#the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end

[13eyond13]

Sometimes I still think about how sweet it was when that anon checked on me last year when I was posting overly dark jokes. Thank you whoever you were, that was kind

#i am so much better now but last year was a bad one for me #there was a time in the fall where i literally couldn't get out of bed just because it felt pointless #anyway my mom also forced me to make a doctors appointment and luckily my doctor is super kind and got me on a good medication #but it also was just from stuff like losing my job struggling in school and going through the hurricane etc #im just so glad that i was pushed through that by concerned folks because im enjoying life much better now and that wasnt that long ago #anyway if you're struggling badly right now pls know its not hopeless #reach out for the help youre given and try to see yourself as worth it to fight for #take it little steps at a time #celebrate the small victories like having a shower or taking a walk or answering a call #the best thing for me other than the doctor was just finding ways to be around other people more #instead of feeling defeated i had to think of ways i could fix the loneliness that was affecting me so much #i had to get proactive like i started volunteering and started a book club etc #also i just made myself be very honest with the friends i already had about my struggles and it helps with feeling closer to them #and less alone in it all #because its not that uncommon to have those kinds of struggles and it helps other people open up about their own or just know how you are #the hardest things to do were the most rewarding things in the end #volunteering gave me a reason to get out of the house meeting new people and trying new things and feeling good about myself and #i had to remind myself that i was able to offer things of value and that other people like having me around actually #like the book club is something my friend group looks forward to so much and made new friends through and i started that! #even though i was nervous about it and didnt know if theyd like it at all #other people need you just as much as you need them and thats the truth bby #p

[chasingwhitebunnies]

I feel a bit silly writing this because I’m sure other people must have but I’ve not seen anything about it

(SPOILERS - I’ll also tag)

I really love how we see Coriolanus’s character descent into who he becomes through each of his kills

His first kill is Bobbin. It was self-defence, kill-or-be-killed. If he hadn’t done it, he probably would have been killed himself, but this sticks with him. Coriolanus is horrified when he realises he took someone’s life. He thinks about it for a long time.

His next kill is Mayfair Lipp, the mayor’s daughter. It’s not self-defence, but he sees it that way. In a way, he’s got a point. She would have reported him, and he would have been hanged. So would Lucy Gray, so he shot her. This time, however, he had a choice. Maybe not much choice, but it was there. He chose to shoot her, but it doesn’t affect him anywhere near as much as Bobbin’s death

The third is the hardest. He doesn’t pull the trigger or tie the noose, but he might as well have. He betrays Sejanus. Sejanus who loves him like a brother. Sejanus who he has known since they were children. He made the decision in a moment and he questions himself afterwards, but he still made that choice. He reasons to himself internally that it was necessary and Sejanus was bound to get himself in trouble, anyway, right? Right? So it’s okay. But it’s not okay. The blood is on his hands and he keeps thinking of the moments they spent together before the betrayal. He benefits from his death and is rewarded for his loyalty. How ironic

Next is Lucy Gray. Possibly. For argument’s sake, let’s say he did kill her. He calls out for her, his gun slung over his shoulder. He realises how she might be scared, the gun sending the wrong message… but he doesn’t put it back. He brings it with him, not to use it, he tells himself. He would never use it, definitely not. He just… wants to talk some sense into her. As soon as the snake bites him, he abandons all pretence. Even though he admitted moments ago he understood why she would be scared, now she’s the enemy. Now she has to pay. How dare she. Not even an hour ago, he had plans to run away with her. He claimed he loved her. They were going to be together. Now, he’s chasing her through the trees with a gun in his hands and he’s screaming for her to show herself. He shoots a lot. When he thinks he finally got her, he’s pleased. It was her own fault, he tells himself, for the snake trick. Even afterwards, when he finds out that the snake wasn’t venomous - which Lucy Gray definitely would have known and therefore was only intended to slow him down - he doesn’t have a single moment of regret. The only thing he regrets is falling for her in the first place and he swears he’ll never do it again. His heart is stone. Frozen like snow.

Finally, his last kill (before the ones that take place once this book ends) is Dean Highbottom. This is the first kill that is not made in a split-second. This is premeditated. He carefully adds just enough rat poison to the morphling, sure to wear gloves, and sets his plan in motion. He has every opportunity to change his mind, to not resort to violent means. Not only does he not regret it, he feels proud. Excited, even. He hopes Dean Highbottom will know it was him that killed him

By the epilogue, Snow has gotten over (or buried deep enough) what guilt he had over Sejanus enough to use the Plinths’ grief to his advantage without any conflicting feelings. He’s convinced himself Lucy Gray was the villain who played him, when she was just a sixteen-year-old girl who was forced into a terrible situation. As we know, he goes on to directly and indirectly kill thousands between TBOSAS and THG, too many. I doubt he remembers most of them, just nameless, faceless children. He doesn’t care anymore, not like he did the first time

The whole world is his Arena. Snow lands on top until it melts

#SPOILERS THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES #SPOILERS TBOSAS #THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES SPOILERS #tbosas spoilers #(melted by fire in case my on the nose metaphor was too subtle) #tbosas #sejanus plinth #lucy gray baird #Dean Highbottom #casca highbottom #Mayfair lipp #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #bobbin TBOSAS #500

[luna0713hunter]

I'm in love with your fics.

Do you have a Masterlist somewhere? 😎

Also, could I request something about Shanks x reader? Maybe a fight (with swords and everything) where Shanks save/protects reader and then full fluff at the aftermath? 💖 Shanks is my everything! 💕💕💕💕

Thank youuu!

Author's note : awww thank you! And yes!!!i just updates my master list!!its in my pinned message,and you can also search "masterlist"!! So understandable,Shanks is one of my favorites as well :))) i hope you like it!!enjoy~

Take my breath away

Shanks x reader

Warnings : none really, typical fighting and slight injuries,mention of Shank's lost arm,fluff fluff fluff,and ofc hurt/comfort ,pet names

*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘˚˳°*.✧∘

When your back hits the ground,hard,you wonder how things ended up like this.

It was a typical day;the morning starting out when Benn spotted the land,then all of you going to the market to restore food and drinks (mostly booz) and any weapons needed.

It was a typical,calm day. Until it wasn't.

You were so close to your ship when another crew of pirates attacked you.

That's how you ended up on the ground, groaning as the pirate you were fighting with kicks you in the ribs. The action has you letting out a small yell while trying to get up and fight back,but the next kick to you temple has your eyesight darkening as everything starts to blur.

You dont lose consciousness,but you're close to it. So when you hear a distant shout of your name you think you might be hallucinating. But the arm around your shoulders and almost rough shaking of your body feels very much real.

So you squeeze your eyes shut and let out another pained groan before opening them once again.

Everything is a little fuzzy at the edge,but you manage to finally keep your focus on your savior.

Red hair is the first thing that gets your attention.

"Shanks?"

You internally cringe at how horse your voice sounds.

"Yeah baby girl,its me," the arm around you tightens as Shanks pulls you closer to his chest, "can you keep those pretty eyes open for me, princess?"

Oh, you think,when did you close them?

"It hurts."

"i know, I'm sorry my love."

"I'm sleepy too."

"you can sleep all you want once the medic takes a good look at you." His lips press to your forehead so gently that you close your eyes again. Shanks taps your cheek with his finger and smiles softly when you meet his eyes with your glazed over ones, "dont sleep yet,Baby girl."

You whine and rub your face in his neck,making him chuckle slightly.

"but I'm tiredddd."

"tell you what," his voice is so calming that it eases the pang behind your eyes slightly, "if you manage to stay awake by the time the medic comes, I'll reward you with anything you want."

At the offer,you perk up and look at him with gleaming eyes.

"promise?"

"promise."

So you try your hardest to stay awake,and by the time the medic finishes checking on you and tells you that you can rest,you immediately fall asleep in Shank's arm.

✧

You wake up to fingers carding through your hair and caressing your bruised cheek.

The mere action of opening your eyes take lot of effort,but when you finally do it, you're met with your Captain's concerned gaze.

When Shanks notices your eyes on him,he immediately bends over you and rests his hand on your forehead.

"Angel,baby girl,can you hear me?"

You give him a slight nod and upon opening your mouth to speak,you burst into series of dry coughs. Shanks rushes to pour you a glass of water and after helping you sit up and rest your back against his chest,he helps you drink it.

When your throat is once again working,you rest your head on his shoulder tiredly and look around; you're in your shared room with Shanks,which immediately makes you relax further.

"how's everybody?"

"the guys are fine. You should worry about yourself. You were the most beat up of us all."

You groan and throw your head back, "this is so embarrassing," you mumble, "cant believe i was so careless."

"what're you talking about," Shanks takes hold of your chin and turns your head so he can look at you while raising his brows, "have you perhaps forgotten i came back from a fight single handed?"

You frown, "thats different!!you were fighting a giant sea monster!"

"its not different at all. Its a battle;and getting hurt is absolutely normal." His expression softens as his fingers trace your bandaged cheek, "not that it makes it any easier to see you like this." He gently presses his lips to your forehead and murmurs a soft apology.

"not your fault. Dont ever apologize" You caress his cheek and suddenly give him a devilish grin, "so,i was promised a reward if i recall correctly?"

Shanks chuckles and presses his lips to yours softly.

"anything you want."

And when you laugh and pull him down to kiss him breathless, he's sure he's going to regret promising you that.

#opla shanks x reader #opla shanks #shanks x reader #one piece live action x reader #one piece x reader

[theprettynosferatu]

“I hate you so much”, she said. “I fucking despise you. You are the worst kind of person to ever blight this world and if I could, I would stomp you like the roach you are”. Her words were most certainly strong; however, they were somewhat undermined by her smile, by the sensual, almost dance-like movements of her body as she removed her top.

“I am well aware”, he said, reclining on the sofa.

“You have no idea. You fucking ruined my life, you piece of shit” she said before biting her lips in a perfect picture of lust. 

“And yet here you are. Again”

“You know damn well why I’m here, you monster”

He did. That was part of the charm of the whole affair. 

Her hatred for him had been long held, and nurtured lovingly for nearly a decade. In college, she took an instant dislike for his jokes and remarks, which she felt, rightly, to be sexist and dumb. As they matured politically, they found themselves staring at each other from opposite ends of the spectrum. As they entered professional life, her intelligence and skill propelled her well above him, a sin he could never overlook. It was an animosity as strong as true love, as enduring as the sun. And yet she looked at him with the tender eyes of a willing lover as she went to her knees.

It was true. She hated him. But she hated herself more. Or, more precisely, she hated how much her body adored him, how deeply it needed him. His… Every inch of her skin tingled in anticipation, and she realized how seductively she moved even despite her hardest efforts to stop it. It wasn’t her, she tried to remind herself. It was that damn… thing. Her breath came in short, panting bursts. Her eyes fixed on the bulge in his pants. She desperately wanted to blame some sort of mind control, of hypnosis, of strange, sci-fi implant in her brain for how pathetic she was being, and how delicious her pussy felt, eager with anticipation. Sadly, she knew better. She knew what would happen the second she saw his cock. Hell, she could almost smell it and it made her drool. And there was no magic behind it, no esoteric mystery driving her actions.

It was chemistry. She knew it as well as he did. She knew exactly how he had turned her into… this. She knew why her body loved it. She knew it wasn’t love. She realized, consciously, she was simply… fiending. Addicted. A victim of chemical dependency and his fucked up expolitation of her situation.

He always loved this part. When her eyes retained some defiance, her absolute hatred of him was on full display, her disgust with her own actions hidden behind a teasing smile, a bite of her lips. Her body was performing because it had learned exactly what he liked, how to get the drug it needed from him quickly… and the woman behind that body was trapped between her need and her true feelings. It was a delicious mix, especially because they both knew he could destroy her with a simple act, and there was nothing she could do about it. He could tell she was almost shaking, resisting the urge to rip off his pants- an urge he had trained her to resist simply by denying her what she craved most when she gave into it. 

Cum. His cum. 

She couldn’t help but blame herself. She had done the research, seeking to understand addiction in order to help people, analyzing how the brain reacted to different patterns of rewards and even chemicals… only for him to use all that and turn it against her. And she knew in one second all of it wouldn’t matter to her one bit.

He smiled. She was beautiful, no doubt about it- her jet-black hair, her big, dark eyes, her generous figure… but that wasn’t what attracted him the most. No, it was the way her brain shut off completely as soon as she saw the object of her obsession. That split second when she tried to fight it, when she hated herself for failing, and then…

It only took a single look, and her brain was flooded. Cock. His cock. His beautiful, perfect, delicious cock… Her mouth watered, her body started shaking as the last of her self-control gave way to the animalistic, primal need to…

Perfect. So perfect. The taste. The way she could feel the blood flowing through its veins. It’s strong, conquering hardness. Why would she ever fight against this? Why would she ever think of anything but feeling it in her mouth, taking it deep inside her throat, licking it adoringly? It grew and grew in her mind, pushing everything else away. Her job. Her dignity. Her family. Those things seemed so trivial, so miniscule next to the sensation this cock gave her, as if it made every inch of her skin as sensitive as her clit, her mind a raging inferno and yet perfectly calm: it made sense to worship. It made sense to love this cock. It was just… her place.

Every now and then she fought back. “I hate you”, she would say before moaning and taking him in her mouth, using her tongue to pry moans of pleasure from him, which in turn made her shiver. His pleasure was her pleasure, because his pleasure was a herald of the reward to come. “I hate you so much”, spoken with the loving tenderness of a schoolgirl declaring her love to her first crush. 

For a moment she thought of her husband, her daughter. She hated the way this cock made her feel. Hated that she loved it so much more than her family. Hated them for not letting her live in constant worship of the big, perfect cock. Hated herself for thinking it. Hated how good it felt to think about it. Hated how her pussy soaked her panties without it being touched.

“I hate you so much…” she didn’t mean it. Not anymore, not at that moment. But she knew he loved to hear her say it. Loved the power his cock had over her. And she needed to make him cum. Needed to taste it. Needed to swallow it. “You ruined me… you made me into a cock-addicted whore… your whore…”

He was close. She could feel it. Her entire body tensed up, ready to give in completely. “I hate that I love you…”

It happened. Her mind went blank as she swallowed every drop, convulsing in an orgasm that was more than just an orgasm: it was the fulfillment of her purpose, it was heaven and an embrace and complete, perfect peace. It was happiness. It was true love.

He watched her smile on the ground. This made it all worth it: the experiments, injecting himself to make his cum the most addictive substance on Earth… the most powerful of drugs. She was in complete ecstasy. Sure, it would last maybe an hour and she’d go back to hating him. But that wouldn’t last long. Sooner rather than later her body would need him again. She would shake. She would be unable to think of anything else. 

Yes, she would hate him. But addiction was stronger than hate. 

Did you enjoy this story? You can support my work at patreon.com/prettynosferatu

[angelltheninth]

If it is alright with you, maybe yandere Midoriya or even Dabi, heavily stalking reader and eventually getting tired of just that so they decide to take the reader.

Oh that is dark but so delicious. You got it Anon.

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya, Dabi x Fem!Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, dub-con, stalking, yandere behavior, possessive sex, alleyway sex, creampie, whimpering, pro-hero!Deku, reporter!Reader (for Dabi)

A/N: I've been cooking this one up for a while now, hope you all like it.

DEKU

When Deku has enough of waiting for you to notice him and all that he's been doing for you, going out of his way to stick close to you to protect you, taking time out of his training just to hang out with you, he decides to be more direct with you. Breaking into your room and pinning you down to the bed was really the only option left.

"I wanted to confess to you for so long, I wanted to feel you for so long. I don't have a lot of experience but... I hope this feels good for you too. Tell me if I'm doing something wrong."

A little hard to talk when his hand is over your mouth to muffle your moans and whimpers. You knew there was someone following you around lately. Never pictured that it would the sweet and smiling Deku. He's still smiling down at you as his hard cock pushes inside of you, a lot thicker then you anticipated him to be. He was supposed to be a pro-hero, someone to save you, someone you admired from afar. Not someone you have in your bed, thrusting wildly between your legs, making your legs go numb with the force of it.

"So good! You feel so goo! Amazing! Much better then I thought, and so much tighter too. Ah! S-Stop clamping down on me! I want this to last. I need it to last, we need to enjoy ourselves. The first time between a couple is supposed to be the most memorable. Ah! St- Ah! Damn it!"

Deku became very sloppy in his thrusting, his face pinkened pink as he was the one moaning and whimpering high enough for the both of you as you felt his hot cum filling your pussy up. He can't stop thrusting when he feels your walls milking him for more, your body snapping under him, your teeth biting into his finger.

"Oh. I guess you did end up feeling pretty good after all. I'm glad! I always want you to feel good with me. From now on I'll try to last longer okay? You just... felt so good and I lost control over myself. A little embarrassing haha. I'll do better for you. That's a hero's promise."

DABI

Dabi knew that you were watching him, you were a reporter, it was your job but for some reason you always showed up only where was at, and you always covered his stories. That's right he's noticed you, and guess what he wants to reward you for all your hard work. He even went out of his way to meet you in the city, in broad daylight.

"Sorry this alley is a little bit uncomfy for you sweetheart, but I don't want everyone to see what a slut you really are. It didn't even take that much for you to open your legs for me, shows how desperate you are for some good dick."

He's holding you up by your ass cheeks, rough fingers hot on your naked flesh while he thrusts inside you with wild abandon, the sound of cars and trains passing by covering your whimpers. With your panties hanging off your foot you can comfortably wrap your legs around him to pull him closer, deeper. But should you? Dabi is a villain, you know all the bad things he's done... yet you can't help but want it. You need him closer, need his cock so deep.

"I saw you watching my every move. Didn't think I was watching back did you? Not only that but I've seen you, fucking yourself on that dildo, moaning my name. I almost... fuck... I almost took you right there and then. But it was more fun to play this little game of cat and mouse with you."

Knowing Dabi wants you as much as you want him sends you over the edge and into the hardest orgasm of your life, your hips rocking down on him, his balls smacking into you loudly as his big cock twitches and explodes with cum, directly into your womb. He looks really smug when he sees it all dripping down on the concrete floor.

"Oh look at that! You finally got what you deserved, what you wanted! There's a lot more where that came from. You just make sure to show up like you've always been and I'll give you something better then a news story. Or... I could always visit and we can have a private night time interview."

#bnha x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #bnha x fem!reader #boku no hero academia x female reader #bnha headcanons #boku no hero acedemia headcanons #bnha hcs #bnha imagines #boku no hero academia imagine #bnha smut #boku no hero academia smut #deku x reader #dabi x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #touya todoroki x reader #deku smut #dabi smut

[hollowtones]

opinions on yoshis story? imo that game doesnt deserve to have music that good

I haven't played very much of it and I've been meaning to do something about that forever. I've played some of it and I've watched others go through most of it.

I know I've seen a little bit of modern grumbling (I don't know if this was a point of contention when the game came out because I was three at the time. OK I looked up some reviews from the era and it looks like it was also a thing people were mad about back then. LOL) over the fact that the game isn't more like "Yoshi's Island" & that it feels like it's aimed more at younger audiences. I dunno. I've never been bothered much by games with some tie to one another doing something different. (Some of the response reminds me of Transformers fans being upset over Hasbro making toys and shows for very young children sometimes; admittedly maybe I'm off the mark here.)

It's a very easy game if you want it to be. You can just eat any fruits you want forever and it's over in a blink. And it's fine. It's fine if the video game lets you beat it very fast if you want to. You can also try to collect only one single kind of fruit in a level and that makes things take longer and makes them feel like more of a scavenger hunt (especially if you're trying to get all the melons). I think that's neat. There's sort of an interesting design trajectory from "Super Mario World" to "Yoshi's Island" where the levels become a little longer, a little more meandering, a little more exploratory, sometimes (not always, and not massively, but it's still there) a little less linear. No time limit. Going for collectibles instead; making every level about getting a score of 100 (if you want to). You can see that iterated on in "Yoshi's Story"! No singular end point of the level. Bigger rooms to explore (while still keeping levels relatively short). More of a focus on puzzle solving and exploration. Collectibles simplified to one meter that you fill up, but there are multiple things that can fill it & you get rewarded for only collecting one kind. (And also the hearts that let you pick what level you go to next. There's a lot of "opening up more of the game for yourself if you want to go out and look for it" here. Are there other collectibles, actually? I don't really remember...) Secret fruits that give even more points. It makes the levels feel more like puzzle box toys that you roam around in. It's neat that they designed that for younger kids and it's neat that you can make it more difficult if that sounds fun to you. (I would have to play more of it myself to decide if going for all melons is fun for me specifically. But I like it on paper, y'know?)

The pop-up storybook theming is cute and the visual aesthetic of the game overall works really well. It feels like arts & crafts dioramas made by kids (or with kids) so they could play pretend with their toys while reading a storybook. It's got very strong toy feel overall. The music is really fun!!! It does the dynamic soundtrack thing where some parts of the track change depending on your health!!! I'm always clapping my hands like a seal with a game's music changes depending what I'm doing!!! Maybe it's a little silly of me to say this, given that it's a sentiment I've had in the past, but nowadays I scratch my head a bit at "the music in this has no right to go this hard" type comments. It goes hard because the musicians got hired to make it like that. (I'm imagining a guy who thinks the "Yoshi's Story" music is the hardest music ever created and I'm smiling serenely about it. I hope he's real & I hope he's out there somewhere.) I'm glad they let Totaka do something that feels at least a little experimental for the goofy Yoshi babies storybook super happy yay & jumping throwing game soundtrack. It's a fun contrast, isn't it? It feels very of-the-era in a way I'm having trouble externalizing outside of "well it's a little weird and multi-genre". It's neat that they all have a shared melody that they draw on.

Thanks for reading my short essay on a childrens' video game I haven't played a lot of yet. I need to go take a shower now.

#Also I remember the dying & game over screens really scaring me as a kid. LOL

[kitkats-and-kittens]

This post was inspired by lucky lefties district deep dive, so please go watch. I left a similar post in a comment under her video but I wanted to expand on it since I spend an unhealthy amount of time thinking about the career districts.

I’ve seen people online with the opinion that 4 is different from the other Career districts somehow. That they either aren’t prone to sending up volunteers or that their tributes aren’t as cut throat.

I personally hate this theory however I can see why people have come to such a conclusion.

In the books the two district 4 tributes are never named and both die very early on despite having supposedly trained their whole lives to survive this sort of thing. Also I doubt the movie helps as in the films the male district 4 tribute is extremely young and is killed by Cato during the bloodbath.

The girl dies later to the tracker jackers along with Glimmer and I think the impression people form because of that is something must be different about 4. Why else would their tributes be so young and die so early?

In the books Katniss does however, mention that it is strange that the district 4 male died so early on and we know he’s 18 unlike in the films, and it’s not hard to imagine that the girl from 4 was simply unprepared when the nest fell on her like Glimmer.

However, I also think the district 4 Victors we end up meeting only serve to confuse people further. We don’t meet many of the district 4 victors but the ones we do see aren’t exactly what you would expect from a career district. Mags who is extremely old, fragile and kind by the time we come to meet her in catching fire and Annie who is described frequently to have suffered a complete mental collapse during her own games.

They’re not exactly the paragon of strength, intimidation and glory that we associate with Careers like Gloss or Enobaria.

Finnick is definitely the most stereotypical career out of all of them, at least in appearances and stature, but throughout the books we learn that he is incredibly kind and gentle despite what we’re lead to believe spending most of the first few days in the games caring for Mags and ensuring Katniss’ safety by playing up her pregnancy for the Capitol.

It’s hard for us as the audience to really reconcile the fact that 4 is like 1 and 2 because we actually get to know the tributes from their and we learn that they aren’t as one dimensional as we’re lead to believe with the others.

So yes I do believe all 3 were careers. I think Mags probably formed a pack similar to the one we see Coral forming in Tbosas she was probably an earlier example of a career. Meanwhile Annie I believe suffered a similar breakdown to Cato after Clove died.

I don’t like how people assume that just because she was well trained and prepared that she somehow wasn’t still susceptible to trauma. If she was a career then we can assume she grew up close with her partner and like how Cato and Clove had a close relationship. Watching him die so brutally would’ve had an affect on any teenager career or not.

Finnick is definitely the hardest to see being a career ironically enough and that’s simply by virtue of the fact that he was 14 years old when he was reaped.

If the whole point of career tributes is to ensure your district wins and is granted the food and wealth that the Capitol gifts to the victors as a reward then why let a 14 year old child volunteer?

The only reasons I can think of is

1. Either he was some sort of prodigy (though I still find this confusing as wouldn’t waiting for him to turn 18 and sending him up with assurance that he might win not be better than sending a half trained 14 year old and hoping he’ll be the first?)

2. He got unlucky. Maybe the reaping system is employed some years or they don’t always manage to get volunteers, though I find this unlikely it is definitely a possibility.

3. Or (and this is more of a personal theory btw) like 1, 4 tries to play the social game with the Capitol and figured sending an attractive, prodigy 14 year old would stir up interest (and provide Finnick with a good storyline for interviews) while also ensuring lots of sponsorships based on his looks.

I personally believe the third theory though there’s not much evidence so I would take it with several grains of salt.

However even with all that sorted I believe that district 4 does train their tributes in a slightly different way then 1 and 2 however I think this comes more from a place of culture and propaganda than anything else.

Since district 4 runs the fishing industry they obviously have access to the ocean. They’re one of the only districts to do so barring maybe 5 and even then 4 has access on a much larger scale. This is bad for the Capitol.

Of course it’s said that Panem is the only surviving nation from after the world changed but they could easily be lying and either way, having a whole district with the potential to utilise the only bit of the world the Capitol doesn’t and cannot have complete control over if they ever decide to rebel means that district 4 is a threat.

I think that the Capitol places a lot of emphasis on inter personal relationships in the district, I also believe that like 11 they are probably heavily monitored, especially on the ocean and that whippings, beatings and executions are probably commonplace as the Capitol wants to discourage any attempts at escape.

I think district 4 has a very close knit community, and that the Captiol does everything it can to tie them to their homeland, establishing roots and connections that mean many people in district 4 don’t want to leave their home.

However I think this is also a double entendre because the close sense of community between district 4 citizens means that they get especially frustrated when their children die in the games and while I’m not saying that the other districts don’t care about their kids as much, something we see, at least in district 12, is a very defeatist attitude towards the games. The kids reaped there have given up before they’ve even made it into the arena and I imagine it’s similar with a lot of the other poorer districts, just accepting their grim reality and not bothering to try and fight. It’s implied in catching fire that 4 outright rebels and on Katniss’ victory tour she describes them as one of the districts angry at the Capitol. I believe this is because the strong emphasis on community bonds and connections means that the citizens in district 4 don’t take the abuse lying down so much as other districts like 12.

This is why I also believe the district 4 focuses primarily on survival when training volunteers. And I don’t mean survival techniques like how to start a fire or stop an infection because I don’t think the Capitol would allow those types of skills to be taught, but I think district 4 basically teaches their tributes to do anything they can to make it home.

We see it with Coral in Tbosas movie where she breaks down sobbing about how all her kills couldn’t have been for nothing. I think this feeling of doing what you have to to make it home ends up being a driving factor behind their teachings.

They’re taught to put morals aside and that even if they’re in an alliance the only one safe to trust is their own partner. Maybe they’re also taught to use whatever they can to endear them to the Capitol, whether that be their looks or their skills in the arena.

So while they’re equally as indoctrinated as 1 and 2 I believe that a lot of their training is focused on doing whatever they need to in order to live.

#the hunger games #catching fire #mockingjay #finnick odair #annie cresta #mags flanagan #Career #Cato #Clove #district 4 #katniss everdeen #District 1 #District 2 #i have so many thoughts #And Mags #Omg Mags #God Susan Collins is a genius #it’s been years and yet I still think of this trilogy everyday #I could write essays on Finnicks reaping

[avelera]

A few thoughts on writerly endurance, word count, how to increase it and why you might want to

So over the last few months I've had, bar none, the highest word count I've ever produced as a writer over the course of (*checks watch*) 23 years of writing, on and off. This was after a pretty long dry spell brought on, most likely, from stress from current events and playing way too much Sims 4.

No one is more shocked by this than me. Mostly the word count lately has been me just trying to outrun the Doubts that set in if I pause for too long. Let's hope I can stay ahead, because I feel like garbage when I haven't written in a long time. Mostly, I just thank Calliope every day where I've got something to write and the urge doesn't leave me.

But this crazy-ass word count has led to a few people commenting on it so I want to give some scattered, not exactly linear tips on how to reach a longer word count and why you might want to do so as a writer.

1 ) Learning to write more is, in my mind, a matter of endurance with an almost 1-to-1 correlation with the sort of training one would do to become a long distance runner. No one is born with the ability. It takes practice. Expecting to be able to do it without practice is as ridiculous as expecting to be able to sit down at the piano if you've never played it before and bang out a tune. Be gentle with yourself.

2 ) The incentive to learning to increase your word count is to learn how to cut and edit more viciously. Which sounds odd. And I actually don't recommend deleting what you write, I recommend a discard document even for phrases as small as half a sentence, because you never know when you got it right the first time and if you (like me) do track word count as an accomplishment, it's good to see how much work you actually did at the end of the day.

3 ) But really, you need* (*if you so choose) to learn how to write 100 words easily, and then 1,000 words, and then 10,000 words because at some point, you might realize your story has gone off track and hit a wall and the only way to fix it is to go back 50 words, or 500 words, or 5,000 words and if you nearly killed yourself to write that much, you might be reluctant to remove it (to your discard doc), even if failing to do so will mean the whole story dies. The less effort it takes to write a lot, the more likely (if you're like me) that you'll be able remove the things that need to be removed without getting too possessive of them because they were so hard to write in the first place.

4 ) Now, the one reason to not just increase word count for the sake of word count is that short pieces actually, pound for pound, tend to get more attention because they represent less of a commitment for an audience. Long fics might have more comments, but if you broke down word count-to-feedback ratio, most one shots do a lot better. So don't negatively compare a short fic to a long fic just because it has more comments. Short fics and one shots can be very rewarding. But, as said in point 3, learning to write a lot means you can be more precise with removing extra stuff. For me, at least, writing something short is harder and takes a lot longer than writing something long. Even this post would probably be more successful if I could boil it down to a few bullet points, but that would take 10x more time and energy for me than just writing my thoughts out linearly without boiling them down to the most salient points.

5 ) For me, learning to write a lot had a lot to do with learning to trust my initial instincts. I've heard runners say the hardest part of learning to run was learning to stop stopping themselves. They said their own bodies held them back until they trained themselves to work with their bodies. I think writing is similar.

We have our internal editor, many people have heard of that, the voice that tries to edit a piece before it's done. That's worth noting if you haven't heard of it: don't try to edit while you're writing. Editing is for when your story or at least your chapter draft is done. Because you can't really see what needs to be fixed until you have the whole picture before you. It's like trying to color in the lines before you've actually drawn the lines of a picture.

But also consider this: you're not going to learn to write better than you already have in the .5 seconds while you're thinking about what to say next. Go with your first instincts. You've been reading, watching, and otherwise consuming stories for most of your life. You've been writing for some significant period of it too. You know everything you need to know, that you can possibly know to write the story in front of you right now. That's not going to change if you agonize over that next sentence for hours or weeks. You're not going to get better in that time without actually writing. And if you do, most likely you'll want to write something else because your interests and skills will have shifted and the story in front of you will die in that time. The best way to get better? Write and finish the story in front of you. There really is no comparison.

So the best thing you can do is write the next line that first appears in your head. Don't doubt yourself. Your brain knows what it's doing. Trust yourself. You know what comes next. And maybe you'll get to the end and realize it wasn't the right line. Well, then you can edit and fix it. And you'll have a much clearer idea of how to do that, of what needs to change at the end than you'll ever have in the moment. In the moment you need to stop fighting your own body and brain. Trust yourself. You know how to tell a story. You know what the next line will be if you just listen and don't edit it before it exists.

6 ) It's going to take practice. But writing 50 kind a crappy 100 word drabbles in under 15 minutes is going to teach you a lot more than staring at the blank document of your magnum opus novel that you haven't written a word for. Particularly, writing that many drabbles is going to help you with point 5: trusting yourself to know what the next sentences will be.

7 ) Don't bite off more than you can chew. If writing 100 words exhausts you, don't plot out a 100,000 word story. You're not there yet. You're training for a 5k and that's a marathon. You need to build to it and you need to be gentle with yourself about the fact that 100,000 words is a serious amount of effort and it would be as absurd to expect of yourself as expecting someone working up to a 5k to run a marathon without training first. Doesn't mean you shouldn't run every day though, or run when you can.

8 ) Random note but: stop checking your word count while you're writing. Check the word count when the section is done. I've stopped checking word count unless I'm looking to see how close I am to having a chapter's worth of content ready to post, I don't check it mid-scene anymore, only when I feel I've got something to share. I think it helps with both avoiding discouragement and feeling like you're "done" before you've actually finished anything and then resting on your laurels.

#writing #maggie rambles #maggie's writing progress

[marshmallowprotection]

The Christmas dlc, oh my god.

“You once asked why you couldn’t get a gift from Santa… You thought it was because you were a bad child… but that wasn’t true at all. You were the nicest child… and there was no Santa in the world you lived in. I should have told you that, but I couldn’t.”

SAERAN SAEYOUNG I AM GETTING YOU SO MANY CHRISTMAS PRESENTS :(

I remember that phone call, too. You know Saeyoung doesn't want his little brother to think he's a bad person. Saeran isn't a bad kid, and he wasn't a bad kid, either. They were victims of circumstance, and both of the twins deserved to have a safe and happy childhood, like all the kids in this world deserve to have. December can be the hardest time of the year for many people, so, the holidays are the beacon for many, across the board with faiths that have a celebration that month.

Children deserve a nice holiday! It doesn't matter which holiday they celebrate, they should be able to have the warmest meal, a new toy or two, and time spent with the people who love them the most, their friends and family.

Saeyoung, the ever parentified child, wanted nothing more than to tell his brother that he was a good kid, and that Santa would bring him all sorts of treats and goodies. But, he couldn't promise that... there was no way for him to promise that because he didn't get to have the wonder of Christmas in his mind.

He had to face the facts his mother forced on him.

He saw the world for how cruel it could be every day, and he still tried to put a brave smile on his face to make sure Saeran could believe in something. Not himself, never himself, because Saeyoung thinks his duty is to Saeran. As long as he protects Saeran, he's knows that his life is worth something. How could he tell Saeran there was no such thing as Santa? Magic? Fairy tales?

He couldn't burst Saeran's bubble like everyone burst his.

He knows what misery looks like and he said he would never let Saeran see it if he could help it.

But, what can he do? He's just a child, no different than Saeran, and no matter how many times he tells his baby brother that Santa is real, and he's a good boy, Santa will never come to their house and give him a reward. We see the hurt and true bitter anger in Unknown when he tells you all about the "truth" of the story of Santa Claus. When you have the truth about Santa revealed, it can sting, because it makes a lot of your wonder and dreams shatter.

You see class differences. Kids who get toys because they were lucky to be born in a family that has more status than another, and then the kids who weren't as lucky in a game of chance, who may only get one gift, or none at all because their guardians have to choose between a necessity or toys.

Frankly, I think parents should not claim that all of the gifts are from Santa across the board. Pick one gift and label that as something from Santa, something sweet and not expensive, because kids who have less that see their friend get a very expensive item from Santa that they put on their list too, feel hurt. Be upfront with your kids if you want to tell them about Santa. The magic of Christmas is about making people feel included and loved, not forgotten or abandoned.

The spirit of Christmas is about giving, so think about what you give when you say something came from Santa.

I understood Unknown's pain in this sequence in a very vulnerable way. It was what Saeyoung wanted to protect him from, but had a hard time doing because he was a kid, too. Saeran ended up feeling like he was the worst kid, always doomed to be naughty, even though he did nothing wrong as a child. It's no surprise Rika could sway him to stew on that even more during the holiday season at Mint Eye.

#mod kait #ask #mystic messenger #anon #mysme #saeran choi #mysticmessenger #mm #choi saeran #saeyoung choi #choi saeyoung #saeran #saeyoung #luciel choi #choi luciel #unknown #character analysis

[euphoricsunflowers]

OR (sorry I just got another idea)

Mingyu preparing himself for a first date, the first since breaking up with you and somehow you find out and start texting him the most sinful things imaginable, wanting to ruin his date.

And because Mingyu is just so in love, he ends the date early, going to your place to fall back into your trap all over again

noo don’t be sorry ex!mingyu is the loml <33 texts will be bolded!!

“hi, you must be mingyu, right?” she asks him. he nods with a soft smile as they walk in the restaurant. they get a table and start chatting. he asks about her hobbies. she asks about his friends. it’s mostly just small talk, but it’s nice and peaceful. he could use that kind of energy in his life.

it was honestly probably a seventeen member that let it slip that he was on a first date.

you almost feel bad when you feel the urge to ruin his date. she seems enamored with him and he looks to be having a good time himself. it’s not even out of jealousy (or at least that’s what you’ll tell yourself); it’s more just that ruining this for him would be fun. you know he’s still madly in love with you, and he’s just so fun to play with. your sweet boy toy <3

you: hey

you just start with one text. you know he’ll check it because he has a different text sound effect to your contact than to everyone else. he doesn’t respond, simply putting his phone down and going back to talking to her.

you: i miss you

he checks once more. he puts his phone down, but it’s obviously from the way he starts fidgeting that he’s thinking about it.

you: wish you were here

“is everything alright?” she asks him, and he tells her yes. she doesn’t believe him, but lets him keep talking.

you: if you were here oh the things i would do to you

he reads that and immediately his face is hot. thank god for the dim, warm lighting, or else his red cheeks would be stupid obvious. she asks him once again if he’s okay, and he lies through his teeth. yes, i’m fine. my friend keeps sending me weird stuff.

you: i think i would finger myself and make you suck on my fingers. let you drool all over them and your mouth until your dripping from your chin with drool

you: it’d be a cute look

he tries his hardest to not react. he tries to stay in their conversation more, especially now that she’s a little bit annoyed.

mingyu can’t put his finger on it, but something about her just isn’t.. right. she’s pretty, definitely so. she’s his type. she’s funny and charming and so sweet to talk to.

but she’s too into him. he can tell she likes him from the way she looks at him, all lovestruck. he’s given no chase, nothing to do in order to earn affection. it’s weird for him. he’s been so used to working hard to get your attention from day one. even now he can’t stop himself from wanting your praise and affection. it feels like a higher reward.

you: or maybe i’d leave hickeys all over your thighs. make them nice and pretty and dark so they hurt more

you: you know i like hearing you cry out in pain

he tries to stick it out, just getting through dinner, paying for him and her, and then never talking again. he’s not given the opportunity

you: if you come over right now, i’ll sit on your face. let you please me for hours or until you pass out

“i’m so sorry,” he says, gathering his things, “here’s 100 dollars. that should cover the tab and you can keep the rest for the trouble. i’m sorry again.”

mingyu: i’m coming

you: good boy

you: that’s my good boy

you: you listen so well

he could cum in his pants just from rereading that over and over again.

#sub!seventeen #sub!svt #sub!mingyu #mingyu smut #seventeen smut #ex!mingyu <3

[asgoodeasgold]

Interview with Matt Brown, Director of Freud's Last Session, at AFI Fest 27 Oct 2023 and what he said about working with Matthew

"Matthew Goode wore [Hopkins'] blue suit and his sweater as an homage to Hopkins in Shadowlands."

Interviewer said this was "really terrific work from Matthew Goode and a little bit different casting that I think we have seen from him so far."

Matt Brown : "Matthew was a joy to work with. I have said it a few times, Matthew's just an incredible listener. We talked about his approach to C.S. Lewis and it was really about trying to really just be present and stay in the moment."

"Matthew's so fast and he's so smart. It was a lot for him to kinda slow down and stay that way and  what he did was just incredible because I feel you can see the other side of the dialogue written through his expression constantly and I think it's one if the hardest things to do in acting is to listen and be really present so he did wonderful work."

Not quoting

Matt Brown explained a lot of work happened in advance with the (fabulous) actors, there was a lot of room for experimenting. They were on a tight schedule to finish the closed set before filming the exteriors so did a lit of pages in a day.  They created a safe space with the two actors, himself and cinematographer Ben Smithard.

Working with Anthony Hopkins and Matthew Goode was a very collaborative process and one of the most creatively generous experiences he has had with actors.

The most rewarding thing in making the film was working with these two actors. It felt like they were creating something pretty great, there was trust, lots of hugs at the end of the day.

These are amazing compliments from Matt Brown about Matthew. He is so impressive. The fact that you can see everything that is going on on his face. Yes, Mr a 1000 expressions a minute!

And I love how MB conformed Matthew is hyperactive, Tigger! 🤣 bless him. But he can slow down and e in the moment when he needs to.

Link to the AFI video

#matthew goode #matthewgoode #matthew brown #freud's last session #freudslastsession #Youtube

[jbaileyfansite]

Interview for 'Out Magazine' for Fellow Travelers (2023)

Starting in 1950, hundreds to thousands of gay men and lesbians were fired from government jobs for allegations of homosexuality under the intrusive eyes of Sen. Joseph McCarthy and his chief counsel, Roy Cohn. They were labeled deviants and morally weak. McCarthy and Cohn said that gay people couldn’t be trusted with your children, let alone to run your country. It’s shockingly similar to what’s happening today.

By 1953, President Dwight Eisenhower signed Executive Order 10450, which barred homosexuals from working in the federal government. Five thousand people were not just fired but were outed to their families and communities, effectively and in some cases literally ending their lives. More followed. It wasn’t until the 1970s that this policy barring gay people from federal jobs started to change, and not until 1998 that it completely ended.

In Fellow Travelers, an eight-episode series airing on Showtime this fall, actors Matt Bomer and Jonathan Bailey play Hawk Fuller and Tim Laughlin, two men who meet while working in Washington, D.C., at the start of McCarthyism. They fall in love. For Hawk, this means living an existence of discipline and barriers, hiding who he is so he can build a life working in the government. For Tim, it means losing his career and finding a path that allows him to follow his truth.

In order to survive, Hawk and Tim form a chosen family with two other gay men swept up in the big political and cultural changes happening: journalist Marcus Hooks (Jelani Alladin) and drag-queen-turned-activist Frankie Hines (Noah J. Ricketts). Throughout the four decades covered in the series, the four men come back into each other’s lives when things get hardest. For the four out stars of the show, forming that kind of found family was important in order to be able to play some of the most complex and challenging (but rewarding) roles of their careers. That family found its leader in Bomer, a veteran actor (Magic Mike, The Normal Heart). Bailey, an English actor with an extensive background in theater, is internationally famous as the male lead in season 2 of Netflix’s Bridgerton. Alladin (Frozen) and Ricketts (Frozen, Beautiful: The Carole King Musical) are known for their Broadway roles.

“Matt is such a giver, and he gave to all of us and provided the space for all of us to feel safe, to feel that we can make bold choices and that we can all play along,” Alladin says, thanking Bomer. “And it really connected everybody on set to say, to trust each other. Rarely do I feel like there’s a circle of four queer men or four queer bodies and I feel like we can all say, ‘I would fall on a sword for you.’”

For Bomer and Bailey, that also meant building the kind of trust that allowed them to film some sex scenes that are among the hottest in the careers of two men who have filmed a lot of heated moments. “It’s funny, isn’t it? Personally, when I read the script, I didn’t think it was explicit,” Bailey laughs. “I think it’s so important. You can’t tell the queer love story and not show how the sex is so intrinsic.”

“It’s all something that is hard to talk about to people who come together and have separate bodies,” he adds. “But if you exist in the same body, how you negotiate that and what that means, how being submissive [affects sex], and well, really what is kink…. It’s all a thing. I just think it’s a really hearty and honest examination of something which I know I’ve always yearned to see properly explored.”

Bomer says they were able to explore that because they had conversations throughout filming the scenes. “We could call audibles on the fly or really communicate with each other or say we wanted to try this or that, so it all felt pretty free,” he says. “And in terms of the story, all those scenes really carry the story forward. Their relationships are not the same after those above scenes as they were before. So they’re all intrinsic and inherent to the story.”

“I think it’s so nuanced and personal, isn’t it? The way that people have sex is so presumed,” Bailey says. “It definitely was the first time that I’ve seen a light being shown on the roles within a gay relationship and power and status with being submissive and dominant.”

“But to me, what I find interesting, it’s a give and take between the two,” he continues. “So actually it’s not one person going, ‘I’m now going to do this.’ It’s like they move as a unit. And I think that’s beautiful. And I feel like it always is negotiation, and I’m always interested in people who identify as one role, and I would wonder what that is.”

He points to the first time Hawk and Tim have sex, where Hawk takes on the dominant (top) role, and the last time, when Tim takes charge. “Literally, it’s a complete reversal,” he points out. “It’s a love story. So that bleeds into these scenes. So even in the way they have sex, it’s always about generosity and communication. And that is essentially how I feel how this whole show was made on generosity and communication and truth.”

While the sexual intimacy is groundbreaking in the show, the intimacy is there for the characters in other ways too. Because the actors played the characters throughout four decades of their lives, they were presented with a unique opportunity to showcase development — especially for Alladin and Ricketts, who know the importance of showing Black queer love on screen.

“There’s also something so powerful in telling this story to the world right now in hope of either educating or simply revealing to those who don’t understand that love can happen in all shapes, sizes, and forms, and be inside of all people,” Alladin says. “And that it should not be something that is limited by law or limited by the venom of segregation.”

“For me, some of the intimacy that I enjoy the most in this series is when we’re all old,” he continues. “Because they’re still caring for one another. I’ll never forget shooting that scene in the bedroom in one of the later episodes where we’re at age 80 and we’re still connected, we’re still loving each other. That’s something I’ve never seen — caring that lasts through decades.”

For Ricketts, playing the role of a Black gay man who is a drag performer in an illegal gay bar in the ’50s and then becomes an activist and organizer throughout the rest of his life, caused him to look at his own life and priorities.

“I think there’s something so beautiful and beautifully hard about being yourself in a world that is determined to hate you,” Ricketts says. “And playing Frankie, a character that was out and loud and proud with a glossy lip and a painted nail. It really forced me to look inward at the way I moved through the world and see if I’m coming out authentically, if I’m moving in the world authentically. And so I hope that as people watch this, they ask themselves that question so we can break down these barriers of hypermasculinity and feeling like we have to change who we are to subscribe to societal norms.”

“I think living out loud and living as an effeminate person in the world, you put on a type of armor,” he continues. “There is a lot of fear underneath that. And even though to the external world, you’re going out there being brave, what I tried to show was that it’s actually a really difficult thing to stand up and be yourself. There’s a lot of emotion underneath that. And so I think throughout the years, you beat someone down one time and you get stronger the next time. And I think that’s what you see in Frankie’s evolution.”

“It’s amazing to see how much [Frankie’s] priorities shift as the world shifts through the decades. And I think that’s what I responded to so much, is that my character Frankie gives up, puts his heels away to fight the good fight and to make a better existence for the people that come after him,” he says. “And I think that’s something that’s so real for queer people that it’s a call to action. We don’t have the luxury of hanging back. We have to fight for everything that we have.”

That fight became even more real for each of the actors the more they learned about the real Lavender Scare — the aforementioned persecution of queer people in the U.S. government — a history lesson that’s not taught in most schools. “I had no idea it was a thing, and I was embarrassed by that,” Alladin admits. “I was ashamed of that. Why was that chapter skipped in the history books? Why not in social studies class? It is 101, and here we are staring in the mirror being like, Well, did anything change? Well, no. Because we didn’t teach it. We haven’t taught it. So therefore, how can you learn the lesson?”

“I think there’s so much erasure that happens of queer history in general that I’m happy this exists because it forces people to ask the question, Did this really happen? And to seek out answers for themselves,” Ricketts adds. “And the answer is, ‘Yeah, it’s real.’ And it’s happening again today. So yeah, call to action, babies!”

“A lot of the transformations that we’ve seen in the community come from Black and brown bodies that really put themselves out on the street and out on the front lines to fight the fight. And so that’s something that I knew, but it’s amazing to see that it didn’t just happen at Stonewall, it happened in San Francisco and other places with the street queens, that they were out there really going to jail, fighting for their lives so that we could have what we have today,” he says. “And I just think it’s so beautiful to show that. I’m happy that it’s represented.”

Before the July photo shoot for this article, Alladin and Bailey had the chance to go to London Pride together, something both actors say they’ll never forget. “I think it was really crazy to have to experience Pride in New York City and to land in London and experience Pride in London and feel that it’s almost exactly the same,” Alladin says. “There’s a need to release joy. There’s a need to feel that. The world is trying to squish it out of the community with every law that’s being passed, every kind of denial of existence. And you’re like, I just want to enjoy one day.”

Bailey says that working on the show has made him more aware of the political fervor at Pride than any time he’s been previously, and it’s causing him to examine how he uses his platform to fight for LGBTQ+ rights. And Bomer also felt that this year’s Pride was a special one — particular in the wake of Supreme Court decisions that struck down affirmative action and opened the door to businesses discriminating against LGBTQ+ people.

“In light of the past week in all the Supreme Court rulings, it was so important for me personally yesterday just to go out into the streets and take in the Pride celebrations and the sense of community and hope and joy and love that everyone was feeling,” he says. “And to allow that to fill my cup a little bit and inspire me to educate myself and form myself to do what I can and keep moving forward and in the most productive way possible for our community.”

Bomer also wants to make sure he honors those who fought to get us where we are today. “I was fortunate enough to be in Houston last week for the 20th anniversary of Lawrence v. Texas [the SCOTUS ruling invalidating U.S. sodomy laws], and it was so profound for me to meet members of the community in Houston who I was totally unaware of,” he says. “There are generations of heroes who are doing the real grassroots behind-the-scenes work who don’t want accolades, who don’t want awards, who are doing the real work that’s changing all of our lives. And I think I value that today more than I ever have before.”

“For me, I think Pride is always a time to reflect on how far we’ve come but also to realize how much further we have to go,” Ricketts says. “And I think that’s what I’d say to the younger communities, is really understand and know how we got here in the first place and figure out what your form of fighting is. If it’s just showing up in the world authentically as you, that’s wonderful. If it’s getting on a podium and preaching until midnight, that’s wonderful too. But we all need each other and no one can sit back and rest. We have to keep fighting in the fight.”

Talking about queer joy as a form of activism at Pride makes Alladin think of a note he was given during filming from series creator Ron Nyswaner (Philadelphia) about the balance of difficulty and joy found in the series.

“Ron gave me a note one day,” Alladin recalls. “I texted him being like, ‘I’m watching all this research on the ’80s and the AIDS crisis and I’m just sitting here crying.’ He was like, ‘Yeah, but Jelani, I still went to birthday parties. I still found a way to play games with my friends. I still found a way to have a beer and enjoy that.’ So there is still some semblance of light being found in darkness and chaos.”

“When I was in Houston, I was at home with one of the activists and he was showing me pictures from the time period,” Bomer contributes. “And obviously, there was so much heartbreak and loss, but there was also so much celebration and so much joy. It’s really the balance.”

Source

#fellow travelers #out magazine interview 2023 #out magazine #matt bomer #jonathan bailey #noah j. ricketts #jelani alladin #showtime #paramount plus #jonny bailey #noah ricketts #interviews #interviews:2023 #NEW!

[fantasyinvader]

Hmm…

One of Ferdinand's listed dislikes is slothfulness, which is interesting considering the scene of the BE's pledging themselves to Edelgard is called Path of Thorns, which as a biblical reference means the path he's going down is sinful. Namely, the sin of sloth. In Wind, he talks about how it's his duty to stop Edelgard from running amok after Gronder, framing it as what Dimitri's retainers should have done with his mental state. Then there's "nobles who don't act like nobles," with Ferdinand condemning Lonato while Edelgard says she would do the same thing.

Really, though, he's in the same position as Petra. A vassal of Edelgard's trying to earn back his family's lands and titles by earning it.

Caspar's dislikes mention liars and injustice. Edelgard's path is referred to as hadou by both herself and Claude (not to mention the developers) in the Japanese version, meaning disposing of her would be an act of justice. Not to mention, Edelgard lies at the creation of the BESF and after Arianrhod. He ends up being made head of the military in his endings, but the original Japanese text was so daming it was changed in the translation "Often out of control" under his leadership was changed to "sometimes reckless," while the miliary expeditions were he marched into other countries was altered to him simply leading troops.

Both these characters, despite being BEs by default and the hardest to recruit outside of the BE's House, lose their paralogues when joining Edelgard.

In Ferdinand's, we learn the Insurrection of the Seven was not because nobles tried to seize power, but because Ionius did. It's also said that Duke Aegir was blamed for things Arundel did, calling into question Ionius (who is said to be Arundel's and TWSITD's puppet in Flower) and Edelgard (who got it from Ionius) saying he was behind the experiments. Hopes takes it further with the reveal in Ferdie's Hubert support that there's no evidence linking Aegir to the worst things Edelgard accuses him of while there's plenty of evidence to his corruption elsewhere.

Likewise, Caspar brings up the things the Death Knight did during White Clouds in his, holding them against him. The paralogue rewards Caspar if he can land the killing blow on DK, proving his strength by taking out one of the hardest enemies in the game (if you don't use Lysithea). But it's a bit hard not to draw a parallel between Caspar being the only BE to fight against a family member in the game, namely his uncle Rudolf, and Mercedes having to fight against her brother outside of Flower. But while there's a hesitation between the latter, Caspar is willing to jump in on the former to do the right thing just like he was willing to jump in and help Mercedes during the paralogue.

It's the same as Byleth's paralogue being skipped in Flower. It's the game saying that joining Edelgard is bad for these characters, as they end up supporting what they don't like.

Bernie, Petra and Dorothea don't have quite as much going for them in their dislikes. In order it's imposing figures (Edelgard's "my way or die), discrimination (Edelgard persecuting the Church, working with people who view her as an animal) and arrogant nobles (Edelgard even admits she's seen as arrogant) that makes the most sense for them fighting against Edelgard. Flayn has lies, so it makes sense why she wouldn't support Edelgard even without taking into account Ed's role in her kidnapping. Dorothea's paralogue blows a hole in Edelgard's argument, showing a Crestless merchant buying a rank in court. Petra and Bernie's has Petra saying the Church is trying to force Brigid to fight, Catherine saying they were just asking Brigid (who in other routes wants to support the Church) to not get involved, and freeing imprisoned Imperial soldiers on Brigid soil. Lin has blood and fighting as listed dislikes, and he won't allow Byleth to bring Edelgard or Hubert to his paralogue.

Really, Silver Snow makes the most sense for all of the BE characters minus Ed and Bert.

[ohthemis]

How about an NXX case where the tot boys S/O are the main suspect of the case they’re working on? I’ll give u free creativity about the whole thing, maybe there’s this key thing that makes them even more suspicious so the boys are panicking about what to do next if their S/Os guilty, then finally they’re proven innocent. Can be separate or whole do whatever u want bestie ✨✨

tot boys when you’re a suspect in a case

characters: artem, marius, luke

a/n: the school year has started, time to say bye bye to a decent posting sched </3 btw didn’t write for vyn because i have to review lol

ARTEM WING

it breaks your heart that he cannot give you the benefit of the doubt, but he’s a lawyer, speculation is built into him. you just wished it didn’t apply to you. but who were you to tell him to defy his true nature? 

“i was in the wrong place, at the wrong time. artem, you know i would never!”

“don’t you get it? i don’t know anything, mc. i don’t know if i’m holding hands with blood on them, or kissing lips that lie to me. i know nothing.” 

“you said you loved me.”

“i do, but i’m not god. i don’t get to read your mind. i love you, but i don’t know if i can believe you.”

and his words struck your heart into tiny little bits. each syllable like tiny acupuncture needles pressed into the most vulnerable portions of your body, pressed hard and harder and hardest until eventually you were nothing but sliced portions of yourself.

“artem, why can’t you just believe me?”

“why aren’t you understanding me? mc, you know how many times i hear that.” his voice is desperate, he’s begging too. begging you, just let him do his job. and then either he fights for the life with you that he deserves, or he fights to keep you away from him. you get what you deserve in the end, someway, somehow. and he hopes you only deserve good things.

after all not even you can defy the law of physics. newton’s third law of motion: every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

LUKE PEARCE

he wants to think you’re a good person, that you’re still the same mc he’d known before. but people change, and he’s never reacted well to change. every second that he’s known you, he’s reminded of that.

but who is he to doubt you? anyways, he’s done far worse, and he’s a free man. hell, he’s rewarded for taking the life of men. grated, those men were killers, corrupteds, dealers, you name it, he’s probably killed it. 

“it’s okay, mc.”

“what? luke, i didn’t. you have to believe me, i swear, i didn’t.”

but you, you’re trained to know body language. your professor told you that. that the mouth can deceive, but the body will never. you don’t miss the way he flinches when you take his hand, or the silent stares from the other side of the room.

you don’t miss the suspicious looks and the awkward morning greetings. you don’t miss the way the only thing holding him back from labeling you as a killer was that he’d already labeled you his girlfriend. 

MARIUS VON HAGEN

“people lie. it’s a people-human thing,” his brother had told him. it was just a casual comment, but to marius, it was like superglue. that shit stuck.

“mc, i won’t tell anyone, i won’t-, i won’t anything. just, i need to know that i’m dating you. like you you.”

“marius, tell me you don’t believe that shit. how would i even?! where-, how-, hell, why would i?”

“i don’t know, but i need to know the truth. that night, you said you were working overtime, are you-, are you my girlfriend? are you mc?”

“marius, god, what are you even going on about?”

marius doesn’t know either. people come and go, it’s another people-human thing. marius wished you wouldn’t.

#tot #tot x reader #Tears of Themis #tears of themis x reader #tears of themis artem #artem x reader #artem wing #zuo ran #zuo ran x reader #marius x reader #marius von hagen #tears of themis marius #lu jinghe #lu jinghe x reader #vyn richter #tears of themis vyn #vyn x reader #Mo Yi #mo yi x reader #luke x reader #Luke Pearce #tears of themis luke #xia yan #xia yan x reader

[babymetaldoll]

Baby, I'm yours - Chapter seven: "This is calm and it's doctor"

Summary: So, apparently, Emily ain't dead, and the team is in shock. Spencer and reader talk about what they would do if they didn't work at the BAU. Only two weeks 'till the wedding! 

Warnings: Smut, sex in a car, 'cos Spencer is a kinky man who just needed a woman in love with him to show it. Cursing. The usual.  

Word count: 12K 

A/N: Hey!  So, our babies are mad at JJ, and I get it. I would be mad at her too. What do you guys think? 

Series Masterlist | General Masterlist | Prequel Masterlist

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(Y/N)’s point of view

Let’s jump forward three and a half months in time and let me tell you how everything changed in the BAU without us even arguing about it. First of all, Hotch had been sent on a special mission to the middle east, and none of us had heard much from him ever since. I knew sometimes Morgan called him ‘cos he was the head of the team during that time, but that was it. On the other hand, Seaver left the BAU and joined SSA Andi Swan in the Domestic Trafficking Task Force. I didn’t miss her, and I was most of all relieved to have her far away from Spencer. Though in the last few weeks of her work at the BAU, we were finally getting a little better. But no, I always knew we were not going to be friends.

Good news: JJ was back in the BAU, and not as a communication liaison, but as a profiler. I was really excited about that. It was refreshing to have her after losing Emily. We still missed Prentiss very much. Way too much. I knew both me and Spencer had looked for comfort in JJ ‘cos it felt she was way stronger than us. Stronger than Garcia, that’s for sure. Poor Pen would always end up crying wherever we brought Emily up in any random conversation. JJ always made us feel better whenever we felt sad. She had the perfect way to cheer us up and keep us focused on what mattered.

And at that moment in life, what mattered the most was our wedding. We were three weeks from the date, and all the preparations kept us busy most of our free time. I was doing my best not to turn into a bridezilla, but considering I was under a lot of stress, it was one of the hardest tasks ever.

Penelope and Lu helped big time. They were my bridesmaids, always with me when I needed advice, concentration or just to escape away from the whole wedding preparations for a while. My wedding dress had been already picked and it was hidden in Lu’s house to keep it away from Spencer’s eyes. Mom had joined us in picking it up, and honestly, it was stressful but rewarding. I tried over twenty different dresses, and at a certain point, I nearly quit and convinced Spencer to get married in the courthouse on a random Wednesday. That was until I found the perfect dress in a small store. It fit like a globe, and it made everybody cry the second they saw me walking out of the dressing room with it.

I missed Prentiss. She would have been the voice of reason between Lu and Garcia. JJ tried to do it, but with a kid at home, she didn’t have enough time to do much except be a mom when we weren’t at work. Besides, we had been swamped at the BAU, with seventeen cases in fourteen weeks, it had been crazy. I was looking forward to our honeymoon. Two weeks traveling Europe with Spencer seemed to be the perfect getaway from everything that had been going on in the latest months.

Things were relatively calm. Until hell was unchained.

People say when one thing goes wrong, everything else follows. And for once, that was way too real and hard to deal with.

It all started with a call from Penelope to meet in the briefing room one early morning. Neither Spencer nor I ever suspected she and Morgan were actually looking for Ian Doyle behind our backs to avenge Prentiss’ death. And I blame the wedding. Spencer and I were so deep into all the arrangements for our day, we missed all the signs. Again, for the second time that very same year.

Apparently, Hotch knew Morgan and Penelope had a plan: they were looking for Declan, Doyle’s kid, because they were certain he was going to try to localize him. And that was when they were going to catch him. I was deep into catering budgets and bands’ tapes to know a thing about their plan. It was a good plan, and a part of me still thinks I would have been useful to localize that asshole and make him pay. But they kept me and Reid in the dark, to let us enjoy our happiness and plan our wedding in peace. When you think about it that way, it was sweet. I am still mad about it from time to time, but I can see their motives.

When we walked into the room, Morgan and Garcia filled us with all the details of their investigation. It was just them, Spencer, JJ, Rossi, and I. That was the entire team at that moment. And we had a mission: stop Doyle from getting Declan. Dereck explained Hotch was on his way back to America to help us catch that asshole, and for a few minutes, I was shocked by all that had been going on behind our backs.

- “Now you know how I felt when I discovered you never told us you had moved in together”- Penelope said as soon as I complained about their silence.

- “There is no way this can be compared to that on any level! We are talking about the bastard that killed our friend!”- I argued and Morgan sighed.

- “I am sorry, pretty girl. But we couldn’t get any of you involved in this. Not until now, at least. But at this moment, we are so close to getting him and finally getting closure, we need to be together.”- I sighed and nodded. Spencer held my hand upon the table and agreed as well.

And that was how it all began.

JJ and Morgan had a snipper outside of Doyle’s residence. Meanwhile, Spencer, Rossi, and I went looking for Declan at his boarding school. But he wasn’t there. Apparently, he got sick, so the headmistress allowed him to go home. That meant that we headed to his house right away. I already had a very bad feeling about it all.

Spencer called JJ to notify the whole situation, while Rossi and I approached the door quickly. The lights were out, and the agent’s car was right outside. But it didn’t seem to be anyone home.

The three of us walked into that house holding our guns and pointing at any possible sign of Doyle. We had to protect Declan from his father, ‘cos until that minute, we thought he was the worst threat that poor kid had. We were so innocent back then.

We searched the entire home, no signs of the kid. The two officials that were supposed to put an eye on him were down. Rossi found one in the kitchen, and Spencer got one in the living room.

- “I'll check the back. You, kids, take the hallway.”- Papa Pasta commanded as he walked to the other side of the house. Spencer looked at me and I nodded, walking toward the door.

- “Careful”- he whispered, covering my back. I slowly opened the closet door and someone fell from it. We both took a step back immediately, Spencer kept pointing the gun at the woman as I took her signals. She was gone. Rossi walked over that second and sighed.

- “Three bodies, no kid. Doyle has him.”

While I called for an ambulance, Spencer called JJ and updated her on the status on our end. I thought we had shocking news, but she beat us. Morgan had gotten Doyle. He had him, the ghost he had been trying to catch for over the last three months was officially under FBI custody.

- “We are on our way”- Spencer announced and looked at me- “They got him. They got Doyle.”

- “Alive?!”- I could barely believe my ears. Spencer nodded and held my hand as we stood at one side of the living room, watching the forensic analyze the crime scene.

- “But how?! When?”

- “Right now, they are taking him back to Quantico.”

- “And Hotch? Is he here already?”

- “Derek is on the phone with him as we speak.”

Spencer was serious, honestly concerned. I stared at him for a few seconds, trying to hold himself together. He was clenching his jaw as he locked his eyes on the carpet. I slowly moved my hand until I reached his arm, rubbing it carefully, trying to comfort him. I knew what was going through his mind, he wanted to avenge Emily’s death. We had talked about this a bunch of times, the thought of how it would feel to end with Doyle and make him pay. I wondered if Derek was dealing with the same feeling. He had been so mad in the last few months I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be near him when he interrogated Doyle.

- “Hey… where are you?”- I whispered and looked at Spencer’s softening face as he turned to look at me.

- “I’m here, with you.”- his voice was low. He linked his fingers between mine and moved forward my body, leaving a soft kiss on my forehead- “How are you?”

- “I wanna go to the BAU and kill Doyle”- I replied and waited for his reaction. He just nodded and kept staring at my fingers between his.

- “I know how you feel.”- there was a brief silence between us until Reid’s comment surprised me deeply.

- “When we are back to Quantico, I want you to stay away from that asshole.”

- “He is being held in custody. There is no way he can do anything to me.”- I replied, confused by his attitude. It's not like Doyle could hurt me.

- “I don’t care if he is in prison or has a thousand guards. He killed Emily, I am not gonna put you at risk.”- a part of me wanted to argue I could take care of myself, but I understood where that fear was coming from, so I didn’t reply and for once, I just nodded and agreed with him. The way Spencer smiled relieved at my answer was enough to warm my heart. He was nervous I could get hurt. And though under those circumstances, it wasn't something likely to happen, he was still worried for me. He really loved me.

- “Don’t worry Garcia, you were busy looking for Doyle.”- we both heard Rossi on the phone and quickly walked to him, waiting for the news.

- “What happened?”- I asked as he hung up the phone.

- “She didn't see a team on the footage.”

- “This was well-organized. One could have cut the camera while the other started in here.”- Spencer pointed and Rossi added immediately.

- “So they cut off the power, but no signs of forced entry. So how do you overpower two armed agents?”

- “A male and a female. Maybe whoever did this posed as the next shift?”- I suggested and Spencer nodded as Rossi agreed and added.

- “Makes sense. Everything about them seems efficient.”

- “Except they took the time to shove her in the closet.”- Spencer questioned and we started walking to the closet.

- “Then this is personal and professional at the same time”- I pointed out. Once we stood outside where the nanny was found dead, we stared at all the clothing hanging in it.

- “Only Declan and the caregiver live here, so whose stuff is this?”- my question was more thinking out loud. Neither of them answered, but Rossi measured one of the jackets.

- “Forty long.”

- “You still think Doyle's behind this?”- I could feel Spencer’s doubt in his question. Honestly, just by looking at the crime scene, it was very hard to tell. Rossi looked at us and sighed.

- “He's capable of a lot of things, kid. But being in two places at once isn't one of them.”

Spencer’s point of view

I know I’ve never been a violent man. I never was good for fights growing up, and in the BAU I still preferred staying at the police station, working on the geographic profile than being on the field, running after serial killers. But that night, I didn’t think I could control myself if I had the chance to be near Ian Doyle. I wanted to kill him with my own hands. I wanted to lock the door behind my back and beat the shit out of him until he didn’t breathe anymore.

Of course, I knew I couldn’t do such a thing, but my mind kept going to that place as we got closer to the BAU. I even drove the entire way back, trying to keep my mind from all those dark places. I failed, but at least I tried.

Derek was locked with Doyle, trying to dig up who might have kidnapped his son Declan for revenge. That was a very long list to write, and there was too much info to gather. (Y/N) and I stayed in the meeting room, setting the boards with all the information we had so far, and trying to discover who had taken the poor kid the entire night, drinking coffee and working along with Garcia.

- “What do we have so far?”- I heard Hotch’s voice all of a sudden, the sun was already out when he showed up in the BAU. (Y/N) literally ran to hug him, and for a moment I saw a smile on his lips.

- “Welcome back”- I said and waved as (Y/N) whipped off her tears and shook her head.

- “Sorry Hotch, I’m just very happy to see you.”

- “I’m happy to be here. Now, what do we have?”

- “So far, not much. We managed to get a top 10 Doyle’s enemies list, and Garcia is trying to localize them all”- I explained and Hotch just nodded. It was clear he hadn’t had much rest in the last few hours. Just like us.

- “Where is Morgan?”

- “Still talking with Doyle. Rossi is there as well.”- (Y/N) added the second Garcia walked into the room.

- “Welcome back, sir.”

- “Thank you. What have you got?”

- “Got a top-10 list of Doyle's enemies.”

- “Yes, anybody recently in the states?”

- “Richard Gerace's been here a few weeks. He's a low-level gun who angrily crossed paths with Doyle. I caught an image of him on the surveillance camera at Declan's house, and confirmed it was him through a scar on his neck.”

- “All right. Get me everything you can on Gerace.”- Garcia made a pause and sighed, defeated.

- “Yeah. What I just told you is everything I've got.”- Hotch didn’t say another word and just walked out of the room. (Y/N) held Garcia’s hand and cut her a short smile, we all knew she was doing the best she could. We were all trying our best, but there wasn’t much information so far.

- “Derek is still talking with Doyle? It's been forever”- Penelope asked and we both nodded- “And we still got nothing.”

- “You just gave us some advantage. Knowing his enemies will help find the unsub.”- (Y/N) said, trying to cheer Garcia. I knew she was just as mad as I was, but it was sweet watching her take care of our friend. It was clear Penelope needed to feel comfort after what had happened. After catching Doyle and knowing the bastard who killed our friend was right there and we couldn’t hurt him. We all needed to stay calm and not let our feelings get in the way. Of course, that is easier said than done.

(Y/N), Garcia, and I stayed at the briefing office for another hour, staring at the boards and the files, trying to find something we hadn’t seen before. Trying to break a case, though all I could think of was breaking Doyle’s face. Until we watched Morgan, JJ, and Rossi walk in. They all looked exhausted.

- “You get anywhere with Doyle?”- I asked Morgan as he walked in and shook his head, defeated.

- “Doyle doesn't think Gerace has the guts to take him on.”

- “But that's definitely Gerace on the tape.”- Garcia argued, but there was nothing we could say about it.

- “Welcome back.”- Derek said the second Hotch walked into the room, looking as serious as always.

- “Thanks. Everybody, have a seat.”

- “Why? What's going on? Is everything alright?”- (Y/N) asked and looked around, kind of scared. I held her hand as she sat by my side and tried to contain her as much as possible. We had no idea what was going on, but it comforted me to know we were surrounded by all the people we trusted, and having Doyle under custody gave us the chance to lock him and have some closure after losing Prentiss.

- “Seven months ago I made a decision that affected this team.”- Hotch started, crossing his arms on his chest, and looking at us, unreadable. JJ stood beside him and cut me a short sympathetic smile.

- “As you all know, Emily had lost a lot of blood after her fight with Doyle. But the doctors were able to stabilize her. And she was airlifted from Boston to Bethesda under a covert exfiltration.”

The only thing I could process was: “the doctors were able to stabilize her.�� What was Hotch talking about?

- “What?”- (Y/N) whispered as we all looked at each other, trying to understand what Hotch was saying. Derek raised an eyebrow and turned to Rossi, who looked completely lost. Garcia’s eyes were already watery and Jennifer just… stood there, trying to look composed.

- “Her identity was strictly need-to-know.”- Hotch continued- “And she stayed there until she was well enough to travel. She was reassigned to Paris where she was given several identities, none of which we had access to for her security.”

My brain tried to understand all the information Hotch had just given us, but it was too much.

- “What?! Are you saying Emily is alive?!”- (Y/N) nearly yelled and widened her eyes, in shock. Hotch didn’t reply. He just looked at us with a broken-hearted look, asking for forgiveness as he stared at our shocked expression.

- “But we buried her”- I argued, trying to understand how our Unit Chief lied to us so much and for so long, related to something as important as Emily’s life.

- “As I said, I take full responsibility for the decision. If anyone has any issues, they should be directed toward me.”- Hotch answered and I couldn’t even move. I just held (Y/N)’s hand and felt her shaking.

- “Any issues? Yeah, I got issues!”- Derek shouted. He was so mad for a second I thought he could even punch Hotch. But then we all heard someone approaching the door and Garcia simply gasped with tears falling down her eyes.

- “Oh, my God.”

I quickly turned to the door and there she was: Emily Prentiss. She was alive and standing right in front of us. I kept staring at her apologetic face, still trying to comprehend what was happening. She was alive, she was there, she never died. But we grieved, we mourned, we suffered. We cried and Hotch knew it was all for nothing ‘cos our friend was in fact alive and hiding on the other side of the planet.

I didn’t register if Hotch said another word, I just saw (Y/N) running toward the door, hugging Emily, nearly tackling her as she started sobbing. Her cries were heartbreaking to me, and I would have given my life to comfort her.

- “You are here”- I heard my girlfriend whisper as she wrapped her arms tight around Emily, and hugged her close.

- “I’m so sorry, (Y/N).”

- “But you are alive.”

- “Yes, and I didn’t want to stay away from you, but I had to.”

Garcia stood up and walked to Emily as well, hugging her while sobbing. I just stared at the scene for a moment, trying to understand. I couldn’t believe Emily was in fact standing there. I stood up after a few minutes and hugged her as well. I was so deeply happy to see Prentiss and relieved she was alive. I imagined how she had been away from us, from her family, simply hiding all alone.

- “I am so sorry. I really am.”- hearing Emily’s voice made my heart ache.

- “Shit! You are real”- (Y/N) whispered and Prenttis nodded.

- “And not a day went by that I didn't want to…”- Emily looked at Morgan, but he just stood there, keeping his distance, staring at her in shock. She walked toward him as she kept talking, and I felt (Y/N)’s hand holding me, intertwining our fingers. I turned to her and wiped off a few tears that fell from her eyes. She cut me a short smile and her cheeks blushed. She hadn’t looked so happy in weeks, and that smile made my heart flutter.

- “Really, I… you didn't deserve that. And I'm so sorry.”- Emily hugged Morgan for a moment. He stared at me while she did, and he hesitantly wrapped his arm around her body. The moment was brief, and Derek was still shocked when Prentiss moved from him and walked towards the boards.

- “There's so much I want to tell you guys, and I will. I promise. But right now I really need to know what's going on with Declan.”

And just like that, it was time to suppress our feelings and focus on finding that missing kid. (Y/N) wiped off her tears and grabbed her cup of coffee as I walked towards Emily and started asking questions.

- “Emily, was there a man living at the house?”

- “Yes. My friend Tom Koehler. He was raising Declan as his own.”- she answered and I felt glad we were finally getting the info we needed to finish this case.

- “Where is he?”- (Y/N) asked her as she walked over and stood by her side- “We watched all the surveillance tapes and we never saw him go in or out of that house.”

- “He was on assignment overseas.”- Prentiss simply replied.

- “But he's all right?”- Garcia questioned, concerned.

- “Yes. He's on his way back now. He got a call from Declan, he called me, and when I landed, Hotch told me that you had Doyle in custody.”

- “And because of Tom's line of work, that's why you enrolled Declan in a boarding school.”- Hotch added, I don’t know if he was asking or deducing, but he was right.

- “I made sure that he, Louise, and I were the only ones allowed to take him off campus.”- Emily explained.

- “Louise took him home last night because he was sick.”- I announced and (Y/N) quickly added.

- “Food poisoning.”

- “Yeah, a few of the kids had it, apparently. So whoever did this got to him on campus. They knew they only had one chance.”- I finished my idea and heard (Y/N) explaining.

- “Our current suspect is Richard Gerace. He's the most recent arrival into the states. We've been tracking his progress through the city, but we came up empty.”

- “But we know it's him because he has the scar.”- Garcia added. I looked at Morgan for a moment and he didn’t seem to be there. He was lost in his head. Still shocked, probably.

- “That doesn't make sense. Gerace gave up on Doyle a long time ago.”- Prentiss said and her words made me frown.

- “He said you were the only one who knew Gerace.”- Rossi added.

- “Which is why I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the balls to pull this off.”- Emily was very sure of her words - “There was no forced entry at the house?”

- “I had two agents working security.”- Morgan said, but that was all he managed to pronounce. He was hurt.

- “We think Gerace and his partner posed as the next shift, and one of the agents was a woman.”- I quickly added and my thought seemed to make sense to Prentiss, ‘cos she nodded right away.

- “She's the Alpha.”

- “So we're looking for a woman who's getting back at Doyle.”- (Y/N) sentenced and sighed.

- “And our suspect list just got a whole lot longer.”- Prentiss cut her a short smile.

- “Excuse me.”- Morgan mumbled and walked out of the room all of a sudden. Emily kept her eyes on him as he did, and I could feel her brokenhearted look.

I didn’t know what was gonna happen, I just knew I had to focus on the case first. My heart was still racing in my chest as I looked at Prentiss talking facts with (Y/N) and JJ, but I knew it was no time to be emotional. It was time to be rational.

(Y/N)’s point of view

The day had taken a very weird spin. My friend wasn’t dead, she was alive and standing right behind me as we watched Penelope run a database of Doyle’s ex-girlfriends. There were a lot of them, that I can say.

- “Doyle had relations with all of these ladies?”- I questioned, slightly shocked, and Prentiss nodded with a grin.

- “Most.”

- “Wow.”

- “Hey, can you shoot these into the roundtable room for me?”

- “Anything you say, visitor Prentiss.”- Garcia giggled at her own words and Emily hugged her for a second, before we walked out of the room, leaving Garcia alone.

- “So you're actually back.”- Prentiss asked JJ

- “They've been looking for your replacement, and Rossi called me.”- Jenniffer explained.

- “That's great. How's Will with the long hours again?”- I knew for act Will hadn't been happy with JJ's return to the BAU, which explains why she only replied with a cold:

- “Long story.”

- “I haven't seen Ashley. (Y/N), is she still alive?”- I chuckled and nodded

- “Yes, she is. She transferred to Andi Swann's Unit a few weeks ago.”

- “Good for her.”

- “And good for me”- I sentenced and clapped. That’s when my friend grabbed my hand and stopped walking.

- “Oh my god! (Y/N)! What’s this ring?”- I laughed as she held my hand to take a better look at it- “Did boy wonder pop the question already?!”- I grinned and nodded as Emily hugged me and congratulated me.

- “And you are officially invited, it’s in three weeks, so get ready.”

- “Three weeks?! Oh, Jesus! You are not wasting time anymore, are you?”

- “Nope, we are already living together, actually.”

- “What? You never told me any of this!”- Emily turned to JJ demanding an explanation.

And that was when it hit me.

JJ knew Emily was alive and never told us. She saw us crying and consoled us. But she never told us our friend was alive and well. She could have, but she never did.

- “Excuse me, I have to answer this”- the phone took me from my thoughts and I quickly walked to my desk for a moment- “Hello?”

- “Miss (Y/L/N)? It’s Stacy, your wedding planner.”

- “Hey Stacy! How are you?”

- “I’m ok, you?”

- “Work is crazy around here”- Stacy knew we were both FBI agents, which was the main reason why we had a wedding planner after all. She didn’t ask much about our life that wasn’t related to the wedding, and I liked that.

- “I just needed to tell you we finally have the DJ confirmation for the date, so we are all set.”

- “That’s great! Finally, everything is ready!”

- “Yes”- she chuckled as I sighed, feeling a weight had been taken from my shoulders- “I’m gonna send the contract to your apartment so you and Dr. Reid can both look at it and sign it.”

- “Great! I’ll text you as soon as we get it.”

Spencer appeared by my side the moment I hung up the phone. He held my hand and rubbed his thumb against my chuckles slowly.

- “How do you feel, ma cherie?”

- “I don’t know. I’m happy but nervous… and still very much shocked by Emily's news. You?”- He sat on the edge of my desk and stared at me.

- “Me too. I can’t believe she is here, alive.”

- “I’m so glad to know she is safe, but…”- I paused and looked around- “I kinda feel betrayed…”

- “By JJ? Me too”- I stared at my fiancé and he nodded, moving closer to me- “She knew it all, she saw us crying, and yet she didn’t say a thing.”

- “I can understand she couldn’t tell us, but it still hurts.”- I whispered and he caressed my cheek for a moment.

- “(Y/L/N), Reid”- Rossi called us from the meeting room and we paused our conversation. It was time to work, and duty came first.

- “These women are associates of Doyle's who may have crossed paths with Gerace.”- Prentiss pointed at a long list of women on the screen

- “Anyone had a deeper personal connection with Doyle?”- Derek questioned.

- “Whoever took Declan showed a lot of rage at the nanny, that was clearly personal”- I pointed at her picture on the board, everyone looked except for Garcia.

- “She had been with Doyle since before Declan was born.”- Prentiss explained, and suddenly I remembered she had in fact lived with Doyle and she was also his lover while she was undercover. I had forgotten that part of the story.

- “The nanny represents a caregiver, a mother figure.”- Spencer continued talking and suddenly, the evident question surfaced.

- “Who is Declan's mother?”- I asked Prentiss and she stared at me with a blank expression.

- “Doyle told me she was dead.”

- “I have the feeling he was lying.”- I added and Hotch nodded. It was time to continue with the interrogation.

Spencer and I stayed with Garcia in the meeting room while Prentiss talked to Doyle. Spencer really wanted to keep me away from Doyle no matter what. Even though now we knew Emily was alive and well.

Ten minutes later, Hotch, Morgan, and JJ came back with a name: Chloe Donaghy.

- “She brought tainted cupcakes to the boarding school and just walked right in.”- Morgan pointed out as we watched the security camera from Declan’s boarding school.

- “Oh, that is creepy.”- Pen whispered and I nodded in support.

- “Exactly, we thought Doyle was bad. Check her out. She ran an international prostitution ring before moving on to chemicals.”- I said as I read her background trying to understand how a woman like that was actually able to bring a baby into this world.

- “Distribution and trafficking, manufacturing, possession, weapon charges? She went away for 3 years.”- Spencer continued reading and I nodded. Garcia wide opened her eyes in shock.

- “That's it?”

- “She hardly seems like the mothering type.”- JJ pointed out and somehow it made me angry to hear her speak- “Why would she take Declan?”

- “It isn't love.”- Hotch said, staring at the screen.

- “Forgetting the international ties for a minute, what would these unsubs do?”- I asked the team as we all sat around the table, sharing ideas.

- “You know, statistically the abduction of a child by its mother, no matter the psychological disposition of said mother, would be one of low risk to a child.”- Spencer said, moving his hands as he spoke, the way I always loved.

- “She's got plenty of connections. She could go underground.”- Rossi thought out loud

- “Is there anywhere in the U. S. Where Chloe and Doyle had a history?”- Hotch asked Pen.

- “No. But they do have a lot of ties in Europe.”

- “Doyle came up with associates of Chloe's who have healthy bank accounts.”- Emily walked in suddenly, it was still shocking to see her just walking around.

- “He thinks it's a trade?”- I asked, surprised.

- “For what, weapons? Drugs?”- JJ asked and again, hearing her voice so near me automatically upset me. That couldn’t be good. It was clear I had some resentment against her, and I knew I had to work on that before it started affecting our work. Bad news: I didn’t have time to process anything, and I was so mad I really didn’t want to do it.

- “Does it matter?”- Emily asked and Hotch gave Pen the sheet of info.

- “Garcia, run these names. See if any have local connections.”

- “Yeah. What else should I be looking for, you guys?”

- “Secluded properties.”- Rossi suggested.

- “A legitimate business that requires international bank accounts and trade.”- Derek added.

- “It could be mundane. They survive under the radar.”- I said and Spencer nodded in agreement. I loved it when we thought the same.

- “Garcia, start with Irish backgrounds. This type of feud could go back generations.”- Derek suggested and Pen typed quickly.

- “Oh. It looks like the Doyles and the McDermotts have a thing.”- she alerted us in a few seconds, reading her screen.

- “What kind of thing?”- I asked and moved closer to look at her computer.

- “Ian Doyle murdered Jimmy McDermott, but his younger brother Lachlan owns an import company.”

- “Do they ship internationally?”- Hotch asked.

- “You know it. He has three warehouses, one of which is slated to be demolished.”

- “Where?”- Reid questioned.

- “Inner Harbor, Baltimore.”- she gave us the address and I knew right away we were going.

- “Let's go.”- Hotch commanded and we all stood up at the same time- “(Y/L/N), you and Reid stay here with Emily.”- he added as soon as he saw us gathering our things. I just nodded and watched how everyone else left the room.

There was silence among us. I grabbed my cup of coffee and took a sip of it and turned to Spencer.

- “Hey, by the way, the DJ confirmed”- I simply said and watched his face change into a smile

- “Great, so we are all set, finally.”

- “Congratulations.”- Emily whispered and looked at us- “I’m glad you are getting married soon.”

- “Thank you, Emily.”- Spencer replied and cleared his throat. Yes, it was weird, but it didn’t have to, I thought.

- “You missed the most romantic proposal, though”- I added and she looked at me, intrigued- “He sang a song live at a concert with the band to ask me to marry him. The entire place cheered him.”

- “Are you serious? That’s so romantic! I’m very glad you are tying the knot soon.”

- “You are invited.”- Spencer added and smiled at her- “We would love to have you there.”

- “I would love to be there as well!”- Prentiss replied with a big smile. Spencer nodded, grabbed his cup, and walked out.

- “Is he mad at me?”- Emily whispered as she watched Reid walk out of the room.

- “No, he just needs some more time to deal with it all. But trust me, he is glad you are here.”- I replied and smiled at Em- “Come on, let’s get some more coffee while you tell me what you’ve done these three months you’ve been away.”

Honestly, I don’t know if a part of Spencer was mad at Prentiss at that minute, but I couldn’t tell her that. We were already under a lot of stress to keep adding more factors to the situation. It didn’t get better when Spencer got a call as the three of us stood outside Doyle’s interrogation room.

- “Declan's disappeared.”- my fiancé announced as soon as he hung up- “They had him at the warehouse, but now they're gone.”- and just like that, Spencer opened the door, gave me a knowing look, reminding me I had promised him I wasn’t going near that man, and finally locked himself with Doyle.

- “Your ex is working with Lachlan McDermott.”- he spat the words coldly as the prisoner stared at him, not showing any emotion- “How would he leave the country?”

- “I don't know. He's got endless funds. You'll never stop him.”- Doyle replied coldly.

- “He hates you, doesn't he?”- Spencer’s tone was cold and tired, annoyed by Doyle’s mere existence.

- “More than you do.”- the prisoner mumbled, and at that minute I wasn’t sure that was entirely true.

- “Then I think we should give him what he really wants. You.”

My heart jumped as soon as I heard and watched Spencer acting so dominant and serious around Doyle. There was a weird mix of lust and fear inside me, fighting in my stomach.

I wanted to open the door and stop Spencer from doing anything crazy, but at the same time, I understood where all that emotion and rage was coming from. I was so focused on Spencer that I didn’t register Emily bursting into the room and nearly yelling.

- “No, we are not letting him out of here, Reid.”

- “Emily, I will chain myself to him if I have to.”- my fiancé nearly yelled in frustration as Prenstiss argued back.

- “He'll find a way to escape!”

- “No, he won't, and we're running out of time. If we find McDermott now, we have a chance to save Declan.”- Emily thought about it for a good minute before saying she had to call Hotch, and left the room. Spencer closed the door and walked back to me, leaving Doyle alone.

- “Are you ok?”- I whispered and held his hand. He was shaking.

- “Yes…”- of course, he was not, but I couldn’t just point out the obvious. Instead, I tried to ease his mood.

- “Will you actually be willing to chain yourself to him?”

- “Yes, why?”- he raised an eyebrow, probably waiting for me to try to talk him out of the idea.

- “I’m so jealous”- I whispered and watched him smile for a moment.

- “Don’t be. You are the only person on earth I wanna be chained to”

- “We should try it”- I whispered and watched him take a step closer to me and give me a short peck on the lips, knowing there were cameras in the room and someone might be watching.

- “As soon as we are home, ma cherie.”- he whispered and I nodded.

- “She is in”- Emily announced as she stormed into the room- “Strauss gave us permission. Let’s go!”

And that is how I ended up in a helicopter next to Emily and Spencer, who had Ian Doyle grabbed by the arm, even during the flight. We didn’t say much as we flew to the designated location. I know Spencer didn’t want me close to Doyle at all, but there was nothing he could do at that minute to keep me from doing my work. Emily wasn’t carrying a gun, I had to be the one securing the prisoner with him. I sighed thinking about a little moment we had shared at the BAU when we were getting ready to depart. How Spencer made sure my bulletproof vest was absolutely secured before we got Doyle. How he kissed me sweetly and asked me to please be careful and not do anything too risky. I know I asked him to promise me the same, but the fact he was so concerned melted me. He really did love me, and I couldn’t wait to marry him. However, right there, at that minute, it wasn’t the moment to get emotional and start thinking about the wedding.

- “Ready?”- Spencer asked and I nodded as the helicopter landed- “Hotch, we are coming out”- he let our Unit Chief know and at his command, we started moving out.

The entire team was already at the runaway, pointing at the jet that was about to take off. I grabbed one of Doyle’s arms tight as Spencer grabbed the other, and we both followed Hotch’s instruction and walked him to McDermott, who had just exited the jet with Declan.

- “Get over there, boy. Bring Doyle here! I want him here on his knees!”- I heard the bastard yelling as Spencer and I started walking Doyle from the helicopter to the jet.

- “Hotch, are we really gonna do this?”- I heard Morgan asking in my earpiece

- “No one leaves here.”- our Unit chief commanded. Spencer was walking fast, his expression was stern. I hadn’t seen him like that in a while now. So mad, so focused. So serious. I kept my eyes on Declan, the poor kid was crying, clearly confused and petrified.

- “You bastard! How's it feeling? It's your bloody time now, isn't it?- McDermott yelled and kept pointing his gun to Doyle’s head- “Now hand him over!”

There was a silence that lasted for what seemed to be minutes. I kept staring at Declan trying to tell him it was all gonna be ok. But then I heard Morgan’s voice yelling “Gun!” and the sound of a gunshot that turned into a thousand in a matter of seconds. I watched Spencer grab his gun and start shooting as I ran to Declan and held him tight against the floor, trying to cover his eyes and ears. I saw Doyle falling hurt, as well as McDermott and Chloe. Spencer kept shooting for a second and then ran to the closest unsub to check for vitals. I kept my arms around Declan as he looked at Doyle agonizing next to us.

- “I remember you”- the kid whispered, not losing eye contact as his father reached out for his hand, holding it as he literally bled out in front of him.

- “I am sorry, son”- he whispered before passing out. Prentiss ran over and grabbed Declan from my arms, hugging him tight. Spencer helped me get back on my feet and looked at me, searching for any wound or even a scratch.

- “I am fine, honey. Really. Are you ok?”

- “Yes. They are all dead.”- he meant the unsubs, but he never stopped making eye contact with me.

- “But we saved Declan.”- I whispered and stared at the kid that was holding Emily with his life.

- “Now what?”- Spencer whispered and stared at me.

- “I don’t know”- I whispered and kept my eyes on him, trying to find a way to make him feel better, but I knew he was on edge after that day.

- “Are you guys ok?”- JJ asked as he walked towards us. Spencer held my hand quickly and started walking to the closest SUV.

- “We are fine.”

And suddenly I remembered Spencer is awful at dealing with his anger. He is very passive-aggressive and he usually hurts people. I had been a target of his attitude when he was an addict and he struggled to detox. I had also seen him acting like that with our friends on a few occasions. But for once, I didn’t want to stop him or talk him out of it. As I got into that SUV with him and looked for a second at JJ, noticing her confused look as she stared at us, I didn’t feel sorry for her. Far from it. I was upset at her for lying and I didn’t have the energy to pretend everything was perfect. Not that night.

Spencer’s point of view

After Hotch confessed Emily was actually alive, everything was awkward in the BAU. In fact, I don’t think “awkward” is the right expression, but let’s use that word for the lack of a better one. It didn't get any better when we were notified we were all suspended from duty and called on a trial for our decisions, actions, and behavior during Doyle's case.

I was enraged.

The Senate Committee needed to analyze and evaluate our work and everything we had done wrong, apparently, to save an innocent kid’s life. I couldn’t believe it. All that two weeks before our wedding. Like we didn’t have enough pressure on our shoulders.

The only good thing about being suspended was having time with (Y/N) to get ready the final details for our day. I got mom plane tickets to come with aunt Ethel, Lu had a room ready in her apartment to take (Y/N) in for two nights before the wedding, which I wasn’t very excited about, but building some expectation and distance before the ceremony seemed like the right thing. I didn’t want to be a second apart from her, but her mother insisted so much, we had to say yes.

But at that minute, I had to stop thinking about our happy day and focus on the road. We were on our way to our trial with the senate. (Y/N) was sipping her coffee and held my hand as I drove us over.

- “I love your sweater”- she said and smiled - “It is definitely the most fuck you piece of clothing you own”

- “Thank you”- I replied with a proud smile. That was exactly the reason why I had picked that outfit that day.

- “I feel as if I’m in disguise”- she argued and I took another quick look at her outfit.

- “You look amazing. That blouse is very pretty”

- “The blouse or what’s underneath?”- I chuckled and stole a quick look at her rack.

- “The blouse is pretty, what’s underneath is way better.”

- “Thank you, dear soon to be husband”- the words sounded like a song in my ears that made me smile even under the awkward situation we were in. My smile faded away as soon as we reached the Senate, and we walked in, hand in hand. It wasn’t the BAU, we didn’t have to follow any protocol.

Strauss was there, talking with Rossi and Hotch. JJ and Garcia were sitting close to them, and Morgan was alone, walking around, clearly upset.

- “Shit, I forgot we had to see her”- I whispered and (Y/N) held my hand tighter. In the last few days, we had been avoiding Jennifer at all costs, and so far, it had worked. But now, we were no were to hide.

- “Hey! How are you?”- Garcia asked and stood up to hug us- “I’ve missed you these days. What have you been up to? It’s all about the wedding, I am sure.”

- “Yeah, we’ve been working on the last few details, but everything is basically ready at this point.”- (Y/N) answered and smiled at Garcia, as we both avoided even looking at JJ.

- “We’ve missed you guys, Will asked me to tell you if you wanted to have dinner with us tonight.”- Jennifer asked as she hugged us, and waited for an answer.

- “Sorry, we’ve got plans.”- (Y/N) replied and gave her a plain smile. Luckily, the door opened and a woman walked out to meet us.

- “Jennifer Jareau. The Chairman will see you now.”

- “Is everything ok?”- Penelope asked after JJ was gone, and the doors of the assembly hall were closed one more time.

- “Yes, everything is ok. Well, as ok as things could be”- I replied as Rossi and Morgan walked towards us.

- “Why aren't we in there?”- (Y/N) asked- “I thought they were going to talk with the entire team”

- “They're just trying to intimidate us.”- Rossi explained

- “Well, that's not about to happen.”- Morgan was clearly upset with the whole situation. Just like everyone else, I guess.

- “I'm not ok with this.”- Garcia argued and (Y/N) wrapped an arm around her, trying to soothe her.

- “You may not even be a witness.”- Rossi said, but Pen shook her head.

- “Sir, I'm not worried about me. Don't they have anything better to do than...”

- “Baby girl, this is just what they do.”- Morgan explained the minute Strauss walked over to us and Rossi asked her.

- “Anything?”

- “It doesn't look good.”- that was all she replied and then walked away. I looked at Morgan and then at Rossi and simply asked.

- “How long is she gonna be in there?”

- “No idea, kid.”

They called us one by one. First Jennifer, then Morgan. Garcia nearly jumped off her chair as soon as she heard her name being called. (Y/N) held my hand tighter. I didn’t want to let her go alone through that situation, but there was nothing I could do about it.

- “Remember a million years ago, when Gideon hated me?”- (Y/N) whispered as she played with my fingers in her hand.

- “I remember him hating the fact we were friends.”

- “I thought the meetings I had with him were intimidating, but this is a whole new level of pressure.”- she smiled, trying to joke and ease the mood.

- “Well, tonight we are going out for dinner, chipmunk. And maybe a movie.”

- “Wow, full date night on a Wednesday? You are very wild, Spencer Reid.”

- “What can I say? I’m a free spirit”- I joked and enjoyed her smile for a moment. Until Rossi walked out of the hall and the secretary called (Y/N)’s name. I stood up with her and walked her to the door. She whispered she was ok, though I knew that was a life, and cut me one more smile before the door closed behind her back.

Waiting was worst knowing my girlfriend was the one being intimidated by a board of senators, who kept looking for a reason to shut our team down. I just wanted to open the door and take her out of there. I kept my eyes on my fingers, fidgeting with them, thinking if a book could help me focus on anything else, though I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus.

Strauss appeared all of a sudden and sat next to me. Like I wasn’t awkward enough. She opened her bag and offered me a mint, the one I declined immediately ‘cos I didn’t really trust her enough to accept anything from her. She looked like she wanted to tell me something, but didn’t know how. I was glad she decided to remain quiet for a few minutes, ‘cos I wasn’t in the talking mood. Until Prentiss appeared and it still surprised me to see her walking around, alive and well. I looked at my friend talking with the guard and thought of all the nights I cried her death. The times I felt weak and thought about using Dilaudid again. But most of all, of all the times I had held (Y/N)’s body close to mine, as she wept brokenheartedly for her. It was too much to deal with. It was too hard to face that it had all been a lie. It was too much to pretend I wasn’t hurt.

- “At least you got her back”- Strauss said suddenly, looking at Emily.

- “Did we?”- I mumbled and looked at my hands again, avoiding any topic of conversation until (Y/N) got out of that room.

I opened my satchel and gave her a Snicker. She smiled and opened it as she sat by my side and rested her head on my shoulder. PDA rules were burned that day, even next to Strauss.

- “How did it go?”- I whispered and wrapped an arm around her waist.

- “I tried very hard not to kill anyone the entire time I was there. They kept making me feel like everything we did was a mistake, pointing out we had broken many rules and protocols. They are assholes. I told them it was clear that the senate rules were more important than saving the innocent. That’s when they asked me to walk out.”

- “I’m proud of you, chipmunk.”- I whispered and kissed her temple.

- “Thank you, honey.”

- “Congratulations on your engagement.”- Strauss said as she stood up from the bench- “How many days until the wedding. I heard it was right around the corner.”

- “Just a few weeks.”- (Y/N) replied and sat up straight- “Thank you.”

- “I am sure you are going to be very happy.”- Strauss smiled at us for a second before walking away.

- “I had never seen her smile before.”- (Y/N) whispered and turned to me shocked- “I had no idea her face could do that!”

- “Doctor Reid.”- the secretary's voice announced it was my turn and (Y/N) stood up with me.

- “I’ll be right here when you are done.”- she said and pecked my lips- “Love you”

- “Love you too.”- I whispered and started walking. And with each step, I felt my anger and frustration growing. Why were we even there?

I sat in front of the jury, six people looking at me and analyzing every move as I did the same with them. I looked at them and raised an eyebrow. I honestly didn’t care what they thought of us, or our work. I knew exactly what I had done and why.

- “You're the one who suggested Ian Doyle be released.”- Chairman Cramer stated, making his best to look as threatening as possible, all things considered. I just stared into his eyes and answered.

- “I am.”

- “And you're the only Agent who has not requested reinstatement to the unit.”

- “Mm hmm”- I just hummed and nodded.

- “Was the decision to release Ian Doyle a personal one?”

- “A young boy's life was at stake. I ran the probability of his survival and it wasn't good.”- I replied and kept my eyes on him. I knew what he was doing and I wasn’t going to let him get me- “If you want to punish me for taking a risk, then I encourage you to do that, but do not put the rest of my team on trial for something that I suggested.”

- “Calm down, Agent.”- he raised his voice and his finger at me, but I simply moved closer to the mic and replied.

- “This is calm, and it’s doctor.”

He stared at me enraged. I am not the kind of guy who would usually brag about his degrees, but this guy needed to be reminded that I am not his regular agent, and I am not going to be intimidated by anyone in this room.

- “The United States government is not in the business of trading captives.”- he said as he continued listing everything we had done wrong in that case. But of course, he had no idea he was talking with a guy with an eidetic memory who remembered everything the other departments had done “wrong” before ours.

- “New York City, July 2010, referred to as The Spy Swap. Igor…”- he interrupted my speech and stared at me, clearly infuriated.

- “That's enough!”

- “You can't just change the rules, sir.”- I said as I rested my back on the chair

- “And you just can't break them!”- he replied and I stared at him, biting my tongue so as not to continue arguing with him. God! I hated every second of that interrogation! I wanted to be out there, catching criminals, and not explaining to bureaucrats how we do our job and save lives.

When I stepped out of that room, ready to kill someone, (Y/N) was waiting for me with a cup of hot coffee and a brownie.

- “Are they still alive?”- she asked and I shook my head.

- “Barely!”

- “They are the worst people I’ve ever had to argue with. I am sure you didn’t make it easy for them.”

- “Of course not. But they are infuriating.”- I sipped my coffee and looked around. The rest of the team was sitting close, discussing what had happened. I looked at Jennifer talking with Morgan and my body felt the impulse of moving as far from her as possible.

- “Do you wanna go for a walk?”- I heard her asking, whispering the words after probably noticing I was uncomfortable being around JJ. But before I could reply, the secretary informed us the senators wanted to talk with the entire team plus Emily, and that we had to go back to the room in a few minutes.

- “It’s ok”- I murmured as I caressed her cheek and kissed the tip of her nose- “Do we still have a date tonight?”

- “It’s the only thing that keeps me going right now”- she replied and smiled. I noticed JJ’s eyes on me from the other side of the room but ignored her. By then she probably knew something was going on with us, but I didn’t have the energy to care.

- “This team took many unprecedented risks. None were approved. The DlOG has rules, and you chose to ignore every last one. That's blatant disrespect to the Bureau, and to the authority of law in general.”

Cramer was scolding us. We all sat in front of him, in a line, like kids, listening carefully to each one of his words. I looked at the team, and all of them were so polite, even (Y/N). Meanwhile, I sat there crossing my legs, staring at the senators raising an eyebrow the entire time, letting them know they had no effect on me, ‘cos I honestly didn’t care what they thought of my actions. I stood by the facts, and the facts were simple: Declan was safe, and that was all that mattered.

- “What I find interesting is that you are the experts in behavior, but find nothing wrong with yours.”- Cramer continued and I had to suppress rolling my eyes at him.

- “May l?”- Prentiss interrupted his speech, and for once, Cramer made a pause long enough for her to start talking.- “The journey was not traditional, but this team neutralized four international criminals and saved the life of a young boy in the process.”

- “You started a war with lan Doyle, years ago, that this team and the US government had to finish.”- the chairman stared at Emily with fury in his eyes- “The rest of you are dismissed. Agent Prentiss, we're not done.”

I stood up right away and helped (Y/N) with her chair. Her cheeks were red in anger as she stared at me, literally biting her tongue not to say anything she would regret in front of the senators. I held her hand on our way out and kissed it as we walked out of the room.

- “It’s not fair”- she whispered- “We didn’t do anything wrong! Why are they doing this?”

And for once, I had no idea what to answer. I just squeezed her hand and kissed her temple as we waited for the rest of the team to gather around.

- “You should wait for the resolution at the BAU”- Strauss suggested once we were all there. I didn’t wait for anyone else to say another thing and started walking out, still holding (Y/N)’s hand. I didn’t want to be there, and mostly, I didn’t want to be around JJ any longer. I knew she was going to start asking questions and I wasn’t in the mood to pretend I wasn’t upset with her.

- “Are we going straight back to work?”- she asked as we headed to the car.

- “It wouldn’t hurt to get some paperwork done if we are taking a month off for the honeymoon.”- I replied as I sat behind the steering wheel and started it. She stayed in silence for a moment, fidgeting with her hands on her lap as I started driving to the Quantico.

- “I need you to take a detour”- she said after a few minutes.

- “Why?”

- “I need to pick something for the wedding”- and I didn’t argue with that. Besides, I didn’t want to get back to work right away and face the team. I just wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the energy or the patience to deal with everything.

I followed (Y/N)’s directions and drove us to an underground parking lot on the other side of town. There wasn’t much movement around us, no cell phone sign. I parked and stopped the car. (Y/N) didn’t move from her seat as I turned to her and raised an eyebrow.

- “What do you need to get here?”

- “Nothing honey. I might have lied to you”- she whispered and bit her lips.

- “Then what are we doing here?”

- “It. We are doing it here right here, right now.”

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I heard her saying those words. My cock twitched inside my pants as well. In a second, (Y/N) moved from her seat and sat on my lap, straddling me.

- “Wh… why?”

- “Because I want you so much right now I can’t wait until we are back home tonight.”- she whispered and cupped my cheeks between her soft hands. I caressed her waist as she stared into my eyes and cut me a short smile- “Besides, you’ve been a badass today, Spencer Reid, and I can’t control myself when you act like that.”

- “I haven’t… when… why?”- but my questions didn’t get any answers. What I did get was a kiss, a wet sloppy kiss, feeling (Y/N)’s tongue playing between my lips as her fingers tangled in my hair. I groaned softly against her mouth as my arms gathered around her and held her closer to me.

- “How glad are you that I am wearing a skirt today’”- she whispered in my ear as she rolled it up.

- “Very”- I managed to answer, feeling her fingers working on my pants.

- “Rise up for a second.”- she commanded and I lifted my hips, as her skilled hands managed to roll down my pants and underwear at the very same time- “Gorgeous”- I heard her murmur as she stared at my cock standing proud between us- “Can I sit on it?”

- “Please”- I begged as she kissed me fiercely. I guided one of my hands between her legs and moved her underwear to the side, toying slowly with her clit- “You are so wet, ma cheriè”

- “I wanted to sit on you like this ever since we got out of the house this morning”- she whispered and smiled, guiding my cock to her center- “And after seeing you sitting there in front of all those senators, I just wanted to fuck your brains out, my sweet soon to be husband.”

- “Oh shit.”- I gasped at the sensation of her warmth around my dick. She sat on me slowly and stayed still, looking into my eyes for a few seconds, getting used to the sensation.

- “Am I too dirty, daddy?”- her words made me groan.

- “Yes, you are very dirty, princess.”

- “And what are you gonna do about it?”

- “I’m gonna fuck that attitude out of you”- I grabbed her hips and started moving her on top of me, hearing her moaning right away.

(Y/N)’s point of view

I don’t know what I was thinking when I took Spencer to that underground parking lot. I wasn’t even sure he would be on board with what I had in mind. I just couldn’t control myself. I needed to fuck him, feel him in me. There was something animalistic and primitive about it. Just… it was the way he had acted that day in front of the authorities that just got me. I needed to fuck him in that car, out of the law, in a public space.

Who knew Spencer would be on board? And not only that, he was making things even dirtier. He opened my shirt and cupped my tits, kneading them and sucking on my nipples.

- “I can feel you are close”- he whispered as he kept fucking me at a regular peace- “But I haven’t said you can cum yet.”

- “But… hon…”- I argued, panting, feeling my legs almost shaking at each side of him. He just raised an eyebrow and stared at me before sucking on my tits again. He knew very well what he was doing.

- “Only good girls cum, and you have been very bad and dirty today.”

- “I’m sorry daddy”- I mumbled, a mess in his hands- “Could you…”- it was hard actually talking when he was fucking me so good. I was the one on top, but he was the one in charge. And god, he knew how to make me feel good.

- “Could I, what?”- I looked at his smirk and tried to keep my cool.

- “Please, daddy. I’ll be good”

- “Not yet. Show me how badly you wanna cum around my cock.”

- “So much”- I panted- “I dragged you to a parking lot so you could fuck me.”

- “Yes, you did. Such a needy girl for me.”

- “I just want you so much. I need you to make me cum and fill me”- he groaned and started slamming faster into me. I held him tight, almost pulling his hair as he hid his face between my breasts, licking and nibbling and driving me to the edge in a matter of seconds.

- “Please, Spencer…”- he didn’t reply, instead, he increased the speed. I could feel my pussy dripping as he slammed into me at brutal peace. The car was definitely moving, we weren’t being subtle and if anyone saw us, they would definitely know what we were doing.

- “I love you so much”- I heard him whispering as my walls and legs shook around him, and my orgasm hit me like a massive wave. I moaned and gasped, mumbling his name as I felt him cumming inside of me, whispering sweet words against my skin as he did. Slowly, we both started calming down, but his arms never moved from me, keeping me close to him, as he stayed inside of me.

- “Is this what you had in mind when you put on that little skirt this morning?”- I heard him asking in a low voice.

- “No, but I am definitely wearing this more often”- I teased him and pecked his lips.

- “I love you so much, chipmunk.”

- “I love you more, honey bunny.”- I leaned and kiss him softly, in weird contrast to how hard he had just fucked me. He smiled into the kiss and hummed.

- “Was this your way to help me deal with all the stress we’ve been under in the last few days?”

- “In a way, yes. Also… you really look hot in that sweater and I always dreamt of riding you as you wore it.”

- “I’ve had this sweater for at least six years.”- I giggled and nodded.

- “Yes, and that’s for how long I’ve been longing to fuck you like this.”- I moved from his lap and opened my purse, trying to find some baby wipes to clean us. Spencer stared at me in silence for a few seconds, making me feel very self-conscious for a moment.

- “What?”- I raised an eyebrow as I met his eyes, which kept staring at me in adoration.

- “I just still find it very hard to believe that you love me. And that you were in love with me all this time, the same way I’ve loved you.”- I sighed, smiling, and fixed my skirt, trying to look presentable to go back to work.

- “Why is it so hard to believe, hon?”

- “‘Cos you are you… and I am me. And I can’t believe someone like you wanted to fuck someone like me, wearing this sweater.”

- “I love that sweater”

- “I can tell”

- “And I love you”- he hummed and nodded- “And I will show you how much I love you every day until I die”

- “Which won’t ever happen if it depends on me.”- Spencer leaned over and kissed me, caressing my cheeks sweetly as he did.

- “I know honey. Now what if we get out of here before someone comes?”- he just nodded and started the car. I shook my head thinking of the first time I ever saw him wearing that sweater. Elle was still on the team, which means it had been a very long time before. I always loved Spencer. Why did I take so long to do something about it?

When we walked into the BAU, Rossi, Emily, and García were taking down Prentiss’ picture from the hall. It was a weird scene, yet heartwarming in a way. Emily was back. Was she going to rejoin the team considering Doyle was dead and Declan was safe? I surely hoped so.

JJ stood next to Garcia, right in front of me, and cut me a short smile. I didn’t move a facial muscle and ignored her. Luckily, Derek was throwing a tantrum and Hotch focused on him and never noticed I was about to be a bitch with JJ.

- “I understand that you're angry, but I hope that you understand that this is not about you or me. This was about saving Emily.”- I heard our Unit Chief scolding Morgan, and though I wanted to argue with him, I couldn’t. Not only he wasn’t talking to me, but also Strauss walked over and looked at Hotch.

- “We need to talk”

That didn’t sound good.

- “In case we don’t get our jobs back, I was thinking I could start teaching.”- Spencer whispered as we walked hand in hand to the briefing room.

- “Are you serious?”- his words surprised me, ‘cos though I knew that was something Spencer always dreamed of doing, him saying it meant the world.

- “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it, and I think it’s a good plan. Eventually, we will surely need to change our lifestyle a little, when the kids come. I love our job, but I don’t wanna miss any school play or soccer game ‘cos I am chasing psycho killers.”

I stopped walking in the middle of the bullpen and held his hand tight. He stared at me with a warm smile and kissed my forehead, as I did my best not to cry.

- “Sounds so nice when you talk about our kids.”

- “I love it as well.”- he whispered, blushing.

- “But you didn’t ask me if I wanted to leave the BAU”- I teased and continued walking- “And you know I’ve worked very hard to get this job and work with the team.”

- “I know, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to”- he quickly replied and followed me- “I mean, we are just talking about it, not making any agreement.”- I hummed and nodded as I turned to him and winked.

- “They made a decision”- Strauss announced as we all stood around the table, waiting for the resolution. We all stared at her in anticipation, waiting to know our fate.

- “The committee made it clear they will not support

a rogue team. Agent Prentiss convinced them you were not that. They will be watching you closely… so I suggest you play by their rules.”- I let out a breath I never noticed I was holding and held Spencer’s hand tight, he squeezed mine sweetly immediately.

- “So, we're okay?”- Penelope asked in shock.

- “Suspension is lifted for everyone.”- Strauss announced

- “Thank you, ma'am.”- JJ answered and Spencer turned to me with a sweet smile. I knew he wanted to continue in the BAU right now.

- “There may be more paperwork considering your... situation, but the team is lucky to have you if you're interested.”- Strauss made a pause and stared at Prentiss, waiting for an answer. I felt my heart skip a beat at the thought of having Emily back. I thought it was going to be harder than that. I mean, I was sure Strauss didn’t want to have her back on the team. I imagined there would be trouble, Hotch would have to make an entire presentation in front of a whole different commission to explain why we had to get Emily back. But no. It was just as easy as that.

- “May I think about it?”- I turned to look at Emily, absolutely surprised as she delivered that line. What did she have to think about?

- “Of course.”

- “I'm in.”- I almost smacked her, as we all sighed relieved to know our friend was back in the team. Even Hotch smiled and let’s be honest, that means a lot.

- “I have a stack of cases on my desk. I'm happy to pass them along.”- Strauss said and smiled at us politely.

- “I'll pick them up in the morning.”- Hotch replied and nodded at her as she started making her way out of the room.

- “Emily, um…”- Derek asked and for a moment I thought he was going to freak out. But instead, he just asked- “What did you tell them?

- “I just… told them you were the only team I knew who could accomplish that mission. And they believed me.”- Emily explained, though it was clear there was something there she wasn’t sharing.

- “I think this team deserves at least a few drinks tonight”- Rossi said and tapped on Hotch’s back, who nodded- “Come on kids. The first round is on me.” 

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@miaxx03

#criminal mind fanfic #criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer red x fem!reader #babymetaldoll writes #spencer reid x you #spencer reid smut #mgg #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler fanfic

[fictionadventurer]

"And then they fall in LOVE! And realize that they can be horrible people TOGETHER! And fail so miserably at it that everyone they rule over lives happily ever after!

I love me some political intrigue involving horrible people, but I also love romance, so there's no reason we can't have both here."

The funny thing is they've been in love for a while before they notice, but they were too busy doing their assassination attempts to notice. All the servants did, and would occasionally sabotage an assassination attempt if it actually might succeed (both would promise to reward/threaten to make that servant pay but forgot which one it was afterward).

Ironically, they suck so much at both hating each other and being tyrants that they end up the most healthy and compassionate spouses and nobles in the region, despite trying their hardest to do the opposite.

Getting the SERVANTS in on the shenanigans! They probably start to forget which one they work for--"Wait, I'm stopping the lady from dying, which is what you're supposed to be doing, so how did we wind up on the same side?"

This is taking "got married so as to go on fighting more conveniently" to a WHOLE new level, and I am so here for it!

#answered asks #lol