#and i'm not bothered to try and download this shit again so here we are

[aliceinwondervan]

Literally just downloaded the app, made my account, and went to make a post. I just can't get out of my head. I am so alone. I haven't had a Tumblr account since porn was allowed. Late last year I realized I'm a transwoman. Being amab in a marriage with one kid and another being considered - this destroyed me. My life instantly shattered. I had been building a future with my wife for over a decade. We've taken a few laps around hell and back. No matter what we were each other's constant.

Disclaimer: subjects like spousal abuse and struggles with mental health and thoughts of suicide are discussed below. There might be other triggers but my hand is cramping since I saved the disclaimer for last and I gotta stop typing.

I panicked. I messaged a friend who immediately accepted me for who I am. The next day my wife "had a feeling" something was up and instead of coming to me about it she snooped thru the thread with my friend and to say she got pissed is the biggest understatement.

To her I had to have known. To her I wasted her time. To her I was leaving to go frolic with all the other trans people. When in reality I grew up in a house with a very homophobic father. I hid my more "girly" tendencies because I was scared he would think I was gay. Which I am, being a lesbian and all, but at the time I was scared he would have thought my dude self was into dudes even tho I'm not. Anyways - my more girly tendencies turned out to be red flags that I was living in an egg.

With that tangent aside and in no particular order here is what I was subjected to for the next 3 months:

* I was arrested twice because she lied to the cops. The first time was a week after my egg cracked. She was trying to snap my phone in half so I put her in a mild headlock to try to stop her. I guess technically I was the first to get physical with her so I was arrested. Learned very quickly my anxiety doesn't do well with me locked in a small box so I called a bail bond guy who ended up being very chill about the whole thing and he got me out. The second time I was arrested led to me living in my car so that'll be at the end.

* She picked fights with me constantly. Same loop: she'd get a wild hair up her ass and find a reason to be pissed at me. Instead of talking she'd come in like I was supposed to be psychic or some shit and know what was going to bother her this time. Bingo, bango, bongo, fight would start - escalate to the point where I was peak pissed - she'd calm down a bit and start to act like I was psycho. Rinse and repeat.

* Her favorite lines during these fights and the reason they'd escalate like they did were aimed at my deepest insecurities. Imagine anything transphobic; she's said it. Imagine any power play a wife could pull; she did it. Her mission was to make my life so miserable I'd leave on my own.

* She outed me. She told a mutual friend of ours her fucked up, delusional, version. Recently I reached out to her brother, who was once my best friend, and he was super supportive in his initial reply but left me on read after. Can't help but feel like he must've talked to his sister.

* My wife isn't into chicks so we filed for divorce. It's been amicable as long as you don't count all the judicial threats she makes during fights.

* The second time I was arrested she started getting physical with me and the most I did was hold her arms and hands back. This led to a vertical line shaped bruise on her arm (that's how hard she was trying to hurt me) and since she called the cops and she was the one with a mark, I was arrested.

Again, vertical line. Apparently I karate chopped her or some shit.

Since I was on bail already for the same thing my bail would've been double the last bail. Couldn't afford it so I spent the next 5 days in jail. Remember the part where I said my anxiety didn't do well locked in a box? I'm on like 4 different meds and the one they ended up giving me was one I kept telling them I was off of.

Not a fun 5 days. I spent the first day in a turtle suit because for the first time in my life I was having intrusive thoughts of suicide. I'd never act on them but it still scared the hell out of me.

When it was ultimately dismissed I got out but couldn't go home because my wife had filed for a temporary restraining order for her and my kid that wouldn't expire for a few days. She was nice enough, in her words, to book me at a hotel.

Turns out I dig the car life tho. I make ends meet with DoorDash and am using this time at Rock Bottom to build a foundation.

Problem is it's very lonely being at Rock Bottom. Forgot to mention: my wife started dating someone a couple weeks after my egg cracked AND she reconnected with her ex that's been stalking her since they dated when she was 14. So she got our mutual friends, a new boyfriend, and her psycho ex. I have, thankfully, that friend I can message. But that's it. I started reconnecting with an old friend but we've hung out once so far so it's still kinda awkward and we're not at the point

When my ex isn't pissy we still get along like always. With time she'll come around but in the meantime I'm forced to live with myself. Ultimately this will probably be good for my but my god the pain is overwhelming.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Until next time,

Alice

#lgbt #transfem #transgender #divorce #male to female #mtf lesbian #depressing life

[pesterloglog]

Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4454-4459

timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 1:43

TT: I should probably warn you.

GG: About what?

GG: Yet another exploding game trap?

TT: Well shit.

TT: She already sent it?

GG: Yes.

GG: But to be fair, she warned me not to run it.

TT: That's weird.

GG: Why?

GG: She was probably just trying to protect me from the Batterwitch's latest assassination attempt.

GG: Sheesh, I can't believe you all finally got me saying "Batterwitch" too. Who would have thought?

TT: No, it's weird because Lalonde was the one who rigged it to explode.

TT: It's a bogus copy she coded herself. The real game file she downloaded is totally legit.

GG: What? Really?

TT: Got it right here myself. Checked it out.

TT: File's fuckin' clean as a whistle.

TT: A whistle that overcame a major substance abuse problem. Trying to get its life back on track.

TT: The whistle is holding down a steady job now. It's taking things one day at a time.

TT: Eat a fuckin' dinner off that whistle.

GG: ...

TT: Ok I'll shut up.

GG: Why would she do that?

TT: To accomplish exactly what it sounds like got accomplished.

TT: You narrowly averting the "fake" threat to your life, then getting your shit all hot and bothered at the Baroness over it.

TT: Then you abdicate your heiress throne or something, and give up on this game as a big fuck you to the genocidal cake alien.

GG: But...

GG: If she felt so strongly that I shouldn't play, she could have told me.

GG: Or, told me more forcefully, I guess. I would have listened!

GG: Maybe.

GG: :(

TT: She's working through some problems right now.

TT: Really doesn't want us to play that game.

TT: So I guess this was the insane stunt she whipped up to derail the inevitable.

TT: Kinda reckless for my tastes.

TT: One of the above statements is a fucking lie, are you gutsy enough a gumshoe to spot it.

GG: Maybe she was justified in taking such an extreme measure. I sure hadn't been taking her seriously.

GG: She even warned me not to play it until she got back, but I went ahead anyway because I was too impatient!

GG: Actually...

GG: Now that I think about it, she was probably going to disarm it or such when she got back, seeing as her objective had essentially been accomplished already by an ACTUAL assassination attempt.

GG: After that, I told her I would believe her about everything.

GG: That probably made her feel guilty about setting me up, so she told me not to touch the file until she returned.

TT: Sounds about right.

GG: But then I went ahead and ran it anyway like a doofus.

GG: I think she just wanted to be believed.

GG: Shucks.

GG: Am I an awful friend?

TT: Nope.

GG: I'm not so sure about that.

TT: Well, before you go taking a massive sad crap all over your friendship credentials, consider this.

TT: Only she could manage to blow up your computer with a nasty deathloop virus and somehow make YOU be the one to feel shitty about it.

GG: Heh!

GG: You're right.

TT: Or maybe you're the one who uniquely fills the predicate in that construction.

TT: I don't god damn know.

TT: Your friendship with her is a half drunken three-legged relay race, and the baton is a stick of dynamite.

TT: And you two are the only ones on the track. Me and English are watching from under the bleachers, high-fiving constantly.

GG: I guess that's a pretty apt metaphor, even though it doesn't make the slightest bit of sense.

TT: Yes.

GG: I just wanted to start playing the game so badly!

GG: Now more than ever. I have reason to believe the stakes have increased dramatically.

TT: They have.

TT: And they will continue to.

GG: I think our dream counterparts are all marked for death, and if we are to stand a chance, we must move quickly.

TT: I agree.

TT: Just heard about your assassination on Prospit.

GG: Oh, she told you already?

TT: Who, RL? No.

TT: I read it in a newspaper.

GG: Um.

GG: Are you being ironic again?

TT: No.

TT: I just picked up one of the sleazy Dersite tabloid rags.

TT: Sometimes they'll feature some pretty entertaining gossip about the royalty or whatever.

TT: But they're primarily dedicated to smearing Prospit. The press had a field day with the deaths of the Page and the Maid.

GG: Dersite? You mean the other planet? The evil one?

TT: Derse, yeah.

TT: Not evil, necessarily. That's a bit simplistic. The kingdom represents the forces of opposition to Prospit and the four heroes. Us.

GG: What did the story say about me?

TT: "DEAD"

TT: Was the big ass headline.

TT: Then a photo of your dead body lying there, followed by a lot of bullshit slander.

TT: It was also reported your tower exploded. They couldn't find the body to give it a proper funeral. Probably incinerated.

GG: I didn't realize you had woken up in the game already.

GG: When did that happen?

TT: Dunno. Years ago. Don't really recall.

GG: I guess I shouldn't act surprised you didn't tell me. What with all your highfalutin secrecy.

TT: It's hard to explain.

TT: I was never technically asleep there. I was awake without realizing it.

TT: Then I realized it.

TT: And I sorta learned how to be awake there while awake here too.

TT: I am awake there now, albeit pretending to sleep.

GG: Pretending? Why?

TT: For one thing, it gets a bit distracting managing two alert bodies in different places at the same time.

TT: And for another thing, it's better to maintain appearances.

TT: Everyone on Derse believes their heroes haven't woken yet.

TT: Though they are both rumored to be very active sleep walkers.

TT: Which is half true. She can't ever seem to sleep still. Goes off wandering for days.

TT: Sometimes I've gotta go round her up from some godforsaken cranny of the abyss. Drag her tipsy ass home, tuck her back in.

TT: Maybe I'll chain her leg to the bed if she doesn't wake up soon.

TT: Though in light of the recent assassinations, her slumbering attraction to the void probably works to her advantage. No one ever knows where she is.

GG: I'm still not sure I'm following.

GG: Why are you maintaining the appearance of being asleep? On Prospit, it seemed as if the people there regarded me and Jake very highly. Like celebrated figures.

GG: Is it not the same way on Derse?

TT: No, it's essentially the same situation here.

TT: They glorify us the same way. Almost like we're their purple pajama'd team mascots. Even though they will completely oppose our objective when all is said and done.

TT: Kinda ridiculous, really.

TT: But even so, I think it's better to lay low, not alert anyone to my...

TT: Alertness. 😎

TT: That way I can sneak around and gather information. Do some reconnaissance before shit starts getting real.

GG: In other words, read newspapers, get a feel for "the word on the street," and such?

GG: As might a detective? :B

TT: Yeah, among other things. Like keep an eye on agent activity.

GG: You mean... secret agents??

TT: No, more like high ranking officials.

TT: Judging from your knife wound, I'm betting you were the victim of the Archagent himself.

TT: You should feel honored, I guess.

GG: Who's that?

TT: A guy named Noir.

TT: Real nasty dude. Crazy ambitious. Loves knives.

TT: If we're going to stand any chance of winning this thing,

TT: I've got this nagging suspicion we're gonna have to take him down first.

TT: And a feeling that nags equally,

TT: Is it ain't gonna be easy.

GG: I guess I should find all that ominous.

GG: But I cannot lie, sir.

GG: Nothing you have said has made me one iota less excited to begin this adventure!

GG: Those dastardly agents can try to assassinate me all they like. I just want to get started!

TT: That's the most awesome way to be, Jane.

TT: And it is again why you will be our leader.

TT: (Sort of.)

GG: Right.

GG: Still fixing to pull the strings for us, per your extensive puppet metaphor?

TT: Pulling them as we speak.

TT: I am having Lil Seb install a real copy of the client on another computer in your house.

TT: A clean computer, not any of this BCCorp garbage you tend to accumulate.

TT: I'll have to insist from this point onward, you employ neutral devices.

TT: That shit fucks with your head.

GG: Hrm.

GG: Alrighty, I think I can make that concession.

TT: Once it's installed, I'll connect with you. I will be your server player.

TT: I know this isn't what you were hoping for, but some improvisation is in order.

TT: While you get the ball rolling, I'll try to talk some sense into that mercurial boozehound.

GG: Sounds like a plan.

GG: I do hope she comes around. It would be a bummer to play without her.

TT: She will.

GG: Say, do I even have any machines that survived the explosion besides this one?

TT: Do you even have any machines that don't inundate you with fucking Hamburger Helper ads and Guy Fieri's heinous propaganda?

GG: I guess not. :p

GG: Still, some nice things were surely destroyed.

GG: I think Detective Pony was caught in the blast.

GG: It's unlikely Acorn survived. :'(

TT: A fitting end to a life of moral compromise.

GG: So, since I'm apparently out of "neutral devices,"

GG: Which computer is Seb installing the file on?

TT: On your dad's computer downstairs.

TT: One in the study.

GG: Gotcha.

GG: My poor dad.

GG: He surely heard the explosion. I've put him through so much today.

GG: Oh no...

TT: What?

GG: I just had a dreadful thought.

GG: The kitchen is just below my room.

GG: What if he had begun baking his afternoon cake when my computer exploded?

TT: I wouldn't worry about it.

GG: Maybe I should go look?

GG: Though I'm a little afraid to.

TT: I think it'll take a lot more to kill that dude than a little falling debris.

TT: Trust me.

GG: I hope so.

GG: The Crockers have something of a legacy when it comes to losing forebears in mysterious explosions.

GG: I would be so sad if I kept the tradition alive like this.

TT: The most you have to worry about is getting grounded back to the stone age.

TT: When you enter the session, he'll probably lock you up in a prison cell on Derse.

TT: Probably stick a huge safe in front of the bars for good measure.

TT: Now do me a favor and hop off the couch.

GG: Ok.

GG: What are you doing?

TT: Makin' room for something big.

#homestuck #dirk strider #jane crocker #homestuck act 6 #page 4454 #page 4455 #page 4456 #page 4457 #page 4458 #page 4459 #homestuck act 6 act 2

[pblumpkins]

SEX IS ANNOYING AND WEIRD AND I HATE IT!

I just. I hate it. I hate it to unreasonable degrees.

I haven't had penetrative sex once in me damn life but I've sent nudes like 6 times and given how annoying those 6 times were i consider them hookups and sex in a way... my therapist does at least.

lemme just, go down a list of what each time was like shall we!

this was the only time someone bothered to send anything back. I shit on this guy now, but compared to some of the others he was pretty receptive, I guess? not quite as demanding, only photos he asked for was like, nothing strenuous to get. just "can I pls. see cock?" my bones thank him in a way. 5/10

cool-er guy. didn't send anything but favored talking and respected me not wanting to take off my clothes and settled for a chest pic instead. 7/10

went from "hello" to "that was fun bye!" in a second. sent one pic and then asked for an ass pic. I didn't get to tell him "HEY WARNING I AM TRANS" but he still settled for me keeping my clothes on. 3/10 I still feel bad for not being able to tell him.

never really told me how old he was so for all I know dude could've been a pedo but he was also pretty chill so I'm. I'm gonna hope we were the same age and that he wasn't. knowingly talking to a child while being an adult. also didn't force me to send pics. 6/10

10/10 guy. didn't ask for photos at all, was completely okay with just chatter. let me delve into random deep talk even when I was trying and failing to sexy talk and never crossed a boundary or let me cross his boundaries.

I fucking hate this man so much. everything was consensual but I still have a weird pit in my stomach over it. he asked for too much. yk, "do this for me, do this for me, take it like this, try again, please I need this" and my bones just *hurt* but the time it was over. it went on for like two hours and it only ended because I found an excuse to leave. had to tell him to not download my photos. twice. quite hate it here. I'm sure he's a great person but fucking hell. between using the wrong words for my body even after I politely told him not to say that and not letting me catch a break, that might be the worst way consensual sex can happen. 0/10

#trans #ftm #hate it here. #so much. #trans sexuality #tbh if i received any romantic love i bet i wouldn't be doing these things #alas poor yorick

[sorikkung]

I don't mind, I just like talking to you anyways and this is a good excuse 🙃 first things first I'm in my mom's place, so I'm almost 100km away from where I live and I thought would be a good idea to open up Tinder and see if I could match with some interesting people now so basically I have two gossips about my midnight Tinder matches.

First one was with this really sweet guy that lives in my city. He's a hella sportist and even participates on jiu-jitsu championships. You know those quiet math guys that don't usually talk much but they are very talkative when it comes to his interests and this hard shell is only to protect a big warm heart? Is him. And the fact that it only took me a a couple of DAYS to get so close of him bothered and scared me a lot. Right now, we're in a video call and he keeps saying that I'm pretty and that he's falling in love with me and I can see, by the way he looks at me, that it trully might have something going on.

I don't know, I feel a little scared about it, not gonna lie, but I assume I'm intrigued as well as I want to try out and see where it goes but is all so unsure...

This second gossip is about some friends of mine from here. They used to date for a long time, I met them with already two years of relationship on their backs so, this year they would be like, 6 years together. As I said, I was at Tinder and I saw this profile with a picture I've seen before. I went to this friend Insta and the picture was there, same name, age, place, everything was the same. I was gagged but, anyway, brushed it off because it might be a fake profile or maybe they were seeking for someone to spicy up their relationship, I don't know, I was trying to create an excuse for why was him there that wasn't because he was cheating.

Obviously, I swiped right on him because, if he was really cheating, he would know I saw him and I knew what he was doing. But that left me really unsettled, so I went to Insta again. I checked both his and hers profiles and they weren't following each other anymore, all their cute photos with texts celebrating their birthdays were also gone... Was like they were never together. I even checked her TikTok videos and, apparently, she had returned to her parents house after a year living with him.

They had broke up and I heard about it from Tinder 🤡

To add up: he just text me today, while I was in call with this new guy and legit asked about a hook-up. Like a good slut, I said he could pass by with drinks and drugs and we would party and kiss like good friends do 🙃 so I guess this will have more scenes to come. And I hope I can kiss her as a friend too, they're both hot

this is so wild lmFAOooo mainly the second part but damn look at you go??? mfs fallin in love w you n shit??? goals???? i keep telling myself ill never stoop as low as to download tinder bc too many straight people but honestly all the lgbt focused dating apps be kinda dry i might as well 😭😭 doesnt help that i usually leave convos on read bc they bore me easily or just take too much effort... oof. but i digress. why are you so scared of where things are going w your tinder match? lmfao right now as in as you type this?? does he know youre gossiping abt him to a random australian online 😭😭

as for the second part at least theres no cheating, but if you kiss them separately when they seem to have broken up on bad enough terms to wipe it all i feel like thatd cause drama... but if youre not super close w them and just wanna shitstir, im not gonna deter you lmFAOoo live ur hoe life bestie. wish that were me (i say, with like 37 bitches in my dms i ghosted bc i ran out of things to say to them and they didnt interest me enough to ask to meet SDFGSDFKHSDFH)

[bluesest]

A Husband

Hello! my name is Steve, I have had a long relationship with my husband for 6 years, his name is Max, since we met he has been super kind and super tender, besides he is still handsome, he does not have a muscular body, but He is not fat either, I really love him too much, I always try to accompany him in all his activities whenever I can, he also accompanies me and we have a great time, our work is really generous and we have plenty of free time, in general, I love my husband and He loves me.

I love many things about him, every part of him seems sexy to me, now here comes the fact that will give reason to this story, if you have a boyfriend or husband who has stomach problems in a row, let me tell you that you are someone lucky, I know it sounds disgusting but... I love my husband's diarrhea, don't worry! He doesn't spend all the time sick, nor does he have some terrible disease, but he has diarrhea several times a week, well, it's more liquid shit than diarrhea, since most of the time he doesn't get sick, it's just his stomach.

Normally, that weak stomach thing would embarrass anyone, something that also includes my husband, he has hardly ever admitted to anyone about his stomach problem, everyone except me, since we were dating, even if he didn't tell me, I knew that he had that weekly diarrhea, always the noise of his farts and the liquid coming out of his buttocks woke me up at dawn, but that only made me get closer to him, now we are happily married and as you can guess, his problems have not gone away gone.

One of the best experiences I have had with him was the following: It was 8pm, I was shaving in the bathroom, when suddenly, my husband knocked on the door: "How long will it take? I need to use the bathroom" now, me and my husband we always share space in the bathroom, even more so when it comes to my husband's downloads, I love listening to his ass while I take a shower, but this situation was different, besides my hands were busy, I wanted to try and make my husband feel I shit in his underpants, I knock on the door again: "Open me up quick!" and I replied: "Don't bother me, I'm busy, shit in some vase or whatever", I kept listening to pleas for a minute until I heard several farts coming out from behind the door, followed by sputtering, I quickly opened the door and there it was I saw, it was him, he was squatting, I saw that his black underpants had yellow diarrhea coming out of his holes, something that I love since both his solid and liquid poop are always that color, I told him to come in, but he was so weak that he couldn't stand up and reach the toilet, he was so sick that day... as an apology to him, I let him shit on the floor, since after all, it was my fault.

On another day, it was night, we were both watching tv shows in our room, when suddenly, he farted, he sounded wet, he quickly told me: "I have to go to the bathroom", our bathroom was in our room , he knows that I like to listen to him shit, so he left the bathroom door open, which just gave a good view of the toilet since he was pointing towards the door, that topic that I like his diarrhea was an open topic, we had already talked about that before, and even so, he doesn't consider me a dirty man, in fact he usually tells me that he likes to shit for me, once he got naked he told me: "Do you want to listen?" and then he sat down, his diarrhea used to be heard liquid and farts, but this was different, what was heard was a bomb, he splashed the water as he fell and his farts were quite strong, his flirtatious face changed to one of pain and his mouth He only came out "Aggghh" and "Uffff" and he laughed painfully, we both thought it was normal diarrhea, but this got out of control, I went to the bathroom and sat on the floor, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, I just listened SPLASH from the toilet all the time, when it was over, he lay down on the bed and put on an adult diaper(We have those diapers when these things happen) I directed my gaze to the toilet and I couldn't see a single drop of water, it was all a yellow sludge so big it soaked up the water in the toilet.

Another of my sexiest anecdotes: it was night (normally he had those diarrhea attacks at night) we were showering together, something normal for a couple, we talked about what happened to us that day, we both laughed when the expression of my husband changed and told me: "I have to poop" not all my husband's stools were liquid so I asked: "Normal or diarrhea?" He patted his stomach and said: "It's liquid and it's on its way" I asked him if he could hold on longer and he said: "It's strong, but I think I can hold on for a couple of minutes" The atmosphere became tense, no one shared a single word, his prediction of holding minutes failed, since only a minute had passed when he farted wet and some yellow liquid ran down his legs, he said: "I can't take it anymore, get out of the shower please, I'll shit here" you will wonder why he didn't just go to the toilet, he and I are very close and we always do activities together including taking a bath, besides, when he starts shitting himself he can't move, I got out of the shower and sat on it toilet, my husband wanted to bend over when his diarrhea came out, even when he was still standing, his butt was pointing at me and splashed on the bathroom floor, after that, the liquid drop was moderate since my husband controlled it and endured not to do a disaster, then he told me:" You know, this is not my first time shitting in a shower, when I was a teenager, my mom told me that when my poop was liquid, I should shit in the shower to not waste paper, I even pooped in the bathrooms at school so as not to waste paper, I thought it was something so sexy that sometimes I masturbated in the shower" after finishing that sentence, a scandalous fart made the whole fountain come out, staining the shower floor in yellow diarrhea, he kept shitting standing when I entered and kissed him , while I was wiping his ass touching his hot shit, he said to me, "You're the only one who likes this part of me, that's why I love you."

#Diarrhea #Farts #Husband #Yellow #Shower #Homosexual #Coprophilia

[littlebabyboybarzal]

Howdy, OG Sugar Daddy Sid instigator here, so lets imagine this:

So Sid gets passed your number/public social and sits on them for three whole months. His excuse is the team needs his attention, but they get knocked out the cup in a shoot out against the Bruins of all teams, and he literally wants to set himself on fire. Normally he makes his rounds sending texts or trying to through a group get together before all the boys run off, and wait until camp in the coming months, but he decides maybe for once he should put himself first.

So he re-downloads Instagram, spends a hour trying to figure out his password and looks up the girl that was mentioned to him and fuck she was pretty. He scrolls through her page at least seven times, and because he is Sidney he makes sure to analyze every frame. Zooms in on books and movies, discarded in the background of what he assumes is her office/library. Zooms to see what her coffee order is on her cup, and the music playlist shown in the selfie of her finishing her Peloton session. He does this, cause he needs some type of ice breaker, especially since it seems the girl doesn't watch any sports.

All in all he's terrible at conversation and its amplified if he has to talk to pretty woman. And he's sure he can't just be like, 'he i'm the guy who's teammate said for a nominal fee you'll...spend time with me? make me feel good?' He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. He's never know what he's doing, but at least the woman who crowd around him and try to get seen know who he is.

Or at least he knows what they want from him. They know everything about him and projected want they want or assumed him to be on him already so all he really had to do was show up. If they've convinced themselves he was charming, then he was just charming. He could just stand there awkwardly, and they'd take the lead. And he never minded because again, he had know idea how to be himself around people. Hell if he's being honest he doesn't know how to be himself, when he's by himself.

Every waking moment is hockey and trying to get the cup again so people will shut up about him old. And he knows he's older. Knows that Nate and McDavid are the next ones up, but fuck he still has some fight in him. Everything has been hockey his entire life, and the fact that he knows he only has a few more years left he feels like he's wasted his damn life and it scares him. Yeah the team took the cup home more than once, and his stats and performance shows why he'll go down as one of the great ones, but when its all said and done what will he have to show? At least most of his teammates and peers can show outside of hockey, some amazing accomplishments to be proud. They have wives or girlfriends, and children. He doesn't has shit except self pity, and wallowing fear once his jersey is retired he'll disappear back to NS and live in his house be his lonesome.

And while he's not crazy enough to think this call girl or aspiring 'sugar baby' will be the answer to his problems, he's certain she can at least be a distraction. And he needs one desperately. So he goes to his note app and types up a professional paragraph, pastes and send it to her DM and waits.

SD! SID ANON LIVES!!! HELLO BELOVED AND THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY DAY!!

Okay that’s absolutely perfect! So this girl gets a dm from Sid and she’s like “this is a fake account stop bothering me.” And Sid is like no it’s real! Please don’t share it and I’m totally bad at this but I just think you’re kinda gorgeous and maybe we could go get coffee or something sometime? And she’s like mhm…okay sure why tf not.

So day of the date Sid is scared shitless. He cannot believe what he’s about to do but she’s so nice and pretty and he has this desire to pamper her even though she doesn’t seem like that kind of girl. He finally says fuck it and goes to meet her, even though he wanted to pick her up she insisted they meet at the shop so he agrees. When he gets there, he’s early cuz he’s annoying. He’s not much of a coffee guy but he gets something simple and grabs a booth. When she walks in, he’s shook ™ and he kinda stumbles around to her and she thinks it’s adorable and she’s happy he’s not a catfish.

They hit it off and decide to keep hanging out. I’m thinking she’s a grad student or working an entry job that isn’t paying well as she’s like so she’s constantly strapped for cash but she manages. Sid doesn’t mind picking up the tab, he has more money than he knows what to do with it. She always says no but he drives a hard bargain (and who can resist that face). He starts getting more extravagant—that fancy bag she’s been coveting, paying her rent, getting her a car and she’s like umm??? What’s going on? You’re acting like you’re my sugar daddy and Sid just gives a lazy grin and shrugs.

So they work out an agreement and they’re not dating but Sid definitely want her to be his girlfriend. Did I mention she knows little to nothing about hockey and Sid loves this because he can ramble on about it and she’s sort of interested but he’s so cute when he babbles so she just lets him go off. Sometimes she goes to his games and sits with the wags and they’re like “oooh!! Sid has a new gf?!” And she’s like oh no we’re just friends. But are they??

This is what I do in my budgeting class instead of paying attention 😌

#my crops have been watered #anyone else with thoughts?! dirty and or fluffy are welcome #SD!Sid anon #sugar daddy!sid #sidney crosby #asks #I’m running under the assumption he doesn’t bring up the sugaring thing because he’s an idiot lol

[prettyqueerandpolyglamorous]

When I see people's responses to someone asking what trans is or nb or similar being "google it" I just wanna- just, bop em square in the face.

Is it exasperating to get asked the same thing over and over again? Sure. But so many people bitch about all the prejudice and misinformation that gets spread abt the trans umbrella, and how there aren't enough trans voices in trans representation, and then you turn around and repudiate an uneducated person's honest question?!

Whether you like it or not, in that moment, you act as an ambassador to the trans community, so first off: THAT'S the first impression you wanna give? The first non-cis individual this person meets* basically tells them to fuck off. Wow, what a loveable bunch, I'm sure they feel a ton of incentive to be in our corner. Secondly, HEY ASSHOLE, WHAT IF THE FIRST SITE THEY FIND IS SOME TRANSPHOBIC BULLSHIT HUH?!! If you tell them to just google it, they could end up getting complete misinformation, or full on anti-trans propaganda, and now that's the perspective they'll adopt. You can't put it on them to be distrusting of misinformation, to keep digging until they find a good source, all you fucking told them was to google it; that was the only direction you gave -- two flippant words. That response is counterproductive and alienating -- to both that person and the general genderqueer populous. Are you starting to see the problem here?

I know, again, that it's a bit of a pain in the ass to explain shit repeatedly like a broken record, but would you rather someone learn about gender nonconformity from something organized by cis people, or hmmm, I don't know, SOMEONE WHO'S GENDER NON-CONFORMING?? How do you expect people to educate themselves if we don't provide them with resources? Are they supposed to just pull it out of their asses? Did I not get the memo about the fucking telepathically downloadable queer information hub?

If we want to be understood and acknowledged, then it is OUR RESPONSIBILITY to educate those who are willing to learn -- and don't you dare roll your eyes and drag your feet, bitch and moan while you do it, because again, you are gonna be the first entry in the new folder of information in that person's head; the impression you leave will affect their impression of everything else that gets filed away there. If you don't feel like explaining it each time someone asks, then fine, explain it once and then save it to your notes and just copy paste it. It's not that hard. Or if you can't be bothered to do that, then jfc, at least be more specific than just "google it"! Point them to reliable, helpful sources -- sites, books, youtubers -- name drop!!! I know that every genderqueer person with access to the internet went through a research period when trying to figure themself out, and I highly doubt you'd forget all of the resources that helped you figure yourself out and changed your damn life; give them those! They can help cis people too you know! Just, please, DON'T just tell them to google it and leave it at that.

#rant #frustrated #gender #trans #queer representation #nonbinary #urgh! #lgbt #agbt #igbt #queer education #transgender #trans umbrella #this also applies to sexuality too i suppose but its less prevalent an issue #istg i will regularly reblog this if no one else does; im not just gonna let it go #exasperation #*screams into pillow* #i'm fine. this is fine

[scifinal]

DW s12e10: It's Quite Unfortunate That This Child Keeps On Regenerating

It's only fitting that the first post on a blog called "SciFinal" should be about a season finale.

Not that fitting is the fact that in said post I'm going to begin where it all started for me.

Part One: How I Even Got into This Mess of a Show in the First Place

While I call myself a huge Doctor Who fan, even a – *gasp* – Whovian, I must admit I am not as familiar with the franchise as I would like to be; I've seen the new show, I've seen Torchwood (though, admittedly, I had to force myself to finish the fourth season – but that's a story for another day), I've listened to a handful of audio dramas (including Kaldor City, which I consider to be canon for both DW and Blake's 7) – mostly Torchwood audio dramas, but who cares, – I've read a couple of comics, I've got a novel or two somewhere on my bookshelf, I've seen the first couple of seasons of the classic show, but that's about it. I can't say I grew up with it – it wasn't on TV when I was a kid, there isn't an official Ukrainian dub, et cetera, et cetera. I first heard about it when I was about thirteen, when my classmate did a project about something they liked – and was pretty dismissive of my peers' hobbies at the time, believing myself to be somewhat above them, so I didn't pay much attention.

Then somebody finally pressured me into watching it (I believe I was fifteen or something back then) and I loved it. The first two episodes of the first season, I mean. I watched those, texted my friend something like "consider me a Whovian now!" and abandoned the show completely only to return to it maybe several years later.

I loved it. This time, for real.

Doctor Who has been with me ever since that time, it has a big soft spot reserved for each and every Doctor ever in my heart, and for each and every companion. I know full well it's cheesy, and it's stupid, and it's technobabble-y, and it's glorious in all of its cheesy technobabble-y stupidity.

And I hate this finale.

Part Two: Doctor, Why

I hate this finale – because I hate Chris Chibnall. Mind you, not the gentleman himself (I don't even know what he looks like, and I can't be bothered to Google), I hate what he did to Doctor Who.

Now, when it was revealed that the would replace Steven Moffat I felt... nothing. What did you expect? I had no idea who the man was. I know now he's made Broadchurch, and I know he wrote a bunch of stuff for Torchwood back in the day, including Cyberwoman. I had to drop Broadchurch because of how well-handled the depressing atmosphere was, and I love the flawed, dumb, sexy-cyber-bikinied, almost-fifteen-minutes-of-Ianto's-whining-including (I know because some time ago I literally cut almost every single moment of Gareth David-Lloyd whimpering, moaning, groaning, screaming, and mugging at the camera out of the episode and made those bits and pieces into a beautiful clip show called "I HATE THIS" to explain exactly why his face was and still is so punchable) mindless fun that is Cyberwoman (this is also one of the two episodes in which they actually do something fun with the pterodactyl living inside Torchwood's underground base). The latter also led to the creation of one amazing in how it develops Ianto's character audio drama entitled "Broken". I love Broken. I am now forcing you to look at its cover because of how much I love it.

Here we go. Now, back to the point of me rambling pointlessly

In his video "Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here's Why", a well-known YouTuber hbomberguy pointed out how Steven Moffat's problem is that he is more than capable of writing a good one-off episodes, but ultimately fails at managing multiple complex, overarching stories, as visible when you look at the difference between Moffat's individual episodes and his run on the show.

Now, I believe that Chris Chibnall suffers from the same affliction: he's a good screenwriter but a terrible, terrible showrunner. Sure, he's made Broadchurch, but Broadchurch, in its essence, was a complete singular story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no bigger, incomplete arcs expanding at the expense of other episodes, and the show did exactly what it was originally designed to do: it told an uninterrupted story.

Here comes Chris Chibnall's run on Doctor Who.

Now, while Steven Moffat was ultimately not very good at managing overarching stories, he tried to do so nonetheless, and the fans seemed to like his attempts. And while I can't be sure as to whether it was Chris' original vision for the show or he and his co-writers were merely trying to emulate Moffat, he attempted the same. A friend of mine has even pointed out how, to her, it was painfully obvious how the writers of the finale were desperately trying to copy Moffat's style (to give you some context, she grasped it from a 30-second clip of the CyberMasters' reveal, and that clip basically consisted of me filming my laptop's screen and laughing at their design, making the video wobbly and the audio distorted). At the time of writing this post this friend hasn't seen a single episode of Chibnall's era and, as far as I know, has no wish to do so – mainly because of two reasons that both have something to do with the finale:

Somebody's already spoiled it for her, so who cares;

I ranted to her about how shit this finale is and now she hates everything about Chibnall era.

I am very sorry for the latter, since I genuinely believe there are some nice episodes in these seasons, and I especially like the "historical" ones, they really are quite a lot of fun, I like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fighting badly CG-ed alien scorpions, I love Lord Byron and Mary Shelley running around a haunted house trying to escape from a Cyberman (even though it's all too similar to the Agatha Christie episode from Russel T Davies' run), I adore that episode about Rosa P–– oh, wait, no, that one was crap and ripped off Blake's 7... Anyway, I love Jodie Whittaker's Doctor, I am a big fan of Graham, I like Ryan just fine, and I can put up with Yaz, even though it's been two seasons and I've still got no idea what's her personality supposed to be, and I absolutely love the new Master (he reminds me of a cute little pug with a big Tommy gun). There is plenty of good stuff in these two seasons, they are lots of fun to watch, but this finale... Oh god, this finale.

Part Three: We Had All of Time and Space at Our Fingertips and We Ended Up with This

We are getting to the point of this whole thing. I would love to begin with the obvious, the twist, but there's so much wrong with this who-cares-how-many-parter than this one big thing.

It is inept. It is impotent. It is incompetent. It is bad at almost everything except its okay camera work, somewhat good (for a British TV show, I mean) effects, and its really solid performances.

Its editing is tone-deaf to the extreme. There is a moment in the final episode where Ko Sharmas asks who will be the first to cross the Boundary and step into the unknown, and immediately it cuts to Yaz walking towards it, all fast and silent. I would love to show you a clip of it, but I don't have one and I can't force myself to download the episode and sit through this shitshow again just to present you with a ten-second clip. Nonetheless, that part is not edited like a dramatic moment. You edit comedies this way. Bad comedies. Bad editors edit bad comedies this way.

Its plot is incoherent. There are several plot threads in this finale, and they're managed in a way that doesn't make the viewer care about all of them at the same time, rather the viewer goes "oh, I've completely forgotten this was happening" and then, before they can even begin to care, the show cuts to something else. It's all over the place and oh so annoying.

The plot armour is painfully obvious despite every attempt to disguise it. There wasn't a single, solitary second when I believed the Doctor was really going to sacrifice herself and, lo and behold, here comes the old guy ex machina to do it for her. The only questions I was asking at that moment were "How are the writers going to prevent the Doctor's death now that they've seemingly created themselves a way to go on forever?" and "How can Whittaker care so much about her performance in this scene she's literally almost crying?". I wholeheartedly related to the Master asking "So why are we still here?" and shout–– hiss–– mumbl–– whatever-ing "Come on, come on, come on!" – at that point I've suffered through at least forty-five minutes of utter nonsense, people going preachy, religious Cybermen with Dalek motivations, that absolutely ludicrous scene in the previous episode when the show was trying its worst to make me perceive autonomous flying Cyber-heads with laser eyes as a serious threat, a shit twist and... Oh.

I've got to finally touch on the shit twist, haven't I?

It doesn't make sense. No, I mean it. I guess it makes sense from the show's writers' standpoint to retcon everything in a way that would allow them to go on forever without having to come up with a way to circumvent limited regenerations, yes. And I won't be touching upon all the lore people say this twist has ruined. No. It doesn't make sense as it is.

The twist is revealed to us by a madman that claims to have hacked into a database, claims to possess control over the Doctor's mind, and gives the Doctor and the audience no actual solid proof that the Timeless Child is, indeed, the Doctor. We have Ruth, sure, and she's nice enough (damn, I want that vest), and she's a Timelord that happens to own a TARDIS that looks like a blue police telephone box, and she calls herself the Doctor. Here's Ruth:

I really like Ruth. She also makes no sense from the show's timeline standpoint, since the Doctor's Type 40 TARDIS only got stuck looking like a police box in 1963, so there's no reason for the Doctor to not remember being her.

We also know that the Judoon have identified Ruth as "the Fugitive"... except in one of their previous appearances in the show they weren't able to identify their targets exactly and thus were seeking out non-humans. There is a possibility that they were only looking for a Time Lord on Earth.

You know what? It's possible that Ruth is actually the Master messing with the Doctor. I have just as much proof of this as I have of the fact that the Doctor is some kind of an endlessly regenerating superbeing.

But this is not the most maddening thing here. I loathe it, but I don't loathe the twist itself: I loathe its lifelessness, I loathe how empty, how unemotional, almost robotic it feels. When somebody'd spoiled the finale for me, I got angry, and I started asking questions, and when later I saw the actual thing...

This gif. I can't even explain how accurate it is. I stood there, in the middle of my kitchen, episode paused, holding a cup of cold tea and desperately looking around as if in my surroundings I could somehow find that emotional reaction that this show failed to evoke. I was ready to burst into tears of how empty it felt, and how empty I felt, and how the same show that has Christopher Eccleston go from literally foaming at the mouth with pure hatred to shocked silence in a matter of second because of one sentence that you, a viewer, can't help but be astonished by failed to make me feel the tiniest speck of literally any emotion. And slowly, I felt that vast void in my chest fill with sheer, pure, flaming hatred for the person who made me feel nothing, for the story that left me not bored – but empty.

And the next moment, in its own unique way of being absolutely tone-deaf, the show introduces the CyberMasters, looking ridiculous, being asinine in concept, making me burst into laughter with their dumb design. Wow.

So.

Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who is no longer a show. Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who isn't even, as somebody on Stardust said, a fan fiction. It's a rollercoaster. A lackluster rollercoaster that lifts you from the vast caverns of frozen hell, devoid of any life whatsoever, soulless and abandoned, to the heavenly torture of being so bad, so utterly awful and ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh as you watch something you used to love be distorted and deformed to the point where you can't recognise it anymore nor really care. This is what Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who has become. And I'm going to continue my ride on that grotesque rollercoaster. I'm going to pirate that ride and get on it again. Because I'm a masochist. Because I want to feel something, even if it's hatred towards those that make me feel nothing.

Because some time ago my fifteen-year-old self watched the first season and learned a lesson that I hold dear after all these years – that I can't abandon hope, and that someday, somehow, things are going to get better. That the future is being written right now. That the future can change.

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #doctor who review #i hate this #review #sci fi