#it fucking sucks dude

[spocksgotemotions]

I need to figure out how to care less about my job. I can’t keep crying over kids that aren’t mine, I can’t keep doing this

#captain’s own #dumb bitch hours #personal logs #long story short my boss moved up two of my kids even though they were not ready #and I spent all last week miserable trying to figure out if I could convince her to put them back with us #but I think really I just need to give up and move on #they’re not doing too badly they just seem a little sad and off #and that’s only when I see them so they might just miss me #but it’s like #it fucking sucks dude #I love these kids so much #and Holly (my boss) doesn’t understand she doesn’t know them #she doesn’t know I pushed off my break so I could tell Reagan stories to put her to sleep for nap #she doesn’t know how much time I’ve spent holding Wyatt when he’s been sick #I spent a year and a half with those kids between three of their classes and Holly didn’t even think to talk to me about it #okay I just need to get this off my chest

[caramelfantic]

i cant read about aro people, it always hits to close to home and i hate it. i hate it so much. i want to read the stories and i want to enjoy them but i cant. ill end up crying and i really cant deal with that right now.

#internalized aphobia #it fucking sucks dude #i hate this #i wasnt like this with my trans shit #like yeah ive a shit ton of internalized transphobia but it was never like this #i think its because i never pictured myself as a girl in the future #whereas i had a whole book of fantasies about romantic stuff in my head #aromantic #aro #arospec #caramelfantic #vent

[painted--constellations]

back to being angry

#i was literally just not here dude #my memories are all fucked up from the last several years #like i really don’t think i’ve been conscious since i was like 16 #a lot happened that summer that really fucked me up #and don’t even fucking get me started on seventeen #i just don’t know how to exist with the things that i did and life i built. #i am so fucking grateful i found a partner so wonderful and most of the moments i have been present have been with him #i just wish i could restart our time together #where we are now #just do everything over with the communication skills i have now and the healing i’ve done #i’m so fucking glad i met him so young but fucking god i wish i had time to heal my unhealthy bits before him #it fucking sucks dude #i know i am just a person and just doing my best but he deserves better than what i was and that fucking sucks #and he literally feels the same way but i feel like mine is worse!!! #i just. love him more than anything. he is everything i want in the rest of my life #i don’t give a shit what is around us as long as i can laugh with him and cuddle up with him #we make every space we reside in into a home #just because we are a family #and i love my family so much. we are healing together and growing together #i just really appreciate him and wish i had done things differently #i know nothing can be changed but i hate that i have to live with all of this when it feels like i didn’t make the choices #but i did i guess. #*shrugs*

[localtoothfairy]

I want to go to a thing but a person who thinks everything I do has some sort of secret agenda is attending and I don’t want to deal with having everything I do looked at under a microscope

#it fucking sucks dude

[inkskinned]

it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.

like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips

because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.

bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.

and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.

these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?

and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.

in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.

it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.

and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.

"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."

"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."

#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid #we point out that you've been denying us something #writeblr #almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society #like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache #love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do #im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar #men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire - #women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said #it was probably just my time of the month i guess? #anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics #so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess

[scumdrug]

little angel, go away, come again some other day,

the devil has my ear today, i'll never hear a word you say.

#posting this before i hate it lol #postal 1997 #postal #postal dude #my art #god this is edgy as fuck #i suck at drawing guns but ill do it for u dude

[burgerfan76]

i need to start using tumblr more

#postal #postal meme #postal 2 #fucking HELL #postal dude #running with scissors #Tags Suck

[lore75sworld]

2️⃣6️⃣0️⃣8️⃣🖤🖤🟤⭐️🏅1️⃣2️⃣3️⃣4️⃣5️⃣6️⃣7️⃣

#leather #cuir #men in leather #long hair #black leather #leather trousers #leather jacket #hot dudes #hotleatherdude #so fucking hot #fuck my body #hot fucker #let me lick your bulge #let me suck your dick #hot and sexy #hot as fuck #hot male #beau gosse #fucking hell #fuck my face #260823

[justarandombrit]

Just two normal youth camp leaders 🙏🙏😇

#this took so long #im relatively happy with it though #also i can draw kim now!! #i need to draw miss holloway again after that revelation #jon is easy because his eyes are both constantly nervous and constantly insane #also hands fucking suck dude #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #starkid #team starkid #starkid productions #nightmare time #nightmare time 2 #abstinence camp #girl jeri #boy jerry #tw blood #cw blood

[puppyeared]

Pokeymon

@ask-willowleafeon @ask-shiny-umbreon

#fuckkkk pokeask nostalgia got me by the throat. I can’t do this again Im not strong enough (does it anyway) #drawing eeveelutions is always fun Theyre so shaped. theyre up there on fav pokemon to draw right next to dratini. and maybe shinx #these two stick out to me in my mind just cause like. their designs are so good it kind of squishes my brain the right ways #I never got to draw Percy for an ask or anything but he is. very creature #and willow of course I have a soft spot for. shes so sweet and gentle uuhghhgghhhh I love her #fuck dude .maybe I will come back adhd be damned. I dont fuckin know. really tempting rn #I tell myself that but deep down I know I suck at roleplay. but maybe I’ll do it. but I suck at roleplay. etc #btw leafeon should be allowed to be autumn coloured without being shiny. it would fix me. I just want Some Guy dressed like a maple leaf #without the awe of being a 1/1000 chance. I don’t CAREEEEE gimme the crunchy red leaveeeesss #I also wanna draw Gardevoir with a barn owl face. and leafeon with seaweed leaves #aaahhhhggghhhhh clenches my fists #pokemon #pokemon ask blog #pokeask #others oc #ask-willowleafeon #ask-shiny-umbreon #Percy umbreon #willow leafeon #myart #my art #pokemon oc

[ladymariayuri]

This was not worth it

#i did not have a single item in the original besides the catarina chest. this was on my 100 hour dude. #last left him off in the fucking spawn area in ng+8 or whatever #i played almost the whole fucking game. #had to kill curse rotted greatwood because i never transposed the moonlight greatsword. awful. #had to kill wheel skeletons in carthus for 5 minutes which could have been worse but it sucked. #had to go ALL THE WAY TO FUCKING ARCHDRAJON PEAK TO KILL HAVEL #AND GOOGLE HOW THE FUCM TO GET HIS ARMOR BECAUSE APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO GO BACL TO FARRON KEEP AFTER #KILLED FUCKING ALDRICH WITH THE WORST RNG OF MY LIFE #anyway hi. #also died to dogs and curved sword dues in irithyll for like 30 minutes. ng+max is rough

[kingscourthouse]

They're Evil Gendered

(I've no clue if the kitchen entrance is accurate and I'm too lazy to look it up)

#evil xisuma #helsknight #hermitcraft #xisuma #kings art #dude fuck drawing from memory #I suck at it I hate it everytime #why did I make art my hobby

[zeb-z]

jrwi riptide 115

So the elephant in the room. Grandberry traitor. It’s Caspian or John right? Those are the two we know, the two we are attached to, it’s not just gonna be random new recruit #7 out of the unnamed folks they’ve picked up. It’s not that one healer from Joaldo who joined them that I can’t remember his name right now.

John has made it clear since he revolted from the Navy that he’s kept up with the Grandberry pirates, that all he wants is to join them. That could be a flag. The fact that he was part of his own “special unit” or something along those lines before going outlaw. There’s the journal of his they found back at Zero that they never truly read through and tossed after reading the first poem, which might have had definite answers. And this is small, but he was really protective over keeping the pin from Jayson Ferin.

But the block throws a wrench in it, because why would they throw him in their highest security prison and let him freeze? Unless somehow John was sure without a shadow of a doubt they would have come back for him, and they weighed the risk and reward. The Ferin family drama could have thrown a wrench in their plans enough to have thrown away any plans on easier escape. It’s plausible, but it just is too much of a discrepancy. And John wears his heart on his sleeve, since episode zero he has, it’s hard to think of him as the traitor.

Then there’s Caspian, who has been with Lizzie since almost the beginning, from Shadowbeard’s crew. It’s where they met, and they both survived and escaped Shatter Skull massacre together. But that means he was there for the fall of Shadowbeard, and Ava Ferin’s death. And while it’s pretty much said by Lizzie she thinks it’s Ava who betrayed her, with everything else said, and with what Jay remembers and loves of her sister, it just doesn’t quite track. There was an ulterior motive to kill Ava in the same fight, ordered by someone higher up, playing into the propaganda and fear mongering against pirates and pro Raft agenda. And he knows Edyn Tidestrider, he was the one to reunite her and Gillion. He has her number. And she is gills deep in double-triple agent Raft bullshit.

But could he have been such a double agent all this time, since Shatter Skull? After all his blood sweat and tears, all the weight he’s lifted for Lizzie? All the Edyn stuff could easily be a coincidence, considering their Undersea connection. And he’s not quite heart on his sleeve honest as John has been, but he’s chill like that, he’s kindhearted and patient. And after everything, and I mean everything, he’s done - for Gillion especially - giving him his sword, reuniting him with his sister, daily phone calls, teaching him spells and moves, being the first friend especially from the undersea and reconnecting him with their culture - it’s so hard to think of him as the traitor.

There’s proof enough for both of them. But everything considered, with how undercover and long term the black book missions are, how even Jay had been a spy at one point - Caspian makes the most sense, doesn’t he.

#if it really is him I’m opening a real life hole in the real life sea and diving in headfirst #I’m just so miserable dude #caspian my favorite my light of my life this whole time I’ve been like man I miss caspian calls I miss caspian time #and John :( he’s just so good. too good. it really could be him to and that sucks so bad #but I’d rather him than caspian jfjskfkskfk after everything. like #he’s always over the top and cheery and hunting for the grandberry pirates. but caspian evidence is damning to me #anyways. I don’t know what to do now #caspian could be a traitor drey is fucking missing why are my faves always doomed by the narrative #jrwi #jrwi riptide #jrwi 115 #jrwi riptide 115 #jrwi spoilers #riptide spoilers #jrwi caspian #marshal john #z speaks

[mushtoons]

us: hey before we become attached to you we're telling you straight up that talking is hard and we struggle with it, so there will be times where our responses will come extremely late or come across empty and dry

someone trying to befriend us: oh that's okay! i dont mind!

us: this is not an exaggeration we cannot stress how hard speaking is for us at times please do you really understand before we get our hopes up?

them: absolutely! i understand its okay! talking sucks sometimes its cool :) I'll talk for all of us

also them: you never talk to me it feels like im always doing all the talking and the only one trying in this friendship 💢 try and at least pretend u want to be my friend 🖕

#hi guess who lost another fuckin friend because something is wrong with us 🙃 #we try and warn people before we start enjoying their company that its just #so fuckin hard for us to speak????? #we stress it and explain it and pled with them to understand and shit like this keeps happening #dude we're not joking when we say it its not an exaggeration we cant fucking speak 😭 #we try and the most we do is come across as uncaring #we dont know how to fix it without ignoring our own feelings and needs in favor of someone else's #damn man 💔 #sorry mini vent #it just sucks we've lost so many people this way it makes it even harder to talk to people #wood wide web #the biggest fucking shout out to shift for being the only damn person on this planet who understands us 😭 #we love u sm man u don't understand thank u for tolerating our dumbasses

[spiritofjustice]

i know Nahyuta's whole thing is he's extremely calm and well-put together but i want this dude to be constantly under the threat of disintegrating. he definitely is calm and put together SURE and that is a core element of him no matter what (and i like that about him!) but i also like the idea of, once he no longer has to be that perfect person to survive, that the reality of everything, all his anxieties n guilt n discomfort with himself comes crashing in when it's finally safe for him to feel this way. a miserable kind of catharsis, but a catharsis nonetheless. a necessary one for him to unravel the real version of himself he had to keep deep inside. do you understand my vision

#psy's no punctuation posts #aa tag #nahyuta sahdmadhi #which i know also that him being so reserved and chill about. Fucking Everything IS arguably a defense mechanism for him like #canonically #but idk they really don't let him have strong emotions Ever in the story. he never gets that catharsis and it kinda sucks #i wouldn't call him unstable in the slightest just. slowly unpacking the world's best hidden set of negative emotions RKFJ #and it's very hard but he'll get there eventually. the revolution was a good start for him to 'redeem' himself inside but that's not so eas #there's still a lot for him to unlearn from the previous regime n how Garan treated him and how he treated /himself/ #idk man i just fucking love Nahyuta KRJF #let him GRIEVE let him be MESSY let himself be those things and not a perfect little pet for a despot #i just. waaaa. this dude

[inkskinned]

it is hard to explain without sounding vain or stupid - but the more attractive others find you, the more you're allowed to do. the easier your life is.

i have been on both sides of this. i am queer and cuban. i grew up poor. for a long time i didn't know "how" to dress - and i still don't. i make my sister pick out any important outfits. i have adhd in spades: i was never "cool and quiet", i was the weird kid who didn't understand how "normal" people behave. i was bullied so hard that the "social outcasts" wouldn't even talk to me.

i got my teeth straightened. i cut my hair and learned how to style it. i got into makeup. it didn't matter, at first, if i actually liked what i was doing - it mattered how people responded to it. like a magic trick; the right dress and winged eyeliner and suddenly i was no longer too weird for all of it. i could wear the ugly pokemon shirt and it was just "ironic" or a "cute interest."

when i am seen as pretty, people listen. they laugh at my jokes. they allow me to be weird and a little spacey. i can trust that if i need something, people will generally help me. privilege suddenly rushes in: pretty does buy things. pretty people get treated more gently.

i am the same ugly little girl, is the thing. still odd. still not-quite-fitting-in. still scrambling. still angry and afraid and full of bad things. of course it became my obsession. of course i stopped eating. i had seen, in real time, the exact way it could change my life - simply always be perfect, and things can be easy. people will "overlook" all the other things. i used to have panic attacks at the idea others would see me without makeup - what would they think? even for a simple friend hangout, i'd spend a few hours getting ready. after all, it seemed so obvious to me: these people liked me because i was pretty.

i worry about how much i'm being a bad activist: i understand that "pretty" is determined by white, het, cis, able-bodied hegemonies. if i was really an ally, wouldn't i rally against all of this? recently there's been a "clean girl" trend which copies latinx aesthetics: dark slicked-back hair, hoop earrings. i almost never wear my hair like that; i can hear the middle school guidance counsellor advising me that i might fare better if i toned it down on the culture.

the problem is that i can take pretty on and off. that i have seen how different my life is on a day where i try and a day where i don't. i told my therapist i want to believe the difference is confidence, but it's not. and when you have seen it, you can't unsee it. it lives inside your brain. it rots there; taunting. i get rewarded for following the rules. i am punished for breaking them. end of story.

pretty people can get what they want. pretty people can feel confident without others asking where they got their nerve from. pretty people can be weird and different. pretty people get to have emotions; it's different when they get aggressive, it's pretty when they cry with frustration.

of course people care about this. of course it has crawled into you. of course you want to be seen as attractive. it's not vanity: it's self-preservation.

#pretty in this post is a stand in for . literally all forms of normativity #warm up #tbd maybe idk #ps! hi!! i'm queer!!!!!!!!! it is how i identify! if you tag this 'q slur' i will fight you!!! #i am using it here in the EXACT way it is NOT a slur !! i am identifying as a queer person! #this is EXACTLY how people reclaim it !!! #it's like practically ACADEMIC in this usage!! #please do any reading into what the fuck the history of the word ''queer'' is before telling me #as someone identifying as queer #that i'm a slur. that the place i find comfort in is a slur #''well it makes me uncomfortable if people use it for me'' #im sorry to hear that dude. that sucks. i hope things get easier for you soon #but you don't get to take it from ME #in case you can't tell by the REST of this piece #i DID hear queer used as slur against me. i DID get bullied with it. i DID hear a lot of shit said #i also heard it about lesbians #about ''being gay'' #about pretty much any fucking term that could describe me. #i like queer. i like how it feels. and it's mine. #you don't get to undo the work i've done personally because it makes u uncomfortable #it's ahistoric to pretend like there are ''safe'' ways to identitfy if ur queer. #none exist. it has never been safe to be like this.