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casuallivi · 1 year

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Meditation

Elain Week March 2023. Day 7. Free Day. @elainweekofficial

A sweet kiss to my our brilliant friend @nikethestatue who gives us the best nicknames. Here I am, stealing your lore again 🎵 forgive me, love you 😊😚❤️

The house felt oddly silent when there wasn’t a single loud-foul-mouth family member in it, the stillness balancing itself in the possibility of being disturbed at any minute, once one of them passed through the threshold. Her bet was on Cass, who had dinner with them nearly every night.

Elain’s love for her family cannot be measure in any metric system known for man or fae, but she won’t deny the peace and quiet is a soothing balm to her tired mind. The sounds never leave her. The creaking of worms digging the earth, the gentle unfurling of rose petals, beating wings cutting the air, water springing from between tiny rock, a cry of freedom, the quick legs of a panther chasing it’s prey, galloping horses marching into the battlefield, piercing screams of faceless men bathed in blood, waves breaking against the hull of a ship, the incessant cry of helpless females stolen from bed. Honeyed promises that demand compromise, complacency, obedience.

“Give in to me.”

Dread bristled the hairs her arm, lungs compressed, expelling everything there is inside, refusing to let her fill them back. She's trapped. No. She's drowning. Horror claws its way into her heart as water pools beneath her, soaking her gown, rising above her empty chest, threating to swallow her whole. A thousand ghost hands tug at her, dragging her down. Drowning her again.

“Breath.” The strong command doesn’t come from her daydreams, the male lying beside her wrapping her cold hand in his warm one, his patchwork of bumpy scars falling in line with the sunk gashes in her palm, fingers lacing with hers. “Breath.”

She’s desperate now, has lost any semblance of control, gasping for the air that won’t come.

“Water. Water is –”

“Not real.” The slice of her words is so sharp one might think he used Truth-Teller, leaving no place for second-guessing. The midnight voice, honed to conduct legions to glory, being spent in the mundane act of calming her down. A blasphemy of some sort, she’s sure.

Elain is lightheaded, body itching, changing, glowing. She had to lose her eyes in order to see the worlds with clarity, ancient power soaking her bones, the Seer woving itself within the fabrics of her soul, singing praises to the being that can finally contain her without shattering into million pieces. “Free,” it chants delirious, “I am free.” Elain isn’t. Elain is shackled. She’s back there, back at that nauseating day. Drowning. Dying. Dead.

Gentleness gives place to a bone-shattering grip that demands her attention. Air rushing back to her lungs in the shape of a painful whimper, desperate wheezes rattling her core. Tears stream past her dark lashes. “You are not there.” Stable words, confidant words, the constant swipe of a thumb moving back and forth over her clammy skin. “You are safe. You are with me. I got you.”

I got you.

Breath.

In and out.

He got her.

Breath. In and out. Just breath.

Elain tames the white glow escaping the translucent skin of her eyelids, the tremor in her hands, pushing the lump that clogs her throat all the way down.

A voice in the back of her mind calls her useless for failing the simple task he presented to her, tells her she should be ashamed to waste precious time so kindly offered to her. Elain holds him tighter. The voice can go to hell.

“Good.” Her cheeks heat at the praise she doesn’t deserve. “Very good.”

“I was terrible.” She contradicts. “You can tell me the truth. I won’t break if you yell at me.” Despite her words, Elain is in the verge of crying, overwhelmed with emotion. Stupid tears. She wished someone would shut her lacrimal canal forever.

“I don’t yell.” True. Azriel was probably born with the ability to make himself heard without uttering a single word, the strong essence of a leader brewing in his soul. “You think I could yell at you?” is a teasing question, an attempt to lighten the mood, but she can sense the faint hints of apprehension as he waits for her answer.

Elain knows he cares for her opinion, he has told her so. Sometimes she wonders if it's simply the family ties that bound them together, or if he has an inkling to the feeling blooming out of control from the depths of her heart, wonders if him, by some miracle, has been cultivating similar boldness in himself.

“Nah, you'd be too scared of me never letting you taste my cooking again.”

Her surroundings are perfectly clear once more. No throne room, no boiling cauldron, no evil gazes, just the townhouse living room. Couch, armchairs and center table have been pushed out of the way, creating a hollow space in the middle of the room, wood burning quietly on the hearth, Azriel and Elain laid side by side on top of the fuzzy cream rug, the only point of contact consisting in the now tightly woven hands resting between their bodies. Her other hand rests above her stomach, feeling the undulations caused by every breath, Elain trying to keep herself anchored to the present and not a slave to her cumbersome visions.

After long days of strenuous research, walking through multiple shops in search of way to grant her peace of mind, Elain came across a certain shadowsinger who stole her materials in the blink of an eye. The stack of book that had seemed like a mountain in her arms now looking like a tiny pile in his.

“Dream walking no more, how to control your sleeping body. The cognitive ability to transcend space and time...” He enunciated the tittles without looking at the books, being his usual meddlesome self. Of course he had seen it, nothing escaped the spymaster. "What are you doing?"

"Tests."

“Anything I can help you with?”

Yes.

“No need.”

“Are you sure? I am very good at keeping unwanted dreams at bay.”

“You don’t count.”

“Why not?”

“Because you accomplish that by not sleeping.”

The corner of his lip turned upwards. “Touché.”

Elain was nervous. Scared she’d take a wrong step in her journey to control her visions, and ending up losing them all together. She didn’t want to get rid of her seer abilities because of how useful they had been so far, but she wanted to tame them. She needed to. Time flow different in her head, visions stretching for days without end, seasons passing in front of eyes, vigilant months of agony that turned into years, Elain blinking back to reality to learn mere seconds had gone by, her glazed eyes the only indication that her mind had been far away.

When she voiced her concerns to Azriel, he said she needed to find an anchor to the present, introduced her to meditation as a way to stabilize her mind here and now. He told her, she should not feel pressure to unravel every vision as they came to her, comparing her hazed slumber to his unending reports. “Every information can be important for a specific cause, yes. But that doesn’t mean I have to read them all the same time. You control you vision Elain, not the contrary, remember that. Learn to choose what you see. When you see it.”

“What can I use as an anchor?”

“Anything you want.”

“Hold me.” Elain doesn’t know who is more surprised by the request, she or Azriel. She clears her throat. “Will you hold me if it gets too much? Will you bring me back?”

There's not an ounce of hesitation in his answers. “Always.”

His determination reminds her of a turbulent escape from behind enemy lines, the fear of eminent death, her resolve to at least help him to get out. Ready to let go of his neck if it meant he could fly out of there without the extra weight. Azriel had to live, no matter the cost. She needed him to.

Their sessions began with a quota of formality that never lasted till the end. Azriel was a firm teacher, yes, but he was also gentle and patient, smiling at her attempts to slack off, amused with a few small complaints. He even joked and laughed at her expenses. Physical Touch proved to be an anchor that worked nine times out of ten. Except that this anchor didn’t please her very much.

Their goal was to have him touch her as little as possible, because that would mean she was gaining control over the powers. Elain trained alone every chance she got, trying bother him the minimal possible, but it was hard to progress without someone to bring her back. Elain was growing frustrated from the constant failing.

“I don’t know if this is the right choice.” she confessed apprehensively.

Azriel’s hand laxed in hers

“Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“No! No, I fine with you, believe me. I trust you with my eyes closed,” she wiggled her brows, “quite literally. I just… I don’t want to keep depending on other. I want to be stronger.” Elain didn’t mind Azriel touching her, but Azriel wasn’t by her side all day long, no one was. All it took for Touching to be an unreliable crutch was she being alone. “I want to be strong like my sisters.”

“You are.” His proud tone didn’t escape her. “Let’s try something else. When the next wave comes, don’t wait for my touch,” he instructed. Elain relaxed her limbs, breathing deeply, his woody scent tickling her nose, calming her anxiety. “Think about the place you are, describe it in your mind. Furniture, shapes, color, smells, if there are people describe them too. Recall their clothes, conversation, mannerism. All that is information to keep you anchored, accurate as touching, without having you at the mercy of others. Sounds better?”

She nodded eagerly.

“Give it a try.”

“Yes, master.

Their carefully constructed bubble of concentration is popped in the blast of a canon. Wide-eyes mirror each other as their heads snap to the side. Shock, surprise, confusion. Different emotions cloud the air.

“What?”

"What?"

Elain keen ears capture the smirk in his tone, making her painfully conscient of the word she used, a word Nuala and Cerridwen say so much she picked up by habit, a word she only used as a joke when her friends were around.

“Say that again.”

His amusement fades as quick as it came. There’s a change in the air, subtle, or maybe she’s the one who is still learning how to identify it. Is this what they call a scent-change? Night-chilled mist mingles with something thicker, spicier, darker. There’s a dryness to her mouth there was not there before, the picked-up pace of a heart beat sounding almost indecent in strong gallops at her ear. Is it hers or his? Gods, she hopes is not hers.

Elain disentangle herself from him, sitting straight as an arrow, tense, smoothing her hair in a nervous habit. Azriel props himself on his elbow, watching her.

“The girls–” she stammers, not able to look at him. “The girls call you – I hear all the time, so – you know – you trained them, and now you train me –”

“You think this is training?” All color drains from Azriel’s face. His anxiety confusing her.

“Yes...?” Now he’s laughing at her, his leathery wing hitting her back, bumping her forward as he spams on the rug. “I don’t understand, you offered to train me,”

“I offered to help you. We spend time together anyway, improving some skills while at it doesn’t hurt.”

“I thought these were training sessions,” Elain mumbled, feeling self-conscious. “You helped me stretch and everything.”

“You said you neck was stiff from pruning the buds.” He quipped, attentive hands finding her shoulders, gently settling her back down, “you can’t be my apprentice, flower.”

Flower.

The endearment skittered across her skin like one of his curious shadows. It wasn’t the first time he used it, but Elain thanked the mother for being on the floor, because her knees were set on giving up every time he did.

“There are lines to be kept in a mentorship. Lines I do not wish to trace with you.” For a moment there it feels like he’s on top of her. “If I made you feel like a trainee up to this point, let’s get that cleared out of the way, shall we? I can be your master any time, but you are not my trainee. Bear that in mind.”

Elain clutches the rug, eyes rooming over his wings, looming wings that expanded under her attention, spreading proudly to their full extent. They take over the room, drooping things she can’t see or care about, shadowing everything beneath him including her. His hands are on either side of her head now, not a fleek of green in his darken gaze, zeroing on her.

Burning cedar invades her lungs, or maybe she’s the one burning up, imaging what it would feel like if he closed the distance and kissed her. Her face flushes. With a shaky breath, Elain gathers her flitting courage and ask,

“If I’m not a trainee, what am I?”

His wings snap back shut, Azriel settling on the floor, a tamed beast retracting into its cave. His answer is short, simple, declaring the five letters word capable of compassing all the feelings he couldn't find words to describe.

“Elain.”

It probably was.

Because she had a six letters word worthy of the same feature.

“Are you ready?”

“I am.”

“Good. Close your eyes.”

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andreal831 · 8 days

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TVDU and Morality

I've recently said, a few times, that the morality debates in the TVDU fandom are boring, and some people have gotten offended so I thought I would explain.

First, this idea of hypocrisy in the fandom is laughable. The amount of times I've been called a hypocrite because I've called out problematic behavior, while also liking a problematic character. The gut reaction for so many in this fandom when their favorite character is being criticized is to shift the conversation onto a completely different character and even to the commenter themselves. This is boring and even downright offensive at times. Every single character has been a hypocrite at times. It doesn't inherently mean someone is bad. It means they are "human" and life can make hypocrites of all of us at times. Also, just to clarify, I am not a hypocrite for merely liking a problematic character. I promise I have never nor will I ever commit the acts that I criticize these characters for, which would be the definition of hypocrisy. I have also never told anyone they can't like certain characters.

We have these complicated characters and none of them are "good" people because, guess what, people aren't just one or the other. Everyone has the capability to be "bad" or "good." Trying to put a character firmly on one side is a generalization and ignores so much nuance. Some of their actions may be completely bad or completely good, but typically even that is an oversimplification. Are there characters that seem to do more bad things or more good things, definitely. Are their some characters that cross certain, unnecessary lines, absolutely. Are we allowed to criticize and question every character, please do! That's literally what media literacy is about.

Every single one of these characters has had completely selfish moments (except maybe Bonnie) and every single one of them has had moments of selflessness. These acts don't inherently demonize a character or automatically redeem one. This is what it means to have interesting, complex debates about characters. Looking at the characters as a whole and having open discussions of what it means. We can still love the character and acknowledge the good and the bad of the character.

Another annoying point that is always brought up is, "they weren't born evil, they were made that way." Yes, we get it. No one is born evil. Whether it is mental illness or life events that shape a person, they still have to take responsibility for their own actions. Obviously certain mental illnesses didn't have treatments for a very long time, but that doesn't just allow people to be serial killers.

Every single character has dealt with trauma, and how you react says a lot about a person's character. Separating out characters to say well "x" didn't deserve it but when they became "x" they did. No one deserves good or bad things. I know I say it all the time, they deserved better, but when I do, I'm being facetious. I'm saying I wanted better for that character, better writing, better storylines, a better ending, etc. That phrasing implies that some people deserve better lives than others and I just morally don't agree. No one deserves trauma or abuse. That logic only furthers the cycle of abuse. Now, that being said, people are responsible for their own actions. Spend centuries creating enemies, and guess what, a lot of bad things are going to happen to you.

But the real debates I enjoy having, and have been fortunate to find so many people to engage in these debates, is the morality of the decisions in context of the characters. I like to apply similar logic from the Trolley Problem. If you don't know what that is, enjoy this tik tok I made of Cami teaching the Mikaelsons.

Essentially, many of the characters weight their options, like Jeremy killing Kol and thousands of vampires with it in order to find the cure. Kol is a thousand year old serial killer and is attempting to kill Jeremy, but again Kol is attempting to stop Silas from rising. Neither side is inherently right or wrong. There is a debate to be had.

In the majority of situations in the show there is a debate to be had. The only exceptions being any SA. I will never debate the morality of these actions. Even for immoral characters, there is a line to be drawn.

These debates get even more complex in TO because we move into a world where nearly every character has done absolutely horrendous things. It's okay to sit down and say, "This thing that x did was awful, but I can see their reasoning." It is not justifying their actions, but allowing the characters to be the complex morally corrupt characters that they all are.

#just thought I would clarify some things #I just want to debate these characters #without people getting absolutely angry in the comments #like they are all serial killers #but we can still love them cause they're fictional #but I can still hate/dislike other characters for crossing certain lines #that's why so many different characters exist #we all have our own things we work out through fiction #tvdu #the originals #the vampire diaries #the mikaelsons #tvd #tvdu metas #metas

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meowmeow1meow · 4 months

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one of my other favourite scenes she thought she was bein slick then saw alexandria through her peripheral (bugs) im lowkey running out of scenes to draw my memory is running out so if u guys got anything…

#worm web serial #taylor hebert #worm #parahumans #fanart #she really shoulda been at an afterschool club #she was lowkey a little freak but i love her #my silly #thank u all for the kind comments

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why-is-it-always-autumn · 8 months

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Bloggers in the Supernatural universe trying to explain how the "Winchesters" that online paranormal investigators the Ghostfacers have some sort of beef with are actually notorious serial killers Sam and Dean Winchester, but all of this is possibly an elaborate roleplay based on the cult appeal "Supernatural" books by Carver Edlund, and also this all ties in to that guy with the trenchcoat who declared himself God and teleported around doing miracles for like a week in 2011, does anyone remember that guy? And speaking of, the fall of Dick Roman and SucroCorp! They're not quite sure yet how that ties in but...

#supernatural #these people are too high profile in too many different areas there should be more overlap #i know theres an overlap between true crime fans and paranormal investigation plans someone has to have realized that #the hellhoundslair guys personally know and dislike/are annoyed by a pair of guys who were on the FBIs most wanted list before 'dying'#give me supernatural book fans roleplaying in the comments of ghostfacer videos but its indistinguishable from the real stuff #atheist fanboy who worships castiel as a joke doing the spidrman point at repressed religious kid who worships him for real #deangirl getting cancelled on twitter for stanning a serial killer and insisting that its not that dean its dean supernatural #...tumblr fan using the winchester brothers as faceclaims for the supernatural protagonists and sparking a controversy storm

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shirkers2018dirsanditan · 7 months

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pretending like every incarcerated man is falsely accused by a rich white person is so silly like so many people want to be abolitionists but don’t have the courage to stand in their convictions and they get easily caught up by conservative gotchas. obviously rich white men don’t commit the most crime. why would a wall street banker rob a liquor store?? or when people are like, “well if people steal because they’re poor then why are they stealing tvs and jewelry?” they’re boosting. obviously. that’s also why they stole your catalytic converter. to sell. for money. people also boost everyday items like baby formula and shaving cream and sell it on the cheap to their neighbors. this isn’t les mis people have rent and daycare to pay for and you can’t pay that with bread. dummy

#i saw a video of a woman stealing four big bottles of expensive tequila posted by the local news #and the comments were like how much of an alcoholic do you have to be!#like shes going to sell them moron #and probably in smaller containers #or even stolen guns #with scratched off serials #are not mostly going to drug lords and crime syndicates #but the everyday people who just so happen to have a felony #now i don’t think individual gun ownership is a viable form of community safety. clearly it has not been effective #but we’re all affected by consumerist gun industry propaganda. everybody think they john wayne and jack ryan #but its also easy for me to say that from the suburbs

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leefl00f · 3 months

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Look what came in the mail today!! X3

They’re a bit smaller than I expected tho ._.’ but I did ordered the minis so what did I expect?

more pics of em compared to my hand

They’re pretty, but how am I supposed to show them off if they’re that small on my soon to have Totoro messenger bag? 😔/srs

#floof speaks #:3c #murder drones #serial designation v #n md #n murder drones #serial designation n #keychain #seriously I wanna show them off but they’re so small-#any suggestions?#Comment section pls :3

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tokidokifish · 5 months

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also yeah the plagiarism is horrific in its extent and the damage it did to fellow queer creators but honestly one of the biggest indicators of james somerton's fuck-ass stupidity and almost fucking admirable refusal to do his own research was him saying that serial killer fangirls only like jeffrey dahmer because he didn't kill women

#an INSTANT #like a single solitary SECOND of research #would have shown that for some reason some women are attracted to serial killers #and have been for decades #no matter the nature of their crimes #like fucking richard ramirez ALONE #and then he goes on to contradict himself!#just so he can continue bitching about women!#god i saw a comment somewhere that was like #'james somerton is like ''you're gay because you love men. i'm gay because i hate women. we are not the same.'''#and they are fucking RIGHT

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ofdreamsanddoodles · 4 months

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haven't watched a lot of lain yet but i'm fascinated by like. how disconnected lain is from her family. her dad only talks to her when it's about computers, because it's a thing he loves. her mom knows so little about her life that she scolds her for waking up late the day after lain witnessed a MURDER. when the cops called her house to look for someone to bring her home, no one answered. when lain's sister begs her mom to tell the men stalking their house to go away, she's dismissed. she asks her dad to check on lain, and he brushes her off. they're so unable to talk to each other, lain's sister is able to vanish without anyone noticing

when lain says the wired is the only thing that's real, what she means is that her room is devoid of comfort. she has stuffed animals, but they're on the windowsill, away from her. she has a mattress and a bed, but no bed spring, despite the fact her parents' room clearly has one. the only thing lain has is her computer. the only thing that talks to her in her house is her computer. when chisa says that she abandoned her body because there was nothing left to hold her in the real world and its like. i'm only five episodes in but of COURSE lain wanted to learn more. of COURSE she would be the one to see her

#& like she does make friends with alice & the rest #but they quite literally do not feel things the same way lain does #alice even comments on it! she doesnt feel upset by death in the same way!#no one in her life is capable of understanding what lain is thinking #or what she goes through #serial experiments lain #aster speaks

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circus-k · 1 month

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YOU DONT NEED EMPATHY TO BE NICE!!!! YOU DONT NEED EMPATHY TO HAVE FRIENDS!!!!!!! YOU DONT NEED EMPATHY TO BE "LESS DANGEROUS"!!! YOU DONT NEED EMPATHY FOR JACK SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^ took that one empathy test and was joking around about how low the score was (6 out of 80. single digit) and was told either "omg you're literally a serial killer" and "no i've seen you be nice i'm sure you have empathy"

#ck.txt #the serial killer comment was 100% just teasing from a friend but its still something that people believe #idk. psa i guess #guys low/no empathy just mean i'm WINNING the idgaf wars !!!

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f1rewalk3r · 3 months

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