#also sorry if it’s unreadable i wrote this at 2am

[babieshowclown]

Tell me about the arranged marriage au, I beg of you. This is exactly the content I've been craving for. Do they hate each other? Are they immediately in love? Do they have a mutual respect and act civil while trying to push down any feelings? What is their relationship? Why are they being arranged? Are they both now or royal or is Hugo still with donella? If it's for inheritance and they're moving, where? Please, all the thoughts

OK SO all the seven kingdoms are on the brink of war during this time donella rises to power as a huge politician and most of the kingdoms are practically under her thumb

Carona has a bunch of allies including the dark kingdom but with Eugene being married to raps that makes varian next to rule the dk until they have children but he was raised as a farm boy

Hugo was still a street rat until don picked him up and with that power he quickly became don successor and to take over the empire one day

Uhhh blah blah politics something something don have ulla knowing each other don convinces the carona royals and the dk citizens to have an arranged marriage with varian and Hugo(and maybe don wants to use varians intelligence to build weapons for her and him being obliged to by being tied in with marriage)

To protect his family Varian goes along with it but he’s super freaked because shit he is marrying someone who is practical a dictator then he meets hugo at a fancy dinner and realizes he is just a dork an asshole but a dork all the same (who has the same interest in mechanics as him)

The marriage goes off with out a hitch and varian has to go live with hugo and leave everyone behind

AND ITS JUST REALLY AWKWARD varian is kinda being treated as a trophy by the kingdom and hugo has no idea what to do with this new annoying husband and varian hates just sitting around being useless

That’s until hugo has to go back to work and even though he hates it he traveles to different kingdoms and make sure the arrangements and what not are going to plan so once he thinks varian is comfortable the plan is that he leaves him with don for a while but Varian is like no no no you will not just leave me here I’m coming with you and hugo has to comply to get varian corporative

So hugo is really fucking annoyed by this but turns out Varian is really good at finding loop wholes and coming up with the best out come for both partys and is generally being super helpful

And varian take notice that hugo is trying to make sure varian is well adjusted and is keeping everyone who he is uncomfortable by a safe distance away

One night hugo comes to varians room because he has been under pressure to “control his unruly husband” and he intends to do just that but varian thinks hugo had a nightmare and offers him to stay in his room with him for the night and hugo is like uhh er sure

Nothing really happens besides varian talking about home like and hugo realize that he wasn’t born royal and tells him such and varian is like “yeah bummer that your husband isn’t actually nobility huh” and hugo is like “well I’m not also” and they both realize that they both where lower class that got pushed into a position of power they really didn’t ask for and huh turns out they have more in common then they think

And from then on they are in their friends era and its so much easier to be married to someone when you don’t hate them and varian doesn’t really question their relationship until he gets a visit from raps

She is expressing to him that she wished he got to experienced true love but Varian is like “but in retrospect being with hugo isn’t bad at all” and starts internalizing that

Uhhh these details aren’t clear but something happens and betrayal and don reveals her plan to use varian and it ends up with hugo and varian both stuck in the woods together being resentful and the kingdoms about to start a huge war with each other

After they make up and some love confessions ig they go off to stop any fighting and to destroy don’s empire

After they do all that varian is finally home and reunited with his family and loved ones and it gets mentioned that varian can leave hugo and try and find true love but Varian is like nah i already found it and I’m keeping my silly goofy husband

Then they kiss and go on adventures together and be silly the end

#varigo #vat7k #SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG #i have so many thoughts #also sorry if it’s unreadable i wrote this at 2am

[leviiattacks]

heyyy there, saw your requests are open. and i'm wondering maybe you could do a timeskip where everything is done and levi finally opened his tea shop. then there he met reader, and he treats them differently from other customers. thank you, hope you're having a good day.

author note :: this was kinda rushed as is most of what i post. the reader is a writer just bc i thought it would be cute and also ISTG. i wrote this entire thing thinking leviolas was such a cool name for a tea shop then googled it and saw it’s also the name of a spider so... ++ btw i have not yet double checked or proofread this because i wrote it at 2am but yeah it’s definitely not great :-) word count :: 2.4k??? somehow???

you’re sweet like honey when you first order from leviolas. you’re the same when you ask the owner for extra napkins and you remain exactly the same when you return with the intention to stick around for a writing session with a black tea by your side

something about you is attractive. that’s what levi thinks of you when you first walk into leviolas

you’re just incredibly wholesome poking your head around looking at all of the handmade pastries and confectioneries in admiration

you think the homely decor is cute and reminiscent of cottages in the countryside, the view outside the windows is beautiful and the scent of coffee alongside tea is heavenly

the pastries are beautiful and you find yourself eyeing the macrons pretty frequently. just EVERYTHING about leviolas is cute :-(

but one particular thing is especially adorable to you

and that would be the owner

when you hear his name for the first time you’re a little shocked

levi ackerman to be specific captain levi ackerman, the high ranking official who aided in paradis’ independence and freed the nation from the grip of titans

you read about him a year back in a paper or two and vividly recall the valiant title he held as humanity’s strongest soldier

he still holds the title that’s for sure but now he happens to own a tea shop

it’s slightly unusual it’s not every day you see a soldier retire and live such a plain life but you suppose the simplicity makes levi happy

honestly, if you had been through hell and back like him you too would wish to spend the rest of your days in the company of tea leaves and sweet cakes

today is a day like any other you’re sat by one of the windows and contemplating sitting in the outside seating area

the sun is shining and lands uncomfortably on your face at this angle and you may as well make your way outside

but before you can a shadow looms over you and a broad chest leans over to cover the window with dainty curtains

“you looked bothered by the light.”

oh god.

it’s him.

he’s standing there looking at you with an unreadable expression and all you can do is open and close your mouth not knowing what to say

humanity’s strongest soldier

levi ackerman

also known as the really really really attractive cafe owner you’ve been crushing on for the last few months now

seeing him up close is much more different to looking at him from the comfort of your seat or whilst you order

he’s normally got his back turned whilst collecting orders or another worker collects them as he prepares the beverages

that’s why the unexpected interaction has you nervous

you can always tell when he’s made your drink because he honestly has a way with tea leaves and you kinda want to gush about how much you enjoy it

but, no, no, no.

you’re panicking just looking at him

soft black strands of hair stick to his forehead, his undercut is oddly satisfying to stare at and he smells of pine trees which again is refreshing

“ah hahaha thank you for blocking the sun out!!”

why the fuck did you ha ha????

this is so awkward.

putting on your best front you beam up at him hoping your toothy smile doesn’t look stupid

then again it probably does because who the hell has a good toothy smile

nobody.......

levi’s gaze lingers on you but if he has anything else he wants to say he doesn’t make it known

instead he firmly nods and turns away

you’ve messed up,,

only!!! you manage to mess up even more....?

without thinking your hand latches onto the back of his blue button up and your face burns up realizing what it is you’ve done when he stiffens to a stop

as quick as your hand has grabbed onto his shirt it lets go and you awkwardly laugh again

hahahahaha

“i’m sorry i didn’t mean to hold onto you so hard i was just...wondering if you could let me in on your secret.”

the random sentence is one you’ve made off the top of your head because you don’t have any real reason for holding onto him

but thankfully for you the saccharine of your voice is enough to sway levi

when he turns to see you with the same smile eagerly awaiting his answer something sparks in him

his chest feels a little funny but he ignores it

“secret?” he questions

“yeah!! your tea!! you’re really good at making it and aaaahhhh” you sigh contently thinking back on it.

“i remember when i ordered rose tea one time. you made it beautifully and the taste was infused so delicately it was incredibly soothing.”

hearing you ramble passionately about what he loves to do makes his chest feel funny again

he doesn’t know what the hell is going on exactly

but the only way he can explain it is his heart somersaulting and flipping despite him not wanting it to

despite that, it’s quite enjoyable

it’s probably got something to do with your kindhearted demeanor or the way you always manage to give him a smile when you waltz in

but levi finds himself fighting to touch you more and more as the days pass

your collar is always haphazardly done and he wants to lean in and fix it

sometimes you’ll have an eyelash on your face and he wants to lean in to swipe it away with his thumb

occasionally he stares at your hair and wants to sort it out. half the time it’s all over the place from the wind

he wants to lean in and smooth it out.

all he wants to do is LEAN IN but he sees no valid reason to

he’s lucky he’s always able to catch himself before his thumb reaches your cheek (you’re very oblivious and never notice how close he really gets)

ever since your first encounter at leviolas a few months back he’s been dragged into your world of books and lively stories

it doesn’t take you long to break out of your shell and you’re always telling levi something new

he doesn’t speak as much as you but when you coax out a story or two out of him he’s always earnest

you’ve learnt a lot through the conversations

you’ve learnt about his lost comrades, the horrible things he had to see on the battlefield, how he hopes he’ll live happy with what he has left

there are certain conversation topics he skips entirely and you respect his boundaries

you and levi are sat by a window and a comfortable silence floats between you two

it’s been four months

four months since you asked what his secret was

come to think of it he never told you what it was

he’s intently staring at you as you drink the lemon tea he’s just made you and his stare is a little too intense

feeling nervous you pick up your cup hoping for something to occupy yourself

recently the butterflies in your stomach have been increasing in number but you know it’s wrong to fancy levi

you don’t know why you think that but it’s the fact that you’re sure you’re not his type

he probably likes organised people, dependable people, funny people

not you.

you’re just an irksome author who spends your days writing in his shop

honestly he finds you annoying he has to. you’re always hanging around here

however, you do remember the one day you did choose to write in the park he thought you had died or something. that made you feel a little sad because he can’t really help but automatically worry if his routine is broken and you happen to have accidentally become part of his schedule

no, like levi’s literally said he has your name in his planner and whenever he thinks of a new thing to make you he’ll write it down with your name next to it

but still,, you’re convinced he has to find you annoying

there’s no reason for thinking it but you DEFINITELY think it’s correct

absentmindedly you haven’t even noticed levi still staring at you

“y/n?”

looking up at levi he’s clearly worried about something

humming in response telling him to continue he does

“i like someone.”

oh.

“...i’m not sure they’d return my feelings, that’s why i mentioned it.”

you smile at him warmly and you feel your heart sink, obviously he has to like someone. it’s probably someone in the corps, someone strong, someone capable. you’re not any of those things.

“well, you need not worry. if a man as good as you fancied me i’d be over the moon. i’m sure they would too!”

keep optimistic, don’t let him see you upset.

levi’s cheeks grow bright red and he bashfully tries to hide his embarrassment by covering his face with his hands

you laugh when he doesn’t budge and stays in the same position 

“c’mon levi, confess they’ll accept you have nothing to fear.” you coo persuasively

finally letting up after a few seconds he lets his arms drop to his sides.

“would you date me?”

the question takes you aback and you stare at him startled

soon realizing the idiocy laced in the inquiry he quickly retracts his statement

“nevermind, that was stupid.”

ignoring him you still want to answer

“uh well, i would. i have thought about it on occasion.”

he’s blinking rapidly trying to process what you’ve just admitted.

“you’ve thought about...?”

“dating you. yes i have.”

“and why the hell would you do that?” you can’t tell if he’s mad at you

“you’re capable, respectful. you’re considerate and quiet. i mean it you’re an amazing man really. also your tea!! imagine getting to drink it every day.”

you really have to add in the part about his tea because you know he loves it when you compliment it :-)

“ok, you drink my tea every day already.”

his short uninterested response stings and the dam of regret bursts open 

you shouldn’t have said all of that.

you and levi sit in an awkward silence for what feels like an eternity. you don’t dare look at him and your course of action is too drink your tea as quick as possible before dismissing yourself.

but before you can set your plan in motion levi breaks the ice.

“let’s date.”

you freeze and your eyes grow to the size of saucers

what did he just say???

he has to be losing his mind

“but levi what about the person you like?”

his eyebrow cocks upwards and an amused expression stretches across his face.

“i was talking about you.” he confesses boldly

this is a fever dream, nope, nope nope. you can not comprehend that this is your reality.

pinching your arm you hiss a little when you feel the pain

okay so, you’re definitely not dreaming...

“i, you, me. you...you like me?” the sentence is a jumble of words but you manage to sputter out something that makes sense

“yes. i like you.”

he’s being so blunt you can’t tell if he’s being serious but when you remind yourself that this is levi you relax, a blunt straightforward confession is meaningful coming from him 

BUT THAT’S BESIDES THE POINT

HELLO???? HE LIKES YOU BACK?%^%^”*

you get all blushy and flustered and you let out another one of your awkward hahahahaha’s but it’s a good hahahahaha

cautiously testing the waters he grabs your hand from across the table intertwining his fingers with yours

the gesture is adorable. the buzzing sensation that travels through your laced fingers makes you giggle to yourself giddily

“leviolas suddenly a matchmaking agency now? ;-)” your joke is dry and unfunny and levi rolls his eyes at it 

“you’re not funny.”

“but you still like me.” you tease

“yes. i still like you.” he admits

a few days have passed since then

you and levi have been the talk of the town 

humanity’s strongest soldier finally found his flame???

the chatter and rumors spread like wildfire, both you and levi aren’t fans of being in the spotlight but nothing negative has been said so there’s no complaints so far

levi places a cup of tea in front of you, it’s a herbal kind because you’ve been complaining about a headache

today you’re explaining why you dislike the plot of beauty and the beast and how there’s so much wrong with it. from the weirdly toxic relationship to the power imbalance. levi stands listening attentively whilst waiting for you to take a sip of the tea

just as you’ve paused to take a large breathe and prepare yourself to continue explaining how unbearable that book is levi uses it as his chance to say what he’s been wanting to 

“drink up before it’s ice cold.”

following his instructions you interrupt yourself and take a gulp of the herbal tea

your eyes glimmer in approval. it tastes of strawberries and you’re delighted already feeling your mood slightly raise in response

“it’s GREAT?? what did you put in it?? it doesn’t even taste medicinal.” once again, you’re fawning over his tea

“so levi ackerman, what really is the secret to all these perfect cups of tea?”

and without a seconds hesitation he responds.

“i was making the tea for you. that’s the secret.”

it takes a while for the gravity of his words to sink it but when the meaning does you cup his face in your palms and peck him everywhere. he whines a little but you can tell he enjoys the attention

you find that you’re more than happy you’ve found a home in levi and his shop

and levi’s more than happy he’s found a home in you and your books

:-)

#leviiattacks #aot #attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x y/n #snk #aot fanfiction #attack on titan levi #levi ackerman #levi #shingeki no kyoujin #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi drabbles #attack on titan x reader #levi fanfiction #levi headcanons #tea shop levi #levi scenario #levi fluff

[peanut-in-the-goal]

Would love to read the longer insecure Leo fic day if you feel like finishing it. If not it’s totally cool no pressure or anything. 🙂 I love your writing and all the o’knutzy feels!

hhhh so I wrote this so long ago tbh I don’t think I’m going to finish it

If someone actually wants me to finish it just send in an ask and I’ll try to but as of right now this is about as good as it’s going to get okay? (it could just be the fact that it’s 2am and I don’t wanna hurt leo rn lol) This is just like a v long wip that serves no real purpose. as also characters belong to @lumosinlove 

---

Leo woke up to a cold bed. He sat up, yawning. Blearily he looked around, raising his hands to attempt to rub some of the sleep from his eyes. He leaned over, grabbing his phone from the nightstand, checking for any unread messages from either Logan or Finn. The time read 8:12, far too early for Logan to be awake. Finn, maybe. 

He glanced up, hearing the distinct sound of the toilet flushing before a very tired Logan stumbled out. He laughed, his voice rough with sleep, as Logan came back, falling onto the bed. His hair splayed across his pillow, and his eyes looked up to meet Leo’s.

He raised his arm, grabbing onto Leo’s sleeve, trying to tug him back to bed, lightly. Leo went willingly, curling himself around Logan, who had his head buried in Leo’s chest.

“Mph, stay,” Logan muttered, his eyes already slipping closed, content on sleeping their day away. Leo smiled, placing a soft kiss on the top of Logan’s head. 

“D’accord.” He whispered, they’d find Finn later. It wasn’t unusual for him to go for a run in the morning anyways. Leo laid there, toying with Logan’s hair as he felt him relax completely, soft snores coming from the boy.

He smiled as Logan shifted again, subconsciously pushing himself further into Leo. 

The next time Leo woke up, it was to the front door closing. Logan whined in his sleep, shifting slightly, when the noise woke him. He kept his eyes closed, shuffling closer to Leo and pushing his head further into his pillow. Leo shushes him quietly, waiting for him to go back to sleep. After a moment, he heard Logan’s breath even out again and he sighed in relief. 

He felt someone watching them, looking up, he saw Finn standing in the doorway with a soft smile playing at his lips. Leo beckoned him over, silently telling him to come back to the bed, with a small nod with his head. Finn smiled but shook his head.

 “I’m all sweaty,” he whispered. Which was true, it was evident he had just come back from his morning run. “I’m going to go shower.” He spoke softly, mostly not to wake Logan, and removed his airpods. 

Leo nodded, glancing at the clock, 8:56 am, before burying his face back into Logan’s hair. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Once again, he lets the sleep take over, relaxing them as they waste their day away.

It’s not long before he feels the bed dip behind him, and Finn’s warm body and wet hair lay along his back. His smile lingered on his lips, turning to kiss Finn softly, before finally letting the sleep take over, knowing his two boys were safe, there with him.

Nothing. Honestly, nothing happened. He was fine, the day had gone perfect. He didn’t have practice and got to spend the day sleeping with his boys. He was happy, he was so so happy. 

But why was that familiar dread settling in his chest? Why did he feel like it was wrong, everything he was doing was wrong with that nagging feeling telling him he wasn’t good enough? He shifted, which made Logan stir and look up at him with his wide green eyes blinking up blearily at him.

Leo tried to shush him and get him to go back to sleep, but Logan had seen his sad face, and before he knew it Logan was sitting up, looking at him concerned. 

“Peanut? Vas tu bien?” he asks, searching Leo’s face for something that tells him what’s wrong. Leo opened and closed his mouth, before taking a shaky breath.

“Je vais bien, C’est bon.” He hates the way his voice wavered at the end, cracking slightly. Logan’s eyes softened, taking Leo’s face into his hands.

“Knutty,” he mumbled. He placed a soft kiss to his forehead, then his nose, then both his cheeks before finally landing one on his lips. Leo tried to smile, he really did, but he couldn’t keep it up for long. 

Logan stretched out his arms, letting Leo lean into him as he hugged him close.

This time a small smile actually did ghost Leo’s lips. Logan and Finn always knew how to help him, even if they didn’t use words to communicate. He doesn’t know how long they sat there, with Logan holding him as he tried to ignore the voices in his head nagging at him. Telling him he wasn’t good enough, that he didn’t deserve their love. 

He isn’t even sure when the tears started slipping down his cheeks, but they must have because he felt Logan hugging him tighter. Leo goes to apologize, for being such a mess and for crying. But he can’t even get the words out before he feels a warm weight fall against his back and a pair of strong arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“Mph,” Finn mutters, his voice groggy and rough with sleep as he buries his face in Leo’s neck. Leo sniffs, trying to stop his tears before Finn notices. But Finn hears with his head being so close to Leo’s and his head snaps up. He takes in the tear stains on his cheeks and the damp spot on Logan’s shirt.

And it happens so quickly, where Finn has climbed off his back and is sitting in front of him, raking his finger through Leo’s hair.

“Baby?” He asks, not exactly knowing what's going on, but was definitely not expecting to wake up to Leo crying. “What’s wrong, what happened? Are you okay, are you hurt? Did we do something? Are you...” He trailed off, watching Leo shake his head frantically instead of answering his questions.

Finn quietens down, letting Leo get his thoughts into words, to explain what's wrong so Finn can hold him, and take care of him, because he loves him so, so much and it kills him a little more when Leo starts to slip. He’s right there, he's right there, but he seems so far away. It feels like Leo is slipping through his fingers, and Finn is so scared that one day he won’t be able to grasp on and pull him back in.

That he’ll lose the funny and smart man, that he’ll let the depression take over. He’s scared he’ll stop fighting it and he’ll drift. He’ll drift and become a shell, and he can’t count how many times he’s fallen asleep crying into Logan's arms because he doesn’t want to lose him.

He can’t lose him. 

And he barely hears the muttered apology escape from Leo’s lips, and he would have if he weren’t so hyper-aware of everything Leo was doing. Waiting for the hitched breath that showed he couldn’t hold it back anymore, and Finn could pull him into his arms until he cried himself back to sleep, and Logan went to make some tea and order take out.

Because everyone knows that they can’t cook, and they don’t need to add to Leo’s stress by making him help clean it up. He just needs them by his side, ready to help him, to show him the love that brought him together.

And Finn hates that Leo feels this way, that he isn’t good enough. He hates that Leo tries to push them away, that he thinks he’s a burden and a nuisance. They’ve learned the best way to help him over the past few months have caught up to him. 

The recent news of his father's sickness, with playoffs right around the corner. Loops pulling Kasey from the next couple of games for the pulled hamstring. It was too much, it proved too much when it started pushing Leo.

They could see it happening, Leo waking up earlier to hit the gym before practice, staying late after to add in some more training. The need that he had to feel good enough, to feel like he had to prove something because of his age. That broke both Logans and Finn's heart watching him work and work and work. Draining himself, when he couldn’t see how good he really was.

Leo was fidgeting with the duvet on the bed, pulling at the loose, frayed string on the end. He sniffed, once, then twice, before the dam broke. He angrily tried to wipe away at the tears rolling down his cheeks, biting his lip to try and clench the sobs that were bubbling up. But he couldn’t, he was fighting a losing battle and was giving in. 

They acted on instinct, Finn catching Leo as he fell into his chest, the heart wrenching sobs ripping themselves from his throat. Finn embraced him, holding him tightly, never going to be ready to let go. Logan moved to his side, rubbing his back, placing a kiss to his temple and his cheek every few minutes. 

“Désolé, Je suis désolé, I’m sorry,” Leo sobbed. 

He hates being like this, feeling useless, so utterly vulnerable. The way he was falling apart, with too many thoughts rushing through his head. His heart was beating erratically, his breaths uneven and shallow. He grasped onto Finn’s shirt, knuckles turning white as his hands shook with the material in between his fingers. His lips trembled, the oxygen seemingly impossible to get to his lungs.

Finn hugged tighter, whispering in his ear.

“Baby, don’t apologize. Never apologize for this. I just want to be there for you, we both do. Let us be there for you. Knutty, baby, we’d cross oceans for you.” 

Logan nodded in agreement, delivering another kiss into his blonde curls. Leo let it sink it, not exactly believing it, but hoping that maybe, it could be true. 

He fell asleep there, the tears track drying on his cheeks.

That last thing he heard was Logans whispered, “I love you,” before he let the darkness take over.

Leo could feel his breath picking up, the inward panic settling in his chest. He wasn’t sure why this affected him so much. He huffed, wiping at his eyes angrily where he could feel the tears forming. 

“Baby?” He heard the door creak open, Finn’s voice calling over all the voices in his head. He wasn’t sure why it was hitting him so hard right now. He knew he had depression, he had it since he was young. He would scoff at himself when he let it win, feeling utterly useless, and wanting to do better.

He felt like nothing he did was enough. Not enough for him, or his parents, or for Finn and Logan. 

The bed dipped beside him, feeling Finn’s warm hand cupping his cheeks, and turning his face towards him. Finn made a confused noise, whipping at the tears rolling down Leo’s cheeks.

He hadn’t even realized they fell. He just felt so numb.

“I brought you some food,” he said softly, like if he said it any louder it would’ve broken him. And quite honestly, it probably would have. Days like this, it made him feel horrible when Finn and Logan had to bring him food, or water, or do anything for him that he should be able to do himself. 

He gave Finn a wavering smile in return, which slipped off his face as quickly as it appeared. Gosh, why did he feel like such a fuck up? He took the plate from Finn, placing it in front of him on the bed. 

Finn and Logan knew he wouldn’t be able to stomach anything rich right now. Even then, the toast on the plate seemed absolutely revolting right now, just the thought of food made him nauseous.

#see i didn't finish #gg writes #GG writes shitty stuff

[nomintokki]

Shouldn’t Be | Lee Jeno

PAIRINGS: Lee Jeno x Girlfriend!reader 

GENRE: angst, just angst kslajsajdla

WORDCOUNT: 1.4k

Synopsis: You found out you were being played by your partner for a year and a half.

A/N: Inspired by the song Shouldn’t be by Luke Chiang. I wrote this 2am in the morning and I was craving some angst so pls bear with me. 

It was late at night the moon was fully up, you just got back from your favorite cafe finishing your reviewers since finals were coming up. As soon as you arrived home you dropped your stuff and dove right into your bed letting the sheets swallow you up. As you rest you remembered you haven't seen or heard anything from your boyfriend, Lee Jeno. You and Jeno have been together for a half and a year by now although the past months were rough the two of you made sure to make up. However since finals were around the corner it was rare for both of you to see each other, even through texting and calls since both of you were too occupied by your own works. Thinking about him made you fish out your phone from your bag. You opened your phone having unread messages from Jeno and your best friend. You opened Jeno's message first "y/n sorry for replying late. I'm tired I’ll call you when finals are over. I miss you 💕" You miss him too you really do you just wish the finals will be over soon. You miss his scent, the scent of his minty cologne mixed with the citrusy scent of his shampoo, you miss his deep voice, and most of all you miss seeing his eye smile, his eyes that turn into two crescent moon shape whenever he smiles. You texted him back "I miss you too Jeno. Good luck with your finals! I love you!".

After clicking send you checked on your best friend's message "y/n I really don’t think Jeno and Cassie are just friends. I saw them again they were at Baskin look" *pic attached*. As you read your best friend's message your heart sank but once you opened the picture your heart even shattered. You have been suspecting that Jeno was cheating on you with Cassie, a random girl from your uni,  however, you keep on denying at convincing yourself they were just friends. You turned your phone off, not having the energy to reply to your best friend, lying down on the bed you feel nothing, numb perhaps, a lot is going through your mind.  You didn't want to confront Jeno yet, you don't want this to affect your performance in school most especially that finals are nearing. It hurts After staring at the ceiling long enough to gain back the energy to move, you stood up dragging your feet to the bathroom hoping a shower would help you clear your thoughts. 

Sadly, the shower was of no help. While the water was rushing through you thoughts keep coming. You kept on asking yourself ‘where could have I gone wrong?’ ‘Am I not enough?’ ‘am I too toxic for him?’ ‘why does it have to come to the point wherein he would cheat’. Knowing the stubborn you, you kept rebutting the last question you keep on telling yourself that Jeno can’t do this, he wouldn’t cheat even though proof was already there. You stepped out of the shower got dressed to your PJs and dove back to your bed. You snuggled yourself in you didn’t realize tears were coming, soon enough you fell asleep tired from thinking and crying. 

You woke up to your alarm, trying to open your tired and puffy eyes you turned off that annoying sound. You noticed that you have a notification from Jeno, just great what a nice thing to start your day with, you sarcastically thought. You clicked on the notification reading “Hi y/n today is your first and last finals for the sem! I hope you are well rested! Good luck” You wanted to convince yourself that what he said was genuine. Again you are too stubborn to see that he was lying, again you convinced yourself that they were just hanging out in that picture. But you were too tired to reply, You just threw your phone to your bag and started to get ready for the long day ahead. 

Finally, all of your written finals are over, some of your finals were practical and physical and you have already submitted them also. While walking toward your locker with your best friend you finally see Jeno, he was leaning through the door frame of a random classroom. The whole week you haven’t seen him, his back was facing you and you were planning to surprise him, but it was you who was surprised. As of on cue Cassie walked out of the classroom Jeno as near she gave him a hug and Jeno offered to carry her bag. You froze at the scene you were witnessing your best friend also froze probably didn’t know how to handle the situation. While your feet were still stuck on the ground Jeno turned around and saw you. His eyes grew big and called your name softly. He tried to reach out for you but you were fast, you started running away from him. 

After running far enough for your energy to drain you end up in the university’s parking lot. You dropped down to the ground and started crying harder. You couldn’t believe you witnessed your boyfriend for a year and half cheat on you. You weren’t surprised because you already knew that there is a possibility that he was cheating on you but the pain you were feeling was gnawing. It was really painful for you to think that he wasn’t honest when he was saying he misses you, he was playing with you, he hurt your pride. You realized that he told you words he didn’t mean. 

Your best friend found you in the parking lot she comforted you by patting your back. She waited for you to calm down and offered to bring you home. As soon as you got home, you let yourself be drowned by your sofa. You didn’t have the energy to go to your room and fix yourself anymore. Your best friend got a blanket from your room and put it on top of you. She fixed and placed some tissue, water, and anything you might need before she left. A few minutes after she left you fell to sleep while crying. 

Knocks from your door woke you up, too tired and drained you didn’t bother answering it. But then you heard his voice call out for your name. Tears started to form from your eyes again, you were already tired from crying but as if your tear ducts were broken and can’t stop from producing tears. “y/n please open the door let me talk to you” you heard him call for your name again. After a few more knocks you heard a heavy sigh from the other side of the door. ‘I don’t know if your in here or not if your listening or not. It’s okay if you don’t open the door I don’t really deserve it. Im such an asshole for doing this to you.’ you wanted to open the door for him but you were too hurt to do so, you decided to just listen instead. ‘‘There are no acceptable excuses as to why I cheated on you. I don’t know what gotten into me and how I did that. I won’t try to defend myself and throw excuses anymore cuz the fact is that I still cheated on you. Even though me and Cassie were not a thing I still cheated on you I admit that I’m sorry. If you won’t accept my apology I respect and understand that. But I’m really sorry.  You alone is enough I swear its just that... I couldn’t resist the temptations around me and I am really sorry It is totally my fault. I guess this will be the end for us huh?’’ he chuckles but you heard his voice crack and this made you cry harder. “ I want to say I’m really thankful for you y/n. With you, I was able to experience different things and feel the happiness I have never felt before I met you. Having you beside me was probably the highlight of my life. I swear I would regret doing this to you. I probably can’t even forgive myself for doing this to you. I was too dumb to ruin what we have. I am sorry y/n I really am.”

Hearing him makes you want to open the door and forgive him already, you miss him so much you wanted to smell his scent again. But you just can’t. everything is just too painful for you to brush off. You want to keep him so bad, keeping him close to you shouldn’t be this hard. But you can’t it made you feel the lowest and you don’t think you can stand up yet and keep him near you again. 

#lee jeno #NCT-WRITERS #dreamwritersnet #nct dream #jeno nct #jeno fanfic #angst #university au #cheating #nct fanfic #nct imagines #break up #jeno au #lee jeno fanfic #nct dream fanfic #nct angst #tine thingz #hays jeno #shouldn't be

[ex-priest]

i’m sorry, every single song is about you (and other sappy summer sentiments)

the nature of [me] is that every so often i have to stumble upon summer again. this year it’s seven months long and reeks of sweat and garbage and lemony, dish-washing soap. it’s nine people in a house all slowly going insane from the heat and the virus and the threat of a government that’s all out to get you. it’s going to bed at 5 am but only because i can’t stand to see the sunrise. (it reminds me too much of hope. and beginning again. and days that feel new. ever since march every second/minute/hour blurs together so fast. i am a morbidly obese forty-something incel wearing a ‘virginity rocks’ t-shirt sitting on the couch with my finger lazily pressing down so i can skip through all of the commercials.) 

but it’s still the same. after 2016 all my summers have been the same. an endless, constant loop of the following words: longing, dread, suffering, like, doldrums, doldrums, doldrums. (it always comes back to the linguistics of it all, because my words dictate my worlds, and for some reason i like to drown in misery and decades-old blog posts and thinly-veiled song lyrics that somehow makes me feel more than anything else i’ve felt in my entire life. children dying in the streets don’t get the same emotional reaction than the sentence “i’m sorry every song’s about you.”) i’m pretty sure this combination of words have appeared on this blog more times than i’ve ever said ‘i love you’ to someone and actually meant it. real life is only as meaningful as the things that have happened to me, and since i’m not unfortunate enough to be pete wentz from fall out boy i’ve decided to pour out some of my words for him in a hopeless attempt to aid him as he ambles through this post-summeroflike world. honestly, he needs all the help he can get.

there’s just something about all this that makes me incredibly sad and mouthy and crying-at-the-bar-at-2am-because-i-want-to-kill-myself drunk. my mind is a perpetual loop of “you are my favorite what if” / “my body is an orphanage, we take everyone in” / “it’s hard to find someone that likes me for me and not because i’m pete from fall out boy. and i found them. and then watched it fade” and i am powerless to stop it. i’m always a sucker for good poetry and god damn if peter lewis kingston wentz iii isn’t one of the best modern poets i’ve ever read. up there with richard siken and tumblr user julykings. i don’t know how scholars and academics measure brevity and wit or whatever the fuck makes an objectively ‘good’ poem because as long as it makes me want to fucking stop in the middle of the street and sob into my hands for at least a moment or two then it’s fucking art, baby. “i think the word fuck is good, but only sometimes / like how fucking good it felt to be seen” and “i’m sorry about the blood on your mouth / i wish it was mine / i couldn’t get the boy to kill me but i wore his jacket for the longest time” live in my head rent fucking free.

this post is longer than i expected. and also going in a direction that both surprises and delights me. it’s been months since i last wrote something on here. i’m always writing about failure and memories and romance and the lack thereof. but it always feel like i’m just performing for an invisible audience. (story of my fucking life, by the way.) i’ve forgotten what it’s like to just unhinge my jaw like a snake and swallow. this summer made me remember how good it feels to be me, sometimes. to have nothing and no one to answer to. i have so many unread messages that if my phone was a physical mailbox it would have exploded by now, spencer in icarly style, i.e., spontaneously combusting with no real explanation except that’s just the way life is. if anyone i know is reading this right now then i’m sorry. i can’t stand the thought of being needed/wanted by someone right now. (that sounds incredibly cocky. ‘i don’t need you,’ i imagine you saying. ‘you just have a fucking responsibility/obligation to [insert whatever the hell you want from me].’ and yeah, i agree. but at the same time, fuck you. and also at the same time, i don’t mean any of this. i’m just tired. i’ll talk to you again when i can no longer wake from my sleep.)  but i digress. what i’m trying to say in this ridiculously-long, unwanted, overly-wordy post, is that i will always be a slut for whatever shit went down on the 2005 warped tour. i’m not very good at saying things, so i tend to over-compensate by saying lots of things. and then i do a complete 180 and say nothing at all. i don’t know. maybe i just don’t have the guts to talk about the real and the present. maybe that’s why i have to get drunk out of my mind before i ever tell anyone about how lonely i am. it’s much easier to lament over the death of a romance that wasn’t mine. and it’s so much easier because with the way pete wentz writes his about his well-documented, decade-long, four-album heartbreak, i don’t even have to say much. i just have to say something along the lines of “his hands hurt from holding on too tight” and i guarantee future [me] would be reduced into nothing but a sobbing, light-blue mess. it’s that easy. (wrote you a goodbye note [you just wrote me off] on your arm when you passed out...)

#le #yeah im emo what about it #and with the recent resurgence of petekey in the holy year of 2020 this post was just begging to be written