#also uhhh this data is very subjective

[scificrows]

Okay, my brain refuses to think about anything other than Murderbot, so I looked at every use of the word "friend[s]" in TMBD and... created some pie charts. Normal human activities.

Some Thoughts™ I had while putting this together (under the cut):

In All Systems Red, Murderbot notes that the PresAux crew are all close friends (twice! and goes on to explain their internal relationships which I think is very cute). This is pretty much the only use of 'friends' in ASR, except for when Murderbot says that SecUnits can't be friends with each other.

It seems that this may be one of the first times Murderbot has ever really been around a group of friends before? Murderbot notes that this is not the norm for its contracts and admits that the fact that they are all friends and the way they interact with each other make it actually enjoy that contract (before!!!! the hostile attack, so it already enjoys this contract before they start seeing it as a person etc ghghhhh). [Inference: Friendship seems enjoyable.]

The first character that calls Murderbot its friend is ART in Artificial Condition. Murderbot immediately refutes this (and then goes on to call ART its friend to its clients for the rest of the book). [Inference: Maybe ART is Murderbot's friend. And maybe that is... agreeable]

Rogue Protocol has more than twice as many instances of the word 'friend' as any of the other novellas. Why? Miki. Friendship and its implications for non-humans are a central theme because Miki is friends with everyone. Murderbot initially scoffs at the notion that Miki and Miki's humans are friends. At the end of the book, after witnessing how desperately Don Abene tried to stop Miki from trying to save them, and her grief after its death, Murderbot has to admit that she had in fact been Miki's friend. [Inference: Humans can be friends with bots and can sincerely care about them]

In Exit Strategy, Murderbot tentatively uses the word "friends" for its humans for the first time (several times actually). It questions whether it can actually call them its friends or not and later realizes that it had been afraid what admitting that the humans are its friends would do to it. At the end of the book, Mensah tells Murderbot the PresAux crew are its friends, which is the first time a human has directly said that to it (at least on-page). [Inference: Humans can and want to be Murderbot's friends]

In Network Effect, Murderbot seems to be more habituated to the word 'friend', confidently calling ART and Ratthi its friends, like it is no longer just trying the concept on unsure if it fits. There are many instances in which other characters refer to MB as ART's friend or the other way around and Murderbot's humans refer to Murderbot as their friend several times. Generally, there seems to be less hesitancy, because yes, all of them are Murderbot's friends, why wouldn't they be. [Inference: SecUnits can have friends. This SecUnit has friends. They care about it a lot.]

Conclusion: The Murderbot Diaries tell the story of a construct that does not seem to consider the possibility of friendship for itself and is fine with that - until it accidentally starts caring a little too much and suddenly more and more people annex it as a friend (ew) to the point where it can no longer deny that this is happening and has to begrudgingly admit that yes, it has friends now and maybe that is actually not a bad thing.

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot #𓄿 #hi i'm READY to write a thesis about murderbot i am having way too much fun with this #i created a pretty excel spreadsheet and everything #i don't know why i did this but now i can look at them while i think about this more! so i figured i'd share them haha #i didn't count uses of 'friendly' but special shoutout to when MB is all alone in its cold cubicle missing 20% of its body mass #and starts putting on a show because 'the friendly noise would keep it company' 😭😭 #i feel sick thinking about murderbot all alone on its own not knowing what its like to have friends watching media for 'the friendly noise' #also YES okay i wanted to make a point about miki there but i just #couldn't bring myself to talk about that more so... yeah #also uhhh this data is very subjective #i didn't count particularly ironic uses of 'friend' and generally did not count every instance of friend and sometimes it was a hard call #also i probably shouldn't have counted the times murderbot refered to drones or secsystems as its friends (often after hacking them) #but murderbot does seem to care about them and shows kindness and respect and sometimes points out that a system is friendly #so while i don't think MB means “friend” in the same way referring to them as when it refers to ART for instance #i still think its CUTE and also kinda funny how many times that happened so i decided to keep those!!! #but yeah take my data with a grain of salt lol

[arrancxr]

Recently I’ve been thinking of Arrancars going through hypnotherapy to help them remember their past lives. But because that’s probably such an emotional journey and they might get caught up in the feelings, their s/o (or the therapist if the therapist is also their s/o) holds them close so they can listen to their heartbeat and have a form of familiar grounding. And they stay there until they’re calm enough to go back into the trance or go home for the day.

Yeah... uhhh... this is not gonna be as fluffy as you think. >.> For one, I don’t think it’s possible to fully get back the memories of their past lives thanks to, y’know, being an amalgamation of countless souls, but what memories do hit are not going to be pleasant. 

. . . 

Starrk

If you want him to remember stuff, so be it. It can’t be that big of a deal, right? You’re honestly going to have problems with Starrk falling asleep while you attempt the therapy... partly to cover up that he is kind of nervous. Hollows aren’t meant to remember those things, after all, and when he does start getting flashes, Starrk nopes out very quickly. The things appearing in the back of his mind are as dark and painful as the eternity he spent alone. He doesn’t want to even try to face them. 

Halibel

She’s initially quite hesitant to attempt the therapy. It doesn’t feel right to try to force a Hollow to gain back its memories after what’s likely been centuries without them. Don’t you think that could end badly? Of all of them, Halibel likely persists through sessions for the longest, but the clearer her memories get, the less she wants to know what’s lurking, buried, inside of her head. There’s just something about what she’s remembering that feels wrong. Like she’s not meant to know those things anymore. 

Ulquiorra

From the beginning, the whole thing is merely him caving to your request. Ulquiorra has no interest in his past life, whatever it may have contained. He’s quite huffy about the whole hypnotherapy thing, actively resisting its sway just because he thinks it’s stupid to attempt it. However, once even the vaguest of memories start hitting him, that changes dramatically. Ulquiorra can’t make it through more than one session. Whatever he’s trying to remember is much too painful to reach for.  

Nnoitra

Oh. Oh no. It’s hard enough to get Nnoitra to cooperate with something like hypnotherapy, but the real problem comes when he eventually does. The kind of life that created a Hollow like Nnoitra doesn’t leave behind kind memories, and when the fog starts to lift from them, the results are brutal. While he doesn’t show an excessive outward reaction, the haunted look in Nnoitra’s eye and how quickly he shuts down ever trying that again make it clear that he found something horrible inside. 

Grimmjow

What should he remember his past life for? It’s over, and it’s not like he’s going back. Grimmjow treats the therapy like a stupid idea, rolling his eyes at practically everything until he’s actually put into the trance. Even then, it’s a fight to get anything out of him, but when the memories do start to appear, the reaction is instant. He forces himself out of the trance somehow, and immediately makes it very clear that he won’t do it again. Even more telling, he won’t say a thing about what came through. 

Szayel

In a way, Szayel is curious about what will happen if you try. He doesn’t particularly like using himself as the test subject, but it’s for the sake of science, correct? He’s cooperative enough, save for how he insists on keeping proper experimental data of what happens. And what does happen is that he has a full-on panic attack halfway through the first trance. A violent one. After he’s calmed down, Szayel tells you that the experiment is over. He doesn’t want to know the answers, this time. 

Aaroniero

Whatever life created something as fucked up as him, Aaroniero doesn’t care to try to remember it. The results are bad enough already, aren’t they? Of all of them, he’s the least likely to agree to the therapy. Should he go through with it, it’s a painful experience, to say the least. Memories that he never wanted are pressing at the edges of his consciousness more clearly than they ever have, and the darkness that they contain leaves even something like him shaken and unnerved. 

#Bleach #Starrk #Coyote Starrk #Halibel #Tier Halibel #Ulquiorra #Ulquiorra Cifer #Nnoitra #Nnoitra Gilga #Grimmjow #Grimmjow Jeagerjaques #Szayel #Szayelaporro Granz #Aaroniero #Aaroniero Arruruerie #Arrancar #Headcanon #Reader

[girldraki]

Wait if bi lesbianism isn't "bringing men into it" then why is it called bi lesbianism, I thought lesbians already included non binary people

we’re gonna try and give you the benefit of the doubt here and be polite about this but first of all like we said in our post we don’t really agree with the idea that lesbianism should be defined as exclusive of attraction to men because (1) the term has a broad variety of historical and current uses, and the predominant thread has always been women* who love other women* (*inasmuch as lesbianism and gender have a complicated relationship), (2) labels are personally defined and do not have to serve as a 1:1 transcript of experienced attraction; they are also communicative tools and cultural signifiers and used to those ends, and (3) even if the first two weren’t true, there are women out there who are also or sometimes men, because gender is complicated, and excluding them from lesbianism is uhhh it’s not great!

we only brought the “bringing boys into it” shit up because the last like five posts on the subject we’ve had the misfortune to read have gone in on the stupid Lesbians Can’t Like Men Ever Sweetie :) shit and we wanted to point out that that’s not even a de facto aspect of bi or ply lesbianism. like. as we said in the post:

there are bi and ply people who are specifically not attracted to men and who use “lesbian” as shorthand to communicate that while remaining mspec.

there are people who experience almost exclusive attraction to women, to the point where calling themselves bi exclusively feels misrepresentative, and who might be attracted to men very very rarely but are astronomically unlikely to ever actually date one.

there are people who end up with a single-target attraction to one person who isn’t a woman, and it really seems kind of strange to completely uproot their own identity for a literal single data point.

there are people attracted to the aforementioned multigender or genderfluid women who feel the attraction in the first place because of their womanhood (and dont experience attraction to binary/static men) but want to acknowledge that it IS mspec.

theres the fact that (say the line bart) nonbinary people are not a monolith and plenty of people do actually find it more respectful (or literally require people) to acknowledge attraction to them as mspec, no matter whether “lesbianism includes nonbinary people”— i’m sure we’ve both seen plenty of definitions of lesbian where the nonbinary people included are specifically fem-aligned and not everyone fits into that or wants to be included in that!

#ask #anonymous

[rhydium]

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

#jackal.txt #android infinite au #i need a proper name for this #infinite the jackal #dr starline #starfinite #long post #idw sonic spoilers

[cannibaldatingsite]

thank you @hanniba1​ and @fairytalegay​ for tagging me!!!!!!!!!!!

rules: tag people you wanna get to know better! this is like SO long so im putting it under a read more thing

your name and then what you would have named yourself: my name is sara but i also use bille which means beetle in danish i just Dont wanna b called billy in english lmao

astrological sign (sun/moon/rising if you know them): leo

when did you join tumblr and why?: uhhhh i joined wayy back in like 2011 i really dont remember why specifically but this account i made like ?2 ?months ago?? cus of the hannibal reunion stream and i wanted to like join the community again🥺🥺🥺

top 5 fandoms: in my experience every fandom is awful if ure in it long enough

top 5 favourite films: omg idk but 5 movies i really LIKE are mother (2009), monos (2017), oldboy (2003), zappa (1983), ginger snaps (2000)

go to song when you wanna Feel something: george michael - you have been loved

what’s your religion or faith if you have one?: im not faithful but the religion i feel closest to is probably norse paganism?

a song that makes you feel seen: caramelldansen

if you could have any career: i think it would be very fun to be a full-time taxidermist but i would only wanna do animals that had died of natural causes or like car accidents and whatevr

do you have a type?: uhhhhh women

what does your heart/soul yearn for: feeling useful?

if you had to describe yourself in 5 words to someone who doesn’t know you: excitable, opinionated, observant, flamboyant, pragmatic

favourite subjects in school: i mean obvsly arts but i also like chemistry now that im literally having it for the first time at age 20

where does your soul feel most at home: surrounded by quiet and nature and rain

top 5 fictional characters: MY HEAD IS EMPTYYY IDONT KNOW UHHH SPOCK? from star trek? VARRIC FROM DRAGON AGE!!!! hoban washburne from firefly...........hannibal.....ME

top 3 moments in a show that made you ugly cry: season 2 finale of buffy, ending of star trek II twok, uhhhhhh idk i dont ugly cry a lot i guess ive cried to mizumono at some point?

the earth, the sun, the moon or the stars: the earth

favourite kind of weather: i LOOOOVE a good thunderstorm i love rain i love misty weather i HATE like really warm sunny weather it makes me feel ill i think my preferred weather for being outside in would be like kinda cold but ure not shivering in a t-shirt and then like light rain? i really like rain

top 3 characters you kin with: data from star trek, bones from bones, uhh jimmy price from hannibalDFKSYUYFKY

favourite medium of art: to do? digital art

introvert/extrovert/ambivert: introvert??? i guess??

a favourite literary quote: idk man im not like a quotes type person at all

some of your favourite books: best served cold by joe abercrombie, a bright red scream by marilee strong, and like idk i really like the hobbit by tolkien lol

if you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?: hmm maybe sme place with more nature cus i live in the city but still denmark

if you could live in any time in history when would it be?: take away the fact that im a lesbian ive always thought id make a really good monk like just spend my time transcribing books and making funky margins and keeping a strict routine

if you could play any instrument masterfully it would be: boring answer is drums but i think itd b real funky to master like the harp or smtg

if you have one, what mythological god or goddess do you feel a connection to: bro i have no idea i feel way more connected to fucked up little monsters and trolls than i do gods and goddesses

and lastly, favourite recent selfie in your camera roll: i like dont take a lot of selfies this is the best recent one i got where im not like mid-breakdown 😭😭😭😭😭IDONT KNOW WHY ITS SO CLOSE I HAD LIKE 3 AND THEY WERE ALL THAT CLOSE

if u wanna do this just say i tagged u 😭👊

#THIS WAS FUN #BUT ALSO TOOK ME FOREVER CUS I WAS. #THINKING #TAG #???????? #WORMBOY

[equipoiser]

Aeriyen

Basics

Species; ???? Gender; Male, more or less Age; Uhhh, about 9 weeks?  Nationality; ??? I don’t fuckin know guys, he’s a test subject grown in a lab experiment. He’s not white, but beyond that idfk Powers; He can fly, because wings, and has a weird sort of communication with animals and some plants Archetype; Hero (reluctantly)

Appearance

Height; 6′0″, when not hunched over Skin tone; Tan. More or less.  Tattoos/scars; Many many many scars from testing n whatnot, tattoos of geometric designs or animals all over his back and arms Eyes; Gold, they glow faintly Hair; Long. Dark. A mess.  Posture; Hunched over, almost a hunted sort of stance, a little crouched. You know Gollum? A bit like that, only without the rambling to himself. Dress; Usually in silver/grey and dark yellow, with black thrown in.  Weapons/tools; An old-fashioned, lovingly cared-for wooden bow & quiver of arrows. A single hunting knife. Gloves with claw-like knives built in.  Quirks; He can’t speak, but he can make certain noises- chirps, screeches, purrs. He also has wings, mostly brown with dashes of gold on the feather tips. 

Attitude

Personality; He hasn’t really managed to figure out a personality for himself yet? He knows that he’s anxious, and prefers his own company to that of others, and that he likes helping people, but beyond that and a terrifying (though difficult-to-provoke) temper he hasn’t really got a clue.  Likes/dislikes; He likes so many things. He also hates so many things. He likes everything and anything that’s a new experience, even if he hates the actual experience itself, just because it’s new. He really doesn’t like ‘white-coat’ doctors or hospitals, or anything that looks like it might be used in surgery, or the rain.  Strengths/weaknesses; Strengths; he’s literally stronger than humans, he’s actually really smart (he just has like, 0 data to work from), and he’s engineered to stay in perfect health for... well, ever, really, without effort, and he needs very little food or water. Weaknesses; he’s very easily frightened, he does not know how to hide his expressions, and while he needs very little food or water if he doesn’t get it within a certain amount of time he can starve/die of dehydration in VERY little time. 

Other

Daytime occupation; I uh... don’t think he has one?? He’s kinda just. Well for one he’s nocturnal and another he never really stops Heroing cos he doesn’t know what else to do with himself Sidekicks; None Allies; Honestly? Not many people actually know he even exists Skills; He’s learned to be really good at hiding/sneaking, and stealing, though he’s not proud of that one. He’s also developed quite a bit of skill with his bow. Hunting, also, seems to be something he’s instinctually able to do. 

#aeriyen #bios

[yulon]

Ansem the Wise is over-dramatically vilified in the fandom and here’s why

hello. i return to tumblr with this [waves hands mysteriously] apparently HOT TAKE

SO HERE I AM 

First, a brief rundown of misinformation about him going around:

Ansem the Wise didn’t do any of the horrific human experiments [edit***- fixed wording!]. Let me repeat it: Ansem the Wise did NONE of the horrible experiments on people. Not on citizens, and not on X. The only - yes! ONLY! - experiment Ansem the Wise did was on Apprentice Xehanort, who volunteered, and it was just a psychological test. Not “feeding people to Heartless”-esque shit. None of the “kidnapping people and subjecting them to hell on earth”-esque stuff. It was just on homeboy Xeha.

“If I explore Xehanort's heart with psychological tests, I may be able to recall the past locked away within. My apprentice Even has also shown great interest in Xehanort's memories. But is he really the right subject? Xehanort does indeed exhibit extraordinary talents...Too extraordinary... Perhaps they are even superhuman.”

After, he immediately regretted it:

“I have made a grave mistake. My study of the "darkness of the heart" began with a simple psychological test and quickly snowballed.”

“....Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the "darkness of the heart."

As stated in KH3, Ansem the Wise found out they were doing this - WITH X SPECIFICALLY - and stopped Xehanort from continuing the experiments. This is why Ansem SOD sought him out in KH3 - it was because he thought AtW took X away from him to completely stop the testing.

People get confused because Apprentice Xehanort wrote them under Ansem the Wise’s name, something which is quickly explained in Ansem the Wise’s secret reports.  It would not make sense for Ansem, who loved his citizens, to kidnap and experiment on them to the point of insidiousness. It would not make sense for him to see Xehanort and the others doing it and freak out about it if... he himself was also doing it... the logic there doesn’t add up.

So, where we are now:

Ansem the Wise did none of the horrific experiments. Xehanort and the other apprentices did. If you want to hate someone for the awful things done to X/Skuld and the numerous innocent people who were tortured (so much so Xehanort plainly says they “mentally collapsed” and were FED TO HEARTLESS,) direct the rage to Xehanort, the other apprentices, Xemnas, and Ansem. 

Isa, Lea, and Ienzo WOULD HAVE NO REASON TO HATE HIM. HE DID NOT EXPERIMENT ON SKULD/X. HE SAVED HER. [B]LEASE. ENOUGH OF THIS.

But! Ansem the Wise was a huge jackass to Roxas and Namine! I hear you starting to type up your scathing reply! Maybe he didn’t do those awful experiments, but he was abusive and awful!

Yes. You’re absolutely right. After Xehanort and his apprentices banished him to the Realm of Darkness, stripped him of his identity and his research, and destroyed his home, Ansem (somewhat appropriately) grew mad with Darkness and sought revenge. Blinded by it, he sought to destroy all Nobodies, including ones which he had no personal grievances with (like Roxas and Namine,) instead using these as pawns for his personal gains.

DiZ was an abusive, horrible person. Yeah. I’m not an idiot, y’all. He was.

Hey! Y’know who else was? Master Xehanort. You know who else is? Xemnas. You know who else is? Ansem SoD.

Do I see even a QUARTER of the absolute hate this fandom slings toward AtW directed toward those three?

“But what does it matter if other characters are awful? That doesn’t absolve -”

Nope! It doesn’t! Ansem did awful, horrid things. Hate him for those, seriously. But you know what separates them?

Ansem realized his mistakes.

Ansem the Wise realized how terribly he treated Roxas and Namine. He apologizes to Roxas.

Then he sacrifices himself to destroy Kingdom Hearts so Xemnas can’t use it.

“It doesn’t make it okay even if he said sorry!!!” Nope. Maybe not. But even when he came back in KH3, he CONTINUES to try to atone... atonement being a HUGE theme in KH3, if you stan Saix/Isa, Vexen/Even, or whoever else, and hate Ansem the Wise because he doesn’t deserve redemption - bruh. Come on. You realize what you’re saying, right? hewwo??

The fact the only villainous character in the series who turns back to his old and bitter ways and truly and utterly seeks atonement is the one who is hated the most in this fandom is simply .......... buckwild.

Meanwhile, people don’t bat an eye at Xemnas lying and manipulating the entire OXIII, Ansem SoD possessing a literal child, or MX destroying 3 young lives. And if they do, they don’t do it on NEAR the level at they do at what AtW did.

AtW, the only one who tried to do better.

a’ight

Recap!

Yes. As a revenge-blinded DiZ, Ansem the Wise was a truly awful person: a true villain like Xehanort or Xemnas. You’re right.

Unlike Xehanort and his incarnations, however - none who ever showed a LICK of remorse about their awful actions - Ansem realized his mistakes and tried to atone, going so far as to give up his life.

You know what else?

Ansem the Wise put data in Sora to save not only Roxas, but XION AND NAMINE TOO. Yes! That’s fucking right, my man! You couldn’t have your Sea Salt Family back without Ansem the goddamn Wise! He is literally, like, the only reason Roxas and the others are back. Without him, Ienzo would have had NOTHING to go on in KH3 on how to get Roxas back.

AGAIN: Without AtW, Roxas, Xion, and Namine could never be restored. Though he loathed Nobodies as DiZ, he went out of his way to try to atone for his actions by figuring out a way to bring them back.

“But he blamed Ienzo when he reunited with him in Radiant Garden!!! He agreed Ienzo made a mistake even when he was just a kid!!!”

THIS TAKE IS WHAT REALLY GETS ME HEATED!!!!!!! Y’ALL!!!!!!

This is what he ACTUALLY SAYS:

“... I was just a boy. But I should have known better. I am truly, deeply sorry.”

“I think what matters most is you recognize the mistake. Peace, Ienzo. It was I who was consumed by hatred - who failed you in my obligations as your mentor. Forgive me.”

Ansem respects Ienzo and accepts his apology, very gently and kindly. This is the man who was Ienzo’s master: he knows the kid, even though it’s been years.

HE KNOWS IENZO WANTS FORGIVENESS.

Have you ever done something awful that wasn’t really your fault, but you still feel like shit? Did someone ever say “no, it wasn’t your fault, don’t worry about it,” when you just wanted them to say something like: “it was a mistake, but it’s fine now.” You just want to be forgiven for it?

Ansem gave that to him. Look at his face! Fuck!

Then Ansem IMMEDIATELY swings it back to apologize TO IENZO. I’m gonna post it again.

“It was I who was consumed by hatred - who failed you in my obligations as your mentor. Forgive me.”

He accepted Ienzo’s apology as a hand wave then blamed himself for what happened (even if it wasn’t his fucking fault) -

AND IENZO DOES. CLEARLY.

And I still see people saying shit like how AtW shouldn’t be near Ienzo? What about the OTHER apprentices, who Ienzo said LIED TO HIM about what happened to AtW?

“They told me you’d gone mad - that you’d betrayed us!”

So that means you think Even shouldn’t be around Ienzo either, huh? Or Dilan? Or Aeleus? That’s what you mean, right? Because Ienzo literally says they manipulated him into thinking his mentor went crazy.

In conclusion:

Ansem the Wise did none of the horrific experiments. He STOPPED the experiments, which the apprentices later continued behind his back.

AtW as DiZ is no worse than Xehanort in any of his incarnations. He was a villain and terrible. You’re right. But unlike Xehanort, he realized his mistakes and did everything he could (including near-death) to atone. 

Without AtW, Roxas, Namine, and Xion would not be here. Full stop.

If you think AtW doesn’t deserve forgiveness or redemption then apparently you don’t think Saix/Isa, Vexen/Even, Axel/Lea (you guys remember what he did in CoM and KH2, right?), Marluxia/Lauriam, Larxene/Elrena, ETC, FUCKIN ETC, do either. SORRY. THAT’S THE RULES. CAN’T PICK AND CHOOSE because you like one character more or another character was mean to your fave.

You don’t have to like Ansem the Wise. I get it. He was an asshole. But for fuck’s sake, read canon and analyze it logically. Fuck. Goddamn.

The fact one of the only "bad guys” (the only fucking bad guy to have an actual reason to be bad beyond “uhhh idk darkness lmfao”) to try to find redemption is the one hated the most is fucked up. End of story. Bye.

#kingdom hearts 3 spoilers #kingdom hearts 3 #ansem the wise #oh! i'm heated! #kh3 spoilers #spoilers #kh3 #long post #discourse #i guess. fuckin hell man. lord in heaven.

[himecchi]

keith trapped in a burning building, his dad saves him but his dad ends up dying ((also i already love this blog. i live for keith whump))

Summary: While learning about Altean sensory alteration rooms, Keith is shown an image that triggers an unwelcome flashback. 

Fandom: Voltron

For: @badthingshappenbingo

Square filled: Trapped in a burning building

Note: this was partially inspired by this art by @zuspacey 

An Altean sensory alteration room. The paladins were fascinated. They’d never seen anything like it before and, as they stepped inside, Coran began to explain how it worked.

“Alright Paladins, listen up!” Coran paused for a moment, then continued “This is an Altean sensory alteration room. It’s similar to the virtual reality chambers you have on Earth, but it’s a bit different. This here, alters your senses. All five of them. What you experience in here will feel real in every respect. For example…” Coran trailed off as he turned towards a large digital screen and began typing, “If we do this…”

Suddenly, the environment began to shift. An icy tundra materialized before them and, just as Coran had said, it truly felt real. They could taste the bitter air, feel the chill on their skin, smell the frosty wind, see the snow-coated landscape, and hear the dull roar of bone-chilling breeze whooshing past them.

“Wow…” Pidge began, “This is…”

“Amazing…” Hunk trailed off, taking everything in.

Lance began forming a snowball, then reached back, preparing to launch it. “Hey, Keith! How about a sensory alteration room snowball to the fac-” Lance called out, but was cut off by an orb of cold snow smacking him in the face instead.

“Heh, nice try.” He could hear the confident smile in Keith’s tone and, sure enough, as the snow slid down Lance’s cheeks, Keith’s smirking face came into view.

“Oh, you’re so gonna get it,” Lance retorted, looking unamused.

As the paladins began throwing snowballs at each other, Coran watched them at a distance, shivering from the cold. He wasn’t used to these freezing temperatures as Altea’s climate tended to be fairly mild.

“A-alright, paladins!” Coran called out, teeth chattering slightly, “That’s enough! Let’s turn up the heat!” He then typed another command into the digital screen, and suddenly, the surrounding area was on fire.

“Uhhh… Coran?” Lance questioned, cocking an eyebrow, “Is this supposed to happen…?”

“Yeah, I don’t like this,” Hunk said, knitting his eyebrows together slightly, “Can’t you make this into… I don’t know… a nice, tropical island or something?”

“Yeahhh,” Pidge began, “This is a little extreme, Coran. I mean, I know none of this is actually happening, but it feels like it’s actually happening and I’d rather not feel like I’m burning in a fire.”

“Right, right! Sorry, paladins!” Coran spoke, “It seems I accidentally input the wrong data. Just a moment.” Coran began typing into the digital screen once more…

But for Keith, it was already too late.

His eyes grew wide as the vibrant reds and yellows danced before him, his breath quickened at the overwhelming scent of smoke, and suddenly, he found himself back there.

He was 10 years old again, inside a building surrounded by the crackling of fire. Thick smoke was filling his lungs as he struggled to breathe. Vivid colors jumped into his vision. Terrifying heat engulfed his body… and the taste. A bitter, ashen taste was sharp in the back of his throat. He looked around frantically, searching for an exit - for any possible way out - but he couldn’t find anything. Terror began to set in as he realized he was trapped.

“Help!” He cried out, choking on his panicked breaths, “Somebody please! Help me! HELP!”

Hot tears began to soak his cheeks as he coughed, gasping desperately for air. Everything began to shift in and out of focus as the stifling heat intensified and the thick smoke clouded his vision.

“PLEASE! Dad! Somebody! Anybody! HEL-” he cried out, choking on the last word.

Tears continued to spill past his eyes as they stung from the ever-increasing smoke. He could feel the painful sting of cinders against his skin as the raging fire began to close in around him.

“No… I don’t… want to die…” Keith choked out weakly, “Please… somebody…”

Just as his world was about to go black, he saw a figure moving towards him. The figure quickly hoisted Keith into the air, cradling him close to his chest.

“Everything’s alright, son. I’ve gotcha.”

Keith recognized the voice instantly. It was his dad.

“D-Dad?” Keith managed to breathe out.

Suddenly, Keith registered bright light meeting his eyes as he was enveloped in cool, fresh air. The change in environment was sudden, and it jolted Keith into a state of slightly greater alertness, but everything in his vision swam and still appeared blurry to him.

He managed to pick up on bits and pieces of the commotion: flashes of red and blue, his dad’s hand brushing back his bangs, and the sound of sirens in the distance.

“Take him… going back…”

Fragments of conversation flooded Keith’s ears.

“… too dangerous…”

“Take care of Keith…”

“…building could collapse…”

“…I have to…”

Keith’s weary mind was too exhausted to piece all this information together, but something in him understood the gravity of the situation and, at the realization that his father was in danger, he suddenly found himself hyper-alert.

He sat up, finding himself in a pair of unfamiliar arms. He began frantically looking around, then caught a glimpse of his dad just as he was about to turn and run back into the building. Keith struggled free, running towards his dad, calling out to him, “Dad! Wait! Don’t leave me!” he cried out. “DAD!”

Before he knew it, he felt unfamiliar arms wrapping around him once again, holding him in place. “Let go of me!” Keith screamed, “Dad! Dad!” he yelled again, as tears began to pool at the corners of his eyes. “DAD!!!” Keith cried out with every ounce of strength he had in him.

Suddenly, his dad paused, then turned towards him, “I love you, Keith,” he said smiling softly, eyes wrinkling gently to form the loving expression Keith knew so well… then, he turned and ran into the burning building.

“DAD!” Keith screamed, “No! Don’t go! DADDD!!!”

Without warning, an explosion was heard as the fire intensified and then, right before Keith’s very eyes, the building collapsed, his father still inside.

Keith stood in place as time suddenly froze. Reds and yellows and blacks and blues all merged together in his vision, and Keith felt himself completely disconnect from reality. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening… and then it all faded away to black.

Keith’s eyes fluttered open and he awoke to a ceiling washed in fluorescent lighting. He groaned, placing his arm over his eyes.

“Wh-where am I?” he mumbled to himself.

“Good to see you’re awake.”

Keith turned to see a nurse peering down at him.

“How are you feeling?” the nurse asked kindly.

Keith paused for a moment, trying to process everything.

What happened? How did he get here? Why was he here? Where was…

“Dad!” Keith yelled out, as it all rushed back to him. “Where is he? Where’s my dad? Is he… is he okay? Can I see him?”

The nurse gazed into Keith’s young eyes, wide and innocent, and slowly, she turned away, shifting her eyes towards the ground and swallowing hard.

“Just a moment,” she mumbled as she walked out of the room.

Keith watched her as she left, continuing to stare at the door until a new face appeared before him. He recognized this man as Jeff, one of his dad’s colleagues.

“Hey, kiddo. How ya feeling?” Jeff smiled awkwardly.

“Jeff?” Keith questioned, “What are you doing here? Where’s… where’s dad?”

The pieces were beginning to fall into place for Keith, but he didn’t dare allow himself to consciously acknowledge what he already knew to be true: his father hadn’t made it. Somewhere in his heart, he knew, but he just couldn’t bring himself to accept it.

Jeff drew in a deep, shaky breath, then moved to sit near Keith. He didn’t have it in him to break the news to the kid, but he knew he had to. One look into Keith’s eyes, glazed over with concern, was enough for Jeff to know it was no use trying to dodge the subject.

“Listen, kid,” Jeff began, “Shoot… I don’t know how to start this……” Jeff closed his eyes for a moment, attempting to compose himself. “Your dad… I just… before I tell you this, I want you to listen to me, Keith. Your dad… he loved you very much, okay? You were his entire world… all he talked about - his pride and joy. Do you understand?”

Keith nodded silently.

Jeff took another deep breath, “Okay… now listen, the thing is… that fire… your dad… he went back in to save the last person in the building and… it collapsed, Keith. He… ummm… he was inside when it collapsed.”

“I… I see…” Keith stuttered, swallowing hard, “Well… is he okay? Can I see him? He’s probably in this hospital then, right? I… I’m sure he’s worried about me, so… I should go see him and maybe-”

“Keith.” Jeff cut him off. “He’s… not here, Keith.”

“Well where is he?” Keith asked, feeling irritated.

“Don’t say it. Don’t you dare say it,” Keith’s mind was screaming as he watched Jeff begin to speak.

“He’s dead, Keith. He died… I’m… I’m so sorry. Your dad… he was a true hero. He… he knew the building would collapse, but he… just ran in there anyways and…” Jeff trailed off, voice breaking.

Once again, the whole world froze around Keith. No, no, no. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t… it couldn’t be… none of this was real. The neutral tones of the hospital room began to shake and… wait… the hospital room wasn’t shaking. Keith was shaking. His vision began to blur as fresh tears welled up in his eyes and overflowed, leaking down his face.

“Keith,” Jeff spoke softly as he moved to place his hand on Keith’s shoulder.

Smack.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Keith screamed at him, slapping his hand away with the ferocity of a wounded beast, eyes wide as tears continued streaming endlessly down his cheeks.

“You’re lying!” Keith yelled, “I know you’re lying! I’m going to find my dad… I’m going to… see him…”

Keith’s breathing was beginning to quicken as panic set in, causing him to struggle to get the words out.

“I’m… he’s… I have to… have to see him… where… which way…” Keith began frantically looking around the room, trying to orient himself as his breathing picked up pace yet again.

“Keith…” Jeff began moving towards him, unsure of what to do.

“GET AWAY FROM ME!” Keith screamed, slicing his arm through the air in an attempt to make his point clear.

“I just… have to… dad… which way… dad… dad…”

Huff. Huff. Huff. Keith’s erratic breath was now ringing in his ears and, with the way he seemed to be choking on air, he felt as if he were back in that burning building all over again. He was suffocating - completely consumed by the thoughts whirring around in his mind.

Keith… Keith… Keith…

He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I thought I told this guy to leave me alone!” Keith thought.

He angrily slapped the hand away. “I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!” he cried out.

Immediately, Keith paused as he was met with a familiar set of eyes: Hunk.

“Keith… hey, calm down,” Hunk spoke in a soft, gentle tone, “Are you okay?”

Keith blinked several times, eyes darting around the room in a panic, trying to process this sudden change of scenery.

“Where… where are we?” Keith asked urgently, “What happened? The fire… there was a fire…” Keith was still looking around the room, terrified.

“Keith,” Hunk tried again, placing a hand on Keith’s shoulder. This time, Keith accepted the touch. “Calm down, buddy. We’re in the sensory alteration room. Remember? The fire was just a sensory illusion. Coran accidentally typed in the wrong code.”

“Are you okay, Keith?” Pidge asked, features tensed in concern, “You completely zoned out.”

“I… I did?” Keith asked, swallowing hard as he brought a hand up to his head in confusion.

“Yeah,” Lance spoke, “We called your name again and again, but you were just… it was like you were in another world…”

As reality began to set in, Keith started regaining his senses.

“That’s right,” he thought, “I remember now… we’ve been in here the whole time… but it felt like I was…”

Keith could feel fresh waves of panic rising in the back of his throat as the flashback he’d just had resurfaced in his mind. He felt sweat begin to pool on his skin as his face went pale.

“I… I’m fine, guys,” Keith spoke, trying to keep his voice from shaking, “Sorry… I think I’m just t-tired… I’m gonna go.”

It wasn’t at all convincing, but Keith’s fellow paladins felt it would be best not to push him, so they decided to let it slide, instead exchanging worried looks with one another.

After several moments, Hunk spoke, “Maybe we should go talk to Shiro?” he suggested.

“Yeah,” Lance said, looking at the ground, “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea.”

“Shiro probably knows best when it comes to Keith,” Pidge mused.

Shiro was in his room reading, when suddenly, his double doors slid open to reveal Pidge, Hunk, and Lance. Shiro cocked an eyebrow. This was certainly out of the ordinary.

“Hey guys,” Shiro said, closing his book and walking towards them, “What’s up?”

None of them spoke, instead they awkwardly stared at the ground, unsure how to begin the conversation.

“Okay… you’re kinda freakin’ me out,” Shiro noted, eyebrows raised, “Seriously, what’s up?”

“It’s…” Lance began to speak.

“It’s about Keith!” Hunk blurted out.

Shiro’s demeanor immediately shifted, his casual stance becoming alert as his eyes flooded with concern.

“Keith? What’s wrong? What happened?” Shiro questioned.

“Well…” Pidge began, “We were in the Altean sensory alteration room and Coran accidentally put in some incorrect data. It made everything seem like it was on fire, and-”

Pidge didn’t even get to finish her sentence before Shiro was pushing past them and running down the hall.

Keith sat on the floor in his room, head between his knees, body shaking.

“Calm down,” he told himself, trying to steady his breathing.

It was no use. The flashback had really shaken him up, and he couldn’t keep the panic at bay any longer. It was now at full force, wreaking havoc on him. Each time he told himself to calm down, he felt a fresh wave of alarm rise in his chest. The air around him was stifling and he felt as if it was suffocating him. It was an endless cycle: whenever he had a panic attack, he’d find it hard to breathe, which would remind him of the feeling he had when he was trapped in that building, choking on smoke the way he was now choking on air. This would cause his panic to rise even more, which would make it even harder to breathe, and it would continue on like that for what felt to Keith like an eternity.

As fresh memories flooded his system, Keith began to sob. These were the memories he’d buried deep within himself - the memories he’d wanted to forget. They resided in the darkest depths of his being and he had intended to always keep it that way… but today, it was all too much. It was all too real, and it had opened the gate he’d built to keep these memories locked away.

“Get out!” Keith screamed in his mind, “Stay out of my head! Just stop! Please stop!”

“Keith!” Shiro’s voice came out in a panic as the doors to Keith’s room slammed open.

Suddenly, Keith felt familiar hands wrapping around his shoulders, pulling him into a comforting embrace.

“Sh… Shiro?” Keith choked out, confused.

“I heard what happened,” Shiro explained. “It’s okay, Keith. You’re okay.”

Shiro rubbed comforting circles into Keith’s back, trying to help him calm down.

“You’re safe, Keith,” Shiro reassured him, “It’s okay.”

“I miss him so much,” Keith cried out, choking on a stifled sob. “I… he died when he went to save the l-last p-person in the building… th-that means… if… if I hadn’t been there… m-maybe he’d still be-”

“Don’t say that,” Shiro shushed, “Don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was your fault.”

“I don’t… I just… I never knew how to feel back then… sometimes I still don’t. I was so angry. I didn’t understand why he’d leave me. I was so lonely. I missed him so much… but… I was also so proud… so proud to have such an amazing dad… but… I… I just… why… why did it have to be this way? I just…… I miss my dad,” Keith whispered the last words, as if he was admitting a secret to himself, and with that, the flood gates had been opened. Keith was now crying freely, the grief too intense to hold inside himself any longer.

“I know you do,” Shiro said softly, rubbing gentle circles against Keith’s trembling back.

Shiro reached back behind him and grabbed a blanket, draping it over Keith’s shoulders, then pulled him in closer as liquid grief continued to spill past Keith’s weary eyes. Shiro knew nothing he said right now would help, so instead he let Keith bury himself in his shirt as tears cascaded down his face like waterfalls.

“You’re okay, Keith. I’ve got you.” Shiro whispered soothingly.

Eventually, Keith had cried himself to sleep in Shiro’s comforting embrace.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for the prompt @koganewest! I’m glad to hear you’re liking the blog! I lowkey highkey live for Keith whump too :) 

 If anyone else has prompts, feel free to check my bingo card (updated version can be found on my page) and send any that haven’t already been requested my way :)

#keith #keith kogane #vld keith #keith whump #voltron #whump #shiro #voltron whump #vld #angst #kangst #trauma #badthingshappenbingo

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Problems in tech support number ???/??? aka “Well fuck me for wanting to give you the right answer, I guess”

LONG POST

So it’s been a few hours (just now getting home) but just before I was done for the day I get a call from a woman named Nadine. That’s not even a fake name. Fuck this bitch.

Anyway, Nadine calls in, and the call starts like this

Me: *generic greeting* Nadine: *mumbles name* Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat your name for me again? Nadine: *literally shuffles the phone around as she’s talking so I only catch like part of what she’s saying* After two more times, I go Me: Could you just spell that for me please? Nadine: *rapid fast mumbles out her last name* Me: Ok, I need your first and last name to assist you. Can you please repeat it slower and clearer? Nadine: *finally gives her last name. Something with an L I don’t remember right now*

Me: Ok, what can I help you with Nadine: I’m calling because I need some help Me: Alright Nadine: *literally says nothing* Me: *waits* Me: What did you need help with? Nadine: *literally says nothing* Me: *louder* Nadine, how can I help you? Nadine: I need to send an email to a client, secure.

That’s actually super simple

Me: The system will automatically detect emails with [secure] in the subject line and encrypt them. So you just need to put secure *spells it out* in brackets. You know, the square parenthesis Nadine: Brackets? Me: The ones that look like a square, not the round ones. Nadine: Oh, ok.

I wait a few moments

Nadine: It doesn’t say it’s going to send secure Me: It won’t. If you have [secure] in the subject, it’ll automatically encrypt it when you hit send. Nadine: Well. I need ALL of my emails to send securely

You absolutely do not.

Nadine: I used to have it set so that every single email sends securely

Literally not a thing that we have

Me: Every email? Every single reply to any email sent secure? Nadine: *back peddling* Every external email

Again, not really a thing. Also not a thing you’d realistically want. Our secure emails are a fucking pain to get into so you wouldn’t want everything going out secure.

Me: ... are you sure? Nadine: *now bitchy* YES. And I need you to fix it for me.

Ok, so that’s not a thing that I can do because it’s not a thing we have. So I remote in with her, and low and behold, this bitch has the email with (secure) not [secure]. I explain this to her and she refuses to believe me. One of her coworkers comes over and literally says the exact same thing that I did. Nadine corrects her mistake, is super nice to her coworker, then turns back to being a bitch to me

Nadine: SO I have a VERY important client who needs to send me some files securely. How can she do that? Me: Well, we can’t control how someone emails you-- Nadine: Yes you can! You’ve done it before!

Nope

Me: Nadine. That’s literally not possible. We can’t control how something leaves a completely different network. Nadine: WELL YOU NEED TO FIGURE IT OUT Me: There’s nothing to figure out. It’s not possible. Nadine: WELL, how is she supposed to send me a secure email? Me: I don’t know what options she has at her disposal so--

At this point Nadine starts shouting over me about how majorly important this client is, and how she has to send in a TON of VERY important extremely sensitive documents. Ok, so I figure this is a huge deal, so I start

Me: Well, there’s a few ways she could do it. If it’s a lot of files, your best bet would be a site like Dropbox or Intralinks-- Nadine: *cuts me off* No. NONONONONO! NO. That is not right Me: ...????? Nadine: I need to know how she can send files to me securely. What do I tell her to do?

Ok, I was just trying to explain that to your dumbass but ok.

Me: Again. If she’s just sending you an email, she’ll have to encrypt it on her end. If she’s trying--- Nadine: Well, a lot of other banks

Intermission: I fucking hate it when people say “well other companies have XYZ”. Ok, but this one fucking doesn’t, Fam.

Nadine:-- have a place where customers can just upload files to.

We don’t have that.

Me: We don’t have that. Nadine: *angrily* So, so what? What do I do? Me: I was trying to tell you-- Nadine: She wants me to send her a secure email and then she just replies with the files attached. But she wants it encrypted Me: Well, if it’s a TON of files, our max attachment size is-- Nadine: *cutting me off* That’s what she wants to do. You need to tell me how.

And at this point, my customer service is just ... I don’t give a fuck

Me: I’m not 100% positive on this, but I believe if she replies to your secure email *boring explanation*. But, as this is very important, I’d like to double check, if that’s alright? Nadine: Yeah fine whatever. Me: *puts her on mute for all of 2 minutes, tops while I research. It’s 6:30 something, so pretty much everyone is gone for the day* Nadine: UH. HELLO? Am I still on hold? Me: Yes, I’m still here. I’m just trying to get a confirmation that that will work-- Nadine: Ok. Fine. Me: *resumes researching* *messages the few people who’re still here* Nadine: UHHH HELLO?  Me: Yes, I’m still here. I will let you know when I have a definitive answer. Like I said, I don’t want-- Nadine: Ok. Whatever. This is ridiculous. Me: Unfortunately, you called at 6:30 at night. The network and email teams are all gone, so I can’t get a quick answer from them. So I’m conferring with as many of my colleagues as I can to try and get-- Nadine: OK WHATEVER.

At this point, I’m starting to get annoyed. This goes on for probably 10 minutes, largely because I keep having to stop and repeat myself to Nadine.

Nadine: Can you IM me please? Me: Why? Nadine: I need your contact info Me: ... why? Nadine: I just. I need it. Right. Now.

Now, I am under zero obligation to provide such info.

Me: Again. Why? Nadine: Just IM me. Now. Me: Once more. Why? Nadine: DO IT

Nope

So I ignore her and go back to trying to get an answer for her. Maybe a minute or so late, Nadine starts bitching again.

Nadine: This is unacceptable. I’ve been on hold for over 25 minutes. I NEED your contact information right now so I can leave feedback Me: Nadine. This call has not even been 25 minutes. It’s been about 15. So, no, you’ve been on hold for only a few minutes, and I’ve explained to you what I’m doing. Now you can take my initial suggestion and hope for the best, but I’d recommend-- Nadine: See?! Things like this is why I need your name.  Me: I told you my name at the beginning of the call. Nadine: Well, I need your contact info.

So, she’s been screaming at me for pretty much this entire call, and is getting increasingly aggressive. Fuck all if I’m gonna give her my personal info.

Nadine: I’m asking you to give me your contact info. Me: Why? Nadine: What if we get disconnected? Me: In the event we get disconnected I always try and call the customer back. Or you can call us. Nadine: Well, how am I supposed to get tech support?? Me: ... the same way you got it now. Just call. Nadine: WELL. What if I need to IM you? Me: Look, I don’t do tech support through IM. It’s not proper procedure. If you need support, give us a call or email or open a ticket through the self service portal. Nadine: UGH can you just IM me? Me: Why?

At this point Nadine starts shouting and screaming about how ridiculous this is and demanding my contact info. Again, I gave her my name at the end of the call, and it’s emailed to her when an incident is opened anyway. But, I don’t especially feel the need to repeat myself or explain that. And I don’t have to.

Nadine: I want your contact information. NOW. Me: No.

And the line just goes dead.

It’s rare that I tell a customer flat out no to a request. This is the first time in a while. But given that the request was idiotic... no.

Nadine: Uh. What did you just say? Me: No.

Nadine sits in silence obviously expecting me to say something else. I don’t.

Nadine: SO. What are you going to do? Me: Well, I’d planned on resuming helping you with your issue. But if you don’t want me to-- Nadine: *literally screaming into the phone* JUST DO IT.

So I take the time to put her on hold and dick around on the internet for a bit before resuming researching because real talk I’m petty af sometimes. I check back in with her, tell her we’re all putting our heads together because the info we have is extremely outdated and we don’t want to give you the wrong answer. She seems to calm down a bit, then:

Nadine: UH. Hello?? HELLO? Me: Yeah, I’m here. Nadine: So, what are you doing to fix this? Me: I’ve already explained that. Nadine: Can you IM me, please.

We’ve been over this

Me: No Nadine: Well. I want your info. Me: I’m under no obligation to provide it.

Nadine stammers a bit, before huffing and puffing and presumably going back to work. We think we’ve figured out the answer to her question, and we’re just testing it our selves to be sure.

Nadine: This is absurd!! Me: Ok. So I think we’ve figured--

Nadine then launches into this super passive aggressive rant. I pretty much just ignore her so tbh I’m not entirely sure what all she said.

Me: Anyway. We’ve figure-- Nadine: I need to give feedback about this call. Me: You’ll get the opportunity to do so once your ticket is closed. Nadine: Well. You need to spell your name for me. Me: No, I don’t.

More huffing and puffing.

Me: Again, this call took so long because it’s a question we didn’t have clear information on. You stressed how importat this client is Nadine: She is extremely imporant to [redacted] Me: And how sensitive the files she’s sending you are Nadine: She doesn’t want them to send unsecure. Me: Right, which is what we’re trying to avoid. I don’t want to say “yep, that’ll work” and have it not and upset a customer, or put ourselves in risk of a data breech. I want to give you the right answer (which I’ve already figured out, she just won’t let me tell her). The info we have is very outdated, which is why I’m not fully trusting it.

Here’s the fucking kicker:

Nadine: Ok. I understand that. I understand you’re trying to do your job and help me. And thank you for being thorough so you don’t give me incorrect information

For half a second I think she’s about to get reasonable. Nope.

Nadine: But, I’m still going to file a complaint. Me: *completely ignoring her* Anyway, so here’s what your client will need Nadine: did you hear me? I’m going to file a complaint!! Me: About what, specifically? Nadine: Well, this call has been awful and taken WAY too long. Me: Most of the time has been me stopping what I’m doing to answer you. Anyway, we confirm-- Nadine: So, you need to send me your information. Me: No I don’t. Me: *resumes trying to explain the process to her* Nadine: Look, look. I get that you’re doing your job, and you want to be sure you’re correct. And I really do appreciate it. But I’m still going to file a complaint.

TBH I don’t give a fuck about this job rn.

Me: Sure. Now, your client will--

Nadine interrupts me again, and begins shouting more and more. Again, I pretty much ignore her and start packing up my shit because it’s about time for me to get off.

Nadine: Do you understand me?!

Nope

Me: Nadine. Would you like me to tell you what your client needs to do or not? Nadine: I want your name and phone number. Me: I’m not going to provide that. Do you want me to--

Nadine starts shouting more and more. This shit is getting REAL old.

Me: Nadine. If you need technical assistance, you can call TSC. For this particular issue, anyone who answers could assist you. I do not do tech support via IM. That’s not proper procedure. I’m attempting to assist you

Nadine: SPELL. YOUR. NAME. Me: No.

I just let the call hang in silence because clearly she’s not used to being told no.

Me: Now would you like my assistance or would you like to figure it out yourself?

That shuts her up. I give her an explanation of what the client needs to do. She asks me to IM her instructions. Nope, not that stupid. I tell her I’ll email it to her. She says it needs to come from my personal (work) email. Nope.

Me: All emails need to be sent through the ticketing system (technically accurate, to keep accurate track of communication). I am not going to send it from my normal email.

We go back and forth more and more, Nadine demanding to know my full name, where I’m located, etc. I refuse to tell her because fuck you psycho lady. Which just pisses her off more. Eventually I just start talking over her and end the call. I bring her up to my coworkers and apparently yeah she’s just a bitch like that. 

I honestly hope she files the complaint. Because all of our calls are recorded now. So they’ll play it back and see that she was behaving wildly inappropriate. I guess we’ll see what happens.

TL;DR: Nadine is a bitch who doesn’t listen. She asked a question we didn’t have a clear answer on, and me not wanting to give her the wrong answer, start researching and reaching out to people. It’s super late, so hardly anyone is around, and the documentation we have is old as shit. The question is for a “very important” client, so ofc I don’t want to give the wrong answer, I tell her I’m going to research it and ask around and she flies into rages at me, demands my personal information and threatens to file a complaint because I’m, in her own words “doing my job”.

Fuck you, Nadine.

#this isn't even all of it i cut out like half the call #problems in tech support #tech support #long post