Just, ah.. Just gonna.. *slips little brainrot worm into a DVD player* There. Please enjoy what has been on my mind for literal days now. SelfAware!Gaz and a SelfAware!Reader, by the way.
You'd noticed that Gaz hadn't been himself lately, always veering off from the groups in favor of being alone. "Just somethin' on my mind, love. Nothing to worry your head about." Really.. He should know by now that you can sniff out bullshit from a mile away.
He was always his cheerful, sarcastic self as you all talked and interacted before the game was switched on to play online matches. You often sat there with a smile as he joked with Price or goofed off with Soap after getting Ghost nice and miffed about being annoyed. However, when the game was turned on, that's when his mood switched. Almost like a switch, his smile morphed into something tight, something forced and faked to appear his usual. Then it just disappeared altogether as matches were played, lost or won.
You were never a popular choice as an Operator, had come to accept that, and just enjoyed the time spent deep in the hidden rooms of the lobby with the other unchosen, often forgotten individuals. But you could see that the attention that Ghost or König got, constantly a top choice within lobbies, had a negative effect on Gaz's mood. You watched as his face fell further the more that he was left behind, often forgotten about. It hurt every part of yourself to see him this sullen..
One day, you decided that enough was enough, that you needed to expose the root of his upset and let him rant. Sitting beside him as a long match started, away from all the rest of the chattering and mingling, you spoke with a soft, gentle lilt. "Kyle, you've been getting distant. You don't have to talk about it, not right away.. But please know that I'm here for you. Whatever is on your mind, I'll always listen."
The silence that followed your words wasn't tense, not completely. There was a hesitation flitting the atmosphere around the both of you, but there was no real tension. It took minutes, five tops, before the man even spoke. "I... I feel like.. I'm never good enough. Not like Ghost, not like König.. They're remembered. Ghost and König even got new skins and more in the making... And here I am, barely remembered.."
The words stung, worse than any wound you could have ever sustained in a match. Hearing what he thought of himself, how the real people made him feel... It truly hurt. "It makes me think of why I even serve a purpose in the storyline.. And I might be a selfish git for this, but.. But, Christ, I'm the main character.. Is it so wrong for me to want just.. just a little more love?"
The way his face twisted into a poorly hidden grimace of sadness, the telltale shimmering of unshed diamond tears before he tucked close to himself, arms wrapped around his legs pulled tight to his body. All of it. It fucking hurt.
Taking a deep breath, gathering your thoughts and your feelings, collecting them all in a cohesive stack, you then let the breath out before your words. "Oftentimes.. those who should be remembered are forgotten, lost amongst stories and collections of the actions around them rather than of them. I'm becoming poetic, sure, but it's true. People are easily distracted by things or other people that are outside of their perceived normal. They're like cavemen, really. 'Ooh, ooh! Big man, scary mask! Big man, big man!'"
You smiled when you managed a soft chuckle from him, watching as he wiped his face against his knees. Likely swiping away stray tears. "Diamonds in the rough effect, I think. They pay too much attention to a jewel not meant to be polished but pay so little attention to the emerald sat centerpiece amongst them. But the few who give their attention to the emerald, they tend to cherish it so much more. They protect it, care for it, make sure that it's never forgotten about."
Reaching over, you gently took his hand in your own, gaining more of his attention as he finally turned his head to look at you and saw your glimmering grin. "Gazzybear, you're not forgotten about. You matter to all the right people. You're beloved by those who truly care, who speak up and make sure you're never forgotten. You don't need a million men to make an army, and you certainly don't need a million men to show you that you're loved and cherished. Your following might be smaller than the rest, but I assure you that they are mighty."
You both sat there as he stayed silent, taking in your words and your meanings, soaking them all in as he processed it all. It didn't take long until you saw that gorgeous, gleaming smile of his once again. The sun originated from that smile, was created from it, yet the sun could never be as warm as that smile. "Thank you. You're real fuckin' great with words. I needed that."
You huffed a laugh, the corners of your eyes creasing as your own smile broadened along your lips. "No thanks needed or required, Kye. It's always good to be reminded by the facts. And you're too good of a man to ever forget about the love and support you have. After all, I'm your number one fan and cheerleader."
NO ONE LOOK AT MEEEEEE
ID PICK GAZ EVERYTIME!!!!
in MW1, he had to be bought through the operator bundle, which is fucking BANANASSSS.
someone needs to give me some answers.
beautiful, wonderful, im gonna go cry about this now ty
smother him with love and kisses and ride hi—
ahem.
i love this. truly. im grateful for you sharing this in my inbox.
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