#a lot of rambling tonight so sorry

[pretentiouswreckingball]

I need pathetic Regulus so bad you guys, I want him pining after James, writing in his silly little diary how good he looks today, I want him daydreaming about their wedding and drawing hearts at the margins of his notebooks with Regulus Arcturus Potter over and over again

#do you see my vision? I know Regulus can be portrait as this cold distant guy who lets nothing show in his face but I’m #i want regulus being so obvious about his devotion. I want him to salivate at the sigh of James and be after him like a sick puppy #i want him to try to play it cool and fail spectacularly #basically just Regulus having and embarrassing big-ass crush on his brother’s best friend #who in my mind is also Regulus’ in some degree #and then i want James being a bit oblivious about it until one day the light catches Regulus in a certain way and…. that’s all it takes. #he’s doomed. #a lot of rambling tonight so sorry #loops blabbers

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

💌 just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who’s left such lovely feedback on my latest chapter of four walls. it’s been a weird and emotionally draining week for me, and getting to come back after a long day and read all your kind words has been such a solace. it’s truly hard to put into words how much it means when people connect with something you’ve created (and i’m far too exhausted to even attempt it tonight), but trust me when i say nothing grounds me and keeps me writing through all the difficult stuff more than knowing that what i’m creating means something to people other than just me. thank you so much for your generosity in sharing that with me via your lovely comments and feedback 💌

#friendly reminder to leave comments on the fics you enjoy #it means the world to all of us writing them 💜 #also sorry if this is totally incoherent #i’m so exhausted and overwhelmed tonight i feel like i could fall into bed and sleep for the next 48 hours #but i just wanted to share this because it’s been something i’ve been so thankful for all week 💗 #i can’t wait to get stuck into finishing the next chapter for posting this weekend #i know there’s been a lot of slow build but… well #what it’s building to is very close now #and i’m so excited to share it with you!! #anyway i’ll stop rambling now #i’m going to drink tea and watch hannibal and try and have an early night #thank you and sorry to anyone who’s read through all of this nonsense 😅 #i need to stop posting on tumblr when i should probably just go to sleep lol #four walls #lulu posts

[doonarose]

Hello fam,

Here's some TMI that I've spent the entire day spiraling over on the reddit chat but may as well therapize myself here too. Wait is therapize a real word... I did not know that.

Anyway - teaching week from absolute hell. Hours and hours and hours of on my feet labs and workshops. And then getting myself in a position where I had to mark prac write ups - 88 of them - in about 48 hours. Reckon it took me about 16 hours and it's mind numbing exasperating work because this is their first one - a quarter of them failed, some of them wrote the most incoherent bullshit...

That means my brain has been frazzled and fried since sometime Tuesday and by some oversight I neglected to put in my calendar that my parents were dropping their dog off at my house today to mind for a week. Probably because it's no big deal and not something I really need in my calendar.

Except I completely forgot. 100% out of my brain, gone, no idea it was happening until I got a text at 10.30 saying the dog had been dropped off and they were on their way to their airbnb where they've got a few nights away or whatever.

Now, worth noting, they did need to go into the house to drop the dog off, because this is the dog that, famously, escaped this same house a bit over a year ago, got smacked by a truck, was 50/50 on surviving for a long while, and cost them $6k to fix... so yeah, of course let yourselves in, dump the dog and lock the doggy door.

So a few things to know:

I live in a messy house at the best of times. Dishes in the sink, last night's plates still on the table, a bag of used tissues next to me on the couch, socks on the floor, etc. Like it's not gross rotting food or anything, but it's not the standard I like to show my parents (or anyone else). So that's a bit embarrassing.

Last night, because I pulled a 12 hour day of admin and prac marking, I fell into the too-often-fallen-into habit of having a decent slosh of vodka over ice with soda as soon as I got home at 8pm to turn my brain off so I could sleep before midnight. I left the half empty bottle of vodka on the table in the living room.

Also when I got home last night I took my bra off in the living room and left it draped across a chair.

Also, in a particularly lazy moment, I had left the eski full of water from almost two weeks ago sitting in the same spot in my kitchen which, yeah, okay, gross of me, but I intended to clean it up before anyone fucking saw it.

And you're probably reading this and thinking that it really isn't that bad so here's the real main source of mortification. Because I live alone and because no one would ever just drop in and because I've been busy and lazy and whatever. I also left my bright magenta sex toy besides the bathroom sink this morning. Where it had been since the morning before. Because that's a fine, logical place to leave it. And when I got the text I immediately remembered that because I saw it this morning when I was getting ready to go into work at 7.30 for an 8am zoom to the US, and kind of vaguely thought 'I should put that away' and then didn't. And didn't close the door to the bathroom because i only do that on hot days and it's been mild, finally, the last few days. And then when I got that text I tried to convince myself that my parents would have no reason to go into my bathroom, even though they would have obviously gone in the house and seen the above bad shit. And then I tried to convince myself that even if they had seen it, we would never speak of it and I would never know.

Anyway, I got home a half hour ago and my toilet door is fully closed, it's next to the bathroom door that remained fully open, magenta fucking rabbit in full view. I never, ever fully close the toilet door because it jams.

So anyway... may never wank again. Will, at some point, report on how I handle my face and soul next time I have to speak/see my parents.

If I die tonight, my COD will be mortification.

#doonas rambling #tmi sorry #sex toys for tw #i am drinking a lot tonight #and then probably forcing myself to have a wank and recover from this #also i have just not remembered that the entire reason the toy was out was from the other morning when i had legit #the worst most unsatisfying wank of my life #like honestly would have preferred to watch tiktok instead #or just an extra bit of sleep #it was so shit #because exhausted and in the morning so time pressure #anyway sorry dash #good bye some of you i understand why you need to leave

[neige-leblanche]

guys i am licking all of you. affectionately in a social bonding way

#txt #alcohol cw #nevaur been drunk at a bar before & im cutting myself off for now otherwise idk if i'd be able to get home tonight #even thaur the bus stop is right down the street & ive already baught[sic] my bus pass #thinking back to when my angel friend in montreal whos even more of a lightweight than me on the subway back home grabbed the bars & leaned #back to face the led subway lights eyes closed. like an angel fr. each of us had one single drink she just drinks so fuckin fast #she does a lot of introspection so im assuming its on purpose shes just crazy like all of us on this bitch of an earth #she is so beautiful though so angelic & perfect i do swear it #sorry yall on tumblr dot gov are getting this ramble i just got a new mutual on vent & i gotta impress them😩 #aurnly at 25% battery saur i should probably stfu okay goodnight my angels i am blowing a kiss to all of you and you will see my bitchass la #ter bc this app is an addiction for me

[cherry-bomb-ships]

Honestly my friends, my lovelies, my beautiful followers you are not getting the full experience of this PPG phase unless ur also following my gf @rexscanonwife cuz as we watch the series together we are each falling for a character, her with Utonium and.... okay maybe I like Mojo Jojo a LIIITTLE BIT OKAY 😠😳😠 But like her posts are so fun and deranged and she has the energy and is not afraid to gush, meanwhile I am still in my denial phase so you gotta give me a few days and then Imma be losing it 💖💖💖💖

#mostly not saying a lot tonight cuz in the 3 episodes we watche dthere wasnt a ton of mojo #but what there was. OHHH MAN #guys its bad. its ugly its so so so vile (my feelings) #lile he was sooooooo fucking confident that he finally got the girls for good that #he was just taking his sweet time piling up every deadly weapon in his house. which is a LOT tbh #and he was just soooooooo fucking condident and when he was done he did a gay lil sit aND THE. THE SMUGNESSSSSSS. GOD 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 #ok sorry thats all ur getting out of me. runs away #it was... rly nice to see and especially hear him again after the past 2 days just thinkin bout him 👉👈💖💖💖💖 #UGH EW ENOUGH SENTIMENT. GOODNIGHT #ruby rambles #🧬.crsh #jane!🐝

[traumasurvivors]

I just want to share something and hopefully offer some hope.

For a lot of trauma survivors, they feel dirty. They feel like they can’t get clean no matter what. They feel like they can’t wash off what was done to them. I was one of them. The keyword being was.

I don’t feel dirty anymore. It took me a long time but I’ve realized that no matter what someone did to me, it doesn’t make me dirty.

What I’m trying to say is… there’s hope. There is so much hope. It can get better.

#my post #feeling unclean #sorry #tw alcohol #I’ve had a couple drinks tonight #so I’m feeling rambly #don’t get me wrong #I believe this stuff anytime #but it’s just making my brain go more #I’m also feeling overly sentimental #and I just want to hug you all #with consent of course #and tell you I’m proud of you #and it’s really going to be okay #even if it’s not right now #I should probably come up with a tag #for nights I drink or smoke #because I post a lot more and it might get annoying #I have had some self control and queued some of it #but not a lot of self control lol

[that-was-anticlimactic]

just accidentally spilled an entire water bottle on my bed :)

took my sheets off and put a towel over it. then looked up what to do just in case and. like everything said "use a fan" and "mold could happen so be careful" and now i am Terrified of getting mold since so much spilled and since i don't have any fans. i am so tired oh my god i just want to go to bed

#like genuinely terrified of it molding now #so that's great :) #i just wanna go to bed but i feel like i have to tend to my mattress #but i won't be able to work well tomorrow if i stay up super late tending to a mattress i can't even sleep on tonight #ugh sorry the thought of having to buy a new mattress bc of mold Terrifies me #i am a teacher universe like i save a lot but i do not make a lot of money :) #anyways sorry for rambling it's been one of those nights #i was actually having a pretty good day until then #i was getting settled in for the night... put my water bottle down on my bed while i went to piss #and then i was going to get in it and lie down after a long day of work #aND IT FELL AND SPILLED #like yeah that's on me for being stupid but i like keeping water in my room!!! that one hadn't spilled before so i thought i'd be fine for #the few minutes i'd be gone but nooooooo #okay i'm done now sorry #super tired and super paranoid #and my mom said to put my mattress pad over the shower like bestie i live in an apt you think i'm putting my WHITE mattress pad on the rod? #absolutely not i know that's pathetic of me but idc i DON'T do stains not at all nope nope nope #okay done now for real sorry #just freaked :) #corey talks:)

[fragmentedblade]

This seems to be a reference to Lorentz transformations? The first formula is apparently a derivation, and seems to be the inverse of the time part of the transformation (there's a space part too), for what I've been able to find.

The second formula is Newton's second law.

#I don't know physics so I've had to read about Lorentz transformations and I'm still unsure because I lack a lot of context #But it seems extremely interesting #It all seems to work so well with everything else Ratio has going on. The needed reference frame works well with his line in his ultimate #It seems the framework are usually cartesian coordinates? I have to check if it's not that in later physics #It all also seems to work in a Hilbert space for what I've read but I wonder if that's always the case #iirc Gauss was quite set on non euclidean geometry working on larger spaces #For what I've understood Newton used Galilean transformations and Einstein did Lorentz #Lorentz though still takes into account Galilean transformations and includes time if I've understood right? #Reading about this has made Poincaré look more interesting than he had ever before to me maybe I should look into it again #But mostly I've been thinking of Riemann. I don't know anything about any of this #but for what little I know of Riemann it crossed my mind several times that some of what I've read tonight pertaining Lorentz #would work nicely with him. Something about pseudo Euclidean spaces too iirc made me think that #I kept thinking of him from time to time so I was surprised I never actually saw him mentioned #Oh that reminds me I ended up finding an essay that proposed unlike atoms matter could be infinitely reduced and its implications #It was an extremely interesting read if nothing else also due to how it waved different fields. But I'm rambling #Veritas Ratio #Traces #I talk too much #Sorry for the tag again but I want to be able to find this in the future #I can't believe going to those group theory classes for fun has been useful in any way in my life #even if to help me understand with a little more ease something I ended up reading due to a gacha game haha #I don't remember much of what I studied back then but it was enough to recognise what was going on at times #and not struggle to understand the very very very basics of some things I read #ANYWAY again on my bullshit but so much of this could work nicely in Penacony and it will be so sad if they do nothing with it #Also I forgot to add that dp/dt is also used in medicine #It's a blood pressure ratio iirc but I haven't looked more into it bevande it seemed clear to me it was Newton's second law #Especially with the F. But I mention this to save the information. Who knows #Perhaps the formula was intended to be taken with that double sense to reference his medical facet #and perhaps it was intended also as a joke if it's really a ratio. I still think it's just Newton but yes I'm writing this down just in case

[good-beans]

I do believe it's bedtime 😌

#am sleepy #its early for me but im zonked #got a lot done today!! very products day of cleaning 😤 #we've been slacking but we cleaned the wjole apartment and went through laundry and got some things we needed #finally mopped and it feels so cleeeen :3 #i had a few things i wanted to do tonight but my brain is sayin nope #sorry my blog will just be queued old art the next few days lol -- i have lots to queue soon #my tuesday night class is canceled so im excited for a free night then >:3 #i have no desire to go to work tomorrow so that will help adfgbnnj #hope everyones doing well 😎 #rose rambles

[piplupod]

every now and then i come on here and wail and yell into what I think of as the void and then ppl come out of the void to say some kind words to me and i appreciate it so much, and also i get so flustered because I was perceived being anything less than a completely normal joe HFDSJGKL

#the fact that ppl take the time to interact w smth i've said/shared is always wild to me and really means a lot #but also im so so sorry that u had to see me have A Time on here fsdhgkl #big old brainfight between ''this is ur blog - post what u want'' vs ''i cannot subject other ppl to my emotions unless theyre happy ones'' #im also so scared of responding sometimes bc i am afraid i will say smth somehow wrong and everything will come tumbling down #so if i ever do not respond just know that i likely saw it and teared up a little and then got scared that i'd stumble in a reply #and ended up avoiding replying bc i didnt want to ''ruin things'' somehow fdsjkl BUT I DEF APPRECIATED IT and wanted to say thank-you!!! #there is always a thank-you ready in my brain but i get scared of saying it sometimes bc i cannot always find the perfect way to say it !! #okay im gonna cut off my rambles here for tonight bc im starting to feel like i'm saying things wrong somehow so ADIOS FOR NOW fdsjkl #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[candyunicornsateme]

I’ve been a bit nervous to say this, but, as of recently, I hit the pretty big milestone of 5k followers!! Uhhh hahaha that’s neat ;v;

Actually it’s very fitting because, exactly at this time in May 2011 - literally right around Kyle’s birthday - I found and got into the whole South Park fandom. It was warm and sunny and I had the most overwhelmingly aching, passionate feeling at that time. I was SO inspired. 

Not sure how, but I’d love to celebrate it in some way. I’ll definitely have to draw a little thank you picture, because I do genuinely appreciate you guys and anyone that’s been so kind or even liked what I posted at all. Maybe a Q&A type of thing may be fun? I wish I could do something more but then again, it’s not really that big of a deal either lol. I just want to thank you guys really. 💌

#rimble ramble #I'm sorry i dont have art yet;; it's been hard to focus #and happy birthday kyle ilu i need to draw tonight #maybe I could dig up some Baby's First k2/creek fanart #both that I made and found at the time #tho many ae lost to time or were in youtube compilation vids #of all things hahahahah #anyways it took me a very long time and a lot of work to get to this point so #i think i should be kind to myself too

[evvlogetarian]

Work today was kinda awful ? Not bc of the family or anything but it's so stressful trying to one man a 100+ person service...I also have to wake up early tomorrow for con & getting ready but I think I've accepted I won't get a lot of sleep because I still need to eat and get prepped for tomorrow so eh... qwq

#.personal rambles #Also I am feeling very melancholic tonight bc I miss having a stable core friend group if that makes sense? #Ig its cus I realize a lot of ppl I consider friends have closer friends which isnt a bad thing but... #Really its only my sister n my friend A... #Ill never forgive my ex for fucking up friendships i had bc he wouldnt let me be my own person bc that was the last time I had like a “core” #& now I dont even talk to one of them and the other its lowkey awkward bc my ex hurt the both of us pretty badly...we arent as close : ( #Sorry I dont mean 2 be so emo ? Like come on V get a damn grip... #Also this is mostly abt irl friends...online friends is different I feel so bad for being so nervous 2 msg ppl first...

[ryderdire]

I think I need to go out into nature alone and just exist around it. I think that will fix me.

#sorry #the only access I have to nature is asking my parents or my sister to drive me #and my sister isn’t great at respecting my boundaries with talking and soical engery and my parents are busy. so like. I’ll just look at #pretty videos. #and like. doing self care stuff around them makes me so nervous. #I don’t know why. #well. #actually #I do know why but I’m not trauma dumping on double u double u double u dot tumblr dot com tonight #yearning for nature #sad #I haven’t seen a big boy tree in months. #ryders rambles #sorry again this is just how I’m feeling at the current moment. #I know it sounds a bit silly and pretentious but like this is my tumblr blog and I can choose the coping mechanism daydream to post about. #I’ve been seeing a lot of #those like nature aesthetic videos #and it made me think about how nice it would be to just exist in awe inspiring beauty for a bit #like. #it’s hard to #explain but there’s somthing so sobering about being somewhere that’s #like. nature and not man made and not so repetitive it hurts #somthing about the way it all blends together somthing about how it’s living like I am or had been living #idk rambling now #somthing about cycles and chaos and beauty and conformity and capitalism. #I’m going to sleep now. #gn #Ren Go to sleep

[kyouka-supremacy]

Tbh the most surprising unprecedented and groundbreaking event of this year's esc is that all my favorite songs made it pass the first semifinals. That's never going to happen again btw

#Czechia SLAYED tbh so far I'm rooting for them to win the whole thing. Their song was amazing #I really enjoyed Norway too!! And man Finland understands the assignment every year how they even do that #I didn't mind Serbia either!! Vampire vibes but? Make it cyberpunk? #Although tbh. not enough pianos and not enough fire and not enough pianos on fire this year :// #How is the uk managing both the coronation and Eurovision... Peoples are y'all alright #OH AND MOLDOVA!!!!!! Feeling a lot of 2021 Ukraine in the Moldova tonight 😭😭😭 #IT WAS AMAZING another excellent candidate for winner tbh. #Somewhat folkloristic songs are the very best and best capture the Eurovision spirit! #Aaaaaahh this is one time of the year when I regret never making a misc-fandoms blog. Well sorry for the spam but it's esc brainrot week 😔 #Can't wait for Thursday!!!!! #random rambles #esc 2023 #not bsd

[tvrningout-a]

a wee update since last night! i feel better but really exhausted from stressing so badly all day. i actually called out of my job bc i just knew i wouldn't be in the state of mind to be at work, even if it would've been a good distraction ;; but i'm okay, things are alright for now, so i'll likely be around tomorrow/sunday and hopefully back to normal!

thank you for the kind comments and interactions with my post last night <3 little things like that really do mean a lot to me, so pls know i'm smooching each of your foreheads rn ❤ (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc)

#i'm still not really up for actively talking so forgive me if i'm not super talkative or not commenting on posts #the anxiety i felt today just really took it out of me and ngl?? kinda felt disconnected from my body last night and sometimes still feel #that #been feeling a lil like i'm walking a dream vs my actual life -- like thinking of my memories it doesn't feel exactly real #anyway though!!! sorry i feel like that might be a lot to just say in the tags so i'll put a lil tw #i just hopped on to maybe work on ko's bio bc i have the urge but i'm also tired so i might knock out early-ish tonight #regardless though i hope the day was kind to you and that you enjoyed your friday <3 #please take care of yourselves u3u #tw vent #tw disassociation #i'm not sure if that's what i was experiencing exactly??? i don't know much about it but i'm tagging just in case #get ready to ramble | ooc

[masquenoire]

@riddlethat​ asked: what would he be like as a father? like, to his own child??

(Continued under the cut!)

Distant for the most part. Roman has very few, if any, good memories of his own parents while growing up and has no desire to perpetuate his experiences onto a small child. Mr. and Mrs. Sionis were domineering and self-centered people, utterly obsessed with their self-image and how others perceived them. Roman’s no different but the thing is he doesn’t pretend he’s a good man. His parents did and in public they portrayed themselves as a loving family, plastering fake smiles plastered on their faces as readily as the lies they spouted. Behind closed doors, life was a very different story where they openly reviled their son, if they weren’t pretending he didn’t exist or otherwise dismissing him as a nuisance in their lives. As a result, Roman would find it difficult to connect with a child. He’s cruel, vulgar and foul in every imaginable way, his idea of a good time being brutally torturing some hapless fool and making their death a slow and excruciating one. There’s no room for innocence in the life of a mob boss but upon becoming a father, Roman would at the very least try. What are they interested in? Are there certain things they like? All these and more he’d try to find out about his charge, gradually spending more time with them before asking upfront the more comfortable he gets. He’s not taking them to the ball game anytime soon but he will fund their interests and activities, treating them to the best of his abilities as a way to make up for the lack of presence in their life. It’s for the best, or so Roman believes. He’s a deeply troubled man who is prone to explosive violence and unspeakable acts of cruelty, plus with so many enemies who’d just love to use his children as a way to target him, keeping his distance is the best way to avoid them getting hurt. He’ll kill for them, and gladly do it too, but his own upbringing makes him too afraid to get more involved, out for fear of being just like his own parents once were.

#riddlethat #Thank you for asking this! #It was very fun to write about as I think Roman has some very deep and genuine fears #He doesn't fear much but in this situation he WOULD #His childhood and upbringing were so traumatic for him #His parents were very cruel and dimissive people #Not only that but they invalidated so much so it's no wonder Roman's got a lot of internal anger #Especially as they were the ones responsible for why he got so badly hurt as a baby #Their neglect and even abuse turned him something fierce #So another child around? Yeah he's going to stay away as best he can #He'll do very horrible things for them but because he's so horrible he's afraid of being horrible TO them #Ironically he'd be a better father towards another child than his nown biological one #What with dysphoria and all #I mentioned it once or twice before but Mrs. Sionis had severe post partum depression that was never treated #So she abused Roman because of that #He may be at risk of it too which is why he's so adverse about the whole thing if he's the biological parent #Not so much of an issue when you're not the birth parent asdfghjkl #Sorry to subject you all to my brainworms tonight I WILL get some responses done #I just ramble and go on a tangent when upset :')