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popculturebuffet · 4 years

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Analysis of X: Excalibur: The Sword is Drawn

In honor of britan’s premire superhero team returning today, we take a look back at the original team. Kitty Pryde and Nightcrawler must team up with a drunkard magical british superman and his chipper shapeshifting sorta girlfriend to save their old teammate from an alternate dystopian future with the power of a god from both a squad of skin stealing wolves sicced on her by a sinsiter reality show producer from another dimension and a group of intergalactic weirdo bounty hunters after her due to an entirely separate omniversal dictator who wants to bang british superman. Somehow, Grant Morrison didn’t write this. I would like to, if I may, take you on a strange journey after the cut.

Excalibur has always been the odd mutant out of the X-Men franchise.And that’s in part because the bulk of it’s mythos and characters come not from the deep wells of the X-Men comics of the time, but from another character Chris Claremont had a huge hand in: Captain Britain

Created shortly after Claremont got his start on the All-New All-Diffrent X-Men, redefining the X-Men forever and making them into the sales juggernaut they were for the 80′s and early to mid-90′s and are again today at long last, Captain Britan was Brian Braddock, a scientist who, while escaping a hired goon who torched his workplace, crashed his motorbike. He was saved by, of all things, Merlin... yes exactly the one your thinking of.... and his daughter and omniveral guardian Roma. They choose Brian to be their champion choosing either the staff of right or the sword of might and, not really being a fighter, Brian chose the staff and a hero was born.

Cap was created for the UK Divison of Marvel and while Claremont did a sizeable amount of work on the character, including introducing Brian’s sister and future X-Man and as of this week Captain Britan herself Betsy Braddock, it was two other men who made most of his mythos and the stuff that would end up being the backbone of Excalibur: Alan Davis, an absolutely monsterous talent of an artist and all around nice guy and... your going to want to sit down if you don’t know this I sure as hell was surprised, Alan Fucking Moore... and if that’s not his actual middle name it should be. Yes he of long beards, genere definting runs and yelling at the young people to get off his lawn and DC to stop hurting his baby Watchmen, THAT Alan Moore worked for marvel breifly. This was his only work with them shockingly. Not so shockingly he and Davis redefined the character, created most of the concepts that would be carried over to Excalibur, and gave the character a spiffy new costume seen above, one so good it’s stuck even into the modern era. Moore, and some other artists in addition to Davis, crafted a long epic about Cap going up against Mad Jim Jaspers, a reality warping mutant who was as insane as his name suggested and introduced many things that would become the backbone of the character, as well as establishing Moore’s habit of taking a less than sucessful B-List hero and utterly turning him on his head. Their also the ones who dubbed Marvel’s main universe 616, a fun fact I honestly had forgotten. But of course after Moore left Cap fell by the wayside, making a cameo or too in other marvel books in the US while Betsy made her way to the X-Men just when they needed new blood most. More on that in a bit. But he wouldn’t stay on the sidelines for long. See Chris Claremont has a habit of taking characters he created and using them later if they’d been forgotten somehow or put off to the wayside. Mystique, one of the x-men’s most iconic enemies... was a Ms.Marvel (The carol danvers one before she got the rank up), enemy. Sabertooth? An old iron fist villian he’d created and taken a shine to. Arcade was inveted for a team up of Spider-Man and Captain Britan before primarily becoming an X-Men villian for most of his life. And of course Betsy was a a supporting character who became one of the x-men’s most iconic members through a weird mind swap with a japanese woman before recently getting her old body back. Claremont dosen’t like leaving his charcters to twist in the wind and thus brought most of them into the x-men mythos. Even Spider-Woman, depowered at the time, ended up as a major Wolverine supporting character. One of Claremont’s strengths as a writer to me is that he never truly forgot anything he created or worked on, and the X-Men benefited greatly from it. So while it probably surprised american readers who only thought of Captain Britain as a c-list hero who teamed up with Spider-Man and Captain America, it’s no surprise in hindsight that for his second X-Men ongoing, having also made a TON of mini series, he choose to bring Brian to the big time. While I can’t find much background on Excalibur, I conjecture that Chris wanted to go a bit lighter.

The X-Men were in a DARK place at the time. I mean the X-Men were never all sunshine and roses but most of the humor of the book and lighter moments were gone at the time thanks to the Mutant Massacre, an event where the Morlocks, a group of disfigured homeless mutants who felt at odds with society and thus lived in the tunnels under New York, were slaughtered by professional hitsquad the Mauraders who killed all but a handful of them and during the fight with the X-men took 3 of them out of commission: Nightcrawler had fallen into a coma after overtaking his already crippled teleportation powers defeating one of the mauraders, Kitty Pryde slowly started to disappear, unable to phase back to solid after taking an electric spear for Rouge, and Colossus was heavily wounded in ways I forgot and since he rejoined the X-Men, aren’t really relevant here anyway. The X-Men were up against the wall against a barrage of ruthless opponents, working with longtime foe magneto since Xavier got trapped in space, as you do, and were not in a really happy place. So it feels like, even if the angst was still present because Claremont would go into withdrawl if there wasn’t some form of angst to work off, Excalibur was created as a way for him to do something different in the X-Mold and lighter so he could go as dark as he needed to. So by injuring Kitty and Kurt, he took them off the board and had a starting point for the team, and by adding Captain Britan and his girlfriend Meggan, a shapeshifting empath brought back one of his own creations and brought him into the american side of Marvel, and gave him an almost complete team. It also had the bonus of likely enticing Alan Davis, who in one of the few background things I could find about this book, didn’t really want to work on an established title like X-Men where there were expectations how it was supposed to look etc. But they were still about one member short of a team... but thankfully chris claremont had squared away a spare x-man for just such an occasion.

Enter. Phoenix, aka Rachel Summers. The daughter of Jean Grey and Scott Summers from the Days of Future Past timeline, Rachel ended up in our timeline, bonded to the Phoenix Force like her mom, and struggling with the power, eventually running away after attempting to kill Selene, an evil sorceress who hunted her in an attempt to drain her power. She fled, not sure wether she should rejoin her team or not, and was instead lured into joining Mojo on the promise of a new start. Mojo.. is this guy.

Strap yourselves in for this one: Mojo is the dictator of another dimension that runs off TV, essentially crafting shows for the media hungry populous and kidnapping the X-Men every so often to show up on his programs, to the point he once swapped Psylocke’s natural eyes out with robot camera eyes that looked like the normal eyes so he could record the X-Men’s adventures as it happened, which itself isn’t a bad concept. He didn’t show up to Rachel in person of course, partly because he’s too lazy and partly because he looks like what happens when lightning strikes a pile of twinkies and exposed wiring and somehow brings them to life. She was sent here for the same reason as Kurt and Kitty: to keep her off the board and set up her return here. It’s one of Claremont’s strengths to me: While he ocasionally forgets a subplot or dosen’t realize how wonky one is, more often than not he knows where the story is going and has a plan for it, and thus set up Excalibur a year in advance in the pages of Mutant Massacre.

Speaking of setup there’s one final thing to cover before we begin, the second X-Men crossover event and the one that directly leads into this: Fall of The Mutants, aka one of the worst days in the life of one Kitty Pryde. First her best friend and human google translate Doug Ramsey died while on a misson with the new mutants, sacrificing himself to save the life of his girlfriend Wolfsbane.

As if someone was challenging god to make her days worth, at the same time as this tragedy the X-Men, at the time made up of Storm, Wolverine, Psylocke, Rouge, Havok, Dazzler, Longshot and with tag along Madeline Piror whose story is too much to get into here, were locked in a battle with force of chaos and actual demon Nemisis, a being summoned by their sorta ally Forge by accident. Forge can also build any device he pleases but since every fifth x-men character has magic ruin their life, someone had to take the bullet caked with demon blood. At any rate the only way to stop him.. 9 souls were part of the ritual that brought Nemisis in, 9 souls were needed for the ritual to seal him up. And the X-Men, being true heroes determined to do whatever it took, gladly offered up their lives to defeat the demon and save the world. As the world looked on, the X-Men died, for once not feared and hated, but honored and mourned as heroes. Of course this being a comic book Forge’s method of saving the world was turning the X-Men into pure soul energy and throwing them at the demon but that somehow makes it more epic. And of course, it’s no suprise one of their dearest friends was watching from Muir Island, which was serving as a recovery ward for the surviviors of the massacre and was run by longtime X-Men Ally and lynchpin of Hickman’s run Moira Mactaggert

Thankfully, Kitty got one tiny sliver of sunshine on the worst day of her life: Kurt woke up from his coma... just in time to tell him the only family he’d ever known is dead. And that’s where we pick up, with our two heroes trying to figure out what to do now they’ve lost everything. But before we FINALLY get started, this bit was way longer than I meant it to be, your probably curious how long the X-Men stayed dead as well.. this is comics and they were the hottest team int he world. This wasn’t going to stick even if Claremont was serious about ending the series. And the answer, and i’m not making this up I counted, is two pages. Yup, TWO PAGES. Not kidding. Ironically enough Roma, the omniversal goddess daughter of merlin I mentioned, got wrapped up in all this and, moved by the X-Men’s bravery, gave them the chance to come back and start over however they like, and the X-Men choose to be unable to be picked up on tape and let the world think they were dead so they could strike back at their mounting enemies. Granted I feel that while the “play dead and take out our worse foes while we have the advantage” is a good part of it, not telling the new mutants or kitty and kurt is not only cruel, but just paints a target on a bunch of teenagers backs. Sure teenagers who’ve faced worse but still. But I digress, that’s a rant for when I cover Fall of the Mutants at some point and this exposition has taken far longer than I wanted it to. And so here we are at the one shot that would forge a team and finally, we can get into it: The cover, way up there is decent. It shows a nice right melee between Excalibur, the Warwolves and the Technet, though it makes it look like Gatecrasher is part of the team when she is in fact one of the issue’s main antagonist and is overall a bit weirdly composed. It doesn't help the proper Excalibur #1 has one of the best x-team covers of all time.

As you can see the comparison dosen’t help the far messier above cover. It’s just average in comparison to the creative and funny covers Davis would provide throughout both runs and the majestic one above. WE open on Kitty Pryde, understandably, having a nightmare, being dragged by a crew of makeup people just off screen and smack into

Oh good marvel’s already working on the new X-Men movie. Thank god I thought they really WERE going to take 5 years to do it. Naturally she is curious why their in hollywood but dosen’t suspect fowl play because well... to put it in a personal persepctive if I saw my grandpa I lost a few years ago or my dog I lost in high school that was the same age as me, alive healthy and back, i’d be confused as hell but mostly? I’d just be relived and hope beyond hope it was real, as poor Kitty is diong. Unfortunatley the illusion something isn’t up lasts all about a panel before this happens.

First of all: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!. Second. as AHHHHHH! as it is.. it could’ve been worse.

It soon becomes clear something is up as Kitty wails around confused, wondering why Rouge’s powers don’t work and why the X-Men are acting as if nothing is real before action is called and they run off.. it’s then Kitty finally encounters a freindly face.

It's now from context clear just what the fuck is going on: this isn't JUST a dream: Rachel has somehow dragged Kitty into Mojoworld through her dreams, warning her, as seen above that with the X-Men gone, their image can be twisted and exploited by those wanting to use it for their own image. This warning is cut short when Fake Xavier starts shouting and soon we get this lovely image.

As we can see Rachel deeply regrets running but Mojo won't let her go.. fortunatley Kitty phases the chains and lets Rachel go, with Rachel promising to see kitty again soon as she flees.. unfortunatley Kitty's pissed off Mojo's actors...

Again, it could’ve been worse.

Kitty wakes up and naturally angsts a bit over that fucked up dream she had and then sees a phoenix in the sky, wondering what could it mean and what could the dream mean.

A lot to unpack here. First off... Perverso...

Second, my heart breaks at that last line.. and it’s true. Kitty likely feels, like a lot of people going through grief, that maybe they could’ve done something. Maybe if she was there she could’ve stopped their deaths and saved the day or failing that, she could’ve gone with them. So she wouldn’t have to feel awful about being here while they aren’t, so she wouldn’t feel the unbearable weight of being one of the last X-Men. But the sad truth is, she wouldn’t of made any diffrence. None of them would’ve taken the last slot and would’ve given it instead to their tagalong Madeline Prior so she could see her family again. They died selfilesly, and nothing she could’ve done would’ve stopped them.

As seen above Kitty tries to take solace in petting her dragon Lockheed. Yes Kitty has a dragon for those who didn’t know about him or were only familiar with her from the cartoons.. though why X-Men Evolution never thought to introduce Lockheed is beyond me. He’s a space dragon that stowed away when the X-Men returned from well.. space, and saved Kitty’s life, taking up residence as her pet. He was later revealed to be far more sapient than he seems, but still hangs around Kitty because it’s an effed up world, but it’s a two player game. But as demonstrated Kitty’s powers have inverted. While she has gotten better, as I talked about in my Mauraders #1 review she was fading from existance shortly after the massacre, her intangiable state is now her natural one. She has to concenrate to turn solid. So in addition to having lost just about everything, her powers are broken too. Kitty then sees a picture of her shortly after she joined the X-Men before having a good cry about how most of the people in the picture are dead and professor xavier got shot up into space. Thankfully he dosen’t have to watch cheesy movies.. unless it’s Cho’d turn to pick the movie. For some reason it’s ALWAYS Cool as Ice. no one knows why.

Meanwhile, in the seas of mood whiplash, we meet Meggan. Meggan, like most of the cast, is a mutant, something I was unaware of until now even though the I just thought she was some sort of magical creature, but no, she’s a mutant and the naration outright calls her one. I’m just stupid or thought they just classifed her wrong I guess. Unlike most mutants, who manifest powers at puberty, she manifested hers at birth. Megan is an empathic shapeshifter, basically meaning that she shifts based on those around her’s perception of her. And sadly her upbringing was not a happy one as, since she was born with fur, her parents saw her as a monster and left her in a caravan alone, with the rest of her romani community making up rumors about her.. and due to being unable to control her powers shape shifted into the monster they thought she was. She was raised on televisoin and thus has a rather naive sense of the outside world, and later bonded with brian after he took her in, her home having been destroyed due to lots of stuff I don’t have time to go into, and she later took up her current default form after realizing she was a shapeshifter in the first place. But yes our bubbly shapeshifter is swimming with the dolphins and due to her emphatic ablites, she can commuincate with them learns how to swim like them and, thanks to her ablities, has shifted to do so the best. She’s lost track of time though and heads home to the lighthouse she and Brian live in. She returns home to find the place ransacked, and since she didn’t feed her mogwii after midnight.. this time, she searches for the cause.. and the cause turns out to be similar to the reason Kitty is crying her eyes out miles away in scotland.

When Kitty and Kurt lost their surrogate family, Brian lost his too. As stated far above Betsy was his sister, and they were very close from the looks of it, and the loss of her naturally shattered the man. Meggan tries to comfort him but.. it goes about as well as you’d expect, especially since Brian has been heavily drinking on top of his grief.

This scene.. is really damn sad but really well written. Brian, as I joked in the teaser, has the powers of superman basically minus the add ons like heat vision and frost breath.. yet he couldn't save Betsy. But as Meggan accuratley puts things, he couldn’t of known she was in danger and she was a grown woman. As I said, she choose to sacrifice herself, and as I didn’t fill in, the spell only works with WILLING participants. All that would’ve changed had he gone is Madelyne Prior would be alive and not him. And it’s things like this that also made me take such umbrage with the X-Men faking their deaths: their causing, real genuine greif to people... while I joked mildly about the telpathy thing, i’m not sure betsy’s range, I AM sure that being a telepath one of the simpliest trick is masking your presence. It’d take a lot of effort and be mildly invasive, but keeping yourself hidden to tell your brother goodbye is hardly more morally grey than faking your death and leaving him in a drunken stupor. This is especailly bad once they get a teleporter shortly into their australian stay, as Gateway could SEND HER to him, with no risk of detection, and have her explain it in person with storm in tow. Instead they hurt their friends and loved ones for a plan that ultimatley didn’t quite pan out.

Meggan herself mopes for a second, understandable as Betsy was her friend too and she's hurt she's gone and blames herself.. before snapping out of it, realizing that Brian is just lashing out and needs help, but unable to face him like he is, she leaves him a pictoral note, since she's functionally illiterate, and goes to get advice from Kitty and Kurt, wanting to help him open up the way he helped her do the same. Meanwhile...

Jesus christ this comic loves abrupt tonal shifts.. but yeah Kurt is excercising, but then reflexively teleports after he takes a hit. As I mentioned earlier Kurt’s teleporting is strained, having gotten injured in a battle with Nimrod, who really hickman you couldn’t of come up with either a better name or a reason he’s called that when you brought him back in House and Powers?, and as a result comaed himself defeating one of the mauraders. And while the coma thing cleared up nicely his powers are still a fraction of what they once were and one teleport while injured no less leaves him too shaky to continue and reaching for the saftey panel. Thankfully Kitty phases through it while checking up on him, having been told through the island’s backup alarms that he was doing this borderline suicidal shenanigan. Kitty naturally lays into him over it.

Kitty's rage is entirely warranted: She just lost her surrogate family and her best friend. Things with her parents are strained. She dosen't want to loose the only family she really has left because he feels the same things she feels and is nearly killing himself to try and deal with it. Kurt apologizes, admitting the painful part of it: that he was HAPPY when he woke up from his coma, overjoyed to finally be alive again, to live again.. only to find out his family is dead from one of his closest friends. And with this i'm reminded of Steven Universe.. just go with me. There Pearl mourned for a good decade about loosing Rose because well.. she was everything she had. She , literally and metaphorically, freed her, she was her world.. and Rose moved on to someone else romantically and then decided to up and leave the mortal coil. Her entire world left her and she had no idea to cope or as she put it in song, "Who am I now in this world without her?" That's what our heroes are dealing with: for Kitty and Kurt the X-Men were their world.. not in such a co-dependent way as rose but for Kurt, it was his family: through them he went from a monster in the world's eyes, hiding from it and tired of having to do so, to a bold hero who refused to hide who he was anymore and who had family and a purpose. For young Kitty, she found parental figures in a time when her actual parents, particularly her dad, were going through a messy divorce, found strength she never knew to the point she EARNED her right to stay on the X-Men after Xavier started a junior class and wanted her to go there, and really came of age. The X-Men made them who they are today and without them.. just who are they? But before they can dive into that themselves our heroes find out something disturbing: they had the same exact dream about rachel, complete with helping her escape. Maybe they really did or maybe it was just a warning, the conculsion our heroes reach, and while Kitty does resolve to do something about it, determining that just because their injured dosen’t mean they’ve stopped being X-Men, but before they can deal with this they get a guest.

No but she’s just as weird and abrubt:

This is Gatecrasher, leader of the The Technet, a group of interdimensional mercenaries and bounty hunters. She wants to speak with the lady of the house but that’s not really and option as she’s kinda on a schedule. You know people to grab, drinks to be drunks, sapient racoons to bone.. that sorta thing.. and the last one isn’t something I pulled out of nowhere the recent Rocket Racoon solo not only brought in the technet but had her fancy the guy. Guess it’s the fuzzy, as Kurt himself will tell you chicks dig the fuzzy. It’s why he’s Krakoa’s orgy meister. Before Kitty and Kurt can find out who Gatecrasher is and why she’s here, Meggan soars in.. and hisses at Gatecrasher. See The good captain and the Technet have a history: they’ve been both enemies and reluctant allies, so naturally Meggan is worried their here for Brian. But this time they have no buisness with the good Captain... and when asked by kitty why she’s here Gatecrasher uses a telecom crystal, some sort of magic hologram recording, to explain herself:

Saturnyne is , as she says an omniversal majestrix. This basically means she runs the day to day operations of the Captain Britan Corps, basically the Captain Britians for every reality, helps give underdeveloped words nudges toward advancment and general multiversal maintince stuff. Sorta like a combination of Omnitraxus and Hekapoo from star vs the forces of evil but without being a racist asshole. I mean she’s still an asshole, just not a racist one. She and Brian have a romantic history. As you can also see each of the team is having a different reaction to her: Kurt is popping a boner just off screen, maybe he can invite her to Krakoa orgy night hmm?, Meggan is pissed because she and Brian were a thing once, and Kitty just found out she likes ladies AND she likes guy. What i’m saying is it dosen’t take an intellectual to get that she’s bisexual. And yes I know she turned down Karma off screen later on but that was A) the result of another writer changing things after the previous writer on both character, Chris Claremont himself, apparently had sizeable ship tease for them. and B) if her ex boyfriend iceman can be retconned to have been a heavily closeted until very recently gay man this whole time, Kitty can also have been sticking to the closet or just simply have not explored that side if we want. Anyways it turns out there here for rachel at Saturnyne’s orders, because she’s apparently a theat to the multiverse.. not too much of a stretch when in one reality her mom going dark phoenix destroyed damn near everything and even here the phoenix force has snuffed out entire galaxies. She’s apparently on her way back to earth, and it’s the Technet’s job to catch her. As for the specifics.. Gatecrasher has no idea. And frankly when an omniversal goddess asks you go fetch someone for what I assume is a yak that has a comparentment in it’s back with millions of dollars stashed inside, you don’t really care. Kitty being Kitty, refuses to help her find their friend and until she knows more, she’s willing to fight her on it. Unfortunatley, as you can probably tell, Gatecrasher wasn’t dumb enough to go after a being that can eat an entire solar system alone.

It's here we meet the Technet proper and a fight between two former teammates, a shapeshifter they only just now met and who only Kurt recognized, and a team of weird as shit but highly trained bounty hunters goes about as well as the classic matchup of Wolverine vs "Anyone trying to get between him and his beer stash". Kitty is quickly taken out by the yellow girl with green hair, scatterbrain, whose power is.. just that: anyone she touches has their brain go all spacey and weird and kitty knocks herself out falling over when Scatter shuts her thinky parts off. And as for Meggan..

This is Bodybag. And his power is exactly what it looks like: he gulps people up and then keeps them in his sack on the back. It’s weird but i’ts my kind of creative weird and it makes sense for a team of bounty hunters to have a member to store their quarrry. Kurt wisely BAMF’s the fuck out of there, but Gatecrasher decides not to persue him: He’s not their target, and if he wants his friends he’ll have to come back for them anyway, so it’s not like chasing him all over is really worth the effort. She does have Bodybag snag kitty though, and plans to use her and Meggan as bargaining chips.

Meanwhile Rachel finally returns to the story, as seen above a bit discombobulated given you know, she just crossed dimensions or whatever hapepned. She then ends up at a charity masqurade party , just poofying out of nowhere and when she tries to you know, leave...

I just... what the fuck kind of charity event IS this? The chains she brought with her but “no one leaves without permisson. “ I just... THIS IS A CHARITY BALL NOT VIETNAM. And who, besides racist assholes, thinks holdiing someone down with chains is a good idea. Just WHAT IS THIS SCENE. Thankfully we get some other party crashers.

These are Warwolves, a new, as far as I can tell, creation and basically Mojo’s literal hunting dogs. Rachel tries fighting them off but naturally, their Psi-Proof so just blasting them with telekenisis won’t work and uses the objects around her, including her own chains to duck them. But she mutters what’s the point it’s just another sound stage.. except as I said, it isn’t. She’s in foggy london town.

Rachel continues her run through the urban jungle eventually ending up in a subway. No not the restraunt, she’s not that unlucky. Duckign onto a train one of the warwolves globs on.

To be fair most hollywood contracts are basically slavery, but Rachel as a point.. she was basically tricked into singing it, again not exactly uncommon, and refuses to take this bullshit.

This bit is awesome, and doubly so as I left out a bit of Rachel's backstory on purpose earlier: she was a hound. Basically it meant she was enslaved and conditioned to hunt down other mutants, only escaping shortly before days of future past happened and then escsaping into the present. So naturally the thought of being enslaved and forced to do some asshole's bidding again, to loose her free will? She'll die before that happens and slaughters the warwolf to prove it.. though also scares her fellow passangers in the process. While Rachel tries to explain thing the warwolves greeve.. and Teleporter, Gatecrasher's lizard thing, has located Rachel. Meanwhile Madison is grappling with the fact that not every issue can be settled by comittee... Meanwhile Kurt arrives at the Lighthouse to find Brian stinking of booze and asleep, so he decides to do the only logical thing he can think of.

I fucking love you Kurt. So since Godzilla is too busy at his tax audit to save him from the depths of the ocean Brian wakes up himself pissed and assuming someone tried to kill him. Which granted Kurt outright admitted he might drown but given the only two friends he has left in the world and an innocent he just met who fought beside him despite having no reason to besides it being the right thing are in mortal peril, he has no time to play nice. Kurt’s responses to Brian’s outrage are fucking amazing.

Fucking brutal and accurate: Brian’s alcoholism is killing him and is just as borderline suicidal as Kurt’s play session with largely the same intention. Kurt has no time for wallowing in self pity, no time to baby Brian, as much as it might be warranted, through his grief. Kurt Wagner needs a hero, and since the avengers and fantastic four would likely take hours he dosen’t have, Brian is his best bet at saving his friends. He has no time for pity or sadness, he only has time to save what he has left. He explains the situation to Brian as well as how the hell he found him: since he at least knew of Brian, likely due to Betsy as she was staying with the X-Men prior to joining and just before the massacre, he dug up the X-Men’s file on him and spent the rest of his time getting to him. Brian is, unsurprisingly, in no real mood to help and mopes that there’s really no point in it… and that’s when Kurt somehow gets even more pissed off and 20 times as awesome, with a speech worthy of Sir Patrick Stewart himself.

And as I’ve made abundantly clear that’s the point of this story: The X-Men’s temporary death was unfair, left a lot of pain in their wake and left our heroes scrambling to figure out where do they go from here? And it’s here Nightcrawler is the first besides Meggan, whose simple world view means it was a lot easier to process things and took her three panels to get herself in gear to help Brian, to really turn a corner on his grief. He’s sad his friends are dead, he wishes more than anything that he could’ve died a hero like them instead of living with the misery and sorrow of them being gone.. but he’s alive. And he’s going to honor them the best he can by being the kind of man they wanted him to be. And to me this is why Kurt became leader: out of the five he has the most experience, with only Brian rivaling him in that, but also the most drive. He may of lost everything, but by god he’s going to keep moving. Sure his friends died, it’s the risk of the trade.. but they’d want him to live, to take up the sword and keep fighting so that the dream dosen’t fade out. It’s why, as much as I don’t agree with it, they kept hteir resurrection a secret: because the safety of all mutants, of their friends, is more important than one man. And Kurt is going to honor that. But not before giving Brian another verbal bitchslapping.

Of course it’s not easy as Brian DID die to become captain britan.. and the memory haunts him. And he wonders when it’ll come from him.. and he’s afraid of it. But the question is will he let his fear of the reaper swallow him whole or live like Kurt, fighting on anyways. To truly live.

Meanwhile Rachel is the only member of the forming team to not have had a full on mope sesh so she gets on that, but it only lasts for about a panel and like most of the angst in this comic is warranted: Rachel comptemplates if she should go back to the X-Men.. but realizes despite running out on them , their family, and she has no other options. But before she can learn the truth the technet are upon her and bodybag scoops her up. Gatecrasher plans to release Kitty and Meggan and one thing I like that I hadn’t noticed in previous reads is Gatecrasher is a fairly intresting antagonist. She’s not “evil”, she’s just a merc wanting a payday, and in this case was hired by a legitmate if pompus source. While she takes Kitty and Meggan, it’s more out of pragmatisim and as noted she plans to release the two when she could’ve let Bodybag digest them, and when first showing up is perfectly cordial to Kurt and Kitty, and only fights when it’s clear our heroes won’t let her just walk off with their old friend. It makes me glad there’s far more of her and the technet to come as the series goes on and a ton more in Alan Davis run when I get to that. Their intresting characters with unique power sets and inject a sense of fun into what would otherwise be a fairly dreary story. Anyways before she can do that the warwolves strike and are too dumb to know when to quit so a fight breaks out and Gatecrasher beats the piss out of one while Kurt arrives, watching from the shadows. As for why no one’s spotted him... i’ts simple: One of his powers is to blend into shadows. It’s not used often and it’s forgotten quite a bit, but it is one he’s used on ocasion and even IF Claremont just retconned it out, his foes are too busy to notice. Kurt once again shows how awesome he is and tricks one of the wolves into slashing the bags containing his friends open. Gross but oh so triumphant.

Unfortunatley his victory is short lived: Meggan and Kitty are still woozy as, while I didn’t mention this earlier, Bodybags bags contain a paralyzing goop so they still aren’t quite ready to fight and while Rachel is, she can’t psy zap the dog. Luckily for Kurt gatecrasher yanks it away. Unluckily, she prepares to beat him into furry blue chunklets on the ground. Luckily...

Brian has finally gotten his shit together to save the day.. for all of a panel…

While Brian is fighting who or whatever that is Rachel and Kitty try to get into things but are blindsided by ringtoss and joyboy whose powers well...

Yeah while ringtoss, if still weird isn’t TOO out of the ordinary for Marvel, Joyboy seems like he’s some sorta lost Jojo’s bizarre adventure stand. It’s also another reason to love the technet as again, their powers are just so fucking creative and weird. But that’s also what makes them such a threat: Their powers aren’t what most heroes usually deal with, and thus they have the element of surprise, helped by the fact their all from separate dimensions, meaning even in space, where their likely more ready for nonsense, they still have the upper hand by being races most space peeps aren’t ready for. Speaking of not ready,w ehave two last members to cover...

They speak for themselves, and while they do so Brian tries to rescue Meggan but is stopped by scatterbrain. Nightcrawler notices their asses are getting kicked and figures out WHY: The Warwolves and The Technet are teams. They work together regularly. Excalibur at this point is three former teammates in a disorienting situation and two british persons they just met. And if they don’t’ start working together they aren’t going to last. So Nightcrawler decides to fix that by knocking a warwolf into Ringtoss, who then collapses into waxwork whose touch takes out both and leaves Rachel free. Rachel quickly takes out Joyboy and with him out of the way, Kitty and Kurt can focus on Gatecrasher:

And with that Gatecrasher knows when to fold em and teleports the team away to fight another day, while the Warwolves slinked off in the confusion. Both will be back, obviously, but for now our heroes have one, Brian and Meggan make up and make out, and with the chaos settled Kitty, Rachel and Kurt have a tearful reunion.

Our heroes celebrate with a campfire and memories of their fallen comrades, with Rachel admitting she’s not sure what’s real or not after her experiences with Mojo. Brian prepares to leave and take care of the Warwolves himself.. but Rachel objects. The three others don’t have lives to return to, and just because the X-Men are gone dosent’ mean Xaviers dream should die out, likening them to the symbol of King Arthurs sword Excalibur. Kitty and Kurt start to agree, pointing out their dream taught them that if theirs a vacuum left in the X-Men’s legacy, someone will use it for their own ends. Rachel affirms her reasons for staying as a team, saying she’s tired of running: She’s done so all her live and she wants to , for once, stand for something. Meggan, having had similar problems in the past, agrees with her and the rest of the crew quickly come on board and thus we close on this image as a new team, and a new legacy, is forged: Excalibur is born.

Final Thoughts: The Sword is Forged is an utter classic and a great way to start things off. Our heroes are established, Rachel, who I felt was a bit thrown around by the plot during her time on the X-Men, is fleshed out a bit more and given purpose while Brian and Meggan are decently introduced to the audience. My only real complaints is that Davis and Claremont sometimes forget that American audiences won’t know who half these people are and while they introduce the Technet and Saturnyne well enough, they still never backtrack to explain them better later and what history I DID get I had to dig up for myself online. That aside the story, while having a lot of angst, is well done and has a good flow to it and ends on a high note, the characters are likeable enough, the villains are all creative though the Warwolves feel slight next to the Technet and will get fleshed out a bit more in the series proper. And of course I’d be a moron if I didn’t compliment Alan Davis wonderful art, which captures the whimsical tone well, the emotion in certain scenes perfectly and holds up beautifully years later. Overall The Sword is Forged is a great team origin story and if you liked what you saw here I’d recommend checking it out. Next time, hopefully tonight, we finally get to to the new Excalibur as Brian and his sister and thrust into the shit and a new Captain Britain is born. Until then, courage.

#analysis of x #excalibur #captain britan #meggan #nightcrawler #kitty pryde #rachel summers #the technet #gatecrasher #warwolves #mojoworld #x-men #chris claremont #alan davis #dawn of x

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

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[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 13

I’m back! Took a little break to watch Rebellion, mostly recovered from that so I can return to watching this light-hearted tale of whimsy and hahaha no. Onwards with Brotherhood!

Episode 13 - “Beasts of Dublith” Izumi’s talking about Ed seeing “it” and surviving. Ooh, do we get info on Truth this episode? [Izumi]: “Regardless, I can’t accept the decision you made. You’re expelled.” What?! Teacher turns away, tells them to get on a train. Ed just bows and thanks her for everything. ...wow, I’d forgotten how hard this show can hit. Huh, same intro? I thought this was the halfway point of the season, don’t animes usually switch things up at this point? ...at the very least, I’d like them to change the into so I don’t have to see Hughes again at the beginning of each episode YES I’M STILL BITTER. Sig’s seeing them off at the station, saying they should drop by if they’re ever in town again. Sorry buddy, but I don’t thin- [Sig]: “You idiots! You’re so busy pouting you can’t see what your expulsion means; You aren’t her students anymore, so now you’re finally free to speak to Izumi as equals!” Oh. Ohhhh. Ok, so that was her way of ‘graduating’ them. I can see it. [Sig]: “Unless, of course, you’re too chicken to try it.” Suddenly Ed facepalms? There’s something you forgot to do? I thought the point of the trip was to visit your old Teacher. [Sig]: “Don’t let her kill you.” ...Gee, thanks for the advice. Ed gets back to the butcher shop GAH good thing Ed’s quick enough to duck knives. Izumi is not happy to see him again. But the Elric Brothers say that they’ve come looking for a way to get their bodies back, and that they are staying. A staredown commences.

Izumi… relents? Huh, I thought she would have kept this up until you stopped calling her Teacher. Time to talk about “the Truth”! Al didn’t see it, doesn’t even really know what it means. Izumi says he lost his memory from the shock… oh! Yeah, if the cost of what Ed saw was his leg, for Al to lose his entire body as the “toll”? Oh good grief you two, stop talking about how “awful” and “horrifying” it was, you’re scaring the kid. Izumi’s got a lead in an acquaintance who might be able to retrieve the memory. But first, dinner! Eavesdropper! We’ve got a Gollum taking a peek in the window, confirming that Ed can transmute human souls. Oh wow that’s a tail, is this guy part-Gecko? Back at Eastern Command, some old guy with bifocals is playing chess with Roy, expositing that he’s transferring in one week. (Subtitles say) General Grumman is giving the standard platitudes of “it won’t be the same without you”, “I got to relax thanks to your hard work”, ect ect. Hmm, noting that his glasses are consistently shiny, not a good sign. Ooh, that was a flinch, and yup, checkmate. Good job Roy! Grumman plays it off as a “going away gift”, Roy presses this charitable mood. Hello there, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery. Gotta be honest here, I’m still holding the loss of Fuhrer Fury against you, here’s hoping you can be a good enough character to overcome that bias. We’ve also got Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda, Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc-

No, not that Jean. And First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye as well. Seems that Roy’s added them to his own transfer, they’ll join him in Central. No objections! [Havoc]: “I’ve got a problem, sir. See, I just started dating this girl and I really like her.” [Roy]: “Dump her.” Wow. Remind me not to go to Roy for relationship advice. What is it you see in this guy again, Riza? Cut to some dude working out with a crude dumbbell. Oh hey it’s Scar! How’s it going buddy? Apparently he’s not supposed to be working out, the Ishvalan kid Rick chides him for aggravating his wounds. He opens the tent for someone else, and Scar looks shocked? [Scar]: “Master!” Ooh, a parallel episode! The Elrics and Scar working with their old teachers! I like these! Master’s talking with Scar now, saying he knows that his student’s been targeting State Alchemists. But regardless of their crimes, such vengeance will only cause further violence. Senseless revenge, feeding a fruitless cycle of death? Man this Master pulls no punches. He tells Scar to end this cycle once and for all- Suddenly two non-Ishvalans poke their heads into the tent, identify Scar and start talking about a bounty. Uh oh. Either Scar’s gonna ignore his Master, or we’ll find out why this guy is called Master even in the subtitles. Third guy is hiding behind some rubble, Ishvalan bystanders yell at Yoki for bringing bounty hunters. Man, another whiny Elric antagonist? Oh yeah, I’m sure that you’ll “rise up” and take your revenge. Total faith in you buddy. Off-topic, do you mind telling me when you plan to face them? I want to know when so I can sell tickets I mean show my support. Scar realizes that he’ll only bring more trouble, however irritating, if he stays there. Yyyyeah, you bounty hunters had no idea who you were messing with. One dismembering and face-grab later, Scar doesn’t even bother with Yoki, just dons sunglasses once more.

Master tries one more guilt-trip (“Your brother would be sad”), we get a dramatic zoom at Scar’s tattooed arm. Scar just says it’s too late to turn back now, and walks off.

Al’s sweeping outside the butcher shop when a ball of paper’s thrown at his feet. A note from Gecko-Man, Bido? Oh wow a place called “Devil’s Nest”, I’m sure it’s a quite reputable business. Some guys sniffs and jumps down to join Bido and a lady in the street, to greet Al as he walks up. A meeting? Ooh, did you guys try to blackmail Al? This can only end well. Nose-Man (Dolcetto) tries to get Al to come with them, one “Ooh, I’m just a widdle kid” act later… Uh oh! So while Dolcetto went down like a punk, Tatoo-Lady (Martel) took the advantage to get inside Al’s armor, slow him down for an older guy (Roa) to show up for a turn and wrestle the armor to the ground. [Al]: “You people aren’t human, are you?” No, really? What gave it away, the guy with a giant gecko tail? [Greed]: “Good guess! They’re Chimeras… And they happen to work for me.” Wait, Greed? Aw crap it’s another Goth! The Terminator from the intro, no less! So Al’s in some sort of basement now, Martel still keeping him controlled from inside the armor while Greed is starting some sort of pitch. So wait, how is Greed connected to the rest of the Goths? I can see he has the Uroboros tattoo on his hand like the others, but I’m getting a different vibe from him. Al asks what they really are, they can’t be Chimera’s because the only “talking Chimera” we’ve seen before was something I really don’t want to remember. Greed just says to not believe everything the government says. Martel’s part-snake, Roa was… cow? Ok. Throw in a lizard (still gonna call him gecko), a crocodile, and a dog. Man, Dolcetto’s not having a good time this episode. As for how these Human-Chimeras are possible, Greed says that they were created by the military. But he’s even more uncommon than they are: he’s a Homunculus. Wait, a Homunculus? Are you sure you’re using the right term there? I can understand Chimera, a mix of species, but my understand of Homunculi is that they’re mini-humans, basically familiars. Oh ok, so apparently the definition of a Homunculus in Brotherhood is a more general “artificially created human”. Flashback to Baby!Elrics studying alchemy, raising the point that yeah that’s Human Transmutation isn’t it? Al is really upset by this claim, saying that it’s just an unproven theory. So Greed says he’ll prove it SWEET LETO WHAT THE TRUTH ok Roa just went Thor on Greed’s skull, the corpse falls. But Al barely has time to ask what the heck that was for when the body raises a hand in a “wait a moment” gesture, and red sparks fly as Greed reforms good as new. Huh. So we’ve already know that the Goths are hard to put down (knife to the forehead), but to completely regenerate after your brain is splattered? Yeah, this is gonna be tough. So, back to why they’ve captured Al? Oh, that’s why? Sure Greed’s got a body that can recover from normally fatal injuries, but he still “dies”. Meanwhile, he’s got a moving, talking suit of armor right here! A body that never dies… Now this is really interesting, looking at two concepts of immortality: a regenerating organic form, or an unchanging metal form. Transhumanism, ho! Still, I don’t think that this is a form of “immortality” that you want, Greed. You want the finer things in life? Get yourself stuck in armor like Al, and you lose your sense of touch and taste. And you don’t strike me as the kind of guy who’s willing to give those up. Greed’s pushing to know how Al got his soul in the armor, Al truthfully says that he can’t remember how and that it wasn’t him who did it. So Greed’s gonna have to talk to the original caster. [Ed]: “Now where’d a seven-foot tall suit of armor run off to?” Bido tries to make Ed pay to know where his brother is. Bido gets used to open the basement door. Al tells Ed that Greed’s a Homunculus (“Hey! Way to ruin it.”), and that he might be able to help them with their body problem. But Greed shows off his Uroboros tattoo, which he has to know that Ed recognizes. Greed says that “they don’t talk much anymore.” A falling out? Greed makes his pitch: He’ll teach them how to make a Homunculus (to transfer their souls to?), if they teach him how to transfer a soul. “Classic equivalent exchange.” EEC: 8 Finally, I get to update that count! Given how much the phrase made Tephi snicker I thought I’d be hearing it more often, best I can tell the last time was… ugh, Tucker. Moving on. Well of course you don’t understand why Al would want his body back, Greed. You don’t know the limitations. [Greed]: “You’re joking, right? You don’t need to eat, you don’t need to sleep, you don’t even need to use the toilet! Sounds great to me!” Yup. Ed’s pissed. Greed can only applaud his monologue. There you go Dolcetto, go ahead and get Worfed. But Greed puts up much more of a fight, going into the terminator mode from the intro, blocking all of Ed’s attacks as an Ultimate Shield. So Ed’s basically fighting MGR’s Armstrong, then? “Homunculus, son!” [Greed]: “Oh. You’re one of those guys. You don’t care if someone beats the crap out of you, but if someone lays a hand on a family member you completely freak out. What a waste… you lose your temper like this and you’re gonna lose my information and your brother.” But Ed thinks he still has a chance. Until Greed shows that he was holding back so he didn’t have to cover up his pretty face. Sig’s found the dropped broom, evidence that the boys have gone missing. Because Leto forbid they skip out on their chores and invoke Izumi’s wrath. A passerby says they were seen going into a bar called the Devil’s Nest. In said bar, Ed is [SUFFERING IN PAIN], literally breaking his automail on Greed and getting thrown around. But he has a plan? Oh yeah, Alchemy! He shorts out Greed’s Ultimate Shield to bust up his organic hand, Greed grows it back quickly and remarks that that was bizarre. Another attack, and stalagmites to the chest! Chemistry for the win! Since Greed told Ed that he was human, Ed knew that a third of his body was made of carbon. He figured that Greed was using that to make his shield, just rearranging the atoms. So all Ed had to do was rearrange them right back, graphite instead of diamond. Alright! Big Letodamn Hero entrance by Izumi! Who throws a mook at Ed and yells at him for not putting the broom away. [Greed]: “Oh give me a break. Don’t tell me you’re going to try and start anything, lady. It’s no fun fighting a woman.”

Time for Housewife Beatdown! *credits* ...Damn it!

#wmtw #where my twin watches #ranubis #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 13

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singledarkshade · 6 years

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The Lost Ones

Part One - Losing Everything

Rip Hunter spent his life trying to protect time and the people he loved but has lost absolutely everything because of it. No family, imprisoned by the organisation he created to replace the one which betrayed him and shunned by the team he brought together. When Gideon, the only one he has left, is lost to him too Rip turns his back on the world and disappears. While a man called Michael tries to hide from his past, a woman with no memory of hers is found by the DEO on an alternate Earth looking for someone she can't remember.

Sara never thought she’d be relieved to have the Time Bureau open a portal onto the bridge but as another console exploded next to her they were welcome.

“Jax,” Rip’s voice made her turn in surprise to see him running through the portal, he was wearing the dark jeans, T-shirt and denim jacket he’d favoured when with them, “What happened?”

“We were hit by some kind of missile,” the younger man called from beneath the main console.

Rip grimaced before calling, “Gideon?”

“Cap...Hunt...” she stuttered.

Pain covered his face at the fact she couldn’t answer him and he rested his hand briefly on the table, “I’m going to fix this. We’ll try to do what we did last time.”

“Ye...Ca...”

Sara watched him bounce around checking several things, feeling another presence she turned to see Agent Ava Sharpe standing there looking grim.

“I didn’t think they’d send Rip,” Sara said softly.

Sharpe took a quick breath, “Despite the fact he’s still under arrest, Rip is the person who knows these systems best. Almost everything within the Bureau use was partially designed by him.”

Surprise covered Sara’s face but she didn’t get a chance to ask as Rip suddenly started battering at the wall.

After checking what was happening to the systems Rip moved to one side of the parlour and pulled off the panel to gain access to the main systems. He then pulled at the one below it, letting out an annoyed cry when it didn’t move he kicked it several times. Now loose he yanked the panel away and began to crawl inside.

“Rip, what are you doing?” Jax called.

Ignoring the younger man, Rip forced himself deeper into the crawlspace.

“Tell us, Rip?” Sara demanded.

With an annoyed huff he yelled back, “I can explain what I’m doing and waste time or I can actually do it and hopefully save Gideon.”

Silence answered him but Rip was already ignoring them. He found what he was looking for and just had to ensure she was downloaded fully then disconnect her. Another explosion sounded and sparks surrounded him, Rip automatically threw up his hands to protect his face. Pain tore through them but he ignored it scrambling close again trying desperately to fix the connections but before he could something else exploded.

This time someone grabbed his legs and yanked him out of the crawlspace just before fire filled it. He glanced up to see Mick Rory standing above him. The former bounty hunter tossed him a small extinguisher and Rip forced himself back inside smothering the fire. Reaching his goal he stopped defeated when he saw the light was gone and all that was left was a blackened cube. Slowly he disconnected it sliding back out holding the cube tightly, this was all that was left of her.

“What happened?” Sara demanded.

“She’s gone,” he stated, his voice a monotone as he closed his eyes.

“What is that?” Sara asked.

Jax answered for him, “Gideon’s back-up CPU. It was our one chance to save her.”

“It’s not your fault, Jax,” Sara said consolingly.

“Then whose is it?” Rip snapped, marching off the bridge pausing briefly to take the bottle of beer Mick held out to him.

Sara dropped into a seat trying to get her head around the fact Gideon was no more. She remembered suddenly that they had a visitor and looked over at where Ava Sharpe stood grimacing when Rip walked away.

“I’m not supposed to let him out of my sight,” she noted softly looking uncomfortable.

“As long as he doesn’t have his Time Courier he can’t leave the ship,” Sara sighed before adding, “Thank you for coming to help us.”

Ava shrugged, “If your ship explodes and completely destroys time then we’ll be out of a job.”

“Very true,” Sara rubbed her eyes, “I think we might require some help getting back.”

Ava nodded, “I’ll contact the Bureau and we’ll get a rescue ship here.”

“Someone should check on Rip,” Ray spoke up suddenly, “He didn’t look good.”

They looked at one another, all eyes landing on Sara who shook her head, “Rip and I are not on the best of terms right now. I doubt I’m someone he wants to talk to.”

“Jax?” Ray suggested, “You always had an affinity with Gideon.”

Jax winced slightly, “Possibly not a good idea since I was the one who couldn’t save her. Besides you know how he is. I say let him be until the Time Bureau arrive.”

“Let me know when the Time Morons get here,” Mick said walking off the bridge.

Sara winced before turning to Agent Sharpe, “We’re very grateful for your help and the fact you’re getting us home.”

Sharpe nodded, “I’ll contact the Bureau and then I need to rejoin Rip. As I said he is still under arrest.”

Rip gripped the bottle of beer he’d taken from Mick as he walked through the corridors of the ship, his ship, his home except it wasn’t. Not anymore. Now that Gideon was...

A flare of anger hit him and he hurled the bottle against the wall watching it shatter with brief satisfaction. Leaving it for one of the others to clean up Rip made his way to medical bay to fix the cuts on his hands, Gideon would want him to do that and he couldn’t disappoint her especially now.

He didn’t need Gideon to fix the injuries to his hands, it was simple to program in but Gideon preferred to do all medical procedures. She always claimed he couldn’t be trusted to do it properly but he suspected she just wanted to make sure he was healthy.

Gideon’s first protocol was to protect him and she had always taken that very seriously. She’d kept his marriage to Miranda a secret because she decided that having someone to come home to meant he took more care during missions.

Tears filled his eyes as the fact he’d lost the final member of his family and was completely alone sank in.

“Your keeper’s looking for you,” Mick noted when he walked in before handing over a bottle of scotch, “Thought this might be more your style.”

Slowly Rip took the bottle, “Is my room still available or did someone take over it?”

Mick shrugged, “None of us wanted it.”

“Then tell Agent Sharpe I’ll be in there,” Rip told him holding up the bottle, “Toasting Gideon.”

To his surprise, Mick nodded and left him alone. Looking at the bottle in his hand Rip knew it would be easy for him to drink himself into oblivion, where he would wake up back at the Bureau in the prison they had him in for trying to protect everyone from a threat they wouldn’t acknowledge.

But not this time, he was done with all of it.

He reached his room finding Ava standing at the door waiting for him.

“I will be in here,” he snapped, “Since it will take some time before a rescue ship gets here and opening a portal is too much of a risk.”

She didn’t say anything and Rip rolled his eyes, entering his room Rip closed the door locking it then dropped the bottle of scotch on the bed. Placing the blackened cube safely on the desk Rip took a deep breath before he yanked the bookcase from the wall letting it fall to the floor with a crash. Slamming his elbow into the panel he found the set of tools along with the weapon he kept hidden within the secret compartment for emergencies.

With ease he removed the tracker the Bureau had taken up time putting on him, time which he could have used to save Gideon before tossing it to join the scotch on the bed. As far as they knew he would still be on the ship.

Rip sometimes wondered what the Legends thought he’d done over the fifteen years he’d been alone on this ship because they always seemed to be amazed when he actually did something technical or knew something that was one of their specialities. It was like they forgot he had actual abilities but they were about to find out exactly what he could do and how smart he was.

Placing the cube carefully in the small bag that had been in the compartment along with the tools Rip pulled himself up and into the ducts that ran through the ship. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to sneak through the ship, though those times he’d had Gideon to guide and let him know where his enemies were. He accessed the back-up computer checking everyone’s whereabouts and learning how long till the Bureau would arrive.

Rip made his way to the Jumpship bypassing the systems easily, taking off and sending back false data so they wouldn’t be aware until they physically needed to check the ship.

Taking one final glance at the Waverider he entered a course knowing that it was time for Rip Hunter to die.

*********************************************

Pain ripped through her.

Every part of her being felt like it was being shredded as she fell through the emptiness.

Finally she stopped falling and voices surrounded her. She tried to focus but her mind was filled with fog.

She searched for one voice amongst them all, the one voice that represented safety and comfort. She didn’t know who the voice belonged to only that it was the one she needed to hear.

But it wasn’t there.

Her world descended into darkness and she lost consciousness.

Part Two - Michael

#fic #legends of tomorrow #rip hunter #gideon #supergirl #Alex Danvers #Kara Danvers

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chaospenelope · 6 years

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Present Perfect.

The Pack

It was so very early as the alarm clock flicked on, playing a jarring tune. Neda jolted up with a gasp, her eyes wide open. She cursed herself when she noticed the clock, slamming the button in aggravation. Phineas glanced with a bit of concern, his fur ruffled in all different directions. His head just barely lifted from the pillow. She was a bit embarrassed after noticing this. She patted his head reassuringly and got up to get ready. She started to brush her teeth in the attached bathroom.

Her husband walked in moments later he stood next to her and started using the long mirror to comb his fur. Once they switched positions, both brushing fur and hair, they got dressed and went to wake the cubs. Neda opened the first door and disappeared inside. Robin had already brushed her teeth. Now she was looking something to wear. Phineas was walking down the hall when he noticed his son holding a small steaming cup in his hand. His fur was still a little damp. "You're up early." "Yeah, Lava wouldn't stop shaking me until I got out of bed." The Cub said as he took a sip. "There's a pot of coffee in the kitchen if you want any." "Where is Lavier now? Is she done getting ready?" He son pointed at the bathroom behind him and them walked away. "Alright, you want a braid or ponytail today?" Neda asked as she gently ran the brush through Robin's silky black hair. "I think I want pigtails today." She tried not to move her head as she looked through the hair clips. "What color?" Neda, meanwhile, was looking at the scrunchies, her hair brushing was second nature at this point. "Green? ...Light blue. Yeah, light blue." She said, deciding it was a better match to her black shirt, jeans, and jean jacket. She used some sapphire colored pins to put up her bangs as the rest was tied into two long pigtails. "It's not too tight, is it?" Robin shook her head up, down, and side to side to test it. "Nope, just fine." "Good." She patted her on the shoulder and got up to leave. "Mother Neda?" Robin looked up as she turned to her. "Thank you." "You're welcome dear." Neda smiled warmly and left the room. Robin got down from her bed and carefully pulled a box from her closet. It was nicely wrapped thanks to a little help. There was a nice blue ribbon tied on top and a sticker with Freddy's name on it. Since the children didn't exactly have enough money to buy all the presents they wanted William and Robert helped them with a secret Santa drawing. Robin got Frederick. She took a long time to think about what the best present for him would be. Sure she knew of things he probably wanted but getting him food or a cheap plastic microphone was a little too impersonal. Being a savvy saver she was she managed to get what she felt was a pretty good gift. She piled into the car with the others. Her box dwarfed compared to Nade's plain blue box with a bunch of those sticker ribbons tacked on. "Who did you get?" She asked. "Spring." He then added. "I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping for her. She's so easy to get presents for." "Chica isn't so hard either." Lavier placed her snow pattern gift bag with red crinkly paper on the floor board before hoisting herself up. "I was just going to buy her a book if I got her." "Did you?" "Nope." "C'mon guys, it's supposed to be a secret, remember?" Penny left her penguin paper wrapped box on her lap as she buckled her seat belt.

The restaurant was a couple of hours from opening. A week away from the big night everything was decorated with the shine and wonder of a winter fantasy. The chairs were taken off the tables and the lights turned on. It was alive despite the lack of customers with the chatter of excited children. "Tomorrow is gonna be so fun." Goldie spoke before going back to humming as she sat on the stage. She, Freddy, Bonnie, and Chica sat on the stage with their legs dangling off the edge. "I hope this year Foxy can convince his Papa to let him come with us." "Maybe...Man, things are going so fast. Feels like yesterday day was Birthday..." Bonnie couldn't help but feel a twinge of loss, of wastefulness. "What did we do these past three months?" "We had a lot of fun." Freddy answered, trying to cheer her up. "We went up to the river to find fish and found a bird that needed help. We built a leaf fort. We-." "We saw a bunch of shooting stars, we helped a family of crows buy a taco, and saw a parade of puppies." Goldie added. "And we almost fell through the ice and bloody froze to death because someone wanted to see if we could skate yet. Just feels fast since so many events are cluttered together. Speaking of which, how are we going to celebrate Penny's birthday if she's gone?" "Well, our Mama and Papa talked to their mama and papa and talked to Bonnie's papas and I think they talked to your mama and they all decided we can celebrate it a day after they get back." "Oh." Everyone perked up as the front door's entrance bell rang. The four cubs and two adults came in. "Hey, good morning!" FredBear looked up from the pamphlets. He brought the closest parent in for his infamous hug. "Glad we could make it. The cubs were really looking forward to it." Neda returned the hug earnestly. "Hello Bon, hello Plushy." "Nice of you to drop by before you leave town." BonBon stated in his own endearingly sarcastic tone. He smirked and waved as they greeted him. Plushy smiled at the children. "The presents go on the back table since Kit isn't here yet. Here, let me help you with it." "Okay!" "Thank you!" They put the gifts up and joined their friends. "Hey guys, what's up?" "Thinking about the stuff we did these past few months." "Like the time we accidentally broke a wild beaver's dam?" "I forgot all about that..." "What do you mean 'we'? You and Foxy are to blame for that one. I told you you shouldn't walk on the old dam. You're lucky you didn't break your legs off." Chica scolded. Lavier only rolled her eyes. Chica then relented, saying. "But, I suppose we wouldn't have found that bird if we hadn't went runnin for or our lives, so something good came out of it..." SpringBear looked out at the parking lot with her head resting on her paws. She immediately perked up. "Foxy's here!" Kit waved through the glass, his tail wagging excitedly as he ran to the door. He pushed it open with his dad a mile away. "Ahoy!" He cried, holding his fireplace paper wrapped present proudly. "I come with invaluable treasure!" He boasted. The others hopped down to greet him. "Kids, don't jump off the stage like that." Plushy warned after the fact. "Sorry Mama." "Sorry Mom." "It's alright, just don't do it again, alright?" "Yes ma'am." They spoke sincerely as they sat at the table with the presents they brought in front of them. "So, who goes first?" FredBear looked around as most of them cried 'Can I' or me please'. Robin remained quiet, looking at her present worryingly. "I think this calls for a game of draw straws." Neda took nine straws and cut them in varying sizes with her Swiss army knife keychain. With her back to them she put them in her hand and made the parts that stuck out even. She turned back around and held them out for them to get. Each took their turn picking and after. It was all said and done they compared. "So I go first then?" Chica handed over her small box wrapped in green paper, adorned with a gold ribbon. "Here Nade. I believe this is something you'll like." He looked it over for a minute and tried his best to carefully pull off the tape, but when it tore the paper anyway he just ripped it off quickly. "Hey," His face lit up as he realized what it was. He carefully peeled the tape off the figure's name. "Boris Karloff's Mummy funko? How'd ya know?" "It's simple, I just saw what you were missing in your collection and picked one." Phineas and Neda exchanged glances, thankful she hadn't gotten the other one. "Thanks Chica, I hope whoever got you got something good." "You're welcome Nade." She returned a sincere smile, proudly puffing out her chest as he examined his gift with the happiest expression. "Oh! It's my turn!" Lavier pushed her bag to Bonnie. "Hope you like it." "Love the paper." She smiled and plunged her hand in. She pushed the contents around. She seemed perplexed as her fingers touched onto more than one thing. "Oh. Cool." She looked over the doughnut earbuds. "I needed these." She placed it aside as she picked up two more things. "Nice." She smiled, they were both Mystery mini figures from the new game she was playing. After feeling the packs throughly she started pulling out the final thing. She held the shiny pikachu keychain like a gold bracelet. "I thought these were sold out. Thanks pal!" "Glad you liked them I wanted to get you something better but-." "These are perfect. What are you talking about?" She put her arms around her bounty and started to examine the mystery packages again. "Should I open these now?" "Yeah!" "I wanna see!" "Yar, let's dig into this mystery treasure!" "If you want." "Okay." She eagerly tore open the first one, not hesitating in unwrapping the cardboard around it. "Oh, cool! The clown Neighbor from the teaser." "Huh, He looks little like it." Neda observes from across the table. "He kinda does. Neat." Bonnie put him aside and opened the second. It was a normal one with binoculars. "You're lucky! I always get doubles." "Whoa, Dad, he's wearing the same clothes as you." "He must have great taste in fashion." "Wait, Bonnie, you forgot something." Lavier added. Bonnie, confused, put her hand back in the bag. Her eyes widened as she felt a shape wrapped in paper. She took it out and started to admire it. "Wow, it's me and my dads? Did you make these?" "Yeah...You like it?" "Are you kidding? I love them!" Bonnie spoke as she placed her things back in the bag except the the small clay figures. She was still looking them over. "Thanks Lava." "It be my turn to trade." Foxy declared, passing his box to Penny. "You got me?" She gave a small laugh. "I actually got you." She peeled the paper off tenderly. When she was done folded it and the ribbon and opened the box. She let the cloth unfold as she held it up. "I am definitely wearing this tomorrow." She admired the detailed graphic of a dragon looking at the moon. "Thanks Foxy, this is awesome." "It's so pretty!" "Wicked!" "You're welcome matie!" "Here Chica." Freddy gave her the white gift bag with purple crinkly paper. "A new collar for Cupcake? With little purple paw prints! Oh how lovely." She shook it a little to test the bell. She smiled at the sound of the cheery chime. "Thank you very much. Can't wait to show Mum and Cupcake." "You're welcome." Penelope silently and hopefully moved hers toward Foxy. She watched as he shredded the paper with little hesitation. "A ship, with me own crew?" The young fox smiled wildly. He flipped the box over and read all about the pirate construction set. "That's a lot of small pieces. I might be needing help from me maties..." "I'm glad you like it Foxy." She felt all those hours of dish washing and trash transporting was worth it. "Is my turn yet?" Goldie asked innocently. She looked at all the straws left to make sure. Then she gave her present. "Here Lava, this is for you." "Thanks." She paused, studying the odd shape the puppy in Santa hat was wrapping around. It was a box with a bulge in the middle. Then something hit her and she excitedly unpackaged it. "Alright! A new soccer ball! Oh, Can we play outside, please?" She hopped up in her seat. "Not right this second." Phineas spoke in a chuckle. "Maybe after we're all done exchanging presents." "Aw man, okay." She eased back down. The ball wedged between her and the table. "Alright, now it's my turn!" Bonnie looked over to Robin and slid her nice glittery paper wrapped, bow topped box to her. "Thank you." Robin retrieved it and, like her sister, carefully undid all the paper and bow. She gasped as she lifted the lid. "Soft little slippers!" She lifted the black slippers put her hands inside them. They both had a heart on the front. "I remember how much you liked mine, so I got you a pair." "Can't wait to put them on tonight." She kept her hands inside them as they rested on the table. "Nade, honey, it's your turn." The little bear's head rose up from his figure. "Me? Oh, right." He handed his present over. "Here Goldie." She looked the box over in excitement and pushed the box lid off. "Ooooh! I love her!" She reached in a pulled out her new stuffed doll and hugged them tightly. It was a black a white Shiba Inu with a detachable raincoat. "Thank you! Thank you thank you!" She ran over to hug him. "N-no problem Goldie...Please let go. I can't breathe." "Sorry." She said, still hugging her toy. "Robin. I think you're the only one Pumpkin." The red bear looked up from her slippers. She felt the worry build up again but quickly pushed it down. She hastily handed the present to Frederick. "Here Freddy. Hope it's alright." "Um, thank you." He took the box but seemed concerned. "Robin, are you okay?" "I'm fine, it's just, the present...I couldn't afford a new one so..." "Hm?" He looked back at the package. He carefully opened it but his curiosity begged him to rush. "Robin..." When he finally opened it he felt like he was going to cry. He stood up and hugged her. "Thanks a lot." "I'm glad you like it." She smiled, hugging him back. "You said you wanted one like your dad's but-." "It's perfect." He assured her. He took the black top hat and placed it on his head. His ears were just barely keeping it from swallowing him. "I love it Robin. This is the best present ever. I'll wear it all the time!" "Looks like you'll have to some growing first." Plushy giggled. She tried her best to adjust the hat, only succeeding in covering the entire top of his head. "Who turned out the lights?" He asked jokingly as he took it off. Everyone got a little chuckle out of that. They each compared and talked about their gifts. "Wait, before we forget." Goldie interrupted as the thought came to her. She ran to the table, got the last two presents and brought them over. "We got these for Alex and Sid, since hey couldn't be here." "Aw, thanks guys. They're gonna flip." Lavier looked over the gifts and then her own. "We still have still have some time before breakfast right? ...How about we break this bad boy in?" "Can we go in the back and play?" The little ones asked in varying degrees of politeness. The adults exchanged amused glances. "Don't see why not. Rob, Will, and Phil are out decorating the big tree. Play where they can see you. We'll let ya know when the cinnamon rolls are done." The little ones let out excited cheers as they carefully put away their new prizes, except Lavier, who was ready to start kicking hers around.

#The Pack fnaf au #five nights at freddy's #The Pack #Holiday season #freddy fazbear #golden freddy #bonnie bunny #chica chicken #foxy the pirate fox #Penelope NightShade #Robin NightShade #lavier NightShade #Nade NightShade #Neda NightShade

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boschlingtumbles · 4 years

Text

White Wedding Ch 33

Robert had always wanted to be part of a stealth mission. People thought because he was big he couldn’t be stealthy. And it wasn’t true!! He just hadn’t had many opportunities to PROVE he could be stealthy, which was different. The closest he had come was back in high school, when they had rigged the school elections. Except his part in the scheme had been stupid. He’d just sat there and pretended to count votes while Beric and Stannis swapped the ballots out. So lame.

This was the real deal. He was wearing black jeans and a black sweatshirt that Stannis had somehow thought to pack for him. He’d put his camo war paint on, even though Stannis, Jaime and Thoros had all declined to join him. They were driving Beric’s Jeep to Harry‘s cache, which meant Stannis was driving while Harry gave directions from the passenger seat. (Robert wondered if Beric knew that Stannis took after his older brother when it came to car sex.)

That left him, Jaime and Thoros sitting in the back. The car went around a right turn, and recalling a moment from childhood, Robert launched himself into Jaime who then slid helplessly into Thoros, smashing him against the glass.

“Oops,” Robert sang. Thoros rubbed his head, glaring.

The car went around a left turn, and with a joyful war cry Thoros hurled himself into Jaime who then slid into Robert. Robert caught himself with a forearm before he hit the glass, only for Thoros to brace his feet against the car door and push harder.

“Nooo!” Robert shouted dramatically, as his face inched closer to his the pane.

“Nnnngh,” Thoros grunted as he twisted in his seatbelt, trying to get more leverage.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Jaime sighed, half in Robert’s lap and face shoved directly into his armpit.

“We’re here!” Harry announced cheerfully, as they pulled up to a security door that appeared to open a tunnel straight into the rocks of a cliff. He hopped out and entered the code, the door sliding noiselessly open.

“And we just drive straight in?” Stannis squinted into the darkness. Harry had insisted they drive without headlights—he didn’t know if the people tracking him (Interpol or bounty hunters) knew about this cache, and didn’t want to draw attention if they were watching it. So he’d swapped out their license plate with another car’s and they were driving in the pitch black. Stealthily.

“Yup, go slow, it’s about half a mile,” Harry answered.

Robert fairly bounced on his seat in anticipation. Harry was just the coolest! He always thought if he had been born a thousand years ago he would have been a sell sword for the Golden Company.

The oppressive blackness of the tunnel quieted what conversation there had been to find, and it was with some relief when they finally reached another door, this one clearly for people rather than cars, the white paint feebly standing out in the dark.

Harry led them over and entered another passcode, and the door opened soundlessly. Once inside, he fumbled for a light switch as the four of them huddled together. It took an agonizingly long time to find it, but then, click by click, the lights began to illuminate. Starting above them and then moving outward, a vast cavern came into view.

Renly was the one who was good with all the old movies and Stannis was the one who was good with all the old books. If Robert had to describe it, he would have said that it was maybe like the cave in Aladdin? The one with the piles of gold and jewels and those fancy carpets everywhere you stepped?

“How much does being a crime lord pay?!” Jaime Lannister breathed, and Robert was fairly sure that Jaime had never been impressed by anything in his life.

“As I said, I like my wealth mobile,” Harry smirked. “I’m going to get some of the specialty items. Bobby, you and your brother start bagging up the gold. Lannister, you take the jewels. Remember, go for the emeralds first. Thoros, load things in the car as they’re ready and if you steal anything else that belongs to me, they’ll be fishing your body out of the ocean three days from now. Are we all set?”

“So set,” Robert promised, as Thoros edged toward the exit.

Harry wanted them to be in and out in thirty minutes, which suited Robert just fine. He was hoping to get back to Orphan’s Cove in time to catch “his” duel with Edgar Yronwood. And maybe be present for rescuing his ex-girlfriend and watching her make out with Ned’s ex-girlfriend. He wondered if it had occurred to Ned that he had slept with someone who had slept with someone who had slept with Robert. Eskimo brothers!!!

As it turned out, it was kind of a long thirty minutes. Gold was really heavy. And Stannis was not helping things.

“Pivot,” Stannis was saying, as they tried to turn a particularly cumbersome duffel bag around a corner. “Pivot.”

Robert glared, and yanked the duffel bag hard. It lurched free, and Stannis staggered to avoid falling flat on his face.

“Watch it,” Jaime scolded. “Do you think Brienne would like these?” He showed them some enormous sapphire earrings.

“He’s so whipped,” Robert told Stannis once they were out of earshot.

“Kind of embarrassing,” Stannis agreed.

“But like, do you think we were supposed to get presents while we were here?”

“I mean I didn’t think so but if Lannister’s doing it...”

“Right! You don’t want to be in a situation where you’re the asshole who didn’t get something...”

Harry had been extracting certain canvases from their frames and rolling them up for ease of transport. Robert looked blankly at an old-timey portrait of a stocky black bearded nobleman. It kind of reminded him of something out of the Lannisters’ portrait gallery. The man was scowling. Robert wondered if he’d had to scowl like that the entire time the portrait was being painted. You’d think your face would hurt after a while right? Maybe the artist had been fucking his wife, but it was too late to switch artists so he’d just been stuck there staring at the guy. That’d probably be worth scowling for.

“Robert! Stop spacing out, we’re leaving!” Jaime snapped.

The Jeep was considerably more full on the way home, due to the many duffel bags of Harry’s cache that they’d managed to cram in.

“So I’ve wired the money to Lorch,” Harry announced after a few minutes on his phone. “Who’s getting the money to reclaim your engagement ring?”

“Beric and Thoros are driving home tomorrow morning, Stannis and Jaime are flying home tomorrow morning... I think it’s gotta be Oberyn or Mace,” Robert frowned. Technically this morning, seeing as it was 12:45.

“So Oberyn,” Stannis said from the front. Robert did not disagree.

Driving to Orphan’s Cove was actually much quicker, largely because Stannis was allowed to drive with headlights.

And yet, as the Jeep pulled up, Robert was disappointed to see that the fight was already over. Lyanna wasn’t even making out with Ashara! She was holding the baby and talking to Ned, apart from the crowd. Arthur, Ashara, Oberyn, Mace and Beric were drinking beers on the sand, so Robert led his group over to them.

“How’d it go??” He said cheerfully.

“Well I won,” Arthur toasted him. “Congrats on your victory.”

“And Lyanna was okay?”

“Oh she was fine. She’d been mounting escape attempts all day, but the Yronwood estate is on a cliff of like sheer rock. They kept finding her and dragging it back. Honestly I think Edgar was relieved to be rid of her,” Oberyn laughed.

“Well what about the fight?” Robert asked hopefully. “Was it cool? Did you get it on video?”

“I tried,” Ashara pouted and handed him her phone.

“It’s so dark!” Robert frowned. “You can barely make out what’s going on! How did Arthur and Yronwood even see what they were doing?!”

“Well hold on, it gets a little better once Beric walks over,” Ashara said. “He used one of Yronwood’s spares and lit in on fire. Did you know that mace is flammable? He just coated the blade and the whoosh! We could sort of tell what was happening.”

“Wait...” Thoros abruptly joined the conversation. “He DID WHAT?!”

“It’s not what it sounds like,” Beric winced.

“YOU MADE A FIRE SWORD WITHOUT ME?!”

“Oh wow, yeah that’s a lot better,” Robert studied the screen. He handed it back to Ashara. He still thought it would have been more exciting if more people had died. That was stupid first blood duels for you. Speaking of which...

“Where’s Yronwood?” Robert asked. He was a little surprised the guy hadn’t hung around. Had a beer or something.

“Oh, he got some alert to his phone about his underground vault being accessed, he just wanted to go check it out.”

“Ah,” Harry Strickland said, abruptly joining the conversation. “In that case, I think everybody who came with me should leave now.”

“We’ve got like ten minutes, I want to hear about your new girlfriend,” Robert protested, winking at Ashara. She rolled her eyes. Funny, that had been Lyanna’s typical reaction. Awwww maybe they were soulmates!

“Right,” Harry nodded. “Completely understandable. But the thing is, that cache we just visited?”

“Visited stealthily,” Robert added proudly.

“Quite right, very stealthily. Only maybe not quite stealthily enough, since Yronwood got that notification.”

“Wait,” Jaime butted in. “Are you saying we BURGLED Yronwood?!”

“Well no, technically only I burgled him, because the rest of you didn’t know what you were doing. I remember thinking you should have spent more time listening to your friend Beric’s explanation, but of course at the time I didn’t know you very well so I didn’t want to say anything—“

“You said it was your cache!” Thoros blurted. “You said you’d kill me if I took any of your stuff!”

“Listen chaps, I’m sorry you feel misled, but I’ve already wired Lorch and Oberyn your share. Also you know, I feel like I’ve given you very few reasons to think I’m a trustworthy person. So perhaps you’ve all learned a valuable lesson in judging a man’s character? Now if you’ll just help me move everything on to the beach,” Harry produced his gun and waved it at them and then to the trunk of Beric’s car, “this is where we part ways.”

Wait a minute...

“Does this mean you can’t come to my wedding?!” Robert blurted.

There was the sound of a motorboat approaching, and a very familiar figure woman standing at the helm.

“Captain Sara!” Oberyn exclaimed delightedly.

“I’m terribly sorry, Bobby, you know I would have loved to have made it,” Harry hugged him, the gun digging in to his ribs uncomfortably.

“As I said, everybody who helped me should really be leaving now,” Harry called to the others.

“Well I guess Beric can drive Thoros and Jaime back to Oldtown in his Jeep, and Ned and I can drop off Stannis in King’s Landing on the way to Riverrun?” Robert puzzled it out.

“Don’t forget Jon,” Lyanna kissed her baby on the forehead before she handed him to Ned, wiping away a tear.

“It’s only for a few months until the heat dies down,” Ashara wrapped her arms around Lyanna from behind.

“I suppose I can give you and Mace a lift,” Arthur was saying to Oberyn.

“It’ll be so cramped with Ashara and Lyanna as well, you take Mace and I’ll find my own way back,” Oberyn winked, moving toward the boat.

“So what, you’re saying that it’s too dangerous for me to do it but the moment my back is turned you’ll go off and do it yourself?!” Thoros was grumbling at Beric.

“Am I going to have to listen to this all the way back to Oldtown?” Jaime groaned.

“Probably,” Beric sighed.

Robert inhaled deeply, savoring the smell of sea air, the sounds of his friends arguing and laughing together, the starry sky above them. Then he looked down and his gaze fell on the 1962 Rhoynish Dragon.

“Cute kid,” he commented off-handed to Lyanna Stark.

“Congratulations on the wedding, it’s been all over the papers down here,” Lyanna smiled.

“You better take care of her,” Robert told Ashara. “She’s my favorite ex-girlfriend.”

“I’ll try,” Ashara laughed, and Lyanna spun in her arms and kissed her.

Hot. So fucking hot.

“C’mon Neddy,” Robert dragged Ned away from them, as he was looking slightly ill. “We’ve got a family brunch to get to.”

They got in, Ned checked that the car seat was properly secure, and began to pull out.

“I can’t help but feel like we’re missing something,” Ned frowned. Robert blinked.

“Oh shit, Stannis!”

Five minutes later, once they had wrestled Stannis’ enormous suitcase into the not very large trunk of the Dragon, they were ready. Robert pressed down the accelerator and the car lurched forward with a roar. Such speed! Such power! It felt like flying.

They were already out of Sunspear, heading north on the interstate, Stannis and Jon sound asleep in the back, when Ned looked over.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled.

“Sorry?” Robert frowned. “Sorry about what?”

“Your whole stag party got ruined! Mace drugged us, Oberyn got us in all sorts of trouble, Jaime got kidnapped, my sister got kidnapped AND left her baby with us, you got blackmailed, we lost the ring... nothing went right at all!”

Robert laughed.

“I had a stag party in a palace in Dorne! We solved mysteries, I won a fight against ARTHUR DAYNE, I went to a hostage negotiation, tracked down a blackmailer, participated in a heist, and kind of sort of won a duel! Your hot sister is banging your smoking hot ex and they kissed right in front of me! I’m driving a Dragon! There’s only three left in the entire world! You’re going to be telling Jon about this some day, how he rode in a Dragon!”

“Wait, you’re saying...”

Robert tipped back his head.

“BEST! STAG! EVER!!!!!”

“I’m glad somebody’s happy,” Ned chuckled. “I’m fairly concerned about my father’s reaction when I show up with my sister’s love child. Let alone Hoster Tully’s.”

“More heat off you, right? Did Lyanna get into it at all?”

“Just that he was an abusive prick who threatened to fight her for custody when she tried to leave. Lyanna,” Ned sighed and rubbed his face. “She hasn’t always made the best choices but she deserves a lot better than some of the shit that’s happened to her, you know?”

“Yeah I get it,” Robert admitted. “But she has Ashara now. They seem pretty happy. Maybe this is when things start going her way.”

“I hope so,” Ned yawned. “Gods, I hope so.”

“Don’t you fall asleep on me,” Robert warned. “It sucks being the driver when everyone else is asleep.”

“Ugh you’re right. Okay, I know you think it was the best stag ever—“

“Because IT WAS!”

“—but if you could have done one more thing, what would you have wanted to do?”

Robert thought for a minute.

“I would have wanted someone to get photos at the strip club!”

Ned laughed.

“Be serious!”

“I am serious! It was my last chance to drool over other women, and I don’t remember any of it!”

“Well I didn’t want to say anything, but Stannis leant me this extra phone battery he brought for me? And my phone is up and working again,” Ned began.

“Wait... are you saying...”

“There appear to be a lot of photos from the strip club,” Ned confirmed drily. “Honestly, at some point we should look at them all ONE TIME and then delete everything.”

“Why would we delete them?! If you have a photo of Mace getting his ass tattooed, I want it framed!”

They joked and talked, and the miles vanished under the Dragon, but try as he might, Ned finally drifted off to sleep.

That was okay though, Robert thought, watching the sun break over the marches. It was nice to have some time to think too.

Mace and Oberyn had both been kind of bummed that he was getting married, but he knew that the next adventure would be even better than this one. And he’d probably be able to remember a whole lot more of it. He hoped he’d be a good dad, but nine tenths of that was just showing up for the job right? Even Mace seemed like he was a pretty good dad, and that guy had never been able to do anything right.

He was pretty sure he could figure it out, and if he didn’t, well Cersei would just tell him what to do.

Daydreaming about cuddling Cersei, finally getting to meet their little biscuit, Robert nearly missed the turn for King’s Landing.

“Hey, wake up,” he shook Stannis gently. Stannis cracked an eye.

“End of the road. You okay getting the bus home? Give my love to Mel.”

“Wait bus?” Stannis blinked sleepily as he clambered out of the car.

“Yup,” Robert got his bag free with a grunt of effort. “The bus stop is just up that hill. Sorry buddy, I’ve gotta get Ned to this thing on time, I can’t drive you any further.”

“Hill?” Stannis’ face fell as he looked at his enormous suitcase and back at the hill.

“Oh it looks like you lost the wheel on that thing, by the way, you should get it replaced!” Robert waved and got back in the car.

Okay, half an hour to go, and they were about forty-five miles away. Robert cracked his knuckles.

He pulled back out onto the main highway and merged with the other cars. He’d thought he was a good wingman before, but wow, he was on fire.

He glared at a car that had cut him off. Asshole. Didn’t that guy know he had somewhere to be? It was a Riverlands plate too. Actually... Robert rubbed his eyes as he pulled into the lane next to it. That was Hoster Tully’s car!!!

“Ned,” he prodded his friend awake.

“Mmm?” Ned responded sleepily.

“Here, take the wheel for a second,” Robert tugged his arm onto it.

“Wait what?!” Ned protested, frantically trying to sit upright so he could see over the dashboard.

Robert rolled down his window and started frantically unbuckling his belt.

“What are you doing?!” Ned yelped. “You can’t piss out the window!”

“That’s not what I’m doing and false, I totally can, I do it all the time,” Robert grinned, pulling down his pants. “Now hold us steady.”

He slammed on the accelerator and twisted to hang his ass out the window. To top it off, he gave a loud three honks on the horn.

There was a responding honk and Robert withdrew, guffawing to see in the rear view mirror that the car had pulled over.

“Who did you just moon?!” Ned hissed.

“Awwww don’t worry about it,” Robert ruffled his hair. “It’s not like anybody recognizes us in this car anyway.”

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