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weswritescomics · 3 years

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Character descriptions:

Bruce Wayne: Italian-American 30 years old. 6’3, slick black hair, darker blue eyes, usual darkened lining around eyelids, fit build. Not as stocky, more slender psychic, but still muscular. Five o’clock shadow, always.

The Batman: Dark blue shading to his costume, stitched leather cape, shorter ears on the cowl, cowl a darker blue than the cape. Doesn’t look like armor, more fabric, woven with kevlar. Lenses are white as snow, reflect light and shine in the dark, not animatic however, still and shaped.

Alfred Pennyworth: 63 years old, balding head, full beard of grey and white, 5’9. Stocky build, English, war veteran.

Detective James Gordon: 40 years old. African American, 6’2. Firm build, rougher mustache, balding hair, new hire at GCPD, transfer from Metropolis.

Detective Harvey Bullock: 37 years old. Caucasian, 5’9, heavy set, longer orange tinted beard, always wearing a classic hat. Thinks of himself as a real hot shot.

J𝗨𝗦𝗧𝖨𝗖𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗚𝗨𝗘.

𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗛 - 60.

Chapter One.

The Night Cometh.

Gotham City, August, 1962.

Rain is the constant in Gotham. Pelting rays of ice cold water that hit window shields at a rapid pace. Across the open yard of Wayne Manor, through long strands of untamed grass, and leafless trees, sit two grave stones. Each of them a mark of the past that holds him. Each of them carved with the singular word.

𝗪𝗮𝘆𝗻𝗲.

“Master Bruce?” The butlers tinted voice breaks his train of thought, standing at the window, with hands clasped behind his back — is Bruce Wayne. The last heir of the Wayne fortune, and The Prince of Gotham, “Alfred, in here.” His voice is lower, rougher than that of the past. A child, who was once full of life and optimism, was now a man heavy with dread.

“Sir.” Alfred stands in the doorway of the room they both share, the old master bed room of Martha and Thomas Wayne. He holds in his hands, a silver tray, accompanied with a small cup of coffee, fresh with the trail of heated steam — and next to it, a blueberry muffin, “You don’t usually come in here, I wasn’t sure where you were. Large house and all.” Alfred moves across the open space, placing said tray of assorted goods on the edge of the bed, “I thought it was time.” Wayne responds, however, his eyes keep outward, looking towards the gravestones that stare right back at him, “I owe them that much.” Pennyworth let’s out a sigh, his white gloved hands find themselves intertwining. He rocks on the back of his heals, with a small clearing of his throat.

“Master Bruce, I think it’s time you let go of the ghost in the backyard, and comeback to the land of the living.” Bruce doesn’t answer. “You’ve been back in Gotham for a whole year now, and you’ve barley seen the city for what it is now.” “I have.” Wayne turns finally, his eyes rage with pain, with lack of sleep — and vengeance. “Running around at night does 𝗻𝗼𝘁 count. Allowing yourself to feel the pain, to move on, and to run your fathers company 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀.”

Bruce takes small steps toward Alfred, the space between the two closes, “Alfred.” He starts, “We’ve seen this city for what it truly is, it showed us long ago the violence it can produce. The only way to fix that, is to bring it down, from its core. Gotham can’t rebuild, until the infestation — the 𝘃𝗶𝗿𝘂𝘀 — that crime is, is ridden of.” The two lock eyes now, a father made of grief, an arrogant son full of pain, their words aren’t spoken here — how much they truly need one another. Instead, it is met with another sigh, as Alfred takes the tray from the bed, turning and heading for the door, “We’ll then, a late dinner it is.”

GCPD Precinct, August, 1962.

The precinct buzzes with the usual morning crew of Gotham’s finest. Each of them in their own world of steady cases and rising efforts for the fight against crime. Or so, this is what James Gordon would’ve like to think they were doing. In reality it was 15% working against crime, and 85% working 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 crime. But he knew this before he even moved his family here, before he and his pregnant wife Barbara, took the plunge into the crime capital of the world. He, saw it as a way to do right by his father. Metropolis was dangerous, sure, but compared to Gotham, it was a shiny utopia. His father, then officer Gordon, always told him one thing — you do right not by the actions you 𝗱𝗼, but by the people you 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽.

And those words stuck with him ever since, which is what brought him here. The GCPD was failing, the criminal underground was boiling over into the ordinary world, dirty cops helped push that quota into reality, hate crimes continued to soar, even within the GCPD — and yet he still felt like there was good in this city. An ability, if it were to try, if it were to be given even an ounce of a chance, to shine — if not 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿 — than Metropolis. Barbara didn’t think so, she didn’t like the move, but how could she. The only silver lining she saw in this city was the chance of real and meaningful social work. Something that Metropolis barely offered. Again, a utopia to Gotham.

“Gordon!” Bullocks voice comes across the room, a gentle motion for Gordon to come closer, a waiting look on Harvey’s face, behind him in the meeting office was current Commissioner Harlen. James fixed his tie as he walked forth, bumping shoulders with busy bodies, and gaining 𝗴𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗲𝘀 from those who’d wish for his downfall. Since his arrival, Gordon had done nothing but make enemies, other then Harvey — most of The GCPD had already told their assorted crime bosses about Gotham’s new hotshot. And how he was 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 to save the city from its internal bleeding.

“You’re late.” Bullock snorts, he combs out the side collar of Gordon’s coat, “I had —“ marriage troubles, “—to take the trash out. Got in a fight with a raccoon before I could claim my territory.” Both men let out a gentle laugh, before Harvey motions inside with his head, “C’mon.”

The room sits idle with one singular table, three chairs — two on one side, one lone on the other. The white board behind the single chair is covered with photo evidence, four separate crime scenes, each of them murders of four wealthy Gotham elites. All of them, with two common factors, the fact that each man used his wealth — his power — to influence The GCPD, the political world of Gotham, and to fund The Falcone mob family. The second thing they had in common; the large lipstick like star marked across the face. And the burning white eyes, void of emotion.

“Gordon..” Harlen begins, “Sorry.” James responds, he takes a seat, as does Harvey. “Four new cases boys, each of them on the same path you’ve been following —“ “Christ.” Harvey lets out under his breath, “—each of them as proper as the first three. Our perp, whoever it is, is one for the thematic and the dramatic.” Gordon digs into his coat pocket, pulling out a small notepad, “I was able to get in touch with forensics on the last hit, sent them a sample of whatever that green shit was — turns out it’s the same chemicals produced at ACE.” Harvey learns forward, “As in ACE chemicals?” James nods. “You too go there yet?” The commissioner leans forward, hands placing on the top of the table, a shift in the weight he holds, “No. No not yet.” Harvey responds, he takes his hat off for a second, running his hands through curly uncut hair.

“Then you go there next.” Harlen sits up now, hands resting on his belt buckle, “We’re on it.” Gordon responds, Harvey shoots him a look. They were friends, yes, too an extent. Gordon knew of Harvey’s deals, the backwater jobs he took in his earlier days of GCPD, he knew he was out — but he knew he still had ties. It was the only reason he never turned Harvey in, he was out, and trying to stay out. Trying to be clean, trying to be a better cop. That’s all any of them could do, try.

ACE Chemicals, August, 1962.

The old squad car rolls alongside echoing gravel, Gotham had just been covered in rain, verified by the shine left on the rocks and stone buildings that await them. A warrant for a search hides away in the glovebox, the car itself comes to a stop, just outside the gates — the lights turn off — as well as the engine. Out steps the two detectives, each of them in long coats. One, Gordon, with a freshly lit cigarette hanging from his lips, the other — Harvey — with a small flask held in his hands.

“Hate this place.” Bullock states, closing the squad car door behind him, “Scared?” Gordon muses, mouth slightly muffled by the stick, “Of radiation? Yea, sure. Also — the fact that only low life pieces of garbage hang at these parts. Talkin the worst of the worst out here Jim.” “James.” “What?” “Don’t call me Jim, man. That’s my dads name. I’m James Gordon, he’s Jim.” Harvey waves him off, taking one last swig, “When you pay my bills, I’ll call you whatever you want me to. Hell, maybe even president Gordon someday.” James shakes his head, placing the remaining cigarette on the ground, and stomping it out, it sizzles as it’s smushed between heel and wet gravel. The two set forth, walking through the now opened metal gate, the chain links rattle and ache as they push past. Each of them holding a flashlight in hand, “What did forensics say exactly?”

“They told me —“ Gordon takes out another cigarette, lighting it, the red end illuminates the inner palms of his hands. And then, a gentle puff of smoke. “That this chemical was created here, it was initially a military grade weapon — meant to be used in Germany. But, it was deemed too violent — er — powerful as they put it. Was scrapped, at least it was suppose to be.” “So how the hell is it on Gotham streets?” “That’s why we’re here. Aren’t we?” ACE chemicals spirals into a kingdom of cone like buildings, each of them painted with the same three letter word — ACE, ACE, ACE. And each cone, a spewing mountain of smoke. As each man continues their walk, they stride in silence, each of them in their own thought — focused on the task at hand. Gordon, thought back to Barbara, the conversation they had before he left this morning. It wasn’t pretty.

In the first year, they were better — they were still whole. That was until 𝗵𝗲 came along. A figure of the night, a myth that soon became reality — a man built of darkness and mystery. The Batman. He came to Gordon, he didn’t know why then, or at least he thought he didn’t. But he understood now, a year later, why Batman came to him. They were honest, mask and all, they knew one another — what this city meant, and how to save it. But this, this devotion that came with this relationship — ruined his real one. Days, weeks, months, spending late nights at GCPD. Working alongside The Batman, taking down the man they now call The Riddler. He laughs, an audible one, one that catches Harvey’s attention.

The Riddler. How funny it was, it use to be gangsters, both street and professional level men. Then, it became all about costumes. The red blur in Central City, who took down the man who called himself Captain Cold. The Amazon in Washington, fought a living tiger like woman. It was all, truly? Insane. And somehow, someway, they — these normal men — were soon intertwined in it all. 𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗔𝗛! A scream breaks him, cigarette dropping from parted lips. “Shit — was that?” “Go!” Their guns are removed from their holsters, their feet dig into the ground, pushing them into a run, “Go! Go! Go!” James repeats — one step ahead of the larger Bullock.

They almost slide taking a corner, the damp gravel giving way to their fastening pace. Until, they come into clear view of the scene ahead, hanging from the roof of a taller, shackle like building, is a lone man. His foot, wrapped in a thin line of wiring — one that can only be seen when it catches the small light of the moon, “Awe hell.” Harvey lets out, his gun lowering, his feet stopping. Out of the corner of his eye, Gordon sees it. The small shimmer of white, that pierces through the dark of Gotham — that lets him know their not alone here. The Batman, “Harvey, go get him down, cuff him. I think I see something...” Detective Gordon moves off to the side, as Detective Bullock goes forward.

Gordon shuts off his flashlight, waiting for a minute, as the space between him and Harvey is at a good distance.

“Jim.” The Batman begins, voice at almost a whisper, “Batman.” Gordon responds, his gun now being placed back in its holster, “What happened here.” The Batman sits on a rail, a few feet off the ground, not even James athletic background could get him up there. The wind pulls gently at the edge of his cape, it flutters in noticeable flaps, his short ears make out the remainder of his cowl — the white eyes peer back down on Gordon. Never looking away, “Those cases you’re on now — I’ve already been working them.” “Of course.” “I tracked the chemical to here, as did you. They call it chemical - x. That man —“ The head of the bat shifts, in a pointing direction, “Was here to get more.” “Why?” “You know why.” “To do more.” “Yes.”

Gordon rubs at his neck, “I don’t know, this is all, well this feels like Riddler — again. This feels like someone is playing games, trying to stir up Gotham.” “Not someone, Jim. Something.” “What?” “The man, his tattoos tell a story. On the back of his neck, look there. His friends will have the same signal — this is something, Jim. Bigger than Riddler.” Gordon looks back to Harvey, who had just gotten the man down, his eyes look back to — nothing. The Bat was gone, leaving nothing but the gust of wind.

The two men walk silently back, guiding the arrested man to the back of the squad car. Gordon opens the back door, almost stuffing the suspect in the back, as he does, he reaches forward, pulling back the hoodie over his head — moving long locks of hair from his neck. What he sees is a symbol, or rather a character — a creature. Shaped like a starfish, with a human eye at its middle, colored purple — the eye red as fire. As violence.

Bigger than Riddler. He thought. Sitting back into the driver seat.

What the hell did that mean?

#batman #dc comics #fanfic #comics #webcomic #justice league

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scifigeneration · 4 years

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Tomanowos, the meteorite that survived mega-floods and human folly

by Daniel Garcia-Castellanos

Surface detail of the Tomanowos meteorite, showing cavities produced by dissolution of iron. Eden, Janine and Jim/Wikipedia, CC BY

The rock with arguably the most fascinating story on Earth has an ancient name: Tomanowos. It means “the visitor from heaven” in the extinct language of Oregon’s Clackamas Indian tribe.

The Clackamas revered the Tomanowos – also known as the Willamette meteorite – believing it came to unite heaven, earth and water for their people.

Rare extraterrestrial rocks like Tomanowos have a kind of fatal attraction for us humans. When European Americans found the pockmarked, 15-ton rock near the Willamette River more than a century ago, Tomanowos went through a violent uprooting, a series of lawsuits and a period under armed guard. It’s one of the strangest rock stories I’ve come across in my years as a geoscientist. But let me start the tale from its real beginning, billions of years ago.

History of a rock

Tomanowos is a 15-ton meteorite made, as most metal meteorites are, of iron with about 8% nickel mixed in. These iron and nickel atoms were formed at the core of large stars that ended their lives in supernovae explosions.

Those massive explosions spattered outer space with the products of nuclear fusion – raw elements that then ended up in a nebula, or cloud of dust and gas.

Supernovae disperse the iron produced in heavy stars. NASA

Eventually the elements were forced together by gravity, forming the earliest planet-like orbs, or protoplanets of our solar system.

Some 4.5 billion years ago, Tomanowos was part of the core of one of these protoplanets, where heavier metals like iron and nickel accumulate.

Some time after that, this protoplanet must have collided with another planetary body, sending this meteorite and an unknowable number of other chunks back out into space.

Riding the flood

Subsequent impacts over billions of years eventually pushed Tomanowos’ orbit across that of the Earth. As a result of this cosmic billiards game, the Tomanowos meteorite entered Earth’s atmosphere around 17,000 years ago and landed on an ice cap in Canada.

Over the following decades, flowing ice slowly transported Tomanowos southwards, towards a glacier in the Fork River of Montana in what is now the United States. This glacier had created a 2,000-foot-high ice dam across the river, impounding the enormous Lake Missoula upstream.

The ice dam crumbled when Tomanowos was nearing it, releasing one of the largest floods ever documented: the Missoula Floods, which shaped the Scablands of Washington State with the power of several thousand Niagara Falls.

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Geological evidence of the Missoula Flood includes prairie ripple marks and layered silt deposits.

Trapped in ice and rafted down river by the flood, Tomanowos crossed modern-day Idaho, Washington and Oregon along the swollen Columbia River at speeds sometimes faster than 40 miles per hour, according to simulations by modern geologists. While floating near what’s now the city of Portland, the meteorite’s ice case broke apart, and Tomanowos sank to the river bottom.

It is one of hundreds of other “erratic” rocks – rocks made of elements that do not match the local geology – that have been found along the Columbia River. All are souvenirs from the cataclysmic Missoula floods, but none is as rare as Tomanowos.

A rock worth suing for

As flood waters ebbed, Tomanowos was exposed to the elements. Over thousands of years, rain mixed with iron sulfide in the meteorite. This produced sulfuric acid that gradually dissolved the exposed side of the rock, creating the cratered surface it bears today.

Several thousand years after the Missoula floods, the Clackamas arrived to Oregon and discovered the meteorite. Did they know it came from the heavens, despite the lack of a crater? The name Tomanowos, or Visitor from the Sky, suggests that they may have suspected the rock’s extraterrestrial origins.

Millennia of peaceful rest in the Willamette valley ended in 1902 when an Oregon man named Ellis Hughes secretly moved the iron rock to his own land and claimed it as his property.

Hauling a 15-ton rock on a wooden cart for nearly a mile without being noticed wasn’t easy, even in the Wild West. Hughes and his son labored for three back-breaking months. Once the meteorite was on his land, he began charging admission to view the “Willamette Meteorite.”

In fact, however, the legitimate owner of the iron rock turned out to be the Oregon Iron and Steel Company, which owned the land where Hughes had found the meteorite and sued for its return. While the suit worked its way through the courts, the company hired a guard who sat atop Tomanowos 24 hours a day with a loaded gun. They won the case in 1905, and sold Tomanowos to the American Museum of Natural History in New York a year later.

Children sitting in pits of the Willamette Meteorite at the American Museum of Natural History, 1939. Bettman Archive/Getty Images

Floods

Today Tomanowos can be seen in the museum’s Hall of the Universe exhibition, which still refers to it as the Willamette Meteorite. In 2000 the museum signed an agreement with descendants of the Clackamas tribe, recognizing the meteorite’s spiritual significance to the Native people of Oregon.

The Confederated Tribes of Grand Ronde hold an annual ceremonial visit with the ancient rock that, as their ancestors so aptly observed, brought the sky and the water together here on Earth. In 2019 several fragments of the meteorite that had been held separately were returned to the tribe.

But the museum’s written display tells only some of the rock’s long story. It omits the Missoula Floods, despite the significance of this event for modern earth science.

Present display of the Tomanowos meteorite, American Museum of Natural History. Daniel Garcia-Castellanos, CC BY-ND

Decades after geologists J. Harlen Bretz and Joseph T. Pardee separately posited the theory of the Missoula floods in the early 20th century, their research was used to explain how Tomanowos reached Oregon, where it was found. Their work also triggered one of the most significant paradigm shifts in recent geoscience: the recognition that catastrophic flooding events significantly contribute to the erosion and evolution of landscape

Previously, scientists had followed Lyell’s principle of uniformitarianism, which held that Earth’s landscape was sculpted by regular, natural processes distributed evenly over long times. Normal floods fit into this theory, but the notion of swift, catastrophic events like the Missoula Floods were somewhat heretic.

The idea of huge Ice Age floods helped geologists a century ago prevail over pre-scientific, religious explanations for unusual finds – such as how marine fossils could be found at high elevation, and how a giant metal rock from outer space came to rest in Oregon.

About The Author:

Daniel Garcia-Castellanos is an Earth scientist at the Instituto de Ciencias de la Tierra Jaume Almera (ICTJA - CSIC)

This article is republished from our content partners over at The Conversation under a Creative Commons license.

#science #space #geology #astrophysics

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narrativetherapy-blog · 6 years

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In May of 2016, a think tank gathering was held on Galveston Island, Texas. The two-day event was called Galvanizing Family Therapy: Reclaiming and Revitalizing Collaborative Practices. Jim Duvall, Jill Freedman, Gene Combs, and Karen Young organized this event. Harlene Anderson and David Paré acted as facilitators.

Galvanizing means “to cause someone to suddenly take action, especially by shocking or exciting them in some way” (Cambridge Dictionary, 2016). The purpose of this cleverly titled event was to galvanize action, specifically, to revitalize collaborative practices, help practitioners re-examine and re-affirm our stance and to encourage others, including the agencies with which we work, to notice and include these ideas in new ways. The organizers’ hope was to renew long-valued commitments and celebrate the birth of a new generation of projects, in part, by addressing political and professional trends that are eroding and stagnating the practice of collaborative, non-pathologizing approaches to working with people. Academics, social scientists, researchers, practitioners and activists came together at this gathering to address the present state of service delivery and its effects on therapeutic practices.

#family therapy #systems #social justice #community mental health

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thebourbontruth · 7 years

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Who Influences your Whiskey?

Its was a typical Monday but a cold wintery morning along the banks of the Kentucky River when Elmer T Lee came to visit Buffalo Trace. As he had done many times before, Monday was his regular Barrel picking day. Ever since he agreed to having a brand named for him, his only stipulation was he got to pick the Bourbon that went into the bottles. As Master Distiller Emeritus he earned the right. On average the bottles contained older Whiskey than the Blanton’s costing twice as much. The rest is legendary and now one can rarely find a bottle. But who picks the barrels now a few years since Elmer’s passing? It was announced that the Brand Manager, Kris Comstock would continue for Elmer. I personally see a big difference from what used to be incredible stuff to now good. Elmer retired in 1983 but kept up his mostly regular Monday visits almost until he passed in 2013. What is it about the influence of a Master Distiller or the true legends? Jim Rutledge use to always say the day they start making a flavored whiskey is his last day. Parker Beam had this kind of clout as did Booker and so many others. It was thought that the Samuals (custodians of their brand) were against the change in the Makers mark bottling proof to 84 a few years back but they could not kill the idea before it was released. Then owner Beam wanted what they wanted. These are just a few influencers in Whiskey. Brand Managers and marketing people now have the power in most cases and at times it results in mistakes. I personally liked the Wild Turkey Masters Keep but the consumer pushed back on this and Diamond Anniversary. They both now still sit on shelves 1-3 years after their release. What happened? Oddly, nothing but Proof. The consumer presumed that lots of water was added bringing the Diamond Proof to 91 and the Masters Keep 86.8 and well below the proof that Whiskey Geeks wanted in a $150 bottle. What wasn’t communicated was that the Barrel Entry proof back when these were put away were only 107 and they lost alcohol as many barrels do that are kept older, lower and cooler in a warehouse. In order to do a small batch release 95 proof was the average when dumped and they needed to be brought down a tad. Had this been the story they would have sold much better since a lower distillation and barrel entry proof usually results in a better more richly tasting bottle. Ive been told that the input and influence a Master Distiller currently is at best “At odds” with the marketers. People like Fred Noe, Brent Elliot, Harlen Wheatley have much less say. I know of one Master Distiller that is down right unhappy the direction of the marketing over quality. Experiments that might have been dumped before now go out to market. I recently discussed if a Tequila finish barrel was killed as it was rumored and never came out. It was confirmed that it did not turn out well and I think Bourbon and Tequila is like Chocolate and mustard as a harmonious mix. The private or closely held companies like Heaven Hill and Old Forrester have the best chance these days. Unfortunately many real Master Distillers have been muzzled and trotted around like rented ponies not the stallions of just a few years ago. Making matters more confusing are the people anointing themselves as ‘master distiller’ that are full of miss and disinformation saying things like their six-month-old whiskey is great, wonderful and you’ll see unicorns and leprechauns when you drink it. Recently a label was approved from the TTB for a Basil Hayden Rye. This is obviously a Limited Edition on the heals of the Bookers and Bookers Rye. BUT, a 80 proof Super Rye is like clipping the wings of an Eagle so it can’t fly or a 40 MPH limiter on a Ferrari. Not smart and a typical stupid Marketing move. If they expect to sell this one for $150-$300 then they better cross their fingers they can find a bunch of stupid people to buy them up. Flippers will be stuck with them unless they get some huge ratings (unlikely at 80 Proof). Basil Hayden had a very special place that worked in that spot and its not at 300 bucks in a rye. Why not just do it as a Bakers, the Red Headed Step Child of Beam Suntory that has no idea what to do with the brand? Makes no sense to me or many other bloggers and aficionados. Beam doesn’t seem to want peoples advice on such things I guess or at least not listening. I think this is the trend and it’s a bad one. Not taking the CORRECT pulse of the public, not listening to your Master Distillers or even asking them is a recipe for bad quality and stupid ideas. We are seeing it now. Only a matter of time till some moron puts out a Tequila Barrel finish in a major brand.

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ilovingcollectiongalaxy · 5 years

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If there’s been one central theme to every major whiskey story of the last decade, it has been age: The rare Pappy Van Winkle 23 so coveted that an actual heist occurred, the absurdly old 72-year-old Macallan release, thinly stretched bourbon makers who dropped numbers from their bottles so they could use younger whiskeys to meet demand. The age statement of a whiskey is, in popular culture, a simple quality marker, with an even simpler rule of thumb: Older is generally better.

But the rule—and the age statement in general—are both painfully generalized, simplified ways of informing the average drinker quickly of what he or she is buying.

The truth is that age statements aren’t nearly as simple as they seem, that most whiskey drinkers might not fully understand what that number means, and that worrying too much about numbers makes you likely to miss some incredible bottles.

Here’s what you need to know.

Do You Know the Difference Between Scotch Single Malt Whisky and Scotch Blended Whisky?

What Is Aging?

One of the things that makes whiskey whiskey, legally speaking, is contact with wood. Contact with wood is how age is determined, so a flash “aged” whiskey that was in contact with wood for a few seconds still qualifies as whiskey in the U.S., but not straight whiskey. And other styles of whiskey like bourbon, Irish, Scotch, Canadian, and Japanese all have their own rules.

For instance, bourbon must be aged in new, charred oak barrels. Straight bourbon must do so for a minimum of two years. In Scotland, it can’t be labeled “whisky” until it has aged for three years and a day.

But regardless of numbers, the barrel is significant because it’s often the No. 1 source of flavor for a whiskey by the time it’s bottled. Whiskey penetrates the wood fibers, breaks down compounds like wood sugars, and then pulls them out of the wood into the whiskey. Temperature plays a major part in this: When wood gets warm, it expands, letting more liquid in. When it gets cold, it contracts, pushing whiskey (and color, sugars, and other flavors) back into the liquid. It’s very much like steeping tea.

39 Great Whiskeys You Can Actually Find at Your Liquor Store

Your Dad’s Bottle of Macallan 12 From 1990 Isn’t 32 Years Old

A few months ago a friend texted with a question. He’d been rummaging through his parents’ liquor cabinet, and came across a dusty bottle of Scotch acquired, from what he could tell, when Bush Sr. was in office. Did he find a bottle of 32-year-old whisky? No, he didn’t.

Whiskey doesn’t keep aging in the bottle. “A whiskey’s age is a reflection of the time from when it is first put in the barrel till when it is dumped,” says Lew Bryson, a whiskey expert and author of Tasting Whiskey: An Insider’s Guide to the Unique Pleasures of the World’s Finest Spirits.

Bryson also explains that the age on the label is a reflection of the youngest ingredient in the final bottle.

“There are probably older whiskeys blended into the mix,” he says, “[so] a whiskey’s age statement is, legally, the age of the youngest whiskey in the bottle, at the time of bottling.”

So if the interaction with wood is where “aging” happens, that means our hypothetical bottle of Macallan has always been 12 years old, even while it sat in a cabinet.

Whiskey doesn’t age in the bottle. In fact, it’s quite inert. Assuming it’s properly stored, whiskey won’t change much itself in the bottle. What change it does see has to do with oxygen exposure, light exposure, and temperature fluctuations—and all of these things are generally bad for it.

The best you can hope for with an old bottle of a 12-year-old whiskey is that it still tastes like a great 12-year-old whiskey.

12 Single Barrel Bourbons You Should Try Right Now

The Limits of Age Statements

Age statements can also be reductive. Many of the bottles labeled 12 years old could contain a blend of whiskeys aged from 12 to sometimes 15-16 years of age or more, depending on the brand. With the exception of single barrel or single cask whiskeys (a bottle labeled single barrel or single cask can only contain whiskey from one barrel), some bottles are the product of a master blender using a variety of whiskeys to achieve the desired final result.

Master blenders might use older stock to add nuance to younger whiskey, in order to replicate the profile of a whiskey from batch to batch. But the whole process is sort of like trying to mix a new can of custom paint: You may have to use different ingredients the second time.

Making a 12-year-old whiskey is not so easy as just taking a few pallets of 12-year-old whiskey and dumping it into a tank.

Barrels mature differently, and no two are the same. Balvenie Global Ambassador Gemma Paterson emphasizes that even with upwards of 20 million casks in warehouses across Scotland, “every single one as unique as a fingerprint, a snowflake. The art of maturing whisky really is a waiting game that relies on time and patience. Samples have to be drawn from casks on a regular basis and shared with our Malt Master to then determine when that whisky has hit the sweet spot in maturation.”

20 Amazing Whiskeys Under $100

Beyond Age Statements

There’s a second element to this seemingly tedious process as well: the search for exceptional casks. While some whiskeys are hitting their peak around 12 years of age, others might still have room to grow to get to 18, 21, or even 30 years of age. Some whiskeys can hit staggering ages—70-plus is not unheard of in Scotland, and in Kentucky, you’ll occasionally hear of bourbons over 25.

A lot of people wonder why every barrel isn’t just aged to, say, 23 years of age. It would certainly make Pappy Van Winkle fans happier.

There are a few reasons experts will point out if you ask. No. 1: 23 years of waiting is 23 years of paying taxes without profit. Most shareholders (and all accountants) would consider this a nightmare. You, the consumer, would have to pick up some of that cost, by paying more for their bottles to balance out their cost to produce.

But more importantly, some whiskeys just won’t make it to 23—in fact, most don’t.

Bryson says that if whiskey is left too long in a barrel, a lot of bad things can happen. “A whiskey can completely evaporate, or go all solventy, or get so fragile it ‘collapses’ [loses structure], or [it could] go underproof in the barrel, at which point it’s no longer whiskey,” he says.

Buffalo Trace Master Distiller Harlen Wheatley, who maintains one of the most sought-after ranges of bourbon in the country, says as whiskeys age, “they pick up more of the wood flavor from the barrel. Sometimes a really old whiskey can be over-oaked. My personal favorite is the 8-10 year range.”

It’s a sentiment you’ll hear echoed by Wild Turkey, Maker’s Mark, Jim Beam, and others as well: The majority of Kentucky’s masters consider the sweet spot for great whiskey to be somewhere between 5 and 10 years of age. In Scotland, because of the lower temperatures, whisky will age more slowly (about a third of the speed, generally). Scottish whisky makers aren’t as uniform, but if you ask many of them to show you a delicious barrel, inevitably it will be in its mid-to-late 20s, up to its mid-to-late 30s.

Why these ranges? Well, in Kentucky, between 5 and 10 years of age, the whiskey is reaching an interesting equilibrium between the impact of the barrel and the impact of the wood. This means that, in a good barrel or small batch, you’ll taste the best flavors of the grain and the barrel in the liquid. The same is more or less true of Scotland’s sweet spot.

8 Bottles of Affordable Whiskey You Should Always Have on Your Cart

The Future of Aging

For the entire history of whiskey, it’s been pretty hard to cut corners on aging. People have tried lots of strategies to “trick” the whiskey over the centuries. Some have tried to increase the surface area of wood that the liquid is in contact with in an attempt to speed up flavor extraction. They’ve used smaller barrels, they’ve added wood chips. And for the most part, it has produced pretty poor whiskey.

As a counterbalance, it’s also the case that whiskey is difficult to save when it gets “too old.” An over-the-hill bottle will taste of lightly toasted sawdust, and leave thick tannins in your mouth, as if you’d just been chewing on a tea bag.

One thing that does seem to have impact is temperature control. Woodford Reserve and several other distilleries will “heat cycle” their warehouses, essentially warming them up in the winter to get a few more cycles in.

Buffalo Trace has taken this to the next level. In 2018 Buffalo Trace and sister brand The Last Drop opened Warehouse P: a Kentucky cold storage warehouse meant to slow down the cycles of heating and cooling to test its effects on whisky. We’ll know more in the next decade about what that means.

The 10 Best Bourbons Under $50 You Should Add to Your Must-try List

What This Means for Your Whiskey Glass

Despite decades of marketing saying otherwise, the unifying truth is that age is just a number. That number might make a great guideline for finding more things you’ll like, but beating yourself up because that $200 pour tasted like you were milling lumber without a breathing mask isn’t worth the stress.

We asked Wheatley if there’s a perfect age for bourbon, and his simple response was that there isn’t one. “It’s relative to each person’s taste profile, too,” he explained. “What may taste too old to me may be perfect for you.”

Whiskey making is about more than one number, and while age may be significant, it’s not even close to the only factor.

“There are so many variables one can tinker with, such as placement on different warehouse floors, barrel stave seasoning, different grains, all which will affect the outcome,” Wheatley says. “There really are no limits as long as you desire to stay within the confines of bourbon.”

Paterson is on the same page. “Some younger whiskies can be of incredibly high quality, and some old whiskies can be past their best…taking on too much influence from the cask, for example, or too little if matured in an over-used cask [Scotch whiskies aren’t limited to a single use like bourbon]. The quality of the cask is the biggest determining factor of quality.”

If you’re more uncertain about what to drink now that you were a few minutes ago, the good news is that you have a blank slate. Take the whiskeys you love, and see what they have in common. Use that to find new favorites. Explore the wide world of whiskey without baggage.

You might find something incredible you’d never have tried before. And no matter how “into” whiskey you are, it’s never too late to start anew. Remember: Age is sometimes just a number.

The post What a Whiskey’s Age Statement Really Means appeared first on Men's Journal.

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ellismorris0 · 5 years

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Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December seventh, 2018

December has in any case come to cap off one fascinating yr—with a lot more nonetheless to return. We’ve coated masses of latest releases, launched heaps of latest options and welcomed masses of 1000’s of latest Distiller customers. This week, famed 4 Roses Grasp Distiller Jim Rutledge has a brand new distillery within the works. On best of that, Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon hits cabinets close to you. In any case, a handful of manufacturers are liberating much more pricey and impossible-to-purchase whiskies. Any person have $12,000 to spare?

Talking of latest options, we simply launched a brand new update to the Distiller app that may assist you to create bottles which are lacking from our database. You’ll want to replace your app and get to paintings including any bottles we haven’t gotten to but. All it’s a must to do is head to the Seek web page and get started typing. If you’ll’t discover a bottle, you’ll see a + icon seem or a button arise that asks if we’re lacking one thing. It’s that simple. Satisfied searching!

Jim Rutledge and Companions Announce Plans For J.W. Rutledge Distillery

Again in 2015, famed 4 Roses Grasp Distiller Jim Rutledge introduced that he was once retiring after just about 50 years. In large part chargeable for the resurgence of the 4 Roses emblem and its upward thrust to world acclaim within the early 2000’s, his retirement left one thing of a hollow within the bourbon business.

“It took me a few week to comprehend that retirement, consisting of six Saturdays and one Sunday, wasn’t going to be my cup of tea,” he mentioned. And with that, he made up our minds to get again to it. Since 2015 he’s been contract distilling at Castle & Key Distillery and dealing arduous with companions Jon Mowry, Will Conniff and Stephen Camisa to get a brand new distillery mission off the bottom.

With a blended 160 years of bourbon business enjoy, the 4 companions are actually as regards to securing land and shutting their first spherical of investment to construct a 69,000 sq. foot distillery close to Louisville, Kentucky. They plan to obtain 140 acres of land outdoor the town, and whilst not anything has been set in stone, they have got their eyes on a belongings in Oldham County.

J.W. Rutledge Distillery Mockups / Courtesy of Pod Structure

They’ve obtained the rights to Cream of Kentucky bourbon, which was once first presented in 1888 by means of I. Trager & Co. of Cincinnati. At one level, I. Trager & Co. had won such a lot reputation that Norman Rockwell equipped art work for the emblem.

The companions hope to obtain the land once conceivable. They intend to wreck floor on a barrel garage warehouse ahead of spring 2019. Rutledge will function the Grasp Distiller for the brand new distillery.

“There’s not anything that I may do I’d revel in or love greater than operating in a distillery,” he mentioned. “It’s now not paintings.”

Pre-Prohibition Whiskey Stash Discovered and Set For Public sale

Within the early 1900s, builder, banker and spirits service provider Jean-Baptiste Leonis noticed Prohibition at the horizon and made up our minds to do so to offer protection to his whiskey. He built secret vaults in his house in Hancock Park and his weekend belongings at Little Tujunga Canyon and stuffed them along with his secret stash. The gathering remained just about untouched till the demise of his nice grandson in 2017.

J.B. Leonis’ Pre-Prohibition Whiskey Stash / Photograph Courtesy of Christie’s Public sale Space

These days, Christie’s Public sale Space will start auctioning off his choice of over 40 instances of unopened bonded whiskey. The gathering comprises bottles of Hermitage whiskey that was once distilled in 1914, and Previous Crow from 1912. Christie’s is anticipating that the Hermitage instances will opt for someplace simply shy of $10,000, even though it’s fully conceivable the ones numbers will probably be briefly surpassed.

Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon Hits Cabinets

Debuting in December of 2018, Basil Hayden’s 10 Year Bourbon will probably be a limited-edition product that sees a annually unencumber across the vacation season. This bourbon comprises the similar high-rye bourbon recipe from the usual Basil Hayden’s Bourbon, however carries a 10 yr age observation. Basil Hayden’s Bourbon initially carried an eight yr age observation, however in 2014 it was once changed with “Artfully Elderly” at the packaging.

Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon / Photograph Courtesy of Beam Suntory

This unencumber comes at the heels of latest Basil Hayden’s expressions, together with Basil Hayden’s Rye and Basil Hayden’s Dark Rye in 2017, and Basil Hayden’s Two by Two Rye in 2018. The 40% ABV bottling and is now to be had national with a recommended retail value of $59.99 in step with 750ml bottle.

New Collection from Buffalo Hint: Previous Constitution Oak

Maximum bourbon is elderly in white oak from the Ozarks, however bourbon rules handiest require that new, charred oak boxes be used for ageing. The kind of oak isn’t specified. The Previous Constitution Oak sequence will function other oak varietals sourced from other areas, other international locations, and other ages together with some century oaks. This bottling options oak sourced from Mongolia by means of grasp distiller Harlen Wheatley again in 2006. The oak barrels arrived at Buffalo Hint in 2008 and have been stuffed with Buffalo Hint mash invoice #1. Long term releases will probably be rolled out periodically with two new releases coming in 2019.

Previous Constitution Oak Mongolian Oak / Photograph Credit score: Buffalo Hint

“As of now, we now have bourbon ageing for the Previous Constitution Oak assortment set for unencumber now via 2030, however we’ll stay generating extra every yr for extra new whiskeys past that,” says Kris Comstock, senior advertising and marketing director.

Elderly for 10 years, Old Charter Oak Mongolian Oak is to be had in December 2018 in restricted amounts at a recommended retail value of $59.99.

First Isle of Skye Vodka Makes Its Debut

Whilst Isle of Skye isn’t any stranger to whiskey, Isle of Skye Distillers have created what they consider to be the primary ever vodka ever produced at the island. Misty Isle Vodka is triple distilled and made the use of the waters drawn from Storr Lochs, positioned handiest 3 miles from their Portree-based distillery.

Misty Isle Vodka / Photograph Credit score: Isle of Skye

The bottle design was once impressed by means of the panorama of the Cuillin Mountains. The 40% ABV bottling has a recommended retail value of more or less $38.50.

It’s Fancy Whisky Time

Rather ceaselessly manufacturers (particularly Scotch whisky manufacturers) love to announce extremely uncommon and costly bottles that none folks mere mortals will ever get a possibility to get our fingers on. Nonetheless, it’s a laugh figuring out that they’re available in the market. Right here’s a snappy rundown of one of the crucial fancy bottles introduced this week.

Port Askaig 33 Year

Distilled in 1984, this 33-year-old unmarried malt from Islay comes from a unmarried cask. The cask yielded handiest 115 bottles, all of that have been bottled solely for ImpEx Drinks. Port Askaig 33 Yr is non-chill-filtered and has no added colour. The 50.three% ABV bottling carries a recommended retail value of $800. This bottle unencumber is handiest in the US.

Port Askaig 33 Yr / Photograph Credit score: Port Askaig

Benromach 1978

This limited-edition whisky, distilled in 1978, was once elderly for 40 years in one replenish sherry hogshead cask. That cask, quantity 2608, produced handiest 184 bottles. The 56.three% ABV bottling is to be had international with a recommended retail value of just about $1,600 in step with bottle. It is available in a decanter-style bottle with a copper-foil embossed label all housed inside of a gloomy oak picket field.

Benromach 1978

Two New Gordon & MacPhail Non-public Assortment Whiskies

Again in April of 2018 Gordon & MacPhail introduced a streamlining of its complete portfolio. In early November 2018 the emblem introduced two new Private Collection additions within the Inverleven 1985 Private Collection and The Glenrothes 1974 Private Collection. Now, two extra Non-public Assortment expressions are becoming a member of the ranks.

Caol Ila 1968 Non-public Assortment & The Glenlivet 1954 Non-public Assortment

Caol Ila 1968 Private Collection (Gordon & MacPhail)

This 50-year-old unmarried malt whisky was once matured in one replenish sherry hogshead cask. The barrel yielded 199 bottles. So far it’s the oldest Caol Ila unmarried malt ever launched. It was once bottled at 52.five% ABV and carries a recommended value of about $nine,550.

The Glenlivet 1954 Private Collection (Gordon & MacPhail)

This unmarried malt whisky was once matured in Cask 1412, a replenish sherry butt, for 64 years. Cask 1412 yielded 222 bottles. It’s bottled at a cask energy of 41% ABV with a recommended value of more or less $12,670.

10 Anniversary Particular Version Whiskies From Kavalan

December 4th, 2018 marks a decade to the precise day for the reason that unencumber of the first actual whisky from Kavalan, the Kavalan Classic Single Malt Whisky. To have fun the instance, the emblem is debuting two new limited-edition whiskies: Kavalan Bordeaux Margaux and Kavalan Bordeaux Pauillac. Every is bottled at 57.eight% ABV in 1000ml bottles inside of a present field set along two Glencairn glasses in step with bottle. Most effective three,000 of every have been made, and the discharge is these days handiest to be had in Taiwan. World releases are within the works for 2019. Every unencumber carries a recommended retail value of $285.

Kavalan Bordeaux Margaux (left) and Kavalan Bordeaux Pauillac (proper) / Photograph Courtesy of Kavalan

Whether or not you’re trying to find Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon or one of the crucial many uncommon releases this week, we’ve were given you coated.

With Distiller, you’ll all the time know what’s within the bottle ahead of you spend a cent. Charge, Evaluation, and Uncover spirits! Head on over to Distiller, or obtain the app for iOS and Android these days!

The publish Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December 7th, 2018 seemed first on The Distiller Blog.

The post Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December seventh, 2018 appeared first on Liquor Gift Baskets.

from http://liquorgiftbaskets.net/2018/12/08/distillers-friday-roundup-december-7th-2018/

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gailmalooft · 5 years

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Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December seventh, 2018

Jim Rutledge and Companions Announce Plans For J.W. Rutledge Distillery

J.W. Rutledge Distillery Mockups / Courtesy of Pod Structure

“There’s not anything that I may do I’d revel in or love greater than operating in a distillery,” he mentioned. “It’s now not paintings.”

Pre-Prohibition Whiskey Stash Discovered and Set For Public sale

J.B. Leonis’ Pre-Prohibition Whiskey Stash / Photograph Courtesy of Christie’s Public sale Space

Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon Hits Cabinets

Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon / Photograph Courtesy of Beam Suntory

New Collection from Buffalo Hint: Previous Constitution Oak

Previous Constitution Oak Mongolian Oak / Photograph Credit score: Buffalo Hint

Elderly for 10 years, Old Charter Oak Mongolian Oak is to be had in December 2018 in restricted amounts at a recommended retail value of $59.99.

First Isle of Skye Vodka Makes Its Debut

Misty Isle Vodka / Photograph Credit score: Isle of Skye

The bottle design was once impressed by means of the panorama of the Cuillin Mountains. The 40% ABV bottling has a recommended retail value of more or less $38.50.

It’s Fancy Whisky Time

Port Askaig 33 Year

Port Askaig 33 Yr / Photograph Credit score: Port Askaig

Benromach 1978

Two New Gordon & MacPhail Non-public Assortment Whiskies

Caol Ila 1968 Non-public Assortment & The Glenlivet 1954 Non-public Assortment

Caol Ila 1968 Private Collection (Gordon & MacPhail)

The Glenlivet 1954 Private Collection (Gordon & MacPhail)

10 Anniversary Particular Version Whiskies From Kavalan

Kavalan Bordeaux Margaux (left) and Kavalan Bordeaux Pauillac (proper) / Photograph Courtesy of Kavalan

Whether or not you’re trying to find Basil Hayden’s 10 Yr Bourbon or one of the crucial many uncommon releases this week, we’ve were given you coated.

The publish Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December 7th, 2018 seemed first on The Distiller Blog.

The post Distiller’s Friday Roundup – December seventh, 2018 appeared first on Liquor Gift Baskets.

from http://liquorgiftbaskets.net/2018/12/08/distillers-friday-roundup-december-7th-2018/

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guyanthonydemarco · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Guy Anthony De Marco

New Post has been published on http://guyanthonydemarco.com/how-kids-think/

How Kids Think

Want to write a Middle Grade or YA book? Always consider how your audience thinks. Here’s an old series of jokes that made the rounds and demonstrated kid logic.

From those who should know: All questions were answered by kids, age 5-10

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy,8)

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife” (Tom,5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike,9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)

“Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kelly,9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger,9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.”(Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ is on television.” (Anita, 6)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.”(Bobby, 8)

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.”(Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava,8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo,9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad,8)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY “I LOVE YOU”:

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:

“You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help to watch soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you…That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.” (Randy, 8)

#children's fiction #middle grade #YA #On Writing

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dailyjoke4u · 6 years

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Kids on love

Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening, thus proving that all we need to know, we probably learned in kindergarten.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

“Eighty-four. Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other.” (Judy, 8)

“Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tommy, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

“On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)

THE GREAT DEBATE:

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

“It’s better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)

“It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE:

“No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)

“I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

“Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)

“If falling in love is anything like learning to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long to learn.” (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE AND ROMANCE:

“If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)

“It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)

“Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

“They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off, because they paid good money for them.” (David, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

“I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ are on TV.” (Anita, 6)

“Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I’ve been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)

“I’m not rushing into being in love. I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)

PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

“One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

“Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)

“Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)

“One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE ?

“Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)

“Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad, 8)

“It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY, “I LOVE YOU”:

“The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day.” (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS:

“You learn it right on the spot, when the ‘gooshy’ feelings get the best of you.” (Doug, 7)

“It might help if you watched soap operas all day.” (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

“It’s never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you. That’s why I stopped doing it.” (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

“Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work.” (Tom, 7)

“Don’t forget your wife’s name…that will mess up the love.” (Roger,8)

“Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take the trash out.” (Randy, 8)

from http://www.dailyjoke4u.com/kids-on-love/

#little johnny

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