#and i was like super panicked about it

[beelzzzebub]

me every other day almost accidentally posting my real name on this site because for some reason i keep forgetting that y'all don't know me irl and this is supposed to be a sort of anonymous blog

#it's whatever #although i did have a nightmare once that i like posted my full name and location and a bunch of like really important information #and then wasn't allowed to delete it for some reason #and i was like super panicked about it #anyways it's chill #but also lowkey a bit sad bc i do really love my name and i wish i could share it with some of you guys! #but also like #anybody i know or have known irl would totally be able to id that #and i'm also super paranoid in like internet safety terms #so i def don't feel comfy sharing that just like generally #but also i'm like so happy that bee is what i ended up being called on here bc that's like really nice :) #anyway #i've thought a lot in the past about what it would be like to have another name #i always liked the thought of a gn name like dylan or something #or maybe not having a name that people consistently mispronounce #but like i'm kind of chill with it now #like i have my grandma's names and i never met her but i really appreciate that #anyways this has gone really long and off topic #sorry lmao #ok bye #boink

[vforvalentinedetta]

extremely normal valentine’s day drawing. nothing to see here

#hehe he’s pink and lovely and shoots people he’s just like cupid #was gonna draw something super sweet but i panicked and drew something weird instead. sorry #dw about maxwell they like it <3 #that goddamn speargun crossbow thang is so hard to draw fuck perspective #♡: just a little insane without you #self ship #self ship art #yumeship #canon x self insert #oc x canon #weapons cw #<?? #wharf arts center (art tag)

[everwisp]

juza & nanami modeling for the fashion students during the university campus festival 📸✨

[ref: 1, 2]

#a3! #a3oc #juza hyodo #oc: nanami #ever arts #details who idk her amdnkskf #went thru the five stages of grief in this one ngl #taylor swift kept me going tho 🤧🤧 #juza’s hair was a struggle ESPECIALLY THE PROFILE SHOT #ONE DAY I’LL GET IT RIGHT #also realized late i drew it on the wrong canvas size sjdmdhr but hey homescreen/lockscreen ajdjdje #the right one is probably nanami’s lockscreen for a few days until she gets really flustered about it #godbless the ref pic cause its super them tbh #idk what courses yosei offers but lets pretend oki #back story for this was originally nanami was asked to wear the dress but she panicked over the jinx of wearing a wedding gown #when she wasn’t even getting married so cue a mini freak out #juza seeing this was like i can wear the dress instead and yeah problem solved #but also nanami was like what if i don’t ever get married because of this omg #juza without skipping a beat: i’d marry you #nanami: eh? juza: eh? fashion students: 👁️👄👁️ #i had this sketched out since june but just got around it now #also funny considering the theme of aki 10th #ship: 🍰🧋 #junami #ever ocs #need to think of a better ship name #‘cause the combination of names wont work well for my other two ocs #junami sounds kinda cute tho… #alt. caption: YOU ARE THE BEST THING THATS EVER BEEN MINE 😫💕✊🏼 #We had these like wedding booths during our like school festival back in hs pretty wild

[thatoneluckybee]

words cannot express how much i despise these types of shows

#Some freaking. Dating show on tv that's whole gimmick is that it's autistic people #Absolutely nothing wrong with that! Objectively the cast is super kind and most of the participants enjoy it #I just despise being in the kitchen hearing people laugh because some guy is on the verge of a meltdown and it's funny to my family. #ALSO kinda actually funny someone just said “Hey that's kinda like you!” About the guy who was panicking cause things were changing and lik #MY FLESH AND BLOOD HOW HAVE YALL GENUINELY NEVER CONSIDERED AUTISM. #That guy does act a lot like you to! And me! WHY DO WE THINK THAT IS LMAO #Rambles

[ionlytalktodogs]

Honestly I don’t use tumblr that much anymore. The endless antisemitism has honestly made me fucking exhausted. I have enough of that in real life. But I genuinely appreciate everyone who has read about my struggles and had kind words to say. I’m not retiring my account but I do not go on here much and I’m likely not going to be more active in the future (I’ll still check in from time to time though). Thank you to everyone who’s stuck with me through all of this.

#remember when I made a very very personal post about my history with mental health struggles #and it got like 40k notes. and then I got super panicked and paranoid abt the hate I was getting #I’ve gotten WAY more hate from 1k note posts about antisemitism than I ever got from that 40k note post #weird. #idk. #my ramblings

[wishmemel]

only way i got through the day was hallucinating megumi beside me the entire time

#IT WAS SO COLD TODAY #wind was blowing so intensely #i kept picturing megumi walking beside me when i was outside n giving me his jacket #everytime i got distracted i could just hear his voice telling me to focus hehe #i should mention it was my first day back after a week of skipping classes cause i was sick #it was all just a haze but i got through it with hallucination megs !! #we did it guys #anyways he accompanied me to every single class #ngl i literally stepped foot in one of my classes and then #my teacher was like safi great you’re here !! we had a test yesterday that u missed btw n u can make it up right. this. instant!! #and i was like um. okay. #internally panicking #but the test seemed pretty easy so i hope it went well #it was super short too like a little quiz #but i was so surprised help #my friends told me about it n i really thought she’d give me a few days to prepare or smth #anyways guess who’s home now hehe > < #gonna eat smth yummy so i stop feeling dizzy and then lay in bed and do some homework #i have so much #megs is nagging me to finish it #if you read my entire rant then ily and if u skimmed it then ilyt #but if you didn’t read a word and skipped to the end then just know that megumi is flicking your forehead really hard rn #꒰ soon you'll get better. ꒱

[canibalistic-brownie]

I have to keep reminding myself that none of y'all know me in real life and even if you think what I'm writing is cringe, its not for you, its for me. But h-h-h-h-holy shit is it hard to get out of that mindset of anxiously wondering what other people will think of your writing the entire time.

#This is also like the longest thing I've ever written and I'm like a lil spooked because I feel like I'm doing things wrong somehow #Just because I don't write that often and when I do its usually short little one shots #But the specific scene is a karaoke scene and theres a lot of alcohol and Entrapta is singing still alive from portal #And Catra and Scorpia are her hypemen basically #Like just tossing in all sorts of nonsense like its a rap song #and neither of them have ever heard or played this game before #but theyre just trying to keep Entrapta from panicking because shes super anxious about going #And Adora is head banging with Mermista and Sea Hawk like its heavy metal #Bow has actually listened to the song/played the game so he at least knows it #And Glimmer is so fucking lost just watching all the chaos ensue with Perfuma from the kitchen #And like that feels like a cringey scene to write in #but its one of my favorite scenes I've written so far because it genuinely is something me and my friends would do #IDK I just love it

[theshadowrealmitself]

Nurse: *calls for me using my given name I have on file*

Me: Oh! I’m here!

Nurse: Oh wow, I was expecting a [different gender]!

Me: Ah, ha ha 👀 imagine that

#that’s interesting to me tho because no one has commented on what my given name sounds like #she was super nice tho #v talkative #normally I’m rushed through appointments quickly but she was telling me all about her family and asking about my sister cause I mentioned #that I was going to see her #v nice experience if I wasn’t low key panicking waiting for some kind of transphobia #but no she was nice #didn’t realize why my name was like that #or if she figured it out from my file she didn’t say anything #no fandom #I have one more obligation today and then I’m free for the week while I pack!!

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

wait. i just realized. i might have been asked on a date or something similar a few months ago. and i refused. oh no.

#i don't know if i've told you about this girl i went to school with (well kinda. she's 2 year youngers but we were aware of our existance) #(she was in the school band for starters. and she's in a band still!) #anyways. i don't know if i told you about how she was one of the candidates for the local psoe party for the municipal elections #and how she actually is now a concejala (councellor? what are town hall members called in english?) #well i was interacting with her a lot during the campaign and we talked and stuff #cause i was really proud of her and also. psoe is as left as my town is capable of going so i voted for them and was interested in their #proposals and stuff #anyways she asked me to come to a meeting or to have some drinks a couple of times #i said no to all of them. like a fool #and she sometimes likes my stories (i also like hers but cause i genuinelly like her stuff!!) #i thought she had a partner but. yesterday she showed up on bumbl #e #i panicked a lot and i swiped left (so a 'no') #and now i'm realising what might had happened #i wouldn't be against dating her she's super pretty but i just. never imagined i was like in her league lol #tbh this could all be me conflating things and she never had any romantic intention #we'll never know i guess <3

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

#its not that i dont like people. its just that i have resorted to avoiding people out of habit and a sense that i make things worse #like its not that i DON'T want to message my friend. its just that I cant bring myself to since i usually dont #ha ha ha. god i am desperate to just speak to people but I want to be left alone and im scared of people turning out to be mean #i kinda feel like crying when i see people say how they love their friends and cuddle up with them and have fun #lol one of my old best friends caused me to have awful anxiety about myself because he judged and made fun of ke constantly #oh yeah and that other time after i broke up with a friend because we stupidly decided to try and date and it didnt go well #the bastard asked the person out that night. they said no because they aren't an ass or dumb. god i should have left him when he said that #oh yeah he also made fun of my sunny cosplay i did and then left me alone in the comic con crowd for half an hour #as someone with anxiety that fucked me up just a little #so yeah bad past friendships and terrible social skills have left me to just go lol cant get hurt if i dont have friends! #ha ha. this is agony. #i have like one actaul friend i talk to and she's going through some stuff and wants to be left alone #which is understandable but now I'm talking to absolutely no one #also even if i were to talk to people i just feel i make things worse #i feel like im obnoxious and weird constantly and I'm sobscsred that people are going to think I'm creepy #its not that im doing anything super weird its just that with my autism I can get overly excited and start rambling and not thinking #yet another reason why I've chosen to stop speaking as much #im also just really snappy sometimes #I remember a while ago someone i was kinda friends with asked me if i was okay and i said i was fine #they kept pushing because they were concerned and no ones ever really done that so i kind of panicked and raised my voice at them #i wasn't angry i just never had someone try and actually pry that deep before other than maybe my parents #they seem like a lovely person but i still feel so horrible for doing that to them #sure i apologises later and they understood but i felt like it was one of the most awful things ive done to someone #i hate even the thought of being cruel or mean and all they were trying to do was help and i snapped at them for it #sorry for being ranty but I'm starting to think im really not okay #I've pondered the idea of possibly having deppression but thats a conversation for my counselor #again sorry for sumoing and ill probably delete this soon #if anyone has read all of this im honestly impressed #personal rambles #vent tag

[house-in-the-backyard-trees]

how do you handle when your drunk boyfriend texts you that they love you after you haven't even been official for a week yet? asking for a friend

#I'm trying to not freak out cause he's been drinking all day #i panicked so hard i left him on read 😂 #and i feel like an asshole for just being like im not saying that back to you yet but i really like you #but also it hasnt been a week #and also hes super fucking drunk #so im just trying to not freak out #cause he's a nice kid he doesn't deserve that #so yeah #im willing to never mention this again if he completely forgets about this tomorrow #🎸

[eachmostremembering]

I think s2 is a really beautiful and overall quite good expansion and deepening of the themes and arcs of season 1! however, as for my dumb little romantic heart feelings, there is just nothing like the way carmy looked at sydney when she first showed up at the restaurant and looked again. straining the stock after she tells him her history. her eyes watching him as he tries her food. him looking through her notebook. family style? two tops, booths.

#it's a marriage #. #.. #... #.... #..... #the bear fx #i think a lot about this show #and a lot about carmy and sydney particularly #but while i am singing s1s praises here i also really loved s2 #under the table! him thinking about her when he's panicking--she's the blue-white fire that calms him down #that article about how much it meant to the author that the fire of an ambitious black woman was what centered carmy #i cried reading it #it's so intimate. also carmy needs to go to therapy and stop offloading labor onto sydney. both are true at the same time. it's complicated #(also y'all aren't going to like this but while the writing for claire is topsy-turvy often #a lot of the backlash to her feels super misogynistic #and is dressed up in anti-misogynoir talk #it's complicated. also molly gordon's great go watch shiva baby) #gonna go through my bear posts and retag them when i figure out what i want my otp tag to be #gonna have to relent soon like i have written 10k about them might as well admit i'm a syd and carm ride or die

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

*smacking myself in the face* SHUT UP BRAIN SHUT UP

#like girl this is NOT something I need to spend every waking minute stressing out and making myself miserable about #and YET #LITERALLY LOOSEN UP I WANNA BE ABLE TO BREATHE AGAIN #Lu rambles #literally nothing has happened I went out with the theatre boy ONE time and we chatted and it was fine. I said some stuff #that in retrospect was probably super awkward but like that's life. like it was just a chill hang out except for that #I HATE social situations. theatre is one thing bc it's With A Purpose but just sitting and talking to someone #is REALLY REALLY HARD. I feel small and terrified like a frightened animal. #but it was fine! it was literally fine!!! at the end we were both like ''we should hang out again sometime'' even though #neither of us is sure if we want like... a Relationship(TM). we're just hanging out bc we get along well. it's Normal #so WHYYYYYY can I not just feel any peace or confidence anymore why did I do this to myself #I wish I'd never said anything to him in the first place. like it was chill and easy to just be friends but now?? UGH #I literally do not care enough to be THIS freaked out about it and I know that logically and yet my brain won't stop panicking constantly #I just want to RELAX 😭 #shrimp emotions

[bleachbleachbleach]

Fic: Truth

Written for Day 1: A Voice for @celebratebleach! This was supposed to be 500 words of flash fiction, so I had no plans just prompts. You will notice that it is... not 500 words, so the “no plans” part got very scary for me very quickly, but fabulating with reckless abandon was a lot of fun and a great exercise!

Title: Truth (links to AO3) Rating: T Genre/Timeline: gen, post-TYBW Characters: Isane (POV), Unohana; Renji, Kiyone, Iemura Word Count: 5k Tags: Zanpakutou, Shinigami/Zanpakutou Bond, overrepresentation of Seireitei Communications, Laundry, Mountaineering, Grief/Mourning Summary: After the Blood War, Isane must confront the rumors. Was Captain Unohana really—? Or was she— 

Isane has no ready answers, but truth is more a question than it is an answer, anyway.

--

They’ve asked her directly before, though mostly it’s just whispers. If Iemura catches them, he’ll shout about having respect, though Isane doesn’t think that’s what is missing. She doesn’t think Iemura has ever made a habit of respecting her, anyway. Not until Captain Unohana died.

What was she really like? 

They want to know.

In the aftermath of the Blood War, life had flaked away from the Seireitei like the frost shaken from the doors when Isane opens the clinic on early mornings, like the kind that sloughs from evergreen branches when she moves through winter forests. It is disruptive and messy and then imperceptible. It’s a puddle wiped away, or snow joining more snow. But someone had to have found the body. Someone had known too much about how to read blood spatter—or more likely still, reiatsu, remnants hanging in the air like poetry. Someone had seen. Now all those who hadn’t whisper.

"It’s egregious, isn’t it?" Iemura says, furiously penning his outrage into that journal that he keeps. He has always talked to himself, but Isane gets the impression that this time, the question is for her.

"Um. I suppose?" Isane replies. Mostly, she thinks it is understandable to be curious.

Who was Unohana Retsu?

Unohana Yachiru?

→ Read more on AO3

--

Content Warning: This fic is rated T, but since this is an explicitly SFW event, I wanted to flag that there’s a compound fracture in this story. It’s lightly described, but you know. Bones!! 

Prompts:

Features the first time a Shinigami heard their zanpakutou’s name

Takes places somewhere outdoors

Features two colors that are opposite each other on the color wheel

Based on or features a song lyric

#celebrate bleach #bleach returns 2022 #kotetsu isane #unohana retsu #abarai renji #kotetsu kiyone #iemura yasochika #seireitei communications #bleach tybw #bleach fanfic #please know that Hitsugaya and Matsumoto are only in this because I realized I’d never written a fic where they weren’t and i panicked #i need them my security 10th division #and also because I wrote a fic in an overlapping timeframe where Hitsugaya says something accurate but ungenerous about isane #so I felt like Isane should get a chance to make offhand comments about them too #i haven't had opportunity to check tumblr in over a week because i live a sad life so i feel super self-conscious about popping on here to #post fic when i know there's been so many wonderful event submissions that i haven't yet had a chance to read #but i am VERY excited to finally gets my hands on all of them and luxuriate <3333 #no brain just bleach

[widevibratobitch]

i need to dye my hair i need to cut my hair i need to bleach my eyebrows again i need to shave them off completely i need to DO something i need CHANGE or ill go insane

#sorry im panicking for no reason whatsoever and need to do THINGS to my mortal body but like. #something that will not cause any actual harm because we dont do that here sir na-ah not anymore #also swinging a bat at the part of my brain that keeps telling me i need to lose weight because i liked my face better X kg ago #and also i need to step on the scale and check how much i weigh now cause what if ive put on weight since spring (i most definitely did) #also my mom keeps nagging me about going to that super great endocrinologist again but last time i went i told him i had an ED and he went #'yes very sad. anyway' and weighed me and told me the number anyway. but hey! he also said #'i have fatter patients than you its ok dw your situation isnt that bad we can concentrate on losing that weight later' so its cool :)))))) #(its not. im never fucking going there again id rather rip my whole thyroid out of my throat with my bare hands) #also i really want that rhinoplasty but more than a failed surgery im afraid of betraying my ideals lol #its much easier to be anti make up or anti plastic surgery or preach about self love and acceptance when you're naturally pretty lol #anyway. fucked up mental state rn idk why it was fine an hour ago kms

[400terahertz]

did i tell u guys i experienced sleep paralysis in a dream

#.chat #like yesterday #it was crazy i am just thinkin about it #MY ASS WAS PANICKING when i woke up fr and could move i was like what the fuck #👎/10 experience. my brain is super mean to me #last week i slipped on smth in a dream and it jolted me awake like i physicay SHOOK i was like hi. hello