#a gifset that i've meant to make for a long time now

[thelostgirl21]

Okay... but I've just realised (thanks to this beautiful gifset) that, when Jaskier asked "What are you doing here?" to Geralt, the question was a very direct one, as if Jaskier already knew that Geralt's presence there was obviously no coincidence.

And, of course, the answer he got wasn't: "I went looking for you because I missed having you in my life, was worried about you, and heard you'd gotten yourself into trouble. So, I came here to rescue you and ask if, perhaps, you'd want us to go get some ale and talk about what happened..."

It was: "I need your help".

Because that's what Jaskier does: care about and help people. And Geralt came back into his life because he needed his help and expected Jaskier to still care enough to agree to help him.

Whereas the only personal request that Radovid ever made to Jaskier was for him to sing a song...

And he told Jaskier:

Yet, the very first thing that Radovid ever told Jaskier about himself was:

i.e. A song very much NOT about a white-haired Witcher.

Literally, the things Jaskier learned about him, in chronological order, are that:

- He's good at randomly catching lutes.

- Oh no, he's hot.

- He's long wanted to see Jaskier in person... what?!

- His favorite song is "Song of the Seven".

- Oh! Good! He's a fan!

- His name is Radovid...

- ...Comma, PRINCE?!?!?!

So, Jaskier knew that Radovid loved "Song of the Seven" the most even before he ever knew that he was talking to the crown prince of Redania named Radovid.

And what did that ridiculous spoon of a prince do?

Ask him to pick a song of his choice while gently trying to orient said choice towards a song that others would love to hear him sing.

It may be a small detail but, even in his private quarters, Radovid is already making choices for the benefit of all in attendance rather than allowing himself to be selfish by demanding from Jaskier the song that he would most wish to hear him sing.

And, after Jaskier surprises him by choosing to be emotionally open and vulnerable with him - singing something to him directly from his heart - Radovid shows gratefulness and appreciation by making the effort of learning his song and attempting to sing it back to him.

On top, of course, of lowering his own mask and allowing himself to be honest about his feelings, who he is, and agreeing to do what he can do to help Jaskier in his search for Rience.

Radovid is all about reciprocity, taking other people's needs into consideration, and not taking anything Jaskier is willing to offer him for granted.

And, after Jaskier was hurt by the mistake he made, he literally stopped expecting or believing that he was entitled to receive anything from Jaskier anymore.

So, when Jaskier asked Radovid the question "Why are you here?", it almost feels like a question directed at Radovid, but also at Destiny, or the gods in general, because, somehow, he went searching for his family... and Radovid was the first person that crossed his path.

Like "something" was trying to let Jaskier know that Radovid is now a part of that family, too, and he wasn't meant to get rid of him the way he did that morning.

He also discovered that Radovid told the truth about having given his royal security detail the slip before coming to see him and Ciri, as all the guards and servants that were assigned to him have been violently massacred in his absence...

And now, there he is... weeping alone in a corner, defenseless, surrounded by the corpses of the people that were supposed to keep him safe but can obviously no longer do anything to help him...

The crown prince of a Kingdom that the Nilfgaardian Empire has just declared war upon (and therefore, a prime target for capture to use as a negotiation tool with King Vizimir).

And what is Radovid, Comma Prince, concerned about the most?

Taking up too much of Jaskier's valuable time...

Like, for fuck's sake, Radovid!

All you did was answer Jaskier's question regarding what had happened here, you spoon!

You were offering Jaskier your time and knowledge. Not the other way around!

There's no need for you to apologize for freaking existing, and perhaps needing a bit of support given that the reason all of your guards are dead - and you're now stuck in such a vulnerable position - is that you ditched said guards the night before to keep Jaskier and Ciri safe from them!

If you'd done as you were expected to do, chances are that you would all have been on your way to Tretogor by now.

And, okay, granted, Jaskier and Ciri would probably have been glaring at you the whole way there, trying to escape, and hating you forever (which would've been a bad thing).

BUT, you and your whole royal security detail wouldn't have been at Aretuza during the coup; so I'm sure that, at least, they would have been happy to be, you know, not dead, and helping you get back home in one piece!

So, although you had no idea something bad would be happening to your guards if you just ran off on them, you still chose to put yourself at risk by wandering alone at night in the woods, and refusing to use force to convince Ciri and Jaskier to go with you.

It wasn't a perfect plan, but I think Jaskier is starting to get a better grasp of the type of pressure you were dealing with, and seeing how you might have made choices that seemed to be "the least bad option".

I know I've seen some comments essentially going "Jaskier is such a good person to consider still helping Radovid after he's betrayed him", and I'm not denying that.

But I like to personally think that part of what was going on in his brain, in that moment, was realizing the risks that Radovid had already taken to keep him and his family safe, and the mistake Jaskier himself had made earlier, at least.

Because, when it comes down to it, I've always felt like it was a bit unreasonable for Jaskier to have expected Radovid to 100% trust him with everything he knew, and completely let his own guards down around him, when Jaskier himself couldn't do the same with him.

Each time I watch the scene in the shed, I feel like Jaskier was testing Radovid's loyalties by letting him know that the magical barrier only lasted until dawn, while utterly ignoring what Radovid was actually trying to tell him.

Jaskier might have wanted to trust him, but he couldn't - not yet. So, how could he have expected Radovid to spontaneously share with him everything that worried him, too, or every detail of what he was planing to do in an attempt to fix things?

In a way, I can't help but feel like they are both way too smart and analytical for their own good during that scene.

Like, I know we keep saying that Radovid should have told Jaskier that he wanted to go see Ciri (and I don't exactly disagree), but the problem is that Radovid, up until that point, was operating on the belief that:

- Dijkstra and Philippa were planning to expose and execute Vilgefortz and his spies before Nilfgaard had any chance to know that they were onto them.

And had that messenger not been killed and intercepted, technically, they may very well have succeeded in that endeavor.

But Nilfgaard learned of Redania's plans and were able to turn the tables on them. Something that Radovid wouldn't have known.

So, if we go with the scenario of what was supposed to happen at Thanedd, had Ciri agreed to ally herself with Redania, then every vassal state / kingdom still loyal to Cintra would have joined the North against the Nilfgaardian Empire.

With that level of support, it would technically have been enough to crush any hope of Nilfgaard ever winning a battle against the Northern Kingdoms, and thus, averted a second war between these two superpowers from happening.

At least, for the time being.

From Radovid's P.OV., knowing what he knows, Ciri agreeing to come with them would have, indeed, made everything easier for, well - pretty much everyone, really!

From a personal standpoint, he would have completed the job his brother had given him, and would no longer have needed to keep dealing with Philippa or Dijkstra.

Jaskier would also have gotten what he wanted; i.e. Ciri at the head of the most powerful army on the Continent (by combining Redania's forces with Cintra's and every single smaller Kingdom loyal to them) and able to keep herself safe from her enemies.

And with these two problems out of the way, it would have been much easier for Jaskier and Radovid to be together.

But the thing is that - according to the intel that Radovid had access to by that point- the 2nd war would also have been avoided, and countless lives would have been saved.

And I don't think that it would have been too far fetched to believe that Radovid might have hoped that Ciri's arrival at the Redanian court might have shaken things up a bit there, too.

First, because she's the granddaughter of Queen Calanthe - a headstrong, fierce warrior queen whose authority was greatly respected by her subjects. So, if Ciri has inherited some of her temperament (though hopefully not her ideals), then she wouldn't have been so easy to control and manipulate.

Whereas, from what we've seen, King Vizimir was pretty much likely to go with other people's ideas as long as they were presented to him in a way where he felt like he was the one making the decisions, told that they would reflect well on him and his Kingdom, and that there would be no annoying complaints for him to deal with.

Second, because it's doubtful that she would have wanted to be parted from Geralt and Yennefer, either; and things would likely have been much safer at court with these two around.

And if Radovid's initial plan of just "knocking at the door" had worked, then Ciri would have been in the same room as Jaskier when he would have showed up there, and she could have been able to make the decision of at least hearing out what the prince had to say, or not.

The choice would have been up to her and, had she refused, then at least Radovid would have done all he could to attempt to prevent yet more bad things from happening.

But then, the he suddenly found himself in a situation where, if he wanted to talk to Ciri, not only did it have to wait until morning - since anyone trying to enter the cabin would be blown back by a powerful magical force field (let's all give a good round of applause to Jaskier, that thought stepping out of an incredibly strong protective barrier to go investigate a potential threat with nothing to protect himself but a lute was a better idea than remaining INSIDE the impenetrable protective force that would have held until dawn...) - but he would need to request permission from Jaskier first.

Except Jaskier's job is to look after Ciri and make decisions that are the best for HER until her parents return. Not make decisions that are the best to avoid a war between Nilfgaard and the North (among others)!

So imagine, for a moment, that Radovid had chosen to explain to Jaskier everything he already knew...

That he'd told him that the Redanian spymasters suspected that Vilgefortz was working with Nilfgaard, had spies working with him from within Aretuza, and that the second war was imminent.

Imagine that he'd explained to Jaskier that Ciri, and the amount of political power she represents, might be the only thing that could sufficiently tip the scale in the Northern Kingdoms' favor to prevent another war from happening.

Imagine that he'd told him that, while he'd ditched the small army (a.k.a. his "security detail") that had been meant to accompany him while he "went to see him for information as per Philippa's request" to prevent risking them attempting to take the princess by force, he still felt that he'd had to do what he could to convince her to come to Redania with them of her own free will.

That he couldn't, in good conscience, let the war happen, knowing he hadn't done something to at least try to prevent it.

Imagine he'd told Jaskier exactly what was actually at stake...

First, there's no guarantee that Jaskier would have believed him, and there's no way he could have proven to him that he was telling the truth, either.

Second, Jaskier might have felt like he was betraying Geralt and Yennefer's trust - should he have decided to allow the Prince of Redania to attempt to convince their daughter to ally with his nation to help stop a war from happening.

And third, in the event that Jaskier had refused Radovid's request to be given a chance to speak with Ciri, then Jaskier might have felt like he was responsible for having made the wrong call should a war indeed be declared upon the Northern Kingdoms, because the North lacked enough power, and support, to stay Nilfgaard's hand.

That's a whole lot of responsibilities to drop on Jaskier's shoulders, and a lot of lives to risk on the hope that Jaskier might believe he is telling the truth.

And Radovid does not know what Jaskier himself knows, either. So, he's unaware that Geralt does not want Ciri to become involved in politics, and be forced to take sides (at least, by that point).

The two of them are both operating on the limited amount of information they both have, and trying to make decisions that appear to be the best course of action for everyone involved.

And when Jaskier asked the question "And what do you want?" Radovid clearly hesitated, then came up with an answer that I believe was 100% honest, but clearly evaded the question.

And Jaskier never confronted him about it. He didn't insist that this wasn't what he asked him, nor attempt to get to the bottom of the situation.

I'm 99.9% sure that he did notice how Radovid avoided giving him a straight answer (yes, I know, there's nothing straight about either of them), though, because he immediately became suspicious and looked outside.

But, instead, he gave Radovid the information that the force field would stop working at dawn, later pretended to still be asleep when dawn came, and waited to see what Radovid would do with the information.

One of the most heartbreaking things, to me, however, is that Radovid's answer, when Jaskier gave him that information, was to tell him "I'm scared, Jaskier"...

And Jaskier didn't ask him why he was afraid...

He didn't attempt to investigate what scared him and if - by any chance - it could be scary enough that he might be tempted to do something stupid.

I'm not blaming Jaskier, by the way... Their situation was extremely complex, and Jaskier had his own fears and issues to deal with and manage as best he could.

Radovid is not the only one breaking my heart in that scene, because I think that Jaskier has such a hard time believing that someone could genuinely love him the way Radovid does, that he's unwittingly setting him up to go behind his back by avoiding to fully acknowledge and investigate Radovid's fears.

I think it's easier for Jaskier to believe that Radovid was just so smart that he knew exactly what to say to him, and what to do, to encourage him to lower his own barriers around him and start trusting him - just so he could try to take Ciri from them...

...than to believe that Radovid really would be able to see him and appreciate him just the way he is, and that the connection between them is real.

So yes, Radovid did technically "fail" Jaskier's test. But sadly, I think that Jaskier stopped truly listening to Radovid the moment he decided to test him.

If Jaskier had been brave enough to confront him about the evasiveness of his answer and the reasons why he was scared - if he'd shown Radovid that he genuinely cared about his safety and wanted to help him face those fears, and/or for them to find solutions to Radovid's problems together - Jaskier might have been able to prevent him from making that mistake in the first place.

But, instead, Jaskier came up with his own narrative that would confirm his own fears of never being enough for anyone; and sadly, I don't think that anything Radovid could have done or said, in that moment, would have changed his mind.

And poor Radovid internalized the hurt and heartbreak he saw reflected there as if he was the only one responsible for it.

So then, when Jaskier offers to help Radovid get back to safety, he's confused that he would even wish to help him after the way he managed to so profoundly wound and disappoint him earlier.

Radovid, you may not know this, but Jaskier once told his very best friend in the whole wide world "People do stupid things when they think they're trapped in a corner. And they say stupid things. That's what friends do. They come back."

And somehow, you "came back", because Destiny apparently decided to take pity on Jaskier's own issues and insecurities, and urge him to take a second, closer, deeper look.

And it's not even being subtle about it!

Like "Oi! PRINCE. TRAPPED. IN. A. LITERAL. CORNER. WITH. NOWHERE. SAFE. TO. GO. He told you he was scared earlier, and you didn't even ask him why! He didn't need someone to tell him he was brave, and then wait for him to do something stupid come morning, Jaskier! What he needed, was someone investigating what terrified him, and offering him support. Do you get it now? Prince. Corner. Scared. Trapped. Needing help, but not even able to believe he's entitled to it or not knowing how to ask for it! So fucking help him, for fuck's sake!"

And Jaskier needs to offer, because Radovid apparently keeps putting other people's needs first. So, chances probably are that Radovid won't ask unless he knows for sure it's okay and safe for him to ask anything of anyone whose job is not to tend to him.

Because, in his world, Radovid's main survival strategy seems to have been to constantly provide narcissistic supply to his brother's oversized ego (to be "adored" and protected by the King), by cheering him on from the sidelines, while drawing as little attention as he could to himself.

In Radovid's world, he doesn't matter: he's a spare, easy to cast aside and forget about. As long as the King's pleased with him, he's safe.

(Or he used to be, before the whole Hedwig incident.)

You shouldn't have to listen to him, because he's of no use to anyone and he doesn't matter.

He's no more than a pretty reflective surface for his brother to admire himself in whenever there's no other more interesting image of himself to gaze upon.

That's Radovid's job. Letting others hog the spotlight, coming in second, and stopping to exist whenever convenient.

And when Jaskier says that he can't go with him because he needs to find his family first, Radovid immediately offers to go risk his own life, and use whatever resources he can spare, to help Jaskier be reunited with the people he loves most like it's the most natural thing in the world for a prince to do!

No wonder Jaskier couldn't figure him out... He's used to people just spontaneously dumping all of their issues on him while expecting him to do or say something about it.

While Radovid is going "you don't have to listen to me or care about my issues, but maybe I could do something to help you with yours?"

All the while being the one that would likely benefit the most from having someone genuinely listening to and helping him.

Jaskier: What are you doing here?

Geralt: I need your help.

Jaskier: *Sighs* Figures...

Jaskier: Why are you here?

Radovid: Came looking for my guards, didn't go well, now there's a war and I'm hiding in a corner... Story of my life that I don't want to bore you with... But hey! Maybe I could help you go find and rescue your family instead?

Jaskier: !!!???

#Radovid #Jaskier #Radskier #The Witcher #My Posts #My Thoughts #This started with a few tags and I winded up with an overload of feels and a freaking essay! #You know the usual... #Stupid dumb prince and stupid dumb bard with their stupid dumb issues... #Ruining my life and everyone else's

[olderthannetfic]

Tumblr seems to be sliding in a downward spiral, and it feels like the start of the end of a fandoming era for me. I've been through it before; platforms are born then die, and life fandom finds a way. I'm just not looking forward to floundering for a bit, and dreading what the next hub will look like.

AO3 isn't really a place geared or meant for the same thing, and that's fine. My only fandom-related activity took place on AO3 only for a few years between my leaving LJ and joining Tumblr, and I lived ;-) But during that time, I was my own little island in fandom. Reading, leaving a few comments, not being super active. It's only when I found a community again that I was back to being really active in fandom once more.

And it's not that I actually use Tumblr to post about myself, but I do use it to read and reblog cool things - art, gifsets, science stuff, discovering new fandoms, and the like. I'm not sure where else I could find my people, with sameish purposes. The other sites I've tried didn't fill that niche in a way that suited me, in part because of how they look and work, in part because of who and what is(n't) there.

I have DW & PF accounts just to be safe, but I'm not very fond of group chats Discord-style - and without Tumblr, IDK how I'd even hear of new communities where I might pop in once in a while, loins girdled and everything. The micro-blogging platforms are not what I'm looking for either. Sure, I can follow a few DW comms and blogs; I already occasionally do and I will be more consistent about it if I must.

But one of my greatest fear is that the next platform will be phone-based, app-only, or some such BS - and that is something I just won't be able to deal with. Phones are tiny, it's uncomfortable to write anything, I don't like touch screen and much, much prefer a proper keyboard and a mouse (copy-pasting on a screen? (x_x) << it me), art/pics are too small to properly appreciate, a phone isn't comfy to hold for a long time for me, and the app system means you have no control over anything as a user… and that anything there must be Apple Approved, dick-free, blood-free, and tasteless. And I say this as someone who's pretty much uninterested in sex IRL or in my entertainment ;-) I still support and want the tits, the gore, the everything, and as long as I have the tools to curate - oh, wait. Curate things myself? That's not something that's popular these days, is it? It's not going to generate money, if I'm happy ;-)

So… I guess I'll play some more on Neocities, and see if anyone wants to have webrings again? (it would be fun and nostalgic, but not really viable on a large scale; people who haven't known those would just laugh and point and go on the InstaTok of the time).

So here is my little cane-waving rant of the day! I know things evolve and change and that in ten years I'll be rolling my eyes at my moping. It's only that I feel tired of moving from one shitty platform to another, of fearing I won't adapt (or more accurately won't want to adapt given the annoyance/benefit ratio) to whichever new place things will move in a few years. It's saying goodbye to a former home, moving, and hoping you'll make another home elsewhere kind of sniffles today!

--

We already know the next platform. It has been Discord for a few years now.

If you want the one after Discord, I think you're looking at waiting things out for quite a few years (or until Discord makes a major misstep as a company).

True, real time chat is not for everyone, but small discords with well-chosen channels can operate more asynchronously. Just like a lot of people who hated the look of Tumblr early on eventually capitulated, a lot of chat haters have jumped ship to Discord already.

Realistically, 90% of fandom always goes where the action is, no matter how much they claim the features make that space impossible, and 10% disappears.

We might get the 10% back on the next platform or they might leave fandom for good. There were LJ-haters who resurfaced post LJ era.

But as for where you'll find out where people are... probably AO3 author's notes.

[scoobydoodean]

Wanted to chat about some tangential things in my last reply of this post and the related reply from @deanwinchesterwebsite while sparing all of us the length of the whole post.

Slightly off the topic of money, but I like what you said about how Dean constantly offers or encourages Sam to grab at moments of normalcy (staying with Lori, Sarah, whichever woman is representing a normal life that episode) whereas Sam rejects that -- it can happen after the revenge plot when Sam goes back to his "normal" life. This is merely an interruption. But Dean knows there's always something else to hunt, and there is no "getting out". His whole life he's tried to build periods of normalcy, knowing it won't last. Does Sam also know deep down that there's no "after", since he experienced that childhood too, and he just doesn't want to accept that he likes hunting? Or does he still believe in that dream, as evidenced by him telling Dean to get out and live an apple pie life after he jumps in Swan Song?

Dean as Sam's Relationship Cheerleader™️ is something I've meant to dedicate a gifset to for some time. He is constantly trying to get Sam to connect with people. Lori, Sarah, Madison—even Meg. I do have this set along a related vein. I also have a tag for Sam not being carried along by the tides of the immutable sea, but I made that tag so long and complicated I can't actually get it to work anymore for some reason... I need to shorten it. My tag #sams motivations is meant to include a lot of posts giving context to Sam's choices (I have a considerable backlog of gifsets I need to make for this), and #sam the hunter for his relationship to hunting.

From my personal perspective, hunting and family are deeply connected for Sam. He tells us (Charlie) this the most plainly in 10.18:

SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t….

This little bit of dialogue imo explains a lot about what many would consider "wishy-washy" behavior from Sam over the first 2/3rds of the series. Hunting is a family first activity for Sam. If the family is dead, he will get revenge (season 1, 2, 4) or quit (season 8) if family is alive but attempting to live peacefully, he will seek out other family (the Campbells in season 6). Season 8 is the trickiest of all. I have a very long post about Sam's headspace in season 8 here.

Unpacking Sam's views on hunting is tough to do in some places in a way that answers everyone's "but what about...?" moments, because while the result is often the same (Sam is hunting), the motivation is often very different and quite varied.

Season 1

Hunting is revenge, then it's also a coping measure for Sam's grief, and then it begins to develop as a mission (1.20). At the same time, Sam absolutely sees it as a temporary reality of his life—a detour from his normal life (1.16).

However, there's also The John Wound™️ which begins healing up in 1.08 when Sam learns that John periodically checked up on Sam when he was in school to make sure he was safe. There's their hug in 1.16, and there's their conversation about the college fund in 1.20 where John explains himself and apologizes and Sam says he and John are the same. Sam has more sympathy for John Winchester than anyone else, and I think that's something that people often, somehow, miss. This renewed connection with John—still filled with flashes of anger as they butt heads—is this precious, fragile thing that slips through Sam's fingers like so many grains of sand before he really gets to feel they've "fixed" it because John dies.

Season 2

The seeds having been planted in 1.08, 1.16, and 1.20 (to some extent also in 1.02). After John's death, hunting is how Sam feels close to his family (especially John) and honors the memory of their parents. It's how he deals with the regret of all the things he and John didn't get to say and mend. He talks about hunting in John's memory instead of going back to school (2.02), and he insists on bringing John's dog tags to Lawrence so he can place them on Mary's grave (2.04).

In 2.20, he tells Dean he's glad they know each other and get along, when the context is Dean's djinn dream where they never spoke, and Sam got everything he wanted in the Pilot—Jess, the white picket fence, the law degree.

In 2.10, Sam refers to hunting as something that he can't escape—says California was him running, and implies hunting is something he doesn't want to escape anymore. He tells Dean he's just going to have to stick around being a hunter if he wants to support Sam, because Sam isn't going to run and he isn't going to stop.

Dean is balking at the hunting life and desperate for a break, and Sam says, "You're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do" (2.10). He reiterates—in 2.20 when Dean is spilling despair and grief out of every pore—that the job is worth it despite all of the pain because of the people they've saved. In the beginning of 2.13, he's jealous that Henriksen put out warrants for Dean but not for him after the fiasco at the bank.

It's worth noting though that Sam also has a more fatalistic perspective this season. At times he believes he should be killed before he turns "bad" (and pushes Dean to promise to take him out when he knows Dean won't). He isn't necessarily facing the idea of hunting for the rest of his life. He's facing the reality of turning evil quite imminently and then a young and bloody death (he wishes, at his brother's hand before he hurts anyone), and episodes like 2.11 Playthings and 2.18 Hollywood Babylon and 2.13 Houses of the Holy reveal he's also motivated to hunt as a distraction and to prove that he can subvert his demonic destiny.

Season 3

Demonic destiny subverted (they think—until Ruby tips Sam off about Lilith and the title The Boy King starts getting throw around) Sam focuses on Dean. Dean intends to burn bright for the whole year until his deal is up, and go down in a blaze of glory, and Sam spends the first 2/3rds of the season trying to get Dean to care and secretly working on plans to save his life and growing more and more bold and ruthless about it.

One episode after calling Ruby a "cold bitch" for telling him not to feel guilty about killing two human hosts (3.04), Sam shoots a crossroad's demon, killing the human host because he's furious that he's powerless to save Dean (3.05). When Dean dies in Mystery Spot, Sam turns into a hunting machine obsessed with vengeance against Gabriel. In 3.12 Jus In Bello, he considers human sacrifice. In 3.15, it's using an immortal's alchemy and turning himself and Dean into frankenstein's monsters. He summons Ruby behind Dean's back and against his dying wishes looking for a last play to save his brother's life. He wants his brother with him and he's growing more and more desperate and more and more willing to traverse dubious ground to get what he wants—what he needs.

Sam also talks about honing his skills as a hunter to become strong enough to face life (demons, Lilith) without Dean (3.09). He talks about becoming like Dean while Dean worries because Sam isn't acting like himself. Sam reveals a brutality in 3.07 Fresh Blood meant to recall Dean's brutal kill via chop saw in 2.03 Bloodlust. He no longer insists on sparing human's leveraging supernatural power to murder others (3.09).

He isn't looking for normal. He is looking for a way out.

Season 4+

I think you're right on the money on Sam seeing an "after" to hunting for a long time, or needing to see one and getting very self-destructive (and otherwise destructive) if he doesn't. Crucially though, the "after" Sam sees doesn't have to be a "Normal, Apple Pie" life. It just has to be different from the unsustainable pain they're in now. I think the Apple Pie Life is something Sam wants to secure for Dean in season 5 because of the conversation they have in 4.12 "Criss Angel Is A Douchebag"—the conversation that leads Sam straight back to drinking demon blood after quitting in 4.04:

DEAN Man...hope I die before I get old. Whole thing seems brutal, don't it? SAM You think we will? DEAN What? SAM Die before we get old. DEAN Haven't we both already? SAM You know what I mean, Dean. I mean, do you think we'll still be chasing demons when we're 60? DEAN No, I think we'll be dead...for good. What? You want to end up like -- Like Travis? Huh? Or Gordon, maybe? SAM There's Bobby. DEAN Oh, yeah, there's a poster child for growing old gracefully. SAM Maybe we'll be different, Dean.

Sam imagines him and Dean growing old, hunting together. Sam imagines them shifting into a role like Bobby's in their old age (something close to what Sam begins cultivating in the late seasons with the Men of Letters and the bunker and his AU hunters). It's a romanticization—a hopeful look ahead to a future where they aren't drowning in grief at all times even if the struggle never ends. They keep an eye on the world, but they aren't guiltily beholden to it. But then Dean says:

DEAN What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life.

Sam hates this. He hates that Dean says this, and he wants to fix it. He wants to change Dean's future—secure his future—both of their futures. He doesn't want to be fighting like they're fighting now when he's old, and he doesn't want to die young. He also doesn't want that for Dean, and he learns Dean (at that time at least) doesn't want to be like Bobby or Rufus when he's old. So he needs to save the world so Dean will grow old. He needs to cut off the head of the snake (kill Lilith) even if Dean doesn't like how he does it:

SAM What if we could win? DEAN "Win"? SAM If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it. DEAN Is there something going on you're not telling me? SAM No. DEAN Sammy. SAM No. Look, I'm just saying...I just wish there was a way we could...go after the source. That's all. Cut the head off the snake. DEAN Well, the problem with the snake is that it has a thousand heads. Evil bitches just keep piling out of the Volkswagen. SAM Yeah. Guess you're right. <- (Sam, thinking about a call he needs to make to Ruby immediately)

In 4.15, Sam says he and Dean are special—outside the natural order. They have a special place in the world and special duties.

There's 4.17 "It's A Terrible Life" where Sam is thrust into "Supernormal" along with Dean, and very quickly smashes his phone... and at the end, asks Dean become monster hunters with him. There's 5.12 "Swap Meat" where Sam turns his nose up at the teenager who has the exact life Sam used to envy.

SAM I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me – we didn't miss a damn thing. DEAN Or we don't know what we're missing.

That disagreement—that little bit we see where Sam has rejected normal but he knows Dean wants it—Dean wants it so so badly but he doesn't believe he can have it—that's the basis for Sam's demand that Dean go and he live a normal, apple pie life.

In 4.19, after the brothers meet and bond with "Adam". Sam immediately wants to train him up as a hunter. Dean balks—thinking Adam has a chance to escape the life—that he hasn't been dragged in yet and doomed. "He could be a doctor"—he could be someone normal. Sam says all he sees is someone vulnerable, ready to become monster chow. He says John did right by them by teaching them to protect themselves. When Dean talks about Adam's hopeful "normal" future, Sam says, "What makes him so special?"

Dean asks if Sam's jealous—but I don't think that's exactly it. What it is is that Adam is not the only person who gets to be happy. Sam thinks, "We can be happy too! We're cursed, but we aren't doomed!" They won't fix their lives by running from hunting or never being involved in it to begin with, but they aren't doomed. They'll escape everything through hunting—by killing Lilith and destroying hell's plans.

Adam is a Winchester and therefore already cursed. But Sam thinks... the curse of hunting is better. The curse makes you special. The curse is something Sam hates... but he also loves it, and he was never going to be normal. Normal was always the foolish pipe dream of a boy running and hiding. He was never going to be normal. But it still isn't a tragedy, because Sam won't let it be one. Sam will take everything that's happened to them—to him—and make something good out of it (4.04). He will be powerful, and he will build a life out of rubble everyone else (Dean) looked at and said the house was totaled and they're toast. If Dean doesn't want to grow old together taking up Bobby's mantle... well—Sam will prove to him that he can still get out—that Sam can get him out—by crushing Lilith. Then in season 8 by closing the gates of Hell (long post that connects season 8 in here).

Sam gets Dean out at the end of season 5, and even soulless, Sam seeks out family, and he goes to hunting, while leaving Dean in the Apple Pie life Sam secured for him. Temporarily, Sam wins. He proves that Dean can get out and be happy. They repeat similar patterns in season 8 (8.14 and Sam promising to take Dean to the light at the end of the tunnel—again by stopping demons) and once again, Sam tries to prove Dean can be happy—both of them can—only this time, he fails. He begins cultivating the Bobby life for them in season 12 onward, and he thinks it's starting to work... except when it isn't—except when Dean still doesn't believe he can be saved—that he can be happy. Dean attempts suicide after losing Mary and Cas and Crowley. Dean doesn't believe they can beat Michael and he tries to drop himself in the ocean in a coffin and Sam's eyes burn with tears as he punches Dean and demands he believe Sam can save him.

All of this is also why Sam's ending is a tragedy. Sam's ending is a mourning pyre to a dead brother. It is Sam sitting with his greatest failure. It is himself, shoe-horned into the life he thought he could secure for Dean but failed to secure. It is the life Sam no longer wanted, but the only way he knows how to live if Dean is dead. He can't do it without his brother. He periodically goes out to sit in the car and mourn, closing his eyes and thinking of times gone by when Dean was here and Sam was happy—because Sam was a freak... but he wasn't alone. Dean was right there with him all the way.

#high sodium freak #spn finale poo poo #sams motivations #sam the hunter #10.18 #multiseason #1.20 #1.16 #1.08 #1.02 #2.02 #2.04 #2.10 #2.20 #2.11 #2.13 #2.18 #3.09 #3.04 #3.05 #3.12 #3.15 #3.07 #2.03 #4.12 #4.04 #4.15 #4.17 #5.12 #4.19

[everythingkimpossible]

what happened and where I've been.

note: feel free to ignore if you don't care.

so it's been a really long time. I've been long debating on whether I should even make this post because I always wanted to avoid bringing anything personal to this blog. however I remember receiving messages from people who told me how much they loved this blog and how much it meant to them. as well as the people I used to talk to that I owe at least an explanation on why I disappeared.

firstly I got burned out, big time. when I started this blog I wanted to create a space where I can find, share, and reblog KP content. it was a huge passion project for me because I absolutely adored the show. my goal was to be the first blog that popped up when you typed in "Kim Possible" into search. The blog grew relatively quickly and I hit my goal within the first year. I met and talked to a lot of people who loved the show and would thank me for my reblogs of their fan art because of the amount traffic they would receive from it. i got inspired from the gifsets people posted and i got into making them myself and I loved it. however after how much time I put into running this blog it stopped being a passion project and became more of an obligation. I ran this blog for nearly six years ensuring that there would be posts every month. I ended up growing really tired of it and it wasn't enjoyable for me anymore.

secondly the Kim Possible live action movie. because this blog is called everythingkimpossible I felt that I needed to report about updates and developments about the then upcoming movie. to put it simply the movie brought out a lot of negativity and toxicity within the kim possible fan base and I would see so much of it under my posts and it was draining and demoralizing to be pretty much forced to read all of it.

now to clarify I have my own opinions on the movie as well let's just say i'm not a big fan of it myself (maybe i'll make a post about my thoughts on it if people are interested) but it still took a huge toll on me and it divided the fan base. I didn't know if I should make posts and reblogs about the movie after the fact or not.

so why am i back now? well i've recently started rewatching this show after many years and it got me really nostalgic about this blog. I truly did love running it for a long time. (it also recently turned 9 years old which is insane!) this site looks a lot different than the last time I was here! I'm also sad that a lot of the blogs that I follow are now deactivated but I can't really be shocked as I've been on hiatus for over 3 years.

I can't promise that I'll be back to regular posts but maybe I'll check in once in a while. Thank you to anyone who is still following me after all these years and to anyone who has even recently found this blog and followed.

Also thank you to everyone who has read til' the end I really appreciate it!

-EKP

[isagrimorie]

Hizzie: 9, 11 and 16.

from this fandom ask game:

9. ...what my ideal endgame for them is.

After a reasonably slow burn, they become a couple at the end of season 5 and officially at the beginning of season 6.

It starts with Hope realizing she's fallen for Lizzie, but she's not pushing it because she feels guilty for what she did to Lizzie when Lizzie confessed to her -- and because her family finally told her what 'siring' meant among vampires.

Hope would think she blew it.

Especially now that MG and Lizzie are dating. And y'know it's nice -- to the outsider it is nice. They don't fight and it's all anyone can reasonably ask for, a nice relationship with hardly any drama.

And Lizzie is trying to make it work. She thinks she owes it to herself and MG to make it work and she and Hope are friends. What more can a girl ask right?

After quite a comedy of errors and pining, all from Hope's point of view, with a few puzzled pensive looks from Lizzie. MG and Lizzie break up. It has nothing to do with Lizzie knowing about Hope's feelings but she suspects, hopes maybe.

But no, Lizzie and MG break up amicably because they both realize -- they're just not working as a couple. They are much better friends.

Meanwhile, as friends and as partners, Lizzie and Hope have been doing really, really well. And in true Mikaelson fashion -- and maybe to Hope's annoyance she's more like her Uncle Elijah than she thought-- because she does random things to make Lizzie happy without even telling her.

Cleo's noticed, of course, and has encouraged Hope to speak up. Hope doesn't want to and she seems to be on a mission to improve herself. Of course, Lizzie finds out about Hope's self-improvement mission, and as a self-proclaimed queen of self-improvement, Lizzie sets out to help her.

TLDR culminates in a major moment-- a battle, or after a battle, or even an afterparty of a battle, Hope and Lizzie end up alone and Hope finally confesses to Lizzie, and Lizzie just smiles at Hope, "Took you long enough, Mikaelson."

And kisses Hope.

11. ...how quickly I started shipping them when I got into the fandom.

Pretty fast tbh-- I'm a sucker for rivals-to-lovers tropes, but also I felt a spark from them on the 4th episode? For someone who hated Hope so much, Lizzie listened really intently and very compassionately when Hope gave her advice about grief.

gifset here

The scene in season 1 is the first time I low-key shipped Lizzie with Hope.

And to have it called back in season 4????? That Lizzie remembered and internalized what Hope said? How can I not ship them?

Of course, the roadtrip episode leading to Hope and Lizzie finding out that their whole rift was not real after all. And then cascading to the beautiful moment in the dance with Lizzie helping Hope with her anxiety and panic and later Hope doing the same for her.

But the nail in the coffin to my shipping them?

Lizzie remembers Hope in season 2 and waking up, saying: Hope Andrea Mikaelson!

From then on it is a straight shot to Shipsville.

16. ...three of my fic recs for this ship. And (in the event that I've written something for them) one of my fics involving them that I'm most proud of.

Oh boy this is actually hard since I haven't been reading a lot of Hizzie fic.

So, possibly recents first:

Catch Her a Catch by Tamoline

“Oh!” She rolls her eyes at herself. “Of course.” She doesn’t say that it was obviously lingering sorrow over a mention of something Hope no longer has. Lizzie’s always been more solution oriented anyway. “We need to find Hope a boyfriend.” Honestly, the idea’s so simple, Lizzie’s astounded she hasn’t thought of it before. Lizzie gets an idea in her head. Chaos ensues.

Lizzie tries to set-up Hope. It goes as well as you'd think.

Deep End series by cheektocheekinhell

It starts with a road trip with no Humanity Hope and Lizzie and it ends with a road trip to New Orleans.

The Charleston by Terapsina

Lizzie's panicking about having forgotten about the latest Mystic Falls dance, when Hope knocks on the door of her room and Lizzie gets an idea.

Because I really adored this. It was light and sweet and I can just see this happening.

#ask game #tv: legacies #otp: hope x lizzie #ship: hope x lizzie #hope mikaelson #lizzie saltzman #hope ANDREA mikaelson #ship: hey bitch #ship: hope and lizzie #ship: til the bitter end #hope x lizzie #hizzie #fic rec

[tealeavesandthorns]

OOC: God It's been so long...

// I guess I should start by apologising. I'm sorry I up and vanished, this is a pattern in my life and I think it has to do with masking.

The TLDR is I discovered I have AuDHD (99% sure on the tism about 89% on the ADHD), I got made redundant from work, I am searching for employment and my self-confidence was destroyed. Oh and add to that I apparently have no idea how to go about navigating friendships and expectations in real life or online.

All I know is that I want to write, I want to read, I want to be part of a community again like I have been before. This time I want to be honest with people, that I cannot keep up with communication the same way others do.

My brain is not built like normal peoples.

See I've always thought I was good with people, I've always thought that I just did what I did, I was who I was, and too an extent I was. I've always told the truth about who I am but masking has meant that I have given an impression to people about the amount of energy I can expend on them, on their lives and their problems, and then I have started to fail in that impression and I have grown frustrated and had to leave.

I could never fathom out why attention became too much or too uncomfortable, I could never understand why I found chatrooms and the group activities people did as themselves outside of RP made me so uncomfortable. Now I do, it's the tism.

The RP landscape has also changed so much in the 13+ years I've been doing it. Especially on tumblr and that has been hard to keep up with. So I do want to RP but I also want to write more specifically for Maria and Briar. I want to write drabbles and fanfic and make gifsets. I want to ship everything, I want to write everything, I want to build families for them like I have done in the past.

Now I have a new understanding of myself though and I ask that everyone be patient with me as I try to get going again. As I try to build my confidence again.

#ooc #ooc rambling #I've been gone a while #I just want to write and play in my spare time #I hate my brain

[rocicrew]

for the questions for fic writers: 1, 42, 48, 49, 50

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

hmm that's a tough question, i feel like i've written several prompts that are an easy read so that can be a quick introduction to how i view certain characters and their dynamic. and then it kind of depends what kind of pairing they're more interested in, although the majority of them are naomi centric.  i think ultimately, maybe either of the fics i've that's about naomi and filip (her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands & the way the old life haunts the new). bc they center the topics of loss and trauma and finding a way to live with it anyway and it is a theme i'm very interested in exploring with my writing.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

amdnd it's one of yours actually, again we're going with her life in her hands, her life's life in her hands (i do have a soft spot for this fic despite) i was still v new to sharing my writing and it was a feat to write something that touched those themes and attempt to capture naomi's complexity in such emotions so you telling me i captured that tension really gave me a boost when i was still very unsure of my writing so thank you for that.

48. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

i reread oh, body, be held now by whom you love today which does a lovely work of the push and pull naomi goes through between being guarded and allowing herself vulnerable, of shutting down instinctually and opening herself up again as a way to mend that gap during the preparation to go to ilus.  it had this line; "It’s about building something out of loss." which is fit right into my emotions after making that last gifset. the fic also does a great job of writing the intimacy between naomi and holden and i absolutely recommend it.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

the only wip i currently have, and it's been sitting on my docs for roughly a year has been a draolden drabble that i started after 6x06 and for some reason i have been stuck on even though it's something i'm both interested in and would like for that to be the next thing i finish and upload. maybe it's because it's been there for such a long time that i'm not sure whether to scrap it and start over or just polish some details and add some small things and post it already. oh i also have another from those kissing prompts but i haven't started it yet. and actually i think i have one nolden one but that's more fleeting vibes than proper fic.

i think i've posted an excerpt before but here's a diff one:

“Mhmm, all three of us know that I’m very hot. But, mi pensa, you’re a liar,” Naomi hummed and Drummer looked almost offended at that. But Naomi’s gaze softened as it lifted to meet hers. “You can tell me the truth,” she continued.

“I don’t know if this will work.”

Naomi tried to sit up, because that needed a conversation between them. Jim grumbled slightly at her movement and tried to pull her flush to him. That meant he hadn't fallen asleep but was edging towards consciousness. Part of her hoped he would wake up so she wouldn't have to have this conversation alone. It battled with the part of her that wanted him to catch up for all the sleep he lost. 

“Us? Or the negotiations?”

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!

okay, so this isn't a question necessarily but something i'd like to do with my writing so im putting it here in hope i'll actually make it happen. which isn't something big, it's that i want to attempt one day to write a longer multi chapter which isn't something huge but it can be a fun challenge.

#ty for the questions 💕

[fkevin073]

I'm staying anonymous for now.

This is because of this post (post/668044585142992896/since-that-gifset-of-nick-yesterday-and-your) that I'm overly thinking details like this again. So my scattered thoughts might not make sense to you.

And I will take you ahead of time, I never meant to write this message to be a long message. But my thoughts are always this scattered a lot of the time when I'm thinking about characters, plots, stories, things..

I've watched and rewatched Fear Street movies a few times, and I will watch it again because why not watch horror movies for Halloween.

And if I'm honest... I enjoyed the movies more that I actually thought I would have. Which is saying a lot from me. But there are some details that bothered me, obviously the continuation errors really bother me.

I don't know if I'm the only one with that problem. But I also wish that there more depth to the characters, the plot, the story, to everything.. The acting was fine. The special effects were fine. Things were fine.

I wanted more depth, even just a little more depth.

Like before Nick Goode knew about his family tradition (the Pact), he genuinely seemed like a sweetheart who never discriminated against anyone for their differences. Including Shadysiders. That's the way I'd view his character. He was a sweetheart who wanted to help anyone - like Ziggy - in any way he could. And if I'm honest, I'm not sure if Nick was already crushing on Ziggy at that point. Or if he just didn't want a person to be constantly harassed, and almost killed, for petty reasons like everyone kept doing to Ziggy. Ziggy was just blamed because she was the only Shadysider in those situations whenever counselors had been involved. But, then again, the viewers never really see Nick even interacting with any other Shadysiders besides Ziggy. So I'm not even really sure if Nick's sweet spot was only for Ziggy, or for anyone else if they got to know the real him. Not his family name, not his reputation or his status. The real him as himself. Maybe I'm overly thinking this.

Nick told Ziggy that he's never wanted to be a part with the traditions of his family like the Pact, and tried finding ways to talk himself out of doing the ritual. The viewers never thought the Goode family was this evil family, until the reveal in 1666. But the scene with Ted Sutherland as the teenage Goode men, as Nick, he does really list Thomas Slater. But when he listed Tommy as a name, that happened before he really talked to Ziggy. Because Tommy was killing people during the scenes of Nick and Ziggy kissing, they heard screaming in that moment. And that was when Nick's fate was sealed. But he did try saving people, as many people that he could find. And he was traumatized by the death he did witness, he even got sick over what he saw. Either... Nick never didn't believe the Pact was actually real, or maybe he never thought a situation like that would have never lead to killing dozens of people all at once like that. I don't know. I don't really know if his fate was sealed when he listed a name on the wall, or when he wish to resurrect Ziggy back to life. And I've had similar thoughts as you. After you find out all the antagonizes were actually the Goode family, maybe Nick was also trying to find ways to redeem himself in some way or another but the situations always kept getting worse rather than better. But I wonder.. Do you think he lost his entire soul from the '78 Nightwing Massacre, or do think he kept losing pieces of his soul whenver he added names to the wall for another massacre. A thought that comes to mind a lot.

The Goode father was dead. Nick and Will weren't being controlled by their father anymore. So Nick didn't have to keep that tradition going.

There are details that I always wish was explained more in depth - the minor and major details that weren't elaborated on in the movies, and especially the audience who never read the books or don't remember those details in the books. I know they altered a a few details though.

Like for the Witchcraft, the black magic. Obviously the witchcraft was a part of the Goode family since 1666 because of Solomon Goode did use the magic book, which was passed down for many generations.

How did the Goode father die? So I know not many people care about the father of Nick and Will, but I'm kinda curious to know how he died though. Even if his death might not be an interesting death either.

Did any of the females, like mothers and sisters, know about the Pact in the family. Or only the males. I know, I know.. People have theories.

Just about any and every detail of the plot that was elaborated on are the same details I'm overly thinking about, whether or not the details are interesting. Whether or not the details are major and minor details to the viewers of the movies. Even if the details are to the plot.

I'm just overly thinking through with scattered thoughts right now. And, I know that I keep saying that, but that's how my mind is for me.

ah no this is so great! the great thing about this trilogy is the characters. the must frustrating thing about this trilogy is also the characters, Nick in particular.

The thing that guts most people about Nick is the potential he had. To be better. To forsake the curse. Because Nick obviously had a lot of feelings for Ziggy and knew what he was doing was wrong, but he did it anyway. He succumbed to the curse and his privilege, even if he didn't necessarily seem happy about it based on how he looked when he said Tommy's name.

LOL in my head canon Nick had a crush on Ziggy for a really long time and only found the courage during that summer because of what he decided to do.

I've talked a lot about this with other people - like Nick's intention with the curse, because he was trying to save people and he was frolicking around with Ziggy shortly beforehand. To me, he did know it was real, even if he didn't want it to be. He got close to Ziggy because he wanted to make sure she was okay, even if that epically failed and he was a complete idiot about all of it. the thing about Nick is that he has some humanity in him, especially when it comes to Ziggy. Maybe he didn't want the curse to be real, but he knew it was deep down (in my mind). He just tried to justify his reasoning to himself and was weak.

In my mind, Nick lost a major chunk of his soul when he turned his back on Ziggy at Nightwing. When she pushed him away. Nick in 1994 and Nick in 1978 are two very different people. Nick when he puts Ryan's name on the wall is so much more of an asshole than Nick when he put Tommy (though obviously he's still awful either way). Part of my frustration with this trilogy is that Nick totally becomes a textbook moustache twirling villain in 1994 after he holds Ziggy hostage. Like his whole speech to Deena? totally lacking in nuance. He was just straight up evil. And while some people are like that (Nick’s dad was totally a creep), it was disappointing that they reduced his character so much especially because they’d shown him as a more nuanced character in 1978. 

There’s been a lot of debate on how the curse actually worked because the film implies that the first born son kind of automatically inherits the burden? Like the devil ensures that the cycle continues by each Goode having a son and so on. The son doesn’t know until they’re like 17 or something and then they’re told. But if that’s the case - how much free will do they have? Does the heart disappear after the Goode heir dies and then reappears when the curse is renewed? It’s very unclear because the wall has the names when Nick says Tommy and his dad is dead by then. When Nick dies in 1994, it all disappears, so the nuances of the curse are very unclear. 

In my head canon, Joseph Goode (Nick’s dad) died from a sudden heart attack or other accident as a final fuck you from satan, though I know other people have different ideas on how Joseph bit the dust which are so fun. 

In terms of the females though, people have looked at the Goode family tree and there were barely any females born. Like it’s sons and sons and sons. In my opinion, I think the Goode matriarch’s knew something was up, but maybe not the full details. Same with Will. I like the idea of the curse being something solely thrust on the shoulder’s of the first born son, and so he’s very isolated from the family afterwards. 

lol so sorry for the long reply but let me know what you think! always fun discussing this stuff.  

#nick x ziggy #ziggy x nick #nick goode #ask

[queencvbra]

* ── PSA for personal blogs since I've had a lot follow me recently !

Look, I don't mind personals following me, but please understand this is a roleplay blog and the etiquette here is a lot different than it is for personal blogs. Some basic rules that I (and most other roleplay blogs) ask you to follow are:

Don't reblog anything from me. My headcanons and posts are not made to be spread around the fandom, they are made to be kept specifically on my blog or between my writing partners and myself. They are not meant for the entire fandom. Reblogging things from me like that will lead to an instant block. If I reblogged a gifset or something from a non roleplay blog and you want to reblog it, please reblog it from the source and not from me.

Do not interfere with any roleplay threads or posts. Don't do it. Don't reblog it or comment on it directly or anything like that. You're free to read threads / etc. as much as you want, that's why they're on the dash, but at the end of the day they are meant to be interacted with solely by myself and whoever I'm writing with. Messing with those posts messes with my activity feed and makes it harder to keep track of when it's my turn or not.

You can send character and headcanon questions as well as drabble requests and things like that, I don't mind. I love them. But don't try to roleplay with me through the inbox if you are not a roleplay blog and we are not mutuals. This isn't that kind of blog, and also I am a private blog, meaning I like to keep in character interactions limited to interactions with my mutuals for the most part as it allows me to curate a small safe place with people I know and am comfortable with. I'm sure there are blogs out there who are okay with that, but personally I am not.

I'm okay with you sending me comments / thoughts about my headcanons and threads, but I don't take "critiques" or anything like that. I'm here writing for my own enjoyment and if you don't like something I write, I don't care. Find a different blog bestie.

I have anon on at the moment. You can use it, but don't abuse it babes.

In general I tend to be pretty chill about personals following me, but there has been a trend lately of personal blogs outright disregarding roleplay etiquette, so I wanted to put this out there to make things more clear for those unfamiliar with how you should and should not interact with roleplay blogs. Because I do instant block on the first strike simply because I just don't have time to chase people down and ask them not to reblog my stuff or mind the rules anymore. If people continue to behave this way and affect my online experience, I will start blocking on sight, but for now? As long as you're kind and are just here to vibe and don't completely disregard the most basic rules when interacting with a roleplay blog, we're good.

#like fr I don't mind you guys here but a lot of people completely disregard a lot of basic things #and I don't have much patience for it anymore #I'm not trying to be mean besties like I said just respect these rules and we're good. glad to have you here <3 #I'm just tired and people on the internet can be weird or outright rude and disrespectful at times so I'm just protecting myself #⚡ ooc. ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞

[gothprentiss]

hey, so i loved your recent emily prentiss post with the fatalism and providence quote and i was reading your tags about how the answer to doyle's question was both and i wondered if you'd be willing to share any more thoughts on that? i just found it really fascinating.

hi!! yes, for sure, and thanks for asking! sorry that this is long!! (gifset in question here btw)

the tl;dr for this is that while i do think i'm reading too much into this question, a primary tension in the whole doyle arc (beyond the obvious Will Doyle Kill Her) is what kind of person is emily prentiss, and what kind of person is she capable of being. and while i think that the quote is really meant to lean more towards 'person of action inclined to fatalism', the conditions of her survival are providential. the preventative actions prentiss takes are all sort of business as usual emily prentiss-- she's independent, instinctively and to a fault, suspicious and self-protective, and very concerned not to involve anyone who ought not be. (i've probably said this a lot but i do love how unique this storyline is to her particular moral status, and how she compartmentalizes. with another character this repeated insistence that her team shouldn't be involved might just read as like, a pretty boilerplate moment of self-sacrificing nobility but it's far more essential to her and her worldview i think.) but the central unit of criminal minds is the team, and the show's firmest belief is in that team-- so she can't do it alone. so repeatedly we see her trying to act against fate* (*something something how this show thinks about narrative and justice), and repeatedly failing to thwart it, or otherwise believing that the outcome is already set (e.g., "i beat you, ian, before you even got out of north korea, i beat you"). a simple and facile distinction i'm going to make here is between determinism (fatalism) and intervention (providence) (again, more under the cut). the presence of her team functions as the latter. you might say doyle is asking her, "do you think this is going to end with your death, or do you think you can be saved?"

annoying distinction: 1) what actually happens 2) what she appears to think and believe.

what actually happens is providential, point-blank period. her team arrives, she's saved, she's spirited away while they track doyle down; while the set up is the prentiss-doyle face off with their respective teams as auxiliaries, it is the entire bau that gets him. that's all intervention.

but i think what we see her thinking is really, like, teetering on the edge of this sort of grim determination to bring this to a close and this Tragically Beautiful hope that her entire worldview is wrong.

[the above is what i was going for with the first two gifs— emily on night watch in her own home, with that air of inevitability and expectation; and emily with derek in valhalla, when they’re talking about whether or not the shooters were trying to attract the fbi, and while she’s clearly agreeing with him to placate him, i kind of read that moment as hoping against hope that he’s right, and that what she knows to be true might somehow be false.]

where we leave the emily prentiss this season is, i think, sort of this interstitial position: on one hand, she's been rescued, but she's sort of doing lauren reynolds again. things haven't really changed for her-- but now the team is on the case. it's hard not to imagine her-- wounded, isolated, and in hiding-- being faced with the same existential question: what does she believe will happen? is it that this is going to keep happening until either she or doyle is killed, again and again tearing her life apart, threatening declan, and never letting her live beyond her time undercover? or is the team going to catch him?

okay! that's the short version! some notes below the cut re: terms and some sort of shallow interpretive stuff about the quote; and more on the gifset in particular. thanks again for asking and sorry for the length of this xoxo

first, the balzac quote (which, for whatever it’s worth, i actually went and found the source of because you won’t find the quote sourced anywhere! and it took a long time! it’s from splendeurs et misères des courtisanes)— It is a strange thing that most men of action have a tendency to fatalism, just as most great thinkers have a tendency to believe in Providence. // Chose étrange, presque tous les hommes d’action inclinent à la Fatalité, de même que la plupart des penseurs inclinent à la Providence.

i’m always kind of on the fence about how much to read into the quotes CM bookends its episodes with. for example, you might say it’s interesting that fatalism and providence are both, in a sense, deterministic. fatalism entails a belief in fate’s inevitability, and any sort of providential thought places true agency in the hands of god or another intervening force. determinism tends to serve as an argument against any philosophy of free will. providence is more complex (we can act, god or the other big force intervenes), but it also forecloses on the possibility that everything's up to you in the end, since there's an unknowable force which may at any time intervene to change things according to its will. the two aren't opposites, is the point.

i think part of what balzac is getting at in that particular excerpt is that a person of action’s fatalism hinges more on the individual, in a way that we can see as isolating, or self-centered, or solipsistic. balzac's big example of the fatalist is Napoleon-- at one point, he calls fatalism his religion-- and i think the fact that the paradigmatic man of action fatalist is also one of the Great Men of History is important here. i'm gonna go pretty off-book from here on out but that's a bit of due diligence. a fatalist is a person who believes they have a Destiny which is coming to pass around them. this might be their own personal Greatness; this might be a strong sense that nature and nurture come together and essentially automate your life (you couldn't have acted in any other way); god's omniscience; cause and effect. and so on. what i'm going to talk abut here is more like... narrative fatalism? basically, i think we get this question delivered to us in coda with the implication that this is going to end in death, and likely hers. we're retreading a lot of the major beats of the story of lauren reynolds, the stakes are the same, etc.

the way you can take the question which seems most strongly implied to me is “do you think you will die [you know, the other thing fatalism sounds like] or be saved?” when i am really overreading the show i think of emily prentiss as a character haunted by recursivity and the impossibility of change. like i said above, a lot of the doyle arc is a sort of redux of her time as lauren reynolds: her old team reforms around her, she's isolated and alone with doyle, and her false death at the end helps guarantee declan's safety a while longer. in this way,  there’s also the implication of “do you think this is how you’re supposed to die, or is there still hope for you?” and “will you act as you think you must, or do you think things might be different this time?”

in addition, i think we’re meant to see emily more as a person of action than of thought— certainly her preparations for doyle over the course of the episodes leading up to this moment at the end of coda have put their finger on the scales— and thus the question also implies that her essential nature is going to be tested. this tracks with where the episodes take us— her inability to trust and the way she favors working in isolation are dangerous, and her life is saved by her reunion with the team. providence!

second, i’m not really sure how much they set out to answer that question. for example, it’s one of the rare questions which is delivered diegetically, which would theoretically allow them to revisit the question. like “you know that ominous balzac quote you dropped on me a couple of days ago? well i’ve figured it out” [socks doyle in the face] or whatever. they might even have worked thematically across their opening and closing quotes if it was something they thought was meaningful rather than just a cool moment. the valhalla + lauren arc does end with this moment of providence, in a sense (her survival). but there doesn’t seem really to be a desire to actually deliver on the quote (i.e., both what she believes in and what kind of person she is are at stake in this whole character arc, but not in the terms that balzac provides). this is probably VERY obvious but i’m saying this to disclaim what i read as providence and fatalism in this context— these are pretty situational definitions and i’m sure any philosopher worth their salt would rap my knuckles for these readings.

okay those are my big disclaimers! more: re the gifset:

the doyle arc kicks off with this profound destabilization: this chapter of her life was supposed to be closed, but it isn't. as i said above, the gifs with the quote text are meant to reflect those particular forms of thought: her air of inevitability and falling back on old patterns; this moment of hope for change in her new setting, even though she feels it's impossible (faith babey! this is a fairly christian show but above all else its god is the team); and this moment where she chooses to go meet her fate, where everything's up in the air but is soon to come to its close.

one example of this is tsia: prentiss thinks her life is in danger and inadvertently leads her to her death by trying to save her. this has always struck me as very overtly about how prentiss can't change anything by falling back into old patterns (behaving more like a spy than a member of the team). emily's reaction to tsia's death is obviously one of immense grief and guilt, but also, i think, a sort of personal fear: she couldn't save her, she doesn't really have any way of managing the situation, and all places of safety are compromised-- the odds that she can save herself are looking pretty slim, too. so that's the sort of fatalism side of things-- the heavy hand of fate falls down upon her &c &c and there's nothing she can really do to escape its grasp. but that's not to say that this element of determinism is only negative: the whole thing about declan is, in her words, that she already beat doyle.

narratively, this is kind of dope. it works less like the fast-paced, gritty spy drama they're going for, and more like a pretty standard mystery: hidden at the center of it all is a secret, hidden narrative, and the story works towards its revelation (think of any mystery story where the detective puts it all together at the end). this has been foreshadowed all along, of course: right before doyle drops the balzac line on prentiss, he says "you took the only thing that mattered to me. now i'm going to take the only thing that matters to you: your life." this pretty heavily implies that he's either lost someone important to him (or that he's referring to his freedom, i guess). but the point is that even on the level of narrative, we're working towards an inevitable end which has already been set for us-- the revelation that she's saved declan, that she's already beat doyle, and has known it all along.

[i do think the declan thing kind of undermines a lot of the character work they did up until that point, but what can you do. it's a crime procedural.]

when i was making the gifset, i had this particular sort of thing in my head: on one hand, you've got this crushing inevitability; on the other, so much is revealed and changed. as i said above, the whole doyle arc has kind of a recursivity to it, both in its major narrative beats and its stakes. at the outset, we see prentiss on this huge precipice: will she live or will she die, and what kind of person is she? what kind of person has she been all along? if she lives, will she be different?

in coda, "lauren reynolds is dead" is kind of a lifeline-- this old identity has ceased to exist, and with her, the entire doyle case should be over. in lauren, reid says she said it like a mantra. a mantra is typically an object of meditation rather than, like, an argument or reminder you make to yourself (much 2 say here. not gonna say it), but the point here is that this seems to be kind of a touchstone for at least emily and tsia, a thing they say as a reminder that their safety should be guaranteed. there's a tacit flip side to that mantra, anyway: lauren reynolds is dead, emily prentiss is alive. and that latter fact is the whole problem.

similarly, i've always been fascinated by emily's "let me go" when derek finds her dying. after all, this whole arc really kicks off at the end of coda, when doyle says the thing that matters to her above all else is her life. now, you might just say that doyle is wrong about her. after all, he's only ever known her as lauren reynolds, a role she was playing, and imo paget brewster's character choices between lauren and emily are largely pretty distinct, enough that we can see (e.g. when doyle tells her the truth about declan) emily sort of emerging through lauren. but it feels in the scene like a bit of a character revelation: we're learning that emily prentiss has a whole different side to her, one which jars with the ethics of the show.

so you might say a couple of things here.

a lot of the doyle arc has been about what kind of person emily prentiss is. by lauren, it's clear that she will, at least to some extent, risk her own life to protect the team; and in the course of that episode it's also revealed that she's been risking her life all along to protect a child. so it's not the thing that matters most in the world to her, necessarily. this moment where she says "let me go" strikes me as potentially a VERY ham-handed moment of criminal minds writing in this vein: she's protected declan! her team is safe! she's not struggling to live because she's given her life for them! and in a similar vein, you might say she's decided that this is probably where it's ending. (i like that this has narrative and martyrological shape to it. i care very much that it's derek responding by telling her about herself almost hagiographically.) you might also say that she's trying to reassure her friend and partner who she knows will take her death so immensely to heart-- let me go as both let me die and let me go emotionally.

so on one hand, this is lauren again. the arc really kicks off with "lauren reynolds is dead" and, at least in s6, closes with a similar lie: "emily prentiss is dead." and she really is ready, at this point, to die, and if we take doyle's words about her to be true, this represents a fundamental shift in her values.

on the other hand, though, she's rescued. i think the providence reading is easier-- it's the team as the providential force. garcia's message for her really hammers this home: there's prentiss, alone and on the run, and penelope insisting very fiercely and very correctly that she's not alone. i think that final line from garcia (if you can see us, then come home. if you can't-- then you stay alive. cause we're coming) is an interesting revision on the balzac quote, falling heavily on the providential side. like, in this heavily foreshadowing metaphor, either emily sees the team coming for her (light in the darkness, c'mon, that's a belief metaphor) and returns to them; or she remains alone, acts as best she can, and they come to her aid anyway. that's the thing about providence, after all-- whether you think about it in a spiritual or secular way, it's not done according to your own will and capacities, and you can't really transact for it. you might merit it-- and i think derek's words to emily as she's bleeding out in his arms are partially to show she's merited her survival. she deserves to be saved, because of all that she truly is. (that's where, imo, lauren reynolds really dies as a way of conceptualizing her character.)

i ended the gifset with jj wishing her good luck because, beyond the moment of care this entails, wishing her luck feels, in the context of this arc, like a gesture which is predicated on a particular kind of hope. not the hope of, like, we've done everything we can to sort this out, or everything should go well, or anything in that particular and deterministic vein. like, sure, hope in the sense of "good luck staying in hiding" and so on. but there's a sense that her life is fundamentally restarting here, that her false death has also occasioned a rebirth. good luck, there's a whole new and different life opening out in front of you and so on.

like, i guess the point here is that i see it as both, neither, an open question too. this whole story arc is characterized by repetition & revelation, which suggest predetermination. when your past comes back for you with a vengeance, it does so because of what it contains. hauntings are and are of old structures. nothing that does not in some way preexist the moment of revelation can be revealed etc. etc. but on the other hand there's the obvious providential aspect of the team's involvement. and there's also the way we come to perceive prentiss throughout the arc. there's no peripatetic element here-- she still ran, still lied and kept secrets and closed people out-- but we learn that her motives aren't what they seemed to be in coda and valhalla. we're briefly given the possibility of her being Really Bad (i.e., that she'd have killed declan), and just as quickly this is dismissed. all of this kind of serves to morally rehabilitate her, at least enough for her to be seen as worthy of surviving. i'm sticking this up there with providence because i think this particular transaction of morality does fit into this worldview, one which you might say is more characterized by merit and grace (and their attendant emphases on virtue and morality) than anything else. it feels sort of microcosmically like william james' take on evil & theodicy-- there is a grand scheme in which goodness triumphs, and probably not perceptible to man-- insofar as we finally see the scale on which emily prentiss is being judged to be good. this all looks more than vaguely christian but i do think a lot of criminal minds is staked on the essential Goodness of its main characters, which is more my point than reading this all through an emily prentiss was raised catholic lens lol.

anyway, the point is that, because there's no really clear victory at the end of this arc beyond the then-pyrrhic victory of her survival, i think we end up in a position where you can’t really stake a claim in one or the other. i'm going to end this now due to length and also due to the fact that if anyone’s still reading, my god you are a brave soldier. but like—what actually happens? well, it’s kind of both. sometimes intervention thwarts inevitability, but not always, and not always in the ways that matter most. this is particularly relevant in terms of what emily prentiss actually believes, which is of course at stake in doyle's question-- the immediate and sharp blow of her failure to save tsia, the fact that she doesn't drop it all and go back to the team, the fact that she's even, until the last moment, still assuming that this is all happening outside of anyone's control. but the most important and most providential moment in all of this is her survival, and i think that lauren ends with emily prentiss not only having to like, find a new way of living under these new conditions, but also a new way of being in the world and seeing herself in it. and sometimes i think that her leaving the team is partially an act of apostasy but that's a strong weird and For Me take lol.

#cmposting #literally DO NOT OPEN the readmore unless you are very keen on it. bc i just checked and this is 3k words #and true to my form it's like. the length to content ratio is not stellar :) #prentissposting

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 30

The Blind Banker

"The Blind Banker"

What makes me sad about the Sherlock episodes is I don't think I'm ever going to be able to formulate any fun little games like I have for Supernatural (and may yet develop for Doctor Who). They just come up too infrequently.

I forgot how weird the cinematography in Sherlock can get. There was just this really small segment where...it felt like when a video games frame rate drops. Lasted like 10 seconds and then........like, why did you do that?

Moffat, I think, should be allowed to come up with concepts, but not be allowed to write...and especially not write female characters. This is the coldest take I may have ever had. It's just this poor museum worker...

Man, I've either skipped this episode a bunch of times or just paid far less attention during it because, while I can recall a FEW scenes and something of a general outline for the mystery, there's an HOUR AND A HALF OF STORY. And I know I can't fill in that much from memory.

Yeah, there's a life or death fight with a guy with a sword at 221B, but OMG JOHN IS ME. I prefer using the self-checkout when shopping, but because I know how. to. do. things. right., it's so frustrating when the machine doesn't cooperate. I very recently got to the end of all my scanning, everything was bagged, I was just down to PAYING and the computer decided to call for assistance. Not me, the computer, for no discernible reason. Anyway, John, I feel your pain

"I had a row with the chip and PIN machine" "You had a row?" "Sort of. It sat there and I shouted abuse." Well, now he's just me with every machine I have at work.

(Guys, we're less than 10 minutes in. I'm...extremely sorry for how long the Sherlock ones get. In my defense, this was my main obsession of the three back in the day.)

I'm sure somewhere on this website there's a gifset of Sherlock going around this office, dipping between the cubicles alongside gifs of David Tenant doing the same in Partners In Crime. I probably reblogged it back in the day (but that might have been before I really started tagging things)

Sure, some of the deductions are bullshit, but figuring out who the message was for was pretty impressive. Also, I will also never be mad at him putting the cops to shame.

Ok. I'm starting to remember, this is a smuggling ring...backed by Moriarty question mark??? I know he gets a mention at the end (sorry, we're now four weeks out from seeing him and i'm going to be ANNOYING)

--At this moment, 8:10pm, I've paused for the gazillionth time, but this time to go through the tag for the episode...and it's a shock to know that this is either THE episode with THE tight purple shirt that is the entire reason I use purple for the Sherlock titles or it's just the FIRST one with it. Omg. I've been scrolling and scrolling the tag for ages trying to find anything with that shirt in its actual color. You couldn't escape it ten years ago. Now? Nothing.

THIS shirt. God. I have to do EVERYTHING around here--

You can kind of tell that John's never done anything wrong ever in his entire life (save for the murder last episode, but even that was to defend someone who was about to be murdered-ish) by the way he didn't run the second Sherlock and the graffiti artist started running

One thing about John (and possibly just Martin Freeman) is that he really know how to yell at someone while barely raising his voice. I mean, suuuuure, is Sherlock getting attacked and nearly dying? Yeah, but John's annoyed with him.

Also, I didn't say this before, but I meant to...Sherlock's a lot better at lying to people to convince them to do things than Dean...or Sam, honestly.

Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh!! The number pairs are like...page number, word number of some book from that library book!! I'm piecing it together now!

Omg this Scotland Yard detective is insufferable. At least Lestrade knows he's outmatched and needs Sherlock's help. This guy won't believe there's a serial murderer even with three victims until Sherlock can prove it. Like won't even investigate it? At all??

I love Molly but I loathe how easily she gets played by Sherlock. How easily she's manipulated by him. The slightest compliment. Not even a compliment, honestly. First he just notices her hair is styled different, then says it suits her better like that. Dude. Stop falling for this, girl.

Look, I like Sarah and John, they're cute, but also my aro-spec ace ass could never accidentally (or not) say "good" when someone says they don't have a significant other after. ESPECIALLY if I've accused them of slacking on the job due to said non-existent partner. Good LORD.

How are you so bad at hiding that you almost get caught that easily??...No, you DID get caught that easily. John was right. You don't think anyone can compare to your massive ego, Sherlock.

You know what? The Black Lotus had every right to do what they did. The banker and the librarian were just two more in a long line of the English going to distant countries and taking shit that ain't theirs. They had every right to kill them over an artifact worth MILLIONS that the banker's secretary will now have to hide for the rest of her life.

Mrs. Hudson takes such good care of her boys.

Sorry, but if I got kidnapped and almost killed after a date where my date's roommate crashed to drag said date into solving a mystery with him, there wouldn't be a second date. There would only be my permanent 'fun fact about me.'

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[lovecolibri]

SaL anon here friend, like you enjoying the unique feeling of reading episode synopsis that give a feeling of anticipation instead of making me cringe. But I promised a song, and after some wrestling with it (there are a lot of good Buck ones for this week) I think I've settled on Bad Blood (though I'd love to know your pick!). Between the idea of bad blood and being broken from the start, to Buck always thinking/asking why he's not enough, to his talk with Bobby I think it's a good if sad fit.

Oooooh, good choice my friend! We talked about this one once before for Malex, and I think it’s going to be sooo good to talk about it for Buck! My idea was You Are Enough because it would work for both Hen and Buck, but actually this is so much better because Buck isn’t to the “happy acceptance” stage yet, he’s still a little lost in the darkness of NOT being enough. (It’s no coincidence Bad Blood is on the Darkness EP)

This feels like a father/son type of song but that works I think for Buck and Bobby as their relationship is so familial, but also because Buck struggles with his own family legacy. Oooooh, I’m so excited to talk about this one! 

you fixed your eyes on us, your flesh and blood, a sculpture of water and unsettled dust.

when there was bad blood in us, we learned our lesson: genesis to the last generation.

Okay right away I am HIT with the Daniel of it all, because Leukemia is a cancer involving blood cells! He literally had “bad blood”, and then they had Buck basically for parts, but the treatments didn’t fully take, leaving Buck now that he knows with an additional understanding of why he was never enough for his parents! Buck can’t seem to escape what he was born to be with his parents which was a savior baby who failed at the one task he was given.

But I’m also thinking of this in the context of Bobby and Buck’s relationship and how “a sculpture of water and unsettled dust” speaks to the potential Bobby has seen in Buck from the start! He knows what Buck can do, he sees the hard work Buck puts in, but it’s still fluid and unsettled, unfinished because Buck still has more to learn.

so we wrestle with it all- the concept of grace and the faithful concrete as it breaks our fall.

our questions are all the same. identical words; how they feel brand new against different time frames. identical words against different time frames.

Oof, oof, oof. This always gets me because we often think of “grace” as a good thing! Offering grace is giving someone something they don’t necessarily deserve, but paring it with the line about concrete braking a fall just makes me think of Buck offering that grace of forgiveness to his parents and giving them a second chance but we haven’t seen or heard that they’re actually trying to be better, and even in the scene with them after the warehouse fire, they’re not particularly receptive. He also gives Tay Kay multiple chances, he gives Abby the benefit of the doubt for so long and accepts the lack of apology she gives him. Buck is constantly offering grace to others, only to be met with nothing but concrete to break his fall. 

We are also seeing some of the same questions hovering around Buck. This gifset is just a gut punch of Buck trying so hard to prove what he has and being worried his parents/Bobby won’t see it. And we see how hard he takes what he perceives to be a rejection (RSD for the win 🙃), and how he interprets words spoken now in the framework of how his parents spoke them, even if that’s not how they are meant to be interpreted! Which is why Eddie and Chim stepping in to defuse the tension, Bobby affirming that he sees Buck and knows that he’s working hard even if he’s not ready yet, and Eddie knowing how to let Buck get his worries out and then gently teasing him to pull him out of the spiral is what Buck needs (vs being told that he’s just imagining things because he’s being self-centered).

we know it all by heart- the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

we’ve heard it all before- in beauty there echoes a speck of our source. in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.

Okay this chorus is one of my favorites and it’s SO good for Buck, especially now that we know his origin story and being had for spare parts. Because Maddie was always there to remind Buck that he as a whole person had worth and value, and now he has the firefam and especially Eddie to remind him that he is not expendable. That he is greater than just the parts he can offer up to save others, because his whole self is important and loved. I love the undertones here of the “speck of our source” being something outside ourselves, our parents, and outside humanity even!

like firewood, burning bright in the dead of winter, by only a flicker we cling to this life.

so we huddle over maps; is it faith or prediction, will or tradition until we collapse? we argue our bearings until we collapse.

“by only a flicker we cling to this life” is such a powerful line! And so good for a show that often has to rescue people and occasionally members of the crew from the brink of death. They are in a job where they are constantly reminded of the fragility of life, but at the same time it becomes something they get a little desensitized to because it’s a daily occurrence, until something happens that really shakes them and I’m soooo excited to see the episode tomorrow because it looks like Buck at the very least is going to be shaken, and with 6x04 coming up and the Chim in the car/Buck on the bike of it all, I think we’re going to get some re-evaluating of their lives which I can’t wait to see!

This episode we also see Buck struggling with his career trajectory, and personal life trajectory, and he’s going to be having to look at those questions of faith/prediction, will/tradition in both his professional and personal life and I foresee that collapse coming for him as he battles between what he thinks he should want based on tradition (a new girlfriend couch) and what he actually wants (the Diaz family couch), and the greater responsibility he wants at work vs what he’s ready to take on which I think we’ll see more of next week if that’s when he looses someone on a call and how he’s going to handle that.

we study our story arcs- inherently good, or were we broken right from the start?

There is an excellent gifset of this that always hits me in my Buck feels because that’s something he definitely struggles with. We see Buck, the second Bobby mentions picking someone else to cover for him, looking back over his time with the 118 and trying to figure out where he went so wrong that Bobby would rather trust their family to a stranger (and right after another stranger nearly took two of their family from them forever) than trust their family to him. I love that Bobby comes to him and lets him know it’s not that he did anything wrong and he’s being punished by not being chosen, but that he’s just not ready yet, he’s still growing! And Bobby isn’t going to throw him under the bus or set him up to fail because he wants Buck to succeed and believes he will. Buck has spent so long feeling broken and convinced it’s always been that way because it’s a problem with who he fundamentally is that he doesn’t always see how inherently good he is, and that being good doesn’t always mean being ready and perfect for everything right away. 

our hesitant fingerprints trace every mountain, lace every valley until we’re convinced…

that we know it all by heart- every blade of grass bears our mark.

in the name of being brave, though it’s just another word for being afraid.

As I said in our post about Malex, the map imagery here is so interesting as a description of tracing personal/family history. Buck is looking back trying to find where he went wrong to not get the promotion at work/make his dad captain not trust him, and where he went wrong to not be able to keep a girlfriend/couch. I do think Buck needs to be single for a bit to figure out what exactly he wants out of his own life, so he’ll know what he wants in a partner to share in that life (which he’s already doing! Good god man, open your eyeeeees! You have a partner/family/couch already!!) but we know that his searching for self goes a bit awry. I’m just thinking of him taking that armchair for one and putting it where the couch goes (which, can we talk about how HOT that was?! 🥵🥵🥵) which at the time seems like he’s being brave and embracing being alone for now, but whooo boy is it a cover for his fear that he’s NEVER going to find anyone because he’s always been broken and never the right fit. I am just SO excited to see his arc this season and how it’s going to intertwine with Bobby’s arc especially.

we know it all by heart- the whole is so much greater than the sum of these parts. we’ve heard the truth before, for in beauty there echoes a speck of our source. in beauty there echoes a speck of our source. in beauty there echoes a speck of our source.

I’m excited to see Buck working towards accepting himself as a whole person and not just the bits and pieces as he “upgrades” himself. He needs to find the value in all the versions he was before and how each of those parts of his past help make him who he is today! It’s something Eddie and Maddie and the firefam keep trying to tell him, and he might be able to parrot the words back but he needs to fully embrace them, and while it won’t be smooth sailing, I hope we get to see him on that journey this season. I know I mentioned earlier about the “speck of our source” being something outside of ourselves and humanity. a bit of the divine, but I’m also thinking about how we as people are made up of little bits of the people in our lives. Buck may have bits of his parents still inside, but he’s also made up of all the love Maddie poured into him as a kid, by the love and strength and support of the firefam, and by the bone-deep acceptance and love for all of him he gets from Eddie and Chris. I’m hoping we get to see him leaning on that foundation this season as he struggles within himself in a way he couldn’t in season 3. I always find it so weird that some people in the fandom want to bury the lawsuit arc because I find it SO rich and telling about so many characters! Both Buck and Bobby panicked and made poor choices and instead of talking about them, they just grabbed their shovels and dug a little deeper, and Eddie was already drowning. I think it’s going to be so interesting to see a post therapy Eddie and Buck and how they tackle things now, and a Bobby who is teetering on the brink of a breakdown but surrounded by more love, support, and understanding than ever before. This season is going to be a DOOZY, I can just feel it!

Thanks for such a rich choice this week! This song is such a good one and it was good to talk about it again! Fingers crossed this season is a little less messy and we can keep up with the good conversations happening on screen because the potential for this season to deliver some excellent character work for ALL our mains is soooo high right now! Thanks as always for coming to flail with me about this show!

#my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #911 #911 spoilers #evan buckley #bobby nash #buddie #sleeping at last #bad blood #sorry if this is a slightly incoherent mess #*i just have a lot of feelings.gif*

[backslashdelta]

Questions for gifmakers - 1, 3, 7, 9, 14, 17 and 21!! xx

Thank you!! I already answered 1 and 14 here, but I'll answer the others now :)

3. Which of your sets has the most notes?

Pretty sure it's this one which currently has 437 notes, which surprises me because it's Sebastian/Jesse/Sam and it's just... not something I would have expected to get a lot of notes lol. And it's usually not even the version with bonus Kurt that gets reblogged, which is a tragedy.

7. Who are your top 3 gif makers?

How dare you ask me this question actually. There are so many incredibly talented gifmakers. Can I choose all of them? Please?

I'm guessing you said no. SO, if I had to pick 3... I would probably have to say @itstruthtime, @tuiyla, and @crayonstoperfume. But I'm still very mad at you for asking me this.

9. What/who inspired you to start making gifs?

I just saw so many beautiful Glee gifs on my dash, and eventually started thinking "wow, I wish I could see a gifset of [insert thing here]!!" and in typical me fashion I dove headfirst into trying to learn to gif. It was... very rough at first lol but I'm getting there!

17. 10 sets, 8 sets, 6 sets? How many gifs to you prefer in a set?

I kind of like 5! I think that's a nice number. Unless they're side-by-side, then 6. Of course... I have definitely been guilty of making too-long gifsets because sometimes the concept just demands it, and there's also something really nice about 2-gif sets, so it really depends on the specific set I guess. I like shorter sets because they're faster to make though lol

21. PSDs or original colouring for each gif?

I have to admit that I'm... not entirely sure what this question is meant to mean? I definitely adjust the colouring, but even if I didn't I'd still be using PSDs (and alternately, you could presumably adjust the colouring in another program so you avoid PSDs altogether) so it doesn't seem like an either/or question.

Anyway, I do everything in photoshop and I play around with the colouring there. When I first started I didn't touch it very much, but as time goes on I'm experimenting more often and getting more comfortable with knowing what I'm doing, and I definitely think that's clear in the quality of my gifs. There's still lots of room for improvement of course, and it's definitely an area that I plan to keep working on, but I'm pretty happy with the progress I've made!

#ask #ask game #mine #sohoseance

[katebeckets]

💝-- jisbon x musicals (i would be thrilled if you could put some Sondheim on there, but also just go wild with what you love. also I use Spotify primarily)

fidajf;ajf i'd say you have no idea but i think you do know just how much joy (and pain) this brought me!! and i am using this to give my explanations for each song, enjoy. also, i don't know your preferred versions, but a lot of them are more recent recordings because my favorite people are in them hehe

this playlist is once again much longer than intended lmao so I'll be nice and put it under a read more

always starting over (if/then) - see the post gifset!

we do not belong together (sunday in the park with george) - yes I cheated and used some from our conversations hehe but you are right, peak 6b jisbon

no one is alone (into the woods) - "sometimes people leave you halfway through the woods. do not let it grieve you, no one leaves for good."

dyin' ain't so bad (bonnie & clyde) - "dyin' ain't so bad, not if you both go together." in particular, this reminds me a lot of Jane in various seasons/situations

what you mean to me (finding neverland) - "every word and every sentence doesn't seem to make a difference; nothing can explain just what you mean to me." you have no idea what you've meant to me..............

here i go (if/then) - "you know, deep down, I'm a coward—afraid to let you in. But the only thing more frightening is to say what might've been, so here I go."

dangerous to dream (frozen) - "I can't be what you expect of me and I'm not what I seem, but I would love to know you... is it dangerous to dream?" they're both such scaredy cats i love them

i've been (next to normal) - "all my fears just sit inside me, screaming to be heard." that line reminds me of jane, but this song applies to both of them in different ways.

i am the one (next to normal) - i truly feel this is peak jane/lisbon season one finale energy.

for good (wicked) - this one feels pretty self-explanatory

no good deed (wicked) - this is one I think of as a Jane song re: his wife and daughter and subsequent relationship with Lisbon. "Let all Oz be agreed, I'm wicked through and through—since I could not succeed, Fiyero, saving you, I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again."

i will never leave you (side show) - throwback to one of the worst days of my life where i listened to this on repeat for a six hour car ride lmaoooo but also, I adore this song, and I just love when songs like this aren't romantic because it speaks to the different kind of love that is present.

a change in me (beauty and the beast) - i feel like I'm putting a lot of Jane songs so this is my disclaimer that I love Lisbon with my whole heart my WHOLE HEART and it's just so unusual that I also love the lead male character lol (this one also feels pretty self-explanatory)

all i've ever known (hadestown) - Lisbon, Lisbon, Lisbon. (Jane as well in a pretty different way)

you matter to me (waitress) - i mean, this gifset explains it.

if i didn't believe in you (the last five years) - i can't put it on the playlist because it's spotify and i don't really know how, but particularly the pronoun showdown versions of this song remind me of Lisbon (although... without changing the pronouns LOL)

helpless (hamilton) - "now my life gets better every letter that you write me." do you know how much i sob every time i watch lisbon read those letters. do you. DO YOU!!!!

without you (rent) - this one specifically reminds me of the two years between 6x08 and 6x09.

falling slowly (once) - "you have suffered enough and warred with yourself; it's time that you won." this line is literally etched into my soul and applies to so many things.

halfway (reprise) (amélie) - "even though I am always halfway there," "I could meet you there halfway."

if i loved you (carousel) - "if I loved you, words wouldn't come in an easy way—round in circles I'd go! Longing to tell you, but afraid and shy, I'd let my golden chances pass me by."

unusual way (nine) - just... the whole song.

a quiet thing (flora the red menace) - jisbon + home.

heart of stone (six) - I had to get some Six in there. This one reminds me of Lisbon <3

people will say we're in love (oklahoma!) - are they wrong though? (no.)

as long as you're mine (wicked) - their 7x09 conversation 😭

promises (hadestown) - "I can't promise you fair sky above, can't promise you kind road below, but I'll walk beside you, love, any way the wind blows."

where do we go from here (amélie) - "but whatever happens, here we go."

#thatbitchmabel #answered

[thebadtimewolf]

shh its not important

i don't wanna see ur tags ragging on a ship. otherwise why reblog it?

because liking a well-made and well-crafted gifset is not enough. 

reblogging spreads the work of art. its someone going: [hey my tags are irrelevant! look at what this person did with this scene that they made it their own! i love it so much i reblogged it to my blog!], show, ep, actors, 

what an individual puts as tags used to be private, a spur of ramblings as well as thoughts or random non-fluent theories of said scene in show. unrelated and were only to be seen by the reblogged and whoever followed said blog. 

if someone said prev tags, it was meant as a response to the two rebloggers - the tags never showed as a response to the op unless the word OP or op was in said tag.

now they added replies for gif posts and that is where you are supposed to compliment, praise or critique the gifset or give ‘kudos’ to the gifmaker. i don't even notice the tags from other ppl blogs. because its not my mf business.

the same people that complain and wish to block because of somebody else’s tags are the same people that are upset they have WAY more likes than reblogs.

i stopped making gifs as heavily as of late because of this sentiment that's starting to rise. and i knew that tumblr update where you can see tags (yknow because ppl didn’t reblog and put in tags; they reblogged AND HAD A WHOLE LONG POST THAT WHEN THE GIFMAKER DEACTIVATED ALL. YOU. HAD. WAS. THE. LONG. POST. VERSION. AS THE OLDEST) was going to bring this convo.

block whoever you like but, if this is your main complaint: don’t be shocked at the drastic decrease of your gifsets and sudden increase when you decide to step away for a decade or so.

I've seen this convo every time since 2010.

but tags always been like this. 

plus there’s an off switch to only have people that only mutuals reblog it. 

there are even tags of others shared sentiment OF THE COMPLAINT WHICH DEFEATS THE PURPOSEE/INTENTION OF THE INITIAL COMPLAINT

why else ya think they lumped text, photo, video, audio etc into one thing? because of nonsense complaints like that. its already harder for gif makers and resources to function and post on here with a busted tag search - don't make it nearly operational simply because you rather it function like facebook, twitter, insta, etc.

if that’s the case, go there.

but don't come to a self-proclaimed hellsite with clowns and complain that it’s acting as a self-proclaimed hellsite with clowns even in the tags. cmon now.

#bw: out of ethos #bw: caress the queue #bw: longpost #{its not important other than a glance but hey feel free to share} #{in the tags. its a rather silly discussion} #{why did i use some of my i hate suzie icons as reactions? because im still making them}

[devilfic]

Wait! Although, yes, the gender neutral thing is in all 3 projects, I actually meant that iswm was the only one that didn't show skin. I can't remember if the other projects were like that too, so i rewatched them (just the first parts) and unfortunately adwm showed skin, like a full hand, while ahwm showed a little bit between their long sleeves and gloves. Now i remember being sad about it... But what can i say... it's not like i've seen many representation of my kind in media anyway. So yeah, as someone with darker skin, i feel you 😔

In iswm, there is no skin color shown ever. It was always covered with gloves and socks/shoes. I feel that they learned and realized that's what it should be like, for the figure to be as neutral as possible so that everyone can identify with them. I wish they did that for adwm and ahwm, but it is what it is. I just hope they will continue to be as inclusive in their future projects.

I wouldn't say that my august and september would be completely stress-free, but yeah!!! Again, i feel so relieved, i'm glad i told you about it, and thank you for your encouragement!! Also, OH MY GOD. Okay. Well. I actually have read boogeyman part 2 a few times as of the moment i'm writing this ask. I don't want to sound like i'm repeating myself so i'm gonna put all my thoughts about it in the reblog tags. Oh and i will be sending my next request soon! Just in case tho, how detailed do you prefer your request to be??

What we do in the shadows sound interesting! I might give it a go, but for now, i'm actually in the middle of the sandman! I started watching it because of that gifset you reblogged, comparing battinson and sandman. I've heard of the sandman ever since the trailer came out, but i didn't know what it was, so i just.. didn't really pay attention to it, but then it's trending often and i saw that gifset and so i became curious about it!! Ugh there's so many things i wanna doooooo

Anyway, that letter from eddie looks so cool?????? If you told me that its a canon thing from the show i would believe it, like, the handwriting just suits him??? And the pictures!!!!!! Honestly it feels so weird but so cool at the same time??? I can't really explain it jdxhdjccjdb oh is it like a customized thing or??

-cain

ahh yeah, I went to watch ahwm and I noticed in some shots the hands were shown. but it didn't take me out of it too much! but you know the feeling. I had to pretend when I watched one direction's night changes mv at 15 that that was my white hand holding onto harry styles, what's a little more pretending I didn't see anything :)

yeah!! it's good they learned it'd be better to be more inclusive. I know some directors and stuff don't want things like that to interfere with their "creative vision" but going a little extra mile to make the audience feel included does wonders.

you're very welcome!! always happy to help. AND I SAW. it was a lot longer than the first one (almost twice as long? I think). I got carried away with it, I'll be honest. I know you really like the story so I thought I'd put in the extra effort ^^ thank you for continuing to support that story and reading it so enthusiastically!! it's so refreshing. as for requests, I give a few examples of requests that are too detailed in my guidelines, but honestly as long as you can leave me a little wiggle room, I can work with most anything!

OH SWEET YOU STARTED THE SANDMAN!! it's kinda crazy that dream's actor and robert pattinson used to be roommates (and I think they're still friends as well?). small world for goths. do you love death as much as I do? I love the usually broody, emo personifications of death in other media but her portrayal was a breath of fresh air.

and RIGHT. it feels like getting inserted into the canon in a little way. definitely on my nightly scenario rotation now. and it is customized to an extent, I believe! you tell them your name (my friend did it for me so I'm not sure of all the details) and I guess some other small details and they put something special together for you. like that playlist (I've got it saved on my spotify now OTL) ;-; I'm a sucker for playlists.

#cainsau #mjanswers