#almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkskinned · 9 months

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it just sucks because nothing is ever fucking made for you, and if it is made for you like 75% of the time it gets chopped into little pieces by every person alive because this is the one thing you have, so it has to prove itself to you.

like, a thing can't just be for women. men need to assign it to women. women have to experience "must" or "should" before their hobbies and passions - women are allowed to do silly, passive things like tuck our ankles and titter behind a fan, or something. women are allowed to, they are welcomed to. like the world is a house and we are supposed to be in the kitchen and now we are being given the divine right to enter the living room if we bring chips

because when it becomes for you, or about you, that is when the thing is vile. you should/must wear makeup so you can appear beautiful to men. once you wear makeup for yourself, or because you yourself enjoy putting it on, then you are no longer doing the right thing. there is a reason men hate certain fashion trends. there is a reason men hate things like the pumpkin spice latte - because it's not about them. you are buying it because it is good for you. they degrade your passions and interests. there is a reason women-led fields are largely seen as being "not a real" profession. when you are a good cook, that is because you can provide for him. close your eyes. you're not going to be a chef, be honest. that is a man making food for himself.

bras are made so breasts will be appealing to men. they are rarely about comfort or support. you have given up entirely on the idea of pockets. young girls have to worry about a shorter inseam on their shorts. a girl on instagram gets her septum pierced, and men in the comments are rabid about it - i just want to rip it out of her face. she'd be beautiful without it.

and fucking everything is for them. even the media that is "for you" is for them, eventually. remember "my little pony"? remember how hard it is to convince any executive to believe that little girls are worth selling to? in the media that is for you, you see little ways that you still need to make it accessible for them - the man is always powerful, smart, masculine. he is a man's man. the media usually forgives him. it usually says okay, some men are awful, but hey! gotta love 'em. because if you don't hold their hands and say "this is literally just a story about my lived reality", they shit their pants about it. they demand you put them into the media that's for you.

these are people who are so used to glutting themselves on the world. they are used to having every corner and every dollar and every place of leadership. so you say can i please have one slice of cake, just for myself, please, holy shit. and they fucking weep about it. they say you're being unfair, because some of their one-thousand-slices aren't beautiful, and your singular cake slice doesn't have their name on it. and aren't you being rude by not offering to share?

and honestly. fucking - yeah, man. you were kind of surprised, because the cake is a little basic (you bake at home, you're way past this stuff). but holy shit, it was nice just to be offered cake in the first place. you're used to having to starve. you're used to getting nothing, but going to the party anyway, because you're expected (professionally) to show up. you liked that it is a simple cake, and that it is warm, and mostly: you like that there is, for once, a cake-for-you.

in the real world, outside of metaphor, it feels like fucking being slapped. barbie didn't even say anything particularly unusual; it literally just made factually evident points. there are less women in leadership than men. we can look at that fact objectively. that is a real thing that is happening. and the movie is aware that it has to defend itself! that it has to spend like half an hour just turning to the camera and saying: i know this is hard for you to understand, but this is a real thing that women experience.

it's just - this is that one kid on the playground who thinks its allowed to hog all the toys. he builds this hoard that nobody else is allowed to even look at, or he'll get aggressive. everyone's a little scared of him, so they let it slide, because his daddy gave him the golden touch. he hates when people cry and thinks bullying is cool. he writes boys only! on a big sign and makes all his friends take "alpha male" classes.

and then girls pick up barbies, because there was nothing left for them. and in the void they've been given, with their scraps: they make long, spiraling narratives about how barbie is actually descended from snakes and has given her righteous followers magical (if concerning) powers and can speak 32 languages (2 of which are animal related) and has big plans for infrastructure (beginning with the local interstate). and the boy comes over, and he has a huge fit about how the girls aren't "including" him. he wants to know why the girls aren't making the story about ken.

"we didn't like your story." the girls blink at him. they point to his war stories and the gi joes and the millions of male-led narratives and how still in the modern day men get two-thirds of the speaking roles in movies and they point to men making mediocre shows that don't get lambasted and they point to men encouraging toxic masculinity and they point to men everywhere, men and men and men. and they say: "how is this our fault? you had ken."

"no!" he is already back to screaming and stomping his feet and tearing at his hair and intentionally reminding them that men are holding back thinly concealed violence and he says: "if it's not for me, it's actually sexism."

#it's almost as if you spent your entire life fucking denying us things and then get mad when god forbid #we point out that you've been denying us something #writeblr #almost as if . u ACTUALLY think women dream of being in a male-run society #like dude mostly i dream about not having a tummy ache #love when ppl tell me that men have to deal with more rejection than women do #im like. just say u have never had a hard day in ur fucking life. if u think the most difficult experience is getting turned down at a bar #men: this one movie doesn't suck my entire -#women: yeah so i went to the doctor and was bleeding out of my eyeballs but like the doctor said #it was probably just my time of the month i guess?#anyway so i died there and had to be revived but they think i faked dying bc it was hysterics #so i took 3 advil and now im back at work i guess

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madfantasy · 4 years

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1) Oh, dear Mani, it's so devastating to read what you're writing about yourself. You're a loveliest person and a beautiful artist, and you deserve all the very best in the world. Sorry if it's dumb (I'm from Russia and maybe it's like asking if there're bears everywhere in the streets here) - but is it common in your country or it's just your family? Is it legal to prevent you from socialising etc. or is i just a tradition ?

You are so precious, thank you for your kindness.. I'm so sorry to have to trouble you.. but I can't seem to filter anything lately.. and no, it's not a dumb question at all. One is not expected to know everything, that without mentioning other people's cultures, tbh I hardly know much of mine but what I have encountered..

The simple answer would be— it is common; but it varies.. my family is probably at 8 or 9 out of ten in the extreme levels, I guess this is me numbing it down again, but... anyway, It's not even a religious thing, it's more of old cultural habits and practices—before religious times. It's even -what my family's doing- against what is considered common habits, here. As people are normally extremely, suffocating-ly sociable and curious and inviting and probably won't leave you alone if you haven't made it clear.

I don't know if it is legal or not, I'm sure it is illegal based on human rights alone? I'm always told (as a way of threatening) how parents can call the authorities on their misbehaving children. And it is a thing here, usually if the kids be abusive to their parents (as in beating up their elder parents) or troubling, police escort them to where ever. And I don't want to think of the anti...

As I am assigned at birth this gender- female- automatically I'm shut down by my family of fear of shame and whatever but told it's out of "honourable" protectiveness of their reputation and mine.

Tho they know I am far from being associated with the traits of being that gender (or any) I disliked dress, spoke with no gender pronouns, hated hair styling, make up and all.. I was still been treated as if I am a shame that needs to be kept private in all possible legal ways. As no one of any kind should be..

(Without mentioning that having female child is considered a way to heaven— religiously speaking— and in ancient times, they used to burry their infants females out of shame. How did they still exists is beyond me)

Anyway, to me it meant no contact with the opposite gender at all cost, only sticking to matchings. That means no hospitals if the doctors weren't females, no school trips, no malls, no visiting my schoolmates (next door or not), no public places, no house yard if the fence built too low, no windows (blocking them with cardboards and textured stickers). Was gonna share a pic of baby Mani in a house that has that, but. Literally I remember imaging z hanged picture with cottage in flowery field as the view outside our window, and day dreamed happily about it. (I have no pictures of me in my teenage years, cuz it was shameful to have them, even with smartphones arrived, mine was constantly searched for them) while we received pictures of the extended families children in all of their age groups..

I had to constantly come with excuses to everybody why I can't come see them or why I can't go. I thought being poor was the main reason and it was shameful, and I was embarrassed by my charity cloths and unfurnished homes, I was always told to lie about it, because people would laugh at me if they found out. So I did. And everything made sense until I grew more brain cells and realising nothing have changed, either we be dirt poor or not. People actually offered to pay me food, trip costs, give me coats for the winter, rides to school, to beat off my misfortune when they are able just to include me, yet it was still being rejected.. and I couldn't understand why anymore.

I seen married couples, when ppl forced fam to take me somewhere to enjoy and have fun, the wife is the one running the house, goes out shopping, or just go out for rides, calls the workers for repairs, go places on her own, took taxis, and it was... Normal?!

A cousin of fam came to visit and asked why your children don't go out, why don't you give them money and let them shop their heart's content? They answered, they fear society.. a lie at that time

Maybe it's not something noticeable for outsiders, but cloaks speak of the area's culture and age too. When I came 'of age' I had to cover up in the extremist of ways, ways consider only elderly ppl did, and I always got funny looks when I wore my cloak.

I was never allowed to show my eyes, specially that I wear glasses and can't see with the cover. So I tripped alot and was humiliated for in the streets, trying to make me understand that anything I do is an ' invite' for their eyes..

I was beginning to see the flaws, the lies, the holes in reasons I was offered.. linked together the constant misery that I didn't understand it's reason, since as further as I remember.

Maybe it's not spoken in plain words (until yesterday that is) but all that is just because that I am born under that title..

Women now can drive.. can be their own legal guardian without the need of a male to confirm everything she does (which was what it used to be) she can travel abroad alone if she's over 21.

I'm fighting so hard to exist, and to have basic needs satisfied..

It almost took my soul out begging to have my ID card, until the gov announced fine to those who don't register their females.. I should had my ID 16 of age. Got it 27.. and their excuse is that I didn't have a reason to get it anyway.. as everything goes in my life I asked for... I don't need what I think I need. I don't need to drive.. I don't need to work.. I don't need clothes- I'm fashion thirsty- I don't need to have fun.. I only need to do exactly what they wish. Which drives me crazy as it contrasts with the sacrifices they made themselves for us and everything that we gone through together..

I have to fight and argue and plead to get anything.. I was able to draw while I was furiously I could not, I could speak English as I please while it offended them, still-- they can't speak it--.. and it obviously the only way to express my shut off mind without their interference..

it feels I'm losing a chunk of myself each year nothing changes... And this year everything was tossed backwards so hard I'm constantly dipping into extreme depression.. not to mention how the whole world is suffering too...

Even if I found psychologist, it wouldn't do me any good, remaining under these conditions..

it pains me to share this but I can't see no more point to hide anything or act as if I'm okay.. specially if my art reflects it... It's what I'm able to offer for now.. and I'm so sorry... bless your days with fortune.. all of u..

#ask #personal

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spreadplaylist · 7 years

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SPREAD CH.2 ARTIST SPOTLIGHT - Taylor Jamison

Hi SPREAD listeners! I hope everyone has been having a meaningful Pride month while enjoying the PRIDE playlist! The featured artist off SPREAD CH. 2 is dear friend of mine and a force to be reckoned with. Get a glimpse below of Taylor Jamison's life as an unapologetic songwriter and artist. HERE WE GO!

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Taylor: Hey hey, my name is Taylor Jamison and I’m a songwriter/singer right here in most-of-the-time-sunny Los Angeles! I’m originally from Boulder, CO, but have been living here in LA for a second now, writing for some amazing new artists, and creating some cool tunes under my name as well!

Dan: Hi Taylor! Welcome! I am so glad that u are PRIDE's featured artist. You are a songwriting beast who is constantly on the grind. I'm excited for people to hear about ur career and your thoughts about the industry, so let's get started.

Describe a typical day in the life of a songwriter. What do u enjoy the most about it?

Taylor: I’d say a typical day in the studio with me, at least, is catching up on life with whoever I’m working with, joking around, sharing funny moments of the week, usually someone has a good hook up/sex story as well. My favorite part is that, from these shared moments, a story unfolds itself. I see myself as a “Storyteller for the Ears,” so whether it’s myself singing the song or another artist, I love being able to share a moment/feeling in time through music and watching how people react to it.

Dan: I would say that u just perfectly summed up the reason songwriters do what they do! It's all about the story and the connection. In finding this connection for yourself, describe the place that makes you feel the most inspired creatively.

Taylor: I absolutely LOVE the beach because it’s so many things to me. Gentle, but powerful. Beautiful, with a dark side. Tranquil, yet full of energy. It makes me nostalgic for days passed, while making me think forward into the future. I love going out and laying by myself with a notebook, letting the sound wash over me until the words start falling out of my head onto the paper.

Dan: LA beaches are definitely hard to beat, too! I could use a beach day myself. It's a great way to reset and get those creative juices flowing. After running through all of those emotions we then get to the actual songwriting process. Now you have countless songs to ur name. Out of those, what song of yours are u most proud of? Why?

Taylor: Ooooooo, this is a hard one. I’m gonna have to have a tie on this between, “Down”, and, “The Last Time”. When putting together the production and sound scape of, “Down”, I really wanted to create a sense of longing because that’s essentially what that song is: it’s the complete taking-down of your walls for somebody because you want to fall completely into them, letting yourself be vulnerable so they know just how much you want them. For, “The Last Time”, I decided to keep that song with just piano and vocals because adding production was going to end up making it sound cheesy, and this song has such a powerful sense of nostalgia that I wanted it to almost seem completely empty, just like how you feel sometimes when you think back on someone from your past. Plus, that key change is life (have to toot my own horn on that one lolz), I want more artists to do key changes again!!!

Dan: Girl, key changes are UNDERRATED. When done just right, they can completely change a song for me. The key change in "The Last Time" makes me scream every single time. I think we could see them make a comeback.

Now, just like anyone on this journey, there are numerous high and low points. Tell us about when the music industry has maybe made you feel inadequate. How did u overcome this?

Taylor: Ummmm, the industry can make you feel inadequate on almost a daily basis if you let it, honestly. I’d be lying if I were to say that every day is a walk in the park, cause it’s not: you feel like you're constantly trying to prove to the world that you’re talented, yet it falls on deaf ears. However, I think the cure for those feelings of inadequacy is surrounding yourself with amazing people who are just as creative, driven and positive as you are, but always making sure to be humble. Nobody likes a cocky bitch, ever, lolz.

Dan: You are speaking TRUTH in this interview, girl. Surrounding yourself with positivity is almost the only way to get through those moments of feeling inadequate. And you're right, nobody enjoys being around cockiness, even though there can be a lot of that in this industry.

As you surround yourself with driven and encouraging people, I know that also includes artists u look to for inspiration. Tell us about an artist/songwriter who inspires u. What about their artistry/ability would you like to emulate in your own?

Taylor: To kick it a bit old school, I’m gonna say Elton John because I think he was so groundbreaking and just what was needed in the world to move forward progressively. He was completely unafraid to be flamboyant and unapologetically homosexual in a time that it was still not acceptable in public overall. Plus, with Bernie Taupin on the lyrics and Elton on the melodies, they made some prettyyyyyyyy amazing music that still stands the test of time, if I don’t say so myself.

Dan: Elton is a legend and an icon, especially for what he did for queer visibility in the mainstream. I had to include him as a part of the PRIDE playlist. It would have been a crime not to, honestly.

I have mentioned earlier that u are pretty much on the go all the time, whether it's working on ur own stuff or writing for other artists. In the midst of everything u have going on, how do u manage a busy schedule and stress? How do you recharge when u need to?

Taylor: I actually work WAY better on a busy schedule, so I’m a fan of back to back sessions, all week long! But, when I do need a little break, I love getting out of LA for a sec and visiting places like San Diego, Palm Springs, Santa Barbra and more. I also love having parties with my friends, dancing around, being gay, playing beer pong. Oh, and Tequila. Tequila is always an answer to stress and busy schedules (Silver Tequila only though).

Dan: I think that LA is such an encompassing city that sometimes the only solution to getting a break is getting out. I do the same thing. Also, I did not know u liked playing beer pong! I sense a duel between you and me coming soon...

Looking past u only liking silver tequila (sorry I had to throw some shade), what do u think is the biggest misconception people have about working in this industry?

Taylor: Oh lordy, probably that you can just show up in town and become a super star. Sorry to say it, but being a cocky bitch doesn’t get you very far hahah. The only way you’re becoming an overnight pop star is if mommy and daddy are loaded, or a family member is tied into a label somehow. Gotta put in the work to really earn respect from people, at least in my book.

Dan: There are many, many people that agree with u! This industry easily and quickly exposes true talent and true intention. I love how honest and open u are.

Touching on your openness, how has ur identity influenced or affected your journey as a songwriter and artist?

Taylor: I think being gay totally influences my journey as both a songwriter and as an artist because it’s not, “normal”, per say. It doesn’t fit the cookie cutter mold of what a male pop artist has been for the past 5+ decades, so it’s sometimes difficult for people to want to get behind something still so new and not fully understood. But, even though it sometimes makes the journey harder, I wouldn’t change it for the world because I feel like it brings such a unique and interesting view to songs that straight men, and even women can’t entirely relate to.

Dan: I am holding onto hope that as time continues, more queer artists will be accepted as major label and mainstream like their straight counterparts. I think that progress in this aspect will really be made by people just like u, who are unapologetically themselves. What advice would you give to up and coming LGBTQ+ songwriters and artists?

Taylor: I would emphasize not trying to hide who you are, letting it all fall out, even if it’s hard to do. We’re in a time where LGBTQ kids need role models, people that they can say they want to grow up to be like. Unlike straight men and women, LGBTQ kids have had to feel the need to hide who they are from such a young age so as to “fit in” with normal, American society; now is the time for us to live our lives to the fullest so we can keep paving the road towards the future. (I felt like a motivational speaker there on a soap box lolz.)

Dan: U are dead on. The more LGBTQ artists and musicians that are in the spotlight, the more LGBTQ kids and youth will see that it really is okay to be themselves. We have to watch out for our LGBTQ youth as much as possible because our government doesn't seem to look out for them enough...

I am sure thinking through these questions has made u, in a way, look back on your own journey as an artist and songwriter. So what would you has been the biggest highlight of your career as an artist/songwriter so far?

Taylor: I think one of the coolest moments so far was opening for Bonnie McKee at OC Pride in 2014. Even though I now look back on my outfit and shake my damn head, it was so amazing to meet her in person, definitely one of my songwriting idols!

Dan: Hahaha, that's incredible. How cool that u were able to open for her at a Pride event! She is a songwriting queen. Definitely an idol of mine, too! (For those of you that don't know Bonnie, u can thank her for hits like 'Teenage Dream,' 'California Gurls,' 'Dynamite,' and 'Hold It Against Me.')

Taylor, it's time for my signature question. What artist/album/song have u had on repeat lately?

Taylor: Ok, album for SURE would be Kehlani’s, “Sweet Savage Sexy”: that shit is AMAZING. I’m also digging The 1975, Jon Bellion, Blackbear and Julia Michaels. “Issues”-Julia Michaels, “Do-Re-Mi”-Blackbear, “Escape”-Kehlani, “Bad Liar”-Selena Gomez and “Death Wish”-Terror Jr are definitely the go-to songs on repeat currently!!!

Dan: This list is SO solid. U know Kehlani has a soft spot in my heart. I was so excited to include her on SPREAD CH.2 as well!

Now that we are sadly wrapping up this Artist Spotlight, how can we check out ur music and stay up to date with ur releases/posts? Anything we should especially be on the lookout for?

Taylor: My Insta/Twitter handle is @TaylorJamison77, and you can listen to my shit on Spotify, Apple Music, iHeart Radio and more under Taylor Jamison! Also, you can check out Matthew John’s EP, “Chain Reaction” on all streaming sites as well (I wrote the title track, “Chain Reaction”!). In the next few months I’ll be having some new music come out, as well as some more releases with other artists (follow me on Insta for the most up to date info, as I share mostly on there. Plus, my InstaStory’s are usually pretty fun, from what I’ve heard!)

Dan: I can attest that Taylor is very fun to follow on social media! Everyone PLEASE go check his pages and his music out, and then go give his song '(Never Gonna) Change For You' another listen on PRIDE! Thank u so much for being so real with us, girl. I cannot wait to see ur name in lights one day.

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Thank u for tuning into the second SPREAD Artist Spotlight! Big thanks to Taylor Jamison for serving some tea today and giving us a closer look at his career as a gay singer/songwriter.

I hope u all enjoy the last few days of PRIDE month! I can't believe it's almost over. In just a couple of days a new playlist will be gracing the SPREAD website, and this one is about to be veryyy refreshing... ;)

Cover e v e r y inch!

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dr4pos · 6 years

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Duo chapter 1/ New live/s

It ... still feels weird. Having this "bodie". Even if i got this quite a while ago, and even if i am used to it. I mean, four arms, four legs, two lungs, two heads and ... two Brains. If u wonder why and how i exactly look like that, it's quite simple. I didn't misspelled the word body before. In fact it is more accurate to say that i am in control of two separate bodies. A male and a female one. But still one mind which is controlling these. I tell u now how this actually happened.

First to myself the person i was before that. I was a man and my name used to be Isuta Fuyu, and no i am not japanese. But my parents used to have a little fable for that.

To my personality, i am a Misanthrope. But not like, 'i hate just because', but more like that i was always aware what humanity is doing wrong. If it was a society issue or more climatechange or nature kind a problem doesn't matter. I did really hard with explaining people what i mean.

But let us skip that part and continue with the How.

It was a so cinematic scene that it is almost cliché.

Some people called me once, saying that they want to meet me in person, like was special in any way. Then in one of my favourite café the person i met there asked me, "what if i could make one of your dreams come true." i was confused and asked, "which one of them?". He smiled at me and said with a conviction in his voice that i never heard before, "your wish to learn everything and being able to make literally every experience possible." i was kinda stunned. I was so overwhelmed with positive and kinda greedy emotions that i didn't know how to act. That's because i just grinned and said. "Please tell me more about it."

“Ok, then may i ask you if you have any idea why we contacted especially you?” i thought about it yeah, but i didn´t remotely came to a conclusion on my own. “No, i don´t recognize you or your ´company´ from anywhere. whether if i dealt with you someday or not.” he smiled, “ Yeah, just let me say that we know you better then u might think, but i can't explain all of it here. just let me ask, how do you think about genders? that is a just in case question which is pretty important in this case.” I didn't really know what to say to all of this, which is why i decided to just answer his question, “if you ask me about it in general i would usually tell you what i heard from my friends. and all of my friends do have something to do with the queer-community. For example my friends which are trans and do identify as the other gender they're born with. But if i am honest, i don´t care. in my opinion the actual gender of a person is just a difference like a specific bodietype or having brown hair and/or green eyes. I personally don't care about gender specification and wouldn't even care if i suddenly wake up in a Female body. i would think, ´ok that's weird´ but in the end i would just accept it. i just think gender stereotypes are lies or myths made up by the society and if you admit it or not you kinda believe in them. even i realized that because i learned that Woman and man wanted to be treat differently. and i do my best to especially NOT treat them differently.” He smiles and with i flaming joy in his eyes he answered me, ”that is why we chose you. Just because u don´t care. cause instead of all those, ´Posers´ u could be really something like a Agender or Bigender, what really doesn't matter but still is a neat little detail to mention.”

We talked a while more and we there planning a second meeting. there he explained to me what they want to do and what my role would be in this.

In the end i ended up in a labor, which looked like a typical room in a Hospital. The doctor there told me. “I hope you know that there is a High chance of this to fail. and if you die within the Procedure your family wouldn't even have remainings to burry.” i looked at him without any emotions instead of my typical fear which i have everytime then i get an anesthesia, “i am ready to die every second of my life, and if there are no remainings then i don´t care, my friends and family could then live with a little hope of me being in someway alive. but to be honest i don't care.” the doctor was looking like he didn't know what to think about that, and i understand him. But there was no reason to lie, or to hide anything. the next thing i know then … is that i was falling asleep to some music which i enjoyed. I thought in this moment, ´if i really die now. i at least heard some good tunes in the end´.

There was then a moment, a while before i was ´finished´, there i woke up and saw myself in a massive tank. Some really large hoses were in my throat, which did not hurt and i don't felt like i was going to drown or about to starve. i just knew that this kinda tank was non-transparent, which doesn´t mean that there was no light coming through. i reached out my Hand to touch the surface of this barrel like object i am in. and recognized something weird there. first of all my right hand was completely normal. second it was a bit like i touched this surface with two hands, like using my right and my Left hand but … different and the last thing is that it feels like i was looking at my hand through 3D-glasses. not with different colours though, mor like two pictures which do not fit are forced into one picture. cause my hand … it was like it had 2 sizes to slightly different shapes.In this moment i just thought this could be because me Eyes are hurting a little bit or because i slept that long but, now i know why it was like that for me.

Next thing i remember after that, is that i fell out of those tanks and … that i had a splitted vision. Not really to be honest but in my head it looked like that, in fact i just saw to perspectives at the same time, my brain(s) just tried to force it into one image.

In front me were a few people which looked at me and my naked bodys with some astonishment like they are watching jesus himself being born. “Happy birthday Isuta!” said someone. “Or how do you want to get called from now on?”. My vision was still calibrating in that moment. But my bodies were moving similar. I laid on the ground on all fours and looking around, looking at me my “bodies” and how i look now. “Sry …” i said, and got frightened because of a second unknown voice which was mine as well, “i still need to realize existence at this moment” “don't worry everyone here can imagine that this sudden change seems to be difficult. The best thing would be if u first try to stand up, i would say.” ‘Yeah', i thought. ‘ what do you think i am trying, lad!’ i moved on leg towards and after that the other one, just to not trigger any irregularities in the movement's of both bodies. “I am … starting to feel both bodies but … it feels weird to move the same arm twice at the same time … basically.” i stand before them, my voices echoing through this hall, and me looking down at myself. I saw at the same time a flat mans chest and the chest of a women. I tried to touch myself there. Just to know how that feels and it was really what i saw and it was weird to feel both at my fingertips. “Ok the fact that it's quite impossible to move both bodies 100% percent like each other, does makes it a bit easier to coordinate”, i said. “We just hope that this experiment, will actually work out for you in some way, but of course we hope you will give us some useful informations for scientific reasons.”, “i don't have any problem with that, if i can take a look in those files once in a while!” I recognized that it still … feels weird to hear me saying that two times at the same time. “To make it easier for u we prepared two wheelchairs for you. With those your nurses will bring you to your room. I would recommend you to get to know your new ‘bodie’!” for the first time i really looked up to those people before me. I saw a few scientists and/or doctors, then i saw a older man which seems to be the one who was talking to me the whole time. I tried to looked that person in the eyes. “Welcome to your new life”. Next to stands the guy which basically got me to all of this. “Thank you!” i said to the old man “And thank you too” i continued to the guy next to him. And then it goes to my room. My mind was running, i wanted to talk with those nurses because i talked to nobody in really long time, to be honest at this time i didn’t know how long i’ve been in those tanks but if i think about how my bodies are feeling like it has to be a long time. “What's your name? I ask both of them while i tried to look both of them in the eyes. “Hannes”, replied one of them, “my name is, Ines” said the other one. “Do you both know what’s up with me?” “kinda.” answered Hannes. “So, you both know that i am one person?” both of them looked at each other, a bit confused, “they said, you two are linked with each other.” said Ines. “Yeah, kinda even because i have just one personality, are these bodies linked.” i waited for a second for a reaction, “and are you both my ‘main’-nurses. Cause it could be a bit weird to take care of me.” “Ok ‘Duo', or are we allowed to call you isuta?” “Duo? Why duo?” “that is your codename, didn't you know that?” Hannes seemed to be not that talkative, that's why i just talked with ines then. “Know i did not know that, but what did i expected? Of course there would be something like that.” we’re arrived at my room. It was a quite big room, perhaps because i have to take care of two bodies now. “Are you two going to leave me here or do u want to do something?”

“No, it would be better if u take a bit time for yourself and get dressed.” replied Hannes short and then they left. In this moment i realized that i was this whole time completely naked. Now it makes sense that Hannes stopped talking to me after a while. Perhaps is my female body exact his type. But first, calibrating. Sounds to technical for you? Of course but this is basically what i am doing right now. I put my hands in my chests and moved my finger like i would dribbling on a table. While that i tried to feel what each finger is touching, and what got touched by those fingers. Then i tried to focus on a specific combination of chest and finger feeling amx tried to get a feeling for the whole body. Then i moved the arms of this body to make sure that i control just this body at this moment. “Ok now the other one” then i closed the eyes of the body i just calibrated and did the same with the other one. “Ok now i don't just feel like a bodiless entity. I looked around with both bodys. But i actually knew which sight is from which body. Found something that looked like a wardrobe and moved with bothe bodies near to it. I opened it of course to see what is inside of it and found on of those patient cloths which you usually wear if your about to get an internal surgery. “Yeah, that would be probably the best.” i ignored the rest of the clothes and walked to my bed. And yeah it was kingsize bed which u usually get for married couples or something. “I should, train a bit more but … i am tired as hell” i went to the Bed and before i laid myself down i said: “And yes i am usually talking to myself a lot, i don't know if the camera i see there in this corner is actually working but you should get used to it.” then i laid myself down in my bed. And tried to find a sleeping position both bodies were happy with. And after a long while of trying i fell asleep, finally!

I waked up with in set of eyes watching the back of my Head and another watching the wall. I turned this body around and said to myself “good morning, lad.” when i turned both on the backs and did the same like yesterday. I calibrated my bodies. I put the hands on my chests again and tried to feel which hand belongs to which body. Then i went with my hands more down the body to make sure which part else belongs to which body. After i finally sat in bed because of this procedure and touched my toes with my hands. I let my hands went all the way back, eve with the arms and with the heads. And kept my focus on what my hands were touching and which part got touched. It sounds more sexual as it actually is. After i got the feeling of having my bodies under Control i tried to stand up and walked to the wardrobe. “Ok i could need some help here but i think i can make it.vi whispered to myself and started to pick up some clothes. I found a pair of literally everything everything in two different sizes, now that i think about that my female body is a bit smaller than the other one. No matter what i chose to wear for both a similar outfit, for underwear at first just a boxershorts, and the rest is just a black jeans and a white t-shirt and over that an open button up shirt. It was weird because i felt it a bit stretching a little bit on the chest of my female body but i will get used to it. Tomorrow perhaps i will try a bra. Then i recognized to hats and i knew i have to wear them. After i tried to got out of my room i got caught up from … ines? She looked at my bodies and meant “just because you're used to not wear anything under your shirts doesn’t mean that i allow that!” she dragged my female body back in my room and slammed the door behind her. Now for the first time i saw to different rooms at the same time. “We could go to the cafeteria.” said hannes to my male body but i tried to realize how forcefully ines is ripping my clothes of. “Wait a second please!” i said with both of my bodies just because i am still don’t really realized that i have to voices now. Hannes answered “yes” while ines just said, “ why? You want to it soon, do you? So just let me do that and we can go. Even if you like that it’s not good for a young girl to go outside and not wearing a bra. “Thanks hannes.” i replied short and then i answered still with both voices because ines sudden behaviour just threw me out of my running concept. “And ines i appreciate your behaviour but could you please be more gentle and less sudden? I am still one person and now i have two bodies. I am just not used to have a female body as well and wanted to take it slow today, because i still have to relearn the littlest things now!” hannes looked at my male body. A bit confused of course but he seems to understand what was going on. Ines instead looked at me, took a deep breath and said: “Ok, i didn’t thought of that! But this don’t mean that u can lack of with your hygiene not matter which of your bodies we’re talking about! And i will show u now how to wear a bra!” with these words, she reached out her hand to one of the bras in the wardrobe and gave it to me. “Or do you want to try it yourself?” “yeah i would appreciate it.” i focused on my female body and undid my t-shirt then i held the bra like it is going around my belly and closed it. Then i turned it around pulled my arms through the bra carrier and settled it in a way were it fits. “Is that ok?” she looked at me closely, nodded calmly and said “yes this is, ok!”

suddenly, i got a really sharp and sudden breath. I was so confused by her actions and everything that i forgot to breathe with my male body. I regulated my breathing and went out if my room, focused on not moving my male body. And outside of my room i said: “please excuse me for a second i need to recalibrate my bodies again.” nothing happened. “I meant please step aside yout two i need a bit space for that.” they moved aside and i recalibrated my bodies. Starting again with touching my chests with my fingers, the only difference to the recalibrating after i woke up is that i tried to touch my back as well and then tried ro get a feeling for the other by by touching it with the hands of the other body, of course. “Am i responsible for that?” asked ines. “ yeah you are. Because if i don't do that a just feel like a scrambled pile of moving body parts. And with that i can determine which hand and/or foot or head belongs to which body. Otherwise it could be hard to move if i can't determine that.” “but yesterday after your body was released from those tanks you didn't do that.”, hannes “yeah, but i did that after i laid in my bed yesterday i was too busy realizing that i now live like that. the calibrating makes it easier for me to move on my own, or do you want me to be carried around by you to all the time. yeah ok we have wheelchairs here but you know what i mean.” in the moment i wanted to go and let them guide me to the cafeteria my random mind decided to get bothered by something minor: “Hey, by the way, who the fuck of us is here a ´young lady´ i mean u look like u are fresh out of your apprenticeship.” they both looked at my angry faces a bit confused. “did you seriously didn't look in the mirror? You look like your sixteen or something like that.” Now i was confused. I looked at myself in my own eyes and from my face a down. how did i not noticed that i looked like i am in the middle of puberty. “Ok that explains it. But why? Nevermind, i am going to ask the doctors later on. Aaand there to got to the cafeteria?” i turned around to them with my hands on my back slightly leaning towards them and waiting for a response. “Just this way. But, to make sure you get there, we will lead you to there.” said ines and walked fast feeted pass me and guided us with her arms that i should follow her. Hannes i right behind her, trying to keep up and so i did the same. Once we were at the cafeteria we, ines asked me, “you order food there and then you take a tablet and after you got your food your sitting down.” “ok, i know what i want. But it would be nice if you could help me.” why should we help you? With what?” i felt that this sentence wasn't meant the way it sounded, it was meant way nicer i thought. Because i need to get two dishes and i could use some help because i don't want to confuse anybody.” “just try ok?” she answered and pushed both of my bodies in the direction of there i can order stuff that keeps me alive, like nutrients and healthy food.

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