticism is good #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #roze #roze mw2 #rozlin roze helms #roze cod #könig #könig mw2 #könig cod #konig #kortac #fanart #cod operators #procreate #my art #digital art

[noctlas332]

i just invented girls youre welcome

someone please try to guess waht the background is from please i was giggling like stupid getting it

#posting from a dark cave via messanger pigeon #just in case you wanted to know #this is an oc btw #a brand new one yippeeeee #no purpose in life no friends no home #exists to float in the void #this drawing was orignially traditional and i drew over it digitally #so the proportions are a bit weird #because i couldnt flip and resize things until it was actually fully drawn #but whatevr just ignore that #i miht steal her jacket and give it to mayo #or a recolour of it #or just a similar one #they can be matching #besties #im still not 100 percent on the design though #espeically the colours and like the weird strippy sock thing #any suggests on what i could do are welcome #as long as theyre polite #or else i will cry #my stupid daughter with dumbass gloves #wear them properly #actually looking at it now the peoprtions on this are reallyyyyy weird #buehhhh #and i worked so hardon it too #wipes tears from eyes #sniffles #its ok its whatver #ill just havce to draw more to make up for this #art

[running-in-the-dark]

I could've been insane in an interesting way at least but noo, I just think about a stupid guy so much that I lose my mind, how fucking stupid is that

#I didn't mean that. he's not stupid. some of the ones before him though.. yeah #but like why. whyyyy #'how have you been?' 'oh not great I'm mentally ill in a way that makes me get so obsessed with men that everything else stops existing so #I'm actually not even a person right now I'm just a thing that's in love with John Larroquette :) ' #also I absolutely know why that started and that makes it so much worse!! haha my parents ignored me and were mean to me so I had to #fixate on fictional characters to get through my childhood haha that's fun I'm so normal :) #at least now I'm not hiding under my blanket crying and praying that [random guy I was obsessed with as a child] will come save me so #that's something I guess #(no actually it's just as bad. and I'm a whole fucking adult. why.) #also I'm now remembering random shit like that time I followed around a man in his 30s at a wedding when I was 10 because he was pretty and #my mother didn't want to deal with me. so. time to keep staring at this man I guess! his name was Peter lol why do I remember that #or the less funny things #seriously wish I was exaggerating when I say I get obsessed. oh it's not an exaggeration. I mean that literally. #personal

[soldier-poet-king]

Actually let's be honest in addition to all my usual bullshit this is just astarion making me reckon with the fact that I don't know how to be A Real Person, how to relate and be close to people except to be helpful and accomodating, how to say no and not be a compulsive people pleaser out of fear of the repercussions and uncertainty if one is not placating at all times

Like yeah it's for different underlying reasons and I obvs make no claim to the specifics or the severity of that kind of situation & trauma but also. Like. I Get It, I'm not a Real Person either

#franposting #this is SO emo im sorry #but this has been troubling me for eons #far longer than the game. months and years #its something i mostly try to ignore and pretend isnt true #it's a hard thing to know about yourself #esp when its like. theres no way to fix it. its how you grew and were made and you don't know how else to be #its a compulsion and a safety net and a protection #even as it ruins you and turns you into a fake shadow person and not a real whole human being #i don't know how to say no or disagree #i only do that when im REALLY mad and then i get mean #and i end up getting in trouble or disparaged anyway #so its just so much easier and better to just not rock the boat #at least not on my own behalf #ill stick my neck out for others and big issues bc that's what im made for #but when its things that just affect me? ill just stuff all the badness inside of me and keep going #its easier and fewer people are hurt #and i dont know how to disagree without fear or crying anyway. its not worth the uncertainty #if im good and accomodating ppl wont get mad. they wont leave or hate me. i dont have to guess #this is fucked i know im fucked i just dont know anything else so this is how it has to be #its ok. ok. tattoo soon. i dont have control over much but at least my skin and body are mine. there's that. lots of ppl dont even have that #i should be grateful #that its just in my head and my heart

[tohokuu]

my girl advice is so nicki minaj coded and these bitches don’t like it 😒

BASICALLY- i said this

tw : suicide mention

AND THEY GOT MAD

“money isn’t everything” yes it is 😟 i know that bc look at the way i run to these gojo/toji sugar daddy fics 💀💀💀

idc if he’s toxic as fuck as long as i get the key to the benz and a birkin. why? bc i’m toxic too 💀

“baby i’ll kill myself if you leave.” “okay then do it” WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW ???

boohoo, baby. gimme the keys.

and the whole argument about “if he has a good character and no money, i’d stay with him rather than a rich asshole.” i want the rich asshole. how the fuck are you gonna survive ????

“i don’t need expensive trips and expensive restaurants.” huh- well i do 🤣

OH AND- if he’s giving you that BLUE BOX THAT SAY TIFFANY but he’s toxic as fuck, i know id be running back 😭😭 i am willing to get stuck in that cycle of this shitty man who spoils me so good. like yeah baby, i’ll leave unless you buy me that purse.

i’ve had my experience with a broke nice guy and lemme tell you- it’s NOT it. i tried to go for personality and kept telling myself that him being broke wasn’t that bad BUT IT IS 😃 i wasted 5 months of my life like that.

smd if you disagree bro 😭 mmm i’m probably much less compassionate but i know i don’t deserve any less 😹 and if you come in my inbox abt this suck my fat brown balls bitch

#BROKE PPL SHOULD NEVER LAUGH ‼️‼️‼️ #also someone told me i’m a great friend #but a horrible girlfriend 😭😭 #i had this conversation w my bestfriend a few days ago and she was like #bro you’re a horrible person and you should not be dating until you’re actively attending therapy #and i was like 🧍🏽‍♀️ and she said that i end up damaging the other person and myself and then ignore the damage i did to myself and pretend #didn’t happen LMDOAKE but then someone else told me that i’m actually a very comforting friend #like as a friend i’m a great person bc i five the best advice on how to value #yourself and not fall for a man’s bullshit #LIKE IVE DATED ENOUGH TOXIC MEN TO BE HANDING OUT ADVICE NOW and if you don’t like my advice DONT COME CRYING TO ME BC ILL SLAP YOU #but like i’ll help you out after i slap you 🙄 #like im just that bitch I WILL NEVER PUT A MAN ABOVE A WOMAN #friends are so so much more important than stupid boyfriends and i think that’s why im a better friend than a girlfriend #trust me- i used to be a great girlfriend until i got my heart put thru a #meat grinder and then i didn’t find it in myself to put my heart out like that again #i actively bitch men out and i don’t fucking feel bad #i hardly even date nice guys before you get on me abt that 💀 #all the bozos i go for are dickheads and i’m a bigger dickhead #this turned into a rant

[caffeinatedopossum]

I feel like I have an unacceptably low level of control over my body. Like obviously there are some things that no one can control but I have like actual big problems because of it. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's not just me being really clumsy (although that is an effect of it) or even the tics I have.

It's like I can feel my body moving wrong constantly but I can't correct it and it hurts and it sucks and I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting myself, making mistakes, breaking things, acting like it's fine when in reality I'm constantly afraid of how much any movement I make next could hurt me. I need to move to stay sane, I want to workout and get stronger and go on walks with my friends. I wanna get better. I can't even roll over in bed without pain and I'm just so tired.

#opossums chronic illness rants #seriously though this sucks so much and idk if theres anything i can do about it but i wanna try #its probably a combination of a lot of different things #like muscle weakness and instability from ehlers danlos syndrome both making each other worse #along with the poor proprioception from autism the dizzyness and weakness from the dysautonomia #the fact that i cant really see and even possibly inner ear damage (thats a new one that ive been suspecting more and more recently) #im not sure if the ear damage would be just from built up ear wax or maybe or something else #but im really not having a good time because it brings back bad memories #when i was a kid (8 i think) my mom was convinced i had compacted ear wax but given that she refused to ever #take me to doctors she decided she had to fix it herself #which led to a lot of excruciating trials where she stuck wires and que tips stripped of their cotton into my ears #and tried to scrape out whatever she could. even though i wanted her to stop because it hurt so bad i would start crying everytime #im also mildly suspicious that might be what damaged my ears in the first place... but i really have no way to know that at the moment #all i know is i dont want anyone looking in or putting things in my ears ever again #it doesnt even matter how much i trust them because now anything put in my ears hurt #like even when im just regularly cleaning them with que tips it hurts and im reminded that might not be normal #idk if you read these tags let me know if cleaning your ears is supposed to hurt i guess? #im honestly not sure. like i just always assumed i wasnt being gentle enough or something but it doesnt matter what i do #its not super painful either just a little bit so i ignored it because i assumed it was normal #since a lot of 'normal' things hurt for me. which i now know to my surprise isnt normal at all but i didnt figure that out #until i actually got people to believe that these things were hurting me #apparently its very hard to find anyom #who believes that opening bag clips or trying to lift a jug of milk are actually quite painful for me #they usually just say im way overreacting and when i was a kid i just believed them i guess

[sundybundy]

feel like absolute shit need to be back in canon again

#kcposting #sorry crazyposting please ignore me i have nowhere else to put this #spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccccccccccccccccccccceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #but if i dont wake up tomorrow in silent hill there's going to be a problem #i legitimately wouldnt care what happened to me I wouldn't care how things end I just want one more moment. haha. I'm crying #its just. not fair? #to think if i was still truly me I would be on deaths doorstep right now. but I don't want to live this way. i would rather die #and have the man i love do it #than live like this anymore #i fucking need james back please God I do want flowers #ill take anything

[gibbearish]

the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice

#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email #ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown #at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in #and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm #m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚ #(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say) #n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna #keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time #so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool #and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said #or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚ #then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i #need anything‚ thank you' #and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case #i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only #acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard #keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before #and still my sentences prevail

[msenglishgent]

watching more DS9 n diving into stuff about it is actually causing me like distress bc the way it was what, basically forcibly de gayd… it’s rEALLY noticeable and makes certain characters and interactions feel really stifled like jfc even if ur gonna ban full cock n balls gay shit at least let characters interact in a canon way fucking hell I CANT START GETTING SAD ABOUT A SHOW FROM THE 90s…AGAIN

#like it shows even more than TNG which I know also was a victim in That Guys Bullshit but here it’s so fucking textually off #feels like just off at points once u kno and it’s so fucking sad #and the character implications like basically unrequited slow relationship petering out I’m gonna cry #ignore my ramblings but Tumblr seems like the main fandom place rn n I have to scream in a safe place does anyone else get like this?? #uncontrollably mad at decades old show producers and the ills of society ruining something that was so good #you can absolutely infer what I’m talking about #lord I have to shut up #watch me cry at the end of the series #I’m at S6 rn so I’m almost there hhhhhh

[bruvebanner]

WOAH I am want to be dead 🤙💪

#i need to yell in these tags about how i need to throw up and scream and cry myself to sleep #or else ill go insane #ignore me. #this is the only version of punching a wall im allowed #wanna punch myself in the HEAD god. fucking. be normal. be normal. no one cares. be normal.

[sugared-violets]

ugh i'm stuck in this awful limbo where some small part of me is still hoping he'll come back and apologize for everything and love me again even as most of me genuinely wants to never see his face again

#like. he RARELY showed me any real affection but #the good times were really truly good #and im going to be so lonely for the rest of my life #he hurt me and ignored me and made me cry more often than not but he was also the only person i could be completely myself #i told him everything. so many things not one single other person knows about me #and nobody else will ever care to know #he was mean and awful but he let me ramble about whatever i liked and he even claimed to enjoy listening #everyone else ive ever been friends with just calls me talkative #he stole every single one of my firsts and dumped me in the middle of the night without showing a single emotion about it #but i've never slept better than i did in his arms and he's the only person to ever think im attractive #he was going to make a special modpack just for me with all my favorites but he kept putting it off for literally years #honestly he was probably never going to do it #and speaking of which ill never be able to play modded games again because he did all of that for me and i didnt/dont understand it at all #he took so much from me just because he didn't want to put in the effort to love me anymore #dani.txt #vent post #im just. heartbroken. there's rlly no other word for it

[rivaiin]

i just checked what bloober has done regarding abuse and metal illness in the past and im ready to start biting

#crying and screaming and yelling pain and suffering on planet earth #ill probably completely ignore the remake now #i mightve checked it out before knowing how they write certain things just for the sake of it #but knowing theres an actual possibilty they completely fuck over angelas character and story.............. #i honestly dont even wanna know #Anways im so happy we got 4 games by team silent and nothing else theres really no need to make any more silent hill games :)

[sebaby-l]

If she was alive she'd be 50

#her birthday was the 1st last sunday #thats so young #years of ignored mental illness and truama is really what led to her death #I'll never forget in one of the many instances my mom was crying to me and i was playing therapist and she described how #at one point for what she said was no reason. she couldn't breathe and started to feel her heart beat so hard and she showed me with her #hands over her chest. rapidly tapping her heart and i. a 16 ur old had to explain to a women in her 40s that what she had experienced many #times was an anxiety attack. something she had told me many times before thay i had faked or that i should just stop doing and get over #and she just brushed it aside and i had to explain again . and i realized in all her years of living nobody ever tried to help her like i #not even herself and she never knew she had such bad anxiety. #i learned that day that i most likely got my mental illnesses from her and it cemented the idea that i never wanted children in my mind. #i never wanted to give this to someone else #and now im laying in bed crying becuz i overheard a mother tell her duaghter how amd why she loved her. without hesitation and without a #second thought #it hurts becuz i never heard it and for years i held onto hope that i would but reality has told me that i never will. #txt

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

how do i explain to him that 1am is not the time to be crying for attention and be super affectionate

#lucky during the day: do not pet me too much. i don’t want to be held. i want to be babied only a little bit. mostly i just want food. #lucky at crazy times in the very early morning: i NEED to be pet right now or else ill DIE im CRYING i will WAKE EVERYONE UP IF I HAVE TO #he also gets crazy zoomies and makes so much noise 😭 #i keep my door cracked so he can get in and out but sometimes he’ll just freaking barrel into it #it scares the shit out of me #ignore my dirty fan lucky likes rubbing against it and he sheds like a madman

[pumpkinstep]

I had a good time today. I went outside and got to just exist for a bit in a pretty garden. I feel ok but I don't think I helped me feel any better about not wanting to exist.

I really did enjoy the moment but now that I'm home again, there's not a lot to distract me from the crippling fear of the future, or rather lack there of.

if I didn't spend as much time on the internet as I do now or did then, I probably wouldn't feel that way...ah who am I kidding. I felt this way a lot as a kid too.

it's really hard to let yourself have hope and feel good when it seems you're actively punished for wanting things.

objectively, I am in a better place than I once was as a kid and my mental health has never been better.

but I'm also the quitting type and I'm tired of feeling like I'm constantly being taken advantage of and working myself beyond my ability.

living is too much for me and I'm tired

#bear barks #i havent swapped personalities in a while #i think ill let someone else deal with it and ill turn off for a while #this is not a cry for help #i dont need it #i just need to live in a world that doesnt suck #i need to be ignorant about all the bad things and live a stupid happy life

[ribbonzregretz]

i hate anticipatory grief i hate it i hate it i hate it

#drama king #i hate getting attached to people and realizing thar one day theyll either die or leave me #i hate being so starved for any kind of interaction that i end up getting horribly attached #to anyone who decides to stay in my life longer than a month #i hate it i hate leaving my stupid claws in everything i touch i hate crying when i think of people leaving me i hate loving sometimes #because no matter what nothing lasts forever it feels like im only sitting and waiting for the inevitable #because one day the ones i love will leave me and one day ill have to accept that #and i hate crying over it i feel like im just playing one long waiting game #and i cant help thinking that. if i leave first i wont feel as terrible about it #but i cant help myself #i just cant make myself leave anything good #because im selfish. i know ill eventually ruin them in some sort of way and yet i cant stop myself #i stay with people even if they ignore me for months at a time or make fun of me in the worst of ways or use me #because at least then im something. but without anyone else or something else to latch onto im nothing