#about to take a shower and get in bed

[pomegranatebitch]

I don’t want to admit how much ao3 being down changes how I’m going to fall asleep now

#like I was just winding down #about to take a shower and get in bed #and it’s DOWN #how am I expected to sleep now #this is a personal attack #ao3

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[lefthandedhotch]

hiiiii linnnnnn🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 i saw this earlier and it's soooo aaron🥰🥰🤭🤭🤭🤭💞💞💞 also i love youuuuuy🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

he comes home from an early morning run and still has all his stuff on, except for his running shoes which he left by the front door🥰 and he goes quietly into his bedroom where you're supposed to be asleep, but you arent because you heard the front door open and of course you need to see your handsome sweaty guy <333 so you're all sleepy and yawning and that sight of you makes aaron's heart go crazy but then you rise out of bed only in his shirt and hair all messy from sleep <33 and when you go over to kiss him his heart rate goes up more and that's when his little watch goes off and you two look down at it and when you see "abnormal heart rate detected" which makes you giggle as he gets all blushy🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞 he's never usually wearing his athletic watch when kissing you so of course it would pick it up as abnormal🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 but it still makes you giggle and feel soooooo good amsnskakdjfjg with a few more kisses you get him to abandon his show plan and back into bed to take advantage of the hour you two have left alone before jack wakes up and inevitably rushes into the room🤭🤭🤭🤭💞💞💞💞💞💞💞🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

hehehehehe hiiiiiiii jess-jess 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 i love youuuuuuu sm!!!!! 🤭🤭🤭🤭💞💞💞💞💞💞💞🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 PLEASEEEE thats so so aaronnnnnn :(

you know aaron must have gone for an early run when you wake up and reach over to lay your hand on his chest but find empty bed instead 😔💔 but!!!! while you’re sad to not have your handsome man there to roll into for some sweet sleepy morning cuddles, you’re also sooooooooo excited because you know that you’re about to see ✨Sweaty✨ aaron 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 it really doesn’t take long before you hear the door open and close and the sound of heavy footsteps coming towards the bedroom and your sweet man slips into the room trying so so hard to be quiet so he doesn’t wake you 🤭 and it makes you giggle so much when he bangs into something (lightly so he doesn’t get hurt 🥺) and it makes a noise that has him muttering “shit” 🤭 and he looks up at your giggle to see you grinning at him and making the biggest heart eyes as you look at him all sweaty and handsome 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 after his watch goes all beepy because his heart rate is going crazy getting to have you in his arms while you’re wearing his shirt looking all sleepy and cute while you lean up to kiss him soooooo much, aaron backs you towards the bed and you squeal out a little laugh when he topples onto you on the bed so you guys enjoy each other for a little while before a little jack bug wakes up and starts demanding a bowl of his favorite cereal 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 after aaron eventually takes a shower and you guys get started with your day, you beg your aar-bear to wear his exercise watch (and of courseeeeee he would do absolutely anything to make you happy so he does!!!!) so the whole rest of the day, you keep sneaking up on him to smooch the daylights out of him and grabbing his wrist to check his heart rate AKDHSKSKSKSA 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭 if it stays the same you get all pouty like “you don’t like my kisses anymore 😔💔” which makes him sigh all exasperatedly before he tugs you into him and kisses you so hard that you make a little happy noise against his lips and sure enough!!! there’s a little beepy noise from aaron’s wrist that makes you both grin so big into the kiss 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭💗💗💗💗💗🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

#jess! #sob sob SOB!! #i love him!!!!!! #the whole last little leg of his run all he can think about is going home and taking a quick shower so he can jump back in bed with you 🥰 #but then you snag him before he can even get into the shower!!!!! #which makes him soooooo happy because he missed you!!!! #and now he gets to kiss you!!!!! #🥰🥰🥰🥰🤭 #.hotch #aaron.hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader

[ctl-yuejie]

#hidden agenda #i complained a bit about this series so in return i am going to gif my favourite bits #i am not immune to how good they are looking #laughing in pondphuwin at joong treating dunk like he isn't taller than him #and i am not immune to the carry around #and i have a soft spot because they are bringing back the double denim combo both in the series and irl #and very much not immune to dunk hooking his ridicously long legs around joongs #i think they could've taken it even a bit slowers but it was sweet how joke tried to make zo less anxious #when will a show not tease me a shower scene but just give me one especially when one hasn't had sex before #just let the guys shower and get used to looking at each other naked and then they can have fun on the bed #taking a shower is kind of a prerequisite in some countries i lived in....dunno how this is in thailand (as in: yes - obv people will have #sex without showering but it is much rarer than in germany and showering at someone's place is kind of a netflix and chill level insinuatio #even when it is done under some excuse) #maybe this show is just hitting it for me because of all the denim combos

[yorshie]

Pea Brained Bounce House time. Was thinking about the earlier Mikey bit. Then I started thinking about Warm Coded. And then:

Raph’s got like. This thing, when you’re working out with him. He uses the cover of coaching you to stare.

It’s not until he’s got you doing chairs against the concrete wall, and you look up in pleading askance on how much longer you’ve gotta hold the position, that you finally catch the way his attention is trained on the swell of your stomach. The uncanny focus of his gaze on your thighs as the muscles start to tremble and seize up.

Raph likes to stare.

#……. hm. is this gonna be a blood orange fic? #are they gonna converge? #looks at the blurple fic I’m already planning. fuck. this might be a blood orange fic #but how would that even work? #Mikey is so much harder to set a boundary with than Leo and Donnie #and what about my head canon of Mikey sneaking into Raph’s bed during nightmares? #I could just see. raph wakes up and readers all against him all warm and cuddly #he goes for the sleepy morning action #but his hand knocks against Mikey’s shell and there’s like the awful dawning realization that his little bro is cock blocking him #cue Mikey waking up cuz you smell all warm and he wants action too #only for the same realization to have th both going >:[ at each other #raph gets up like fuck this I’ll be a good boyfriend I’ll go get breakfast. you want pastries doll? I'll get you fucking pastries #and Mikey’s like fuck that I’ll be a better boyfriend I’m gonna go make homemade juice #and then reader is like. wtf where are my cuddly buddies? Why is everyone so pissy this fine morning? #<- zero clue they are in the middle of a pissing contest #goes to take a morning shower and gets interrupted cuz Mikey doubles back #youngest sibling gotta take advantage of the older one being out and all that #I could just see him all annoyed halfway to the Kitchen before going *wtf am I doing* and backtracking to corner reader in the bathroom #raph drags reader back in his room and closes the door in mikey's face when he gets back with pastries #cuz personal space (nest) privileges and it was cold outside and damn it he's was a good boyfriend he deserves cuddle time #also he didn't get mikey any pastries #proceeds to show reader there's more than one way to enjoy a pastry #……… have to think about this one actually plot poly is hard #raccoon rambles

[soldier-poet-king]

:((

My friend had asked me to cat sit for her while she was out of town in September for her sister's wedding, but didn't give me the specific dates and I figured she'd get back to me as we got closer to the wedding, but she just posted photos on Instagram and she's already out of town and hasn't said anything to me in 2 weeks??

Not to be an incredibly pathetic insecure person, but also, are you mad at me and what did I do wrong :///

#franposting #whine whine whine. spotify play tmg never quite free <- go to emo song #anyway she probably just got a coworker to do it #all my coworkers are old. but her workplace is full of young ppl. and she has real friends and weekly plans etc etc #so like. i get it. but i just feel like I'm being left again! and i am! #so it's just:/ #i even had the day off work bc doctors appt this morning #and played bg3 with j and rose this afternoon #and whatever joy i had is now just. gone. #even if i feel anxious and nervous about rping bc astarion is mean and im afraid itll be taken for me being mean #or ill go to far bc im bad at reading social cues #and its just. well. im going to go take a shower and be emo. #oh AND my parents are being The Usual and my nonni straight up arguing #and work is just. well. work sure is still happening and im a little insane unhappy about it #maybe ill just go lie in bed and listen to more of the tge audiobook and pretend #<-an extremely pathetic sentence and yet. here we be.

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....

#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness #I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal #but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself #for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today #it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself #trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations #and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days #and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message' #and just. again #to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months #it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me #is constantly doing #and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships #which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them #when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4 #and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself #but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more #i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it #i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long #but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying #and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs #are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad #that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating #it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years

[bonetrousledbones]

i’ve had really long hair for pretty much my entire life but recently i decided to chop it allllll off into a more masc style and now i keep discovering new things and also jumpscaring myself

#trousled rambles #my hair only takes an hour to fully dry now!!!! and thats FULLY dry!!!!!!! i have to race to get the leavev-in conditioner on in time!!!!!!! #i dont need to wrap it in a towel after a shower!!!!!!!!!!! #I BARELY EVEN NEED TO COMB OR STYLE IT IF I PART IT WHILE IT'S WET IT JUST STAYS THAT WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! #I CAN JUST GET OUT OF BED AND ITS FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #oh btw for reference my original hair was about 2.5-3 feet long. now it is just above my chin and layered #the part that's closest to my chin is literally the back where my personal hairdresser sibling would've needed clippers to go shorter #its. a bit of an adjustment

[13eyond13]

Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that! #even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

[tardis--dreams]

There's silverfish in this apartment so the only chance for my body to get some rest would be collapsing from exhaustion otherwise i will not sleep for a While

#how long does it take to get rid of them? #ages probably #and i have only one room (+ a tiny bathroom) so i cannot avoid them #they're in my bedroom therefore the bed isn't safe #god i hate it here #i had them in my first apartment too for a short time and i hoped to never experience this again #well #also the guy living here before me apparently has never cleaned the shower or the toilet in his lifetime #the shower is filthy and I've been cleaning it for 3 hours in total already #I'll have to scrub it everyday in order to get a chance to get rid of these years of dirt and limescale #(like scrub it for 30 minutes using cleaning supplies and all. not just clean it after showering like usually #which would have prevented this from happening in the first place if that guy had done this even just once a week) #also cannot fathom how my landlord accepted this bathroom to be left like this #there was literally still toilet paper in the toilet and there is dirt so bad i haven't gotten rid of it after scrubbing for hours #but yeah #the insects are the worst #i mean in korea i had actual bugs but there weren't as many and i think they couldn't climb the walls so i felt less #disgusted by my bed and everything i touch #(there was one in my bag and in the kitchen sink and in my blanket once and #I'm not exactly scared by them but actually disgusted #i guess this is what some people mean when they say they aren't scared of spiders but don't like them anyway #it's just gross and i don't want to see them) #and i will tell my landlord about it and ask if he can at least fix the bathroom silicom so maybe some of their hiding spots are gone #I'm just very tired of everything rn lol #still not using that extra time i have during the night to work for university so that's great #not getting anywhere #void screams

[running-in-the-dark]

it has to be said though, I had a lovely rest of the day after my breakdown this morning. it was very cathartic. painted for like eight hours after that, and had a good time doing it.

#also watched Sad Boyz for... well that entire time tbh #maybe that also helped. probably. Jarvis in particular is always incredibly calming to me. I relate to him so much so it helps when he says #something very eloquent about his feelings or whatever. idk it's just good #big feelings day today I guess #alsooo had a......... long shower... for the first time in a month/since I've been here. if you get what I'm saying. because I'm #uncomfortable saying it lol. anyway that... also helped #removed a lot of the way-too-horny anxiety lol. #annnnnyway no one needs to know that but whatever 💖 #then I rewatched the night court episode with the law club where Dan is really just. selfless. and does something so nice for Christine #man I love that episode #he's my good boy. I could totally fix him and show him that he isn't the worst person on earth. that'd be fun #it'd fix me too tbh #or we could make each other worse 💖 I'd be okay with that too #anyway it's bed/daydream time. so that'll be fun haha #it is very frustrating that I can only realise things about myself and my own life through fictional characters and random guys. but #whatever I'll take what I can get #personal

[genekies]

screaming in the club

time for another vent in tags

#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO #i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe #n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th #ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a #utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai #ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell #like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc #then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no #food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it #harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now. #the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats #fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS. #all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY #SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf #the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther #es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much. #i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the #bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and #no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh #it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression #i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat. #im so close to snapping on them at this point #i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT #everything has gone to shit #vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.

[milo-is-rambling]

Me vs outlining a perfect plan for my day in my head which I can be the only one allowed to change the schedule vs my mom asking me to do 2 simple tasks

#she was like hey can you take the trash out I was like ughhhh okay yeah give me a min (I was still ordering weed) #my mom less than a minute later : hey if you want to break down all the cardboard out there I’d appreciate it Me: actually I’d rather not I #was about to shower right after I put this weed order in #then she gets all pissed at me bc I never do what she asks and blah blah blah blah blah #like. girl. I know she can’t see in my brain but I was not awake last night watching cleaning videos and psyching myself up for a day full #of cleaning my room and showering and doing laundry and cleaning funks cage and doobs cage and making my bed and dusting my ceiling fan and #taking apart my box fan to clean it and cleaning the water pitcher in the fridge and deep cleaning #like GAH I HAVE SO MANY PLANS TODAY WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DO NOTHING AND JUST SIT ON MY ASS SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP #ripping my hair out and screaming banging my fists on the floor #I literally was like yeah I’ll take the trash out no I will not break down boxes right now and she went off on a whole fucking thing like #just shut up. #I hate it. why do I make plans in my head of the exact order I have to do things and if one person suggest doing anything differently or #pushing my schedule back further than I wanted to myself I get so annoyed I explode into a ball of flames #I wanted to shower dry off pick up weed let out funk refill the humidifier clean the bathroom mirrors throw sort and clean the bathroom #shelves sweep start a load of laundry clean off my desk which means cleaning and organizing my closet or my desk dresser thing to fit the #crap on my desk and I have to clean and reorganize the space next to my desk so I can fit my boombox there bc the humidifier took its place #next to funk and like I want to just cry why does everything have to be so fucking difficult for me why is everything simple for everyone #else and for me every simple task is composed of one million baby tasks that I have to do in the correct order forever or everyone around m #will think I’m stupid and dumb forever like WHAT THE HELL WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR EVERYONE ELSE IN MY LIFE WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU JUST DO THING #IN WHATEVER ORDER AND IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT DO YOU MEAN A 20 MINUTE SETBACK DOESNT COMPLETELY RUIN YOUR DAY #AHHHHHHHHHH I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT #BUT INSTEAD. I WILL GO TAKE THE TRASH OUT. AND NOT BREAK DOWN THE CARDBOARD BC THAT MEANS GETTING MY KNIFE AND MY HEADPHONES AND PUTTING MO #CLOTHES ON WHICH IS COUNTERINTUITIVE #TO THE WHOLE ABOUT TO TAKE A SHOWER THING #UGHHHHHHH #I am the worst human on the planet and I deserve infinite suffering #fuck this whole thing I’m pissed I’m gonna listen to music and rage clean after I pick up weed and shower

[indigo]

living with other people really fucking sucks sometimes

#bitching in tags you were warned #my roommate pulled me aside on saturday and basically launched into me about how she does all the cleaning in our house which #she doesn't!!! #i do all the dishes everytime i use the kitchen and take out the trash and recycling and put away stuff she and our other roomie leave out #but she started pressuring me to do way more time intensive stuff like cleaning the floors and the shower more and just #i fucking can't #i am out of the house from 9a to 9p most nights and when i am here i'm either wfh or sleeping or crashing #so now im trying to fucking clean at night before i get ready for bed and i can't take it #i feel so judged and like shes resenting me all the time and i keep having like fucking mental breakdowns every night #when i'm trying to fall asleep #and i'm so frustrated bc her standard of clean is like pristine which is way different from me and our other roomie #and we never misrepresented ourselves to her we said we were tidy but had trouble keeping up with bigger clean stuff and she said it was ok #so why are you acting brand new about it one year later!! #i can't cope like my schedule was punishing enough as it is

[catastrxblues]

good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night

#atonement #next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that #i couldn’t sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didn’t hit #so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought i’d watch a romance movie because yes #should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this #i didn’t know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help #and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but i’m also starting to think that that’s not entirely because of the movie at all #i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig #and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how i’m in the middle of them #i just started crying again #and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe i’ll wait later on #i don’t think i’ll sleep at all honestly i’m not sleepy anymore #besides i’m thinking of going outside today just at the park i don’t know doing something #i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently #still can’t take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter i’m so not fit for it #and then i always wake up at like 9 am and it’s already too late by then that i just never do anything productive #and it’s like i’ve been living in a simulation and i’m kinda going crazy and insane but it’s okay because today is going to be better #i hope because i’m not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when it’s already way too hot #damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off #also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly #it’s so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldn’t have to wake up so very early on in the morning #but i miss it now #hopefully my period will end soon #nadirants

[whoa-where-did-the-pancakes-go]

What if I just don't sleep. What then.

#it is 11:01 and i just finished taking a shower that was supposed to have been taken at 9:30 #look. unless someone (steve usually) forces me to go to bed i will not despite knowing i will be complaining the entire day #“im soooi tiiiiired” well maybe its cause you only slept 6 hours you fucking microwave oven #ik its recommended for teens to get about 10 hours of sleep but if the school system wanted me to be healthy they should not make an entire- #-essay due in three days and maybe consider letting kids have more than 10 days absent or even not starting the day at 8 am what about that #huh??? huh??? wisconsin school system i have a complaint to make #see i get 6 hours of sleep. 7 hours at school. that leaves me 11 hours for personal stuff and a good four of those are spent eating and- #-doing chores and talking to family etc etc. so i get about 7 hours to myself add in showering homework and laying on the floor sobbing #and ive got like 5 and a half hours of free time so excuse me if i like to. yk. do thingsand maybe im not getting the recommended 10 hours #- of sleep. #im regan thank you for coming to my speech i wrote it in 10 minutes it is now 11:12 goodnight of youre going to bed if not? #join me in being a fucking goddamn disaster all the time :)