#SAD!!!

[smileyerim]

in hell there’s heaven

He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening. For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun has to come to terms with his emotions.

inspired by solo by frank ocean

pairing: jeong jaehyun x reader

genre: angst

length: 1k

warnings: adults smoking weed, mentions of cheating

If Jaehyun could do anything in the world right now, he would go back to 3 days ago, slap himself in the face, and call you. He wants that more than he’s ever wanted anything in your relationship, but he didn’t do that.

3 days ago Jaehyun cheated on you. 3 hours ago the guilt hit him so hard he wanted to cry, an emotion he wasn’t particularly comfortable with expressing in front of you, when you told him you were so happy he was yours. Because, yes, that’s technically true, but 2 days and 21 hours ago Jaehyun was kissing the neck of another woman, whispering sweet nothings into her ear, and entering into her with far too much ease.

So 3 minutes ago he decided to tell you about his infidelity. Jaehyun never believed the “eyes are the window to the soul” bullshit until that exact moment when he saw in your eyes your heart breaking.

“I-I need a minute.” You say, walking away. You did that a lot. Insecurity built up from relationships past left you uneasy with the idea of expressing anger towards a partner. Even when you and Jaehyun fought you always conceded first, letting him win even if you were still hurt. Jaehyun knew this, and he always tried his hardest not to take advantage of it and you, always letting you know you had the space to be upset.

He didn’t say that this time, though. He knew he didn’t need to, that damn look in your eyes communicated it enough.

3 seconds of sitting alone on the couch, eyes glued to his shut bedroom door that you just locked yourself into to think, Jaehyun decides he can’t sit with these feelings.

So he doesn’t, in a manner that is just so him, he decides on taking the fresh pre-roll he bought from the dispensary earlier to share with you out to the balcony alone.

The old and derelict lawn chair squeaked concerningly as he sat down, but he doesn’t care. He takes the white lighter he bought himself as a bad luck charm out of his pocket and the joint up to his lips, flicking the lighter and burning his eyes at the flame. He takes a few puffs in, not inhaling, just to start the sweet burn. He blows softly on the cherry end to prevent it from canoeing before taking his first real drag, eyebrows scowling at the peppery taste. He hates this strain, but it was the only one that seemed to calm your anxiety, like truly mellow you out. So he sacrificed.

Jaehyun was famous at ignoring his emotions, bottling them up until they burst. No matter what he was truly feeling, he always expressed anger when he exploded. He lost a lot of relationships because of that, but you stayed, you always did. It takes a lot out of him to admit to himself that earlier today when he felt so upset he wanted to cry, he scared himself. Jaehyun doesn’t care about many things enough to want to cry over them, but suddenly at the prospect of hurting you his tear ducts sprung to life again. He thought they had shriveled up and died.

That’s one of the many things he guesses he gained from you, emotional freedom, assurance that he isn’t a waste of space and time, unconditional support in his dreams, and the gift of what he suspects is the love of his life.

He guesses that’s all gone now.

He’s torn away from his thoughts when the screen door to the balcony opens and you step out to join him. There’s a second chair out here but you don’t sit, standing and staring at your bare feet. He wants to tell you to go back inside and put on shoes before the ants bite you, but it feels like the wrong time so he doesn’t.

He chooses to just stare at you, your hair partially blocking your face as you look down still. He’s pretty stoned at this point, halfway through the joint.

He doesn’t know what to do, and time feels so very slow so he offers you the joint by moving his hand below your line of sight. He doesn’t imagine there’s a way you’ll say no to it, you know the scent. You must know it’s your favorite. You must know he bought it for you.

Unbeknownst to him, though, nothing can calm the anxiety you have right now.

“Jaehyun, I can’t do this.” You finally look at him, and the look in your eyes, those damn eyes and that damn look break his heart again. He doesn’t show it though, just pursing his lips and letting a frown settle.

“I-I can’t be with you anymore.”

He watches the tear roll down your cheek. He wants to scoff, but his heart is too broken. An unmistakable feeling of emptiness and regret fills him, a stinging pain that he tries to swallow down stays burning behind his sternum.

He’s broken. Fully, entirely, all encompassingly broken.

“Are you going to say anything?” You say.

And no, he wasn’t particularly planning on it. What is there to say? He fucked up, he knew it right after it happened and even a small part of him during it too, but there’s no going back.

He knows that not one word he could say that would convince you that he loves you more than he loves the freedom to do whatever he wants.

Now, though, he’s questioning which is a bigger priority to him.

You shake your head and scoff at him before turning, opening the screen door and leaving for the last time.

He’s full of too many emotions he doesn’t know how to name, so he screams. To the owls hooting in the trees, to the moon, to God if He was listening.

For the first time ever in his 25 years of living, Jaehyun had to come to terms with his emotions.

He fucking hated it, and he still loves you. That was the worst part.

part 2 here <3

#autumn writes jaehyun #nct #kpop #ficscafe #jaehyun #jaehyun angst #angst #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun smut #cheating au #sad!!! #so sad!!! #lol

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

so one thing about me is im actually a lying liar who lies... more at 11

(shirts)

#my art :d #i said this was going to be a WIP forever. i then immediately went back to drawing it for the rest of the day. lol. lmao #chuuyas slippers are what dazais would look like if he took care of them #once again. dont ask me how dazais bandages are working here. i dont know #i tried to hard to adjust the text for the angle but. sighs #i wasnt going to do the beanie originally but chuuyas head looks naked without a hat and i cant draw his #sad!!! #anyway once again shout out to ibis paint x for the pose bases 👍 i just traced those #skk #ANYWAY ANYWAY. i cant do digital art dont judge me

[sexchangedotcom]

tumblr led me to believe that this summer would be full of women in tank tops and jorts and men in floral summer dresses but no. the world could be so beautiful and you choose not to let it

#SAD!!! #nic.txt

[wheatleigh]

Hai. Send me oddly specific drawing requests for the think tankers. I may or may not get to them ough..

#old world blues #fallout #new vegas #i need to draw them so badly but no ideas #sad!!!

[batvillainz]

huge dyke setback- lost my ring of keys :((((( I have another carabiner and am in the process of replacing my keys but this looks so piddly I can't wear it on my belt :(((

#val chats #Anyone wanna buy me a Keychain or something? :[ #Going home this weekend so I'm getting my house key but :(( that's the limit of what's replacable #Sad!!!

[girl-hobbit]

that feel when you have a blorbo you really want to talk about but.. nobody knows the media ur blorbo is from or who youre talking about... :(

#blorbo from my shows #sad!!! #*shaking the bars of my cage* #i want 2 talk about Rachel !!! #booo waaaah rarrrgh #my post #look at my posts boy #unintelligible goblin noises #🌿hobbit girl speaks #txt #silly posting #🌿girl hobbit is yelling

[nbmudkip]

loop manuel miranda cursed the mudkip hunt sorry

you did this to me. you cursed the pink fish to hate me so bad

#im trying not to get impatient bc it becomes less fun if youre impatient/expecting it #but ughhhh I WANT ITTTT I WANNA HUNT THE OTHER TEAM MEMBERS…. #im also really missing my soulsilver copy rn….i wanna hunt its legendaries #i should rly beat my omega ruby file with a completed dtq so i can hunt oras legends #but my other 3ds is broken….i could double hunt but itd be risky…….. #SAD!!! #answered #vulpineprince #basil

[dreamdripdistance]

old friends

#thsi WAS gonna be fun and lighthearted like. my boy fret has a 40 step skincare routine #but NO!!!! #SAD!!! #makeup/skincare/etc as a metaphor for putting on a facade you get it you know what im on about #twewy #my art

[gotyouanyway]

narvin was as upset about romana enlisting the master as he was about matthias dealing with arkadian nobody EVER listens to him they all just want to deal with evil bad guys all the time </3

#SAD!!! #p #gallifrey lb

[ackee]

please watch love death + robots if you havent. its sooo good and filled with talented people. the nft bullshit kinda ruined it (and possibly why theres no news abt a new season at least to my knowledge) but honestly it was a very good series :)

NAURRR i have seen it though unfortunately u__u what a fun little series!! had NO idea they were tryna shill nfts though

#askee #sad!!! #so glad nfts are dead now that was a hellish year

[knaveofmogadore]

Seth Rollins looks like he robbed an h&m on the way to the arena :(

#wrestlemania #wwe #SAD!!!

[vurren]

heartbreaking! this cat doesn't have anywhere to put its selfship nonsense

#it feels embarrassing to put it here or my art blog #it wouldnt fit on my nsft blog #and i cannot manage a fourth fucking blog rn #sad!!! #vurr.txt

[strangebrew]

its a shame some of these pirating sites havent implented a "skip intro" feature

#SAD!!! #lee.txt

[yellowfingcr]

"I'm not allowed to pop."

#hunter au #SAD!!!

[meteorherd]

society if people understood that “i have a differing opinion or extra information to tell you that may inform your opinion” doesnt mean “i need you to defend your opinion with your life because i obviously think you are stupid and inferior for having it”

#வார்த்தைகள் #absolutely hate whenever this happens mostly because 9/10 times it could have been an actually very enjoyable conversation #if the other person did not immediately assume i was trying to start an argument or tell them theyre wrong </3 #sorry just thinking about this because i had this happen with a (now-ex) mutual and it was soooo bizarre #like this is coming from someone who has had issues with being defensive that ive worked on a lot #and through that ive just realized. being defensive is such a weird response when youre on the receiving end #sadly i think its part of the whole Internet Brain Syndrome where you think anyone who doesnt agree with you hates what you have to say #sad!!!

[zombvibes]

It’s sad that all of the cringe gaymer jokes are reserved for krerdly when suselle would also have that because literally all 4 of them are cringe gaymers.

#zombvibes never shuts up #my brain is so huge too bad it doesn���t let me draw out my ideas. #SAD!!!