#actually don't im insecure

[fishfinz]

i’m hiding under my bed from the notes in my closet

i’m being perceived

Dread

#also i can't tell.... if the script is readable cause no one comments on it ASJKJIKS #like.... read my fanscript guis [/not forced] #actually don't im insecure #finley.rambles

[pinkd3mon]

This had context but I refuse to tell anyone

#kirby #kots #kirby of the stars #kirby fanart #hoshi no kirby #meta knight #Kirby meme #ok i lied im going to give you the context but this is just between you and me ok #don't tell anyone #we're whispering like it's a sleepover and we don't wanna wake up the parents #this was originally a metadede comic where Queen Ripple came to visit Dreamland #and i like to think meta knight feels insecured about the adventures he wasn't in aka 64 and triple deluxe #so he is kind of moody all the time and magolor makes it worse by poking him about it #dedede kind of wants to be alone with queen Ripple because they're pen pals and they share their possessed stories #and meta knight is so pissed because it's just a side of dedede he doesn't know and he doesn't like it #but he would rather eat his own shoe than actually admit he has emotions #i made like 6 complete pieces around all of this concept but i didn't like them and I'm kind of embarrassed #so i decided to post this without context #and now you know too...

[raytorosaurus]

someone tell me when the dash is no longer "jokingly" speculating abt real life people's real life sexual proclivities with their real life partners...it's one thing in a gc where everyone understands everyone's just joking around but as soon as it gets onto the dash/timeline on any kind of larger scale it immediately becomes so uncomfortable and reveals so many biases abt how people view other people based on their like. physical traits and hobbies. is it crazy to find that deeply distasteful lol.

#it's also just not how human beings work i hope y'all know that...... #u can't actually just extrapolate someone's tastes/opinions/beliefs wrt a thing they've discussed onto another thing they haven't discussed #this is just getting into my personal insecurities now but don't assume you know things about people!! you are literally ALWAYS projecting!! #this is a fact of life and if unacknowledged it can be the root of so many interpersonal issues.... #i know im taking this way too seriously lol but this kind of thing is a sore point for me

[snixx]

me when i default to a dramatically different handwriting for every separate subject i have but have my notes for all of them unseparated and encroaching into each other in the same notebook

#idek what my “”“real”“” handwriting is i swear im not the inconsistent mess i am intentionally #it's very random maybe it depends on the pen or the kind of material or smth? #anyway. wild #i think the closest to my “real” or most natural handwriting would be the top of the third last pic under the circuit diagram #if you go by median frequency #but i can never stick to one unless i consciously try #and there are so many more too it makes my stuff feel even more unorganized #i always used to be insecure about my sign because i still don't know how i can make it look the same every time #like i actually physically cannot #what happens when you're yelled at for your bad handwriting your whole childhood and change it based on whoever the new paradigm of good is #every year and they all kinda stick and mesh together #who tf knows man #girlblogging.pdf #im so jealous of people with a consistent signature writing #like i see it and know it's them

[cistematicchaos]

Ngl, I always feel so weird at the thought of actually trying to date other dykes bc I'm disabled. Like...how many other dykes actually wanna date a dyke like me? I can't walk a lot, which is an issue for a lot of people, I'm chaotic as hell and yeah, I'm hot but I've also got a fuck-ton of scars [which scares people] and sex would have to be made accessible for me.

Like, I've got a lot of awesome friends who're dykes but I feel amazed I've even got that? I always feel surprised when people like me so the idea that anyone would wanna date me, especially in the context of me being disabled, is just...I feel like it's absurdly optimistic to think someone would want that with me. But then part of me is also like, isn't that just internalized ableism/insecurity? Or is that me being realistic? I don't know.

#lesbian #lgbt #wlw #dyke shit #chaos is speaking #disability #actually disabled #ableism #\o/ #guess im being vulNERABLE for a second #sorry i've been thinking abt this for a bit #like id really be into dating #but like #im just not sure if it'd be a total mess or not #would people just be straight assholes to me? #would anyone even be interested? #like im an insecure dyke sometimes SORRY #i don't fucking know what to do!

[ineed-to-sleep]

My therapist told me today that I'm one of her patients who's made the most progress in the last two years and honestly I have a feeling I'm getting a good grade at therapy

#which is ofc something real and achievable #but fr fr tho I'm so proud of my progress 🥲 I think most ppl don't really acknowledge how much therapy is actually hard #like exposing yourself. being vulnerable. opening up about your fears and insecurities and really shameful things #and being open to try a new perspective and actually going through the motions of putting yourself out there #putting things to the test and feeling wrong and having your body react like a prey animal the whole time #and still push through and keep trying again and again until your brain finally assimilates that this is you now #this is how you want to think and live your life now and you're not gonna have it any other way #it's hard and you don't do it perfectly and you go back to your sessions and you try again #there's hard truths we have to admit about ourselves there that we aren't always ready for #but you just keep going and things do eventually change #even though sometimes it feels like a painfully slow process #and idk just hearing her tell me that she sees me. that she sees how hard I'm trying. man. it's. im not gonna cry #sleep.txt #it's been real. fr fr

[adhbabey]

r/spicyautism, despite saying they are a space for higher support needs autistic people, and a safe space for all autistic people, is not a safe space for people with self diagnosed autism and its users will harass and attack you for being confident in your self diagnosis, and the mods will delete your comments and you will get downvoted, no matter how correct you are, no matter how much you researched. People will dogpile and falsely report you if you ever speak against them.

So for a space I thought was for more stigmatized autistic people, shows that no matter what diagnosis you have, what experiences you have, if you can ignorant beliefs on all kinds of shit. Unless you take the effort to educate yourself and unlearn conditioning and negative beliefs.

I should not have expected anymore from a site that has people laughing at those who self diagnose, and treat them as if they are faking their disorders. But I was hoping that I could find people who could treat me in good faith instead of making a mockery of me. I will not be going back.

#babey posts #r/spicyautism #actually autistic #all i said that verbal shutdown can happen because of stress and that i was blocking that one guy #and yet i keep getting falsely reported #all i said is that people should mind their fucking business #but others get to be cruel and mean and i can't even say i am angry #im tired of masking. im tired of being treated like shit #please don't be like this shit #im so tired #how is telling people they should be insecure and full of anxiety about their diagnosis a respectful and okay thing to say? #but as soon as i get angry? now its suddenly wrong? #i tried to be as civil as i can. but these motherfuckers don't deserve my civility #spicy autism

[vse-kar-vem]

how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)

#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on #either way #im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔 #if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me #again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg #i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever #but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do #and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying #like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative #but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me #oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you #but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't #like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it) #i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable! #fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it #and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier #of my friendships #wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up #the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom) #i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a #'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order #not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i #may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me ! #sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭 #vee rambles

[soupbabe]

Everytime I see a fat character/reader fic and it's just the character/reader hating their body I get one step closer to setting this website on fire.

#let fat people exist out of insecurity !! im so fucking tired of it !! #we don't need people telling/reassuring us we're hot when we know so already !! #istg y'all make me think i should be more ashamed of my body because y'all constantly drive in how unattractive fat attributes are #the one sentence comfort does nothing to actually help btw

[shopcat]

i think perhaps saying dnis don't work is a bit silly because well they do as the function of them By and large "work" by showing what you will and won't tolerate or stand for as a person and what you will be posting about in that regard and anyone who willingly follows you will know this and if they didn't read it and would be upset by the criteria on it for whatever reason it's their own fault. it's like a built in contingency as well as a statement more so for others than a big sign saying "keep out racists!!!" that the racists will sadly walk away from your blog with. so. you can't reasonably say do not interact x y and z especially for systemic bigotry that anyone including ourselves are capable of enacting but you can reasonably say i don't agree with or tolerate this shit and will kill you if you are near me, which i think is better than people just assuming so personally, esp bc a lot of things AREN'T just like, something you can assume. mostly i think it's just quicker to say a 3 letter abbreviation than anything else.

#🐾 #like yeah ppl will do whatever they want anyway but i'd say most ppl esp the kind in my dni for example #are very insecure and hateful individuals who consider themselves the victims and do not want to be quote unquote ''discriminated'' against #WHICH is why anyone saying something like pr*shippers dni works anyway bc they're so entitled that they wouldn't be ABLE #to follow someone who hated them they would rather pitch the mother of all tantrums than do that lol #and if they did follow or heavily interact despite it they have to put up with people being hostile towards them so well it's lose-lose #for them.. lol #dni's as a function anyway came from im pretty sure just normal etiquette culture in certain communities #like those banners and stuff ... ppl integrating them into their blogs themselves is a pretty natural progression but does come with other #issues that i guess other people are critical of but i don't really see the point in being so bc like well everyone KNOWS so who cares #like yeah you can't actually control who sees ur blog or posts / no one checks people bios before interacting w something #but it's expanded to just mean a plain ''don't follow me/talk to me or i'll block you'' #you can't necessarily be mad perpetually at the idea of someone you dislike as a person touching your stuff but you can control ur own like #space... #other stuff that's like sounds obvious/could be interpreted as pandering/is ''the bare minimum'' is like well okayyy but it's not FOR THAT #it's for saying you don't tolerate that type of harmful bigoted shit

[tkbrokkoli]

just had the worst hair cut experience :(

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #was rly dysphoric abt my hair so i booked an appointment online where you can basically get your hair cut immediately #booked a men's haircut. tried to be as masculine as possible when i went there. i did Not pass as a guy. they thought i was a woman #the whole time. when i wanted to pay the hairdresser was like 'you booked an appointment for a men's cut but you're a woman right?' #she asked that bc for woman the haircuts are more expensive and for men they're cheaper. like. #for a women's haircut you have to pay 20 € more lol. anyway i felt... not much tbh. i looked her in the eye and shook my head #to indicate no im not a woman and she rang me up for a men's cut #i don't feel all that much rn either it's just. looks like i don't pass. there's not much i can do. #i cant dress any more masculine my hair is short i use mens shampoo and deodorant #its probably my high voice. also im small. it might just be my ~vibe~ im a shy kinda person idk #guess i just have to wait for T to work its magic. so far nothing has rly happened #i actually had a cold and not a voice drop but i think ever since i /can/ speak a tiny bit deeper if i try #idk if my levels are good. my next appointment is in april so i just gotta be patient and wait #what's actually most bothersome abt today is that i couldn't play it cool. if this had happened to a cis guy and he would've been asked if #he's a woman he would've laughed it off or been offended and it would've been ridiculous to him. for me it was the worst come true and it #made me extremely insecure and i feel if i had just the confidence that a cis guy has it wouldn't have made me that uncomfortable and i #could've just brushed it off #anyway i gotta focus on my exams now anyway so ill just try to brush this experience off #the hairdresser wasnt even transphobic when i shook my head no im not a woman her eyes were sort of soft but calculating like she accepted #me i think but just the fact that it happened that i do Not pass that i Do have to out myself and can't just be myself w/o being questioned #hurts #also to my mutuals ive read your comments and messages i just havent had the energy to answer yet. i love you guys <3

[bicon-crange]

this sucks so much ass i should be able to sue and i fucking mean that

#LIKE WE ARE GOING ON WEEK THREE OF THIS TORMENT AND I HAVENT GOTTEN ANY LESS SANE #IM SERIOUS WHEN DOES THIS SHIT GO AWAY #im fucking. im erratic!!! im lightheaded my CHEST HURTS i cant BREATHE im borderline getting vertigo here this SHOULD COUNT AS A SICKNESS I #SHOULD BE ABLE TO CALL IN SICK TO SCHOOL BECAUSE OF THIS MASSIVE BULLSHIT #SORRY? ANY LESS SANE I MEANT ANY MORE SANE FFS #i talked to someone in my real actual life about this today and they were like yeah it sounds like ur going insane lol. THANKS I KNWOW #THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING!! HEY!!! THIS IS SO CRAZY EMBARRASSING and on top of that theres no WAY this is going to work #like lets get worst case scenario here folks lets say i do talk to them and theyre like woah! hey! i like you too! :] #theres no way im not fucking stupid and dont immidiately shoot myself in the foot with it theres no FUCKING way #ugh i already know myself. i KNOW ill be like well thats a bad idea actually!!!! bc youre great and fucking. brilliant and personable and #totally gorgeous and EVERYONE likes you and theres no way in hell my dumb ass isnt just going to drag you down!!!! #theres no WAY you dont deserve better than this!! theres no POSSIBLE world where you don't have better options!!! #ugh doesnt THAT just reek of insecurity or just being a lil shyyy but i MEAN IT. I TOTALLY MEAN IT. ugh. i hate it here i hate it here i ha

[theclosetedskeleton]

PLATONIC DATE IDEA WE GO ON CALL/VC AND JUST TALK ABOUT WHATEVER

#WE BEING MY QPP DOING THE ACTUAL “TALKING” PART AND I JUST LISTEN + RESPOND IN TEXT BC I DONT FEEL LIKE VOICE REVALING YET #I did that with my qpp yesterday for a bit IT WAS SO FUCKING FUN OHMYGOD #I was laughing so hard that was such a fun evening #I need to see how my voice sounds recorded bc I have such a bad insecurity w/ my voice and I need to hear if I ACTUALLY sound 6 y/o or not #people have told me I sound monotone??? ermmmm #IM NOT TRYING TO BE PLEAE #I think I sound monotone in neutral conversations but maybe I just always do and I don't notice that #sometimes ill think my voice sounds fine other times I feel like I'm hearing an 8 y/o #anyways IM GETTING SO OFF TOPIC #closet rambles again on tumblr

[thatdude-noah]

i really wish i knew more aro people in real life because sometimes being aro feels so lonely. and there isn't as much representation for aromantic people as there is for other identities. so it can be so hard to feel secure in my identity and my community and where i fit in the world overall because i have very few models to look up to and even less friends living a similar life to me.

#the way that like. cis people don't understand what you're talking about when you're trans. and having trans friends is so freeing. #allo people don't understand what i'm talking about when i talk about being aro. even if they're queer. and it feels lonely sometimes. #aromantic #im so. new to identifying as aromantic because i've been so insecure in the identity. and now im trying to actually explore it. #and my insecurity only grows because i only know like. two or three aro people. and they're all my internet friends. #i love my internet friends so much but there's also something about irl friendships and connections that. is very nice. #idk i'm. in a bad brain tonight.

[barnbridges]

i think being autistic is like. i dont even have an attachment style. i dont even have attachments bro.

#um something under-represented is that #in my experience (and very theorized by actual physicians) most autistic people have an inferiority complex #that is innane simply to how. we are treated in this world #and how often we face rejection or being misunderstood or being generally different #and this severs greatly our ability to connect to people and how we form relationships #because you always um think there's innerly something wrong with you (and there is) and #i cannot i think define my attachments because i have such insane trust issues #i dont think anyone really cares about me or wants to be my friend or be close to me #i don't know how people think of themselves as my friends #because im such a lingering malignant figure #youre like but isnt this inner no bitch #usually i think my parents also hate me and everyone in my family hates me #i am very prone to um #my mother just pointed out that i seem sadder than usual and im like how do you KNOW #my rational brain knows my mother (as narcissistic and awful as she can be) loves me and has proven it to me time and time again #but my irrational brain is like she cannot possibly ever love me why would she love me #its um. i think literally all of us have this insecurity and instability thats just inherent #idk #which is also why i lose friends i think

[dnangelic]

idc about allonormativity but sugisaki's handling of things is vague enough around the edges that i can still put forward the thematic thesis of 'anybody who doesn't want to be alone shouldn't be alone' and 'lives and people's souls/hearts, like art, can be freely shared with each other and witnessed in order to be good and beautiful' and that sort of thing is like almost the entire driving force of daisuke's character. to me.

#its only a tiny tweak from canon but the way i write daisuke its love Periodt that transforms him #any sort not just romantic. and hes a guy with pure agape baby hes got Loads of Passion #dark is his proof daisuke is dark's proof but it's only daisuke who's too shy to ever readily admit to anything #his self esteem is bad so he's always concerned that others might dislike him if he admits anything #the other niwas also struggled w dark but i don't think they ever struggled as much as daisuke #and yet daisuke's also the only tamer to meet dark's feelings at an equal place and actually willingly merge #dark won't ever say it but his own driving force too being a sense of surprisingly protective and righteous love #beginning with manisumea ending with the niwas. he steals the art because the hikari don't love and tend to destroy it #he wants to coexist with the niwa so he doesn't go on a rampage like krad does. love intermingles sorrow/hatred takes away #anyways its like yeah love transforms but will other people still accept you for that. are u someone who's willing to accept others for it #an insecurity can become a secret and that applies to just about anybody #daisuke's heart is one that bleeds for everything and everyone and that's actually always part of why he doesn't say anything #not just bc he doesn't want to get in trouble but he doesn't want to hurt people like riku either #alas to be wholly loved u have to be wholly witnessed. #ykno.... #im rambling. aldkjlskjgkj #*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT. #reference.