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aphroditesbaby1616 · 2 months

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 7 -

Inspo: Lyrics - False God (TS) ; “We might just get away with it, religions in your lips, even if it’s a False God - We’d still worship.” ***18+ ONLY FIC - NO MINORS ALLOWED*** Summary: Winnie readys her apartment to hang out with Carm for the first time. She pulls out all the stops, fresh sheets, a massage candle, wine. Things get hot and heavy in the bedroom, as well as the shower. Carmen experiences being taken care of for the very first time. Late-night pizza ensues. W/C: 7,894 Posted Date: 02/18/2024 A/N: Hellooo! Ugh ok so I’m starting this on the weekend because I can NOT bring myself to write hard porn at work LMAO so that should tell you something about how this chapter is going to be. I wish soo bad that I could stick a USB in my brain and download the scenes I create in my head when i’m falling asleep bc they’re soooo juicyyyy ugh. I hope you all like this!! I don’t think at first with a partner Carm would be a confident dom because he hasn’t had much time for that kind of play- but with the right kind of partner she would reel the dominance out of him which I hope I displayed that here!! Warnings for BTC: Drinking, Swearing, Smut (p in v, face sitting, oral (m&f giving&recieving), shower sex, cum play (kinda)), spanking, Fluff

︵‿︵‿୨♡ 𝘾𝙝𝙚𝙘𝙠 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝙈𝙮 𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙚！ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

→ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞!

₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽

Winnie’s P.O.V. -

I unlocked the door to my apartment quickly, knowing I wanted to do multiple things before Carm arrived. “Hey baby” I coo to Persephone who was waiting by the door. She meows at me repeatedly as if she's going ‘Mom! Where did you go?! Why do you keep leaving me!! What happened to reading after work?!’ Whilst I took my phone out of my purse and quickly sent Carm a text containing my floor and apartment number.

“I knowww, I know!” I told her as I unbuckled my heels and slipped them off, scooping them up and heading to my room. Persephone makes quick work of weaving in between my legs as I walk causing me to giggle. “What! You already ate Miss!” I told her and dumped my shoes off in my closet, taking off my simple studded pearl earrings and dumping them into my Hello Kitty jewelry dish sitting atop my dresser.

Sephy jumped up onto the bed, watching as I untied my hair bow and I walked over, waving it around in front of her, to which she rolled on her back attacking it with her feet causing me to giggle. “Missy! I have work to do! We have a guest coming in a few hours! It’s Carmen! Oh my god, I haven’t had a boy over in so long!” I giggled like a schoolgirl, so giddy this was happening. I dropped the ribbon on her belly for her to play with and went off to the kitchen, taking out a clear pink wine glass from my cabinet and setting it down on the counter before uncorking a bottle of red wine from the fridge and pouring myself a big glass.

I put the wine back in its spot, and took a big sip, going and setting it in the bathroom for myself before heading back into the bedroom where Persephone was still fighting with my ribbon atop my bed. “C’mon,” I grunt playfully as I pick her up causing her to meow in annoyance. “Let’s go fluff-a-butt, I need fresh sheets,” I told her and put her down gently on the couch before heading to the linen closet grabbing a fresh pair of lavender jersey sheets, and heading back to the bedroom.

I made quick work of undressing my bed and redressing it. Before I put the duvet back on, I got my ‘Fairy Dust’ from lush that smelt like honeysuckle, and gently sprinkled it over the sheets. This way, when Carmen is in the sun after he leaves my bed- he will glow, and any girl with a mind will know that he has one already. It was not at all noticeable inside, only in direct sunlight or a flashlight was directly over it, so he wouldn’t ever know my territorial tricks.

I also sprayed some honey lavender relaxing bed mist before putting on the duvet and making sure I got a few sprays on there as well. I rearranged my many throw pillows and a glorious thought hits my brain- that massage oil candle I haven’t used. I giggled to myself as I practically bounced over to my closet, rummaging through one of my many doom boxes before I found it. “Yes!” I whisper to myself and put all the other contents back away in the closet, shutting the door.

I lit the candle on my nightstand, knowing it would need an hour or so to burn until there was enough oil for a decent massage, and checked the time, perfect, still just over an hour until he was supposed to be here. I undressed quickly and went to my bathroom taking off my makeup and putting my hair up into a messy knot to shower. I down the rest of my wine before jumping into the steaming water, scrubbing down my body, and grabbing my razor. Most of the shower was spent shaving myself to maximum softness, and then exfoliating myself until I was essentially a new human when I got out.

I dried off quickly, dumping my dirty clothes in my hamper as well as my towel before running into my bedroom and slipping on a pair of black cheeky panties with little kiss marks patterned because a full-out lingerie set would seem desperate - right? I open my dresser draw, pulled out a ribbed light grey baby tank that I knew made my boobs look amazing without a bra on, and chucked it on my bed and then found some loose-fitting Hello Kitty printed pajama bottoms that I threw on the bed as well.

₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽₊ ˚ ✩ ｡˚ ˚☽

I was on the couch, trying my best to read my book after my second glass of wine, when I heard a light knock at the door and Persephone sat up from her position next to me, confused as to who would be here at this hour. I feel my heart start to thump in my chest, sitting up and putting my book down I got up, shuffling over to the door in my pink bear paw slippers. I look through the peephole and see Carm leaned against the wall and smiled, unlocking and opening the door quickly.

“Hey you!” I said and he smiled upon seeing me, his hair still slightly damp from his shower. “Hey” he said and stepped forward, I wrap my arms around him and give him a passionate kiss, gently playing with his damp girls between my fingers and pulling him inside, shutting the door with my foot and leaning against the door as he pressed me against it, tugging lightly at the hair.

He pulls away and kisses from my chin down my neck, around my collar bones and biting gently causing me to giggle “Carmen!” I gasp a bit at the sensation as he settles his nose in the hill of my breasts and inhales deeply. “I’m sorry” he mumbles in to my skin and I smack his shoulder playfully. “What, are you a dog?” I asked jokingly and he chuckled “you just smell sooo fucking good I’ve been wanting to do that ‘m sorry” he kissed up my neck and gently bites down and I tugged my lip between my teeth, gently tugging at his hair to pull him away.

“You’re gonna get the party started too fast c’mon mister, to the bedroom” I said and there’s a soft meow and he looks down as Persephone greets him, rubbing up against his leg and curling her tail around it. “Ohh” he whispered his eyes lighting up. He immediately crouches down to pet her and she rolls on her back for him displaying her big belly.

“Oh wow” he said happily “she’s so sweet!” He said excitedly and pet her gently. I smiled “how’d I know you’d be a cat guy” I lean against the wall and watch as she leans up to bat at the string of his hoodie. He giggled a bit, dangling it in front of her and chuckling when she gets ahold of it nibbling gently. “C’mon stop tryna steal my friends Sephy” I joked and opened my bedroom door and he stood up, his eyebrows raising.

“Wow…” he said and I splay my arms dramatically. “My humble abode!” I giggled “Hope you don’t mind music I always have it playing” I turned down my JBL speaker sitting on the nightstand. “Very…pink” he said and I giggle “mmhmm! I love it it’s my favorite color” he follows me in and Sephy jumps on to her hammock that was attached to my window. “D-do you have a kid?” He asked as his eyes raked over my shelf in the corner that was stuffed with different pink and other pastel Squishamellow toys.

I raise my eyebrow quizzically “no…do you have a kid?” I put my hand on my hip. “No! No. Absolutely not just…” he motioned with his hand and I laugh. “Oh my god you’re not one of those guys are you?” I asked and his cheeks go red. “Huh? N-no I- it’s cute I…I like it I’ve just never met..” he trails off. “Someone who..caters to their inner child?” I asked and walked over, petting Persephone. “The hell is that?” He asked, taking off his sneakers.

“You’ve never heard of an inner child?” I asked scratching her chin. “No..” he said and I motion to my bed “you can sit” I said and he does so. “It’s your original self, before the world molded you. And damaged you. It helps me, to be in a room like this. Because I never got it when I was little, and it feels healing to give it to myself. I imagine the little girl that I was still lives in me, and she deserves the world, so I try giving it to her” I said and came and sat next to him. He nodded, “that’s…really cool..I’ve never uh- heard of it” he said and I smile a bit.

“Want me to do your massage while we continue question for question?” I asked and he smiled softly. “Sure…uh so- so how should we..” he asked and I nod “so I think..well you told me you carry most of your stress in your back so I think I’ll start there and then you can better tell me what else hurts” I said and he nodded, sitting up a bit. “Are you..comfortable taking your shirt off?” I asked softly and his blush meets the bridge of his nose and he nods quickly “uh- y-yeah. Yeah.” He said and I got up “ok so.. just lay on your tummy and relax. Did you want some wine?” I asked he nods with a small smile. “Sure”

I headed out to the kitchen, grabbing another pink wine glass and topping off mine as well and coming back to see him shirtless on the bed. I swallowed thickly, trying not to stare as I pad back “here you go” I said and handed him his glass, taking a big sip of my own. I’d already had 2 glasses, but I was still feeling a bit nervous. He took a sip and I looked at his chest, my eyes locked on the little triangle. “What’s it mean?” I asked and he looked down. “Oh, this?” He runs his finger over it. “Past, present and future.” He shrugs and I nodded.

“You have any tattoos?” He asked and I nodded “oh, shit! Yeah I forgot you haven’t seen them” I pull down my pants slightly where they were covering the angel and devil babies adorning my hipbones and hike up my shirt to just below my breasts, showing the sun and moon motif with the clouds. He raised his eyebrows, “wow…those are fuckin sick” he muttered, running his finger along the devil baby. “What does it mean?” He asked and I fixed my clothes again, “the meeting of light and dark and good and evil” I shrugged and he nods.

“Well…yours are deep. I just got this cause I’m a fuckin chef” he holds up his hand, with the knife on it. “This is because I’m constantly fuckin fighting with my family’s shit” he shows me the one of the angels and the grim reaper with the liquor bottle. “What’s…SOU?” I took his hand, gently running my hand over his knuckles. “Oh it’s..” he chuckled a bit. “Sense of urgency..” he looked at me and my brows crinkle.

“In a kitchen, everything is done SOU, with a sense of urgency. It just uh…reminds me to keep movin’ ya know? Always pick up the pace” he said and I nodded. “Here, lay.” I said and blow out the candle. “It may be a little bit hot, this is a massage candle- it’ll feel super hot at first but it’ll feel good after a second.” I explained and he snorted lightly. “I’ve been burned with oil, fire, boiling water. That’ll be nothing.” He said and I shook my head. “Such a dangerous career you have” I teased and knelt on the bed next to him as he got comfortable on his stomach.

“Uh… it’ll be easiest if I like..straddle you, is that okay?” I asked “ye’. Yeah. That’s fine” he cleared his throat and tucked his arms under his chin resting his cheek on his forearm. “Ok..I’m gonna pour it now” I said and gently drip the wax on his back, to which he doesn’t even flinch. “Hmm” he hums. “That’s hot to you?” He asked and I giggle. “Ya’ know, I think you may be a psycho, that- or a masochist” I said and gently rub the oil over his back to be sure I had an easy time working the muscles.

“Well I think it’s the psycho thing but if you’re into masochism then I’m more than happy to oblige” he said and I giggled. “Such a people pleasure” I sighed, “okay… so where did we leave on our game?” I asked and he hummed “I dunno…your hands are really soft” he said softly, his eyes fluttering shut. I found a sizable knot at the base of his neck and started working it, he whimpers softly beneath me bringing a frisky smirk to my lips “its ok..it hurts but it’ll feel good in a second, Jesus Carm, how are you walking around with this?” I said, using the knuckle of my thumb to work it out and he groaned softly.

“Oh my god Winnie” he said softly. “Fuck…” he said as I drag my thumb in circles, completely releasing the tension in that spot. “Told you I was good” I hum, moving to a slightly less tense knot on the other side. “So fucking good holy shit” he moaned softly causing me to giggle. “Ohh, you poor baby has no one been taking care of you?” I coo teasingly and he smiles, eyes still blissfully shut and chuckles a bit. “No, you can absolutely take the position- ah” he hisses as I work a particularly tight spot in his left shoulder.

“Mmm.. you’re right handed aren’t you?” I hum, working it gentler, easing the tension out slower so it wasn’t so intense. “Yes? W-how do you know that?” He asked and I worked it deeper, being sure to get out all the stressed energy he held there. “Because your left side is wrecked with stress, baby” I mumbled, digging my fingers deeper into the tenseness. He whimpered softly. “Hmm…please honey” he moaned, causing the ends of my lips to upcurl in a smirk.

“Course baby” I said softly, working that area a bit harder. “So…since we don’t remember who ended the last time,” I said quietly. “My question first, then, have you thought about fucking me, Carmen” I asked boldly, my fingers digging in to the tender, sensitive, most tense spot in his left shoulder causing him to whimper beautifully. “Y-yes…yes Winnie fuck…” he mumbled softly, his breath hitching in his throat. “Hmm…Have you jacked off thinking of me?” I asked softly, massaging my fingers in to the most tender spot of the muscle causing him to gasp and mutter a low “Jesus fucking Christ”

“Y-yes. Yes.” He whined, his shoulder inching towards my touch. “Y-Yes.. yes, every time since we met.” He breathed and I worked on his shoulder blades, earning a raspy moan. “Anything to ask, baby?” I said softly, gripping the knots in his muscly skin with the soft pads of my fingers. “Fuck” he groaned, biting his lip sharply. “Ah- shit I- I can’t focus” he muttered as my fingers smoothed out the toughest knots throughout his back. “Then..can I ask you another?” I asked softly.

“Mmhmm” he moaned softly, the music softly playing though out my my bedroom.

I gripped his most sensitive spots, earning a raspy moan to spill from his lips. “roll over, baby” I muttered and got off his back, allowing him to roll as I told him.”You’re…so fuckin’ perfect honey” he breathed. I quickly straddled his chest, my hands running absentmindedly over the toned muscle that laid beneath my frame.

“I just wanna make you feel good” I said softly and rubbed over his chest, massaging his biceps and forearms. “You really don’t have any questions?” I ask, a smirk dancing on my lips. His cheeks redden, the bridge of his nose going a soft pink. “C-can you take this off?” He asked, thumb playing with the edge of my tank top. I giggle, crossing my arms over and taking it off in one swift motion, and throwing it to the floor.

“Better?” I asked and his pupils darkened, swallowing thickly. “Fuck…you do have them pierced” he said and I smile proudly “mmhmm. You would look hot with yours pierced” I traced my forefinger over his nipple. “Can I touch you?” He asked softly and I laughed a bit. “Yes silly, you don’t have to ask” I said and he wasted no time grabbing my breast and massaging over my piercing with his thumb. I moaned softly, leaning in and kissing him wantingly.

He gently tugged on the jewelry causing me to moan into his mouth, tugging on his curls gently and rolling my hips into his. He groaned at the friction, his length was already achingly hard in his sweatpants. “Fuck, you make me feel like a fucking virgin” he muttered into my lips when we broke our heated kiss causing me to giggle. “Isn’t that a good thing?” I played with his chain gently “mmhmm, let me suck on your tits” he said and pulled me to his mouth causing me to laugh at his sudden boldness that quickly turned into a moan.

“Fuck yes baby take what you want” I moaned out my head draping back at the sensation of his tongue flicking over my nipples and sucking lightly. “Oh-“ I gasped in pleasure as he nipped lightly. My core was dripping with need, I could feel my pajama pants becoming uncomfortably wet. “I need you Carmy” I moaned and he pulled away, looking up at me.

“What do you want?” He asked and I push his shoulders down in to the bed “I want to ride your fucking face.” I said and his eyes widened “l-like-“ he swallowed thickly “please.” He nods “While I suck your cock.” I added and he nodded quickly “mmhmm- anything you want.” He said and I knelt on the bed, shimmying out of my panties and pajama pants “have you…” I questioned and he laughed.

“Yes oh my god should I be offended? Yes I’ve eaten pussy” he said and I shook my head with a giggle “no- like. Have you ever had your face ridden” I blushed and he nods “a few times- why? have you…” he questioned. “No…never.” I said, my cheeks heating more. He grinned “alright c’mon,” he laid back. I swallowed thickly and made my way up to his face, straddling him with my feet pressed to the headboard.

“Holy shit” he whispers and my head snaps down “what? Is something bad?” I asked and he chuckled lowly, his hot breath causing my core to twitch. “No…you have a really pretty pussy honey. C’mon, Sit” he pulled me down by my thighs onto his mouth and I gasped at the sensation lightly, resting my hands flat on his chest for support. I moaned loudly as his tongue circles my swollen clit, quickly flicking over it and slap a hand over my mouth to muffle the cry. “Oh fuck…Carmen” I moaned out, grinding in to his face.

He moaned into me, the vibration causing me to shudder at the pleasure it brought. “You taste fuckin’ amazing baby” he said and I leaned forward, hands shaking from the overstimulation and I pulled his member out of his boxers. I bit my lip, stifling a moan as he thrusts his tongue in my entrance. I swallowed hard looking at it, I would not be able to fit this whole thing in my mouth, it would be halfway down my throat if I took it all. I quiet my moan by sinking my mouth down on his cock, humming softly at the salty taste of precum already soaking his tip.

He moaned into me, causing my jaw to drop at the vibration and I sunk down deeper, hollowing my cheeks and whining into his length when his strong nose brushed my clit. I bobbed my head faster, grinding my hips into his mouth, feeling my core clenching and twitching, that feeling in my stomach growing tighter and more unbearable with each flick of his tongue. I pulled off his cock, my chin dripping with saliva from the sinful messy encounter.

“Fuck- c-carm, I’m so close” I whined out and he hums in satisfaction, I pump his cock in my right hand, my thumb rubbing over the tip with each stroke causing him to groan in to me. “Cum baby, cum on my face” he mumbled into my skin, his voice sultry and deep. I bit my lip, “I want you to cum inside of me” I said softly, my voice dripping with need. “What?” He stopped and I whined “I- I want you to cum in my pussy” I look back at him and his eyes widen.

“Are you…” he questioned and I nod “I have an implant. Please. Can I ride you Carmy” I beg and he nods “course…course you can” I got off him and quickly lined myself up, guiding his tip to my entrance and sinking down until he bottomed out. We moan in sync, his head falling back on the pillow, his eyes fluttering shut. “Oh fuckin’ hell” he muttered and I lean forward, his tip rubbing against my g-spot and I whine loudly. “Oh fuck” I moaned, bouncing slowly as I get used to the stretch.

“Fuck Carmy you’re huge I literally feel you in my stomach” I moaned out, bouncing harder and faster as I got used to the enormously full sensation. “Y’re so fucking tight baby” he grunted, watching my tits bounce as I quickened my pace. My walls started fluttering around him, my release right around the corner and my head fell back, my thighs shaking in exhaustion. Before I knew it he was flipping us over, and pounding in and out of me, the entire bed shaking and slamming against the wall.

I cry out, wrapping my legs around his waist and locking my ankles to push him deeper. My back arches up, eyes rolling back slightly in pleasure and head falling to the pillow “holy fuck” I whine loudly and opened my eyes to see his chain dangling and swinging in front of me with each powerful thrust. I gently take it between my teeth and look up at him through my eyelashes.

“Fuck honey” he says and I feel his cock twitch inside of me, he angles himself more upwards and I gasp loudly his chain falling from my teeth “there- oh my fucking god Carm don’t you dare move” I cried, eyes screwing shut and he pushes harder in to that spot, it wasn’t long until my walls were fluttering around him wildly and my legs were shaking in release “oh Carmy” I moaned like a pornstar, my back arching in pleasure. He fucks me through my release, and spills in to me with a grunt, resting on his elbow and breathing hard.

My eyes open and I look at him, eyes fluttered shut, forehead damp with sweat, but looking genuinely relaxed for the first time since I’d met him. I pulled him on top of me, humming happily at the feeling of his weight as I pulled him into a deep wanting kiss. I play with his hair gently, his curls damp slightly with sweat. “You did amazing, baby” I said softly when I pulled away and kissed his forehead tenderly.

“You were the one that was amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever fucked like that” he said softly, rolling over and laying down with an exhausted sigh. “Well I think we should fuck like that much more often” I said and snuggled into his chest, pulling a fluffy pink blanket over us. He chuckled a bit “absolutely. And a plus your bed is comfy as shit it smells so good in here” he said, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

“I dunno why I didn’t picture you having tattoos” he said, thumb brushing over the devil on my hip causing me to smile. “Why’s that?” I ask and he chuckled “well firstly, getting a huge piece on your ribs and hips is insane for an only tattoo so pardon me for not guessing” he said causing me to giggle. “Why?” I asked and his eyebrows raise.

“Why? Because it hurts like a bitch” he rubs his thumb over my sternum. “I got my nipples done first” I said and he hummed, “how long did it hurt” he asked, rubbing his finger over it immediately causing it to perk up making him smirk.

“They’re super sensitive, that's one of the reasons I have them” I brush his hand down, holding it in my own. “And for like…7 or 8 months. I couldn’t start wearing bras again until like 3 months ago. I forgot how annoying they are.” I said and laced my fingers In his. He hums “I think you shouldn’t wear them, it’s hot as fuck I couldn’t stop staring when you answered the door” he said and I laugh.

“Mmhmm think I didn’t notice?” I poke his nose playfully. “You have quite the tongue by the way” I said and leaned up to kiss him, rubbing my tongue against his bottom lip to which he opened and I slipped my tongue into his mouth, humming in satisfaction at the taste of me on his tongue. He lifts his hand back up, tugging my nipple between his fingers gently causing me to moan and he smiles against my lips.

“Carm” I whine, “your cum is literally leaking out of me cause you’re making me wet again, stop” I said and he laughed. “C’mon let’s take a shower then yeah?” I him with a smile “yeah” I sit up, stretching my back.

“Ugh. Smells like sex In here” I scrunch my nose and he snorts “wonder why that is” I get up from the bed and went into the bathroom turning the shower on hot and looking in the mirror. I gasped “Carmen! You are so trashy!” I said pointing to the hickey that was on my neck and he chuckles “Shit I’m sorry I didn’t even realize, guess I was too caught up in it” he comes over, rubbing his thumb over it gently before placing a kiss on the area.

I cup his jaw gently and pull him into a sweet kiss, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck and pulling him closer. “ you’re lucky you’re cute” I told him when he pulled away and he smiled, his lips kiss swollen and pink. “Let me wash your hair” I said softly, playing with the curls at the base of his neck. “Okay” he said, rubbing the small of my back gently. I opened up the curtain

“If I can wash yours” he countered and I giggled a bit as I got in “got yourself a deal, don’t leave me lonely in here” I said and dipped my head back, closing my eyes and getting my hair soaked. He gets in and hisses when the water hits him “Holy fuckin’ hell Winnie” he said “why is it so hot?” He asked and I hummed. “It feels sooo good, you don’t take your showers like this?” I asked and he touched the water pulling his hand back after a few short seconds “holy shit how are you hot red after you get out?” He asked and I laughed.

“I am, it reminds me of being home with the other demons” I joked and turn it down a smidge for him “there, since you’re such a baby” I trade spots with him so he could wet his hair, having to angle she shower head up a bit for himself since I was much shorter. “No I think you’re just a hellraiser” he snorts. I grabbed the soap sudsing up my hands and gently rubbing over his chest and he peeks his eyes open. “Givin’ me the full treatment huh?” He asked and I smiled.

“Can’t a girl feel you up?” I teased and rubbed my hands over the toned muscle of his abs and stomach. “You are so hot” I said , my fingers dancing over his v-line and I looked up at him. He looked gorgeous, the water trailing over his shoulders and off the bridge of his nose as he tilted his head to soak his hair fully. “You really know how to get a guy knowing you know that?” He spins me around so my back is against his chest and he kisses my jaw, gently nipping causing me to gasp.

“Yeah?” I breathe, my fingers trailing up to play with his curls. His hand slides down my stomach, slipping his fingers between the folds of my heat and I gasp softly. He hums, gathering the product of our time in bed and my slick arousal over his fingers and holding them up, strings of the sticky creamy substance sticking to both of his fingers as he pulls them apart.

“That…is so fucking hot honey” he said and watches as I take his fingers in to my mouth, my tongue swirling around them, lapping up the sweet salty taste of our arousals mixed together and moaned softly at the taste, my eyes fluttering shut. He exhaled lowly, taking in the sight in front of him. “Such a dirty girl” he said hotly and I moaned softly around his fingers, pulling away with a ‘pop’ and looking at him innocently through my lashes.

“Bend over” he orders and I giggle like a brat “oooo, Carmy are you gonna punish me for being a dirty whore for you” I teased and his jaw drops slightly “Don’t worry, you can punish me however you want I’ll say apple if I want you to stop” I said and bit my lip gently. “Are you gonna spank me, Carmy” I kiss his jaw and I felt a sharp stinging sensation on my right cheek accompanied by a loud slap. I gasp, a soft moan tumbling from my lips.

“Is that all you-“ I’m cut off from my teasing when he slams his hand down on my left cheek, causing it to sting and I’m sure if I saw there would be a red handprint on my ass which just turned me on more. “I said, bend over.” He demanded and I turned around, bending over the bench I had to shave my legs and he rubbed over the stinging spot. “You’re gonna learn to listen to me” he said into my ear, his cold chain brushing my shoulder and making me shiver slightly.

I swallow thickly and nod, “y-yes” I manage out, pushing my bum back against him. He spanks me again, harder this time causing me to yelp. “Yes what?” He asked. “Yes- Yes Sir! I’ll be good, please fuck me” I whine and he chuckled a bit, reaching between my legs and rubbing my throbbing clit with his middle and ring fingers causing my knees to quiver.

“That’s a good girl” he whispered, placing a kiss between my shoulder blades and reaching up and gently tugging on my nipple jewelry causing me to moan. “P-please Carmy, please, I need your cock” I begged, resting on my elbows. “Yeah baby? You want me to fill you up again?” He asked, his tip teasing my entrance and I moaned, trying to sink back on him but only getting the tip in.

“Please- fuck Carmen I need you to fill me with your cum please” i whined out and he pushed in to me, bottoming out with one long stroke causing me to cry out, my eyes squeezing shut and seeing stars at the otherworldly mix of pain and pleasure. “Since you asked, so good baby. Those are the manners I want from you when we play, hm?” He hummed, holding my hips and fucking himself in to me with long hard strokes that had my thighs quivering under the weight of my body, struggling to hold myself up.

“Fuck Angel you take my cock so well” he groans out and I moan at his words, his strong hands holding me up by the ribs when he realized I was starting to have trouble standing. “Carm, fuck carm-“ I muttered his name like an invocation, my eyes fluttering shut and my orgasm washing over me before I could even warn him. He grunts at the feeling of my walls spasming around him, the only sound being the water and the slapping of our skin as he ravenously fucked me through my orgasm.

My knees shook, the sensation becoming slightly overwhelming. “Fuck, I gotcha’ honey, I gotcha” he held me with his forearm, kissing my neck with hot open kisses “almost there baby almost there- fuck” he moaned and my breath becomes shaky, my core tightening around him and releasing at each rut in to my g spot. “Carmen” I squeak out, tears rimming my eyes, “do you need me to stop baby?” He goes slower and I shook my head quickly “no, no. God fucking cum in me please” I begged and he picks the speed back up.

His hand slithers down and rubs over my clit with his fingers and I cry out, my hips jerking at the contact “c’mon sweet girl, cum again. Cum on my cock, I know you have another one for me baby” he kisses my jaw, nipping at the soft skin and I couldn’t even think, the only thoughts I could manage was how good his cock felt fucking me at such a hard pace, using me as his own personal stress relief. Before I knew it my third orgasm of the night was washing over me, I felt completely spent.

I shudder, nearly going limp under him and he grunts, unleashing a hot enormous load into me, holding me up as he finishes. His breathing was ragged and hot, he gently pulled me to his chest, his cock falling out of me and the sudden feeling of emptiness caused a whine to escape my lips. He kissed my forehead and I opened my eyes to look at him, he was smiling lazily.

“I really made you cum 3 times?” He asked and I nod a bit “I’ve never cum 3 times. I can barely stand, can you wash my hair first?” I asked softly and he nodded, gently setting me to sit on the bench that was built into my shower. “Are you ok?” He tilts my chin up so I look at him and I smile tiredly.

“Mmhmm. I really want pizza.” I said softly. He chuckled a bit, “my kinda girl. You know how late it is, right?” He raised his eyebrows looking over the assortment of scrubs and soaps in my shower, looking for the shampoo. I pointed to it and he grabbed it, gently pushing my hair from my face.

“We’ve been fucking 2 hours and you got here 20 minutes before that. So…2:30?” I asked and he snorted a bit, squeezing shampoo on the top of my head and gently massaging it into my scalp. “Strong sense of internal clock?” He asked and I hummed. “Not really, I’m judging based on how tired I feel” I sigh in to the feeling of his hands and he gently drags the shampoo over my ends.

“You have…so much hair. Jesus this is a lot” he said putting more shampoo in his hands and I laugh a bit “hence why I was surprised you asked to do it, but thank you for taking this chore off my todo list” I hummed moaning softly when he massaged the soreness behind my ears where my hair had been up.

“Mmhmm, it gets curly like yours when it’s really short, ‘s why I have to straighten my bangs” I yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand. He chucked a bit “that’s really cute, curly red hair” he said and finished shampooing. “Thank you I feel better” I look up at him and puckered my lips, he took the offer kissing me sweetly.

I hummed into the kiss, cupping his jaw and my thumb running over the stubble that had grown over the course of the day. “Your turn” I said when he pulled away and got up, rinsing my hair out and closing my eyes, humming softly to myself. “Eva told me you sing” he said softly and I smiled. “Well, for fun. Not like I should be on Broadway, it’s not that hard to impress a little girl” I said, rinsing out my ends.

“Well…Richie said that you’re really good, like you sound like a princess” he said and I felt my cheeks heat. “Ok…don’t ask me to sing for you” I said shyly and he chuckled. “Promise I won’t, but I’d love to hear you sing sometime” he said and I finished rinsing my hair. “Come around the bookstore sometime you’ll probably catch me” I said, squeezing some shampoo in to his hair and massaging it in.

He sighs contently, his eyes fluttering shut in bliss. “You’re really good at that” he mumbled and I smiled. “Thanks…you have really nice hair” I said, gently scratching his scalp and he moaned softly. “Mmm..can’t remember the last time I had my hair washed” he said softly and I got down near his neck, massaging the tight curls gently. “I’m glad you’re letting me take care of you” I said softly, his forehead gently resting against my tattoo.

“Mm..only you though” he said quietly, causing a smile to grace my features. I finished massaging in the shampoo and put some conditioner on my own hair, “close your eyes so I can…” I giggle and he scrunches his eyebrows. “Not only have your pussy and I met face to face, we did mouth to mouth. That pussy and I are well acquainted, and you can’t wash up in front of me?” He teased and I blushed. “You are such a perv, Berzatto” I turned around, washing away the remnants of the last few hours gently since I was still so sensitive.

When I turned back around he was smiling bashfully, “whattt” I whined, crossing my arms. “You have freckles on your butt. I didn’t notice before” he said and I giggle “I have freckles like…everywhere” I held out my speckled arms and he takes one, kissing from my wrist to the crook of my elbow.

“It’s adorable.” He said and I scoop some shampoo with my forefinger before it dripped in his eyes. “Wash your hair, mister the waters getting cold” I rinse my conditioner out before stepping out and drying off, leaving a second pink towel for him on the hook and I heard a familiar scratching at the door.

“Sephy! A minute honey” I said and gasp. “Oh my god! Her bedtime snack!! Poor baby” I open the door in a hurry and I hear him chuckle from the bathroom as I put on my slippers and rush into the kitchen to pour her one of her soup treats. “So sorry Angel my poor baby” I coo, petting her as she eats and I headed back to the bedroom to see Carm out of the shower, his curls extra pronounced from the water and the towel draped around his waist.

I bit my lip, looking at the water dripping down his chest over his abs, to his V line, feeling my aching core throbbing with excitement. I could not go another round tonight- I was already gonna be sore in the morning. “Hey- uhh do you know where I threw my backpack?” He asked, snapping me back to reality.

“Backpack…backpack! Uh yeah. One sec” I went back out to the entryway, grabbing it from the hook and bringing it back for him. He unzips it, taking out a clean pair of boxers and I gasp. “Carmen Berzatto! You little whore” I teased and he chuckled “what? How do you mean?” He asked taking out deodorant and my jaw drops further.

“Ohh my god!! You brought a hoe bag!! You are such a little slut” I shook my head with a teasing smirk. “What the hell is a hoe bag?” He asked and I went over to my dresser, dropping my towel and going through my underwear drawer. “Oh you know, just your spend the night bag for hoetivities.” I said and he chuckled.

“Hoetivities? Like a hookup bag? Well..yeah I mean we were both planning on hooking up right?” He asked and I giggled. “Yeah but still you have it all put together? What an organized little slut” I teased and pulled out some cheeky panties slipping them on and when I turned around he was watching me in his boxers and I raised my eyebrows.

“Glad I'm not the only one that’s shamelessly eye fucking. Help me strip the bed will ya' peepin' tom? I’m gonna order the pizza” I said and he smirked, shaking his head as he pulled the sheets off. “Yes ma’am of course” he said and I went over to my closet, pulling out a oversized vintage Levi’s tshirt and slipping it over my head, before grabbing my phone changing my playlist to my getting ready for bed one which contained most of my heavy metal selection and hum softly to the lyrics.

“What the fuck” he mutters before laughing and I look at him, his laughter being contagious and I end up laughing as well. “What?” I giggled. “Fuckin…so let me just- you listen to Taylor swift, rap, and heavy metal?” He asks and I giggle shrugging “mmhmm…we’ll only girl rappers, and heavy metal bands that have girls but yup. I do!” I said and took the sheets and our dirty clothes, bringing them to my washroom.

“You surprise me all the time” he said and sat down on the mattress. I come back after I’d start it and gasp pleased “holy rollerrr! I love this one!” I said dropping off the fresh sheets on the bed and he chuckled. “I don’t think I’ve ever…listened to this kinda music” he said and my eyebrows raise.

“Are you kidding?! I didn’t expect you to be a metal head…but…what do you listen to?” I asked and he shrugged, “I..don’t” he chuckled and my eyebrows furrowed. “How do you mean?” I asked “I don’t have time for that really…” he said plainly and I scoffed. “So when you’re working out?” I asked and he shrugged again “quiet. It’s nice to just not think” he said and I started putting my pillows in the pillow cases.

“Maybe you are a psycho” I said, causing him to chuckle. “You say that like a revelation, I told you that” he joked and I shook my head with a smile. “Chris got me into metal” I said and he nodded, getting up to help me stretch the fitted sheet over the bed. “Why’d he like it?” He asked and I tucked a corner under the mattress.

“He was deaf…the uh bass…he liked it” I clear my throat and he hums. “Oh…did you know sign and everything?” He asked “oh..yeah of course that was…my whole first 22 years” I swallowed thickly, tucking the other corner on my side in. “That’s really cool..” he said and I nod. “I would um…when we went to concerts, I would interpret for him and he always was…so happy he loved concerts. I miss going with him, so so much” I sighed, throwing my comforter over the bed and he smiled a bit.

“That’s really sweet of you, Winnie” he said and I smiled. “Thank you” I said softly, sitting down on the now made bed. He sits down next to me, “Y’know Mikey..we used t’call ‘em Monkey, he uh…we cooked together. That was always our common ground, and it’s where we really clicked the best. So I get that… Y’know- missing em” he said and I pulled him into a hug, my lips resting on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me, soothingly rubbing my back.

“Thank you” I said softly into his skin. “F’what honey?” He asked, gently playing with the wet ends of my hair gently. “Not running off after we were done and talking with me” I said quietly and he sighed softly, pulling me into his lap to hold me fully and he kissed my cheek sweetly. “Why would I leave you, Win?” He asked softly and pushed my hair over my shoulders before kissing my jaw tenderly.

“Cause you got what you wanted” my eyes fluttered shut and he stopped. “Is that how I made you feel?” He asked, a trace of betrayal in his voice. “No, no Carm” I looked up at him, “guys usually…just dip” I sigh softly. “So I’m glad…thank you for being open enough to stay” I said and he nodded a bit, leaning in and kissing me once more.

“You still want that pizza?”

→ 𝑅𝑒𝒶𝒹 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝐸𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝐻𝑒𝓇𝑒

#the bear fic #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear fx #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto smut #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy berzatto x oc

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monsoon-of-art · 5 months

Text

Donut Hole - Chapter 18

It's Alright

I got a baseball bat beside my bed

To fight off what inside my head

To fight off what's behind my meds

I'm lonely, lost in pain

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay

You're not a monster, just a human

And you made a few mistakes

- It's Alright, Mother Mother

[hi guys :) we're almost done. Also if the format seems. Weird, it's bc I'm posting from my phone! Ao3 link might be delayed bc of that]

[ao3 link]

Barry just wanted to close his eyes for a second. That's all he wanted. Mystery was perfectly capable of flying on its own, he just wanted to rest his eyes.

For a brief, beautiful moment, he was on the back of his staraptor. He was back home. Soaring through the pecha colored clouds, the towns and cities below merely a speck.

And to his side was [____] on her Crobat. She smiled at him, as warm as the sun, and just as imperceivable as staring directly at it.

The moment didn’t last.

Because the next thing he knew, he was lying in a pile of broken tree branches with a hurt back, Mystery was loudly cawing, and some kid was yelling at them.

Despite being dressed like the new Galactic groups, this kid seemed harmless. Barry absolutely couldn’t say the same about the rocky behemoth that stood behind the boy, but the pokemon made no move to attack them, so Barry chose not to acknowledge it.

Clearly, General Irida didn’t brief this kid well enough.

(Definitely General Irida, because he was wearing pink. And a strange hat that Barry swore he saw somewhere else…but couldn’t remember specifics for the life of him.)

But the kid willingly gave him directions to Jubilife and let the two leave, like an idiot, so Barry did just that.

“Past…deertrack heights…” he repeated to himself, realizing he didn’t know what a ‘deertrack heights’ was. “...cross the river, then cross it…again.”

That didn’t make any sense. Maybe the directions were wrong, or maybe the kid lied to him. But Barry definitely needed to get out of this forest first.

The two eventually stumbled upon a creek, gently winding through the forest, psyducks and bunearies splashing in the crystal clear water. Combees buzzed around small patches of flowers, wurmples creeped and crawled through the underbush, burmies hung from trees.

“This isn’t a river…but it should lead to one.” Barry thought aloud. Then, he paused, turning to Mystery. “...let’s give you a break, bud. I think it might be a bit hard for you to follow me anyway.”

He recalled Mystery to its pokeball and, because he didn’t feel totally comfortable walking without a pokemon, he let Pest out of his.

“Hey buddy!” Barry cooed, scratching the side of the Mothim’s head. “Keep me company, OK? We’re looking for a river. And maybe if we run into any trouble with the bugs, you can let them know I don’t mean any harm, sound good?”

Pest chirped and chittered, fluttering around the boy affectionately.

The two followed the creek closely, Barry taking a moment to appreciate the calm of the forest and the fresh air. The pokemon seemed more skittish than he was used to back home, most fleeing from him immediately.

The exception were a few beautifly that flew over to examine him, but a few chirps and trills from Pest was enough to return to their flowers, uninterested.

Barry and Pest finally saw the forest start to thin. In no time at all, the soft soil of the forest was now the white sand of a beach, and the small creek flowed into a large river. A large dam was built over the river mouth, with several bidoofs tending to it.

Overseeing the bidoofs was a very large bibarel, it turned to the boy and his bug, pushing itself to stand on its hind legs, looming over the two with a snarl. Saliva dripped from its maw, its eyes glowing red.

Barry, at this point in his travels, wasn’t phased. He watched the bibarel with a tired expression, waiting for it to finish the threat display.

He reached into his bag for a pokeball, not taking his eyes off the enormous rodent. “Man, I’m not dealing with this. Snacks, take care of this guy.”

Snacks burst from its pokeball with a debatably fearsome squeal, pelting the bibarel with energy balls.

And Barry turned away, confident that Snacks could handle an overgrown rodent. He didn’t go far, just to the river bank, where the bidoofs fled from his presence.

He released Fern from its pokeball, and Fern - still under the influence of the hypnosis from that weird deer - promptly slumped into Barry’s arms, asleep. Under normal circumstances, Barry would love to let Fern keep sleeping, but they were so close.

Carefully laying Fern onto the soft sand, Barry scooped up a handful of water and splashed its face. “Sorry Bud, we gotta keep moving! You gotta wake up! We’re almost there!”

Fern sputtered and coughed, immediately sitting up and pawing at its face. It shot Barry an annoyed frown, and he sheepishly patted its back. “H-Heh…sorry.”

Snacks returned with a triumphant squeal, pointing at the now-unconscious bibarel, concerned bidoofs swarming around their leader. And at this, Barry smiled.

His pokemon were getting stronger. They were capable of winning battles on their own, capable of protecting themselves and him.

Of course, taking on the horde of Galactic Members that were likely on his tail was still a no-go. They had more pokemon, a defected Battle Facility Head, and Barry was fairly certain they’d find a way to cheat.

But this was good.

Now, Barry’s plan was to release his pokemon, have a quick meal, and continue their journey. But as he reached into his bag for Mystery and Jen, a tree fell in the forest.

And another. And another. When Barry looked over his shoulder, he could see the treeline shifting. Getting closer and closer-

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Barry began shoving things back into his bag, quickly recalling Snacks and was about to recall Pest when the thing chasing them finally broke through the treeline.

It was the rocky, insectoid behemoth from the woods, the little boy with the hat riding on his back. “There he is, Lord Kleavor! Prepare for punishment, troublemaker!”

Well, Barry wasn’t stupid enough to stay around to see what that entailed. With Pest clinging to his head and with Fern by his side, they ran. Splashing through the river, using the bidoof dam as extra footing.

It felt like all of Sinnoh was trying to track him down, at this point. Part of him was tempted to try and fight the thing head on, but when he glanced back, he could see ‘Lord Kleavor’ preparing for a charge attack.

“Outta the way-!” Barry pushed Fern and himself onto the opposite bank of the river just as the behemoth charged, smashing through the dam and crashing into a tree.

The ‘Kleavor’ took a moment to reorient itself, part of its rocky beak currently embedded into the tree it slammed into.

“It’s OK, Kleavor! Try again!”

“No-No, don’t, Kleavor! Don’t try again!” Barry said, already scrambling up from the beach and onto the more rocky terrain. His current theory was that this Kleavor pokemon could charge in a single direction, similar to the rampardos from before.

If he kept zig-zagging around, he should be fine.

Hopefully.

It was better than the group from before, that was certain.

"Stop running, scoundrel!" The little boy shouted, trying to sound as serious as possible. "You will face justice!"

Honestly, he sounded so…genuine. If Barry didn't know any better, he was almost convinced that he was doing something wrong.

He hadn’t done anything wrong…right? He just wanted his friend back, and Team Galactic was getting in the way! They were trying to stop him - weren’t they? They were trying to take over the world - weren’t they? They were going to kill him!

…weren’t they?

A horrible wave of nausea nearly overpowered him.

He had to be right. He couldn't afford to be wrong.

Besides, this kid was brainwashed by Team Galactic. Of course he'd get the facts wrong!

Kricketots and pichu scattered as Barry and Fern darted through the small foothills. He could hear the rocky pokemon behind them, stomping and smashing through trees to chase after them.

Slowly. Rock pokemon were generally not fast, and Barry thanked every God he knew for that.

They just needed to gain some more distance, then they could hide out and wait for the rock pokemon and the little kid to give up.

Then Barry could finally go to Jubilife. He'd finally end this. He’d punch Cyrus in his stupid, emotionless face, he’d fine him bajillions worth, he’d fine every single person working under him, he’d burn the place down-

Maybe that was too far. Maybe punching him was enough.

In the end, he just wanted Her back.

They were awfully high up in the hills now. Barry could see miles: the waterfalls, a Gyarados protectively snaking around the waters below, he could see a trail lined with unlit torches, a small bridge, and a tent.

But then he felt it. The rumbling of hoofs and paws against the earth.

Just up ahead, across a naturally formed land-bridge, the group from up in the mountains had caught up with him.

A screeching caw from above. The giant bird was circling around like a mandibuzz, the girl with green braids riding atop. "He's over here! Over here!"

Barry shouted the first thing that came to mind.

“HEY! SNITCH!”

Barry hadn't even realized he had stopped moving, only noticing when Fern began anxiously trying to nudge him forward. His legs had turned to stone. Once the feeling in his legs returned and once the adrenaline began coursing through his veins, he ran.

He thought he had more time! He thought they wouldn’t catch up that fast!

Maybe this was just his life now. Running forever. Team Galactic nipping at his heels for eternity.

Or until they killed him.

Barry turned, instinctively going back to try and retreat, only to be met with the Kleavor. It slammed its axe-shaped claws into the earth, bellowing loud enough to rattle his very bones.

Fern darted forward with an uppercut to the jaw, Kleavor stumbling back with a pained croon.

Barry started to cheer, pausing when noticing Fern wince and seeing sharp stones embedded into its fist.

“Hey, HEY! You hurt Fern!” he snapped.

“You ATTACKED a LORD?!” the boy snapped back, equally enraged, confused, and terrified.

That was the second time someone mentioned a Lord pokemon. The only thing he could think of were the Totem Pokemon from Alola. But they were meant to be challenged, weren't they? What was the issue here?

Every time he thought he had an idea of what was going on, a new, strange puzzle piece would spring out of the box and try to punch him in the face.

There was something different about this chase. The others seemed more…organized. Coordinated.

Barry's first instinct was to run down the mountain on a worn path, greeted with Irida and Gaeric riding Ursaluna. But when Barry tried to backtrack, the strange, white deer tried to cut him off.

Luckily, there was a tree Barry could climb on to escape, but he was immediately attacked by the giant bird. He had to duck and roll out of there to escape.

Upon ducking into a small crevasse, he was met with the long sneasel’s glowing eyes. It yowled as it approached, pointing at him with its long talons.

Barry bit back a yelp as he scrambled backwards, attempting to look elsewhere to hide. Every nook and cranny was crawling with the Galactic forces.

Before in the mountains it was a confused scramble; but this was planned.

He was being herded.

The thudding of hooves and paws and the yelling of Galaxy Commanders buzzed in his brain like a swarm of beedrill.

Despite all his efforts, all of his tricks, and all of his escape attempts, Barry had found himself being guided into an almost bowl-shape in the hill, the remains of a campfire and a tent laying in the middle, an enormous spire towering above.

Between a literal rock and a hard place, Barry reached into his bag and released all of his pokemon. The five placed themselves between him and the group slowly circling around, intent on fighting if need-be.

“You're not taking me." He said, voice low.

“You’re not exactly in a place to say that.” General Adaman said. “Come with us. We want to help you.”

He scowled at that.

“...ry!...”

Like being submerged underwater, every single other sound faded from Barry’s focus. The bickering between commanders, the various sounds of pokemon (both his and not), the very world around him; all drowned out.

Except for one, singular thing.

“...rry! Barry!...”

All of the air left his lungs in a shaky, wheezing breath.

The commanders had heard it this time, speaking quickly amongst themselves. Not that Barry could hear, nor could he bring himself to care.

He stepped forward. He stepped again. It was like wading through the murkiest of waters. Slowly stepping past the protective wall in his pokemon (much to their confusion) and out into the clearing.

“Baarrryy!”

There was a path that cut through the mountains, winding through the rocks with delicately carved statuettes on the sides.

He wasn't even really walking anymore. More stumbling forward, barely able to catch himself with the other foot before he fell on his face.

Nothing else mattered. Not the confused geodudes he passed, not the muffled calls of his pokemon, not the shouting from the Galactic forces-

Nothing else mattered.

Finally passing through the last of the hills and rocky cliffs, Barry saw a bridge. Made of wood. Unimportant.

Crossing the bridge, running at full speed, was a girl. She wore a blue outfit with a black sash around the middle, and she had a white covering for her head. Her long, black hair flowed as she ran.

She paused at the other end of the bridge, huffing and puffing, limbs shaking from the exertion. And she looked at him, a tired, hesitant smile on her face.

“Barry?”

Barry was thirteen. The police came to tell his mom and dad they were calling off the search soon. He had ran out of the house right then and there, despite his mother's pleas and father’s protests. He wasn't going to accept this. He wasn't.

Barry was twelve now. [___] had to be appointed as champion. It was really an excuse to throw a celebration, as Cynthia had explained, but it was still new and strange. He hated how he looked in a tuxedo, even as his mom fawned over him. [___] scrunched her nose as her mom squished her cheeks, praising ‘her little girl' for accomplishing so much. She had asked for Barry’s specifically, to stand by her side during the event, something that he was going to take very very seriously. A new champion doesn't happen every day! And once their parents had their attention elsewhere, he nudged her arm with a wink, and a promise to come fight her as champion soon.

Barry was eleven now. Pacing just outside of Hearthome. She was supposed to be here hours ago! What had taken her so long? He'd get his answer soon enough, when she'd sheepishly approach while holding a ralts. Oh, he was so mad at her. They had planned! They had arranged to meet! He was on time for once! He was never on time for anything!! But she could only hold up the ralts a little higher with a shy smile, and Barry had to reluctantly agree - that ralts was pretty cute.

Barry was ten. He held his new turtwig high into the air, smiling from ear to ear. Upon soaking in the feeling, the realization that he was indeed a pokemon trainer, he spun right around and insisted on a battle. [___] was hesitant. She wasn't totally sure if her piplup was ready. But he was quick to assure her that she was. They wanted to be trainers, right? And he would be by her side as her best friend and rival. If she was ever unsure, or ever scared, or ever alone. He would be there. And with that reassuring, she agreed to their first ever battle.

Barry was nine. He hated fourth grade. In order to prepare them for secondary school, he now had a rotating class schedule, and it was a nightmare. Now he had four classes! And all of them had homework! How was anyone supposed to juggle this?! And so [___] came to his home after school, choosing not to comment on his red cheeks and audible sniffles. She told Barry that she, too, was having issues with the multiple classes. But that was OK. This was just so they could practice for when they moved to secondary school. And she pulled all her books onto his desk, and suggested they work on homework together.

Barry was seven when his mom suggested he go over to her house across the street. He was greeted by her mother, warm as always, but there was a strange air he couldn't place. Her mother requested he go right upstairs, as she had private matters to attend to. When he walked into her room, seeing [___] sitting completely still on the bed. She told him, voice devoid of emotion, that her daddy wouldn't be coming back to visit. Ever. Even at a young age, Barry knew, intrinsically, that this was a grown-up thing, and that he couldn't solve this problem. Instead, he wrapped her up in blankets, made his best ever pillow fort, and told her stories that he made up off the top of his head until she smiled again.

Barry was five now, on the playground, trying to stop the tears from streaming down his cheeks. He was a big boy now, his daddy had said so, and big boys don't cry just because the other kids on the playground won't play with you. He had always had an inkling that the other kids didn't like him; sure they tolerated him at school, under the watchful eyes of grown-ups, and yes, he received birthday party invites out of obligation, but the exclusion was still glaringly obvious and very painful. He was too loud. He didn't understand the rules of the game. He was too rough. There were so many rules. He couldn't remember them all. Then, a little hand grabbed his sweater sleeve. [___] held a bucket and shovel, and held it out to him, asking if he wanted to play in the sandbox with her and make things. He could even smash them down when she was done. Barry wiped his nose with the back of his hand and nodded.

Barry was four when he moved to Twinleaf town. He wasn't totally sure why. He knew that daddy had a new job, and that daddy and mommy were ‘taking a break', but that still didn't really explain anything. Not like he had much of a say, no matter how often he tried to argue. And now, he was standing on their new neighbors porch with his mom, pouting as hard as he could. But his demeanor changed when a woman opened the door with her young daughter, looking the same age. Barry and his mommy introduced themselves, then the woman. The woman placed a gentle hand on her daughters head, encouraging her to say her name. And with a quiet murmur, she said her name was-

“DAWN!”

Barry broke into a full sprint now. Tears streaming down his face, smiling as wide as he could muster. “DAWN! DAWN!”

Dawn opened her arms for him, so used to his usual method of greeting. And when he tackled her into a hug, she barely managed to stay on both feet.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, burying his face into the crook of her neck and jaw, “Dawn, Dawn, Dawn…Dawn…” he whispered, fearful of forgetting once more.

“Barry! Barry how, how did you- How did-” she stammered, hugging him right back, the two of them slowly spinning, orbiting around one another, locked so tight. “When Palina came to tell me-”

“I-I found you. I found you. I found you.” was all he could manage to say, burying his face deeper. “I found you…I found you….”

Dawn squeezed him tight. “You found me. You found me.”

“I…found you….I found you….found you…” he whispered, his voice growing tired. Distant. His grip started to loosen.

“Barry? Barry, you're slipping.” She said, trying to shift him back into the hug.

But Barry continued to slip, until he slumped into her arms, unconscious.

And Dawn screamed.

“Barry?! BARRY! Barry please wake up!!”

#pokemon legends arceus #pla #rival barry #donut hole #barry in hisui

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seriousbrat · 3 months

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imo it's not so hard to accept that SWM takes place after the prank. I mean it is canon so too bad but it makes complete sense to me. there's no evidence the prank was some big life-altering character development moment for any of the characters involved and that they all learnt their various lessons. in fact we see that they don't. in SWM the marauders are clearly still tormenting Sev. In Sev's conversation with Lily post-prank he's still just as obsessed with the marauders and exposing their secrets as ever, if not more. he doesn't consider what lily's saying at all because he's too focused on his hatred towards them.

my hc is that sirius (rather masterfully) used reverse psychology on sev to get him to go down the willow. Sev isn't stupid, he wouldn't have let himself willingly be led into a trap by his worst enemies. I think Sirius probably "let it slip" and then "backtracked" and acted like Snape wouldn't be brave enough to go down there anyway and that he should just forget it. I doubt Sirius directly told him to go down the willow, I think cleverly he told him not to, knowing that Sev would do so anyway (not that this makes a difference ethically bc his intent is still clear, but anyway. this isn't about who is morally better because idgaf honestly lol, I'm just trying to work through their mindsets)

the marauders received no real consequences for the prank, so why would they learn their lesson? Objectively you can't really punish someone for telling someone not to do something if they do it anyway. Not particularly fair, but still. Which brings me to Sev's responsibility in the matter (which yes, does exist imo) we're shown that he was obsessed with finding out what the marauders were up to and particularly obsessed with Remus's secret. Yes, this is understandable given how they treated him, but absolutely not healthy and he still chose to go down there, whether out of pride, greed, curiousity, vindictiveness. He obv was manipulated but there's a reason he was so easily manipulated. As I said previously, his obsession with revenge is what causes him to be blind to lily's feelings.

James rescuing him wasn't some moment of epiphany about how bullying is bad actually. It was just a fundamental part of James's character already. He would never have let him die regardless of how he felt about him.

All of this makes SWM the PEAK moment of hatred between Sev and the Marauders, which explains a lot of their responses. Sirius and James hate Sev more than ever for trying to expose Remus. Sev, justifiably, hates them more than ever for trying to kill him (and he ropes James into this, which is incorrect but understandable in his position)

James "deflating his head" probably wasn't just based on one event in particular. He just grew up and learned what was more important- being a good person, fighting against voldemort. But Sev also had growing up to do of his own during this time. As I talked about in in this post yesterday I think post-swm Sev was beginning to realise that his lack of control over his emotional responses (calling lily a mudblood out of humiliation, for example) was dangerous both to lily and to himself.

Yeah they still hated each other and attacked each other in seventh year. There's too much bad blood there to do anything else. I've talked about the dynamic between Sev and James here and how that might have developed as they grew older. I honestly find it extremely interesting, I could go on about these two for hours rip. My point is that the development of these characters into adults wasn't instant or linear, it was messy and rough. people don't usually change overnight, it happens slowly over time because they have to.

#anyway another day of me writing walls of text about severus snape #i just saw a discussion about it and people were saying it made no sense for the prank to come before swm #but it does tho #also pls i'm not interested in who is a more terrible person. i love all my children equally #(earlier that day: i don't care for remus)#im jk. kind of #severus #meta #long post #sorry! lmao this is just very present in my fic rn so i have a lot of thoughts

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ddejavvu · 8 months

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I’m a Star Wars virgin lol how would u recommend I watch the films? cause omfg that mf anakin is sexy but I don’t know where to start I wanted to watch it a few weeks ago in release date form but idk

Okay if you’re watching strictly movies (called episodes):

4 (a new hope) -> 5 (empire strikes back) -> 6 (return of the Jedi) -> 1 (phantom menace), -> 2 (attack of the clones) -> 3 (revenge of the sith) -> 7 (the force awakens) -> 8 (the last jedi) -> 9 (the rise of skywalker).

Those movies are the trilogies. The original trilogy (episodes 4,5,6), the prequel trilogy (episodes 1,2,3), and the sequel trilogy (episodes 7,8,9). I highly recommend at least the originals and the prequels. The sequel series gets a lot of complaints because of some questionable writing choices, but I still do enjoy them and the actors’ performances. Those trilogies are the core of the Star Wars fandom. They are the must-sees if you want to know what people are talking about.

If you’re focused on anakin specifically, he’s the center of the prequel trilogy and also appears in a show that I’ll talk about later. Do not skip straight to his movies, watch the original trilogy first, but you don’t have too many movies to get through before you meet him.

Other movies:

Solo is a movie about Han Solo’s younger years and it takes place before episode 4, but I recommend you watch it after you watch all three trilogies in that order, as it was released after Han’s main presence in the franchise (episodes 4, 5, and 6).

Rogue one is a move that takes place directly before episode 4, and I also recommend watching that after you finish the trilogies. One of the main characters in rogue one is Cassian Andor, and he has his own spin-off series, Andor (1 season), which takes place before rogue one.

Series:

If you do want to delve into series, there are a lot 😅 I’m only going to go over the ‘main/relevant’ ones (if your favorite isn’t on this list I’m not insulting it. I’m just trying not to overload newcomers with a thousand series that don’t matter to casual fans, and will most likely focus on the newer series. This isn’t meant to start an argument.) but let it be known that I like all of the series, I just think that they aren’t always essential to a basic knowledge of the franchise. This post isn’t written as a Bible, I’m not trying to put down every series or spin-off ever made, it’s a quick and easy guide.

All of these should be watched AFTER completing the trilogies.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a 7-season show that takes place between episodes 2 and 3 (the last 2 of the prequel trilogy). It is consistently regarded as a fan-favorite and it gives fantastic insight into the huge gap between those movies, and helps flesh out a lot of amazing characters (pssst… you like anakin already? he’s an MC ;) ). Seriously the show is like people’s favorite Star Wars Thing ever, so if you do end up moving on from the movies and you want to watch more content, I strongly recommend it.

Obi-Wan Kenobi is a one season series centered around Obi-Wan, a character that appears in the prequel trilogy and the original trilogy. Honestly I like the plot but I really fucking love it bc he’s one of my favorite characters and also anakin is in it so if you finish the trilogies and want more of him, I think you’d like Obi-Wan. It takes place between the prequel trilogy and the original trilogy, but closer to the end of episode 3.

The Mandalorian is a three season series that takes place after the original trilogy. Din Djarin (the mandalorian himself) appears in a few episodes of The Book of Boba Fett. This show gained enormous popularity because of both Pedro pascal’s role as the MC and how much of a phenomenon ‘baby yoda’ (grogu) became, so i would honestly recommend it so that you know what people are talking about if they mention it.

those are the series I most recommend.

The Book of Boba Fett is a one season series that centers around the bounty hunter Boba Fett, who’s main presence in the franchise is in episodes 5 and 6. However, he also appears in episode 2. A lot of people really like Boba Fett as well as Din’s appearances, so I am including this series on the list. However, I don’t really think you need to watch it unless you really like him or Din lmfao.

Ahsoka is one season, currently being released over a few weeks on Disney+, and centers around Ahsoka (Anakin’s former padawan, developed in the clone wars series I mentioned before, also in the mandalorian for a short time). I am behind and I haven’t watched the two episodes that have come out yet, so I don’t know if they’re good, but that series is what’s currently coming out, so I figured I’d mention it.

Once more if you’re a seasoned fan and I didn’t include your favorite media please don’t come at me, I know I left stuff out. Hardcore Star Wars fans are fucking cutthroat and I’m not citing these as the only series ever or the only series that matter, I’m just trying to help confused people navigate the overwhelming amount of content the franchise has to offer.

I hope this helps, even if you just want to watch the movies. I also hope I didn’t overwhelm you, I really did try to narrow stuff down!

#mei's mail

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cboffshore · 4 months

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hi everyone. I come bearing IICT(OSC) insider knowledge, hints, and memes.

bc spoilers: everything else is under the cut. Do not proceed before you read the fic. Unless you like having twists untwisted in advance. That's on you.

(one day I wanna try my hand at redrawing/tracing this Gayle meme to be Nya, but that's neither here nor there.)

If I ever do any super, super in-depth analysis of this work, it's not happening today, as I'm fighting a weather migraine and longform ideas are NOT my friends. However, I did want to make a few fun bonus notes. These aren't bulleted bc mobile browser formatting.

The weapon in the escape scene was only originally supposed to be a rusty pipe (loosely inspired by a piece of Fall Out Boy promo art used on "What a Time To Be Alive", and yes I KNOW Pete has a baseball bat. I said LOOSELY.) I waffled on the chain element for a LONG time. However, on Halloween, Han doodled this for Trick or Treat asks, and that was enough to make me commit to the idea. @spinjitsuburst: I have no idea if you've read this fic or not, but I never did properly tell you how helpful that was. (And none of that is a spoiler if you do go read it, just turn back now and you'll be safe.)

The Incense Gambit is a real chess strategy; however, we don't call it that. The actual move set is called the Bongcloud Attack, which I learned about when I was doing chess research for this fic. I started out by trying to learn chess online, and at some point, I decided it would be fun to have Nya win with a recognizably stupid move set. Knowing very little about chess at that point (having lost to most of the bots and people I played), I Googled a list of joke chess openers and picked the one that made me laugh the hardest. The Mighty Donut was in second place, but that requires both players to cooperate, so that wouldn't have worked. Not wanting to write "what, you've never heard of the Bongcloud Attack?" as a dialogue line, I switched the name to Incense Gambit both as a reference to smoke and for the fact that "incense" also means "to anger." I should also disclose that one of my few chess wins happened when I USED the Bongcloud, which... that's not normal.

In my first outline, the REAL Landon was originally supposed to set off the escape sequence. Stopping Nya was supposed to be pure luck/desperation on his part, followed by an encounter with Nadakhan where I would've been able to cram in a small analysis of how he treats his crew members. It didn't work out and I never wrote it, but there were secret passageways involved, and it could've been fun if I'd gotten it to work. I still think that bringing the shapeshifting back was the wiser choice, though.

I've already gotten two separate comments that, to different degrees, claim this would have worked as a plausible canon installment. Which is good! The whole point of this is to fill the gaps in her experience, so hearing that this seems believable is always lovely.

If you reread c5, take note of who resets the board each time. Without realizing it, I assigned that duty to whoever feels more strongly that they are controlling the situation at that point.

The wine vs tea thing I hinted at in a few past posts: both beverages are written as symbols of how much Nadakhan is present in a given scene. Wine only appears if he's directly visible - things like the chess sequence and in the dream, where I use wine to describe the air. Tea, however, only appears if Nya can't see him, but he's still influencing the events. These include his gloves smelling like black tea when Nya is blindfolded, the presence of tea on the meal tray, and - of course - the tea she uses as a weapon in the escape sequence.

Speaking of the escape sequence, I made this meme VERY early on and I still find it stupid funny:

#lila speaks #december wip rambles #ninjago skybound #OSSAS tag #there might be more analysis funtime in the future idk

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rui-drawsbox · 10 months

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What's up it's Nazunon again (hope you're feeling good and are healthy and stress free <3)

Bc of the stuff you said in the last post abt having magic being very OP I had a thought about how to make it less OP.

Imagine it only working in dire circumstances (like Yosano's from BSD) so it isn't always an option, or causing severe physical harm to the person performing the magic.

And yes! Nihility/Harmony Nazuna ftw he is the Tingyun/Bennet of Magical Girl Arashi.

Anyway hope you're having an amazing day!

-Nazunon

i officially declare the nazuna nito struggle in this au

first of all. Hi!! Hello Nazunon and Anon!!! and a big hi to @neptunite-stars too cuz we're gonna be discussing their ideas too! im making this a list or im gonna go crazy crazyiwascrazyonc-

Powers! (not weapons, we'll get there later)

First (1) option! Healer! Nazunon says to tone down his healing powers while anon says to keep him op to show the great loss he was in Valkyrie. Gotta agree with Nazunon in this one, even if Nito is only in the final battle, a healer with no restrictions is wayy too op and would make the audience feel like there's no reason to feel worried for the main team, because even if they get hurt they can just heal and go back to work :/

A way to prevent this (using Nazunon's example!) is putting conditions! A few ideas are that he can heal only a certain percent (some bruises will keep hurting and cuts may not fully close) due the stressing situation they are, or he can transfer the bruises to his own body, as a way to represent his caring personality yet tendency to take too much. Orrr following Yosano's(BSD) powers as example, he can heal others while hurting them, directly contradicting his personality and making him reluctant to use his powers unless is strictly necessary (kind of -1HP but +5HP per hit lol)

2nd option! Support! Can buff his ally or debuff the enemy, or mabye both, idk. A buff idea is reinforce the clothes/armor of his allies (+DEF/VEL) or weapons (+ATK/VEL), and for the debuff ma~ybe inflict little but progressive dmg, maybe where whenever his attacks hit will make the enemy feel numb which can make them unknowingly ignore the cuts and bruises others make them.

3rd option! straight up a Tank. Also starting with the Weapons and Neptune's ideas. What's the weapon that would make the little guy a walking menace, you ask? A big pair of scissors is answer! like, almost as tall as him. It *has* to be that big to be used as a shield, and when it's closed it will make the shape of a sword!

Very delicatte looking, but strong metal! It has to be able to cut heads after all hahaha!/hj

Now going back to supports/healers, i've got the classic options, staffs and books.

Needle staff and antique books (yes they're from genshin but i didn't really wanted to design the covers, but you get the idea).

The staff has a little floating threads mess in the center from where i think infinite threads should come out, but for specific purposes, like heal or reinforce allies for his healer/buff thing, or he can stab the needle in the ground to make the threads go for the enemies foot, forming sewing patterns on the ground, keeping them trapped in the place.

And the books can have like a bunch of magic/alien fashion history that Nito has to study in depth to properly cast whatever he needs. Need to heal someone's deep cut? gotta know how to do a medical stitch in detail. Wanna tie up someone? study how to properly make the knots or take the risk of them escaping.

Anyways! Those are my takes for Nazuna's weapon/rol, hope y'all enjoyed it. I dont plan making any of them 'canon' unless i make a poll about it or see a bunch people directly saying they preffer a specific one (probably).

Rui-out★

#rui draw smth #ensemble stars #enstars #nazuna nito #enstars magical knights au #(omg magical girl arashi)#asked the pillow about this a few times ngl. it was pretty complicated to put sense on my ramblings kajdsfs

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theflyingfeeling · 1 year

Text

☀️ "it's always sunny in Stockholm" ☀️

aka a concert report from Fryshuset Klubben, Stockholm, 1.3.2023

Travelling to our final destination (Stockholm city centre) did not go without hassle (wrong gate at the airport, delays with the commuter train to the city centre, trouble figuring out the venue etc., BC would've been proud!) but everything did work out eventually and we were in good spirits! 🥰

Speaking of the venue, I think none of us would've foreseen that listening to that one song in 2021 would lead us to hang out in the backyard of some random school in Stockholm, but that's where we were, and had good laughs there too :') <3

The venue was small intimate and not full, which to us in the audience was great (it wasn't cramped nor too hot), although for BC's sake I would've hoped there would've been a little bigger turn-up (especially considering at least half of the audience were Finnish fans 😂). They didn't seem to mind though; the show was as 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 as their shows always are

But before I talk about the show, I must once more advertise the support act! Not gonna lie, I had a minor heart attack when hours before the gig, BC posted an IG story starting with the words "due to an illness...", because them cancelling the gig would've been just the cherry on the top of the day we had had already, but it thankfully was Eyes Wide Open that had had to cancel at last minute. A band called Those Without was asked to fill in and boy am I thankful for the universe for this!! 😭🙏 They were so damn good!! I remember listening to their first song and going "huh! this ain't that bad actually" and wondering if it's just that one song, but no, all the other ones they played were great as well, which made me so happy 💖 It was a little funny when the band came on though; they just walked to the stage very unceremoniously and we weren't quite sure whether they were still doing the preperations until they started playing 😂 The singer was cute af, the bassist sang a bit, they were so chill and SO GRATEFUL to be there and just kept thanking BC for this opportunity and us the audience for being so nice to them, and all I wanted to scream was "no, thank YOU!!" because they really made my little punk pop/rock heart burst with love 🥺 If you're into early Mayday Parade / The Maine / Yellowcard -esque stuff, definitely check them out!

Blind Channel was Blind Channel, meaning they were wonderful amazing brilliant and it was great seeing them again 💞 We were ~4th row, there were a few tall people directly in front of us but at least I ended up having a great view to the stage in the end. The stage was high enough and close enough to the audience for me to be able to see their tattoos in detail and I remember admiring Joel's heart tattoo and Olli's three swords (god bless the inventor of sleeveless shirts eh? 🥵)

Random moments I remember include Olli falling asleep/zoning out during Autopsy (he didn't look up at the "HEY!!" part, or maybe he just forgot 😂 (I have video proof lol)) and Joel doing the tiniest snake dance during Snake (it looked like he wasn't going to do it, but then he couldn't help himself, I hope someone captured this 🥺🙏) + the moments in the videos I've posted

They're all so gorgeous but Olli 😩😩😩😩😩 he's so fucking beautiful I have a scheduled meltdown about it on a normal day, but during the show it's just 💦💦💦💦💦💦 all the time 💀 he trousers he was wearing were so tight cool and the sleeveless shirt had me by the pussy swooning 🫠

Flatline is awesome live, including the silly dance, even if in the audience you can't do it as "big" as you're supposed to. No bruise on my left tiddy though, I guess it takes more than one concert for one to appear, so BC should maybe consider wearing some padding on their chests for that 😆👀

After the gig we had an "after party" in a rock bar somewhere in Stockholm (not sure which district). I think here it's relevant to mention that in the queue there was this nice Swedish metal dude standing behind us and probably unwillingly listening to us as we were speaking a merry mix of English and Finnish, and eventually he started chatting with us and ended up joining us inside the venue and even showing us the way to one of his favourite bars when we asked for recs and he also came in for a few drinks with us despite having work the next day (he had also been at the venue the day before to see Sleeping With Sirens and was still wearing the same makeup from that gig 😂👌)

At the same bar there was also Henrik from Amaranthe (who none of us would've recognized if the Swedish metal dude hadn't started fangirling about him 😂)

All in all I had such a fun time on this 24-hour trip and I'm so happy I decided to go. Some of you know how stressed out I was about it; I'm so thankful to anyone who had to listen to me rant my heart out about it. I'm happy to tell you that the experience I had was totally worth it <3

Thank you so incerdibly much to all you guys who were with me at any point of this trip, it wouldn't have been the same without you (you all know who you are <3). Sorry if I was obnoxious or laughed too loudly, but I had such a shit weekend behind me and I was just so happy to get to see my favourite band and to hang out with all of you lovely people that I couldn't contain my excitement. Being there really meant so much to me, because this band and the community we have built around it truly is one of the few lights at the end of the never-ending tunnel I often get lost in. I know this sounds silly and I'm probably being selfish but it made me so sad when BC said they won't be doing that many shows in Finland this summer. Yes, I completely understand that they're aiming for an international career and I'm fully supporting their plans to take over the world (I'm not one of those Finnish fans), and yes, I am aware that as a Finnish fan I'm immensely priviledged as it is and that I've had many more opportunities to see them than most fans living elsewhere have had. This may sound pathetic (or at least I feel pathetic about it), but I really don't have much else going on for me other than BC and everything related to it (nothing that gives me as much serotonin, that is), and if I don't get to see them next summer... I don't know what I'll do. Summers are a bit difficult for me for a variety of reasons, and last summer with all the BC shows was such a blessing, a wonderful distraction from my sad life and the fact that I'm nowhere near where I want to be, and I'm not sure if I can handle another lonely, grey summer and feeling like a failure every waking moment after having experienced all the fun last summer 💔

...so I guess I'm going on a road-trip around Europe next summer 🤔 Who's with me? 😌

#blind channel #the quote in the title © thisisntaparty 💛😌#please keep your eyes on niko on that video 😘#gifs coming up later maybe?#sorry not sorry for adding concert videos to my emotinal ramblings lol this is how i roll #ok to reblog though! 💗#gig reports by theflyingfeeling #my concert

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munamania · 8 months

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ohhhhhhhhhhhhh guys. i have HILARIOUS updates for you from today. warning this post will be rambly but it has some hits and i think if im not your favorite character in life i really should be. ok

OKAY. so it all starts with a dream. i dream that ruby cruz is on my campus shooting smth and long story short she approaches me at one point, as shes abt to say smth my one friend pops in like 'oh hey is this your girl?' meaning FILM GIRL. and everything morphs in that moment like a fucking comical nightmare and im like What No except it was... and okay anyway. i didnt sleep a lot and this is the first dream mention of her in a while. well get this.

spot her on campus as lydia and i r fucking RUSHING bc not one but TWO buses passed us. im like huh first spotting of the semester odd time but ok.... meanwhile i just have this dread so ancient in me because she also has her film major so at any point i can be jumpscared. it wasnt even that real genuinely im at a point where im like ok that shit was fucking stupid and i shouldnt have gone thru all that so she sucks but whatever. anywho we rush into class late with the bESTTTTTTT prof <33333333 im settling im sat im figuring out the space. im sitting at the front however with lydia so like i take a little while to do some glimpses around the class... well get this!

yeah shes there. and im kind of like. sigh. okay whatever. lydias staring at me like Hey so um....... and im like Yeah im aware i know. but i see so many other film people i know to varying degrees so thats cool!!!! im like yippeee also my prof keeps referring to me directly so im like heyyyyyyyyyyy queen <3 esp bc she has like legit aphantasia and i didnt even participate That Much last year but it gets crazier! we're going through attendance and who's directly behind me but abby lee miller! jk um it's my friend im kind of having a flirty little moment with maybe? idfk so im like redactedddd what r u doing hereeeee. and theyre also well aware of the drama we bonded talking shit.

so yeah imagine being me. psychologically attacked every step of the way. except it's lowkey really fun and silly i was having a funny time. i had to laugh! and talked to people and it was fine. but also everyone knows each other to varying degrees and so im sitting there feeling like im being slowly cooked alive. in a fun way...

but also we watched joan is awful in class and the prof was telling us about how you can do it to your face and have a poster (except then netflix can use ur face!) and she singles out '[film girl] is awful' out of everyoneeeeeeee so i had to giggle i had to laugh like without knowing anything my prof is such an ally to me personally fucking love her <3 she also had an association with her and frankie grande and i was like yeah. make her gayappropriatingstraightbi ass uncomfortable. anyway.

and then also. sigh hello lydia if ur seeing this. i try to introduce lydia and that friend and after the typical introduction i was like 'yeah cool i mean ive talked to you about each other at various points!' like girl why would you say something like that. like huh. neither of them says anything and i save it by bringing up our bottoms plans but i was just sitting there in my own goddamn mind control room like yeah ok. girlfailureloser moment. why are you WEIRD. it's not even that real actually im awkward frequently and people roll with it but just given the energy of everything going on in class it was a really great way to end. and then we talked to that prof for a While after class she's literally the best she would do numbers on here. within the cool lesbian mutuals space anyway and thats all that matters. and we talked about bottoms !!!!!<33333 and willow and shes like yeah ok dyke in the most affectionate way i can possibly say that i love herrrrrr

#abby talks #im being tested.#but also im having a lot of fun and i feel really like comfortable and chill and happy to feel like i have support yk #u cant get me down when im in my element Bitch.

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frecklystars · 11 months

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I just got back from the emergency room.

At 6am, an irl friend (doesn’t have a tumblr) with good intentions thought I needed to see a NSFT commission my abuser purchased of her with STSC, I’m too tired to explain why, they thought they were bringing something to my attention about her lying to me about the STSC commissions from January, but like I literally already knew bc I was there 5 months ago when the lies happened? Which is what made STSC a trigger in the first place???

Anyway of course seeing my abuser is a major trigger, I can never handle it, it’s not something I can work on reclaiming. and it’s even worse seeing my main comfort character she ruined as the main commission piece… with her. like that

So. This commission was a NSFT commission of her and STSC together. Just, showing up on my phone after my friend sends me the image with a “thought you should know” caption. Felt sick immediately looking at it. Dropped my phone without even closing it out. Immediately threw up, been throwing up all night so it’s just water now

I told my friend I couldn’t look at things like that, I told them I don’t want them digging up stuff on her blogs and I definitely don’t want them showing me anything holy fucking christ I just want to forget she exists. I said this nicely of course. They apologized. I said it was fine. I’m crying my eyes out bc I’m trying to get the image out of my head. I hang up the phone. I tell myself it’s ok I have therapy in a few hours. Spoiler alert I don’t make it to therapy

Ten minutes later I get that feeling in my chest like it’s being crushed, went thru this twice before in the last few months when I saw other commissions of her posted on artists kofi pages. I try to remember it’s like the other two times I had crushing panic attacks, it will pass in a few hours, but my vision was getting black spots every so often, I’m sweating and shaking more than I usually do when this happens, I felt my left arm starting to go numb. I thought “uh oh that’s new”. Nobody else is home so I sat there wondering if I can afford to call for an ambulance. I call my dad he doesn’t pick up. I call again. He says “I don’t have time for you I have customers” and hangs up. Father of the year. I call my friends they’re all at work so they’re unable to answer. I sit there and wonder if I can afford another fucking hospital visit. My left arm is still numb. I feel my toes start to go numb. I sit there another good ten minutes telling myself to just deal with it because this is so fucking stupid. I feel my right arm starting to lose feeling. My dog is whining at me. I call 911

So another ten minutes later I’m in an ambulance, they immediately tell me I’m having a heart attack. I am torn between “fuck what the fuck? no fucking way what the fuck I’m in my early 20s what do you mean I’m having a goddamn heart attack? Over a trigger? Can a trigger give you a heart attack?? ” and also thinking “oh my god I hope this kills me please fuckjng kill me I can’t take this shit anymore god if you’re real you need to take me right now I am so sick of feeling this bad I can’t do this anymore if you’re gonna take me out then just make the heart attack quick”

I pass out

I wake up in a room and the doctors do a different type of heart test. One hour later they tell me I’m not having a heart attack and they actually misread the machine’s readings or something (which is common apparently, and the same thing happened to my dad back in August, he got false heart attack readings as well). I’m barely hearing what they’re saying bc I can’t read their lips and they’re talking too fast and not facing me directly. They keep me for 5 hours and run another test to confirm I’m not having a heart attack., or rather by that point, that I have no trace of any heart attacks. Just the worst fucking panic attacks that kept happening in succession

they say I’m having so much anxiety that it’s “worrying” and they shouldn’t be seeing levels of anxiety in someone my age. they asked if I’ve been anxious about anything particular lately I start crying I say YES I just had a major c-ptsd trigger, I’ve been stress-vomiting on and off for several hours before I even saw the trigger, and I’ve been very high alert/on edge very jittery for two days before THAT. so it’s like my brain had been building this up to happen for two days

they ask for how long I’ve had anxiety on a consistent basis like this and when the stress started and I answer it’s been like this for almost 10 months straight and then they said Oh Miss Keri you’re going to definitely have heart attacks if you don’t try to address this soon you can’t keep continuing like this and I say Oh Doctor I’m going to therapy and doing breathing exercises and meditating and before one week ago I hadn’t accessed ANY of my social media in 8 fucking months. What else can I possibly do. Genuinely. Please. Help me. And they said I basically just need to keep doing breathing exercises and therapy and drink more water and I was like. Fuck. Okay. What else. They said there is nothing else I just need to “take it easy” and I was like. Fuck! Okay!

They asked me if any of my other ptsd triggers gave me this reaction, I said no it’s literally just this one particular trigger (seeing my abuser) that sends me into a panic attack that makes me feel like my chest is getting crushed. They said to try to avoid that and I was like “okay yes” like hoo I am trying my fuckjng best here but it’s hard when! ppl keep showing me my abuser! saying oh Keri she’s talking about you and oh look keri she’s doing this and this and this oh keri see who’s talking about you in her blog see who’s saying your ptsd is fake because you drew yourself in a pink shirt 8 months ago. before the ptsd even started. bc the reading comprehension is piss poor here. ooh keri how can you have ptsd if you own a pink shirt!!!!

ppl Keep talking about her and sometimes I see her by accident when I want to check an artist’s blog and she’s right there. Obviously it’s within her rights to buy commissions, and this time I didn’t even see the comm directly sourced from her or an artist, it was my irl friend who sent it. It’s so fucking hard for me to relax when people keep talking to me about her and trying to tell me that she’s “spreading rumors about me” or “tagging me in posts” like. I don’t want to know!!! I don’t want to see her I hate her so much I will probably never forgive her for ruining me. I wish ppl wouldn’t bring her up with me !!! and it rly sucks that I have to risk seeing her Literally Everywhere bc, yes it’s within her rights to get comms from whomever she wants whenever she wants, but oh my fucking god. it’s like she is omnipresent in the tf self shipping community i have to jump thru hoops to avoid her and I can never manage one single week without seeing something and it is frustrating. I hate that I had to have such a bad falling out with a person who is nearly impossible to avoid seeing despite me blocking and blacklisting and filtering. It’s the goddamn worst. I wish we never met.

I’m sick of seeing the inside of hospitals. Sick of the smell and the beeping sounds. I want to die so bad rn I’m so sick of this happening

HATE HATE HATE that my stupid fucking traumatized brain cannot stand the image of my abuser. Hate even more that my brain associates seeing characters being affectionate with her, with the very feeling that the image provokes, and uses it as “proof” that my f/os want to hurt me, want me to feel this bad and would do it all for her. Seeing STSC be tender with the person triggering me, it does something to my brain to make me believe he doesn’t love me, I don’t know how to word it properly I’m not a fuckinf therapist and I haven’t slept properly in over 24 hours.

I Cannot see myself healing I am doing so fucking bad. Like how do I possibly recover from ptsd when it grips me by the throat and strangles me. How am I going to heal fro this if I can’t avoid her. I’ can’t just drop tf I can’t just stop self shipping I can’t just leave for another 8 months, nothing is working. I am trying everything. I tried dying multiple times when I was offline for those 8 months and hahah that didn’t fucking work either!! I am in hell!!! I just want my f/os back I want to stop being scared of them I want to believe STSC would never want me to shake like this and cry like tiis but there’s a voice in my head saying that he’ wants to hurt me, that he feels good whe I’m broken up like this. that image of him with her, seeing that while having the attack, it’s like my brain is saying “see! Look! I was right! He hates you and loves it when she hurts you! See!! See how much he loves her when she’s hurting you”

I just want to go back to normal. I hate that I can’t function. I miss myself so much I have no idea how to function like a whole entire person. I’m sorry to my friends who have to see me like this. I’m sorry to my followers who keep saying I’m their inspiration, I don’t know what you could possibly see in me when I’m like this

I’ll delete this later I am going to sleep bc I missed my therapy appointment and I am fuckjng exhausted

#vomit mention and suicide mention #delete later #vent

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