#and she stored that feeling until now

[haleyusesherwords]

Apple “no thoughts but mud boards and great swords” Scrumper walked so “I’m Here and I’m Jaysohn” could jump off really big rocks run

#siobhan thompson #when she played apple she mentioned she enjoyed just hitting stuff #and she stored that feeling until now #naddpod #apple scrumper #jaysohn #dimension 20 #d20

[poorlittlegreenie13]

You’re telling me Taissa was worried enough about Natalie to send her to rehab multiple times & say “who does Natalie have?” so sadly. But she didn’t check up on Van who was living alone, not paying her bills, not healthy, not happy ONCE… I DON’T BELIEVE IT. That kind of love doesn’t fade 😭.

#now I want a fic of taissa anonymously buying thousands of dollars of VHS tapes to keep van in business #no but either she had a secret ‘van’ file somewhere in her house #or something bad went down between them and van pushed her away #I feel like tai would obsessively google and read articles and reviews of Van’s store when she couldn’t sleep #I don’t care if she canonically didn’t know about it until she asked for the file #in my heart Tai is a pathetic wet cat of an ex girlfriend #yellowjackets #Van Palmer #taissa Turner #Taivan

[gideonisms]

I think that whoever invented noise cancelling headphones/earphones should be kissed on the mouth. How did we as a society live without this

#i always forget sounds bother me until i'm randomly distressed and then simply turn the sounds off and feel an immediate calm #i was explaining to my therapist how i go to the store with noise cancelling headphones so now i can put my groceries away when i get back #and she was like 'this might be a lot to take in but you really sound auti-' way ahead of you #it did take her a month to notice! i'm winning at being normal

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[srkgirlblogger]

.

#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over #stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that #the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no #way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try #to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying #things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she #just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was #spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she #didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively #asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a #bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i #didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end. #but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to #embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my #brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going #to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave #she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this #i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad #delete later

[greppelheks]

All good after my date yesterday, there's always something to harvest from it 🌿

#it's been good for my ego #because this was an incredibly intelligent man who found me engaging and smart enough #to the point where he said he had a really good time and he'd like to start seeing me #it's been good for my ego and growth because i could communicate perfectly about what i was looking for #and i didnt change my personality at all for him #i once asked my therapist how i knew what i could ask for in a relationship #because before i always felt i was asking for too much #and she said you'll just meet new people and see things in them you like #or you'll see couples and see things in them youd like for yourself #and youll see things in people and couples you dont like #and you'll pick out those things and go this i want this i dont want #and store it in a little file cabinet until you meet someone that meets the criteria #so you dont constantly feel like begging for scraps or making yourself smaller in any way #so im doing that now and thats what im harvesting from dates even if they go bad #i liked american guys shared interests in movies music and traveling so i want that in someone #but i dont want his coldness i want someone warm and kind #and i like my crush's kindness and warmth but i dont like that our interests and ideas dont match that much #my therapist would be proud :) so am i #personal

[pinkseas]

my manager is WAY too fucking nice to me im gonna explode

#emeto tw #emeto cw #in tags -> #i started having a panic attack at work earlier but i didnt really get the chance to go in back and chill for a bit so it just got worse #like REALLY fucking bad worse than ive had in . at least years maybe Ever. i have not thrown up in over a decade now but #i started fucking dry heaving behind the register i REALLY thought i was going to be sick it was a close thing #i couldnt even call my coworker up i just had to fucking dip and pray she realized i was gone (she did thank fuck) #and then i was shaking really bad really freaking out still fucking dry heaving in the back of the store and it was just. #easily one of the worst experiences ive had in a LONG time like december will not leave me alone <- covid then appendicitis and now this WH #and my manager hadnt been in the store at the time but she came in thru the back and saw me and i was like hey haha funny story #and she was so concerned and told me to stay in back as long as i needed and that i could go home if i wanted to etc etc #ended up bringing my bag back for me and bringing me water and she checked in on me every 5-10 mins until my parents finally got there #she was rly nice and rly understanding and then the coworker i abandoned who is also kind of my manager. also came back #and SHE was ALSO super fucking sweet about it really concerned didnt want me to feel bad abt it (i feel so fucking bad abt it) #i did end up having to go home early bc. dear god. and i texted my manager just now asking if i could leave a bit earlier tomorrow #bc im supposed to have another 8 hour shift but i didnt even make it to 4 hours today and im rly nervy abt it happening again #and she straight up was like 'are you sure? i was genuinely planning on covering your shift myself' SHE DOESNT EVEN WORK UP FRONT #SHE'D BE GOING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE REGISTER AND KITCHEN AND SHE'D BE THERE FOR AT LEAST OVER 12 HOURS #like okay. okay. when i texted my parents abt it dad told me 'its probably just nerves. try to push through it' #but my manager and coworkers r gonna be the sweetest kindest most understanding people about it. okay. sure. okay. #surely u see why i am exploding WHY ARE THEY SO NICE?????????? i feel so fucking guilty GOD #alyalyoxenfree

[heartbreakfeelsogood]

i think it’s about time i get taken out back

#op #i’m so anxious and tired and not even walmart is finalizing hiring me like damn #they seemed desperate to hire me is all #she did say to text her if i didn’t get a job offer in the next day but like i have anxiety #also she sent me some number and said it would help with my background check but like i’m so unsure what the fuck her point was #because like i’m pretty sure it’s their responsibility to get the background check run #and i’m not calling some hotline just to sound like an idiot #side note i’m so anxious that i’m going to fall further into a depressive rut working in the walmart bakery #i’ve worked in a grocery store bakery for years and i was starting to hate it #this was my last resort and i already feel miserable about it #and maybe i’m the problem maybe i shouldn’t already feel miserable but i thought i was out of that environment #now i might need to go back into it and it just really sucks idk #plus the hours are. not necessarily preferred for me #it’s fine but idk how i’m gonna do working until 7pm #girl i need sunshine

[cinna-bunnie]

bleh i wish hearing was something u could turn off 100% at will (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) how am i overstimulated at 12:15am

#i mean #i know why lol last night and today gave been HELL and it's hot and i didn't eat enough and have been suuuuper busy n things r taking #SO MUCH LONGER THAN THEY SHOULD'VE!! SIMPLE STUPID THINGS!! I HAD TO GO TO 8 DIFFERENT STORES FOR #A FUCKING APRON!! at first only 2 had a single kind of apron for $15 before fucking Daiso saved the day finally #and then i was busy until like 11:30 making an ad-hoc mount for my switch's dock so i can play it on the projector #and I'm glad that's there now. but (���´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) i still also have to bake and shower n make frosting and then frost the cupcakes #and it won't rly b until that's done that I can truly relax but rn “everyone and everything shut the fuck UP!!!!!!” is such a BIG mood #i need 30m-1hr of absolute silence with nothing bothering me at all. we'll see if Bandit will cooperate e.e she has def not been helping #aaaaaaaaaa #I'll feel better after sleeping but I'm also NOT sleeping out of spite bc I've been so busy n had so much time wasted like nah #i gotta enjoy at least A Bit of my night. Sunday can't be my only good day this weekend before i gotta work for a whole week again. #technically by now Sunday will be the only good day (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) #my only silver linings r the ppl who were nicey 2 me yesterday ‚ the cutie at the body jewelry shop today n the con tomorrow #(⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠) kinda want to schedule at least one day off this week actually... like nah...

[hyperspacial]

King of being bullied more as an adult than as a closeted autistic child 💪

#i honestly wish i could go back because at least then i didnt realize i was being bullied #now i have to fucking. keep notes for HR. #now im still not sure if im being bullied but im pretty sure somethings off and literally everyone is saying yeah #this happens in every adult job and organization ive taken on. i do a good job #the people in charge see that im doing a good job. they move me up to work with a powerful/demanding woman in the organization #and then she proceeds to wreck me psychologically until i hit my breaking point and have to leave #LIKE CLOCKWORK #i think successful women can just smell the autism on me and know they can push me around #and my mommy issues be like 💖 its okay if i work hard enough i can make her like me 💖 #just... jesus fucking christ #i literally HAVE to stay in this job until at least December but god does she make it so hard. #she sent me a document to revise and send for signature at 12:04am this morning and then got pissed at 8:34am when i didnt have it sent out #like bestie youre the one requiring me to commute 40 minutes to the office so i can physically be present to bark orders at #im just. it feels like theres no future where i dont get absolutely trashed at my job. i try to work in corporate and they tear me apart. #its not even just corporate its high school robotics and college extracurriculars and 5/7 adult jobs ive held like fuck. #i wish i was a convenience store woman so bad

[cloneboywonder]

im so CWCcoded

#anyway my apologies for gaslighting you all about not personal diary posting bc my dad just texted me goodnight and it made me sad #him and my mom both tried to call me all day I feel bad when I ignore them #bc I know they’ll be dead someday and they won’t be able to call me and I won’t be able to answer #and my brothers both tried to call me I know my mom narced that I was weird yesterday and now everyones scrambling to keep track of me #it’s very nice of them but I really do hate being reminded that I’m the family member that like #they’ve all quietly agreed is always going to have to be monitored and taken care of #I wouldn’t be surprised if Andy and Alex haven’t talked about who I’m going to going to live by when our parents are both gone #it was kind of funny Andy invited me to like go install a security camera with him today #I said no but I do think it could’ve been a fun experince #I was gonna see my mom but she didn’t want to go out again so I waited around until my dad tried to call me again #so then be brought me with him to a hardware store where he tried (and failed) to return paint or something #we love a schemer #and then we picked up Andy and got milkshakes but I was ill so he got me real food on the way home #but I’m going to have to find a way to throw it out tomorrow bc I didn’t eat that much of it and I don’t want him to be sad about it #and I have to clean my room bc Lydia will be here soon #I was weepy in the car and my dad kept saying it’s nice you’ll get a few days with her before the concert #I know :-( #to some extent I love that he’s so incapable of handling emotional moods bc he just puts on songs and complains about them #bc he knows I like to complain and I think he gets scared when I don’t talk and that’s his attempt at getting me to #I need to finish my costume and make bracelets and clean my room these seem doable #okay bye please don’t unfollow me #also I love the name doxing bc these are for me and me only and maybe burke when he logs on I love you #my posts

[sluttyten]

So I’ve been given the potential opportunity in a few weeks to either 1) go visit one of my close work friends who moved 2.5 hours away like 6mos ago, but if I do that it means working with her and our other work friend at her store, which means working 12 days straight, 2 of which would be at a store that is absolute insanity, OR 2) I could not do that and instead possibly get last minute Taylor Swift tickets with my best friend and head 2.5 hours in the opposite direction

#I’m stuck on this decision #especially since right now neither is set in stone or definitive in any way #bc we won’t go visit the work friend of our manager can’t let my work friend I currently work with off for that weekend #but also we can’t buy Taylor swift tickets until like the day of the concert #but since my best friend implanted the idea in my head yesterday now I’m like #damn I wanna do that I love going to concerts and I really don’t like the idea of working 12 days straight for a total of something like a #92 or 94 hour paycheck with 12 or 14 of that being overtime #which would be a nice paycheck I’m sure but fuck like I would want to drop dead #I’ve never had to work that many days straight through #I think the longest I’ve done is like maybe 7 or 8 days in a row #but also that’s only ever been at my store where even our busiest days are less busy than the store we’ll be visiting’s average days #BUT I do want to see my friend and help her out because they need help that weekend specifically bc they already know they’re going to be #insanely busy and that makes me want to cry a little like I feel like our store gets busy when I do 50 cars through our drive thru in a #little less than 2 hours but they’re store as far as I last heard does like 500 or 600 cars a day which like fuck #if we go up there and they put me on drive thru like she made it sound like they’re gonna do then I better JUST be working like order taker #OR the window but not both because I will keel over

[muscatmusic18]

Do you ever interact with a person and just want to scream

#and then I remember she’s my mother and I want to grind my teeth to nothing #had the fucking gall to ask me why I’m so mad at her when she’s the one who sent the ‘have a good life text’ #‘I’m sorry you made me feel this way’ I swear that’s the moment I knew she’s never going to fucking change #and I have a job interview tomorrow now was not the time universe to stage a run in at the grocery store #i swear i would move but my dad and stepmom are here #and I want to live close to them #but then she’s here too and I have to panic every time I go someplace #because what if she’s there #i vow I will never do this shit to the kids I might have in the future #i will learn control and how not to put your own shit on your kids #i will never make them feel like this #I’m just so grateful I met my stepmom when I did #because she’s the one who kept me from becoming an asshole and who taught me how parents should make you feel #and that it shouldn’t feel like a chore to just be around them #screw it to hell anyway I just have to put it away until tomorrow afternoon #just breathe and compartmentalize and go and crush that interview

[lyekisses]

i really do try my best to be a positive and generally kind person. however sometimes being petty and passive aggressive is the only way forward <3

#FUCK YOU DENISE!!!! #let me get my overtime tho 💅🏻 since u wanna call me unreliable after i came in ON MY DAY OFF #and did my manager’s job for him <3 #and the thing is i feel bad for him bc she overworks him too. he has a baby and a family and a toxica baby mama #so i want to help HIM but it’s like. ok well maybe your yelp reviews are bad bc we are understaffed and you expect us to clean the floor #of a former department store. in 30 minutes!!! while doing other tasks #now she wants us to stay until 9pm tho well i will <3 #let’s get that money that fall out boy money

[dilfian]

4 hour work<3 just that easy<3 kiss my ass l*wes<3 lol

#xoxo #actually i'm missing a whole table i consolidated too. oops. blanked when i took pics. #but yeah i didnt see o until almost 2 1/2 hrs after i clocked in lol i was like??? o?? where have you been. #apparently md (who was prev dl i believe. or de? idk. former mst manager who is now an asm) had her helping with things. #he was trying to get the middle aisle display set up and she didnt know what to do. so i told her she could tell him i was there and could #help out. she told him and came back and said he was excited LOL i went oh good. glad someone still appreciates my work. #anyways i emptied 2 carts of shade perennials and redid all the shade perennial tables. #then i pulled camellias and star jasmine from the front and made 2 rose tables. they needed to be spaced out and we have enough. #thennnn went inside and work with md and also the new mst manager and we settled on how many palette stacks and what to put there etc etc #and then o and i filled it up with the palms and i refilled the 3 tier. cause i walked in yesterday going ??? #said word for word in the gc 'what in the seven hells is that' sbdndnf they just filled it all wonky with whatever plants ya know. eugh. #and then o and i moved the palette shelf to the back after i had reorganized that too. yeah. it was a good shift. #all in 4 hrs. i just got home. going to eat food. #also o went to the store manager and told him they should keep me at the store lmao. so he's been told by a lot of ppl now. #also md apparently said i should apply for green team. #i really dont see how it would work esp at this store. or just the tasks in general. its at the very bottom of my job list. #but i feel bad leaving everybody. . .😔 anyways

[orcelito]

Honestly the store has come a long, long way since last January where we were legitimately going to hold a store-wide strike b4 the boss and then-manager panicked and started holding meetings with all of us to try to figure out what to do about it

It's still a workplace, but our current employees r in general much happier and content. + there's a better community in general. It's nice to know I had a part in making this happen.

#speculation nation #i was starting out in a higher position back at the start of the year. but really freshly starting out. #and it wasnt assistant manager. it was lead supervisor. essentially a go between of supervisor and assistant manager #and then all this shit happened and Then the then assistant manager ended up being incredibly nasty towards me #and i put in my two weeks fully intending to leave b4 changing my mind on the very last day bc my tax return was delayed #and i didnt have the monetary security i needed to quit lol #manager gave me the assurance that i wouldnt have to work with the assistant manager. and it was good enough to last until she left. #ive had my insecurities regarding the now manager in training. mostly about what she thinks about me #but i think she does like me. boss told me today that she spoke up for me on my level of effort around the store #since im kinda bad at messaging everything i do lol he doesnt see it like he sees her efforts #but she sees it. and she stood up for me. #she also spent a good half hour ish the other day info dumping about the ateez universe lore. and it was so fucking endearing #me being like 'i have no personal interest in this but you seem so excited and i am really happy youre this comfortable with me. go on' #and especially with her being promoted to manager... makes me feel less bad about how much i do comparatively #im still gonna try of course. but im going to assume she will be paid more than me. bc she will be doing more than me. #as it stood my wage was actually a little higher than hers due to seniority. and it was making me feel pretty guilty #and i was soooo anxious about her possibly leaving after graduating college & the responsibility for the store falling onto me #but i can remain in a support position while she takes up the mantle of manager. and i am so much more comfortable with that #yea it feels a lil weird to be like 5 years older than her with like 5 years more seniority working here & her being higher ranked #but i can manage that lol. im happier not having too many responsibilities thanks #there r things we need to improve on with the store. but overall things r so much better #makes me feel like i can actually breathe easy for once. maybe at least a little bit.