#and she was like 'probably nobody important'

[gnomebinary]

This is my protocol bingo! (Thank you as always osric.com).

Lena is just doing her evil job - No thoughts, no morals, no alligence. Girlboss.

Nobody ever finds out Jmart's real names - I just think that would be tragic, and fit in with what RQ have been saying about this not being too attached to Archives.

Redemption arc - There was a notable lack of these in Archives even though forgiveness and making a conscious effort to behave morally were important themes in the later seasons. I'm ready for Mr Bonzo to have Kylo Ren's exact redemption arc where he's redeemed mostly through kissing. I don't even care who he kisses.

Froyo trip - It's pretty clear that we're being told that this is Somewhere Else through things like the Archives staff having tea and the OIAR staff having coffee. The s1 Archives gang iconically got icecream, so I'm gunning for a froyo trip, and a Gwen monologue about preservatives.

Colin dies first - He's just so killable. Plus, Celia can't die until they do her reveal and they'll probably want to build up to it, Sam can't die because he's the driving force behind investigation into Magnus, Alice can't die because she kinda makes the whole show, Gwen can't die because she's mid-arc and it is of the type that if left unfinished it would be anticlimactic not tragic, and Lena can't die because the impact would be pretty low.

Nostalgic PC games - I LOVE that RQ appears to be into old tech. I want to see Chester and Norris play Catz 5. Lowfi retro charm.

Dyhard - I go back and forth on this one, it feels too obvious what with the hot drinks imagery workplace annoyances to lovers stuff, but at the same time it does Just Make Sense.

Somebody becomes disabled - In Archives people were injured a lot, but none of that amounted to a long-term physical disability, except for Melanie's blindness. Feels like something to do in Protocol.

Police brutality - Feels like a theme that Jonny still has more to say about, and an incredibly easy one to weave into this kind of story.

Alice is hiding something - I actually think she isn't but y'all are saying it.

Alice naming stuff has consequences - She does it so much and Colin warned her off it, clearly seeming concerned but not explaining why, I think it will have unforeseen and damaging consequences.

Someone has a pet - In Archives, especially in the earlier seasons, everyone was notably unattached. Martin has a mum to take care of, but nobody has partners or children. I think this was partly because it made them easier to manipulate, and partly because it meant that tragedy could be dialled up: Sasha dying was sad, but not as gutwrenching as Daisy dying because Daisy's relationships were more fleshed out because it was later in the series. We're already bucking that trend with Celia's son, so I think we might see a pet too. Also, the pet will probably die.

Alice dies in the last season - Alice is very killable but she's also the heart and soul of the character relationships, so I think they will kill her but they'll wait to do it, and then do it mid-final season as an OOH THEY WENT THERE turning point, like how Tim dying brought in a new, darker era for Archives.

Conclusion that love isn't what makes you human - At London Comicon in October, Alex or Jonny (I forget) said that if Archives was about what makes you a monster, Protocol is about what makes you human. I think it's kinda trite if love is the answer, and I think the conclusion re love will be that monsters can love, because that's cooler. Hell yeah romantic monsterfucking.

Celia evil - I LOVE that we're seeing another Welsh person, but she doesn't sit well with me.

Agnes returns but we don't hear her speak - The tree on the other side of the rift is still alive, and if that universe was this one then that means that Agnes may still be alive. Jonny and Alex have said that they regret not doing more with Agnes, and I don't think they'll miss out on the opportunity to use her again. However, I think the fact that she doesn't speak is central to her tragic character and role as Jon's character foil, and I don't think they'll change that. I actually posted a tiktok about this.

Scene on London public transport - We're already seeing our gang at the pub and on dates, I think we're going to get some tube content.

Jmart fate worse than death - They're going to have us WISHING that they died in mag200.

Fears never treated as separate - I just think we're over that.

Breakup - They're getting the character relationships in early, so I'm predicting an onscreen breakup, because that's one of the few ways that we didn't see relationships between characters going bad in Archives.

Gerry's life gets ruined again - I'm sorry guys but I don't think they're going to let him have peace. He's going to get dragged into the OIAR situation and he's going to suffer.

Alice's brother lives - People are already noting similarities between Alice and Tim, I think that it'll be essentially the same character beat again if her brother dies. Adapt, improvise, overcome, RQ.

Another Michael - Just another character called Michael, unrelated to the four existing Michaels. I wasn't going to put this because Jonny is very aware of the four Michael problem, but this man plagurised his own full legal Christian name, so anything is possible.

Jack is Agnes' Jack - I think it's cool if we all think about how there was actually a massive age gap between Agnes and Jack because she didn't seem to age past her twenties, so he was absolutely a child when she was an adult. Not that I want to have Discourse or anything, that relationship was hecked up and complex in plenty of other ways, just because it's interesting.

Onscreen kiss - They said they wouldn't do it during Archives and then they did and it wasn't that gross, so I'm ready to see it happening again. They might have a relationship between allosexuals this time, I don't think they're going as far as onscreen fucking, but I'm game to be surprised. Insert joke about reusing the whimpering noises from Archives here.

#the magnus protocol #tmp #tmp spoilers #the magnus archives #tma podcast #tma #dyhard #colin becher #alice dyer #samama khalid #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #celia ripley #tmagp

[miracles-and-butterflies]

[Swap and YLMDITW Luisa belongs to @yellowcry]

Luisa: Hi Luisas, welcome to the monthly Mirabel Protection Squad meeting—

Luisas in the audience: *cheering loudly*

Luisa: Great, love the enthusiasm, guys! So does everyone have a Mirabel with them?

Swap Luisa, hugging Fracture Mirabel: Yep! One told me mine was creepy so I punched that person in the face.

Fracture Luisa, holding a broken nose: Asshole! That really hurt!

YLMDITW Luisa: Just a punch? Pathetic!

Protector Luisa: Yeah, you should have murdered them on the spot. *stands up* Would you like me to demonstrate?

Protector Mirabel: No, no, no! Just sit down and keep hugging me, please?

Luisa: Good thinking, we don’t want a repeat of last month. That poor Royalty Luisa, she will be in our thoughts forev… OH MY FUCKING GOD WHERE DID YOU COME FROM

Desconocida, tugging at her sleeve like a child: I did not get a “Luisa”

Luisa: And that’s probably for the best. Why don’t you just go stand off to the side, where nobody has to look at the creepy doll? Just over here? *pushes her offstage* Anyway, back to very important business, holding our annual vote of who has the cutest Mirabel. Now, it’s not a competition, but mine is by fAR THE FUCKING CUTEST AND IF YOU DON’T VOTE FOR HER I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOU

#encanto #incorrect encanto quotes #luisa madrigal #mirabel madrigal #pedro and alma swap #encanto fracture au #encanto protector au #encanto royalty au #encanto ride the cyclone au

[sillygoofyqueer]

Unnecessary Underworld Saga thing that nobody asked for ever:

The Underworld:

- Warning the others immediately, thinking of them with everything going on

- Echoes and screams are all he can think of, talking about nightmares, haunted by his choices especially in the underworld

- All the men under his command, screaming his name, guilt, echoing Poseidon's words

- The idea that all of the men that died due to Poseidon are still screaming his name in hopes that he will safe them because he always painted himself as the rock of the army

- The anger they feel for his mercy of the Cyclops that led to their deaths, permeated with the helpless, desperate confusion of why their lives weren't as important as that of the Cyclops

- The fact that Odysseus managed to get all of them through the war but they died because of the decision he made to spare the Cyclops, meaning that if he hadn't chosen mercy they would have more likely still been alive

- Poseidon was right to say ruthlessness was mercy upon yourself, because then one does not have to feel the guilt if their choice of mercy was wrong, which is how Odysseus feels

- Can't even close his eyes to escape, because they're all around him

- Thinks of the infant he had to kill, guilt eating away at him - we ourselves cannot hear the infant because it was unable to even speak, so we hear it from Odysseus' own mouth, highlighting the remorse and guilt he feels for that one specifically

- Immediately hit with Polites right after his admission, the helpless way he says his best friend's name

- The soft way the music switches with this, emphasising the remorse and grief that comes with hearing Polites' voice

- The fact that the song is Polites talking about how amazing life is when one lets themself enjoy it, and it's a soft memory, because Polites was Odysseus' best friend, and Odysseus was (in his opinion) the cause of Polite's death.

- The idea that Odysseus lost sight of his best friend's advice, too lost in the war and caring about the others around him.

- The way Odysseus whispers Polites' name after hearing his echoey song, the pain in his voice at the loss of his best friend

- The small moment of silence before one hears that voice, the word 'waiting', and the surprised recognition in Odysseus' voice because he hadn't expected to hear it in this place of death

- His mother, who was always waiting the moment he left, who he didn't know had died and probably wouldn't until he had made it back home

- The idea that his mother was adamant on not dying until she saw her son again, and the pain that Odysseus feels as he whispers about 'taking too long'

- The pain in his voice as he murmurs 'mum' because he genuinely is shocked that she's here and he cannot comprehend that he wasn't back in time to see his mother

- How his mother must have felt on her deathbed, knowing that she wouldn't be able to see her son one last time before she died

- The gentle, almost hopeful melody that represents her hope that she would see her son again after the war was over, and the pain in Odysseus because he knows that he wasn't back in time to be there for her

- The fact that he still tries to soothe his mother even though he knows that she's gone and can't hear him, trying to reach out and tell her that he is there, even if he wasn't there when it was truly important

- More guilt as he realises that he will never see his mother because he took too long and went too far, the idea of the child leaving the mother's sight and never seeing her again

- The harmonising and repeating of 'waiting' from Odysseus, because now he will be the one waiting to see her again across life, and her still waiting for her son even in death, reassuring him that she will always love him despite everything

- The pause of the ocean and the sound of the boat moving as the voice fades out, leaving Odysseus with just his thoughts, the pain in his voice as he murmurs his last ever goodbye to his mother, and she can't even hear him

- The sharp rise in screams and the way that Odysseus screams the next lines, emphasising the guilt and anguish he's feeling through this journey, can't escape

- The fact that the others harmonise, because they must be seeing their own things as well, because they have been through so much as well -> What are they seeing that Odysseus isn't?

No Longer You:

- The prophet greeting them, because he knew they were coming, sounding solemn as he sings gracefully

- Solemn as he explains that there is a world where he does help Odysseus and his crew, but that is not a world that he knows, meaning he won't help them

- The confusion and accusation in Odysseus' response of 'what'

- The prophet saying that he does see the way that Odysseus does get home, through betrayal and hardship, seeing how he dies, then ripping it all away with the fact that Odysseus is no longer that man

- Brings it back to “Keep Your Friends Close” when Odysseus tries to say that everything has changed but he is still the same, and the prophet taking away that small security he had

- The pain and anger in Odysseus' tone as he speaks of how they have suffered just to get help from the prophet, and now they're being told that he won't help them

- The prophet proclaiming of how he can see Odysseus' home bathed in the blood of the men who thought him dead (reference to the hundred suitors who stuck around Penelope during his absence) and the fact that he sees Penelope with a man (doesn't say the name of the man, describes him as having a trail of bodies, most likely Odysseus)

- The utter rage in Odysseus' voice as he cries "who", because how dare someone take the last thing he has left keeping him going and so determined to get home

- The idea that this opera is the screams finally getting to Odysseus

Monster:

- The confusion of how everything has changed highlighting that he genuinely didn't see it changing, which is why its such a shock: suffering never ceasing, everything turning against the well meaning soldiers

- The once determined Odysseus now helplessly asking how he could ever see Penelope and his son again, showing that he is at a loss of what to do after suffering so much

- Asking if he needs to change to make something happen, after all of the effort he put into trying to stay the same; the final barrier being broken

- Being surrounded by all those deaths he believes himself to be responsible for, wondering if they're there because he was so stubborn in trying not to change

- Crossing everyone's lines but his own, the guilt in that recognition and idea that he may be the greatest threat, suddenly doubting himself and his views, wondering if it was all his fault

- Literally questioning everything about himself, blaming himself and calling himself a monster even with all of the pain he himself has been through to try and keep everyone safe

- Questioning if he has been too kind to those trying to harm him, and wondering if that impacted on those he tried so valiantly to protect

- Wondering if the Cyclops ever feels guilty for his murders and mistakes, or if he killed a few of Odysseus' men to avenge his fallen friend and feel confident in himself (the supposed monster reacting better than Odysseus to avenge his friend -> “Remember Them” instead of avenging them like the Cyclops did)

- Wondering if Circe is insane for protecting her nymphs by turning men to pigs, or if she changed to be colder and less guilty just so her nymphs didn't have to and she could protect them better (The idea that Odysseus was unable to change to save his men but the supposed witch was able to to protect those she cared about)

- Wondering if Poseidon feels fear when he kills the mortals for disrespecting him, or if he does what is necessary to protect himself by killing them as a warning to those and gaining respect that he needs (The idea that Odysseus was too scared to stop dissent within the army that could have him killed, while the supposed tyrant god did what he had to to ensure that people knew the consequences of disrespecting him)

- Wondering if the soldier using a wooden horse to invade Troy was vile, or if he was willing to put his own guilt aside to save the lives of so many others (The idea that Odysseus was so determined to stick to his moral code that he let hundreds die for it, while the supposed villain was willing to put aside his own moral code to save hundreds)

- So called monsters being able to do what Odysseus should have done

- Questioning what would happen if Odysseus became one of those so called monsters, doing whatever necessary to return home to his wife and child, as well as save the lady few men that he has under his command

- Odysseus echoing Poseidon's words emphasising a change in views, finally understanding what the god meant when he told Odysseus what he did, changing a character and finally ready to do it

- Listing all those he lost because he was too scared to change because he didn't know what would happen to him if it happened, guilt permeating it because he wonders if they would still be alive if he had changed

- The idea of not seeing his wife and son being the final straw for Odysseus, what pushes him across the line and breaks the final string holding together his moral compass; he will do anything to see his family again, no matter the cost

- willing to throw away his humanity so that he can see his family and keep others from dying, even going as far as saying that he is willing to kill another infant if it means they can do this, willing to go up against any gods and monsters

- He is willing to become the monster, finally willing to change and twist himself into something that nobody will recognise after everything that has happened to him; literally throwing away his humanity, warping into something else (like Circe)

- Knowing that he must become the monster in order to go home, questioning what the fuck is wrong with becoming the monster, finally allowing himself to be a lot more selfish

- Selfishness for himself over selfishness of others ruined him, so he's saying fuck it

- The last jarring sting emphasising the change of our hero to something unpredictable and monstrous

#four being a dumbass #jorge rivera herrans #the underworld saga #epic the musical #epic the underworld saga #the underworld #no longer you #monster #odysseus #the odyssey #penelope #polites #tiresias #i really like this saga #if it wasn't clear already

[katyspersonal]

ALRIGHT LET’S TALK ABOUT BLUBBORNE!!

Here are a list of things to choose from <3

Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!

Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀

What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?

Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!

Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!

Ideas on Adella’s backstory!

What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD

—

Choose one or all! It’s up to you!! <3

Oh my GOSH fjdhfds Good to know you all headed my warning to never give me a choice because I answer EVERYTHING, huh -_- xD But in all seriousness though, these topics just happen to be those I do not have 20 pages essay ready for, so my answers will be short(ish) and I think I can discuss all this stuff in compact manner!

Chat about Logarius or Alfred!!

Well, they're complicated characters for me. You know I am physically unable to 'hate' a fictional character because no matter what they did, they aren't real and can't hurt me and if all else fails they exist to make the story better. But because of some events and reflection on life and society, these two in particular put a pit in my stomach on the notion of being trademark catholic-coded purists. There are so many things that can be speculated about complexity of Laurence's or Adrich's situations, but these guys feel pretty plain for me? The black-white thinking bastards that got so tempted with the idea of abolishing all evil that it made them ruthless, blind to nuances and purist that can't see how they become the REAL evil in the end.

I think Logarius/Rogeriusz is fairly underrated though and it cannot be blamed on him being unlikeable from moral standpoint, because we've all seen how popular Alfred is despite graphically killing a defenceless woman! But Logarius has a lot to like as a villain - he is noticeably tall and menacing, he was a powerful leader figure in Healing Church like Ludwig, he has a lot of mystery to his character as to why he uses Pthumerian magic and shares theme with Queen Yharnam (and as follows, why would he turn against a kindred clan/bloodline?), and what he discovered that made him gatekeep it? Besides, there is a translation mistake calling an item 'Skull of a Saint' something else - 'Sage's Hair', and when I discovered the proper description ( x ), I realised there is a big implication that following Healing Church's saints were wearing crowns after his raid on Cainhurst - both to honor him and to boast about having thrown the local monarchy!

This is just very odd that Logarius was a pioneer of the delusion about exterminating 'impurity', and managed to hit da briks before he became hated and showed true nature of his pursuit - unlike poor Ludwig that presumably had better intentions and less freedom to see through WHAT was guiding him, yet fought long enough to become accursed by everyone. It is UNFAIR. But Logarius is such an important element in the system, as a trend-setter rather than people brainwashed into following Church's agenda! Willem is never addressed for messing with unknown too, Logarius is never addressed for being ideal inspirer of hate and murder... Guess the REAL martyr here is Laurence every time! xD

Alfred is also a hard one for me, as for someone from the country that actively fabricates history facts, encourages distrust to outer information and ignorance, and just straight up lies with agenda. Like, sure, I am familiar with how easy average person can fall for a narrative - and how easy it is to discourage any skepticism and critical thinking before it formed. If anything, I pity him.

But I've grown to feel even more tense about this character when I reflected on the fact that he is SO eager to exterminate the 'enemy' that he goes after ones who can't even CAUSE any harm (he wants to kill Annalise who is absolutely defeated and defenceless, and he is the only summon in Old Yharnam where beasts that won't go outside live). There is a difference between trying to protect people from the possible threats (since whether vilebloods DO have cursed magic effect is up to interpretation) and "cleansing" the world from anyone affiliated Just Because. I've been doing Adella dirty for a long time calling her 'female Alfred' and I had since took it back because she at least gives Arianna a 'chance' as long as she doesn't share her blood that Adella's religion forbids. Not even one - she did the "three strikes and you're out"! Alfred is ruthless tho, in a very uncomfortable way, but it took me some unpleasant experiences to SEE truth about him. I think that no matter how far up you are in a religion, but whether you have a braincell to extend minimal reasoning about WHY you are fighting the 'bad guys' is on the individual and not on the source of this brainwashing, and Alfred fails this test.

That being said, he is still an interesting character, and I really love his unique appearance! His nose is a whole BEAK xD /pos I also headcanon that Alfred never met Logarius in person and his bond with him is parasocial, based on admiring the great person of the past upon feeling like he 'knows' him! The same applies for my versions of Amelia/Emilia and Laurence!

The rest of the topics are going under cut!

Ideas for Bloodborne 2 👀

Honestly, I think the best one I've seen executing the concept was HollarityArt in their contribution for Vaati's Bloodborne 2 concepts contest! Here is the link on Twit with their concepts: ( x ).

I have very little ideas on this but I agree that part 2 would be the best placed in sea/ocean setting! But the MOST tricky thing about the sequel would be that one of the potential Bloodborne endings is our Hunter becoming the new Great One that governs the cycle, instead of Flora. And another one is them replacing Gehrman. So the sequel must deal with addressing how no matter WHICH ending player had in Bloodborne, it didn't matter! Basically, something should happen with Hunter's Dream or the current Moon Presence that would leave any ending still palatable. So, addressing the current 'queen' Great One would result in the cycle still ongoing (aka our Hunter as Great One inflicting the same cycle, so it is not possible to pin whether Flora is still active or Hunter is). And, sure, for some reason, the Hunter's Dream is broken, just so we could not see our Hunter from previous game. This is extremely depressing, but feels in the spirit of From's games.

What From would need to do with Bloodborne 2 is to add information that doesn't quite confirm or deny exist fan theories, but instead adds more to WORK with! And creates MORE questions. So, reveal extra details about what we see in Bloodborne, but in a way that didn't answer the question. As in 'yeah there was a Great One counterpart for Flora', 'yeah there was someone in Isz that did birth Ebrietas as little celestial larvae many centuries ago, here is her statue and nothing else', 'yeah look at the ruins of the waking world version of Fishing Hamlet' etc. Some characters I think should reappear but in a way that feels expected while also not REALLY telling us anything new. So, Queen Yharnam not in the wedding dress, Gehrman functioning like his hunter self (like I said, Hunter's Dream should get broken), Maria having her recollected memory from when she was a caretaker of Research Hall, Adeline in a Kin form somewhere in a secret nook of Sea location (presume she ascended with or without Paleblood Hunter).

I like the idea that Yharnam in the sequel is a ghost town that has no messenger lamps or huntsmen, only rare NPCs and enemies who are largely people and/or Kin of the type we haven't seen before. Yharnam would have a bigger layout that makes much more sense geographically, some buildings and areas would look notably different if not more civilised. So that'd return the question whether Yharnam we play in even WAS real or this sequel Yharnam simply the same but changed from the last time, so people can argue whether this Yharnam is "real" and not "dreamed" one or developers simply improved their mapping and designing skills xD Maria would be able to travel there with us by waking up in the body of the Doll that still stayed in Old Workshop, and many people in Yharnam would act hostile towards both her and the player; later in the plot turns out that Hunter's Dream breaking was the result of external powers, and roaming people and unfamiliar Kin work together and target to remove the traces of influence from Stars and Moon! They'd be more alien Kin that urged to help with grasp of Flora and Fauna had on the Earth and its mortals, but in reality more or less want to establish their order. But protesting them would restart the cycle of vices of humanity, so... yeah, again, the game would be depressing and point out how there is no choice, only diverse ways to suck.

I also think the next game should extend beyond Yharnam, and using a ship to travel between locations would be a cool idea! Maybe getting to visit Valtr's home, or whatever Loran is now. @val-of-the-north had an idea that there is a legit country known as New Loran, but it would reveal more about history and heritage than just a bunch of electric beasts and sand. If I try to describe more concepts I might get really sucked into this swamp, so I'll leave it be here, but meeting relatives of some characters we've known would be great too! I always have this image in my head about Valtr's niece that heard he chased some monster and never came back, so we meet her when she is an adult that wanted to investigate on the mystery of her uncle. Also learning more about the fuckery Micolash and Laurence did do in the past through item descriptions; again, in a way that actually doesn't disrupt anything, more like 'well we already knew they had to commit a lot of crimes, we just now know the details'. The war criminals are still here in spirit! xD

What do you think about Hemwick being connected to Cainhurst?

Well, I said that sometime before, but I do think that both Cainhurst nobles and Hemwick are mixed human+pthumerian (and sometimes just human) descendants that preserved a lot of practices from ancient Pthumerian civilisations... and matriarchal traditions, too. They have different practices, as Vilebloods use blood magic and consume blood for power, whereas Witches use magical binding rituals, necromancy and disturbing tools as well. Ironic that they had 'Blood vs Eyes' conflict of Blood vs Arcane Healing Church factions before it was cool, don't you think?

Yharnam used to be monarchy but so many foreigners and neighbouring cities rubbed in on the area, that they became practically equal with higher class Yharnam citizens, and had to count people like Willem as equal. Maybe if Healing Church didn't form so swiftly, Yharnam would never have a mayor. But yeah, basically, Witches were something of peasants in relation to Cainhurst nobles. But they cooperated enough, and Witches would often offer medical help to the nobles who entered trouble with the curse living within their blood, or struggled to control pyromancy upon first periods. Witches maybe lived in poverty and dirt without much convenience, down to having to pay taxes TO Cainhurst, but they have unspoken knowledge within themselves that they are, in fact, superior to the nobles, as they have better grasp on the arcane secrets and are waaaaay less helpless before supernatural. I believe Iosefka and Fauxsefka are from Cainhurst, and Witches were how Iosefka studied ways to purify the blood from Frenzy + Beasthood inducing effects. Why that practice never picked up? Because we live in a society, indeed.

Talk about Gilbert!! I never get to see you chat about him! Lil guy!

Ahhhh right! I just didn't have much reason I guess? I do have a face design for him, that features some facial skewing like many Yharnamites have!

Like his beasthood form suggests, he was afflicted with Ashen Blood, which I believe was not a planned action but an honest mistake by using the blood of a poisoned beast (Blood-Starved Beast crucified in Old Yharnam). However, back in the day where Yharnam was not quarantined away from the rest of the world (to the point you are not supposed to SURVIVE being there if you never had holy blood transfusion), there were plenty of people picking stuff up and illegally selling it abroad. @val-of-the-north has an idea that Valtr and his friends caught one of such groups, just when one of them transformed into a beast upon getting too much of his own "medicine" and I stealeded it xD

But Gilbert I think was a victim of one of such things, contracting Ashen Blood by consuming a poisoned "medicine". He never was able to connect the dots between getting worse after it as someone who already had his own illnesses. The more I learn about Victorian era, the more I realise how shockingly ignorant they were about medicine. I mean, they were having mercury pills for god knows how long! So, yeah, he saught Yharnam, and naturally had his strange sympthomes sustained by consuming the blood as someone who got beasthood 'activated'.

I like to think that he used to be a hatter, and it WAS what made him sick initially; they were number 1 victims for mercury poisoning, because of the materials used in their craft. However, it were not just hats that he could do well, and after arriving in Yharnam, he gladly worked to produce more clothes, sewing mostly Yharnam Hunter garbs obsessively! And is one of the rarest people who met Ludwig in person and is still around AND sane! Hence how he had his Flamethrower - the Healing Church shared one with him to help him to self-defend. But, he was out of use and got too sick before he got to kill even one. Being bedridden, he used to read books a lot, until his eyesight got afflicted too (apparently beasthood attacks the eyes the most), so he mostly entertains himself with fantasies and reciting memories.

Ideas on Arianna’s backstory!

Heh, like I said already, I love the idea that her mother ran with her from Cainhurst when Arianna was still a baby, so she never GOT to know the noble life. But, she did inherit her mother's noble dress, and vague idea about their blood being special enough to offer to the hunters. I entertain the idea that Alfred was Arianna's brother but had to be abandoned since he was older and their mother could only care for one child in the hard situation, but it is up in the air.

In either case, Arianna's mother died soon(ish), most likely from violent death. But instead of some Church fanatic killing her in "righteous" wrath, it was that her mother went insane unable to consume queen's blood or find any management for it, so she, like... had Vileblood version of becoming blood-drunk and was shot before she transformed into a bloodlicker completely. When she was about to turn on her own daughter to drink her blood dry, no less! The hunter that saved Arianna was Henryk, who picked every other orphaned child under his protection because he was aware Choir takes orphans and they are never seen again. I swear, at least once Choir had to confront him about whether his children are all 'really' his, and Valtr had to wear a dress and pretend to be their biological bother dsjfhdsfdsh

But for the most part he was not able to properly care for his adopted babies; Viola was exceptional case that stayed close enough. Most of the orphans under his protection were wandering around looking for their purpose, and Arianna was like this. She clinged to Crow of Cainhurst, trusting him as the only remaining hook with her Cainhurst past, but he did not feel qualified or interested enough to play a dad for her - something he regretted upon meeting Arianna again years later and seeing WHAT she has to do to survive.

I also think that Arianna reacting on female Hunter differently is not a homophobia (?) internalised in Yharnam, but remains of her mom teaching her that women are "superior"; she speaks from the standpoint that she doesn't pity men all that much, but would dread to 'dirty' a woman with something as questionable as a loveless sex. It is not something beyond her that men will be like animals, but she feels inferior compared to other women, and it really gets to her.

Ideas on Adella’s backstory!

Likewise an orphaned person. When she reached puberty, she was this 👌 close to attempting to sell her body, like Arianna, before she managed to get herself a place in the Healing Church. It happened on the rift when Choir fell from uhhh... "grace"?, as well as the daughter of the current Vicar, Norbert/Herbert, turned into a celestial kin together with the children she was overseeing there. As result, he was compensating by picking up every other child/teenager and raising them within the Healing Church's walls like an actually good dad figure. He saw how Adella was doing and basically dragged her in (punching the old bastard that did want to use her on the way).

The decision to become a Blood Saint and not just part of the staff was her own, though; she bought the narrative about hunters being brave and protecting people while it was choking out its dying breaths but still existing. So, she wanted to help people.

Localisation slightly messed this up, by making it sound as though Adella has severe insecurities regarding the quality of her blood, but that's not quite the case:

Whereas the religious 'we all must admit we are sinful by nature and should bash ourselves all of our lives' vibe might apply, within the original context it seems to be that she is insecure about having to do it in 'battlefield' conditions rather than in the setting of great religious reverence it SHOULD be. Like, all she does is extracts her own blood in a vial. She only talks with us in Yahar'gul if we convince her we are Healing Church staff too; so, she still thinks we ARE one of their hunters. It seems like internal Healing Church rules about 'proper' blood sharing are what makes her feel "vulgar", not her blood overall.

Adella mentions a friend she could possibly turn to during the night of the hunt if we refuse to tell her of the safe place, and I made it be a person you pick black church garb from in the alley where Arianna is. It is a shrodinger character, of course, because it is a gendered set, but I default all sets to 'male' because default Paleblood Hunter is some guy with grey hair and I love using this as "official" option! The window NPCs in this area mention "thanking" the Church in a rather passive-aggressive and fake manner, that makes me feel like the guy was killed here out of spite. I think he is Adella's EX that she still keeps clinging to, and... well, he was in this area because he wanted to help Arianna by telling her of a safe place, as he had a bad feeling about this night. Again, irony.

What would a Discord with the original Byrgenwerth scholar gang look like?? xD

Pfffft you mean if they made a small group Discord server for familiar people only? Laurence would be a moderator, that nobody asked for, because it is a small (mostly) closed Discord group and not an official server... But he'd insist on bringing some discipline and civility anyway.

Server would have expected standard channels for drawings, research notes, general chat, jokes/memes, debates, Rom's (daily) pictures of the bugs and spiders, vent and announcements... Except, they would have to create more and more debate channels all the time, because every time it'd be either Caryll and Laurence, or Micolash and Julie cluttering the debate channel so much and refusing to stop. xD Like, they'd have to spawn new debate channels just so other people could have a talk too sdfhhdfds

Damian would share health / self-care advices regularly, like "don't forget to hydrate!" or "10 advices to avoid studying burn out!" and tell others to stay safe and not overwork. Unfortunately, nobody follows his advices. He also always answers everyone in vent channel.

Rom tends to overwhelm any channel when she is online by spamming whatever she is thinking about, but nobody tries to stop her because she tends to accidentally drop something useful, like a solution to the homework, or a significant breakthrough. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Rom and Yurie/Julie, where they discuss Rom's ramblings as they happen and decide what to take from her without credit :(

Micolash sometimes has mad ramblings, similar to Rom but HIS are unhinged and genuinely creepy and disturbing. They have a locked channel accessible for everyone except for Micolash, Damian and Rom, where they laugh at his wording or mock how weird he is :(

Patches is only active in the server to promote the shit he's selling or questionable links, but if anyone gets scammed and calls him out on the server, he gaslights them that he did them all a favour and showed with a concrete example how important it is to know basics of the internet safety xD And might accept their apology for getting mad at him, if he's feeling nice fhshfdhsfds

Thank you for asking! It was a trip dshfhds

#bloodborne #ask replies #bloodborne headcanons #multi character post #i don't even know what else to say ahahahah #you probably know the root of what really made me feel uneasy about alfred so #yet again the point proven that the more bad experiences you had the better you can understand bloodborne lore #but yeah logarius is always ignored like willem #let laurence share guilt with willem and logarius you cowards!!!!! #damn i got some insight about adella during answering it though.... good for her #points of interest about adella when??? #fun fact: tho i described the sequel as barebones i actually base it off the impression i had in a dream once #also in that dream maria had somewhat of a grudge towards gehrman #like he was stalking her from around the corner anime yandere style and i was like hey who is following you #and she was like 'probably nobody important' #the same dream where rom was pregnant from SIMON for SOME fucking reason #but i would never recommend the sequel to face reveal previously mysterious characters so yeah.... #ironic that my brain paired protector of the secrets and seeker of the secrets ahahaha

[julijbee]

girlbossing too close to the sun.

#art #ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator #i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books #vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading #ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working #let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny.. #posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned. #morrowind #almalexia #vivec #im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment #so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized #it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor #and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result #i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was #vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking #acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention #like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is #but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc #anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving #but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials #and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc #so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize #and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough #the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right #that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things #and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that #important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree #oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad. #tes

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

okay listen neil newbon would absolutely deserve to win best performance for astarion at the game awards and I’m going to applaud if and when he does. however. if devora wilde isn’t at least NOMINATED alongside him you can all expect me to make some angry posts about it.

#sorry if you didn’t like lae’zel (wrong opinion) but devora fucking KILLED that role. went into the woods and wrestled it into submission. #she sawed off its head and put it on a pike next to her tent. #they both gave incredible performances but i think lae’zel was a tougher role than astarion #because nobody pries at lae’zel. you have to tell a story with her to people who aren’t really interested in working for it #and so all those little mannerisms that make her feel really alive become much more important #the actual text of the dialogue can’t do as much heavy lifting because there just isn’t as much of it #so SO much of her character really comes from devora #while astarion’s chattiness means our impression of him comes much more evenly split from his writer and actor #who both did fantastic jobs!! again bg3 is an abundance of riches when it comes to exceptional performances #and I’m not even TOUCHING wyll or gale yet. OR AMELIA TYLER who honestly will probably be neil’s biggest competition before devora is #but anyways. expect Posts. You’ll get them. #although on second though. seeing what the internet did to laura bailey … maybe we Should let a guy take this one. #Rhi talks #ok to rb

[perenlop]

not to complain abt a thing every pokemon fan and their mom has complained about but man i just realized another reason why not putting the battle frontier in oras was a failure of a decision- because the next game, sumo, and its postgame kinda hinges on you already knowing who anabel is, and i think a good chunk of the fandom either didnt know or didnt recognize her at all because the last time she appeared was in the deep postgame a game that had come out nearly a decade before. so having the battle frontier, or at least the frontier brains, in oras would have reminded the audience and told new fans who anabel was and given us a reason to care about her

#like i didnt know who anabel was so a good chunk of the meaning of her appearance was lost on me #yes shes older and looks different in that game but the game like. clearly expected you to know who this was #and why her being a faller is ironic #and itd make the parallel of looker being amnesiac in the battle frontier area in oras more clear #putting the battle frontier- hell actually having the frontier brains appear in any capacity- would have told new fans who anabel was #so her appearance in the next game feels less random and ‘’wait who?’’ #bc like. lol i had no clue who she was when i first played sm. even as someone who’d beat emerald by then #partly bc itd been years since i touched the cartridge at that point but also bc shes not accessible easily #echoed voice #someone liked an old post i made about ingo and wow yeah in perspective hes handled way better #bc hes also like an important battle tower npc but he a) was easily accessible to people who had gen 5 or saw the anime #b) was already an extremely popular character who was getting referenced as late as the acacia vid that year so even if youre a newer fan #youd probably have heard of him in passing or seen him with emmett #and c) is one half of a whole. hes partnered with emmett hes usually seen with him hes made to match with him #their relationship as brothers is emphasized #hes clearly out of his element in hisui and we can see the effects its had on him #contrast with anabel who’s connected to nobody. only the other brains if you squint #and ig that crush she had on ash in the anime which doesnt count bc this is gameverse #and she probably forgot about that within a week anyways #bc shes ten #so like. oras was the moment to re establish her. give her those connections. have her talk to looker. give her a background #and instead they prioritized what feels like spite towards the new generation of kids #ofc theres also the idea that legends is someones first pokemon game but even so it wouldnt dampen the experience #especially once you looked him up online or something #meanwhile with anabel i looked her up bc i was confused and went oh. oh that person. battle frontier. ok

[tmae3114]

[muffled screaming into my hands]

#this is not about anything important #I just saw a post about ''''the problem of susan''' and it's the first day of my period so I'm even LESS capable of being sensible about it #than I usually would be #ANYWAYS SUSAN BEING LEFT OUT OF NARNIA AT THE END OF THE LAST BATTLE WAS ABOUT MATERIALISM #IT WAS SO VERY VERY MUCH ABOUT MATERIALISM AND DENYING YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE OF THE SPIRITUAL IN PURSUIT OF THE MATERIAL #IT WAS NOT!! ABOUT!! SUSAN!! LIKING!! BOYS!! #I UNDERSTOOD THIS AT EIGHT YEARS OLD I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE DON'T SEEM TO GRASP #THAT THE PROBLEM WASN'T SUSAN LIKING PARTIES & LIPSTICKS & SUCH #IT WAS SUSAN CARING /ONLY/ ABOUT THOSE THINGS TO THE EXTENT THAT SHE PRETENDED HER EXPERIENCES IN NARNIA WEREN'T REAL #I so do wish the quote people focused on from that scene was Polly's rather than Jill's #everyone goes on about the ''nylons and lipstick and invitations'' #nobody seems to remember ''I wish she WOULD grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now'' #''and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age.'' #IT'S NOT ABOUT BOYS IT WAS NEVER ABOUT BOYS AAAAAAAAGH #anyways I think if someone hypothetically did a version of narnia where the pevensies came from the modern day #Susan would probably be obsessed with instagram & tiktok & influencer culture #that's my controversial opinion of the day #also to vaguepost the actual post that prompted this instance of rage: #if you have to ''introduce'' a child who just read Narnia to '''the problem of susan''' #and EXPLAIN to her that it's supposedly because of Susan liking boys #and the child did not get that from her own reading of the text #PERHAPS YOUR INTERPRETATION IS NOT PARTICULARLY SUPPORTED BY THE TEXT?

[marblerose-rue]

OK getting content regardless / info below the cut for the sake of saving space!! and partial dsmom spoilers

click for better quality !! idk why tumblr nerfs it so often

these 3 are the main characters of the au pretty much . after strange and america (who renames herself spangle leapthrough, she enjoys her time in equestria for the most part but strange legitimately cannot stand it. and only begins to warm up by the time they're able to leave [he also refuses to change his name]) they land in a mlp-ified universe where all of the problems seem superficial and a bunch of mcu characters who are dead are still present. they figure out theyre not the only ones who dont belong in the universe though, and *thats* where the real problems come. they try to get as much info on this dangerous cosmic being that threatens the universe theyre in from spellcaster (strange's pony counterpart). and he doesnt want any help, because hes claimed the lonely title of 'being the only one competent enough to stop it'. strange wants to be the one to fix it bc like the worm, theyre not from equestria . so obviously he has to do it. its p much a power struggle between them and its pretty much up to spangle to get legitimate help because spellcaster is insistent they use as little magic as possible (and for good reason bc the worm absorbs residual magic to grow stronger) so that puts a lot of pressure on a lot of ponies who use magic . i thiiiink thats it

#you need to #knock that off. the others will not be finding out we were toy ponies. #my art #do not copy trace or steal #ponyverse #< that is my mlp marvel au tag #when theyre able to leave and return to their original universe america draws her and strange as ponies. at first hes like but then it gro #theres a lot more but this is as condensed as i can get it #most of this is like filler content i like. like a sitcom. if u will. blinks #OH YEAH the reason spellcaster is all dolled up is bc the first encounter he has with the worm (its actually a wyrm but its just a #miscommunication that stuck) he almost dies but he lives bc plot armor #BUT YEAH im struggling so much w drawing rn this is the best i can do atm . i got new brushes and i think its fucking with me #ive also got a summer job + a lot of appointments ive had to schedule/reschedule/coming up so thats probably also a factor s #so my time is a little blegh . on top of me playing minecraft like my life depends on it BAHA #BUT YEAH another thing thats not necessarily important but it is to me . bc of spellcaster being so fixated on the worm he essentially #outcasts himself so he can safely monitor it. and he reaches out to ponies who possess powerful magic (i.e scarlet static [and a few others #im still working on that part] BUT. he kinda breaks his own rules by using his own magic to create a double of himself (a lot more cleaned #up to keep folks from worrying) to pop up every now and then to keep suspicion off him. scarlet kiiinda knows but not enough to get her #to attack it bc if she does it'll power it up enough to unleash chaos . ANYWAY THATS A LONG TANGENT so when strange and america/spangle #land nobody really questions it/they treat him as normal bc they think thats just spellcaster and his new apprentice who nobody seems to #know . i hope that makes sense it makes sense to me

[arthur-r]

i went to sleep an hour ago but i can’t actually fall asleep for some terrible mixture of anxiety and caffeine and being scheduled wrong from all of the winter break sleeping incorrectly compared to school. anyway i have a stomachache (anxiety variety) scary high heart rate (anxiety variety? caffeine variety? just my heart being stupid as usual? probably all of the above) and also terrified of living with my dad for the next week. and i was drinking a caffeinated beverage past 5 pm today because. i was really stupid and let that happen without thinking about it. so there are so many things getting in between me and a good nights sleep to get to school in the morning. doesn’t help that i’m stressed about school itself too or that my irl friends are constantly hanging out like literally all of them i try not to be offended if like tara and elanor hang out together without me cause everybody is allowed to have smaller on their own engagements but it’s like literally every friend i have!! like i have maybe fifteen friends total in my school and there was like ten of them were all ice skating together on new years and went to a play together and did all of these things that i wish i were invited for. and so i’m stressed about a lot of things at once and it’s no good

#anyway in other news i’m making a bigger endeavor drawing than i’ve done in a long time and it’s not very well shaped but im really proud of #the details and like the way that im doing it even if it doesn’t look good altogether im proud of the textures and everything #i haven’t done anything that wasn’t just a sketch in a long time so i never just work on textures and im proud of myself so far #however it was supposed to be a four part thing that im supposed to finish in four days. while also doing homework. so #i don’t think it’s going to be possible to do all that with such a detail oriented approach shdhdf #i’ll try my best though!! and if i’m late i’m late. nobody really expects anything out of me in an art front which is pretty nice i guess #but it’s mostly because i’m not very good and don’t practice enough. shdhdhdf #but like i said i am actually proud of this picture!! i’m just scared that it’s secretly terrible. classic way to feel really #but anyway i hyperfocused on that for two hours which is like. haven’t done that since like before school started #and so now i’m in a really weird headspace. and yeah. waking up in seven hours #this is so stupid i really wish i could just be asleep right now regular but it’s not happening #and i have a terrible stomachache that i don’t think is going to go away until it’s my mom’s turn to raise us again #and like. i don’t even like getting parented by my mom!! she’s made me cry multiple times per day all week actually!! #but at least i don’t think she’s going to get drunk and throw things or hurt my little sister or break something important to me #and that’s kind of what i’m constantly living in fear of currently. my dad is physically scarier and more dangerous. so i’m anxious. a lot #anyway i keep having nightmares and i hate it i wish anything would just go right for once. i should probably try to sleep again it’s just #it’s not working and i just wish i could fix it but i can’t. i really would like a hug and to be somewhere else #anyway i’m going to try again i guess probably. but i’m just so frustrated and i wish anything could be different offline #like i’m so lucky to have the friends i do in wext and my mutuals here but. if i can’t see you in real life my life is still kind of #objectively bad. like i cant really figure anything out that i have going for me irl. band?? i don’t even know. so yeah. it’s just not great #and i would like to feel better but i don’t. sorry for venting. goodnight!! #me. my post. mine. #vent cw #abuse cw #alcohol cw #ask to tag!! #delete later

[be-good-to-bugs]

crying shouldnt cause headaches, thats just cruel honestly.

#the bin #i went through to figure out costs more and im most likely not gonna be abek to bring almost any of my belongings #i can probably manage to at least bring my pets. my sisters boyfriends cat cant tow and it doesnt have a lot of space in it so im not gonna #have much room for anything at all. i guess maybe its a good thing my sister wont be coming then :/ #honestly. im not actually THAT upset. he seems fairly chill and respectful of my boundaries. moreso than my fuckin sister is. not that thats #hard to accomplish. if i set a boundry with her she will most likely break it repeatedly and then also refuse to apologize #im still uncomfortable with it but not much more than i was with going with her anyway. i van just keep earbuds in the whole time probably #im really upset that ill have to leave my stuff here though. with her. i hate that. and im also probably not gonna have a bed when i move #and ill be sleeping on the concrete basement floor so uh. that sucks. a lot. my aunt probably has an air mattress i casn borror for a bit #im also probably gonna see if i can convince my sister to let me take one of her beta fish and the one tank she has for it. its a small tank #so i could easily bring it. its too smalm for the poor thing but its gonna be in that if it comes with me or her so. and i wanna get it #something better. ive become pretty attached to it after taking care of it for the past 4 months. ugh the fact she just ditched me with her #fish pissed me off so much too. not to mention the snakes were supposed to be a shared pet but she just stopped dling anything ever and it #became exclusively my responsibility to care for them and pay for all their stuff. she should not have pets of any kinda #im trying blt to be really upset. i can hopefully bring my most important belongings at least. his car isnt THAT small. and then ill only #need to pay for the gas and thats it and i can definitely afford that. hhhh. ill figure it out. i hate this :/ #my head hurts so bad from having a 2 hour long meltdown. im so upset over our whole relationship and everything #she just keeps doing selfish things over and over again and treating me like an idiot for not knowing things she didnt tell me #specifically treating me like im stupid for not knowing she isnt gonna be able do what she specifically told me she could #im im so mad at her for the ditching me and the repeatedly taking advantage of me specifically for money and fucking me over #wnd everything before that. our whole relationship. im seo stressed abt this. i have nobody now. #i hate her so much. im glad i can clearly see how abusive things have always been bug it doenst make it sting any less #and it doenst helo the fact she continues this behavior now too

[musical-chick-13]

(Mild DW Christmas 2023 Spoilers in tags)

#watched the latest xmas episode!!! it was fun I had fun. I like both ruby and 15 a lot and the older ladies BETTER show up again because #they were my favorite (to probably NOBODY'S surprise) #(<-both characters are VERY obviously being set up as recurring characters so yes I'll bet they show up again) #and I laughed a lot!! #and the discussion/parallels between ruby being adopted into a loving home vs the doc finding...uh.........Her™. that was GOOD SHIT #idk if I just have my Skepticism Glasses on but I WAS more focused on like...'oh that was a really good acting choice/oh that line delivery #was the most effective possible line delivery/that shift of expression was excellently-done and felt organic' instead of being #fully immersed in the story? I was very much like 'I am watching a story' and being...aware? of Me Watching A Story? #as opposed to like...getting fully lost in the episode to the point where it felt like I was THERE WITH the characters. if that makes sense #and idk if that was just me side-eyeing russell as a defense mechanism (because he has to prove to me that he's not going to #retread the same ground for the 50 millionth time. and that he's not going to be Weird™ about the fact that the doc is currently a moc) #or if I was supremely Out Of It™ or if that says something about the actual WRITING of the episode but it's unusual enough for me #that I thought it was worth mentioning #I have some other like...Preliminary Thoughts™ but I feel like it wouldn't be fair to put them out there when there's only one full episode #with these characters. so I'll see if anything changes before I talk about them. #I WAS disappointed she didn't ask The Question at the very end of the episode though. #but the most IMPORTANT takeaway. is that the lady they got to sing the Musical Number actually knows how to healthily sing #(<-see the first word in my url lmao)

[zamalie]

this one manager at my work is like determined to get everyone to hate her

#christmas eve we get a super low workload #so a ton of people are hoping to get out early #she comes out like Yeah no not happening #BUT we will be working at full speed so we can finish early and get everyone out a few hours earlier than usual! #which is not how we usually do it but like Alright #surprise sur fucking prise nobody leaves early because too many people are using time off to get out #which is what happens EVERY time they dont let anyone out. extremely predictable outcome #so we finish at the normal time understaffed (started the day EXTREMELY overstaffed) and bleeding pissed off workers #i just clock out at this point cause im pissed #come to find out from a coworker #all the work was done already and they STILL wouldnt let anyone out early #which they did even on our busiest of fuckin days. so what the hell #MEANWHILE #people watched said manager peal out the god damn parking lot hours early #probably because she had shit to do on christmas eve #unlike the rest of us i guess #like dude... #the rest of our managers arent saints or anything but shes the only one whos this hardcore numbers oriented against all reason #they literally have like incentive to let people out early cause the company doesnt wanna fuckin pay people to stay all day for no reason #so whats the deal... surely numbers cannot be THAT important if shes the only manager chasing them #dottxt #even the other managers were hardcore sideeyeing her for doing this like i could hear them talking to someone #and they werent saying anything outright bad but their tones of voice. huge lmfao

[endeverous]

.

#god damn it why do the loneliness and shame have to kick in at like 10:30 #i still have so much evening left and I thought I was over this #guess not apparently #i just. feel bad. #and I don't want to. #and I know I don't shut up about this shit but like. i want a person #and I feel like it shouldn't be shameful that I don't have one YET HERE WE ARE #*have never had one. important distinction. that's what I feel the most ashamed of #jfc girl nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy #i think time away from a given corner of the internet would probably be wise for me #who needs therapy when you have ramble in tags #endev talks to herself #she probably does that too much #toss another log on the shame fire ig #the joys of having a brain that's a kitchenaid mixer on full blast 24/7

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#today is my ex-best friend’s birthday #a day I can’t ever forget because it used to be so important #and it’s just depressing to think back on all the fun we used to have and how I tried to always make her birthday special #we used to be so close and then she decides to end the friendship after 13 fucking years #we damn near grew up together like all through high school and into adulthood #I used to think we could communicate enough to work through anything and nothing would ruin our friendship #and probably it was a lot of little things building up over time #but the reason she gave me was so stupid and minimal and it felt like a joke or a slap in the face #and she got to move on meanwhile I’m stuck alone and lonely #I’m trying to branch out and make friends but nobody connects with me the same way she did #and I wonder if I’ll never truly find a best friend again #I mean ok I do have another best friend kinda and I love him dearly but it’s long distance and it’s not like we can hang out or anything #and we have a weird complicated relationship as it is so it’s just not quite the same thing #it seems no one’s ever going to understand me and know me the way she did #how do you move on from 13 years of life with someone? #how do you just pack up all the memories and move forward without it affecting you? #she didn’t even care that I was moving to a whole other state #there was no good closure or way to say goodbye or have that final conversation that I feel like I really needed #and I’m trapped in the trauma because if she could just leave me then so can everyone else #and now every friendship I have I feel like is on shaky ground and I’ll fuck up and push them away and be alone again #and it never stops I’m always bombarded with these feelings of not being good enough for the people in my life #I can’t even bring myself to delete our pics together because even that feels too final #I have to cling to this little bit of her that I have left #I still have some shred of hope that she’ll come back to me one day and we’ll fix things and be friends again #even though I know that won’t actually happen #it just felt like she was supposed to be in my life forever and now who else is going to fill that void? #I feel so alone all the time and I’m tired of being lonely and I just want to cry #I just wish I could move on as easily as she did #she had a new best friend before she ever even told me she wanted to end things so I guess I didn’t matter much after all #personal

[loriache]

Butch up that Elf: my Marcille manifesto

TBQH, this came into being because the Falin "dragoness" fanart rewired my brain completely. It's sillytimes, but we're going to make a serious argument: trying out being a little butch would Fix Her.

1. Marcille Gender Discomfort

Now, Marcille LOVES feminity. She loves playing dressup, she loves elaborate gowns, she spends her free time going to the spa - the absolute last thing I want is to deny that. However, there's also a definite vibe that this isn't just a preference. Specifically, the way that she pushes Falin towards femininity suggests that she isn't comfortable with gender nonconformity in the people around her.

If this was something she was 100% confident about ("I'm doing this for myself and nobody else!") surely what other people do wouldn't be a big deal? Of course, you can read this as a little bit of solipsism; "what works for me must work for you too! I think this is so cute and would suit you - wouldn't you agree?"

But for the sake of this argument, all I'm trying to suggest is that gender nonconformity (and probably sexual nonconformity... well, frankly, any kind of sexuality at all) is unlikely to be something that's on Marcille's "radar". She hasn't tried out other ways of presenting and decided she doesn't like them. I do think she'd be a very flamboyant butch - "ouji lolita" vibes, you know? It's a whole new set of wardrobe options she could play dress-up in, even.

After the story ends, she starts dressing like her mother in all black, which makes sense - her mother was also a court magician, so she's probably emulating her in order to project confidence and authority. But I can't say I think she should stick with this. Break away and be your own person, Marcille! Try a fancy waistcoat and frilled jacket!

2. Haircut

This is another potential hard sell, I'm sure. The people she loves doing her hair is a cute symbol of their care for her, and her hair is key to her magic - so there's plenty of reason for her to keep it long. But like... think practically. Having someone do your hair every morning, for the whole of her long life, while it gets messier over the day (because she can't remember to keep it neat)... That's got to be such a pain. My hair gets messy when I put a hoodie on. And I have short hair.

It would require her to go through a change of mind, and probably a little more growth in how secure she feels in her relationships, but - the hairdo's a symbol. The more important thing is the relationships themselves. Eventually I think there might be something liberating about cutting it off, even if she might eventually decide to grow it out again.

The lion, her trauma, took something away from her which was really important to her. The people around her are able to make that easier, and make up for it, and soften that loss, but... Mithrun isn't the person he was before, you know? He's a new person. The relationship he has with his brother is new, and I don't know if it's one that the person he was before could have had. If Falin hadn't died, they wouldn't have gone on that wonderful adventure! They wouldn't have met Senshi or saved Izutsumi and Laios and Marcille wouldn't have gotten so close. So I think it's totally congruent with the themes of the story that the burning away of this part of Marcille's self might eventually create the potential for new growth in a new direction, not clinging onto the parts that are gone.

This also isn't totally out of the norm for elven mages - both Otta and Flamela have short hair. Otta is canonically butch, and potentially Flamela reads that way to elves too, but the point is it clearly is possible to be an accomplished mage without long hair.

3. Desiring (to be) a chivalrous prince

Marcille's succubus is clearly General Halleus from her favourite book series, the Daltian Clan. The fact that this is her ideal man.... it certainly plays into readings of her as Not Straight. But at least, this conveys the way her conception of sex and romance is strongly idealised, dissociated from the bodily and from physical desire.

There are many ways to interpret that, including thinking about what types of desire this fixation is obstructing because she is not comfortable with it, but I am going to focus here on what this desire does signify. She likes the trappings of courtly romance, and is clearly comfortable putting herself in the role of the princess, being taken away on a white horse by a noble (but tormented; eyepatch has "death" on it lmao) prince. (Though I think he's actually the token male lead who isn't royalty; he's a General. There's always one in Romfan, lmao. IYKYK)

A kiss on the hand - this is so chaste, I think it's clear it's more about desire to play a role in a dynamic than it is about desire in a physical sense. There is undoubtedly a big part of Marcille that wants to be a beloved and chased-after princess, but I think it isn't at all impossible that she'd also enjoy being the powerful, cool, and chivalrous "prince" to someone (a pretty girl, perhaps) who needs her protection.

This is a little silly, because it's clearly just aping the shoujo artstyle that articulates basically the same idea as her succubus, that Marcille is attached to highly abstracted and idealised romantic (and Romantic) tropes and ideas. But the imaginary "successful" Marcille from chapter 4 looks quite similar to her succubus. (Another thing I noticed is that in the fantasy she has sharp ears... like full elves have. Despite what she says, I think the cultural messaging that this trait is "attractive" and hers are inferior got to her at least a bit. 😥)

Also, the way that she treats Falin, scolding her indulgently, trying to look after her and wanting to be looked up to and respected by her... that aligns more with the "masculine" role in the trope that her succubus is referencing. "What are we going to do with you...?" I can imagine her saying this to Falin, word for word. Whereas, if anyone real started talking down to her, even affectionately, I don't think she'd like it, given the negative way she reacts when people don't respect her or her skills. Especially after canon, given the way the Winged Lion was treating her.

Her attitude to Falin is partially down to her reluctance to acknowledge Falin as an adult, who is independent and can grow beyond her and leave her behind. But I think even as they move on from that unhealthy dynamic, Marcille is still going to get pleasure from feeling capable, reliable, able to look after and protect Falin. She'd like to pull the chair out for her in a restaurant on a date, you know?

4. Conclusion

Even after the growth she goes through during the story, there are parts of Marcille's character that are very much obstructed. Romance, sexuality, and gender, feel like one of those to me. The way that her discomfort with the messy origins of food betrayed a deeper, more significant discomfort with the cycles of life and death.

Much in the same way, I'd argue that the simplified, idealistic, and safely fantastical way that she views romance, as well as her very "safe" gender presentation and tendency to push it onto others as well, suggest an underlying discomfort in her own gender and sexuality. The character growth she goes through leaves her in a place where it may be possible to safely re-evaluate her relationship with Falin, as well as her choice of clothing and hairstyle, both things that go through a change at the end of the manga. Neither, I think, reach a sustainable stopping point that we see - there will be a point when it's more servants doing her hair than friends, just out of practicality, because they're all going to be so, so busy. The black clothing to copy her mum is cute, but once she gets some more self-confidence in her own skills as a court magician, I think she'll move on from it. And... who knows what direction her relationship with Falin will develop, over the years? I'm rooting for them, anyway.

In all those cases, I think moving outside of the things she's done before, into something really different from the things that are "safe" and expected, will be the most rewarding path for her. Like in the dungeon, things that she would initially reject were actually able to sustain her and broaden her tastes. She loves dressing up, looking after people, and "princely romance". So I say: Butch Marcille! It'll be good for her!!

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