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feroluce · 12 days

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Lucid Dreamer (1/2)

part 2

Gepard notices that it's been. Quiet lately. Like weirdly quiet. TOO quiet. He hasn't seen Sampo Koski in almost a week, which is about the longest he's ever been absent. And he is NOT worried. He's not! So what if they've been getting along more lately! So what if Gepard sometimes looks for him in his favorite hiding places! So what if he's been dreaming about blue hair and green eyes! It's nothing!!

But they're….strange, these dreams. Gepard doesn't usually remember what he's dreamt. It's out of his mind seconds within waking up. But these stick with him, they won't leave him be, they feel different somehow.

He dreams of Sampo bringing food to the frontlines and eating breakfast in his tent with him. Sampo always sneaks him extras. He dreams of chasing Sampo through the alleyways, Sampo sometimes letting himself be caught, Gepard sometimes catching him, and trying to ignore how it feels more like a game now more than anything else. He even dreams that Sampo tags along with him on one of his few civilian days. Sampo runs errands with him, prattles about inane bullshit while Gepard picks out groceries for the week, drags Gepard into some bakery he's never been to but he thinks Serval mentioned once.

And sometimes, it feels so close to reality, that Gepard half expects to see Sampo, shamelessly swaggering into the frontlines with all the guards' breakfast like his wanted poster wasn't only recently taken off the walls of Belobog. He's disappointed when it's always someone else instead. He tells himself his disappointment is ridiculous and if Sampo wants to go prowl around the Snow Plains or wherever he is, then fine. It's not any of his business.

…But it IS his job to investigate any unusual criminal activity relating to the frontlines. And the frontlines are Sampo's usual haunting grounds, and this is unusual activity, and Sampo IS technically a criminal, so it is absolutely part of his duty to look into this - is what Gepard tells himself the entire tram ride down into the Underground.

Natasha tells him he's gone, and Gepard has to steel himself. He knew Sampo made enemies wherever he went, there are a lot of people who would love his head on a platter, but he didn't think-

Natasha corrects him that she means literally gone. As in off-planet. Sampo always leaves her a note before he goes anywhere, so she knows not to expect any supply runs from him. He should be back in exactly two weeks. Thank the Preservation.

Gepard goes back home. He waits.

The uneasiness doesn't leave him.

"Where did you go?" Sampo stops dead in the middle of some story about Seele, and how you'd think someone with as blunt a mouth as her wouldn't have so much trouble asking a woman out, even if that woman IS the Supreme Guardian, and stares at him. He nearly fumbles his cigarette.

"Ahaha, what do you mean, I'm right here?" Sampo smiles at him the same way he always does. Gepard has no idea why he asked. It just popped out. He can never tell when Sampo is lying, anyway.

"I don't know. I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time." Gepard idly mouths at his own cigarette. He almost never smokes, but he wants to ration their stocks of Blizzard Immunity, and it helps with the cold. It's seemed colder lately, for some reason.

Gepard flicks his lighter once, twice, sighs at the third time because a metal prosthetic and thick gloves make the damn things so difficult. Sampo reaches over and wordlessly kisses the end of his cigarette to Gepard's, lighting it. "Thank you."

Nothing happens for almost a full 30 seconds. Something churns behind Gepard's ribcage. Because Sampo never leaves a "thank you" hanging. This is the part where he gives his spiel about how helpful and kind he is and Gepard either brings up how long his rap sheet was before Bronya helped clear his name, or just stares deadpan because seeing Sampo squirm is weirdly satisfying.

"…I'll be back in one more week."

Gepard jolts awake in his cot, mouth dry and eyes bleary.

The hell.

The next dream he has, Sampo looks tired. Sometimes he seems normal. Sometimes he says strange things, like how he wishes he'd gone to some restaurant in Belobog. Ate his favorite food more recently. Brought something with him. Gepard asks why he can't do that now. Where would he bring something? Sampo only shrugs. His rebuttals have less energy.

Gepard doesn't know if he wants to dream more, or less.

He ticks down the days on his calendar. Natasha hasn't told him any different. She promised she would if she got any kind of message. Sampo returns tomorrow, from whatever vacation or seedy business dealings he's been off having. He is not excited about it. He is not looking forward to it. He's not!!

Gepard falls asleep late that night, unable to settle. He dreams again.

He's alone. There are tons of people everywhere, the frontlines are always crowded. But he's alone. They all pass right by him as though he were a ghost. Gepard starts to walk before he realizes his feet are even moving.

He checks the trashcans in the dead end alley. He checks the supply crates that someone always stacks too high because they don't feel like finding more space for them. He pauses to check the soldiers that march past him, watching their footprints in the snow.

He finally finds Sampo on the rooftop along the northernmost wall, the one that looks out over the plains, towards Everwinter Hill, towards where the Stellaron had once been kept. With a full moon and an entire land of white snow, Gepard can almost see clear out to the horizon.

"Found you." Sampo stiffens, and Gepard is almost prepared for him to sprint off the roof. He doesn't. But he doesn't relax either. Gepard sits down next to him and stares out at the wastelands.

"…I fucked up." It wasn't what Gepard had been expecting. Sampo never 'fucks up,' Sampo just gets into incidents that are entirely, supposedly, not his fault and that he just happens to always be within the vicinity of.

"What did you do now?" It must be really bad if Sampo is coming to the Silvermanes for protection.

Instead, Sampo ignores his question completely. "See out over there? Right on the other side of that mountain. There's a safe house that way. It's hidden under a lot of snow and dead trees, but it's there. And in that safe house is a box full of letters. I need you to deliver those letters for me."

Gepard's brow furrows. It's a weird favor to ask. Sampo would never tell anyone where his hidden safehouses were. It defeated the whole purpose of a hidden safe house.

Something is wrong, something is really really wrong.

Gepard turns back to look at him again and startles, all of his questions dying in his throat, because the entire left side of Sampo's head is suddenly matted down, dark and sticky, his skin is dyed red red red-

"In three more months, there's gonna be something big happening." Gepard grabs Sampo's hand and it feels slick and warm against his palm. "I won't be here. So I need you to do my end of things for me." Gepard tries to keep hold, but something is fading, something is slowing, the sun is coming up but the colors are all wrong, everything feels like encroaching fog, Sampo's hand slides right through his. "I was gonna come back with my mask to finish setting the stage, but…" Gepard makes a frantic grab for Sampo's wrist, the air twists, he comes back empty-handed. "They have you. And you're the Iron Wall of Belobog. So it'll be ok."

Gepard finally manages to find his grip, snatches the front of Sampo's dark wet jacket and yanks him forward to hold onto him, and this close up, he can see it better, his colors are bleaching out, leaking outside the lines as if Sampo will become part of the background, as if he's fading into the strange fog that's been closing in on them. His fingers are already starting to feel empty again.

"Wake up."

Gepard jolts awake, uncurls his hands from where they're fisted in the blanket, scrubs the dampness off his face. Breathes. Breathes. Breathes. Today is supposed to be the day.

He throws on his civilian clothes, and he goes down to the shipyard the IPC had built. He finds a spot where he can see every person that returns to Belobog, and he waits.

And he waits and he waits and he waits.

No one he recognizes appears.

#sampard #gepo #hsr gepard #hsr sampo #gepard landau #sampo koski #honkai star rail #hsr #blood #my fics #lucid dreamer #there was more to this but it didn't feel right included here so part 2 tomorrow maybe?#I just think Penacony being the land of dreams presents some FASCINATING possibilities like showing up in other people's dreams #the end of masquerade duet killed me just beat me dead #Sampo going through all this trouble just to protect Belobog...#poor Ray got such an earful that night haha #In the Penacony dreamscape someone can change their appearance however they want but I think in this case where one of the dreamers AREN'T-#-on Penacony it would take more concentration to keep that illusion up #and if someone were say. hurt and badly bleeding. it would start to fall apart eventually as they lost their concentration.#but oh my heart #Sampo being away and missing Belobog so badly he shows up in his friends' dreams just to do the same mundane shit they always do...#He probably showed up to everyone #he sat around and kept Natasha company in her clinic. he pestered Seele until he provoked her into asking Bronya on a date.#he played one last song with Pela and Serval. he told them he'd always kept his old bass guitar.#he took Hook out on one last joyride on his scooter and he even let her sit up front and steer like she'd always wanted.#and he stood around to shoot the shit with Gepard #he got to go do things like run domestic errands together with him. as if they could have been something more than what they were at the en #it was nice to get the chance to do all that #it was nice

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carefulfears · 9 months

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i hope someday he reads this and knows

(the x files little green men / ? / the x files closure / ann brashares my name is a memory / the x files dreamland ii / anne carson antigonick / the x files my struggle i / jandy nelson i'll give you the sun / michael dickman killing flies / the x files amor fati / the x files closure script / the x files conduit, redux / the x files conduit script)

#thinking today about how badly these two missed each other for their whole lives #she was so little and being literally tortured and all she wanted was her big brother #he spends the REST of his life trying to be there for people like he couldn't be for her #this show is a tragedy etc etc #kae web weaving #she wrote in her journal that she just wished she could see his face for REAL and she never did!!! she only saw him again in death!!!!#when her 'ghost' comes out of the woods and she just sees him and smiles and Runs to him. yeah.#in his mind he'll always be a Failed big brother but to her he's just Her big brother #she was 14 and a human lab rat and the memory of him was literally the only thing that she had to hold onto. i'm making myself insane #she just wanted him to know someday. that she wished she could see him #he blamed and hated himself for his whole entire life and she literally didn't think anything more than Missing his face.#wanting him to know her story #writing it all down and hiding it for him #good morning everyone

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nyxofdemons · 10 months

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in fact now that i've had a chance to rewatch and think about the episode more i'm actually losing my mind. we have never, in the entire show, seen blitz actually go OUT OF HIS WAY for ANY relationship. sure, we saw him open up a bit to moxxie in 'truth seekers,' but that was only a bit and only after a severe truth-gas induced hallucination; he has feelings for stolas but even when he does invite him out it's under completely false pretenses - the only relationship we see him put any real effort into is with Loona, and even then, it's not really him going out of his way since Loona is his adopted daughter and is almost always around, and his attempts at fostering a relationship with her are almost exclusively him showering her with affection, rather than any actual attempts at emotional intimacy (not a criticism, just an observation).

but blitz is not only going out of his way to find barbie, he is desperate to make her life better. at the end of 'unhappy campers,' he is insisting that he wants to help her; practically begging her to let him help her. he is breaking into medical centers (apparently, regularly enough that he has a hostile relationship with one specific nurse who recognizes him and already knows what he's there for and what he's trying to do), making calls and threatening people and doing WHATEVER he has to to find her - to not only offer to help her, but just to see her. to have dinner and catch up.

and that is FASCINATING to me, it is making me fucking insane. i've talked about this before but what stands out to me most from the 'truth seekers' hallucination is that blitz thinks he actively makes people worse by being with them. it's heavily implied in the way that verosika is covered in grime and muck that doesn't come off the way it did striker and fizz (i'd argue it's because they both seem to not be dragged down by him, though verosika makes it clear in 'ozzie's' that she was deeply hurt by blitz and still resents him for breaking her heart), and it's also implied within his idolization of stolas - on his beautiful gold and ivory throne, where his presence is enough to turn all of blitz's mud and filth into sparkling light

but barbie doesn't appear in the hallucination. fizz does, and he was from the circus days. striker does, and he and blitz barely have a relationship outside of meta character themes and foils. verosika does, and even though their relationship is implied to have been mutually toxic, she is still very overtly somebody that blitz hurt. he ruined things between them and hurt her.

the only real thread between them is that everyone in that vision, to some extent, is somebody that blitz harbors resentment for. he resents fizz and striker for being everything he isn't or couldn't be - either as a performer or as an assassin - he resents verosika for their relationship, he even to some extent harbors bitterness towards stolas for being so out of touch (and for the fact that blitz has feelings for him at all).

but he doesn't hate barbie. he doesn't even seem to be mad at her at all; the only thing he's upset about is that she didn't try to reach out to him. blitz, who is convinced with his whole chest that he only knows how to hurt people and drag them down, who has burned every bridge to his past for better or worse, spends a whole week going on a one-man rampage to find his twin sister and then asks her to let him help her. i'm going to be fucking sick

#HI. WHY IS THIS SO FUCKING LONG #i have been dying to get canon content of them for fucking ages i WILL take my breadcrumbs and go wild with them #guys he misses his sister so badly he is so desperate just to TALK TO HER #GRAB DINNER AND CATCH UP IM CLAWING AT THE WALLS OF MY ENCLOSURE #god. can you tell tragic siblings are my favorite trope of all time #mine #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #helluva boss unhappy campers #helluva boss blitz #helluva boss barbie wire #blitz #barbie wire #e: unhappy campers #long post #analysis

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sharkjumpers · 6 months

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we should kill him

#kirsten mcduffie #matthew murdock #daredevil #mattkirsten #art #doodles #I miss her so mucj.#Matt Murdock #< i hope he gets killed badly forever. kirsten should get witj a real man like me

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hadesoftheladies · 13 days

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hate going for christian weddings sometimes because i always see the prettiest women with the ugliest men, the sermon is always some shit about wives being slaves (but not like bad slavery, mutual slavery except the husband is a benevolent master which makes it okay) and making babies for their husband, the music is always lame, the mc is always weird and obnoxious, and older women keep fucking asking me when it's gonna be my turn and never take no for an answer.

#mine #personal #brief storytime in the tags #one of my family friends got married and i was happy she was happy #her parents are like an aunt and uncle to me #i was happy to share that moment with them #we cried and laughed together #and my friends #their other daughters were on the line and looked gorgeous #it was just beautiful watching us all grow up in a way and move on to “the next” together #BUT #im a pastor's kid #and my dad loves weddings #he drinks them in whenever he can now especially because they make him happy and he's had to attend a lot more funerals this year #he's been burdened a lot by how many people he's had to bury and how many hospital visits he's had to do #so i was happy to see him happy too #it just all felt so bittersweet to me #because i know how badly my parents want this for me and for themselves #there was a daddy-daughters dance at some point and i could feel my dad beaming beside me watching that #and i was a little sad about it because i was like im never gonna give you that #this could be the best thing i could ever give you and i will never give you this #i can never kneel at an altar in front of a pastor and swallow that sermon #i would never marry a man in my generation #if i married a woman you and almost the entire tent filled with people that watched me grow up would not attend #my happiest day would be another funeral for you #it was worse because im kind of a small celebrity in this community because of my parents and their siblings who are politicians #so people i barely knew kept coming up and asking me when it would be my turn and how they so looked forward to the day #and i was like i love that we're a community here and i missed the pestering of aunts since i left church #but at the same time i was glad to remember why i left #there is no freedom to be myself at all with them because all they do is project their beliefs and ideas on me because that's what children

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akatsukitrash · 2 years

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Not to be an Orochimaru apologist but the demonization of Orochimaru by the narrative/Konoha is just a way for them to erase the fact that Orochimaru was a victim of the state. Yes he experimented on children, but it never was bc he had “darkness in him even as a child” or bc he was a “born psychopath” or whatever other ableist bs. Orochimaru is a product of Konoha’s cruel war machine. They sent his parents to their deaths, left him an orphan with no psychological support, used him as a child soldier, sent him to war where he witnessed countless atrocities that shaped him to become the cruel, apathetic man we know now. He then had to watch his friend Tsunade mourn the deaths of her 12 YEARS OLD brother and her boyfriend. His disgust and fear of death literally come from the second handed trauma of seeing Tsunade cry over the mutilated body of her baby brother. It’s canon. Is he a cruel megalomaniac who grooms and tortures children? yes. Is he responsible for his actions? yes. But Konoha is responsible as well. They made him a monster, then they turned around and acted like he just woke up one day as a creepy crazy snake man, when it’s literally the result of decades of severe trauma and brainwashing.

How do you expect a mentally unstable child thrown in a battlefield to react? Did they think he was going to grow up to be a nanny? He was taught to torture and kill. Why are they so upset about it? They have a Torture Department that operates in BROAD DAYLIGHT in Konoha. A good chunk of the beloved Yamanaka clan works there. Danzo kidnapped, groomed, brainwashed and experimented on countless children, but bc it’s for the village, it’s okay. Orochimaru is only evil because he hurts people for his OWN gain. That’s why they’re now fine with him in Boruto even though he still experiments on people. Now it benefits Konoha, so the fake morals they dredged up against him previously just vanish.

#orochimaru #anti konoha #anti hiruzen #orochimaru should've stayed a villain #he cannot be redeemed but them acting like its only bc his experiments didnt benefit the village irks me #dude had every right to want to destroy konoha lmao #where's that post where someone says that they shouldve maybe questionned why a founder of the village the student of a hokage and like #two other konoha shinobi wanted to destroy konoha so badly #its a hellhole #i like that orochimaru is almost completly apathetic and doesnt whine abt his backstory #but i wish the fandom at least still acknowledged that he became like that bc of konoha #not 'psychopathy' or whatever #honestly his character was ruined in shippuden #i miss part 1 orochimaru lmao #also wouldve loved a real fight between him and tsunade #but not bc tsunade wants to protect konoha or whatever i want her to beat him up to save the kids #i hate that the emphasis is on poor little konoha and not the children he tortured #anyway this has become an essay oof #naruto meta

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